We're Here to Help - 154: Butt Glove & Pocket Tuna

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

The guys help a caller whose girlfriend has unknowingly been using her lady parts exfoliating glove. Later, they help a cat owner process the fact that her animal has found a new home. Plus, a follow up from Ep. 24: Suffer in a Nice Way with Johnny Bananas.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. yeah. Every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the US, I know they'll have exactly what I am looking for. They have a huge variety of options from hotels to vacation rentals, and I know I can find exactly what I'm looking for. I've found Booking.com has something for everyone For me and even for the Garf man

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Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com. Booking.ya. And we are back. You want to hear something funny I was thinking about this morning that my brother used to do to me? My brother who's been on this show? Not with me. We should do one to three. I know we were talking about actually this year,

you and I were texting last night, should we just share it with the people? Yeah, this is your idea, it's a great one. Yeah, so we are contractually doing, so a lot of the stuff people will be bringing up, there's a lot of stuff people don't know about, there's behind the scenes stuff with how this business works, where ads come in,

how things go, how we do everything. There's just stuff that we're always trying to figure out. Yes. Correct? Correct. And so we were saying, we have 52 episodes this year that we're gonna do on a Monday, and we would like to do the majority of them, the Garf Man and myself,

but the fun of a guest every once in a while is fun. Yes. And then we're like, but if we're only doing one a week, cause we did two weeks so long, you're like, I don't know, it's bumping into the fun of us doing our stuff. So then I was texting Gareth, maybe we'll just do the occasional extra episode.

We feel like we got a banger. Yeah, and also like that's if one, if like you have somebody and you guys just do a call or if that's a weird interview and it turns into one call and a long interview. Cause we were doing interviews for all, sometimes it'd be fun to chat. And also for the Thursdays, guys.

Edit, Jake actually means Wednesdays. They might be a little different. The show's gonna keep evolving and changing. I don't know what's gonna happen. The Garfman doesn't know what's gonna happen. But we're gonna play with the idea of the occasional second episode a week being a little freeform,

because I also wouldn't mind the occasional, if you got something fun or I got something fun, I can drop a 20 minute episode, just you and me. Who cares? I think that's right. What do you think, these rules to this thing? They're podcasts. It's the beauty of it.

Let's not forget that. I agree, and I think that as we know, our fans will tell us what they think. And that's helpful. Yes, but also our fans are loyal. Oh yeah, no matter. And they get mad at us, but they're in a weird relationship with us.

Morgan told me that there was- Morgan Alley, our new social media, Patreon director, an old friend of mine. We did a catch up to kind of introduce her to the Patreon audience yesterday. Oh fun, Without me. Well, Jake, you're the hot shot. I was three yesterday.

Jesus, it's getting sad. I'm totally available. I was actually recording a podcast that doesn't exist. Called Jake and His Friends. Jake and Buds. Jake and Buds. And it's just, you and your weird- Wait for a caller, wait for a caller.

Your weird statues from your yard. Yes. But she was saying that, cause I did a Gil thing. I like Gil answered questions and I was like, I was very like, and the people, people are probably happy to see old Gilly being again. She's like, some, some were very open with the idea that they don't care for Gil at all.

I was like, this took to here. I mean, it was like a half hour of me just like What a blast. riffing on questions. And I was like, at the end, I was like, that was madness, but that was pretty funny. That's a blast, man. And then she was like,

some people really did not care for it. Well, a funny thing about this show and everything, and I'm sad that once I didn't realize how podcasts work, I thought when you did an ad in a show, it was embedded and it was for good. And so part of the thing about YouTube is those ads have to be recorded, they prefer them in person and they're embedded in, so it's a different animal.

But I wish, or at least I thought, all those ads would live forever, so that if you find this show, and let's say we keep going and it's season four, you could see the entire evolution of how we started Gil, how it began. If you remember, I was at first giving you direction. Yes. We were doing the joke of I was going to direct you in the spots.

Yes. And then... It was a whole plot line. The funniest stuff happened behind the scenes where Kevin and I would get calls from Head Gum, then being like, is there any way to not do Gil because People are well we were and then every now and then we'll still have a promo code where I'll be like Gil sent me and be like Really those people those people over there like wherever are hanging in there. It's really funny stuff

That's someone is like Gil sent me. What the fuck is that? But but yeah, so I think like you like sort of what you were alluding to, I mean, we are always kind of tinkering and we're trying to do some longer intros now. Yes. You know, so that the show has a little bit more breath up top. As well as so that we can rant a little bit left on calls

because a lot of times, you know, we like talking to each other and goofing around and we're trying to make the callers the big star. Yes. But it's fun to goof around and do bits a little bit. Well also when the calls are really good. Yes. It's like we don't need to do much more

than try to problem solve them. That's right. By the way, I saw really fast this really funny Instagram clip. Oh, any of our stuff We're gonna do on Instagram by the way any of the images Yeah, that are like really big on the show if you're like hey, I wanted to see that we'll always post it to our Instagram So you'll always see images. We're here to help Instagram. I just saw one

I posted on my story today because it made me laugh so hard It was a guy in Philly and it said, this dude will believe anything. The guy's going, the sea turtle just escaped. And the guy goes, he bit some kid's head off. And the guy's like, what? It's the best. It's awful because that poor guy was just like,

sitting somewhere just like, oh my God. Did I tell you what we used to do to my dad, my brother and I? Yeah, but say it again. My dad was very gullible, like the guy in the video. So if you haven't seen the video, see the video, it's so funny. It's a guy being told that he could see a turtle

escape the zoo. He's like running down the highway. The guy off camera is so, he's like, I'm just telling, he's like, how he bit his head off? He's like, yeah, the whole thing. I was talking to Karen down at the WTMI News. He's like, oh my God.

Those poor kids. Those poor kids, such an empath. And then we used to do to my dad, because my dad would do that. My brother and I would be sitting on the couch, and the game was to try to get my dad to say different phrases without asking why. So my brother would text me watermelons and then I'd go like watermelons and then he would

go like watermelons and handgun. So I'd go like, uh, so I'd go like, hey dad. And he'd go, what? I go, what's that huge fruit that's pink inside? You go, a huge fruit? I go, you know, you cut it, it tastes really good. You have it this summer on like the 4th of July. Watermelons?

