Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 258- Hell House LLC 3 (2019)
Episode Date: December 9, 2019In this week's episode, we're bringing our "Hell House LLC" franchise coverage to an end with the third installment, "Lake of Fire." Special topics for your consideration include: previous jokes about... the franchise finally paying off, woo-ing like Ric Flair, a stage production that is "lightly Faust," a question of whether Nana Cognetti helped finance this one and a middle-of-the-night revelation about this film that totally ruined Allen. Also! We need your advice on romcoms for us to cover in our post-Christmas episode. Any ideas? Get in touch! If you'd like to hear our episodes on the previous two "Hell House LLC" films, they are numbers 254 and 256. Hey, want to participate in our sweepstakes? Just share one of our Youtube videos with the hashtag #videowolfambulance and we'll enter you into a drawing for the grand prize, which is picking a movie for us to review. You can see this week's companion episode here: https://www.youtube.com/c/werewolfambulance We're reading some listener mail and talking film trilogies. While you're over there, please subscribe to our channel. And if you just can't get enough of us, you can get our faces printed on a t-shirt, throw pillow and more at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance. If our faces aren't doing it for you, may we suggest Brian from "Wings"?? Have you seen this one? What did you think? Let us know your thoughts at facebook.com/werewolfambulance, on Twitter @werebulance or on Instagram @werewolfambulance. You can also email us for our segment "MAILBAG!" at werewolfambulance@gmail.com and if you're feeling super generous, leave us a rating and a review on Apple podcasts or wherever you can. Or hey, just tell a friend about us. Thank you for helping us continue to grow. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast. Â
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hi, it's me, Russell Wynn.
I'm a billionaire.
Come see my play in upstate New York.
How will I get people in there, you ask?
I don't know. What is the play, you ask? I don't know.
What is the play, you ask?
It's Faust. It's this lightly Faust.
Faust in a hotel?
Faust is just going to stay a couple nights.
I...
But if you go back and listen to the previous two Hellels episodes,
Russell Winn is in both those. Is he? I mean, I remember him from two, two hell else episodes we've done, Russell Winn is in both those.
Is he?
I mean, I remember him from two because we talked about how Andrew Tully had been mailing
him videotapes through the mail.
But was he in the first movie?
No, I was just making, uh, alluding to the dumb conceit at the end of this
fucking, he's been here the whole time.
Did you mean where he's sitting sitting sitting sitting sitting the d's sitting the the the the thi's sitting's sitting's sitting's sitting the dumb conceit at the end of this fucking movie where they're like he's been here the whole time. Did you mean where he's sitting in the diner dressed like
the fucking scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz except with a tiny hat? Oh my god!
so if you do go back and listen to the previous two Hell Hells episodes, you'll see that it, this franchise brought us a lot of joy. It did. The joy stops, the the joy the joy stops. The joy stops, the joy stops, the the joy stops, the the joy stops, the the joy stops, the the the joy stops, the the the joy stops, the the joy stops, th is just just, th is just, th is just, th is just, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th is, th is, th is, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is, th is is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is th is just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the to to the to thi, to to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi,... I mean, I enjoyed it, I guess.
It's so, I can't, it's so clear that they did it
so quickly after the first, the second one, I mean.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's clear they just churned it.
And that's such a bummer.
We got to strike while the fart's still hot.
Can I tell you something that's never happened to me before? Tell me. In this will be like almost 260 episodes that we've done.
Yeah.
I have never woken up in the middle of the night and gone.
Are you fucking kidding me?
You did that.
About the, I did about this movie.
Wow. You just, were you just thinking about it? I just woke up in the middle of the night and I went, Oh God, they're saying he's Jesus. Oh, fuck!
I didn't get that.
Remember when they go to the bar, and he sits in the middle of all of them for the last meal
they're going to have?
Yeah.
Oh, no!
He provides them with wine and lobes? Remember when that happened? I thought the dinner rolls were a weird touch. Yeah. Dude! Yeah, I got real mad. I just got live mad. What?
Spoiler alert for later on in this episode.
Holy shit! Yeah. Mm-hmm. Be not afraid.
Wow, that is really shocking and also,
who boy, I hate it a lot now.
Oh, you didn't hate it a lot before?
No, you know, I thought, no, I mean, I thought the movie was terrible.
But the franchise had brought me so much joy that I was like, well, you know, your third movie is never going to be great. Sure, as we discussed in our video episode, our companion episode, the third one's never
a charm.
Never a charm.
Um, it's like the third child in a family.
They're never the best.
You know, sorry, Vicky.
It's just, I just, I just didn't, I just didn't, I did not make that connection. I mean this is all, this is my, my, no, I mean, he's the last supper and wine and bread,
I think that's pretty fucking explicit and somehow I still didn't notice it.
Oh and he died and came back and then he saved them, he closed,
he saved their immortal souls from hell.
Cognetti's!
Duoods, my dudes.
All right, let's get into this.
We've got to spread this rage over the next 45 minutes of this episode.
Wait, though.
I have so, that opens so many question doors for me.
Yeah, I think they're doors that may not have been opened while writing this.
But go on, what are some questions? Well, first of all, Jesus wasn't a billionaire.
Why did he need to be a billionaire?
So that he could afford to do all this?
I mean, I feel like some dirt bags from New York were able to do it.
Yeah, I feel like Jesus could put on a rinky-dink production of Faust in an abandoned building. I don't think he would have much trouble
with that. The production qualities of this production of Faust are so shit.
It's just, it doesn't seem like a billionaire did it? There's one hallway that still just has spider webs in it. Yeah, why didn't they take those down? Oh, at least the production value of this movie is a little bit better.
I felt like it's easier to watch visually, yeah.
Let's go to the hunky, hunky, Russell win.
Is he hunky?
Is he hunky?
He's kind of a two-face, like in Seinfeld?
Where like in some lights, you're okay and then in other lights you're like oh it's true he's got an angle if you catch him
out of that angle everyone's got a good side oh yeah that's why our chairs
are set up for the video in the way that they are because I know my
good side yeah I'm a heinous beast if you catch me on the. Yeah. We should do one from the other side and just have
everyone turn it off. Do you like that at the top of this movie it tells us it's
going to be using documentary footage from several sources? Do you think they got my notes
on the last one? They were like, it's nine documentaries too many I suppose it is. But it opens again on this guy with like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like the like like the like th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that that that's thi. that's that's that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the the th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the thi. the the the the the. the the the the the. the the. the. the. the. that's that's that's that's. But it opens again on this guy with the like squintly Hitler mustache.
