We're Here to Help - 140: Hot Takes Tuesday Fest

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

Jake and Gareth chat with a caller who needs help winning a coloring competition. Later, they talk to someone whose mom shares a little too much info about her personal life. Finally, the guys follow up with the second caller from episode 75 "You Are the Danger." Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lights are going up, snow is falling down, there's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing, McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing McRib is here At participating McDonald's for a limited time Last week of the show. The last week. So this would be our this is our final Monday for a while.

Wow. And this will be episode in total, probably a hundred and one forty. Well, we're at one thirty five as of today. So your math is right. Yeah. I think that you were felt like you were going to poke a hole. I was I was I thought I was my math got real weird. I was going to go for it. One thirty five that we're going to be at one eighty by five. We've talked about this before, but it is wild recording for five hours and being like, all right, and we're gonna be at 180 by five. We've talked about this before,

but it is wild recording for five hours and being like, all right, and we're good till Thursday. I know. We really, there were days where, I mean, it felt like we had really put a dent in future recording. And it would be like, all right, we're good for two weeks. But I wonder why that is.

Well, partly, especially when our show's really cooking, we do edit the calls. So it's not, we don't have one of those podcasts where we just kind of talk. We, you know, you know, I really like it produced. So I like when it's pretty lean and mean and tight. Um, but what ends up happening is it just takes way more time. Well, I also think that what would happen was we, you know, we had a good bench. But as we started to feel like people were listening,

we just really, we would do a call, and we'd be like, well, let's do that for Monday. Like, we would just, our good calls, we would just put right in because we were so excited about it. You know what also made it a little tricky was the Patreon out at all. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And we wanted to do special stuff for there. And we were like, this is becoming a full-time job. Yeah. No, I think that before we decided we were going to take a break, we were going to go to once a week, which probably would have been. I think, I think if we come back and I know we've

kind of talked about it, but I think it's once a week, yeah, zoom, fuck video. And I know for the video people, sorry, but then we could do the video on Patreon. And that's just go in there and then but it's an audio based show and see what happens. I think so too. I think that it's like, it's just like anything where a lot of it was birthed out of excitement and then it kind of just got, I think that would just be the way to keep ahead of stuff and keep feeling like we have good shit.

And then because we still have a lot of people writing us on Patreon all the time asking for, why can't, why aren't we accepting their money? And the reason we're not is we stopped taking money because we're not putting enough content there. I'm accepting the money. I can't be more. I am.

Oh, my Venmo is very public. I'm accepting the money. So we appreciate you all. Thank you for listening. And we thank you truly. Oh my God, hello. Hello. Hi.

Can we get your name please? My name is Cindy. We're going to go with that. Cindy. Okay. And where are we calling from, Cindy? I am calling from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. All right.

And what do you like to do up in Calgary, Cindy? Oh, shit. Listen to your podcast, I guess. Okay, and what do you do for work, Cindy? I work for an airline. Airline, do you get on the planes? No, I'm on the ground. I'm in the airport person. That's pretty great. And what's your favorite band of all time? Oh shit, Metallica. Hell yeah. Cool. Favorite album, favorite album Cindy?

Yeah, favorite album. Fuck, Monster Puppets, I'm just throwing one out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Cindy, let's pretend you're in a jail cell, you're on death row, you actually didn't commit the crime but you are going to get electrocuted for it, it's a jail cell, you're on death row. You actually, you didn't commit the crime, but you are gonna get electrocuted for it, and it's a terrible tragedy. You are given one last meal.

It could be whatever you want. It could be mix-mash. What's that? What's gonna be on your final plate, Cindy? Oh shit, you know what? My friend asked me this, and she took the piss out of me so much. She was like, seriously, that's going to be your last food.

I was like, yo, I'm thinking off the cuff here. Um, you gotta have pizza. I would have pizza. I would have, um, a Punjabi dish called sholepriture cause it's just full of grease kind of bread. Love it. That's all bread things. Pastries. You just have a plate of carbs.

