We're Here to Help - 2: The Santa Dilemma

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

Jake and Gareth talk to callers looking for help with Santa Claus and a gift gone weird. Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPodAdvertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

All right, welcome to We're Here to Help with me me gareth and uh jake jake johnson here we are another week another episode we're here to try to solve some problems garfun how you doing i'm pretty good how are you doing jake i'm doing good are you uh still on tour yes i'm in beautiful san jose in uh a sheraton it's just lovely what a lovely time here I'm having. I'm lying. This week, we have two calls. So we don't want people to think that each week we only do one call. It's going to kind of depend. Obviously, that first call was pretty epic, but we feel pretty good about our two problems today, our two callers and how we did not to make it all about us. Both of these calls are really fun. We're going to have a very different one. One's about a mother and her son and a problem her son's having. And another one

is about a gift that somebody gave their boss. So we really hope you enjoy them. Yes. And as usual, please tell people about this podcast, like it, share it, subscribe it, let us know. And if you have a problem you want us to help with, email us at helpfulpod at gmail.com that's the email some people are saying it's a different email they're wrong you got that right garfield yeah well you know i'm i'm stuck i really think i'm finding my form i really do hey kevin the hunk of this podcast you got anything in closing yeah i love that up top you're like you know the calls are great, but we did a really good job, too. Let's definitely cut all this stuff out. This was absolute garbage.

And enjoy the show. Hey, guys. How's it going? Great. How about you? Good. How are you? Good.

So can we ask your name, please? Sure. Tori. Tori. And where are you your name, please? Sure. Tori. Tori. And where are you from, Tori? Alabama. Well, where in Alabama? I am from Fairhope, Alabama.

It is 97 degrees here right now. And what do you do in Fairhope? I'm a mom. Nice. How many kids you got? Okay, great. I got two kids, Rocky and Sonny, and I hang out with them and that's my life. Pretty cool. Your kids' names are Rocky and Sunny?

Yeah. Pretty cool names. Thank you. And what made you call today? What can we try potentially unsuccessfully to help you with? Okay, I'm calling about Rocky. He is two. He will be three in September. about rocky he is two he will be three in september and every time we come home and our yard guy is here santos i say oh santos is here and rocky says santa santa is here oh dear rocky is a hundred Rocky is 100% convinced that Santos is Santa. I swear, like, they look nothing, nothing alike. So Santos, to be clear, Santos isn't a big jolly man with a big white beard and long white hair.

Okay, so Santos is there doing, he said he's doing yard work and stuff? Yeah, he's just there just working hard on our yards, and Rocky thinks he's doing yard work and stuff yeah he's just there just working hard on our yards and rocky rocky thinks he's santa claus and i genuinely don't know okay i don't know where to go all right tori hold on so the first time this happened and you go like hi santos and a little two-year-old goes santa what was your first reaction i think i laughed and i didn't i just didn't touch it because like santa's a big deal sure okay and how are you convinced what has your son said or done to fully convince you that he believes santa claus the the man who comes through your chimney on Christmas and gives you gifts, is a weekly worker in your yard?

It's the obsession. So he's talking about... He is talking about Santa Claus. Like, absolutely no denying it. Okay. And I think, in a way, maybe he's happy to lie to himself because there's no way he knows or there's no way he thinks they look alike. Right. But in his world, Santa Claus is at his house once a week.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I would guess the fear here is a little bit that when Christmas rolls around, it's going to be very confusing when he starts to see pictures of some big fat guy with a beard and long hair who's not the guy from the yard. Yes, and he's such an emotional kid. I can't, like, I don't know where to take it from here. I don't know where to take it from here. Is the fear that there'll be a time where the math doesn't add up and he's going to realize Santa Claus isn't real earlier than you want him to realize this? Yeah, well, that would be my fear.

