We're Here to Help - 136: Buttertoes with Catherine Reitman and Arden Myrin

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Jake, Gareth and special guest Cat Reitman talk to a caller who always wears socks during sex. Later, Gareth and special guest Arden Myrin chat with someone dealing with a dirty sponge dilemma at work. Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

And we are back. Jake, Gary, Shark, the boys. So the feud is over. We have- Well, explain what the feud, but a lot of people have been writing in, why aren't Gareth and Jake together? And the truth is we've been in a nasty, nasty-

Well, who do the helpers call when they require help? Who do the helpers call? Oh, that's deep. Who do the helpers call when they require help? Who do the helpers call? That's deep. Who do the helpers call? We've had no one to call. Gareth, you want to explain what the fight was about? Listen, it's obvious for a while the perm has divided the show. That's why Kevin cut his hair so short.

I asked for the Gareth. And then cut it and then kind of supercut. Yeah. Yeah. Once again, not a perm. We once again, a perm. No, again, a perm. But a perm is a perm. Yeah, there's a there's an actual there's something is done to your hair to permit. All right. Get Steve Berg here. I'm out of here. Well, a few things have been going on. Yeah.

You are shooting a movie. I'm deep in production on a movie that has been way more time consuming, even though I knew it would be, but then I even thought we did a lot of prep on it. The three of us knew it was gonna happen. We tried to plan ahead for it, but also the Garf Man is always on tour. Well, I think we also- And we just started missing each other. How much do we want to get, and I miss the hell out of you, buddy. How much do we want

to get into what, I don't know if you want to keep this or not, Kevin, but as the future of where we're going, like how- Maybe we'll just plant the seed now. Be honest. Okay. Well, so essentially what was going on was we, you know, when we started this, we started two a week. Yes. And we thought. During the strike.

Yeah. And we were, I mean, we were cranking. Yeah. Well, originally Garf, when you brought it up to me, the idea at first was once a week, all Zoom, pretty casual. Then we started, we got an audience right away. The New York Times came in and we were having so much goddamn fun. So we leaned in and so we started really trying to bank them. I mean, we were doing probably two to three sessions a week.

And four to five hours. Which is insane to even think of now. And then we started going like, we're really not that far ahead. Like we were like, I think in our heads we were like six months ahead. You're the chef. Yeah. And then and then as we were looking at it, we were like, oh shit. So but you know, we also did Garf and shark is we kept growing and changing. Then we got really into the video component of it.

Then we started going in studio. Then we started having fun with Patreon. And each section was really fun. Guests. Then we started interviewing guests. So many eras. In a year. Yeah. We really had more looks than a calendar in this year. And so- But I will say every stage of it was, at least from my end, very enjoyable. Yeah. And I think when we started to see things work, we were very like, oh, okay, great. I think we can, but I think the main thing was that we were like, twice a week is too much. Yes. With our schedules, also with the fact that Kevin has to pull calls that feel unique to some extent.

I also, content wise, I never wanted to repeat stuff over and over. Yeah. So it's something that I'm hard on, but I like the newness of it. Hard on. It's funny. You did say hard on. Thanks. And that's funny. You did say hard on. Thanks. And that's funny. Um, but so we,

but so there's been a lot of pushing and pushing and then the movie came, my schedule got complicated from the first time since the strike happened. The Garfs man schedule is always complicated, but we'd always make it work. Kevin is in demand. And so all of a sudden our schedules got tricky and we tried to fill the hole with guests. Well we started thinking like we could, we talked about that for a while, like maybe you know a couple years in or something we could start tinkering with guest hosts and one of us coming in. So I think we just kind of leaned into that to just kind of get ahead of it a little bit

in a way where we could do sessions. So we've been doing that. So then we were talking about in the new year, what did we want to do? We were talking about going to once a week. And then we kind of just truly in a healthy way, kind of got to the decision that, you know, we should probably take a beat and let, you know, we've, I mean, we really have put out a shitload of episodes, the amount of time that we're going to have about 150 episodes, about 150 episodes, which is a lot.

So I think where we're at now is that come probably right around, I think it's December 19th. Yeah, is probably going to be the last one For a while to say the least. Um, we don't know and we're gonna see what happens We're gonna see if somebody comes to us and wants to bring it back. We're gonna see what that would look like Yeah, um, but we're going to halt everything december 19th for a little bit, but there's Not any other reason besides, I think we burnt out a little bit. I think we were very focused, all of us, on the quality of

the show. And I think we have definitely found that callers, we've always felt like we're so important to the, I am, I am going to have to yell at my cat right now. Jose, put it on video, put it on video. Steve Berget, Steve Berget, you're steving right now. I yell at my cat right now. Jose put a video put it on video Steve Berget Steve Berget You're stevie right now. I burning my chicken dude. Hey Turn the What the fuck get down is that any way to talk to your kitten? That's a real dark sad insight into what just happened the real Gareth just came out for a sec. Whoa, Jack Daniels Reynolds. We're not counter boys in this house.