What is his job?
Who is making this documentary?
I don't know what didn't the reporter show back up?
Susie McComb's, I said she was gone.
She left morning mysteries.
Susie McCombs, but also, I think she was just like, I'm good. I love Susie McCombs. But also this guy from the first movie? Oh this is my guy?
This guy? I was not gonna I mean. I'm not going in that basement. They also when they show footage from the
last movie and they're showing the guys sneaking into the house they don't bring my favorite guy the fucking Billy Eichner dude oh yeah he doesn't make a comeback
Jackson they didn't get our notes on that one I guess oh man so so the conceit of
this movie is that Russell win billionaire we're never told how he makes his
billions either I tech money but he they say he's okay so he's like
earned his first million by like 25 or something,
and then question mark, question mark, question mark, billionaire.
He has purchased the Abadon Hotel, which is interesting because I was not aware that it was
for sale.
They were going to tear it down.
Okay.
He swooped in at the last moment and bought it up. I understand.
And it's some, they just were like, yeah, sure, hold another large-scale event in there.
It's going super well.
And then he decides that that is where he'll put on his interactive show insomnia.
I did not see how it was interactive, by the way.
Other than walking from room to room. And it is lightly Faust.
Memphisophleys walks like a duck. Do you notice that guy walked like a duck?
I thought it was very disconcerting. Yeah. I was confused as to who was playing what?
Innocent production of Faust other than Faust? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Like who was the the girly hair lady? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I was thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I was thi. I was thi. I don't know. I don't know. Like who was the
the girly-haired lady? I don't know. Yeah. To be fair I don't know much about
Faust. No. Seems complicated. I did like the guy that when someone's on the radio
with him and they're like, hey can I do anything for you? And his is, make me a size two again? Yeah, I did like that guy.
So he, yeah, so Russell has these two, like,
right and left handmen, Harvey,
who is like, seems to be like the production designer,
and Jeffrey who is like the operations guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's terrible and has no right being in a movie.
Just kidding, that's fine.
So this is being followed by our friends the morning mysteries crew.
What do you think? What?
When is this airing?
It seemed that show was an everyday affair and she is just off in the
fucking in the woods for weeks with these people in this hotel.
A very good point.
That's it.
When is this airing?
I don't know.
I don't know.
And then later she's like, none of this is going to air.
What are you going to air then?
Vanessa.
Vanessa Shepard. Yeah, the thus, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, Ss, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, tho, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho. tho. That's th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. That's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. that's thi. that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th lot easier to watch, I think. Yeah, but a lot, uh, Susie had the hair.
She had the hair.
I like when Vanessa walks up to the house and there's like a haunted house dead guy in
the yard next to a Hell House sign, and she goes, is that from Hell House?
And Jeffrey goes, yeah, you'll see some of their things lying around. Like, where did you think it was from?
Vanessa?
Obviously, it's a hell-house sign.
I love that's this whole thing because not only are the intersplicing documentary footage
from multiple sources, but also the film is getting static interference the whole time.
Oh, right.
So when she looks at the little zombie man in the yard, the camera goes, zip, toz, toz, time. So when she looks at the the little zombie man in the yard, the camera goes zip, zip, zip, zip and it shows you Hector sitting at the piano. It's
fucking Hector in the yard! I didn't realize that was Hector. I missed so many
things about this movie. It's so like, yeah we got it, yeah we're good. Yeah, they do that a lot in this. There was a lot of footage from the previous thia f f f f f f f f f f f f f. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the thi. the the th. th. the the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. too. te. te. te. too. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. the. th. the lot in this. There was a lot of footage from the previous films in this film.
Too ridiculous about it.
Yeah, it's almost like they didn't have enough movie.
And maybe they didn't.
No.
So Susie, or not Susie.
Suzy, too.
We can call her Susie too.
They give everybody in the production gets their own mini camera recorder. Yeah. Which they use until the bitter end,
even though she's written like a blistering report
about Russell.
Okay.
They're like, Suzy said to take the camera.
Susie too.
What's her name, Vanessa?
What's her name, Vanessa?
I like that whole round about you.
Yeah, Susie. So she gives them these camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc, the camc., the camc., the camc., the camc., their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their... I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, th. together, th. th. th. thessa? Go! But yeah, so she gives them these camcorders and they're running around filming fucking every,
the one woman is just doing selfies, just doing duck face in the camera.
I think even when she's dying.
But they're...
She does, you're right.
This is another thing where I'm like, much like the last man was like, this is a comedy, right? th. T th. T th. T th. T th. T th th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi's, thi's, th. thi, the the the the one. the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one, the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one. the one, the one. the one, the one, the one, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the. theat theat th. theat th. the the the the the the one, the one, the one, the one, the last man, was like, this is a comedy, right? They're like trying to write funny times.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
Not if Jesus is going to show up at the end of it.
I am stunned.
But there's that whole conversation where they're like, oh, just hashtag it with morning mysteries. So M.M. I thought, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, just, just, I, I, just, just, I, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, th. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Can I put this on my gram? Just hashtag it with morning mysteries.
So MM?
I thought, is that how kids talk?
Is that what kids would ask about hashtags?
Do people ask about that?
I don't think so.
Also, I wonder what hashtag MN has the most like, you know what I mean?
I wonder what the most used?
It's certainly not morning mysteries. Yeah. So why w w w w w w w w w w w w w th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I th, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I th out, I th, I th, I th, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th out, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I thooooo. that, I that, that, I thooooooo. that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I wonder what the most used... It's certainly not morning mysteries. No.
So why would you think it was? What is the fairgrounds thing? There's a fairgrounds thing that popped up?
I just looked at my notes and says, what is this fairgrounds thing? But it never comes back.
So that was one of the haunted attractions that's happened here. So not only was the hotel,
but there was also behind the hotel, there was a fairground. When they have the aerial shot of the fairground, and there is two, count them two rides at
the fair.
Were we, did we just never know that fairground was there before?
No, no, this was new information.
And why did it need to be in this movie?
