We're Here to Help - 153: Two Lawyers and a Doctor & PFF (with Katie Nolan)

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

Jake and Gareth welcome special guest Katie Nolan (Casuals Podcast) for this bonus episode. First, they try to get a caller more time with her niece by "brownmailing" her sister. Later, they weigh in on the pettiest 30 for 30 of all time.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum help. And we are back. We've got a fun show today. We've got the hilarious Katie Nolan is joining us. This is from the podcast Casuals. And it has to be, I think we say, even with edits, I would imagine it's the longest call we've had with a caller. It is a- It's a a caller. It is a...

It's a long one. It's a lot. One of the ones with Mike got really long too. It's probably our first five person call maybe? Maybe I'm wrong. Yes. I don't know. It's a really fun one.

She's incredibly funny. I met her years ago when she was doing some show in Austin. She's great. We're big fans. We're really excited. She has a show. She kills it. Her podcast is really fun too. We were just doing something together for patreon a big

Big fun Steve Berg thing on the side and then we did right as we were saying goodbye Gareth told me something Now well, and we thought it could be some fodder. I Well, I'm on a crazy crazy Diet for eight days and man What is it? It is No boo, I don't smoke weed, but snow weed no booze okay. No caffeine. How often do you drink these days? Ah? It varies not Not that much. But like a couple times a week?

At most. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so that's not a huge one. Not a huge one. But as I'm not doing it, I'm like, that'd be nice. I had a couple of drinks the other night for the first time. I went to the Lakers game with Lamarne.

Oh, yes, right. We were going to celebrate Max Greenfield on the show and then he got sick and We were just hanging out and they had a whole bar had a tequila It was my first drink and I think a month and a half Holy shit, you know who we hung out with was the workaholic guys. Oh nice. They're great guys. I love those dudes They're great guys. All right, so keep going. Where were you? So no booze. No caffeine. No sugar. No caffeine. No sugar. No salt What can you eat? It's very limited. What are you eating? I'm eating eggs proteins and eggs eggs vegetables But not all vegetables like root vegetables or green vegetables. Are you just creating stir fries? It's a lot of stir fries right I could have white rice. Are you just creating stir fries? It's a lot of stir fries.

I could have white rice. Are you, what are you doing this for? I'm doing this to prepare myself for a, a session of some. Ayahuasca? That's the one. Is that it? Yeah, that is.

How many times have you done ayahuasca? Ooh, buddy. A lot? Yeah, that is. How many times have you done ayahuasca? Ooh, buddy. A lot? Yeah, a good amount. Probably about, this will probably be seven or eight, I would guess. Well, you've told me this once, but will you walk me through what that experience is like?

The only thing you tell me is you feel like you felt your version of God. It's very difficult to cliff note because it is a wild ride. Actually, I remember right after I first did it, you and I went on a hike. Yes. First of all, the diet leading up to it is obviously crazy

because it's a little difficult on your body. I think everybody's always like, everybody all they ever hear about Iowa is cause that you poop your pants. Everybody that's out there in the world. I heard you throw up a lot. You throw up your poopy pants. But you don't poop your pants.

Are you doing it here in the States or are you going to Central America? I will not reveal that answer. How come? Cause I just put it to preserve the secrecy of whoever's overseeing it. Why? This is gonna cut, what are you talking about?

Find America. Ha ha ha ha! Why get all secret, like the mystery there is strange, no? No, I don't know, you just keep it on the deal. You keep it on the deal. Oh really? Yeah, I think the people who are the- Do me this favor then, We're not revealing any names.

We're no GPS. If it's secretive, how does it happen? The shaman sends a text? It's not a very... I'm not even gonna answer that. Why? This isn't giving anything away. It's just letting people...

Well, you're gonna poke holes very easily. Yeah, there's emails and texts. And so, but like... But we have established But how does it happen the shaman says like I'm gonna be I reach area. No, I reach out. I go I want to do it. I have a break. I want to do it and he goes or she goes or they goes Or we goes or we goes sounds good How about this day? Yep, and you go sounds good. How about this day? Yep. And you go, sounds good. Yep.

Do the eight day cleanse. It's just regular plants. Yeah, then you do that. Well, yeah, you can do it up to two weeks. You're supposed to do it seven. How many people are gonna be at the ceremony? Very few. How many are mostly at them?

Normally it's small. Keep it small. Two small, 10 small? Two to three, like people you know. Oh, so you're doing it with people you know. Yeah, but I have done bigger ones where it's a bunch of people. Yes, that's what I've seen.

It doesn't matter. I've seen video of the bigger ones. The bigger ones are interesting too, because by the end of the night, you're all like, buddy, everyone's Eric Edelsstiening. Everyone's like, brother, brother. Yeah, they're felt closer to you, Ron. Brother, brother, brother! Brother! Brother! Brother!

Brother! Brother! Brother! It's like 100 people just hugging and shouting brother. So, just because I saw some show about a guy who does this in Kentucky as a form of getting off drugs. Yeah, yeah, right, yep. So, it was on Vice for a while, it was a pretty fun show.

So, you've done seven with this same shaman. No, different, a couple different. Different shaman. And so how many have you done with this shaman? This'll be five maybe. And what makes, is the shaman's job to walk you through it, is what makes the shaman good, the drink? It's a very spiritual event, and no, it isn't it's I mean that's important

but that seems to be pretty consistent you know it's just like it's one of those it's one of those you can always have more situations and eventually you'll hit your right amount. It's like free tequila and it's really to prep you be there if you need anything you know it's a to prep you, be there if you need anything. You know, it's a long time. But you're on your own journey. Oh, there's no community aspect of this at all. Okay, so the shaman is not, it's not like a guided meditation. Well, in the sense that there's music that is kind of mirroring what your experience is.

And again, if you need anything, if you need more water, or you need to go to the bathroom, which does happen, they're there to help you. How many times out of the seven have you gone to the bathroom in your pants? Never. Oh really? That's a propaganda lie, yeah.

Oh, okay. I have thrown up. Yeah, of course. But when you throw up, it's great. You're not like, nah. You're like, oh yeah. Cause you're feeling sick or because? Well, cause you're like, it feels like you're getting something out of you.

Interesting. Which you are. But it feels like you're like, leave me. And what is the goal? You have no interest in doing something like this, do you? No, not really. Yeah. I mean, I do, I'm into, I did hypnotherapy.

I'm now doing EMDR as a form of therapy. Okay. I don't like external things that you take and ingest, and everything happens fast. This is not fast. Well, one day. Well, but it's a lot of it is after. There's a lot of work after this.

It isn't just, it isn't just, oh, okay, that's it. You have a lot to think about after. A lot to think about after. Yeah, that makes a lot. Like the biggest changes I've made in my life have been off of this. Oh, that's interesting. Like quit smoking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's tons of things, big changes, just in my general perspective on the world. That happened. That have happened because of this. Not even in a day, you know? It's crazy. But so this diet is like draining. And the no coffee part of it is the part,

like I went and met my brother for coffee today, and he was like, I was like, do you have any wildflower tea? My brother's like, what's happening again? I was like, I'm sorry, I got some stuff to do. Sorry, yeah. I'm different. I'm down to, I've tried to cut coffee out,

so I'm down to one sip a day, and the reason is once- One sip a day is not human. I'll tell you why. What's this, this is such a Jake. I agree, and I'm embarrassed by this set. One sip a day! I hate this set. Has anyone done that?

Did you read about that, or is this yours? Of course not. Of course I make up my own rules. Of course! One sip a day! I'll tell my own rules. Of course. What? How are you even making it? Well it's been a while now. You have a sip brew?

Well it's a cold brew that I keep in my fridge. I didn't realize how weird it was until I was doing the movie because I started in prep. I was like, you know what? I'm drinking too much coffee and then when you you get to set, your hours are different. And then you drink it and you're fucking jacked up and then you crash. And I was like, I'm not into it anymore. So I'm like, so I'm gonna go none.

So I went none. And then I had a day where I was playing tennis with Brad Gilbert. And that's, you know, you gotta be ready for that. And I wasn't drinking coffee when I was driving out there. And I was like, my second day of quitting, I had a splitting headache. So I stopped at a gas station and I got some coffee.

And then I took a huge sip just to get rid of the headache. And then I thought, throw out the rest fat boy, get rid of it, let's go. So I just got rid of it. And that's what started the one sip. But I didn't realize how weird the one sip was until I was at work. You told me? No, well, I've already had this humiliating moment.

I told people at work, they were all talking about coffee, and I was like, yeah, I'm trying to cut back. And they're like, yeah, me too. And I'm like, I just do one sip. And the look of their face. Like you picture your face on a book, like the one sip guy. And they went, why one sip? And I go like, well, it's just what I'm doing and they're like

You just put one sip in your mouth. Is there a measurement and I'm like, no, no, no, it's from the jug It's an as I was talking. I was honestly like I'm hoping for an earthquake. Yeah anything to Start the movie so people should be like accommodating to your opinions. And everyone's like, buddy, that's crazy. And they were like, water, and I just had to go. And then because of my bad luck, there was no earthquake or rock flying through the window. So then it just finished. And they were like, OK. I think it was in the hair and makeup trailer.

