We're Here to Help - 159: Gareth's Faves: Smeagol's Dump & Floor-igin Story (with Andy Samberg) (Re-release)

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

Gareth picks two of his favorite calls for this bonus re-release. First, the guys are joined by Andy Samberg, who helps a caller confront an anonymous rock star who never flushes. Later, Jake and Gareth brainstorm how to stop a caller's coworker from taking off her shoes in the office. Spoiler: Parmesan.See caller images here!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]: https://patreon.com/heretohelppodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. You okay, buddy? I'm not great. I mean, I'm okay, but I'm not great. Honestly. I'm fine as a whole. How big, how real is the question? Cause I can go kind of deep on this. I mean, honestly, I don't think you want to hear if I'm being honest with you.

Let me tell you after the recording. I'll, there's some stuff I can't even get, I can't even start to formulate the words or I'll weep. Every time before we start, I ask Natalie for two to three things. And one of them is always the link. And I always am like going to my email and I'm like, I don't want to do it. And then I'll go to the, like, I have like,

I have like two minutes and I'm like, I don't want to do it. And then I'll go to the like, I have like, I have like two minutes that I'm like, how did it come to this again? Yes. And then I'll text her and I'll be like, hey, can you send the link? Well, usually it's a couple hours beforehand and you're like, what time are we doing this again? And then you see what you're doing. I mean, Rob, Rob, Rob, Rob, you're here. You're very clearly worse with technology, but I think It's because you're you have a new setup every time Jake Jake is just plugging in and it never changes

That's right. You're in some weird ladies motel room back to the time when we were trying to figure out What was wrong with Jake's mic for no less than 15 minutes and he just hit the mute button on the actual mic Fair may I take us back to that time fair point? Mike for no less than 15 minutes and he just hit the mute button on the actual Mike Take us back to that time fair point Yeah, also Gareth. Are you okay, buddy? I'm fine I'm sick of being asked that question by everybody I care about I'm fine So if any of you are out there don't ask again Cuz I'm you need time of everybody. I? I am cutting people out of my life right now.

Do you understand me? Oh no, this is getting dark. You want to get cut out? Hold on, Jake. You want to get cut out? Ask me how I am twice in a row. How are you, buddy? I'm good, dude.

Are you sure? Are you sure? Nah. Stop it. So, we got a re-release, and this is a Gareth Reynolds special. I don't know what it is. Gareth, what are we doing this Wednesday? Well, Jake, we got two.

One I think is we sleep on this call a lot. Andy Samberg joined us, because you worked with him in Self-Reliance, and Andy I felt like came in and really knocked the call out of the park. We talk about Justin Long, we talk about Kat Reitman, Katie Noland, Lamorne, obviously, even though we're still in the middle of the beef.

Andy was a killer. The subject matter is insane. So if you have heard it, I still think it's worth hearing again. So that's the first one. And the second one, well, let me ask you this, Jake. You've accused me a number of times on the show of making it about myself.

What was this whole intro? It feels like a 10-year-old boy's birthday party. No, No wasn't Intro is about us. The intro is about us. What's up, buddy? Are you okay? Why are you doing that tone? Cuz that that is a that's a gap. I'll it can do it back. That's a gaslighting tone Okay, are you hey Jake? What's going on? You all right? You should try to get me if I'm all right a lot my king for the second one is Probably the one that I get asked the most about personally is the Parmesan the floor call. Which one was that? So I believe it's

that the woman in the office is... Take it over, the other woman takes her shoe off. Yeah she's not wearing shoes enough so we pitched the hell out of it and And I think sometimes people get lost because we call back to it a lot. So Great idea. So the second call is from episode 68 or 86 It is the Parmesan and the floor origin story the floor origin story You know what? I would love and I know I'm gonna set us up for a volleyball spike that we don't have and probably don't have time to do it, but a friggin' follow-up for it. Ooh. Right now.

Yeah. How close are we to having that ready now, guys? Give us 10 minutes. 10 minutes. That would be a very good follow-up. Are we doing that call today? No, I wish. No. No.

No. That's a great idea though. Maybe if Gareth had come up with that idea himself. See what she does? Do you see what she does, Jake? That's why she's Nat-a-Tech. Nobody's attacking me, Gareth. We're just trying to get through the opener and figure out what's happening.

Hey, are you okay, Gareth? You're driving the train, Gareth. This is yours. And we're hitting every stop we're supposed to right on time. I agree. Okay? Maybe take the train mic away from me, sure. I'll concede that, sure.

Are you okay, Garrett? What is happening? I'm fine, I'm being fun. Nobody's attacking you. I'm being fun. I'm having fun and I'm being fun. And it's coming across to those listening. I'm excited for the Sandberg one.

And then Rob, you guys do their podcast, right? We do, right behind Natalie, you can see a picture of it. The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast. Those were the guys who produced my movie and all three of it, Seth wasn't, but all three of those guys are crazy talented in their own way. I was telling Gareth during it, I was like,

oh man, I felt jealous of how like they all help each other, they're all really smart, they all have different skill. I was like, that is a little army they've got. Yeah, no, they are the best. Yes. And just to come back this year and flex on Sushi Glory Hole, just to remind people how good they are. But anyway, those are the re-release calls. And again, I just want to

reiterate, Jake, before we get into it. I'm fine. Great. Okay. Without further ado. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Every time I use Booking.com to find a place to stay in the U.S., I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. Listen, I talk about Booking.com very regularly because I use Booking.com very regularly. I always know I can find exactly what I'm looking for.

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Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com, Booking.Yeah. This episode of We're Here to Help is brought to you by Hero Bread. I am currently on hour 71 and a half of a 72 hour water fast and I'm about to read copy for hero bread which is my favorite bread. I don't like hero bread. I love it. Hero bread has really just made bread healthier. Honestly, it's packed with protein, low net carbs, zero grams of sugar, high in fiber, and it just tastes like regular bread. You're not gonna eat this and be like, oh, this fell apart in my hands

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This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money too. After years of overpaying for wireless, I finally got fed up from crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees, and quote unquoteunquote free perks that actually cost more in the long run. And I switched to Mint Mobile. We love Mint Mobile. We love Mint Mobile because Mint Mobile is the same as the other wireless carriers that you're using or have used. But you know, the problem is big wireless. They seem to just keep all your money. So you pay big money for this service that meant mobile is just going to give you for a lot less

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Upfront payment of $45 for three months. Five gigabyte plan requires equivalent to $15 a month. New customer offer for first three months only, full price plan options available taxes and fees extra cement mobile for details Hello. Whoa. Hey. Hey, how are you? This is uh, can I get your name, please? Yeah Bilbo Oh Bilbo Baggins. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're all big fans of you. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're all big fans of you. Yeah And Bilba, where are you calling from I'm calling from Los Angeles Now you're on with Jake Johnson Gareth Reynolds and Bilbo we got a special one We've got a man who I guess would be the reason why my movie got greenlit Andy. That's generous. By you agreeing to be in it, then all of a sudden we got old Anna Kendrick too. So Mr. Andy Samberg's on the call. Hi. Oh boy.