Because what purpose did it serve? like hell-mouth aspect of this went back further because there were some kind of murders that happened around that as well.
Whatever.
I believe there was some newspaper footage about that.
I've locked it out.
And something to do with Billy Braddock,
because I have the name but I have no idea what it was.
I feel like I've never heard that name before in my life, so maybe you were doing something else. Maybe you were doing a crossword puzzle.
So, I don't know, there's like some creepy things that happen in the house, like
things moving, curly-haired woman sees the clown. Yeah. And then in the meeting with Jeff, Harvey and Russell,
Jeff goes, she definitely saw that clown Yeah
Which sounds like something like that you'd say to your friend after you made out with somebody? Oh? Yeah, everything Jeffrey says is like tainted with like?
Condescension and also it's the stupidest thing you've ever heard?
Was Father Paulus in any of the other movies?
No, he's new too.
He's new to him.
And he, was he just there to tell the story at the end, to talk about, at the end about
the liquidating of the assets and giving, okay, I had so much trouble about that. Because you can't just have someone liquidate all your assets and transfer them to a charity.
If you're alive, they have to have a power of attorney.
If you're dead, your estate's gonna pull them back.
If Russell's really a billionaire, he's gonna be subject
to federal estate taxes, the whole thing's gonna be a mess.
You can't set up an estate this way. And as far as I know, Russell's like a, probably an S corp if I had to guess, maybe even a C corp.
Russell's got his hands on a lot of things. Like, well, is that why there was so much wine
that they kept talking about? Like, I think so? Because of Jesus? I think so? He kept out accidentally
turning water into wine. They just bottled it. Alan. I have to tell you how close I was to just standing up and flipping my goddamn chair.
Like I walked in here thinking I didn't love this movie, but it was fine and I'm glad that the franchise made me so happy,
but now I'm fucking furious.
I think Father Paulus also gives him something to fight, uh, T, uh, tulli.
Oh.
There's something he puts in a safe in the attic that father Paulos gave him,
and someone's like, what's that?
He's like, you don't have to worry about it, put in my safe.
What did it look like when he was holding it?
It was just like a cylinder or something?
Okay. I mean, I don't know what to say.
I do...
I feel like I really wrecked this by bringing up my...
You could see why I would...
You should have brought it at the end.
Let me have lived a little.
My Christ Revelation killed you.
It really did. But I died for your sins.
This is where we learned the Latin for Est-Aperta Porta.
The gate is open.
I think you could have guessed if you know anything about languages.
So, I just mean...
Okay, so we talked to Father Paulus.
Uh-huh. We saw the two rides at the carnival.
Yeah. We see the clowns scare the curly-haired woman.
Yeah, this is the first time we actually see the clown moving.
Because as she's staring at it with her camera,
it's slowly turning and looking up at her.
And she just keeps going,
I'm looking at it in the camera, yeah.
There was a good scene, although at this point just totally overused by the franchise,
when she's like, you know, got it in selfie mode and she's filming herself walking and
she walks into the bar and the original cast is all standing at the bar.
It's really unsubtle.
It's like not subtle at all.
But also, like, when they, after the makeup woman, the makeup artist dies, and they're like, we looked back at her, thus thus the, their their their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, th... th. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. thi, thi, and, the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, th. And, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they, the. And, they, they, they, they. We, they. We, thea. We're, thea. We, thea, thea, they. And, the. And, the makeup woman, the makeup artist dies, and they're like, we looked
back at her social media and people began to notice things in the background, but like,
it looked like, like, it was also, I mean, last, in the last movie, we laughed at the guy
in the cloak on the porch.
This is literally just someone standing behind her like, hey.
I think Mac is handing her something. Yes, it is so not not even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even even the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. th. the m. the m. they. they. they. they. they. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. the, the, the, when. the. When. When. When, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when, when they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the. the. the. the. the. the. We. the. the. the. the. the. We. the. the, the. they Mac is handing her something. Yes, it is so not even
remote. There's no way you wouldn't see that. It's Alex hanging from a noose just
like perfectly framed behind her and crystal clear. Is that supposed to be funny? Is that a joke?
Well they're earlier in the movie we, I can't remember the cameraman that's with the morning mysteries.
That would be Louis?
Louis, thank you.
He is looking back through footage and was like, hey, I caught something when you thought
you saw something.
And he shows her what he caught and it's just one of the mannequins that's in the hallway.
Yeah.
And I was like, did you, am I not seeing something?
No? not seeing some no I think it may be have been looking at them instead of
looking straight ahead okay because later it does chase somebody yeah it
doesn't catch them just chases them that's a mannequin not quick on its toes
you take that back mannequins are wonderful loving creatures are you talking
about Christy Swanson or Kim Gertrol?
Yes.
I just, I just, I just wrote down, Paul song and I just started laughing.
Yeah, I just wrote down, Paul song again, here's Paul.
Here's Paul. I think this movie couldn't decide if it wanted to be the same as the previous movies or
very different from the other movies and I think they didn't have time to figure it out.
Yeah, it feels like they wanted to like tack some sort of morality onto it and wrap it up really neatly so that they could be done with the franchise which...
Godspeed Cagnetisies I do not blame you.
Jesus shows up in your movie you can't go back.
No that's the end of the road.
That's the biggest cameo you could have in a film.
No, yeah.
All-time ceilab, Jesus.
Hall of Famer, Jesus. I did like the scene where, we learned that Russell had a car accident in 2008 where he was
very injured.
Yeah.
Which we know because he has a scar.
That changes, but it's fine.
Tell me about how it changes.
It just kind of moves around on his face a little bit.
Some days it's much deeper than it is other days.
Yeah, some days it's a little yellower than on other days too.
That's fine.
It's meant to be disfiguring, but it like really isn't.
It's not that upsetting, but I think we're meant to be upset by it.
It just makes them look like a Bond villain.
Yeah.
And sometimes he's acting like a Bond villain.
For sure.
As a person who's never seen a bond bond bond I assume that that's how they behave. You've seen an Austin Powers movie? No.
What?
What? That's also a trilogy!
It's a third one the worst? Probably.
Probably. Yeah.
But I'm surprised that you've never seen those.
Yeah, it seems like a thing I would have seen.
