We're Here to Help - 7: We’re Dealing with Michael Jordan
Episode Date: September 7, 2023Jake and Gareth talk to a caller about their role in an adult rec league. Later, they get a different POV from the D&D group of episode 1. Check out our We’re Here to Help sweatshi...rts, hats, and tote bags at heretohelppod.com!Want to call in? Email your question to helpfulpod@gmail.com.If you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Follow the show on Instagram @HereToHelpPod and TikTok also at @HereToHelpPodAdvertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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all right here we are we're here to help the podcast. Another episode, Jake. What episode?
We're really doing it.
Gareth, what episode are we at?
Because you always say the number and you started smiling.
So we both know.
Why do you hold these things?
We both know you thought, because last time we had one, it started and you said six.
And in post, Kevin put in seven, right?
Opposite.
Well, that was a bad thing for you to say.
Oh, I screwed it up. Damn it. That throws me off. Seven. This is seven. Kevin, what seven, right? Opposite. Well, that was a bad thing for you to say. Oh, I screwed it up.
Damn it, that throws me off.
Seven.
This is seven.
Kevin, what episode is this?
Seven.
Seven.
Aha!
Well, we got a great one on seven.
I'm excited about this one.
It's our first follow-up.
Yeah, well, let's also say, Jake,
that we really appreciate everyone listening
and everyone who's sharing and all that stuff
because the show
is doing pretty well and we really do appreciate it and um and we're getting some great emails
as well we had some killer ones we recorded this morning that were yeah funny um but yeah we have
we have two calls today um the first one involves uh i guess the the issue of aging and athletics to some extent jake that's a good way
of putting it and also you know what we all just watch with and we've all been watching with coach
deon sanders in colorado yes what it means to be a leader yes and what a team needs to go from last
place the buffaloes were last year to this year, and that's leadership.
And so it's somebody asking about,
should they fill that role?
I guess.
And our set,
it's a great call.
We're excited.
We're going to get a followup on that too.
But our second call today,
you got to listen to episode one before you listen to this one.
Yeah.
So if you had not listened to the first one,
uh,
about the D and D game, you need to, because the first one uh about the dnd game you need to because
the star of that game comes on yeah we land i mean we had zoe last episode and now we have
we got the biggest fish in it we got the biggest fish in the goddamn game we got a big fish we got
a big week this is the one where you know every podcast once in a while, we'll have Bruce Springsteen on.
You'll go, whoa.
They got Barack.
You get Obama.
Yeah, exactly.
We beat you fools.
We got TukTuk.
We got TukTuk.
I just said it.
We got TukTuk.
And I hope TukTuk's ready.
I hope TukTuk's ready to have all these other podcasts clawing to try to get TukTuk on the show.
And Tuk, don't go on him.
Don't go on him.
You're too good.
Set your rate.
Set your rate set your
rate thank you so we got a great show we're really excited uh what are you gonna say garth no i was
just gonna say it's it it's quite a little world we're creating so uh it's very enjoyable and uh
and yeah like i said email if you have a problem helpful pod at gmail.com and thank you for
listening and thank you and one last thing gareth is going to the
united kingdom on monday to me yes i'll be doing shows all over the uk and ireland go to gareth
reynolds.com and uh you can get a seat i promise don't miss that show it's gonna be funny everybody
hello this is russell russell well welcome to We're Here to Help with Jake and Gareth.
We normally start off with asking the name. You've done the heavy lifting.
How old are you and where are you?
I'm 33 and I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
And what can we do for you, Russell? Why are you calling?
we do for you, Russell? Why are you calling? Well, I had, I've been thinking about, I guess,
a little dilemma or a quandary here about my adult rec soccer team here in Minneapolis. And we've been playing together for years and years and years. And, you know, we're getting up there at
33 for adult rec sports. Good kids.ake and i your kids that's fair enough
sometimes the knees don't feel like it but okay i hear you i hear you the line i want to toe is you
know somewhere between taking it too serious and and not taking it serious at all you know i want
it to be more than just someone's monday night exercise i want it to be, you know, I want to have some buy-in and stuff,
but I don't want to say, you know, hey, guys, we're going to be practicing
or, you know, give a like a pump-up speech before the game
that everyone says, okay, that's doing too much.
