We're Here to Help - 49: I'm Swamped Playing Solo Darts, Babe!

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Jake and Gareth help callers pick a beer fridge location and recover from a big costume miss at work.Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] the video episodes of the podcast at Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodCheck out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com!If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPodAdvertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

and we are back we're here to to help America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. Jake. Yeah. We got a great one. We got a fun one. We always say that. Yeah.

But we mean it. Well, I do mean it. I don't think we've had an episode that, well, we have had calls I don't like, and we haven't heard them. No, we haven't. So it's what we're going to say to the audience. Walk me through. We're not 100%.

Walk me through your headspace when the call isn't good. What do you start thinking? No, you walk me through what you think my headspace is. Here's what Jake starts to do is I can tell he's not into it. He starts kind of calling out like, let's get to it. What's going on? But sometimes they do get to it. Absolutely.

Sometimes it's a good note. Other times you can tell it's going off. And then Jake will give the John Candy Blues brothers three orange whip wrap it up and he'll do that and then he'll kind of let me go like yeah okay well what i would do is i would probably um you know maybe see if your husband can actually share the car with you and maybe you guys come up with a schedule something like that and then jake goes all right lacy thanks for the call yeah so a lot of those in the middle of it and kevin and i will look at each other garth just seems committed no matter what i'm in let's go and even if the

tone if i was on the titanic i'd still be trying to breathe underwater i think that's exactly right well you'd be going like i think there's a chance that we're going to get back right up to the water we're going to do this thing what if we lived on the iceberg uh gareth where are you going to be on your tour where can they find you gareth rey can they find you? GarethReynolds.com. Go to GarethReynolds.com. I'm going to be all over. I mean, just go to GarethReynolds.com. I'm going to be in the Midwest. I'm going to be starting in Vegas. I'm going to be ending in New

Orleans. All over the place. You can see the outfit if you like. And we should also say, our YouTube is starting to do better and better. So even if you don't watch the show on YouTube, just go there and subscribe just because it's a good. We feel that dopamine. Yes.

And we enjoy it. Without further ado. Hi there. Hi. You hear him? I got you. Hey, sorry if we're a little delayed. You're actually our first call in, like Jake and I are together in studio for the first time,

and we dressed exactly the same. And it's a little weird for us to be in person at HeadGum. Yeah, we're watching each other do the show. So this is a special one. This is a special one. So no pressure, but your call should be really good. You know what I'm going to do, Garth? This call has to be really good.

I'm going to shake this off and just do our show. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Let's just do our show. That's a good idea. All right, here, I'll start. Start us. How old's your city?

What year is your name? I'm going to start. And where are you calling about? I'm going to start us off. Okay, why don't you start? Can I get your name? Can I get your name, please, buddy? Yeah, my name is Zach.

How old are you, Zach, roughly? I am 35 years old. Great age. And, you know, are you in America? You sound American. Great country, best country on Earth. Yes. Yep, I'm on this side of the pond.

I'm calling from Syracuse, New York. Oh, wow. I love Syracuse. Real nightmare. So, Zach, 35 from Syracuse. What can we do for you today, buddy? A little predicament.

I have a beer fridge, a small beer fridge, and my wife and I just moved into our first home, and I just kind of threw it in the dining room to start. Very man-made. Put it somewhere, but we have a baby on the way, so I need to kind of move that thing out of the dining room man move it somewhere but we have a uh we have a baby on the way so i need

to kind of move that thing out of the dining room and put it somewhere it's going to be uh used more and i'm torn between the basement and the garage now this is a good call i don't know if you guys know syracuse but it's uh it's cold pretty chilly for about six months of the year. Zach, let me interrupt for a second. I'm out of Chicago. Gareth is out of Wisconsin. We know what you're talking about. Oh, you guys know. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. My only big question to you that I'm judging is who the fuck puts a beer fridge in the dining room? I love the move. You do? I love the move. It's definitely no baby move, but it also feels like a no wife move. Bachelor move.

