We're Here to Help - 90: Hunk With a Little Chunk

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

Jake and Gareth talk to callers about curtains, a dad’s Instagram and a boyfriend’s bad band. Later, they follow up with the first caller from episode 46 “A Face for Animated Spider-Man with Stavros Halkias.” Pic discussed in ep:Follow-UpWe’ve got new merch! Check it out HEREWant to call in? Email your question to [e-mail] (Early Access, Bonus Calls and Q&As): Patreon.com/HereToHelpPodVIDEO: Youtube.com/@HeretoHelpPodMERCH: heretohelppod.comINSTAGRAM: @HereToHelpPodTIKTOK: @HereToHelpPodIf you’re enjoying the show, make sure to rate We’re Here to Help 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts.Advertise on We’re Here to Help via Gumball.fm See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. All right, Gareth. All right, Gareth. All right, Kevin. This is a Thursday episode. We are back. It's a Monday episode. Either way, Jake, we're back. We don't do these live.

Come on. Let's be honest. We've done a couple now. Three, two, one. And we're back. Ladies and gentlemen, on a beautiful Monday. Three, two, one. Oh, and we're back. Ladies and gentlemen, on a beautiful Monday. Kevin, we are back on a Monday. We're watching Dew drip off the plants.

It's a beautiful Monday morning here in Los Angeles, California. And we are excited to be back on the show. We've got no guests. No guests. We're excited about that. Unless you count Kevin. Yeah, unless you count Kevin. We've got no guests no guests Kevin yeah Although Kevin jump in on a lot of calls No, you guys we're we have we're excited because we have

Our hundredth episode coming up so we have some exciting stuff to talk about we also on patreon now You know Gil Buchanan took a little bit of a backseat Patreon now. You know, Gil Buchanan took a little bit of a backseat. But now if you join Patreon and you want some Gil content, Gil ads, unfiltered Gil, it's a great place for the gilly beans. So go to our Patreon. But also we wanted to check in on Kevin. Our hunk with a little chunk is trying to lose some of that.

Hunk with a chunk. By trying to lose some of that chunk by the way last second title Hunk with a little chunk is a great title Brutally humbling Put on your fridge when you go in there to reach for the Rolos and the Oreos you go No, but a lot of people like hunk with a little chunk. There's chubby chasers There's a whole industry for it ask Steve Berg. That's Geez she was so hot a ten out of ten and she was for sure a chubby chaser She was loving what I was cooking. Oh, you should have seen what the makeup girl was doing

She was putting makeup all over my face. Yeah flirting with me and not giving me like and honestly I was bigger than I'd ever been I was like busting out of my denim and she was loving it. Chicks don't care, dude. It's all about who you are and how you act. Also, they like it physically. They like it. The more of me for them to love. They love it.

Something to grab onto. A little cushion for the pushin'. Yeah, a lot of cushion for a lot of cushion for not a lot of pushin'. A lot of cushion for disappointing about a cushion. A lot of cushion for a push. A lot of cushion for a disappointing about a cushion. A lot of cushion for a push. A lot of cushion for very little pushing. Kevin, you're up. It's been going well. I hit a little bit of a road bump where I went to a punk festival last weekend,

and I'm sharing a video with you guys where I got a little too close to a mosh pit, and I'm still physically recovering. You got mosh pit hurt by not even going into the mosh pit? Hold on, is that your scene? You like that? I'm getting into it more and more. A friend had an extra ticket to an all day con festival. As you age, you're getting more into mosh pits, man.

It's great. That's the right way for your body to do it. age, you're getting more into Mosh Pits and Mosh Pits. That's great. That's the right way for your body to do it. So by like 57, you're going to be fully in the scene with a bunch of violent 16 year olds who hate their parents. Both shoulders dislocated like, look at that, Iggy Pop looks great. Well, part of those Mosh Pits is like, you know, they'll nail each other and then like rubber they'll bounce back up. Yeah.

As the hunk with a little chunk ages, you'll go down and stay down in a grassy field, my man. As you say, it's probably not a good scene to get into as I get older, but it was very fun. Can I pitch you music? Yacht Rock. Yes. The Eagles are going to Vegas.

They're going to be in, and I know that because- Don Henley's joining them. And I know that because Eric Edelson has already been texting me, brother, we're going, it's magic. It's the ninth wonder of the world, brother. I have an Eagle story. My dad's a huge Eagles fan.

So am I. When I lived in Glendale with Leah a couple years ago, my parents visited and they were calling me, oh my God, Stevie Nicks is performing on Glendale Boulevard right now, get here immediately. And I was me, oh my God, Stevie Nicks is performing on Glendale Boulevard right now, get here immediately. And I was like, I don't think that's true. And then we got there and then he said,

it's actually, it's a cover band, but I couldn't tell. So he texted all of his friends and family, like I can't believe I'm seeing Stevie Nicks and Glendale, this is crazy. But Stevie Nicks connected to the Eagles walk me through that She's free with Mac. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm a young without Hi there, sir, it's a garrison Jake we have a podcast it's called we're here to Help. It's rocketing up the charts. Can we get your name, age, and where you're calling from, please?

My name is Steven. I'm 30 and I'm calling from Nova Scotia, Canada. Oh, beautiful, man. Okay, great. And Jake's here. He's quiet, but once we get into it, he will be talking. Too much. Oh, there we go What what's going on? What can we help you with? So? Recently moved in with my girlfriend here nice and Everything's been sweet

And then there's just this one thing that came up the other day where our bedroom is east-facing and it gets the morning sun it comes right in and so the other day I kind of was like well hey like why don't I go out and get get us some curtains and put up curtains and her response to that was disgusting it was a very visceral reaction to curtains. She literally said they are disgusting. Yeah, so I mean I was shocked. This was all happening in the morning filming. We were just waking up.

I love our show. I love our show. This is a great... I just want to be very clear. This is shocking. Your girlfriend hates curtains? Yeah. Allegedly, yes.

Apparently. Stephen, well here's the thing. Allegedly is even better. Here's the thing. Still I've heard. And we'll get more into this obviously, but you're writing that they block the sun, but she is writing that they're ugly. But they're like very-

Look, we all accept them. Yeah. But you take a beautiful space with windows facing the morning sun. But you know that feeling when the sun- And you want to put a beach towel over it? Yeah, but you know that feeling. First of all, that's a very classic Jake move. You know the feeling when the sun is like powering on your face to wake you up.

Oh, I'm a big curtains guy. Yeah. I'm a blackout curtains guy. I'm a blackout curtains guy too. And if I don't have them, I just get blackout drunk. That's how I handle it. Thank you very much everybody. Everybody, that's the end of the show forever

Gareth will be at the Catskills this week and I'll be at the yuckel chuck so Stephen You want you brought up curtains? How long have you been with this lovely lady? What's a name we could call her? So this is Kim and we've been together for over a year Had she's ever been you ever been around her where there's curtains in the morning? Have to. Of course. Well yeah, technically actually,

because we've been to like hotels and stuff. Okay. And what are you doing in the hotel? The curtains are going down? Everyone's fine with that? Nope, they stay up and she never mentioned it before. What about her room, her room and her place? Surely before you guys moved in,

you spent the night there curtains good question There were no there were inner curtain Okay, so this just happened because interesting all of a sudden the Sun was hitting you and you said a very Normal thing and that is we got to block that Sun and she looked at you like you were a fucking animal Yeah, yeah, she said we might as well hang blankets on the wall or a fucking animal. Yeah, yeah, she said we might as well hang blankets on the wall. Now, let me ask you this.

Is your problem twofold? Is your problem partially how do we solve the logistical light hitting you in the face problem, as well as, I mean, it's a little weird to be like, curtains, like it's a little gaslighty, to be like, what are you talking about? I don't know. Are you trying to attack that problem at all, or are you just purely looking for the logistical

pitches on how do we get the sun off of your face when you sleep? I mean, to each their own, right? And if she has this kind of reaction to curtains, I mean, that's just whatever, a quirk. You know, I would like to try and- Block the sun. ... get curtains as I feel they are the best solution. Yeah, we all do. You and 99.9% of planet earth.

