We're Here to Help - 61: Are You Going To Do This Madness?

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

Jake and Gareth help a caller with some needed rebranding and talk to someone about planning a special event.Get more info about Suits and Wigs Night HERE!Want to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Ad-Free Episodes, Bonus Calls and Behind the Scenes): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And we are back, Jake it's our thursday just the garf and the jake episode just the boys just the guys because i'll tell you what we've done garf man is we asked people to comment on the youtube and they did and we read them and what we've kind of got is Mondays are with guests, Thursdays, we just stay home. We have a family day. That's right. We eat in. We eat in.

We eat in on Thursdays. And yes, I mean, I think that's very important. We certainly don't feel like, you know, we want to listen to people. We want to make our own show. And we like the choose your own adventure. Absolutely. And we like doing it

like this as well it's enjoyable we should also mention before we get into this episode fully that we do have a patreon it's uh here to help pod where we're just starting to kind of uh load it up with our content but um but we're gonna do a lot of stuff there so we're excited and uh and we also tell us honestly as we're, what you guys want from that too. Yeah. One of the things that I'm really liking about this podcast and having a lot of fun with, and I talk to Gareth about it a lot, is a lot of times in the Hollywood game, you're dealing with studios and networks and you can't move the needle on a project without

having 10 to 15 meetings with 10 to 15 different people. Yeah. If you guys are on the Patreon and those who've already signed up, we appreciate i put some post on it but i did it wrong because i was trying to create something where people could write back let us know what you would like on it i think they'd like to be able to write back on your post i know i did i sent it to kevin and caitlin i was like i think i did this wrong so i'm not going to be running any of the uh technical stuff but uh continue to post on the youtube we are reading them we're checking them out we have a group text we're sending to each other uh we're having a lot of fun this

episode we're doing something different where we are having a follow-up as our third call but it's a follow-up for one of the calls of this episode yeah we're not gonna say which one we're not gonna say which one no but it's nice to pay off the cliffhanger this one and it's a cliffbanger because this is a really fun one it's enjoyable but yeah we really

always appreciate you all listening or watching us on YouTube and if you guys want to see me on the road do stand up it's garethreynolds.com I will be in the midwest standing ovations uh and a lot of people are yelling and i appreciate it more gill on stage they're not all there have people i've told you the two things that happen is after the show people will cop which gill

well i really miss gill things like that and they will also be like i emailed with a problem and they'll start pitching me the problem i'll go there's a whole kevin element of this that i'm not just to say to the audience very quickly as gareth i really appreciate that keep bringing you're really getting good yeah thank you you really have always been good i'm a very talented i know but you're really fine you're finding yourself you really are i appreciate that and i love how you i love how you uh don't mind uh shitting where you eat i've always respected that about you oh you mean in the hotel rooms anyway we really appreciate everything so uh everyone uh enjoy the show without further

ado and uh enjoy that uh hello hello whoa don't think we're crazy we detect an accident we'll Biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz, biz. Hello. Hello. Whoa. Don't think we're crazy. We detect an accent. We'll get into it. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from? Yes. My name is Zach.

I'm 21, and I'm from New Zealand. Crikey. God, you got a great country over there. Zach, you're on with Jake Johnson. Gareth Reynolds, you're on what some people are calling America's number one podcast. Don't look it up. What is going on, you Kiwi? What's happening?

Right. Okay, yes. I have a bit of an issue. It's a couple of years ago, so it is a while. Sure. Basically, me and my friends were playing some football or soccer, as you call it. Thank you for respecting the best nation. Okay, well. And they didn't have any public toilets,

so I'm guessing you can guess where this is going. Basically, I had to delve into the native bush to relieve myself, and it wasn't a number one. And now every time we go past any native bush i'm known as the shit in the woods guy and so basically i'm just trying to rebrand wait okay okay so so okay so you're in a place you're playing soccer there's nowhere to go you got to take a shit and you shit in the shrubs and now everyone makes fun of you because you're playing soccer there's nowhere to go you got to take a shit and you shit in the shrubs and now everyone makes fun of you because you're the guy who just shit in the woods you're the shit

and you need a new branded yeah every time and of course i get it and of course new zealand is about 90 native bush so it comes up a lot so it's just a big part of your life is you're around something that you're getting teased from. And you need a rebrand. Yeah. I was just wondering, I need a rebrand. Do I have to do something more extreme? Right.