We don't get up on the counters. What the fuck? Yes. Now he's apologizing. Yeah, because you've abused him. Save the cat. 227 cats. It's a hotline.

Get cats away from. Look at how sad. Look at his face. He's trying to get away from you. That's so funny with the picture behind you. I know, it's very, it's like, have you ever heard that story? My buddy has that story about going to see Schwarzenegger, and Schwarzenegger was sitting there with the pony that he has a picture of behind his desk. The guy was like, okay. By the way, he's a pony.

Yeah, he's a miniature pony named Whiskey. But so I think also to let the quality of the problems and that stuff really build up so that we feel like- And our pictures. Yeah, everything. And just make sure that I would say we want to do more of them. We just want to like have maybe a reason why we will do more. I also think the other thing, at least from my end, is what I really love about this is that it's an independent thing that we have created.

Our partner, Headgum, which has been great. We've really enjoyed being at and it was really fun recording at their studio. But, you know, we can do whatever we could do ten new ones if we wanted we can release a random one If the three of us all decide hey on a Saturday, do you want to just release some even if we don't have ads in it? It's yeah, and I think is just for fun. It's for it's ours. I think so I think so I think and I think we really like within that appreciate so much the Amount of people who listen to the show love the show I mean, I know that I probably get a different version of it than you too but when I go on the road the amount of people who come up and are like

Have all the inside jokes talk about how much the show helps them and tattoos Tattoos. Yeah, the people crazy really bean tattoos What what I really feel about our show is this was the first big chapter Yeah, and I'm I loved it and I'm excited to see if there's another chapter and at this point We're kind of have to wait and see what happens and what that means. And I think that's okay. I think it could be really exciting. And I think the thing that if you love the show and you listen to the show, all that stuff, you know, just tell people about the show, because I think that we have that great return rate where once people start listening to the show, they consume pretty much the

whole show. So that does us a huge favor. And then for the YouTubers, it all got really mad that we stopped doing Thursdays for the people who have been mad that we're having guests on rather than each other all the time. This is the reason why we were trying to figure it out as we were going. But it's just been tricky. It's been, you know, this is a Sunday, we're trying to record as much as we can together,

but it's been, the strike helped. Yeah, there was, I think, yeah, I mean, without question. We have, you know, we, but that being said, I mean, we still have a lot that we're gonna do together. And so, so yeah, so that is basically the update. You know, all the same ways to reach out to the show, all that stuff remains. So keep doing it. You know, Kevin will monitor those emails and we will hopefully at some point come back with some great problems to make worse. And so

even though this isn't official, we truly thank you guys for being with us. It's been a lot of fun. And then today you're going to get two calls and a follow up. God damn it. Rock and roll. And after December 19th, we will say with further ado, because there will be a bit of a do, but for right now without further ado. Hi. Hello. Hi. But for right now, without Wuffer, there's a ado. A do. A do. A do. A do.

A do. A do. A do. Hi, hello. Hi, welcome to the show. You have Jake, you have me, Gareth, and you have guest helper, the great Kat Reitman. You're joking, oh my gosh.

Hi. Hi. No. Wow. I like the, you're joking. Yeah. What if you were, you're like, I am. I am.

Or if Kat, you just hit stop video and you were out. Kat just went out. That'd be the best thing. I don't like it, I'm out. What is your name, where are you calling from, and what's going on? So my name is Ferry, like a fairy, or Mary, or Carrie Carrie or whatever works.

I'm from Boise, Idaho. So you're in Boise. That's all we have time for. So Sari from Boise. And I'm 27 years old. Okay. What's going on, Sari? So I think this is going to be a pretty straightforward one for you guys.

You've heard of the phrase butter face. You're familiar, I'm assuming. I've just like a chubby face is a butter face. No. Are you serious, Jake, right now? No. Jake, you've never heard butter face? Jake, you are just too pure for words. What's butter face? Gareth, take it away.

Well, I've never said it myself, but I've heard some of these misogynists use it. Right. She's really hot, but her face. Oh, but her face. But they call it butter face. Jesus. Oh my God. So it's like.

She's got a great body. Neck down. Boom. But her face is shot. Butter face. Okay. All right face is sharp. Butter face. Okay. All right. So now.

