We're Here to Help - 131: It's Grandma Time!

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Jake and his brother Dan talk to a caller about responding to a bully grandma. Later, Gareth and special guest Vic Michaelis (Dropout's Very Important People) help a caller with a buttcrack situation at work. Finally, Gareth and the Shark follow up with the first caller from episode 126 "Shirt Title Merch Business with Catherine Reitman."Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

And we are back. Kevin, you were just off camera talking about another episode you really liked. The guy who shit in the woods and his friends called him out on it and he wanted to like get back at him. I'm just looking through some of the calls and then they're like, one here, and shout out to our associate producer, AJ,

who writes some of these. One just called magician bullshit. And I know exactly that was with Eric Edelstein and the guy was like, trying to get through. By the way, he was good though. Yeah, he was great. People like fully committing to weird is just so funny with the show. That's exactly right.

Mr. Gareth Reynolds is back and better than ever. We're just started. Are we in the middle of one? We are, what do you got? Well, Jake, it seems like recently you've captured America's attention with your weird yard plans where you want to have a pool full of turtles and gorillas. You know what I'm talking about, right Jake?

How your yard's becoming a weird mausoleum, you understand? A weird sort of little zone of dead animals. No. You don't remember this? I can't hear you with, I'm just seeing that cat staring at me from behind you that's literally bigger than your head. Jake, I saw something the other day and I thought of you. And I wanted to give it to you in person, but you know, I don't know the next time we'll

be in person. Baby. But I got you. Holy shit, Gareth. That's not a joke. That's incredible. So I got you. Garret, you want to describe it? It's I don't want you to like it.

It's I love it. How would you describe it? It's it's big. It's a balding Bigfoot. It's half Gorilla Man. Yeah. Half big. But that's not fully Bigfoot, I don't think. Do you? I kind of do.

I think it's a Sasquatch, but he's really he's he's bald, which I love about it. Planet of the Apes, too. Little. Yeah. And it's a halfling. So you can kind of you could see you could you could put that on a fucking tree, my man. Yeah, buddy. Look at your wheels turning

I wish that if I was here right now, goddamn it. It'd be right here, man. It'd be a fucking two-shot For you to Gareth to have this thank you. You're very well like it. I love it. Well Jake It's a where did you where did you get it? Where'd you? I got it at I can't remember. I was just at a random garden store. I can't remember where the hell it was. Yeah. I appreciate it, man.

It's truly beautiful. Well, Jake, I'm on your side when it comes to turning your yard into a really weird little animal area. And how would Steve respond by you giving me something that's probably Bigfoot and not him? I'm gonna tell you, this is what I found lately with Steve's stuff, it's the reaction you're not expecting.

Steve loves Bigfoot, are you ready? This is what I think you do. Ooh buddy, I don't know if you want that in your yard. That could beckon some evil Bigfoot, which is a thing their dimensional travelers brother that that could be a portal or I don't know if you want to open that Can of worms the other turn could be this I don't know why you would send that to me I'm not a huge fan of Bigfoot. I don't believe in Bigfoot. I find there's nothing interesting about Bigfoot It is simply in a it's a very mainstream It is simply a very mainstream opportunity for people to discuss.

That's what I'm talking about. It's like that, where you'll be like, oh man, how cool are aliens? It'll go, they're there to distract you, buddy. There's no such thing. There are rips in the fabric of time. That I love. Or he'll go, aliens are wild. He'll go, yeah, they're little green things that exist in movies in pop culture, but not in the 15th universe

He's drunk and high and he's telling you that oh Wait, my chickens burning Hi, how are you? Good. How are you? I'm doing great. Can we get your name, please? Yes, so I'm going to use the name Chelsea today. Chelsea today, OK. And where are you calling from? Vermont.

Vermont, Chelsea, Vermont. And about how old are you, Chelsea? 27. 27, so I got bad news and then I got good news. The bad news is Gareth Reynolds is not here today because he's doing a live show in Alaska. The good news is, is my brother Dan Johnson is. You get it Chelsea from Vermont. You won the lottery baby.

You won baby. You won. So you got the older brother, the man, the man the myth the legend the king himself mr. Dan Johnson When I heard that there's just a possibility of Chelsea from Vermont at 27. I literally begged Jake. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. I begged him to be a part of it.