So Zach, give us an example of the last time it came up and how it went down. We need to get a lay of the land of your group of friends and what you're living through. Yeah. Right. Okay. So I've had the same group of friends since I you're living through yeah right okay so i've had the same group of friends since i was about six okay so okay uh this was you know so before that everyone usually has their thing it just so happens that this has now become my thing and now of course

we're adults so we don't see each other very often. But when we do, it's, oh, you know, we're on a road trip. And they're like, oh, you need us to pull over in the bush here. Right. Fuck. And you can't get out of this bit. No, it's. I can't. I'm really.

And it is funny. Yes. It's a funny bit, but. It is a funny bit. But how do you get. So this might be a good Gareth call. I got a pitch. What do you got? It's going gonna be an uphill battle to lose like you said you kind of the only thing you can really do is

out crazy it but then you're gonna be living with that ghost right i mean like if you're trying to like outdo shitting in the middle of nowhere i don't you know what are you gonna do like eat your puke you got no there's no roads left. That's true. I think what you gotta do, Zach, and this is wild, is I think you gotta try... I can't wait. Jake's gonna be like, what's wrong with you? You both might

be. I think what you gotta do is you gotta set up a rendezvous with your buddies, okay? And you gotta tee it up so one of them is gonna have to shit in the bush. So what you're gonna have to do is plan some sort of outdoor adventure.

And you're gonna have to, you're gonna kind of organize it, and you're gonna have to come up with some food. So for like your birthday, you say, I wanna go camping with the guys. Yes. And then can't walk. You wanna go for a long hike. You wanna go for a long hike. You give everybody X-Lax. You want to go for a long hike. You feed everybody a homemade fruit bar,

but you've put some shit and powder in it. And then one of your buddies. This is wild. It is wild. And one of your buddies is going to have to shit in the bush, and that levels the playing field because you've now canceled each other out. And if anything, this guy is now the more recent bush shitter. So that's going to get brought up more. more zach what do you think of this road and that is you see the guys your next big thing everyone's in town you say like let's have us a hike let's go out do this and you maybe give

one of the guys yes accidents i like that so that he go to and so that in the middle of it they go like oh fuck i need to find a bathroom when And you go, there's bushes over here. And then when they do it, you go, oh, shit in the wood. Yeah. What do you think of this play? We'll keep pitching if you don't, but what do you think of it? I quite like that play. You do?

It's really wild. I like it because there's a couple of members of the group that don't have anything, you know, that might need to, you know, step down to our level a little. Yes. And so what you could do that, if that happens,

when they go like, Hey Zach, why don't you shit in the woods? You'll go like, only if Kirby comes with me. Yeah. Well, misery loves company.

I, I, it really is the play is that you're just counting on, you're going to drown out your sound with another horn so that's right so so if there is there if you get one or two of these guys to also have to shit on this hike you're you're old news and then you know you could say while they're like honestly i feel like i'm gonna pop you go like hold it in we're adults now or you go maybe i did it when i was 10 years old but at my age i could wait for a

toilet and they go like i honestly i can't wait i honestly would even go the other direction your goal is to get one of them shitting in the to be sweet about it that's no big deal go take a shit i did it yeah ha ha ha i did it and once then when he's done later you're at the pub you're having a few and you let him know hey that was not okay so i gotta say zach i think the garf man might have nailed it because i also like the really sneaky move of saying like hey man honestly if you have to take a fucking dump who cares and then once once you hear the sounds you know in your head cha-ching got Zach, are you going to do this madness? I mean, we often go back to the same place.

Oh, buddy. Yeah, okay. So I'm perfectly teed up already. So then here's what I'm going to double down on this pitch because I know we are about to get out, but I'm going to double down on it. I don't think we need to pitch other stuff. I got an ad to this one. Go ahead.

I don't think you give it to one or two. I think you give it to everybody. I like that too. I think you're in a world where everybody's got to take a shit but you. I like it too. Here's why you make it an occasion like your birthday. Because the night before, you got to go out and you got to big dinner and drinks.