And I go, look at my finger. What am I making with my, when I go pew pew. You got a gun? I know, but what is it right, a little gun. No, no, no. With my handgun. And what are those two words together? Watermelon handgun?

And you'd take a beat. My brother would say, good job. My dad would not follow up with it. I would text my brother two new words. Gareth, we could play this game and I'm not exaggerated. Sometimes up to an hour. And then we'd laugh. He would go, you guys always laugh at the dumbest stuff.

You're like little kids laughing about nothing. And I would be crying laughing. And then right away there'd be a pause and then he'd be like, bring chassis amusement park. And I'd never ask why we're here. His brain never thought, these are weird questions. He just loved, this is a human conversation. That's why it's great.

It's just a blind spot for how to be a human. Because I would eventually be like, I'm not doing that. Right away you'd go, why are you asking? You know what a watermelon is. And why are you doing this? fact that he did he just saw? Like this is what it's like to talk to your sons on Saturday. I was crazy. He is just the best What a character let's get into the show all right without This wonderful episode of we're here to Help, your favorite podcast, our favorite podcast,

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See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. Ends 4-27- fifty nine p.m. Eastern Hello hello having a little giggle are you not on our watch can we get your name? First thing you hear is what? We're really tickled with something we have in the works over here. What's your name, please? My name's Katie.

Hi, Katie. Welcome to the show. Where are you calling from, Katie? Los Angeles. Beautiful LA. What part? Beautiful LA. Culver City.

What do you think of the Culver Hotel where the munchkins from The Wizard of Oz all stayed in the 30s? Well, it's gorgeous and haunted and supposedly the little people had massive orgies while filming The Wizard of Oz. As well as they ran wild, they parted their asses off, they didn't pay their bills

and they were all having sex nonstop. These are all true stories, Gareth. Is that right? Yeah, the little people in that movie were wild. Wow, that's the movie. That's the movie I want to see. The greatest thing, they were true old world party on. Old Hollywood.

I mean, old like traveling around the world performers. And then they got a big gig on Hollywood movie and they just took that per diem and said like, we are turning this hotel into a party fuckfest. Oh, that is awesome. And as they should. As they should. I'm proud of that.

You know, you do, people have those moments in time where they go like, if you can go back in time and talk to anybody living or dead, the dinner party question, my real answer is always to party in that hotel. To just say, what you looking around. They're not shooting the next day. And go like, how was work today?

And have them like talk trash about like Judy Garland and be like, Judy's great. Hear what the lion's all about. And then just let it rip and have a full on party party and be like this was the greatest party of my life hanging around for the orgy Can we get your problem today Yeah, sure Do you know what a Brazilian wax is? Oh boy? Howdy do we Gareth gets them? Yeah, you got it keep it Yeah, that's yeah, either way from hole to hole, that's the goal.

I wouldn't be surprised. Come on now. And then when I brought it up, you would get defensive. Well, I mean, look, it's a lot of guys do it, and what, are you shaming? You've never, I'll tell you, you haven't lived until you. I love your fucking- Oh yeah, it's a lot better with your huge bush down there,

Jake, and I'd go like, and now I'm lost. Gareth, and I would call Berg, and I'd go, Gareth is a Brazilian wax. Oh, yeah, it's a lot better with your huge bush down there, Jake. And I'd go like, and now I'm lost. And I'd call Berg and I'd go, Gareth is a Brazilian wax. No, I knew that about him. Boy, he has really gone wild lately. Okay, Katie. We have to stop. We have to.

So yes, you know what a Brazilian wax is? I get one once a month. That's a lot. Good, smooth down there. Once a month? You're dealing with some pain. Yeah. You know, the more you get it, the less it hurts. Okay. But what you have to do is to keep it good down there, you have to exfoliate it, right? So I have an exfoliating glove. It prevents ingrowns, like irritation, things like that. So in the shower, I have a specific exfoliating glove

that I use just for the downtown area when I shower. You got a butt glove. Yeah, a butt glove. That's a great term. I like that. I have a girlfriend, and we've been essentially living together for the last year and

It didn't come to my attention until recently I took a shower shortly after her and the in the butt glove was wet like it had been used And I was like, huh? Oh boy And then she started talking more and more about exfoliating her face. Oh, no, no, no, no. So it was confirmed when I came home and I went into our bathroom and she was washing her face in the sink with my exfoliating butt glove. And I truly have it. It's been like over a month now. It's been a couple months since I figured it out

I cannot get myself to tell her Glove wash She has been she has been washing her face with my but Katie we have Your it you're in a ship where water's coming in and it's coming in fast. You can't just sit there and go, I don't know what to do. The first thing we gotta do,

and I'm sorry to use this term, but we gotta plug the hole. You gotta plug the hole. We have to stop her from washing her face with your butt glove. Then we can deal with the problem. Then she's still currently doing it. So for starters, that glove leaves the shower with you.

How are you, is this like you're dating her? Yes, they lived together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How are you comfortable, are you going in for kisses knowing that the butt glove's been rubbing up and down the face? Yeah. Katie, this is a selfish solve.

This is not like a roommate who's just using your butt glove that you don't really care for. Like, whatever, let them exfoliate. This is, this is all, this affects you. You've got a butt glove partner. So Katie, tell me this. Why haven't, why haven't you told her? I haven't told her because I feel like if I found, it's a little, it's gross, it's a little embarrassing,

and I just don't want her to feel sad. I understand. Like, what, I've been doing what for a year? Well, there's probably a solve in this that is not telling her. Interesting, well, we haven't got there yet, but you're not wrong, Gareth. And then, here's my other question.

Why do we leave the buck glove in the shower knowing that this wonderful girlfriend of yours is scrubbing her face with it? It should be locked up like a gun. Can we take it out of the shower? For starters, can it travel with you like in a dorm? When you're in a shared shower situation, you would bring a little bucket in?

Can we write for taints and anuses only on it? Eventually we could, but we can't right now. I can hardly remember to bring my keys to my car, nevermind, every time I'm about to get in the shower. But I need it, I need it. I can't have like ingrowns. I got you. Yeah.

Okay, so we are in a situation, so the first thing you do is the one you have, how expensive are these? Oh, they're like five bucks, 10 bucks. Throw it out. Okay, the one you've been using, you throw out. Okay. And I'm gonna tell you why. I don't think we're gonna pitch going backwards,

I think we're gonna pitch going forward. Yes. And I think what you do is you get two new exfoliators. Yep. One of them you say to her, hey, this one's for our faces. This one's for my butt. Yeah, this one's for you to use however you want. Or not even you, we're not going backwards.

