We're Here to Help - 35: Crisis PR
Episode Date: December 14, 2023Jake and Gareth help a caller respond to her sister’s press release. Later, the guys check in with Emma from episode 4 (“Don’t Call it Body Lotion with Lamorne Morris”). Check out ou...r We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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and here we are we are here to help Here to help, and we're back.
And we're in person.
We're next to each other.
And this is rare for us, but it's just started.
Yes.
And I like it more.
I like it more, too.
I like it all, but this is...
I like seeing you, Gareth.
All right, let's just start the intro.
Because we're old friends.
We are old friends.
And it's nice to see you.
It is.
And we enjoy this.
We really do enjoy doing this.
I'll tell you what happens as you get older.
Yeah. You see... Better looking. No. you see no less fat no more injuries no people love you more no you have less stresses
no you can eat whatever you want no you don't have heartburn no okay go ahead add in balding
balding you get more hair no oh okay less and at certain times I'm in the bathroom and I look.
It's tighter skin.
No.
You can go wash your dishes without worrying about peeing a little.
Yes.
Okay, great.
So that's just me?
Okay, go ahead.
What were you going to say?
Hold on.
Huh?
When you, when did you have a baby?
Yeah, I did.
You don't, yeah.
You know when you pee from your nipples when you're doing your dishes?
No.
I've had that.
So here's what I think happens.
when you're doing your dishes no i've had that so here's what i think happens i think you see the friends you love in person less yeah because you're just slammed with shit so you and i for
about 10 years became text pen pals that's when when caitlin was asking us for videos of us
together i was like let me tell you what our relationship kind of got to. We were in touch all the time.
It was an annual hike.
It was texting about football.
Maybe tri-annual.
Yeah, maybe.
Because when you were here more before you were touring so much,
then we could squeeze it in.
But it became constant texts.
Yep.
But then I think your point is that because of the show,
we're able to bring in people we like,
people we don't see as much.
We see each other more.
We're talking more.
So it's been a real delight.
And without further ado.
And if you're going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina or Rutherford, New Jersey, I'll be there in the December 20s.
GarethReynolds.com.
GarethReynolds.com.
And without further ado.
Hi. Hi there. Welcome to We're Here to Help. You're on with Jake Gareth. And what is your name?
How old? Where are you calling from? And what can we do for you?
Awesome. I'm Mackenzie. I'm 28 and I'm calling from Portland, Oregon. So nice to meet you guys. A pleasure, Mackenzie.
Thank you.
I'm calling about a problem I have with my little sister.
To preface my problem, she is really funny with like a dry sense of humor,
but also a little, everyone in my family is a little bit scared of her.
So she was living in D.C. last year. And then in about May or June,
she sent us my whole family in a group chat, including my brother-in-law, a three page
press release about how she was moving to Boston. And it turned out, it turned out she
had already moved to Boston and hadn't told anyone, but it kind of outlined why she moved there and any frequently asked questions in there.
And it kind of threatened us and said if we asked to come visit that she would block us immediately.
So I'm actually going to Boston in a couple of weeks to visit a friend. And so my problem is, is that I don't really know if I'm allowed to tell her that I'm coming
or if she's going to get mad or if it was kind of a joke.
I can't really tell with her.
Oh, we have it.
We have it.
Oh my God.
It is nuts.
Garth, will you read the press release?
Sure.
Well, first of all,
it has the Red Sox logo up top and it says press release and then the date.
Wild already.
To whom it may concern.
Hello, friends, families, and family and others.
I gathered you all here with an announcement,
today with an announcement.
I have made the decision to relocate to Boston, Massachusetts.
I am both excited and sure in this decision
and hope you will all have similar emotions.
At this time, I would appreciate you holding off
on bombing me with questions
as that will only annoy and frustrate me.
You all are probably curious as to why I've decided to move, but honestly, I don't really have an answer, nor does it matter!
In order to proactively get ahead of the rumor mill, I have listed three pre-approved options below for you to tell people.
One, I am young, beautiful, and can do whatever I want.
Two, work. Three, Boston is America's beautiful, and can do whatever I want. Two,
work. Three, Boston is America's best city. Who wouldn't want to move there?
I have attached additional answers to some of the questions I anticipate you getting asked.
If you have any questions outside of those ones I've provided here,
they are hereby declared as irrelevant, and I will not be answering them. Thank you in advance.
