We're Here to Help - 50: Broomba with Jillian Bell

Episode Date: February 5, 2024

Jake, Gareth, and special guest Jillian Bell help a curling team prepare for nationals and follow up with a caller from episode 45 "Skid Marcc with Mary Holland." Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] the video episodes of the podcast at Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodCheck out our We’re Here to Help sweatshirts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com!If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPodAdvertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

and here we are jake we're back we're in it. America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. We have a special guest right here, Caitlin. Yes. Our social media director. Guru. What title do you want? Guru or director?

Guru. Director. Come on. You came in here with something. I didn't want it off air, so do it on air, young lady. Like Jake says, everything's content. Jake loves- I love content.

I'm a content maniac. Get on camera, young lady. Don't worry about Kevin's. Don't Santa off camera. Right next to the Garfman. Thank you so much. Yeah, come here. So you can sit on camera, sit on camera, get behind the mic. We'll see what happens. Thank you. Okay. What I love is it's glitter and glitter is the gift that keeps on

giving. First, Caitlin, what is the backstory of these? You started saying it off camera and I interrupted you right in the mic. Oh, last time I went, one of the first time we came into the recording studio, I had ordered Christmas presents and they came right as I got back. So I was like, great, great. I'd asked you for the P.O. box that one time and you were like, I was like, how do I say it without them? Interesting.

So these are cat socks you got. Now, these are for me? Yes. Okay. Who did you think they were for? Well, Now, these are for me? Yes. Okay. Who did you think they were for? Well, no, I just want to make sure. I think I got soap. No, no, they're not soap.

And they both presence track. What is this? They are... Oh, Tooth Fairy. You are a very thoughtful... Baby Tooth. You got cat socks. I got Tooth Fairy box for Tooth.

I call these cocks. You call those cocks? Yeah, cat socks. It's conflation. I wouldn't call them cocks. It makes sense. What do you got there? I got tooth fairy. Well, first of all, I'm covered. I look like I was at a stripper's office. At a stripper's office. Here's where we make

the decisions. I don't go to the club. I'm a businessman. The champagne room's the office. Caitlin, thank you very much. I got a tooth necklace. You got a necklace?, thank you very much. I got a tooth necklace. You have twins. You got a necklace? Tooth necklace.

Oh, you got a tooth necklace. We're all on brand. Yeah. And this episode, we have a really fun one. We have the great Jillian Bell. Jillian Bell. One of the funniest human beings on planet Earth. Truly just the funniest.

I met her when I wrote on a show called Idiot Sitter with her and for her and was immediately. And who else was on that wonderful show? Jake Johnson. No, I met Charlotte. Oh, Charlotte. You were on it too though. Yeah, but it was Charlotte. It was Charlotte and Jillian, Comedy Central show, two seasons.

But Jillian was truly. Both hilarious people. Like both hilarious. Charlotte Newhouse is hysterical. We're going to have Charlotte on. We should. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. hilarious people like both hilarious charlotte newhouse is uh hysterical we're gonna have charlotte we should yeah yeah yeah um and uh but jillian truly like just the funniest killer greatest she's very helpful today very so funny on this she's very helpful so check out gareth reynolds.com you'll get all his tour dates on the youtube they'll probably put up all the stuff

click that and hurry and let's just say follow her at Jillian Bell on Instagram. Yes. She's a great follower. She's always doing a tremendous amount of stuff. Yeah. If you don't know her, when you see the YouTube,

you'll know her. You'll love her. She's the best. She's kind of in everything. She's one of those people where you're like, oh, her, she's incredible. She's just the best.

So thank you to you. Thank you to you. Thank you to the great Jillian Bell. Thank you to you. Without further ado. Hello. Hello. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. We just found out there's two callers and two callers. I've got news for you. There's going to be five people on this call because not only do you have Jacoby Johnson and Gareth Reynolds,

you also have one of our dearest friends in the business. A woman who I do adore and have adored you since the beginning, Jillian. The fantastic, the talented, the hilarious Jillian Bell is joining us. You don't get much funnier than this. No, you don't. You really don't. And nicer. Okay, so can we, why don't we start with your names?

My name is Claire. Claire, okay. Great name. And the other one? And my name is Jenna. Jenna and Claire. Okay, and what rough age are we approximating for you two? Your mean average will do.