But I also don't think, but we're going backwards if you're saying- Two colors. Hold on, no, you say this. This green exfoliator green light Mm-hmm the red brown one Red or brown red light yeah, that's from a butt, and I don't think you tell the butt thing I think what you say is because then you're like fucking ass washing for six weeks your face I think you say you're not wrong. I think you say to her you love the exfoliating glove so much. I got your own. I have an old-school pitch. Okay

Katie what if we did a podcast as the doctors? Oh about the sharing of exfoliates changes the oil complexion of a face and That you say to her. Hey, I bought you this of exfoliates changes the oil complexion of a face and that you say to her, hey, I bought you this, I think we should each use our own and here's why. I just read this, I heard this thing where I guess it's like really bad for the skin to do this.

Dr. Pigley and Mo? Yeah, what do you think of something like that, Katie? I think I could try that. Yeah. Right? But like knowing your relationship with her, because what we would have you do is we would just have you text the link to it to her. And then go like, heard this. What do you think? Should we just get our own stuff? It's like, yeah, yeah, I can definitely try that. It's like, I'm not, yeah. Let's talk, let's talk. I can try that.

No, no, I don't want you to concede into this. We want this to help you. This isn't about us doing goofy voices. Sorry, Gareth. Well, I don't want to tell her per se, but we haven't even talked about, I mean, I would almost argue that sharing an exfoliating thing in general Like I wouldn't use someone else's right right?

So you say you want to open this to a boundary conversation? No, definitely not. I don't want to I don't want to tap this Katie's not No, Katie is a non confrontational animal What I would do is why not just say that you listen to something. You listen to something where they sort of talked about how sharing something like that isn't a good idea because you're sharing someone else's skin oils. It can change the makeup of your skin.

It can make it so that your face wash stops, whatever the fuck it is, and give her her own. Be like, so here you go, here's yours, here's mine. Let's keep them separate. Then you don't even need to tell her that she's been scraping her face with your butt Yeah, I think that's good about this pull out your phone right now. Let's just get the text going come on I Was gonna be a text yeah, you're gonna say you're gonna pull it up because she might text What is she doing right now? Is there any chance she might text you back right away?

She might text me. What is she doing right now? Is there any chance she might text you back right away? She's just working she's just at home working. I just went out on an errand Okay, so you're looking at some weird acne. She can't figure out where it came from. My chin smells terrible. I don't know Oh everything I eat. They've had a pimple that smells bad Every time I eat a sandwich, it smells like shit. How do you get hemorrhoids on your mouth? So How about this as a starting text Katie? Yeah.

Hey, blood face. Oh, go ahead, Jake. Sorry. Real mature, dude. Real grown- up. We are professional advice givers How about this Katie Hey just heard on a pod That sharing what are they called exfoliates? Exfoliating gloves sharing is really bad for the skin. I'm out. Should I just pick up one new one for each of us?

No question. I'd say you're going to. I'm going to buy us each one of our own. What do you think of that? Yeah. Yeah, you know, I can try this. I think she's gonna be like, why are you even thinking about this, why would you need to, like, yeah. But then, hold on, then we gotta, so send that text right now. Say no ifs, ands, or buts, and spell butts with two Ts. And then what we could do, RealMature,

then what we could, I know my role. Then what we could do, and we'll just have it to have it, is we'll make you an audio only of Mr. Piggly and Dr. Moe, because if it starts getting pushed to it, you could just go, she goes, what were you listening to? You can't say you were listening to a podcast. Mr. Piggly, anyone who looks up Mr. Piggly and Dr. Moe. The problem with this whole premise is everybody has the-

I can't believe that that's worked in the past. Everybody has the internet. I think what we've done before is we've sent that to people who are like- Older. What's a podcast? Yes, it only works if it's to a parent. It can't be peer to peer.

What podcast are you listening to? Dr. Piggly and Mr. Moe. Yeah, have you ever heard of Dr. Piggly and Mr. Moe? It's a kind of weird guy who interviews a doctor who doesn't really know the terms. And I'm just getting a minute audio. Where's the podcast? The podcast isn't available fully anywhere.

Yeah, this is a stupid pitch. She doesn't listen to podcasts, though. That's one of them. Oh! Well, we could make it in the back pocket if we wanted it. Okay, so Katie, will you send the first text and maybe while we're happening, this might be, we just need, are you comfortable leading out with the advice we're given here?

Yeah. Yeah. I think so. I think this is a win. So what do you send it in that text? So instead of saying, Hey, I just heard on a pod that sharing, I'm going to say like, Oh, I just heard a podcast that that's sharing, I'm going to say, like, ew, I just heard a podcast that says when you share things. Perfect.

So write that up really fast and hit send. And ideally we get red. Not knowing anything, can you go buy an exfoliating glove real easy? I could try I could see where do they sell them? You know mine was actually from my waxing studio. T.J. Match. Where is your where well you could actually probably get them at Target. Yeah. You're CVS or something. CVS? Big nose. Is there a specific one for the butt? What an embarrassing thing to ask for.

I just had a colonoscopy. Who am I to talk? Yeah, honestly. But also... I was walking around with a robe with the back open. Exfoliating... Not a good look. Exfoliating your ass. Speak for yourself. By the way, I wish I did before my procedure. They turn you out of your side and there's a moment where I wanted to say like, sorry. That's their job though.

I know it. I mean, all they do all day is they're like, cool. All right. What a job. Let's just crack you open. I'm professional. So Katie, did you send the text? Yeah.

Yeah, I said, ew, I just heard on a podcast that when you share loofahs and stuff, it changes your skin. Ooh, did she write back? No. Has she write back? No. Has she read it, do we know? He's on D&D, but I hit notify anyway, because I don't care.

Ooh, cool. And then say, and today are you able to just go and buy a new one? Two new ones. Two new ones, you are? So then what I'd like you to do- We don't want her face in your butt, it's a two-way street.

Then I would write back in that way going to buy new ones Gotta throw out the old one too yuck What do you think Katie it's a lot it's it's dramatic I wonder if we're throwing too much happening I'm gonna It's dramatic. I wonder if we're throwing too much. The way this is happening, I'm gonna... Go ahead. The way this is happening, I'm gonna end up having to tell her that she's been washing her face with my butt. We don't want that. I think what you did is just good. Go get two new gloves. Go get a match. Yep.