And then the name. Cameron is very funny. Mackenzie, so she,
how many people got this ridiculous press release? Me and my older sister and then my mom and dad and then my husband and my brother-in-law got it and my best friend who's kind of like a sister.
So there was like eight people in the message. Mackenzie, I got a pitch.
So she's doing this like a professional athlete, right?
It's a press release. She's got the Boston Red Sox socks. These are the questions. Those are
your answers. You're basically the question is you're going to Boston. Do you let her know?
I think your family needs to host a press conference. And I think you got to do it via
Zoom. And I think she's got to get there there and i think you guys can all ask a couple
questions and she's allowed to handle it like a press conference she can be a moody athlete
but there needs to be follow-up on this big decision affecting the team and the family is
the team so she's creating some weird game and in order to play the game if you want to see her in
boston i think you do a press conference and you see how she's feeling about that and as her
representation i'll talk to her first and you can go through us.
Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing.
Hey, how's it going?
All righty. Can we get your name, please?
My name is Cameron.
Hi, Cameron.
So you're on with Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, Cameron.
Great to meet both of you. You too. It's great to meet you, but we know something about you, Cameron. So you're on with Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds, Cameron. Great to meet both of you.
You too.
It's great to meet you, but we know something about you, Cameron.
We know that you created a press release in order to tell your family you were moving.
Well, first of all, did you guys like the press release?
I fucking loved it.
We're members of the press.
We're not at liberty to give our actual opinions. You're right. I fucking loved it. We're members of the press. We're not at liberty to give
our actual opinions. You're right. I apologize. Yeah. So Jake jumped in the deep end real hard
and fast there. I'm going to listen to my man Garfield, my legal counsel, and I'm going to say
we're not at liberty to give our opinions. That's not what we're here to do. We're not here to
compliment you about your press release. We're intrigued by it. Yes. Understood. Okay. Got it.
And so I think what we would love to start with this and i i think the
audience would like to know this too because it was your sister who called in about it asking what
she should do so our kind of question to you on this is what was the thought behind a press
conference telling your family you were moving when i moved to dc in the first place i got so
many questions about this and everyone was giving me their opinion.
So when I made the second move,
I said, I think I'm just going to take a different direction here.
I'm going to give them my pre-approved answers
and nobody can be mad about this
because I've given them so many great answers,
but it seems they still were.
I thought it was pretty funny too,
but I don't know if they took it the same way.
So what about if you put out another press release?
We're on the same page.
And this one is about the kind of,
for lack of a better term, mending fences
and you inviting,
your organization is inviting the McKenzie Corps
to come and visit you
and let's just have a sisterly
trip, something like that. Jake? Yes, I think we're on the exact same page, but I don't think
the press conference is to just McKenzie. It's a follow-up press conference. So a lot of press
press release, press release. Thank you. So I think we need to do another press release that says like, hey, here's a follow-up.
Visitors open.
Lightness open.
Let's bring the fan base back to Cameron.
Cameron, are we anywhere near something you would do here?
I have to say I'm loving the direction that we're going in here.
I think a second press release is just what the world needs.
And what the doctor,
you know,
maybe I can just with the doctor orders,
maybe I can even extend it to friends this time.
Cause I honestly don't think the original one got enough attention.
Just being my family.
So now Cameron,
I'm going to ask you,
cause you're the driver of this train.
You're the comedic engine.
We're the two angels on your shoulder and kevin's the
devil yeah watch be wary of kevin why don't you start out loud right now just right off the jack
start putting together that press release a little spitball a little spitball of what you think needs
to be in it i'll transcribe for you, Cameron. Again, don't trust him.
Service here is incredible.
Let's trust him.
But let's see if you can put a press release together
on the spot.
We can get it out to you.
You can say we're part of the help of that.
But what we're trying to do is get the fan base
back to Cameron.
We've lost our team a little bit.
Off the cuff, I think we started out saying,
hey guys, sorry that the last one was a bit too dark,
but let's reopen the conversation.
Let's lay down a few more ground rules about potential visitors.
Maybe add in the section wherein-
Cameron, I can't write that fast.
I can't write this.
I've tried my hardest.
It's a trap, Cameron.
Don't fall for it. It's a trap, Cameron. Don't fall for it.
It's a trap.
Here's what we're going to do.
Here's what we're going to do.
You are going to talk it out.
Then later, you're going to write it.
You'll hear it back.
Okay.
Okay.
Perfect.
Kevin, write it later.
Kevin's got homework.
No, not Kevin.
We can also send the audio to Cameron.
Yeah, we'll send you the audio, Cameron.
