We're Here to Help - 156: You Lied To Us! & 50% Off When I Met Him

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Jake and Gareth discover a caller was not 100% honest about her reasons for calling in-- but they solve her problem anyway. Later, they help a caller care for a surprise foster fish.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back. Jake. So you got the flu. The legit flu. Tested and everything. Tested. Yep.

I got these tests that tell you flu, COVID, all that stuff. And I thought I was like, I hadn't felt good for a couple days, but I really didn't think it was flu bad. And then I went to water some plants after I took the test and then I saw one in the other column and I was like, oh no, and it was flu. I was like, shit.

And so how long are you out with the flu? This is probably day four of it, but it felt very validating. I was like, oh yeah, okay, that makes a lot like it. I was like, yeah, because I have felt like shit. Yeah. Um, but, uh, I mean, everybody's got something. It is a crazy era. Yeah, there's just it is we are I

Don't know it's not good But it's also like I got the flu shot and I doubt obviously since I got the flu it It's a miss to some extent, but I feel like it helped me out a little bit Yeah, and then one of the things they prescribed I Like I was telling my girlfriend about it and she like googled it and she's like, they might be discontinuing this nasal spray and I was like, wait, what? Like, this guy gave me a thing and she's like, why don't you look stuff up? I was like, uh, I did, but I decided to try it anyway. Speaking of, uh, you just have to put faith in others.

I got a colonoscopy yesterday. Oh, I gotta get one soon. You got it yesterday, huh? Yesterday, Garrett. Ooh, buddy boy. Yeah, and uh. You got it yesterday, huh? Yesterday, Garrett. Oh, buddy boy. Yeah, and... The drugs are good, right? The drugs were incredible.

I heard the drugs are... You're like, hey, you wanna do another one? Let's do this again in April. Well, I kinda had... I told my wife after, I'm like, I'm a little less scared of diseases and sickness, because I'm gonna lean into the morphine and the drugs. Is that what it was, it was morphine? No, it was, I'm not gonna try to pronounce it,

but it starts with a P. And as Eric Edelstein told me when we had lunch yesterday, brother, it's what got Michael Jackson. It is, that's what the doctor, that's really what, yeah, I mean he loved it so much. Well, I get it. You need a Conrad Murray. You need a Conrad Murray to come over every couple days

and just kinda juice you out. I need a guy. Yeah, so you had lunch with Eric after the colonoscopy? Yeah. Quite a celebration. Well, here's what happened. The prep of it. It's brutal.

And Gareth, you're of age. Wow, I mean, I- I know so it's not I will be see yourself It's what your body I think I have to get one in the next ten years By the way, you have to get one now So what would be funny if a doctor said to you as a doctor ever say to you when you get there? Age height weight and how old do you portray? No, I just I go 35 6 to 130 pounds and he goes 45 58 nearly 200 correct. Yes, that's right. By the way, it is a really funny thing of if doctors

Went along with how you see yourself. So yeah, Jake Johnson 6 to probably 38 to 42 Jake Johnson six to probably 38 to 42 I'm good. Yeah, you're like a linebacker LSU. All right, very Very good. All right, quite stop talking, please Just poking you with a stick, but I did have a You know, it was one of those awful moments because you're getting wheeled into the room and It's a machine. They've got so many, they're making so much money sticking these cameras up people's butts.

It is one after the other. I felt like a Ford on an assembly line. What is it? Is it covered in like plastic? The camera? The whole tubing. I'm not watching. But don't you like, what kind of pervert are you?

You think you're gonna keep your eyes back there? It's not a show, you creep. No, but I mean, I wanna see it before, I wanna see it before, I wanna be like, you guys scrubbed it real good from the last guy, right? Can I see what, may I have a look at it? I wanna do like the Gordon Ramsay hotel hell. I wanna go through it with like a little Q-tip and be like, can I get my blacklight? Hey, not to be an asshole here, or sorry, but can I see what's going inside of me?

Can I hold all the yards? Yeah, no, it was different than that. You go in The prep is so intense. It's you clean yourself out. It is Did you kind of wing yourself off in your house in your own little zone? I mean no. My wife had something to do so I was still kind of, I was just in mid conversation I'd be like, hey guys we got to finish homework, excuse me. You'd be mid trying to be a normal person and then just more than racing. And that's one day of that? Two days. Two days of that.

Well, it's a full 20, it's really one day of that, but before you're stopping food. So you're stopping solids, it's a whole thing. So there's no food really the day before? So it's low, what is it? The it? It's the first thing you have to do is you have to stop eating fiber stuff. So you're eating the weirdest foods. Such as?

Such as it's like all pasta and like, all the stuff you're told not to eat, you're now allowed to eat. Like literally a doctor says like, feel free to have cookies. And you're like, what is happening here? Slamming cookies and then race shitting out of every room. I was eating white bread being like, well, I'm doing what the doctor told me to do here.

Is dad okay? Dad's fine, honey. A doctor told him to eat nothing but white bread. That's why he's running up the stairs to poop so much. That's why he's screaming. That's why you hear him screaming and then a water falls out. I'll tell you the mistake that I made. I thought, in terms of we're guys

who give advice on this show, I thought, like everything, well, you're kind of first option. So you take the first option, I overthink and then mostly make a bad decision. I have a question for you. When would you schedule your procedure? Open schedule, all times available. What time of day are you scheduling the

first available? That's what I did. So let's say the first available is 830 in the morning. You take it. Yes. That's what I did. Why is that a problem? It's a huge problem. Why? Because the drink you take to clear you out is split in half Then the first time you drink it starts it by the way I'm glad you said first because we would have that's what we would have pitched Yeah, somebody smarter would have pitched later in the afternoon. I didn't know about the drink So the session is this so the reason we did bad timing is you have to drink a potion The potion tastes terrible not a medical no way. They're tossing that word. That's what they said I go to the school. Did you go to an apothecary?

My doctor's Harry Dr. Potter So you take the drink all so if you have you're supposed to do two parts of the drink What do you do in the morning? So well? Here's what happens on the drink so the first time you take the drink is at about like 2 p.m. Okay, day before. Day before, which is fun, right? So then you know what's gonna happen after that. You got a few hours where it's pretty intense.

Well, guess when the second drink is, Gareth? Right before? No, how could it be right before? A night, so you're up all night? What the drink does is it clears you out. So what, you do it before bed, nine? 1 a.m. Oh no, so you're like a baby.

Yes. And then are you up all night doing the beads? Of course you are, imagine a fire hose coming out of your body. So you could have done 2 p.m. and then 9 a.m.? No, because then it would have been, no, if let's say you chose later in the day, then you do it like 5 p.m., then you go to bed,

then you do it when you wake up in the morning, and you go from like 8 a.m. till noon, then you have the procedure at three. But like you- So you're going in tired. Gareth, I had about an hour of sleep, I was in another galaxy. But I didn't know what to do, I kept trying to sleep, I would lay down, and I was in another galaxy but I didn't know what to do I kept trying to sleep I would lay down and I'd be like okay it's three o'clock it's time for

this old bull to get some sleep and then all of a sudden I go like grumble beyond grumble red alarm fire sprint Fire. Sprint. Oh, sprint. Yeah, it has to. But that's the problem with the timing. How do you get to the doctor's office if you have to shit? Well, you get, so by the time it's over, so I drank it at one, by 6.45 in the morning,

seven, you know, I was pretty good, but I was definitely nervous in the back of the lift. I definitely had a game plan. Could you, you know, could you please pull over? Oh, Jesus Christ. And when I got to the place, the first thing you do when you check in, I was like, lay a bathroom.

They know. Yeah, well also then I'm like laying in the little room. It's not even rooms, it's just divided by curtains. Oh, God. So you could hear everybody else doing their little like pre-interviews in the other room. Oh. And I. You could hear everybody else doing their little like pre interviews in the other room Oh, and I heard the woman next to me beforehand go like I need to go to the bathroom now I need to go to the bathroom now

I'm like this is the shit wing wild So then okay, so then you go in you so then you you know you get the IV. Yeah, you're sitting there I'm like pass out not yet. No, I don't pass out. I mean it's not long. They're moving pretty fast, right? And then you I got you know you get in the little gown with your butt out sure great look gorgeous best possible showing your best feature off They're made to humiliate. Oh yeah. Those gowns go above the knee too. They could come up with a way, yeah.

