Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Ali Macofsky

Episode Date: October 16, 2020

Santino sits down with Ali Macofsky to talk about her BV, going through a skate phase, giving herself tattoos, blowing an opportunity with Joe Rogan and how her mom is a chucklecougar. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SHIPSTATION - It's the #1 choice for online sellers to get their stuff out there. Go to https://www.shipstation.com/ click the microphone 🎙 in the top right corner and type in WHISKEY to get TWO MONTHS FREE!!! BUFFALO TRACE - Pick up from your local booze distributor today. The ONLY bourbon with balls is the buff trace. Great people who make great whiskey. Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, like I say, welcome to the show. Please tell a friend, subscribe, click the notification bell so you know every time we post. But we post every Friday. We don't like to miss.

We post in on Friday. So welcome to the show. If you're wanting to know more about me, we're rearranging stuff with our tours and everything. I'm trying to figure all the dates out at andresantino.com. Also, you can go to andresantinostore.com

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we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger field. Sturdy,

ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Allie McCoskey. Allie?oskey. Allie. Hi, Papa.

Hi, sweetheart. Allie is, for those that don't know, now you know, a wonderful, talented comedian, writer, performer, sketch artist, skateboarder, volcano hiker instructor, and a debonair of the old west. And activist. And activist. Strong, keen activist. Social justice warrior. SJW with new hair since last time I saw you. Actually, you're my first guest after my COVID run're my first guest after my COVID after my COVID. Yeah. You know what I, you know what I realized? Yeah. All it took for me to come on the podcast

was for you to get extremely ill. Easy peasy. And then you were like, it's, I guess I can have Allie on now. I was like, it's time. Yeah. Well, it's also, it's also, I haven't seen you in so long. I wanted to see you. And I was like was like um i really want to explore what you've been doing with your life because genuinely you've been moving and shaking during the pandy you think so you've been moving and shaking during the pandy i'm seeing you skate a lot online with people you become like a cool skate person have you uh for a moment but i feel like i've fizzled out already oh you're over skating no i still do it but like i feel like like when i start doing something i have to let everyone know and be like i'm doing this yeah you were i see it and then i always get burnt out and people are like what happened to skating and i'm

like i'm still doing it i'm just not like posting about it every single time i'm at the park and you were and i was a lot it was very annoying we should also um start this podcast out the right way by giving a shout out to your mom, who we're both big fans of. Jenny. What's up, boo? She's the second love of my life, other than my wife, of course. But your mom knows.

Love you, boo. My mom calls me just to talk gossip about your podcast. She's like, did you listen to Whiskey Ginger last week? And I'm like, no, I'm not listening to Andrew's podcast and trying to keep up with the comedy scene in that way or whatever. You should be keeping up. You should be keeping way up. She keeps me informed. My mom tells me, my mom would be like, did you hear what happened in that comedian?

And I'm like, no. And she's like, they've gone off the rails. And I'm like, oh my God. My mom knows more than I do. She'll call you about Nick DiPaolo. She's like, he moved to the South. I think that's funny that there is people that really keep up with I have friends back home that keep up with the comedy world and know more than what I know like a friend of a friend um had asked about a mutual friend of ours in comedy who's

leaving LA another like leaving LA person and I I was like, how would they know that? I guess I didn't really know that. And then now I realize everyone I know is leaving LA anyway, so it doesn't fucking matter, but not us, boo. We sticking it out. We sticking it out. Oh yeah. But the other thing is it's so funny. My mom was calling, like my mom called me like a couple of weeks ago and she's like, like my mom like loves to talk about comedy with me like she's kind of like living vicariously through me which is sweet but can be a little bit annoying she's like have you talked to Andrew recently and I'm like yeah I hit him up the other day like you know I was seeing how he's doing and she's like okay why hasn't he had you on the pod like have you asked to do it and i'm like no

i'm not asking to do it and she's like interesting like you know he's your friend like he hasn't had you on the podcast yet and i'm like no it'll happen whenever it's like gonna happen you don't get it mom yeah it just it just happens when it's you know that's a well that's also the funny thing about the way that the podcast world works is like it's not as planned as people think it is. It's just kind of like the way that your life and time is moving over. Like when you, and to be honest, also having guests is really tough as time goes on because coordinating people's schedules and lives and because of the Pandy, you know, it's also hard. I didn't know for a long time if I wanted to do in-person guests anyway during Pandy, unless I knew that they had taken a test recently and all that shit.

But long story short, I made you pay me to be on the show. Yeah. And I'm glad. It's an investment, my dad said. My dad's the Jewish one out of my parents. So my dad said, look at it as an investment. Give him all your money. It'll come back to you at some point.

Now, your father's Jewish. Your mother's not. She's Catholic. Yeah, which means you can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery because you're not really a Jew. It means I'm actually going to live forever. Right. You're a vampire. But you have tattoos. You definitely can't get buried in a Jewish

cemetery with tattoos. No, but I don't think that was ever the plan. To get buried? Yeah. Can you be cremated at a Jewish cremation station? Well, I think I'm the plan to get buried yeah yeah you can you be cremated at a jewish cremation station probably gonna get murdered and like cut into a bunch of pieces and my remains will be found years after my death so i've never thought about like funeral plans you really think you're gonna get murdered sometimes because i watched the american murder next door american family did you watch that on netflix american family i don't know wait what was the storyline it's the guy in colorado who uh his wife and kids went missing yes his wife and kids oh

yeah that one was gnarly it was hardcore i love it's messed up how much i love that it's cool well women love murder shows yeah i don't know why about that yeah i know yes you do you have a really good job but you go like women love rape and murder when it's not happening to them yeah and you because you go you say i was watching law and order and all the girls go every show every time yeah we love it yeah well i don't know well yeah like the old bag loves she loves um me 60 minutes she loses she does love you very much. 60 Minutes. And what's the other one? Dateline.

