We're Here to Help - 135: I'm on a Pool Noodle! (with Jamie Loftus)

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to a caller about dealing with a difficult water aerobics instructor. Later, Gareth and special guest Jamie Loftus chat with a barber interested in dating a client without things getting awkward. Finally, the guys follow up with the second caller from episode 110 "I Need Someone to Climb With/On."Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With the $5 meal deal at McDonald's, you pick a McDouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Price and participation may vary for a limited time only. And we are back on a Thursday. Love a Thursday. We got Steven. We got the shark Garf man is somewhere on planet earth traveling right now. Traveling man. Well, God speed Garf man.

Uh, well, you know, I was making some split pea soup. Well, I made it this morning. I did all the prep work and then I was just testing it out. And let me tell you, it is good. How often you cook in these days? A lot, a lot. I love to cook. You know, sometimes you don't have the time. You just, you know, you, you, you, you grab and go, but yeah, if I have a little

time, Jake, I will cook a lot of times. We'll do the, uh, the prep or problem prep work while I'm having my morning coffee. Interesting. Kevin, are you a man who cooks? Uh, not well, I'm trying to make up for that with, um, yesterday, Lee and I put up, uh, Christmas lights around the front of the house. And I was going a little slow for her and she was like, all right, why don't we trade spots here and you can hold the ladder? So then I tried to pretend the whole time like it actually makes more sense that I'm down here because I could catch you if you fall.

And it was just kind of. You did the. Yeah, yeah. Notting at the neighbors like it makes sense that I'm of. You did the sped. You did the sped. Yeah, yeah. Notting at the neighbors like, it makes sense that I'm here. I'm the strong guy. I was, uh, um, Andy Roddick has arrived on the movie. Holy shit. And we were so, yeah. And we were watching him yesterday. We had a, we shot some scenes and then at the end we went on the pickleball

courts with the great Brad Gilbert, you know, coach and he's been kind of overseen it and everyone was talking about, you know, Andy and hitting and how he's going to do with pickleball. And he has not had any anxiety about it. His vibe has been like, it's going to be just fine. It's going to be fine. This dude got out there and was just ripping it. That's so cool. And you're like, oh yeah. And then we started talking.

And he was basically saying that from an early age, you can kind of tell when somebody's like a special athlete. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, that's a pretty cool idea. And he's like, kind of by 10, you can kind of tell like, if you're not already there, you're probably not going to pop. Yeah. That's not not every sport, but I was like, just this idea. I'm like, that's a cool idea. And then seeing him hit, I'm like, now that's a beautiful backhand.

Like, that's how you hit a pickleball, god damn it. Yeah, and he has one of the, still to this day, I think the best serve in the history of tennis. You think so? It was the most powerful, I mean, it was his greatest weapon. Like, he didn't have the skills a Federer or Raffanadal did, but he could hang with them because of his serve so he could just rip it. Rip.

I mean, he hits the ball in general so hard. I mean, he is such a powerful player. Husker too. Nebraska boy. And Steven, you're a tennis man. How would you describe your game? Oh, I'm a power baseline player. No doubt.

No doubt. I think that's probably a thing that Roddick and I have, but we probably have a lot in common. We're both from Nebraska. We both really just crushed the ball from baseline. Are you a power hitter? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

You know, big guy. I get a lot of top spin on it. And in your opinion, when we played, what happened? I had the flu for one. You'll never get it. But hold on. Cause Kevin, Stephen has talked trash about his main sport has always been tennis. And I'm not a, I'm not a racket player.

You know, I didn't grow up playing tennis or pickle or any of this, but we played one time. And I think I've played in total in my life up to that point, five times. Steve, what happened that day? Jake one. And it was just like, you know, but he had his, like, he was doing his whole rat thing over there. Just like ratting down the ball as he does. The sad thing is he's a very good athlete and like he can be picked up up fast.

He's a basketball player and that's kind of the, I hate playing with basketball players because they find a way to like become better than average at things very fast. What do you mean by rat things? No, you were ratting around with that ball. I mean, you weren't hitting pretty. I mean, I'm sure now you've got, you know, you were, you have to admit you were not hitting pretty back then.

No, no, no. It was just, you were, it was just pure athletic and sheer will to, to beat the master. It was the mean, the maddest thing I've ever seen, Stephen. Yeah, I was not happy. I was the mean and the maddest I think I've ever seen. Steven. Yeah. I was not happy. I had a low grade fever, achy. It'll never happen again. In fact, when I come back in town a couple weeks, we're playing.

I would love to. Yeah. It'll be really fun. And Kevin, what is exciting about this episode today on a Thursday? We have a bunch of fun ones. Uh, we were talking to, uh, someone with some drama with their water aerobics instructor. We have the great Jamie Loftus did a call with Gareth about a barber needing some dating advice and we have a special follow up at the end.