I am 33, Claire, and I'm 26. All right, so Claire and Jenna, 33 and 33 and 26 back to you you guys are the star of the show where are you guys calling from are you in the same place city uh no i am in denver colorado and jenna is in minnesota all right claire and jenna who's the talker out of the two of you who's going to be driving this train i'm going to be the talker out of the two of you? Who's going to be driving this train? I'm going to be the talker. Claire is. Claire, so will you walk us through, take over, the floor is yours. Why are you calling today? Well, a little bit of a back story. So Jenna and I are both curlers.

Wow. You guys know what curling is? Of course we do. Yeah, we do the best sport in the Olympics. Yeah, the shuffle thing. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And. Yeah.

And just like you said, right when I said, you know what curling is, you're like, yeah, in the Olympics, right? Yep. So people only care about curling when it's in the Olympics. And in recent years, pickleball has become like a millionaire dollar sport. years pickleball has become like a millionaire dollar sport and you have espn covering things like bags oh yeah like like i know what you're talking about uh the cornhole yeah that got really popular during the pandemic and i hated it yeah wait do some people call it bags apparently i've never heard it called bags that's a i think that's a minnesota thing oh i like it you want to go out back and play bags you want to play bags yeah i feel like a quick round of bags you guys look hey

quick yep and let's go play bags do we want to play with the pickles or the bags okay so yes they've gotten a lot of hype a lot of. So pickleball and bags are popular and curling is not. Continue. Yeah. I mean, so basically we need some help to get fans because it is, it's national season right now. Oh, where are you guys playing? The men's and women's nationals. Well, you're going to love this.

It is going to be in New Jersey. Okay. Why do we love that? So I thought you were going to say LA. We're going to be having our nationals in a mall in a week. That's cool as hell, dude. That's great.

I love a mall. I love a mall too. I love curling in a mall. So like a mall ice rink? Yeah. Right? Like first floor zone or something like that? Or did they build it for this?

Or is it like off the mall? Yeah. So there's an ice rink right in the middle of the mall. It's called the Rink at American Dream and it's located in Rutherford, New Jersey. Ah, I've done stand up at that mall. What? Yeah. Wait, where is it? Rutherford?

East Rutherford, New Jersey. I was just there. Wow. Beautiful. So this is pretty cool. If you want to come back to watch curling, we'll be there. So this is actually pretty cool. So doing it at a mall, I'll tell you why it's not as popular as pickleball. And this is not against curling. Pickleball is easy.

You get one little racket. You go to a court that everyone plays tennis. It's warm. You run around. Old people can do it. You can't do curling unless you're a curler. Well, yeah, exactly. You can't be like, you know what?

A few of my friends and I want to go curling. If somebody invites me, I'm saying no. Do I want to stand on ice, not in skates, and do that weird like mopping thing? The shuffle. The broom, yeah. The broom guy. That doesn't sound like I'm getting great exercise. We should know some of the terms.

I guess we could ask you guys. I don't know much, but that position is called the ice janitor. As a way to make this sport more popular, CJ, that's combining Claire and Jenna, obviously. CJ and NJ, because they're going to new jersey yes can you can you describe the rules as if you're pitching it to children because i the one thing that i'll say one of the reasons it's not popular is i don't get it oh i love it you i love it too but because do love it, but I don't know what's happening. Neither. I love it because they push the ball.

A bunch of weirdos with brooms go like this. And then every once in a while they go like, yeah. And you go like this. Did they do good at the yeah? And you go, the team in red did better. What happened? It got near the red dot. How many points do you get?

I don't know. Well, I will say it's not a ball. It doesn't seem like a ball. It seems like a Roomba. Yes. The broom person, that's a stressful role, too. Oh, my gosh. They should have called it Broomba.

So there we start. All right. That's a great start to popularity. This is our first. Our first note will be that position is Broomba. We all wrote Broomba. Yeah, Broomba's written down for sure. Brumba has a...

So CJ, will you walk us through the rules of your game? Great start, by the way, from Julie with Brumba. You guys basically nailed it. Okay. Nobody knows what's happening. Agreed. So curling is... So it was a sport.