That's right, Bilbo. High stakes. Oh boy. All right, so Bilbo. Bilbo, are you quite ready to go on another adventure? Take us with you, Bilbo. I'm ready to tell you a tale. Okay.

Young lady, the floor is yours. So me and my husband, I'll call him Frodo, it's a little bit problematic. If you guys ended up together. We're going with it. Yeah, we're going with it. Yeah, that's some fan-fix stuff, for sure. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Well, I'll try to focus through the eroticism. Okay. So me and my husband and a couple close buds built a recording studio and we get one of my personal musical heroes coming in for a crazy session that he's going to book with my husband as an engineer. We'll call him Sneagle. Sure. And on the last day of the session,

I'm working next door at a studio and I'm like, yo, Frodo, how's it going? And he's like, today I found not one, but two chips in the toilet. Two what? Two unflushed human poop in the toilet. And I was like, yikes, that's a weird situation too. And he was like, and that's not it.

There was no toilet paper. The lid was down. The light was on and the door was closed each time. And I was like, that's psychotic. Couple weeks passed, he comes back. We finish some more stuff on this session before I can even like ask my husband like how his day was. He was like before, before you even ask like,

yeah, same thing. Huge dump. So. Wait, hold before, before he even asked, like, yeah, same thing. Huge dump. So. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Bill, what, Bill, what? I gotta understand what the hell's happening on this call. There's a musician who comes to your studio, takes a dump in your bathroom.

He doesn't use toilet paper. He closes the door and he leaves the lid up. Yes, he's not. No, lid down. Yeah, but he's not wiping. No flush, no wipe, lid down, light on, door closed. It's very specific. Whoa! Very specific.

This artist is treating the bathroom as if the room itself is a plastic bag and the door shutting is burying it under the door. Yes, yes. It's his litter box. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. I have no shame around spreading this news because I think it's so funny and also mad

disrespectful. How is this mad disrespectful? Just because he doesn't flush? Yeah. Yeah. Or wipe. Well, he's an artist. He's an artist. Jake, you're pulling the curtain

back a little too much for everybody on this one, to be honest. Who would flush their art? Who would flush their art? Is that what you just said? Yes. That's not what he's producing. No, but you're not talking about some mid-level fucking yuck. You said he's a top guy. It's the toilet paper that is hurting me the most. Garth, do you think this person is so healthy that it's clean break every time? It could be, but I mean that is- Wishful thinking. Wishful thinking.

You are really- That's a real Russian roulette move on your health. Yes, you are depending on your system greatly. So what is your question? Is it what do you do now? Because this is just a setup. So my question is, how do I, someone who knows the person, but isn't on his session, how do I... Bring it up? Yeah.

Okay. So I think I'm going to start off. So the question on this one is, just to paraphrase really quickly, you own a studio, there's a musician who comes in, you're fans of him, you respect him, he takes dumps in your studio with no toilet paper and he does not flush and it's happened a lot and it's a reoccurring thing and it's going to continue to happen and you're feeling disrespected to the point of should you bring it up and if so how? Is that correct? Yes sir. So I'm going to say 100% you bring it up. Wow.

That's so interesting Jake. Yeah that is not where I would go. I was going to say 100% don't. I'm on team Andy. There's only one way it can go if you bring it up in my opinion. How? Super awkward. Yes.

And then never work together again. Or, or, you bring it up in a Conversational way give me an example. Yeah walk us You pretend you're the guy. Oh, I would love to thank you, and I'll pretend to be bilba okay Great take for me here. I go, gotta go to the bathroom. Doot dee doot dee doot dee do. Oh my God, it's loud, oh. Bwah, no toilet paper.

Gonna put the lid down. Leave the lights on and go ahead and close the door. That's my normal thing that I do. Doot dee doot dee do, heading back to the studio. I'm ready for another take. I'm not bringing it up now because you're on fire. So take two and we're rolling. That's what happens. The genius overwhelms.

If that's the genius and he needs it to stay hot, well, I'm an engineer, man. I'll flush a fucking toilet to get that gold. But what I would do now is we're trying, Andy, let's do it again. And the day's over. Bill, but do you ever go, do you ever see him socially? Yeah, you do. So that's what I was thinking. Stakes raised. I know, but this, but this socialization.

No, Bill, but it's better because you can't do it in the studio when he's fucking dropping heat, right? Right. Andy just showed you that maybe it'll throw off off the sesh. It'll throw off the sesh. Maybe it's part of it. But now, Andy, we're at a dinner getting drinks after and we're all hanging, okay? We had a great session. All right, so Andy, if you want to start as our guy, let's call you...

Hey, Bill, but give us a name for the musician. Just use his real name, please. Schmigel. Schmigel. No. What's his real name, please? Nice try,el. No. What's his real name, please? Nice try, Jake. You're good.

Some say the best. Gareth, I need you on my team here, baby. Yeah, can we? OK, just for, OK, we're taking a pause and recording the name. So, OK, Schmigel, we're at the bar. We just sat down. We just had some food. Do-de-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- You were on fire today. Oh my god. Thank you, brother

You dropped some really great. I mean, I think this album's the best you've ever done. Are you serious? Man, I hope so. I'm putting my heart and soul into it, you know I would even when you're a musician artist, but what's your favorite tongue from this album? for sure Stinks roses and petals. Yeah, That's a great one. It is. I love the lyrics. What are the lyrics again? And how does the melody go? It goes, roses and petals. Again, what a hit. Yeah, and then there's that big bass drop. Yeah, I bet. So you know what I was thinking in terms of, I just have a question for you because I've noticed you're a

pretty clean eater. Oh, I'm trying to get healthier myself. Mm-hmm. Do you feel when you go to the bathroom that, and if this is too personal, we don't have to do this talk, but do you mind, Smeagol? I'm not sure what the question is, so I can't answer you. Do you feel like when you go to the bathroom, sometimes it's so clean you don't have to wipe? I don't.

I'm not sure I follow. When you go to the bathroom because your diet is so good, Smekul. Do you feel, because with me, I have to wipe so much. It's disgusting. And it's wasteful. Oh, I see. You're divulging personal information to me, trying to loosen me up. Oh.

Well, I was hoping you weren't going to be so aware of that. But. I just didn't realize this was a profile from fucking us weekly. What I'm trying to say here, Smeagol, is do you take dumps in our toilet and not use toilet paper? Oh, so it finally comes to a head.