They're there for a reason. Curtains have been invented because we all were like, that's crazy. Curtains work. Curtains work. But Steven, let me ask you a question then that's gonna end in you asking us a question. What is the question?

Yeah. This is a hell of a setup. How can I convince her to let me put up curtains? And I mean, I can do it myself. We don't have to even pay for anything. We just gotta go buy the thing. No, no, we know how the curtain economy works. Yeah, so this is, Stephen, this is very interesting

because I'll tell you the problem here for, just to start this pitch off, is every once in a while you realize the person you're with might be Albert Einstein yeah and she might be a goddamn genius because I know we don't have cameras here but look at that wall Gareth yeah right it looks disgusting yeah we were in a studio here with these beautiful gray walls, and then there's what looks like a theater curtain. Well, your instinct would be, sunlight is great for us. Your instinct is, we need it.

We need it. We should have it. But we have all, as people said, over this beautiful window that was built, that the architects designed for natural lights. Let's throw a disgusting theater curtain over with a gross string They have to go to the left on and we all accept it. Yeah Besides she's sweet Kim. Yeah, so okay. Yeah, I agree Kim is her heart is in the right place, but the thing with curtains right is in the morning

We can open the curtains. Yes, and we can then allow the data. This is where we're starting to pitch a version of a movable Curtain aka one of those cool Japanese privacy Like right so what like a change is this a rental or do you own it? So she owns it which is why he owns it is a big answer She buddy say hi to that son every she's So she owns it, which is why we moved in. She owns it is a big answer. Yeah, yeah. She owns it. Hey, buddy, say hi to that son every morning. Jesus Christ, my man.

You're fucked. So you moved into her place. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, I was living with roommates prior to this. Well, look. We all were. We all were.

You hit pay dirt. Yeah. You're in the big time without roommates. But you moved into an away game. Yes Here's the sadly you're gonna have that feeling forever my guy truly just lean in she's gonna be like oh, it's always like that Don't worry about it. You know what happens when you have kids you live at an away game Yeah, the away game the stadium you bought becomes an away game I I currently am playing away games every game

What was the last time you had a home game when I was alone on a vacation for work I? Got to the hotel room, and I went like this is a disgusting little hotel room. I'm alone I go this is my home stadium. This is I'm drinking coffee out of those one of those little disgusting ah There's something weird in the bathroom, and I went like home game Totally you're just like half of your bed becomes like takeout containers. Okay, this is fine I'm having a home and I teased you years not years ago But episodes ago about taking a dump with the bathroom door open yes home game home game Well, you're like that's a home game. I know very visiting no, but yes exactly yeah, but it's a nice day

I like I like the most great. I mean we we have a way there a lot play there a lot Yeah, of course, but this isn't about our weirdness This is about your weirdness. Well, okay. Here's To your answer of Kim's house. I mean, yeah, you're you can't probably not gonna be able to get it Okay, privacy screens. I got some pitches. Go ahead. Can we move the bed in another direction? Can we move can we mark can we change can we change the way the bed faces? So the bed is facing we pretend that you get into feng shui That's exact. Yes. Can we scapegoat it? Can you know it's not about the curtain? No, can you start today going?

This is so weird. The dragon's gonna get clogged. I'm getting into feng shui and then she'll go cool like the living room is perfect but you know what I could use as a plant here you know at the kitchen do you mind if I move this in the kitchen slow and then slowly the bed's in the room I like the idea of bread crumbing to then you get to the bedroom now that I've got the plants where I want them, you've got to like them. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Well, that was really great. And you go, so this is really weird, but if we move the couch 15 degrees, watch what happens. And if she goes, Oh my God, then you go, now we've got to move the bed away from the goddamn side. Steven, what is your feeling on that? Just to start.

Yeah. That's pretty, that's pretty good. I do like that The one issue I would have is like the light still gets fully into the room like it is it's a morning time There's no what do you mean? It's a big window like a bay window. Oh Yeah, it takes up like the whole wall She's doesn't she's just like live in a greenhouse all day So what's here's a question just just so we can get because the feng shui move I think was right But it's not gonna work for us here. What's Kim's vibe? What does she do for work? Who is Kim?

So Kim she's an English teacher great and you know she's she's good fun So I mean at first when she was kind of having this disgusted reaction to and saying crazy things like hanging curtains or hanging up blankets on the wall and then calling curtains like bangs. Bangs, what an insult. I thought she was joking. Yeah, I get it.

Steven, real quick, I don't wanna kill the moment. Can I hear what it's at? Can we recreate the conversation very quickly? I'll be you and you be her just so we hear the tone that we're up against. And I'll do it, Garrett. I'll be the other neighbor Janice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you maybe go back to your house? Sure, hold on, but I'm gonna spin out, cause I love to spin. Spin to the left, spin to the right.

Spin to the left, spin to the right. I also love these shoes. Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Janice, Jan Hey Kim, first of all, I can't believe you've lived next to her for so long. What a nightmare. So, I- Here I am at the window, there's no curtains! Janice! Janice! Janice!

Janice! Janice! Janice! Out of our yard, because I guess you're outside now. Alright, let me just climb up. No, don't climb up! Janice! Janice!

There's no way down Janice You're just supposed to be a small piece of pepper in this You're now the fucking broth stop This was a fake call. This was to teach you a lesson Steven come in the room You got to admit it was fun though. It's so fun. All right. All right. All right, Stephen. I'm you hey Kim God, I love it here. It's so fun. All right. All right. All right, Stephen. I'm you hey Kim. God. I love it here. It's so great I was thinking the Sun keeps kind of hitting me every time in the morning

So it kind of like wakes me same with me Janice. Sorry. I'm done I was thinking maybe we get some curtains to cover up that huge window just to maybe block out the Sun a little bit To help me sleep curtain yeah Did you just say curtain? Yeah, What do you mean? That's disgusting. What's disgusting? Curtains? What? Why would we put curtains up? They're gross. Well, we could get a nice pair that you liked and hang them just kind of block the sun out in the morning. They're like they're like all one color. That's not the color of the wall or

they're like too vibrant of a pack. Like it's an insane thing to suggest. Wow. Curtains come in a lot of different colors. How do you even clean curtains? Oh, by the way, how do you clean curtains? You can take them in somewhere. How much fight? How much fighting were you doing back during this?

Yeah, can we do one other thing really fast? Because that was way more interesting than I expected. Can you do this like a true maniac and play both parts? And we'll split Janice? Yeah, of course. Janice has a friend in town just so you know. Janice's twin sister. No, they're Chinese twins. Janice and Janice.

So just interrupt us when it starts and you're playing both parts. Okay. Hey, do you like pistachios? I love pistachios. We share a stomach. Can't interrupt us. Okay. Curtain, disgusting. Why would we do curtains? Oh, no, yeah, I can see that you don't like curtains.

Is there anything else we could do? Could you elaborate a little bit further on what's wrong with curtains? Too nice. And then she went into, well, how do you clean them? They look like bangs, and they go all the way to the floor. Because she didn't know that curtains that were like, just half, that just covered just the window existed. So she thought they all go right to the floor. Which was also a little shocking.

What the fuck? Okay. So one thing, Steve. It's shocking how little she knows about curtains. Yeah. But there's one thing, Steve. You were up against a lot. That I just got in that dynamic.

She's killing you. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. If this is a jiu-jitsu, Matt, you're a one thing Steve you were up against a lot that I just got in that dynamic. She's killing you. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, if this is a jiu-jitsu Matt, you're a one stripe white belt. She's a black belt You're the you're the Jake and she's every other student say it like that No, but it's true it it did you tell her that curtains can be cleaned and that they don't have to go to the floor I have a pitch for that. Okay, not would you I? Need you to go and I need you to tell her you're hanging curtains up. Or she's at school all day. You just put curtains up. I mean put, you know what I mean?