You know what I mean?
I'm going to interrupt you.
I'm 100% with you, Russell.
I know the exact zone.
I feel it about poker nights. Okay. I'm not looking for everyone to be a champion but when it's someone's turn
and they're in a five minute story about what happened to them in traffic i'm like make your
fucking bet yes yes this is it so i need i need that line and it's like okay are we how do i do
it are we going out for beers after do we do like an
award ceremony at the end of the season what's the right line to tell hmm oh this is a good one
yeah this is interesting do you feel like i have a good audience for it yeah do you feel like do
you feel like you've ever taken it too seriously and it's kind of been not embarrassing but you kind of overstepped
a little has that happened yeah like for instance maybe maybe the story i told there the example of
given a pre-game pump-up speech before uh you know wednesday night wasn't quote-unquote playoff game
yeah uh-huh that didn't really fall too well but uh, you know. Can we get a sample?
Yeah.
Can you give us a little taste of what that speech was?
We're on the pitch here.
I'm gathering them around.
Okay, I go, all right, fellas, take a knee, take a knee.
Yeah, Chris, you too.
Yeah, take a knee.
All right.
This is the revenge tour.
This is the pinnacle of the revenge tour.
We all remember what happened last session.
We don't want it to go that way.
This is it right here.
We know how to play this team.
They beat us last time because we were a little shorthanded.
Caleb, we're not going to hold that against you,
but you know what I mean.
And that's more or less how it went.
That's a fired up speech.
I'm ready to go beat.
I'm going to go whip some ass on that court.
Let's go.
Russell, can I ask, did you win or lose that game?
We won the game.
We won the game.
Okay.
Interesting.
But you felt that some people were like, buddy, just come on.
Yeah.
There was a little side.
I could sense a side eye.
So walk me through this for a second, Russell.
What is the vibe of your teammates?
So for the most part, we've all been playing together for, you know,
10, 12 years, more or less on this team.
People come, people go, but it's kind of the same group of friends.
We get, you know, we get new jerseys every few years.
We're called taking cookies FC.
It's just an inside joke from college. You know, it's all that whole gamut.
But we've just started to inject some youth into the team,
little brothers joining their friends. So we now have some, you know,
some early to mid twenties and that's where it's hard to tell that line. That's where
the kind of the question came. Oh, so your generation is kind of, you guys are all on
the same page, but the new generation, are they not taking it as seriously?
It's in between. I think, I think it's there. They see our passion. They see how much fun we have't go i don't want to be that weird
old guy but i'm that weird old guy and i want these young kids to realize they gotta fucking
play this game those kids those 20 year olds you i think you dive so far in and i think you go to
them and you say like hey you know being part of taking Cookies FC means something. I don't know if you know this, but we've been doing this since you were nine years old, my man.
And we have been building something, and we would like you with us.
But we got to know, are you with us?
And if they go, I don't know, man, I'm looking to get some exercise, and say, give me your jersey.
Take it off your back.
I need this speech.
This is what I'm going to play for the next
Revenge Tour right here
Russell I mean it a hundred
Percent I think you need
To be the guy who
Cuts the fat off of this team a little
Bit and says to people
Who are not sure the tone
You can't go too far
On this team we're looking for commitment
If you miss an open shot i'm not
mad at you as long as you tried your hardest but if you're out here gunning and you love taking
cookies as much as we do then you're a member of this team but if you're half in half out
i need your jersey back there's another number 11 out there
god damn i'm ready to put my head through a wall here i love it what are you
thinking here bud well i i think i mean you're responding well to that so i think i would go
with that i think i think you know there is this complex the older you get the fear of being a weird old guy is so it's just always there and so it's only going to get
amplified when you inject young blood into the team but i think if you own it and you're kind
of like look some of you might think it's crazy that i want to give pre-game speeches but this
fucking matters to me i know that it maybe is, not everybody looks at this as the Super Bowl,
but I want to win. I want to be a
champion. Let's fucking do this.