He was saying to the shark, wait, Chelsea, Chelsea, put me on. She's the 27 year old, right? Come on, please. Come on. I never have for anything. So Chelsea, Vermont 27. The floor is yours. All right. So this story kind of starts many, many years ago. So my grandmother has always been kind of a mean girl in my life. That's a surprise.

I didn't see that coming from grandmother. Neither. So she's 4'8 of terror. Wow. And... Stop turning me on! Is she with us? Yeah.

So all the way back to when I was 12 years old, she's always just been extremely mean to me just randomly. Like I don't do anything to provoke this. I mean, for instance, like one time she walked into my house and stared at me and asked me are those real? When I was well, in terms of your my boots, what 12 year old booth. Wow. And then so it's just progressively gotten worse over the years. Just weird comments. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's not normal. Grandma cooked like baked cookies. This one doesn't. So then recently I am like seven and a half months pregnant. Yeah. And so she comes up I hadn't seen her in a little while. So it's like, Oh my god, Graham, you're so tiny and cute. Like I missed you. And she goes she goes yeah you've gotten really fat oh wow like you've gained a lot of weight and for instance like I've gained like 15 pounds to begin with but okay I'm pregnant like I'm allowed to that's not a lot that's not a lot and so then I was like, oh, actually, I haven't really gained anything. And she's like, well, it doesn't look like it.

So at this point, I'm like, OK, I guess I'll just pick her. By the way, she's also 4'8". Right? Let's not forget, that's a very little grandma. Your grandma should be a touring comedian. Exactly. Your grandma's in The Golden Girls. She's the Italian one. She's the hot one. Exactly. What are you talking about? You're short, you're fat, you're ugly.

So she walks away and goes up to my dad and is like, oh yeah, I mean she's got the big belly, but like her ass has gotten huge. Jesus Christ. She's definitely Blanche. So she's too No, Blanche is the flirty one. Yeah she is. Blanche is the late one. Yeah. She's not Rose. Who's the old one? Rose. Rose is the Italian Rose. Yeah she's Rose. She's Rose. Can we call your grandma Rose? Sure, throw it ahead. Okay. Nice. Can we call your grandma Rose? Sure. We're right ahead. Okay. Nice. All right, Chelsea.

So you got a mean old grandma. She calls you fat. She says you have fake boobs and she bullies you and she's for it. Okay. Yep. And my question is how do I make her stop being intimidating? Or do I like, how do I, is this like, does she think we're in a competition? How do I get out of that?

I don't know. This is easy. Go ahead, Dan. I didn't think it was easy, but you go ahead. No, this is like, me and grandma advice 101. Here's what you do, cause listen, Rose, she is consumed with envy, Chelsea. She's wanted everything that you are since you were born.

Ooh, Dr. Dan. Right? I mean, it's obvious. It's obvious, right? Shave Dr. Phil's mustache, put it on your face. Dr. Dan's here. Oh, I gotta shave my head then. Yes, exactly.

Yeah. So here's what you gotta do. You've gotta say to Rose, you gotta go right up to that four foot eight ball of venom. Yeah. And you gotta say, Rose, I forgive you. Because I understand, Rose. I understand.

You can't be me. And it's okay. And I forgive you. She will melt like the wicked witch of the West instantly and she'll bake you cookies the next day next caller we're done so here so Chelsea that's an option the other option is I say you get in a roast battle with her I think she goes you've gotten fat and you go like this. I honest to God think you're shrinking.

Yeah. Go like this. You're the littlest person I've ever seen from your point of view. Everybody's gaining weight. You're shrinking. Okay. All right. Then you're holding a drink, put it on her head and you go, oops,

sorry, I thought you were a coffee table. Just put a golf ball on her head saying I want to see us. I'm sorry, honey. I thought you were a T. Well, I think I mean, I could definitely come at her with quite a few things just because like, she used to date all my dad's friends when he was in his 20s. What? So there's just like comments I can come out with, but it's depending, like I don't want to ruin

you know, my family over. Wait a minute, is she your father's mother? Yes. And so she dated her son's friends after? Actually, my parents met because she was dating my mom's brother And this is getting a super fun chance. Yeah, I agree. I've watched I've watched these videos. I'm not I don't like that. I've watched them, but I have watched

They're interesting I don't like it. I'm doing it for shites. That's why I got to watch the video a hundred times. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. It was an accident. I don't know how to press the you-porn. I meant YouTube. So you got a crazy grandma, Chelsea.