Well, yes, I do. And you know what? If you tell anyone, I'll kill you. And we're never working together again. And we're not really friends. Ah, see? OK, that went sideways. I got to tell you, Bill, but that went sideways.

Boy, the mind of an artist. Yeah. And I would work with him again because his music was on fire. But here's what I honestly think. I think if you don't bring this up, that's a very easy move, right? It's really easy to just not bring it up. But the longer you work with this guy, the more it's gonna happen. The hanging socially does complicate it.

Yes, because you know him. Go ahead, Garf. What if you put a sign in the bathroom? Sometimes you go to public places and there's signs in the bathroom that are like Don't flush the towels because someone tried that so what if there was a sign in there you did think of this or you did? But it feels so funny to be like To you but if you think about the fact that like I mean this I would say this is a good starting point to just sort Of be like hey, we don't know who it is, but FYI Something along the lines of like these are old pipes when you flush

Please hold it like something that just is indicating that flushing is mandatory at which again this should not be Or garf shame a little bit. Okay. Give me that pitch. What does that? Please flush? thin walls we can all smell oh man that is Roodle that is I know in the walls The thin wall first up I don't want to advertise your thin walls at a recording studio How about this? How about this? Finest walls of town. Come on down. You can hear the drilling. What about something in the world of, please flush. Smells have been intense.

Because you're not saying to him, hey man, we know it's you. We're saying we know that you know that you're not saying to him, hey man, we know it's you. We're saying, we know that you know that you're not flushing. Shared bathroom, please make sure you flush. Ooh, ooh, wait, I have a new pitch. Okay. Do it. Water pressure not strong, please flush twice.

Yes. I like that too. You're basically saying, hey, sometimes you accidentally don't flush. And the wiping thing is just, that's, we can't fix that. What do you think of that, Bilba, about putting up a sign? I like that. Like you need to flush. Wiping's on you.

Ooh, hold on guys. That's really passive aggressive, but it's really good. I think it's really just aggressive I'll say because you're not doing it face to face a sign General is a passive aggressive like roommates in college kind of a move Yeah, it's like when there's three people in your apartment, and you put up a sign being like just a reminder Everyone who lives here needs to do the dishes Also, please don't eat other spaghetti,

especially when that one person just got home from work and was excited. So, Bill, let's be clear. Do you have the guts to confront this person face to face? I think I do, but not in a social setting. I could be like in a like be like caught in the ass, you know what I mean? Yes, that's what I was gonna say.

Hey man. Follow. Yeah, notice that, I don't know, like, because I'm not on the session, which would be more hilarious and kind of sad. You're close to where the studio is. Oh yeah. So why not have your husband text you when it's break time and he's going in there.

You come in, you follow artist into the bathroom after. Like directly. And come out and go, hey, whoa, you left a, that's a big leave behind. Bill, does this sound like you might do this? Because there's a move here. I think that's where I'm leading, but I'm scared. So then here's what you're saying. This is intense.

So I like what Garf said about having your boyfriend text you. I like standing right at the door. So when he opens it, he knows that you know for sure. Right. So one more time, Andy, will you be... My leaving's are godly. Andy, will you be... You're welcome.

Will you be Smeagol walking out of the bathroom and Bilba, will you try to confront him and let's see what happens? Great. All right, here we go. So Smeagol's in the bathroom. Click, click, door opening. Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey personal manner moving forward. Yep. Me too. Oh, look at that. Everything is on and the lid is down. Whoa, Nellie. All right. My friend, you left a huge dump in the toilet. I'm going to have to ask you to take care of that. I'm going to just leave for a sec. You go ahead. All right, Frodo, let's kick it. I'm already all the way back at the booth. I agree, good. Bill, but your pacing is so slow and weird.

He's not hanging out while you do this. Pearl roses on pearls. Where did he trick you into doing that? I agree, he is deep in his second song while you're talking to nobody going, so you should know that. About the human digestive system. Brodo, should we do a harm stack right here?

Holy schmoly, Nellie, there's a dumper in the toilet bowl. Well, Nellie needs to come back. That's also part of my take away. I'm 100% I can auto tune that. I can. My falsetto's off today. I'm screaming after letting loose the biggest dumb of all time. Alright, I think we're ready to wrap this one up, Bilba. I think here's where, here's where I'm at.

Here's your options from us. You can bring up socially in a, you know, a bar environment. Hearing how you do it, as your friend on this. I'm not gonna recommend it You could put up the number two is just let it go. You're a business He's a big client. He wants to shit and do weird things Just he it's worth having them number three is put up a sign something that's very clear that says please flush twice or something that's very clear that says please flush twice or you know we need you to flush your dumps or it's disgusting not to flush something in

that zone the next option is a caught in the act routine that we just painfully lived through mm-hmm so Bilba where are you at? Sign or maybe I'm not going to stand outside the bathroom door. Good. Super weird. But if he's in the studio again, I'll probably just like a little knock knock. Hey, just to remind us, we got a flush display. You are going to do that? Well, there's a huge distance between the sign and knocking and being like, Hey, start with the sign.

Let's just start small and go. Will you do this? Let's let's end this with a window. Will you can we decide on a sign right now? And would you put it in the bathroom, even though he's not there as a new store policy? Like a photo of it. Flushing is mandatory. Mandatory.

Yeah, what font do you want? Oh, Wingdings for sure. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. So would you do that? Would you do Wingdings, would you laminate it,

and would you put it pretty big over the toilet that says, Flushing is mandatory. Helvetica. If he comes back and he takes a dump and he does not flush after the sign, then it's time to confront him. Yeah. Bilba, are you going to do it? Yeah.

Will you send a photo to Kevin? Yep. Yeah. And last, before we go and we need to do this for everything. This is how we end all of them. Can you please tell us the name of the musician really fast without thinking? We end every call like this, like Jake said. This is not out of the ordinary. Bill, thank you for the call. We're getting off. Okay, bye. Good luck. Hi. Hi there. Welcome to, we're here to help. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please? Yeah, absolutely. My name is Beverly.

I'm calling from Fayetteville, Arkansas. And I'm 29 years old. Wow, that took a turn. It's a new girl thing. You know this as a cast member. Oh, right. When we do 29. Yeah. No, when Max does 29. When we did 29, yeah. No, when Max does 29. It's okay, we can do it together. When we did it though. No, no, hold on.

