We're Here to Help - 39: The Deddy Beddy with Natalie Morales

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

Jake, Gareth, and special guest Natalie Morales talk to a caller about a puppet monkey. Later, Jake and Gareth follow up with Tori from episode 2 (“The Santa Dilemma”).   Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com! Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail]. If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts. Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPod See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

and here we what it's the intro for the podcast. Who knew? Yeah, we're back. Natalie Morales is on this show again. America's officially number one podcast. Just don't look to do. Cut it out. One's in two, 68 and Balmy. Guys, write into the Instagram handle if you guys want to hear any more Gareth catchphrases.

We will incorporate them in. Natalie Morales, who is the star, one of the stars of my new movie, Self Reliance, Hulu, January 12th, 68 and Balmy.

She's great on this episode. We have a follow-up this episode. It's a lot of fun. Yep. Yes, we have, we pay off one of our early calls

this episode, and we're excited to do it. And Natalie's fantastic. And yeah, we hope everybody's, you know. Enjoying it. Enjoying it. And going to see Self-Reliance on Hulu. Go watch it.

Tell people about it. Yes. And while you're telling people about stuff, tell them about this show. Agreed. And while you're listening, keep in mind, this is the show that my mother eve johnson refers to is too wild when you and that other guy just start yapping too much how long until you

think she knows my name is that possible if you think my dyslexia is bad yeah the apple did not fall far from the tree she'll just be like you and Rarteg are just kind of all over each other. Yeah, no, the other guy. Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the show. Hello. Hi, you're on We're Here to Help with Jake Johnson, Gareth Reynolds, and one of the stars of the new movie I directed, Self Reliance, and somebody I'm a big fan of, Miss Natalie Morales. Hello. What an introduction. What's your name? My name is Whitney. Whitney. Okay. Whitney, where are you calling from? I'm going to use some fake names and places

here. So I'm just going to say I'm in New England. Okay. That is a fake place. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you didn't make up a weird state i'm gonna just fake to you i'm in bungletown beautiful all right whitney from bungletown uh what can we do for you today okay so um my problem is that my boyfriend um is obsessed with a puppet monkey. So my boyfriend has, we're going to call him Phil and he is 31 and I'm 26. About a year ago, this stuffed like hand puppet monkey came sort of back into his life. It resurfaced and he has a nine-year-old son who loves stuffed animals. So it was super funny like we were all sort of just playing with the stuffed animal this was a childhood stuffed animal that he had that

resurfaced yeah okay okay um the monkeys has a name uh his full name is daddy donkey the puppet monkey we call him daddy for short okay we gave daddy a whole character arc he has like a whole personality and he is just like totally became part of our family we will like set him up around the house like he's making coffee or like typing on the computer and his son phil's son wanted us to like bring him to the grocery store so we just sort of like gave him a whole goofy character. So I'm getting what's happening in Bungle Town. I'm not saying what the problem is. You guys are just weird with Daddy. I'm saying the problem.

Yeah. So the problem is that Phil's son only lives with us half the time. So I started to realize that even when his son wasn't here, we were still like setting up Daddy and do it like he's very active so he would be like in the bedroom or just like on the couch playing video games not in a weird way sure uh one time phil and i went to canada and phil like insisted that we bring daddy and i thought without the sun sort of a bit yeah without the sun yeah like was it for photos of daddy so that he could take

photos of daddy in canada okay exactly yeah yeah so i thought it was all just sort of fun so we could bring it back and show the sun and be like how funny is this yeah but i'm worried that that's not really the case anymore because i thought that the bit would fizzle out after a few weeks and this it's it's been over a year daddy is still super active it's getting weird yeah it's getting pretty weird so I want some advice because I feel like there are two ways that I could go about like living the rest of my life with this stuffed animal and I was hoping you guys could help me decide which way to go quick Whitney what are the two ways where are you at?

Let's start with what you're thinking. Yeah, basically. So I don't know if I should either fully embrace it and just like have Daddy be a thing. At one point, I made him an Instagram account because I thought that would make it like sort of funny and like socially acceptable. Don't plug it.