So when we're starting this direction, Steven, how does that make your body feel? Are we going the wrong direction? If we're saying every once in a while when you get to a new land back in the days of just grabbing territory, the way you claim it is you plant a flag. If we're saying every once in a while when you get to a new land back in the days of just grabbing territory The way you claim it is you plant a flag

You don't say I guess this is mine. Can I have this mountain as a visiting team? You want me to just kind of hang my jersey up? Yes, just say this is my mind now You know Sammy Sosa the great Chicago Cub When he started doing a lot of steroids and hitting home runs, it still wasn't his team yet. So what he did is he brought a boom box and he started blasting his music at a volume that was supposedly so unthinkably loud

that reporters couldn't even ask people questions during it and not near his locker. Cause you know what he did? He made it his locker room. This probably makes you feel uncomfortable but It it is a way to just be like boom we have curtains and or think about the kind of curtains She would like or yeah

Give give a pitch you had a minute now to recalibrate. Yes She comes home from work and say look I really want to just talk about curtains you can pick them out. We can get the color you like We can get it so they put it they get put away right as soon as we wake up Let me put a picture on this Steven there's the type of curtains that you can get that are electric Yeah, they're the best that go up and they hide in the little awning at the top. Yep It's a job, but they go away complete They go away come and they're remote and they're remote control and there's just a little trim at the top. Yep. It's a job, but they go away completely. They go away completely. And they're remote controlled.

And they're remote controlled, and there's just a little trim at the top. From your window, does that window go all the way to ceiling or is there a little bit of a space that you could hang it on in? There's the space for the curtain rod to go above the window there. You're talking curtain rod, my king.

I'm talking about a weird little box thing that looks pretty It's like a curtain garage. It's like a curtain garage. Oh, yeah, so maybe what the move is is She doesn't want something disgusting and I'll tell you why cuz Kim has a little bit of taste Yeah, so it's not wrong But is there there might be a world of showing her beautiful options. So you could say on a Friday night, present her, you know, maybe give her some wine, a back massage, a couple of cocktails. Maybe you put some lingerie on, you know, let her see what she's got at her home field. Yeah, this guy made me some linguine.

He's wearing lingerie. He's wearing lingerie. OK, something cute. Cook her something nice. Pour her her favorite glass of whatever she likes. Yep, you know, just let the smells of Delight enter her body and then go can I show you something? She thinks you're gonna show some dick pics But you're not Steven you're showing her curtains I You're not Steven. You're showing her curtains. I

Like that Steven. I think that that's I mean it take you take a real earnest approach You now know her attitude towards curtains. You can take a minute to be like look. This is means a lot to me Yeah, it's sleep. Here's another pitch. I got one more to go ahead. I masks Yep, I was thinking I'm a mask, but here's what I, okay, so let's leave that one. Yeah. Here's the follow-up to that. Okay. Start to make this a problem for you. So you wear an eye mask, you go,

I know you don't like curtains, I'll wear an eye mask. You put an eye mask on. But in the morning when the curtains are not there and the sun's hitting your face, you go, oh man. And then the next morning you say, I think I'm just gonna sleep on the couch for a little bit longer I didn't sleep because of the Sun and you start kind of making it like a kind of a problem for your mornings together yeah and see if she then comes back around

something in that Steven can you out the window can you see any other buildings mmm no we just look out onto the parking lot of the building I was gonna say you either say you caught somebody looking in yeah or you saw a beautiful naked woman the parking lot being the parking lot of the the building it's just a house you're in right no no we're in a car window okay well then I think you could say what anybody could be looking in there's a guy in a car I think I saw a guy jerking off I guess I can't our window Look this we're getting weird Steven, but you could present it as the other part of curtains are not bangs

Yeah, but you know why we have eyebrows to stop the sweat. Oh, they're not cosmetic. I'll go enough. Listen We're like we're giving you a breath. Here's another one. Mm-hmm you guys You guys have sex one night regular. I'm not I'm not I'm not into not two hours What the fuck are you talking about our 45 keep it's crazy short. Oh, is it crazy? Yeah, it is crazy Jake different guys Jake How many orgasms do you give her 12? What are you talking about? I guess we define it differently. Go on. Oh my gosh, look. Once it's over, it's anyway.

So you give her the old whatever, and then when you're done, you go, there's someone in there. I think someone was just watching us. You know? And you know how we could stop that? Curtains. Right. So curtains are also, they're not just weird rugs over windows. They are-

Protective. Protective. So we've given you a lot of- Shitloads. We've given you a lot of ingredients, but you're going to have to be the chef here, Steve. And so where are you thinking? Well, I'm liking the retractable, you know-

Okay. Right. They hide away up into the, you know- Yep. Above area. They're slick. like a long curtain garage as you guys Openly put it. I think that would be good Option there's a store in I know in California at least called the shade room I don't know if they're a chain that's up in Canada

But you can Google shade room for options and if they are not up there You could see what they're using to connect to a place near you. Yeah to picture as well but you can Google shade room for options and if they are not up there, you could see what they're using to connect to a place near you. Yeah, to pitch her as well. But those really work well. They're great. It's an easy way to do it,

but it's not like new technology. It's cool. Yeah, slow down. They're awesome. I mean, it sounds. I just stayed in a hotel with them and I was like, oh, it's the best. It's nice.

And so you're gonna go that route and what's your plan B? If she says we're not spending that kind of money because look I'll tell you what it's not. It's not a beach towel It's gonna cost you. Yeah, it's not gonna be cheap. I think plan B at this point is It's probably the sleep mask. Yeah, and then maybe just kind of make a meal out of how much How about a really? cheesy and kind of make a meal out of how much it really bothered me. How about a really cheesy sleep mask that she doesn't like? Because she's obviously a woman with big opinions, and she's obviously a woman with hot takes.

So what could be something that you know, like a sleep mask with eyes on it, that she hates? That she'll go like- A weird one. That she'll go like, take those off. And then you go like, I would, but it's literally because of the sun. And then you go, kind of dealer's choice. Do you want the eye mask or do you want curtains?

Well, you've got to pick out your own eye curtains. So, all right, you're decorating yourself. Yeah, so would you rather it on my face or on our window? It could be like naughty women pictures on the front of them So what do you what would she hate on an eye mask? I think honestly if it just had like Cartoonish eyes on it. Yeah, that's pretty time. You know you could also do you could get custom ones made of curtains. Oh great

That would be great curtains on a window where she has to look at him. She's like, oh, I hate curtains That's right. I know me too. I like that too All right, I think I think that's a winner too I think of anything I'll do a combination of the shade that retracts into a garage. Yes, and then a curtain I know yeah, will you follow up with us? I think you're gonna win here, but you got a block that son Yeah, I'll definitely follow up with you guys. I appreciate all the help. This has been fantastic Yeah, thanks so much and if and if it doesn't go well You can call back and we can even help try to pitch her for a minute. Yeah, so and also I'm still here Goodbye, we gotta go Janice. Just broke through the window. What's going on Janice? Just jump through the window and is bleeding with my sister

Bleeding. With my sister. Hey. Hello guys. Hi there. Here we go. America's number one podcast. We're here to help. Don't look it up.

Can we get your name, your age, and where you're calling from please? But the number like 350th on YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. All right, give or take. Don't count YouTube, asterisk. I'll give you a fake name. Since my husband and I are a fan of Hoops,

I'm gonna go with Opal. Oh, wow, a Hoops? Gareth was an executive producer on the show. He was, that's why he didn't come back for another season. He did many voices. I did, yes. Who did you do, do you remember? I did a weird violinist.

I did like a... A bunch. Yeah, I don't remember. A lot of a lot of, you know, a filler. Opal played by the great Cleo King. She'd be a great guest. Yes, she was. She is so funny.