So without further ado, enjoy the show. Hello. Do enjoy the show. Hello. Hey, Ken. Welcome to the show. You're on with Gareth, the shark and myself. It's so weird to hear that in real life. Um, and I'm sorry. Sorry, caller.

Let's just Jake, first of all, intro yourself. And second of all, you are one of the most sexy men alive. I don't know why you're kind of like... This is why you were setting up for the intro. We're not doing this on the call. What? Can we please get you... Take credits.

We can do it in a different bit. We're not wasting your... I'm having a little trouble focusing on the show, sex pot. Wasting this poor woman's time. Can we get your name, please? Hi, my name's Becca. I'm 33 and I live in Minneapolis. I like Minneapolis too, quite a bit.

I love it. I'm going to be there in January. How about that? Same. It's interesting. Great response. Not I'm going to come see you, but same. Bekza33, Minneapolis, what can we do for you today? The floor is yours. Take your time.

Walk us through your issue. Okay. So I go to this water aerobics class every week with my mom. We've been going for like six years. You are in Minneapolis. Okay. I know, I know. I was like my accent is going to come through.

So wrong. Anyway, so we go to this water aerobics class and so there is like a normal instructor who we love. She is like a elementary school teacher in her real life. So she's like good at lesson plans. She's very engaging. She actually gets in the pool with us. She like does the whole exercise is very good. However, this is my this is a stick. There's occasionally substitute teachers. And they never tell you beforehand, you just like

show up and you're in your swimsuit and you're like oh it's that way and you like already paid and there's like different subs and there's this one sub who she's a very sweet woman but she just sucks because that's how you know a midwesterner is about to destroy someone. Totally agree, Kevin. Yeah. This is Midwest murder. She's wonderful.

I love her. She's the fucking worst. It's my me thing. I'm sure she's so nice. So she's like, I would say conservatively like 78-79 See Like will sit in a chair by like on top of the pool and like do

seated exercises and like we have to follow along with it and she And like we have to follow along with it and she She will never tell you what's happening She'll just like smack her legs and be like point and I'm like I don't know all of this call is starting to wake up all the senses in my body Yeah, a 79 year old lady being mean just smacking her legs telling you what to do and you have no idea what to do I'm like, yes, please. He like, she's like, like, so you're worth it.

I know. At least a little. Hey, listen, listen. I'm not I can't get out of the pool. That's the thing. That's the freaking thing is you can't leave. And so you're like stuck there. And I like, he can't get out because he popped a tent in his little trunks.

I need the pool. He's like a little kid. He's like a little like eighth grader who won't go to the front of the classroom and do a math problem because he's part of me is working out. Yeah. OK, so you got it. You got a substitute teacher who's older. She's smacking her legs. She's pissing you off. OK, so that's like the tip of iceberg so then she'll like

eventually she'll get in the pool and I feel like that's when it really starts to get crazy because agreed well, well, I'll be like Well, I'll have like pool noodles and she'll be like get on your noodle. So then there's like 25 fucking She'll be like, get on your noodle. So then there's like 25. Is this a fucking porno? No, no, no. I got a pool noodle for the class. Is this real life or am I fantasizing? Am I still asleep?

This is real. This is real. This is real. So then, and then what she'll do is she'll like make us do exercises with pool noodle. Like, I got an exercise with my pool noodle. Oh my gosh. So then we're all like riding it like a bike.

I gotta go. We gotta go. I'm gonna take a shower. It was great to meet you. Bye. Keep going, Becca. So she makes you all get out, you and your mother. And this is the wildest porno I've ever seen in my life. I love that she's calling for a totally different reason and everything.

Our issue is like this woman is using the most insinuating language possible. That's her issue. the Megan fast and we're like, what does that mean? Like Megan fast and I'm like, what are you saying? And then she'll be like, small and slow. And I'm like, what? I'm on a noodle in a pool. And then she'll be like, go uphill, go uphill. And I'm like, what? I'm in a pool. Like I don't uphill where, like, what are you saying?

So there's like a lot going on with her. And then what she'll do is she'll like yell she'll be like Okay, four three two one and then she'll be like, ah Like she's just had the best like most quenching drink of her life and I'm like you can't just yell ah like in this group of so so Let me cut through the wildness of this call because I like this setup.

Yeah. I could listen to it as an audio book before I fall asleep every single night. I like it. I did too, it's calming. It's calming, it's interesting, it's really weird visuals. Very mid-west.

There's a lot working, very mid-west. The way you said noodle really worked. Oh yeah. Get on your noodle, say it again. Noodle, yeah, having double O's for someone from Minnesota being said that often worked. Oh yeah. Get on your noodle. Say it again. Noodle. Yeah, having double O's for someone from Minnesota being said that often is a real trick. It's pretty good, yes. But what is the specific question that we could kind of get into?