We want everyone kind of hung over for this. There's a lot going on downstairs. And then I think, yeah, you got to pull the hey, boys, let's have a healthy fruit bar or whatever it is. You know what this is? You know what this is? You know what this is? You know what this is? You know what this is?

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You know what this is? You know what this is? You know what this is? You know what this is? barfing, everybody's barfing on everybody. And there's Lauda sitting in the middle just laughing. You need to create that situation where all your buddies are dumping in the woods and you just sit there as the king. You get one

of them shitting, you're home free. But you get five of them shitting, buddy, you've got a secret everyone takes to their grave and that's what you want. If everybody in the group does it, how could anybody tease you? No, you can't. It's's over it is strength in numbers and that number is two so zach are you gonna do this because if so we need we need and we need further involvement i'm i'm gonna do this you've given me such a good idea i haven't thought of it right i'll absolutely be able to

convince at least some of us all we need is one yes we only need one a couple of them yeah we get greedy we want three four but we just need one guy so zach we're not gonna air this until after the follow-up yep uh and we wish you the best oh god do we okay keep us posted this is gonna be this okay this is gonna be a two-parter, my friend. All right. Good luck. I'll get it done. Godspeed, Zach.

Go get them. This is rebranded. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. All right. See you, bud. All right, bud. Good luck.

Okay. Bye. See you. Bye. Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel. That's right, Jake. Listen, you know what Babbel is, right? Science-backed language learning app that actually works, which I find to be very important.

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Yes. If you spend 15 hours, let's say you didn't go to college, and you always feel like, well, I don't know, I didn't go to college and you always feel like well i don't know i didn't go to college 15 hours you just did a semester yeah that's wild yes yes that's a wild study so speaking of language should we bring in the closer or should i do it closer all right hold on let's get him kevin doors open all right oh you meant Gil. I meant Kevin. I thought Kevin was going to do it. No, I thought we were talking about the closer. We were.

He parked in front of all our cars, so might as well. Oh, we can't leave. Well, what's the problem? Go ahead. So that old jalopy is Gil's? Yes. And you can turn it off, I guess. No, keep it running.

It's bad for something. A lot of smoke. I'm pausing a serious accent. Now, listen. Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get 55% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners. This isn't for people who don't listen, like Laura from one of the calls earlier. These are standalone.

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Rules and restrictions. Yep. This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Garth, what does that mean to you? Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while. She had a hip replacement and it was crazy. It was a crazy situation. And there were so many times, so many things like complications were

popping up. And there were multiple times where we wanted to find a doctor appointment quickly, somewhere close. You use ZocDoc. Yeah, you would would use zocdoc because it's just so much harder if you're just like you know like using search engines to try to find someone and then you call do they take your insurance the problem has it's all there for all the problem with also just searching it is all the ads pop up yes and what i like i actually use zocdoc we since we started doing it i do like that it keeps it really clean and you can put all your information in. Yeah. Did you use ZocDoc for your knee?

I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on. Oh, you are? But we don't think it's a tear. That's the good news. But I am going to get an MRI. The doctor report back, it's just an old man's knee. It's actually pretty much what it sounded like. That's what a doctor said to me about my hips.

I'm getting to the point where it's sad when doctors are just like, yeah, you're just the. I've had a doctor who looked at my body and then went like this. Well, you're mid 40s. Yeah. What a jerk. Well, that guy's hopefully not on ZocDoc. But but again, it really does. It filters specifically for doctors that take your insurance located near you.

Treat basically. And again, you can get an appointment quickly. You can also get it same day. That's absolutely right, Jake, if you're lucky. That's right. Gil Buchanan, ones and twos, 68 balmy. Don't worry about it. That's right.

I've been kept in the closet for a while on this show, but I'm back for the ads. Good to see you, brother. You would get a fist bump? Literally never left. Wherever the best time in the world. Go to ZocDoc.com slash HTH and download the ZocDoc app for free. Did you hear? How much does that cost you?

Free, that's right. And then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash HTH. ZocDoc.com slash H-T-H. Hello. Hi, can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please? Yeah, my name is Luke. I'm 35 and originally from Jackson, Michigan, and I've been in Los Angeles for several years now. Come on down to the studio. Jackson, Michigan. Where in L.A. are you? What part? It's kind of the cusp of Sherman Oaks and Encino. Oh, Michigan. Where in LA are you? What part? It's kind of the cusp of Sherman Oaks and Encino.