Go get a pair. Different colors. But Kate, what do you think is gonna happen when you get home? She's gonna be like, that's so random. I know. Like, you're weird and I'm gonna be like, I... I know, I'm quirky. You know what I'm afraid of, Katie? Yeah.

We led you in the wrong direction. You said send the text. Well, cause here's why. Cause Katie said, I don't know any world where I'm not just gonna have to tell her the truth. But here's, I think you're okay, all right? Hang in the pocket. I know we've got some people crushing it right now. Go to Target, go to CVS, grab two newbies.

It's waiting for her when she gets home. Casually throw away. Hey, so you've got your own exfoliator glove, I've got mine too. I know you think I'm being crazy, but let's just stick in our own lanes. Let's do this, Katie. Let's do this.

What's your girlfriend's name? Fake. Becca. Becca. I'm gonna be Becca. You come home. Let's see what happens. All right.

And Gareth, yes, you can be Becca's coworker, Linda, who is on a zoom call in the background And and but is can mute herself to jump into this from time to time. Nope. Okay. Oh, okay because Because Becca's hosted the meeting Becca. Good. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So before you come in Katie Yeah, we're finishing up a work meeting Becca was saying something. I mean, Leanne was saying something. That's why I think that we're going to like, if we hand stuff like samples out on the street as much as possible, that's a really good way to create a buzz.

And if you can get people to take pictures with the product and we carry a ring light, we can really share that content. I agree. I think it could be very successful. Hold on, my girlfriend just got home. Oh gosh. Hey Anne. Hey babe.

What's up? Hey. Super babe. Hey. What's up? Hey. Super random text today. What was the text? I know, I was listening to this. Did you know that if you share exfoliating gloves, like Lou says that stuff, it changes your skin and it can be really gross for you and I heard it on a podcast, it grossed me out.

What podcast? Mr. Just a podcast with a couple dudes Fun yeah, it's called a your skin and you By the way your skin and you is the title great I Would lead out with that listen to it on a podcast. What's the podcast your skin and you and then go? It's just I go just going forward. We should just have separate ones

I hear it's really like each skin has a different oil and go like it's all complicated stuff, but it really grossed me out Anyway, what's going on? Yeah? Yeah, I Katie and all jokes aside. This has been a sloppy call. I think that's gonna work. I do too Yeah, because I think I'm actually gonna say that first. Yes, and then like tomorrow I'll go get some not so it's not like I heard it and I went right away exactly You're gonna let her wash her face one more time with your ass glove We're gonna throw out the gonna let her put that fucking her wash her face one more time with your ass gloves. You are gonna go home and you are gonna throw out the glove. You're gonna let her put that fucking button mitten on one more time?

Katie, you go home, you throw out the glove, tomorrow you get new ones. You good with that? Yeah, I'm good with that. She might not be exfoliating tonight. She should only be doing it once or twice a week. But then if she says to you, hey, where is it? Go, oh, I'm getting new ones.

I heard on this podcast, you're skinning you, that it's like really bad. It changes the oils if you do it, so I'm going tomorrow. I'll get you one I'll get my own one, but we can't mix them anymore Yeah, and you know what I would say if I was back up you okay? Oh, I'm not gonna go hey quick question have I been cleaning my face with your butt glove for a year Never ask that the months that she's been washing her face over. It's cares? It's over, it's in the past, we move on. We don't worry about yesterday, we worry about tomorrow. I'm thinking about yesterday while I'm in tomorrow.

But let's not because she doesn't have to. Katie, what are you gonna do? That's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna just bring it up casually again when we get home and then I'm gonna throw that shit out and then I'll get some new ones tomorrow. So do you feel good about this plan? Yeah I feel good about it. Let's pull the trigger, let's burn the old butt mitten and and then yeah onward and upward and I think less is more and I would just not overdo it and just leave it so she's not even thinking about it.

Maybe even have a secondary topic to shift gears into. I think that's right. You know? Yeah. Katie, how you feeling? Do you feel like we're in a good zone? I feel good. I'm super awkward always anyway, so you won't be surprised by anything. Okay, but I got to tell you, you have not been super awkward in this.

It's been awkward to have you scrub your butt with a glove and then not tell your girlfriend who's been washing her face with it, though. Thanks so much for the call, we appreciate you. Keep us posted. Thank you so much. Alright, thank you. Everybody good? Let's see.

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Visit helloalma.com slash here to help to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's helloalma.com slash here to help. Alma.com slash here to help. Alma.com slash here to help. Hi, welcome to the show. Hi. Hi, how's it going? Good, how about you guys?

We're great. Great. Having a great session. Can we get your name, where you're calling from and your favorite movie, please? Ooh. Oh, interesting. Isn't it? Yes, yeah, it is.

My name is Abby. I'm calling from Dayton, Ohio. I feel like my head always, I'm so dumb, but my head always goes to Hot Rod. Oh, Hot Rod's great. Yeah, yeah, so it's like, yeah, it's one of my favorite ones. It's fun, yeah.

I fall out of my back pocket, yeah. All right, Abby, Dayton, Hot Rod, what the hell is going on? Yeah, so in 2016, I bought myself a cat as a college graduation gift, which is kind of weird in and of itself, but he, yeah, sure, he has been the perfect cat, like extremely chill, he wants to to hang out but like not too much

He doesn't meow too much and he just generally likes people so I was great Had him for like seven years and then like three or four years ago. We started letting him outside because he wanted what's the cat's name? The cat's name is Lewis Lewis. Okay, so you okay. So you started letting Lou go for walks? Yes, yes, he likes going outside totally fine to do it by himself doesn't need us there So he just walks out by himself. He'll stay outside all day come back at night. We can always just open the door He just runs right in. Great. Yeah, so we live in a pretty family-friendly neighborhood. So like there's other cats that roam and like kids will stop to pet him, which is great.