How does the family feel about this woman? Um, it's, it's definitely interesting. We all kind of just like debrief after she leaves and have, give up all of the comments that she's made. Yeah. But your family just keeps ticking. You guys just all keep hanging out together. Yeah. She comes to everything.

Incredible. And what's her, what's her age? She's late 70s, I think. Late 70s. Used to hook up with her sons, friends, insults everybody. She's like a... It's like she's a villain. Mm-hmm. And so your question is, what do I do now? Attack the villain. Yeah, how do I is there a way to? Put it out

Cut off this and Joe off the head of the snake. Yes. This is like Joe and good Yeah, or this is like Joe Pesci in casino casino. Yeah. Yeah, and He's ruining Vegas for you and your dinero So here's where we're in a little bit of trouble, Chelsea, because if you go hard at Rose, Grandma Rose here, and your family doesn't, now you're just in a weird fight with an old lady. Right. I think you need to rally the entire family because of the birth of your baby.

No, that's actually smarter. Right? And maybe you go to everybody and you say, Hey guys, you have two options. Either we say, we don't want this continuing anymore. And we're icing you out. So when she says a mean comment, you all go like, at the same time and drown her out or I've got an idea. Let's do this. When she makes a mean comment, treat her like

she's a roast comic and everybody cracks up. That's it'll confuse her. She'll go like this. Well, you're as a mother, you're not a good one. You're just a fat stump. If everybody cracks up and you go, Rose, you killed me on that. You're the a good one, you're just a fat stump. And if everybody cracks up and you go, Rose, you killed me on that. You're the best. I love you. Thank you for the great advice.

That's better. See? That might work. Right? That could confuse her because then she'll go, everything, you're doing everything wrong. And you crack up and you go, you're the best. I love you so much. I really do. I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you for the great advice. Yeah. So Chelsea, we've given you some things here. Where are you at right now? What do you think and what path are you interested in?

I think treating her like she's a roast comic is very possible. I think just like laughing at her as if like the things she's saying aren't actually serious. Yes. So that maybe she thinks like, oh, wow, maybe that was kind of off the cuff. And then Jake's right, but one way to add to it, if you come up with your universal catchphrase, like oh snap, or like,

there goes grandma. Oh, yeah, grandma, oh, grandma. Oh, yeah. Grandma, oh, grandma's grandma-ing. Yeah. Grandma time. Grandma, what if you all go, grandma time? And Chelsea, what if you treat it like it's an 80s sitcom? And whenever she does a thing,

she's the crusty old grandma. Everybody crags up and you go like, grandma time. Then in front of her, you're telling the other siblings the really funny joke she made. Yeah. So then I walked in and I was breastfeeding and she said, your boobs are disgusting. And then everybody can go, it's grandma time.

What do you think of that? Look, it's a weird pitch but there's a world this could work i just i think like really just making her realize what kind of like a little bit of a joke she's acting like yes there it is i think it's possible you're turning her into a clown. Right. And just to quickly go back to something we kind of blew by, if she ever crosses the line with you, Chelsea, feel free to say, Grandma, why did you date my dad's friend?

That's right. Agreed. That's right. But so, Chelsea, now do us a favor. Walk us through what you're going to do. Okay. So she's going to say something mean. It's just going to happen.

She's probably going to say something like, Oh, you haven't lost that baby weight yet. And like, Oh my God, that's so funny. Graham. Oh my God. You hear her Jay, did you hear her? She just told me I didn't lose the baby weight yet. That's my girl.

That's crazy. I would even say go bigger. Yeah, much bigger. Yeah. You wanna know why? And I'm gonna tell you why. Because that, I could almost feel your feelings got hurt. Yeah.

Yeah. I would take away all, I would literally treat her as if, the joke is she's the funniest person on planet earth. I would consider falling to the ground laughing. Yeah. And I would, when she goes like, you haven't lost the weight, push her, get her to say the really mean line. Go, what do you mean?