And they were asking if I wanted a coffee in there. And then everyone was really awkward at 5, 45 in the morning. I was like, OK, ladies, thank you so much. See you guys out there. Have a great a good definitely talking about you when you left They were like everyone crazy doesn't want out with him. It's an idiot That doesn't make sense not what anybody would recommend one quit or drink it I talked about I was good for 10 minutes and the headline of this is Jake's once-in-coffee routine Thanks. Oh, anyway, I say the seven ayahuascas are interesting. It is it is wild. It's

It's big once you're in it's hard to say you're out. I love it really fun show everybody. Yeah, enjoy it. Enjoy it everybody This episode of we're here to help is brought to you by Booking.com, Booking.Ya. I am currently planning a trip right now to Chicago and I am using Booking.com to find the hotel for me and it is making it very easy. Gareth, you use Booking.com to find where you're gonna stay on the road, correct? I use Booking.com all over this great nation of ours to find places to stay because I know I'm gonna be able to find exactly what I'm looking for. So I told the story recently how I had a show just outside of... Well, I had a show in in Vegas and I did not want

to stay in Las Vegas and on booking.com I found like what I think was like a five star resort in the middle of nowhere for a rate that I could not get over and just had the best time. Drove like 45 minutes after the show. I was there for two nights and just felt much more at ease than staying right down there on the Las Vegas trip. No shade, I'm just old, not that old. Anyway, find exactly what you're booking for

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do the work to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hello. Hello. Hello. It's about to happen. You ready? I'm ready.

I'm nervous, but I'm ready. We're all nervous. Can we get your name, where you're calling from? And let me ask you this, if someone gave you a fish randomly, would you take care of it or flush it down the toilet? Wow, okay. My name is Erica.

I am 29, almost 30, and a week. I'm from Eugene, Oregon. If someone gave me a fish randomly. That's a good question actually, Gareth. It's a moral. It kind of is. Maybe that's the direction for a while. Who are you?

We give like a little, who are you? I just see, no, this is a callback. Somebody gives you a bait of fish, leaves it on your desk. It's one of those cool red ones with the big fins. They just put it in like a little Dixie cup. What do you do? Oh, I'm gonna keep it. That's cool. Well, Erica, we're excited to dig into your problem.

But as you know, we don't really have a lot of guests on so far in the second season. But when we do, we're very excited, which brings us to our guest helper today. That's right. You get three geniuses. Katie Nolan is joining us. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. Erica, happy birthday. Hi. Thank you for letting me into your problems. Happy to help.

Katie, someone gives you a fish, flush it, raise it. What are you going to do? Probably raise it, but it's going to soon. It's not gonna last very long I try my best, but it's you know, they're finicky beasts great answer Okay, Erica, what's going on? So my problem involves my sister who I'm pretty close with and really what it boils down to is that I need my sister to stop using my house as a personal safe space for her to use the bathroom or art for many reasons but that's the main problem. She

lives across town but her and her husband have been together for almost 15 years and they don't fart in front of each other. They don't acknowledge that either of them poop. And so she comes to my house to do her business. And I'm getting kind of tired of it. Hold on, Erica. Yeah. Katie, go ahead. Across town, how many minutes are we talking in a car?

Great question. We're talking like 15. Crazy. That is a distant 12. Legal matter. What if it comes on quickly? By the way, by the way, if she gets in the car, drives for 15 minutes,

walks in your house and farts, she's the weirdest person on the whole earth. She can fart in a car by herself. Yeah, what is right? Yeah, the pooping. A broth town blows a huge fart and goes like, peace. A hell of a good one. This is a pointed attack.

This is aggression. So when you say farts and goes to the bathroom, are you just saying as she's like running to the toilet, there's farts as she goes one level of no it's a very valid point i'm like if that's a different if somebody walked into my house and they walked in they go how you doing brother and then they farted right away i like the harkhogan entrance yeah but what a boy are you doing brother i have a i have a i have a buddy who will go to the bathroom whenever he comes over. Hmm. That itself is weird. I agree.

I agree. Unless you got a sick bathroom. Unless you have one of those seats that's heated and... No, it's not a toto. A toto. Yeah, a toto. It's not one of those great Japanese toilets. But do walk into somebody else's house and blow a fart?

My real question is, is what's up? Yeah. That's a fight starter. It is an act of war. So, Erica, walk us through the rea... What's your sister's name? What are we calling this woman? This finicky beast, as Katie refers to fish. This is a finicky beast.

This is an alpha fish, not a beta fish. If you're walking in and ripping a fart. This is a disgusting animal. So, who's your sister? We take back the mean things we said about, what's her name? We'll call her Sally. Sally. So walk us through, Erica, what really happens here

so we get a picture. Yeah, so the part of town that I live in, it's around like a lot of popular shops and restaurants and she's on this side of town, she'll make, you know, in a way go out of her way to come use my bathroom on the way home or on the way to running errands. But because my husband and I are very normal about that kind of thing, she feels comfortable to do whatever she needs to do at my house, but it will be a, hey, I just need to stop by and use your bathroom. And I live in a small

house, one bathroom. Oh, no. It can be a little inconvenient for me. I also work from home. That's big. These are big details. Oh my God. These are big details. Oh my God! These are big bad details. I pictured you had a separate bathroom in a basement. Because this is, Sally has a comfort of with pooping in front of your husband.

Too comforting. That I find confusing. Agree. Yeah, I did not imagine her sort of just like a gaseous creamer busting into a small unit just to drop deuces and let it rip. Huh. All right, so keep going, Erica. So she, and how does she propose this? You'll get a text, and it will be like, I'm bursting at the seams, can I come in? There's no good answer to this question.

If you're lucky, yeah. But like, how does it work? Sometimes, sometimes a knock at the door sometimes and when you answer is it like move move move move Yeah, there's time And what if she's is she one of those humans and my dad was this way my dad would not take dumps in public He would not if he was in like a if we were in a restaurant He had to go it was the most dramatic thing in the whole world where all of a sudden he was in like a if we were in a restaurant he had to go it was the most dramatic thing in the whole world

Where all of a sudden he'd be like I gotta get home Yeah, so is she one of those Not quite no, I don't think so, but I think If you know if she had her choice He's choosing You know my house over a public restroom. Okay. And how long has this been going on?

Is Sally older or younger than you? Is this a power play? She's older. She's older than me. So she's taking a shit at her little sister's house, who cares? Yeah. Yeah, status.

Does she just like, does she throw her dirty stuff on your floor too? Is she just like, who gives a shit? This is a bomb. Watch this. I'm out of here. Peace out. You're an animal.

You're my little sister. I'm gonna rub my boogers on your head. You don't even exist. Come here for a noogie. Have a good day. So, and then, so you're specific. So now we have a sense of what's happened with Sally. She doesn't like to go to the bathroom

in front of her husband. Do they have kids by the way? They, well that actually is another factor here. So they have a one and a half year old and my niece has become my whole personality. Being an aunt is my favorite thing. So I'm trying to, you know, I've been thinking about trying to leverage

seeing my niece like no niece, no entry kind of thing. If you're gonna- I love that. I love that. That's good. That's good too. A niece tax. I love that. I love that. That's innovative. That's good too, a niece tax. I like that. Okay, that's fun.

And so, but your specific kind of question is, and tell me when I'm wrong on this, I'm just gonna try to paraphrase, but how do we get your sister to stop using your house as her toilet? Correct, and if any way this can be brought into it is try to get her and her husband to start farting and start to each other. That's what I think.

Well, not to sound like a doctor, but you might not be able to get the farts, but the poops should be possible. Like there... How is that anything sounding like a doctor? Why no farts? Also, what doctor sounds like possible. Like there's anything sounding like a doctor. Also, what does a professor at Harvard, you know, come on, not get the fart, but you will get the poop. Sorry to sound like a doctor. Yeah. Well, no, no. It's like, I'm like, somebody just turning this on with like, is that a doctor on that? People are listening and going, this guy reads books. I know what people are thinking.

Nobody's thinking that. I think what you have to do, oh go ahead, oh, skewer me some more, Jake, and then we'll get into the show. But why could they get, why could you get them to take the dumps but not the farts, just because farts are humiliating by nature?

Holding that can be easier than having to take a shit, or she can like, like you were saying, she can sneak outside and like right let one go But how many bathrooms does her house have? How many one one this is One bathroom with a do you know what they do when they have to take a shit at home today? I goes to her sister's house. What does he do? He probably takes a shit when she leaves. I think it's pretty, well yeah,

it's just very like low profile, secretive. She has told me that he has witnessed him unknowingly going out onto their back patio in the morning to rip ass when the window was open and he didn't know that she could hear. There's something sweet about this. Right, but it's also, it's sweet, RIP ass when the window is open and he didn't know that she could hear Sweet about this Right, but it's also it's sweet, but it's almost if you zoom in too far. You might go. Well wait, that's not sweet That's weird. How have you held this in for I just didn't know you could have a man for 15 years

Without having to experience his farts. I didn't know I did that was possible Yeah, I would have looked, I would put that on my list. I really would love to frame the moment when that window's open and the husband is letting 20 hours of gas shoot out of him. But she's like, oh God, birds are chirping. Erica, so I think what we're pitching on today is, because this could be two things, but I don't think it's two things.

I don't think our show's gonna be trying to get your sister and her husband to fart in front of each other or take dumps in front of each other. Because I'll tell you what, they're not the ones calling in. If she called in for it, I would like my husband and I to do this, then we could go.