There's that, but there's also that Santa comes to my front door and then Rocky runs to him and yells, Santa, Santa, and hugs him. Which is so possible. Which is amazing, obviously. Now, what does, I don't know what your relationship is with Santos, but does Santos have any idea what's happening? No, no, he doesn't. No, Santos is just like, this kid loves me yeah you know he's totally

in the dark like we're driving by and rocky's just like waving like so enthusiastically at him and santo's just thinks like rocky just loves the lawnmower and do you and santo's have a nice back and forth you guys chat a little bit we do he he doesn't speak a ton of english but we do we do go back and forth a little yeah he's super nice so to santos there's just this little boy who because from santos's point of view he's not hearing santa he's hearing his name right so he's probably a little surprised that one the kid loves him and two you told him his name and he probably feels very uncomfortable around rocky because i guarantee most of the houses they're not going like santos what's up man thank you for being here do you have a present give me

a present santos so i know we got gotta see this situation one from your pov two from rocky's and three from sport santos's point of view yeah because you're in a really interesting little predicament so your question is and i'm uh asking not telling you your question i'm just trying to wrap my head around it is what do you do? Is it, what do you do now? Yeah. Like, what do I do now? How do I break it to Rocky? When do I break it to him? Like, do I wait a couple of years? You know, this is a trick and what's your, just to start. So we know where you're at. What's your instinct right now? My instinct. Like, what are you kind of leaning towards? So obviously it's been a year and you haven't told him so are you kind of thinking of waiting are you thinking like i gotta

tell this kid right away is sunny older or younger sunny's younger so rocky's going to tell sunny soon by the way santa santa works at our yard and then they're going to tell santa he's going to tell kids at school do you just so you guys know, Santa works in my yard. He's a gardener. Santa does my leaves. Well, and that's also, that's also one of the risks of waiting too long is if I wait too long and he gets to the age where some kids spoils for him, that Santa's not real. Then he's like, Oh yeah. Yeah. You're in trouble. Santa's not real. Okay. Tori, I got advice. And I think it's solid.

I think it's solid. Okay. Well, it's yours. So, I mean, you're biased, but okay. I mean, I always think it's pretty solid. I'm leading out with confidence. I don't have intelligence. I have confidence.

That's right. It's gotten you far. So here's what I think, Tori. I think you're entering a real danger zone if you don't talk about it because you're going to then have two kids who believe your gardener is Santa Claus and his other workers might be variations of elves. And you're going to enter a situation that starts getting so confusing that you're going to, in explaining it, you're going to get caught. And then eventually they're going to tell a friend. Like the example is a buddy of mine growing up.

His dad, as a joke, taught him that yellow was orange and orange was yellow. It was just like it was just a mean dad game. Right. And so when my buddy Charlie would see yellow, he would say orange. I still remember sitting with him in like third grade and being like what the fuck is wrong with you that is orange and him being like it's yellow and then having the different colors and having other friends be like that's not even close and then we got the bad story that his dad did this with a bunch of different words and it became like a whole thing so here's what here's my advice to you here's my advice i would in preparation for

christmas coming in december start reading some early books that have pictures and when rocky goes that's not santa that's a fat old white man with a beard. You go, no, that's Santa. And then when he points outside, you go, oh, no, honey, that's Santos. Okay, okay. So you get out of it with the, I would start your Christmas celebration and decoration now. Bring out the books. Now.

Bring out the books. Go to a Walgreens or a CVS and get a dancing Santa. And when you see him, you go. You're that family now. You go, Santa Claus. And then when you see Santos, you find out his last name. Let's just say it's Ramirez. And you go, Santa Claus, Santos Ramirez. Everybody is a first and last name in your world.

Okay, okay. I was leaning in that direction too. I was going to, pictures, year-round pictures of Santa Claus like he's a relative was going to be my first advice. I do have two bad ideas that I just, I figure, yeah, there's nothing wrong with some options right tori i mean just you know maybe no i agree okay all right so some bad options again these are bad options here's the first one and i don't love it fire santos don't no don't blame moving

on i don't know santos is it is santos taking on a lot of shrapnel imagine santos telling his wife why he was fired for that yeah well you can't just walk through the situation you can't explain why okay option two you found a cheaper okay i'm just saying it's always there i think it's wrong you're right and i'm just saying it's wrong but it's out there here's yeah santos dresses like Santa. Yeah, I kind of like that one. Santos starts doing yard work in the 98 degree Alabamian heat in a red absorbing heat suit with a hat and with a satchel where he's maybe putting the yard waste, but it's still tracking. And then we do that for about a year. That's imprinting. Then it's out there.