I don't like Forensic Files. It's a little too old timey. Their broad was walking in the park which was her first mistake and it's like what the hell? Yeah, Dateline is Dateline is very it's very slow but sexy and creepy. They sexualize murder on those shows. Oh, yeah.

That's why women like it. The soundtrack, the score, it's like Hans Zimmer, but for nasty shit. Hans Zimmer for brutal, disgusting, shameless murder. I don't want to ruin anything about American Family Murder Next Door or whatever. I think that's what it's called. But if you've heard the story, because it was a Colorado murder so the old bag Colorado she knew about it and I had heard I remember hearing about it but not the details and then when you

hear the details of it I will say this without no you know no spoiler it's crazy how you never could really pin an actual monster right like you know when there's someone that's just like

a criminal who just does bad stuff their whole life, but it's not that bad. Like they rob people or they like stole stuff and you're like, they're not the worst person on earth. No. Right, they just make mistakes. They probably come from a bad place. Then when you see like the characteristics

of an actual psychopathic murderer, you're like, I would have never, ever guessed. Like most of the time you would go, really? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that person?

Well, it's the ones, the unexpected ones are the ones who like do it out of passion. Yeah. Those are the freaky ones. It's like the Dahmers, the stuff like that.

In hindsight, you're like, oh, I can see how maybe that guy was a weirdo. Yeah. But it's the like one-offs that really freak you out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like they've never done anything before in their life. This is just kind of like it's been sitting in them for a long time and they let it stew and then something just cracks. I think my favorite part

is like the aftermath. Like how the people react after. Like the person who did the crime. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm always fascinated by like the people's like minds the people react after, like the person who did the crime. Oh, yeah. I'm always fascinated by like the people's like mindsets and how they think being normal is perceived. Like what the normal process of grief looks like. How to act normal. Right.

Yeah, after they do something that's not normal. And I remember I wanted, when I was in college for like a second, I wasn't really studying anything, but I was thinking maybe I would go into political science, but not for any reason other than the fact that politicians have to wear shoes that are scuffed in a mount that looks like they work, but not too much, but not too little. Like those type of things. Like wearing a red tie versus a blue tie or- Yeah, or like a striped tie or a polka dot. But like I remember Obama wore like a blue suit. What was it for? And they lost their shit. The media was like a blue suit, like a bright. It was a brighter colored blue suit. Yeah. And they freaked the fuck out as if it was like so blasphemous. And it's because they're

supposed to send these subconscious signals. Yeah. is even grosser just makes you think how dumb the country is that you need subconscious signaling to feel comfortable with someone instead of a person dressed in formal wear telling you you know whatever they're whatever bullshit they're delivering well but that's what's interesting too is how perception is so important because i remember learning in high school about perception is so important because i remember learning in high school about once like tvs came out and televisions became like a common household item in the first uh presidential election i forget who was running um i don't have that good of a memory but like the election was televised and it changed who won because one of the candidates who was more likely to win looked bad on camera, looked old, looked unhealthy. Wow. Because they were always old and unhealthy.

Yeah. Now you can see. And now it's like social media is the new medium for how people perceive you. Right. I mean, well, that's arguably what helped Obama more than anything, right? Was that social media was like in its height when he had a viral campaign and it worked tremendously to get the attention of young people. So before that, I mean, like my generation of when I was first able to vote, you know, it just was never, I don't even remember how I even considered voting. I don't, I couldn't even look back. I remember like MTV had like rock the vote. Do you know that you remember? Yeah, rock the vote was like voter died. There was like these lame campaign or like shirts like yeah stupid like but they tried to trick you even then with like

P Diddy or like I don't mean they still do that Yeah, but single celebrities like naked on well that's being like though and it's like why are you naked? Yeah? I don't understand. Who are you appealing to that whole thing is very strange this whole like i'm naked so you can vote i don't get it i don't kudos to you for getting your fucking message out i just i saw a bunch of a bunch of like sarah silverman did one schumer mark ruffalo i was like what the fuck has got like where what rabbit out of a hat names that these are very strange combinations of people to like,

throw in the mix. And I just, I don't even know how to feel about it. Like, does someone reach out? Is there an Illuminati that reaches out

to certain people and is like, you need to tell people to vote? No, I think it's just like a cool thing to do. Yeah, I think,

well, it's funny like, it's funny watching like, certain people in the limelight the more successful they get the more like libtarded out they get like extremely woke like online presence where it's like you don't have to go all the way it's like it's almost like a fear i like kumail oh yeah i've known kumail for years i love him he's a really great dude he's always

been cool to me but he got hardcore political online. And he was never that way. Before he was famous, he was just a funny dude on Twitter who was a funny comedian. And then it's almost like they feel like it's their they must voice their political opinion because

It's almost like this shame for being super successful. It's like this weird guilt thing where they're like, oh, I got super successful and now I have to be like, but I'm for everyone. Just like you. Medicare for all. Just like you guys. Yeah.

I just want the common man problem. Yeah. I'm just doing it for my $15 million house. Well, and Kumail used to have like funny, interesting political stuff. And then it went to like super corny, like ghostwritten, like. I think the difference is he used to joke and shit on it, but he realizes that his fame comes along with a lot of power and responsibility,

which happens all the time, right? But the choice you have to make is am I gonna stop taking checks from Disney? Do you know what I mean? That's this balance of when you get that famous. I mean, some people are able to get away with it. I think it's very difficult.

