Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 64- The Haunting (1999)

Episode Date: January 11, 2016

This week we're continuing with 2016: The Year of Rage with a discussion of a #1 box office gold movie, the star-studded (?) ghost story "The Haunting" from 1999. Special topics for your consideration include: the haircut known as a "butt cut", this ridiculous script, more IRB issues with psychological studies, 1999 CGI: wet, the majesty of Shirley Jackson, being victorious or being Virginia Madsen, what the fuck Liam Neeson is doing in this movie and "Speed 2: Cruise Control." Special thanks to Richard Duggan at screenmonsters.com and the Chewing the Scenery podcast for the amazing t-shirts! If you like our podcast, check them out as well.  Another special thanks to Cryptocurium for sponsoring this episode. Check out their Parcel of Terror at www.cryptocurium.com and sign up immediately or we assure you, you will regret it (because it's full of great stuff, not because we are going to come to your house and hurt you or anything. Probably.) You can find us on facebook.com/werewolfambulance, on Instagram @werewolfambulance and on Twitter @werebulance. Let us know what you think about this movie, the "Speed" franchise or really, whatever you want! We love to hear from you. Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast. 

Hello, and welcome to another episode of Weirwolf Ambulance. I'm Alan and I'm here with Katie. Hello, Katie. Hi, Alan. How are you? I'm really good. How are you? 2016, Year of Rage. Age? Oh, yeah, totally rage filled. We're deep into the year of rage, Katie. Well, what, three, three episodes in. Just two. Just two. Just two. Oh, that's right.

Darkness Falls and then, uh, this. Darkness Falls counts for like, like, five. Wait, did we have another one? Oh, taking of Deborah Logan. Yeah. Yeah, you, you, you, you, you. Yeah, you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. th. the. Year of discomfort. Before we get into the rage, can we take a quick second to thank a listener? I would love to. Katie, we got mail. We got t-shirts in the mail. What?

Let me see, let me see. These are from Richard Duggin at Counter Culture. Oh my God. Oh my God. This is amazing! It's Christopher Walken's face looking dour as always in like a swirl of hypnotic. Oh my god, this is insane. Oh there's stickers too, Katie.

Screen Monsters.com is the URL for you to check out. There's a Bub Is My DJ sticker? That's amazing. Sorry, we're dead. Also amazing? Chewing the Siener? Oh, it's Chewing the Senior of the Podcast. That's great.

Yeah, Richard does. They're really nice. Did a, what did they do? What did they do? Texa? Weird kismet. And then this weird headline about a headless body and topless bar. That's funny too. I like that. And then there's a note from Richard. Would you like to read it? No, because I probably can't do Richard's voice. Oh, let me just, uh... Alan. Because he's sent it to my house. Yeah. I'm very happy to have found your podcast and wish you and Katie the best new year. thi th walk-in' teas for you both and some of my stickers. Thank you for all you do and keep up the good work.

Richard Dugin from Screen Monsters and Chewing the Scenery. Guys, check out Richard's stuff. Screen Monsters. And this podcast is called Chewing the Scenery. Yeah, don't know. I gotta think about it. I'm pretty sure I could do a ratings phase on this movie. Yeah, you want to just wrap this up?

Yeah, you want to just wrap this up? No, we got to talk about it. We're the 1999't get the rights to the original movie or the story. Is that why? That's why it's all dukeed up. Because I was like, okay, first of all, Shirley Jackson is basically my hero. I love everything she ever did. Yeah. I love the haunting of Hill House. just completely perfect in every way. And then the haunting was in 1963? Because it's very shortly after she wrote the book. Yeah. 63 or 68, but we'll go with 63.

Regardless, the 60s original haunting is like very close to the story. Very close to the story and it's really fucking good, it's really fucking good. Let's talk about that movie real quick. Sure. It's beautifully subtle. Yeah, the whole story is very subtle. It's not a jump out and get you story. It's this beautiful Gothic ghost story as the backdrop to a woman's psyche degrading. Yeah, and it also has the greatest first paragraph. I'm sorry, you want to talk about that? No, no, please.

It has the best first paragraph of any book ever written, in my opinion. It will make your toes curl. So go read it. Just Google Shirley Jackson, haunting a fill-house. Oh, unreal. And the acting, I do want to mention to mention, who played Dr. Markway in the first one, when the original The Haunting passed away last year. And I was very sad because he's in one of my favorite movies

as well, the haunting and the haunting, and zombie too, the full two zombie movie, where I stole my screen names of Dr. Bernard from him. Okay. So I was bummed that he did the the the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi. I was tho tho the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. I was thi. I was thi. I was tho. I was tho. I was thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I thooooo. I was tho. I was tho. Imed that he did. He's dead. I'm bummed that he did. Y'all. But yeah, the first one is so subtle and like, it's a ghost story but there are no ghosts. You never see a ghost. It's so good. You never see any children's statues craning their necks and bugging their eyes. So this movie is, hey this is a ghost story, dummy! It's... Oh my god, I hit you over the head with it. There's something very strange about horror movies starring actors that you know. Like this...

And sometimes, okay, it's like we got Virginia Madsen. She's in this movie very briefly, she's I think our most often seen actor on Weirolphevamulance. And each role gets a little smaller. Yeah. Sorry, Ginny. But then I was like, oh, that's Angela Chase's dad. And he's talking to the Joe Lies when he cries, girl, from saying anything. Like, what is happening?

Oh, it's Liam fucking Nees. Oh, my God, does Catherine say, oh, what is Owen Wilson doing in this movie? What is Owen Wilson doing this? What? Bruce Dern is the groundskeeper? Why? Yeah. Why? Because they had tons of DreamWorks money to throw it people. This was a number one movie at the box office the weekend. It opened, yeah. Jesus Christ. Can we talk about Catherine Zeta Jones?

Really, throwns. Beautiful woman. I'm convinced that's mean. She looks like the next evolution in beautiful people. It's true. She's insanely beautiful. She's insanely beautiful. Yeah.