You like to laugh. Nah. You like to say things. to say to say th. to say th. to say th. th. to say th. th. th. to say th. th. to say th th th th th th th thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. That's thi. thi. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. That's a th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiiiii. thiiiiii. thiiii. that's also also also that's also a that's also also a thi. that's get in my belly. Do I? Who says that? One of the characters that an
Austin Powers to me is like Anchor Man where like I feel like I've heard it quoted enough times
that I don't actually need to see it and I'm never going to see that. I bet that's a fucking trilogy too if I had to guess. Anchorman? Yeah. I want to say there's two. I bet there's there's there's their there's their their their their their their their their their their their their I want want want want want want want want their I'm want their I'm want their I'm want their their their their their their their their their their their. I'm their. I want their their their their their their their their their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm their. I'm to say their. I'm to say to say th. I'm th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to tha. I'm tha. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm tri. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I'm to say there's two? I bet there's like three, which would make it a true that she... Knowing nothing about nothing, I'm putting my foot down.
Is it Jane that's running around where she finds Sarah in the hallway, who then goes into room 2C?
That's Isabel? Is it Isabel? Is that how she dies? Because Jane doesn't die till the end? Jane is the curly-haired woman. I think Isabel is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark is the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark the dark. the dark. the dark. the dark. the dark hared thared thared thared thared thared. thared. thared. thared. th the the the the the thir the thir the thir thir the thi.? Because Jane doesn't die till the end. Jane is the curly-haired woman.
I think Isabelle is the dark-haired woman who was taking the pictures, the selfies.
How could you fucking put that on your Instagram and not notice?
There's literally a person just grinning behind you?
Just staring in herself, just checking Isabelle out.
But it did like the thing of Sarah running into the room and when the person runs in after her, there's just a sheet
on the bed.
Yeah.
It's like, oh, that's good creepy.
That's like the things that this movie franchise has done the best is just like make these
really creepy images and have them kind of like sneak up on you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Then, the sheet. Which is cool? Yeah.
And then Isabel dies, I think.
Yeah, I think it's one of those not on-screen sort of Johns, or I don't remember.
Wait, what happens to her body?
Do they just think she ran away?
I don't even know.
If I'd taken better notes would be able to see, tell you that. If I would be willing to open the Wikipedia page, I could tell you that and I just am not.
I do have a note and I could cut this if you want.
Santa Hitler is back on his bullshit.
No, I think you should save that, and I don't know why you would even ask me.
He is back on his bullshit too. He's, it's so weird. He's like the weird omniscient narrator of this world, but we have no idea why?
Is he God?
Is he Russell Wins' father?
I don't know.
Did he sacrifice Russell Wynne for all of us?
Lake of Fire, help! I like when they go to Russell Wins' hotel room to talk to him about something, they were
just shut it down.
And they just bust into his hotel room because he's out getting ice and his laptops open
with the previous documentary playing on it.
Yeah, they're like, are those the other morning mysteries?
What were you doing for your research morning mysteries?
But that's my question, in this world, does that mean the second documentary never came out?
Like, the second documentary that we saw did it not exist to the people in this movie?
No, because they talked about Brock dying.
You're right. So how the fuck could she not know who Jessica was? I don't know. I am infuriated. But I also have a question for you. Was Russell cranking it to that
documentary? One hundo? See I would have said yes, but now that I know that he's Jesus,
would he crank it to people's deaths? I don't think so. Well, it... These are the philosophical and religious questions we're getting into.
I don't understand why Russell had all those people come there then.
Did he know he was Jesus?
Maybe he's just like, Jesus.
I'm sorry, but that symbolism is a little too literal.
A little narrow.
What if that's all they've got in their playbook?
Like whatever someone needs to do a saving?
Wine and bread's going to be involved, because come on, body, Christ, blood.
Come on, everybody.
I cannot believe I spent so many years going to Catholic Mass and didn't fucking
that.
I had to wake up angry in the middle of the night. Like I was processing it in my sleep.
My brain was like, oh no, you gotta wake up and get mad.
Wake the fuck up.
This is the body of Russell.
I mean it was, it's his blood, it has his name written on it.
I hate everything so much.
And then there was that scene where he walked right across the swimming pool. I didn't even think about that. that. that. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho, to. to. to, to. to. to, to, to, to, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. th. to. th. to. to. the. the. the. the th. the th. th. th. th. th. to. th. th. to. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the to. to. to. the the the the and then there was that scene where he walked right across the
swimming pool I didn't even think about that was there no I wouldn't it's like
yeah of course yeah Russell Russell walking on water
it's a Chris Angel mind freak we see the the scary lady that's been in all
three movies though I think it maybe played by different actors in this one yeah yeah deaf deaf but uh that was I always liked I like it when she shows back up, just sitting in a corner, waiting
for you.
Just gonna get you at some point.
Although, shit, I don't think she even gets anybody in this movie.
No, she tickles Harvey and then splits.
Because they're doing the lighting test where it goes completely black in
the room that he's in, or some reason.
Yeah, because that room is where the room the room the room where the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the room the I don't know, doing what. I don't understand the play at all. I love they're doing all this prep work and then when the play starts there's all these
new people that have not been involved in it. Yes, who is that lady? I don't know. And then
we're supposed to just like care about her outcome? I do not. Sorry, Colette. I don't care. She jumps up, she's like, oh shit! It's just so stupid. And then like, there's a bunch
of people waiting outside while the first people go in, like, it's a haunted house. And I
was like, how many times you guys gonna do this play tonight? I thought it was Faust. That
is long! It's just a quick in and outgurta. We're gonna get this over with real quick. Faust in half an act.
He's just selling his soul, next troop's gonna be in. It's so bizarre.
It literally, literally doesn't make any sense.
It literally doesn't make any sense.
And I feel like the last movie was holding on to Sense,
like with its sweaty fingers that were sliding off the edge of the sense building. Someone came over and their like no the the the the the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last the last th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. the last th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the th. the. the. te. te. too. te. te. te. too. te. too. te. too. the the the the the the the sense building. Someone came over and stepped on them and they were like, no, no, we can hang on.
And in this movie, they just plummeted.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Like, one of the conceits of this film is that Louis, the morning mystery's cameraman.