Okay. So now we're all the way. Sari, who's the butter face? Well, that's not the problem. My face is fine. My toes on the other hand are as buttery as they come. You got butter toes. I got butter toes.

My nails were really bad when I was younger, so I had to have a toenail removal procedure. And now it looks like my two big toenails are cocktail meanies that have been mangled by a chihuahua. Like they're princesses. I'm listening. Jake. Jake. All right, where is the Braum here? That's a dog for you.

Okay. Sari, I'm back. We're going to need to see pictures. Do we have pictures? Oh, I got photos. Send one. Send an email with Sari offline. All right, Jake.

Sari, do not send it. Do not send it to Jake. I'll send you $500 for the bit. I don't think there's a market for them, but you can tell me what you think. As a joke, I'll send you $1,000. Send me the photos. As a joke? Oh, OK.

All right. $2,500 is a joke. Jake accidentally gets arrested. Now, hold on. I can totally send one if you want. Send one. Sari, I'd like for you not to do that. Tell me what the problem is with these feet of yours.

So you got gross feet. So what? I do. I got gross feet. Here's the problem. So as a kid, I was made fun of fun of them like a lot But how long when this went down sorry to interrupt you. So they've been ugly my whole life before before I had them removed They looked akin to the barnacle toenails that are referred to a lot on you girl in that pogo episode, right?

So they were so bad by themselves. We just decided to remove them all together. They were causing pain, not ideal. But I was made fun of for both. So I entered an era this has been a bit of a trauma with these toes. Yes. Yes. And as an adult, I'm mostly fine with it. But we're getting into it. So I entered an era of wearing socks full time. I wear them to bed. I wear them with sandals. I just I wear socks. I'm a sock girl. And as an adult, I am a firm believer that socks stay on during sex. That's my opinion. However, after a season of singleness, I just

started dating this really hot guy down in LA and I'm moving down there in two weeks to be closer to him. Let's go. It's pretty exciting. We've had a handful of times and I'm not trying to brag but it's like the best thing I've ever had and I would like that to keep going. The problem is he always wants to shower together after which I respect. seen your clean king no not yet I've avoided it all together so far and you're moving in with him gonna have to no not in with him but I'll be close by okay hold on hold on I got a jump in from the beginning of this okay she's not gonna send you the pic Jake we're

getting we're getting photos okay okay drop this whole we're not seeing the toe. By the way, also, get it. Drop this hole. We haven't already seen them. Think that while you and I got caught, Jake, drop this whole fake Venmo thing. So, Sarah, hold on. I think and I could be wrong here, but this is the dog talking. You got some stuff from getting teased by asshole kids. Fuck them. Don't make these feet a big thing. I'll tell you what's not going to be a big deal from him.

You're fucking toes. Yeah, I sure hope not. If he was a weird weird foot guy already by the third date, he would have gone and this is a direct quote can I see them toes? I'm going down a path that's not real, but here's what is real You guys are already serious if you make it a big thing and then you do this big dramatic reveal Then he's gonna have to form an opinion on your toes, right? Just fucking take the socks off in the shower I'll tell you what he's gonna be I'll tell you what he's going to be. I'll tell you what he's going to be looking at in the shower.

A lot of things. I'll tell you what he's not going to be looking at. Your fucking toes. Especially if you just banged him. If you guys. If it's great sense. He's not going to be. Let me ask you this, just because I think Jake is totally right. I don't think there are. I really don't think it's just not a it's not a big deal. But he's gonna see them for sure. Sure. But whatever. But don't make a deal of it. Yeah, he's not going to be presentation. This this is the only thing I would say. How are his feet? I have no idea because I have no interest in looking. This is what I interesting I would get in the shower. You've got a foot thing and you're not concerned about it.

I would get in the shower and I would be like, I would, I would maybe try to just get ahead of it and just say that his feet are weird. No, you can't be serious there. That is hitching. You're doing that as a guess. You're doing that as a guess. I'm not. I offer things up as it's a toehold.

So Sarah. Hey, hey, hey. Don't show toehold. Meow Sarah told me, I'm mad. Yes. Have you two have Gareth and and Jake, have you two ever seen a pair of feet that you didn't like in a either newer or older relationship and like said something to your friends about it? Like her feet are kind of gross ever. No, I have said to the person you have weird toes.

By the way, I'm the same. I've had people with weird feet, but it's never traveled outside of us. Just goofing around talking about because it's so it's just so not a fucking problem. But I'll tell you, I'll tell you another thing. On every human body, there's a few big flaws you've got. And once you get into that, you can go like, she'll go like, I'm really insecure about the way my thighs looking shorts. And you're like, that, you can go like, she'll go like, I'm really insecure about the way my thighs look in shorts.

