We're Here to Help - 36: The Gray Pig with Catherine Reitman

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Jake, Gareth, and special guest Catherine Reitman talk to a caller about too many bits early in a relationship. Later, Jake and Gareth talk to someone who was gifted a trampoline.  Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

all right here we are in person in person yes we're back. We're here to help. We got a great episode. Great episode. Kat Reitman comes back on the show. The best. Her first episode was, I know you just told me, but I didn't read it. She's on episode 14. We highly recommend you check out episode 14 first. And follow Kat at Kat Reitman on Instagram and everything.

She also has a show called Working Moms, which is huge. Yes. So please go watch everything. She also has a show called Working Moms, which is huge. Yes. So please go watch that. She is the best. But the reason that episode is important is because we do a lot of bits in this one that started there. Yes.

So you don't have to, but you will miss some stuff. It'll be weirder if you just listen to this one first. And then, yeah, then we get into solving. I mean, what we do is we solve problems. We don't need to walk. You're going to hear it. So we appreciate you guys. Yes. We have merch merch we have stuff if you want to buy that if you have a problem go to helpfulpod at gmail.com yes we are america's number one podcast because of you the listeners

and soon to be the viewers and with another catchphrase cut it out so jake's been using that as his catchphrase well i'm realizing gareth is trying to create a lot of catchphrases. Yeah, but mine are original and you're starting to take others. Cut it out. It's still not great. Anyway, without further ado, a catchphrase. America's favorite podcast. Number one.

Ones and twos. Ones and twos. Cut it out. Hi. Hello. Good morning. Oh, hello hello there that's okay uh how you doing man uh i'm doing well i apologize for just dropping in without being welcome that was rude of me no no you were you were welcome and you're being welcomed now not only by me g Gareth, but by Jake and by one of my favorite people I've ever met, period. In the business, out of the business. Friend of the show. Friend of the show.

Friend of the show. Friend of the show. The great Kat Reitman is also going to join us to try to solve whatever you're calling about. So can we get your name? And you can use a fake name and wherever you're calling. Morning. My name is Dan. I'm calling from the den of inequity Washington, D.C. Hi, Dan. How old are you roughly, Dan?

36. A good age. Great age. What can we help you with? What's going on? I wanted to call into the show because I have what is really an improv question nestled inside of a relationship question. I recently started dating somebody when we were in that sort of talking, fun, flirty, like just constantly looking forward to like the next iMessage from each other. She has just been yes-ending every little joke that I throw at her like since the talking phase our first date she was like referencing these sorts of bits like i was just like oh yeah you know like i have like nine toes we're not i'm not going to get into why that was the case and during the course of dinner

she was calling back to that and that had been like 10 days prior and it's getting to the point where like we have speed run like we have just accomplished so much lower in a relationship that's like six dates. This isn't even like a thing that's going on in public. Like we were at my apartment having like some dessert, like in wine. And I was really excited. I was like, oh, look, like there's Strange Days is on TV. Like that's a really good movie. I enjoy it.

And she called back to like when I jokingly said that the Bob Hoskins Super Mario Brothers movie was, in fact, my favorite movie. I was like, I don't know when to say no. I don't know when to say no, but not yes, and. But you're in a relationship and your new partner yes, ands your bits too much? Too much. Yes. It's not just that she's yes anding it. She is recalling all of the bits

and calling back to them with great fervor. I'm going to tell you this, Dan. You've pissed off the cat. This is not a problem, Dan. Dan, what you're calling in about is this. You're telling me you're on date six when you've been married i've been married 15 years my man okay and all my husband here we go excuse me let me just light up i need at least six cigarettes for just then let me get my fucking cigar out cat

here we go sorry dan feel like i'm in i'm in like somewhat like feel like I'm in like somewhat like I'm in crosshairs right now. Let's go. Yeah. Dan, I know you're not used to someone knowing you, but here we go. Now, in this relationship, if you can even call it that, you've got a girl who's trying to intrigue you and connect with you. And she's using a really good tool she's using a tool which makes you feel seen and heard and believed in and have you but it's a lot well hold on what

i haven't heard yet is the real problem which is you're actually just annoyed with this girl there's something about her you don't like and you're using a mask, which is she likes me too much and she says I'm funny. What I need from you, Dan, is what is really the problem. Oh, like I have no problem owning this. My problem is that I don't remember my own bit. So like she has this internal consistency and I'm just like throwing jokes out because I'm a dude and I'm an idiot. Dan, I got to jump in. Kat, that does not deserve an eye roll.