All gray. Make it a side, make it a side thing. It doesn't have to humiliate this much. Like a slip. Then they put those little socks on you too with grip. And then they- You're gonna need those to run down our hallways to go shit your brains out of your ass.

Then they wheel you into this little room where it just feels like an office room. Doesn't feel like a surgery room. Right. Yeah, I'm like, hmm, this is a room, eh? Kind of expected more like an ER episode. Yeah, right. Where I was like, just four people with gloves on in a room

and I'm laying on my side with my butt out. Four people? Yeah, just like four random people with gloves on. And also, because of guys our age, Gareth, they were younger than me. Do you, that's humiliating in its own right, but do you, is there, it's hard for you to maybe have this perspective,

but you're a famous guy. Does it, is there an added element there that they're seeing the backstage? It's not awesome. Yeah, it's not a great feeling. It's not awesome. We're big fans. I got recognized. In there?

Yeah. Ah, it's like, that's the worst. Yeah. That should be off limits. They should be like, look, this is LA, you're going to see some stars. Not the place for it. Yeah, the guy goes like- I love Let's Be Cops.

The guy goes like, yeah, I'm a fan of What You Do. And I was like, thanks, you're not going to be a fan of What I Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You Do. I'm going to be a fan of What You, the guy goes like. I love Let's Be Cops.

The guy goes like, hey, I'm a fan of what you do. And I was like, thanks, you're not gonna be a fan of what I do in here. I gotta tell you, you're not gonna like this performance. So then you get in the room and they put the little thing on the nose and the guy goes, count to 10. The worst.

Deep breath, it's gonna smell a little bit like plastic, you're gonna feel a little warmth on the IV, and I'm sitting there going like, I don't know about this. Always. I was like, man, I'm not into this, I'm hearing the beep, beep. I'm like, this isn't my, next thing I know,

I'm in another room, there's a different nurse above me. Wow. I'm opening up one eye She's saying That's been opened And she's going hi everything okay, and I go I have no idea where I am I go mm-hmm definitely Yeah, definitely you good. Are You good? Are you good? Are you good? Is everything okay with you, actually?

Thanks for coming in. Yeah. What can I do for you today? What's your name? How old are you? Where you come from? What's going on? What's your favorite animal?

Favorite animal. And then, you know, you're not only that, you're hearing all the people next to you going through the same thing. So there was a 70 year old guy next to me going like, I'm okay, I'm okay. And I'm like... And then, you know, I guess one of my eyes was open and the other wasn't, because she said, is there any reason your right eye is closed?

And I went like... I'm winking. I was like... Because I'm hitting on you. I'm coming on to you, lady. Where am I? What's going on? And why does my tushy hurt so bad?

Why is everything wet? Why does it sound like someone's jumping in a puddle every time I shift? Everybody enjoy the show. Today's episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Alma. Look, we here at the show, we love, we support Alma because we recognize that your mental health, your mental health care, however you want to phrase it, is very, very important. You know, when you're going through something, it can feel lonely, it can feel difficult, it can feel insurmountable, but that's what Alma does so well. Alma helps you find a therapist

that is the right match for you. I've been using Alma since they started sponsoring us and I found it a very easy way to find a therapist that works for me. I am currently seeing somebody now who has been very helpful. We are trying EMDR, which I find a very interesting way and I highly recommend.

If that is a move you're looking to try. Takes a real person to understand your experience, what's going on with you. You're tapped out on online advice or social media is just compounding the issues. Alma is a great place to go search, find someone who's the right match. Better with people, better with Alma.

Visit helloalma.com slash here to help to get started and schedule a free consultation today. That's helloalma.com slash here to help. This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money, too After years of overpaying for wireless. I finally got fed up from crazy high wireless bills bogus fees and quote-unquote

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plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking dot yeah. Whenever I'm looking to travel I do use Booking.com to find my hotel. I find it to be very easy and very helpful. I went to New York, I went to San Francisco, and most recently I went to Portland and I used Booking.com to make that trip easy. Or I should say to make those trips. I go to Booking.com, I go through the search engine, I find exactly what I want, I'm using the Booking.com app,

I'm all over the place, baby. Well, I don't know why I said baby. There are many search engines, ways to figure out if you're looking for a hotel or a vacation rental, they're throwing options your way. That's why we say Booking.... Yeah, with such vigor, because we believe in it. I right now am in a van in Oklahoma City. And I'm not kidding.

And you're like, Gareth, that sounds pathetic. Well, it does because I went out of my way to use Booking.com and I'm so excited at the place I'm going to after the show because it's got a kitchen, It's got two bedrooms for me and the people that I'm traveling with It truly just makes it easy. You know what you're getting. I can't tell you how many times if a club books my place I'm like what is happening here? What year is this hotel from there's one elevator that's out of order ones Not you know what I mean? It's just it's tough, but that's not gonna happen when you use booking.com So I'm telling you you can find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com, booking.yeah. Hello?

Hello? Hi, welcome to the show. We're here to help. We're gonna solve your problem. It's been a wild day of calls. So let's keep it rolling. Can we, can we get your name? My name is Jessie. Jessie and Jessie, where are you calling from? So let's keep it rolling. Can we can we get your name?

My name is Jesse Jesse and Jesse. Where you call him from? Oakland, California. Oh beauty and how old are you? 31 beauty All right. Well, how are things in Oakland good feeling good happy? These are good. I'm nervous. What are you nervous because you're dealing with two of the best problem solvers of all time Pretty much. So Jesse, I got a question for you Okay What's your favorite band of all time you like music? Oh Gosh, I do like music

That's like the hardest question. Okay. How about an easier question then if If you had a final meal and you were on death row, what would you eat? Oh... That's a hard one. I was really ready to tell you about animals. Pizza. Pizza. Tell us about animals then. You're in a wild terrain.

You choose it. You turn it. You're being chased by something. You turn around. You see what animal. What's the animal you see? Oh, it's chasing me Something's

What animal would you be if you could be any animal or favorite animal that's what you're thinking of I Was ready for it. And you were like, was the answer hedgehog? I was ready for it. Was the answer hedgehog? Hedgehog or wolf so I went with hedgehog because I really don't want a wolf to chase me. Love of the shark. Shark shout out. Somewhere right now Kevin's got a hedgehog in his living room. Somewhere right now Kevin just said yeah. Shark and a hedgehog. That was the craziest reveal ever where he was like, this is Lamar, our hedgehog.

I was like, what is going on? Okay, Jessie, 31, Oakland, hedgehog chasing you, wolf possibility, what is going on? Okay, so some background. About five years ago, my dad moved into his current house and my dad is, and this isn't like a border situation, it's just eclectic and sentimental. But he has a lot of like knickknacks and mostly photographs and trinkets, a lot of them from his life but mostly related to my sister and I and our life

and our childhood and everything like that. Pretty much covering his home Florida feeling. So we have an image of dad, he loves you and your sister. Is your sister older or younger? We're twins. Oh, you're twins, fraternal or identical? Identical. What's her name?

Wow, cool. My's her name? Cool. My sister's name is Dylan. Jessie and Dylan. You guys really close? We're pretty close. Yeah. Pretty close? Well, she lives on the other side of the country, so. That's intense. Do you guys have any of that good twin stuff that if something happens to her you get a sense and you call and she's

like no way I knew that you're like I had a feeling. happens to her you get a sense and you call and she's like no way I knew that you're like I had a feeling. Oh maybe but mostly we have always just had some things lined up so that people ask us if we can read each other's minds we can pretend that we can. Incredible move. It's pretty good. I've got twin daughters they're fraternal and they'll pretend they'll go we we can do twin talk, and then they just talk gibberish. It's effective. The twin language. We supposedly did have a language. By the time I can remember, I don't know anything about it. But my parents believed that we were speaking it before we spoke English.