She's just like, you just want to stare. they're like, what are you going to do? You're going to keep beautiful and just. to be, you. to be, you. to be, you. to be, you. the to be, you. to be, you. to be, you. to be, you. to be, you. the to be, you. the to be, you're just, you're just, you're just like- She's the frump in this movie, though, like, yeah. Hey, you're gorgeous, but you're the frumpy thing next to her. Like, Go Lies. When he cries. I just kept thinking that over and over, like, don't, I don't know.

And Angela Chase's dad just being such a dick. Come on, Graham. The conceit of this story, the basic concept of it, is that rather than being paranormal research from the first one, this is a sleep study, actually a study about fear. I have so many, I have like three issues with that off the bat. Can I do it? Can I go? Please go. One. Liam Nieson, he's a doctor... Mero? Mero.

No fucking reason. In this movie, he does not believe that this house is haunted. Right. So what the fuck did he think was going to happen in there that he was going to study their fear? Because it looks like a fucking hellraiser house. So that's one. Two, they're being told it's a sleep study and they're just drinking wine. I do not think that would fly. Three, he has no computers, no equipment. How's he going to monitor their sleep?

Is he just going to stand over them while they're sleeping? Like, in what world does this work? He went to the same university as Mia from taking Deborah Logan. This is our second the second the second thia thia thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. So, that's, this is our second week in a row of IRB bullshit. No institutional review board in the world would allow this study. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I do. I do. It's so unethical what's happening?

And his boss is like, yeah, no, you can't do this. You're fucked up dog. He's like, ah, he's like, see a later, bye. I don't know, if you notice from super handsome, I'm Lee Neeson, what's going on? You heard my accent? Listen to my accent. He's scot-ish, he's vaguely Scottish. Is he? He's from Northern Ireland.

Oh, look at that. And Catherine Zeta Jones is Welsh, right? Yeah. Yeah. Wilson is a maniac. He's not always wearing a prosthetic nose, right? That's his nose. That's his nose. That's just his crazy nose. Owen Wilson is that I always imagine him to be his character in the Royal Tenenbombs or he's like, everyone knows Custer died at Little Big Horn. But what this book presupposes is, maybe he didn't. Like that's the only character he can ever be to me. Yeah he just looks like Smarmy me fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. He's. He's the the th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. That's, he's, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh, I. Oh, I. That's, I. Oh, I. That's, I. That's, I. That's, I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. th. He. He. He. He's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that's. Yeah. that's. that's. that's. th. th. th. th. Like, that's the only character he can ever be to me. Yeah, he just looks like Smarmy Funny guy.

Yeah. And he hasn't serves no purpose in this movie. No. In the original, the character that he's playing sort of gets shifted on his views of the world. Like, he's like, oh, da. This is mumbo jumb. And both the book and the original movie, and both, in, and both, and, the the that, and, and, the that, and, the that, and, the the, and, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the, the the the the, is the, is the the the the the the, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the character, the, the character, the there to basically do paranormal research. Theo, who's played by Catherine Zeta Jones, is a psychic. And Nell or Eleanor, Lily Taylor's character is, she had like some sort of poltergacy things happen to her as a child.

And he is just the air to the house to this like giant mansion. So he's there, I think he kind of got foisted on them, and then you see him change. Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, Owen, th, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, the, the, the, the, the, the, theisted on them and then his you see him change. Owen Wilson doesn't no need to be there. I mean, it's just a sleepwalking guy and his PJs. Yeah. Or not a not sleep walking guy is BJA's BJA. Yeah.

I do have a note that says, no, not sleeping is so 90s. I just feel like insomnia is a very 90s disorder. Then I have a note says. And then I haven't know it says, oh, this fucking thing is two hours, because this movie is two goddamn hours. So if I may divulge something about myself, I enjoyed the beginning of this movie. I did, too. I thought it was fun. I was like, until Alan Wilson shows up, I think it's fun. Oh, I held on a lot longer than that. Did you? Because I was like, this doesn't seem seem th th th th, th th th th th th, th th th th th th th th th th th seems, th seems, thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. too. too. toe. to, to, to, this doesn't seem that bad, maybe it'll be good. Maybe Alan will be mad at me because I liked it.

No, they're sort of sending it up that Lily Taylor has like some psychotic issues maybe or something. She's taken care of her dying mother for like her entire life. So she's deprived of sleep and that's led to her kind of like having a loose grasp on reality. Yeah. And so the stuff that's happening, I'm like, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. Yeah, they. they. they. th. thi. they. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, th. T, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's thi's sort thi's sort thi's sort thi's sort thi. thi's that's led to her kind of like having a loose grasp on reality. Yeah. And so the stuff that's happening I'm like okay yeah I can see that. I mean it's like comparing the house from the first movie to the house in this movie again the first the first one is very claustrofobic and very subtle and this one is just like I'm a gigantic nightmare house. Yeah I was convinced that the exterior shots were a model. Yeah. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I was like I was like I was like I was like I was like like like I was like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was like I was like. I was like like I was th. I'm th. I'm a th. I'm a thi. I'm thi. I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm like. I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm a th. I'm a th. I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm th. I'm like I'm like I'm th. I'm like I'm th. I'm like. I'm the the the the the the the th. I'm thi. I'm thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a thi. I'm a that the exterior shots were a model. I didn't think that was a real house, but it's a real castle. Yeah.

It's actually like part of the University of Indiana's study abroad program or something. Oh, wow. They lucked out. I forget what the name of the building is. It's something very British, though. Are you talking about Harlexton Manor? That's the one. Nottinghamshire. It wasn't very good. Yeah, it's crazy. But then the inside is all sets, which is cool. I think it looks great. Oh yeah. It's

amazing. The two battling lions over the fireplace. So cool. So cool. Yeah. Which I didn't know if that was a reference to the book where Nell keeps saying that she wants, she has this house with the white lions out front. I assume. And I think that's that's that's that's that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their. their. It's their. their. their their their their their the the their. I'm. I their. I their. I the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the this house with the white lions out front. I assume. And I think that's probably as real to the book as it got. Um, the, there's the, the housekeeper. Oh, the Dudley's. She delivers a very similar speech of like, no one can hear you. It's, I think it's verbatim almost. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. a cover of a song that they don't have the rights to so they have to change it a little bit like it'd be like, Lucy in the Sky Diamond. Lucy in the sky with Sapphires. It's just, yeah.