But we are with you, Erica, and your problem is she just uses your house as a outhouse, and we gotta put a little bit of a barrier to that. Right. I got a question. Go ahead, Katie. Does your bathroom need renovating by any chance? Good, fake, even if it doesn't. It doesn't.

It's on the list of things to do, but it's in perfect working order. Yeah. Because I was going to say, if she were to come over and oops, we're renovating our bathroom, and you remove the option for her, because she's not going to choose, I don't think, the outhouse at your, is that what they do

when you renovate your bathroom? I haven't yet done that, but I assume they bring you a porta potty. So I don't think she would want to use your porta potty over her toilet So I think maybe you could remove the option for like I don't know a month How long does that take and then maybe she'll figure something else out? Is your pitch get it? Now's the time or you just stick with painters tape

Make it look like you're renovating your bathroom. You so renovate. You have a whole staging. But the truth is, if she's texting you, like what does she text you? I'm going to come over, I have to go to the bathroom? She'll just knock on the door sometimes. Yeah, we're very close so she can clearly show up on and out. Have you ever done the- Hold on, I got a pitch.

Go. You tell her next time she comes over to take a dump, you're texting her husband, if you're worried about where Sally is, she's here taking a dump. It's pretty vicious. I would get on a group text with her, Sally, your husband, her husband, and start off going like,

just so we all know where everybody is. I just heard this podcast about safety. It was called, We're Here to Help. And what they're saying is, is family should be in better touch with each other. And if somebody sees somebody because... Say something. See something, say something. Say something. See something, say something. So if one of us is with somebody, we should all know where everybody is now that there's you go

Look, I'm saying this as a protective aunt, but now that my niece is entering the picture I want to be able to communicate They were talking as one of the guys sounds like a doctor even though he's not one What he was saying? Is that you know, you should do GPS tracking on this kid and things like that. So let's start doing a thing. Whenever two of us are together, just tell the group. Just put a little, we all know.

Or we chip Sally, go ahead. So Sally, if you stop over, I'm just gonna let everybody know you stopped over and why. And what you're basically saying to Sally is, you can shit here all you want, but everybody's gonna know. I do like that. And her and I, we do track each other on Find My Friends,

but I don't think her and her husband do. So I would be doing him a favor if he was ever, you know. And you could say you heard it on a podcast where a doctor was talking. With a medical professional. With a guy who sounded like a medical professional. Very much so. Yeah, clearly. And what do you think of, and then literally the first time she comes over, So professional. With a guy who sounded like a medical professional. Very much so. Yeah.

And what do you think of... Bifocal wear. And then literally the first time she comes over, you don't bring it up, you just... As she's taking a dump, she hears beep, she looks at her phone, it goes, hey guys, Sally's here, going to the bathroom, taking a number two. She'll probably be here for about 12 to 15 minutes. She's probably on her phone. She's on her phone, she'll write back like,

she'll text you like, what are you doing? And you go like, I said I was going to do this. Whenever you come around, I'll let everybody know what you're doing. Kind of foolproof. What? Katie likes it. I like it too. To me that is a, that is a real, right? It's an act. What I would say is maybe we, That is a real, it's an act. What I would say is maybe we could do an incremental escalation with that. The first thing you could do is you could try the, sort of to Katie's pitch, like your toilet's not working. She comes over and you go, it's not flushing.

No, kind of put her. If you got a burst, you go, let me check. Well, I mean, I guess the flush, you're like, whatever. And then if she goes, you go, toilet's check. Well, I mean, I guess the flush, you're like, whatever. And then if she goes out, you go, toilet's not working, but you can also leave my niece here and we'll figure that out. And she needs to go to the bathroom. This would be the first one I would do

before you tell her husband she's at your place taking a shit. Is I would say, why not when she does that like just Have your camera on when she comes out and just kind of embarrass her like you have this Yeah, and it almost gives you a little bit Yeah, like here's my sister who comes over here to drop deuces It's always great to see her when she comes over right didn? Didn't you just do that? Like something like that, that's like the press hounding her a little bit.

Then you have that and you can either tell her with a smoke screen that you are going to post that on something or you can be like, I'm gonna send this to your husband unless you start being a little more open and find a secondary location that isn't my house. Yeah, that's great. And then if that doesn't work, then you can do the outing. And now just before we even hear what you think, Katie, what are you thinking?

Where's your head at? Well, so I was thinking similar to both was that you could record, because you got to think that it's the sound of it, I guess, that she's embarrassed of or doesn't want her husband to hear. I suppose it could also be smell, but as a non-doctor, I don't want to get into that. No, no, no. You're totally right. I feel like if you recorded the sound of the farts and the poops and you had that, that,

if I were the person farting and pooping in fear, that you could blackmail me to do pretty much anything. It's called brownmailing. If you were like, this is, this is what it sounds like when your disgusting wife takes a nasty shit. Yeah. That could really be valuable. But are we, and I think you're right on that,

so now we gotta go to you, Erica. We have talked about exposing her. We've talked about blackmail. Where are you kind of at? This is early in the pitch game. We could come up with more, but where are you at early on? I do like both of those, and her and I are no stranger to blackmail. We both have a pretty big arsenal of photos

and things that we have on each other. So this one being very pointed at an issue that I'm facing, I think could be. Interesting. This is a game changer. But let me just start, because we also might be getting you in a dangerous spot. If she's got stuff on you too, this could get really ugly. Oh, that's true. Let me suggest, it's like, be careful starting a war.

Nobody likes dead bodies. So one other thing, what is it you want from, in terms of time with your niece that you're not getting? Probably more, more weekday visits. Weekday visits. You're thinking about maybe, you see her on weekends? Yeah, more often. Okay, and what I'm looking for is a specific ask because then what you could actually do is we could start a bartering system. Mm-hmm, I like where this is going. That we might not be able to stop the hard dumping at your house right away.

I don't appreciate the hard add. But what we might be able to do is go, I don't love that part of it, but I get one sleep over a month and every Wednesday I'm with my niece. And maybe I have some audio of you taking a dump and farting. Well, there we go. If I don't get this sleepover. It's a twofer. You know, it's either, you can say this.

Yeah, it's like a Sally system. It's either, I'm gonna either reveal these sounds, I'm gonna do this group text that I've already set up. So every time you come, I'm just gonna write, what are we calling Sally's husband, Chad? Sure. Chad's perfect. You're just gonna say like,

Chad, just in case you're worried about her, she's here, going to the bathroom again. I think she's sick because it's been a long one. Probably ate something that doesn't sit well with her, maybe Indian food. A lot of screams. But she's here, and just setting that up, and then really using Denise as, but this is my ask.

Yeah, I know I like that a lot. I think I've been trying to get a sleepover set up in the last couple of months really, and it's a lot of excuses. Sleepovers are big, yeah. Well, guess what? I got an excuse too. I got an excuse too.

It times up on that. Yeah. You want it dumped in my house? You are in a position to ask for anything you want. This woman is using your house as a toilet on the road. So you are, if there are things you want, now's the time to make the list, and we can get those things for you.

We've turned into lawyers right now, and nobody likes when it gets ugly, but we're going to make sure our client wins this. So you have two lawyers and a doctor on this call. I don't mean to sound like a lawyer here. Erica, I have one more. I like the way that Jake has unease with me saying that. What if after one of these sessions, we'll call it,

what if when she leaves, she flushes, she thinks everything's fine, and you say that the toilet got backed up and overflowed, and you have to call a plumber, and kind of make it feel like a bit of an emergency, maybe your husband's a little upset by it too, that might be embarrassing. Let me tangent on that pitch too. What if you write the group thing and say,

hey, I know this is embarrassing, but after you came over and took a dump, the smell, and after you flushed, I guess it was so big, some came up, the color is- Who's the doctor now? Well, I don't mean to sound like one, but say like it was an alarming smell and color. Oh my God, color. Title. God.

I'm just a little worried. I know it's the younger sister. This isn't our relationship, but I wanted Chad and you to know that this might be something you want to look at. I've never smelled anything like this. It smelled almost as if an animal had been dead for two years inside of your body. The color was no color I've ever seen

of something that came out of a animal or human's body. So I'm just a tad worried. And I want to know if Chad, if you've seen anything like this or smelled anything like this in your bathroom, but the stuff she's dropping in my house is alarming. Either one. Yeah.

What do you think? I think approaching it from a safety concern, yeah. A safety, and you could say, I don't wanna sound like a doctor here. Yeah, that's an important thing. Legally you have to say that, I think. Maybe wear a little white coat with a pen. So, Erica, take over for a second

and really take a deep breath and think about what you're actually gonna do because this show is not about we pitch some stuff and then you go, I didn't do any of it. We'd like you to try something. Yeah, well, I do like the option so far. I'm never gonna shy away from getting more blackmail, whether she you know is gonna be combative and dig a dip into her arsenal, that's okay. I'm a little less shy than she is so it's hard to embarrass me so I have that going for me.

than she is, so it's hard to embarrass me. So I have that going for me. So I think potentially gathering the blackmail could be good to keep in my back pocket. Okay. But leveraging time with my niece definitely feels like a good direction to go. And so in terms of the blackmail, what are you gonna do specifically?