Absolutely fascinating. Truly. It is fascinating. When I was growing up, I was always so jealous of twins. like twins. You were like, oh, this is just the best Yeah, just your best friend. I was a twin. I ate him in the womb. Okay, and I suggested keep going So we've got a lot of pictures you and your twin sister Dylan around the house floor to ceiling. Mm-hmm What's going on? Keep going So then my dad has been dating

this woman for a couple of years now and Recently, well longer than you might expect but last spring I believe she moved into that house. Okay, okay, and This is where the issue Kind of comes in is that she has three children of her own. She's living in a museum, but she's moving into a museum of you and your sister. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And it got the most awkward, I would say, this past November, my sister, her husband and I were visiting and then my dad's girlfriend's children and their partners came and were visiting. So we were all in the house together.

It was the first time I was meeting a lot of them. And there is not a single photo of anyone in her side of the family. Wow. Is the problem that you feel awkward by there being no pictures of the new part of the family and you want to try to get more wall equality? Yeah, I feel like the call should be the new girlfriend's kids. Yeah, I agree. It's, it's, you would not hear this from me. That's so you, Gareth. You would not have me calling him, being like, I mean, how do we get more pictures of other people on the wall? There's too many pictures.

You'd not hit. I'd be like, well, we have this fake Sports Illustrated cover of me playing hockey, and we can't figure out where to put it. And these new kids are being kind of assholes about it, because they're like, oh, the walls are filled with you. That's fair. I have sort of an ulterior motive. Okay.

Well, first of all, what's your question? Well, so how to get him to give up some wall space. For these other people? For these other people. One, because it is awkward being in this environment with them and just acknowledging like all of the photos of me too because some of the photos of me are really atrocious and i'd really rather So that's the other motive. That's the second motive. Yeah. Okay, that's that's clean

That you want to get rid of some of those photos who he replaces it with i've got a question for you Jessie, do you really care? Yes, and no. They're, they seem like nice people. They should probably have some wall space. And that part of me is like, give her some wall space, but I guess I don't really care. Okay.

Cause I'm trying to get better if we're going to all be in the same place again. Now, but here's what I'm looking to get to the the root the the center of the call Because we're trying to help with two things sometimes a friend to all is a friend to none But if we want to get some old photos of you that you don't like off the wall We could do that if we want to convince him to put his girlfriend's kids pictures on the walls I don't know. I mean, I'll tell you this. I never met my dad's girlfriend's family and he tried to do it But I thought like I'm already grown So his point of view is like well, this is my house. I bought it. She's living with me. I'm not charging her rent

But my walls are from my kids She's living with me. I'm not charging her rent, but my walls are for my kids What is I hear what dad's coming from on that? What's the age difference between you and the new kids? Um there I think they were a need about a gas like between 21 and 28 so they're grown-ups, too So so we really could try to kill two birds with one stone here We can try to get the pictures of you off the wall that you don't like and we can try to get some pictures of them On the wall in place of that. Okay. This is what I would do. I would do one of two things I Would do you don't feel comfortable engaging the new girlfriend at all. Do you? Rather not okay. I mean know that I don't want to talk to her, but I don't want to necessarily problem-solve with her the new girlfriend at all, do you? I'd rather not. Okay.

I mean, not that I don't want to talk to her, but I don't want to necessarily problem solve with her. Okay. You want to problem solve with us. You have good taste. You're smart. Right. She hasn't heard the pitches yet.

I would, this is what I would do. I would propose, I would do one of two things. First, crazy pitch. I would find a zone Where you don't like a lot of the pictures on the wall and when he's not looking Fake a fall into it and knock him on the ground Could you just pick him up no, but you've got a shadow you got a shadow One of the hardest farm you're doing about going to the emergency room. No, he's not there. You're talking about one of the hardest farm. You're talking about going to the emergency room. No, he's not there.

You're faking it. Okay, and Jake's pushback is- So I'm throwing them on the ground. Very fair. And I'm pretending that I did it without getting injured. Quick question, Jesse. Does your dad live near where you live? No.

How far away? That is Ohio. The fall pitch still works. Because I was going to say, each time you go to visit, steal one or two pictures. Not bad too. But it doesn't work with Ohio. Yeah, it'll be a slow game.

Like 15 years later. Where does Dylan live? He's in New York. And where does the new girlfriend's kids live? Around the area that he lives. Oh, Jesus Christ. And where does the new girlfriend's kids live? Around the area that he lives. Oh, so they're all kids. So it's only when you guys go there do you notice this?

Yes. Shit, Jesse. You know what I think you got to do? I think you need to talk to him and pretend it means a lot to you for him to clear a wall for his new stepkids. I would argue also- Pretend it's emotional. Yeah.

What you could do is you could say, well, first of all, I don't want to involve, I don't want to pitch sponsors all the- but but Aura frames is a good way. Go ahead. I hate to do this to you. So the one thing I have tried, aside from like making little jokes to him about how he needs to make room for Christmas, I bought him an Aura frame. I bought him the largest Aura frame and it even matches the frames that he does have in his house every picture is framed like identically and

He won't give her He won't give her He won't let her now. This is a next level. He's the best because this is what I was going to say What I was gonna say is why not approach him and go, dad, I think your new girlfriend would really appreciate if you put a couple pictures of her kids on the wall. A woman's intuition is never wrong. I can tell that would do you favors,

or I can tell she's rubbed by this. But we've already kind of confronted this and dad is like, no. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I even, I addressed the frame to both of them and I like made a little comment in the gift

that was like hope this solves the wall issue. And then I was like, you've made sure to let her put photos on it, right? You know what, Jesse, I got a pitch because this is gonna be a different type of one. This is a tricky thing, and what I'm going to ask is we do a follow-up and we get Dad on the call and we ambush him.

I think that's not a bad idea. Do you think you could convince your dad to get on a call and just do a podcast with us? Maybe. We're going to try to all talk about this I do love him I love me we need to hear from his point of view we're hitting a roadblock on this because we could pitch stuff like you're not close enough like I would do kind of what Gareth was saying about the fall into the wall but what I would do

instead is each time I went there I would steal one of the pictures I didn't like and cuz he's a hoarder he won't remember and all of a sudden you'll look and he'll go like are 16 pictures gone? But that has to be within like a two month period. It doesn't mean you're not going to fly there to steal a picture. Yeah, you're not going to like rent an Airbnb for three months in Ohio to slowly pull this off. So what I think we got to do is I think we got to talk to dad and get his POV. Did you text him, Jesse?

Yeah, I'm not hearing back from him yet. What'd you say in the text? What are you doing? It's a strange intro. Well, because we've had this is also my parents, which if you ever tell someone, can you talk? It sounds very urgent, at least for my generation. And my parents love to send that message. And I've had to train them out of it

So for me to say are you free to talk would feel we're the same generation. Oh, what did dad say? Wow, he's He's at practice for what? Um, he's in some bands, so let's do this Rob, can we get her dad's info and on our next call try to get them both on? Yep. And then just wait to air this one

until we talk to dad too? How do you feel about that, Jesse? You cool with that? I'm cool with that. You don't have to tell him what's going on. Let's keep it a surprise for dad. But promise you can tell him we're not gonna ambush him and it's all meant for fun. You already called it an ambush.

I know. That was a while ago. That was years ago. We're saying what to tell him. Yeah. You're going to tell somebody to get an ambush. That's the whole point of the ambush. Telling him it's not an ambush is a big part of the ambush. Then he loses his stuff and then we ambush him.

Yeah, we ambush him once he feels comfortable to ambush. Got it. Got it. Okay. I will start that lie. All right. Thank you. All right. Yeah, we ambush him. Once he feels comfortable, we ambush him. Got it, got it. Okay, I will start that line. All right, thank you. All right, we'll talk soon then. Okay, thanks so much. Bye, Jess. Bye, Jess.

Bye, Jess. Bye, Jess. Bye, Jess. Bye, Jess. Hello. Hello. Hi, welcome back to the show. Thank you.

Can you remind us, because Gareth and I are in the dark here, who you are, what the call was, and where the hell we are on this one. Yeah, so I'm Jessie. My call was about my dad's home being covered in what I consider an excess amount of photos of my sister and I,

and his girlfriend now lives with him and has three adult children of her own who are not represented in the photos. Right. And when you go back, you feel a little awkward. Yeah, well, there was one time where we, like, all were there together, and it was just very evident that there were lots of photos of me and none of them,

and that was the first time I ever actually met them. And if I remember correctly, you don't live in the same city as your dad. So it's not an easy... I think the original pitch was slowly sneak stuff on the wall, but you're not there enough. Is that correct? Right. Yeah, correct. Okay.