I'm going way back. Sport invented by Scotsman, drunk Scotsman. Rock and ice. In the middle of winter. Sure. And it navigated over to Canada. What years are we in here? What years are we in?

85, 89. Oh, geez. I didn't do enough research for that one. I don't know. It was in the Olympics in 1998. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This is new stuff. So when you say Scotland, we're all thinking like 1780.

Oh, I'm thinking like William Wallace is like, my turn with the rules. She's talking in 1984, a couple of Scots. A couple of weird Scotsmen. I got a tattoo for it. Whoa. Right before the show, because I knew. Cool. Because I knew.

That was great. Good call. So it starts there. I'm just trying to understand. So we still got the show because I knew. That was great. Good call. It starts there. I'm just trying to understand. We still got to get to the pitch. It goes to Canada. CJ, what are the rules of this weird game and what are the terms? The rules of the game are basically you have

two giant targets on either end of a sheet of ice. There's four people on a team. You want to make sure that each player gets to throw two of the rocks or two stones oh it's called a stone because of scotland cool that's right yeah okay um so everybody throws two stones and then at the end of an end where or i like that like an inning if you're thinking of you know the end of an end or the end of an inning in baseball indicates all of the rocks have been thrown

the closest person to the target would get the points kind of like box you both yeah so you're trying so it's you get one point around or the amount of rocks near the center get the most points? The rocks cancel. The amount of rocks closest. Yep. On a rock closest. So an inning, what are those called? Not innings, but ends you call them?

Ends. So a typical score after an end could be like two to one. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Can you knock somebody else's rock off? Easy, but yes. Yes. Okay. The sleepers will help with that. sleeper really hard oh a sweeper sweepers so what is the name of the person who first pushes the rock um that would be i guess the gonna help me out here maybe just like the delivery

the lead person well now it's called the rock star the lead person okay but is that usually called rock so you got a thrower who pushes the rock the sweepers do that weird motion and you're trying to get to the middle or knock the other people out who is the most important person is it the lead sweeper is it the thrower is it the back like if you're saying tug of war who's your best person your strongest is in the back your craftiest is it the thrower is it the back like if you're saying tug of war who's your best person your strongest is in the back your craftiest is in the front somewhere in the middle you're just not great at tug of war well in curling you have somebody who's standing at the far end calling each shot ah the shot caller kind of the strategy behind the game so So there's your quarterback. So that person stands at the mark and goes like, left! Left!

Right! Right! They also yell a lot. That's what Jake was doing. You should have seen his face. So that person's really important, not only to the game, but to how we're going to market this thing. But I, listen, my middle name is not sports.

It's Lee. And I will say that I'm getting lost. And I'm writing everything down. Everything. I do feel like if we can put it into some kind of a kid song, we can win the world. Really? That's your instinct?

Yeah. I got to tell you, my middle name is not Einstein, but that's the weirdest pitch I've ever heard. Not Lee either. Picture it, though, if it's a catchy kid's song. Can you give me a taste of the jack? Well, it's to the song, well, is it Cool Whip? Yeah, might be. So it's broom-ba, da-na-na-na-na.

Broom-ba, da-na-na-na-na. I don't know the rest of the tune for Cool Whip. Keep running, keep running. You know, it's the broom thing twice. A drunk Scotsman, he went to Canada. Two targets on ends of ice. Two rocks slash stones are thrown. End of an end indicates rock stones.

Amount of rocks closest gets a point. Sweepers and throwers, they rotate. But there's no VIP unless you're thinking of the quarterback who's the shot caller. Oh, my God. Okay, I was wrong. It's kind of catchy. It's great.

Imagine learning the lyrics. You'd be like, oh, this is fun. That's the Super Bowl shuffle if you get that. Yeah. It's great. Imagine learning the lyrics. You'd be like, oh, this is fun. That's the Super Bowl shuffle if you get that. Yeah. That's great. And hopefully, when is this happening again? When are you guys going to the Jersey Mall? January 29th through February 4th.

Oh, so soon. Because I was hoping someone could listen to this and maybe record a song or a version of this. Oh, so then it could go, January 29th, broomba, and it rotates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Broomba. Broomba.

Fuck. Fuck is a great lyric in the mall. Well, because then it goes, January 29th, broomba, broomba, fuck, pickleball, fuck bags. It's great. Well, there's a long list Broom-ba, da-da-na-na-na-na-na. Broom-ba, da-da-na-na-na-na-na.