Don't plug it. No, no, no. Don't plug it. I'm not. Say it, say it, say it. Well, obviously it's deady something the something monkey i can't remember what she said well just give it a god damn it give it a plug give it a plug it is deady donkey um i did send kevin like some pictures and the instagram account

if you guys want a visual yes um okay so i would love a visual slap it on it on, Kevin. Oh, my God. Jesus. I didn't expect the jaunty chapeau. Oh, God. The eyes. So it's got a little like a... It's like a bird box. It's got a little taxi cab hat. Yeah. The fur is like a Brillo pad.

Yeah. It looks like a 1950s toy. It's got a little bow tie, a little matching cap. It's really... It is disturbing. Daddy donkey. Okay. Take that off, Kevin. Take it off.

So number one is to fully embrace daddy and just, you know, it makes perfect sense when his son's around. It's a bonding thing you guys do as a family. And then while it's not there, if you know, your husband does it cool. And then what's option number number two so option number two is we need to end debbie and i need to convince uh it's my boyfriend and i need to convince him that it's time to just like be done with this bit it's weird it's sort of psychotic and whitney i think you have more options what are my options i think you're limiting yourself by believing you only have two options the third option that you have which is always the best is to talk to him about daddy and go what's your deal with this why are you doing when your son's not here is it special to you in some way are you doing it because you want to take

pictures for your son to keep it alive for him like what what's the you got to find out the reason why your boyfriend is boring then if it's. Then if it's still creepy, then you can be like, I'm not cool with Daddy when your son's not here. I find it a little strange. But I think it is it a little bit, Whitney? Is it a little bit, just a little bit that you're a bit jealous of the attention that Daddy's getting? Ooh.

I didn't see that. Just a little bit. Like, just dig deep into yourself. And let's hear it. Yes. You know, I hadn't thought about it, but there's potential. I mean, he does get a lot of attention. I don't think I don't think that that's like the main reason.

I think I'm more just like embarrassed that I have a 31-year-old boyfriend. But hold on, Whitney. Part of this is you're embarrassed, but you're jealous of a stuffed monkey? You said, Diddy. I would be. You would be, Natalie? Yes. Are you serious? Yes. What would you be jealous

of? Like all the attention. I actually do think that that connection does make sense, though, Tell us of. Like all the attention. Going to an adamant object. I actually do think that it makes that connection does make sense, though, because it's like the time you're spending with your boyfriend is interrupted because we all need a little alone time. Yes, but you're not. But it's like when you're not alone time. Yes. When you're gone, you can play with Daddy.

Who cares who he's playing with? It's Jake. Listen to what you just said. Fair. Listen, I'm just saying I understand that if suddenly an ex resurfaced from his past, that he used to play with a lot. Denny is no ex. An obsession from the past resurfaced and now is alive in their home again.

After a few weeks, I'd be like, all right, enough with fucking Denny. Look over here, bitch. I'm right here. I bet you fucking anything that Whitney's walked around in sexy clothing and Phil has not noticed because he's been too fucking busy with Denny. Look, Denny's making it up. Hold on. Hold on, Whitney. Is that true?

I can't say that it is. Okay, well. Natalie, we just learned a lot about you. You try and walk around in some short shorts and see if he looks twice at you. We just learned more about Natalie Morales than we did Whitney. If you're dating her and you have a stuffed animal, she will get laundry. Prance around. That's actually a good move, really, if you think about it in the long run.

It's a great tactic. I think so. You start dating her, you go like this, hey, from my childhood, this is Ralphie the bear. She goes, what? You go, I love it so much. This is how you know if it's an actual problem, Whitney. If you walk around in sexy clothing

and he doesn't look twice at you, then it's a real fucking problem. If not, you're fine and he'll be over it in a bit. Okay, I got a pitch for you. Go. Okay. I'm a pitch for you. Go. Okay. I'm going back to the one and two option, the fully embrace or the end, right? And then Natalie entered the third phrase, which is maybe talk to him. And so I'm kind of going to enter the third

phase a little bit, but in the talk, and here's what I would pitch in the talk. I wouldn't just open this up because if something like this came from my childhood and I was dating somebody and I really connected to my son about it and then my girlfriend was like, it's getting weird. A part of me would be like, back off. I'm really connected to my son. It's a fucking monkey. You're getting goofy. Yes, you look good in lingerie, but chill out. Everything is just fine. But here's what I would pitch to him i would maybe build i heard this story about uh candace bergman i think i'm saying her last name correctly uh she grew up and her dad had like a uh puppet a uh ventriloquist doll sure and they called it her brother and they put it in the closet and it was at all their family meals. They treated it like it was an actual human.