I mean, look, Patton Oswalt's been the king of the nerds of comedy for years. He's a fucking billionaire. Yeah. He still plays the safe card as much as he can because he knows. He's like a sitcom guy. I mean, that guy was on like four sitcoms that were huge. And he knows. Ratatouille.

Do you know what I mean? He knows he can't cross certain lines because it's going to take away money from the family so that becomes this weird balance of like is it okay to say shit which is that's what's scary like do you want to be that famous yeah you do yeah i'm gonna go full like yes i'm gonna go full lib you're gonna live out you're gonna live i'll do anything yeah yeah also yeah you'll do it for sure yeah 100 what was the skipping sideways what's the impetus for the hair okay so let me back this up so you've been on the road with me together phenomenally funny

if anybody's not seen ally stand up please go look at anything and everything you can find online. She also has a podcast that's very, very good as well, where it's solo. You've never seen it? I have. I have. Okay. I have. It's you lying on a couch, prone. Yeah. Or sometimes on your elbow. Yeah.

And I actually talked to you about it. What do you mean? The first time we ever had a conversation about when you started it, because I said, you were telling me about wanting to call it, what was the original title? No, you told me, because I said resting bitch face,

and you said, I don't remember, we were in Sacramento, I thought, when you were talking about it. Oh, maybe, yeah, I don't remember. Anyway, I thought, when you were talking about it. Oh, maybe. Yeah, I don't remember. Anyway, I have checked out the pod. And as a young lady, I love it. Yeah. It's actually... I thought that if I started a podcast, I would have more female... No.

No. You have more female no no you have more you have more like um but you know what it actually it is true i feel like there are more female uh listeners than like typically like an instagram yeah post or something like my instagram would have i feel like my podcast has allowed me to like expand to more women which is what i wanted yeah um but But it is, I think, predominantly. Like, I have a Patreon. It's not big or anything, but it's all dudes. There's maybe, like, three... No women at all?

Three female patrons. Really? Yeah, and I do, like, a monthly, like, Zoom hangout for my top-tier patrons. That's what I do. And it's all dudes, and it feels like I'm... It feels like I'm, like, on a live cam, like a webcam.

You're on OnlyFans Live? Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, hey boys. But you're not thirst trapping. No, I mean. You don't ever thirst trap though. So that it's not like you're ever like playing the sexual role of like. I think sometimes I'm a little thirst trappy every once, once in a while, throw in some thirst. I would say you usually don't go out of your way to do it. I think even if I emulated Steve Jobs' aesthetic, I would still be sexualized. If you wore the Jobs tucked in. Or turtleneck, whatever. Turtlenecks can be hot, dude. But if it was loose. Baggy, baggy turtleneck with dad jeans all the way up.

And an old belt. This isn't like a hot outfit. Nothing about this is like I know, but for your age, this is like a cool you look cool i look cool but not like sexy yeah so so you're gonna get comments that'll probably disagree that's but that's i think that's just like the new world of looking at the way i'm not complaining about it i'm just saying like i'm like my goal isn't to be like a hot comic but sometimes i am hot and i can't control but when you do uh hussy up yeah i look good yeah you look very good yeah thank you just make the choice yeah yeah see that's a choice thing and only the privileged people are able to make that choice because some ugly people can't hussy up yeah ugly people are going to be ugly even a thousand dollar suit well i think my like

resting look isn't like wow like no one turns like what if i went to ralph's right now and was walking no one would be like whoa who's this what aisle is ice cream in yeah they'd be like can you bag this for me um but so when i do look hot i like really like i take so many selfies because i'm like i need to remember this moment and like cherish it because I might not be able to get there again did you ever have battles of of like is this I'm curious because I have members of my family uh young girls who I'm curious about how the battles become with sisters over like look and aesthetic and style because with boys younger boys always want to be like their older brothers yeah it doesn't fucking matter same with girls yes but at some point it becomes a competition for girls

and i don't think boys ever get there like i think boys are more like they just want to beat their brothers or prove to their brothers that they're cool and they want their love and affection you have two sisters there's got to be and you're close in age uh they're close in age i'm closer yeah they're right they're closer than you but there has got to be, and you're close in age. They're close in age. I'm not. Closer. Yeah, they're right. They're closer than you. But there has got to be competition within there of like, you know, do you want, did you want to look just like them or nothing like them? Well, so I, when I was younger, I was like the ugly duckling. Like it was a joke in my family. Like, I don't think that that's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It hurt. It hurt, yeah. Yeah. I was really not cute. And my sisters both were cute, I think.

And my sister is seven years older than me. And my other sister is five years older than me. And when I was in fifth grade, my sister would pick me up from school, my oldest sister. And all the guys would be like, why don't you look like your sister? Like, your sister is hot. What happened to you? So mean. And it was like, it crushed me. Yeah yeah that's so fucking mean nathan padilla you know who you know where you

are nathan padilla do you know where he is by the way i have no idea maybe in jail yeah probably you're probably in prison padilla he also called i heard yeah he was mean go ahead keep telling what did he do he called me the k word. What? Really? Yeah. And I was like, and it's so funny. Like, well, he was, he obviously had a crush on you. You think so? Yeah. If you use derogatory racial slurs to girls, it means you like them.

My first girlfriend was Mexican. I was like, get over here, you fucking beaner. And then that's how I knew I like her. Yeah. No, he obviously had some kind of crush on you. Maybe. But I mean, when you're a kid, you don't realize that. I know. This person's knew I like her. Yeah. No, obviously he had some kind of crush on you. Maybe, but I mean, when you're a kid, you don't realize that.