You just have to roll it a little bit to the left. The set design is gorgeous though. Yeah, it's really the only reason to watch this movie I would say. And this is our second Jerry Goldsmith Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold Gold. the s. the s. the s. their. their. their their the s. their to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. It. It their their their their their their their to to to to to to to to to to to to to to. I. I to. I to. I to. It's. It's. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It's just. It though. No, I don't even remember it so I don't, it doesn't. Can we talk about the assistants that are there? The one just gets snapped in the face with a harpsichord wire? And then they go to the hospital and Liam Nieson's like, I want you back here as soon as you're okay, all right? I want you back here. They're never heard from again. They just fucking disappear. I love that Nell knows to immediately put the cup over her eye. Yeah, she's like, this will keep the blood from running into her eye. Like, is that the best way? The cops filling up with blood? Get a towel, you crazy? They don't have towels in Hill House? I don't have towels in Hill House? I don't know. I thi I thine th really th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thoes th thoes thoes tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho the tho tho tho- tho- tho- tho- th. tho tho th. T tho tho tho th. This tho th. This tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi thi the the to to to to to to to to toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I th. I actually liked the Mrs. Dudley in this. I thought she was like good and creepy.

Very ominous. Yeah, she was a good harbinger. And I really, one of the things I really liked was there's that door that's kind of got the scene depicted that shows up at the end of the movie when shit is gone completely. But it reminded me, have you seen Rodan's Gates to Hell? The sculpture? Yeah, the sculpture. There's a fabrication of it in Philadelphia. I don't know if... Oh, look at that. Yeah, but it's very reminiscent of that.

Like, it's really gorgeous. They mentioned that in the movie, don't they? Did they? Yeah, because Catherine Zeta Jones is like, oh, theythe the the the the the the is is is is is is is is is, I I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I is, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, or something like, shut up. You just met this woman. And she has like beautiful shining locks. You don't talk to her like that. You don't talk to a woman with beautiful shining locks that way. And she just drops that she's, you know, she's down for whatever.

Yeah, I guess so. My boyfriend and my girlfriend. Oh yeah, yeah, which is, bam-bow, bam-bow, ran out with it. But again, this movie is just a rubber mallet to the face. It really is. It's so, oh God, everything about it. They all go to the house and of course Lily Taylor goes first. He's our Eleanor, she's our character that we're supposed to identify with. And to be fair, she's doing the best she can. Really is. Yeah. They're not giving her anything to work with. Yeah, I also think she's not a very good actress. But that's just me. I feel like maybe this, I don't know,

have you seen her in other things? Yeah, she's in ice shot when the war-hawl, and she meets the Harbinger first and she meets Bruce Dern who's totally like ill cast in this movie to be the gatekeeper and just like what the fuck is Bruce Dern doing here? This is weird. I don't know. I don't know anything. So slowly like Theo shows up and then Dr. Marquay shows up. their. tho. the. th th th th th th th th th th. I tho. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. the. the. the. th. now and then Dr. Marquay shows up or no Dr. Merrow God damn it. Let's just call him Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson shows up with like an entourage. Yeah you know he's got these

two people that are going to be gone immediately because of the eye-cutting and Owen Wilson is with them as well for some reason. Yeah and also it's been set up that he's like called her to look in the newspaper the news. the news. to to to the news. to the to to the the to to the to the to the to to the to to the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the.o. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the.oooo.o.o.o.o. toe he's like called her to look in the newspaper to see the ad to apply for this? No. Yeah. No. No. So the entire story is told by Eleanor walking around and talking to herself.

Just like narrating her every action as if I'm blind, as if I can't see what she's doing. Where in the original movie used like internal dialogue and it was like, it was again, it was subtle. And it was also like you could see her disconnect from reality via that. And this has to hit you over the head of that as well later. But, um, yeah, she's walking around into the fucking painting of the bad of that as well later. But yeah, she's walking around into the fucking painting of the bad guy that lives in the... Hugh Crane. He looks like a big monkey man.

He's a big monkey man. Even in the photos, she finds like photos later. And I was like, he's a monkey man. I like went into a giggling. Yeah. I yelled, look at that monkey man, because I also narrated everything I'm doing. Monkeyman photos are hilarious. So she starts hearing like children whispering to her. Because, I don't know.

The story is that this guy built this house to like, for his wife, and all he wanted was to fill it with the sounds of children or something, which is not at all true, according to the book, or the first movie, or anything. Right. Well, here's the way we should have separate because they couldn't get the rights to the first. Okay, I's not. They had to do something else. Yeah. Okay.

So, yeah. So they need to make up this ridiculous fucking story. Like, it's almost like they found out at the last minute they weren't going to be able to make the movie and they're like, throw something to it. throw somethings. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do you, do, do, do, do, do, do it. their, do it. their, do it. their, do it. their, do it. their, do it. they. they. they. they. they. they. So, do. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so they. So, so they. So, so they. So, so, so they. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, so. So, do it. So, do it. So, do. So, do. So, do it. So, do it. So, so they. So, so they. So, so they. So, so they. So, so they. So, do. So, they. So, they. So, they they they they need they need they need they need they need they're they need they they need they they need they need they they they need they they need they need they're they they, but they don't have the rights to it, so everything's slightly left of center on that. Oh, John. Yeah. But it looks gorgeous. But then there are also scenes that are like directly from, like, those, the scene

where Eleanor and Theo are in the bedroom and there's like knocking and wind blowing, and it's cold, like, that is directly........... And, th. And, they. And, th. And, they. And, th. And, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they. thi. they. they. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. But, th. But, th. But, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It. It's. It's. It's. It's, the. It's, the. It's, the. It's. the. th. th. th. th. the. that is directly from, I mean, how, it seems like they got pretty close at some points. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That scene was terrible. Which one? The one where they're in the bedroom and the ghosts are not. Which one? The one where they're in their their their their their their to catch it in their hands. Why would you ever do that? Like, have you ever seen your breath before?