Yeah, the question is what the hell do I do? Because we don't actually learn that there's a substitute until we're already there. We've already paid. I'm like hoping that it's Karen, who's the good teacher and not Mary. And it's always freaking. And like my mom and I are like, Oh, it's her. And like, but look, you're already in the goddamn pool. You're doing the aerobics.

You don't get in a pool, see a teacher and fake an injury. So Gareth, don't even pitch a weird twisted ankle thing. Well, it's pretty obvious that was among my ideas. Because we can't get out of the pool. She's got to do the 40. How long is the question? You can hurt a shoulder. I see her on the side of the pool before I go into the locker room and I'm like, oh.

But you and mom already went to the pool. You're with your mom. It's not easy to get mom out of the house. She's got a bathing suit ready. She's ready to work that bod. You want mom to do some cardio. She's got to move those knees. She's got to get the heart pumping. What are you going to do after? Get a bite to eat? No, you're going to exercise. Yeah. We're there for a purpose. That's the other thing with Mary. I'm like, you are going so slow. I'm gaining weight in this pool. Like that is not a workout.

Like I don't know what you're doing. That's a great thing to say. This workout is so slow that I'm gaining weight. I'm fatter. Yeah. By the way, when I do my weird garage workouts, I come out fatter. Are you still doing those? Yeah, you know, when I can.

It's less kind of jujitsu with the dummy because I've been tired. It's more kind of cuddling and romantic shit. Watching football. Watching football, hanging out, talking about our days. You want another beer, Dan? Yeah. No, he doesn't have a name. Interesting.

I like him better nameless. Stop talking. Enough. Let's focus back on Becca. Don't. Yeah, now he doesn't have a name interesting. I'm better name Back I'm Becca don't I give him a name I come up with too many. Okay, so Becca Okay, so so really the question is Basically, how do you get out of the predicament when you have the terrible 78 year old substitute? Who right does not fulfill at all what you're going for with your mother. What can you do? Not even a little. She's a bad instructor.

She's unclear. You get fatter while working out. It's just nothing is kind of working. Now is it partly that what she says is, was it us who added the sexual stuff or were you saying the hard and fast or was it her? We might have done that. Is it really just that she's bad or is there anything specific that makes her the worst? I think it's like not, like she has like a routine that she knows and no one else does.

So like having this unknown, I don't care, she can talk about the noodles. That's funny. And my mom and I get in trouble too, because we'll like goof off in class. Like this past Wednesday, we were like goofing off and Mary yelled at me and was like, hello. And I was like, girl, I'm here to work out and you are not doing that. So like, I don't- Oh, so Mary's also a little tough. I mean, I don't, I wouldn't use that word, but I just feel like she, she wants people to pay attention to her. Like she's, we're on first grade. And I'm like, these are all like, I'm the youngest one there and they're all like in their fifties or whatever.

And I feel like there's lots of sweet women who just like do the thing. And I'm like, no, I pay for this. It's like an hour out of my afternoon. I'm like, I want to get a workout. I remember once I went to a yoga class at Valley Total Fitness in Hollywood. And it was basically this. It was like an 80 year old woman was teaching and it was all people in their 70s. And I was in there like this. but I did finish because it was like well I'm here all that right we basically need to come up with a way for you to send a message while not feeling like you're sending too much of a message I do think what you have to do I mean you either need to come up with

some kind of alert system or you need to flag this instructor as terrible, which maybe in Minnesota is a little. No, no, no, no, no, no. I think this is a no, no, no. This is an 80 year old woman in a pool. We're going to give. We're going to give Mary her little glory moment. But back what we could do for you.

And I don't have the end of this, Gareth. I'm going to need help on it. I just have a I have a visual, but I don't have a pitch. this Gareth I'm gonna need help on it I just have a I have a visual but I don't have a pitch okay wait did you just like ankle weights no her ankle hurts it's good though yes ankle weights what are you put water weights yeah cuz the image I had was the flash dance Farley what is it Tommy Boy when he's getting sprayed by the gasoline, he's going way too fast. Whatever Mary-

So she does play, she plays that song, she plays maniac. But hold on, let Jay Cook back a go. I don't have much care, so jump in if you're feeling, but the image I'm having is, let's say Mary goes like, and swing the tanya, go around the noodle. Will you go as fast as you fucking can and you have weights on your ankles? So you seem like a spaz, but you've ankle weighted, you've wrist weighted, you put a

little weight around your hips. So you are dying to keep up with this instruction. And if you're not doing what she wants you to do, you're trying your hardest. Maybe even put earplugs in so you can't hear. So you're just looking around. You're like, God damn, you're like an animal being hunted. You're looking at the room and you're just moving and jacking around and trying to keep up. Your cardio will go up. Your instincts will be on fire. Gareth, is this insane? I think I would almost just go, first of all, I think maybe an earplug is a good idea

because she sounds kind of annoying. I think I would, what I would do is, I would bring ankle weights and like actual light weights for you and your mother during the Mary class so that you can step it up. I think that'll just make the workout harder. It will everything. Even if you're just standing in water.