Then you can tell Santos, hey, we're going to take away the extra 30 bucks a week. You don't have to wear that anymore. Rocky now understands it. He's passed it on to Sonny. We're back on track. My new question is, how do I tell my yard guy, Santos,

that I need him to dress like Santa? It's a great question. It's a great question for another episode. We might have to have you call back in with that question. So, Tori, please. Those are terrible ideas. Here's a third idea. We're going to give you a bunch of ideas.

A third idea, and again, I'm leading out with confidence. I think this one might be solid. Do you have any older white friends with beards nice oh anybody in your life where when you look at them through like squinted eyes you can go like you know you might be from the bar but i can see santa there i can definitely locate locate one one of those so then what i would consider doing is putting one of those old guys in the red suit who's coming by the neighborhood to ask Rocky and Sonny, one, if they've been good and two, what they might want for Christmas because he's doing an early list. And so when little Rocky's

head explodes and goes like, but you're not Santa. Then Santa could go like, oh, I think you've been mistaking the gardener. Oh, that's Santa. Oh, what a hilarious mix up, my child. Now, it's running a mile. And then Santa meet after that. And then they can shake hands on the way out. Look, it's running a mile to go

a block but you're talking about a three-year-old who believes in a tooth yeah and you can still do moves like this that aren't going to confuse them but i think you got to get out of this situation i think you're a bunch of soldiers early and a bomb fell on the ground, and one of you has to jump on it, and you're that soldier, Tori. Yeah, I'm scared. I'm a little scared. Before we find out what you're leaning towards, can I just point out two things that are problematic with Jake's last idea? Please. The first is, again, we're bringing Santos in, which, again, I think we all agree— I agree. That's a mistake.

It's prickly. It's prickly. Agreed. The second part is that Jake was suggesting that you find this Santa-looking type at a bar, and that's a hard approach. Yeah. That's a tough sell at any establishment. There's some red.

Approaching guy. Yeah, I agree. I agree. You get that Santa look that I'm after. Oh, no, no, no. Nothing erotic. I just need you to put the suit that I'm after. Oh, no, no, no. Nothing erotic. I just need you to put the suit on and come over. Agreed.

Yeah, that's a bad idea. So, Tori, we've given you some real dog shit advice on this one. What do you think you're going to do here? I got to say I like the option about getting Santos to dress up as Santa Claus. That's my idea. That can't happen. I mean, if Tori. I think I just got this to know him better. Tori, please, hold on.

Let the woman go. Is this real, Tori? No, I'm just kidding about that. I like the idea. I like the idea of a slow start now, almost kind of like the anamorphics where you see an animal morph into another one. It's like, I think I might slowly just show him images and books and stories that turn Santos into the actual Santa Claus to kind of get leads in that direction. I think that's smart. That's your path of least resistance.

And then could you also maybe figure out what Santos' last name is and then call him Mr. Blank? Yeah. Is that bad, Gareth? What's the problem with Gareth? What if it's Coase or something? I mean, you know, yeah, if it's Santos Coase, I mean, it's like, ah, it's that.

I do need to, yeah, get him a different name for Coast, I mean, it's like, that's that. I do need to, yeah, get him a different name for sure. I think that's the one. We all sign off on that one. The slow play seems to be the good one. He's three. You know, he's learning. But this is a great predicament.

This is a great call. Thank you for calling. Yes. Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. Thank you, Tori. Thank you, Tori. Happy holidays. Okay. All right guys. I appreciate it. Thank you, Tori. Thank you, Tori. Happy holidays.

Okay. All righty. Bye. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over, they're like asking for snacks, they're being annoying, or even waste hours on apps that don't really help. We're here to help, and Babbel is going to help you. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started relearning French through Babbel a little bit.