Have you ever tried to catch it in your hands? Oh, oh, it's magic and we can put it in our pockets. I just don't know. I'm sorry. Year of rage. The CGI is terrible. The CGI is terrible. It's good for tha. It's tha. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good tha. tha. It's good thi. thi. It's good thi. It's thi. It's the thi. It's thi. It's magic the th. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's magic. It's to. It's magic. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good for the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. It's good for 99, which means it's terrible. She gets visited by this ghost child that's running around in sheets and drapes. Yeah, it looks so bad. It looks wet. This was the period where CGI all looked wet. Why does it look wet? I don't know. It's just shiny? Is it just damp? I don't know? It all looks wiggly. Like wiggly-ass CGI. This is another issue I have, which is that the,

I mean, the ghosts, like in many ghost story movies, are leading the protagonist to whatever information they need or whatever, you know what I mean? Like, the ghosts are helping them. Eleanor cannot figure out a fucking thing for herself. Not a fucking thing. Like, the ghosts lead her to literally everything like I'm surprised she can take a shit without the ghost taking her to the bathroom you know what I

mean I wish they're just been like ghost gone oh I guess let's lead her this way and they're like Eleanor come with us Eleanor it's just so bad no to the god damn it to the left Eleanor it, to the left, Eleanor. Jesus Christ. That book, no, that book, no, the one with your other, no, your other left. Eleanor. Is it because they weren't British ghost children? I didn't like that ghost child either.

You neither did you. Let's be real. Have we seen a good ghost child yet. Oh, wait, what's his name from, Tickle in his knees? Oh, Chewon. Yeah. What was that kid's name? Toshio? He's all right.

He cool. Tickle in his knees. Oh, I do want to mention, so the house is huge. It's fucking gigantic, the house. It's absurdly big. No, no. It's absurdly there's no way you could heat this house. No. Even though they have a beautifully gigantic fireplace that you could walk into, I love those. That's a real thing, huh? Yeah, I've never seen one in real life.

Yeah. Oh, you haven't done all the house tours. The house tours in Newport, Rhode Island where they had all these crazy shit. Yeah. Yeah, rich people. They're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho tho tho that's that's that's that. Yeah. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. th. to write the note, oh, if you forget something upstairs, it just stays upstairs that day. Oh, yeah, you're not going back. She's going up like 50 steps and I was like, mm-mm, no, no, no, no, my keys are staying upstairs and I live in the house today, so yeah, crazy. That fireplace is integral to the plot. So, okay, so the plot that they come, the plot, the plot, the plot, th, th, th, th, th, th, the plot, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the plot, th, th. th. th. th. th. that, th. that, thi, that, that, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th. I's, th. I's, th. I's, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the, the th. th. t. t. t. t toge. toge, tog, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, together, ththe plot that they come up with, like kind of the last minute. Yeah, that they did and then,

because they were super hungry and they had to get to lunch. They came up with this idea that the house is haunted by these ghostly children who are the spirits of kids who had worked in Ukraine's mill or something. Yeah, or something. And he kidnapped them, all killed them, and trapped their spirits in this house. Several things.

One, why didn't anyone notice all these children that had gone missing from the mill? Like, she has this book that they lead her to, that has all the records. Yeah, and it's a little cross next to it, and their name is crossed out, like, he's not even fucking trying. Well, a lot of kids back then did die, but yeah, no, this is stupid. But they would find their body or something. Fucking. Even dumber is that Owen Wilson gives you the plot.

Does he? Yeah, he's like, you know, that's stupid. Yeah, it's stupid. It's so stupid. It sounded stupid when you said it. It seems stupider when you're acting it out. But I guess he burned their bodies in the fireplace. Where she finds, Nell finds bones. And she tries to get Liam Nieson to look in there. And he like goes to pull up the door and it and it and it and it and it and it and it and it and it and it and it and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, and it, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the'm not going to look then. Like, we're good. Yeah. Yeah, there's, oh man, there's um, as cool as some of the stuff is like the lion fireplace,

the giant fireplace you can walk into and the, the nod to the gates of hell and that stuff. There's a, um, a greenhouse, which comes up later in the movement. The first time we go there, there's there's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the first time we go there, there's like a bath with a giant statue in it. Why? The fuck would you do that? No, no reason. It didn't look good at all. And the thing is that, Cranhouse looks really cool.

It's all like dead vegetation. It's very creepy. That's where the spiral staircase is, which has some meaning in the original, but not, the original, tooom, too, too, too, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, the, too, the, the, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi, the, and, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. the, th. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the specter of the body hanging, but we're not really told, like, why? And then that never comes up again. It's just fucking dumb. It really is. It's just fucking dumb.

So they tie Eleanor to the house by saying that she is the great, great granddaughter of Ukraine's second wife. Okay, that necklace, when did she find it? I don't even recall her finding it. It was next to her mom's bed in the beginning. They made a to-do about it. There's like a little to-do where she holds it up and it's got like the two chains. Oh, she's two chains. Two chains is the best thing about this movie.

And yeah, she puts it on and so, yeah, now she's tied to the house. I did not remember her finding that. And then when I saw her wearing it, and she's like looking at the picture of the woman wearing it, I was like, you just found that here. Yeah, it's not yours. When she realized that she's connected to the house, right? It feels like there's a real missing from the film. How did you, like everything else she has to be led to? And she makes the leapiest leapyest leap of logic that she's related.

I think it's the necklace. It's the necklace. And when she goes into the hall of the necklace, and when thia necklace, and when she's, and when she's, and when she's, and when she's, and the necklace, and the necklace, and she's, the necklace, and she's, and the necklace, the necklace, the necklace, and the necklace, I, the necklace, I, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's the necklace, I's, I's, it's the necklace, I's the necklace, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the ever have that in your house? Also the carousel, like why would you have anything that spins in your home that isn't like meant to dry off lettuce? Do you know what I mean? It's so tough. It's just fucking stupid. What if he, oh what if he salad spun the has bad teeth? I wasn't not her? I couldn't. Her hair seemed to be like less smooth maybe? I don't know. Can we talk about the CGI hair scene? Yes.