You can do her workout still, but that'll just make it harder. I mean. It's the same thing as rocking. If you're gonna take a hike for somebody who goes at a slow pace, throw a weighted burst on. Berg.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I've kind of done that where I like just push harder and we do this really dumb arm exercise and I'm like, my legs are just standing here. So I was like running as she was doing the arm exercise and she yelled in the class, she was like, if you want to run, you can run. And I'm like, yeah, I'm already, I'm already ahead of you, Mary. Right. I feel like I've tried the like push harder thing.

I feel like, like, I don't, I've never heard of it. Inkle weight that you can like put in a pool. Is that a thing? Yeah, I think there is. I think there, yeah, yeah. I think there are, I think there are. Yeah. I think there's things you can make it.

Becca, you can make it on your own sand in a a plastic bag, duct tape it to your goddamn ankles. I always think... This isn't a goddamn fashion show, it's a workout class in water. And here's the other thing, Becca didn't say, or sorry, Mary didn't say that you can't do that. She just was like, if you want. I also think just the appearance of this shows her this workout isn't what I thought it was gonna be. Another thing if you want I think you could do is after a class with a good

instructor you could go up and say I'm so glad that you were here like you're the best instructor and you could say is there any way to know your schedule a little bit ahead of time so that we can favor your classes because you're the best instructor and kind of the only one we would make the trip for Yeah, that that was kind of my mom was like I'll call and I'm like Are you gonna call every week and like check like are you and then I don't I don't know what happened to the instructor Because she's missed the last two weeks. So we were like if she she sick? Like I don't know what to do when it's like this is

an unplanned thing. Like no one, like I don't think that the normal instructor was like planning on this. Like she didn't tell us, hey I'm gonna be out of town or whatever. It's a two-pronged approach. I think have the weights in your car and then you and your mother can have those weights on when youonged approach. I think have the weights in your car and then you and your mother can have those weights on when you take the class. I also think you could ask, like I mean, I remember when I used to go to the Y,

there's like a front desk. You can go up there and be like, who's teaching that class? Oh, it's Mary, let me go to my car and get the weights. I stay a little unfocused. I got an idea too, Becca. How mobile is your mom? Oh yeah, she can move. Oh yeah, she's moving. She's moving and grooving.

She's only 64. So where that pool is, is there also like exercise bikes and treadmills and stuff like that? So this is like in a middle school. This gets weirder and weirder to me. Stop peeling. Yeah, as we peel, and weirder to me. Okay. I quit peeling. Yeah. Yeah.

As we peel my brain. Stop digging. Now does the middle school, does it have two levels to it? Is there an upstairs, downstairs, or is it just a one level school? There's a point to this. I hope so.

I think it's just one level, but to be honest, I just walked to the pool. Cause here's what I'm thinking. The other thing you could do when you're with mom and you're in exercise gear and you're ready to go, if you walk in there, it's merit you turn around, but you have a plan B already in place. If there was two stories, you do 50 up downs on those stairs. Like the Rocky movies.

I like the Rocky movie. I like that. I like an additional workout. That you have like if you do the ankle weights and you don't want to do in the pool, you get there, you see Mary slapping her legs by the pool, you go like this, mom let's rock. You guys put ankle brakes on and you already know it's a mile and a half north turnaround a mile and a half south back to the car. Then you can get your goddamn cheesecake. But she did the three miles. And that, cause what we don't want to do is Mary's teaching a class.

A lot of these older ladies like it. I'll tell you the person who doesn't like it. The young lady, right? A lot of those other ladies are happy in the goddamn pool. It's just you and your mom. And if you weren't there, I'm sure your mom would be fine. That's why we don't want, but it fine. That's why we don't want the 30 year olds in the pool with us older ladies. Do you notice the demographic switch? You don't, right? It's like the same level.

The women are handling both the good instructor and Mary the same, right? Yeah. I think that's also my concern is like everyone else seems undisturbed by this and I'm like why is no one else mad? This is a youth thing. Yeah. You know, my mother used to do water aerobics and she said it was a bunch of women and then one creepy old guy in Wisconsin who would like swim up to the women and go live. This is very specific.

Yeah. It feels targeted. How do you make this story about you? You just said it's one creepy guy in Wisconsin. Of course, I think you're talking about me. OK, Becca, so that's fair. So that's our basic. I'm sorry, Garrett, but my mother lived in Wisconsin.