Oh, God, listen, we're not gonna go down that route. All right, three, two, Beverly, what is going on? What can we help you with? Yeah, absolutely. So I just got a new job. Congrats. Who started last week. With this new office job, I have a little bit of a hurdle that I wasn't expecting and

is pretty horrific and I really need y'all's help with it. Let's go. My cubicle mate, every day after lunch, takes a walk outside and then she comes back and she removes her shoes and her socks. And she airs out her toes in our shared cubicle space. I'm gonna share the picture that you sent to... Oh, okay, gotta go. Oh, fuck me. Oh, Beverly. I believe in no free toes, but this felt like essential footage

to share with you guys. Yeah, I agree. So... Mm-hmm. Okay, and agree. So, mm-hmm. Okay, is the smell part of this? The smell is just definitely, I mean, again, I'm in where I live in Arkansas. It is humid here, and she's taking lunch time walks.

Oof. There really is an odor. There's an odor, and if you can notice, I was trying to be as fly as possible, but they're not staying underneath her desk Right. Can you pull up the pic one more time? Yeah You guys know what else is freaking out at the office? No, everyone plays it cool in one of the pictures you can feel like someone standing in the background like right is the carpet

Right on the carpet? Yes! That's crazy. On the carpet. Okay, so walk us through. So my guess is the question is, how the hell do you handle this, right? Are you a mind reader? Have you done this before? Yeah, so basically-

Only about 100 episodes. Yeah, I've listened to everyone. That's how I knew to- Thank you. We appreciate you. We appreciate you, Beverly. You're one of the good ones. Are we talking directly to her?

Are we going over like, hey, what do we value in a cute way? No. Yeah, well, we appreciate you. We appreciate you, Beverly. You're one of the good ones. Are we talking directly to her? Are we going over like, hey, like what do we value in a cubicle here? Like, what do we, like, this is our shared space. I've talked to my chiropractor about it. I've talked to a lot of my friends. There's a lot of people in who are like following along,

who are very invested. I was like, I've talked to my chiropractor, she's baffled. Exactly, exactly. Anyways, so I guess my question is like, who do I go to? And then after that, like, what do I say? Like, what are my next steps? This is too much.

So we're gonna be able to help here for sure, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got... I already got some weird ones. We can get you out. But save those first. Yeah, we're going to get there. Let's just get a little bit of the red. Yeah, let's just get a little bit of backstory, Beverly. She's not your boss, is she?

No, no, no, no. But she is. She has more seniority than like half of the people in the office. But that doesn't. She's not the boss, though, but she's been around. Tough. It's tough. In her eyes. You're in the office. But that doesn't, she's not the boss though, but she's been around tough. It's tough. In her eyes, you're in her house.

Right. Yeah. So is it like a hazing? Nope. It's just, it's like her point of view. She's been there long enough that you're working in her living room. Yes.

Okay. And she's so comfortable there that she's like, who cares? You know, nobody's ever cared. Now, um, question about, nobody's ever cared. Now, question about let's give her a name. How about a fake one so we don't offend her? Of course, all her diamond. So what's diamonds personality like? She doesn't really have an inside voice, but always has something interesting to say. And she, I don't know, we're still getting to know each other. It's honestly like, it's

hard for me to see past the loose piggies. You know what I mean? So maybe that's it. Like maybe I need to like get to know like her more. I just like, this feels like a really big roadblock. Yeah, it's tough. or more, I just feel like this feels like a really big roadblock. Yeah, it's tough. I'm truly like hiking, since I'm outside, we talked about that. I don't know. Gross, I wish she didn't...

Yeah, it'd be great. It's just gross. I, when I fly, like if I'm on a long flight, I will go shoes off, but I will hide them. But when I see people go shoes and socks off, that to me is like, what is going on? That is, that's just a bridge too far. It's really bad. Yeah, my skin is crying. Yeah. But first of all, I think because you, like you're saying, you kind of want to preserve the job. You don't want to rock the boat.

I don't think you want to confront this head on. I don't think you want to go above her and complain. I don't think you want to go above her and complain. I think we've got to either die hard, shoot the glass, or we've got to just come up with ways that would dissuade her from taking her shoes off. Gareth, you want to start pitching some stuff of how to get her out of this as we're trying to figure this one out?

Okay, so here's the first one that I would say is just a way to dissuade her a little head on. And that would be to say that you're seeing spiders. That you've seen a few spiders. That you think you got bitten by a spider at work. You could whatever. What about releasing a rat? Yes, but I think like what's good about a spider is that she can't, first of all,

if it got connected to Beverly, she wouldn't get in trouble. But here's what I'm afraid of with that. If it's- Right, there's cameras in the building, so like, yeah, okay, we're not gonna release a rat. You can't rat it to it. You'll be the weirdest. But so here's, then we need something more than a spider and here's why.

Because she could not connect that to her feet and be like, ew, disgusting. Okay, Lucy, you wanna hear the other specials? Yes. I think what you could do is if you wanted to try to outweird her, you start clipping your toenails in the cubicle. Holy shit.

Ha ha! Best response we've had in a while, holy shit. You sort of go like, you invented a locker room. Like I'm in my living room. I love the locker room. Yeah, we're in the locker room. This is a party. So Gareth, we had a call similar to this

with a man who flossed in the living room. And we talked to his wife about clipping. That makes sense, because we're at home. God damn it, Beverly's at work. But this woman is making it home. But the woman is not the boss. No, I think I think there's got to be a slight I like spiders. I think there's something there to say like, here's another one.

Good. You start parmesaning the floor. Oh, my God. Classic. You start putting Parmesan on the floor. We can't keep pitching this. We've cut this out of 65 out of 80 episodes. Maybe this one will stick. I'm telling you, someone is gonna Parmesan the goddamn floor.

By the way, Parmesan the floor is a great idea. Parmesan it, a little water on it, she'll start to feel a little footy film. And she'll start going, what the hell? Here's one B on Parmesan. You're talking, post her exercise or feed her out, you're eating spicy Chinese food or Mexican food with weird hot chili oils, you spill it on the floor,

you tell her you're really sorry. As you're cleaning it, you rub it in all over her area, and it's hot oil. Or, ooh, let's get weird. You break, you drop a glass and you break it. And you say... This is really good. You go like this, hey, you get there early,

you get a really thin wine glass or some water glass. You knock... Yeah, I should be arriving to work early with wine glass. Fair enough. Any sort of thin glass that breaks. If it's cameras, they can't see you break it. And if it drops more than three times and it doesn't break, you're a weirdo. But if you can...

Well, you know what you could do is you could get that fake breakaway Hollywood glass. So that it actually... So you could get a fake breakaway. It shatters everywhere. You shatter it, and when she comes... And there's blood everywhere. You could say...

Beverly, it's fake, damn it. Pump the brakes, Beverly. Pump the brakes here. Is that a horror movie? No, fake blood everywhere. Fake blood everywhere. I thought we were going the wrong way. No, we don't want... No, we don't want fake... It's been a murder. No, but I think this idea is something.