Sure. It's allowed to film anything anywhere anytime he
wants and nobody ever stops him. Except every time Russell goes, that's not
going in, that's not going in. Every time he says something in one of those
attic meetings. Yeah. But there's also just like, it almost seems like he's
just crouching in a bush sometimes filming people's conversations, but he's not,
because he's really close to them and they just don't even acknowledge that he's there. I can't forget that I'm
watching it, you know what I mean? And it's not like he's a tiny dude? No, it's
just really disappointing. And like why does she even suspect that the priest knows about the money? Because she's like, something's up with Russell's banning.
His finances are weird.
Let's go talk to Father Goulis or whatever.
Follus.
Mm-hmm.
Father Goulies.
Father Goulies.
Father Goulies.
Pops out of the Holy Toilet.
Yeah, it's well, it's the font in the apps. Blah, the body of Christ.
I compel you.
Well, why does she think that he knows something about the money?
Because Russell was being weird with him.
Because they saw the two of them talking off in the distance.
So something must be conspiratorial here.
I guess.
Why I have a conversation you don't have Louis filming.
Anytime someone is not talking,. I. I. I. I. I they. I they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they is not talking near me, I assume they're conspiring.
Mm-hmm.
Something is a miss.
I'm extremely paranoid.
Yeah.
So just because you're paranoid.
Don't mean they're not after you.
Wow.
Yeah.
What was the, I have the note sounded like Sarah Havel?
Oh yeah, that's when um, they, someone saw Sarah in the hallway and they described her as
a woman with a gray t-shirt, blue jeans and dark blonde hair.
Oh, because she was talking to us.
She was sitting at the table with the guy playing fouls.
Oh, she was talking to us, she was sitting at the table with the guy playing Fowls. Oh, that's right.
And they hear her talking when they walk into the room, he's not talking to anybody, turns
back around.
But he says, yeah, woman, gray t-shirt, blue jeans, dark blonde hair.
That's a lot of women I know.
Yeah. I love that scene because it's Jeffrey or Jeff or whatever. Who cares?
And he like walks up and hears them talking and like slides up against the wall.
He's like, ooh, he's going to get some.
See, but this is where Jeff's doing his like constantly condescending thing, but also just being a dummy, you know?
He's like, oh, somebody finally likes this guy.
He seemed fine. He seemed fine. He's fine. Jeff's lonely.
She's like, oh, it was so silly. Like, hey, everybody, let's listen in. Yeah. Yeah, it's true. It's just, I feel like this movie took all, had like the puzzle almost put together, and then somebody like came in and tripped and knocked the table over and the pieces went everywhere and they were like, but we're like, but we're on on on on on this this this this this this this this this this this this this. like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. th. th. Like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th like, th, th like, th, th like, th like, th like, th like, th like, thi, thi, thi, like, like, like, like, like, like, like this movie took all, had the puzzle almost put together, and then somebody came in and tripped and knocked the table over and the pieces went everywhere and they were like,
but we're on deadline.
Got up to get a cover coffee, came back and the cats just sitting in the middle of the
keyboard. Or it's like that scene in, um, what was the romcom we did last year with Colin Furth, where I lovedust. the the the the the the the the the the the th, I was th, I was th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, and, the, th, th, th, th, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, th, but, but, but, th. And, but, but, th. th, but, but, th, th. th, th, th, th, th, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was, th. was, the, the, the, the, thi, thi, thi, thi, the thea, thea, thea, thea, thea, thea. thea. thea. theeee. the, the, whereas pages go into the all of his typewritten pages because he was writing a book on a typewriter going to the water. Oh man.
Fucking idiots. It's so dumb. So now we are at the dinner scene that's the night before the grand opening. He makes everybody move so he can sit in the middle.
And he, okay, there's something the grand opening. He makes everybody move so he can sit in the middle.
And he, okay, there's something about somebody denying Christ
at the Last Supper?
Well, there's that Peter would deny Christ three times
before the cock crowed.
So that's Vanessa.
Because she's trying to shut down the show.
Yeah. And then he, he's betrayed by Judas, who... Is that that that Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa, that that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, that Vanessa, thi? thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. the, th. th. the, the, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. that's thi. thi. thi. th Judas who is that Vanessa then I don't know well I'm thinking about it because
In some representations of the last supper painting Judas actually sits on the other side of the table okay to indicate that he was the traitor
Maybe it's us because we're watching it. Oh, that's true. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I? I don't know. I? I don't know. I? I don't know. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. I think. th. th. I think. think. I'm. I th. I the. I the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I think. I think. think. think. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I think. I think. I th. I think. I th. I th. I think. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I true. Yeah. I don't know. But I don't know.
I wanted to get some food.
And then a guy who's never acted before comes out.
It says, hey, welcome to restaurant.
I'm sorry, the dinner's closed.
And they're like, oh, man, I just wanted something to eat. Kitchen isn't, so have to go now. And Russell's like, yes.
But how about some rolls?
Yeah, bring me a glass of your house red and some dinner rolls.
And then they all take the rolls, which I found to be very rude,
but now I get it.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
They ate of his body.
It has been given up for you and for all. It was subtle, which is what I appreciated.
Maybe it was like, it was the picture of Mac standing behind the woman.
It was so not subtle that we couldn't see it.
It's sure we were just too close to it.
So then we, yeah, we have the conversation with Father Paulus.
Yeah, he's liquidating all of his assets.
He's, you know, I'm just gonna give it away.
He literally can't do that.
He's been just doing a $500 ATM withdrawals every day.
For the best 200 years.
And this is when we see the flashbacks of him,
like in the diner dressed like the scarecrow,
or walking into hand bones when the old crew was there. Like, like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to to to to the to to to to to to to to to too. too. tooffic. tooffic. to. to. to. to. to. today. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to to the the the the to bones when the old crew was there. Like, why does he need to be there?
Man, I fucking wish I knew, because it's just like,
is it like, all right, you're gonna, I'm gonna let all these people die.
Don't worry, I'll bring them back.
Because he didn't bring everybody back.
Yeah, where's Mitchell? Where's
Hitchhiker Lady? Where are the two dudes who picked up Hitchhiker Lady? Yeah,
so, but they, yeah, it's so silly and so like, oh, whoa, whoa, what if he was in the old stuff?
Oh, when you said that, I thought you figured it out. I would thought that was sincere. I was, I literally leaned forward. I mean it just doesn't, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, like, like, it, like, like, it, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, where, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, like, like, when you said that, I thought you figured it out. I would think that was sincere.