I know. You're like, this person's just a mean person. Yeah. Nathan Padilla's an, Nathan Padilla? Yeah. Yeah, this guy's an asshole. Yeah, asshole. By the way, I hope you can,

if you guys can find him, go light up his Facebook. He probably does still use Facebook. For sure. That's when you know that someone is not doing well is when they're still like very active on Facebook. Oh, dude. By the way, I had a, not to call it out, but I told a story like three years ago on Rogan about a guy that I grew up with. But it was a true story. And I referenced the details to the

best of my knowledge. And one of the family members reached out to me on a Facebook page that I don't even have anymore. And I was like, someone who runs my old, my promotional stuff was like, you got this weird, elongated message from somebody that was like, you fucking said, that's not true, da da da.

Like they went a ham. And then they repeatedly posted the video being like, this isn't true, this part is a lie. But it's like, I don't know man, it's in the paper.

Do you know what I mean? Like it was in the fucking newspaper. So why is it a lie? Because it seemed like it was true. But it just feels like when people are that active and mad about that stuff online and try to promote. Facebook is dark. Well, it's because something's really broken.

Yeah. Like that was the other thing about that American murder. Yeah. Is that woman, she posted on Facebook like six, seven times a day. Oof. And it made me sad. Yeah. Because I was like, holy shit, lady. Like, it must mean that most people

that overtly use Facebook, everything else is crumbling. Yeah. Because they do that thing where they're like, everything's great. Look at the kids. Oh my God,

we're making cookies. But inside, they're just like, I'm shattered. Yeah, I'm shattered. I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight. Yeah.

That's sad. To get back to my hot sisters. Sorry, your hot sisters. I just want to make sure I get this out. Yeah they gonna do you think they're gonna listen to this no but my mom mommy will yeah yeah i do it all for mom um so my sisters are older than me and so i always wanted to like fit in with them and like try to do what they were doing and then i think the older i got the more i realized like i just was not like them at all. They're kind of basic, typical West Side, LA.

They're Santa Monica girls. Yeah. Which is cool. It's a vibe. They're basic and they know that and we talk about it. I'm kind of like the crazy one which explains the hair and everything.

My dad kind of roasted them. My dad was like, yeah, whenever I show people at work pictures of my daughters, they always ask about you. That's dope. So I think things have changed. My sisters are still very much attractive, both of them. But I think I just have more of a unique...

Yeah, your individual style has taken over. Yeah. See, I was curious about it, the competition, just have more of like a unique yeah your individual style has taken over yeah see i was curious about it if like the competition because you've talked to me about your sisters since i've known you and it's always been kind of a thing because when you show me pictures of them you do typically say basic that's the thing you always go to is that you're like they look like normal just normal girls yeah and i find but that's probably why you turned out to be creative and eccentric and doing your

own thing because you didn't want to be that yeah so perhaps their normalcy helped you be who you are or I think it was because I felt like I could never be like like I think the competition I don't I can't speak for their own competition because they're two years apart but I think for me like I felt competitive like I had to like keep up with them but I just felt like that was unattainable like with what they were doing I just never desired to do that but I felt competitive. Like I had to like keep up with them, but I just felt like that was unattainable. Like with what they were doing, I just never desired to do that, but I felt like I needed to.

And then I was like, well, if I just go completely left field, then I don't have to do that. And you're on your own Island and it's cool Island. Yeah. It's like Epstein Island. Same thing.

Cool Island. Very similar. Yeah. Yeah. Did you, did you, did they, are they sorority type of girls?

Yeah. They were both in sororities. Yeah. I know when I saw the picture, I thought they look like girls that I know that, that I of girls yeah they were both in sororities yeah i know when i saw the picture i thought they look like girls that i know yeah that i knew from school that were like in sororities and and i'm sure they're doing fine but it's also the type of people who like carry it out like as adults where they still are like yeah i was in this sorority and that's really sad when people do that it's just different it's just no it's sad it's sad it's really sad. I think to hold on to...

The idea of alma mater to me is very strange. It's very similar to Disney people. They're holding on to this thing. Dude, last night I watched Celebrity Family Feud and Raven-Symoné was on it. And she was now on Moms of Disney. And I was like, Raven plays a mom on a TV show on Disney? Yeah, that's so Raven.

Wait, she's the mom? But now she's the mom, right? I don't know. I just thought that's crazy because I was like, I just, in my head, this is what happens with Disney kids is you kind of always think about them as kids. Even when she's now, I don't even know how old she is. She's probably in her late 20s or maybe early 30s. Yeah, 30s. Not my, no, she's not in her late 20s or maybe early 30s. Yeah, 30s.

Not my, no, she's not in her late 30s, is she? Not late, early 30s. Jamie, look it up. I think, we don't have him. No. I think it's just strange because I always see her so young. And then when I saw her on the show, I was like, oh my God, she's a, you know, a woman. Like in my mind, she was a kid.

She's always a kid. Yeah. So it's hard for them to escape that. Yeah. Like, you can't get away from that shit. Yeah.