I like recording her as she was coming out of the bathroom. Okay. I think maybe- Pooperazi her. Sorry, no one's expecting that. Pooperazi, yes. Pooperazi, yes. And what are you gonna say?

What are you gonna do there? How are you gonna do it? Oh, I could- Just film her as she's walking out. Yeah say yes. Oh Chad was worried about where you were so I wanted to Show him remind him Dave Something maybe like that. I think also I like that. That's pretty

that I think also I like that that's pretty I would also say I'm liking everything I'm trying to because if you just film her walking out of the bathroom she's gonna go what are you doing and you go yeah you gotta know where you were and she goes okay and then you doing? And you'll be like, got ya. Okay, so, okay, I guess. Like I liked Katie's thing of you recording her so you're hearing the sounds. Yeah, and then you can say, what are you doing in there? And she'll be like, why are you asking me questions? I'm going to the bathroom.

And then when she walks out, go, just so you know, I've been recording. You could also have like some potpourri in hand and spray it all over her and the bathroom when she comes out to really get it across. Like rice at a wedding. You just toss it. Yeah, great.

Yeah. Yeah, great. Yeah. So, Erica, you're gonna... You're gonna try to film her going to the bathroom when she comes out. You're gonna try to get to her. It's insane out of context.

Insane out of context. Not a doctor. So you're gonna film your sister taking a shit. And... So you're gonna film her going to the bathroom. What's the next part of the plan? That we're all signing off on? That's absolutely insane. Fill her in the act, and then when she's coming out.

Not in the act. And not when it's coming out. Coming out. We're filming the sounds. Filming the door, yes. When you're going like, eww. When you say like, Sally. Good, that's good. Eww, y door, yes. When you go like, eww. When you say like, Sally, yuck. That's good. Eww, yuck, stinky.

Sally. Stinky Sally. Stinky Sally. Oh, stinky Sally's back. And then when she comes out, you're connecting the sounds to her face, where she'll be like, what are you doing? You didn't film that, did you? Cut. Great. Got her, got her.

And then, cinematic. You then present to her almost immediately, I want a sleepover a month. I want a sleepover. Bring that kid over here for a nap or I'm gonna send this to everyone. I want your daughter. I want your daughter here on Wednesdays.

I want your daughter here Wednesday night. And I want a sleepover every once in a while or Chad's getting this disgusting tape and then she'll go what is this about you psychopath and you go you've been dumping my house for Too long just go home just go home No, that seems actually pretty perfect I like that okay great so Erica Please follow up with us on this one. Very curious how it goes. We definitely want to see the video. We won't share it with your sister's face. Please tag us in whatever gets posted. We're going to put that on social, right? Yeah,

we deserve to be able to put that on socials. Yes. Promoter movements. No, I will definitely follow up. All right, we appreciate you. It's going to work well. Yeah, thank you guys so much. Good luck. Thanks guys. Go get them. This episode is sponsored by the crisp, refreshing, angry orchard. Listen guys there's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about, but let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. Don't get angry at Lamorne Morris for lying, for being a cheater, a faker, a liar.

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little different. Angry Orchard has a bright crisp apple flavor just like biting into a fresh apple. Perfect balance of sweetness and bright acidity from culinary apples and dryness of traditional cider making apples, resulting in a complex, yet refreshing, hard cider. Grab an angry orchard cider today. Don't get angry. Get orchard. Please drink responsibly. Hello. Hello. Hi. All right. How's it going? Good. Welcome to We're Here to Help, America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. Um Listen, we're gonna want to know your name Your age your problem where you're calling from and all that but let me tell you before we start This is not just gonna be two weird drunk uncles giving you advice. We brought a drunk aunt in for this

Okay, so we don't have a lot of guests anymore But we're very excited to have on for round two, the great Katie Nolan is joining us. Hey! Hooray! We can't clap, so hooray. He's a huge fan. Yeah, it wasn't great. Can we get your name, please?

Alex. Alex, how you doing today? I'm doing all right. Okay, Alex, where are you calling from? I am calling from a small town in the mid-Atlantic of the United States I don't want to give away too much because it's a very specific problem And what age are you at Alex? I am 27. 27 so you're young so Alex 27 and how about if you're in the jungle you you run in and you turn around, you see an animal?

What animal are you seeing? Probably a tiger, yeah. That's cool. Are you scared of the tiger or excited to see it? Kind of both, you know? Totally. I'm excited that there's a tiger there, but then I'm also realizing that I'm scared of the tiger. I'm 100% related on this. That's how I'll be with the silverback. And what's your first move when you see that tiger? Just almost to pet it, but then run.

Yeah, by the way, same. You're not going to make it, by the way. Almost like hug. I would love to hug a silverback. I would love to chit chat about our days. He's not talking about silverbacks. I would also like to run. I agree. You're making it about your thing, but this thing is different. Yeah, Jake's got a weird, weird gorilla thing, Katie. He turned his yard into a weird little menagerie of stone animals. And gorillas are his favorite. Go ahead, Jake.

Go ahead, Alex, because you're the caller. Alex, what's going on, babe? Yeah. Okay. So at my work, every week we play floor hockey once a week. It's a great group. Floor hockey. But I have this issue where- Also known as knee hockey or mini hockey, depending on where you are.

Never have I heard knee hockey. Didn't know that. Unless you're talking about literally standing up and playing With a ball to me is when you're down on the ground with little sticks. Do you ever see the little alright? I'll show you sorry Real thing that's happening Yeah, but I remember playing hockey and like on a basketball court. Yeah That's street. Yeah, that size sticks. Yeah, but I remember playing hockey and like on a basketball court. Yeah. That's street hockey. Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

Oh, you mean inside. Inside. Inside, yeah, yeah. So fun. I've complicated the scenario and I apologize. No, I wanna learn about this knee hockey at another time. I'll tell y'all about it. Thank you.

So Alex, you play floor hockey once a week? Yes, with my coworkers. Okay. The problem is, everyone's there to have a good time. Get a little exercise, have some fun. I can't help but wonder, how good am I at floor hockey? I get this. I feel like I go in and there's some days where I'm like, I am the best floor hockey player

that has ever grazed the court. But then there are other days where I'm like, I am absolute trash. And I have this one coworker that's constantly kind of picking on me about it and thinks that he is insistently the best. And I just don't see it. Right. Like I think that, you know, everyone that shows up is kind of around the same level. Right. But he has like a very clear ranking

in his head that there's like a hierarchy. And I think that I'm like, I'm up there, you know, like I'm, I'm a solid player you know, like I'm I'm a solid player But I but then there's like I just don't know and I hate being in a situation Where I there's no way to tell how good sports there is Alex. There's no camera. Lots of ways Numbers Don't lie. So are we scoring a lot of goals? You're totally right Katie. This isn't art, right? It's not who's a better sculptor. I definitely score some goals, but I like to think that I impact winning.

You know, like I'm passing. We all do. I'm playing some good D-turn. There's a lot of- Most people don't, but we all like to think we do. We all like to think that. Yes, exactly.

There's a lot of I like to thinks in this one. Mm-hmm. Which- That's not to say Alex, you're wrong. No. Because there are players who do impact winning, and it's not always on the stat sheet. Sure. Intangibles.

Yeah. So you're a glue guy. What is it about you, Alex, that helps the team win? I'm definitely a glue guy. I'm definitely playing with a lot of hustle, right? Like my defense is locked down. Okay, great. All right, and I've got a phenomenal vision. Like I understand the game.

Okay. What does that mean? By the way, hold on. Is this me calling in? Please. Honestly, it could not be. I feel like... Hold on.

Is this the reason you didn't tell us where? Are you my son? Honestly. I see the court in a way. What are you stance pretty bad in my car? I don't know. I can't get goals, but everyone knows of the champion about me feels different getting what I'm saying Yeah, I change we haven't won a game But we lost bad and I lost it for us and I threw a puck at a guy and I got kicked out of league I'm a real helpful guy in the team. I broke my phone So you think so just to be clear on this you think you're a pretty good goddamn player and you think you're a glue guy

You're helping us to one of the best and this other guy in the league, who we call the arrival in this? We actually have the arrival in the waiting room. Oh my God. So whenever you wanna hear from him, let me know. We're not there yet, we're not there yet, but that is very interesting to know. This just got so much more exciting. It's a big twist.

Yeah, it's a very big twist. So Alex, before we enter this world of insanity, which we're about to, what is your specific question that we can help you with today? I guess like how do I get some reassurance or some clarity on how good I am at floor hockey? Okay. Before we bring in another person, like while we have you alone, I feel like we should glean as much information Yeah, so I feel like what um first of all, this is such a 20 year old guy in mid 20s guy question Here's thing. I'm good, and I think this guy thinks he's good, but I think I'm better and I need help

Like a freight train it's gonna be. I can't even picture myself playing hockey in any capacity with these hips. But so, okay, so you don't score, does this guy score a lot of goals? So I don't think so. Not that much more than I do. What does that mean? You're there, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he? I'm not are there, you know? Does he? I'm not keeping count, you know? He is, but I'm not. I'm there to have a good time. But there's the pestering of like, oh, there's this many goals. I mean, I keep track on it day to day. And the difference is never more than like, I don't know, one or two. All right, let me ask you a question because I'm trying to get something clean on this I say so

Because I think I get where you're coming from Alex. How many people are in the league? How many people play? So it's different day like week to week. It's a little different It's just kind of like an open anyone that wants to come play floor hockey on Wednesdays can come play But give me a rough. So we talked about 20 people in your little league No, no, no, like like 15. I'd say 15. Okay out of the 15 Wednesdays can come play. But give me a rough number. We talk about 20 people in your little league. No, no, no, no, like 15, I'd say. 15, OK. Out of the 15, where do you think you rank?