It's tough to hear. I mean, God, believe me, Jake, I know. I would I would bring the weights. I would bring the weights and have a backup plan. I would just I would increase the workout for yourself in the class. I think that sends a message. And then if you want to would just, I would increase the workout for yourself in the class. I think that sends a message. And then if you want to post workout, I would also do that. I also don't think there's anything wrong with when you see this 78 year old Mary being

like, gah. And just take it. Right. Like maybe I should be more aggressive and be like, oh, it's you. I mean, it's very nice of you to favor. We're not getting crazy. We're not attacking an 80 year old woman. It's very nice of you to favor the feelings of this woman. She is meant to be teaching a workout class.

And she is for all the older ladies, but Becca. Kind of. Yeah, but look, if you're a 70 year old woman in the pool, you're not looking to do CrossFit. Alright, let me step it up and I'm going to tell you my last pitch. It's off of what we just said. Bring a bunch of like weights that like bring a bunch and be willing to hand them out. And when you see her just say, this is not a group problem. It might be. We got to see. Is it a group problem or is it a you problem? Well, so everyone is used to the normal instructor Karen who like really push it so I feel like People feel a lot people are annoyed like but I think I'm the one who's the most annoyed

But I feel like everyone else is just like dude to do I guess it's this lady and I'm like no Can we all band together and be mapped together? Because I feel like they're like- Bands, not a bad idea. Bands. Yes, totally. Not a bad idea, some bands. I think anything you could do underwater, you should. I agree. That's what I've always said. Okay. Becca, we appreciate the call. Good luck. Oh, thank you. Let us know how it goes. I'll tell you how it's going to go. We didn't really give any advice. We didn't really. She laughed at literally every pitch. Every pitch she laughed at. She chuckled. Yeah, we tried.

She chuckled. Okay. Good luck to you. Bye. Bye. Oh, and we are brought to you by Blue Nile. Listen, this time of year, you're looking back on a lot of amazing things and memories from the past year, or maybe you're thinking, hey, what the hell is going to go on in 2025? But if your plans in any way involve getting engaged with someone you love, let me tell you about bluenile.com. Bluenile is the original online jeweler since 1999.

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Hi, welcome to the show. We're here to help. You know the show, right? Of course you do. I do, I do. Okay, smart. Okay, well you are on with Gareth. You know me from the show.

We're here to help. You know who I'm on the show? You're aware of that? Yeah, you get that. And we have no Jake today, but standing in his stead, we have the great Jamie Loftus. Jamie, I should point out a successful podcaster in her own right. You have a podcast called 16 Minutes of Fame.

And so we're gonna help you out. So why don't you tell us your name, where you're calling from, and what the hell is happening. Sure, my name is Mandy. I'm calling from Philadelphia. Great. And my problem is that I am single. I'm trying to date. But I'm not on any dating apps and I don't want to be on any dating apps. But I also don't feel like I need to be on any dating apps because I am a straight woman who works in a barber shop.

So, but my problem is figuring out how to go from the client barber semi-professional relationship to opening the door to going out or something else without making things awkward. Yeah. It's a dangerous making things awkward. Yeah. It's a dangerous game, Mandy. Wow. That's hard.

You work at like a nice barbershop or you're at like Supercuts? No, no. Yeah, it's like a more high, higher end place. Are there people there regularly that you're like, yeah, I would go for this guy? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's a small pool.

You know, there's a lot that are out of my age range or in relationship or whatever, but there's enough of the time. Okay, so and the reason you don't wanna do the dating apps is because it's a hollow experience where you feel like you don't really ever get anything out of it and it's just kind of a time suck that leaves you feeling sick?

Yeah, I think that's the perfect way to summarize it. Okay, okay. Yeah, I wonder if. Yeah, I feel like people have come all the way around on dating apps or at least this was my feeling where I feel like the argument for it used to be like, you'll end up meeting people you normally never would. And I was like, and that might've been a good thing.

That was the right way to have it. Maybe, yeah. That really was. I really don't need to know anyone who works in the tech field ever in my life. I like how Tinder shoots out like sonar. It really makes you feel like great when you're like, cool, let's just send out a radius. Okay, so Mandy, so you're cutting someone's hair

and you like them and you might have good banter with someone, but you can't tell if like, I feel like I have real good barbershop banter. I feel like I keep it going. I'm asking questions, but that doesn't mean that you're into it. Is there, are we talking about a couple specific people or in general, you are like, how do you, because it is a difficult thing to sort of like, you know, I've felt that in stuff before where you, I think the last thing I ever wanna do is be viewed like as a creep.

Like I would rather go unrequited or unfulfilled than be like, that feels weird. So, okay, but are we talking about anyone specific or we're just saying there's just you want to be open to this? I think more open. There are specific guys I think of, but in general, I'll talk to a guy, he seems great, he's cute, we get along. It's like, oh, it would be fun if we could hang out outside of here.