OK, how old? Roughly 40. OK, and where are you calling from? I'm calling from the tri-state area. OK, well, there were a lot of protection here. We like that. OK, what's going on? So to put it shortly, I'm the oldest of three sisters and my middle sister recently informed me that my dad got an Instagram and she doesn't think he's aware that his followers aren't

private and that everybody can see them because it's all just like Instagram models and one page in particular is called women's butts. Women's butts? Oh no. Oh this is awesome. This is awesome. We were just talking about our algorithms. We were. We sent pictures of our algorithms to each other to be like this is what it offered. So your dad on Instagram is following people. He doesn't realize everyone can see it. He's just using it as a porn machine. Oh, my God.

I'm really ready. This is awesome. This is awesome. You said you're 40. So dad, seven zero. Hey, oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. Pops. I found an account called women's. I'll tell you the thing that's just disgusting and comedic about men It never ends now even when this guy tells you it's over it ain't over It's like seven years old going like I can't hit the keyboard women's

But yeah, and by the way with like porn readily available, but he's still like, what? But also why women's butts? Come on, he's a butt man. There's better surgeons. He's a butt daddy, he's a butt guy. How about being a little bit more specific, Dad? Just any women's, just a woman's. Anything, any butt in any outfit of any color and any size. So are there any other funny accounts

that you've seen seen like funny names? It looked I didn't want to really like do that deep dive because when we were younger we found his porn sash So like I want it again that can I can I ask a question if we bleep out the account name? Kevin can we bring it up and can we have a little look at what we're dealing with here? She sent a screenshot I can crop it. Okay. All right, great. Okay, so we're getting this set up. Dad looks at a lot of stuff, he doesn't know. You guys have found his porn stash in the past. That happened to my siblings and I with my dad. When he first got his own apartment,

we saw a stack of Playboys. Where were they? Right next to his bed. So he was like, whatever. Yeah, he didn't expect us to come over. Right. Well, now he couldn't get rid of you. Yeah, he could.

Like an hour and a half later. All right, boys. You've seen enough. So Opal, where are we at here, kid? What's the problem? What's the question? What do we do? How do we get you out of this muck?

So when my sister brought it up to us, I think it was also part of our significant others group chat. They are like somebody you guys need to get your man type thing He does exactly so he does may follow us And you know and I we follow them too, and he's he's the key to cool bad for you know a lack of better words Some are friends like him. Yeah, but I don't want them to be like oh great You know Barry's got an Instagram and that's not his name. Um, let me let me let me follow him So we just saw his thing. He's only following 55 people and a lot of them seem to be attracted women. But it's yeah, it's really easy. So it's like a lot of young girls.

It's shock. There's one. There's an old timer, which is which I love. I love that he's following his friend. And then, by the way, the women's butts one is just. But I will say what I like about it is that it's a little bit different. It is also it's beautiful butts. Yeah. So this isn't like it's not just all like butts and boobs.

He's following very specific younger ladies who are creeping out on the internet. It's pretty much one guy he's friends with and then women that he can't fuck. I just wonder why he follows them. So what is the specific question, Opal? So I guess it's should I? Did someone approach this? And if so, how? How?

I got a pitch. I got a couple. OK, go ahead. You go first. Well, the first thing I think you could do is in a conversation with one of your siblings, just mention anecdotally how embarrassed you got by someone being able to see someone that you followed that you didn't. Like you could even say like my significant other

actually got mad because I was following an ex on my Instagram and I didn't even realize that he could see it, but you can see everyone that someone follows. So I had to unfollow my ex because I didn't want everyone to know I'm following an old ex while I'm with someone else So I had to change who I was following So people didn't know who I was following Something like that. I got a different move here Opal more butts. Okay, I

Would make an account of your butt in catfish him. That's a joke. That's a joke. Talking buttfish? And then you'd go like, dad, you're looking at your daughter's butt and he'll go like, I'll never look at the internet again. Not what I'm pitching. And then I'm gonna have to call again.

Not what I'm pitching. Here's what I'm pitching. Of his son-in-laws, does he have a favorite? I think so. I don't mean who he loves the most, but The one with the biggest butt is his favorite. Is there one of the guys, is there somebody there he talks a little shit with,

he has a connection with me, maybe talks sports, where they're just, they treat each other more like buddies, as opposed to like, my partner's father. Like for example, my wife's dad, when it's just he and I together, there is way more of a buddy vibe. If my mother-in-law is there too, then it's my in-laws. But when he and I are alone, he's a big football fan. We can just talk, we can chop it up. Is there somebody who can kind of just chop it up with your dad? They kind of all three are like that with them, but I say maybe my, my husband or

the middle sister. Okay. So your husband, let's give him a name. I've called him up Ron Ron. So here's what I would say. I Ron also from hoops. Yeah, nice. Nice.

Yeah. Ron punches. I like it. So here's what I would do if I were you. I would have Ron go to your dad without you, without your sisters and pretend as if he found it and go like, Hey boss, we got to talk. And he's going to go, what? And he goes, you know, your fucking Instagram buddy, you can look at people's followers

and he goes, so what? And he goes, so if I seen that you got big butts in a, you creepo, your daughters are going to see that soon Everybody your life is and he goes here's what you do Unfollow them and just look on your search, but I never follow these man. You don't know what you're doing I like everything up until there. This is what I say Come up with a list of 50 famous people and just saturate your followers so that it's Over all over. Yeah, you're populated with other ones. The algorithm will favor the big butts and all the.

But you're saying keep following them, but you need to be following a thousand people by Wednesday. Yes. Up your follow. OK, so up the people you've found. Here's what I hear. Or, yeah, I guess going private doesn't really know anything. So here's what here's where we're pitching. You got to lean on Ron and and Ron's gotta either tell him,

either you need 500 followers by Friday, or you have to stop following because your count is so low, it's too clear, everybody can see it. We know what you're after. And we all know what you're doing, and I'm just telling you, in this world of social media,

it's just a real goober's move. reason. I'm telling you is a it's hilarious And be were pals yeah, and then he's gonna go like oh fuck does my kids know and they go I don't think anyone's looked yet. I just look does he do you know if Ron follows your dad I? Don't think so I have okay, so I have it might be The catalyst might be he follows. I just yes, I just saw you on it Just started following you. I got to tell you. Yes. That's the move have him follow him and then have this conversation Oh, but what do you think of that? I think it's clean. I honestly I like I like both I do think Ron will hate it because you know, just the you know

The awkwardness of it, but I kind of want to do the second one and just talking out loud about how we shouldn't be. Oh okay. Like oh I didn't realize I followed that you could see my followers sort of thing but I think I think yours is more plausible though. Okay but if you're looking to save the embarrassment you could start it off via a group text and tell a funny text story about how all you didn't realize everybody else could see your followers

on Instagram and Twitter and you had a really embarrassing thing just happen. Yeah. You'd be like I was fucking following like the guy from Save by the Bell. I'm like a fangirl and then I got teased oh my god or have one of your sisters tease you. Now it's just indirect. He might go like, I don't even know what they're talking about. Yeah. He might miss that signal. If he misses it, then Ron has to go and knife to throat and kill this problem.

Yep. Well, that took a dark turn, but yeah. What do you think? I actually like that because we do have a family group chat. The one thing I'm kind of just back my mind afraid of, what if he's like aware of this and he's just like, fuck it, let him know I follow women's butts. Then that's another call.

But that's another call. And I'll tell you what you do then, you unfollow him. Yes, and let him do his own. If he knows and he's gonna cross that line, then all right, listen, I just don't want a part of my dad looking at the women's butts there. When I lived with my dad in 2003, we shared his computer and I found a folder

of stuff I didn't wanna see. What was the folder labeled? Ken Stuff or something like that. Ken Stuff. Maybe even like taxes, something like that. Yeah, that's, more of that. I can't remember, I think it was just Ken Stuff. Okay, Ken Stuff. And I hid it because I was just being a fucking little weasel. I don't even know why I got there.

And I did see a JPEG that I didn't open that said Britney Spears. And then another one that had the word pissing in it. Oh, no. True story. And because of my relationship with my dad and who I am, instantly I went, crack out. What you doing here here big dog? And he goes like, I don't even know how I got on the computer. And I go, I didn't save that pissing video.