Where the ghost are like rolling her hair up and it's just like this liquid hair? Yeah. Yeah. And the ghost is like, you have to have Princess Leobones. I'm like, it's just, what, like, what? This goes on for two hours. Did I stress that enough? It goes on for two hours. Oh, Christ Almighty. Yeah, and we are jumping around and it doesn't matter. I don't even know what happens. I don't know what happens between them getting there and them leaving. It just is all like, p- There's one legitimately creepy scene. Well, it got me. So she's, she's, I I that that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, did, did, did, did, did that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. Did, did that that that that I that I that I that I st st. Did I st. Did I st. Did I st. Did I st. Did I st. Did I st. Did I that, did I that, did I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I that I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. Did, I th. Did thi thi thi thi thi. Did thi. Did I thi. Did thi. Did thi. Did thi. Did thi. Did thi. Did thi. Did thi. Did I thi. Did I thi. Did and then leaving. It just is all like... There's one legitimately creepy scene. Well it got me. So she's staring at the fireplace and the fireplace has all these chains in the back of it for some

ungodly reason. I'm sure maybe that maybe it's to like to block the embers from coming out of the fires behind the chains maybe. Why not? Sure. But there's like she's staring at it and then like something kind of jumps into the chain and that got me. I was like, oh, what's that? Oh, what's going on? A little jump scare? Yeah. And then I was done.

I was done. The thing is I feel like this could have been a very creepy movie. It's a great set. It's athe script. It's just all over the goddamn place. She just says crazy shit, like, I can be a victim or I can be a volunteer. Or you could be neither of those things. Like, you could be, you could be a valentine. You could be a vegetable.

Like, just because they start with the same letter, it doesn't mean they're they're they're the same. Yeah, you could be victorious. That's so much better. I could be a victim or I could be victorious. I could be a victim or I could be Virginia Madsen. I could be a Virginia Madsen. Always choose Virginia Madsen. Always choose Virginia Madsen. Get those high-waisted shorts on. In appropriately dress for children. God bless her.

Yeah, man. Let's see. So basically everybody thinks that Eleanor is losing her mind like right. There's a scene this is earlier on in the movie but who fucking cares where they've painted someone has painted a welcome home Eleanor on the wall over the portrait of Ukraine in blood or red paint and they're all like I didn't do it and she's like I didn't do it and everyone's like I didn't do it and that's the end of the scene and then

there's bloody footprints leading away from it nobody sees them. There's also like a holographic skull painted over top of his face. Oh yeah that's when he's um okay so Pittsburghers you go to Kennywood you ride the dark ride that is what the Gold Rushter used to be to be to be to be th. th. th. th. th. It is that is that's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's like that's like that's like that's liked. Oh. I that's like that's like like that's like I that's like. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I's. I's. I's. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thin th. I'm th. I'm the. I didn't thin th. I didn't thee. I didn't thee. I didn't thin the. I didn't thin the th, you ride the dark ride that is what the gold rusher used to be. It's a Lord Ghostington's Manor. I don't agree what it's called. I don't remember what it's called, but it's so cool. It's always called Lord Ghostington's manner, but I always call it's so cool.

But I always call it's Lord Goasting. But I don't thiii, th's thin, thin, thin, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their, thi, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, I, I's, it's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, I's, they. they. they. they. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thooo-a. the the the the th th the th you get to fire things that pop out of you, it's super scary. But at the beginning, there's like this ghost that comes out of a portrait and he's like, keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times. I kept being like, oh Lord ghosting's manner like, don't block the fire exit. You know what I mean? That thing is awesome. That thing is awesome. Like that was like that the the the their their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. thin thin, the. the the the thin thin thin their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands their hands hands hands hands their hands hands hands their their thin. Keep thin. Keep thin. Keep thin. Keep. Keep. Keep. Keep can I do that again I want to shoot stuff again that was fun I like like to go with people who shoot stuff stuff because I'm not very good at shooting things and then not shoot that much stuff myself and just watch stuff pop out because you miss a lot because you're trying to shoottake Monkey Man hologram seriously because I was like, your Lord Castington. Hello, welcome to the stupid remake of The Haunting.

Yeah. Please keep your hands and your feet on the couch. Oh, I have the note this movie just got shitty. Just got chity? Because there's like a three-quarters of the way through the film, it turns into the mummy. The Brendan Frazier movie? Yeah, because it's just like giant monkey man faces chasing her down and coming out of sheets and spitting glass at her. There's the dumb scene. So in the original haunting, I know I said I wasn't going to compare it, but I'm going to go back. What are you, you have to?

So in the original, in the original, in the original, the original, the original, the original, the original, the original, the original, the original, the original, the original, the the the the the the the the the the the, the, the, in the original the haunting, there's the scene where the there's these really ornate wood carvings on all the walls and there's a scene where you see a face in one of the wood carvings and they do that by adjusting the light and shadow. And like as it opens up to you are just like, fuck. So in this movie you need to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to too?? too? too? too? too? the the too. too. too. to go. to go. to go. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their their. their their their their their to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. toe. the the the the the the the the like, fuck! So in this movie, when you need to see a face in the wall, there's two giant doors with giant windows and they get mad. Yeah, they get really mad. It's so dumb. It's all so dumb.

It's all so dumb. So this is later on in the film when he's attacking her from the ceiling. And this is when everybody else figures out that she's not to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the to to the the the to the the th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the the the the the their the. the. the. the. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the. It's the. It's the. It's the. I theat. theat. theat. theat. the. the. the. the. the. the. their their the film when he's attacking her from the ceiling and this is when everybody else figures out that she's not crazy, it's real. Yeah. Because he, it becomes revealed to them by Dr. Merrow that he's been conducting a study on fear, not on insomnia, and they're all pissed off. He's like, none of this is real, you know, you're just afraid that's what the study was. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Can we talk about Owen Wilson's death? Yeah, let's get into that.

Owen Wilson gets so pissed at the portrait of Monkeyman and he runs over and just starts bashing it with like a candlestick maybe? Something he finds and is making like the sound like a candlestick maybe? Something he finds. And it's making like the sound of hitting metal? It's a portrait, painted on canvas. It rips, so it shouldn't make that sound. And the guy, the bad guy, gets so mad. He pulls him towards the fireplace on a carpet, which, I was like, it's sort of a magic carpet ride death but it's also like well that's you could first of all you could just

roll off he's just like whoa like he's sled riding gets pulled into the giant fireplace and then the flu which is we established early was this giant lion's head like a synony huge you would never have this in your home, anyone's home ever. Just comes swooping down and decapitates him. But like puts his head like into the mouth. In the mouth. No reason.