Yeah. That's an in college move my man that's yep i'm uh as a 35 year old i still have the college mentality of a 22 year old i respect i think i understand what this call is you're about to have a baby you're making a big jump and symbolically what's the best place to put this to start your new life? Is that where we're going, Zach? Yeah, yeah. I thought I nailed it.

I thought you were right, but I mean, he went soprano in the voice, so there's something more going on here. Okay, so does the plot take it on this one? All right, keep going, my friend. No, so there's pros and cons for both. I smoke a bit of pot from time to time, usually once after work. Sure. And if I put it in the garage, yes, yes.

No shame in that game. I used to do bongs in the morning, and we're talking about within the last two years. Go ahead, Zach. So if I put it in the garage, now I can smoke freely. I can pee freely. Just dip outside. I love you. I don't have to worry about a bathroom.

My friends and I can play darts in the garage. I don't have to worry about it. But it's cold as fuck out there for like six months of the year. But if I put it in the basement okay i can't smoke pot inside i gotta worry about going upstairs to the bathroom and my wife and new baby it's like we don't know you the layout of your house well enough to know that you could sneak one hitters in your inside house bathroom but whatever system you're working i love it okay so you could the downside keep going no smoking in the basement just the bathroom no smoking inside and the wife is going to hear us in the basement if we were in there yeah so the

layout is but hold on zach i'm going to jump in here so the basement if there's no bathroom and you're considering having people over with a baby and a new mom i'm gonna just tell you it doesn't work because if you're down there having a couple beers smoking weed and you tell a loud story and people laugh and it wakes up your fucking three month old baby because you and your two buddies got high fucking pack your bag zach yeah either way you're going to the garage. It ain't going to fly, my man. Is that what you're telling me? So the basement? Well, I'm saying is the basement any world

you can soundproof? How quiet is it? Is this a beer fridge for just you? Is this for you and a bunch of buddies? It's pretty much just a beer fridge for me. You said darts. You playing darts alone, my king? Yeah, man. Gotta let off some steam after work, you know? Absolutely.

Hold on. You play solo darts? You know. Have you ever? Are you just trying to hit Bullseye? I'm asking if you do, my man. Do you play solo darts? I do not currently.

I do not currently. Jake, you're forgetting how great weed is. You're right. You could smoke weed and then be like, I'm going to just play first guy to 35. I'm going to go play darts. Yeah, you're not wrong. I'm going to go play 301 against myself. You're not wrong.

Solo 301. Honey, do you want to hold the baby? I'm pretty swamped out here. I have a 290. I'm shaking a little. It's going to be hard to hit all these proper. So, Zach, is the question, where do we put the beer fridge, the garage, or the basement? And are we missing anything when we hear about the garage and we hear about the basement?

I don't think so. Just the garage isn't insulated. It's freezing as hell out there, even now. But it's quieter and it's away from everything. What Jake pointed out is pretty true, I think. You're just, there's like, yes, there is the risk of hypothermia in the garage. But you're going to have to just get that party warmth going and um first of all i just love how much you love your beer fridge that your

beer fridge is kind of the catalyst for the lifestyle uh so wherever you move it it's kind of your orb of partying um it's gonna be where i'm around yeah yeah i i think the the garage but hold on hold on hold on because i hear where we're going um but i've also look on a couple of these i've turned a little bit colombo ish but i think that's more the caller than me because you've said two things you said you're mostly drinking this beer alone and smoking weed after work you've also mentioned friends and noise so is this mostly and i'm not judging you zach i'm just trying to get a real picture here is this mostly you come home from work alone you have a couple of beers you smoke

weed alone because if so i don't want you freezing in that garage alone that could be basement my man how often out of a hundred times are you having friends and this is not a judgment you nailed it it's it's me it's just me solo okay so 90 of the time it's solo time you are okay one more thing yeah you are good at with the one more thing so then i'm gonna change zach because look in college you seem like a a likable guy and i'm sure you had a bunch of buddies and you guys got loud and you had a lot of fun. It does change with kids. And when you've got one, my guess is in a few years, you're going to have two. And that 90 10 split is going to probably go to about 95 five. And you're going to be spending a lot of solo time in there. So I'm going gonna say your comfort matters too and i'm gonna say let's build that basement