You know, like on the NFL, they'll have like the PFF score in, and they'll go like 2 out of 157 for like an offensive guard, and you'll be like, oh, he's pretty good. So out of 15, where do you put yourself? I'd put myself like five or six. Oh. That's pretty low, my man. I mean, I'm like, we know the answer to your question.

I thought you were gonna say two or three heads. I gotta say, this show is a very low-stakes show. That is a, for our show, you're like 12, 13. So all we're really looking for is- I'm terrible. You're the fifth, sixth best floor hockey player out of 15. But if you wouldn't- I'm like crazy. We're not even on the podium. fifth, sixth best floor hockey player out of 15. If you wouldn't, are you crazy?

We're not even on the podium. Also, you wouldn't tell us where you're calling from? You could have told us where you're calling from. By the way, what do you think is gonna happen? Mid-Atlantic. Alex, get in here, you're fired. I gotta keep this, so, and the guy who were coming in your rival,

what's this guy's name? Jack. Jack? And where would you put Jack out of 15? And be honest here, don't say you don't know, you know. Where's Jack? I'd put him like eight or nine. Oh, okay. You think he's worse, but why is he, so basically... This is two middles. Okay. This is fighting. A fight for the bottom. Yeah. two middles. Okay. This is fighting. A fight for the bottom. Yeah. Really. Just. Two bums. Just snakes dropped so hard. Here's the problem. He's gonna come in and he's gonna tell you he's number one. Okay. Hold on. He's gonna be like Alex, Alex, take it easy. Is your issue that he thinks he's the best or is your issue just that he thinks he's better than

you? Honestly, it's that he thinks he's better than you? Honestly, it's that he thinks he's the best, because I don't think I'm the best. Right. It's that, like, if you're going to show up and play floor hockey and, like, be mediocre, like, don't pretend that you're the best. But hold on, but Alex, we're trying to get clean. On this call, he said, I think I'm the best.

I think you might have. But hold on, Alex. All we're looking for, so when we get Jack on, because we can't just turn into chaos. So we gotta figure out what we're specifically asking and we've gotta figure out how we can make you happy because you called Jack then. So Jack thinks he's the best player.

You think he's an eight or a nine, but the call you're calling in about is you want to know where you're at. So we're asking Jack for his point of view of where you're at out of 15. And if he thinks you're a five or a six, are you happy with that? No, I mean, not if he thinks he's one, right? He wants Jack to admit he's not He's not he's better than him. So Alex is this essentially you want Jack to know that you're better at floor hockey than him I I want him to know that we're equals, you know, but it's not one or the other. Okay, you guys are equal We're just going to be repping an argument between two floor

What we're getting to is, oh Alex Watts. And you also said that Jack is an 8 or a 9. So Alex, if you're equals, man, you're an 8 or a 9 out of 15. So you just don't like that Jack thinks he's better than you? When you think you offer a different skill set, but it is equal to his prowess. So if he's an offensive player, well he's not a glue guy and he doesn't do defense and he doesn't have great court vision. So you don't like that he's stealing glory, but you are actually as equal to him and

you guys are the same ranking. Is that right? I, I, no one's ever put it better. That was, that was, okay. Wow. So what we're, that's exactly how I am clapping. He is clean. So then what we're looking for is, yeah, is we are trying to get Jack to admit to you that you guys are equal. Yeah. Well, absolutely. And I think let's, let's, let's bring Jack in. And then I think we can try to maybe find a way

to prove this. The call could just easily turn into. But you can't do a one-on-one match because they have different skill sets. No, but like we're saying, there are metrics to. I know, but it's different. So like my daughter's just starting basketball, and we're getting really into it, and it's really fun.

That means Jake's getting into it and overdoing it Katie And not having fun for nobody's having fun Nobody's ruining it for everybody everybody, but we were kind of talking about the early skill sets and I was like Alex very similar to you. I was like defense I Go wins championships, baby. That's what I literally said in the car last night I said you pick a number you find a girl across for you. Make your life hell. She doesn't score.

I go, I want these other girls to go, that bitch number 10 has guarded me. Oh, number 10, shout out. That was my number. That's great. That's my dream. When I come home at night, I think to myself, there's other coworkers that are like, oh fuck, like Alex was on me all game. And there's a lot of flashy people who just try to score and they think they're great, but you go you're not impacting the game

You're cherry-micking. Well, Gareth, that's cuz I'm an Alex and you're a Jack. I've never felt more honest. You mean the best? I'm the best. By the way, I get you man. It's the flashy shooters who go like I scored three and you go you didn't guard anybody But they scored three. Yes And you didn't guard anybody, but they scored three. Yeah Yeah, but how do they be but how many did I stop? I don't know how many do you mean? They don't he hasn't told metric well, but how do you how do you shots?

Well, he's not a goalie. He's an all-around blue guy Okay, you know what I'm Alex. Let's bring in Jack. Okay. All right, we've got Jack ready to go. Okay. It sounds like Jack's antsy. You want me to start this? Yeah, get in there.

You just got your finger on the pulse. We're keeping Alex and bringing in Jack? Yes. Okay, good, good, good. Yeah, we got everybody. Great. Hello, everybody. Hey, Jack.

Hey, thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. I'm Jake, you've got Katie and you've got Gareth. And thank you all. And you've got a co-worker, but we're going to get to that. But I think you know about this and you know what this calls about, correct? I do know what this calls about. Yeah. Alex has, uh, talked to me a good bit about, uh, gender. Yeah. So we want to, I'm a little starstruck. He's been thorough. But we want to let you know from the very beginning,

we do not have a dog in this fight at this point. But... Wait, what? I was worried about what he'd say in the first little bit. You're not going to get bombarded. I will make that very clear. So what we're now looking for, Jack, a very honest assessment of your abilities on the floor hockey court.

Oh yes. Who you are as a player, how you do. Any comps. Any comps is a great idea. So let's just hear about you as a player. You can brag, you can not brag, but just be honest, we're getting an image of you on the court in this Wednesday league. Yeah, I appreciate that. So I started working at this school in 2019, and I've been playing floor hockey pretty much the entire time. Great.

Started off as like, you know, a little out of shape, someone who I think was like a developmental prospect, you know? Love this. Came in, I played street hockey with my brother as a kid, but hadn't really and played a lot in like high school with with my like, you know, in gym class and stuff. Sure. But this was like actual competition. Great. Took me a long time.

I feel like a lot of days where I a couple of times where I'd skip hockey because I like felt nervous that I wasn't good enough. You know, a lot of a lot of development going on. Okay. But a big prospect, Jack. After COVID. But a big prospect because you played growing up. Yeah, I got this, yeah, just for my brother.

Just nothing. A lot of natural talent with you. Jake, I don't even think he's saying what you're saying. Do you understand? Jack, is there natural talent in you? Do you think that there's a diamond in the rough here? And if you can clean up some of this rust, do you think there's a pretty good

goddamn player in this Wednesday league? I think so, because after COVID, I came back and I got back into the swing of things. I got in shape. Fuck yeah, you did. And I started playing a lot better. And what really kicked in was I started to get the confidence to play as well as I'd wanted to. That's a battle. Yeah. Real quick, Jack, what's your age? And what really kicked in was I started to get the confidence. Yes

Jack what's your age? I'm 28 20. Okay, so you're still young in this league and what's your size? What's your friend? I guess oh, yeah, you got you over six feet. You're under six feet. What's that body running around that court look like? six foot six foot on the dot body running around the court look like? Six foot on the dot. Perfect. Last I weighed myself I was like. Jake, are you scouting? You have a dog in the fight it feels. Yeah, I'm asking. Jake, I feel like you fell for Jack. No, I'm asking. So, about what are we running around at? How many stones? Two pounds, please, Jack. Are you in DuPont? Last I weighed I was a little over 225. Okay, 225. I was like a linebacker in high school.

Middle or outside? Mostly outside, a good coverage guy. Okay, so you weren't reading the defense so much, you were more covering. Alex, what size are you? What height are you? 5'2"? I'm just kidding. That was a joke. That was a joke.

That tiger's gonna eat you alive. Unless he is. That was a joke that was a joke Tiger's gonna eat you alive I think Jack would eat the tiger. Am I the only one who's feeling that? The tiger shits and runs Jack chases it down and bites his neck We're not going that direction Alex, what's your frame? What are we talking about? What's your game? First of all, I feel a little betrayed, Jake.

I know, I know, but it's early. Alex, it's early, it's early. I thought we had something going on. We do, we do, we do. I'm glad you said something. It's early, it's early. We're gonna end this well. I'm 5'8", 165.

Okay, so very different body types to start That's very interesting These are what is very sure these are not guys. I want to combine no, but these are not guys I'd have garden each other. Okay, so Jack so you're 6 feet 225 Okay, and where do you on the court? What do you play? Like what kind of position do you play? Okay, and where do you, on the court, what do you play? Like, what kind of position do you play? So, I usually get volunteered to be the face-off guy. Interesting.