And you're like, I hear you. Everyone has it. Oh, well, everyone's got it. My fucking knees are old lady knees. They sure are, Jake. But toes as far as like, to toe, like you really, it's so small that I'm sure it feels enormous to you. I just get like, I'm not even trying to be rude.

If I dated a woman who didn't have toes, it would not bother me. By the way, same. That doesn't surprise me at all, Gareth. It's actually something I'm, look ahead. I think Gareth and Jake are giving you fantastic advice for once, and they're saying that it's not an issue, which it's not, but just for your own trauma personal psyche

I'm just gonna say the obvious which is Throw a couple pedicures in there and feel your best right? Can you can you add self-care? I don't think there's much There's nothing to put it on I used to wear when I did have Yeah, you know the old nails yeah no I'm fun they truly look like cocktail we need the callous removal you can get a nice soft lovely butterfoot you can sir let me give let me give you hard real advice on this because classic dog you could you could put earrings on these toes and make a shit we're talking about toes if you're doing that for your own confidence, do it.

Here's the thing. I promise you don't do don't let your anxiety get into his head and don't turn this into like this show the voice where you turn around and he has to form an opinion because his opinion is going to be you're right. Those are funky ass toes. So if you go like, I'm really anxious about this. I really like you. I'm afraid you're not likely

What do you think of my toes? He's gonna go like they're weird But if you don't do that moment then one day when you're walking around the house, he'll go like oh Sarah's got some funky ass feet and that'll be it Yeah, it'll go like it. Yeah, we all have funky shit. You just go like, yeah, she'll see. He'll see it. He'll think it. He'll move on unless you're turning it into this big thing. And then he'll turn it into a big thing. Nobody really has that. So few people have like attractive feet. It really does not matter. I, you know, that's my stance. I do. I will say like as an adult, I'm a lot I'm a lot less self-conscious about them now. And I make fun of them all the time with my friends in a very

lighthearted way just because they're they're just off off putting so I'm not so much worried about you gonna see them and I'm not worried about me being like, oh, my poor toes like that's not really who I am. The the fun that I like to have with my friends is we like to make up reasons as to why they look that way. We like to create lives like are these feet? Oh, I sent a pic. I did. I'm sorry. I did. Let's have a look. Cocktail we knew. No, I mean, I'm telling you, you're overreacting. Here's what you got. I am your big toes. You got a fake and cool it.

Your big toes are the most noticeable. The rest you can't tell this. I am the rest have nails. Yes. Yeah. Go get yourself a pedicure. Yeah, by the way, I'm with Kat. Get some color on the other ones.

And also the other thing neutral Neutral, neutral tones. Neutral. Oh great. Kat. Chill out. Jake, Jake. Bright red. Bright red.

Oh. Get a little sexy, why not? Here's the other thing. Flare. Stop making jokes with your friends and pretending they're these fucking crazy toes. It makes me feel better about it in a way because it makes it more exciting. If kids weren't assholes when you were young

You would never even think about these fucking toes and it's just the big toe everything Normal your big toes are a little off. That's it Pretty off, but I like I like your guys's opinion. You know what I wish I had it right now I wish I could hypnotize you your guys is a pity. You know what I wish I had right now? I wish I could hypnotize you and go stop thinking about the toes right now and never thinking about it again, because if you don't, it'll be a non-issue. You don't have to make jokes of them. You don't have to wear socks. The only thing about your toes is your big toes don't have a nail,

but they got the spot where the nail is. Yeah, there's a door. I thought it was going to be like really mangled. Craig Sarah, you could wear flip flops. I'm a little disappointed You're fine if this fucking dude has an issue with your toes, I promise you he's the wrong guy He's not going to he's not going to agree. She's looking for a problem. He's looking for a problem. If he's talking about you know He's looking for a problem. He's looking for a problem if he's talking about him. Then he's a weirdo.

Go get a pedicure. Go take care of those toes. Take your shoes off. Get in the shower. And if he gets distracted, give him the head or something. Truly? He's finding new paths with it. Truly.

Let him notice. Yeah, I like that. You've got good energy, cat. By the third call, you got it. You got it in your head, my man. I turn everyone into me by the third call. You twist us all. The garrothing. I turn everyone into me by the third call. You twist us all. The garrothing.

I really think if you hopped in the shower, I don't think he's going to notice. I think if he does, you just go, oh, yeah, like I had this. Fuck. It's it's easy. That's if he goes, what happened to your toes? Try not to get emotional. Don't get don't get into your childhood trauma. Right. I got a bigger thing. Because then you'll go like, shit, never mention the toes.