Oh, nice. All right. Gorgeous. Luke from, let's call it, Encino. What can we do for you? Yeah. So I need a little help with an event that I've been planning with a few buddies. And we've got the theme.

The theme is kind of the main point. And we've got the theme the theme is kind of the main point and we've got the location but uh right now there's only three or four of us really uh attending and i'm trying to get some more people on board and i'm wondering if there isn't anything else that i'm uh not thinking of that could make this event a little bit more fun. Cause I want it to be the first of, I want it to be the first annual. Oh, respect.

So you're starting, you're trying to create a buddy tradition. Yes. Do you, what you have the events idea? Yeah. So it's called suits and wigs night. Interesting.

It's going to be where just a group of gentlemen put on their finest suits and then a silly ass wig and go bar hopping. Luke, how did this idea I feel like I'm talking to Steve Jobs about a home computer,

but how did this idea pop into your head? Yeah, well, it was in the garage no um yeah you and was yeah i i think i started i had the idea because a couple years ago i i went uh out for halloween as tommy was oh from the room you know yep and so i was you know already looking ridiculous and i remember being at the bar and, and this girl was kind of into it, and the wig was strangely enough, you know, with that kind of armor of silliness, you know, gave, I think, another little layer of confidence, and I have another friend that organizes an annual bar crawl,

but it's 10 bars bars and it's a lot he already has his own thing I thought that's fun but I thought maybe Suits and Wigs Night could be a new event and hopefully it only grows in popularity in the years to follow but I want to make this first one really legendary

okay so basically you want to know how we can help you build a groundswell and get more people involved in this. Yeah. I mean, and I've got, you know, some people are like, oh, you know, I would do it, but I don't have a suit or a wig. And I've got like four or five silly wigs in my trunk, you know. In your trunk.

Okay. What do you do for work, Luke? No, in my little trunk. You've got a wig trunk. I thought it was weird for a minute, like you had him in your car, but you just have a wig trunk in your garage. He lives in LA. Not going to lie, I definitely have five to six wigs

at my place right now. You can pretend to tease. I'm having fun. I've got a weird attitude. The truth is I want to meet up and do a wig train. I definitely have a little drawer in my attic of very embarrassing wigs. We're all sad weirdos in LA. So, Luke, I got to say, I think this is pretty clean. I think suits and wigs is a phenomenal idea.

I think you have to, if this is your thing, I think you might need more than four wigs. I think you should say wigs are provided. People need to get their own suits. I think you invite men and women. So what gathers a suit is a sports jacket and a tie. That's it. I like that.

So you could wear, if it's a hot summer night and they're like hey i don't want to hop around bars and wear a suit all night but what i will do is i'll wear shorts a t-shirt a bow tie and a jacket and a goofy wig so the dress code could be more chill uh i think you open it to any gender who gives a fuck as long as you're there to party i agree and the first one you don't worry about building numbers. So if you're opening up a restaurant. Don't worry about filling every table that first night. Worry about making sure everybody at every table loves it and tells all their friends. it this is the first one i mean if you talk about any of these things that become events out of the gate small out of the gate they're not really events so that's right as far as how you promote it i mean you're kind of just gonna have to go word of mouth i would say you could probably

get more people on board i mean shit i don't know maybe you put up a couple flyers i don't know maybe blast your email something like that why don't we's, I mean, let's be real for a second. We're making a podcast. Yes. So why don't you start an Instagram, Luke? Tell us what it is. We will promote it. Why don't you set a date for the first annual?

Yep. And set a bar in your area where you're going to start it. And when. And when. We will run this beforehand give you a promo and the only requirement is you reach out to the social media you go to the first annual suits and wigs happening at you know what neighborhood do you want this to be at well so right now we do already have the date and uh locations it's actually next wednesday the 21st

so we can't quite help on that it's a little fast wednesday the 21st we're open to delaying it it's already been pushed back several months because we didn't want anyone to think it was like a halloween thing or a holiday party thing you know what i think you do, Luke? Yeah. You find an annual date that makes sense with wigs and suits. I think push it. Yeah. Push it. Give us a minute. We'll promote it. Yeah. You'll get I mean, who gives a shit, right? Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. I would pick a new day. Memorial Day weekend. Great. Yes. What do you think of that? We can do that, yeah. Why don't you just, you come up with that date,

but this way, I mean, we can help you out. I do have an alt pitch. I love suits and wigs. Okay. But I think a way to maybe make this a little bit more of an event is year three, four, suits and wigs. You know what I mean?