I mean, you've gotten bigger. What do you mean? I mean, you're fat. And then when she says, Oh, it's grandma time. Grandma time. Everybody gather around it's grandma time. What do you mean? I mean you're fat. And then when she says, Grandma Time! Everybody gather around it's Grandma Time! You know what you could also do? You could have a little bell or a little like, uh, air horn.

And whenever she has an insult, somebody goes, meh, meh! And she goes, what is this? And we go, every time you do one of your classic grandma time burns, we get, we celebrate sings. Yeah. Yeah. And she does when you throw a little confetti in there and then she goes like

to your dad, well, you've always been useless. And if you guys are like an alcoholic family, you can take a shot every time. By the way, don't even say if you guys are. They're not my family. That lady doesn't start that group and everybody comes out going, I'm healthy, I'm good. Just a self-water for me. Are you in the program? Nah, I just don't, I don't need to drink at a family event. I just need to.

So Chelsea, what do you think about really heightening and going for it, Like making it weird? I think it's a good idea. I think it's very possible. I'm not sure I could get away with an air horn. She might freak out a little bit, but I think I could definitely, definitely heighten it and if I get other people in on it, when we can like scream grandma time or something, and you know, you can also do that.

You guys could all get together and mention all her greatest burns that she's done to you over the years and have signs. Like, are those real? Are those real? You can make t-shirts. And so she realizes they're treating me like a fucking joke. And then what she'll probably do is get real nasty. And so she realizes they're treating me like a fucking joke.

And then what she'll probably do is get real nasty. And then you guys have to really double down on the laughing. And then I think she's gonna realize there's no win here. And maybe get nicer. To follow up Jake, look, let's get serious for a minute. Talk to me. What are bullies most afraid of? derision derision?

It's called making fun of them, Jake. If you make fun of the I'm going to hang you from a flag. I'm going to shove you in a locker. I'm not afraid of derision. I'm afraid of my stepdad, Steven. So if you mock a bully, they hate it. They hate it. Yeah. So Chelsea, will you please follow up with us with what happens with this one? And I promise you, don't just, don't go soft.

If you're going to do it, you either go a hundred miles an you, just don't go soft. If you're gonna do it, you either go 100 miles an hour or you don't do it. Yeah. You can't live in the middle on this one because then you're gonna be in her spider web and she's just gonna kill you and everyone in your family is gonna chicken out. Yeah.

Yeah, and if I look weak, she's gonna eat all that. She's gonna pout. She's gonna pout. You aim it for the king. You best not miss. Miss. That's exactly right. Yeah. And you're not gonna miss.

No. Chelsea, you got it. I'm not. It's been a while. All right, Chelsea. Thanks, Chelsea. All right. Thanks for the bye.

Thanks for the bye. See you, bye. See you, bye. See you, bye. See you, bye. And we're brought to you by Alma. We obviously on this show give out advice, but it's a little tongue in cheek. But if you have a therapist, had a therapist, used one in the past, whatever it is, you

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You okay? Yeah. Okay, well we're gonna, something's wrong, we know that, we're gonna fix it. Welcome to We're Here to Help. Yeah, you're here with Gareth and you're here with guest helper Vic McAlis. Now Jake's not here, but you're not gonna need him because We feel really good about what we have going here We've solved a couple problems off Mike and we're ready to solve yours So what is your name and where you calling from and what the hell is going on?

Good great. I'm Erin. I'm from Ohio So my problem, I want to set the stage. My library, Erin, you're you might be our most soft spoken caller. I'm sorry, my two thoughts are against you. But you see, your yell might be regular to us. Probably would be. Yeah, there you go. You can I feel it. All right. Keep going. Sorry. That's it.

Yeah, you've hit a really great zone. We're really cooking. OK right. Keep going. Sorry. That's it. Yeah. You've hit a really great zone. We're really cooking the oil here. Okay. What's going on? Okay.