to be two things your beer fridge weed zone and also a place for your kids to hang with dad's zone well bean bags some you know the kid is going to become your new friend it's a reality so put his own in there when the weed goes away you have a couple of beers and you got a five year old you can have a screen down there good for kids movies some pixar stuff away you could like uh soft core porn on there throw a little cinemax on there if you like go ahead and cut that out why that has to stay in i haven't said something for a minute go ahead hold on what zach we don't live in untrue bits you think he should watch soft core pornography you're gonna with his new baby no no no i'm saying the baby's out oh yeah no i'm not suggesting we i thought your red shoe diary this toddler put a fucking

soft corner with his child you animal okay you mean i mean i get it but no that's not what i'm so you're pitching no one oh you're pitching 90s basement i'm yeah well you've got a screen down there yeah great for the child right and then be like oh how good is up yeah you're pitching midwest basement of our childhood yes so those if you went to somebody's house and their dad had a beer fridge in the midwest in the 80s stack of playboys there was a stack of playboys there was cable tv and you'd be like looking back now gross mr watson masturbating yeah yeah with. We were in Mr. Watson's wax shed. Nasty, actually. All those nerd dads drinking an IPA as he slowly stroked. And back in 1986, their wives had no idea.

Well, I think Carl just... He likes the articles. There's always the articles. Yeah, the articles. Always. Just murdering that suburban dick. So, yeah, well... Oh, Zach, please don't tell us we're pitching you a masturbation check.

No, no. We're just saying a little something. Oh, no, no, no. Okay, good. This is a place to smoke a little weed, have a beer, and relax after work. Yeah. So let's get away from the Skinamax that Gareth was talking about. My guy put us in a zone I want to get out of.

All right. Go ahead. Zach, where are you at? You want to live in the masturbation shack or you want to get away from it? You're pushing the Skinamex so far. It's not the title. It's a co-star. I'm going to say let's get away from the masturbation shack. I agree.

I don't like that we're aligning. Okay, go ahead. Here's what I'm going to say that's negative about the garage, and I'm going to say it kind of solidly, and you know this. I'm not telling anything that people out east don't know. Those winters will kill east don't know those winters will kill you yeah those winters will kill you and if you try to have a hit a weed and a beer you're going to be sitting out there like you're ice fishing and it's going to suck yeah and you'll never be i don't want to have to throw on my winter coat to go hang out after work

no because then guess what zach you're a weirdo you're not a cool dad relaxing you're a weirdo who's freezing to get away from your and then if you have to warm yourself up we know what you're doing in the garage you're whacking it a little bit you got the screen the whole nine zach don't transition fast let it sit it what we're saying no not we what you right you are trying to turn this into a masturbation shack i'm saying i'm saying i'm not interested i'm saying there's a lot of downside to the garage and if you had to go out there then maybe we come back to the the jack shack but you're right let's stay away from that because we're saying the garage don't i'm gonna zach i'm gonna make a deal with you i'm not bringing up a masturbation check again are you gonna bring it up i will not bring it up so if it comes up because it's just gareth he's trying to do the thing he does

recently he dressed like me today which kind of weirded me out we look good and he says we about his ideas yeah we if it happens again let's just both get quiet all right all right okay back where we were sorry about that right where we were i agreed so i think the garage sets you up for six months of the year being a weirdo in the cold uh i think the basement i think here's how you win i'm ready to pitch i think you set it up in the basement but you make it slightly toddler friendly. I think that I'm on, I'm good with that pitch. I think you basically, you keep,

since you're not hosting, which you kind of said you're not doing, it doesn't matter. It's just for you. You can easily go out, do a one hitter outside or in the garage, or I guess if you have a smoking bathroom, which sounds like a great deal you've made with the wife.