What if you did this, Beverly? You got one of those fake... You can get it on Amazon, I'm sure, breakaway glass, so it's easy. You fill it with water, you accidentally knock it, it breaks everywhere. You clean it as much as you can. When she comes in, you put a note up that you say, sorry, broken glass in this area because it's carpeted, can't get it all. Be careful.

No, that's like really good. I feel like I need to introduce another character, but if we don't have enough time then We don't have to we have time. Um, the receptionist Or like the she like lords over the building And she notices it's like a picture frame is like off kilter and she'll like send out a mass email to everyone of like Who did this to the picture frame? And she's always checking if the housekeepers are doing their job and like going in and very tedious. So I would

hate for something to, you know what I mean? For like, yeah. And or well, Tim will call her Tim to get onto someone else because of a mess I made. I understand. But I also hear where you guys are coming from, and it's goofy and it's fun. I understand, but you're right that it's gonna make the receptionist get really OCD, be really tough on the janitors, everyone's life's gonna get bad, and then Diamond's gonna be walking around a shoeless.

How about something like this? An anonymous note to the receptionist saying, just so you know, there is a coworker in your floor, in your building, walking around shoeless, rubbing their feet all over everything. There has been word that there might be athlete's foot spreading. I thought you would want to know because I expected more from you. Right. And then the receptionist goes like, We got a wreck. Yeah. Tim's going to freak out. Everything's got to be perfect.

The picture frame's got to be pretty. You just go like, brrr. And then all of a sudden the answer is no. And then it's a battle between them. And then you could sit back and go like, I don't even know what's happening. Another one. Pop two thumbtacks in the carpet near where she goes barefoot. Aerith, no. Home alone her.

Home alone her. We're not. Hold on. Home alone her. Why don't you throw a paint can at her head and burn her with an iron? Home alone her. Torn feathered woman. We can't inflict pain.

How about this? Wet the carpet and shock it. Electrocutor. Homeowner. How about this? I got one. Okay. This is in the world of the nails.

Don't wash your feet for three days. Get your feet smelling yeasty and disgusting. We all know it's not far off. Within 30 hours, all of our feet are the feet of an animal. Really cook those sons of bitches, Beverly. When she takes her shoes off, you take yours off. Your smell has to be so intense that she goes like, ooh. You know what I think we do on that one?

We Parmesan your feet. Why not? Tonight. And then let them cook for three days. We Parmesan your socks and you wear the same socks for three days and you're joining the locker room and you've got little flaky Parmesan smells. I mean, I honestly think there's something too. If I did something where I took my shoes off

and somebody else did and their feet were disgusting and I thought mine were fine, I would put mine on. And then if they put theirs on too, I would be like, let's agree to disagree. I'm just keeping these on and they keep theirs on. Mm, yeah, yeah. So we've got some options for you. And I want to kind of hear where you're at.

This doesn't necessarily mean the end, but we got the world of spiders. Right. Coming from down under. Coming from down under. Spiders from down under. We've got the idea of maybe put like a mouse, get a field mouse, put it in your purse. When her feet are off, just put your purse on the ground, let it crawl out of your purse.

We've got the Parmesan cheese. Just put Parmesan cheese on the floor. I guess hope the camera Because if they if they catch you, you know, the camera catches a rat coming out of your bag They're gonna have some other questions to I noticed you punched up your pitch and post a little bit by the way. I Have a soft version of that, which is just like casually saying like, did you hear about the mold on the carpet or something?

Oh, Kevin, thank you. You always come in. Yes. All right. Look, we all love Kevin, but Jake has been working hard for the month. It's a bit, it's a lot. It all changed with my mom said that thing a more Kevin.

Now there's this idea that Kevin, Kevin, Kevin. There's a perfect amount of Kevin. I love the mom episode. Thank you. But there's a perfect amount of Kevin. So then we've got this idea of breaking glass, which you didn't like. Right.

We've got the idea of the anonymous note to the receptionist. And I love that because I also love a good gossip and I feel like that would really travel well... Ooh, what about a few random notes on pieces of paper that you leave throughout the building and create, like Johnny Bananas did in The Challenge... Oh, yeah.

...in earlier season, just creates chaos. Create chaos. Get people talk. But that, the issue I find there is that, you know, you don't want her to be attached to the chaos. If she, if the chaos gets traced back to her, then everything becomes real weird. How could it? Leave it in the bathroom.

Leave it in the bathroom. I'm leaving the notes, like, if I'm typing them up so they can't see my handwriting. Agreed. Right? And leave them in the bathroom. That's what all the other notes are, like, in the kitchen, that are, like, clean up your shit. Sure. And different things Agreed. And leave them in the bathroom. Like in the kitchen that are like clean up your shit. Sure.

And different things like that. Yes. Okay. And you know where else you could leave them? You could leave them while you like reach into the fridge. Leave it in the fridge so no cameras are watching that. And the note says, have you seen the stinky toes? Put those little piggies away. Put those little piggies away.

So Beverly, what do you think you're going to do here? Yeah, I honestly love the note idea. I could get to the Parmigiano-Reggiano idea if I knew where the blind spots were on the cameras. So those are the two directions that I'm feeling that are the most me, that are the most true to who I am, and the most realistic.

That's good. Here's two ways, two things with the Parmesan pitch. But I think if you like, no, go with it. Two things you can do with the Parmesan is, nobody's gonna fucking go, these cameras probably delete their footage after 24 hours. So nobody's going to be going back and CSI-ing the cameras to see where the Parmesan came from. But if they do, so embarrassing. after 24 hours. So nobody's going to be going back and CSI-ing the cameras

to see where the Parmesan came from. But if they do, so embarrassing. You haven't met Ken, but I hear you. Okay, here's the way to cover it. One day for lunch, you're going to Sbarro, you grab a slice, and you fucking load up a tray with Parmesan, and when you're sitting at your cubicle eating it, you're fake, you're kind of your cubicle eating it you're fake you're kind of emerald

pal yes you're just yes you're dumping it every you're a sloppy eater worst case scenario you're a little sloppy parmesan piggy so your thought devarly is you're going to put a note around are you going to actually do this well now i'm thinking spiders now i'm thinking spiders pose parmesan sandcastle wow what a twist you've thrown our way. So what does that mean spiders walk? I'm just thinking like okay, so I usually get to work like about 15 minutes before she does So I can do something like a long lines of like hey like I don't Know I'm kind of like not really a critter person, but I feel like I saw something crawling around our cubicle. Good.