My office is at the front of our building, kind of facing windows that look out at a bike rack, like up against the sidewalk. And there is a gentleman that goes out to smoke, and he kind of hops, slashes, leans up against the biker and then during that maneuver his like pants fall down. Fall down? And then pretty much and like... Are you talking we're seeing half... yeah they don't... okay because it got kind of cartoony in my... Multiple times? One time? Yeah you just see... Is this a thing that happens or happened it's it happens like every time it goes out to smoke so you're seeing crack yeah like a

lot 75 percent um sometimes yeah I mean he doesn't like go smoke in that spot every time I'm assuming because I don't see him sometimes but every time he goes out yeah like his pants. Do you ever call it the bike crack? Should be fun if you started doing that. I'm just if we don't solve. I love that make a sign. Yeah yeah we might be on the solve. Okay okay. It's a destination bike rack. It's like angel wings. Yeah yeah yeah. Okay all, so keep going just so we get the full problem out, okay So so you're seeing a lot you're seeing you're almost seeing hole and then keep going Yeah, and I mean, it's like it's not up against my window, but it's like in my face I mean, I'm working and like look over and that's what I see. I guess just like what what to do about that. I don't I

Don't know. Do't know what to do. Do you know where he works? Yeah, he works on the second floor of my building. I work on the first floor, obviously, but. Do you know this person's name? Like, do you know who this man is? No, I don't. Other than, could you find out? Maybe he docs him and then email his family would be my thought Just right off the bat. I I like I like a soft Doc's the fan The family part is not gonna do that. I mean that might have what I would make this is my first pitch. Okay

my first pitch is that Get a picture from a place that isn't your office so that he can't go, oh, you took it. And so just get a picture from a different vantage point and then go to the second floor and put up a picture of it just on the door into the second floor that he'll see. And then kind of that gives awareness. What I don't like about it is that it kind of, you know, kind of like it is like a little doxy, which, you know, I mean, this guy's just trying to enjoy a heater and he, you know, he's not he obvious.

I bet you I think the thing with ass cracks as someone who has been called on it a number of times is it is way more is out there. You think? Oh, yeah. Yes. I've been told many times, buddy, what's going on, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm good.

And people are like, that's very presentation. I just feel a little more comfortable with the pants. I don't, I'm not a waste. Gareth, is it you? It is me. I started smoking again. And I loved, I loved the feeling of a cold steel pole. This is a loved one calling in to let you know that they know that you're smoking again. Is I love I love the feeling of a cold steel. This is a loved one calling in to let you know that they know that you're smoking again.

No. But I do think like I my guess is to put my myself in the pants of this guy. I bet you he does not know how much crack he's showing. I have another pitch. OK, OK. I want to hear this because then I have two pitches also. OK, good. I'm ready for yours. And I, by the way, I think we're going to need them based on how I'm pouring water over my head.

I had a good job. You're doing such a good job. You're listening to these pitches and I'm like, that's it. You're enabling me. I think listening to these bitches and I'm like, that's it. You're enabling me. I think you get, go to the Goodwill and get five belts and on the bike rack put a sign that says free belts so we don't see ass crack. I kind of had that thought, like, give him a about like, just find out where his desk is and just put it about.

It's gonna seem erotic if you're not careful. Vic, what do you have? Go ahead. Okay, so my first pitch is in a similar vein to that pitch, except I would argue and I'm saying this with so much love because again, I can't express what a fan I am, Gareth. It's a little passive aggressive, I would say. Whereas like, I would say my first thought is maybe, if you know sort of approximately what time

he's hanging out down there, I don't know how you are with confrontation, but I also think that there's a soft and kind way, because you can't be the only person noticing this at this point. Are other people in the office starting to talk about this? Well, that's a thing. So like my office kind of sits at a weird like corner

and I don't think other people can see unless they're like walking out. To their own private hell. Yeah. Sure. But this potentially could be something that other people are noticing. And I would say if this is a person that's like not taking that much care

in a moment like this, there's probably other ways in their life that like maybe they're falling apart. Who knows? They just want somebody to notice them. This is not just a smoke break issue. This person is unaware of the day to day crack style. Yes. Vic, do me a favor. We have to employ this tactic on the show from time to time. Please. We have to employ this tactic on the show from time to time. Please, Erin, I want.

How do you feel about the confrontation pitch, the soft confrontation? Because I think you could just go down there and be like, hey, I don't know if you know this, but like your pants keep falling down. And so like I you could either you could employ the situation. Listen, listen, hey, hard, immediate, tough situation up top. Right. But maybe that like maybe it is this man's life changes. You know what I mean? It is the it is the pointing out the booger in the nose.

