Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 494- Innocent Blood (1992)

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

In this week's episode, we're watching a vampire movie chosen by the Patróns and it just happens to be set in and filmed in the seedy city of Pittsburgh, PA! It's 1992's "Innocent Blood." Special topics for your consideration include: bars that aren't there anymore, an absolutely batshit cast, a side of Robert Loggia we'd never seen before, and the most hometown movie we've ever covered (and that includes our Patreon episodes on both "Striking Distance" and "The Dark Knight Rises." Vampires! They are everywhere! Maybe just go listen to Episode 355- "Twilight" because lol. The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes. This month's selection is the utterly bananas "Masters of the Universe."   leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD  buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever.   If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Katie Allen. I didn't know the Pittsburgh used to be so scuzzy. It was so scuzzy. When I was growing up, downtown Pittsburgh was so seedy, like you would not go there. Yeah. I feel like I really missed something. I moved here too late.

Liberty Avenue was just like an underbelly. Really? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Really, the only thing that was still there when I came of age was Pegasus Lounge, which you can see in the background of the shot where Robert Loja gets set on fire in this movie.

I was like, oh, fuck yeah, Pegasus, but it's gone now too. All right, Pegasus. All right, Pegasus, great club. Really? Great gay club, yeah. Okay. A lot of fun there, a lot of dancing.

Oh, that is a great name for a gay club. Isn't it just? Holy shit. Yeah, rip. That great name for a gay club. Isn't it? Just. Holy shit. Yeah, rip. That's a single entendre and beautiful. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Alan. Katie. It would be foolish for me to try to explain how excited I am to watch this movie, anytime I watch this movie. I love that. I love that.

I love this story. This is my first time. How did you, well, I was gonna ask you how you felt about it, but I guess that's what we do at the end of the episode. The next hour we will discuss that. We'll build to it. We're building to the climax.

We're gonna edge around it a little. What movie are we doing? We're doing Innocent Blood, the 1992 vampire with morals film. Ish. Oh, come on. Directed by known murderer, John Landis. He was from the Twilight Zone movie? Yeah.

Yeah, he murdered the people. He's directed a lot of movies. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never got really held accountable for murdering those people either. No. And like, I was like, oh, whoa,

it's just like an accident on set. And the more I learned about it was like, oh, he like cut corners and did things he shouldn't have done to get stuff done. No, it's not great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love this movie. The cast in this movie is absolutely fucking bananas. Spectacular even.

Like it just kept hitting on names. I was like, what are you doing? Where? And Don Rickles? And Don Rickles. And Don Rickles. And yet another Raimi cameo. Yeah, the other Raimi.

The other Raimi. And my neighbor and yours, but mostly mine, Tom Savini. And childhood crush of mine, Linnea Quigley. Linnea Quigley is the nurse. She's the nurse. The nurse who screams. Oh my God, yes! Oh my God, what a fucking movie. And for all you soprano heads out there, there's at least three actors that were later in the

Sopranos TV show. I mean, this is just Sopranos meet vampires, right? Yeah. Yeah. Princess Ford Coppola's Dracula's Sopranos. So fucking good. And Louise Guzman. And Luis Guzman, who has two lines in two scenes.

And, and speaking of crutches, Angela fucking Bassett. Angela fucking Bassett, two lines, two scenes. And Dario Argento, he's the paramedic. I didn't even notice him. It was all going by so quickly. I can't even. And Anthony La Paglia. And fucking Forrest J. Ackerman.lia and fucking forest J. Ackerman.

Who's forest J. Ackerman? Uh, famous monsters zine. The famous famous monsters magazine. Okay. That's, um, um, farce Ackerman also known pervert farce. How about known good guy, Frank Oz? Yeah. This movie rules. Yeah. Freaking fucking awesome. This movie rules. I do like that it's like, hey, I know you, come do this thing.

Yeah, yeah. And this, we're going to do it real cheap because we're going to do it in Pittsburgh in 1992. And it's going to be scuzzy. It's going to be a real scuzzy. So scuzzy. You're going to be shocked by how scuzzy it is. So the movie opens on like a helicopter shot

of the beautiful point of Pittsburgh, where the Allegheny Monongahela rivers meet to form the mighty Ohio. It's a beautiful city. We have ridden on a boat around that point together. You can see the goddamn gateway clipper in this movie. And one when I think when they're driving across the Liberty bridge, which they do for like 40 minutes, I was like, I see the gateway clipper back here. There's also, there's some fun like,

that road doesn't take you where you just ended up. No, when Market Square turns into my block. Or when it turns into Squirrel Hill, which it's like at the intersection that I used to practically live at. Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah. When Polis was still there.

Polis, Polis baby. I heard Polis was terrible. I've never been still there. Polis, polis baby. I heard polis was terrible. I don't, never been in there. Now who would? So we open on this, this beautiful shot of Pittsburgh, all the, the, the downtown buildings are all lit up, which we know is not the case at night anymore. Well, we're not here doing our best. It's true. And then we get a French lady internal model.

Just titties in the wind. And she's talking about how she has a choosiness of food. I thought of to you because I know how you, uh, you were, it was on a drunk a so recently, but you were, uh, extolling the virtues of a tiny titty. Oh, she's got the best tiny little titties. I stand by that even when I'm sober. Yeah. She also got a bush. We get to see some bush.

I couldn't tell if that was a full blown mercant or if it was just, she was a... I think she's just letting it grow in. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, sure, sure. It's a winter in Pittsburgh. You don't need to wax then. You freeze your pussy off. You freeze your flaps.

She's reading a newspaper and she sees something about a mob war. And then she, don't worry, she has all the newspapers that are all about the mob war. Yes, all different editions of the post-gazette seemingly. And she says, she's picky about food. What about Italian? I thought it was time to treat myself and I thought, what about Italian? Ain't no sex my speciality. Speciality, at least this woman is genuinely French.

It's true, it's true. I was like, oh yeah, I miss you, we're doing it in some blood. She was like, that's the one with the French vampire? And I was like, I don't know, it takes place at Pittsburgh. You were wrong. She was right, and she likes this movie. So now we're in Market Square, we're in the Oyster House. At this time, my grandfather used to describe Market Square as quote,

full of bums and pigeons. Not far off from this movie. Yeah. Yeah. Chaz Palminieri. Yes. Chaz. Chaz. Grown man. Chaz. Chaz. I feel like you gotta go with Chuck at this point. Or Charles. For an Italian man. It's, it's true. Like Chuck Maggiano. Uh, yeah. I mean, I feel like if you're no longer harassing the karate kid, you have to drop Chaz. I think so. I think so. Yeah. No, he doesn't. He doesn't. Our main point of view character is Anthony La Paglia. I'm sure he says La Paglia, but I'm going to say La Paglia. I'm sure he says La Paglia, but I'm gonna say La Paglia,

because that's correct. His name is Joe Gennaro. Joe Gennaro? Which I wonder if it is a hat tip to legendary Pittsburgh weatherman Joe Gennaro. It has to be. Joe said it would. It's a combination of that,

and I need a generic Italian, so Joe Gennaro. Joe Gennaro, yeah. Oh my God. They're in the mob and they're bringing in this other guy to meet with Sal, Sally. Sally. Sally the something? Sally the shark? Sally the shark. Sally the shark. Sally the shark. Michellie? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Is that right?

That's right, yeah. Michellie. It's Robert Loja. It's Robert Loja. I love Robert Loja. He's a fantastic, shitty, powerful man. Sure, yeah. I like that about him a lot.