Then you'll go like, who never look at the toes the toes the toe No, and that's I want to avoid that I would like for us to like move into a space in our relationship where it's like not a big deal It's going to be a fair way because it's not a big deal It's going to have certainly but like since it is like it's gonna happen regardless It's it's more just like for the fun of it because I do actually get a kick out of it like my well Get there turn turn up with different one. Oh my gosh Like oh, you know, what's wrong with my toes dude that helicopter accident. I told you about it was really bad or like, oh, you know

You know the Kobe You know, I can't even go down the road of pitching how fucked up your toes are because I'm not kidding. Because they're not fucked up enough to warrant three or four joke pitches of what happened to your toes. I would be like, yeah, that's funny, but you have like, they're not that funny. They're just not that silly. If I went like, oh, you don't have a toenail on your big toe and you went like, I fell

out of a helicopter in the Panama Canal. That's the weirdest part. That would be the weirdest part. Why are you so weird about that? Exactly. That's because part of me was like, why don't you build it up in a way? So like you did for us, but it's like, they're just, it's just not that bad. And it's certainly, it's not going to warrant someone being like,

and it's not going to be a big story. What happened? Because also part of removed as a kid, part of falling in love, right? I don't know where you are with this guy. My whole life, my mouth has been something I've been teased about. And when I fell in love with my husband, we've been married a billion years now,

but when we first fell in love, I did that same thing where I would make, I would be the first, my instinct was always be the first one to make fun of my mouth because then I was ahead of him and then he couldn't hurt me. And it's a shitty defense mechanism that we do to protect ourselves. But in fact, when you're with someone

you're really safe with and you love and loves you back, they don't even allow you to go there, right? Because they're like, you got the sexiest fucking feet on the planet. Well, I had the same thing. I used to always get teased with them because of my really big dick and my strong arms. I was. All right. All right, Terry. Thanks. Thanks so much for the call.

So embarrassed. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much. It's so big. My arms are so strong. Imagine building that up like after sex, just being like, get the jokes out now. She's like, it wasn't that big. And she's like, it wasn't that big. And I'm like, thank you for saying that. Wow. You're really good at this.

No, honestly, it wasn't that big. And I go, that means a lot to me. It's actually small. Thank you for saying that. Yeah. No, no, no. She's like, did we help you? You did. You know, I will say, like, I've I've been met with a lot of people, even in adulthood, who are who are a little weird about it. So hearing it for me, that does make me feel better. better like nothing. He's got it on it at this point

It's a nothing 100% it's going to be fine. This is going to be easy. Let us know but there's no way a huge hog in between. All right, thanks so much. We gotta go much. Take care. We'll talk to you later. Sorry about the end. This episode is brought to you by maybe your favorite. Yeah. My favorite tasting sponsor, hero bread. Hero bread is the bread you love without the carbs. Just because it's summer doesn't mean you have to cut out all the carb heavy foods you love. And it's not summer. It's near Thanksgiving. So one of your favorite hero products, mine are just the regular sliced bread. I like the tortillas. I like the Hawaiian rolls. I am an

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Shop now at Dell.com slash deals. Hi. Hi, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. Hi, can we get your name and age roughly and where you're calling from, please? Yeah, my name is Selena. I am 29 and I'm calling from the Tulare County area here in California. I was gonna say none of us know where that is. Well,

you hear the voice of a woman and you're probably like, that's not Jake-ish. We, Jake, not here, but we have in Jake's stead a guest helper. Now, Arden, I will say I have PTSD to when I tried to say your name once on another podcast and I realized you have a sneaky name. A why. There's a why. You have a why, but it's Maureen. That's right. You got it right.

So Arden Maureen is our guest. That's me. You do a lot of great stuff and she's our guest helper. All right. So how did you say your name? Selena? Selena, Selena. Yes. Everyone usually says Selena because of how it's spelled, but I pronounce it Selena.

All right, Selena. So here we go. Why don't you tell us what the hell is going on? Yeah, no problem. And great to have you on Arden. Thank you so much for being the guest here. I'm hoping you can help me. My honor. Thank you, Selena. Okay, let's, let's, okay, guys, we've done a lot of the complimenting.

Let's come on now. Okay. Okay. By the way, not a lot thrown my way. So that's kind of why I'm a little uncomfortable to be quite frank. I'm also a fellow cat person. So don't you worry. That's not a credit. All right, Selena, let's get into it. What's going on? person, so don't you worry. That's not a credit. All right, Selena, get into it. What's going on? So quick rundown. The office I work at provides dish soap and a sponge in our break room. You know, clean your dishes if you want. So Arden, right now you're probably picking up on the energy of the problems of this year. Wow, this is incredible. This is real life. This is our wheelhouse. This is fun for me. I already feel passive aggressive things are happening in this kitchen. I know it.