Or Cameron.
Perfect.
What if we sent you the audio clip?
Ooh, audio press release.
And you do an audio press release.
We could even put in some of that echo like it's Lou Gehrig's goodbye speech.
That's interesting.
We could also put in a fake audience.
Yes.
Wait, I have an idea.
I'm going to have a blast with this.
I've got an idea right now really fast, actually.
Gareth, tell me if you want to do this too.
Okay.
Because I was saying it a mistake before where I was saying a press conference.
Yes.
What if we hosted a press conference with you right now, Cameron, and we sent this to
your whole team about the move to Boston?
This is good.
So we could ask, so you start with a statement.
We ask a couple of questions and then we'll finish it.
And then you'll say like, thank you for the time.
We'll do the whole thing in two or three minutes.
Yep.
We'll give you just that clip to send individually you send that to everybody
you can start with you can start with a little press release email yes there's audio attached
that really kind of gets us into it yes i think that's great so why don't you open with a statement
like you were making we haven't asked her if she likes it shut up jake and then we'll get into it
all right action everybody who's not Kevin. Let's go.
You kept saying yes.
I'm like, listen, I know we're on the same team.
What if I was just scarfing? Two idiots are going like, yes, yes, yes.
This is the good stuff.
Yeah.
And she's like, I don't want to know.
This will work.
Yeah.
No, this will be great.
OK, so let's.
So what Gareth said, let's do it.
He's going to call action when he does. Like you've seen a sports press conference or any kind of sports conference. You sit down at the table, you make a little improvised statement.
There's seven mics.
Then Gareth, Kevin, and I will ask a couple questions. And then at a certain point when you're ready, you say, in closing, this is where we're at. And thank you guys so much. And we all leave and we now have enough to go to our art and to write our articles for
papers.
Right.
Perfect.
So, Cameron, when Gareth says go, you start and you are talking directly to your family
and your friends.
Quiet around, everyone.
Come on.
Let's focus up.
We got to get this in one.
All right.
Here we go.
All right.
It's not in one.
Cameron, it's not acting.
Jake, I appreciate you. And I love what you bring to to the set but you're not in charge of this okay let me let me helm the ship
please okay but it's not a set and the last thing i need right now is i need the crew to sort of
lose faith in what i have there's no crew we just have like a few jake jake jake fun all right places
back to one places not back to one sound speed places. Not back to one. Sound speed?
Do we have speed on audio?
We've already been going.
So, yes, we have speed.
Shut up, Cameron.
All right.
Get the slate in.
There's no slate.
Cameron reopening to everyone.
Scene two, take one.
All right, slate out.
All right, everybody.
Quiet, please.
Make sure.
Hey, Ben bend make sure that
door is shut all right action the only thing that made sense to make sure that door is sorry
do i have to go through it all again no are we still rolling sound kevin if he does please do
this in double speed i got rap gifts for everyone that's awesome that's great and jake you're even
included on that even though you've been a bit negative.
All right, back to one, everyone.
Ben, keep that goddamn door shut.
All right, here we go.
And ready and action.
Go ahead, Kate.
Hello, family, friends, others.
Thank you all for coming and listening in here today.
I did just want to clear the air a bit from my previous press release that, you know, I sent to you guys a few months back.
I have been hearing some reports, mainly from Mackenzie looking at you, that we are not receiving the humor in my original press release.
So I wanted to come here today, clear the air, maybe lay down some more ground rules
wherein you can come visit,
but I would like to set a precedent
wherein it can only be for one day.
You have to buy anything,
and you can't ask me any questions still.
Yeah, all right.
Cut, cut, cut.
Yeah, it might just be better to do the press release
cameron my dear my friend my amiga we're on your team here i gotta tell you if i'm the fan base
you just said wait a second you guys wanted uh you know if you're a baseball team we go we thought
we were going to get a star pitcher and then you do a president we go we didn't sign him but also
fuck off no beer at the stadium yeah yeah i don't think you're courting uh i don't think you're courting so yeah i think
we go with the press let's just do the written one here's what i have from the press release
hey guys so sorry the last one was a bit dark do you want to take it from there cameron
let's reopen the convo that's what you said cameron can we can we pitch a little bit of the possible
can i start and gareth and kevin jump in yep this is crisis pr this is crisis pr i didn't know what
this follow-up was going to be now i think we're getting a grasp on this so cameron really quickly
you do you do love your family yeah of course yes great, yes. Great. Okay, so I would say this.