And Catherine Zeta Jones and Lily Taylor both have this, you know, the reaction you would expect like screaming, grabbing their eyes, falling to the ground. And Liam Liam, the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, the, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they..... And, they. And, they. And, they.. And, they........ they......... they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, they. And, th. And, their heads, covering their eyes, falling to the ground, and Liam Nisen just like does like a side eye, like, that's gotta hurt. Like, his reaction basically sums up this movie for me. Like, he's just like, ooh. Go back and watch that scene if you can bear it. Just look at him being like, eh. He just winces.

This man was just decapitated by a giant lion. How do you not scream? Holy shit, without Evan. He's just like, oh, oh. He does have a special set of skills. Taken. Yeah. Can we talk about the griffin? Let's talk about it. So at some point everything in the house starts to become animated.

It's filled with sculptures. Yeah. Inclosing these stupid children's head. Everywhere is a child's head. Everywhere. Fucking creeps. And I kept waiting in the movie for the children's head to become animated. You're like, they're going. These heads are going to start going, oh?

Oh? They're making. They do. They do. They make it. And this is like, you've, yon de bant, you have let me down yet again. Director of Speed. And who else? Yeah, speed. There was something else. Yeah. Hold on. Twister. Twister. Is that what it's called? Twisted? Twisted? It's Twisted. It's Twisted. He's the director of Jogelalows. Yeah, let's uh, yon de bont break. Well, the problem with saying that he's a director of speed is that we're not acknowledging that he's also the director of speed to cruise control. Because he is.

Is that the more they get the boat? Yeah, the, yeah, the cruise ship. Oh yeah, the cruise ship. Yeah, and K the the the the not in love anymore. Oh, oh shit, he also did Laura Croft Tomb Raider, the cradle of life. Is that? I don't know what that is. Okay. What else? What else? What else?

Directing? No, I just listed the haunting. Yeah, I like. Twister. I liked Twister, but I'm sure it's terrible. No, I think it's okay. I've never seen Speed. Really? Truthfully. You probably wouldn't like it.

I'd like Keanu. You don't say you like Keanu. Yeah. He's pretty good in it. Really? See, that John Wick? It's a good-a-sahed. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to-n. th. th. to-n. th. th. to-n. th. thi. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's. I's. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. to-a. thee. the. the. the. the. the kill his dog and he seeks revenge on everybody. It's awesome. Hmm. So there's no Keanu in this though. No, although he probably would have made it worse. I gotta be honest with you.

What if the Owen Wilson character had been played by Keana Reeves? Eh, cares? He's in some of my favorite movies. Maybe you would like speed then. I don't know, give it a try. How do you feel about Sandy? She's lovely, very funny. Would you just talk about speed to cruise control for a while? It's more exciting than this movie? Oh God. Did you know that West Craven was developing this remake? Yeah? But he did scream instead. And that Stephen King and Stephen Spielberg were working on making this movie? What a real meaning of the minds there? Yeah? Though I do I I I I I, th, to to to to to to to to to to to I to I to to I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just to just speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed to just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to s s s s s s s speed speed speed, to s s s s s speed, to their speed, their speed, their speed, their speed, their speed, their speed, their speed, their speed, their speed their speed, their speed their speed their speed speed speed speed speedy speedy speedy speedy speedy speedy speedy, their speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speed speedy, their their to to their to to movie. What a what a real meaning of the minds there. Though I do sort of

feel like we ended up with Stephen Kang's the haunting. Yeah yeah it really is. It's like real life Stephen King. But it's not good. Like I thought Stephen King would be good. It's not good. He doesn't give a shit. It's that for that money. It does I guess he did a Stephen King did rose. Like. Like. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I the th. I the th. I th. I the the the the th. I th. I the th. I th. I th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. What. What. What. What. What. I. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. t. t. te. te. te. te. th. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. that for the money. It does, I guess he did, Stephen King did Rose Red, or Red Rose. I can't remember which one of his. Rose Red, it was like a TV mini series. And it's apparently sort of like touches on all this stuff. Yeah. But him and him and Stephen Spielberg did not get along. They didn't agree. I can't understand why that would be at all.

Why do I have the note, oh, CGI sleepie the ghost the ghost the ghost the ghost the ghost the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, the ghost, thi that's thi, that's that's thi, that's that's thi, thi, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's that's, I that's, oh CGI sleepy buddy, that's when the ghost comes into her bed. Oh yeah. Because the ghosts are not malevolent. Yeah, except for Monkeyman's ghost. Except for Monkey Man. Because they're just children who want to be released. And then when she releases them, they're like, thank you, Eleanor. And then I actually slipped my own throat. And the sad thing is I lived. I lived to do this episode. The ending kind of, you've seen the orphanage? Yeah. The ending was, I was like, oh, this is sort of like,

what if the orphanage was super shitty. Yeah. So, it was like a ballet adaptationto the ending, she gets thrown into the gates of hell door with Hugh Crane, or Hugh Cain, or whatever the fuck his name was. Yeah. Uh, Monkey Man. Monkey Man. And the ghosts that live in the door?

What? Well, they tell her that door in his house? He built the house! He built the house! Year of rage! So she gets pulled into the door, held up like Christ for a little while. Oh, very Christlike. And then falls to the floor and dies. Is she a martyr for for some? For monkey men? I don't know. I don't know, I don't know. Monkey Man Martyr. And then she, Monkey Man Martyr is pretty good.

I look that alliteration a lot. We're doing this, yeah, this thing, it's very dancing. Yeah, it's called Muggy Man Martyr. Actually, it just uses a reggaeton beat. Boom, bop, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, do you guys see me dance? Los Monos. Los Monos? Los Monos?