I literally leaned forward.
And it just doesn't, it doesn't, like, there's nothing about it that works.
See now that, because I'm thinking he's Christ, it's like, he's always been with us and he
was.
Well, only since 2008.
Oh, right.
Oh, right. Did he die before or after Hell House or does it not matter? Hell House was in 2008?
It was 89.
It was 89.
It was 89.
It was 89.
Yeah.
Thanks, baby Jackson.
Good thing we watched all these movies so close together so that they were just ingrained
in our dumb brains.
Oh my fucking God!
Why was he there, though?
Like what did he hope to gain by being there? I don't know. And like, this is the thing I don't get is Russell's motivations, because we're told in the
last movie that Andrew Tully has been sending him tapes.
Tapes of what?
So why did he buy the place?
Why is he doing this?
Does he know that bringing a bunch of people there is dangerous because it seems like it. Things happen and he's like, no, no, no, no, don't worry about it.
So what I think is going on is that they had to set up another attraction to open a portal
to hell.
Oh.
And you could, the only way to do it is to have some sort of business operating up of it?
You're right.
This is literally the joke you made in the last video. Oh, Christ, literally.
I'm...
It's...
So we see Russell and he's now got one of the camcorders, he's filming himself.
And he goes into room to see, and in the room flashing in and out of
existence is Andrew Tully with his back turn to us. Right. I could have done with
more Andrew Tully in this movie to be honest with you. At least it's like a
definitive bad guy, you know. Why is he all cut up what he shows up? I have no idea.
I thought maybe he fell off his bike. Like, he doesn't make any sense for him to be injured. It doesn't mean anything to us.
His day job is being a comp troller he was riding into work
because he like to brag about the fact that he rides into work
because he's from hell and he's annoying.
Oh my god, he's probably a vegan too.
Sorry, vegans.
He's probably does cross fit. He just stands there talking to you doing calf lifts and he's like, oh what's up?
Yeah, no, I just need to get my reps in.
Uh, I didn't get enough Peloton time in this morning, so.
Fuck you, Andrew Tully.
Keeper of the Portal to Hell.
Did you watch the what we do in the Shadows TV show?
Yes, and I loved it. Yes. It's just Andrew Tully. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, th, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, I, I, I, I, I thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, th thi, th th th thi thi th thi thi thi thi. thi. thi. I just just thi, thi, thi, I. Yes, and I loved it. The psychic vampire? Yes, yes.
Just Andrew Dully.
Yeah, maybe.
Maybe.
And they're doing this thing with him where they're swinging
a light bulb back and forth in front of his face,
kind of, or he's moving back and forth around like a light fixture.
I think both.
I don't know why.
Because it's like in the last last last last last're like, uh-uh, uh-oh, oh, oh shit!
Because I have the note, your boy is back.
But then he goes back behind it.
He goes behind it and comes out a couple times.
It's just playing peek-a-boo.
He literally is.
Oh, and he says a bunch of dumb shit about, I don't remember, gateways to hell and... Oh he was like we
taped everything when we opened this place too. It was in 1980, did you really?
Yeah it's all in video. It's all deteriorated by this point? I don't understand.
We taped everything. There's such a specific things that you have to do to open this portal to hell.
Tape everything. It's gotta be an active business. We need customers.. We wea wea wea wea to to to to to to to to to to to to to the customers. We to to to the customers. We to th customers. We to to the th customers. We taping customers. We taping customers. We taping taped everything. We th taped everything to to th th th th th th th th the everything. We th the everything. We the the the the the the th th th th th th th th th th th th th th you have to do to open this portal to hell.
Tape everything.
It's got to be an active business.
We need customers, paying customers.
Paying customers.
They have to be willing to line up outside and come through in groups.
Can you do that?
When Russell goes outside, you just, woo, woo woo!
I have the note that says, the actor playing Russell can't even pretend to be an actor which is weird. It reminded me of the thing where I can't do the nature boy
Rick Flair woo. I just can't do it I can't make my body make that noise. Because he
really makes you sad that I cannot produce that noise. What happens if you try?
It just wooo it just doesn't sound like a ghost being sucked into like a vacuum cleaner.
Woo!
It just doesn't sound good.
That was completely different.
That was a go-kart sliding off a wet track.
Whoa!
I just, I can't do it.
I was like, did Russell's like, he got the roll and he's reading there, he's like,
oh man, we have to yell.
I'm gonna go, woohoo!
That was a ghost whose sheet blew up over a vent.
Like in a Marilyn Monroe type, uh.
Woo!
Woo! You really can't do it? I can't? We'll practice. I can't wink.
We'll learn.
We'll learn each other.
Why do I have the note, Andrew is fucking up Gregory?
Who's Gregory?
Gregory is the British guy playing Faust.
Oh, OK.
Because the lights go down during the play, and it seems like it's part of the play.
Because who the fucks are this play is about? This is the thing, it's like we're gonna have these big crowds in here.
There are five people in the room watching that scene.
Like, what are, are there other people in the house at that time?
And they're all wearing blank masks?
Yes.
And why?
And why when shit goes down?
to the play? Does the idea that like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I can't go to the play. I wear glasses. Yeah.
Also the idea that like everybody going to see this production of Faust is 23 years old.
That's a weird concept, right?
Anyway, the lights go off. And when they come back on, Andrew Tully is just like crushing Gregory's face to death? Yeah. Yeah sound right? Yeah. Oh, he's like, he's doing that thing where, uh,
trying to think of what movie they do it in, where someone just puts, puts their fingers
inside someone's face and just starts straight, it's in one of the thousands of movies we've watched. Yeah. But he's just like got his fingers in somebody's face and he's facing him up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's like th. He's like th. He's like th. He's like th. He's just like th. He's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's just like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, th. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, th. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, somebody's face and he's facing him up he's doing that to great great and like all right yeah and then the 86 Chicago Bears
burst through a barrier and come running out to kill everybody yes the
86 Chicago Bears dressed in cloaks and wearing like demon masks just Boston
they're fast they're powerful which I don't love for a demon cultist.
Ghost, right? Demon cultist ghost? Sure. And they're just dragging everyone off screen and then bloodshut.