Dear family and friends, apologies for the first press release.
I feel as if it was misinterpreted.
I am excited about my move.
I am excited about the decision I made.
But my door is always open to my family and my friends.
I am eager for my family and friends to celebrate this new chapter in the life of Cameron.
And I apologize for any misreadings of my tone in my first press release.
Mackenzie, my friend, please.
The olive branch is extended to you.
All the best, Cameron.
P.S.
If you are going to come and visit me,
might I suggest a housewarming gift?
Question mark.
Just a thought.
Okay.
Because that puts a little bit of her character in.
Yeah.
Yes.
Cameron, where are you at with that?
I think the ending note really tied it all together.
So to say at first, it sounded a little too nice to me.
They probably would have gotten suspicious,
but the gift portion at the end i think
really we'll sell it we'll drive it home so here's what i suggest we do after you send it off will
you write kevin and then lastly let's do a third on this one and let's have mckenzie back on yes
and i don't know i don't think we have cameron on with mckenzie and i'm gonna tell you why cameron
you're one of us now you're our friend we're you. I think you might spoil the meat a little bit. We're going to try to end this in a
happy way. I got a thing. You, I got a feeling you might say something that's going to really
hurt the organization. Yeah. Cameron, we got a plan. You happy with it? I think this is the
best plan we could have ever come up with. All right. Well, listen, we're here to help
because that's what we're here to do. So good luck to you.
Good luck to us.
Good luck to everybody.
Thank you both.
This one's a scary one, guys.
Yeah.
Thank you, Cameron.
Thank you.
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Hi.
Hello.
Welcome to We're Here to Help.
Welcome back.
Yeah, I was going to say, I feel like you're an old friend at this point.
Mackenzie, how you doing, girl?
How you doing, girl?
What's happening?
I'm great.
My kids are out at recess.
So I'm calling in the quick 15 minutes we got.
So let's jump right in.
You're in a rush.
Yes.
By the way, we have time.
And by the way, Mackenzie, we're good, too.
So our kids are at recess.
Our kids are also at recess.
Yeah, but I have a, I have an appointment in like 10 minutes.
So even the recess end doesn't matter for me.
I'm in a rush.
By the way, Mackenzie, he doesn't, he's with me for the next two and a half hours.
He's got nothing to do except talk about how great Austin is.
I'm swamped over here.
So Mackenzie, let's move.
So your sister, Cameron, sent you the new press release.
Yes.
Have you read?
Yes.
There's no way that she wrote that.
Really?
Interesting.
That's an interesting take.
What makes you think she didn't write it?
Well, it was really nice.
And she apologized.
Interesting.
So none of that is your sister.
You guys talked about it anymore?
I don't know.
I don't remember.
We're going to break this down for you a little bit cameron came on the show uh we had a great discussion
with her and we as a team formed this press release and we need to know mckenzie where are
you at with it where are you at with visits you represent the family talk to us where are we at
i'm still happy to go as long as i got the okay from her i'm happy to go. As long as I got the okay from her, I'm happy to go visit her.
And what do you think about the PS?
I felt like that really was Cameron, for sure.
Yeah, we wanted to keep it on brand.
I thought maybe there'd be a few more PSs.
What do you think the other PSs would be?
Because maybe we talked her out of a little bit of who she is.
What do you think your sister would have?
The PPS?
Probably something about complimenting her while I'm there. her out of a little bit of who she is what do you think your sister would have the pps probably
something about complimenting her while i'm there yeah um cameron's incredible incredible yes she is
and she knows it yeah so by the way cameron sounds like me and you sound like mckenzie
that's very true i'm in my 30s you're in your 40s. Oh, good Lord. I'm a Dolphins fan
or an Eagles fan,
you're a Packers fan.
Should we hear
how the email came out
at the end
or we feel like...
Do you have the email
in front of you, Mackenzie,
just so maybe we could hear
if there was any additions
or omissions?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
She sent me
a press release
with a bunch of olive branches at the top. Yeah. She put olive branches at the top. Yeah. She sent me a press release with a bunch of all of the top.
Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Nice.
So she said, dear family and friends, apologies for the first press release.
I feel as if it was a misinterpretation.
I am excited about my move and I'm excited about the decision I made.
But my door is always in all capitals open to my family and friends.
I am eager for my family and friends to celebrate this new chapter in the life
of Cameron.
And I apologize for any misreadings of my tone in my first press release.