So what did we end on? What was our final pitch? So Ambushing Dad was our final pitch? So ambushing dad was the final pitch that we got to. There was a bit and I've thought about, and he's available. Oh shit. So that is the plan that we landed on. Wait, explain ambushing.

I don't remember that ending. Ambushing like we talked to dad. Oh, yeah, he's on This is big this is big for us, okay, so just keep going I just got an instant stomachache All right now is so we were gonna ambush dad to say, can we get some photos of your new girlfriend's family up there? What did we do? What did past us do to future us?

We screwed ourselves. This is Bill and Ted's in a bad way. Yeah. Here, Ted. Well, there's a part of me that also is like, what are we doing? Because you both raised a good point of why do I care? The point was mentioned like, this is not,

like it would make more sense if the girlfriend's kids were calling in and they were like, there's no photo of me. Oh yeah, that's correct. Yes, and I have since wondered why I care. You also reflected that it's actually kind of just sweet and that he, I think Jake Jake you're really on his side I lost it pretty quickly Because you just thought everything he did sounded sweet and like a good dad so

Yeah, I like this guy all of a sudden. Huh wait. You just did it again I've switched all right keep going You just did it again. I've switched. All right, keep going. So yes, he's in the waiting room and we can ambush him about the photos. Okay, but Jesse, before we do that, I just need, we take a lot of these calls.

There's certain things, I haven't re-listened to this one. This one obviously hasn't aired yet. Sure. Walk us through a little bit of backstory here again. So it's you and your sister. Mm-hmm. Your dad raised you, great guy. What are we calling dad again?

I mean, we're going to need his real name. He's not going to know the game of fake names. Yeah. If I call him Carl, he'll be like, what the hell are you doing? What is this? His name is Jim. What's dad's name? His name's Chris.

Chris. So Chris has photos of you and your sister all over the walls. Mm-hmm. How long has Chris been dating his new gal? Couple of years. Two years? I think two or three.

Okay, a few years, okay. And how many kids does she have? Three. Three, and you're telling me there's no photos of those three kids on the wall? Correct. Okay. And they live together, right?

Yeah. And I bought him an aura frame for Christmas, which, Gareth, you were gonna recommend, but I had already done that, and he won't, at least last I heard, he won't give her control over it. Or like any ability to add photos. And when asked, he will say, well, she knows she can send them to me, any ability to add photos. And when asked he will say well she knows she can send them to me and I might add them. And so because Jesse the

premise of this show is we're here to help you. You want some photos of what's his girlfriend's name? Gil. Gil? Gil with the J. Oh I Oh, I was going to say. I was like, gross. She live in a garage? Hello. In the back of my fictional house? Take it easy, Jake. Leave me alone. What's Gil's wife's name again? Alice.

Alice, that's right. Good Lord, Jake. Is there any photos of Alice and Alice's kids on your wall, Gil? Mostly, first of all, it's Gil. And most of all, there's no photos of Alice, but most of the walls are taken up with memorabilia from a long career in broadcasting. It's no photos of Alice, but most of the walls are taken up with memorabilia from a long career in broadcasting It's all photos of you, correct? It's all photos of me or journalistic moments that I've experienced you with Muhammad Ali There was a bunch. I remember there's a lot of those there was a lot of those. Yeah, that was from one fight, by the way

Yeah, you weren't broadcasting it. You that was the first selfie. Not a lot of people realize that was probably the first selfie I was the only guy taking the camera myself with Mohammed at the back Cassius Clay, but I respect him enough to call him Mohammed Ali amazing of you. Well, I listen you got to be a big guy Boy, it's really good to be out the box What do you think Ukraine You don't want to get me started. No, we don't. So, Jesse. So we're going to talk to your dad right now

and the goal is to get your dad to agree to put some photos of Jill's kids on the wall, correct? Or to get this ugly photo of me with a weird hat off the wall. Is that what this is all about? There's always a trick. Is this all just to combat a weird hat picture? There's always an answer. Jesse, answer the question now. Jesse. Shocking. This is quite a revelation. So, Jesse, you smoke screened us.

Is the real heart of this call to remove a hat? Well, it's in both. No, Jesse. Our show's humiliating, Gareth. The whole thing is to ask this woman's dad to release what now we're going to need, Jesse. We need the photo of that weird hat. Yes, we need the photo. We need the photo of that weird hat. Yes we need the photo. We need the photo A and B.

Imagine if we didn't just get that last nugget. I mean we'd be talking to our dad like, look she's really, she really cares about the second family. So sweet. Yeah. What if we get an aura frame just for your girlfriend's kids? Would you be open to that Chris? While Jesse's just like, I know where you could put it. Yeah, wasting time, wasting time.

Boring, boring. There's a terrible photo being a weird hat. It could go where that hat pick of me is. Really fast before we get your dad on, Jesse, will you explain what the photo's all about, why you want to get rid of it, what is the photo? Let's just all visualize it together. Yeah, so when I was 18, so it's an old photo.

I'm 31. I did a senior photo shoot, but like the photographer I did it with would do two photoshoots at once, so you went to like several different locations. But so this other girl was there that I didn't really know, like we went to the same high school, but I didn't know her. And she had this like fedora. And it was not anything I personally ever would have worn but the photographer like really got on this kick that this one area and my outfit and this girl's

fedora like needed to be combined and so the photographer had me pose with the fedora and I'm like holding the brim I'm like holding the brim of the fedora and like looking up. It's like a very posed, awkward, and it's something I never would wear. And he has it printed and framed. Oh, God. This is good stuff. Garrett's great. Fine.

Well, I mean, listen, she floated it out there. It's just, you've got to get your nose on. But I think, okay, well, I think that... Let's bring that on. Well, first of all, let me just say this very quickly. That's why you don't take a picture you don't want to take. Fair. I learned that then.

I've seen you do this where it's like, you're not going to say something if it's not... Because then they have it. Don't give them the cannon fire. Hey, do the one thing where you hate really fast and then we won't use it if we don't like it. Yeah, and we're gonna use it. You won't use it if I don't do it. We're not gonna tell the editor.

Yeah, exactly right. Okay, yeah, let's bring Chris in and let's, are you feel ready to go, Jess? And Jessi, when we bring your dad on, I want you to start talking and explain everything. You comfortable doing that? Oh gosh. Or do you want us to do it?

What do you prefer? We can't just... Can we do it together? Yes we can. We're here to help. Yes we can. That's our job. Yep.

Yes and. All right. And I just sent the photo. We're bringing in her dad. Can we see the photo? Once we get it. Yeah. Let's see it at the end.

Okay. Once we get it. Okay. All right, and I just sent the photo we're bringing in her dad Okay, we see the photo Once we get it. Yeah, okay Hello Hello Chris, how you doing? Great, how are you? Good. Thank you for joining our podcast. We're here to help. I'm Jake Johnson, this is my guy. Gareth Reynolds, hi Chris, big fan. Yes. What are you a fan of, Gareth?

The walls and photos? I love Chris's whole thing. I think Chris is a great guy. We're both big fans, Chris. Big fans, everything we hear we love. And so, Chris, do you know any reason why you're on this podcast today, or has your lovely daughter filled you in or no?

She has not, other than she did mention it has something to do with her sister. Oh, okay. So I wanna start by saying this. The stakes are very low. This is not serious news. You got nothing to worry about. Okay, good.

So take all the anxiety down. We're gonna be at a one on this one. This is gonna be as small time as it gets, my man. So. That's good. Well, I know if one of my, if I would, me too, if I was on one and my one daughter said, I have news on the other one, I'd be like,

cool it with your small talk and tell me what's happening. Yeah. So I'm gonna tell you, the end of this, you're gonna go, that's ridiculous. Welcome to the show. So, Jesse, you wanna start filling your dad in a little bit about what's cooking here? Yeah, so it's not about Dylan.

I lied to you. It is about the front door. By the way, she's our assassins. She's done that to both of us. That's the first time she's ever lied to me. No it isn't, Dad. No it isn't, Dad. Agreed, Chris. You just fell for it for a lot of years, my guy.