But for real, tell me, now I'm going to be Papa Santino right now. Why did you go so many colors? Last time we were together, you had,

pink? Just pink. Just pink. Yeah, just pink. But now you got all the colors? Well,

so, I mean, I've always, I've always done, like, like, I think, Yeah, but this is the most colors i've seen in sacramento i think the tips of my hair were like neon yellow i loved it i thought that was very tight it was just the bottom row and you just gotten your hair cut yeah it was fresh yeah you look like on a music video it was tight yeah um so i always like to do stuff and right at the beginning of quarantine i had

gone like fully pink yeah and then quarantine happened and it faded into like the blonde that was underneath it's like super dark roots and then i don't know i i got my hair done and i went orange but the color orange was like spooky like it wasn't like a flattering orange you have an orange in there now well so then i was like like a week or two weeks later i was like just give me every color you got all of it so i got all of it i'm gonna ask you a dumb guy question okay does it ruin your hair um if you get it done by professionals who like know what they're doing no and if they use certain things that like the yeah it's like what do

average people use in their hair they use like the box dye from the store yeah i think a lot of people get or like i don't want to spend all that money i can do it on my own and then they do it at the store they over bleach their hair their hair becomes really like um coarse no like like like their hair becomes like um brittle brittle but like like almost like um like stringy where you can like just pull it out yeah because you killed it yeah yeah like i have a friend she she bleached her head and like there was a patch of her hair that was just gone from like over bleaching it where the hair just like died and fell out yeah i've been lucky i think it's like my like my russian ancestry i have like very thick coarse hair yeah russians have really

thick hair i just shaved my arms because I was getting roasted online. What? Because you had hairy arms? Yeah. Because I got this tattoo. And so they shaved this part and then it felt weird having like one nice shaved part and then like super hairy. I saw the tattoo. You put it up on. It's a barbed wire, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what I'm doing. I know. I'm having fun. No, you're having the most fun. You have one ride. Why not take it? Yeah. I never got tattoos because I know my addictive personality. I would get so many and I know that's a lame excuse, but I know me and there's just no fucking way that I wouldn't be like more, more. This is cool. I would do more. And then in a year I'd go, fuck. yeah oh i any any person with

tattoos hates their tattoos most of them most yeah most well you like you know my boy you know nick you know my buddy nick nicky the little little jewish kid with glasses and he's got all the tattoos you know i only know hot people he's hot is he hot no oh yeah he's hot he's my friend i don't think he's got him when i met him he had zero tattoos when we met in 2009 something like that he had zero tattoos and then within like a few years he got i don't even maybe 20 or 30 yeah and he does hate almost all of them some of them he loves there's some dr who shit i think he loves and there's got there's certain people that gave him tattoos that he's like these are dope even if i don't like love the tattoo i love the what it means like to them

but then there's some he's got like a baby boot on his arm that he hates yeah he's just got shit that he fucking hates what the edits of you that people make with tattoos on you i'm like like it grosses me out yeah yeah i'm like with tats up my neck? Yeah, I hate it. It's very much not me. It's not you and it makes you look like a dude who works at a brewery and just like loves hops. Like that's what you... Have you smelled these dude? Yeah. They're fresh. There's a lot

of hops in this one. It's very hoppy so be careful. It's a dark IPA. It's a double. So it's an imperial. It's actually above an imperial. It's a colloquial imperial yeah uh i i don't think i could ever get tats because i also i have a good amount of friends from when we were young back in in the midwest that got tattoos like everyone got a lot all my girlfriends had lower back tattoos every dude i know had a up here like a family crest or like a

whatever or like a a drawing of something sailboat or an anchor yeah dude and I was just like every time I saw a new friend with a new tattoo I thought well I don't want to be lame and get something that they have yeah and then every time I look for something new I was like I don't think there's anything that I'm the lamest with tattoos all my tattoos are just like things that I've seen online yeah the barbed wire thing why um show the show the camera yeah i uh so i was i was gonna get a jewel tattoo okay ali i know and then i was like i can't like you text me before you get a tattoo and then i'll give you the i'll give you the not a good idea or okay whatever do it yeah because i like this you like the barbed wire i like it for how

long do you think? Probably like two more weeks. Two or three weeks, yeah. Yeah, and then I'll be like, why did I do it? Why did I do it there? What's the only one that you still kind of actually like? I really like my finger tattoo.

I have an eyeball on my finger. I really like that. It's small. It's cute. My friend Jeremy did this, a little stick and poke at his house. That's right. You put the stick and poke on your Instagram, didn't you?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Oh, no. I was tattooing myself. I gave myself this dollar sign. Yeah. But with like an actual tattoo. You can just buy tattoo guns on Amazon.

Yeah. Yeah, you're a grown up. You can do whatever you want. So my friend got a tattoo gun. I'm like, let's do it. Let me see. It's faded now. Did it hurt?

No. Because I feel like if you do it yourself, you definitely don't know what you're fucking doing. No, no idea. Well, I tried to do a heart right here, a small heart on my upper thigh. Yeah. And I fucked up so bad that it's like just a wishbone now. Kind of.

Like that's just what I'm calling it. Fine. Like what else? You know, someone's like, what's it? You're like, I just you feel like getting lucky. Yeah. Pull on one side. But then I have a butterfly on the back of my arm.

I really like that. I like that. I like the butterfly. It's really pretty. Yeah. But I have this stupid lightning bolt. Like, I don't know why I was waiting for an open mic like a year into stand up and I had to wait like two hours and there was a tattoo shop like next door. So I was like, I'll just get a tattoo in the meantime. Word to all people starting mics and coffee shops around the country. Do it next to a tattoo shop. Make a deal with the tattoo guy. Eventually people will start getting tattoos as they wait to go on stage. Yeah.

That's just an economic trick that I'm trying to give out to the world. Because obviously, obviously it works. In fact, this is not even a joke. There used to be a place called behind the Culver City Library.

Behind the Culver City Library, there's a little coffee shop there. The Roasted Bean, the Something Bean. This is years ago when I first started stand-up. It's always so weird to picture coffee shop there. The roasted bean, the something bean. This is years ago when I first started stand up. It's always so weird to picture you starting stand up.