Fuck pickleball, fuck bags. Da-na-na. That's great. Well, there's a long list. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na. Claire's 33, she's in Denver. And Janice, 26, living in Minnesota. The Curlers, but only one of them is curly hair.

Go and see them play. January 29th, broom-ba-da-na-na-na-na. Broom-ba, broom-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da broom, ba-da-da-da-da-da broom, ba-da-da-da-da-da What do you ladies think of that hit? I mean, that was something. I don't want to say you totally nailed it, but I think we left out a very very important detail.

Talk to us. What is that? We got Bogtown and the rules of curling, and we didn't mention that one of the best parts of curling is something called broom stacking. Basically, you just the winner of the game buys the first round of beers. Hang out and drink a whole lot of beer. So it is a party game. So the the losers buy the beer. No, the winners do.

Oh, well, this is a fundamental issue with your sport. So here's what I say you do. I say let's not worry about national attention. Let's not worry about pickleball. Let's worry about Jan 29, right? You don't win. You don't build Rome in a day. As we were talking about earlier, you probably got pretty far,

but it wasn't built in a day. So what we're looking to do is get pretty far in a day. As we were talking about earlier, you probably got pretty far but it wasn't built in a day. So what we're looking to do is get pretty far in a day. Because people always say you don't build in a day but you can get a lot of impressive work done. Absolutely. So January 29th is the first day of building Rome and here's how I think you do it. Each team has their main shot caller, correct?

Start talking shit. And hurt that person. Think of the WWEwe that's so and i want the shot callers to have big characters costumes i want them to have a megaphone to talk to the crowd so that you go like hey everybody going to saparo's pizza get a slice and watch what my thrower's about to do with this pepperoni rock. And those people are the shot cars of excitement. And then you go, look at my sweeper sweep.

And then you go, to the right. And then you go like, look at Maggie's legs. Look at Maggie's legs. I think I... You know what I'm saying? Yes. I was going along... You just lost me on Maggie's legs, but I love it. Maggie Maggie's got strong legs. Oh, Maggie's got strong legs.

Okay, so look at Maggie's legs. Hey, everybody. Hey, hey, hey. You're walking into lids to get yourself a cap. Why don't you walk over to this lid and watch Maggie's legs? And then Maggie sweeps and does like a hyah, hyah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you are also-

You're going in the gap? No, go and check out the lack of Maggie's gap in between her legs because they're so massive. It's exactly right. Look at the gap between the rock and the red on there because of Maggie's leg. Yeah, so you're pushing that, but you're also... The other person is pushing the other team,

so they're going like, you call that a throw? I think this is good. I think you do need to step up. That was going to be my pitch. Step up the theatrics. Even if you're on the same team, this might be too crazy, but why not have one team be the U.S.? And even

if the other team is also from America, fake Russia. Let's make them Russians. And let's just now... We did have 1984 tatted on our hand. That's what sparked all this. So now you've got the bad guys. So now you're really stoking patriotism in the mall.

Because both teams, no other team is going to want to be Russia, but one of the teams might be willing to be villains. Well, they need to be. Is this just one day you're doing this? No, it's several days, right? Oh, it's all week. Well, okay, yes. Well, they need to be. Is this just one day you're doing this, yes? No, it's several days, right? Oh, it's all week.

Well, you guys could swap roles. But also, CJ, how many different teams are competing? And are you guys all part of an email chain, a website? Is there an Instagram, a Twitter? Are you guys connected? I would say yes, we are connected. Curling is a very small community. How many teams?

There's eight men's teams and eight women's teams. Okay. I think you're right, Jake. I would send out the email saying that you want each team to kind of come up with a costume theme. Yes. A team name? Like the Warriors. Yes. I do like this.

The Curling Furies and music. And now we're going to step up the theatrics of it. So the sport is still the same. And we already have the song. And we have the song we've had the longest. There's nothing we've had longer than the song. How does the song go again? Two, three, four.

Broomba, broomba. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na. Broomba, na-na-na-na-na-na-na. A drunk sky-spin went to Canada. Two targets on the end of ice Two rocks and stones are thrown And the end of the end indicates The rocks and stones

Oh, my You get it. So this is the song for the bar that the winning team gets to sing that everybody has to watch with their beers up and they don't get to drink until the song is done. No, you have to honor the song. You honor the song.