That's all that matters. Do you have a smoking bathroom? That's what he said. He said he could go do the smoke in the bathroom. No, he said he could go up to the bathroom. No, I just meant the bathroom to go take a leak while I'm drinking beer. Where are you going to smoke the weed, then? You okay, my man?

No, I'm pretty hot. The weed was going to go in the garage. All right. Well, either way, it doesn't matter. I think keep it down in the basement. I think that's right. Yes. I mean, personally, I don't have kids, so i don't know why you gotta include the kid but i get it it's sweet so gareth is a uh don't worry about the kid just create the basement but we're both

into the basement zach where you at man what do you think you're gonna do here well i think i'm gonna work on the basement i mean maybe maybe finish it, but split it in two and make a dad zone and a kid zone. I love that, man. Because you know what you could eventually get into with the wife is you could say like, hey, I got the kid in the basement. You go relax. You're living dad zone. Your kid's in paradise too.

That's a nice win. Thanks. I'm glad you guys pointed me down this road. I think I kind of was trying to give you different directions, but the point is we ended up at the same destination. Zach, I think this is a big win, but I would 100% don't even think of the garage again. You're out in

Syracuse. You got to respect that. That's all right. We appreciate this call and good luck with that baby, man. You're about to have a big adventure. Good luck with that beer fridge. Same deal. I can't wait for both. Thanks, guys.

See you, bud. Bye, bud. Thank you. Bye. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language

learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important. Science-backed, Jake. Listen, don't bother paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor. They come over, they're like asking for snacks, they're being annoying, or even waste hours on apps that don't really help. We're here to help, and Babbel is going to help you. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started relearning French through Babbel a little bit. Yes, because I used to know French, but then I don't know French, but it's still there. You know what I like about it is that it's got a speech recognition technology. Yep.

Because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country. Yes. If it can actually help with the accent. Yeah. That's a big ass turn. And applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in. Like when I think back to taking French, it was just like so much of it was like, I'm never going to do that. It's like, how do you order food? How do you get a drink? How do you ask for directions?

So Babbel's great. Now listen. Listen, everybody. Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Studies from Yale, this is interesting, Michigan State University and others prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a different light. Yes. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college

and you always feel like, well, I don't know, I didn't go to college. 15 hours, you just did a semester. Yeah. That's wild. Yes. That's a wild study so speaking of language should we bring in the closer or should i do it closer all right hold on let's get him kevin doors open all right oh you meant gill yeah i meant kevin what kevin was

gonna do it no i thought we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. We can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running.

It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now, listen. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone.

At Babbel.com slash HTH. Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off Babbel.com slash HTH. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash H-T-H. We're going to want you to babble. We want you to babble. I'll tell you what, I don't want to babble your ear off. I got to go back to the jalopy.

Rules and restrictions. I have fun. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement, and it was crazy.

It was a crazy situation, and there were so many times so many things like complications were popping up and there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly somewhere close you use that doc yeah you would use that doc because it's just so much harder if you're just like you know like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call do they take your insurance the problem has it's all there's for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what i like i actually use zocdoc we since we started doing it i do like that it keeps it really clean and you could put all your information in yeah did you use zocdoc

for your knee i did use zocdoc for my, which I am going to get an MRI on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like.

That's what a doctor said to me about my hips. I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the... He goes, I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid-40s, yeah? Ugh, what a jerk.

Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right.

Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world, go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear how much that costs you?

Free. That's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. Hello. Hey, how you doing? How's it going? Good. You're on the show. We're here to help with Jake and Garf.

Can we get your name, please? Yes, my name is Jack. Where are you from, good looking? I'm originally from England. From England, no accent. I'm originally from England. Yeah, I'm living in Charlotte, North Carolina right now. Oh, I just heard it.