And I think if you bring the passion
you're talking about, I think then you're kind
of covered, you know?
Right. And you're probably
overthinking it more than that. It's fun to care about
though. Yeah. And I've
played in a rec league before and like
at younger than that, but still, I mean, we took it seriously. I mean, everybody took it seriously.
and I said, yes, but I need every single person in this basketball league to have matching jerseys and shoes. And I oversold how many celebrities were in the league. So there was a four year
period where a bunch of like, you know, mid thirties guys were playing basketball in matching
sneakers, blue and white reversible Nike jerseys. And what it did for the game was it took the level
of intensity to a whole nother level because now getting one of those jerseys meant something
and then when you put it on you tried your hardest i've never personally cared about
how good people are because i am not a killer athlete but i do care about intensity level
if i'm doing a game, if I'm doing something
with a group of people and one person's half in and half out and wants to talk about the dinner
they had, it's ruining the fun for me. So if you're all in the same bit together, then win or
lose, you guys are fired up. I wouldn't do a speech every game. I wouldn't turn it into a show,
but if you feel like the team needs it, then let it rip,
man. And if somebody can't handle
it, then get off the fucking team.
Gentlemen, I love it.
This is the kick
I needed. I'm going to lean in here.
I'm going to lean in. And this is good because
we have full kits coming in the
mail right now. We finally paid for a
graphic designer, all this.
Russell, every team needs a heart.
Every team needs a leader.
Without it, it falls apart.
And remember, when you gave that playoff speech, you won the game.
I mean, you know, maybe it's good.
Maybe it's the secret sauce.
No, okay.
Let me ask you guys this.
secret sauce no okay let me let me uh let me ask you guys this if if what's a good uh uh end of season award like a funny fun something you know i don't know and it doesn't even have to be
soccer specific i would do a few things for the awards right you're gonna want the fun silly stuff
but this shit isn't fantasy football it's not like you gotta wear a goofy outfit and humiliate
yourself if what you're saying is you want people to take it seriously one of those awards needs to be the mvp and it
doesn't go for the nicest or the sweetest or the guy who bought fucking brownies it's the most
valuable player then you had go defensive player of the year. Then I'll do another one that says leader of assists.
Then I would do one, the hardest hustler.
Then I would do glue of the team.
And then I would go guy who looks the worst in shorts, right?
A few gags at the end.
And best speeches and give that one to yourself.
end and best speeches and give that one to yourself i thought jake had already pegged me with the hardest hustler don't be afraid to give yourself one or two or three of these you could be
do not feel you can be moonlight at the osc you can just sweep it let's go that's true that's true
look it's all i got left i'm hustler. I don't have the skills.
But I'm going to run around it. But Russ, I'm going to give you real advice about the awards
thing because I actually think it'll help. Here's what I would do. I would come up with a bunch of
real awards like MVP. And when you suggest it, the younger group's going to laugh at you. And
the way you vote on it, I want it to be a secret ballot. Right. And I'm going to tell you what's
going to happen is people are going to go like Russellsell's a goober dude he wants us to do defensive player of the year ha ha ha
and then when they don't win anything and somebody else wins something and they have to go well deep
down scott was a better defender than me but i used to do defense in high school i'm better than
scott that person's got to go home and look in the mirror and go i didn't give it my all all i got was fat as calves i got most likely to be bald by next season fat
as calves is great you know do a couple ones that are humiliating most likely to get another earring
and then you do another one where you go literally the mvp go like hardest worker, most improved.
And everybody does a secret ballot.
And you ask your original crew, your friends, like, guys, please take this seriously.
Let's see what happens.
And then you do the night when you're all at the bar.
And you give people their awards.
It's beautiful.
I didn't start this conversation with the notes app open but it's open
and i'm good good russell good luck man i think you're in good shape and i think the team needs
you hey i appreciate it well you know how uh rob and ryan reynolds bought a team and made a
documentary about it yeah there's a real chance we're gonna put some money into taking yeah i
really hey i'll send you guys the link.
You'll have some follows on Instagram.
Send us the link.