Just like the Scots would. I do have one more pitch. Go. Wait, are you finished with yours? Well, I think we just encourage the cosplay theme of it. Each team is designed under one sort of costumed theme. Yes. I agree.

Okay, the last thing I'll say, and this comes from the TV side of things. Here we go. I do feel like every great television show lately has a murder in the first episode. I like where this is going. So my pitch. You're pitching a curter? Okay.

I think there should be a curter. And I feel like if there is, and everyone seems shocked, but then everyone's tuned in, right? At that point, everybody's like, I got to find out who the Curter is. By the end of the season, you promise there will be a reveal or it will be left up to interpretation, but you're really hoping to reveal the Curter. I mean...

I think that's really interesting. I love it all. I think that's a... If you can it all. I think that's a great... If you can pull off... Hold on! Before you start sweeping, there's been a murder! A murder.

A murder! Yeah. So, CJ, either one. Maybe we can hear from Jenna for a little bit, the quiet one. Jenna, where are you at with all these pitches? What are you feeling? We've kind of given you the idea

of first changing the name to Broombaa uh second having a theme song for after uh third create a murder mystery or fourth get everybody involved to create team names costumes play up the wwe theatrics of it make the shot callers the big characters whosoever is there is loud with a mic and is going where are you guys at what are you thinking you're gonna do well i gotta say as as entertaining as a lot of these pitches are i'm not sure if they're gonna happen at our nationals but i would say i think there are a lot of curlers out there who would be on board so then what you could do is this so the nationals so basically we'll the nationals are going to be the same old they're just curling but what you guys should do is create when you guys are going around to local places so turn it into an event

let the audience know that you should be drinking on the rink let people know that this is very fun it fucking roller skating got cool for a roller derby. There's this weird baseball. Have you seen the weird baseball league where they, like, dress up? Yes, and they dance and do all this shit. And it, like, adds an element of, like, theatrics and fun to it. I think that's along the lines of where we're going. It might not happen at Nationals.

I also wish you could have seen Jake's face when you said it's probably not going to happen at Nationals. I mean, he seems bummed. Here's my question, CJ. If you're not going to do this, what are you asking for? Are you asking us to bring 5 million people to New Jersey? I think that's what they're asking for. It's kind of a boring sport without it.

I will say this. I'm going to pitch you because maybe it just was the song quality. Maybe it needs to be a different song. Just so we know, this is Jillian Bell, and she is the author and the singer of the hit song, Broombox. But she's got something new. I've got something new, in case you don't want that. Is this a follow-up signal? Here's what we're going to do before you start, if you don't mind.

Okay, sure. So, CJ, in closing, our advice to you is maybe not for January 29th, but you got to bring in theatrics. You need team names. You need villains, and you need good guys guys and you need to get the crowd involved so that the audience all you need to heal. You need to heal. And whoever is the best that everybody thinks that team is unbeatable.

They should be the villains. Yes. And when they win, they should talk shit. What do you think of Cobra Kai? I like that. I like it. I mean, like Jenna said, it might be a little bit soon to pull off the costume for next week.

Look, this is a 10-year plan. That's why we do this show. It's not why we do this show. You're still on mic. But can you start building that idea? And on social media, each team has images, you have costumes, and you're talking shit to other teams. I think that's the way to do it.

I think each team starts and its own social media. You all are kind of under like a hashtag, like broom, but or something like that. And you're showing the team practice talking shit. Like the old WWE. But here's how we started. CJ,

are you guys on the same team? Yeah, we are. So here's how we start this. So we get out of the big ideas and we get in the real ideas. What is your guys' team name? Well, it's kind of boring. We're Team McMaken.

We're just the last name. So this is what I'm saying. It's Team what? Maken? Their last name. McMaken? McMaken. What is the vibe of your guys' team?