Absolutely. Yeah. All right. Well, Cindy, I think we got a pretty good sense of this. I know we all love you. We're all fired up about this. Your catchphrase already is, oh shit. I was just going to say I love any answer that always started.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Yes, it is my go-to. I do say it a lot. You just said it in response to being called out on it. So Cindy Calgary Metallica loves carbs, works with planes. What can we do for you? Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Okay. So a couple of weeks ago, my friend just out of the blue She's like let's do a Halloween coloring competition and I was like, oh shit. I'm on vacation. I can't play so I was watching from afar So she said printed Coloring competition. Yeah, I miss yeah coloring just coloring in yeah sure, so she printed different Halloween themed pictures and everyone got to pick whatever picture they wanted. Color it, hang it up. And then there was a vote.

So sorry. One more time. You're a. Oh, I'm 42. OK. Oh, shit. OK. 42 coloring. Keep going. One guy. We're're gonna call him Ronaldo, he cheated because he added treats to the bottom of his picture and he was like, if you vote for me, I'll give you candy. And he lured people into the office and said, this one's mine, write my name down, vote for me.

He, everyone says he cheated. But I did send the shark some pictures. We're looking at these pictures of people in their 40s and what they're doing. We see the candies sprinkled on the bottom too. It's a, I will say Ronaldo did a solid job coloring in. He didn't half ass it. It's a good drawing, but he did take two little strawberry candies. Again, Jake, you're buying into the premise that people in their 40s coloring is, should be complicated or difficult.

Yep. Promise of the show. Promise of the show. Exactly. For sure. His coloring wasn't the best, but he was creative because he actually added a couple of ghouls and ghosts. And the fact that he lured people to vote for him is the cheating bit.

A quick question for you, Cindy. Was there any sort of rules that said you can't tape candy on it? Not to be. No, there wasn't. No, there wasn't. It's kind of crazy to call it cheating. Okay. If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. If you don't spit on the baseball, you don't get as big of a curve.

You know what I mean? Yeah. But Jake, I don't know if you should be doing a kind of like athletic growl during this Halloween coloring a picture competition it's just okay but now Christmas is coming so we're doing the goose is getting fat oh Jake stop uh okay please put a penny in that old man's hat if you ever got a penny, a hey penny will do And if you ever got a hey penny, then God bless you We're gonna see you later They are in their forties coloring

Okay, city, so what do we expect for Christmas? More coloring? Yes, we're doing coloring So we're getting off the whole, Gareth, we gotta buy in We can't just get on for coloring I'm trying real hard I know you are I'm trying so hard. I know you are. I'm trying so hard. No, but I need to win. I need to win.

So what can I do to win? We got it. So Cindy, the premise of this one is you guys do a coloring competition, fucking Ronaldo taped candies to it, and he won. Now you're doing it again for Christmas. And the truth is, Ronaldo was not the best drawer. Now here's my question to you, Cindy. How's your drawing?

Yeah. How good are you? Not good. No, I'm shit at drawing, but I'm good at coloring. Because we've got a color. Oh, okay. Okay. So this is just coloring.

That's right. So you're good enough at coloring. Do you think you, because this has reminded me of the golf call where the guy said like, you know, I got to win this fucking time. Oh, yeah. How good are you? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great. And I'm not going to practice. We were like, you got to color outside the lines to win. So you're a good enough color, color artist to win. Yeah. She set a few rules this time. You can't tell anyone which one is yours for voting. And all she said was be creative.

Okay, so that's one rule. I also okay. Okay, so that matters, Gareth, because we find the rules. Without question, that sounds like there's no rules. I already have a pitch. I don't know if I mean, is there anything else we need to know about the upcoming Christmas coloring competition Cindy? No, she's only got three rules have fun be creative and don't tell anyone which one is yours when it comes to voting But taping candy is fine taping candy is fine. You know what else is fine. Yeah, you know when you go Like you're walking down the street

You see a flyer and it's like guitar lessons and it's got those little tags and you rip one off to call the number? Oh yeah, yeah. So what we're going to do is at the bottom of yours, we're going to make that and you're going to be able to write above that, send a dollar request to this Venmo for an extra Happy Christmas. And you're going to create a Venmo where whenever someone sends a request to it, you're going to send them a dollar.

So basically you're paying a dollar for it. By the way, not bad. You can even do it cheaper. You could do a quarter. You could. Yeah, sure. You could do a quarter. Why wouldn't I?