Oh, I can see. Dude, you know what's so creepy? I paced the park for, I don't even know, an hour before I could even get and the names were pulled or whatever. And right next door to it was a tattoo shop.

And people were getting tattoos the whole time. I don't know if anybody did from the mic, but I was like, what a weird way to kill time if I did go get a tattoo. Because it would be a good way to fucking just be like, I guess I'll just knock out a bullshit tattoo real fast. But no, I paced for hours in the park

at the Culver City Library. Yeah, it's weird to zoom back in your head over like where you were during and what I was feeling like or how shitty my jokes were. yeah a little shitty joke book with one one good joke maybe one like honestly good joke and the rest were just like i knew they were gonna do poorly i were you super confident when you first started um i was like delusionally confident and i think that that's why i've been able to ride the lightning so long?

To do what I've been able to do, because I've only gotten less and less confident as time goes on. And I think I'm still just coasting on that initial wave of confidence. I was confident after... I'll tell you what, I began to get more confident when I saw my competition, for lack of a better word.

The more people I got around, I quickly was like, that person's funny, that person's funny. And we're all in a similar realm. And then I started to see how many people around weren't writing or weren't doing good. Yeah. So I got confident because I was like, I'm better than most of these people on this lineup. And it continued. As more lineups you do, you're like, I'll crush harder than all these people on this lineup. And this lineup I can beat and that lineup I can beat. But I was saying that to myself. At the first open mic. At the first open mic. I would walk into open mics with so much confidence.

But it's also because you fell in love with standup at a young age. So you had a different experience with it in terms of you ingested it like crazy. I mean, we've had this conversation with it in terms of you ingested it like crazy. I mean, we've had this conversation before about you. You were a fan, a heavy fan of the world before you got into it. Whereas a lot of people are fans of it and then they slowly try to get into it, but it doesn't happen usually for most people into their mid to late twenties and some people in their thirties, you know, like I know guys that didn't start till they were 32 33 years old so you started i mean or you got into stand-up when you're 16 yeah but i mean you started like loving stand-up when you were young yeah and then you got into it when you're pre-20 is fucking crazy yeah that's rare it's like only a handful of people but i feel like now it's not that rare

i feel like a lot of people are starting out younger are they they out there? I don't know what's going on. I feel like when I first started, it was like me and Olivia Grace. And Olivia Grace had already been doing it for like four years. She started when she was like 14 or 15. She would come around the store. She always was hustling and out and stuff. And I would see her all the time. And I never knew if she was a stand-up or good because I never saw her

and then I did see her in the belly room maybe it was a roast show maybe it was a roast show I don't remember and she did great and I was like oh fuck I had no idea who this I just didn't know who she was yeah before that I thought I thought she was just like a friend of comics and was around all the time and yeah yeah she's a young hustler yeah but when i first started i felt like it was only really like her that i knew of who was the same age if not it was like i was 19 and maybe the other youngest person was like 24 or something right but for the most part it was like 27 28 29 up to like 30 and i'm like it's so weird being in high school and then going to college for a second and then having like 32 year old friends yeah which is weird because if you go to college you do also have 32 year old friends but they just hang out with college kids all the time weird yeah i know there's a couple

of those guys i didn't realize at the time that we were all 20 and like you know like one of the dudes we hung out with was like 36 yeah and it wasn't weird but it was in retrospect yeah at the time you're like he has the shit dude he can always get coke yeah like yeah he's been doing it for 20 years yeah yeah no that's you do end up and you end up making friends way out of your age range because of stand-up which is kind of good but then it was weird because then if i would hang out with like old friends from high school or college i just felt like you were like I was already on like a totally different wavelength and it was really hard to like reconnect.

And so do you have any friends from high school still or no? Yeah. Yeah. But it's not like, like not, I'm not like, I was never the person who like had super strong friendships. Right.

Or did you have a few core, like two or three core? Like I only had three. But it was always like rotating. Like maybe I'd have really close friends, but few core? Two or three core? It was always rotating. Maybe I'd have really close friends, but only for two or three years. That's interesting. I always had a couple of very close

friends, and I still keep in contact with those guys today. But outside of that, no. It'd be cool to run into people sometimes if I'm back home and I see somebody, but for some reason, I don't know, I don't know. I just, I was never, I was never like that. I was never like, we got to hold on to these memories. I was like, let me get to fucking Arizona and I want to go to California. My goal was to get the fuck out as fast as I could. Not to say fuck you

to the past, but I just, I was so laser focused on getting to California. It was the only thing I wanted. I was like, how can I get to California? What could I do to like afford to even get out there? I weaseled my way out here and I started, I worked, I worked in a, I worked in a physical therapy office and I, I was the only kid. I could so see you being a physical therapist. Like if comedy didn't work out, like you have like the body for physical therapy. Yeah. Just like a button down suit that like is a little bit too tight on the arms, but not because you're fit, just because the shirt fits weird. Yeah, it was just too tight on the shirt.

And then khakis. I just see you in khakis. I could have done it. I think I did wear khakis and button downs when I went to the- Yeah, you have to. The only reason I got the job was because I was hooking up with a girl. I was dating a girl. We were barely dating.

And every time we tried to continue the date, it wasn't good because she got me a job at a PT office. She was going to PT school and I had no business being there. And they let me do the exercises with people and shit. Yeah. That's when you know, you like don't really love someone is when you're like trying to get them jobs. You're like,

I just want to help you. But like, I'm not that in bed. Like I want to help you. So you don't bother me. Like I want you to have a job. You got me the job. And then we stopped dating.