But then he started not coming home in the evening and coming home in the morning. And then he started, I would go out my front door and then find like rabbit heads, like on my front porch that he had just killed and left. Cool. I got an outdoor cat named Peter who does stuff like this. Rabbit heads like on my front porch that he had just killed and left cool, I Got an outdoor cat named Peter who does stuff like this brings you rabbit heads. No rat heads. Oh, okay, totally. Oh Yeah, yeah, I mean I guess I prefer the rabbit head but yeah, that's pretty gnarly. It's good luck. I think yeah

But keep going so Louie goes for walks. He's I think. Yeah. Okay. But keep going. So Louis goes for walks. He's maybe spending more and more nights out on the streets. He's changing. He's growing up.

I think drugs are probably. Probably. I mean, he's probably hanging out with a bad crowd of alley cats. But then he leaves you every once in a while, a rabbit had to let you know he's doing good and he loves you and that things are fine. Yep.

Okay. Then he eventually just started not coming home and he has started to live with the house two doors down. And now it's been, yes, yes. They feed him. He just kind of sits outside of their house and he refuses to come home. And now it's been like, oh gosh, I don't know, a couple years.

And he, like every time he sees me outside, he crosses to the other side of the street. What? Yes. Do you know the people a couple of houses down? I don't believe it or not. I know some of the other people in this neighborhood, but those people keep to themselves. And so I've actually never met them. I guess my question would be, what do you want?

What are you looking for? What would you say is the exact problem? Sure, that's a great question. But that's, I mean, by the way, interesting setup because you let Louis wander. Louis. Do you ever call him Louis? Yeah, actually. All right, I back off.

Okay. Yeah, we let him wander. And then there's some little kids petting him. He murders a couple of rabbits. And then all of a sudden he starts getting some good food. And then all of a sudden he's getting his belly rubbed. He's getting his back rubbed. Something's going on behind his ears and he goes, I gotta say, I like this

new house a little bit more. It's tough. Yes. So that's my question is, how do I convince him that he had a good life with us and if he's not going to come home, at least to not treat me like scum. Right. Well, I, look, I'll be honest. I mean, part of me wants you to get a collar

that you put on him that says his name and the owner's number. But the new, by the way, the new house lets him out during the day too. Part of the thing, Gareth, is when Abby sees him, he's like, fuck you. Oh, I know. I'm just saying this is a shot across the bow at the other house.

This is a way to say, we know you're cheating. We know you're the other house. Cause I can't make you love me if you don't. Cause I can't make you love me. I don't know. Does anyone know what this song is? There's something in your wound. Abby, you know this song? I don't know, I think it's a little new. I gotta't know. Does anyone know what this song is? There's something in your wound. Abby, you know this song?

I don't know, I've got no idea. Near, near, near, near, near, near. I gotta tell you. Abby, I gotta tell you. Yeah. I can't make it. How does it feel coming out of it? Does it feel good?

I think it sounds great. Yeah, it feels good. I mean, it sounds really good. Thank you. When we were at international school, they also had a singing class. It makes no sense. It makes no sense. they also had a singing class. Makes no sense. Makes no sense.

Here's my fear, Abby. Makes no sense. So we're with you on this one. I fully get this problem. And I see how it's hard. It's your cat, you love him, you gave him freedom. He found something else. We need to make sure,

so the new house isn't like trapping him in, right? No, no, they let him out. They let him just like roam. He's chosen the new house. Right. Yeah. He likes them better. That's why I think. But there's a way, so,

but what is it about them that they like? You know, this, Louie's an outdoor cat. We gave him everything. Right. So do you think it could be the food supply? It could be, but. Like, the route I'm going here, Abby, is. Let's keep it simple.

Okay, kiss, keep it simple, stupid. I'm not calling you stupid, by the way. Karen gave me a love. That was aggressive. No, here's what I'm saying. We're trying to solve this problem. Yes. And Abby, here's what I'm saying. We're trying to solve this problem. Yes. And Abby, here's how we solve it.

What the fuck is Louie's favorite food? I mean tuna, but isn't every cat's favorite food tuna? And here's the other problem. It's not like we live in a neighborhood that has probably five other great cats on this street that just roam. And we also have a really, really bad squirrel and raccoon problem in this neighborhood alone. They just ramp it and they will eat anything. So if I put that out, I get more than I bargained for.

Yeah. Well, that's why, Jake, I would go in the direction of, look, your ex, and I'm calling Louis your ex now. That's why I would go in the direction of look Your ex and I'm calling Louie your ex now Fine Lewis is that your ex he moved on. Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna do? You're just gonna stalk his Facebook all night and just want you know, keep wondering about him I mean all you're gonna do is smother him, but hold on Abby. Do you want Lewis back? is smother him. But hold on, Abby, do you want Louis back?

Well, no, I want Louis to come back and come to my house occasionally. I don't want him, he doesn't have to live with me. He just needs to like come back and act like- Whoa, this is crazy. So you're mad at the cat for finding a forever home when you wanna give him a part-time rental space. Yeah, basically.

Abby, this is wild. I didn't think you were ready to get rid of Louis. Jake, you're a cat. Are you picking the house where they feed you and you have a regular stay? 100%. Or are you doing the one where the person's like, hey, do you mind sleeping on the porch tonight? I'm sensing that Abby was done with my weird ass a long time ago.

And she was. And I'm going, oh, you're letting me out all of a sudden? And then I'm trying to, oh look at that. By the way, that looks just like my cat. That is a black cat with green eyes. That's a great looking cat. And what's he on a car? You want to know why a cat brings- Oh are you looking at the picture? Yeah. Yes, he's in the back of my truck. I got in to go somewhere and I was like, well I can't freaking go anywhere. He's in my, he's in the bed of my truck. Is this after the breakup? Um, no and I was like well I can't freaking go anywhere he's in my he's in the bed of my truck is this after the breakup um no this was like mid breakup like he was like spending a lot more time outside and I would see him occasionally but he would still like come up

to me so how long was he an indoor cat like five years like a long time now let's be real honest abby we can't get to the truth in 20 minutes. We got to get to it now What made you decide to put this cat outside? Did you have a kid or something? No, well we do we did end up having two kids, but that's not why okay I think they opened the door and he kind of followed us out there and he like showed some interest and we were like Well, I mean, it's kind of like a family neighborhood. I don't mind to just let him out and see what he thinks. And then he quickly decided that that was like, he loved it.

OK. So we were like, well, when did he come home? Whatever. And what was your guys' family dynamic? Do you guys have dogs? Well, we didn't at the time. OK. Abby. Keep going, Abby. Thank you for the truth. I didn't want the time. Okay. Abby.