Mackenzie, my friend,
please see all of them to the it to you all the best
Cameron
P.S.
if you're going
to come visit me
might I suggest
a housewarming gift
just a thought
this really
came out great
hold on McKenzie
wait can I just say
my favorite part
of what just happened
you just tried to
turn your headphones up
because we're in the studio
and you just turned mine up
both and mine
okay I thought you
just were like
you're like
I know what I'm doing
I'm a technician now it's like thanks Jake the golf man has bad ears I thought you just were like, you're like, I know what I'm doing. I'm a technician now.
It's like Jake's Jake.
The Garfman has bad ears.
I got you, baby.
What, babe?
What were you going to say?
So here's what I have to say, Mackenzie.
And this is now just talking from the heart.
You know, when somebody does a press release from an organization, they're not always just doing it on their own.
That's why they do a press release and not an email.
Right.
So Cameron's words are Cameron's words. Yes. That's from your sister's heart and soul. just doing it on their own that's why they do a press release and not an email right so cameron's
words are cameron's words yes that's from your sister's heart and soul it's from the desk it's
and so that is the press release your first call in for us was if you remember and i remember
what do i do now my sister sent this really weird press release you were saying something like you
were a little afraid of her you didn't know how to move forward well fucking a i think we have helped if i'm you
i can move forward and visit i would bring a housewarming gift and if i'm you i'm like wow
these guys really did some effective helping as well as really helped if as well as if i'm you i
think i love my wacky sister cameron yeah Yeah. Because it does seem like some of her stuff is just lost in translation a little bit.
I mean, look, you're probably going to listen to this episode,
and there's probably a revealing meat to the bread of this sandwich
where Cameron probably pitches some wild shit.
But don't focus on that.
Don't think about that.
That's just how she is.
That's what we love about Cameron.
Yes.
That a lot of what she needs to do needs a PR firm to help her rewrite it.
Yes.
So Mackenzie, in the end, where are you at going back to the original call?
Are you going to visit?
Are you going to visit?
If you do, will you be bringing a gift?
Where are we at?
Let's get us out of here, here girl i think it's a win i feel like getting cameron to apologize ever is i feel
like a hard thing to do so i feel like you guys kind of we're her therapist a little bit and help
her you know come to a nice apology uh legally we're not saying that but keep going yeah well
i will say this as a diehard 49ers football fan in my 30s.
It's crazy what's happening with you.
Are you okay?
I'm going to say this to you.
This is problematic behavior followed by problematic statements supporting the weird behavior.
I'm glad that you feel like you won.
So am I, but it's just, I mean, it's like a guy being sweet and he's covered in blood.
It's like there's a lot of red flags.
Thank you for the call.
Thank you, Mackenzie.
Good luck getting the kids in for recess.
And if you know anyone who can help Jake, he's really in kind of a dark, weird spot,
but he's smiling through it.
Gareth is in his 40s.
What a geezer.
I'll talk to you later, everybody in their 30s like me.
Go 49ers, go!
Hello?
Hi, this is Kevin.
Hi, Kevin.
Can you remind me your name, please?
Yes, this is Emma.
Hi, Emma. How are you?
I'm doing well.
Hey, Emma. This is Jake and Gareth. We're on here, too.
Hi, Emma.
Oh, hey, guys. What's going on?
I have Jake and Gareth with me, and they don't know.
They know this is a follow-up.
They don't know what it's about, and I wanted you to have the honors of reminding them what your call was about.
Oh, okay.
Well, if you may recall, I know it probably wasn't a story to remember, but I am the one who was calling in about the pet camera oh oh wait emma wait wait wait
you're about the the masturbating oh my god i'm starstruck me too i'm nervous
oh my i like the idea that you're like we might not not know who you are. You are on our Mount Rushmore. Yeah, you are a Mount Rushmore for sure.
Wow.
You're the episode that I feel like really started this podcast.
I agree.
This is a hell of a problem.
Oh, I'm so excited.
No matter what happens, it's just good to hear from you.
Yeah.
I know.
It's good to talk to you both.
So real quick, Emma was house-sitting.
She had roommates.
She was very excited to be house sitting on her own.
She masturbated like she was getting paid every hour to do it.
Then towards the end of the house sitting, realized there was a pet cam.
And then she never got asked to house sit again.
And we don't know where it ended up.
And that's where we are.
OK, sorry.
Go ahead, Jake.
Yeah, that's me.
OK, so where are we at?
Has there been any further updates, any discoveries?
Where are we?