It was bad. Yeah. It was my fault though. i knew i didn't want to stay with her yeah it was a whole thing yeah something something it was just i knew it wasn't gonna work and it was sad too because she's like i want to help you out and i was like fuck i'm totally gonna we're never gonna this is never gonna work yeah but she i mean whatever but that was my only goal was to to get the fuck out and to keep moving forward and And now here I am living the dream in California. Voting. I voted yesterday to keep this state burning on fire. I voted for my dead grandma.

You wrote in your dead grandma? Yeah. That's so sweet. I got her ballot in the mail and I was like, she would have wanted me to do this. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, because she can't do it. You have to speak for her.

No. And she died recently it's like yeah yeah yeah wait have you already voted you're not gonna vote no i have my here's the thing i have my mail-in ballot and it's filled out it's sealed it's all good to go i feel like i'm one of those people who's gonna be like okay i'll do it tomorrow and then on november 4th i'll be like fuck yeah i'll open up my backpack. Put it in your mailbox. Damn it.

Don't you just put it in your outgoing? Yeah. You don't want to do that. I want to drop it off. You want it official. Yeah. You don't want someone to steal it. I mean, does it matter in California that much?

Yeah, because we need to get Kanye West in there. In Roque. In Roque de la Cruz. Is that what it is? Have you Googled him? Yeah. It looks like Ric Flair or something. Yeah. He's from the WWF. Oh, he is? No, he's not. But he should be. People that don't know, in California, Kanye West is actually running as a vice president. In many, many other states, he's running as a president. Wait, you can do that? I didn't know you could, but yeah, you can. Something I i learned from kanye but then when i was looking at the ballot i was like

should i vote green or like libertarian some of the names i'm like this just joe jorgensen is the libertarian yes i love that and and you know who her running mate is a podcast host yeah a guy named spike cohen i think yeah something like i had to look him up. I was like, who is this guy? I looked them all up. Yeah, I had to. Just out of curiosity. And I was like, I kind of... It sucks because no one would ever... They would never have enough votes for it to be... And I'm also like, do they think that there's a chance that they'd win? No. But honestly, what I figured out over the years of voting and listening to them and paying attention to certain people, it gives them more political power in whatever bureaucratic bullshit that they're involved in when they do get a little traction.

They're never going to come close. But they can solidify more political interest parties if they're like, hey, you know, we got 16% of fucking Kentucky. And people are like, whoa. And it helps with their political prowess. It's never going to really... I think it would be so funny, though, if we could all like come together, Kony 2012 style and like get on board and just get one of these random people who has no expectation for winning into the White House and then just see what happens. They did it four years ago.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. But like not in a major. But yeah yeah but not in like a major party like democrat you would have to have somebody in a big party to get it because we're a two-party system we're always going to be and it's the fucking i know but i want to call like ashton kutcher or something and try and do a punked for politics but he punks the presidential campaign yeah where you get roque or no i don't want connie but like you get you know spike lee or spike jones spike lee and spike jones on the ticket together and spike cohen and spike cohen is he's the he's the campaign vice vice president of the vp vp yeah the vvv the vvvp that would be great to have uh look when somebody was joking around about the rock

being president, I was like, why is that a stretch? If fucking Donald Trump... At this point, it's anyone's game. Yeah, why would it be a stretch? I'll run. Oprah? I mean, I won't run, run, but... Not physically run.

Not physically, but for office, sure. You would be dope on the campaign trail. I could say that. You would put on some fucking dope shows. It'd be a fun time. Well, look, Trump just goes into stand-up. Have you ever seen any of that stuff? He just does stand-up. He does bits.up bits yeah he does i want to know who writes you know there's comic

friends we have that's been that's been selling him bits you've been doing dude because i've seen some of the bits that he does i'm like this is just funny i don't even know what to tell you like he must have someone being like you know it'd be funny if you joked about and he's like that's great and he does it and it kills dude it's so weird yeah it's why he's so beloved by um people that love him because he doesn't do those speeches like you see most presidents do on those it's not professional it's just like it's it it's him fucking around yeah it's a guy talking shit you know what i equated to a guy at a wedding who wasn't supposed to make a speech but who volunteers volunteers but i got some stories to tell and everyone's like

this is awesome but it's insane but it's just you don't expect it and it's ridiculous and you're like is that your uncle marty he's like yeah he's fucking blacked out and you're also like how long is this speech gonna go yeah and he's like okay okay okay hold on hold on hold on when people are getting nancy story yeah one more yeah one more one more have you ever been to your one sister got married right speaking of weddings yeah they uh one sister got married one sister's engaged and i'm just raw dogging fuck yeah dude let them all in i got one more year on my parents health insurance so. How often do you really use protection? Be real with me. I will.

I never, never wear protection. But I've been seeing a guy recently who has just always been wearing protection. So I'm like, well, if you know something, I'm not going to say no to you wearing it. Now, does it ever strike you as if like he doesn't trust you? No, I, it's, I, it's for sure because he's boning around. I'm not the only one. I know I'm not the only one. In here, we pour whiskey.

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I like gingers. Wait, did he express that to you? Yeah, we've talked about it. Are you boning around? There's no one that I'm interested in boning right now right but if there was like maybe i would but i'm like over doing that like i i'm i don't want to be like like if i want to be with someone long term not that like i need to like not that i need to like settle down but like if i'm seeing someone i would want it to maybe become serious would this be serious um as of now i don't think so sure it would be cool if

it was but i don't think i don't think it's going there well at least in early days it doesn't seem that way is this dating app shit no this is real life real life shit? Mm-hmm. That's so tight. You're very unconventional. You like to break the mold. Your age group, always dating app. You, you always, I feel like you always meet people in the flesh. I do both. Really?