This is perfect. Oh, for sure. Okay, so I want to keep going. So they provide a sponge and soap. Okay. Yes, and the sponge is gross. Okay, I cannot bring myself to use this on my dishes, let alone even touch it. It has that nasty dirty sponge smell.

Yeah, it's sock smell. I don't know if you guys know. Yeah, it's sock smell. Oh, I know. I really, a pet peeve of mine is when people are using one of, like you need to stay on top of your sponge games. You know, I learned, I realized that this year that I didn't know that. And I had a friend look at my sponge

and she was like, what the fuck is that? And I was like, oh, there's probably a lot of bacteria. And now I have her, I got shamed, but it was a gift. I have a really quick sponge rotation. Yeah. You just, once it's, listen, once it stinks, get it away from sinks. Yeah. I love that. That's your campaign. That's your campaign. That's the bumper sticker. Once it stinks. Yeah. By the way, that might be, that might be the sign you're putting up there passive aggressively, but we'll get into that, Selena. I love a passive aggressive solution.

So typically with that, I just rinse my dishes real quick with hot water soap, call it good till I get home, wash them fully. Not a big deal, I know, but here's where the real dilemma comes into play for me. Me being a germaphobe I am, really want to bring my own sponge and or like a scrubber, but I don't want to keep it out for everyone to use. So how do I do that without being weird? Or do I just need to embrace the weirdness at that point, busting out my own scrubber for my purpose?

Oh my Lord. I mean, Arden, do you have a hot take? Because I know exactly where I went. My gut feeling was, fucking be weird. And I would be like, this woman knows how to be an adult. I might think of like a college shower caddy, like soap holder that you could put the sponge in. But or like, yeah, there's you can get a fun little container store thing

and maybe you have it as art, like we have the like the tall one you put It on your desk like that to me. It could be artwork and clean. Oh my god You know and I've even considered because I have like a whole camping kit for washing dishes I was like is that too much to take the whole like pop-up? Think thing and everything I'm like, okay, that might be too much people will talk shit about you but I think there will also be people that admire you. I think, first of all, let me just give you some personal context.

I travel with a portable kitchen on the road in my van. I have a big, I just cleaned it out today. I have a big thing of Tupperware, like a big Tupperware thing, has a hot plate, has a pan, has a spatula, has spices, has avocado oil, has soap, has all these things, a steamer, like a little like, um, steamer for, so I'm psychotic. And I get judged a lot. Like I go into hotels and I look like a real poor man diva. Like I roll in and people are that's a lot of stuff and then they see like

a hot plate and they're like what's going on up it's it's like I breaking bad every room but so so first of all part of me is just like to what you are both saying like shirk the judgment who gives a shit but you also could maybe find a middle ground where I would bring in your own scrubber thing, but I would maybe also throw in a decoy scrubber thing. So bring in two scrubber things. One is communal and you leave it out there and then you have your own one that you have in like a plastic bag that you're keeping at your desk and you're bringing in there. It makes it so that if someone sees you using it in there, they're not going to think you're

bringing your own one, but also who gives a shit. That's smart. You know what? I think that's really smart because you can blend in in plain sight. You know what I mean? Yes. You're hiding in plain sight because nobody wants to hear, you know, there was a period of time that I didn't eat sugar.

And then if you're, people would be like, what? You know, like if you're at a group dinner, they're like, you're not going to have it. It's like, it was mostly because it made me physically feel bad. Like, but like the amount of like questions, you don't want to deal with the questions all the time. I like the decai. I also travel to hotels with bowls, a cutting board. I have a cutting board, bowls.

I bring spoons and knives. I bring a cutting board. I have a cutting board, bowls, I bring spoons and knives. I have spoons and knives. I bring measuring spoons, I bring oatmeal. I have a food scale. I bring, I have a food scale, I bring travel, peanut butter, I bring, I bring like the apocalypse, like okay, we're in the apocalypse, how can I survive in this day's end for seven days? Are you packing that in your, in your luggage? Carry on. Carry on. Carry on. Crazy.

You're bringing a knife in your carry on? What kind of knife is this? So the knife is problematic. Yeah, it sure is. If I'm there for longer, I'll check it back and I'll bring a knife. If not, I'll go to the Whole Foods. I'll go to Whole Foods. And you'll buy a knife there.