Okay, so keep going, Jessie. It's about the fedora picture. Okay, keep going, Jesse. It's about this 13-year-old picture of me in somebody else's hat that needs to be taken down. And what would you like it replaced with, Jesse? Well, I will, I did try to come on here and pretend that maybe I'm a better person Is that it could be a photo of Jill's children But really it just could be anything else of Jill's kids

So that they can be represented So Chris Chris, we're gonna fill you in on how your daughter lied to us She called in and the original... It's the first time she's ever lied to us. We've got that in common. The original promise of this was my dad really loves me and my sister and his house is covered in photos of us, but not of his girlfriend's kids. And I think there should be some of them.

And we thought- So we spent an episode, some of the episode, trying to solve that problem. Maybe she could take a picture down and replace it up. Yeah, we were pitching an aura frame. We love aura frame. We were pitching aura frames, maybe just of her kids. There was some odd pushback if memory serves. But anyway, we're in what we call a follow-up.

So this is like the second call. And we knew very early we were gonna talk to you today, so we were kinda prepping to tell you what's going on. As we nudged, I wouldn't even say pushed. I wouldn't even say pushed. Jesse slowly and subtly revealed that this picture that she's pitching, this aura frame, could probably go in the spot he slowly and subtly revealed that this picture that she's pitching, this aura frame, could probably go in the spot

where there's this ugly hat picture that she hates. And slowly, with a little more digging, we discovered that the magnanimous gesture of putting pictures of Jill's kids on the wall was maybe not what this was about, but we just hate that goddamn hat picture. So we're going to you, dad. What do you think about the weird fedor hat picture?

What do you think about retiring it? Now it's your turn to talk, Chris. I'm a big fan of that picture, honestly. I don't know what her issue with it is, but she did mention it when she was here. And, but it's been very near and dear to my heart. Okay, that's nice to hear. And so you're saying, and so what's that? We've got the picture ready.

Maybe now's a good time to look at it. Yeah, we could maybe weigh in with it. Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on. So we're seeing the photo. This will be on our socials. Yeah.

It's definitely a photographer's choice. But also, Jencie, what is that facial expression? The hat is... The smile. It feels like the sun's in your eye. I didn't want to wear the hat. Okay, so now you're gonna be... Yeah, go ahead, Garrett.

I'm gonna be honest. It's worse than I thought. I, uh... I'll be honest. I, I... When she was describing it, I sort of thought she had it at chest level. Was holding it. Was holding it.

You're actually wearing it with a jaunty top of the morning to your gesture. Yeah, but you have a stomach ache. It feels like you ate something bad. And your stomach is not in a great zone, but you go like, but before I run to the bathroom, let me take this quick pic. Yeah.

So, dad, what do you love about this photo? This is near and dear to your heart. What do you love about it? And then we're gonna let you talk, Jesse. Well, I wish I had it in my hands right now so I could like go details. So it's a plaid fedora cap. Yeah, and gotcha.

It's your girl, you love her. And she looks beautiful and her eyes stick out. And I don't know, I just have always liked it since I first saw it. Oh, by the way, Jesse, I'm back to, I like this guy. What a dad. What a winner. I know. I knew coming on that that was going to be a yes. Yeah, it's tough. But let's go to Jesse for a second.

Okay. So Jesse, why do you hate this pick? Just a lot of better ones. I can't even say. Yeah. Gareth, why should she hate this pic? It's the jaunty tip of the weird fedora. It is.

It's like, you can tell she's in discomfort with this proposition from the photographer. Okay, you know what we're going to do, Gareth? I have an idea if everybody's comfortable with this. Chris, do you mind if Gareth pretends to be your daughter for a second and sees if he can convince you to take that photo off the wall? Well, that's kind of weird, having a guy try to convince me he's my daughter.

Chris, believe me, once I get into character, you're not gonna feel weird about it. You will, you'll feel worse. Jake, please, Jake, please. Jake will probably try to jump in as a landlord or something. That's his thing. Can I ask one question before we start, Jake? please. Jake will probably try to jump in as a landlord or something. That's his way. Can I ask one question before we start, Jake? Yeah. Sure.

Do we have any more pictures from this session? Just tons. Okay. All right. Great. All right. I'm ready to start. With the hat or without? Without the hat. Tons without the hat. And unfortunately, about five more with the hat. Okay. So then, five more with hats. Okay, so then Chris, at the end of this, when you have the thing with Gareth, we're going

to ask you what your final decision is. Okay. Okay. Hey, Dad. Yes? Hey, it's me, Jesse, your daughter. Your voice has changed. Listen, life's changed, Dad, and that's kind of where I'm headed with all this.

I love the aesthetic of your home, first of all, and I think it's great what you and Jill have built here. I just love it. Hey, it's me, Jill. I would speed this up, honey. Quiet, Jill. Because it is a follow-up for you. Boy, why is Jill? Yeah, I understand, Jill. Relax. What did I tell you, honey? I'm going to go back in the sauna. Yeah, go back in the sauna. Or not honey, dad. Jeez, whoops, that was bad. Listen, the picture of me with the fedora on the wall,

I don't love it. It makes me look awkward. I don't like that that's maybe if someone comes to your house, their first introduction to who I am. I'm not a fedora person. I was wondering if you could replace it with a different picture from that shoot. Maybe one without the fedora.

Maybe you and I could pick it together and it would be nice to go through all those old pictures. Before you answer, Chris, oh, you would love to do that. I was going to say before you answer, before you answer, because you're right there. Jesse, will you do a quick pitch to your dad now, asking him to replace that picture, the reasons why, and maybe a solution? I feel like I could do that. I've already lost myself,

where if he likes the photo that much, maybe just get to move the different, less prominent shelf. Or it stays, I don't know, I'm, less prominent shelf. Or it stays. I don't know, I'm losing my own argument. Well, no, it's important to you. So I think, listen, your dad sounded open to something like that. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse.

We had it. Dad, I was just trying to give you the win. Dad had already said to fake Jesse. That sounds wonderful. We could pick one together. Dad could still keep this picture in his room or someplace else. We were right at a bell room. Go ahead Chris. I can always move it to my studio and I would be happy to do that because then I can still see it and you don't have to be embarrassed when the rest of the world who is never here anyway comes to see it. Going through pictures.

This is so many better photos of me. It means that I like the picture too because it's a picture that my mom had all the way up until she passed. And that's where I got it. Oh well, now I really lost my heart. Yeah, you're done. Oh by the way, I'm 100% with Chris.

Sorry, Jesse. Not only do you keep the picture, Chris, I think you should blow it up and make a wallpaper and cover all 100% with Chris. Sorry. Not only do you keep the picture Chris? I think you should blow it up and make a wallpaper and cover all your walls with it over 100% with over Your third your next arm tattoo Gareth is gonna be this By the way, any we're here to help fans who have written and you have had some what should I get tattooed? It should be this picture.

We've got, no, no, Jake, no. Jesse, that's not gonna happen. I've been waiting for the right first tattoo my whole life. Get it right on your calf. Jake, you just juggled shit so fast. All right, go ahead, Jared. This is what I would pitch. Why don't we, what about this as a last ditch pitch?

What if we get another aura frame Why don't we, what about this as a last ditch pitch? What if we get another aura frame and we put in there a number of pictures of Jill and her kids and in the aura frame we put this image as well. So it's on a rotation. Or here's another pitch, Chris, and then you decide what you wanna do.

Cause your daughter has made it very clear. If your final decision is you keep the picture where it is, I think Jesse's fine with that. But what about if we move that picture with the hat to your studio, and then we replace it going back to the original call with a photo of maybe all five kids? And then next time Jill and her sister are in town,

you guys could do a fun, silly one where all the five kids get together wearing fedoras. Ooh. Oh! What about that? All five of the kids doing that pose and that goes on the wall. A trauma fedora callback.

And this one goes in the studio. What do you think of that? I think it'd be a great idea. I do too, absolutely. Jesse, Jesse. A top of the morning from all of them. Jesse, the weirdest contract in the world sits before you. Your father has signed it.