That's not the way desktops work, my man. They don't jump in and save themselves in a folder and he's like, you're crazy, you did this. And the long story short was after the teasing and the laughing, he left the folder up. Wow. So you wanna know what happened? I never opened it again.

Do what you wanna do, my man. So you're just saying, I think this is a problem, here's a bandaid. If he says it's not a problem, well it's not. He's not hurting anybody. No, I think then, if I were you, then I think you'd just leave the conversation. You unfollow him.

But I do think it is worth saying, I don if I were you then I think you just leave the conversation. I do it is worth Saying I don't know if you know That we know that you like big beautiful women's butts I think I think I like Jake's pitch of Ron doing that you can start with the family text and just be like I'm so Embarrassed Ron just discovered that I follow whatever you know problems if But the problem is if you go hard on that, then you can't do the other one. Yeah, you can. You can? Yeah, you can.

So we're getting from Kevin, we gotta go on. So Opal, it is on you, what are you gonna do? I think I'm going to, I think I'll do the, I'm gonna loop Ron in. We're invested. Very much so. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you guys, mom. We all love you guys. Love you, bye. We love you, Thank you guys. We all love you guys. Love you. Bye. We love you And Jake we are brought to you by cream ow cream ow is a rich lathering hydrating body wash Multi-layered fragrances. We love cream. Ow. You've been a big fan for a little bit. You've been pushing this one. I have. I'm glad. That's why I was so glad they came on board. You know, when I go on the road, I'll put a little bit in the old travel one,

and I use Creme Ow. And I flew to Australia, took 25 hours. And let me tell you, that shower after was Creme Wow, if you know what I'm saying. And your thing is, and I've noticed the smell in the studio, but you've got a bourbon vanilla tint to you. It's a bourbon vanilla body wash. It's vanilla.

It's vanilla. The bourbon's another thing. Yeah, that's scary. I've got a warm beer vanilla body wash. But yeah, so we love Creme Ow. Look, you can find Creme Ow men Men's Body Wash in its new distinctive bourbon vanilla scent at Walmart or Walmart.com. Once again, that's Walmart or Walmart.com. And Jake, you know, this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. I've mentioned before

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Caller, are you there? Yes, I'm so sorry. That's okay. What do you apologize him for? Not hearing you? That's okay. She dropped you apologize him for not hearing? Well, listen, it's the big time here we are we're here to help you out with Jake and Gareth, what's your name? What's your age? Where you calling from? Wow, so wild. Um, my name is Sam I'm actually calling from Los Angeles, but I normally live in London. Whoa, and I'm 29. Whoa Why are you in LA instead of London? I'm here for work. Hence, like why it was such a struggle to get onto this call. Oh, what do you do for work, Jamie?

I don't want to go into it too much. Because it's within your guys's world. So one day movies face to face. Yeah. OK, modeling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jake and I do a lot of modeling. Do you do have you ever heard of beach stuff or clothes stuff or just face stuff? Okay, what uh, what's going on? What can we help you with? Okay, so I have been dating this guy for like two months now

And a few dates and he told me that he was in a band And I was like, okay great And he gave me the name of the band to look up and I listened to the music. And it was literally like so bad. I stopped. I stopped listening like 20 seconds in. Like it was so painfully bad. I was like, oh, my God, it's OK, though. We are only a few days in. Like, yeah, he's not going to bring it up again, you know.

And then I got pregnant. And then literally, and now we're two months in. And like last week, he asked me like what my favorite song on the album was. And I did. I never listened past that, like 40 seconds. And this is true. It's so bad, you guys. The songs are like four minutes long. You have like what else?

Like a British guy. So it's like a British singer trying to like kind of rap like, oh, no, that's what I was gonna ask the genre. There's so much happening. Oh, that's tough. So rough and like, I didn't know what to say. So I told him, like, couldn't really hear it when I listened on the tube, which is a lie

because I didn't know what to say. So I need your guys' help because also like, A, I don't know what to do and say to him, but B, his band performs and I don't want to subject any of my friends I'm Bringing them to these like performances like I don't even want to go but I'm like, okay. Well, I have to go Okay, what do we call in this guy? Oh god Liam. I don't DJ Liam DJ Can we call him DJ Liam? Sure DJ Liam is is good. Okay, so Sam, Sam. Yes.

Sometimes on this show, we go long and pitch a lot and really try to help. And sometimes we are just the weird uncles that sometimes you don't want. My uncle's growing up. A lot of times I'd be talking to him and I'd be like, this isn't what I want to hear, but it's what I need to hear. I'm excited to hear where you're gonna go. There's not a chance you should stay with DJ Liam. Oh no.

Sam, you don't respect, here's what the love story is gonna be from your point of view. Wouldn't it be wonderful if he stopped his dream? Because I like him. And his is, I really hope I get the girl of my dream Sam and the career of my dreams and I'm out there wrapping around the world and my lady who's also in the entertainment game is doing her thing and we are killing it and you're going yeah now I'm going to do my thing. You're terrible. Here's okay. I'm going to ask a couple questions

and then kind of echo a little bit of what Jake's saying but there might be an out You really like this guy love this guy almost like Definitely I to be honest like I don't know if he's my forever person. Okay, well This can down the road a little bit. Okay, you're a year. You're two years in You have events two years and you want to bring him to these events where you have people that you're gonna work with people that you're trying to network With all this bullshit, and then you've got DJ Liam Fucking making himself little bread sandwiches And then when he's talking to someone that you're like a prospective person you might work with he's going yeah

No, I'm kicking it all the time. You got really work on it. I'll be playing DJ land No, no, no, no I know you got mad when I started there because you were setting up to do the voice I was on a roll now. We both knew you were just doing this whole two years thing Your face to you go like there All right, but I'll be the I'll be the I'll be the person that he might be working with hey So I was talking to Sam earlier. She said you are in music is that first of all with international school I'm sorry. What happened? I want to international school you want a national no son

Pigly Well into international school basically pigly called me ultimate insult. Why are you calling me pigly? I I'm back to you, Sam Well, I mean His music to any way he will but Sam hold on. Well, we got to live on planet earth here So I'm sorry some of us have to adjust to our name pigly. I Felt when I started there was an insult, but I forgot what it was. But I was already bot committed.

There's some insult that's new. Pigly hurts. Pigly hurts. Yeah, Pigly hurts. Don't worry. You got it. I just don't know what it means. I mean, I think it means I'm pig-ish.

Well, Pigly is worse. Pigly is worse. But Sam, you've been with this guy for two months. He's not your forever guy. You hate his music. What are we doing here, man? I don't know, it's hard to date right now. It is hard to date.

Is it? Of course it is, yeah, it is. But Sam, but Sam. Well here's another option. Yeah. Yeah. Next time he asks, just tell him. Ooh.

And just see what happens. The person I'm dating right now, I would say, at times, is not like... Careful, Gareth. Careful, don't do this. I'm being careful. Is maybe not like, oh, I want to consume all your content. And that's okay. Not okay.

It's not going to work for you. No, that will work for me. It's going to kill you. It really isn't. For now. It's fine. I mean I'm up there doing dick puns and accents. And then she'll go, uh, I didn't finish it.

No, she'll like that. What if she doesn't? What if she thinks your stand up is terrible? Even if she'll know enough to be like... But we're talking, connecting to Sam. What if your lovely lady called in a podcast cause she goes, But my boyfriend, Gareth, is great, he's a sweet guy. connecting to Sam, what if your lovely lady called in a podcast, because she goes, but my boyfriend Gareth is great, he's a sweet guy,

he's the worst comedian I've ever seen. Well that, oh come on. What do you think DJ Liam thinks? I don't think I'm the DJ Liam of standup. Neither, but we're trying to connect to that, you connected it to you, you think there's any chance you could make that work? If it was that bad.