You get a road knife. I get a road knife. Yup. Nothing wrong with a road knife. Or I'll intentionally be like, okay, I'm not going to get an apple. I'm going to get like cut up pineapple, banana berries, and I'll steal one of the plastic knives from the like salad bar. And that's my travel knife. I'll be honest. I'm taking a lot of silverware on the road as well. Anyway, Selena, this isn't about how Arden and I are deeply, deeply troubled.

This is about your potential decoy sponge. So that is what I would do. The other option you have, and I do think this is a very viable option, is to just stick with the rinse and bring a good bag for you to put the stuff in and wash it at home. But Arden is shaking it. I like decoy.

All right. Decoy scrubber. Decoy scrubber. And then you need to have a purse. You need to go to like home goods and get your office purse. Act like you always have your period and you need to just bring shit into the bathroom. You know what I mean? That you're just stopping by and that people are like know, like that people, it's like, you know, you've got your tote that might or may or may not be waterproof that you're bringing around

the office. I think travel decoy scrubber. I think decoy scrubber. I'm not sure if I fully cosign, but I'm open to a waterproof purse. It just feels like then people might start going, what the hell's going on over here? Well, how's she going to travel with the scrubber from the desk to the kitchen? You want to know what I... Alright you ready for this?

Yeah. I think you could stash the bag with the decoy scrubber in the kitchen somewhere where no one goes. Oh. Interesting. But either way look Selena we've given you some options. Yeah. Again, I think we're basically all signing off on the idea of the decoy scrubber.

How you carry it, also again, I would say this, I do not think we live in a time anymore where if someone tries to shame you for not using a sick sock sponge, that that is effective. I feel like we have moved past that. Like Arden just said, she just came into the 21st century about a year ago. I think it's now okay to say that you are washing your dishes with something that makes them grosser, and that's where you're at. But- Yeah, decoy.

I think the decoy. You look like you've written a manifesto, Gareth, right now. Like you're a cat daddy who has some weird cat manifesto. Like the cats are going to take over. And I can't afford postage. I'm like, I will send it into the government once I can afford a first class stamp. Yes. Yeah, you look like a manifesto writer. I like that. Well, Arden, I was going to call it the fact that you put your vest on and then you have it now at your shoulders and you don't know what to do with it. But this isn't the- Hey, listen, we're not going to over-visualize the podcast.

I feel like I- Now I started to be camouflaged into my background and I wanted to look cute for your YouTube, you know? And then what if they can't see me? They can't see me. Don't worry. They will figure it out. My skin, my background, my vest, and my hair. You are.

They just see like cap sleeves. You're not. You're very visible still. You are coordinated, which is your thing. I'm back. I'm back. Yarded. I'm monochrome.

Wow. All right, Selena, what do you think you're going to do? You know, I am really liking the decoy scrubber sponge. I never even thought of that. And even what you're saying, Art, about like an extra bag, I don't think that would be hard because I'm already kind of known as the person who brings like their whole home with them. And I hope you guys have seen those funny memes where it's like women leaving

the house to work and there's like three bags, my work bag, my purse, my lunch bag. So that's me. So that might not be too hard to do to add other bags in the mix. A fun waterproof tote. You've set yourself up for being able to be a little Thomas Crownie in the event of this. So is that what you're going to do, Selena? You're going to go with a decoy sponge, potentially waterproof bag and let the haters hate but hope they don't notice Yeah, yes, and if it doesn't work, I mean if something happens I can always go with the sign like you said, yep

You said actually Stinks it's not ready for say something. Yeah. Yeah get it out of the sense. Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Get it out of the sinks. Something. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I'll make a little sign like that.

Yeah. But let's start with that decoy sponge. I think that's going to be good for you. So Lenny, keep us posted. Let us know. Yeah. And by the way, I think there's a chance you're going to find out that there's a little more mutiny when it comes to the communal sink than you think.

I bet some people are going to have your back. I bet some other people don't want to stink in the sink. You know what I mean? They don't. We know it's... The times I've had to explain to people, ring that sponge out. You let a sponge just sit. I didn't know. It's just crazy, Arden. Now I know. I know now. You're traveling with a cutting board and you don't know about the sponge. It's just... What a dichotomy. I always raise my wolves, but I'm figuring it out. I'm like, I'm becoming an adult. You are.

And by the way, we're happy for you. I'm not going to make fun of you. Selena, thank you for the call. Good luck out there. Go get it. Selena, good luck, good luck. Thanks guys, you have a great day. You too, Selena.

Likewise. Bye bye. Bye. Hello, how we doing? How we doing? We're doing good. How are we doing over there? We're doing great over here. Damn right we are. Listen, we over here know that you're a follow-up, but we don't know to what and we don't know

how much we solved it. I will say you just have Gareth on the shark on this one. So if you notice that Jake's quiet, it's because he's not here. Hi! What is your name, please? I'm Jake. I'm Jake. I'm Jake.