Will you also put your John Hancock on this paper? He's gonna do the Irish accent. That's my fault. Now that's on me. No, Chris did it. I know he just did it. No, yeah, he likes to do that. Yeah. Okay.

What do you think, Jessie? Are you gonna sign this? Is this gonna be our weird bell ring? That can be the weird bell ring. You're gonna do it. Okay, great. Then can you do something- And I look more thick in the new one. So, Jessie, you have to do this. Okay, great. Then can you do something- I might love more stick in the new one.

So Jesse, you have to do this then for the show. You've got a run point on this. When's the next time you're gonna be with your dad and see him? He wants to know the answer to that question too. I don't know, it's gonna be a while. Oh. It'll be a long follow up.

I mean, we're across the country. That's true, that's true. Okay, so then what we'll do is we'll plan for the final follow-up after you guys get together and you guys all five do that photo. Sounds good. Chris, are you okay? I think I made my problem worse.

Seriously. Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. It's called We're Here to Hurt for a Reason. Chris, are you happy with this? I'm very happy with that. And I would be even happier if it happened sooner rather than later. I understand that, Dad.

It feels like Chris called the show. I'm with Chris now. I know, you completely jumped Jesse's ship. But Jesse lied to us. She's so sad. In the middle of it, she said, I don't even have my argument anymore. I gotta find the winner here. There were some missteps and I think a big one was when you revealed that this call was actually about the fedora picture.

We didn't have a lot of lead up to figure this one out. So, Jesse, you're an absolute winner. Chris, thank you. Thank you both. You guys seem to have a lovely family. See each other soon. Please follow up with that photo of five, Jesse. It will be so good.

Okay, thank you so much. Thank you. We appreciate it. And I'll be moving a picture upstairs today. Hey, okay, that's a big win. Oh, what the hell? Jesse, he wants to, it's upstairs. Jesse.

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Hello welcome to the show. Hello. How are you? I'm good. How are you? Good. Can we get your name please? My name is Brian.

Brian. Brian. Where are you calling from? I'm going to be vague. I'm calling from New England. Brian, I'm going to ask you really quickly, are you okay? Are you on the run? Yeah, I'm okay.

I'm a little stressful. Well, so we weren't going to do the call and then I was like, oh, okay, I can let my guard out and then two seconds ago, I'm like, oh, we can squeeze in, we're back. That's the game. Yeah, I'm a little frazzled I'm sorry baby be frazzled what do you guys let's just jump right in what you take over let yourself run wild what's this what's the problem where we at all right so here we go I so I I'm a city in my office I work in a super small community college in New England as I said I work in like athletics and student life.

So I got like students around all the time, like stopping in my office. Like most of my day is just hanging out chatting with students, which is great. It's fine. A couple of these students decided that they're going to like leave a fish on my desk, a real life fish, a bait of fish, like, you know, the ones that come in the little cup. Yeah. So they thought it was, they thought it was a funny prank. And I'm like, Oh, that's kind of clever. Um, which is fine. But then I'm like, okay,

now what do I do? Like you guys taking this back? And they're like, no, it's your fish. You got to take it. Um, so my problem is now I have this fish. And I mean, I did some research and like, okay, I can handle a beta fish. They come to the cops. It can't be that hard. I did a quick Google search. Google search says get a little fish tank. It'll live and you feed a food and it's fine The problem comes in Apparently our college here has all these fish experts and everybody now that comes to my car It comes to my office is telling me that I'm mistreating this fish and it needs to have a filter and it needs to have a

Heater and it needs to have a filter and it needs to have a heater and it needs to have a bigger tank and and i didn't even want this fish to begin with so i'm like now what do i do i mean fundraiser fundraiser great great opening pitch to all these people who are giving you community notes community just let them know throw a little money in the till. You know, I would say, go ahead, you go ahead, Brian. Well, I thought about that. I thought about putting a suggestion box, and I would have it go straight to the trash, because my trash cans are out there, because I think I'm just more annoyed with them. There's just so many ideas, and it's, uh, you know what, I me, I mean I've... Brian, it sounds like you're at the end of Goodfellas with this fish.

Like you sound like you are spent on this whole fish experience. You know what I would say? Try to give someone else the fish. Some of these people... I tried, I will, I... What happened, Brian? Well, there's just, I'm pretty sure I know who gave it to me. And I tried, I'm like What happened Brian? Well, there's just I'm pretty sure

I know who gave it to me and I tried. I'm like, Hey, can you take responsibility for this? He's like, Oh, no, I don't. I don't know. I don't know. I've tried everybody that comes with suggestions. That's my first thing is like, do you want it? You can have it. You can have all of it. You can have the tank. You can have the little rocks. You can have all of it. Um, but I, it's not a bad idea, but I just can't get it. I don't have any takers. I've tried. Brian, here's what I think.

I think you're stuck with the fish. I think, I know it, I know it. But here's what I would say we're not going to do. I don't think it's take your suggestions and shove them up your ass, right? But I'm like you in that if someone's given me a suggestion without and then I don't need to hear it. So what I would do is I'd put a sign out front that says suggestions are like assholes. Everybody has one and they stink. And then I would write, but if you think I'm doing something wrong, bring me your suggestion in physical form and I'm

happy to put the fish in the tank that you provide. Okay. Right? Because if somebody comes and goes, you need a filter, get out of here. If they go, I bought you a filter, then you go, install it. Now it's got one. Okay. But this is a community project.

I'm not going out and buying a filter and figuring it out. If you want rocks, get the rocks. The opinions are like assholes. Is a strong start. What if you did what's called like a fish raiser? And you, that sounds like we're cutting the fish. But a fish dash razor. Where you put on there,

almost like people have those Amazon wish lists, where you put the things that you're looking for, like a registry, and these are things that the fish, you didn't want the fish, you've ended up with the fish, here are things you're told the fish needs, and put a little, oh gosh, yeah. So we have a photo of the fish needs and put a little oak. Oh, yeah So we got so the we have a photo of the fish and it's just in like looks like a little thing a type of

I did move it. I Came in. Yeah, I sent that because it was 50% off when they bought it So I think it was already on its last leg. Okay But but I have it in a bigger tank now. I did put it in like a, I don't know, a two gallon or one gallon tank. It's like a little bit bigger than that. But you're getting suggestions of what you should do with it, right?

Oh yeah, lots of them. And they're worried it's sick. They're like, oh, it's got a fin rod. My biggest worry is like, if I keep ignoring them, I'm gonna end up with a protest on campus. They're gonna call PETA or something. Well, there's a couple things. One, you know, I understand being like your fish's skin is rotting.

Let's try to make a U-turn on the situation. Hey, my man, it's dying. It's dying. So let's save... Brian, have you named the fish? Well, no, they put a name on it. They put my name in Junior on it, so they're calling it Brian Jr. Brian Jr.

So Steve Berg, friend of the show, has a cat named Steven Jr., which I've always loved. I think that's great. I would say, listen, outside of the worry that you're going to get a protest over this fish, I would say, why don't you try to make the fish a thing that is not gonna be a problem for you by doing something where you are asking for these certain things. You could post a picture of Brian Jr. I would say lean into the Brian Jr.

Put up a couple things around that explain what's going on. You don't know how to take care of a fish. Someone just gave you a fish, but you are where you are now. You want the fish to be okay. These are the things you need. If anyone has them or can acquire them, that would be appreciated.

That way you kind of cover your bases either way. But I think we're all rooting for Brian Jr. to turn the corner. One more time really fast, Brian. What is the specific question again? Jr. to turn the corner. One more time really fast, Brian. What is the specific question again? Well, I guess my specific question is, I mean, it really is just like, what should I do with the fish?

Because in my mind, I'm like, part of me just wants to like flush it and like be done with it. Because it's literally sitting on my desk, but then yeah, I know, and I get in trouble. And more. Or do I invest in, it's really not that expensive. I mean, we're talking like 25, 30 bucks for like a tank and a filter, but more of it is, in my mind, it's the principle, like,

I didn't buy this fish, I didn't want this fish. But let me ask you a question, Brian. What do you actually need for, because so there's a bunch of kind of Side streets on this it's people are given suggestions You don't know what you want to do with it. Do you kill it? Do you give it to somebody else? so our pitch to you is Just get it's a nice cage and a nice little tank nice filters

Filtering system a couple of stones at the bottom one of those little treasure chests that we can swim around a nice little tank, nice filtering system, a couple of stones at the bottom, one of those little treasure chests that it can swim around, make it a nice little environment for it. The little guy's probably gonna die soon anyhow, but let him have a nice run. Now, is that answering the question

of what you're looking for? Because then if it's a question of the money, we can, look, I could Venmo you money for that. No, it's not that, it's more the principle. Like again, go back to like, I didn't want this fish to begin with, but I do, I don't disagree. I think you're right.