But it's like, how do I go from that? Or or do I not at all? You know, is it just like not appropriate? And that's just do you have a boss? Yeah, but they're not there. Okay, so it's like, I don't know. I feel like it's okay when women do it. I do too. Yeah, that was good. I was gonna say, unfortunately, just like straight up be like, Hey, do you it's okay when women do it. I do too. That was what I was going to say. Did you just like straight up be like, hey, do you want to go out like right after or

is there like a subtler way to get there? My instinct is, and this is maybe just because I'm a coward, but like, do you get along with the people you work with? Because I feel like maybe it's like a work wingman kind of situation that that would be what I'd be comfortable with instead of being direct. But also you might just be much braver than I am. No, I'm not. That's why. OK, then, yeah, it's like if there's someone I don't even know if like, I don't know how it would like feel natural to ping pong it to someone else.

But you got a wing barber. I like this idea. I like the idea. Do you how many people are in the shop at a time that work with you? Only one or two. And it is tough because the way the shop is laid out, I'm kind of like working on like a loan in the back. So that's not you're not like directly at like a state.

Yeah, it's not like backpack, but like there isn't someone at a station right beside me that we could kind of like drop around. Is that like VIP or like a punishment? Yeah, what is that? It's me wanting to like be away from everyone else. Okay, that makes sense. Boy, I really, I was really getting excited with a wing barber. Yeah. I know. Yeah, yeah. That does make it easier.

Yeah. Okay. How long have you been single? A long time. Maybe like six years. I've got an idea. I got a pitch. Okay.

All right. Do you have an Instagram? I do. Do you post pictures of haircuts on Instagram that you do? No. Okay, here's what I'm going to recommend. This is just because we're talking about how do we turn the page and move in a new direction. Why don't you start posting some of the haircuts on Instagram?

Okay? And so like just to have, just to sort of corroborate the fact that this is now something that Mandy the barber does. There are times where you're just gonna just post four or five. Then once you have that going, when you're done with someone's haircut who you like, you say to them, hey, I'm really happy with how this came out. Would you mind if I took a picture of the back and put it on my Instagram? And they'll go, oh yeah, if you're really happy with it,

take the picture and then go, I'll tag you, what's your Instagram? Then you're moving into the DMs. That's, that's, yeah. And a great way to just set up like, wow, you look amazing, you know? Nobody's gonna say, I mean, if someone does, then whatever, you can? Nobody's gonna say. Yeah. I mean, if someone does, then whatever, you can go from,

I mean, but this is a way now to sort of, you know, well, that's just, again, because at this point, it really is more about getting into the DMs. That is really, that is almost the new phone number. Again, that's not encouraging, mainly men, to be creepy, but it is a way for you to just go after you post it, give it a few days, and then just say, hey, a couple of my friends said how much they really like your haircut. It was great to meet you.

Leave it there. Then at least you've gotten it to the point where it, because it's so awkward to try to ask someone out at work, especially when they're hiding you in the back of the shop, like the sloth of the organization. I don't know, what do you think of that, Jamie? I like that. I think that that is like kind of the smoothest way to go. I mean, unfortunately, I don't feel like it's really possible

to completely divorce finding someone from your phone. And like, but I think the worst case, it's better labor than going to a bar with someone awful a thousand times. It's just like, you might have to take a picture of a couple of Uggos before you. Yeah, you're definitely gonna have to do that. Yeah. You have to,

you can't jump into this plan right away. That, you know, get a few haircuts up there. And then in a month, you can say, I started to post them to sort of like, I don You know, get a few haircuts up there and then in a month you can say, I started to post them to sort of like, I don't know, up my barber profile. I don't know what the hell it means. But something like that. There is another option. The other option is you could tell people, and again, I don't know if this breaks work protocol, you could tell people the next time they want a haircut to just text you directly. And you could get the number in.

I thought about that. And what happened? Is it like, if I have like a business, well, I haven't done it, but I thought like, if I get- Okay. We have like business cards for the shop, right? Like, could I put my personal number on there? Yeah.

And be like, you know, here's my days and here's my could I put my personal number on there? Yeah. And be like, you know, here's my, my days and here's my, I put my number on there. Yeah. It's a way to sound like you're in demand to you could be like, yeah, my schedule fills up really fast. So you might want to like, reach out in advance. Yeah. And you could be like, I only do this for people whose hair I like that I want to fuck. Yeah. I my worry now that I my only worry with that one is that it is going to be it could be a little like with the social media dynamic, you can start the follow. You can like a pig. There's a way to kind of get more feelers out there that might not happen if the it's just like once,

like if someone did that to me, I'd be like, oh yeah, okay, cool, I'll text you when I want a haircut. And that could be five months from now. You know? I have a pitch, I don't know if this is too much work. This is Shark on the ones and twos. Shark on the ones and twos. We did an episode where we talked about a singles night

for a rock climbing gym. Would it be weird to have something like that, like a work thing where people are coming to, like single people get a haircut half off or something like that. A hair prom? Oh. Yeah. Just an excuse for single honks to come to the barber shop. To get to, just a haircut place full of lonely men.