It just means the monkeys. I guess that's been done. I guess that's been done. She goes and dies and lives with the kids forever in heaven. Thank you, Eleanor. I hate them. I want to die again right now. So there was a scene where they drove, fucking useless Owen Wilson tries driving a car into a gate to get him out of here because for some reason the gates are locked all the time, which is so stupid. But fucking Liam Neeson opens him to let the assistants out when they're hurt. Why? Why could he? Why? How could he? Why? Why could he? Why could he? Why could he? Why? Why? Why? Why? How could he? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the the the the the? th. th. th. th. the? the? the? the? the? the? the. the. the? the. the. the th. the th. th. the the the the the the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the? the. the? the. the? the. the. the. the. the? the. the. the. the. th. true. true. true. true? true. true? true? true? th. th. the. the th's also a close-up of him like, then locking it again. There's no continuity in this film.

So, what is Liam Neeson doing in this movie? I mean, really? Making that money? Get that cheddar. So Bruce Dern and Mrs. Brewster and just like, oh man,, god damn steady slickers. Yeah, yeah. And then the two surviving members of the party are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Liam Niesen, and they're both standing, they're looking at Bruce Dern like, oh, come on, buddy.

Yeah, he's like, did you, did you find out what you wanted to know? And that's the last line of the movie. And in my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my my the the the th. He th. He th. He th, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, th, th, th, th. And, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And th. And the two, the the the the the th. And, the the the the the the the two, the the two, the two, the two, the two, the two, the two, and the two, the last line of the movie. And in my head, then there's like a guitar roop, it's like, whee! Whee! But yeah, it's terrible. God damn, this movie in the face. I mean like, I don't mean to get so exasperated. And I feel like people think I hate everything we do on this show. I don't think that's true but I think you've got a bad reputation. I got a bad reputation. I hate

this. Yeah. Yeah. No that's not fair I don't hate it. I didn't hate it. I think darkness falls. Yeah I hated darkness. Yeah I hated darkness. This is a bad. This is better than the happening. I thin' darkness. I'm like this is not bad. thaa darkness is tha darkness is tha darkness is tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha tha that' that' that' that' this isn't that' that' that' this is this is this is this is this isn't this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad this is bad. this is bad. this is bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. that. that. that. that. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. thaten. this is not bad. this is not bad. this is not better than the happening. This is not better than the happening. I think it's better than the happening. This is not better. I laughed way more at this than the happening. None of these are comedies! That is not a barometer of how good it is. But at least some, some emotion was elicited where is the happening? the old womanamo in that Jeep.

The old woman smashing her face. And then like that guy getting run over by the tractor, you know, I loved that. What about? I loved, don't I love the happening? Am I rewriting history? Be scientific, douchfag? Yeah. There was no line like that in this movie. This movie didn't have O'Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson Wilson.Sen? W.Sen? W.S? W.S? W.S? that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that in this movie. This movie didn't have Marky Mark. He did have Owen Wilson losing his head to a giant lion flu.

That's it, that evens out. Oh, fuck me. See, I don't hate everything. Guys lay off me. Yeah. Speaking of, thanks, Johan for that picture of me and Brian from Wings. So cool. Big fan. I Brian from Wings. So cool. So, big fan. Big fan.

I'm very one note. I either hate, two notes, I guess, hating things and Brian from wings. This is what I've got. This is what I'm working with. I think you've got a more, more arrows in your quiver than that. I'm just saving them for like the episodes I guess. Oh, this movie. Do you want to, uh, you want to be one of the rating face? Not really, do you?

Yeah, you want to talk about cryptocurium? Sure. Because we can. Unboxing, unboxing. Unboxing. Since you told me about unboxings on the internet, I've been looking at them, I've been looking at them, they're weird. God, you always pull all that knife out of nowhere and it freaks me out. Just in my pocket. I know, but what, like you're in your house.

Katie, look. Love that pumpkin. Crypto curiam. I love those bats too, I didn't notice them before. No, that's a new. I think we often's called the parcel of terror you can go and sign up for it at cryptochurium dot com it's cryp to c u m um fault or a little on that one dot com they will send you a box every month you can get just one month or you can get a

bunch of months I recommend a bunch of months yeah that's where I'm coming down on it is a bunch of months. But you can see what's going to be in it before you get it so you can decide you know whether that's a month you want. It's awesome. It's full of handmade horror shit that we're going to go over right now. This is the coolest. This is vampires. bat wall plaque. A vampire in bat form searching for a nightly victim, hand cast and solid resin with a crimson red finish. Comes ready to hang with an attached metal latch. What? That's crazy. Holy shit!

Jason hand makes these, hand paints them. It's crazy. That is gorgeous. I'm going to remember to take a picture of all this stuff this week. Yeah, we really need to. Yeah, we got this to great. What do we got next? All right. That is gorgeous. Three-bit alo card sticker. The vampiric protagonist of the legendary 1997 Castlevania game from Konami produced from original artwork. That rules. Justin Simbo would love that. Oh nice. Yeah. His Twitter name is Castlevania, too. Of course it is. Evil Ed Prince!

Oh shit! Look at that. The crucifix branded recently transformed Best Friend of Charlie Brewster from the 1985 classic vampire flick starring Hungy, hunky, Hunky, Chris Randon. I can't believe you wrote that, Jason. Fright Night by Cryptoakium, guest artist Trevor Henderson. Trevor's work is awesome, and this is fantastic. That is amazing. Yeah.

I love that movie. That's a movie I love. Guys, I love that movie. See more of Trevor's work at Featur Creature. tumble by the way. Yeah, his stuff is awesome. Definitely check him out. Dracula. in our series of exclusive slasher magnets depicts an aged Dracula as he appears in the 1992 film Bram Stokers Dracula holo

holy Christ on a cracker something you want to know about me yeah my favorite Dracula movie is the shitty shitty Francis Ford Koval Dracula I love it this this is amazing yeah it's gorgeous detail is crazy yeah yeah I believe fucking does this Jason you're crazy what is he what is he doing oh oh is you doing? Whoa. Is the pin next? I want to talk about the pin. No, no, you're going to have to wait. All right. Next is the anemic and trance print, a menacing bloodsucker.

thukir by a cryptoccurium guest artist Nick Gucker. Whoa, that's awesome. You can see more of Nick's work. I love that. This is a print of a vampire with crazy fingers and skulls in front of a full moon and I'm probably going to have nightmares about it. Staked heart pin. Here you go. Look at that. Oh! This is the heart of a vampire mire. Vampire tie, a final demise via cross emblazoned wooden stake, cast and solid resin and individually hand painted bonkers. Wow. And finally, vampire blood candy, a file of sour cherry vampire blood

to slake your blood lust, made for the parcel of terror by nifty candy. Wow. That's awesome. This is radical. That is amazing. Yeah. Jason kills it.