I believe him. He's not saying. His inadequacy has required him to call into this podcast to say, hey, there's something wrong with this girl. Here we go. Is it that she's too good at remembering your bits? It's exhausting for me. too good at remembering your bits? It's exhausting for me.

Yes. Is it that you feel like there's just too many bits? Is there just her comedy is off for you? Is that basically what you're saying? Oh, okay. So it's not the same sense of humor. Well, let's see. Dan, is it that you don't think she's funny? No, because-

Quoting you, is she not funny? Sorry. Oh, here we go. By the way, Catherine also also after she said that, she shook her head in a way. Well, that's just how it moves. That's just how it moves. No, it's...

It's not that we have... I would like to think that we have very compatible senses of humor. It's that even on the second date, there's a specific restaurant that she wanted to go to here, and it was kind of difficult to get, like, a nice patio seat and enjoy, like, you know, like, the end of the summer, so I lied, like, when we got there, like, oh, you know, like, it's our anniversary, and, like, we're just trying, it's, like, our one year, and, like, we're just trying to, like, get, like, a good seat to enjoy the city before summer's over.

The maitre d' was very kind, did that, and as soon as we sat down, she's interfacing with the waitstaff, she's interfacing with everybody, she's, like with everybody she's like oh yeah you know like we met at this one bar like two years ago and then like i thought she's committing to the bed this is driving you crazy yeah and just committing to it but now it's like in our interactions like when i when i saw her last friday she's just like you know it's been like you know just like a year and like a couple of weeks but it just feels like we've only gone on like seven dates you know and i's just like, you know, it's been like, you know, just like a year and like a couple of weeks, but it just feels like we've only gone on like seven dates, you know? And I'm just like, I see, like, I can see a snowball of lore forming before me. And I'm like, that's kind of where like the, there's two parts to the question. It's when do I know, but because like the bit for my own

preservation and to like, it feels like people are rushing to get into like this level of intimacy that maybe she's after. And I'm trying to like, I don't know, be a little more like cheeky with it. Well, that sounds like the real problem. If I may.

It sure sounds like she's trying. Go ahead, right. Well, that's a speaking of callbacks. I'm not sure how good the cat. No, that's fine.

I think it works. I'm with the cat on this. Dan, on a previous call, we all established ourselves as the cat, the dog, and I'm the rat. I'm trying to move away from that. But anyway, do you like her? Right. Yeah. You don't go on seven dates not liking somebody unless you're a sociopath. And, well, relax. I've done it.

And you definitely... Classicopath and and well relax i've done it and and you you definitely rat back and forth i like a scrap relax i guess the name does it's perfect and i guess you're you're trying to kind of balance the level of lore go ahead cat go ahead cat you got something no i No, I'm being too scrappy on this one. I feel it. I just, my gut is I hear two things.

One is that, like, there's nothing worse than when someone's doing too many bits. You've got to be a certain kind of person to want to be doing bits around the clock.

And if she's doing too many bits, I get it. It's not the right match. But what you also revealed really, really quickly and then moved on to movie references

was that you said that you think she might want a deeper connection too quickly did i hear that right that she's trying to get somewhere that's yeah and that might sound like the bigger problem like is this just someone who you feel is like really wide open and ready to jump into a relationship and when did when was your last relationship No, the cat's trying to go deep and the dog's going to keep it light here. And I'm going to tell you, Dan, the cat's trying to burrow in and create nine lives on this call. The dog goes, Dan, here's where we're at on this one. You like her, but you don't like, like her. If you like Liked her, you would think the bits were hilarious and charming. You like her enough to go on seven dates, but you don't know a way out.

I think this one, you got to let it go. You start finding things wrong and they become little things at first. But guess what? If I'm with somebody and I don't find them funny and they don't stop, I'm like, there was a lot I liked about you. I don't like this. I think you got to cut it loose now because I'll tell you what's not going to happen. In three years, it's not going to be better.