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15 hours, you just did a semester. Yeah. That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study. So speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. All right, hold on. Let's get him.

Kevin. Door's open. Oh, you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well.

We can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. Nah, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a SiriusXM. Now listen,

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This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement, and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation, and there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up and

there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly somewhere close you use that doc yeah you would use that doc because it's just so much harder if you're just like you know like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call do they take your insurance the problem has it's all there that. The problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up. Yes. And what I like, I actually use ZocDoc since we started doing it.

I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Yeah. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear.

That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor doctor report back it's just an old man's knee it's actually pretty much what it sounded like doctor said to me about my hips i'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like yeah you're just uh he goes i've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this well you're mid-40s yeah oh what a jerk uh well that guy's hopefully not on zoc doc but but again it really does it filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you treat basically and again you can get an appointment quickly you can also get it same day that's absolutely right jake

if you're lucky uh that's right gil buchanan ones and two 68 balmy don't worry about it that's right i've been kept in the closet for a while on this show but i'm back for the ads good to see you brother you would get a fist bump literally never left wherever the best time in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You literally never left. We're having the best time in the world. Go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear how much that costs? Free. Free.

That's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H Alright, here we go. Can we get your name and what your problem is and what we can help you with?

Yeah, so my name's Chris and I work at a media company. We make YouTube videos. Um, and I got kind of a weird gift for one of my bosses and he has not acknowledged it at all. Um, wondering if there's anything I should do or what, you know? Okay. So Chris, uh, where do you live, sir? I live in Los Angeles. Oh, what part of Los Angeles? Oh, I actually live in Northridge. Okay. So how old are you, Chris?

I'm 27. You're 27. You live in beautiful Los Angeles. You work for a media company and you got your boss a gift. Was it a boss or a coworker? My boss. Are you close to your boss? I mean, we're a pretty small company.

We're like a medium-sized company so i see him quite a bit but you're not like close close you just you're not close and he's friendly yes he's friendly he's nice he likes to talk to everyone he's always walking around the office and do you feel comfortable saying his name or would that put you in a weird spot uh that would probably put me in a weird place let's put let's call him uh mr x sure okay so what uh chris what made you decide to get mr x a present i don't think i've ever gotten a boss amount of gift in my entire life yeah um he's kind of a kind of an interesting guy he's very person personable. And, uh, I feel like in the company, we're always getting each other kind of things. Oh, so it's like, it's the group is like a,

Hey, let me get you this. It's a sharing, a gift giving culture. Yeah. Has he ever had friendly culture? Has he ever gotten you a gift? He has not.

Um, no. Huh? Okay. So I gotta say we're starting off in a danger zone, my guy. Yeah. And just, okay. So, so even if, we're starting off in a danger zone, my guy. Yeah. And just, okay.

So even if there is a gift giving culture, you were giving this gift purely for that? Or was there some, were you kind of like. Or was there a holiday? So what's kind of weird, I gave him the gift. It was right before we had a week off from our company. So I was like, oh, I might as well also, like, if you want to use these, I gave him tickets to go to a place in Solvang called, this is going to be weird. It's Ostrich Land, USA. Wait, hold on.

Ostrich Land? Ostrich Land. They have a bunch of ostriches and you can go and feed them. Hold on, Chris. He's kind of quirky. Just a heads up. I don't want you to think I'm stealing your, I'm definitely going to go there. Go ahead, Jake.

But hold on. Oh, yeah. So, you know, he's kind of quirky. He has a family. So I thought stealing your, I'm definitely going to go there and go ahead, Jake, but hold on. Oh yeah. So, you know, he's kind of quirky. He has a family. So I thought, Oh,

I'll just get some tickets. He can go if he wants with his family. There's a lot. I got it. I got it. Chris, I got to slow you down a little bit. I'm a bad,

I'm a backstory guy. So there was no holiday. Not really. So just like a random Wednesday, you thought... Well, it was his birthday. Oh, so that's a holiday. Okay. So now I got to ask this really quickly, just because I'm a no bullshit individual.