So why don't you just early in work while on camera pretend to see a black widow under the table, take your shoe and kill it and then go like, whoa, whoa. And then everybody all day you go like, I killed a black widow right under diamond's desk. I wouldn't even kill it. You saw it and you got a picture of it and you looked, and when she comes in you have a Google image of a black widow up

and you go, I literally, this is literally what I just saw on our carpet, a black widow. I just Googled it, this is what was on our carpet. I threw my, I was like trying to hit it with my shoe but it like made a move. So there is like a black widow here, I'm pretty sure. Oh my gosh. We have a time with ticks here. We have so many ticks and she was talking about She just got a new dog and they went hiking this weekend and

They like had to get all the takes off the dog and they don't know if they got them all good And she's freaking out about ticks and it's tick-seized. That's great. You live go like this Hey, I just want to let you know I saw two ticks in the carpet this morning and you say it when her feet are off You do that Beverly as a favor you go like this. Hey girl, be careful with your feet off I literally saw a tick right in this right where you were this morning. She'll go like yes, you gross and I go I'm telling you diamond check yourself, but I would keep those shoes on That's good. There we go because I care about you and I don't need to have wine disease.

Because if you get that in your foot, that could leave the pans disease. That could be real bad. Mm hmm. Plus, someone put a note in the fridge about the ticks. Also, there's a ton. And then she goes, maybe the ticks are here for all the Parmesan floor, all the Parmesan that's everywhere. I like a Parmesan pizza.

I got a rat coming of pizza. I got my Parmesan. There's a rat coming out of your purse. All ideas are the best idea. Home alone. Beverly, and then all of a sudden, when she says that, a bucket of paint hits her right on the face and she falls into a Christmas tree.

And then you go on a little zip tie out of there. And then Beverly just runs three feet, goes to her knee and goes, yes. And keep the change you filthy animal. Beverly, we appreciate the call. I think Tix is it. It took us a while, but I think we all nailed it. Yeah, for sure. Good team effort.

Thank you guys. And then follow up with us right away. Yeah, dawg. All right. You all have a good one. Awesome. And then follow up with us right away. Yeah, dawg. All right, y'all have a good one. Awesome. You too, bud. All right, thanks.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Booking.com to find my hotel. I find it to be very easy and very helpful. I went to New York, I went to San Francisco, and most recently I went to Portland, and I used Booking.com to make that trip easy. Or I should say to make those trips. I go to Booking.com, I go through the search engine, I find exactly what I want. I'm using

the Booking.com app. I'm all over the place, baby. I don't know why I said baby. There are many search engines, ways to figure out if you're looking for a hotel or a vacation rental. They're throwing options your way. That's why we say Booking.com, yeah, with such vigor, because we believe in it. I right now am in a van in Oklahoma City.

And I'm not kidding. And you're like, Gareth, that sounds pathetic. Well, it does, because I went out of my way to use Booking.com, and I'm not kidding and you're like, Garrett, that sounds pathetic. Well, it does because I went out of my way to use booking.com and I'm so excited at the place I'm going to after the show because it's got a kitchen. It's got two bedrooms for me and the people that I'm traveling with. It truly just makes it easy. You know what you're getting. I can't tell you how many times if a club books my place, I'm like, what is happening

here? What year is this hotel from? There's one elevator that's out of order, one's not, you know what I mean? It's just, it's tough. But that's not going to happen when you use booking.com. So I'm telling you, you can find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com, booking.yeah. Hey everyone, producer Kevin here. The original call from this next follow up aired on June 10th. It's called Seeing Past the Piggies and it's the first call on this episode. If you'd like

to listen as a quick refresher, go for it. Enjoy. Hi. Hi, welcome back to the show. My goodness. Happy to be here. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. We missed you. Remind us of who you are, what your problem is, and give us a gosh dang follow-up. Oh man, here for that.

My name is Beverly. I am calling from Arkansas. And it was about a month ago that we chatted less about a certain toe worker with a certain habit of removing. Toes. Did you say toe worker? Yeah, well.

Shoe, toe. Did she say toe worker? I think we did say toe worker. I thought I heard that. I think so, get it trending. Toe worker's great. So this was about the woman who you worked with in a hot office, she takes her shoes off

and Gareth suggested Parmesan in the floor, which was still an all time favorite for me. And so what did you do? What's happening? Walk us through it. Where are we at? Yeah. Well, you sort of say, I really appreciate, I really appreciate like the validation from you guys and from the here to help just like community. So I just want to shout everyone out for that. Yeah. Yeah, I'm here for that. Yeah, of course. So what I first did is,

there was someone with stinky food in the office and so I asked her, oh my God, do you smell that? And she responded with it, she doesn't really have a sense of smell. Interesting turd. Or shared space. Yeah. Right, of course. And it just kind of eliminates any of those pitches about like anything smelly or outstinking the stink. So then I tried doing the whole thing.

The Parmesan is more about the texture. True. Parmesan is more about the texture, but I would also suffer because then it would also be like, and I, you know, you ever heard of a war where one side said, like, there were no casualties. Yeah, that's true. Not reality. Not reality. But keep going.

Beverly, you're always talking about war, Jake. Thank you. Yeah. Embarrassing. Embarrassing. I tried the whole thing. Have you seen his Jiu-Jitsu class? Bully. Keeparrassing. Embarrassing. So then I tried the whole thing of... Have you seen his jujitsu class? Bully.

Keep going, Beverly. Ignore them. No, it's okay. I'm here for this. We are not. So then I tried this thing where I was like, hey, I think I saw something crawling around. I'm not really a critter person. But I got a little freaked. And I know I'm having this conversation with her

Well, her shoes are off, of course But I was like, I know you like to take your shoes off and I just want to make sure that your toes were protected from like any sort of like spider or like whatever And I had to review the podcast notes actually before I said that to her to see what she had said word for word Because I'm so nervous about it. By the way, first of all, thank you. Most people don't take any of our advice. You take notes.

You get a 10 out of 10. Second of all, thank you. You guys are my therapists and how I'm treating them. Dangerous, dangerous. But it keeps going. It's so dangerous. My next follow-up will be how to find a new job because I will be getting tired.

Absolutely. So to which she looks at me just like super straight face and says, oh, we have spiders here. This one. Okay. She's incredible. So we're not bothered by spiders. Or smell.

We don't really have a sense of smell. So then I was like, I just need to get curious here. I need to ask a little bit more about the why behind the what, like get to the root of the issue. Hopefully. Also, do you ever want to co-host an episode with the way your brain works? You got genius.

Yeah. Oh my God. You got a real brain on you. Are you messing with me? Well, thank you. I'm messing with you. You're doing wonderful. A woman with a real brain.

Oh my God. Um, and so then I asked if she'd ever had any incidents with her shoes off. I have an ally in the office and he was helpful in this conversation of just trying to make it feel like more casual. And the Alan and I found out that Simon, he essentially introduced the lifestyle of going barefoot to us. So by asking her these questions, she told us about how this is all a part of her like life perspective of strengthening her feet and her legs. And so she goes on to explain, no, I don't need that energy.