No one wants to do it, so I always, I'm happy to do it. I'm kind of like a, if no one wants to do the job, I'll do the job kind of guy. Interesting, so you're a clean-up guy. Kind of like a glue guy. Yeah, it's a very glue-ish. Kind of, yeah. It's a glue-ish guy.

So, when I'm at, oh, sorry, sorry. You go, Jack. When I'm at... Oh, sorry, sorry. When I'm at the point taking the face off, I usually snap it back and then I do go on offense. I know that I tend... I'm more of like a midfield guy, lean offense, and I play a lot right in front of the goalie. I do a lot of screening, clean up a lot of garbage goals. So you get a lot of stats. But a lot of stats, a lot of clean up stats.. Now are you winning the majority of those face-offs? It depends on who I'm facing off against. Usually the people who face-off don't want to do it, including,

kind of including myself. Yeah, I get it. But there's like one or two guys who win. He can get slapped pretty easily and get hurt. Alex, you could ask Alex, he doesn't take face off. Wow. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, Jack. You're not dictating when we go to sweet Alex. The breaks there, baby. Jack, I'm sure you're familiar with the term cherry picking. Do you feel like you're ever guilty of anything like that?

And that's a me question. That's not coming from anyone else. I mean, that has been accused. I think I've played a lot of NHL on the video games. I think positioning is something that's very important. I think I'm a sneaky guy. I can sneak back. I play in front of the goal a lot. But I'm a good defender.

I know there's been other accusations from my colleague on the call who doesn't think I'm as good a defense. But I don't think I carry pick. Hold on, Jack. And no one's attacking you. Yeah. I'm just, as you could tell with this start, I got excited. But now I'm hearing another picture and that is- Remember that, Katie?

Yes, I do. But we're not there anymore. It's in the past. Let it go. He's like Carcells. He was grabbing his buttocks like we're not there anymore. It's in the past. Let it go. He was like Carcells. He was like grabbing his buttocks like Todd. Real Todd.

I was at the combine. Tell me what you carry in a room. But Jack, we do also, I'm a guy who played a little floor hockey in my life. Oh, here we go. I mean, what the fu- We all have. And where did you rank out of 15? Here we go. I'm a blue guy, probably two out of three.

I walk around at about five, ten maybe. I don't think we've asked the most important question of Jack, which is, where do you rank yourself? We're not there yet. OK. Psychopath. My bad. You're psychopath, KG.

I forgot we had to get all this other random stuff out of the way first. You mean the whole show? Hey, Jack, nipple wise, what are you dealing with? Are they big? Are they small? What do they look like? Dinner plates? Applates? Are they dinner plates? Are they babies? What are we dealing with? Are they cat penises? Jake, not you! So Jack, when you start, the guy who does the face off but then runs around the goalie,

you're getting a lot of stats, but that does not sound like a guy Who's worried too much about defense? I I know I know how it sounds I So we do four on four not including the goalie If I'm at the face off like there's two guys kind of on the wings and one guy on defense So if I win the face off or if I lose the faceoff, I'm already kind of at the top of the point. So I take a lot of one-on-ones when we're on defense at the top and I try to shut down or at least call the pass like an errant pass right off the go. So on defense,

I'm not always as close to the net playing tightly there, but I do take on a lot of one-on-ones at the point. Okay. That makes sense. And how many people are in this league around 15? Yeah 15 it really depends on like like you know sometimes we're down numbers but I'd say on average about 15. Okay so out of a ranking of let's say one through 15 and let's hear the real answer here don't worry about how it's going to sound. You know, like in the NFL where they have the PFF rankings. Yeah.

Where are you out of 15 in this league? Now does this include goalies? Because we have like really stellar goalie who I think is a better goalie than I am. Katie, does it include goalies? I don't think so. I don't think so. No offense to them. I agree, but it's different.

But I just don't think we're ranking like a think so. No offense to them. I agree, but it's different. But I just don't think we're ranking like a, you know, kind of the same skill set. Goalie numbers just tanked. That's exactly right. But the goalies are its own thing. So out of the 15 no goalies, what's your PFF? You know, I'd probably pull myself at two or three. Okay.

I know who one probably is. Who's why? It hurts me because, I mean, he's not, I don't know if I should say his name, but. I was just saying. Look at the secrecy in this town. I agree. You don't even know where you live. I know.

I'm wild. But who's that one in this thing? His name is Vic. Vic? Vic. Vic, yeah. He who's number one in this thing? Vic. Vic. Vic, yeah. He's very good at controlling the ball. He's a good distributor, good defense.

You never want him on you. You never want to be the one. I take a lot of one-on-ones on me. Unless you're a girl, then you might want him on you. You know what I'm saying? Jake wants him on you. Especially Vic. Why say girl?

I'm just a fan for fuck's sake. So Alex, can we go to you for a second? Absolutely. Where would you put Vic out of 15? Vic's number one. That's obvious. I mean, everyone knows Vic's number one. Okay, so... But I just want to say this is the first time that Jack has openly admitted that he's not number one. Like, this is a different guy on the podcast.

I mean, I know... listen, listen, objectively, I do think it's Vic, subjectively, I have to tell myself I'm number one. How do you tell yourself you're number one? What ways are you letting people know you're number one? I mean, I don't think I, really, it's in conversation with Alex, do we have these? It's the confidence of an athlete.

Jake, I'm not asking you. Yes, but clearly it's outward as as well because he has gotten on Alex Alex is calling the show What is it just something you're just talking shit to a co-worker or are you are you like a showboater? Um, I so I will I will I will point out I we and Alex have joked that I'm the only person who celebrates when he scores. That's part of the whole thing. That's part of the culture. Walk us through celebration.

Jack, what does that look like? I mean, back in the day, I'd like this is really dorky. I'd shoot like you let's say you had a slap shot. Now I drop the stick kind of down my left hand. I'm righty. Then my left hand like like you're like putting away a sword. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, this is really dorky. I'd shoot like, let's say you hit a slap shot. Now I drop the stick kind of down my left hand. I'm already down my left hand. Like, like you were like putting away a sword. I love that.

I've been described as having this like little it's not like a run or a trot, but this like skip that I get when I, when I get a really good goal and I get excited. I do a lot of like, oh, like I make do a lot of like, ooh, ooh, ooh. Like I make like a lot of ooh noises when something's pretty. Okay. So it's pretty.

Let me just get this, we're getting a good picture, Jack. So you said two or three, so who would be two? That's the thing, I don't know. I think like it's, if you're looking at like a tier system, Vic's tough to beat, Vic big tough to beat big stuff to beat There's a couple people who might be in my area that I don't think play as completely as I do Okay, and where does Alex rank? Alex is a new guy. He's been in the league for about a year

Alex has a couple things that I don't think are highlighted enough in the skill set Such as has he like he like runs like halfons, so he's got a lot of endurance. He can go pretty long. Okay. And he's really sticky on man coverage defense. Great. As he mans up on you, it's really annoying. It's really frustrating.

Alex is very sticky on defense. That's a compliment. Particularly man to man. These are all compliments. Yeah. This is very diplomatic. Good cardio, good defense. Keep going, Jack.

What he needs to work on, and I've offered to help him with this because this is a confidence thing. Oh, there it is. There it is. I've offered to help. Imagine after a floor-rack you came, some of you like, do you want me to teach you some stuff? Hey, you need one-on-one coaching.

I am available. Why don't you come over to my house? I can teach you how to do it like this. I'll train you in the garage. That is a great way to trash talk. That is. After a basketball game, go like, hey, really good game, man. If you want, why don't you come by the house?

I'll teach you some boy. So what do you think that Alex needs help on? And then Alex, you are going to have a chance for a rebuttal. There is a place on the stick, our sticks are a little cheaper, they're a little floppy at the end and I think in hockey they're sort of plastic, they're plastic on the end and like it's more firm in the middle. Flappy's that apple. Slapping it. Yeah sorry, sorry. That's okay. I should not have chose the word floppy. We all make mistakes. If you put the ball more kind of toward the base of where the shaft of the stick meets like the head of the stick, that's a very firm solid spot.

I've learned this from five years playing six on the six. And that gives you a lot more like, a lot more connection on the ball and you can get a lot more like, oomph behind it which helps your passing. Jack, I gotta jump in for a second. Alex, I'm understanding the call. Yeah.

I am too. I am too. I understood. It's clicking. I understood the call since the sword confession. Mm. Because Jack, you're very diplomatic and you seem very rational, but it sounds like floor hockey Jack gets a little fucking wild.

He's a different guy. And dare I say, a little annoying. But that's kind of what you're doing. Yes, Jack. I don't know if I'd say annoying. I don't know if I'd say annoying. If you're playing against the guy who puts a stick in his waist like a sword. Do you think Draymond Green is annoying from the NBA?

Yes, yes. Extremely annoying. How about if you were on Golden State? Universally. How about if you were on his team? I'd love it. I still think yes. If I'm playing against Jack.