Currently, we just have our regular jerseys. But do you think we should take the fall and be the villain? You guys start on January 29th. You guys are in all black with headbands, wristbands. You guys have music you play. You guys have an entire dance you do at the beginning. You're avenging the curder of your former captain. That's what this season's about so

you guys could be like the night pirates yes oh the night pirate yes and you're the curl ninjas or the curl ninjas and you guys come out to certain music and then when you look at the other team you put your hand up like you're gonna shake and then go like no no no yes and the other team is wearing like t-shirts a lot of A lot of cutthroat moves. Yes. You're going down. Yes. Night ninjas. Go ahead.

I was going to say, also, they could make it a specific vehicle that's their mascot. Instead of being the black, what was it? Ninjas. Ninjas. It could be something like the Honda Civics because so many people have that. And they'll want to root for the team that has their car. Sure. That's interesting.

I would say let's stick with the ninja thing. Okay, great, great, great. So will you guys start building your team and create something now or no? I'm in. I'm for it. Here's your uniforms. You all have to wear We're Here to Help hats.

Okay. Oh, I like that. And We're Here to help sweatshirt wait a minute it's not up the rails foundation we want to make i agree okay here's what i say i got excited the the the post you get the post for this you dress up in the costume ninjas black outfits whatever i like ice ninjas. Ice ninjas. Either one. I feel like it's up to them.

I agree. But there's got to be one person in the mix that's rocking a Honda Civic. Don't agree. That's a different team. Hold on. That's maybe a different team. Hold on. What?

I don't think she's wrong here, CJ. One person does need to be wearing a Honda Civic something. Sure. It doesn't matter if it's a pin a hat and part of the socks yeah so every team should have one car person shoes that look like honda civics or the signal caller could always wear the honda civic hat oh i love that okay i love that so that's even better so you're the ice ninjas are you guys good with the ice ninjas yeah i like it but but it's got to be good that you can win in. You can feel good. But you guys need to look like bad guys.

Yeah, you got to be ready. So if you guys do this, if you create a page and you take photos, we officially sponsor you, stand behind you. Yes. We will promote you. We will promote all your matches. And send us footage of you curling in your Ice Ninja outfits or whatever you decide on. That's just a launching off.

Is that a deal? Just to be clear, you guys are obviously still called McMaken. So it's McMaken's Ice Ninjas. Agreed. Sure. With a Honda Civic theme thrown in. It's getting wordy, but yes, it can work. So CJ, is this something that's going to happen?

Can we count on you? 100%. And we're going to take you out with the follow-up to the debut hit single, Brumba, Jillian Bell, with her new song. What's it called? Well, it's just called I Am the Tiger, Take Two. I Am the Tiger, Take Two. CJ, we thank you for calling.

Keep us posted. Jillian, we go to you. Dum, dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum, dum. Dum, dum us posted. Yes. Jillian, we go to you. Dump, dump, dump, dump. Dump, dump, dump. Dump, dump, dump. Nationals coming up real soon. January 29th, y'all. This is Drunk Scott's man.

He was in, went to Canada. Two targets on the ends of ice. Two rocks, slash stones are thrown. End of an N indicates rocks, slash stones. Amount of rocks, closest get up point. Sweepers, slash throwers, those are players. They rotate, but no players. They rotate. No one's the beep.

Is there a chorus? Quarterback is the shot caller. Last lyric proves stacking. It ends with an alcohol party. The winners are the real losers for paying

it's the game that's coming it's gonna be at the mall they changed it recently to broom fuck pickle balls and that game called bags It's the greatest game in the world. Nationals. Yes. Thanks, you guys. Good luck out there, Ice Ninjas. It was great. Thank you.

Thank you. That's great. Bye, ladies. They should play that. Just you women at the end going. Thank you. Ladies, they should play that. Just you women at the end going. Thank you.

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tools are approachable, accessible, rooted in real life situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started re relearning French through Babbel a little situations. So, Jake, for instance, if you want to learn, I started relearning French through Babbel a little bit. Yes, because I used to know French, but then I don't know French, but it's still there. You know what I like about it is that it's got a speech recognition technology.