Where in England are you from, mate? May I ask that question for you? I'm from a town called Reading. Oh, of course I know Reading. Yeah, it's right next to Bluing. And we'll be right back. That's lovely, mate. Good for you. What brings you to Charlotte, then? Well, America, my dad to Bluing. And we'll be right back. That's lovely, mate. Good for you.

What brings you to Charlotte, then? Well, America, my dad's job brought me to New York, and I'm down to Charlotte for work. How old were you when you moved over? So, what's going on, mate? I said, how old were you as a boy? Hold on, Jack. Hold on.

When you hopped the fucking pond, yeah? Oh, God. Starting over there, riding beautiful town, then you fucking hop over to the big fucking hop, and you look over, you see the fucking statue of liberty Liberty. So let me say, your tactic at this point is to just muddle the accent with a bunch of nothing hoping that we don't know what to say. It's not about nothing, Jack.

So what's your problem, mate? Let me see what I can do to help you. I'm on the everything I fucking can. But I'm also sitting here, man. Jack, you're going to need to wait a minute, mate, until Jake comes back. Jake, no, don't do this. I'm fucking eating a fucking patty, man.

I'm also going to mumble. What are you eating? A fucking patty man i'm also gonna what you mean a fucking patty sandwich man i'm not a patty i'm also i'm fucking afraid to give one of these motherfuckers you can punch him yeah why jack where we at i'm loving the accent thank you man well i'm more uh bad at it uh jack what uh what uh what's the problem? What can we help you with, bud? So basically, at work, I'm a designer. And for work, I'm not super extroverted. I'm not really outspoken. I'm more extroverted outside of work.

But inside of work, I keep to myself a little bit more. But I want to be more, feel like myself. I want to be more out like myself i want to be more um outspoken at work okay um and so last halloween i thought it'd be a fun oh boy um thing to like get more out of my shell sort of like show show the the the team where i work so i'm more fun maybe win a costume contest sure um i came into work fully dressed as Legolas from Lord of the Rings. Can we pull up a photo? Yep.

Wait, give us one second, Jack, because I don't know the look. Yeah, yeah. One second. What is the name of the character? Legolas. Legolas. He's an elf. He's a wood elf, I think.

A wood elf? Okay, sure. Did Jack send a photo in of him? He did. Oh, great. We got a picture of you. Hold on one second, Jack. We're going to post this. For anybody listening, you can also watch it on YouTube. We're here to help.

Just type that into YouTube and you're going to see the photo as we see the photo. If you're not somebody who wants to do that, then Gareth will also describe it. Is that correct? Absolutely. What we're looking at here is a long blonde blonde wig i was wearing boots and a cape um and pointy ears you can't really see in the picture oh it was a zoo it was a zoo so these were all your wait hold on now i'm getting oh jesus christ okay now all right oh i love you jack oh jack okay now uh it took me a minute to find you because you're kind of stashed in the corner of this picture. But just to describe what's happening, this is a Zoom chat and nobody is dressed.

Not only is nobody dressed, nobody looks amused in any way by anyone. And you're wearing a long blonde wig for some reason. I would call you a traditional Englishman. You have a mustache and glasses. And then you're dressed like the Orlando Bloom character from Lord of the Rings. So you have a blonde wig. What else are you wearing?

Because this is just the shot from the shoulders up. What else are you wearing to show your costume? So I'm wearing boots. I'm wearing a cloak. Sure. Can I just jump in real quick, Jack? Two things that'll not show up on a Zoom window. So those are just kind of for daddy at home, right? Yes. I mean, I'm in the office. I'm in the physical office. I go in. Oh, so okay. So everybody sees you in the office. And what are all these other people on the Zoom then? So some of the people are in,

I didn't know where the meeting was. So I just entered it through zoom. Some people in my office, like work at home. Some people come in. I was, I was in office surrounded probably by, I think there's like 150 people in my office.

Oh God. I was the only person. Oh my God, Jack. I'm, I'm a little overwhelmed with both joy, confusion, and terror. But by the way, Jack, I will say, this is a hard one, but you won. It's great. You won.