Is this 100% true? Yes. This is real life? It is real life. Okay. So on his birthday's coming up, you think, I'm going to get him a gift. Now, are all the coworkers getting him a gift? Is that kind of the environment?

Probably. Probably. I didn't ask anyone. But most likely. So it's not that weird that you gave a gift to your boss because it is his birthday. People give there. Okay. So that's all checking out.

Yeah. And just so we know, the Ostrich Land gift to me feels like a swing for the fences kind of move. Are there any breadcrumbs leading you towards the idea of sending his family to a Dutch area where ostriches play? Did he say what? One day was he like, man, I'll tell you what. Three things I love. Barbecuing, cold beers, and ostriches. I love my family, windmills, and non-flying birds.

Oh, yeah. Big ones. Scary ones. No. So one of his kids has interned at the company, and I ran it by the kid first. I was like like is this something okay you you would even enjoy and they were like yeah i think he'd love it we'd all love to go okay so you played your card perfectly yeah okay as well yeah so okay so i i'm not gonna lie when

this started i thought the call was going to be short and the answer is going to be my guy you've made a huge weird blunder and you got to start over at a new company i thought i'm not off that just yet i might be i might be and i'll tell you why okay if it wasn't his birthday and you didn't run it by and a co-worker a worker just gave a boss on a random wednesday a trip to uh saulian to see some ostriches you gotta you gotta look in the mirror and ask yourself some big questions if it's his birthday and you ask his kid and his kid goes we would love that I kind of see where you're coming from okay so you give him

this ostrich pack let's say so what happens next after he is given it after nothing so it goes on his desk I put it in a little card you just put it on his desk um i gave it to his assistant who put it on his desk class move first that's the right move

question how much how much was this gift what does it cost for four people to go to an ostrich farm like 40 bucks to the whole family 10 bucks a pop it's around there yeah that's really not expensive for ostrich land just surprising no so he gets an envelope and in on the envelope it just says to dot to mr x and inside do you have a card with it uh yeah so it lets you put a little note uh because i gifted him the tickets and it's kind of a gift card ticket so you can put the note in there and then i hand wrote little instructions on like here's how it works and what were the ticket. So you can put the note in there. And then I hand wrote little instructions on like, here's how it works. And what were the instructions you put?

You can paraphrase, obviously. Basically, it has a redemption code. You go on the website, you can redeem it for a specific day and it comps the tickets. And on the card, did it kind of say what it was like? You go to this area. And what did that card say? What was the gift you presented to him? I'm going to pretend to be Mr. X and I get the card. Yeah. So basically it's hello, Mr. X. And then it says, happy

birthday. Thank you for everything you do for the company. Hope you enjoy it. It might be an interesting place or a quirky place to go with your family. And then I printed out the about me page of the website, put that in there. And can you give us a brief rundown of what the website, what the farm has to offer? Sure. It essentially, there's a petting, not petting area, but a feeding area. They have food. They have like a gift shop.

Okay. Chris, you're not out of line here at all. And by the way, it sounds like $10 a pop is pretty fair considering the list of activities. Yeah, but this is... And ends with a gift shop. Now, let me ask you one other question, Chris. How old are his kids?

They're like late college. Okay. Huh? You know. So you gave... Why are you so puzzled, Jake? Because now the gift got weird again. So you gave a man, presumably 65 years old who's got

50s 50s with uh all right so he had his kids in his mid-20s yeah so god bless uh he's got two kids who are in their early 20s and he's mid-50s late 50s, works hard at a media company, gets a gift from a 27-year-old employee to take his adult kids to pet some ostriches? Yeah. Chris, Chris, in what world? Well, I know, and I'm not, we're not definitely, we're definitely not trying to bad cop, bad cop,

but I know you ran it by his kid. Yeah. There was no, there was no kind of runway lead. You just thought, this is fucking nuts. Let's see what he does. Kind of a shot in the dark. Yeah. Okay, great.