We've done it. What if every year you're pitching something that is two things that don't go together as an outfit and you kind of unveil it a few weeks before the next annual party day? Such as? Such as nuns with swords. Such as doctors with capes. such as gymnasts with fangs but every year you reveal your kind of oxymoronic costume idea and the first one is wigs and suits yes but next year drum roll everybody this year yeah yeah nuns with swords and you know what do you think of that i gotta say

i put the paper down because garfman just hit a grand slam and it's the bottom of the ninth and everyone's cheering i might be holding the bat warming up now i'm thinking about going to the bar i don't have to work with a wig i mean what do you think about this year it's uh suit it's uh wigs and suits but every year on that same time it's a different one and part of the fun is if you miss it you're not in the photos because you create an instagram you got to take a ton of photos but the idea of you know nuns with swords you guys walk into a bar it's going to make the entire bar get excited i i love that idea especially like keeping it fresh every year yeah um coming up with like different suggestions from the group maybe okay are you into pushing it

a little bit and finding a date so that we could push this out first and you create an instagram and we'll tag it and just to see if you can get some other LA people. Yeah, absolutely. Well, what do you think? Actually, hold on. What do you think about creating a website that we do through Squarespace that we create for you and we create your first website that you post along with it? We will get a square friendly.

We'll get Squarespace connected. We'll build one really fast and We'll get Squarespace connected. We'll build one really fast, and we'll send it to you. What do you think of that? Oh, I love that. I love that, guys. All right.

Well, Luke, it sounds like we've got the idea for you. Yeah. And it sounds like we're closing in on the idea. Last part of it, you're invading a bar. You guys are party cicadas. Unfortunately, that's just

what it's going to be. Every year, you also have a suitcase that has three extra outfits of everything that you're everyone else is wearing that if you're at the bar, someone seems like they like what they're seeing, but they're a little overwhelmed. Guess what? You can join the party because we got an extra sword and an extra non outfit for you, Ralph, the regular. OK. right, Luke. And, Luke, that is your job. You are the host. Yes.

So you have extras for people. Heavy is the head. Yeah, I was already planning on bringing extra wigs just in case. I love it. Well, there you go. Just in case indeed. And, you know, in specific bars to kind of create, you of create a variety of vibes, where we move from maybe a sports bar to a little bit more upscale.

Luke, that's all going to be in your blueprint. Let me tell you one of my favorite industry terms, don't talk past the clothes. Hey, Luke, thanks for calling. We appreciate you. We will help you promote this party. We're excited for suits and wigs. Thank you for calling, buddy. Thank you, guys. Love it.

Love you. Today's episode is sponsored by Booking.com aka Booking. Yeah. that's right jake uh listen as you know i'm on the road currently in a hotel currently that i booked on booking.com previously and you told us that i don't fair nope i don't want to get into that it's too much i just want to say how great but no go ahead.

Well, you said it's pretty funny. So the stand up places book most of your nights. But on the layover night, when you don't have the club book in it, you needed to book your own space. And you said, I used booking.com. And it was so easy. Well, we said, well, this is the goddamn commercial. No, you also pointed out that I have a room with two beds because when I pay for it

Luke, who's my opener he and I share a room because, you know, you try to save money on the road, which is why I use Booking.com and another thing that's great about Booking.com is this situation without the two beds that I booked on Booking.com becomes a lot more

Three Stooges-esque if it's one bed. So I get the two beds that I booked on booking.com becomes a lot more Three Stooges-esque if it's one bed. So I get the two beds. They make it easy on you. You know what you're going to get when you show up. You're very familiar. It doesn't matter if you're looking for a remote mountain cabin or a relaxing beach resort or a hotel that you share with a guy you met in college. There's a multitude of choices you can get at booking.com i agree and i was just told when my kids spring break is and my wife said we have nothing planned if you want to plan something and i thought oh i didn't realize this is uh gonna be on the old jakester and i'm gonna go to booking.com and in your head when you figure out a weird four days to keep everybody busy so the kids don't drive me nuts.