So if you want all this shit, amazing. You want this shit. I don't know why I said if. I don't, if if if if if if if if if if if if I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I to to th. I said, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. th. th. I th. I don't. th. th. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. to th. to. to. th. th. thi. th. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the. the. the. told. to. to to. to. to. to. to. You do. I don't know why I said if, because you do. Yeah. Delivered to your door every month. What? Cryptocurium.com. 35 bucks. That's it. You're spending 35 bucks on probably like beer. You're spending it on like Subway sandwiches. You don't even like Subway. You just forgot your lunch, okay? You need to be more responsible. Spend your money on this. So cool. And a fun fact. A fun fact. A fun fact, a fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. S. S. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If. If, th. I. If, th. I th. I th. I thi. I th. thi. to. to. to. to. to. th. to. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. I th. I. Next week episode? Yeah. Jason's gonna be a guest. Yeah, Jason is bringing us. Alien. Alien, his favorite movie. So we're gonna talk about that.

That negates the need to ask you what we're doing next week. You guys just watch Alien and tune in for Jason. And order Crypto Curium. And order Crypto Curium. parcel of terror. Katie, what's that URL again? C-R-Y-P-T-O-C-U-R-I-U-M. So amazing. She does it every time. It's incredible. It's just like automatic now, I'm so good.

Thanks Jason for sponsoring us and thanks to you guys for going and supporting Jason. Yeah, do it. Let's move on to go first? You go first. Thank you. As long as shit, Angela Chase's dad is barely in it. Virginia Matson is barely in it.

Three. Wow, that is way better than I thought you were going to read this movie. I mean, it's actually not, there are parts that are enjoyable. For sure. I didn't get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get th to get the the the the to get the the to get to get the the to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to to the the the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the parts that are enjoyable and I, for sure. I didn't get angry watching it like I did with Darkness Falls. I yelled at the TV a bit because I was like, Eleanor, why can't you fucking figure out anything on your own? So useless. Eleanor, why are you constantly talking to yourself?

Like the whole time that she's reading the book that has the children's death dates and whatever, she's like 11 years old, 12 years old, 11 years old. She looks like 15 of them. Yeah, I get it, like you don't have to just like scan the page, tell me twice it's over. Like, it's not like you were trying to get a theatrical release time. It's two goddamn hours. And she definitely has like a, oh that's terrible writing. Yeah, it's awful. Yeah. Three.

Three. You? I'm going to give this movie of four. Whoa. You, I think you would hate it more than me. I had so much fun hating this movie that it gets a little less iron because because it's terrible. I will not to make thagagagagagagag thage thage to thage thage thage thage thage thage th tho th tho th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho that's not tho that that tho. tho. tho tho. tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- tho- thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. tho. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Yeah that you watch it so it's not going to make it over that five hump yeah but if you want to hate watch something this you can do far worse than hate watch oh yeah this is a fun

hate watch yeah I'm sorry that we made you watch dark this falls I'm gonna give it a four too yeah definitely all right I'm bumping it up yeah I feel bad like a three is just a little too low yeah a rare burown yeah a th I th I th I th I th I th I th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theisive. Actually I want to give this a nine. No, this is a solid four, you're right. Yeah. Because it's a movie that you can watch that's not painful. There's got to be like drinking games you can make out of this movie like every time Owen Wilson does a dumb smile for no fucking reason you can have a drink. He's dressed so 1996. He has like a middle part too. Yeah, he's got a butt cut. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

As our friend Sarah from the Rosemary's Baby episode likes to call it a butt cut. I really like that phrase. But yeah, it's fun. It's just stupid. Like, it's not fun because they did it right. It's fun because Yonde-de-bant fucked this movie mad up. It's just, it's a shame to have so much money to do this and to do such a shitty job with it. Like to spend your money on,

to spend your money on the CGI wet ghosts and not like, I don't know, editing the script. Or like doing more than one take of each scene. Yeah, if that. Yeah, if that. I'm sure sure, it thiiiiiiia th the thia thia tha tha the tha thia. It's th th th th th th th th th th thused thused thused thus. It's a thath. It's a thath. thathea. thathea. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. thea. thea. thea. thea. thoooooooooooooooooooooo. too. too. one tag, doesn't it? Yeah, if that. Yeah. I'm pretty sure Liam Neeson ended a couple scenes early and they just kept me up. Yeah, they were like, has anybody seen him? Is he in his trailer? Like, ah, fuck it? we' it's the fuck it, we don't need them. And so, hate watch this movie. the fuzzles. thi's find find find find find find find find find find find find find find. the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. thi. thi. thi. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah.. Yeah......... Yeah.... Yeah...... Yeah.. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the t that movie because it's just fucking perfection like. And if you're not going to read the book, just read the first paragraph. I'm serious. It gives me the shivers.

Yeah, it's so good. Read the book. What are you doing? What are you doing? Everyone's, it's beginning of the year, everyone has made a resolution to read more books. Just saying read the book. on Facebook where you can read where we're up to. That's a book? Yeah, it's a Facebook. It's a Zooker book.

We're a werewolf ambulance on there. We're a werewolf ambulance on Instagram. Do you guys know this by now? We are a werewolf ambulance on the Twitters. I think we should just start copying and pasting this in, so we don't want to anyway. You could find us on LinkedIn. We are.

Oh my God, can we get a LinkedIn? Can you connect with us? Can you endorse us? LinkedIn fucking emails me like every day. Get off my butt LinkedIn. Just fuck off. We've got a monster. Yeah. Why don't we? Why don't we? Whatever.

So, yeah, watch Alien, get ready for next week? We'll see you then. Yeah, thanks so much for listening to another episode of WhereWulf Ambulance. Bye. Bye.