Yes. And then they said, but they had a closet where like, I'm forgetting the puppet's name, let's just call it Daddy. But Daddy would go to sleep sometimes in the closet. And when he was sleeping, you left him alone. So I would build a little sleeping area for Daddy. This is great advice, Jake. And I would say, I understand daddy's connected to your childhood i understand that daddy's connected to your son and i think it's a lot of fun too when your son's away let's have daddy sleep until he comes back

okay i like that if he then says like no i want him then you enter a world of is everything cool phil then you have to have the conversation. I think the way that Natalie pitched it, where you're just like, what's going on here? What's up? I have another pitch. Yeah. How old is the child? He's nine.

Nine years old. Okay. I would maybe pitch that Daddy lives with the child. That's great. That Daddy is the kid's thing. Also, does the kid even like it it does feel like the kid loves it okay okay so i would say that's the pitch i would say you say to your boyfriend basically daddy belongs to the nine-year-old and when the nine-year-old goes you

think it would make sense for the nine-year-old to take daddy and then he also has joint custody of daddy but gareth two things here You don't know if the kid's mom wants anything to do with fucking Daddy. I don't think she's gonna get jealous too. She's gonna wear like mom outfits around Daddy. It sounds like part of the Daddy thing is sort of an elf on a shelf situation

where they set him up in these lines are blurring. But Phil's son could take the photos too. True. It's way better for Phil's son could take the photos too. True. Yes. It's way better for Phil's son to be sending the pictures to Phil. He's not that little. So Whitney, what do you think about the idea of the son getting daddy?

And what do you think Phil would think of that? I don't hate that idea. I think honestly, I might be able to work with his son to convince Phil that that's what should happen. This is the move. This is a bond. But we got to think about the son here because we're setting him up for a life of daddy. No. He's going to do this to another woman when he's in his 30s.

We'll be dead and gone by then. That's not our issue. We need to solve this for Whitney. Okay. I'm just thinking of the child. Do you see that creepy-ass daddy? I can't stop thinking about it. So, Whitney, here's the advice we've kind of given.

Okay, we've got build a little sleeping quarter for the monkey, and the monkey sleeps when the boys awake. The daddy-betty. The daddy-betty. So build a daddy-betty. The other advice, which I actually think is the winner here from my two cents is have the monkey live with the boy and go with him where he goes and he takes the photo and then lastly we had make this a weird jealousy thing between you and the monkey. Try to sexually outdo a monkey

by wearing sexy booty shorts and see if your boyfriend would rather look at your butt or a weird monkey's butt. Which is from Natalie Morales, which is really weird stuff, Natalie. Really weird stuff. It's a test to see

if it's a real problem. That's all I was saying. No, because he could also go, wow, my girlfriend's ass looks great. I'd love to have sex. And then as soon as it's done, I want to play with my monkey. Then it's a real problem. That's all I was saying. No, because he could also go, wow, my girlfriend's ass looks great. I'd love to have sex. And then as soon as it's done, I want to play with my monkey. Then it's a problem.

It's still a problem. And you know it's a problem. What you just said is, I mean, should be read by an attorney. I wasn't saying it was a solution. I was saying it was a test to find out how deep the problem is. The idea of sleeping with your significant

other and then be like, I'm going to go play with my monkey now. Agreed. I mean, that's it. But I'm blaming Natalie. I'm not blaming me for that. I am blaming Natalie. So I'll take it. Sure. Whitney, where are you at? You've gotten some kind of advice. Where's your gut at? What are you feeling here? Yeah.