I mean, it is what it is. It's like, do you let the person it's embarrassing, but then you all watch or do you go, hey, get it out of there, let's move on. Maybe this is has been desperate for a promotion and they haven't been getting it because they've been showing ass to their boss constantly. And then this is the thing that's like, oh, now all of a sudden their their trajectory in life is changing.

I like that. I feel pretty strongly about this. I definitely think we're all talking about the next mayor of wherever you are. Well, my second pitch quick. Well, I kind of want to see Aaron try to confront you in this situation and then and then we can move on to your second pitch. So let's give all the air to your first pitch that we can. Aaron, do you mind approaching Vic as yourself? And and Vic is the crack master? And can we see how that plays out do you

feel comfortable giving that a shot yeah I mean I don't know if I actually do it but give it a shot thank you for being brave and trying be brave try okay so am I just walking up yeah so Vic is this guy is sitting on the bike rack, his ass is exposed, he's having a cigarette, and you're doing a cold approach. Okay, excuse me. Hey, you're Erin, right? Oh, yeah. Hi, what's your name?

I'm so sorry, I'm Mark. I know this is weird. I'm such a huge fan of yours on Slack. You're always so funny in Slack and so thoughtful, and'm Mark. I know this is weird. I'm such a huge fan of yours on Slack. You're always so funny in Slack and so thoughtful and you always remember people's birthdays. And I just wanted to say, I've been having a really tough year, my wife left,

and my kids aren't talking to me much. Sorry, these days, sorry. And I just wanted to say that like your little funny jokes on Slack keep me going and they make me feel seen and noticed. And if I think, I think if one more bad thing happened to me this year, it would be my 13th reason. So I just wanted to say thank you for keeping me laughing. Fuck.

Oh my God. Yeah. Sorry. What were you wanting to say? There's no way that I could possibly. Well, Erin, I mean, we didn't know that what this poor fellow was going through to be quite honest, so I think we've all learned a lot. So yeah, I think maybe be a little easier on him actually.

Yeah, I would pull his pants down all the way and be like, that's what I like. Let's see. Let's see the bottom. All right. Fun. What's what's pitch two Vic? What do you have? Quit.

Wow. That's a tough one. Quit. Aaron, are you in a financially stable position where you can leave your job over this guy's ass crack? No, no. Hard. I actually. I'm sorry, Garrett. No, no. Do you have blinds, Aaron?

Do you have a way to block out the sun? Yeah, I do. I just like keeping open because I'm not a vampire, but yeah. I have a suggestion, Erin. Do you know how like sometime like gas stations or buildings have those things for pigeons so that they can't like rest on top of them? Yeah. What if we bought she's opposed to this one already. That was a feeble, yeah.

What if we play some of those on top of the bike rack? So we can't cut him. But this listen, I'm the Aaron. You're talking to Gareth. Gareth Reynolds, we're here to help. I'm the guy who made Parmesan in the floor. I mean, the viral moment that it is. I got a new one. Marjoram the rack.

I mean, the viral moment that it is. I got a new one. Marjorie in the rack. So what you can do is an hour before he goes for heater time, you take some margarine and you grease up that rack. He's going to feel the grease contact and that will stop the lean. We have a problem immediately.

A person that does not notice that their ass is out constantly is not going to care that there is My like it over their ass Aaron. I'm gonna call like our show to deal with how little you're reacting to our pitches. I Have my own problem now No, let me let me let me tweak one of the one of Vicks a little bit and Vicks Please let me tweak it of the one of Vicks a little bit and Vicks. Please let me let me tweak it. Do you smoke? No, do you vape? No. OK, OK. I think what you got to do is send a mole out there. So either you buy a jewel for the day or you find someone you work with who smokes.

You have them go out there at the same time as This guy and you say to him while you're striking up a conversation Hey, you're your butts super out. Do you know that and just fucking rip it off? Yeah, I actually I like that idea Like a person that would probably do that for me. That's this is who is this person? That's another person I work with, and I know that's not. Do they do you have their phone number? Are they at work right now? And I don't think I have their phone number.

You don't have somebody else. It could if you want to soften it, we could call this person and give them the pitch with you. I don't think I have the pressure, but we will do it. No pressure, but I already am bringing up their image. Okay, well, look, it sounds like you're opposed to that. I think we've got to. Are you going to do this? Are you going to to bring this person into the fold? I think I will. I mean, I definitely don't feel comfortable.