If you have scenery that you need gotten rid of, he will chew the fuck out of it. I mean, literally, in this film. He's like a Labrador puppy. He will just gnaw everything until it's gone. But like a really alpha Labrador puppy. So Chaz Palminteri and Joe Gennaro are taking this new mobster guy down to meet Sal, Sally the shark.

In the basement of the oyster house? Yeah, m'huh, m'huh. And first they have to stop at the TV because Chaz Palmitieri or whatever his name is, I've lost it already, Chaz. Chaz. Has to stop at this one part because he has to watch a dinosaur eat a cop.

And then says, I love that. I love that, I don't love this movie, I don't love that scene, I just love that. Really? That's it. You don't love this movie. That's it. Should we stop now? That's no, no, no. That's what it'd be like for him. I see. Oh, I see. I thought he was just celebrating a cop is Demise in the mouth of a dinosaur. Robert Loja is explaining to this man how a toaster oven works. He says, you ever tried cooking calzone in the microwave? It comes out like a limp dick. I imagine it would. Oh God, that's be so gross. Does he mean reheat or does he mean put raw dough in there? I think he means put raw dough in there.

Please Sally, no. Of course it comes out like a limp dick. Even reheating, although it would probably get real hard in spots too. You want to heat bread up for too long? I, yeah, I don't microwave. I don't mean to be smug about it, like I don't even have a TV, but I find microwaves just tasteful. Really?

Yeah, I just don't use it really. Just a little reheat, little zip zap on some soup. Just throw it in a pot on the stove. Because if you put it in the microwave in a bowl, then your bowl is too hot. If you heat it on the stove, you put it into a bowl. The bowl's a regular temperature. I'm just looking to get things lukewarm. I want to get that fridge stank.

Okay. A little lukewarm. And that's all I need. You don't care about heat. You care about lack of cold. Yeah. Minute 30. That's all I need in there.

And then we're done. We're out. We're moving. Okay. All right. cold. Yeah. Minute 30. That's all I need in there. And then we're done. We're out. We're moving. Okay. All right. I do love before we get to Robert Loje, they have to take him down to the basement of the oyster house and they have to

keep walking through all these tunnels. And at one point Chas says, we gone so far. We ended up in China. Right. Because there are Chinese people working in the kitchen. Okay. They were going to a Chinese restaurant. Okay. in the kitchen. Yeah. They were going to a Chinese restaurant. Okay. Yeah. So then Robert Lojo does explain the Lintic calzone microwave oven.

That's a brand new sentence. If it was that thing of like, Oh, when is he going to beat this man to death with this toaster oven? And then he does. Well, mostly. Because this guy stole it and didn't turn it over the profits to Robert This is just a rough. And then he does. Well, mostly. Because this guy stole it and didn't turn it over the prophets to Robert Loja. He's not gonna stand for that. That's not gonna happen on his watch.

No. So Joe Gennaro grabs Robert Loja and says, get rid of him discreet. And then Robert Loja just shoots him in the head. You like mob movies in general? It's not my preferred genre, but I'm not mad. Like I think The Godfather and The Godfather 2 is a fucking solid masterpiece.

Oh, and The Godfather 3, of course. Oh yeah, of course. Once you've added a fuck. Sofia Coppola. I know, I was thinking of, it doesn't matter. Yeah, no, it doesn't matter. Um, yeah, no, the three is terrible. Uh, I, I think good fellows is too fucking long. Yeah. You cut some of the middle, but it's a good, otherwise it'd be good. Yeah.

But like, I'm not, I'm not like, I've seen some of the Sopranos. I, yeah, I saw the first season. Yeah. It's not for me. Yeah. Yeah. How about you? No, I think it makes my people look bad. Sure. Yeah. Sure. This is my favorite mob movie, if I'm being honest with you. This and that one where, um, fuck, what's his name? Hugh Grant has to, he marries into a mob family and his dad is James con. Yeah. His father-in-law is James con. I think I've seen that.

I think it's called Mickey blue eyes and I took Nana to see it in the theater and she cackled the whole time. That makes me love it as well. Yeah, you'd like it. I think I'm gonna go out on a limb and say my cousin Vinnie is my favorite Oh, yeah, that's good My biological clock is ticket like this I'm gonna say that's not organized crime. It's true. It's true. It's just got that flavor You're just being racist now by saying that all Italians. No, I'm just being racist against Joe Pesci.

Specifically, all other movies he has done have been mob films. My favorite movie, my favorite mob movie is Home Alone 2, Lost in New York. He was trying to get into the mob then. That's true, that's true. Casino. I was blown away when they walk outside after the guy gets shot and, uh, Chaz and Joe Janaro,

I guess Tony and Joe are walking down the street and they walk by a Bud dry sign. And it was like the whole world opened up to me and I was like, I forgot about it. Tell me about Bud dry. Cause I do not know anything. I never had a sip of it, but I just remember the ad campaign was like, Oh, fucking drink Bud dry. And I just thought it was like a silly double entendre. I mean, yeah. How do you, how do you, I'm looking it up. Bud dry.

What's the deal with Bud dry? It's just, it was just an American lawyer, lager, but like, I don't know what made it dry. What's the deal with Bud dry? It's just, it was just an American lager, but like, I don't know what made it dry. What makes it dry? Apparently its demise was when Bud Ice came out. There was also a Micolob dry. Yeah, Bud Ice, 1994. Yeah. It doesn't explain why it's dry.

No, it's not like it has a dry mouth feel. Bud Extra, caffeine, ginseng, guarana, and alcohol. Yeah. It doesn't explain why it's dry. No, it's not like it has a dry mouth feel, but extra caffeine, ginseng, guarana and alcohol. Oh, that's like sparks. But Budweiser sparks. Yeah. God, I miss sparks. My one regret, if I had a time machine, the one thing I would change, not kill Hitler. No, no, no, no. That's a whole butterfly effect that I can't take responsibility for.

I want to come back with several cases of sparks. I feel like that is another butterfly that you have to take responsibility for. Yeah. Cause that one's on me, isn't it? Oh no, I made another Hitler. Drinking sparks and playing with the time machine. So fucking smart. Yeah. Just what it was. Just like this, you know, there's just things that you've just logged out of your brain. You do not think about it anymore. And then seeing that Bud dry was like,

that was a thing. Yeah. When you see a, what is the words of Pepsi clear or clear crystal clear Pepsi, crystal Pepsi or whatever. Yeah. Fuck it. We'll just keep saying different versions or Pepsi free. Cause there was the thing where, uh, in Back to the Future, he's like, can I have a Pepsi free? And he's like, no, you gotta pay for it. Went back in the fifties. I don't know what Pepsi free is. I think it was caffeine free Pepsi. Just like, why would you do that?

Yeah. What's the point of it? Give me that brown syrup. Listen, we got to get back to this. No old defunct products. Well, I was going to say Donatelli's is in the background of this scene. It is old and defunct. God rest its soul closed last year after 78 years. Oh, wow. I love that story. I used to buy so much about to go bad cheese there cause they

had a cooler of cheese that was about to go bad. But if you're going to eat it that day, so I'd go in there and I get myself some about to go bad cheese. It's real cheap. I feel like that's a double meeting as well. Like I'm about to go bad and that's about to go bad cheese. It's for all cheap. I feel like that's a double meeting as well, like I'm about to go bad and that's about to go bad. Let's do this. Oh yeah.

I got some sparks and it's about to go bad cheese. Yes. God, I'm a disgusting person and have a digestive tract of steel. Hoompst. Does Joe run into on the street? He runs into the pretty French lady. Yeah, after he attacks a cop van that's listening to them.