You could also do $50,000. Well, I'm just saying, a quarter? A quarter. I mean, you are the shitty house for Halloween. It's a Tootsie Roll, kids. It's 1941. But how much money is Cindy going to pay? And that's a quarter, a quarter. I mean, you are the shitty house for Halloween. He's a Tootsie Roll kid. But how much money is Cindy gonna pay? She's, she's worth $17.

Yeah, man, we don't make that much money. Well, Jesus Christ, I mean, what do you want me to do? It's a coloring competition. You're all in your 40s. What are we doing? You have money? You think $17? You think Ronaldo got all that candy for free that cost money. You're not wrong

No, he probably did because there's a fucking candy jar in our office. He probably took two out of there Well, you know what Rob Ronaldo and use that money towards the Venmo So here's what I'm thinking Cindy and this is not cheating but it is it is fudging the system the way Ronaldo did. I like the idea of paying people. You got to keep it cheap because there's a way that could get on top of you. Yes. What you could do though, is you could take the image you are meant to draw, take it to a copy center and make it like 25 times bigger than everybody else is drawing.

Don't tell anybody. So yours is fucking massive. times bigger than everybody else is drawing. Don't tell anybody. So yours is fucking massive. Then you color it in because they never said it has to be this size. Tell nobody. So the day of you have it like rolled up perfectly. When you get there, you go, which one's best these 11 little eight by 10 shitty ones or this fucking mural that I did. I like that.

How about this? I like that. Right. What if you blow it up and then you paint it? And so you really like paint. And what if we also did this? Whatever you come up with at the end of it, yours, you tape Christmas lights around it.

Yeah. And you plug that in. So you're Christmas has a Christmas frame. You know what you could do no matter what? Even if it's not around it, you could even do the lights through the drawing. Yeah, that's great. That's great. So like you could-

Piercing through like if it was a house, you kind of have lights on the house. Yeah. Look, it's a big art project, but you could take it over the top. And you know you could also do, and I don't know how to do this, but turn it, parts of it into a scratch and sniff. That's impossible. I mean, that is impossible. Jake, you are asking her to crack the scratch and sniff technology,

which we have been trying to figure out for my entire lifetime. We don't know how it works. But you could also just buy, go on eBay, buy an old scratch and sniff and just put it on your drawing. By the way, remember when this started with $17 was too pricey of a budget? We are now going on eBay to buy scratch and sniff. So what do you think, Cindy, about a big, to blow up the size of it, make it huge, throw lights in it, throw fucking sparkles on it, you know, so that it all of a sudden it really pops.

Yeah. You can also make it three dimensional places. You could put like different levels of tape on the outside so like it comes out at you. Yep. Make it pop. Yeah, but not much but give it a little shape. I like that. Spray it with perfume.

Yeah. Spray it with perfume. Spray it with perfume. You're really going for the scratch in their face. Jake is, Jake is assaulting every sense, which is good, but I like that he backed away from scratch and sniffed it. Well, you're right. We'll never figure out the technology. It's insane. It's insane for us to be like, this corner is coconut. Oh, but you know what you could do is you could have like press a button. When you press a button, you get like sprayed in the face with something.

I mean, you are, are you going to come on board as a producer of this art piece? Yeah Yeah, you're right Let's not do that, but we can do a really big one with the lights and just fucking find a weird smell and Spray it all over that so people when they're looking at some they go like that's a really good gingerbread house That's a tree. Holy shit Cindy smells like, you know a pine tree It has a good smell You know what?

And it has Christmas music coming out of it You know what else you could do and this might be a hat on a hat, but you could also at the bottom be like Look, I know I stepped it up for this this year But that's just because Christmas is so important and the truth is no matter who wins I'm just lucky to have people like you in my life. This is an amazing turn. Like a little emotional end. This is a really manipulative way of winning.