I'm Jake. I'm Jake. I'm Jake. I'm Jake. I'm Jake much we solved it. I will say you just have Gareth on the shark on this one. So if you notice that Jake's quiet, it's because he's not here. Hi. What is your name, please? My name is Sari, like a fairy, aka Buttertoe. I had called because I was nervous to show my new boyfriend my new toe. Oh yeah, your feet. And we just basically, I mean, remind remind me but I'm pretty sure we just told you to have right man. Oh, yeah Yeah, so it turned my original pitch was something along the lines of like asking for help

Create fabricating a story is why my toes are so weird and I kind of wanted to hide behind saw your toes And you saw Remind you to But you you guys turned it you took the whole tone and you shifted it into like hey instead of hiding behind Humor to you know, hide your insecurities. What if we turn this into a self-love story and you guys basically just told me like, hey, your toes are fine, you should accept them. If your boyfriend doesn't accept your toes, what a weirdo. Dump him. And also, I mean, I think the male perspective on this is there's no, I mean, unless you're talking about like a fetish community, there's no guy who's just

going to go like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, no. Okay, so well, how did it play out? And what happened? So I've been in LA for a week now and finally here. Oh, right. Because you're like moving in with this dude, basically. You will moving nearby. Right. Because you're like moving in with this dude, basically. Well, moving nearby. Right, right.

And we've obviously spent a lot of time together. And we had, ironically, it was just all the pieces kind of fell together because we were having a conversation, you know, like, what do we like? What do we not like? You know, that type of thing. And he casually dropped in there like, you know, like I'm not really into feet, like I always thought that was kind of weird, like, so that just happened to fall in my lap, which made me think of the words of the kindness that you guys shared with me. And I do recall Jake in fact saying I have perfectly good toes and I'm gonna take that and live with that for the rest of my life

and let that guide me in the world. We had awesome sex, and I didn't wear socks the whole time. So I'm pretty proud of myself. What did anything get said ever? Yeah, nothing. Exactly. You guys predicted. You said you were like, he's not going to say anything.

And I just had to take a leap of faith and trust you guys because you were right. Well, it's a good it's a good lesson for really anybody who has a hang up about a physical thing for the most part, which is that nobody notices this thing more than you. That's not to say it's not noticeable or whatever. But there is you really should not feel, just know, people when they look at your face or your body, they're looking at it in a way that you just

don't. We all have a physical hangup where we go, this is what my problem is or whatever. Nobody gives a shit. So I'm very glad to hear that. It sounds like our solve was really just believe in yourself and don't give a shit. But I will say it sounds like we should take credit for this one. I think so. I would ask, are we ringing the bell on this one? Let me say, I feel like I called for help hiding my dogs and you guys helped me let my dogs out. So I would ring the bell.

I think this is a- Let them run in the yard. Karis ringing the bell right now. You can't hear it because- Zoom has a noise cancellation. Yeah, we're trying to figure out how we can bust a bell through Zoom but unfortunately we haven't gotten that yet. I can teach you if you want.

We don't have time for that right now. That's fine. But we appreciate the hell out of it. Good for you. Enjoy your time and enjoy no longer having a toe hangup. I really appreciate it. This is life-changing stuff here. You know what? I would maybe go one harder and tell him you don't like his feet.

Just to feel this new top. Why not? Let's just start throwing darts at someone else's take it over the edge a little yeah the flexion is always good it's never a problem shark you got something for the video of this episode is it okay that we show the picture or do you want us to like are you not comfortable with it I didn't even contemplate. It's a good question. Yeah, I just wanted to ask you before we post it. I think maybe if I really believe what you guys have taught me, which is to love myself, I should probably say you can show, right?

Like that's where we're going with this. This is what I would say. I would say one of two things. Either if you're going to say yes, understand that the internet, internets and like the same way that I got called fat Aaron Paul or all these other things, there's just good if you're going to go dip in the comments, which I recommend you don't, you'll probably hear some people who probably would maybe make you feel like shitty. But I also would say again, I mean, that's just there,

you're probably going to see support and stuff like that. But I would say if you do it, just fully ignore it and never dip in and read anything about it because you now have confidence, which is most important. But also feel free to say no. I, my whole thing is like, I'm not having sex with anybody in those comments. I don't give a fuck but That's a great mo. So there you go. It's a great em toe Alright, so we are gonna show it if that's cool with you. That's fine. That works for me. You're all seri. Thank you. Thank you We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeon.

Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at oliverraleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com.

Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash heretohelppod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfullpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.