Great. And again, I don't think that's, look, that's whatever. Okay. So you take the shot in the dark. The assistant puts it on the desk. He, okay, what happens? He So you take the shot in the dark. The assistant puts it on the desk. Okay. What happens? He lights it.

Radio silence. Radio silence. Oh, nothing. Yes. And now it's on. And I went to bring something to his office two weeks later, and it was sitting there. It was nothing. Sorry.

It was nothing for two weeks. Gareth, what is he going to say? Thanks for the tickets to the ostrich farm? By the way, how far away is the drive from your office? Oh, dude, that's a half hour. Oh, it's not that bad. Yeah, to Northridge? No, no, no, to the ostrich farm.

Oh, to the ostrich farm? Yeah. Yeah, like 40 minutes. A couple hours. 40 minutes? Maybe. Oh, that's not bad at all. That's not bad.

That's not bad. If you would have said a couple of hours, I'm hanging up on this call because you're a maniac. But about 40 minutes each way, maybe he's going to say, what a fun gift. I'm not going to go with my kids. We're talking 40 bucks. I'll take my wife or I'll take some buddies. We'll drink some beer and go look at some ostriches. Yeah, we'll get drunk, play with these birds.

So your question of calling in is you gave this gift you got a you got iced in response what now is that correct yeah do i just ignore it yeah yeah i tell you what you don't do for sure is you can't bring it up because he so you went in his desk and you saw he had opened it correct he had opened it that's a nightmare my man you're living it you're living it you're living a nightmare um wait sorry i gotta jump in with something very quickly chris is your work in northridge no where's your work your work is la yeah it's it's a little bit closer to la this drive is a lot longer than 40 minutes. Is it?

Let's say 40 minutes. I think it's over two hours. So Jake, I don't want you to hang up on him. That's not what I'm going for. Okay, hold on. Is it over two hours? I think the drive is over two hours from LA to Solvang. Solvang is 120 miles from Los Angeles.

It's three hours and 15 minutes, Chris. So this is a journey for the ostrich trip. Chris, that's a three-hour drive each way. It's different than 40 minutes. For a $10 ticket. We're talking... Chris,

you offered your boss a six-and-a-half hour commute to feed a goddamn bird. A bunch of them a bunch of them my my man well i know he goes to he goes to bird or not burbank he goes to santa barbara quite often i thought you were gonna say bird bank because then i was gonna say well now we're talking could be cool no santa yeah right it's not that far okay Santa Barbara, right? Sure. No, no, it's right there, I think. Close-ish.

Here's my advice. Yes. And it's a gamble. Because I got to tell you, man, you are in a danger zone at this company. It is. You're in a danger zone, Chris. It's a strange position you're in. If I was Mr. X, I got to say I'm 35% afraid of you.

If I was Mr. X, I got to say I'm 35% afraid of you. Now, I'm not 100% afraid of you, but I'm thinking a three and a half hour drive to see ostriches? From a 27-year-old kid who's working for me? I should be giving him gifts. The drive is a big part of it. But I will say, his silence is bizarre, too. I would think that he would say, thank you bizarre, too. I would care. What would he say? Thank you.

Here's what I would do. OK, here's here's. Yes, here's what I would do. Hey, I got I got the the tickets to Oscars from. That's awesome. I'm super busy, but I really can't wait to redeem that. You know that that's that's pretty cool. I'll tell you why he's not doing that.

He's terrified of Chris. Chris, OK. doing that he's terrified of chris well chris okay he feels like he's living in a horror movie and he got this sweet guy working for him and then all of a sudden he goes he said to his wife and honey so you know that guy chris he's a good employee he's a sweet guy yeah yeah she goes yeah i know i remember chris you were excited about him he does good work he got me a gift she goes what is it great can I tell you what it is? Yeah, I'd love to hear. What is it? Dinner? No, it's tickets to an ostrich farm.

Three and a half hours. Outside of town. Do you say it's three and a half hours round trip? No, each way. He wants me to feed them and he got tickets for our kids too. Do you like us? Do we like us?