Keep going, Abby. Thank you for the truth. Keep going. I didn't want to bring that up because... Because why? The truth is going to hurt? Well, no, no, no. We only got jobs within the last like six months.

So he like had fully abandoned us by that point. Abby, you're in another thing. You're in another thing and you're wondering why your ex isn't texting you. He's in the back of your truck staring at you He's bringing you dead rabbit head saying take me home. Yeah Not only got the dogs the dogs was like a newer thing but Abby Abby the problem is This ship has sailed this ship has said you your cat Lewis has made a decision

This ship has said, your cat, Louis has made a decision based on what I might say was not, was a little bit of an icy reception at the house. You let him out and he found a place, you moved on, you've got dogs, you've got kids. He made a choice. My pitch was going to be, go get another cat and show that cat all the love that you feel like you're missing.

But then you said you have dogs. Hold on, Jake, there's commas in this. Hold on, Abby. Are we at all right here, or are we wrong? Are we painting the wrong picture? Because we clearly have a take. About what, the fact that you think that I've moved on from this cat?

Here is very clearly where Gareth and I feel like we're both feeling. You had a cat, you got him when you graduated, you think that I've moved on from this cat? Here is very clearly where Gareth and I feel like we're both feeling. You had a cat, you got him when you graduated, you love Lewis, he's great. All of a sudden, you kinda had life is going on, you're moving to beautiful Dayton, you got kids coming, you all of a sudden maybe let him out.

He doesn't come home, who cares? You're paying less attention to him as the years go on. He's fine, but cats are easy. And when he's gone a lot during the day, nobody in that house is missing him. Then he's gone overnight and you go like, great. Then he brings you a rabbit head and you're like, fucking Lewis, you weirdo.

He's in the back of your truck. You're like, get out of here. And then all of a sudden he finds new love and you go What about me? Okay, you're not wrong I will give you that okay, okay and so I need to go ahead. No you go ahead. I was gonna say are you saying that I need to like Give him a quote-un unquote funeral from my perspective? Just let him go?

You need to grieve. I think you need to grieve, but also, if I'm you, because I don't view, I'm different than Gareth. I don't view my pets as my love interests. All right, I'm gonna throw a flag on this. Okay. What's going on?

My love interests. I love my animals on a level that maybe you don't experience I don't know if love interest. It's not a will they won't they it is a well They won't know it is not a will they won't they photos you have right near your face. It's It's filling a background for now. Can I finish? I don't like your start agreed Okay, I'm hot on this call. Yeah, you're just. What I did to you. Abby. Yes. I view it more like a kid. So you didn't really break up. The kid just felt like you started a whole new god damn family and he found another place so I would let him go but that door is always open.

Whenever you see him, I would give a lovingly, hey Louis, hey kitty, kitty, kitty. I would have, if he's ever around, if he ever wants to come back, he's always welcome home. I want to say- That's his home. I wanna say two things. I wanna say one, just since we're going at each other, I don't love the idea that as a parent, Jake will allow one of his kids to go two doors down and start living there because they think

that's the right environment for them. So anybody who's maybe working with child protective services might wanna jump in there. I'm talking about when they're grown up, they fall in love. Second, second, to tag a pitch onto this. What might be interesting, Abby, is to get a shirt made with a picture, that picture of Louis, and maybe an RIP above it. So that way when you walk around the neighborhood, you kind of throw a little shade at the people who's...

No, but by the way, I think you just started something could be really nice What if you go to the house and you explain the situation? Oh, man? Oh, and you go like go ahead Abby Well, do you want me to ask him a question or just explain that like he abandoned us? No, I don't you're not a victim I Would say that you've had this cat since 2016. You love the cat. You've let it out. The cat has been a neighborhood cat and he's going there, but you just want to let them know if they ever feel an obligation. You will always take him home. You love him. He seems to have chosen them. But if there's ever a reason that you are letting them and Louis know. Mama Abby is always around. Give the blessing and accept responsibility.

Exactly right. And say like and let and then if the cats there, but every time you see that cat on the street, I would say mama loves you. It's a great one. Thank you. I will say that. Just a little mama loves you. Keep in mind, Jake would let his child-

What Gareth would say is, I'm in love with you. Keep in mind, Jake would let his child just wander into a stranger's house and live there if they liked it. So that's who you're dealing with, Eddie. That's who you're- That's who's a buster complimenting right now. You see what happens when you actually have a hurt Garrah's feeling. It's gonna last for weeks. I'm worried about your kids Jake. This is coming from an earnest place. I'm worried about your kids. He goes after my family. I was a I was called uh I had a love interest with a cat. Well remember back. Do you have a tattoo of your wife on your arm?

Well, remember back do you have a tattoo of your wife on your arm? I Don't even have a wife What's your tattoo? Abby what do you think you're gonna do? We've given you a couple options. Well, that wasn't a weird edit They didn't do that in post go ahead Abby. Thanks. Just said Jake's got bad internet right now. Go ahead. What are you gonna? I Think that I'm gonna just say hello to him when I see him and tell him he's always called them. Can we do a little practice? Let's do this, Abby.

Pretend the cat's walking down the street. Let's hear how you're gonna do it. Do you mind? Let's just get a practice round done. So I'll be Lewis. I'm walking. You see me across the street. I'm walking down the street my thought I'm just telling you my POV is

Fuck her man Louis That's a cat! Piece of shit. Jake! Louis! Kate Abby. Where's she going? I'm crossing this.

Louis, you're always welcome in our home. Always. You'll always be my first cat. That means a lot to me, thank you. Yeah. That's real nice. Are you gonna say that every time? May I tack on one other pitch?

I'm gonna call it pocket tuna. Gross. Oh, wait. I like this idea, I think. Okay, this is- Go back to the love interest thing? This is, nope, this is, you, in some, either when you see Louis,

or when you're going out, throw a little tuna in a Ziploc bag and just have it on you just in case you see him, and give him a little tuna from the hand. Eliminates the raccoon problem. We're starting the connection with a bribe again. Your new nickname is Pocket Tuna. I don't hate it.

I mean, I've been going by Parmesan floor for a couple years. By the way, Pocket Tuna. And first of all, I can't believe Steve Berg didn't pitch it. Ooh, I love Pocket Tuna on a hike. By the way, Eric Edelson brings his own vegan cheese to restaurants.