So booking. Yeah. Save me. There we go. So this spring, check out booking.com for your ideal hotel or vacation home. No matter where you go in the U.S. Book whoever you want to be on booking.com. Booking.com.

Booking. Yeah. Booking.com. Booking.com. Booking. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by another food place because we are true fat boys. We like to eat over here. Because you have to say.

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I don't like Gareth. Come on, everybody. Joint factor. I eat them in the garage. Jake's my buddy. I don't like Gareth. Let's do it. Hello. Hi. This is a follow-up. Hi. This is a follow-up, and Gareth and I do not know. We don't remember which one it is, so can you say your name?

And can you remind everybody of the call? Right. Yeah. my name is zach um and i was the one who i was the one who shed in the woods yes yes yes take over so zach uh you and your friends when were younger, you were at like a soccer field or something like that. Are you New Zealand? Yeah, New Zealand. New Zealand. And you had to take a shit. So you went off near.

There was nowhere to go to the bathroom. So you just took a shit in the wild, basically. And it has followed you and your friend group forever. It's kind of become this stigma with you. You're the guy who took a shit in the wild basically and it has followed you in your friend group forever. It's kind of become this stigma with you. You're the guy who took a shit over there. You kind of can't get away from it. Was there a nickname or anything like that or am I just pining for that? No, no, no.

My friends aren't creative enough for a nickname. Zach, what was our advice to you? I remember. I know you do. Your advice was I should make i have to make them shit themselves as well you have to make them take a shit in the wild to get it off of you and so zach yeah the floor is yours walk us through what has happened and what did since

our call yeah what'd you do and where are we at? And take your time. Gareth is very excited. I need a little bit of background. I have a friend who is a police officer, and I found that it is extremely illegal to give people laxatives without them knowing. Okay. If you tell a cop it is, yeah. Well, that's, yeah.

And so we had to scrap that damn it i am okay we had to get we had to get more creative um what'd you do so what did i do um allegedly by the way everything in our podcast is allegedly it All title. Yeah. Allegedly with Garrison Jake. Yeah. Okay. So allegedly this is maybe what somebody named Zach did, but who knows? Yeah. That might not even be my name.

Who knows? Zach, you're edging us. Take us to the promised land. By the way, Zach, that might not even be your accent. You might be from the Bronx. He's from Kentucky. Tell us, Kentucky, what'd you do? By the way, Zach, let's really fast. Let's hear your Southern American accent. Go ahead. Three, two, one. Go ahead. Okay. It's not good. Three, two, one. Go

ahead. Really good. Wow. Wait, hold on. Hold on. Let's hear it. Let's hear a partner. I allegedly gave you some laxatives with your Southern accent, three, two, one, let's go. Partner, I allegedly gave you some laxatives. Not bad, actually. All right, Zach, floor is yours. What happened allegedly? Now we don't know what country you're from, what your name is. You could be anybody.

We have our trips often, and we went back to the promised land, actually. So the place where, actually. Okay. So the place where it happened. Right. And I offered to cook one night. Good. Because I'm so kind. Wait, you took Coke?

Cook. Cook. No, I offered to cook. Oh, I thought you said, I took Coke one night because I'm kind, and I'm like. By the way. I've never had a guy I took Coke one night because I'm kind. By the way. I've never had a guy who does Coke call themselves kind for blowing lines. By the way, you want to get someone taking a poop, give them some Coke, allegedly. Yeah.

Okay. So you decided to cook one night. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I almost didn't even have to do anything to it because I'm just not a very good cook. But maybe I just did it a little worse than usual. And we were just about to go back to the field to play football again.

So it worked out so much better than I could have imagined, actually. I got three of them. Wait, wait, wait. What did you cook? I cooked... This is the weirdest horror movie I've ever

been part of. I feel like I'm talking to Buffalo Bill. I got three of them. So what did you cook? I just cooked some sausages and some meat patties. Okay, so you cooked a bunch. You filled your friends with meat, and this was the same day that you were going to go play some soccer?