We're going to get some jerseys.
When we walk out on the field and we're like,
I can't believe we're all the way in Minneapolis.
I mean, it's just what I didn't understand was that how many lives we would affect.
It's crazy.
There's nobody there.
And you'll hear one speech from me
and you'll just run home.
Well, just thank you so much for having us russell this was a major disaster jake's wife's not talking to him
yeah i don't know why i'm wearing a soccer jersey and i'm in minneapolis on a wednesday night i have
to make better life decisions yeah yeah look all of us will at that point. We charter a private jet.
We'll win the whole, a lot of money.
Russell, good luck, man.
You're the leader of that team.
Take you guys to the championship.
Win something big.
Hey, thanks to those big fans all the way.
Today's episode is brought to you by Babbel.
That's right, Jake.
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kevin doors open all right oh you meant gill yeah i meant kevin what kevin was gonna do it no i
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We were.
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Oh, we can't leave.
Well, what's the problem?
Go ahead.
So that old jalopy is Gil's?
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This episode is brought to you by ZocDoc.
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Well, it means a lot because, as you know, my mother was in town for a while.
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I did use ZocDoc for my knee, which I am going to get an MRI on.
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That's the good news.
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You're on with Jake and Gareth.
Can we ask your name, your age, and where you are?
I am Abby.
I'm 31, and I'm in Indiana.
Oh, Indiana.
Are you near Bloomington?
I'm actually in Fort Wayne, but I technically live in Bloomington.
Interesting.
And Abby, do you happen to play Dun and dragons i do so happen yes oh do
you happen to be tube talk uh tube talk yes oh wow welcome to the pod abby wow abby this is i'm Oh, Abby. I'm starstruck. So I was given to believe.
You know, I don't have the full transcript,
but I did hear from Shannon who you spoke into.
So, Abby, let us break down what we know,
and then we want to get your side of everything.
And maybe a little backstory.
So Shannon called in. She is part of your D& maybe a little backstory. So Shannon called in.
She is part of your D&D game.
Yep.
And she wanted some nerd clout
and decided to create a character
with a German accent named Wilhelmina.
She, at the same time, said that you,
her friend in real life,
were creating an Irish character named Tupac.
I don't know that he's Irish,
but the accent is supposed to be.
Okay, okay.
Right.
And that there was another woman named Rachel,
who's also a mutual friend,
who was creating a Southern character.
Shannon told me when the game started,
you, Abby, with Tuk Tuk's Irish accent, got all the attention, which you just loved, Abby.
Rachel shit the bed.
Nobody liked it.
And she abandoned.
And then when Shannon started Vilamina, it got no attention.
I'm so curious as to this fabrication.
So she called us with help, with her character,
to make Wilhelmina more exciting than the king of the game,
Little Tuptak.
So that is where we stand, Abby.
Can you please break down your side of the story for this game
because what's happening in this bloomington indiana dnd is blowing up it's a big story
people are talking well let's see uh i don't want to say it's all a damnable lie, but.
Ooh, interesting.
That is a term.
I'm so curious as to the picture that was presented.
Well, you're the best of the accents.
You're getting all the acclaim.
But I want to also hear, Abby, in terms of just hearing that backstory,
what do you make of it?
Is it true?
Is it false? Is it false?
If it's false, you tell us.
We were on Team Shannon before, but now we're talking to you.
We're free agents.
I'm on Team.
This is a plot.
This was a plot against me.
Ooh.
Yeah.
I think there was maybe some jealousy there.
Maybe some jealousy there.
Definitely.
But she was just like, well, your accent landed better, but that's because you just watched
Banshee's Adventist Sharon and had it fresh in your mind.
Okay.
So, okay.
And how do you think your, and how do you think the game has reacted to your accent
and your character?
I think we're all living in the realm of mediocrity, really,
when it comes to accent.
Now, my character, I would say, is the popular character.
My character, he's a goblin bard.
The rest of the party, they're all like 6'5",
and Tuk Tuk is hovering in between 3 and 4 feet tall.
Little guy.
But he's a bard.
So they're performers.
Sure.