Yeah. I think i'm not gonna do the sexual one that feels a little weird um well done no offense no problem um i like the idea take it easy take it all of a sudden you're gonna get into sexy lingerie and walk around this zoom and go like now who who's advice are you listening to? Are you guys going to focus on the call? Or are you going to focus on me? Want to go play with your monkeys? Yeah. Whitney,

you just became the podcast monkey. And now Natalie is not happy with the podcast. Okay. I'm paying attention to Natalie. Back to Natalie. Fuck Nettie the monkey. Nettie. Nettie.

Nettie. Who cares? She pulled up her sleeves. All right. So that's, you're not going to the monkey. Nettie. Nettie, Nettie, who cares? She pulled up her sleeves. All right. So that's, you're not going to do that. Then keep going. Yeah. So I think I like the idea of sort of teaming up with his son.

Great. To convince Phil that the monkey should stay with him. Yes. I think that's awesome. I think that that might be an option. Yeah. Okay. You think you're going to actually do that?

I think I'm going to try. Kevin? I don't know how Phil will respond. Okay. Well, if Phil doesn't have to respond, you're talking to the sun. Well, I think also if this just ends up prompting a conversation, it can also be the bridge to that, you know? Yeah.

I think, honestly, the best advice is just to talk to him and be like, what's he doing with the monkey? No. Is it a thing? No. We've pitched that. That leads to you walking around in lingerie getting competitive. Right.

So, Whitney, you're considering talking to the son about if he would take him. Is that correct? Yeah. And I'm actually, I'm almost thinking, because I think if we say to Phil, hey, your son's going to take the monkey over the week and bring it to his mom's house. that correct yeah and i'm actually i'm almost thinking because i think if we say to phil hey your son's gonna take the monkey over the week and bring it to his mom's house i feel like phil will just say no so i'm wondering how about this in a sneaky way how about we do this you talk to the son if he's on board come back on the show yes why would he say no is it because daddy's too

like delicate because he's an antique no because he would rather have sex with it than Whitney. Obviously. It does have a hole at the bottom. Oh, dear. Stop. You don't do that. It does. It's a puppet.

It's a puppet. You're doing wishful thinking. I'm saying it's a puppet. No, it's not a puppet. You have a hole in its butt. Look. It's a hand puppet. We could very easily put a hole in it. I mean, it's easy to put a hole in a doll. it's a hand puppet we could very easily put a hole in it

i mean it's easy to put a hole in a doll good lord guys we've gone how does gareth gareth is like i have a guy if you need a hole man i've got him so whitney we got to get off uh in final our advice to you from at least gareth and i not Natalie's, would be to talk to the son. And if your boyfriend is a no on that, then I would lean into the, what did you call it? The daddy den? The daddy bedding. The daddy bedding. But also, if you want to talk to him on the show, that's definitely an option, too. Yes.

The daddy denny is a good name, too, also, I will say. So, Whitney, let Kevin know if you want to do it on the show. We're happy to have it. If not, we would love an update on this one okay i will definitely keep you guys on the loop good luck whitney do do the short shorts thing okay bye okay i'll try it bye thank you today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right?

Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over. They're, like, asking for snacks. They're being annoying. Or even waste hours on apps that don't really help.

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And applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in. Yes. When I think back to taking French, it was just so much of it. I'm never going to do that. Yes, 100%. Yes. That's a big ass turn. And applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in. Like when I think back to taking French, it was just like so much of it was like, I'm never going to do that. It's like, how do you order food? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions? But so Babbel's great. Now listen, listen, everybody.

Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the closer? Studies from Yale. This is interesting. Michigan State University and others prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester of college.

So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college, and you always feel like, well, I don't know, I didn't go to college. 15 hours, you just did a semester. Yeah. That's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like, well, I don't know. I didn't go to college. 15 hours you just did a semester. That's wild. That's a wild study.

So, speaking of language, should we bring in the closer or should I do it? Closer. Alright, hold on. Let's get him. Kevin? Door's open. Oh, you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were.

He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. Oh, we can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running.

It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious XM. Now, listen. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone.

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I got to go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions. I have fun. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online Garth what does that mean to you well it means a lot because as you know my mother was in town for a while uh she had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation.

And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would use ZocDoc because it's just so much harder if you're just like, you know, like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call, do they take your insurance? Yeah, but the problem also- ZocDoc has filters for all that. The problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up.