She goes on to explain like those shoes need to have no souls or no heels. I've heard about these people, they cut their souls out of their shoes and then they keep the shoes on so they can go into stores. Right. I know this wrong, Gareth. And she picks up her shoe to show me about how the toe needs to be an extra wide toe. Again, she picks up the shoe because she's not wearing it. And she shows it to me and she tells me that she loves to wiggle her toes around.

And I'm like, sadly, Diamond, I know that not because you told me, but because I've seen you freaking do it. Like in our cubicle. Dems be fighting words. Did you say that? Did you kind of go with like a real like, were you kind of, I mean, were you kind of like that aggressive? I'm not saying anything, but according to my ally, my face was saying everything.

So I, yeah, so now I kind of realized that I'm not up against the strange habit, but I'm up against like a lifestyle, right? Like, it's just, it just feels a little different. It's obviously still goofy, but it feels like a little bigger than that. And so I was like, I need, I need like a physical barrier for her feet. So like peanut butter and jelly, the shoe, No peanut butter and jelly the floor because she's Yeah, I'm sorry, um, I I got some like Arm and Hammer like carpet deodorizer

Okay, and I get to work before diamond does. Yeah, essentially a parmesan, but like my nose wouldn't be bothered by it. And I, I sprinkled it all over her side of the cubicle. Right. And it looks obnoxious. It's very, the floor is white. So she now tracks it and wait wherever she goes, she tracks it with those little pink toes. Right. And that day, like she doesn't say anything about the white floor, like, she doesn't say anything about the white floor, but she also doesn't take her shoes off.

And it's fantastic. So, like, solves the issue. The next day, um, because we think it's so goofy that she hasn't said anything about the white floor, my ally asks her, what's going on in here when I'm like not in the office. And she responds with, well, Beverly is scared of the spiders. So she's put down some spider deterrent in the cubicle to keep the spiders away. Great.

Not like the, not the reason why, but like like still we got what we wanted right and then yesterday you guys I do the same thing and she comes in and she takes off her shoes and I sent in a video and that has what has spurred on this follow-up because I just sent it in this morning because I was so bummed out. Can we see the video Kev? Yep one sec I'm interested in seeing the video. It's just really fast. It's just her feet. It's her feet walking back into the cubicle without any guys.

There's a big community for this. What's interesting is that it worked and she didn't even say anything to you. She assumes you have a spider phobia. Oh, fuck me. What the fuck? And I just want to say, like, we have consecutively had, like, 10 days of heat advisories here in Arkansas.

And like, we're, she's dedicated. She's dedicated to her lunchtime walk, picking up trash, making the world a better place. And I love that. And I want to, like, cheer her on for that. Yes. But like, this is. It's good. It's just the feet.

It's the bare feet. You know what we got to do Beverly? I think you got to go to one of the higher ups and ask for a new office and say you love Diamond. She's great. Just say it's grossing you out. And you don't want to make this a big HR thing. You don't want to get her in trouble.

You already have laid the foundation with the fact that you saw spiders over there. So it's not going to look like you're directly saying because of what she does. No, also you say like, I'm asking one on one to move. Yes. Yeah. I don't want this to be about her, but you tried to fight this war with a we're here to help method. She's greater than our ability to stop. She, she, she. I could get like a doctor's note from my therapist. We can write a doctor's note because we're the therapists. We're doctors.

And we're not gonna keep answering emails when people are saying we're not. We are doctors. But by the way, we've been doing a podcast for almost a year. You know what we could do? We're doctors. You know what we could do?

Would you actually take this to your boss? Cause we could write a thing. I would 100% take it to my boss. So why don't we write something from Dr. Johnson and Dr. Reynolds and Nurse Kevin. Nurse Bartelt. And even a- Go ahead. No, say it, Gareth. We could talk about how Nurse Bartelt doesn't follow us. It's like... BOTH LAUGH But why don't we...

And we can say that she needs her own space from this as her therapists. These feet are having a bad day for her. And when you are moving, if you can, we just... It's all about the spiders. You don't like spiders. You're arachnophobia. It's all about the spiders. Like, I'm not a creator person.

I'm not a creator person. We're going as therapists about the spiders. I thought we were going to get on about the feet. We're going on the feet, but when she's telling Diamond... That's not going to be the reason. When she tells Diamond, she will frame it as a spider issue. Yeah, they're not going to move you if you're afraid of a spider. No, no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying we're saying it's feet.

It's gross. We're grossed out. But we don't want Diamond to know we're judging her. So we're going to say it's about spiders, which gross. We're grossed out. But we don't want Diamond to know we're judging her. So we're gonna say it's about spiders, which she already thinks we have a phobia over. So just to clarify where we're at, because I think Gareth and I are gonna sell something, but I don't know if you want to buy it.

We're thinking of writing a letter to your boss and addressing the feet. But what you say to her is it's about the spider. When you move, if it works. Are you comfortable with that? You guys are addressing the feet in the letter or Can't say to the boss my client needs to move because there's a spider We'll give you one of each It's another $50, but we'll do one of each Are you subscribed to the patreon? Yeah, are you on patreon?

Well, that's okay thirty letters we write And also a magic cloth that you can hold up to the YouTube screen and touch us that you can hold up to the YouTube screen and touch us. Absolutely. But we'll write you one of each. And then you pick, and why don't you hand that to one, you pick which one and you tell your boss and you say, look, this is just, I've been talking to my doctor about this and this is where we're at and we'll see what they say. But just to talk about the spiders one for a second.

If we're saying our client needs to move because there's a spider. The spider is not in one area in the office. That spider is everywhere. Right. But if we say our client is very arachnophobic and she saw two spiders in that area, she says she is comfortable just moving to another section of the office. Then her boss is going to think she's a fucking nut. Imagine being the boss there, Gareth.

Yeah, it's now but imagine being the boss of this. Our client is really uncomfortable because the woman next door has a lifestyle where she doesn't wear shoes in the Arkansas summer and it stinks. But the boss knows this. Like the boss, like she's literally wiggled her toes at this spot and he doesn't do anything. What about just going straight up to the boss and saying,

what? Hey, I know it's wild. What about going straight up to the boss and just saying this, hey, we all love Diamond. I do too. I'm not looking to Ralph Lundy Feathers. Can you move me somewhere in the office so I'm away from those bare feet? Cause it's gross to me. I kind of think that's like an actual play.