Yeah. Which I enjoyed. Yeah. I did like, I liked this scene a lot, actually, sort of the pandemonium of everybody running and these like insane cultists just like tackling them to the ground.
You know what scene I did not like?
Which?
So, uh, Vanessa is standing behind the bar watching the mayhem and two, there's like people
being slaughtered in front of her and they're, oh, that's what it's fucking was what? This is so, th. th. thi, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, thi, oh, oh, oh, thi, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that, oh, oh, that, that, that's like, that's, that, that, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's, that's, that's, th. Oh, that's, th. Oh, th. Oh, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, th. Oh, that's what it fucking was. What? This is so, I'm just watching, you watch this movie.
So the camera's spinning, and it's spinning, and it's spinning,
and I was like, why the fuck is it spinning?
Why is Lewis turning in circles?
And then I remembered, it's not Lewis,
it's the lazy Susan that they showed you
in the first fucking act, that they asked him to shut off because, because, because, because, becauseephyscophilies. I thought of that the whole time.
So it's on the Lazy Susan spinning around. It's fucking Chekhov's Lazy Susan.
Oh my god I forgot about that entirely. Because I was like why? Why is this? Is he spinning in circles? Is it on a record player? Like there's no music playing,
or maybe there was music playing, but why?
The best was that as it would spit around,
it would get back to the actor that was in the room,
and you could tell they were like, okay, go,
Oh, go back up?
Why were they not just going the whole time?
And it's me again. Here we get. It's like a dizzy bat. And three,
two go, mm-hmm, here I am. Maybe they're like ballerinas and they're just all staring at
a spot on the wall. When it's their spot, they go. But this fucking bullshit with these demons
tackling everybody off screen goes on for seven, three minutes. It does go on for a long time. It's a lot tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. tho th. tho th. th. tho th. tho thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. tho tho tho tho tho' tho' thi. thi. tho' tho' tho tho tho tho- tho- tho-a, tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. And th. And th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. It's the. the. the. theea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea. thea of padding there at the end. Oh my god.
And then my next note just says, so nobody actually got killed, huh?
The hotel collapsed.
Yeah.
And the fire.
Well, okay, so we see Russell go upstairs and put something in the safe.
Yeah. No, he takes something out of the safe.
Well, at this point he t he's running into the basement to fight Andrew Tully.
Does he know that he's going in the basement to fight Andrew Tully?
Oh yeah, this has been the plan all along.
Okay, no, explain that to me.
As far as I could tell, this has been the plan all along.
I see.
Because he got something from the priest.
And that's the weapon he has to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use to use fighting Andrew Tully, the floor starts cracking all around them.
Right, okay, so I will buy that Russell's motivation,
Andrew Tully for whatever reason was selling him,
was sending him these tapes,
we'll get back to that.
Russell Wynn realized it's a portal to hell,
he figures out how to fix it,
which is a movie that's probably more that's that's that's that's that's that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably that's probably one is him doing the research? I don't think he had to do the research. What do you think happened? He was sent back from heaven
to do this. He went and saw Jesus and Jesus was like you're me now go back
down there and fix this. Because he was dead for 14 minutes in 2008.
He couldn't have done this in 2009? Yeah, he let Mitchell Kavanaugh die.
It's weird that Mitchell and them don't show up again.
Anyway, okay, so I guess you're right.
That's, I mean, that's the only thing that makes sense.
Because at no point you see...
Alan, let's use it makes sense in a different, in a relative scale.
Well, I mean...
At no point do you see Russell doing research? No, no, I guess not.
He'd probably just have Jeff do it for him. No, he's too busy cranking it up to the whole to-tocu.
Okay, so he has to go close the portal to hell, which he does by getting this weapon from the priest,
uh-huh, question marks on all that, and that shoots it, that closes the portal and then the building collapses in a flaming,
fiery inferno.
But no one was hurt.
They were all found in the cornfield out back, which I thought was a fairground,
but okay.
It could be both.
You could be both.
Now, wait.
Okay.
Assuming all of that Russell Winn is Jesus? Because he starts sending him the tapes.
No, I think this was a long con from Russell Winn on the devil man.
No, that doesn't make any sense.
Why? Okay, so why did he ever send him the tapes?
So that he could get another Hell-Lc going?
Do you think he'd been sending Alex tapes before that... But that... But you can't... But you can't...
Billy Braddock or whatever fuck name I ever done already.
What's that?
Man, oh man, Conyettie.
So nobody actually gets killed.
They're all found alive, except for Russell.
Right. Russell's gone missing.
And we get back inside the house, and we see a shot of a dude's crotch and we realize it's Paul.
Paul, your back baby. I'm loving from you Paul. Got a better haircut now. Yeah,
sometime has passed for some time has passed for all of them. They were all looking a little little different.
Sarah's hair is much shorter. Yes. And Tony was not nearly so fit. But I don't think it. but now. They the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to to. to to to to to to to to to to the. to the. to the. the. the. the. Yes, and Tony was not nearly so fit.
But I don't think they... But now I'm saying it. I don't think they expected everyone to be watching
them in such a big succession. They were expecting a little memory lapse, not these fools that are watching. No way! You make three movies. You're thinking Hell House, L-House-L-L-L-L-L-L-C. Hell-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-T-S-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-T-I-I-I-I-butthe. But but but but but but the-butthe. But but but but the-butthe. But but but but but but but but but I I I I I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-I'm thhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm thhh. I'm thh. I'm thh. I'm thhahahahahe. I'm l c l l l c hell c hels a thon l l c that's a
one so we cut to them they're in the house it's light or they're in the
hotel hey buddies everybody we're back when Tony showed back up I thought about the
joke you made about him just like showing up with some taco bell and I felt like that's what was happening. Like literally every joke you made about this franchise came true in a totally non-ironic way.
Do you think they made this movie between us recorded as if it was?
I think they must have.
Or am I Hell Hell Hells LLC Pressions?
Maybe you're Alan Cagnetti.
What if this is my gift?
Oh no.
Oh, God. So, so they're all like getting reunited and it feels so good.
So good.
Russell, wind walks in.
Well, they're first they're trying to open the door with their god-dam shoulders again.
Open the door.
I can't get it.
I can't get it.
You can't get it! I can't get it! You can't leave!