Yes. And what I like, I actually use ZocDoc since we started doing it. I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Did you use Zococdoc for your knee i did use zocdoc for my knee which i am going to get an mri on but we don't think it's a tear that's the good news but i am going to get an mri oh the doctor report back it's just an old man's knee it's actually pretty much what it sounded like doctor said to me about my hips i'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like yeah you're just the i've had a doctor who looked

at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? Ugh, what a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc, but again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you, treat basically, and again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day.

That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right, Gil Buchanan, 1s and 2s, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You never, literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com

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Hey, everyone. This next call is a follow-up from episode two, which is titled The Santa Dilemma. So if you'd like to check that episode out before listening to this follow-up, we highly recommend it. And enjoy. Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the show. Gareth and I do not know who this is. We just know that it's a follow-up. Oh.

Yeah. Hey. So give us some clues, Gareth. Yeah do not know who this is. We just know that it's a follow-up. Oh. Yeah. Hey. So give us some clues, Gareth, because we're lost. Guys, it's me, Tori. I have Rocky, the son who thinks my yard guy's Santa. Whoa. Oh. Santos.

Santos Claus. Santos Claus. Yeah. Whoa. Well, for starters, Tori, what's happening? What's the update? What's going on? And it's also the holiday season.

Christmas is coming. It's a really, really good moment for us to be having this conversation because I need help. I really do. Okay, so here's the full update. Oh, no. I can't. Okay. So here's the full update.

Oh no. So I can't. Okay. As far as Santos is concerned, he has been gone for most of the season because it's winter. So we're not seeing him as often. We're not seeing Santos as often. Does Rocco miss him? But no.

So Rocky, Rocky three now and this issue has expanded in its complexity the more the more he learns the smarter he gets the more conscious he is of the world the harder just santa in general is and most of us are lying to our kids about santa claus yeah well maybe we are maybe we're not i think it's a mysterious magical thing um which i don't know what's 100 real is so basically he's in a spot right now where he still believes are you leaving the door open to the to santa being real i know the door is open. Is he there right now? Yes. Rocky?

So you're like a Santa agnostic? No. So Rocky's not here right now. Okay. We never told him about Santa. I was setting up to talk to Rocky. I thought he was there. Oh.

I thought she said at the beginning, he's here. I thought she was... When I said I know where this is going, I thought the boy was going to come on. And I was about to do a hard sell of the play. Not the i do in case my kids listen the reality which i do and that is how the hell should i know yeah right here so what's happened in my house tori is they cornered my wife or my one daughter cornered my wife while her sister was watching and said we know santa's not real admit it this is this year no this was i think two years ago okay and my wife never wants to lie right so she went like and i wasn't home and she goes like i don't want to talk about it wow and they my daughter said you need to

tell us the truth now because you're lying to us and so she said well the she said the truth is is we think santa is a beautiful thing but your dad and i do all the presents and they were like yeah so when i got home they go we know the truth and i took a different approach tori and it's what i believe and if anybody's listening under a certain age and that is well you think your mother knows everything and that is they go well we know mother knows everything and that is they go well we know the truth dad and i go well what's the truth they go there's no sand and i go that's wild you think that then who ate the carrots and they go reindeer uh pretty funny burn my daughter did because we put cookies and carrots out i go because we're still doing this now mine are 10

and they go they always try to get to the bottom of it. And they go, I go, so who ate the carrots? And my daughter goes, definitely not you. Mom ate those. You had the cookies. Never felt more like a fat boy. And I went like, that's actually true. I don't eat the carrots. It's fake. It's all fake. You happy? So is the question, Tori, when your kids get older, what do you do about the Santa reveal? Because Santos is seems to be out of the question. Is that where we're at? Yeah. So Santos is kind of out of sight, out of mind right now. What I'm struggling with is we are telling the most persistent and curious beings on earth, a lie with a lot of holes in it. And so I'm like driving my son around and