I think I probably just need to like suck it up and take some responsibility for the fish that I didn't want. I would lean in. Yeah. And I wouldn't just, like, I would lean in and give Brian Jr. the greatest life possible.

I agree. Yeah, maybe get a community fish. Maybe we get some help. Maybe get a community fish. And then I would, you know what, why don't we do this, Brian? Why don't we come up with an email you could send to the community?

Do you have an email list you could send out? I do. So let's do this. I do. It'll be a photo of the fish. Then you write, Brian Jr. has been dropped off at my house or dropped off at my desk. He is without parents. He's without a home.

I have decided out of the goodness of my heart to be Brian's father. I am a first time fish owner and I am lost. If anybody has an old tank at home, please bring it in. If anybody knows how to set up a filter, if anybody has any stones or they want to bring something for his tank, please donate immediately. The bigger the tank, the more toys the better. Brian's a sweet little fish and he deserves a great life.

Let's as a community give Brian Jr. the life that Brian Jr. deserves. And then sign it Brian Sr. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. And then let's see what happens. I think that's right. Donations accepted immediately. I would put a picture accepted immediately

I would put a picture so that people can see that maybe he needs the help Put a picture of him in his small tank. That's exactly right into that a little bit willing to accept old tanks Yeah, so there's probably somebody there who's like I had a bunch of you know, I had iguanas, but I don't use it anymore Yeah, well guess what? don't use it anymore. Yeah. Well guess what? Yeah. Fill up with water. Yeah.

It'd be great if Brian Jr. was in a massive tank. Yes. Well, my office isn't that big, guys. Brian, we're getting a big tank. Just get in the passenger seat. Let Jake drive. But Brian, what do you think of a letter like that going out? I think that's a good idea.

That way, at least I'm not annoyed with the situation of going out and buying a tank that I just am annoyed with. Let's do this really fast. Can you pull up on a screen and start writing an email? Yep. Yeah, I started before, but you're talking way too fast. OK, but then I want you to actually write it Yep, and just as you're writing it say it out loud

We'll get a sense of it and then make sure you attach the photo and then send it off see what happens Okay, got it. So we got Brian jr. Has been dropped off at my desk. He has no parents. No siblings. He's all alone He needs, I should say he has no house, no home also. No parents, no siblings, no proper home. He's a foster father. He's got nothing. And you've decided he'll be yours? Yes. No, I decided he'll be ours. Yes. There we go. he'll be ours. Yes. I've decided.

Oh, there we go. Yep. He needs a proper home. He needs a proper home from this community. From this community. I've decided he will be ours. Okay. So does Nick McGee sometimes.

If you have any fish related housing equipment. Fish related housing. By the way, fish related housing. Fish related housing. I.E. a bigger tank. A tank. A filter. A heater.

Those weird stones. Heaters. A treasure chest that opens from a skeleton. Yeah, the net thing. Okay, I tank. Filter. Then I would put something in there. And then you could just write ETC.

Yeah. Then I would write, in the past few days, I've gotten to know Brian Jr.'s story and he has not had the easiest journey. I've gotten to know Brian Jr.'s story. But he deserves a great ending. He was 50% off when I met him. That's great. Excellent.

Title. Excellent. Okay. That's good. Okay. I think I got it. Let's hear it. All right. Brian Jr. has been dropped off at my desk. He has no parents, no siblings, no proper home. He's all alone. I've decided that he will be ours.

He needs a proper home from this community. If you have any fish-related health issues, please let me know. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him.

I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with him. I'm going to be on the phone with alone. I've decided that he will be ours He needs a proper home from this community If you have any fish related housing that you would be willing to donate IE tank filter heater

Rocks, please. Let me know. No, please donate immediately Donate immediately Okay In the fat in the past few days. I've gotten to know Brian Jr.'s story. He was 50% off when I first met him. He's had a tough life. Let's, uh, how do I, what do I go from there? He's had a tough journey. He's had a tough journey.

Let's make this second half of his life glorious. Gareth, what do you think? His life. Yeah. Okay. Glorious. I would also make sure you attach the picture and you could even say at the beginning, you know, meet Brian Jr.

Yes, I agree. He was dropped off at my desk. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think that's right. Yep, got it. And then I would write, time is of the essence. We don't know how long we have with this sweet, sweet boy. Please donate immediately.

We have with us. Before his life is 100% over. All right, I don't think we need that last part. Okay. Starting to turn ransom. The sweet, sweet boy. It's getting a ransom tone. Okay. Okay.

From Brian Sr. Yes. Sincerely, Brian Sr. Sincerely, Brian Sr. Sincerely, Brian Sr. And then, you know, you attach the photo and send it to, and then you could write, they all know, everyone will know where to donate it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can just, I mean, they'll know where the email came from.

So they know where my ost is on camera. Yeah, I would say just donate it here. You could leave it outside or inside and... Yeah. I think we're in good shape. I do too. Yeah, I think so. I feel good about this. Yeah, you feel...

I feel like I'm like... You sound calmer. You sound less stressed out. You sound calmer. Yeah, I am. I am. I feel good about this. Well, Brian, send the email and let us know what happens. We'd love a photo of your new home. We're definitely in Brian Jr.'s corner.

100%. Alright, I'll make sure that you guys get a copy of the email that goes out so you get the picture and then the full effect. Alright, Brian. Alright, can somebody step up to the plate? I think they will. Yeah, they will And you too a little bit to get easy Flush it in four minutes ago. He's not gonna Yeah, you too. Hello. Hello.

Hi there. Welcome. Welcome back. Hi. Welcome back to We're Here to Help. We know you're a follow-up, but we don't know who the hell you are, so could you remind us who you are and what your call was and all that good stuff? Sure.

So my name's Brian or Brian Sr. And I had some students that dropped a fish off in my office. Oh, nice. You were the man who hated the fish. Yeah. Had been burdened with it. Hey, Sr., I've been thinking about this one. Will you walk us through the situation again, even though we might attach it's always nice to kind of recap and then what we advised and what you did

Yes, so Situation was I work at a small college and some some students just decided to drop off a Bettafish that they got for half price at a pet store apparently. They had a 50% off discount thing on it. They just dropped it off my office and I thought I could do the right thing and I got a little container and I had them in a little bowl. It was a reasonable size bowl I thought. But I had a bunch of students just felt like I wasn't taking good care of the fish and I kept getting students that would stop by and giving me a hard time and half on me about he needed a filter and he needed lights and he needed a heater and all kinds of stuff like that.

So that was where it started. And so you all, you guys suggestion was to kind of put it back at the community and say, hey, this fish needs a proper home. So let's, let's see if we can, we'll see if anybody wants to like help out and go find a container for my stuff So that's that's where we were. We emailed everybody this Suggestion and request. Oh, we did that's all right. We sent it out to the community. Yeah. Yeah, we had a community and Yeah Wasn't this the Katie Nolan one

The same day, but we didn't do it with her. Okay, he wasn't with her. Okay. Okay, so... Gareth, you mind reading it? Hi, folks. This is the email I just sent out. Oh, this is your setup. Okay, here we go. Meet Brian Jr. Brian Jr. has been dropped off at my desk.

He has no parents, no siblings, no proper home. He's all alone. I've decided he will be ours. He needs a proper home from this community. If you have any fish-related housing that you would be willing to donate it, we'll fix that in post, i.e. tank, filter, heater, rocks, please donate immediately. In the past few days, I've gotten to know Brian Jr.'s story. He was 50% off when I first met him. He's had a tough journey. Let's make the second half of his life glorious. Time is of the essence. We don't know how long we have with this sweet, sweet boy. Please help.