Why not just not have cheese? He just brings his own thing. Brother, will you grate this? So, Abbie, what do you think of a little loving thing to Lewis every time you see him? And honestly, I think Gareth is dead right, have a little pocket tuna, and just throw it his way. So he's like, God damn, she's reaching out. She's reaching out.

And guess. That's genius, yeah. I think I'm gonna have to do that. Are you gonna pocket tuna and say nice things to him every time? Yeah, probably, especially now that it's warmer, he's gonna be really out about, so. Let me ask you a question, Abby. Yeah. In 2016, now that it's warmer, he's gonna be really out about, so. Every time I see him, I'm sure to.

Let me ask you a question, Abby. Yeah. In 2016, you're a college graduate, you're watching Hot Rod, you're having a good time. You buy yourself a cat, you're proud of yourself. You love this cat. What was his first nickname as a little kitten? Well, Lewis is the nickname.

Okay, so what's his full name? C.S. Lewis, after the nickname. Okay. So what was it? What's his full name? C.S. Lewis after the author. Wow. So it's Lewis. Wow. And so- Lion, the witch and the wardrobe. Yeah, yeah.

So we call him Lou. You call him Lou. Or Lewis. Would you ever give him a little pet name when you're- you ever use a voice or anything when you're petting him? No, I straight up talk to him like I'm talking to you. Okay. You ever use a voice or anything when you're petting him? No, I straight up talk to him like I'm talking to you. Okay, so it's just, Louis, you know, you're a good boy, I'm glad I have you kind of vibe.

Mm-hmm, yeah, and maybe that's why he left is because he wanted something a little bit more friendly. No, Abby, I think you're perfect as is. I think he left because I don't think he's like, what I didn't like about Abby, she didn't use a certain tone with me. I think what he didn't like about Abby was he thought there's more food elsewhere.

If we've learned one thing from this season, it's that some cat lovers are making songs for their animals, so. We've fallen a little short in that department. There's no right way here, but all we gotta do, Abby, what I was looking for is if there was a voice that could trigger in him. I'm not this weird alley cat. Remember home? Remember home? So if it's just the way you say Lewis with some pocket tune, I think it would do it. But we're just trying to let the cat know, I get you live in this new house and I'm happy you're happy. You tell me the day you're coming home,

CS. And we got your bed. I don't care if there's a dog and more kids. You were here first. It's true. And the kids love him, so they'll welcome him back. Of course they will. And the dog will figure it out. Get everyone with tuna in their pockets. All right, Abby, well, let us know how this goes and if there's contact. Yeah, but by the way, this is a big follow-up because this one could be a multi-arc story, but I got a feeling within the next 12 months,

Lewis is gonna sleep at home one night. Wow, bold prediction. Wouldn't that be something? That'd be great. Great prediction. All right, Abby, good luck putting Tuna in be great. Alright, Abby. Thank you for the call. Good luck putting tuna in your pockets. Bye-bye.

Bye. Producer Gareth here. Hey, if you want to hear the first call. Okay, if you want to hear the first call before this follow-up, talent Gareth here. Episode 24 is the original call. Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the show. We're here to help. You're with Jake and Gareth. Can we get your name, please? Kirby. Kirby. And Kirby, what was your first problem? I wanted to ditch my husband in the middle of the woods. Oh, wow.

This was a while ago. Birthday present? It was like over a year, yes. Right, because he liked survivor shows, but you thought he was a sissy. No, I didn't think he was a sissy. I just, you know, wanted him to get the full experience. Right, and it was for his oh, this was Johnny bananas episode Yeah, yeah Wow yes, right right this is Johnny bananas from the challenge challenge Yeah, season 40 was great. Did you watch it? I'm half way through it closer to two-thirds of a wonderful season great season

Okay, so Kirby. What was our final advice to you? Do you remember? Yeah, you guys had great advice. You helped me just kind of figure out a plan to like draw up a map and get him to go to certain locations and things like that and set up different like challenges for him. Well, I think you all have died for no sense. Yeah. What happened? No, unfortunately. Okay, so apparently it's a lot harder to drop people in the middle of the woods than they make it look like on TV.

Yeah. Finding a location was a little bit tough. Wait, you really did this, Kirby? Well, you know. Okay, okay. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. I jumped. I jumped.

All right, jump. You go ahead. I jumped. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I jumped I jumped you go ahead. Okay. You're good I did try like I had an idea to Even like drop them off get my dad to drop them off on an island close by on this boat But that didn't work out because I couldn't get him to go on the boat Wow So I had finally had it all planned out. I read an Airbnb well about the written Airbnb and have just like had a big plot of land and just like have it set up to go camp out there.

And then fortunately, we got a really devastating news. His mother passed away. And oh yeah, so I couldn't go through with it for his 40th birthday. Makes sense. But I was still committed to it. I was like, okay, we'll just push it off and push it away. So I pushed it off till the fall, summer. His birthday is actually in January.

Okay. Originally supposed to go down. So I found a camping spot, a camping ground that's like really nice and had like a beach nearby where we could set some stuff up. And had it all planned out. Like I was just going to be production and like setting up stuff for him to do and you know, make it fun for him. And the day of the camping trip, he came home and he was in the worst mood ever. Just not wanting to participate. And also it was the tail end of a tropical storm that day. And not great. Not great situation, but I'm like, you know

what? We're just just gonna do it. We're gonna power through and just like, try and have a good time. And usually like, I can get him out of these bad moods. Usually like, you know. But he was in a funk. It was just one of those bad days at work that you're just like,

ugh, I just wanna go to bed and be done. I don't wanna get dropped off in the middle of nowhere and try to survive for 48 hours. I don't wanna go camping. Yeah, I don't wanna go camping in a terrible storm. I don't wanna get dropped in off in the middle of nowhere and try to survive I don't want to go camping and I don't want to get dropped in the woods by my wife. I want to watch TV I don't want to try to not die for a couple days and then have a leave me there and have to survive my way Out because one of my enjoyments is watching survivor shows and she called some dumb podcast and now I'm literally hunting beavers to live dumb podcast and now I'm literally hunting beavers to live. Exactly. I don't want to throw rocks at squirrels and hope I get lucky so I get a meal. Yeah, I think where he's coming from makes sense.