Yes, he breaks the goddamn window. Yeah. It's coming out of his salary. Yeah, after he attacks a cop van that's listening to them. Yes, he breaks the goddamn window. Yeah. It's coming out of his salary. Yeah, probably. He runs into the vampire and she gives us this monologue of like, he seems like a bad guy, but his eyes are so sad. He has sad eyes, but my first rule, never play with the food.

Her internal monologues are dumb. So that is the only part of this movie that I can figure to be a comedy, because it's listed as horror comedy. I think there's some funny, I think Robert Loge's performance is fucking hysterical. I don't know what you're talking about. Are you crazy?

It was very serious. Oh my God. Cinema Verite. So luckily Tony's there and she can move on to Tony. Yes, she gets him to almost hit her with the car and then he comes out and yells at her and she says, you can really move for someone so big. Yeah.

Which is mean, it's a mean thing to say. But she also says someone so big. Yeah. Like his wiener. Yeah, like his wiener. But she also says someone so big. Yeah. Like his wiener. Yeah, like his wiener. Where do they go? Where do they go to neck?

Um, oh, she's like, I know a great park, a park with a great view of the city. It's fucking Mount Washington. Everybody knows that. That's literally where the tourists go. You really want to go neck with someone. I'm going to tell you guys a secret. Oh, I'm going to tell you a secret because I, I don't go there anymore. And I don't care if the spot blows up.

The Juliet Street Overlook in South Oakland. It's a great place to neck. Great view of the city, isolated. Nice. You're all welcome. So if you all need to go get blasted, head on down there. What is it, the Our Lady of whatever? There's like a shrine out there.

You got to go past the shrine. Yeah, you don't want her looking at you. Yeah, you don't want her looking at you. Nah, you don't want her looking at you. While you're doing your filthy business. She's a virgin. Yeah. Yeah. But so they're crossing a bridge and she's like,

it's nice of you to take me home, it's really out of your way. And he goes across the fucking river, which I was like, that's a great Pittsburgh joke. It really is. Like no one is from Pittsburgh in the making of this movie. John Landis has no ties to Pittsburgh.

And the writer's not? I don't think so. Okay. I could be wrong about that and I'm sure if I am, someone will write in and tell me. We don't get corrected much because we have built in this force field of being fun is better than knowing things.

I'm just not giving a fuck about anything. Yeah. Hang on, I'm looking it up. No, I don't know. I can't find anything about him, so he's probably from Pittsburgh. It's mystery. Mystery writer. He's probably a vampire. Yeah. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I found his like, uh, oh

My god, he's a the CEO of a Wolf transfer company we move people Yeah, I don't know. It's like a coyote Yes, sure, I am really unclear I Yeah. I don't know. So it's like a coyote. A Sherpa? I am really unclear. I will never know. But yeah, that was a very specific Pittsburgh joke. Yeah. And so she kills Tony.

I love this velvet mini dress that she's wearing by the way. It's extremely cute. However, we've seen them outside and it is this incredibly frigid Pittsburgh weather. Like, you know it when you see it, you're like, Oh, my bones are immediately cold. Yeah. She's a vampire. She don't care. She don't care. She's out there looking for a fresh meat, fresh meat. She finds it. Yeah. So she kills him. Yeah. He says, what are you some kind of freak? And then her eyes turn red and she snarls and suddenly there's blood everywhere. And then she makes a bunch of cat noises. She's a very feline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And also that she doesn't have sharp teeth, which I found interesting. And she can see herself in the mirror. Others can see her in the mirror as well. But she's a sloppy eater, so you know she's a vampire. Yeah. I wrote here, and don't remember writing this, I'm happy for her. I mean, if you're gonna eat somebody, eat a career criminal. Oh yeah, that's her whole thing, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then to cover her tracks, she shotguns Tony's corpse, which is hilarious. Yes, she does. It's also very brave to be cleaning yourself up next to a body in a car on Mount Washington. Redoing your makeup. Yes, powdering your goddamn nose.

Yeah, she refers to shooting him as a central nervous system disconnect. She just shoots him. Yeah. Very funny. Because we find out later, if she don't do that, all heck can break loose. Yes, guns work on these vampires, by the way.

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't love that. It seems to be headshots that do it. Because they would get shot in the chest and keep going. Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. So we find out from the corner the next day where Joe shows up at the scene. He's a fucking undercover cop. What's he doing with Gorgila and just Gorgila with gorgeous Angela Bassett as like the chief of police here.

Or the DA or or the attorney general. It's unclear what she's doing. He's an undercover cop. He comes to the crime scene, the press show up and she wraps her arm around his neck and poses with it. And then the picture in the paper is like, Hey, he was an undercover cop. What the fuck, men. So she was like, Hey, you can't be here. You're going to blow your cover. And he's like, he's a friend of mine. She's like, cool. Let's blow your cover. I see. Yeah. So she just blew up everything to be spiteful.

No, cause he's a loose cannon. He's going to get her in trouble. I see. I see. I see. I see. He's going to blow the case. That guy wasn't a great person to be friends with. It seemed like kind of a turd. person to be friends with. He seemed like kind of a turd. Oh, Tony. Yeah. Yeah. Like we're supposed to think of Joe

as being like a lovable good guy. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't really like this person until she puts out, so. Hmm. Well, I think that's true of most men. Ha ha ha ha. Wow.

Taking down the fair sex. I love her little penguins cap. Penguins won the cup that year. I don't like hockey, but penguins on the cup that year back to backs. Well played. But she's wearing a little, little penguins. I didn't even notice. It's adorable.

This is when she stops at the newsstand and her inner monologue says, this was the first time my food made the front page. And it's just like, you know, if you could imagine what someone else is thinking, it might really upset you to know what's going on in their head. This is it. You're really stupid. The disappointment in other people. So stupid. I'm sorry. Did you put that in? You thought that? Uh, so this is where we meet Robert Loja's lawyer, Don Rickles. I believe a fucking Don fucking Rickles.

This must've made you happy. Oh, Mr. Sunshine always makes me happy. He didn't call anyone a hockey buck, which I was a little disappointed in. He is lovely in this film. Oh, fantastic. Yeah. He's just one of those, you know what he has? Riz. He's got Riz. He's got Riz.

He's Riz for days. And at this point, we also meet the news photographer. Tom Zavini. Tom fucking Zavini. He doesn't have a line here. We just see him like get caught taking photos of the mob, and then he drives away through Market Square really fast, which I am of the opinion that market square should be closed to vehicle

traffic for just foot traffic. Just for traffic. Don't you think? I don't know if I know market square really like some place that I hang out too much. I got a shoulder strike for that one. I'll agree with you though. That's fine. Yeah. I mean more, more people, fewer cars is always better. Yeah, it's like downtown. Yeah, it's like between PPG and Liberty Avenue, Wood Street on one side, yeah. Yeah, it's surprising that it's not closed to automobiles.

It's a very tight squeeze through there. It surprises me every time I almost step in front of a car when I'm leaving a bar too, so. So this is a safety issue. There is a Star Trek themed bar there now. What? It's called 10 Forward. I went there a couple of months ago.

I was not impressed. That's all. It's like there was a Blade Runner themed ramen restaurant in Philly. What? And I was like, oh, this is going to be wild. And it's just a ramen restaurant. Yeah, this was just a bar that put like little LED lights

in the bottom of drinks and the fucking, oh God, the hostess had to wear a wig and like talk to us. Like we were on the enterprise and I was like, do they make you say this? And she was like, yeah. So awful for her. Did your drinks come out of a replicator? I wish there was some bored dude behind the bar,

dropping a thing of like dry ice into a cup and being like, what it's from floor Tim 10 enjoy gin and ginger ale and we both know it. No, it's triple juice. I know from star trek. I mean, you can say anything and say it's from Star Trek and people will believe you. So Robert Loja meets Marie, the vampire. And he says, I pick my teeth with girls like you, which I thought was very rude. What's that mean? I think that she's small and weak. Oh, okay. All right.