I've never mentioned ostriches in my life. I don't think I have. I don't think I've ever heard you do that. Chris, here's my advice to you. Yes. And it is a gamble. You could obviously go the safe route. And that is just swallow your pride, blow it up and never bring it up.

And hopefully it goes away, which is a very real possibility. Never bring up ostriches. Never bring it up. Never hopefully it goes away, which is a very real possibility. Never bring up hostages. Never bring it up. Never bring up the gift. It's over. And hopefully over time, which what my guess would be will happen, it'll just move on. Your second move, which is a little bit more of a risk, is find out what his favorite booze of choices and give it to him with a note that says lol you can drink this while you're thinking of going to the ostrich farm four hours away uh all the best happy birthday that's a gamble because then he might be like this guy's a psycho a week after my birthday he got me a bottle of bourbon he wants me to get all liquored up and go play with these birds right so i think i think your move is number one probably i like that i i definitely like that let me ask one question has there been a vibe change have you felt the that

is it different is your relationship with him different since since the gift not that i've noticed no the same yeah i would maybe i would maybe go a little bit of a different route okay with him different since the gift? Not that I've noticed. No. The same. Yeah. I would maybe go a little bit of a different route. Okay. And I would say my gut is this just never happened. He doesn't want to acknowledge it. You don't want to acknowledge it. I would maybe ask the assistant off the record,

if you have that kind of relationship, did he get that? Did he. Yeah. Did he get that? Did he seem interested? Did he? I don't like that, Chris. Just get a little straw poll going for that. I don't like Chris. I don't think.

If the assistant. No. If the assistant is sort of saying. Don't do this, Chris. No, he got it or he didn't like it or whatever. Don't do this, Chris. Either way, my gut is you just wait until next birthday and we're going with a much more a bottle of booze

a dinner plan something like that Kevin you got something? Hi producer Kevin here I think you have to double down on every birthday and holiday get this get the Oscar gift again and keep checking in very casually

like what did you think like did you go yet you know you you could bring 30 people at this point yeah yeah so chris here's the we got to wrap this up you have three pieces of advice this is the first time we've ever had three different opinions there's got my advice which is pretend you're in a war and a grenade fell off of your belt, jump on it and hope it doesn't kill you. Right. But you don't want everybody to go down with you. So keep it silent. And if you have like a little cut, just heal at home. Keep it quiet. Garrett's is ask around, you know, ask the secretary. The thrust of mine is don't let him know that you know that this happened. Yeah.

And Kevin's, which is the wildest. Put the grenade in your mouth. And blow your head off. Eat the grenade and hug your boss. That is lean into the fact that you work for a media company and you do bits on YouTube and become the Andy Kaufman of the gift giving community. And that is every gift, every near holiday, this motherfucker is getting an invite to an ostrich farm.

This is war. Just for him or for everyone? Just for him. Just for him. Just for him. Now, you have three solid options. The truth is these might all be bad. What do you think you're going to do, Chris? Oh, I think I'm going to ignore it.

I think I got to ignore it. I think you got to do it too. Chris, thank you for the call. Good luck to you. Are you going to give him a gift next birthday? Maybe I'll go just a card next birthday. Feel it out. One ostrich card.

One extreme to the other. Nope, nope. Kevin is funded by Big Ostrich, so I wouldn't. Chris, your instincts are right. Go mild on the next one. Swallow it. And if you get fired in six months because of your work, just know deep down, it wasn't your work. You're a good worker.

It's a weird. Yeah. Don't let it. Yeah. That is, it's not, don't take it personally. You're 27 years old.

You'll get hired someplace else. And I promise you never give a gift that there's a road trip. And the end of the road trip is just a big bird that you could give seats. Yeah. I don't think anybody, but any seven hour rainbow that's pot of gold is ostriches. Just no bueno. Yeah. Chris. But that's pot of gold is ostriches. No bueno.

Yeah. Chris, thanks for the call. But thank you. Thanks for calling. Bye, buddy. Good luck to you. Thank you so much. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds.

The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out all of his work at OliverRaleigh.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you would like to be on our show, please email us at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. That was a HeadGum Podcast.