Totally. Oh, for sure, for sure. But I was just like, no, we're gonna power through and do this. So on the drive up there, I'm like, you know what, let me prepare him for this a little bit because he still didn't know anything about it We're still gonna did you tell him you were going? Yeah, just camping just can't okay and your plan was what you were gonna ditch him out there On the beach and like build his own little oh I got you were gonna just say like I'll stay here I'll stay here.

I'll stay here. You go over there and dig a hole in the sand. Yeah, and you know how production will drop off like, oh, look, a bird kind of... Yes, of course. Off the fish, you know? They'll give you a way to win. Yeah, random hatch.

I would love to see this guy fishing in that lake all by himself. Mad. Yeah, with a weird string he creates. Yeah. Well, Kirby's eating hot dogs. Yeah, well, she's smoring it up. Yeah, exactly.

She's got a cooler. And a power bank, everything. Yeah, of course. And like three seconds in. You're literally watching movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. Really.

He's being chased by a badger. Watching Twilight as he's sucking venom out of his own arm. And so- I just completely forgot about him. Yeah. I'm like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something else. I was like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something else. I was like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something else. I was like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something else. I was like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something else. I was like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something else. I was like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something else. He's being chased by a badger. Watching Twilight as he's sucking venom out of his own arm.

And so... I just completely forgot about him. Be like, oh, shoot, I was supposed to go do something. And so you take him out there, he's in a bad mood. How do you cheer him up? Well, I decided to play the podcast for him. I was like, OK, I need to, he needs to know what's going on. I'm like, oh, you need to listen to a great podcast.

You know, it's got Jake Johnson and this comedian, Gareth Reynolds, they're great and they're so funny. I'm like, that's me. And he's like, that's you? And I'm like, yeah. And I was like, so do you wanna do this? I'm gonna be production, we're gonna set, but he's like, no, I just wanna go camping, I guess.

So, just probably- I'm really, Kirby, I'm remembering the first call. You did have a little bit that he was talking about these shows, but your vibe now, when I said he was a sissy, you said no, cause you know he's gonna hear this. But you were kinda saying, like, he watches these shows, but he could never do them.

Am I wrong, Gareth? Do you remember this? you remember I think you were Really like realize like hey going out there and getting eaten by bugs. It's not as fun. Yeah, exactly. That's what I was There was a little bit of heat to it. Yeah 100% Go ahead the air of like I could do, I could do that. I could do that. And it's like, yeah, but I don't think you think you want you. You want to do it. Like, you know what I'm saying?

I didn't articulate that correctly, but. Doesn't matter. Jake's being weird. OK, so so you drive. So you drive. So he says no. So then what's the what's the pivot? The can't you just go camp?

We just went camping. The tropical storm was going through still and it rained for like the whole night and morning through and then our tent started to leak on top of us. Kirby. Kind of a downer, no? Kind of a bad call. It sounds like he was in a bad call Like it sounds like Even a bad mood and you're like he didn't like a cool storm. Yeah, like I play on the podcast He didn't find it enjoyable. He said the whole premise is stupid. I said, let's pitch a 10

He said there's a tropical cyclone. I said, let's fight through it. Then we went to a hotel. We got bed bugs. Yeah Then we went and got maximum food. We got Long and short we're just trying to ring the bell because we jinxed ourselves right before I think we can read even Because if we think about it, the idea was to suffer in a nice way and to suffer definitely suffer And then the camping trip the next day the next two days were beautiful. We had a great time, hiking, went to the beach. Who cares? Great time. Kirby, our show is not, we hope you have a nice time camping.

I'm glad you're having a nice weekend. That has nothing to do with our show. This show is about you have a problem, you call in and we try to help you. I hope you guys go camping and have dinner and have a lot of fun. Who cares? Kirby, right before this,

right before this, Jake and I were talking about our hit rate on solving problems was getting so hot. But guess what, Gareth? She's early season one. She is. I was going to say, it's an old call. This was early on. Bananas was gonna say, it's an old call. This is, this was early on, Bananas was one of our like, first 20th guests. Yes, totally.

So this is a failure of season one. I agree. It just gets shown its ugly face in season two. Here's where Kirby tries to tell us it's a win. Go ahead, Kirby. Well, the other thing we did is we had ice cream last Friday. I have used your advice for something solving another problem

You you're giving advice or you're asking advice Oh, I've used your advice for solving a different problem that I had actually told someone else to take drops Someone else in the middle of the woods. What's it a husband? It was their three-year-old. They were trying to get divorced So I said just put him in the ocean Why did I gave advice to my my sister who just had a baby. Wouldn't stop crying. And she just dropped him out of the woods and couldn't get the baby. Put him in the woods.

Raised by wolves. Bing, bang, boom. What advice did we give you that you gave to another? Maybe there's a win here. So I had a problem with my mother-in-law, the one that lives here, not the one back in England. She was always leaning on our counter and like blocking a cut through of our kitchen

and it was driving me crazy. So I started to sprinkle Parmesan where she leans so that would get all over her arms. I tell you guys, it worked. You parmesaned the counter. Bring it down, Carol, bring it. I parmesaned the counter. You parmesaned the counter. We're going out on the wind we appreciate you. Thank you for the follow-up. Great job

Armageddon in the counter. Thank you God, you really made a huge difference in my life. We appreciate you. Thank you for calling. This was a lot of fun. And wow, I was expecting the end, us to not give you a win there, but you just hit a grand slam. Unreal. Well, you guys did all the work, honestly. Thank you, Kirby.

Thanks, Kirby. Thanks. We're here to help as hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by

Chris Fowler. Themed song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strlecki, and if you'd like to see Gareth who's standing up on the road, go to garethrenolds.com. Remember all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. Buh-bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.

All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hello and welcome, or hi, my name is Cole. My name is Andrew. We host a podcast called podcast, but outside where Cole and I set up a table on the sidewalk and talk to strangers who are walking by. We have a sign on our table that says, hi, be a guest on our podcast and we will pay

you one dollar. We are the only ethical podcast. We're the only podcast that pays. We have really interesting conversations with really fun folks. Like who? Like Marilyn. Okay. And I was somebody else's wife for a while. But the second one worked out.

Well, until he died. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It turned out he had a double life. What? What was the second life? He was a crack addict. Wait, how do you hide that? Hold on, how do you hide? I don't know, he was a nice old Jewish guy. How did he get addicted to crack?

He started smoking it. I know, but I just, I'm just trying to, I know.