Yes. Oh it's pure eye you don't mean it. Well okay you guys hit the nail on the head because I'm retiring this is my last Christmas working with them so oh my god um yes you know what really built them into voting and it's a great way to say this is Cindy's here's my idea yeah and it's without saying it without saying it hey you guys mean a lot to me this is my last spin do you do a does the uh the chief of this do they pick the drawing or can you pick your own drawing? No because she's inside of it she picks all the drawings and nobody knows what's coming because what i was gonna say if there's a way to get like you know what you could do

whatever here's what i would do this is manipulative. You get whatever house they give you, it's whatever gingerbread house or Santa, whatever. Then on top of it, somewhere in there, you get a work photo of all the employees and you go to a Kinko's and you get that matted in and you draw everybody in it. Or how about this? If it's like a house or something like that,

you take a picture of these people and you kind of cut them in the windows and you put them all around and you sort of say like, I'll miss you above the house. I'll miss you all. Oh, yeah. Okay. If someone doesn't vote for you, they're Scrooge. Yes, I think I think in court get, get images of all these people and

cut it around whatever it is. Even if it's Santa, you make them elves. Make them tiny. Yes, totally. And then everybody gets to see themselves and they're like, oh my God, that's so funny. I'm so little. Yes.

Yeah. Well, if I'm blowing it up, then the pictures can be a little bit bigger. Yes. Cindy, if you do all this with a, everybody knows you're leaving, right? Yeah, everyone knows. Yeah. So that you go, I'll miss you all. I love you. Merry Christmas. If they don't vote for you, what kind of pieces of shit are, and then after you win, you go like this, Hey, Ronaldo, good trick with the candy. Hey, Ronaldo. Yeah. Hey, take those little strawberries and shove them up your ass.

Mine only cost $150. Or just walk up to Ronaldo and go, hey, Chuckers. Yeah. I'm chest, baby. I'm glad you had the ending because I was like, not sure what that is. I think that's the right way to do it. And I think that I think it's a win. I think it's a win.

If you lose there, you work with the coldest people on planet earth. Yeah. What do you think, Cindy? Do we get to know shit? Oh, yeah. Oh shit. I'm going to do as much of that as I can. You begged for it. It doesn't count. I felt good. Just accept it. Jesus. Not everything is on your terms. We got to know shit. We're out on a good note. We just have to edit out you asking for it. No we don't. That would be so funny. I listen to it and I'm like, that's crazy.

All of a sudden she just goes, oh shit. Oh shit. Gareth ending his stand up shows with, can I get a thank you? Can I get a standing ovation? Hey, could everybody just stand up for a second? Everyone clap a lot. Clap more. All right, Cindy.

Well, I do us a favor and send us what your final product is. Yes, that makes absolutely. We can take a look at it. But I think this is a way to step it up. Oh, shit. You're going. Yeah. See, I knew I called the right people. Thank you so much. Like, I have so many ideas now. Like, it's amazing. Thank you. Thanks. Good luck to win. Yeah. See, that was also cheap. I knew I called the right people. Thank you so much.

Like, I have so many ideas now. Like, it's amazing. Thank you. Cindy, good luck to you. Thank you for the call. Happy holidays. You too. Have a good one.

Bye. And we are brought to you by DoorDash. Listen, every holiday season starts with the best intentions. You're going to bake that homemade pie. Kevin, I did make a pie last Christmas and it was delicious. You're gonna get all your holiday shopping done early, but life gets in the way. So don't feel bad. It happens with everyone.

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It's not the shirt. I have the other. Hi. Hi. Welcome to we're here to help. Thank you so much. Sorry. Of course. Can we get your name, please? Yeah.

My name is Carly. Carly. Carly, where are you carling from? Jake. I'm Carly from New Jersey. New Jersey. And Carly, let me ask you this. You're in the jungle.

Good question. And you're in the jungle. Yeah. And you're in the jungle. Yeah. And you're in the jungle. Yeah. And you're in the jungle.

Yeah. And you're in the jungle. you this. You're in the jungle. Hmm. Good question. And you see an animal. Silverback. Silverback. Stop. And you see an animal. Silverback. Stop it, Jake. You see an animal.

Silverback. Jake. You see an animal and it fills you with, Jake, it fills you with fear, but you're also a little excited by that fear. Good question. What animal in the jungle is this for you? Silverback. Jake, turn your light on. Turn your light back on, weirdo.

I think for me, it would be like a little tiny tree frog. So great. Why? So that's what you're seeing. They can kill you. That's right. They can kill you. That's right. So cute. Carly, you know, there's some great answer who just take the bait and just go silverback eight times.