Sounds potentially dangerous. It could be so strange. Keep in mind, Kevin is pitching this in a sleeveless tie dyed Miller light shirt. Yeah. So I'm ready. Here's what you do. Rent out an AMC theater for a screening

of Joker 2 Folly a Dude. And then invite everyone. See who responds. No, I actually, I'm very supportive of the Instagram solution. I feel like that is kind of similar to how I started dating my boyfriend. It's similar to how I started dating my girlfriend, yeah.

Because then you can check, I mean, this is, I guess, obsessive behavior that I've done a trillion times But then you can see like are they watching my stories? Are they single? They yeah, exactly. Are they yeah single? That's the big thing. Yeah. Yeah, that is really I think There is a good amount of cover with this one It's very easy to see if you guys do the follow See if you get the follow back, get the follow back, like a picture, see if they like a picture, then hit the DMs. And then you're really getting like temperatures along the way.

Otherwise it is like it's kind of an all or nothing. And then it's like if you creep people out, then they don't want to come back and not creep people out, but that makes it weird. Yeah. Yeah. No, I like that plan. Well, what do you think, Mandy? How do you feel? You're going to do this? I feel good about that. I, I like that plan. Well, what do you think, Mandy? How do you feel?

You're going to do this? I feel good about that. I think I will try this. What is your, like, okay, so let's say you post a picture of this haircut. You're not hearing back. What is the first DM going to be to a potential suitor, just so we see what we're dealing with? Oh, that is, I see this is- We can workshop this. suitor just so we see what we're what we're dealing with.

That is I see this is a workshop. That's a bad question for me. Yeah, I think we've got a game. All right. Nice, nice head. Nice head. Good head. I like touching your head earlier today. Want more head? A great goal. Yeah. More head. How about a little eugenics? Be careful. I felt your head. You're one of the chosen ones. How about this?

I got one. Hey, Justin FYI, you left some of your hair at the shop. That's cute. It feels like nobody liked that one. Hey, you dropped this and then just a fistful of this hair in your hand. And you're eating it. That's the perfect way of saying it. And it's in your mouth chewing it.

I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach.

I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay, here would be my approach. I feel like, okay. That's the perfect way of saying it. And it's in your mouth chewing it. I feel, okay, here would be my approach if I were brave enough to do this. I'd be like, hey, great, like whatever the haircut opening line is. And then like, I noticed you liked this

as long as it's from their last eight posts. I like that too. And then like potentially start a conversation that also if they don't wanna start a conversation would be very easy to ignore. Yep. I think that's pretty good. I think again, read the room.

If it's a short reply, that's where you leave it. And then it was just fully work related. Yeah. Well, Mandy, I, we want to know if you're going to get laid through our advice and if you're going to find the one there. Um, so keep us posted. Um, it feels like you'll get there. On average, what percentage of, are you straight or are you, what are you, are you bi? I'm straight. You're straight. So we're just looking for dudes. What percentage of the men would you say you want to desmock after a couple of times?

A low percentage. It's a low percentage. All right, then I think we're good. Cool. Small. But yeah. And the good thing is the men you have absolutely no interest in, they don't know about the Instagram account. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. True. Yeah. No, you'll be fine. I think this is the best way to creep. You have good outs. Don't push it. And I like the Jamie pitch of if you're just like, you know, you're like, oh, wow.

I didn't know they still made kites, something like that. Baseball. Tell me more. Baseball. Ask him to explain something to you. Whatever you see, the activity, just say that activity and then lol. Just be like hiking lol. That's the move. He's like, damn, did I just meet the love of my life? Yeah lots of love. All right Mandy, well go get them. Good luck and you know we're here to help. You'll be great. Thank you, Mandy. Oh, we are brought to you by Quince. Oh, my Lord, we've talked about it before. I love Quince. I have a Quince corduroy jacket. I have a Quince shirt that is blue with buttons.

I love it. Okay. And it's a great way to find the perfect gift this holiday season anytime. You want to make sure you give gifts that people want. And I will say, not only do I wear quints myself, I'm ordering quints as gifts for those that I love. It lets you treat your loved ones and yourself to true quality at an affordable price, something everyone can have in their closet. They have sweaters, cashmere sweaters. They have super soft fleece and sweatpants. So no matter what you are looking for, Quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They do this by partnering directly with Top Factories and cutting out the cost of the middleman passes the savings on to you, puts you on the nice list this holiday season.

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So what are you doing? Go to Uncommon Goods to get 15% off your next gift. That's uncommongoods.com slash here to help for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer on Common Goods. We're all out of the ordinary, especially Kevin. Hey everyone, it's the shark. Hope you're having a nice Thanksgiving. The original call from this next follow-up aired on September 2nd. It is the second call from the episode, which is called I Need Someone to Climb With Slash On. So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy.