No, but she could say, but what she could say is, look, I support what you do. Stop it. I want you to do really well, Sam. But it's not my cup of tea. When I met my wife, she was an artist, and before we could start,

she came and saw an improv show I was doing at the old Improv Olympic. Shout out. I worked my hardest in a sloppy show to get her to laugh. And then afterwards we went to her art studio. And we both had to admit to each other, she goes like, I thought you were really funny. And I was like, I love the work you're doing.

Without that, you can't start, because when she goes, I go, hey, what are you doing Friday night? And then she's like, why don't I go, I'm free, you wanna get dinner? And she goes, I'm going in the art studio. And I go, to do what are you doing Friday night? And then she's like, why don't I go, I'm free. You want to get dinner? And she goes, I'm going in the art studio. And I go to do that chicken scratch. Yeah.

It ain't going to work. You, yes. But you have to say, I'm so happy you're doing that DJ Liam, because the music you're making is not only helping your soul, it's great for people and it's the best and I love it too. Go ditch me tonight. There were years before I had kids. My wife was up in Claremont at school She would be gone, but I'd be psyched because she's in the studio doing great work

But she's DJ Liam in it get the fuck home and watch some TV with me. That's nonsense Well, I think he's right in the sense that you want to at least have a modicum of respect for what the person you're with Is doing even if you don't necessarily understand it or overly embrace it. And if you really have no connection to him at all and what he's doing, you're in a dead end. But which leads us to Sammy, what is your question today? Well, my question is, is there something I could say that's like more vague, you know, that says, I listen to it. It's not my style, but I support you within that.

There is. Okay. If that's the pitch, that's easy. See, we were trying to move a mountain and you're talking about walking up a couple steps of it. We can get you there for sure. I'll handle the long term effects. Respectfully. First of all, I want to say apologize for all the unsolicited advice. Yeah. And if you guys get married, we will speak out.

Absolutely. Without question. We'll make a video. We will. We will get Lamar. Lamar is our wedding guy. Oh my gosh. You have to listen to his song and you'll understand why he will.

Can we? Do we have any of his music? I sent the name to Kevin, but only if you promise not yeah We won't air it then we might well we maybe so I think we could get a laugh if we wanted out of us hearing It for a minute You can't we won't air it but I I think if we hear it could pepper the steak a little bit for us Let's just see if it's there But then if what we're talking about while Kevin's looking is

What we're talking about then is something even more simple. You're just looking for a line To basically he says what you think of Mono's album piggy and you say Really great stuff and he goes what you like the most pig? You like track number one going up near St. Cathedrals bell or number two? Oh my god, I'm a guy from the north end. Has he been bitten by a snake or something and his tongue's swelling? No. Okay He's just sounding less and less. Less and less what? International school graduate? Clean your ears out Pigly. Stop calling me Pigly I'm ready for the advice. Oh, God.

Here's the advice. Sam, you be DJ Liam and I'm going to be you. And then you're going to do it right back and forth. We're going to go rapid fire. Then you ask Gareth and you ask me. Just keep asking us and we're going

to give you a line. But you're DJ Liam and I need a little bit of his accent from you. Hey, did you listen to my album? I just sent it. I just sent it to you the other day. You hadn't, hadn't given me any thoughts. Oh, it's, it's, it's great. It's yeah, it's a, it's a total, yeah, it's a banger.

Great stuff. Um, do you want to get some dinner? What part did you like? Which songs? Um, you know, honestly, I'm not a huge music person So I just you know, I had it when I was working out and it pushed me I jogged faster That is pretty good thanks for the response But just like that, you know, you're just basically saying I'm not huge into this style of music. I'm doing podcasts

Yeah, I really only listen to podcasts. Yeah, but now Sam, will you ask Gareth? Yes. Yes. So what was your favorite song on the album? Oh, God, I mean, I really did enjoy a lot of them. What my favorite part is what you do. The music isn't like necessarily my cup of tea, but the way you do what you do, I really like. I mean, could you even hear me? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I could hear you. Yeah. But like to me, like I would love I love hearing you. I love your voice. But the band and the music to me is just not what I'm used to listening to. That's a more negative take. I mean, let's keep going. He's the drummer. I feel like he's the drummer.

Oh, we thought he was the singer. No, no, no. He's the drummer. What do you mean? Oh, somebody thought he was the singer. No, no, no, he's the drummer. Oh, then what do you mean? Oh somebody else is rapping somebody else's rapping This is a totally different thing. That's a lot easier. So Sam We didn't realize he was the drug way easier way is simple then you go Oh, you're such a good drummer, but the guy's a bit of a dick or even or you just go it's not my style of music But the fucking drumming your great drum great and then you go honestly the way you drum is sexy

Yeah, that's great. And he goes great and you go I did I'd never been with a drummer before when you're pounding those drums You know what I mean? Wow drummer before when you're pounding those drums you know what I mean? Wow. But yeah. It's hot. I think a lot easier. I thought it was his band singer. We're picturing like the weird little like English rap guy which is kind of a tool. And then you can't go on with it with the drummer he can be in other bands. Yeah yes. He probably will be. He's just drumming. Yeah. Does he even like this band? Well it's his best friend. So yeah, okay That's okay. I think you can say look. I love DJ Liam. He's really great care

But um, you know to me that's not my style of music, but you're a great drummer I'm like so impressed with Sam Will you ask me again now that he's the drummer and I can give you some advice on how to do this Okay, and by the way, is it just listening? Is there video? Is there a music video? Cause it's easier if you're seeing it. Oh my God, thank God. No, okay.

Just music. But the songs are like four minutes long. Wait, four minutes is long for a song? You ever heard Led Zeppelin? Oh gosh. They used to do 17 minute bangers. Yeah. What are we talking about?

TikTok? It's gotta be eight seconds? This is, hi, this is called long form. Four minutes is long form for minutes as long for Okay, so ask me I'm gonna be you you are not DJ Liam Because DJ Liam is the lead singer. You're the fucking cool drummer guy. Yeah I'm really I'm drummer leader and that's cooler than DJ Liam way better So what what did you get a chance to listen to the new stuff? Yeah, we're so perfect. Yeah, you should be it's fucking awesome

What was your favorite song? Honestly, I don't really I had it on when I was exercising. I didn't really necessarily have a favorite I don't know this genre, but honestly, it was such a turn on listening to you drum and knowing that was you It was just really exciting for me. It's real good And that's really vague you're saying like I'm not your number one fan in terms of the band that was you, it was just really exciting for me. It's real good. Oh, that is good. It's real good. And that's really vague. You're saying like, I'm not your number one fan in terms of the band, but I'm really into you

and I think you're cool. Yeah. This is why I needed to call in because I feel like my girlfriends were like, no, you need to tell him he's terrible. I think they did what we did at the beginning. Now, can we do one more where Gareth is a drummer Liam and you're you and let's see how it actually goes.

Okay, Dyl. Hey. Hey, babes. You all right? How you been? Doing great. Darling, I was just wondering, you got the email with the song on it, haven't you? Like the new album we've got. I did. I, yeah. What'd you do? Yeah, did you like it? What were you feeling? So many bangers. What do you mean? Don't you like the rock it in the north man. Oh liam's here fucking big Lee like blah blah blah

That she fucking like it or not. She's a fucking wank man up. Call me pig Lee I'm a good guy with those Gala hand brothers or whatever they are Gallagher. I like a I fucking hate you mate I love you Christ. We had a tough childhood I stop I'm in the middle of something geniuses Not really honestly one of us is we were for a moment You're just on the piss and you never show up. We lost all our money. No, we haven't I'm doing well Alright try again Sam ready and Sam you want to just come over the line again Sam the idea of it is you go I'm not it's not really my style music, but it was a real turn on hearing your drum. It was great. It's really fun

Thanks for sending it. Yeah, you're just complementing him moving on ready Yes, I Babs Fuck it. Hey, did you have a chance to listen to the album I sent you? What do you think? You like it? Oh yeah! Oh my god, so cool to hear you guys. Yeah, I mean, I don't normally listen to that type of music, but you guys crushed it. It was like so energetic and like, it's really like sexy that you're like in a band and I can hear you on my way to work. Well.