When you're in the comfort of your friend group, you're like, yes, I'll do a silly accent and play a character that supposedly could do music when I cannot play an instrument or sing.
Well, that's the beauty of D&D.
You don't have to.
Is it too early, Jake?
Is it too early to hear from Tuk Tuk?
I don't want to hear it yet.
I still feel like I need more info. Okay. All right. Keep going. have to is it too early jake is it too early i don't want to hear i don't want to hear yet okay
okay i still feel like i need more info okay all right and so you've created to talk who's
three foot tall the rest are about six eight he has become the star of the game do you agree with
that because that's what shannon said he um i think i think that's the jealousy speaking. Interesting. I mean, it's a team game, so everyone has their moments.
Can I ask you a quick question, Abby?
What did you think of Rachel's Southern accent?
Well, we've played multiple campaigns, D&D campaigns together,
Rachel, Shannon, and I, and a few of our other friends.
So when we were going into it rachel's
like i'm gonna do an accent this time and we've been playing with her a while and we're like
are you though are you really so rachel's a bit of all talk i think she's truly trying like i
but she honestly can't tell like is she still doing the accent? No, Rachel abandoned it right away.
If we ask her, she might say, yes, she is.
If we ask her, she'd be like, but I am trying to do it.
So it's so subtle, you can't even tell.
And what did you think about Shannon's velimina?
Yeah.
Well.
Honest opinions here.
Abby, all we're doing is honesty here.
Yeah. I knew what it was supposed to be right we talk about our character dynamics with each other so
i knew what it was supposed to be right and i withhold judgment because if you asked me to
also do a german accent i'd be like i don't got one. Yeah, respect. Sure. Respect. But you would agree that Shannon doesn't either, basically.
Yeah.
And then...
All right, that's okay.
When you did Toop Talks, right away did you feel from the group that the character came more to life?
Oh, I don't know.
I tried to play all different types of characters so but is it safe to say
that tube talks your greatest character yeah uh he is my son my baby child my my tiny wonderful
little baby uh he's very baby boy but uh i love all my children equally. Okay. Diplomatic. Can we hear you two talk?
Oh, Lord.
You know, as soon as you're like,
all right, now perform.
And you're like,
every single sound.
Here's what we really want, Abby,
is it's,
I just want to get a taste of your baby boy,
your sweet little baby.
And I want to,
because what we realized in talking with Shannon
was there was a shannon and there
was a villamina and they were not the same thing but big time it took a little bit
and so on this podcast what we're looking to do is we're not looking for you to feel like you
abby are on the spot and you abby need to to perform. We would like to talk to Tupac about these characters.
Is that possible?
Is Tupac available?
Is Tupac there?
Oh, goodness.
Oh, hello.
Hello, Tupac.
Is this Tupac?
Ostensibly.
Tupac.
Wow.
Can I?
This is Jake and Gareth.
We're on a podcast. we're here to big fan
really i've heard otherwise i've heard threats were made against my person
no well actually tube talk i might have said i heard violence was suggested
okay wow to talk can i be honest i did make a threat against you, actually.
I did.
When I was talking to Vilamina, I said I think I was going to strangle little Tutak.
Wow.
Because you're less than four feet tall, and I thought I had size on you.
Because I do walk around at about 190 pounds, Tutak.
Yeah.
Wow.
Never met me.
Threatened me a lot.
Can I sincerely apologize to you right now?
Are you open to accepting that?
Hmm.
I don't know that I'm the forgiving type.
I totally respect that.
Wilhelmina wouldn't hurt me.
But if she killed me then she'd make sure I was dated.
Can I ask you, Tube Talk, what you feel about Vilhelmina?
Do you mean her German-ness?
Or as a character?
How about both?
Both, Tube.
Well, we're the elders of the group.
Wait, Tube, can I ask you a question?
And I really hope that Abby doesn't answer this.
I hope Tube Talk does.
Go ahead.
Are you the greatest character in the game you're currently playing?
Are you way better than Vilamina?
Well, if anyone's killed anyone in the game,
it is me.
Okay.
So you're the most powerful.
On accident.
Interesting.