he sees santa and he's like there's santa is that santa yeah is that santa yeah is that santa where does he live the dance why why why yeah and he's three so here's what i lean into three wow and this is the same thing with the tooth fairy because what happened we had a year where which was a really funny thing it was what broke this before i think it was about three years ago one of my daughters goes it was christmas eve and we're all like matching jammies and doing all that ridiculous stuff for photos for photos we're not even taking and uh i go like all right guys let's go to bed and my daughter goes i feel scared and i go why she goes because santa's coming down our fireplace he's gonna be in our house and he goes she goes so can i sleep in bed with you guys and i went no because like there's obviously still like presents we need not tonight

and i was like no and then i went like no you shouldn't be afraid of santa and she goes like well there's gonna be a man in our house and i went like he's little and then she goes how little and i go it's tiny tiny and then as i was saying that i realized well that's scary i was like a little like a little gremlin and then she goes like she was seven and she goes how little and i was like little little just not scary and she's like are the reindeers little and i go yeah yeah oh this is getting really everything's smaller than pitch my wife's behind them looking at me like you're going the wrong direction hold on so what i lean into on this a hundred percent is we live in a world of mystery tori i think that i i cannot believe how much I like this.

You do. I think you're going the other direction. Because it's very much like. I thought I was about to get killed. No, it's really, it's kind of genius in the way that it's like, because do you still do the stockings? Yeah. Yeah, see, because it kind of shifts from the lie to the tradition yes and that is actually kind of genius because it takes it off of you a little bit they at some

point will be like this is bullshit but they can keep having a stock or maybe it isn't what but they can keep having a stocking for a long time if they want it's kind of a game so that's how i see it and that is and this is for if they ever listen to it although they don't they're not fans of any of the stuff I know believe me but what I really think is I think part of the game is the kids transition into an older thing is who are we to say that the magic of the holidays is over it's so funny to like make it like UFOs yes I don't know i kind of believe it but you're allowed to believe it ufos is the perfect comp yeah because they'll go they'll get the logic game tori where they'll go like so santa leaves and i go you're asking me questions i don't know the answers to you know all i know is that i believe there's a santa and i know your aunt my sister believes she saw the

tooth fairy as a kid so what am i supposed to say to that and she go they'll go she aunt, my sister, believes she saw the tooth fairy as a kid. Wow. So what am I supposed to say to that? And they'll go, she did? And my sister as a kid had like, you know, a problem, most likely a vivid dream. Yeah. Or saw the fucking tooth fairy. What are we? Come on.

Is there no such thing as magic, Tori? Jake, Jake, Jake. Merry Christmas, everybody. Jake, Jake, Jake. I'm with you, but let's not no happy holidays let's not enter your sister saw the tooth fairy land just yet let's let's keep it with the mystery i like that kev cut it out wait what's the full house cut it out yeah cut it out that's my new catchphrase the cool you can't take dave coulier's catchphrase and say it's mike you don't do that

i'll take yours we've got the number one podcast in the world. Don't look it up. So, Tori, I would say in closing on this one, because I do understand you're in a tough spot. And how old is Rocky again? He's about six. Oh, he's only three? He's three. Shockingly smart little guy.

Have you ever given him a Rubik's Cube? No. Come on, Jake. Let's keep it on the call. Agreed. So here's what I would say, Tori. I would lean into the mystery and you and Rocky are on the same team where he goes, why is that?

And I think the parent is allowed to say, I don't know. That's a really good question. Yeah. I like that. That is legally, you're clear. Yes. He cannot sue you because you don't want to lie lie but i also like the idea of if you're in a snowy place and you do the

footprints while they're sleeping even as teenagers tiny footprints keep in mind we're trying to consistently say his hand is about seven inches the tiny one was bad but i like the tiny tiny santa but that kind of gamemanship of the holidays, you know, there are certain families that they always act like kids. You'll see them every once in a while, but even as like 20-year-olds, they'll call their parents mommy and daddy. And when they're all together, they act like kids. I find that gross. Yeah.