Fucking bingo. There you go. I'm on the line too. What'd you think about the DJ rap? Click hung up, okay? But by the way. He's gonna say Pigly again. Sam, that was perfect.

That's perfect. Okay. Wait, Kevin's got something. Sam, I was listening to some of the tracks while you guys were chatting. He is a good drummer, legitimately. Okay, that's good. Yeah, no no he is. It does give very like British 311. When the vocals come in it is funny so you're not wrong.

It's hard to get to just the drumming. If I could just listen to the drumming like no problem. I would just focus on the drumming when you're complimented. That's pretty much what you did in that. Yeah actually Sam if you do that if I were him I've you that is a huge win totally it was really sexy and fun listening on my way to work Thanks for sending it. Yeah, anyway should we get dinner? I go good enough It's like doing an improv show and then the person you care about being like you're really funny exactly right You're like okay. I need to hear I didn't understand the form Why did you guys all then be in a firehouse dumb, but I was funny and why was everybody wearing khakis and button-downs it's not great I mean it's Tuesday night it's the show was free Sam we got to go I think this

is a win for you yeah it's a win for me too let us know how it goes appreciate you thank you and Jake we're brought to you by ZockDoc. ZockDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. We've both talked about how great ZockDoc has been for us since we started working with them. It's just honestly makes finding a doctor, finding an appointment so much easier

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That's ZocDoc, Z O C D O C dot com slash hth, zocdoc.com slash hth. Woo! Hey everyone. zockdoc.com slash hth. Hey everyone, Producer Kevin here. The original call from this next follow-up aired on January 22nd. The episode is called A Face for Animated Spider-Man with Stavros and it is the first call from that episode. So if you'd like to listen to that as a quick refresher, go for it. And before I let you go, without spoiling anything, there's a picture at the end of this

follow up that I highly, highly, highly recommend you check out. The link for that is in the episode description and check that out after you listen to the follow up. Don't spoil it for yourself, but it's great. Okay. Enjoy. Hi there. Welcome back. So we're here to help. We know you're a follow up. We have no clue what the follow up is. So can you tell us about your first call and give us your name? I will say Gil came out there for two words. We don't know what the follow up 60. We're not sure what the follow up is, but we would love to learn about it. Now, can I get your name, please? My name is Amber. Amber, beautiful. The mosquito was kept in there and that's how they made Jurassic Park. Can we also get your first call? What was

your first call about please? Don't boo me. I'm back in the box. Alright I'm out of here but it was good to see everyone. All right, bring him back out. Oh, Velociraptor. Velociraptor is the boss. Velociraptor. All right, Amber, what do you got? My first call was about my friend Max in the basement. You guys remember him? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were on Stompy's episode.

You got a sex doll that was too heavy, and you didn't know what to do right you throw tires for a living You made some money you bought this doll and now you just kind of want to fuck it and stop making onlyfans. Yep Yeah, you basically got it. You had and now my question is What else can I do with this doll? Amber hold on you don't have to ask a question to start. You need to catch yourself. What has been happening? Yeah. I'm sorry. There's nothing really to, uh, okay.

You know what? There is, there is one thing to add. So my fiance, has been slowly adding boxes of books around Max. So now he's even harder to get to. That's right. Or he's a librarian, which is sexy. Or he's like a writer. You're right. That's right.

No, Doc. So. No words needed. You're a doll. Okay, so he's now like a a he's like a hunky writer. That's cool Okay, so he's kind of sectioned him off for lack of a better term Yeah, basically and I did get him a lovely outfit But uh, yeah, so now he's he's even more impossible to get to so I haven't filmed anything Amber

You drop bombs and then you move past them. We got to see what that bomb does for damage, Thank you for the service, Max. After you bang him. Thank you for your service. So he's a military guy, then, so he's a military guy, your fiance is not being a team player, he's making it harder and harder to get to this goddamn soldier. Question for you, Amber, are you making any OnlyFans, or has that faded?

Well, until I finish digging out the trenches, so to speak, it's kind of at a home. Max does. Yeah, Max gets out of there. If you make an OnlyFans with him, you should be a sergeant and refer to him as private parts. Yes. So you have not been able to make OnlyFans because you haven't been able to get to the

soldier. See. Yeah. Yeah, is that right? Okay. No man left behind. I feel it's weird because I think if you really wanted to be doing stuff with him, you could. There is a logistical hurdle. But is the want really there, Amber?

But weren't we there before? And the want was, oh, once she bought it, she just kind of wanted a sex toy. That's what. Yeah. Right. Is that right? Yes. So, yes, that's true. That's awesome But You know, I don't just want to have this thing hanging around forever Like you guys said in the last episode my son is gonna grow up and he's gonna have more questions so

I gotta I gotta do something with it. These are yeah fucking years. We talking selling? What are we talking about? No, no, no. She's talking get it on some arrangement with like wires so she can bang the hell out of Max for a couple years, get bored of it, and get rid of it until when the kid grows up, Max is shipped off to another war. Yeah, get deployed. There's some lady in Cincinnati he's got to go fight. And so Amber, remember we were talking, I have a memory of we were going to put him in your bedroom. In my bedroom, yeah. And then the fiance was a no on that.

He's hard to move. We were talking about maybe putting him on wheels. You know what? I'm going to pitch to you just because now that I'm And I think as a woman who throws tires for a living and you're creative and you're strong, I think you need to build a set downstairs. I think you need to build a set downstairs. I think you need to build a set downstairs.

I think you need to build a set downstairs. I think you need to build a set downstairs. I think you need to build a set downstairs. I think you need to build a in that downstairs. And I think as a woman who throws tires for a living and you're creative and you're strong, I think you need to build a set downstairs. Yeah, we kind of talked about this, I think, too. Like you kind of well, actually, to be quite honest with you, Jake is a great person to give advice on what to do with your doll because Jake in his jujitsu training has recently gotten a sparring doll. Hold on. Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, please hold on a second. Jake, Jake has a little wrestle partner that he got, which is a heavy doll that he keeps in his weird save by the bell set in his house. And, uh, and so, so Jake, you know, a little bit. I really think you could be very helpful in this.

So you think maybe, sort of like you've done, you've built a little fake gym with your doll where you go play with it. And maybe Amber should do this with Max, right? Yeah, Amber, I gotta say I'm the perfect guy to give advice because I'm currently living through it. But let me give you some advice that's different about you and I.

Be careful while lifting this son of a bitch because you could throw your lower back out. It's in in okay duly noted Yeah, I guess we're doing the same thing. You're fucking max and I'm beating the hell out of my way I'm just fucking throwing him in arm bars and triangles and kicking his little ass, but it's the same difference It's different kind of soldiers. You know, we're both getting off in different ways. Okay, come on. But Amber, here's what I am gonna say to you on this, just for my two cents, because I'm invested in your story. I like your arc and I hope you win here.

I'm not gonna push you to do any more OnlyFans because it doesn't seem like you want to, but I think you like to use this idea of OnlyFans to move the needle and get things done You used only fans as the idea to buy this sex toy and now you're like I bought the sex toy But I don't really even know where to fuck it. I don't know how to like it's just now there So I think you use in your head this idea to your fiance to or whatever is You need to build a little area now that that area could also be, it's just a couch with some camo on the walls

and a zone where you can go after throwing tires and being tired, your kids asleep. You go down there, you don't have to like move boxes to have a little romance with Max. You walk down, there's an area set up, your fiance doesn't touch it, you smoke a joint, you have a glass of wine, and you take that soldier and you do what you gotta do and what comes natural.