But I like your little silverback nine. So, Carly, what's going on, Carly? Well, hold on. We got more questions, Gareth. Do we? I think she answered the weird. Carly, what do you do for work? Busted. I I work in suicide prevention. Thank you. Yeah, that, by the way, I tried to get us away from this comedy poison. OK, I wanted to go up and touch the tree frog.

Foolish man. Okay, Carly. Thank you for doing what you do, Carly. And tell us what we can help you with today. The idea that you're calling us for help is shocking with what your job is. Listen, I didn't know where else to go. This is such a weird, weird situation I'm in. Well, hopefully you came to the right place.

I hope so. But well, long story short, my mother, who I love very dearly is in her hot girl era, one might say. And she really likes to tell me about all the guys that she's dating. And she's even brought some home. He doesn't know these men very well. and she's even brought some home. And she doesn't know these men very well. Just because it's appropriate, how old are you? I'm 21. 21, you're still living at home with mom. So I don't live with my mother, but I'm over there a lot. And she's-

How old's mom? My mom is 56. Young. And my sister lives with her. Okay. Okay. And when did mom and dad end their little dance? Oh, this is a complicated story.

So, they got divorced in 2008, but my mom was remarried to my stepdad. He's been out of the picture for like three years at this point. Okay. So she kind of went marriage, marriage, now she's kind of celebrating being single for the first time in a long time. But what sparked it for mom to enter hot girl era? You know, I don't think that she's ever really been without a man, to be completely honest. And she's what she doing? She's date napping? Is that what she's doing? Date napping. Date apps? She on those? Oh, date apping. Oh, yes. By the way, I thought you said date napping too. I just didn't want to comment on it. That's how me and Leah go on dates. We'll go out. I'll have a huge margarita and burrito and be like, time for a little date

nap. Well, Kevin, we saw what you did when you went out on the town and you ate a big bowl of pasta for five alone. By the way, we hosted Thanksgiving and did another little 7 PM, like, I'm going to lay down for a couple minutes, woke up at 4.30 in the morning, everyone was gone. Kevin, Kevin is honestly 70 years old. He really is. He's in the cigars, pens and crashing at seven hammered. So Carly Carly back to you.

So your mom dates a lot, but she's always dated a lot. So this is not a new phase. She's just kind of a good looking lady. Well, it's new in the sense that she hasn't been single and playing the field. So she's really playing the field. She's been single for three years. Yes. Yeah. Has she been playing the field for the last three years? So yes, but it has gotten a little worse the last couple months. Okay, walk us through what has gotten worse, walk us through where we're at, and then finish off with what we can do for you.

So she has probably in the last two months gone on six to ten different dates with six to ten different men and has brought some of them back to the place where my mom and my sister live without knowing them very well. It's making everybody a little uncomfortable. I guess my question is how can we get her to stop doing that and also get her to stop telling me all of these details about these men she's seeing. She's bringing them back meaning we're going to the bedroom and... Yeah, scared.

Sometimes. Sex. Say it. Carly, say it. Sex. Yes, yes, sometimes. Yes, sometimes they're coming back for sex. And are they going to the bedroom?

Yeah. Well, actually, she did make out with a guy on the couch once while my sister was like locked in her room and she could like hear them and it was weird. It is for you. How old is your sister? She's 19. This is awesome. Hold on.

I'm not understanding. She can't move out. Of course she can. No, she can't. That is crazy. She can't move out. Of course she can No, she can't But here's my here's my my question on this one Carly and maybe I'm maybe I'm crazy We're talking about a 56 year old woman who's having a good time Yeah, you know good for her. She's already raised her kids 19 and 21 if you said like my sister's six I'd be like mom take it easy. She's a 19 year old woman

But well, I don't what am I missing here? Well, I mean, okay Jake imagine if you let's say You are staying with your mom. I am stop and You were living there. I would say no clean up your tattoos. Stop Pam and I are happy, you know you find a thing and then you've got your new hook. It's tattoo time. Until we take the break. Why don't you take that dog for a walk? Me and your mom are going to have some fun.

Jesus Christ. But imagine, imagine like, like I, okay. When I was in high school, my mother was single. Oh, well she she just cleaning up? Shut up. Shut up. Sorry. I'm trying to relate to the call. Shut up.