But what I find nice is that families can still have the element of fun together. And I know when I was growing up, once I was around nine, my mom's like i'm fucking santa and you know what i buy all the gifts and i do all the stuff and i'm like i'm sick of doing it for him and you know what i do all the cleaning he gets the credit and i had to be like merry christmas happy holidays everybody i like it a lot what i really like is i like the idea because i remember when my when my mother did the reveal, after getting over the trauma, I was like,

how the hell was she sneaking it in the night? There's kind of a game to that of like, if you want to keep that going, you want to keep filling the stocking. I think you leave it like that. You don't necessarily fully answer, but it does kind of keep a tradition going. But I'll tell you why,

even a little correction to what you just said. Here's the reality, Tori. We don't know if there's a Santa. So we're talking right now like we know for sure. Hey, Tori. Jake. Is there a God, Gareth? Jake.

Is there an afterlife? Jake. Are there aliens? Jake. Merry Christmas, everybody, and happy holidays. Tori, here's what I'm leaning into. This podcast is now right now, two guys saying there isn't online to your kids. This is what I'm saying. If any young person

listens, first of all, you shouldn't be listening. And second of all, if you do, I'm not, I cannot say with a straight face that there is, or there isn't a Santa. I can't say with a straight face if there is, or there isn't a, you know, Easter bunny. Jake. I don't hide all the eggs. There's eggs in the yard. Jake, there's not. OK, we're not going to do this.

Is the Easter bunny six feet or two feet? Why are you asking me? I'm not the king of the Easter bunny colony. Right. But I think important to create parameters of reality for those young, impressionable minds to not say, hey, look, we got an egg yard. I don't know what's going on.

I don't know what's going on. Magic eggs appear. Well, you do. I think what I like is we leave it open to it's a tradition. If we choose to believe, we choose to believe for as long as we want to believe. And that I think that is a little more than saying, you know, there could be leprechauns. You just got to catch them to get wishes. Well, there could be.

And on the end of a rainbow, there might be gold. I've never found it. Jake. Do you remember? And I don't remember. I don't know if this stalker was just our childhood or if it was a skit. What was Hanukkah Harry? Do you remember that?

Hanukkah Harry was, I think, started as a skit and then got made into a movie. But it was real? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was like, it was like, it was for, you know, because it's like Christmas is just so celebrated and then the Jewish kids would be like,

Hanukkah. And I want to say with that, there might be a Hanukkah Harry, there might not be. There probably is a guy named Harry who's out there. For sure. Yeah. Okay. All right. We're moving that door open. That one's real. So Tori. But either way, I think that's a good way to slice it. And I think we can definitely call this call a christmas

tori what do you think of that what do you think of that pitch tori by the way your response was perfect yeah all right that's why i snuck it in i snuck it in yeah and i didn't need honest to god tori and i're gonna say this together one two three cut it out all right nope we're not stealing you can't do that all right tori take us out of here where are you at so i feel like if i could settle in on this if this could be my consistent answer to him well some children believe and then that'll be my answer to everything sure and i don't have all the answers but i think that works why don't you also say you talk to your friend jake and he said okay well jake johnson believes that'll be my answer yeah he said well you could say some some kids i like the idea that you could also say well my friend jake

believes that there could be one there could be not i don't know he seems to know a little bit more jake lives in hollywood he's not a scientologist don't mention he's a Hollywood anymore it won't help us if i can transfer this a hundred percent to jake then i think i'm good with whatever the go with that i think that's right that's great and then when he gets older he's gonna go who the hell is jake yeah but don't say my last name just say jake just say jake hollywood jake sure i like that what Okay, perfect. I love it. I think it's a pretty happy ending to a Christmas story. I'm going to tell you this. I'm going to tell you this.

If you want Rocky to call in, I would gladly answer any questions he has. If you're comfortable with that, I'll probably mute myself. And I'll make you a promise, Tori. I will not give anything away because i have nothing to give away i but i will i will answer it i'm happy to do it back and forth

with him and he is gonna leave a little bit more confused but there's no solid answers that come out of my mouth in terms of what's real or what's not a guy like gareth he knows it all there is none right oh humbug or whatever it's called oh humbug like we always say no bow humbug absolutely you know the expression get the fuck out or cut it out thank you tory bum humbug bum humbug yeah what is it huh that's someone someone denies anal bum humbug bye tory bye tory bye guys thank you Tori. Bye guys. Thank you. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer

and editor is AJ McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tan Wakio and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's OliverRaleigh.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke.

You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.