It's hard, my man, but you won. It's a great risk. Look at his face. I know. You're in a nightmare. Your face. Your face. Yeah, you're in a nightmare.

Your face completely indicates this you're in a nightmare. Your face completely indicates this is not what I expected. You know, this is a... I thought better. This is a premise that I've seen in scripts and I've said unrealistic. Yeah, you're like... Too broad.

Bring it back to earth. Too broad. A guy dresses up with long blonde hair. Wait, Jack, to be clear, nobody else in the office wore a costume? Literally no one in the office. I was like, I was so confused. My question is,

did you put any feelers out there to anyone else at work? Hey, we doing costumes or anything? Yeah, I asked the people on my direct team the week before. I was like, I'm coming in in a cool costume. By the way, Jack, that's different than what I said.

Just to be clear, there's a difference. Yeah. I said, did you ask anyone else if they I said. Just to be clear, there's a difference. Yeah. I said, did you ask anyone else if they were doing costumes? And you said, yeah. I told everyone the week before I'm coming in in a costume. Yeah. He's right, Jack. He's right.

Okay. I got some responses. I bet you did. Oh, you got some yeses. And nobody else did it. And then no one came through. Okay. So, Jack, you take over now.

Where are we at? We kind of know what the problem is, but I'd like to hear it specifically from you. You're back in controls. Yeah, so sort of to take a little turn, I sort of came up with one idea that I think, like part of the reason I'm not super confident in work, I really like the people I work with,

but my team isn't like full of i don't really have any young guy like who's my age that i can be like super close with um or go to lunch with or something like that um and that's sort of what i'm looking for but i have i've this sounds weird but i sort of like scoped out a guy who i've had a couple interactions with in a break room. And we've gone along well. This is giving me a stomachache. And wait, what? Wait, what did you just say?

He's got a guy he's stalking that he wants to be friends with. What was the last thing you said before Jake? He saw me in a break room. Yeah, but what did you do? You went up to him? No, we've had conversations, natural conversations. Basically, I'm a madman. How do I approach another guy and ask him out to go to lunch yeah but okay hold on hold on jack jack has to set up we're on your the setup the setup this whole setup is just

now if the question is how do i make a friend with a guy i work with is fine i'm looking at you on the zoom and in the bottom right corner you are a hundred times the weirdest guy there i'm worried if you were the guy with donuts behind i would go easy offer a donut if you were the guy in the top right i would say find a shared hobby if you're the guy wearing a long wig you go we need boots yes i would say we need metal detectors. Find a friend outside of work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The reason why you're set up of the fact that you dressed up like Legolas or whatever his name is for work is fantastic is because I think you did put yourself on a little bit of an island. A glorious island. By the way, good news, Jack.

People do know who you are. Don't think that you're getting lost in the shuffle. People know who you are at work now. Maybe they didn't before. After Halloween, they did. So the problem is basically that's the setup. You showed up. You feel like, oh, you've maybe only further alienated yourself.

Now there's a guy at work you want to be work friends with, and you don't know how to approach him. So I got a pitch. I mean, not a quite pitch, Jack, but look, now we know the setup. We know you're in a danger zone. We're all in the mud, right? We're face down in the mud. Let's get out of the mud together.

I got a mud solve. Dress up like Legolas every day. Pretend it's how you roll. I feel like that's going deeper in the mud. Agreed. So here's what I would say. What about this guy? And when I say terms like like, we're not teasing, we know it's a friend.

What do you like about this guy? Every conversation we've had, being brief, has been on similar interests. What are those interests? Movies, TV shows, pop culture. And he's my age. I feel like that's amazing. But when you're talking about these things are you talking about the same stuff because like you know gareth and i do have the nfl

yeah we've got our careers we've got stuff that's linked us over the years that there's stuff we can always kind of text about or bullshit about so just the idea of pop culture it's too much if somebody's like look i'm like i really love pop culture and they're like me too let's talk the bachelor i'm gonna go like i don't have a lot to say on that so is it the same movies is it the same shows yeah similar just like sort of like nerdy-esque like star wars like okay we talked a little bit about the new dune movie um very quick brief interactions though this is easy what uh the first big nerdy thing that comes to charlotte either it be a comic-con or a big movie or whatever that you know he will also like you lead out first and go you know i would love to go to this thing my wife's not interested uh any interest in getting dinner and going?