My mother. Stop. I know that when it was, I can't even do it. I know that when there would be a she'd go on a date even it would make me feel fucking weird so I can't tell if I knew she was making out on the couch I would want some sort of solve so I guess this is less your problem Carly and a little more your sister's problem but the question is how do we dissuade mom from dating? Well from bringing it home But it's her home. I know but we don't we don't want mom in a parking lot of a Burger King Well, we might rather that honestly not for mom safety

No, not for say but it is but by the way speaking of sad, I mean she's really playing the field So Carly the main issue here is Mom is bringing home too many guys. Is it a safety concern? Is it a grossing out the sister concern? Do you not want your mom? Haven't making whoopee. Yeah, she doesn't want her mom banging. I'll tell you sister. I'll tell you what, my dad before he passed, if he was having a little bit of fun, you know what I would say? Great. If my mom said, hey, the plumber came by and he laid some pipe, you know what I'd say to

Eve? I hope you guys had a wonderful time. No, you wouldn't. Sure I would. Stop it. It's not at all true. I want my mom to have a good time. That's not the problem, you know.

Good for her. She's got the power. But I don't want to have to hear about it afterwards, given all the details. I got you. TMI. So it's essentially she's telling too much. Yes. Yes. Yes. So how do we keep mom from talking about her hot girl summer?

How do we limit that? Do you ever tell her stories? I was just going to say. No. Well, I think we got to eye for an eye it. I think we got, I mean, there's one way to slow it down. Carly, do you have a boyfriend? I do.

I want you to have sex with him on the couch. Slow down, Jake. I think you can start communicating. Fire with fire. Even fake stories. But then also if your mom goes like, hey, hey, what are you guys doing? You go like, I thought you were running this like a goddamn

swinger's party. Yeah. That's an option. Does 19-year-old have a boyfriend? He does. Yeah. So what I think that you and 19 year old have to do is you've got to outdo your mom so that your mom goes, what is happening in this house? And you go, maybe we should create some boundaries. I think that is really the best play.

And then she goes, I don't want to hear you and your boyfriend doing what you do and you go same mom And we go we're all active ladies who like to have a good time, but can we do it with a little bit of a? We got to have we got a see. Yeah, we need to be a little less open about what we're all doing here I think that I have another pitch. What is it? The other pitch is the next time she goes on a date and brings a guy home, you mention to the guy how that guy's just going to be another story in the long line of stories, and you call her out and make her never want to tell you another thing about a guy. Or when she brings home a guy play really unsexy music really loud. So we've done this before. And the whole house is bluetooth. We could so do that. Yes. So that you make the least sexy music imaginable.

And you just say your mom has to finally go like stop with this and then you go like mom it's too much I like that and then you could start saying like why don't we do? weekends Friday night is A home like Friday nights for the boys But weekdays is just us Or you do like two days a week you say like, you know What if we had like Thursdays and Saturdays

our date nights the rest let's just live peacefully so those nights your sister can go to her boyfriend's those nights. Yep those can be home date nights and the rest the schedule cannot I think that's pretty good and then I think you just dissuade her I mean you can dissuade her a few ways from the gabbing. Like we mentioned. Well, when Gareth was younger and Pam and I first met, what did we do? This is crazy. All I remember is...

No. The 69-ing. Didn't happen! Do not ever! I remember 69-ing with your mother and little Gareth... That is crazy! You are a year older than me, first of all. He was 20. So you were 19.

He had his big ginger hair, little mullet in the back. And he yelled, get out from under my mother. You're not my daddy, daddy. And I said, I'm not going to be your father. And he said, will you take me fishing? It was awkward. Get out from under will not be forgotten. That's gonna be like on my wall as I like train

to come over to your house and fight you like your weird garage tackle dummy. So I gotta say Gareth, we've done a very bad job on this pitch. I don't think we have. You know, okay. What is our pitch? I think our pitch is I think our pitch I think our pitch is dissuade your mother from talking about it by outdoing her with with tales. I think so. When your mom says, oh, the other night, Carl couldn't get my bra off. It was so awkward.

So he ended up just having to get my boobs out. And then you say when I was hooking up with Gareth mom, no standing. No, you know, that's crazy. You know, Jake, that is the most ludicrous part of your story. You being able to handle a standing six. So so I think you outdo her and you say, oh, yeah, I know that one time. I mean, again, you get as graphic as you want to. But you open it up to where your mom is a little like, ee, and you go easy.