I don't think actually telling the first time myself. I think if it's a if it's a fellow smoker, it does feel like saying you have a booger in your nose at lunch versus community. I am here from the first floor. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. I got a note. I mean, we kind of talked about versions of the heads up a note, a note in what way a note like handed to this guy when he's on the rack, when he's doing the crack, right? Taped, taped on the rack, be like, Hey, if you smoke here, I want I see your ass every day.

If it's not a kink thing, maybe cut that out. The issue there is that if it's specifically for her office, he's going to be like, oh, her. Like, I think we're I would be worried that I mean, I get the vibe from somebody who's somebody who's it's not who you think from the third floor. From the third floor from a it on the third floor. From a friend on the third floor. Yeah, yeah.

From the third floor admirer. All right, Erin, well, we've thrown a lot at you. So what are you going with officially? I think I will just make someone else on I think that will solve. I mean, hopefully, maybe he doesn't care. I have a feeling he has to feel like air on his butt I don't I don't I'm telling you it's not that's not Maybe but this guy this guy's comfortable with it. He's not

He he listen, he knows some is out But he's also like he's probably my age and we're from like the crisscross generation when you had the pants You know, we put our pants on back. I put my pants on backwards once and went to a movie I mean that happened to me so I think thank you so much for saying that I know I was wondering if you were from the crisscross generation well I needed and a lot of people are asking and I've been pretty mom on it and here we are see me world daddy're gonna make you if your friend asks and that still seems to be an issue We can get your friend like a very high precision squirt gun to maybe they could slide by and get a couple shots and

That kind of like shoo them away. Perhaps. Yeah, we can definitely shoot a squirt gun in this guy's asshole That's not a problem with it for the the show can make that happen, Aaron. Well, Aaron, why don't you go with this? See what happens. See if your friend will do it. And if it doesn't work or if it does work, let us know. But I think and by the way, I think the best way for your friend to approach this person when he's having a cigarette with him is go, hey, can I ask you a question?

I just think comedically, it would be great if instead of ask, they said ask. So that's all I have for you. We're brought to you by Squarespace. Oh, I love that. Oh, sorry. I thought it was Squarespace. I thought we were going to write into Squarespace ad. I apologize.

I'm so- They just canceled after that. I understand why. That's fair. I really understand why. But they were great to work with. I wrote in. I was pretty offended by that.

Great to work with. Yeah, no, look, that was a huge error. I made it. I own it. Let's live on. Come on. Good Lord. Okay. All right, Erin. Well, thank you. Keep us posted. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I will. Thank you. Erin, Godspeed.

Good luck out there. All right. Thank you. All right. And we are brought to you by Vaya. Listen, Vaya, we love Vaya here. It's a way to restore your zen, embrace the natural power of hemp. And you can do it this hot. There's no better time than the holiday season to enjoy hemp. So yeah, you can recharge with Vaya whether, you know, I mean, you know what it's like when you eat a little hemp.

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Gil sent me. Right now our listeners get 20% off their first order when you use our exclusive URL, shopduer.com slash Gil sent me this deal is amazing let's bring him in for the end all right don't wait go now to get 20% off at shopdoer.com slash Gil sent me what else is there that was it ah really Really, not getting a lot of lines. Hey, everyone. It's the shark. This next follow up is from episode 126 of the podcast just from like a couple of weeks

ago. The episode is called shirt title merch business with Kat Reitman and it is the first call in the episode. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it, enjoy. Okay. Hi. Hi there, welcome back.

So we're here to help. America's No More Packages, don't look it up. Look, we know you're a follow-up. You have the shark, you have Gareth. There's no Jake right now, but he's here in spirit. But will you tell us your first call and then let's hit your follow-up. Yes my first call was about a dance class at the gym where there was some unwanted

partner dancing. Yes. Yeah so you guys had pitched some ideas and the one that I went with was to do the knee brace where I pretend every time she comes behind me that my knee is hurting. This was, I was mocked for my pitches on this call. At the end of the day, mine stood tallest and proudest. Okay, so you were basically gonna wear a knee brace so that this kind of person was not gonna sort of come up and dance with you specifically because you had an injury

that sort of meant you needed to be more in control of your body than someone else basically Yes, I will know because it's important to how it all turned out that one of the ideas at the very end Was to kind of like pass her along to somebody else Mm-hmm like deflect her to someone else being the target. So okay. So the plan was the knee brace Last week There's been two classes since I first called in that she was there so the first class I brought the knee brace in because I didn't know she was gonna be there and I figured once she comes in class