Oh God, he's standing there in a beam of light like fucking Jesus Christ!
And he walks into the light! No! No! No! No! You can't leave because you died. You got to live in this house now. That doesn't exist anymore.
Yeah. Bye! Yeah. Where did he go?
Did he have it?
Oh. And they go into the basement to go to the bar after Alex and Sarah hug.
Because I was worried about their relationship.
Hey, do you think that bar's still open? Want to go get a brood dog? You know I do, my man.
My bra bum? And they all go away.
Chest bump walking in the fire.
The movie ends.
Piano music.
Boom, boom.
My last note, ha ha, what?
That's a really good final note.
My final note is I woke up in the middle of the night,
realizing that dinner scene was the last supper, and I'm so fucking
angry. Oh man. Did you get back to sleep or were you just up all night being angry?
I went right back to sleep in anger.
He woke up in the morning like, I had the strangest dream and then you're like, it was
real.
They always say, don't go to bed mad at your Cognetti.
I did it, I did. I'm gonna go to bed mad at the Cognnies Cani Cani cagniest the cagn- I the cagnananan. I th th at th the cann- I'm th at th at th at th at th at th at the th at th at th. I's th. I's th. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. I the the the the th. I the the the the th. I the th. I the the. I the. I'm the the the the. the. I the the. the. I the an too. I to to to to to to the. I'm gonna go to bed mad at the Cognettis tonight. Katie.
Katie.
You what?
What?
We've got to give a surprise rating to the fans out there because they're going to be
shocked by what we're about to do in the ratings phase.
Tens across the board, let's do this.
I, this movie to me, to me, before I walked in and had this conversation with you, I thought, boy, what a let down.
To me, it felt like they were, it just got away from them.
Like they tried to build this really tall building, but like it wasn't standing on anything, and
then in the last scene, everything collapses. And I thought, man, that's unfortunate because this was clearly
a labor of love. They clearly loved the story, they loved this franchise, and a lot of things
were so good, but this one just really got away from them. But now I am furious. I'm so upset.
So I am going to give this movie a rating of Wine into water. Oh, reversed it.
I went the bad way. What about you?
I'm gonna give this movie zero Andrew Tulles. Oh damn, that bad. The only thing that
save this movie is that I knew that I was gonna get into a room and talk to you about the
the shit-ass movie. Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Shoot. In what
order did you watch the movies that were recording tonight? Did you watch
this week and then next week? Well reversed. Me too and this felt somehow
so much worse after watching that and that is shameful and that is shameful shameful. There are at least like the the the their thi thi thi thi thi thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that is that is that that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a that is a th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that. that. that. that. thate. thi. thi. the. the. thate. thi. thi. thi. th are at least like points in the next week's movie where I was
like, oh, this is joyous and its stupidity.
Oh, yeah, you're going to have to sell me on that idea.
But like, once, once you put the veneer of this, this is just someone's like, CCD class
run a muck.
I hate it.
Like, I wonder if they're going gonna listen to this and be like,
oh fuck, that was Jesus stuff, you're right.
What was I think?
Do you think like Grandma Conyetti funded the last of this movie and she was like,
but put in my Jesus! Stevie!
Father Paulus was back from this whole thing.
Oh, my God. Oh, Russell Russell Winn, we barely knew ye.
And then thank God for that, though.
Honestly, though, do you recommend the Hell House franchise to people?
Yeah, and I recommend watching all three of them.
No, you can finish, you can stop with two and be done.
You're not going to feel satisfied, I swear to you.
You're going to have to watch the third one.
And it's going to like...
I think maybe you should watch like one, two, three, and then watch a one again.
And then just go home.
And bong rips are encouraged.
Oh yes.
I mean for all our movies though. Says the guy who does the guy thia thia the guy th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Oh, th. Oh, th. Oh, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi bongs. Nope. Mm-mm.
Keep the temple clean.
I don't know what that means.
I drink like a fish.
So what shitty movie do you want to talk about next week?
Katie.
Alan.
This was my suggestion.
Yes, it was.
And as usual, it was poorly planned because I wanted to do a rock block
of horror movies. I'm very excited to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thoom. to be, thi, thi, thi, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. I'm thi. I'm thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thri. thri. thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. I'm thii. I'm thi. I'm thi.this. They're gonna be broken up by a few other things, we'll get back to it after the holidays. Yeah we got to hit
our annual holiday episode and our new holiday tradition of a romantic
comedy probably. A gift to us. Yeah it can't be Greece. It can't be Greece.
That's just punishment. But yeah, like, before we started recording this episode, we thought, joked about doing
Greece and I was like, yeah, all right?
And then immediately regretted it and now I'm just saying no, we gotta think of something
else.
Do you have a romcom suggestion for us to do for the holiday season, something in the vein
of love actually or something like that?
Could you send us suggestions?
Because we just don't know?. Do don't know. A sleepless in Seattle?
But not that.
You've got men.
But also not that.
Oh, when Harry met Sally.
But also not that.
I guess it's more of a New Year's movie.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's a great movie, though. We're gonna do Jason X. Jason and Spacing.
Is he really in space though?
For a little bit?
Oh, Christ.
Oh, it's a cane hotter masterpiece.
So, if you enjoyed this,
and how could you not?
Please go and watch the companion video for this. Yeah, we're talking about trilogies. Yeah, doing some mail bags.
Doing some mailbacks. Maybe your mailback I mentioned.
Sweepstake stuff, that's still going on. Yeah. Tell your friends.
Uh, hashtag it video wolf ambulance. And you can, if you get picked in the sweepstakes. th get to pick which movie we're doing after you give us three choices.
That's three choices, we get to decide between those three.
And after we finish our space movie rock block.
Yes.
We're so good at this.
And you can buy t-shirts at T-Public.
T-E-E-E-Public. And you can get us on the internet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th-. th-. th-. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. to th-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. to-s. the-s. th-s. the-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. the th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. th-s. the-s. th-s. the-s. the-s. the-s-s-s. the-s. the-s-s. the-s. the-s. th-s. th-s. th-s-s-s-s's great and thanks for listening to another episode of Warwaffe Ambulance.
Bye.
Bye.
Duh, Duh.
Duh, Duh.
Duh.
There's too many notes.
Is it am I wrong?
They couldn't afford the head like I had to stop at four.
Woo!