Well, look, this is what you started. I don't want to have but you open it up to where your mom is a little like, eee, and you go, well, look, this is what you started. I don't want to have these conversations with you, but this is what you started. And then you sort of draw up the battle plan of saying, look, it's a little awkward for you to bring guys home. We're not in the same sorority. So can we say Thursday and Saturdays are your nights where you can bring a guy home? Your sister is going to spend the night at her boyfriend's if she has to those nights. And outside of that, she needs to figure out a home game for the guy.

Carly, what do you make of that? I think that's pretty clean. Yeah, I think that that's not too bad. I also like the blaring loud music part too. So it might be a mix of both. I think you could also, here's what you could also do if you really wanted to show your mother stop Telling us these fucking sexcapades. Yeah, the next time she's regaling you with one record her

And when that guy comes over you Bluetooth that story over the blue And make her realize how she can't trust you with these by the way, that's really good You could also do it not in front of the guy. You could record every time she tells you a story and then just play them all back for her. Also, you know what you could do? Even just you can use it as that cannon fire if you need, but you could also, every time she's doing it, just take it out,

take your phone out and just be like, here, talking to this, because these stories are so fucking disgusting that I play them for people because it's so crazy that my mother's telling me these stories. You know, we could also do Gareth, we could have her on the show, I'll date her. We could go back and do the, who were the two characters? Oh, you mean, yeah, it was Mo and Pigly. And we could do a thing about how mothers talking to their daughters about the sex they have is proving to be a really unhealthy thing. It's creating celibacy in daughters. But what do you think, Carly, would you want to go the Dr. Pigly and Mr. Mo? Would you want to go the Dr. Piggly and Mr. Mo?

Would you want to go the loud music? Would you want to go the fight fire with fire? Where's your where's your heart at? I think it's got to be a mix of the fight fire with fire and somehow get a recording of something in there. Great. So recording of like her talking? Yeah, like her talking or like the music. Something's got to be. Yes. I think that's right. Why don't you start with the music? Yep. And then if that doesn't work, because recording her

talking, she could get pretty mad. But it also shows, it does show her that it's crazy. Yes. But why don't you start with that and follow up with us and we'll kind of we'll see if this one needs a part two. Absolutely sounds like a plan. We appreciate the call. Good luck. Thank you so much. By the way, let's just point out 56 not a crazy age to be banging.

Go ahead. Take care Carly. Thanks so much. Take care. Thanks a much. We're getting the tattoo. Take care. Thanks a bunch. This episode is brought to you by Greenlight. Greenlight is a debit card and money app for families. Parents can send money to their kids and keep an eye on kids spending and savings while kids and teens build money, confidence, and lifelong financial literacy skills. This is something that I use with my kids.

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Hello! Welcome back, whoever you are. Thanks for welcoming me back. It's good to be back. Who is this person? Sounds like Hot Tox. Yeah, it could be. We know you're a follow-up, we just know you have great energy. What's your name and what was your first call?

Or your last call? Jake got it in one. Jake got it in one. Hot Takes! It's me. Hot Takes is back. I'm doing great. Listen, part of the reason I'm excited is just because Gareth, you said I was on your

Mount Rushmore and that has been filling my head for weeks since I heard it. I need a big head to be on Mount Rushmore. I know. So you- Now let's just say again, we call you, I want to guess, Mr. K? What do we call you? Mr. H. Mr. H. Mr. H. Mr. H. I know you're on my Mount Rushmore. I don't want to insult you. No, you are because you are like, I feel like we ring the bell on you every time we catch up with you. So what is going on? As you know, or if people who maybe are not familiar, you are a teacher. You were giving hot takes for a while, to your students, things that made you riled up, hot thoughts you had, and then eventually that became too much, we suggested that you start giving the students the spotlight for them to come in with hot takes so you

could still kind of carve out your niche at your school. That worked, and now it's sort of caught on and it's a trend. So is that a pretty good summation that is a very good summation uh... i would say the latest update is uh... i were asked you what do you think that case scenario would have been i think i beat it we are are killing it

at what's going on well we really we are Well, we've started We've started to design the hot take festival which will happen over the last two days of the school year Thanks science fair but for hot takes The library We're inviting people in to come in to argue with my classes about their heartaches. They are very excited for it. I think that's excellent. This is great.