Okay, but you still murdered somebody.
But it was by accident. accident well everyone was helping murder okay so this was like a group murder they weren't people they were monsters
i've greatly enjoyed um the shorthand jake has with you calling you to and um i just want to
point out that i really am enjoying that uh element the way that Jake, Jake, I mean, I can tell you, I know Jake, he feels close to you.
I mean, that's coming across here the way, you know, there's definitely like, it's a friendly shorthand.
We've moved past the threat. We're buddy-buddy now.
Well, Tube Talk, I said that I was going to strangle that little guy, maybe drag him down the river.
I can't remember exactly what I said, but the thing that I want to say now that I'm talking to you is I
understand why Shannon felt threatened by the work you're doing on this
game,
because this is a very strong and exciting character.
And most of this show is people calling in,
asking questions.
But my question to you tuk
tuk is what can we do better as hosts of this podcast in order to have more success you are so
wise goodness it's a lot well we don't have podcasts in whatever fancy land I'm invariably occupying.
Sure.
So don't know what advice I'd give.
Perfect.
Except maybe Abby wants to speak now.
Okay, let's bring Abby back.
Okay, hand the phone back to Abby.
Yeah.
Abby?
Yeah, I'm good.
Wow, that was...
Can I just jump in? Because I think this call is going to end pretty quickly, in my opinion, and I'm going. Wow, that was... Can I just jump in?
Because I think this call is going to end pretty quickly, in my opinion,
and I'm going to tell you why.
Abby, you've done some great work with Tube Talk.
That is a phenomenal character.
I understand Shannon, and I would say in terms of your game,
have empathy and love for Shannon,
because she did not call with any anger any resentment towards you she has a
lot of jealousy towards this incredible tupac character and god damn it she should in my
business every once in a while as an actor you get on set and there is a train coming at you i did a
scene with jk simmons in a movie called ride the eagle and then after the scene the director said
hey jake you didn't act,
you were just watching. And I said, it's because he's better than me. And unfortunately,
Toot Talk is the J.K. Simmons of your game. He is just on another level.
Yeah, but a rising tide lifts all boats. So I think, you know, it's kind of like,
look, you're the Rolling Stones, but, you know, the who can still exist.
You're right.
So, yes, I think, you know, I like it.
It's competitive.
I like that you're making Villamina step up her game.
But obviously, yeah, we're dealing with, you know, we're dealing with a professional.
We're dealing with Michael Jordan here.
Yeah, Michael Jordan got on the call as soon as we, you know, too, because Jake calls you, got on the call.
And we knew what was going on right away. So, Abby, in conclusion from our end, thank you for calling.
And in terms of finishing Shannon's call on this, could you just have a lot of compassion
and could you maybe push Rachel to commit a little bit more with her Southern accent?
Yeah. It's in or out. Yeah. Because if you three are firing at the level that you seem to be naturally firing,
Shannon was firing at the end because I got to tell you, Vilamina became a whole nother woman
by the end of that call and was scary and exciting. And I think in our last session,
I was like, oh, I think her accent is stronger. Oh, yeah. She stepped it up.
think her accent is stronger.
Oh, yeah. She stepped it up.
Can I ask you one quick question?
What was your reaction when Shannon told you that
you needed to call a podcast
with Tube Talk
to update a couple of guys?
What was Abby's reaction to that
update? So she told me first
that... Oh, okay, so you knew.
She was like...
Yeah, she told me first off uh she's like oh yeah they
were picking beef with tube talk and i was like my son my boy can you do us a favor before we uh
hang up because our next caller is ready could you say thank you for listening to we're here to help
this is tube talk signing off thank you for listening we're here to Help. This is Tube Talk signing off.
Thank you for listening to We're Here to Help.
This is Tube Talk signing off.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Thank you, Abby.
Thank you, Tube Talk.
It's an honor in both accounts.
Tube Talk, I'm a huge fan.
Abby, keep up the great work.
Huge fan.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Bye.
We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. Thank you.com.
And if you'd like to be on our show,
please email us at HelpfulPod at gmail.com.
That was a HateGum Podcast.