So he knows you're not like, it's just as a buddy, want to get a drink and go see this thing. It'd be fucking awesome. I like that. Dune's not out yet, is it? No. But I've had like three or four interactions.

That's my thing. It's like we're not at that in terms of guys. How long have the interactions been? Super short? Jack walks up and goes, do you like my costume? And the guy walks out. I would say short. Then Jack would say like, don't add that in time how long have the interactions been super short uh jack walks up and goes do you like my costume and the guy walks out i would say sure then jack would say like have you seen my new boots and the guy goes like fucking stop following me look man i'm trying to do my own thing here uh i can't have you bringing me down then he goes like this you

like weird stuff like me and he goes oh god you scared me i didn't know you were in here i'm taking a dump so jack uh i, Jack, it's early. It's early. So I think we got to find a way to kind of, I like Jake's pitch, but yeah, we don't want to like creep him out. We don't want to lose him early. Do people from work eat lunch in the same place? You all kind of go off campus. I mean, people sort of take their own lunch whenever they're free.

But is there like a common eating room? Not in our office. We're in like a very like, there's a lot of restaurants around this area. I gotta say, Jack, I'm getting red flags. Do you guys ever work together? Are you on email chains together? Are there things like that going on? Nope. Nothing. So he isn't a totally separate part of your designer job. Yeah, not a designer at all. Did he mention your costume?

I don't know if I've seen him in that bit. So let's be honest, Jack. Let's give this guy a name. You want to call him Orlando? Orlando. Okay, so let's say you like Orlando, but you have had very, very minimal interactions with him. Is this correct?

Yeah, correct. I'm talking under 10 minutes. Is this correct? Yeah, probably about 10 minutes. So, Jack, I'm saying this. Look, some of our advice is we pitch, we get you there. But what the premise of this goddamn show is, is we are on your team. We're friends in a bar.

And I'm telling you as a friend, don push this i'll tell you why you're a fucking designer you got a great job you got a wife you're a happy guy you're a little introverted you're looking to be more yourself at work well sometimes it takes time you let out hard on ha big. And Jack, we didn't win there. Right now, in terms of when you're an old man looking back, you won massively. Oh, if you're us. Oh, it's a win. Yeah. And if you're look when you're you and you look back, you're such a fucking king for doing this.

Yeah. But you're a king for keeping the wig on when nobody else wore it because you could simply I would chicken out. I would chicken out i mean you must have been wearing something underneath at lunch you could have probably gone home or something there's gotta be a tj max nearby where you probably could have bought a shirt we went like you were half a zelda we went to a halloween party my wife and kids and i and she put something on me because i didn't have something and there was a whole plan but what it ended up

being at the end was just essentially like a it was like a trash bag like a cape and i walked in and one dad goes what are you trash instantly took it off i got one i have a lot of respect for you i and i i'm gonna i think jake's right i'm gonna hit you with some psycho options in a minute but let me just tell you my favorite one yeah one time i waited so long to buy to buy a Halloween costume and finally last minute agreed to go to a party. And the only thing left at the costume shop, that weird one on Hollywood and like Franklin or whatever, was a stoplight where you're the stoplights or a baby. And I was like, my buddy was like, do the baby, man. And I was like, yeah, fuck it. All right.