All right. And she, her inner monologue says, I should have walked away, but he annoyed me. Just think of all the stupid shit you think throughout the day. Just someone listening to that. If you start thinking that like other people can hear your thoughts, you'll get very scared. Also, I smoke too much weed. In the background of this scene, you could also see the NRM national record mart and the racks that were both downtown.

Oh, what was the national record mart all about? Just a record store. Yeah. Uh, what's that? I'm gonna talk about racks. Yeah. What's racks? Where's beef. Really? It was like Arby's. It wasn't the chipped beef place. No. Okay, all right, all right. Uh, no.

I think it was Arby's. So she gets a ride with Sally, and there are so many cars following him until he tells Lenny to lose all the cars. Right. And Lenny drives very quickly through Market Square and loses all the cars. This is why you can't have traffic in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To get to the hideaway, which appears to be on the north side. Okay, all right, all right. In a church. I need a hideaway like this. But I have to say that around bed seems so impractical. So impractical.

How are you gonna, yeah, how are you gonna decide to sit down to put your clothes on? What are we doing here? What are we doing here? What is, is it sexy around bed? I guess. Is it because the only place for you to both be able to get your full bodies in is like the dead center of it?

Like the. I was trying to think if there's more like side angles you could hit from, but then it was just like, no, no, that's your pets. Yeah. It feels all the same to me. I think it's just ostentatious. I guess the city, it's a fucking zoo, right? So he is wants her to eat dinner. He's got a thing of fucking muscles and garlic that he's trying to

foist her upon this woman. He says to her, a little meat on your bones never goes out of style. Tries to get her to eat mussels. I feel like that was a very like anti-Italian stereotype. They're always trying to chunk everybody up. Sometimes stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. He literally says, manja manja, which is what my grandfather used to show to me. But he did not claim that mussels

were vegetables more or less. More or less. See, that's comedy. And then I also love this little polka dot mini dress that she's wearing in this scene too. Later on she's wearing like a halter top and a really low V sweater, looks fantastic. Which is wild because she had arrived at that motel

wearing nothing but a man's coat and was full nude underneath. Uh huh. Okay. Why didn't she just have her like sports bra low cut sweater on? Okay. She a vampire. She do what she wants.

She just had those shoved in a pocket of the coat, I guess. You're probably right. So she's grossed out by garlic as you would as a vampire. So she's going to go puke. Yeah. Who amongst us hasn't puked at a dude's hideaway? She's going to go puke. And he's like, you know what?

I've got to get in that bathroom. I'm going to watch. You ain't Italian, that's for sure. She's very clearly French. She's about to puke, and he's groping her, and being like, don't play Mary Virgin with me. Uh-huh, uh-huh. First of all, if you're a good Italian,

you don't take the Virgin Mary's name in vain. I'm a bad Italian, that's why I get to do it. What does she do to him? She eats him. Yeah, points him on the neck. He shoots her, not that it really matters. It does seem to hurt her, but not for long. Right, but it does make the driver hear it.

Sure, yeah, Lenny comes a-runnin'. Yeah. He's freakin' out. And Lenny finds Sal. Cops are watchin' Dracula at this point. Well, yeah. Are they watching Dracula before they get Robert Loja back? They find out that Robert Loja is dead because I thought it was a weird choice

to watch a Bela Lugosi movie after you've seen your boss's body ripped to shreds. So I think in my notes is before we realized that he's still alive. Okay. Okay. Yeah. His temp, the coroner tells us that his temperature is going up and they know this because they've stuck them with a meat thermometer. Is that really how it's done? That can't be right. I was like, that's a comedy beat.

When he finds it later, it's kind of funny. Yeah. And it's really long when he pulls it out of his tum tum. Yeah. They can't just be doing that. No. Okay. But I do like the idea of the temperature going up on a corpse. Yeah, that's fun. That's fun. Joe for some reason is on the roof. He's looking all around. He's peeping. He's a peeper.

Is he a creep? No, I think he's just trying to investigate the crimes. Gotcha. So he finds blood on the roof and a woman's shoe. Yes. The same shoe that he put on her foot earlier. Oh, I didn't catch that. Yeah.

He's like, who else would be wearing this incredibly impractical footwear on a fucking January Pittsburgh day? As you know from me complaining about it, a lot of people in Pittsburgh. Yeah, I know. Well, we get acclimated. You know, it's true. It's true. But then he, he finds her on the roof. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, no, no, please. He finds her on the roof. I was going to say familiarity breeds contempt.

He finds Marie on the roof, all bloody and snarling and she jumps off the roof. Nobody notices. It's fine. It's fine. And she's got like new wild colored eyes. Her eyes like change color all the time. It depends on how she feels. It's like a mood ring. Cause when she's coming, it's, it turns into an led light bulb and just goes like rainbow setting. That's how you could tell if you satisfied a vampire. Oh my God.

You could never, you could never fake it though. It's true. Unless you keep your eyes closed. Yeah. They're like. You could never fake it though. It's true. And let's keep your eyes closed. Yeah. They're like, open your eyes. You're like, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. She's running around the church, but invisibly. Yeah.

So I think this church is in Troy Hill. Okay. Okay. That I went up to a church up there that had, is it the catechism? The full like, you walk the Jesus walking the cross to the um, Cal Calvary Calvary. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some, I don't know. I didn't know. I think it's Calvary. Um, so anyway, but it's got like these full, like beautiful,

large life-size statues all the way around the church and then stations of the cross, baby. Yeah. And I think it's got one of the largest collections of reliquary anywhere in the country. Oh yeah. I've heard of this place, baby. Yeah. And I think it's got one of the largest collections of reliquary anywhere in the country. Oh, yeah. I've heard of this place. Yeah. Yeah.

You can go up and tour it. It's pretty neat. Cool. You can see skulls and stuff. I like skulls. Yeah. Yeah. It's very metal.

Does it have showers? Because she's showering there. Of course it does. It's the home to Petter S. To most, I guess so. Do most churches have showers? I don't know. You've done more churches than I have.

I just play at the Unitarian churches. That's mostly my church experience. They don't have showers. No. They can't even pick a God. Well, that's not their job. See? Yeah. So she's showering at the church. Joe follows a dog that's got her scent to find her, but it's just like a regular as dog on the street. And I was like, why do you think that dog knows where she is? I think he's barking at evil. Oh, as dogs do.

Is that why my dog's always barking out the window? That's why your dog attacks me every time I come in the house. I think she's just excited to see. No, it's not true. She likes me on the porch, but as soon as I step in, it's a whole, it's like she fucking forgets that we were just cool on the porch. Why? She's so stupid. I was here three days ago. Every three days. So now she's throwing, she, Joe finds her, she's throwing Joe around.

Uh, she's, he climbs up a pipe into the shower. This is just, I zoned out on this. Yeah. My next note just says it's Frank Oz. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's Fozzie bear. Yeah. We're at the morgue and Frank Oz is doing autopsies.

He's so cute. Really? Not in like a sexy way, just in like a, gosh, you're cute way. Oh, Frank Oz is doing autopsies. He's so cute. Really? Not in like a sexy way, just in like a, gosh, your cute way. Frank Oz. Yeah. He was a cute man. Why does he have six to seven autopsies ongoing? I'm worried about him contaminating these, you know?

All of their chests are open. I think he's doing it like assembly line style where he's like, and this one's hard and this one's hard, and this one's hard. So they bring in Loja. They bring in Loja. And he sits up. Of course he does. He's not dead.