And then in eight years, when she's sick of your opinion and doesn't care and you have like two kids, she's going to do yes and to be mean. And you're going to enter a zone where she's just going to be like, I'm going to just put you in a spider web of bits because I know you're confused and you're dumb and I got you. So if you're on date seven going, this is a red flag, I would say, believe it and get off the goddamn highway. Rough, rough dog speak. Dog, that was good. Thanks, Cap. That's where I'm at. Definitely. It wouldn't be, it wasn't a red flag, but it was comfortably orange. But yeah, I do see your point. But it's too early. If you, if this call, Dan, if you said, I've got two kids with her, we've been together for three years. She took her first improv class

and she's become on fucking bearable. Then I would go, I hear you. I know that person. I've been down that road. The first person who goes like, did you realize that comedy is a formula? And you go like, oh, you're the fucking worst. So that's not the case. You're just starting. And this is just who she is. And you know who she should be with? Somebody who loves the fucking bits and let them be happy together. Because that other person's going to go, I'm with the funniest person on planet earth. She makes me laugh from morning till night. And you should be with somebody who's different. And that's OK.

You're on date seven. I would just unplug now. Get out. I think that's pretty good. But like a rat, I'm going to take a couple pieces I find from the top tier predators and I'm going to grab them and take them back to my little hole and mash them together and try to make a meal out of them. So Dan, I'll let it shut up. Everyone is not me.

I got this. All right. So, so Dan, this is what I think. I think Jake's right. I do. I do feel like you're just kind of like, I don't want to say annoyed by her, but like, you know, it's like getting on your nerves a little bit. So what I would do is I would prepare to bail.

But before you bail, I would just lightly give the note. If not just to try to see if that can maybe change up your dynamic a little bit. Maybe it's just a helpful note going forward. Just what's it sound like? It would be like this. Hey, hold on. You do it to Kat. Pretend you're dating Kat.

Oh, God. This is going to start. OK, Gareth, you be him. And Kat, will you lead out with a little bit? Of course. Of course. All right. God, don't they know it's our 10th anniversary? Remember the time we watched that movie? Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. That was great. I know. Honestly, even when I said that anniversary thing, that was just kind of a flip of like one-off sort of.

It was brilliant. even when I said that anniversary thing, that was just kind of a flip of like one-off sort of. It was brilliant. I know, you know, I just wanted to get us a table on the patio. I mean, that was just kind of what I was going for. Well, of course, it's like our 10-year anniversary. I know, yeah.

The only thing I'll say is like, honestly, I really have enjoyed like all of our dates a lot. Like I really do. All 10 years of them? I know, yeah. I really, before you say that again though let me just get this out i i do feel like um sometimes i'll say i just don't have the best memory to remember all the stuff that i've maybe said or all of our inside jokes and i

sometimes when you're like hearkening back to an inside joke of ours i would just rather talk about newer stuff versus like new things that well maybe it doesn't even need to be a bit like it just could be like you know whatever i'm just enjoying getting to know you so i don't know can i stop you can i stop you right now how do you feel how do you feel as this guy on this date? I feel like I'm going to try. I'm trying. I'm trying to pick this. That seemed like a disaster to me. Well, listen, you don't know what it's like

from the hole's point of view. I'm looking through a little hole in the wall. It's very different, Dan. Kat, as the female on that side, how did that feel to you? I just love this rat so much. I felt for him.

If you were on a date and Dan was saying that to you I know I think it was confusing I think you have to be really direct Dan and it's going to suck for a second and there's going to be this amazing moment where she's going to sink or swim

you might be setting her free Kat you're with the rat on this that he should bring it up well here's the deal dog if he does bring it up and it, here's the deal, dog. If he does bring it up and it cuts her free, then there are no excuses. He's a solid dude, right?

There's no ghosting. There's no being weird. She doesn't run into him later and bring up 20 bits. And there's a way of doing this. Like, you know what? I really want to be present with you. I'm having a hard time with the bits. I just want to be really candid with you because I think you're cool.

But I think you just go direct for it. Hey, Dave, I got to jump in time with the bits. I just want to be really candid with you because I think you're cool, but I think you just go direct for it. Hey, Dan, I got to jump in. Oh boy. The rat and the cat are leading you into a zone that you could get yourself in a lot of trouble. If you are out with her and tell her,

Hey, could you cool it with the bits? And she tells all her friends and it spreads. They'll be like, where they don't go to the same high school. Dan, do you guys have a group of friends? Fair question.

Well, yes, we do. So we have a shared social circle, but the other factor in play is that, I don't know if you're- We find out they're in a cult. There's an improv joke there. I'm not going to take it. She's perfect for her.

Keep going. You're in a shared- there i'm not going to take it um but she's perfect for her the other factor is that like i don't like uh there are like like so like there's like facebook groups where it's like uh am i dating are we dating the same person that this person dating multiple people and like she has said that she is on those places on those pages she's like she reads them for for drama and like likes to get in the comments and stir the pot i should have recognized that as like something that's traumatic so then jake how does he do it where he doesn't because if he just ghosts he's also going to be in the comments yeah so here's where we're at dan uh you've gotten from me a very clear i cut loose i don't have a talk i don't give any more ammunition to this. I don't think this is the right person for you. I think you let her find somebody else and you find somebody else.