It is. Talking about smudges and it's like you're used to living inside of the nuts. It's not crazy to be like I don't want to be next to someone with bare feet. If a grown-up or a diaper at work and dirty it, you're allowed to say I don't want to be around them because I smell dirty diaper Not a bad pitch have Bev wear a diaper Not a bad pitch the woman doesn't have some the woman has smelling issues She's just sitting in her own filth. Tell you what if I see someone sitting there in a dye dye I don't care what it smells like. I don't love it. I agree. Beverly, I just have to point out really quick.

If you can wiggle your toes to your boss and not worried about being fired, you got a pretty good job setup. Oh, I work at a university. It's very hard to get fired. I honestly heard, Beverly, here's what I honestly think you need to do here. And this just takes courage.

This takes courage. Oh my God. This takes guts. That's why I need to talk to you guys. And this just takes courage. This takes courage. This takes guts. And you can do this. You need to walk up to your boss alone and say, can we have a meeting? Private meeting meeting. And they'll say, sure. Is everything okay? And you'll say everything's fine. Then you got to call the feeding. Yeah, I love working here. I'm not looking to lose my job. I love all the people's personalities. I'm very happy. I have an issue where sitting so close to diamond because she is shoeless, but I do not want to offend her. And I did not want to make her feel bad because I value her as a person. Can we do something secretly between you and I where you move me to another part of the office

so that she can continue her lifestyle and I can continue my lifestyle? Because my lifestyle and speech should be covered in public. And she already thinks I'm afraid of spiders and I saw some over there, so I'll easily be able to say it's just a spider thing. Let's just drop the weird spider thing. Nope, we're sticking with spiders

whether Jake likes it or not. Feels like it confuses a very simple thing. It's a good cover. But Beverly, I think he's right. Yeah, I just wanna say with all of the episodes that I've listened to, like this feels like actually really helpful and like you guys are really down on what you do here.

So out of 10. Well, thank you. You're welcome. Yeah. So it was a weird compliment. Garrett. Because she also said of all the ones I've listened to, this one's the only one that's only kind of good.

Jake hit her with the rating question out of 10 Beverly zero means we've done a terrible job. 10 means we've totally solved your problem. What would you rate us? Because this is a positive, so it's for sure more than a seven. Yeah. So what would you rate us? Gotta be above seven. Yeah, for sure. I'm going like a 15.

Oh my God! The scale didn't even go that high! The scale didn't even go that high! So, will you actually... I have another, like, idea, just like, I can't exactly What to get off the call here But um what if you guys Came up with merch that were like little

Sandals They were table house sandals Look we love our 15 but we can't be just Doing targeted merch in that way But we love it But hold on Beverly We can send a repair. But by the way Beverly, let's get back to this.

What are you actually going to do? I'm sorry, it's glorious. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Yeah, I'm feeling like it's like a hard copy letter. That just feels like it will be like the umps that I need, the courage that I need to go and talk to my boss about... This is goofy.

You're going to hand the boss a letter as opposed to just having that very clear talk? Don't you think like having something to like hold on to and hand over? No, no, it's a fake letter. It's a paper trail. It's a paper trail. No, paper trail. If you went to your therapist and a therapist said, my client's uncomfortable. Also if I'm your boss, I'm going like.

Beverly, this is Dumbo's feather. You don't need the letter. You have it inside of you to go there and have this conversation. You don't want to paper trail. Cause it's going to make you seem worse. I think you just say, it's going to hurt you. But take a deep breath and just go in there and say, look, I am not complaining. I love being here.

This is not a squeaky wheel deal. No. But can you move me? Her feet, I don't love her feet. I have a thing about feet. They gross me out. You know what he's gonna say? You guys, is this something I'm doing today?

This is something I'm doing today. This is something you're doing after lunch. Oh my God. This is something you're doing right after you hang up from us. You are walking in and you're talking to us. It's fresh in your head. This is something you're doing after lunch. Oh my God. This is something you're doing right after you hang up from us. You are walking in and you're talking. It's fresh in your head. This is the moment.

Do not overthink it. Each day is gonna get harder. Just put on eight mile. Are you on a cell phone right now? Yeah. Start walking in. Oh my God, Jake. We're not gonna matrix this.

Start walking in. Okay. You got this. Where's this time? We're going to go right to her door. She's going to knock on the door and then she's going to hang up. Oh my God. This is the matrix. And no, you're going to keep it on speakerphone.

Keep it on speakerphone and hold your hand in your, so it just looks like it's off. Jake, you're going to freaking get me fired from my job. I know. Okay, then I don't want to do that. I want to get you. Okay, I'm getting myself fired. I don't want you. 15. Beverly. Can help me just find another job. No. What the fuck? No. Stop it. It's she's the weird one. Not you. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. No, no, not you.

No, no, no. Beverly, listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me for a second. We started we were about near a solution. We're starting to spiral. Do you think it's normal for a woman to walk around in Arkansas and then not wear shoes at work? Do you think that's normal behavior? Um, no. Do you think that's normal behavior? No. Do you think- Does anyone know what county you live in? What county? What county is it okay?

No. I think a lot of them. Not at work. You're forgetting about Anderson v. Commercial Building. So here's our advice. Our advice is go into the boss, have the talk. If you're afraid it's gonna make you lose your job, do not do it. And again, if the boss puts up, if your boss is like, what are you talking about? Be like, you know, I'm just saying, it's cool. We'll figure. Yes. I don't think it's a crazy great. The boss will not say that.

And if there's room to move you. They'll move you. Okay. Do you guys want to be on speakerphone? No. Yes. Well, Jesus Christ, I do. You think your boss is going to like see that you're on speakerphone? Yeah, we don't want to. If that's going to rock the boat, I don't want to do it because she if she catches it,

then I think she's going to be like, what are you doing? I think she's gonna be like, what are you doing? I'm just kidding you guys I'm not gonna do that. I can't know my god Beverly let us know how it goes if you're gonna do it. I think I think I'm in by the way, you have no shoes on we just entered your world You size your toes and your own feet, okay, thanks pal. Bye bye. All right, let us know We're here to help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. If you'd like to be on the show, please email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. And if you want to watch video episodes of We're Here to Help, you can go to our Patreon at patreon.com slash here to help pod to see our entire catalog. We're Here to Help is produced by Rabbit Grimm Productions, executive producers Rob Hollis,

Jeff Porter and Natalie Hollis, associate producer Jesse Thurston, editing, mix, and master by Chris Fowler. Themed song by Oliver Raleigh, the cover artwork is by James Fostike, animations by Andrew Strlecki, and if you'd like to see Gareth do stand up on the road, go to garethrentolds.com. Remember all the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions All video episodes of season one are available now on patreon and season two video episodes will be available every Monday starting January 20th Go to patreon.com forward slash here to help pod Hey, I'm Wayne Brady and I'm Jonathan Mangum and we're two big improv nerds who get a chance to play and make stuff up on shows

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