Yeah, and a great, like, Frank Oz bends down to plug in his bone saw when he sits back, or stands back up. There's Loja staring at his fucking face. And this is where he pulls out his meat thermometer, right? Or is that later? No, this is where he does it. This is where he runs a muck through the morgue. Watching Robert Loja run a muck is really fucking fun.

I've never seen this side of Loja before. I like it. I've just seen intimidating Sylvester Stallone Loja. Oh, that's right. He's the dad in Over the Top. Mr. Cutler will see you now. Thank you, Terry Funk. Dude, there was one point where I thought.

Did. Did. There's one point. It would be very apropos. Apropos, I thought at one point one of his henchmen was Jake the Snake Roberts. Oh, fuck. I know which one you mean.

He's a guy who's a bad guy in every 90s movie. You don't know his name, but you know you know him. But he's got like kind of a mullet, but a back and a pony. But he's got like piercing blue eyes. And a big old mustache, yeah. Oh, but it was not Jake the Snake. No, Jake the Snake was doing other shit in 92.

And so this is where Robert Lozier runs by Forest Ackerman, steals his car as he's loading his trunk up. And I have the note that says, what's that Forest Ackerman? It was. It was. And then we get the line that Michelli hit a gas station in Shadyside, which we get from Tom Savini.

I was like, you're Shadyside. And then I was like, wait, is there, it must be the Uni Mart on Ellsworth. What other gas stations are there in Shadyside? Oh yeah. The one that used to be a gas station, but isn't anymore. Is not anymore. Yeah.

I used to buy cigs there when I lived in Shadyside or when I would drink at the saloon across the street. Okay, all right. This is just a little walk through my memories. Go to the street. Okay. All right. This is just a little, a little walk through my memories. Go to the uni. Sal. Oh, this is, then she, they have to chase down Marlowe. And she like skydives naked from an airplane

onto Joe's car. Why does she do that? I don't know. She does it though. Steals his car, punches out the windshield. And then hits him. And then is immediately like squinty-eyed, like I don't like this, where's the windshield?

And then she pulls, she basically hits him, puts him through the windshield into the passenger seat of his own car, and then turns her head and says, how the hell do I get to Shadyside? And if we're in an auditorium, I would have stood up and clapped at that point. Yes.

They have to get to Don Rickles' house in Shadyside, which despite its name, it's a fancy part of town. It is a fancy part of town, but this is definitely in Squirrel Hill. It's definitely in Squirrel Hill. And earlier, he says he was gonna eat the muscles with his colleague in Squirrel Hill, which also made me laugh.

And Squirrel Hill is the Jewish neighborhood in Pittsburgh, and his name is Emmanuel Bergman, I think. So I think that's what they're doing there. So he must've just passed, he must've stopped for gas at the uni. Yeah. And then headed to Squirrel Hill. But also-

Take Negley right up, I guess. As long as it's not icy. No. Oh my gosh, you're right. It was an icy night. I'm not taking Negley in the ice. No, you gotta go around. Yeah, I'll take Wilkins.

Get on Shady. Wilkins maybe. Shady's okay. Yeah, Shady's okay. Yeah, I'll be all right. Depending on which side you're coming from. Yeah. Okay, so Michelli's in Don Rickles' house.

He's looking for a drink. Nothing appeals to him. Nothing appeals to him. So because nothing appeals to him, he's just throwing all the bottles on the ground and breaking them. It's really mean. Sal goes to the kitchen and the wife is making

a little something for Manny, for Dawn Rickles. I love the wife. She's great. I sometimes to sit on the toilet and drink, Dawn Rickles wife, it's okay, you and me both. Dude, I 100% predicted that you were gonna say that. Dude, you just know me real well. You know I've got the sads sometimes.

Everyone's hanging out and I just wanna be in here by myself for a little while. Oh God, put the lock on the door. I feel like if I was doing that, I would at least, my pants would be down just in case. Oh yeah. I mean, I'm not, yeah, I'm not sitting on the clothes toilet seat. No, no, no. I'm waiting for something to happen. Before she does this, Robert Lodja takes a steak from her.

Yeah. She was microwaving for her husband. Microwaving. No wonder he thinks you can cook a calzone in there. And he eats an uncooked steak. He just eats this big old honk of raw meat. Yeah. And his face while he's doing it is just so precious. And they put like a ton of like white powder makeup on him. Yeah. And it's making his smoker's teeth really shine, really pop off. Yeah, he looks shit. And you hear the Bela Lugosi line of,

I never drink wine on the actual Dracula movie in the background, which I thought was interesting because we were just talking about it on Dracula 1979. Yeah, and I was like, dog, did you not watch this movie to get a read on that line? Get a read on that line. You didn't have to watch Dracula itself. You could have watched Innocent Blood. And you should watch Innocent Blood. A film that came out 10 years after you made your movie. So Joe shows up and Robert Loja goes outside to kill him. And Don Rickles goes, don't murder a cop on my lawn, which I fucking loved.

Also it should be mentioned that this entire time Robert Loja is covered head to toe in gore. Yes. Just, just dried blood in his stiff suit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Is this when we get the line, blood sucking, super bitch, or does that come later? You know, I didn't write that one down. My next note is about Robert Loja eating Don Rickles in a basement with the lights off,

sitting on the floor, cradling his body. That made me laugh too. That's comedy. But there's also this like, he just wanted his bud to come along on this journey with him. Yeah. And he's turning him into a vampire. I think he just thinks he needs legal representation in this new phase of their lives, this new chapter. So this is when, okay, so I was confused

because they said they knocked over, he knocked over a gas station in Shadyside, but then when they all go to a gas station, it's the gas station in Squirrel Hill that's right by the polis. Wait, when did they go to a gas station? All the cops meet up at a gas, they meet up at what used to be a BP and is now a get-go.

Oh, at the bottom of Forward. Dude, Rick Seback is listening to this episode, losing his mind. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, like, that's why I was confused about where things were supposed to be. It's disappointing.

Yeah. Yeah. It's no take big low where you just drive in a circle around the same intersection 14 different ways. No, but they do go around Market Square a number of times. So Robert Loja stands up, drops Don Rickles on the floor and then Mrs. Rickles stabs him.

I love that. I love that she went to the basement with a kitchen knife to kill him. Yeah, she was ready. Yeah. I guess she's always been ready for this moment, you know, her husband being a mob lawyer and all. I'm gonna have to kill Sally at some point. You have to kill somebody at some point.

Yeah. Oh my God. So the mob guys are all trying to throw Joe into a garbage truck? Who's driving that garbage truck? I don't think anyone. Oh. Okay. But here goes Marie.

She's breaking necks and shit. Yeah. We have to show that the garbage truck is destructive by putting a desk into like a big metal school desk watching it crush. I mean, I've seen a garbage truck. I've been a child, you know. Let's take your shoes off. They're going to crush his feet.

Crush his feet. But yeah, then Marie shows up and is busting everyone's ass. That's pretty fun and exciting. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. And I think Robert Loja, oh, he gets away again in somebody else's car. And he looks normal again because he's eaten now. He looks arguably better than he did at the beginning of the film. His hair is fuller at this point.

I think so, I think you're right, yeah. And they chase after him. They're driving like total dicks on 279 South, which I feel is everybody's right, as is deciding to take the veterans bridge exit at the last second. You know what I'm talking about? Sometimes you're on 279. You're like, ah, fuck it. I'm taking veterans bridge. And then you have to shimmy on over seven lanes of traffic.