The rat says, get down there and get into it and give her a fighting chance and talk about how the bits are too much. The cat seems to be in agreement with the rat on this one and be a stand-up guy and say, like, hey, your bits are a lot and maybe there's a way out. Am I speaking for you, cat, or do you agree with that assessment? I think that's fair. I think speaking out and giving your – So the cat and the rat are on the same page and the dog is saying cut loose. Dan, where are you at on this one? Because we can keep going.

We can keep diving deeper and deeper into this one, but I think this is where it's going to end. It's the coward's way out. I'm thinking like a public, just like shut it down, like meeting someplace agreeable and just being like, listen, the bits are too much. Cutting season is on the way.

I don't have time to have like a George RR Martin, like book of lore in my head. I think she's a good match from you. I think Kat was right, but I will say if you break up, don't break up about the bits. Yeah, I would be. So what's that look like?

Jake? You want to do it, you and me? Sure. Hey. This restaurant's so fun. Yeah, it is. Hey, I've had a great time being with you. I don't see this going any further, but I would like to be friends.

And I want to be honest at the beginning of this just to be very clear but I'm just not feeling more to this but I also think you're so funny and really fun and I would like to still be friends. But like not funny enough, obviously. Very funny. But I don't want to do this anymore. The champagne you ordered?

Dan? I wanted to jump in as the waiter. Sorry, all this improv has really brought me back. That was a little steep, so I apologize. Dan, you got some advice from that. It's a proposal. Sorry, go ahead. That she hired the waiter

as a waiter. Of course. Happy 10-year anniversary, lovebirds. Dan, we appreciate the call. Best of luck to you, buddy. And scene. Thanks, Dan. Good luck. Bye, Dan. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel.

That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over. They're like asking for snacks.

They're being annoying. Or even waste hours on apps that don't really help. We're here to help, and Babbel is going to help you. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real-life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started relearning French through Babbel a little bit. Yes, because I used to know French, but then I don't know French, but it's still there. You know what I like about it is that it's got a

speech recognition technology because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country, if it can actually help with the accent, that's a big ass turn. And applicable to

situations you're going to find yourself in. When I think back to taking French, it was just so much of it. I'm never going to do that. How do you order food? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions? Babbel's great. Now listen. Should we bring him in? One quick pause. Should we bring in the closer? Studies from Yale,

this is interesting, Michigan State University and others, prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester of college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like well i don't know i didn't go to college 15 hours you just did a semester yeah that's wild yes yes that's a wild study so speaking of language should we bring in the closer or should i do it closer all right hold

on let's get him kevin doors open all right oh you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. We can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead.

So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now, listen.

Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone. At Babbel.com slash HTH. Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off Babbel.com slash hth. Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off babbel.com slash hth. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash hth.

We're going to want you to babble. We want you to babble. I'll tell you what. I don't want to babble your ear off. I got to go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions. I am fine. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc.

ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation. And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would use would use that doc because it's just so much harder if you're just like you know like using search engines to try to find someone and then

you call do they take your insurance but the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what i like i actually use zoc tech since we started doing it i do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news.

But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the. I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid 40s. Yeah.

What a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But but again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake,

if you're lucky. That's right. Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet

for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You never, literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com

slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear, how much does that cost free free that's right and then find and book a top rated doctor today that's z-o-c-d-o-c.com slash hth zoc doc.com slash hth Hi. We have. So sorry. Oh, you don't need to apologize.

Jake and I have no clue what happens. Am I quiet? No. Is she quiet? Is she quiet? Am I quiet? No, you sound okay to me. Kevin, she's sounding okay?

Yeah. Are we on speakerphone by chance? Oh, yeah. Should I just hold the phone to my sweaty face? Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Put that phone to that sweaty face. Yep.

That's better. Also, why sweaty face? Oh, you know, the embarrassment of not knowing how to use technology, even though I use remote video stuff all day. All we're doing is follow-ups. Did you say, does it sound delicious? That was the question, correct? Possibly, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, we're just kind of crossing all these T's while we have a second. We're getting to know you. We're getting to know you a little bit. I like a sweaty face. I like bad in technology, and I like using delicious. I like, do I sound delicious? As long as Kevin thinks the sound is good, then I'm fine with that. Hey, Kevin, is the sound delicious?