Sincerely, Brian Sr. Brian Sr. This is excellent. It's great. So, Gareth, get ready to ring the goddamn bell. Bryan, what's up? What happened? Well, so yeah, I mean, it was pretty quick. There's students that are right away,

and I'm pretty sure it was one of the students that was responsible for dropping him off in the first place. But they went and found a container. He's got a nice little place now. There's some plants in there. There's a light in there Yeah, we see we see a pick of Brian's new life. Oh

Okay, still tiny but he's a little guy. No, no, no, this is nice. It's better They a big little this is a you know, it's a big smaller house. It's like a yeah, it's a two-bedroom Oh, yeah, he's got rocks on the bottom He's got a real he's got a nice plant in there and he's got the filter and all that stuff Yeah, it's gonna filter. It's got a heater. It's got a light. Yeah, let's see So this is donated by the community everybody put this together and how's jr. Doing? He seems to be doing great. He's still alive. He eats every morning. Are we seeing any physical improvement you were saying he looked a little uh I think so the students seem to think so they stopped by and they're like, oh he looks great

No, he's not dead he's alive, okay, okay In the photo there seems to be a fish at the top at a weird angle There seems to be a fish at the top at a weird angle The other one we've got we've got him at the bottom so we've got we've got okay, okay He's alive. Just wanna make sure you didn't kill you Brian Brian Is there any way to just get a picture of Brian Jr. With a picture in today's paper? This is great Today's paper with today's paper. This is great No, this is a big this is a big I and how are you feeling overall about having him now? Are you having maybe a little more investment in in in your partnership?

I'm gonna be honest. I don't know that I am. I mean, it's fine. It's over there. It's I I mean I feel like you guys picked up on it. I don't really care about the fish But you know what you did and you know what this community did, and what this show did, is sometimes it's not about you, senior. Sometimes it's about Junior. And we didn't give you a better life, we gave Junior a better life.

And the community dropped this joke on your lap, and you said, it ain't a joke, it's Junior's life. And they said, you're 100% right. Here's a tank, here's a heater, here's some plants, here's some cute flowers, here's some weird rocks. And Juniors going, my life ain't bad. A week and a half ago, I was in a little plastic bag, but look at me now.

I agree, and I dare I say, I think it would be a very nice gesture for you to maybe send out a follow-up email to everyone and just be like, hey, you know, we really stepped up. I wanna show you Brian Jr.'s new abode. I have an idea, Gareth. Go, babe. What if the email's from Brian Jr.?

Oh, god damn it, yes. Hey, everyone, now that I'm feeling better, I can finally email. Yes, wanted to say thank you Are you into this senior? Sure, let's type it up. We open up the email the sound of the grudging. Yeah Let's keep this in mind Genie's a young guy

So spelling doesn't have to be perfect. Punctuation can be weird. Okay. I agree. Hi everybody, it's me, Brian Jr. No punctuation, no caps. Yeah. Got it. I am. And maybe spell Jr. with two O's instead of a U.

I am a fish. How about I am fish? I am, by the way, there's no punctuation in this whole thing. Yes, agreed. I'm Brian Jr., I am fish. I like new house. I like new plants.

I like my food. I love dad. I love dad. I love dad. I not dad. I love dad. I love dad. I love you. Can I have sister? How about wait, wait, if you put in it, if you put two betta fish, they like fight to the death.

Never mind. All right. Get rid of it. Get rid of it. Get rid of that one. Listen to the fight. By the way, listen to the fish doctor all fight to the death. Never mind, never mind, get rid of it, get rid of it. Get rid of that one. Listen to the fish doctor all of a sudden. Yep, title. Merch, fish doctor. So then, how about this, where is, and then how about this as a last line?

Thank you, I love you, bye. Well how about this, how How about love what I have, if you have anything else, okay too. Yeah, love what I have, want more toys. Want more toys. And then why don't, instead of thank you, why don't we say thank you? Yeah.

Oh. And then Brian, when you're ready, will you read it back and do you mind creating a voice for Brian Jr. on this robot? I'm gonna ask him. Brian, please come on. Don't think about it. Don't question it. Everything is wrong and everything is right.

Yeah, he's a cutie pie. Remember that. His channel has his old red ass. Okay, let me look at him over here. See what he looks like. Okay. Just get going. Who cares? Get on your knees. okay? Yeah, get on your knees

Oh Everybody it's me Brian Jr. I am fish. I Like new house. I like new plants. I like love rocks. I love dad Thank you. Oh, I love you. Bye. I love what I have I want a little more toys Thank you by the way

There's definitely some corrections we made you didn't do but I think it totally works. I think this is perfect I think the voice note is perfect. It can you it I Think I'm that you're about to push it. Okay. Well, I was gonna say do we send the voice note along with it? No, and then I was like too far. Yeah, he's still working Like people are gonna be like hey, we should probably go check on him. What's going on? You see the attachments you touch it's not okay senior. Are you gonna send this email? ah Yeah, I think I can send it I can send it Attachments it's not okay senior. Are you gonna send this email? Yeah, yeah, I think I can send it I can send it

Don't don't forget photos of Brian Jr. Oh, yeah New photo, that's exactly right Yeah, I'll get it I'll get an updated photo, perfect and then and then send it off follow up with us again. Yeah, obviously We gotta find out what people think about this because madness if you get new stuff now what we're trying to do Now is we're here to help Brian jr. Yeah, let's just give this fish the best possible life He can until you know lights go out and then he just becomes And I am by dare I say I think we're breaking you a little bit Brian senior. I know you're saying that's all in love That that heart's getting a little bigger my kids get on me on this because there's all these Instagram memes of dads who didn't

Want the dogs with yeah, I spent all the time cuddling with them and that is my reality My kids will come home and I'll be like I hate these dogs and no one's around and they're both like on my lap Licking my face and I'm petting their stomachs and they'll catch me I'm the guy who didn't want these come on So senior will use when you're ready send us the email you sent to everybody with the photos Yep, and quick question for the for the group you two, Brian, and you two, Natatek, Natalie. Should we include the voice note? I don't think it's necessary.

I don't know if I can do that. From a professional standpoint, I feel like it was just that. I don't want him to get fired. Okay. Senior, your thoughts? Yeah, I agree. I don't want to get fired. I feel like it was Senior your thoughts I think you did a wonderful job The bubble the bubble sound was awesome for sure but like he said it is a job, okay With college Should attach it?

I know if I got this email and I was one of the students who gave him the fish Which is a natural role for me when I was in school Especially if I have a cool teacher who I like who has a sense of humor and now we're doing bits and it's connecting Me to the school and I'm caring if I got the note I'm very happy if I got the voice note and I just ripped a bong, I'm like, die. Now let me attack another reality. Let me attach another reality to this email.

Let's say you're one of the students and you don't love Brian Senior. Take an easy care. And you play this for his boss. You're right. Wait, Jake, I'm not, I'm actually on the road in Tulsa, but are we ringing the bell? Because I think I got a bell sound effect to stand in

100% all right, let's see what this does I heard nothing besides you nodding happily okay. It's playing Thank you so much will you send us the new thing this was great follow up, please I will and by the way way to go way to go way to go. Hmm. Thanks. Appreciate your help guys Yeah, you're in pain when you're talking Yeah, I just did what are you feeling my man? No, I feel good about it. I do feel good about that Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm happy. I don't know about that voice note. I'm a little uh, we're not doing the voice note the voice No, we're not doing it. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, we're just doing the email you feeling okay, cuz it sounds like someone is putting their knuckle in your side when you're talking No, no, I'm good. Okay, you're good. We're good. All right good. All right, buddy. Good. All right, bud. Thank you

All right. Thanks guys. Yeah We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis, Jeff Porter, and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix and master by Chris Fowler.

Themed song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Stralecki, and if you'd like to see Gareth who's standing up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. Remember all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. All video episodes of season one are available now on Patreon, and season two video episodes will be available

every Monday starting January 20th. Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod. Hey, I'm Wayne Brady. And I'm Jonathan Mangum. And we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows like Whose Line Is It Anyway or Let's Make a Deal. And we're now hosting a new improvised show called What If on the Headgum Podcast Network. And on What If, we believe that improvisation is a conversation.

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