I'll just put it on and You know act. Yeah, but she can't she came in and she wasn't dancing with me. And so I think I realized the problem and the problem is probably me that I was maybe sending mixed messages because so what I did was instead of grabbing the knee brace,

I didn't give her much attention. I said hi, I was polite, but I didn't give her, like I said, like attention. I didn't follow up on any conversation. So and it worked. She didn't dance with me. And there was one, one part of the class where everyone got into a line because it was someone's birthday and we normally do like a snake opposite side Classes this would have been her bananas

It's really fun. You should come it's really fun. You're invited. Where are you again? I'm in texas Oh, okay. All right. Well near i'm gonna be i might be there in march, so we'll see Okay, but keep going. It's not about me even though I try to make it about me That's okay Uh, so this would have been her perfect opportunity to victimize me and get behind me, but instead, she got behind me for a second and then she went over and danced with somebody else who was kind of alone on her own and like a different part of the classroom. So she kind of deflected. It kind of got deflected.

Okay, that was the first class. Okay. That was the first class. Second one was today. And I thought, okay, I think maybe yeah, it was me. Because you guys kept asking why you why you and I in retrospect, that was the right question. Because I think I was giving too much to her, um, a disattention. So today I did the same thing. I said hello, but I didn't give her any extra attention, and she never came to dance with me. So hopefully, it doesn't feel great,

because I also am kind of going against my normal behavior, which is to talk to people. But just with her, right? It's not like with everybody. Right. Yeah. No. But see, I'll talk to other people and they don't get behind me and try and grind behind

me. Yeah, yeah. No. What I'm saying is that you're kind of icing her out a little bit. It's not like you're now a real negative person in the class. You're just not giving her everything because quite frankly when you did she took it. Yeah, yeah. I mean again, it'll be something that I have to get used to, I guess.

Well look, she's finding other targets. I mean if you're talking about your problem was that she was kind of ruining the dance class for you. So you now have given her a little less. She's maybe picked up on it, but she should. You know, yeah, yeah, just kind of the nature of your two personalities. You don't want someone who is just taking your dance class away from you. And she'll do that if you give her

and look, she's found found she's found another host so Sucking the nutrition out of another cadaver You know and let her job just you figure it out there believe me Either they'll be calling the show or you'll be selling them a knee brace one of the two is gonna happen Yeah, it's not my problem anymore, I suppose. No. No. You did it in a way that is like, look, we give like crutches as to how to get to somewhere. You didn't even need it. So we're not going to ring the bell. Oh, I still feel like it's all.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do this. We don't take these sort of half rings. We're not going to do a half wrong.,,, , , , , , ,

, , , , specific pitches were not taken. You found a more holistic view. I'm happy for you, I'm bummed for the show because we're not ringing the bell. But that's good. Are you enjoying dance class again? I am, I am getting used to not being as friendly with her.

That'll be hard, but yes, I thank you guys. You definitely helped me because I didn't see that it was me giving an instance where I was taking 10 miles. We're not ringing the bell. Stop it. Stop making it about us. I really feel like you deserve it. And you're talking to the guy who makes it about himself all the time.

No, I don't. Sorry, sorry. I've only had coffee. We're happy for you, and that's what matters. And stick to your guns. And that's not to say, you know, after a few of these classes, maybe go have a bite to eat with her after or something like that. Oh, gosh.

Show you're still good, but don't open the door again to the dancing. You go to dance class to make yourself happy, not someone else. Don't let someone steal your joy. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right. Thanks again. And not ringing the bell, but that's not your fault. Thank you. Okay. Thank you. I appreciate that. All right. Thanks again. And not ringing the bell, but that's not your fault. Thank you.

OK. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds.

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo. And our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike.

You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E, and if you'd like to see me do standup on the road, go to garethrentlts.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find him on Instagram at paddyholland2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only,

and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.