But there's gotta be a set, there has to be a location for this. Or what if you got like a max locker, like a max shed? He's heavy. Yeah, but you could get a small one where you could just in your basement have it almost like a standing up coffin where you just drag Them out when it's both. What do you think Amber? Do you want to put him in something or do you want him to live somewhere because we need a place for you to Enjoy your life a little bit. Yeah, this is your toy and we're here to help you

I would love the open scenario, but my son has friends over and they always gravitate towards him That's trouble. Because it's interesting, you know, like a, a life-size doll. So I feel like I almost have to conceal him in a way that's more practical for me to get to. Yes. And you know, stuff like that. So I'm kind of at a loss for, for what to do here, guys. I kind of don't't I can't hear you You're in a tough spot. Is there any way is it worth selling them and getting a much smaller toy?

That was my plan B was how do I sell this? You could sell the outfit I guess You know, there is a world where the show purchases and we keep on our set. Oh my god When we don't have a guest helper. What do you think, Max? That's a real guest helper. Yeah. A little soldier. Yeah.

I hear it's not an easy situation. So essentially the update on this one is that it's more of the same. It's that you still got Max. He's now collecting dust. There's no OnlyFans, and with each day, your kid and his friends are getting older, and the real trouble is going to be Amber. The day one of those friends goes, that's not an army action figure, my guy.

You know- That's a sex toy. You know what I would do? I would get a mat, mat like a gym mat and I would put a gi on max and I would say you do jiu jitsu I think that's a geez. This is easy. It is not a geez. Is it take off? I am not you're saying you're using your personal expertise No Jake and it's no gi, by the way. I'm saying... Rash guard.

All right, whatever it is, you're fucking rash guard. Jesus God. I can't believe you wanted to fight me out of gi to go to rash guard. Which one sounds cooler? Hey, don't insult me by calling it a gi. It's a herpy shield. Gareth, I know the guy you love more than anybody is little Mr. Joe Rogan. Mr. Austin Austin Austin. Hold on. This is called

roguejection. Can I talk? Yeah, you sure can. So I just hope you keep this same energy the day that your daddy Rogan lets you on his show and you don't go, know that I'm with Joe and my Austin friends. It is cool to be an alpha male. Do this. And guess what, Kevin? Jake. Watch the energy change. Here's you on, you on Rogan would be a tre- you need to talk to me before you do that podcast, which will happen, because I'm going to need to tell you, Jake, don't be like that. You're going to stop it. It's going to be like a fish trying to talk to a shark. You with your little Jiu-Jitsu chat.

Because now Jiu-Jitsu's cool with Joe. Watch what happens, Kevin. Well cool with Joe. Watch what happens. Well, I think I watch what happens. I think the amber Jake, I think arguably you could say it depends on who's doing it. So when you're in your little safe, when you're in your little saved by the bell set rolling around with your little doll, it's a little different than what Rogan's probably doing. It's an anyway spin. It's an interesting. Listen, listen, Amber, we really we wish you the best. I still kind of don't know what you want, but I think that fuck max well

Then I really would Rash guard on the guy and get a mat down there and when your kid starts asking questions you say it's jiu-jitsu And then it's time to sell I mean it's interesting. How do the limbs move that is max in guard? Or is he laying flat because I'll tell you one thing about the little grappling dummy. I have is he doesn't have a cock Neither does the guy He's fully articulate so I can like position him however, it's fully articulated darling What do you say? We have a little champagne after tonight's rock.

I would say maybe there's a world. We put him in a little ghee or you throw boxing gloves on him and you say there might be a real win here because all you've got to do is get Jim a man and a ghee you can get matting which you can know you get a Little small space and you go like I'm just working on some self-defense stuff And I want to figure out how to do it against this guy and then underneath his geek guess what an army guys How's a jiu-jitsu? Ready to pin and amber

I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna turn you on a lot faster than you think is when you see a white belt with one stripe on it. All right, Amber, do you think there's any world where you try to do the gi, gym mat thing? I actually kinda like that because I've already got boxing gloves, I've already got all the workout equipment and stuff like that. Yes, right there. Oh, you know what we could do?

I kinda like it. Hold on, Kevin, Kevin, can I pitch Leah on something that we tried to do with the boxer Amber if we sent you a like boxing robe for max Would you put it on him and then we have like a we're here to help as if we sponsor Fighters we sponsor your the same one. She made on the first one Yeah, no, yeah So can we do that?

And then you send us the photo with it on. And then what you're saying is, is who Max is, is he's a soldier, but he's a fighter and you're training with him. Now, what you do in your training is between you and your sparring partner. Absolutely. Yeah, look, things pop out. Things get wrestled. Pins happen. There's many different styles. Jake will tell you.

I also would recommend if we do do that, let's give Max something like a blue belt, something that's not kind of laughable to see someone in. Or we could also do is put me and Gareth on a mat and see what happens. I'll just tell you what's laughable. When his little ginger head, his face turns as red as his hair.

Jake, you'll pull your back walking down the stairs to the basement. So Kevin, I say we do this if she's down. Let's send her a robe. Maybe the same one. Yeah, we can repart. I mean, Max isn't going to be like, it doesn't feel right. And then maybe, what do you think, Amber? Have you just turned Max into a sparring partner? I would love that as well. Maybe we do that. And then when you start sparring the way you spar is just not what anybody had in mind. Yeah. You spar in a very unique way. Rather than doing an arm bar you do an old sit on the face

routine. But he's still being smothered out. Yeah. Surely something Jake's wife will walk in on. And when I say, when Gareth does something, his Luke will walk into. My only concern is Amber coming home one day and hearing a bunch of kids in her basement going, hi-yah! Let him do it as long as she cleans up Max after. Big bulbous cock out. He's a good fighter, Mom! Wait, hold on.

You can take the dick off, yes? Yeah, I keep that separate So that's separate so all it's like the ammo. Yes, exactly right So you just can't make a mistake have too much wine and leave that thing on Yeah, his friends go like we were gonna spar but I don't know that thing's got a huge ol hog staring at me We wrestled with Mac so hard last night his penis fell off. Yeah, we're not doing that. But I think, Amber, I think there's a win here actually. I do too.

I think you do Max into- Yeah, I'm seeing it. Me too. I think he is a, I think he's a sparring partner. And I just gotta say if that inspires OnlyFan, I don't know, maybe make a little bit of money. Only if it's for you, if it's not for you. But if you do, I do think there's a world where We're Here to Help can own 15% equity on this I do think there's a world where we're here to help

can own 15% equity on this, and what we're gonna do is we're gonna send you one robe for 15% of OnlyFans, but what you're not getting, you're not getting one shark, you're getting three sharks. I'd also like to come on board, obviously. You would be one of the sharks you goofed off. Kevin has the facility where we can make a lot of these ensembles for Max, which I think right away

is not gonna cut into any profit margins for you, so that's built into the deal. Oh yeah, we can make all the robes. That's built into the deal. So, Amber, we wish you luck. Kevin's going to hitch you up. We're going to get you that robe. And maybe before we air it, when we do this follow-up, there can be on YouTube a photo of the Max in the robe.

We'll hold it. I'll take a photo of Max and then a photo of Jake's doll too, just to sort of show the difference between the dolls you guys play with. I think that's fair. That's great. All right, Amber, appreciate it. Appreciate you. Thanks for the new inspiring ideas, guys.

Yeah, thanks for calling. We're here to help. A really fun call. You guys take care. We're Here to Help is hosted by Jake Johnson. And Gareth Reynolds. The show is produced and edited by Kevin Bartelt and the associate producer and editor is A.J. McKeon.

Our social media director is Caitlin Tanwakeo and our video editor is John De Bruyne. The theme song is made by Oliver Raleigh and you can check out his music at OliverRaleigh.com. That's Oliver R-A-L-L-I.com. The album artwork is by James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James James Fostike. You can find him on Instagram at James underscore Fostike, D-I-K-E. And if you'd like to see me do stand up on the road, go to garethrentz.com. Additional artwork by Patty Holland, you can find him on Instagram at P-A-D-D-Y Holland

2004. And if you'd like early access to episodes, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com slash year to help pod. And if you'd like to be on the show, email us your question at helpfulpod at gmail.com. All of the advice given on We're Here to Help is for entertainment purposes only and all listeners should be adults and make their own decisions.