Yep. Because the problem with learning a new language is if you sound like you're from another country. Yes. If it can actually help with the accent yeah that's a big ass and applicable to situations you're going to find yourself in like when i think back to taking french it was just like so much it was like i'm never going to do that it's like how do you order food how do you get a drink how do you ask for directions but

so babble's great now listen listen everybody Should we bring him in? Wait, one quick pause. Should we bring in the closer? Studies from Yale, this is interesting, Michigan State University and others, prove that Babbel is better. So one study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college. So if that's true, which Yale's no joke, it's just putting schooling in a a different light yes you spend 15 hours let's say you didn't go to college and you always feel like well i don't know i didn't go to college 15 hours you just did a semester yeah that's wild yes yes that's a wild study so speaking of

language should we bring in the closer or should i do it? Closer. All right, hold on. Let's get him. Kevin? Door's open. Come on in. Oh, you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. What?

I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were. He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. Oh, we can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So, that old jalopy is Gil's?

Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running. It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now listen, here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription.

But only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone? At Babbel.com slash HTH. Jake, let me finish. Get 55% off Babbel.com slash HTH. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash H-T-H. We're going to want you to babble.

We want you to babble. I'll tell you what, I don't want to babble your ear off. I got to go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions. Yep. babble your ear off. I gotta go back to the jalopy. Rules and restrictions. Yep. This

episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online.

Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation. And there were so many times, so many things like complications were popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would use ZocDoc because

it's just so much harder if you're just using search engines to try to find someone and then you call, do they take your insurance? ZocDoc has filters for all of it. The problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up and what I like, I actually use ZocDoc since we started doing it.

I do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee? I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on. But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. it's actually pretty much what it sounded like doctor said to me about my hips i'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like yeah you're just uh

i've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this well you're mid-40s yeah oh what a jerk uh well that guy's hopefully not on zoc doc but but again it really does it filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you. Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right.

Gil Buchanan, 1s and 2s, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right. I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You would get a fist bump? Literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world.

Go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear? How much does that cost you? Free. Free. That's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash H-T-H.

ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. Today's episode is sponsored by Booking.com, a.k.a. Booking.yeah. That's right, Jake. Listen, as you know, I'm on the road currently in a hotel currently that I booked on booking.com previously and you told us that i don't fair nope i don't want to get into that it's too much i just want to say how great but no go ahead i mean well that you said it's pretty funny so the stand-up places

book most of your nights but on the layover night when you don't have the club booking it, you needed to book your own space. And you said, I used booking.com. And it was so easy. Well, we said, well, this is the goddamn commercial. No, you also pointed out that I have a room with two beds because when I pay for it, Luke, who's my opener, he and I share a room because, you know, you try to save money on the road, which is why I use Booking.com. And another thing that's great about Booking.com is this situation without the two beds that I booked on Booking.com becomes a lot more Three Stooges-esque if it's one bed. So I get the two beds. They make it easy on you. You know what you're going to get when you show up. You're very familiar. It doesn't matter if you're looking for a remote mountain cabin or a relaxing beach resort or a hotel that you share with a guy you met in college.

There's a multitude of choices you can get at Booking.com. I agree. And I was just told when my kid's spring break is, and my wife said, we have nothing planned if you want to plan something. And I thought, oh, I didn't realize this is going to be on the old jakester. And I'm going to go to booking.com. If I can figure out a weird four days to keep everybody busy so the kids don't drive me nuts. So booking.com. Yeah, save me.

There we go. So this spring, check out booking.com for your ideal hotel or vacation home. No matter where you go in the U.S., book whoever you want to be on Booking.com. Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. Hey, everyone. This is producer Kevin just jumping in to say our second call is a follow up from episode

45 a couple of weeks ago with Mary Holland, and it's called Skidmark with Mary Holland and yeah we have a follow-up with one of the callers there and if you'd like a quick refresher you can check out Skidmark with Mary Holland all right back to Jake and Gareth hello hello we don't give enough credit to Kevin's first hellos they They really are. They lay the foundation. Agreed. They're never in the episode, too. I know. And it's just to peel back the curtain. On this one, let's have it end.

Yeah, let's keep it in. All right. So people see how the machine works. So we know that this is a follow-up, but we don't know anything else. So caller, the floor is yours. And Gareth and I are confused. Okay. So this is Layla leila follow up on skid mark oh whoa wait skid marks mary holland yes you're gonna try to train him to wipe his butt we have

well jake welcome yeah right yes that's exactly it right le, Layla? Yes. Layla, what's happening? The floor is yours. It's not a great update. So we met up to talk about it, and I was soft-pitching. Hey, maybe we go through this course and we get you together. And he was completely turned off by it. He felt like I was judging him for making, quote-unquote, one mistake. What? And he didn't understand.