So if you'd like to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hi, thanks for calling from another room. Can we get your name and what your first call was? We know you're a follow up. Yeah. So my name is Alana. I'm from Philly and I am the rock climbing lady who calls you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Good gate night. Yeah. Yeah. As it goes. Yeah, well, good. We're excited.

Walk us through what the problem was again, what we pitched and then tell us what happened. We're excited. Yeah. So the problem was I was just calling to get your guys' advice on how I could pitch a rock climbing singles night at my climbing gym. And you guys gave me a lot of great ideas,

a lot of sexually explicit punny names that I could have thrown their way for the night, which was great. You recommended different types of like, you know, 80s music playing in the background, a few different games, lots of great stuff like that. So I went in armed with a bunch of ideas and when I pitched

it to them, they were, they were all over it. They loved the idea right away. Although before I could even recommend a goofy name, they were like, we can't do anything romantic in the title because we don't want to be weird. So it ended up being kind of more, they just called it like start a new relationship. That's how they marketed it. Relationship and Yeah, relationship, right? I know Gareth you had said something about fingering the holes or something that didn't fly I don't love hearing my stuff back out of context. I'll be honest. It's probably the worst part of the follow-up for me Nobody believes that you don't like hearing your stuff. I mean if we like it, I like it. I'll be honest. It's kind of group thing Well, and if nobody else like it, I like it. I'll be honest. It's kind of group things. Well, and if nobody else likes it, I still like it. Anyhow, I just try to be, I just want people to like me. Keep going. Yeah, we do. We do. We all like you. But anyway, it was, um, yeah, it was, it ended up being great. And I mean, I didn't know what to expect.

I don't think anyone really knew what to expect, but there ended up being, it was a group, it was a smallish group. And you know, I didn't, I didn't know if I would end up meeting like a, you know, a hunky nerdy guy there. I didn't because it was mainly just women, which is fine. And there were a couple, a couple of dudes showed up, although I don't know people like one of my friends, Shane, who works with the gym was laughing at me before the event, he said, you know, it's only going to be guys showing up.

And I said, I don't know. And it ended up just, you know, but everyone was lovely. Everyone was great. And it was, they actually didn't have any games planned though. It was super, super casual. And I know I recommended on the call. I said, well, what if we wear wristbands and one of you shot it it down because that was too dorky, but that's what the gym did. So we all had our little orange wristbands on and name tags so we could identify each

other and yeah, everyone just, we all met each other. We all took turns belaying each other. Then we did this one game where we like paired up based on butt size. Like if you had a big butt, you got together with another big butt and you got tied together at the butt. And then you timed how fast you know. It seems so normal until this. It's also, you could tell it's like in the rock climbing

world, that's normal. But to us we're like, what the hell's going on? Everything was so normal. Big butts tied to big butts. Well, you know, we wanted to, you know, we wanted to get at the heart of whether or not, whether or not butts are actually a big part of rock climbing, which is what Jake asserted when I first called in. Jake not remembering that going, yes, like he believes it still is great.

Okay, I feel terrible guys though, because I just was pulling your leg. We didn't tie each other together at the butt, but you know, that wasn't part of the night. Okay. Okay. So basically it sounds like it was, you guys just had a regular old singles night and everybody met and had a good time, but you didn't find love. Yes. Well, no, I, you know, I didn't find love, but that's okay. Cause I actually, I really liked being single. I mean, and if I meet somebody, somebody that's great, but it's, uh, it's yeah, it ended up being a great night and I got everyone together at the end.

What was the, what was the question you called with originally? Well, I just kind of like, how should I pitch it? Like how should I make it happen? You did make it happen. That's a win. I'm ringing the bell that Jay can't hear over zoom, but it's ringing. Yeah. And you know, one other thing that just happened like a

couple weeks ago which i feel like is sort of related i i know when i first called in i said that sometimes when i would approach people to ask them if they wanted to climb would get really weird and a couple weeks ago one of the guys that i asked many months ago who got super weird he came up to me when i was bouldering and he asked if I wanted to come with him in a big group to go bouldering outdoors on the weekends, which I've always wanted to go with that group. And that just happened a couple of weeks ago. And so that's opened up since then. So it's kind of, I've just ended up meeting a lot of more, you know, a lot of other climbers in my gym since I called you guys. You know, it didn't go off exactly as we had discussed on the call, but I feel like you guys gave me the gumption to just never go in with the idea.

And so I would say is definitely a success. Well, good because I rang the bell already. I wouldn't recommend trying to do another one. That would be my pitch. Do one more. Well, we got Kevin, we got one more follow up, correct? Yep. So we got a boogie, but we really appreciate it.

And this is good news. I'm glad it's working out. Congratulations, Ola. Thanks, guys. Bye. Thank you very much. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds.

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo. And our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentals.com.

Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find them on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelpod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.