Beautiful view from that bridge. One of my favorite views of the city other than the Juliet street over look where you guys can go to fuck. other than the Juliet Street overlook where you guys can go to fuck. And is this where Robert Loja gets the sun comes up and starts burning and he yells, what is this shit? Yeah, I think so. Oh, right. Because they so somehow fucking Marie and Joe end up on the miracle mile. What is the miracle mile? It's like route 22 past Monroeville towards Murraysville.

Is that is where you're going to find golden mile highway? No, is that miracle mile? Now I don't know. Where's that golden mile highway? Katie. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm getting a phone call.

Oh, hello Pittsburgh. Yes. No, no, I heard what she said. I did. I. No, no. I heard what she said. I did. I'm looking it up. The miracle mile is in Monroeville. So I was in the right direction. Wrong street. You can see how I might confuse the miracle mile and golden mile highway, both east of the city. But yes,

here's another one of those where they get that gorgeous view coming through the four pit tunnels. And then Robert Loja gets burned by the sun and spins his car around and he's coming out of the Liberty tunnels. That made me very upset. It's a different bridge. I just thought it was very funny when he's getting burnt for the sun. He says, what is this shit? It's very funny. And then he goes and hides in a meat locker where Sam Raimi works. Who's eating chicken. Maybe we're all eating meat at your meat shop.

Sam Raimi. And Robert Lose is just here to sleep on the frozen meat. Yeah. He makes a pillow out of a rack of ribs or something. A pot roast. Why? Because okay. You know, once you become a vampire, meat is your friend. I wish he had made like a meat blanket. I don't know if that's true. Oh no.

No. A dumb thing I said't know if that's true. Oh no. A dumb thing I said with confidence might not be true. Meat is your friend. So the other two are in a motel. Yeah. And it's like, okay, of course you're going to fuck. Just let's get to it and get it over with so we can get back to ripping people's throats out. They're doing that missionary sex in that delightful way where you could tell their genitals are not touching. And I was very happy for them. Yeah, they don't want to touch genitals. Yeah.

But first he has to smoke indoors wearing his fingerless gloves, which I found to be very upsetting. It's just like now, now everything stinks. Yeah. What are you going to tell me about your folk punk band next to one of these gloves? Oh God. But this is being cut with Don Rickles in the hospital. Yeah, Angela Bassett is trying to get him to press charges against Manny, or against Sally, but he ain't doing it.

He's not, he says nothing. No. No. And he looks like shit, that's great. He looks so bad. And then his eyes turn all rainbow. Yeah. And he starts to menace a nurse, but she opens the curtains and he burns.

Yeah, yeah, Yeah. So good. His burning and explosion looks so fucking good. It's so is the nurse that holding his arms at Linnea Quigley. Yes. Yeah. The one rips his arm off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is she, Linnea Quigley holds his arm and then she drops it and runs screaming and it like shatters into like mushy pieces on the floor. But there's this great shot of like, he raises his arms up when the sun first hits him and his skin splits and it

looks like lava. Yes. He's made of lava. It's really cool. It's so good. The effects are spectacular. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was that a Tom Savini? I don't think he worked. I think he just acted. Sure. Yeah. He probably gave some pointers. Probably he's like, why don't you put a little

lava under there? And they were like, you're not working. You're, oh God, Tom. Just pull the lava. I feel like he wasn't even meant to be in the movie, but he just walked around the corner and saw them filming. It was like, Hey, I do movie. Johnny baby. But yeah, I love that Lenny quickly just rips his arm off and is holding it and

just like, well, and then quickly, if you wouldn't mind screaming, she's like, you know what? I have this and she did it. I can do this for you. Yeah. Yeah. And then he fucking melts and it's great. It looks fantastic. And his wife faints. It's so, everything is great. Yeah. So we have the sex scene. Yeah, it goes on too long. It goes on way too long. He, she did not invite you to touch her or do reiki or whatever it is the fuck you're doing right now.

She's sleeping. She is not awake. She's not awake. And he lays down next to her as it does reiki, just puts his hand like a centimeter above her skin, like, I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. Why you hitting yourself?

I'm not touching your booty hole. No. But then she teleports and knocks him down, which is pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. I like the switch of the power dynamic there. And then she hands him a box of condoms.

And I thought, why does she actually have condoms? I don't know. Can she get an STD? Sure. Can she get pregnant? Herp don't care. I don't know. Can she get an STD? Sure. Can she get pregnant? Herp don't care. I don't know if that's true. I feel like her bodily fluids are different.

Apparently, maybe she's trying to save him from something. Maybe she's got like vamp herp. You think if you fuck a vampire, you might become a vampire? How contagious is vampirism? Why don't you Google it? Well, so here's the thing. We've talked a lot about whether or not

Dracula's dick works. Sure. But if Marie is a surrogate for Dracula, then yeah, I bet his dick works. Because he says to her, what happens when you get excited? And she says, pretty much as usual, Joe. Which I also thought was very funny. Joe, which I also thought was very funny.

I also like that we see her giving him a blowjob, but it's just like, why is the fight? And then like he stands up and his pants are fully zipped up and I was like, funny. Well, cause yeah, don't let a vampire's mouth near your dick. If we've learned anything from Keanu Reeves, Monica Bellucci, I'll bite that thing right now. That thing right in half. But also she gives him a blowjob and then she's like, okay, I guess that's not working. Are you still nervous? So she's like, Hey, why don't you put me in handcuffs and then I'll go into a prone position.

And I think John Landis might be a creep for making me do this on film. Face down in a mattress. Yeah, I think so. Butt fucking naked. And she's a tiny person too. So she looks very vulnerable and she has like short hair. I don't know. The whole thing is very like, it felt like a child. It wasn't sexy. No, no, no. But her eyes glow in different colors, like an LED rainbow light bulb.

Yeah. Like what I assume a college dorm looks like these days. And she's got the handcuffs, but then when she's ready to nut, she breaks the handcuffs. Oh, I can't come with these on. So we're back at the meat place, Sam Raimi's meat store and Lenny, one of the mob guys is telling the two other mob guys that something is wrong with Sammy and he needs to be like, he needs to step down. Yeah. When they open the door, he's still lounging on the frozen meat in the freezer.

How long has he been in there? Days. He's like, I feel fucking fantastic. And then he catches a fly and eats it. Yeah. Just to be Renfield? In the most like, I want to convince a little kid that I just ate a fly.

Like he chews it for a really long time. Yeah. He like grabs it, smiles, and then puts his hand to his mouth and goes, pop. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I wish Robert Loja was my grandfather. He says, I can hear an angel fart. I heard you, Lenny. That's good.

That's high comedy. You're right. I was missing the comedy. I needed you there to... It's really important to have me around to tell you what's funny. Yeah. Yeah. He's the, the, so he turns Lenny into a vampire and then they go down to the titty bar downtown. Yeah.

And those early nineties fake titties look so uncomfortable at the strip club. Like their bodies are dancing, but their tits are not. And it is just, I just imagine trying to sleep. Sure. You know? Yeah. There was the one woman who's just looked like flotation devices. They look wild. She's buoyant as hell. You're not supposed to be buoyant in the air, ma'am. Oh God. Breast implants have come a long way. Yeah. Yeah. He, there's a guy that's like the guy running the titty bar.

It's like, Hey, I hope you like Remy Martin or whatever. Cause we just got some that was jacked on 95 and I was like, 95 is not near here. No, that's a hall. Yeah. That's a good four and a half hours from here at least. Yeah, I would think. Yeah. Yeah. Should have said 79.

Yeah, 81. 76. Yeah. We've got roads. Was 76 around in 89? Yeah. Okay. I don't know.