Would you call it that? It's very tasty. Thank you. Ew, ew with his thank you all right what's your name where are you from how can we get you started um i'm veronica and i'm calling from i'll just say like the northeast because okay i definitely i think i have friends and or family that possibly listen to this podcast. That's awesome. Shout out to them if they can figure out who you are.

Exactly. And what can we help you with? What's going on? I was gifted a full-size trampoline when I was 26. I'm 33 now. And my mom is in her must clean out the attic because I'm going to die soon mode, which she's not. She's just in that mode.

But then she reminded me that I have this full-size trampoline in two boxes in her attic. And I'm like, I don't know if I should keep it or not just because of how I acquired said full-size trampoline. Well, shall we figure out how you acquired it, V? Come on, you sweaty-faced animal. Tell us how you got it. It sounds like it's a delicious tale.

How did you happen upon a trampoline? It was given to me by an older gentleman. And before you guys get creepy, I guess about sugar daddy stuff. You got a tramp daddy? He's super trampy. So who is this older gentleman? I do community theater as a hobby.

And you meet a lot of really interesting folks. This person in particular just kind of took an interest in me. Not. And again, there was another like I'm not like a sugar baby situation where I'm like. Sure you are. Hold on, Veronica. Veronica, you can't keep saying that. He gifted you a trampoline so he could bounce you around on it.

But no bouncing was had. So you meet this older gentleman. He sees your shows. He likes the shows. He's in the show. He's an actor. Oh, he's an actor. Oh, okay.

So I met him early. When I first moved to the area and was doing shows and stuff, he was in the ensemble of some of the shows. And he seemed to be like, everybody knew him. He's a normal, well, I can't say normal.

He was just a person that was around the theater a lot. But he's in the community. He's in the community the community exactly and his daughters are also in the community like children he's got children okay also perfect people to give a trampoline so quite when you say older what are you talking you talking 60 you're talking 70 talking 90 probably i would say when i first met him probably probably like early 50s, early 60s. This guy just got a lot less kind of creepy and old. I agree. Kind of like youngish. He was a particular interest.

Like he wanted to ask me about my career and things that I was doing. And I was like, okay, sure. Let's give Silver Fox a name. Should we name him something or should we just call him Silver Fox? Well, I will say not attractive. So Silver Fox gives the wrong impression. Silver Fox? Garth, what do we got?

Let's just call it Gray Pig. Gray Pig. Okay. Okay. Yep. So let me ask you a question about Gray Pig. When he first starts taking an interest in you, are you getting the red flags that this guy's a creep?

Are you just, he's part of, when you do theater, you know, everybody's on this team, right? And there's some weirdos on the team, but you're all part of the same team. Is it that vibe or are you getting creeped out by him? No, it's that vibe for sure. Okay. So, okay. So how does he approach, how does great pig approach this moment? How does this happen? I was going up home for Christmas and he lets me know that he has something that he wants me to take up there to give to my mom has he ever met your mom he has yeah because she's come down to see the shows and stuff so like you know he knows of of her and stuff like that um i was like sure whatever you guys you know maybe they were friends on facebook i don't i have no idea so i was like yeah whatever and he meets me to like at the theater parking lot and like I like puts it in my car and it's

like these two giant boxes that are like wrapped and I was like okay and when I go home my mom has this like giant friends and family Christmas party that we do every year and that like she had me take out of the car whatever we have the party at the very end of the party she makes this whole big show of bringing out those two boxes again and then making me open it in front of everybody and i was it was it was the full-size trampoline so he he said he said it was a gift for your mother but your mother knew it was a gift for you yes it was implied that it was something for my mom and i was just like even so this is this is bonkers. Oh, it's crazy.

Let me make something crystal clear about Eve Johnson, my mother. If anybody approached this woman and said like, hey, I would like to gift your son something, a full-size trampoline, she would say, fuck off. And here's mine. My mother. Can I do yours, Garf? Sure. Hey, I'm a weird guy that does theater with your son.

I want to give him a trampoline. Is it for jumps with Jake and I? All right. Let's keep going, Veronica. So we'll just plow through that. Oh, I know what to do. Is your question, what do you do with the trampoline? The question is, what am I supposed to do with the trampoline?