I do still think yes. Okay, so out of the PFF, where do you put Alex? I would put Alex middle of the pack right now and rising. So middle of the pack, say a number. Yeah. Eight? Eight is a good number, yeah. So middle of the pack say a number. Yeah Eight is a good number. Yeah, okay, but with an upward trajectory

Yeah, nothing nowhere to go to go about that's not true. He's got all the intangibles He's got the brains got the IQ for him. He's got the stamina I think if he just let me tell him a little bit more about ball placement and shots and passing, it'd be a phenomenal product. Okay. Okay, I'm going to jump in. Here's what I don't think is going to happen. I don't think Alex is going to want to be under your tutelage. And I understand why. But Jake, Katie, Alex, this call was about the problem is that Jack thinks he's better than yes, but then hold on but we're almost there. Okay, so now Alex Where would you rate Jack out of 15? Middle of the pack

We just said that's not an acceptable answer. So what's a number you would give Jack? Remember moments ago? Well, I'll give him like seven. Okay. Wow, so one better than you. So your PFF for Jack is a seven. Jack's PFF for you is an eight,

but out of 15, the middle of the pack would be a seven and a half, right? So you guys are both, you see him as around a seven and a half, he sees you around a seven and a half. Is that accurate to you, Alex? Yeah, it is. Jack, do you see you and Alex at a very similar PFF? Not at this time, no.

So you see yourself a lot better than him. I wouldn't say a lot better, but better. I think I've got a lot more experience. You put yourself at two, and I'm down at like eight. That's not that far apart from each other. Out of 15 it is. Out of 15 it is. And so Alex, when you hear that, what do you think?

I'm hurt. I'll be honest. Okay. Well, we're gonna, so is there a way? He's also new. I think that's a detail that we have to like, this is his first year. Yeah, that's true. But by the way, this isn't a- we have to like, this is his first year. Yeah, that's true. And he's just trying to be a first year glue guy. That's tough. You got to really have a personality to be the guy that brings everybody together when you're the last one in the room.

So I feel like I feel for Alex in this situation. This isn't participation award. Oh, here we go. What is this? Parcells is back. Stop saying PFF. This is hockey. This is not Are you getting paid every time you say PFF? This is the PFF this is sport

Alex I've got a question for you and Alex, I've got a question for you. And Jack, a question for you. If you guys were to play one on one, whose skill set with no goalies, whose skill set would be better at that? Because guess what? Defense, if you play one on one in basketball and you're a defensive specialist and you're playing against somebody who's a cherry picker to score

I don't know who's gonna win that game So Jack, who do you think wins if you guys play one-on-one on that court open nets? Who do you think wins and by what score? I do think I win that We discussed having a skill contest to figure out who was better. Amazing. And Alex declined. Okay, well we're not there yet.

Which is rough. We're not there yet. Yeah, I think, is there like a score limit? Like first to a number? First to 10. Or is it like a timer? 10. First to 10, I think I win that 10 to four.

Okay, Alex, the same match, same court, center drop, one on one, open net. Do you think you win? No, I don't. Okay. So you think you... Because I think my value to the team is what I do for the team. Yeah, it could be glue to test yourself. Yeah. Oh yeah, you have great court vision. So Alex, how would you like to do something to test your skills? How can we find something that is a concrete way to see if you and Jack are in fact equal PFFs? Cause that's what this call is about.

I'll tell you what I don't think this call is about, Jack and Alex's hurt feelings and being mad at each other. Cause I'll tell you what I don't think this calls about Jack and Alex's hurt feelings and being mad at each other because I'll tell you what this is. This is floor hockey. Now, Gareth and I know this because we get very vicious via texts when it comes to sports stuff and in the end, it's all for fun. So if this gets real and you guys are really getting your feelings hurt, then you got to shake it off.

We're talking about floor hockey. You guys are adults. You guys are in your 20s. It's over for you guys. At a school, I think you said? Your real. You guys are adults. You guys are in your 20s. It's over for you guys. At a school, I think you said? Your real PFFs are zero. Very similar to my PFF at every sport I currently play. Just curious if either one of them is a gym teacher

is all I want to know. But what we need to get to, guys, is there's a way where the rubber's going to meet the road on this. And that you guys are going to have either a skill off or a something off that you both agreed to that is a fair, or we could poll the whole team. Go ahead, Gary.

That's what I would say. Let's do a survivor thing. Because the issue is where does Jack actually rank? So I would say let's just get a box out anonymously. People can write down. The show could email people individually. Yes, and out of 15, where do you think Jack ranks? Ooh, we can also say where do you think Jack and Alex ranks?

But you guys can't campaign, that's important. I don't feel like you're not allowed to poison the well or inform anybody about anything. Why don't we do this? We'll send a email, if you guys give us a group email to the thing, and we'll say it is all anonymous, do not vote in players who have not,

we don't need, somebody doesn't have to end up being 15 out of 15, you're just putting Alex's PFF and Jack's PFF. I think we should drop the PFF, I don't think they're gonna know what you're talking about. If you just say ranking, I think they'll know what you're, they'll definitely know what you're talking about. If you just say ranking I think they'll know what you're they'll definitely know what you're talking about. Yeah I mean is it important for you to know what they're talking about Jake?

Because I mean again, you've made a thousand dollars off of your PFF name drop But at some point clarity is gonna be important But what do you guys think Jack Jack and Alex about sending something out there? What do you guys think Jack and Alex about sending something out there and getting everybody's PFF? The people who don't know PFF are listening to this call like what the fuck are they talking about? I think it's a perfect comp for this. I know you do. But you're not doing it at each position, you're doing the whole league so it's just a league ranking. I agree. I also don't even know what PFF stands for. I would have said it by now.

It's pro football something. Pro football. Pro football something. Fantasy? This admission is crazy. Pro football focus, that's right. But the pro football focus is what? The pro football focus ranking.

So I'm just saying PFF has been wrong mostly the whole time. Are you pushing back on what the acronym you've used 10 times stands for? Yeah, I have no idea. No idea what it stands for. I just know they do it, and then they rank it. I can tell you the word you're looking for is ranking. It's the only one you've had to use this whole time.

Yeah, it's really. I like ranking. We didn't have to brand it. Didn't have to be brought to you by CCM, but it could be. I agree. Have you never heard that word before, Jake? That's the only excuse for what just happened. Ranking?

Yeah. I like ranking. All right, so let's do this made-up word that Katie came up with Send an email to the team and figure out what your rankine is What do you think about something like that Alex, what's your comfort level on that? See, I like that I've suggested that in the past level on that. See, I like that. I've suggested that in the past. Um, Jack thought, Jack thought that it would make others in the league uncomfortable because we were talking about ranking, ranking to everybody.

No, but that's a Jack. We're not ranking everyone. We're just ranking you to maniacs and we're taking the fall because this is a podcast and we live in this kind of weirdness. So we're saying for our show, do not rank other players, but your PFF out of 15, your ranking out of 15, is thank you, is we are asking where Jack is, things to keep in mind, and we can agree

on what decides a ranking. It's value to the team, it's deep, It's all these things. It's the whole picture. Goalie's not included. Can you email the show? Everybody's email and we can do a BCC to everybody. We're going to email the people immediately. No campaigning. And then we'll have you both on and we'll reveal the numbers.

And no hurt feelings, no sadness, no like that can feel good. This is what it is. This is just what your PFF is at this moment in time. Can it change? Yes. Will it change? Yes. Sounds good to me.

And will you guys both live with these numbers and Jack, if it's not what you like, will you not create a weird spin? Will you just accept it? And Alex, if you're at an eight and Jack's at a two, then guess what buddy, you gotta get a little bit better and maybe take a lesson. Can I throw in a link to that? If Jack, if we count the votes and Jack comes back in

one or two, Alex will take a Jack lesson. That sounds gross. Alex will take a lesson from Jack. But by the way, how about this? If there's a six point difference and Jack is six players better, Alex, will you allow Jack to give you a lesson? Uh, yes. Okay, if you guys are closer, hold on. If you are within three, Jack, will you apologize for offering lessons?

After a game. After a game and say- In front of people. In front of people. I'm a little out of control to be offering this. We're pretty similar players. Sure thing, yeah. Okay, great, so now we have a bet.

So we are going to email everybody, we'll get the response back, and then we will finish this thing off. Is there no world in which I'm six places better than Jack? No, there's not. I don't know. Alex, we love you. But we've got to know you. As an Alex guy? As an Alex guy? I know.

Alex, you can be a bit of a bitch in there, buddy. I know. Alex, you can't. That's just ain't there, buddy. No. Yeah. No, we all want you to be great, Alex, but it's your first year and it's not happening. So if that happens, Jake and I will give you a lesson. Yeah, agreed.

But we'll see. So let's, will you guys, which one of you, Alex or Jack, has everyone's email? I know one of you guys does because it's a group email. We both do. We's, so let's, will you guys, which one of you, Alex or Jack, has everyone's email? I know one of you guys does, because it's a group email. We both do. We both have everyone's email. So will you then, Alex, we're gonna have you be the point guy.

Will you send that list to the show email, and we'll do that right now? Yeah, I can do that. Oh, why don't we do this? Can we give any warning to the team? Why don't we do this? Let's pen the email right now as a group so everybody's in agreement. To your question, Jack, no.

I think we'll just send it out. No, I agree. You know. Hello, two lawyers and a doctor here. Yeah. Just wondering. So, Natalie or Jesse, can you guys open up the email from the show, just for the body of the email?

Yeah, I've got it ready. I'll draft it. Okay, great. Thanks. So, Alex and Jack, we're gonna set this up pretty clean and make sure you're both happy with everything that's in there before we send it. That makes sense to me.