Yeah, so definitely discoveries on my end.
I called in anonymously, so luckily nobody seems to have noticed that it was me, which is a really big deal.
I find it really funny that sometimes I'll be online and I'll end up seeing a clip from
that episode and have to be reminded all over again of the trauma. So the updates are that I
did see one of my friends, one of the couple over the summer, and she didn't mention a thing to me,
but they also went on a two week trip to Europe and said nothing to me about it.
I found out over Instagram and noticed that they did not mention it or ask me to catch it.
The seeing them and them not mentioning it doesn't do anything for me.
I don't feel like you do a drive by and be like, Hey,
you were masturbating a ton. You better.
It's the right inviting. It's the non-inviting.
Now remind me again, do they live in the same city as you?
No, no, no.
I live out of state.
Right.
So there's that part of it.
But I also lived out of state the first time.
Yeah, there's that part of it.
I also have thought a lot more about the pet camera piece because I did throw it out the
window, but I wanted to clarify that I threw it out of the second story window into grass.
So I did have to go outside and get it and take it with me. And then I threw it out of the second story window into grass. So I did have to go outside and get it and take it with me.
And then I threw it out of the car on the road.
So no matter what, they know that the camera's gone.
See, I don't remember that part.
I don't even remember that part of it.
That part is crazy.
That is madness.
Did you tell us that part the first time we spoke?
I think she said she threw it out the window.
I did.
But we both just blew it off.
We were so overwhelmed.
I mean, Lamorne was on the call.
A lot was happening.
So yeah.
Okay.
So you stole their camera.
I did.
So I've got a question for,
have you a house sat since?
No,
not for anybody.
Is there a world where you're gonna house sit again?
I'm definitely going to look out for the red dot in the sky.
That's for sure.
And if you don't see it,
do you think you're going to be watching videos about control and power?
The fact that you don't remember the camera got tossed out the window,
but you remember what porn she likes really says a lot about the male mind.
Yeah, thanks for that, Jake.
I'm disgusting.
I'm an animal.
Who cares about the camera?
She's a therapist watching control.
Jake's such an animal if his
wife leaves town you could look after him Emma I'll hold you to it I'll hold you to it um but
no I I really think that if I ever were to be in that position again I would just you know
get back in the closet um turn off all the lights and sure that there's no chance of being seen stop
you could do it you just have to do a real scour.
Well, that's what she said.
She said she's still going to play her game.
She's just going to do it not while you're out.
I don't like it being done in the shadows.
Yeah, there's a middle ground.
I don't think you need to go shadows or daylight.
You can have mood lighting.
What's the middle ground?
The middle ground is you do a sweep.
You go through the house.
You Navy seal it for a minute.
You check the nooks and the crannies
and you make sure there's no red lights and then you go to town on yourself for a week no problem
but the problem is the cat cam that's it am i am i gotta say as your friend here on this one
the most humiliating turn of events in your life would be you house it for somebody else
you navy seal it you check every corner you go
i'm good you open up your videos the character goes like well you are my secretary and you go
like oh lordy you spend the next 35 hours in bliss and then you realize you missed a spot
and you're filmed yeah horrible yeah and that's a fear this is a fool me once situation
you can once in your life get filmed masturbating in somebody else's home you can't do it twice
garf you know i'm right you're absolutely right but it's don't clip this caitlin do not clip this
i know you're listening but i i do listen, the problem with your situation isn't that you were, you know, you masturbated in their house.
It's that you really it's almost like you were cat sitting yourself more than the cat.
You had a party.
Truly.
Emma, thank you for the call.
Thank you for helping launch this podcast.
You always have.
I actually do need a cat sitter. So this true yes i really do uh what state are you in emma what state are you in massachusetts
oh you're so far yeah it's too far away yeah just a bit just that would be such a funny
i not only would you be a great cat sitter like i'm saying there's no cameras
go to town.
Sure, sure.
Emma, thank you for the call.
You're the best.
Thanks, Emma.
Yeah, thank you guys for all the advice and support.
Enjoy the day, fellow fiends.
Yeah, you're just great, Emma.
Thank you.
All right.
Bye, guys.
Bye.
Bye.
Oh, man.
I do need a cat sitter.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds.
The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt,
and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean.
Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio,
and our video editor is John DeBruin.
The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh,
and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com.
That's OliverRaleigh.com. The's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com.
The album artwork is by James Fosdyke.
You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E.
And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com.
And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.
All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only,
and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.
That was a HateGum Podcast.