But did you, allegedly, did you put any laxatives in? I'm not saying you did or you didn't, but could there have been a laxative in the mix? Not in the meat, but I cooked the meat good, but then they weren't expecting the dessert. What was the dessert? And I made some brownies. Oh, yeah. So you brought up the whole thing with the cop because maybe the brownies were just bad brownies.

Maybe the eggs were weird. They were. I'm not a baker. I'm just not a baker. Okay, so you made some meats and brownies. You then everybody. And then his friends made some meats and brownies. And then you're going to go play football.

And what happens zach we get to the location still no public toilets thankfully and about 20 minutes in a couple of them start feeling a little bad start feeling weird weird and obviously they start making jokes about it because this is the place where it happened to me right and what kind of jokes were they making zach you remember oh maybe it's just the place maybe it's cursed oh and what are you thinking what are you thinking while this is happening i'm thinking you have no idea you have no idea. Okay. And within the next five minutes, we were half a group. Really?

So you really had three go off and have to take wild shits in the place that gave you your problem from the beginning? Absolutely. It's one of my greatest success stories. Hold on. Can I say something yeah sometimes our show is more jake heavy sometimes it's more gareth heavy sometimes it's more the guest heavy this is a gareth call yeah but sometimes when one of us will do a pitch and it'll work we'll laugh after and go like i wonder if that's gonna happen this is a gareth reynolds special you got three guys taking dumps in in a wood right where you did it's gratifying for sure this is a big this is a big win for our show it's disgusting but a big win listen again we we are like are, like I said, we're the Ghostbusters.

The room might be demolished, but we're going to try to trap whatever we can. So, Zach, at any point, are they like, what is going on? I mean, three of them taking a shit on the same event. It's quite a coincidence. Are any of them? It's quite a coincidence. Are any of them... When the dust is settled, they do

ask, okay, what's going on? And what do you say? I said, I don't know, maybe I'm just not a baker. They're pretty sure I did something to the brownies, but it's all allegedly.

Of course it's allegedly. All he's told us is that he's not good at baking they sure not i hope i'm not no you tried your hardest he sure did i tried my hardest i i had followed a recipe yeah you know and so zach sorry about that and so so, Zach. We're all sorry. Is your nickname gone? Have we solved the initial problem? I am pleased to say that nobody likes to talk about it anymore. Well, here's what's great.

Here's what's great. Even if there is a little controversy over this in your group doesn't matter we are where we are there are now four people who shit in that field and you're just one of them you're in a community now yes i'm just one of them i'm i'm the trade center, really. You are. You are the OG. They're just copycats. So I got to say, you know, again, we've made this very clear. The advice might not be right. Yes. It might not be good.

Right. Right. But we are going to try to help solve the problem. And it feels like on this one, Zach, your problem has been solved. We're ringing the bell. It has been solved. It's crazy. I mean, we have framed it as drunk uncles at the bar, and I don't know if there is a more apropos version of that. He cooked his buddies sausages and meats and brownies. Three guys in the middle of a game went like i gotta take a dump and he's sitting there going like victory is mine because he's no longer the guy in the group of friends who took

his shit in the woods you are now in a group of friends where a big chunk of you guys have taken a shit in the same woods jake can you imagine going out with a friend group and someone there is cooking you sausages and feeding you brownies before you go play a sport? There's so much I can't relate to on this one. And this is why I say this is a Garf Reynolds special day. Let's just say this, Zach. We're obviously very happy say this, Zach. We're obviously very happy that this worked

out. We did get rid of the problem. We're here to help and we actually did. We're just very happy that you've come out of this and more proud we could not be. In closing, Zach, legally, is there anything you want to

say about the Brownies in case your friends hear it i'm really sorry guys i thought i was better at cooking brownies fair enough that is the official statement he's just don't eat his brownies he's bad at cooking them zach we appreciate the call to your group of friends zach's no longer the guy who shits in the woods. I think you all are. You've got a gang. All the best, Zach. Thank you for the call. All right, bud.

See ya. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt, and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKean. Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakio, and our video editor is John DeBruin. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh, and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I dot com. The album artwork is by James Fosdyke. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fosdyke, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand-up on the road, go to garethreynolds.com. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com.

All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only, and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.