We are booked. My class is booked months out. I have teachers who want to come in and give and give heartaches. I'll tell you I've had like I knew it was success. The very first student one of the year the kid finishes looks right at me and says when can I go again? Wow. We got it, we got it and we've been firing an all-cylinder since we've got we've got great hot takes I mean some of the kids we have a wall at the back of my classroom that is just pictures of all of the kids after they've done their hot take. Mr. H, let me ask you this, because this is a win. I mean, obviously, this is a win that keeps winning. This feels very

shark tanky in that we just sort of yes-handed and you've taken it off on your own and we did very little, honestly. But you've heard a lot of hot takes. Out of all those hot takes you've heard from your students, what is the best, what is the one where you're like, God damn, that's pretty good. So it's not what I agree with, but the best word and all of my students have agreed with this one is a kid stood up in front of the classroom and just said, uh, nothing is better spicy. And he went on a rant about how everything is good. Good. And it was great. spicy. And he went on a rant about how everything is.

Actually, what is what is some other hot? What is some other hot takes the kids have had? That one is great. We did. You can retract an apology after it's given was one that got inspired up. They got a good one. We had one that had a great follow up this week speaking of follow ups. It's on Tuesday, two boys in one of my classes. They know they're in a class with a lot of the girls who are athletes, so they ranked sports. And to poke the bear, they put all of the girls' sports,

the girls in the class were playing at the bottom, just to get a reaction. Wow. And so the next day was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It's kind of like a wasted day anyway. we did put your money where your mouth is Wednesday and those two boys had to go out and play field hockey Volleyball It didn't go so great for them boy. Oh boy. Well, mr. H to me. You're the teacher of the year You're the teacher of the year and I're the teacher of the year. And I think for our show, it's, this is truly, when we come up with our advice

or what the show is going to be, never do we think, I mean, you are the running back as far as you have taken this and just run with it. Um, it's impressive. To continue the metaphor, you are the offensive line. I want to push back that you guys didn't do anything because I originally called, wanted to get out of it. And the very first thing they clear was there was no getting out of this. So you guys are the offensive line.

If I'm the running back, I would say with the GM and the coach, honestly. So Mr. H what's your hot take of the future? What's going to happen next with later this year, next year, and going forward with Mr. H's hot takes? It is going to be a permanent part of my classroom. We have part of the hot take festival is going to be getting future kids in here to look at it, to see how hot takes are made. So they come in next year.

Hot takes museum. A museum. Ooh, what about a hall of fame? Just going to say. Hot takes are made so they come in next year ready. Hot takes museum. A museum. That could be it. Ooh, what about a hall of fame each year for hottest takes. So that when kids come back to the school they can have a photo of them. Well, that's what should be the end of the hot takes festival. Someone should get inducted into the hot takes hall of fame. And this year is the first annual.

That could be it. One of my kids did suggest that they thought we should vote at the Hot Take Festival and the winner should have to give their hot take in front of the entire school. Yeah. It's been intimidating, but is an idea. That's a great idea. And whoever gets voted and does that gets their photo. And every year there is one kid who does that gets their photo and every year there is one kid who does that.

And so part of the thing is if you're in Mr. H's class, you're like, I kind of want to be the person who wins hot takes. It's H-O-T-H-O-F. And then what you're really hoping for in like 15 years is one of those hot takes Hall of Famers has like a great career and does something big. And then comes back and goes like visits the school and goes like, when I did hot takes, I realized that I could fly fighter jets. Yeah, sure. And I like that career trajectory. I think that yes, you're doing it, man.

That's great, Mr. H. Well, Mr. H. We love you, buddy. Thank you for the call. call. Shall I ring the bell even though we can't hear it? I'm ringing it. Thank you Mr. H. Keep us posted Mr. H and thank you for what you're doing. Oh we will. Thank you for what you guys are doing. Enjoy the rest of your day. That's what I was fishing for. See you, bud. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. And the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeon. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo.

And our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh. And you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to Gareth Reynolds.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland. You can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland 2004. to the world.