It's one of America's first super highways. Is it really? It is. I did not know that. You drive it all the time. You should see those goddamn signs. I don't look at anything or read anything. You never stop at a, oh God, is it Midway that has the whole history of the turnpike

printed on the wall? It might, I'm just running in there peeing and running back out at top speed. Sometimes you get away for your Burger King. I like the idea of you sprinting in there and then sprinting out. Slipping and urine as I hit the idea of you sprinting in there and then sprinting out, slipping in urine as I hit the bathroom. Peeling out of the like rest stop parking lot. What's wrong with you?

I'm just yelling, show me how to go to shitty side. He's not in Bloomfield, but downtown looks so fucking sleazy. It is so fucking sleazy. I love it. Do you wish they would just let it go back to that? I think it might. I think we might have no choice. Really?

I don't know who's downtown these days. Everybody. Are they back? It's pippin' and boppin' down there. I thought that after pandemic we were having trouble. I don't know, every time I go down there, they got all those restaurants down there that the kids go to. Oh, by kids. I mean people from the suburbs. I assume.

How do I go to a kid's restaurant? You got Charles entertainment cheese down there. Oh, fuck that. Yeah. This strip club is just on Liberty Avenue. It's, it appears to be near wood street station. So Lenny like breaks the cast off his foot after he had been shot by Joe earlier in the movie, right? Cause he's a vampire. He's all healed up now. So now he's just walking around with like one Capri pan. Yes. Yes. Uh,

and so they just start turning gangsters. Yeah. They turn Frankie and Ray. And then he, Robert Loja introduces the club manager to Frankie and Ray. And he's like, you don't know him like this. Yeah. So Louise Guzman and the other cop burst into this back room. Yeah. And then Michele drops from the ceiling. Yeah.

Why though? Cause he's fast. What was he doing up there? Oh, it's so good. I feel like he's just figuring out his power. So he's probably like walking around on the ceiling, Dracula style. Yeah, I would if I were him.

Yeah. God, if you were a vampire, what would you do? Well, I'd probably sleep all day. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh my God, yes. And I'd get up at night. Yes. And I'd like lament not being able to see the sun anymore.

Fuck it, man. And I'd probably like read. They make like really decent sun replacement lamps these days. It's true. So like you, if you have an Amazon account, you'll be fine. But can you, can you fucks with those? Yeah, cause it's not real sun. You just reminded me of, there was a TV show.

Oh man. I'm not going to remember the name of it now, but it was like a vampire cop TV show. Oh man. I'm not going to remember the name of it now, but it was like a vampire cop TV show and he had been a vampire for like a hundred some years. And then went to the police academy. And I was like, yeah, when did you go to the police academy? There's no night school version of this, sir. He'd climb in the rope in the dark, I guess.

I assume that's what you do at the police academy. Yeah. That crawl through the rope in the dark, I guess. I assume that's what you do at the police academy. Yeah. That crawl through the mud underneath the wire. Yeah. Talk to Steve Gutenberg. Talk to the Goots. Arrange for a blow job for your commandant while he's giving a speech. Oh yeah.

God. The police academy movies are really bad, aren't they? Yeah. I bet they don't hold up good. Oh no. I bet there's some good sism. All sorts of sisms really, isms as it were. I have a note that says he's not in Bloomfield.

Yeah. Why do I have a note that says he's not in Bloomfield? I think Anthony La Polly says that at some point. Okay, all right, all right. But they're downtown and they're trying to break into the, Joe and Marie are trying to break into the strip club instead of just walking the fuck in. So she would say it's after it's after hours. Okay. Okay. So she rips the door off the or breaks the lock.

Very like simply easily fluidly. She's super strong. She's super strong. And then the guy tries to hit her with a bat and she just like catches it and knocks him out with a very cool, very casual. I love her just catching the bat and hitting him back with it. And he like hits the ground. Yeah. So good. And she's also a expert marksman.

We find out cause she gets his nail dudes between the eyes. First shot. I mean, I guess she always has to shoot her prey afterwards. So she knows, I mean, she's used to it. Imagine if every pizza you ate, you had to shoot one slice at the end. You'd be pretty good at shooting a pizza slice. You know what I mean? Listen, I have this problem where pizza reanimates if I don't kill the final slice. What if it did? If you always, if you left one slice, it would regrow. Oh my God. A pizza tree.

Yeah. Why would you shoot that slice? I'm not suggesting that you should. I'm suggesting that I invented pizza trees. Copyright, copyright, copyright. One of the mob guys jumps on Joe. He's a vampire now and he says, I'm gonna eat your face like a chicken, which is a very fucking funny line. Okay, is he gonna eat it like a chicken when he did it

or like it's chicken? I think he likes chicken. Okay. Or like a chicken though. That's that ah is throwing me. I don't know Alan. You're just gonna peck him to death. Peck him to death.

That's horrible. I'm gonna feed down on you and then peck the fuck out of you. You don't want that. No, you don't want that at all. We also find out that she can break vampires' necks. So she really just has to sever that nerve connection. Right, the central nervous system thing. You're right. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. So she's at a bullets and she's confronting Sally.

Yeah. So she pulls a doorknob out. Yes. Behind her back. Yeah. Getting the doorknob mechanism to stab him with. The thing that she pulls out, the door knob that she pulls out, what? Go on. Is 11 inches long. It's an ice pick.

How big is that door? How thick is the door to the roof? Crazy. Oh man, it's so good though. I loved it. As she's pulling it out, he says something to her and she goes, I'm pretty fucked up about men. I do feel like she would be really fun to hang out with. She's a ball. Yeah. Yeah.

Reza as long as I don't have to hear the thought she's thinking. I think that's true of almost everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to hear the thoughts you're thinking. I don't want to hear the thoughts you're thinking. Alan, no! But she tries to stab him. He shoots her, Joe shoots him, and then he's like teetering on the edge of the roof, and then he jumps. But look at that architecture.

God, those buildings are beautiful. And they're still all, they hadn't been cleaned yet. No, they're still super dark. Yeah. Oh, the air was so bad. Really? Oh yeah. I mean, even when I was a child, you like couldn't touch the rivers. You were like, there's still like still mills going, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's better now. Yeah. It's bad, but it's so bad. But yes, it is better. I sometimes see people swimming in the

river when I'm running on the trail and I'm like, I don't know, man. Every time I'm down at the point, I see someone like regardless of the season, there's someone in that river and you're just like, they see all this coal going up and down. Like that's literally what we use the rivers for. I'm just trying to get a third Dick AMA on that. Alan three dicks.

Somewhere Alan two Dick just rolled over in his grave. I'm alive. The idea that you could get a cab in Pittsburgh too. I find this offensive. I've known a number of people who've been cabbies in Pittsburgh. Yeah. And you try getting one before Uber. You, it was like a crap shoot to get anywhere. Yeah. So he jumps, uh, his stunt double hits the ground. It's fantastic. His stunt double is so good cause it looks nothing like him. Like his stunt double is like six,

three and just like really broad shoulders. I mean, he has to be to jump off the roof of Pegasus Lounge or whatever the fuck he's doing. So he gets crushed between a taxi and a bus and then gets out and beats the shit out of the bus driver. Yeah, right there in the middle of Liberty Avenue. So funny. Rude.

And then gas is pouring out of all the vehicles. Which Joe sees because he's a great cop or whatever. Yeah, he's got great cop or whatever. Yeah, he's got an eye for this kind of thing. It's a bus and a taxi cab. And to our knowledge, no one has been evacuated from said bus or taxi cab. Well the driver of the bus at least. He was ejected.

He was defenestrated off the bus. Joe the cop, the good guy. Lights the gas on fire, which luckily had pulled at his feet. And you get this amazing, unbelievable Robert Loja fire walk. Yes. Where he looks so good. He looks fantastic. And he looks like burning wood in a fire.