And I say about the baby costume. And as I'm like thinking of what the baby costume is, I'm slowly going. I mean, it is a diaper and a bonnet and a rattle. And so I'm kind of going like, wait, what the hell is this? So so I'm like, I don't know. So I'm at my buddy's place and he if I don't want to take like a bag to the party as I put it on, I'm like, I can't do this. But I painted myself into a corner. So I'm like, I come out in the baby costume, probably take a couple bong rips, and everybody's laughing, and then I have to leave my clothes at my buddy's place. And so I just put my wallet down the front of my di-di,

and I go to the party, and as soon as I show up to the party, I'm like, this was the dumbest decision I've ever made. Everyone was like, even at a costume party, everyone was like, yes, everyone was like, what are you doing? So I eventually, I ended up walking in the rain and I had to wait in like a 15 minute long ATM line to get cash to take a cab home. And it was a big swing and it was a big miss.

And I'll tell you what he's not doing that night is forming a male friendship with a stranger. I met another baby. And so, but that's where we're at with you, Jack. I think this is what I would say. I think Jake's right. You might just have to wait for this. You know, I think, you know, maybe talk to him a little more, but you don't want to overdo it. But I have some psycho pitches. You want them? Okay. Here's some psycho pitches. He's probably on social media, right? You could probably look him up. You could probably find him on Instagram or something. Follow him. Nothing wrong with that. I don't think that's too crazy. Another pitch would be,

you're probably on an email together. Is there anyone else at your work who has a name similar to him? You could accidentally email him with a question about design stuff and then say, oh my bad, I thought you were the other whatever. And that could potentially start a little bit of a conversation.

Something maybe along those lines. The weirdest one I have, you could follow him at lunch, see where he's going, scope it out a little bit, and then set up a meet cute where you see him at Baja Fresh, and you're waiting in line

and you go, oh, hey, you like burritos too? I love burrito. Oh, you're in a fucking five minute line? There's a little bit of an opportunity for some banter there? You could potentially move that into a sit down lunch you two together okay so here's where we're at jack i'm saying you gotta let this flower grow more organically right now you just got a seed in the dirt gareth is saying follow him on social media you could email a name close to his and say like hey borlando great meeting i had this thing what a mistake hey hey orloff do we need to get that design project in by friday i'm thinking if i have the weekend i could probably make it a little better

10 minutes later oh dude sorry i didn't mean to email you my email filled that in i gotta tell you anyway how good does dune orlando is gonna see right through that and then you're the weirdest guy he's ever met the name three follow him at lunch but he doesn't know that you're saying that like he knows he's being followed he doesn't know he's being followed if you do that do not wear your halloween costume absolutely that's baked into everything i said create a meet cute with a guy. You met a few times at work, bump into each other, drop three or four together. Three and four.

Yeah. You also like doing also like mild salsa. So meet him at the little salsa bar. Jack, our friend, where are you at? Yeah, I think we're,

we're sitting around one or two. I, I follow him. I think I'm on LinkedIn with him. So I think we'll i'll maybe get a social media follow and see if anything progresses from there yeah i would say i don't want to force it no jack you can't you can whenever people try to force something the other person always senses it i would say you got a good thing cooking socially your job isn't where you want it

to be but maybe just give this time. You could walk into the break room when he's there on Bluetooth and be like, I know, dude, that was what, hey, we like to party. That's what we do. All right, I'll talk to you later. That was my best friend. You know, make him want it more. I'm looking at Jake's face and I'm not even going to let him talk.

Jack, we want you to keep us posted. Let us know if anything changes. And hopefully it does. But, yeah, don't overplay your hand here. Look, you tried that once. You ended up with boots and a wig on it once. I had a wonderful time partying with all my male friends because I'm not alone on a Friday.

Hey, how you doing, Orlando? Hey, Orlando. Nice lunch quiche. Hey, Jack, all the best to you, man. And you won Halloween. Yeah, thanks, guys. You're a favorite. By the way, Jack, next Halloween, I would wear the same outfit. Double down. Double down. All right. I'll send a pic. Thanks, man. And you won Halloween. You're a favorite. By the way, Jack, next Halloween, I would wear the same outfit.

Double down. Double down. Alright, I'll send a pic. Thanks, guys. associate producer and editor is AJ McKeown. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to GarethReynolds.com.

And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at HelpfulPod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.