We send it back to the gray pig in its box. Garth, am I wrong here? No, that's on my list. By the way, I've never taken more notes. I've never taken more notes during a call. I just want to point that out. This is like full-on police report. I'm so proud. Well, first of all, my

advice would be, yes, gift it. I mean, you have it. It's in boxes. Is it creepy, though, to gift it knowing that it came from a creepy old guy? I mean. And give it to somebody else without their knowledge? Hold on. Everything has come from a creepy old guy at some point.

This country was founded upon creepy old guys. Every dollar you've ever touched has at one point been touched by a creepy old guy. Just assume a creepy old guy has had his hands on something. Creepy old guy. Creepy old guy. You like alcohol? Creepy old guy. Creepy old guy. You like alcohol? Creepy old guy. Oh, you know what's sad, Garrett?

You like this podcast? Creepy old guy. All right, go ahead. So it's a perfect re-gift. Even if there's not someone in your orbit who you're like, that's perfect for. I don't think a trampoline ever pops into your head as a perfect gift. So you can do this as a gag gift. You can do this as I really am making an earnest attempt. You could donate it. But I do have to say the funniest version by far is to wrap it and give it to the guy. Yeah. So here's what, here's what I'm going to suggest here,

Veronica. I think Garth is right. There's a very easy solution and she could donate it to the boys club or a girls club. And there could be some creepy old guy lodge, which is what it's just really called. What the moose lodge. Yeah.

It's the, it's whatever the all guys try. They have a club. They have it. We, the only problem is how do we keep our hats on while jumping? And drive those little go-karts. Yeah.

By the way, that is the Creepy All-Guy Club, 100%. And once they accept my application, I will let you know what it's like. I can't wait to be a Shriner. It should be the best. Oh, dream. But if you're not going to just gift it or donate it, which I think is a very easy solution, I think we lean into sending it back to gray pig. True.

The next thing would be finding out where this person's live. Don't know if I want that. Okay. So then I've got a question for you. Do you want us to reach out to him? Oh my God. Cause this is why you go to, this is why you go to a middle person,

right? This is one of the reasons you call a goofy old podcast because we can try to find him directly. We could have him on the show and ask him about the trampoline. If he listens to this episode though, and is like, he hears that he's called the gray pig. I don't know how that would go.

I agree with you. We can change the name of the podcast he thinks he's on. Oh, that's true. Called Future Shriners Club? Shrine Time. Yeah, but I think you're right, Anisha. I think getting in touch with him at this point could be problematic. Unless he's given trampolines to other people. I don't know. He could just be a trampoline. Well, now it's a Netflix series and we don't have the time. Or do we? Or are we now locked into a new job? Or did we just become a serialized fucking podcast where we go deep on the trampoline guy? So here, I mean, here's where I'm kind of lost here, Veronica, is that there's just so much with the gray pig.

And I want to know, how could we reach out to him and try to get him on without putting you in a bad spot. Garf, is there a way or no? I don't know. And I think like you always say we're on her team. We want to solve her problem. You're thinking as a podcast producer. You're right. You're right. So we would love it if you're open to it. Jesus, Lord, please give us, give us, give us yum, yum, yum. But stop. Come on. It's delicious. It's delicious. Thank you. Delicious.

Yum, yum, yum. This is the grossest call. I'm going to take my shirt off. I don't know why. The best age for a trampoline is like a six year old. So I think if you want to just solve the problem, I think, like Jake said, you just go to like a boys and girls club. You make a few calls around the area to that.

I think maybe if you want to go funny, which I would love, just think of someone in your world. Dude, I was just about to say that. Is there somebody, do you have a girlfriend or a friend who you kind of do bits with or does anybody you know in your neighborhood have a backyard definitely and i also have friends that have kids that probably would enjoy a trampoline so let's do this i would say where we're at is you either just have your mom call a place locally or you give it to a friend with kids or try to find somebody in your in your circle that it'd be a funny gag gift to the problem is it's a big gag gift it's a big gag gift yeah yeah it's what you got and so veronica what do you think you're going

to do here what's your end here yeah i think possibly gifting it to the friends with kids because like i really like i had one growing up, and I enjoyed it. It was really fun to have, so I'm like, I'd love for them to enjoy it as well. Call your friends with kids. Be like, I want to give you a trampoline. They don't need to hear this cursed backstory. True. And last, Veronica, if you ever decide that you want the older man to be part of this,

let us know and we will reach out and figure out his side of the story. But we're going to wait for you to email Kevin. Yeah, no pressure. But we would tell him he's on this podcast called Yard Hijinks. He would never find us. Thank you for the call, Veronica.

No problem. Jump safely. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and

our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com.

And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions. That was a HeadGum podcast.