And he's just like, I'm a God or whatever. Yeah. I wrote down his monologue. Yeah, please. Oh, what you killed here is my fucking suit. I am the power. You fucking cockroach. I am the light. I am much Shelley. Not the final word you thought it was going to be champ. No, it's so good because then they shoot him and his head falls off. It looks so great though. It looks fantastic.

Cause when it hits the ground, it does the like puff of smoke thing around it. Very good. And then she's like, you know what? I'm going to go watch the sunrise. I'm done. I can't take this shit anymore until, until Katie, what conquers all, what brings everybody together and makes everything beautiful. Someone saying I love you? Yeah, this guy you fucked last night

is now telling you that he loves you. Yeah, well like, does he? Why? What the heck? I don't know. 48 hours ago, he didn't even like her. That's right. She says, I take lives. And he said, yeah, well, if you were perfect,

you wouldn't still be single. That's the last line of this movie. I thought the last line was her going in her monologue. So I decided to give them a shot. Oh my God. Yes. And they like freeze frames on a smiling face. What? If this movie was set in any other city, I wouldn't love it nearly as much, but I love it. How many? Nine and a half. Nine and a half. Yeah, it's stupid. Fuck off. I don't care. Fuck every last one of you right now. Why are we all getting thrown underneath the bus? I don't know. If someone's mad, fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. If you're not mad, fine. You're cool. We're good. Two things. Tell me. Blown away that I've never seen this movie. Blown away that you've never seen this movie before. It's great.

It's great. I mean, it's like it's got a stellar cast. Yeah. It's redonkulous. It's so fun. And I feel like everybody, when they moved to Pittsburgh, should be handed a copy of this film. This absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. You get like the Rick Seebeck things that aren't here anymore.

Kennywood memories and Kennywood memories. You gotta get the double disc. Uh, got the fucking employees of Kennywood and that are so Pittsburgh. It's just, it's unreal. Everyone there is Mon Hall. They grew up in Mon Hall. You can get downtown you come over to Countywood and you have a great time. Yeah, when you're living out there in Duquesne you're gonna have to cross a rank and bridge if you want to get downtown. I tell you what they could pay me in funnel cake and I'd be happy. Oh yeah, it's real good. This movie's a solid eight.

Thank you! Made all the better, but my friend enjoying it so fucking much. When I came in, what were you planning to rate this bitch? I didn't have a planning. No. I didn't have a planning. I like, yeah, I think seeing it through your eyes

makes it so much better. The wonder of a child. The wonder of someone who loves Pittsburgh so much. It's so dumb. Why is it dumb? I don't know, I feel like it's a dumb thing to really love. Why? Look around, it's real dumb.

Dude, I moved here and stayed. Yeah, fuck off. If you left now, I would never speak to you again. Wow. Shots fired. What are you gonna go back to Philly? He's gonna keep moving west, set up shop in Cleveland. You do like Cleveland actually.

Yeah, I do like Cleveland. It's a nice, really nice Italian bakeries there. Nice knowing you. If you move to the suburbs, we're done. I will accept anywhere in the one five zip code. Okay, okay. If I go one six, it's over. One six is over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm out in Washington County, you want nothing to do. Yeah, Washington County, Mercer County. Yeah, it's not happening. They're in Butler. Butler, fuck now. I hope you all have enjoyed the absolute most Pittsburgh podcast we've ever done.

Yeah, I'm happy about it. I should have brought us some pierogies. Man, I should have thought, I've got some in the freezer downstairs. What, I'm happy about it. I should have brought us some pierogies. Man, I should have thought I've got some in the freezer downstairs. What a piece of shit you are. Ah, it's cool. We should have been drinking Rolling Rocks and eaten pierogies.

Oh my God, yeah. Oh. We'll have to re-record this one. Delete. Oh, we'll just have to do another Pittsburgh horror movie at some point. Are there, Stigmata. Dawn of the Dead.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I forgot that Stigmata, that movie is terrible though. Yeah, you wanna do it next week? It's right. No, we can't. We've already decided what we're doing next week. We did.

What did we decide that we're doing next week? I was setting you up to tell me what it was. Katie, why don't you ask me what we're doing next week? Do you remember what we're doing next week? I do. Do you? No, that's why I'm asking you. Katie. Alan just told me the wrong movie. What are we doing next week?

We're doing Split, a movie that I fucking hate. James McAvoy. Josh, Jesus fucking Christ. That hunk of hunk of Burning Man. I disavow McAvoy. Whoa, after Split? Wow. Can't even want to fuck him.

I'm excited to see it because it's in the universe of a film that I enjoy from M. Night Shyamalan. Which is? Unbreakable, which is the one where Bruce Willis finds out he's a superhero. Now imagine you'd never seen Unbreakable when you see this movie. Okay.

All right, all right. As I had not, I've still never seen Unbreakable. Yeah. So come back for Split. Yeah, dude. Oh, that'll be fun. Oh God, I'm gonna get so fucking mad. There's a part in that movie,

I was in the theater with my friend Colleen, who has like the most infectious and joyful laugh. And there's a scene where it's supposed to be so dramatic and she just burst into this laugh. And then like everyone else in the audience started laughing too. It was so fucking sweet. Yeah, come back for Split. Get ready for spooky season.

It's coming fast. I think I were already in it. Sure, yeah, I've already seen people decorating their lawns. Yeah, I'm gonna get mine up soon. I just went to Spirit Halloween store and bought some new stuff. Did you?

It's glow in the dark outdoor spider webs for my porch, which I'm very excited about. I was looking at a orange and black bunting for the front porch. I like that. I wish I had more space. I just have a stoop, so I have to cram as much shit into it as possible.

You got that witch to hang from it though. Lucy refers to it as Alan's witch because you gave it to her when she was three. Yeah, you're gonna make it a Halloween decoration. I love that your friend looks like Santa Claus just gives your daughter Halloween stuff. It's true. She has a pumpkin man named Alan. She's going to watch a nightmare before Christmas. And she's like, is that him?

She was watching it as I left tonight. Yes. She is hard on the page on spooky season already. That's awesome. Yeah. Love that kid. Yeah. She's great. So, uh, go do all the internet things. You know what it is. I don't even feel like saying it. This isn't your first time jumping in. You weren't like, Oh, let me find an innocent blood podcast. Go find us on Patreon. Go find us on T public to buy some great shirts. Yeah. Email us.

We're all family owns at gmail.com. Uh, send something to our PO box. Oh, thank you very much. Dan deadhead. Dan. Thank you soions.gmail.com. Send something to our PO Box. Oh, thank you very much, Dan. Deadhead Dan, thank you so much. Oh my God. Very sweet. You went above and beyond. Above and beyond. Is that a Grateful Dead song? I feel like it should be, above and beyond.

Doesn't it sound like it would be? Luckily, I don't know. Thank you, Dan. Much love to you, Dan. Yes. PO Box 5471, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Dan. Yes. Peelbox, five, four, seven, one. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, one, five, two, zero, six. You can leave us a voicemail at 412-407-7025. No one's done that in a while.

No. I'd like to see it, come on. Or hear it. I mean, hear it, that's what I meant by see it. I would like to see a notification. I have to send her WAV files so she can watch the talking happen. I put it on like that window screen saver

where it moves with the beat. I miss that. I miss the iTunes sound thing that would like bounce around and be like, Oh man, I'm not even high, but I feel like I am. And this is dope. Did the world just decide we don't need that anymore? Cause I need it. I want a visualizer. It's gotta be a thing you can download. Bring the visualizer back. Bring it back you fucking cowards, pussies. Thanks for listening to another of Stroware Wolf Ambulance. Bye.

Bye bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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