Yeah, he didn't understand why I couldn't let it go. Cause, cause he's his dirty butt ruined your sheets. He's out of control. You gotta love me. You gotta love men. Can we just for a minute talk about, listen,

I get, I get why you would be displeased with the behavior of this man, but can we just for a minute on a base level? Yeah. So your dirty butt ruined my shoes what nerve do you have that was one mistake where did you get off so leila why don't you get brown sheets so leila you brought it up as kindly as you can first of all you gave him a chance he did not deserve and he had the audacity oh to not like that you were bringing it up then what happened so we we just kind of agreed to disagree on that agreed i agree with you and i disagree with him

and so does everybody yeah yeah everyone on planet earth agrees with you besides like nine guys with dirty asses who are like well leave my pee oh i had a dirty ass one time we're the street we're people too yes and. And then, so what happened? You just said, that'll do it? Yeah, we split up and come to find out he has like a girlfriend now. So good luck to her. It's a man's world. He's ruining her sheets.

The idea that this guy's jumped into another thing. And she's going like this. Oh, Layla was such a bitch. All you did was take a dump, sit on my sheets and leave skid marks. Like it's a big deal. Whatever. we're living in a nightmare this earth it's called a male trail yeah oh uh okay so and so then so you've moved on from him is that the end of the update anything else yeah I just kind of moved on and I'm just I'm going back to being single this is the first person I talked to years and it's just making me go back into retirement hold on hold on hold on don't retire

no way leila he's the wrong guy yeah he's not for you the kindness of you yes and i'll you know as a call i'll never forget when we were hearing about him shitting on your sheets, sheets you loved. Yeah. Sheets that I think you said were 160 bucks. Is that right? Just about. Wow.

Just about. That's you. Yeah. Then my thought was cut him loose. Yes. Your thought was, was he didn't have a good enough childhood. Let's rehab him. He was not, he was raised by wolves.

Yeah. I can help him. a good enough childhood. Let's rehab him. He was not, he was raised by wolves. Yeah. I can help him.

So you're going to find a guy who is way closer to a human. There are good guys who aren't crapping beds. Yes, there are good guys who wipe their butts. There are a lot of us who are out there

and understand. I would say 95% of adult men have clean butts. I'd go even higher. 98? Well, I don't know about clean, but I would say 95 of adult men i'd go even higher 98 well i don't know about clean but i would say not staining yeah yeah i would say 97 of men yeah 98 of them will not if they sit down bare butt on your sheet won't stain it listen we know what we know what we're doing in there you it's over you make sure it's done and then you get back to pants and also

we had gotten so many comments about uh a bidet yeah have you ever considered getting a you can get it on amazon i think you can get them for 150 bucks now but a bidet in your toilet for the next guy who gets there or get a tushy they sponsor podcast what's a ty? A tushy is like you put it on your toilet. It's a very simple, easy way to toilet, make a bidet. It basically, yeah. So you basically have your little dial there and you affect a bidet. But also, Layla, this isn't your problem, it's his. Yeah. No, look, you're not staining sheets.

So we appreciate the update. I'm personally happy you are not with this guy i am too uh this is what i would call this is this this is the skid arc we've gone from the beginning to the end and we have the end hold on this is the end hold on and we've got our skid mark arc and i think leila jake loves what i'm doing right now just I'm pretty good at reading. He just left a skid mark on our show. I did not. I wiped.

Layla, good luck. You will find. Do not go into retirement. Don't give up. Just you have a high bar where you expect someone to not poop where you sleep. And that's fine. Don't give up. And thank you for the call.

We're so happy he's out of the picture. You're the winner. He's the loser. End of story. This next woman. Yes. She's so happy he's out of the picture. Yeah. You're the winner. He's the loser. End of story. This next woman. Yes. She's going to have to seriously go through that. Thank you, guys.

I really needed that pep talk. Yeah. You get back in the game. You're a winner. This guy's such a dud. He literally shit on your sheets. Yeah. Thank you, guys.

Thanks, Layla. Bye. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson and Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is AJ McKee. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at

Oliver Raleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. That's oliverraleigh.com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.