Okay, Katie, you wanna start the email? Hey, team. Perfect. Hope all is well. That makes sense to me. Okay, Katie you want to start the email? Hey team perfect Hope all is well crazy out there, huh? Quick order of business it has come to Not come to our attention it the the issue has hmm don't want to call it an issue For the sake of research, we were wondering if it would be possible for everyone to please rank. Can I just say parenthesis and PFF?

Yes, please. Sorry, I'm so sorry. Did I just say rank? Yeah, keep going. You're on fire. Rank on one, two. Not everybody. I guess, actually, I do feel like we would have to get the number. We've been using a fake number.

Fifteen. Yes. But are there fifteen people on the email? Whatever the number is, it should reflect however many people. That's exactly right. However many people get this email. I can check right now. Great. I would love that. I'll keep writing my However many people get this email. I can check right now. Okay.

Great. I would love that. I'll keep writing my fake email while you do that. Perfect. And then you can just jump in whenever you have it. So if you wouldn't mind ranking two players in our league. Before we say the names of these two players, I will say that this will all be anonymous. Please don't lie in any way.

Do not reply all, just send us. Yes, just send, very important. I would even, I would write that again at the bottom in like bold of like do not reply all. It's a BCC though, I think you're okay. Keep going. Yes, oh good point. Keep going.

Don't let any outside influence. What we're looking for is to place two players whose names I will give you in a moment on a ranking system. So if you believe one of them to be the second best and one of them to be the seventh, you will write their names, two and seven, and then you'll send it to us.

The names. It looks like 15 is exactly right. Oh my God, look at us. Things to keep in mind for what makes a great player. PFF. PFF. Scoring, defense, court vision, teammate, ability to affect the game in a positive or negative way.

Plus minus. Are we missing anything, Alex, in the character, in the player description that you feel like should be in there? I think IQ. I think IQ's important. Okay, I'm okay with that. Jack, are we missing anything in there that you feel is important? I think, like like an endurance thing. Okay, just calm and calm.

But that means something to Jack. He's fair. Okay. Yeah. So then... Thank you, Jake. You're very welcome, Jack. Oh, kiss about it.

Jesus, you too. Get a zoom. How's the end of that stick you're talking about? Jake! Jake! That's an art. Jake! Where should I hit the ball? Right by the shaft. Right by the shaft. So, Jake, what do you think? What's the end of that stick you're talking about? Is it a flat piece of... Jay! That's an art. Jay! Where should I hit the ball?

Straight by the shaft. Right by the shaft. Katie! So, Jesse. Yeah. Will you read back what this letter is? That'd be great if Jesse wasn't writing this down. I actually prefer it,

because now I'm like, I might not have made sense. That was great. That was great, Katie. Oh, guys, just thank you. That was really great. Thanks, guys. Let's hear what we got.

All right, this is what I've got right now. Hey, team, hope. That was really great. Thank you. Thanks, guys. Let's hear what we got. All right, this is what I've got right now. Hey team, hope all's well, quick order of business. Wait, you forgot the crazy out there. Oh shit, sorry. Crazy out there. Crazy out there. Huh?

Jesse, are you trying to remove the ability to make a little small talk up top about how crazy things are out there? I guess I was just kinda good at this. Do we need to put in there who we are? Oh, that's, yeah. Yes, I think after crazy out there, we should say, we are writing you from our podcast, we're here to help.

Available wherever you get your podcast. Available wherever you get your podcast. In this episode, two of your teammates have called in trying to figure out their official PFF ranking in your Wednesday night league. Jake, we have to, and I know you have a sponsorship with the term PFF. But? It's just gonna, just ranking.

It's gonna throw, it's a football term. Jesse, if you wanna beep out some of my PFF, go ahead. But leave at least seven. No, the title of this episode is PFF, first of all. Okay, so then, and then, can you start over with that added in, and can we see where this letter's at? Guys, I know this is tedious, it's even worse for the listeners, but it's important.

It is Wednesday at noon. Title. Oh, Wednesday at noon, that's the middle of the day. Yeah, oh, it's even worse for the listeners, but it's important. It is Wednesday, new title. Oh, Wednesday, new. That's the middle of the day. Yeah. Oh, it's a lunchtime. Oh, it's a lunchtime thing. Okay. Okay.

So can we... That changes everything to me. I thought the sun was down. It was different. Same. Same. Even better. Okay.

So can we start over, Jesse, and see where we're at? Yeah. So I've got, hey, team, hope all is well, crazy out there, huh? We are writing you from the podcast, We're Here to Help. In this, oh, in one of our episodes, two of your teammates have called in trying to determine their individual ranking

in your Wednesday afternoon league. I think you forgot PFF, keep going. Yeah. There's a decision. We can't keep going. He's a real editor, Jesus. Smart. So then I guess we'll just cut straight down to before we say the name of these two players,

just know this will be anonymous. Don't let any outside influence get in the way. The names are Jack and Alex. I feel like the thing you came up with of the things we're ranking them for should come before even their names. Things to consider. Great at it. One, two, three. Agreed.

And did you write any of those down, Jesse? I think I wrote all of them down. Can we hear to make sure Alex and Jack are happy with it? Cause those are the two guys who matter the most in this. Yeah. It's definitely not the audience. Yeah. Okay.

Okay, so two of your teammates have called in trying to determine their individual ranking in your Wednesday afternoon league. Things to consider. Scoring, defense, court vision, teammate, ability to affect the game in a positive or negative way, parentheses plus or minus, passing, IQ, endurance. Jack, happy. The only edit is make sure it's Alex K because we have another Alex Thank you very much. Are these your real names? Because I can just put that in right now. He'll put the real names in

These are our real names. Yeah, okay Yeah, that's right. Okay Alex. Are you happy? Yeah, that sounds great. Okay, so then maybe- Make it overly clear that you don't need people to reply about each one of those categories. That you're just looking for those categories to be considered when reaching one number between one and 15.

That's exactly right. Yeah. Great. Got it. Do you wanna say, don't wanna put a, Go ahead. Well, do you wanna put a timeline on the reply? Can you please respond immediately?

Yeah, please respond. All you need to respond to is a number for each net. Take your time and think, but please respond as fast as possible. And please, don't do this thinking about people's feelings. Yes. These are all adults. We need actual rankings. Now that's a PFF, pro's feelings. Yes. These are all adults. We need actual rankings.

Now that's a PFF, Pro Football Feelings. Yes, but can you, but I think that's important to put in because I don't want people going like, they're both number one. In my heart. Yes, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're getting real PFFs here.

Exactly, PFF forever. Yeah, what's the timeframe? How quickly do we want it in? Within the hour. Please respond as soon as you get this. It shouldn't take that long. Yeah. And the cutoff,

give them a cutoff so they know what that means. Like be like it. Cut our holes closed. Before. Polls closed. Stay in line, but the polls close. Polls close. Midnight tonight. Midnight's amazing. Okay. I can't go to bed yet. Okay,

great. And then guys, when we get these things, we're going to call you back on and reveal the number in the follow up. Amazing. Alex, you called in, are you happy with the call? I couldn't be happier with this outcome. This is really what I've been looking for. I've been eating a PFF. Where would you PFF rank the call, Alex? Thank you. I don't have this other call. So you could have just said number one. I could have just said one. I could have just said one. But okay, whatever. Jack, you were a visitor on this call. Are you happy with how it all went? I feel, I worry about the villain, the picture that Alex has painted of me as a villain.

Nope. But other than that, I have had a wonderful time. First of all, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say,

I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say Nope. But other than that, I have had a wonderful time. Yeah. First of all, you painted it, and second of all, Jake bought it. Yeah.

Second of all, I tattooed it on my back. Yeah. So guys, we will follow up with both of you, and then we're gonna do whatever the thing is we decided. We're gonna finish the bet. Everybody's gonna be happy. We're gonna move on.. Everybody's gonna be happy. We're gonna move on, deal? Deal.

Sounds good, cool. Love it guys. Katie, thank you for joining our show. Katie, thank you so much. Thank you guys for having me. Really fun. Thank you for having me. Yeah, really fun stuff.

All right, Alex, Jack, you guys need to know. Let me know, I also do wanna know. Let me know who wins. Of course. Yeah, we will. It's a big thing now. Well, this whole call is being turned into a movie. I don't know if you heard that, so you'll be able to. It's called PFF.

A 30 for 30? A 30 for 30. All right, thank you guys for the call. We'll follow up as soon as we have info. Thank you very much. Bye, guys. Oh, wow. Kate, thank you.

What a blast. I mean, what a blast. Such a funny. That's our longest call. Was it? Really? I think it think it is yes, that was like a now more than an hour. What's it really? Yeah, I didn't feel like it at all. I think it flew by Katie. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you You're great. Really a blast. Oh, yeah fun Truly our longest call so thank you. I cannot believe that. I really do want to know. I'm hoping, I'm like gunning, I want them to be like two and five.

Like I want it to be a little closer. I want Alex to be close. I think we all want Jack to lose, but we're going to have to be honest with this ranking. So great when Alex is like, what if I beat Jack? We don't want to consider that that's an option. Yeah, I don't think so, buddy. Come here short king. Well, thank you guys.

Thank you, Katie. Thank you. Thank you guys. You're the best. You rule. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help,

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