Yeah, well, I just deleted all the apps. But I was doing both. Best app? There's, I mean, it depends what you're looking for. If you want to get an std download tinder tinder is a hookup app if you want to meet like a guy on the spectrum who's a narcissist raya what about bumble well i'm uh have i used bumble bumble's annoying because the girl has to message first which is like yes female empowerment and then you realize quickly that you're like oh i

want to be talked to. Females want empowerment, but they're also like, pay for the first meal, open the door, do the thing. We don't know what we want. I know, that's why we're going to keep patting you on the head and saying- I don't know what I want. You can't speak for all women. You don't speak for all women. God forbid.

Did you see Bill Burr's monologue on SNL? Yeah. What do you think? Were you offended? No, I wasn't offended.'t white bitch that's what he said white bitches is that what yeah i was triggered people were fucking people were yeah but of course they were like but you know who was gonna get mad yeah you were like oh yeah you're fucking white bitches white bitches though and like dudes who want to fuck white girls. Cucky guys.

Yeah, who are like... Guys who actually don't want to fuck white girls. It's white guys who want to watch their girlfriend get fucked by somebody else. Uh-huh, yeah. It's cucky guys who are like, I'm comfortable... Like, I don't remember who it was, but I remember a guy tweeted in the height of the me too movement was like you know you know what i like to physically do with a girl listen to her answer her it was like oh no you don't shut up no you don't i've been with plenty of guys who don't yeah like sure you can say that that's a

nice thing to say yeah but it's not true right because if it's real you wouldn't talk you wouldn't have to say exactly that's that's the biggest bother about what happens from i was a huge fan of what burr said on there because i thought it was fun and honest well but also i had seen him do those jokes at the comedy store pre like right before covid yeah the old kobe so i felt like i got to see it in a more thoughtful like long like uh interesting way where where there was more of a storyline to it. When you're doing a monologue on SNL, I imagine you just have to kind of pack it all. You have to slam it in five minutes or whatever it is.

And people just, yeah, whatever. I don't care. I thought it was funny. It was good. I didn't laugh out loud, but I don't really laugh out loud at online things. At most comics. Yeah, you laugh out loud at me.

I do. I have a mic on you whenever I'm on stage. I do. You're one of my favorite comedians. Yeah. Yeah. You laugh out loud at me. I do. I have a mic on you whenever I'm on stage. I do. You're one of my favorite comedians. Stop. For real. Well, I'm not going to say this just to say this, but I do mean it. And I'm one of your favorite podcast guests. You're one of my favorite comedians by far. You know I love you and that's why I like going out with you. And hopefully we can go out again in 2021 when the world fucking gets back to normal. It's very sad. I know I miss it. It's fun getting to open for you because you're just like a fun dude.

Well, you won't be opening much longer, so it's nice to enjoy that. Enjoy it now. I'm trying to think. I feel like we had a crazy experience on the road, but I can't remember, but I feel like... Well... Oh, we stayed at that sketchy-ass like sketchy where one night i was like uh you were like you were like if you feel scared you can like stay

in my room because it was like a loft style yeah i sleep there's a there was a bed in a loft upstairs and there was a bed downstairs and i literally when we were walking home one night well first of all i went to fucking fedexinko's and there was a guy shooting heroin. I put it on my, I put it on my fucking Insta story. And the club was like, Hey, you know,

uh, it's not always like that around here. I was like, are you sure? Cause it was fucking at noon. I was walking to FedEx Kinko's and then we ate a Chili's. Oh, that was so good.

I love Chili's. Me too, dude. Anybody who doesn't like Chili's is an un-American piece of shit. It is the, by the way, the chips and salsa. It's the best. Me too, dude. Anybody who doesn't like chilies is an un-American piece of shit. By the way, the chips and salsa are the best. They're the thinnest, greasiest chips. They're so crunchy. They're computer paper. It's just they're like computer paper. That's what they are. It's a receipt. They recycle. They're eco-friendly. It's so good. And then we stayed at the Sketch

Hotel and we were walking home after we had chilled for a while at the club with some of the staff and we were walking home after we had chilled for a while at the club with some of the staff and we were hanging out and um uh we weren't going out that night and i had said we were walking home and i said hey if you want to stay in my room you can stay downstairs i'll and i'll stay upstairs just to keep because i'm you know and you're like no i'm good and i was like okay but seriously yeah because it felt murderous you were more scared than i was i was because i just did i felt like you i felt not like you can't take care of yourself but like well i just didn't want you walking to your side of the camp yeah whatever the other thing is that my the my room was like

on the other side and it wasn't like a hotel where it's like just a hallway it was like an outdoor thing where and you could tell that people were like living there. It was like a live-in type of hotel. Yeah, and I just, Papa got protective. I was like, I don't want, I don't want, I don't, I just didn't want you to be walking late

and some weirdo pulling in late. Like I get these sick visions of like you being, and then it's all my fault. Yeah. Like if it was like, what do you mean you let her go to the fucking hotel? Like why wouldn't you walk her go to the fucking hotel? Like, why wouldn't you walk her and help her out?

You'd get so much attention though. Huh? You'd get so much attention though if I got murdered. I would have blew up. On the road with you. Yeah, I would have blown up.

Because then you could have been like the grieving friend and also like mentor. Yeah. And I would have been like, you know, I did everything I could. Could have got a new hour out of it.

Two, maybe. Well, you would have done one at my memorial yeah crush crush city think how bad i would murder at your murder have people ever like i have like lammer comics ever uh been like oh that joke that you do is similar to mine and you're like you do you want my joke because your joke sucks i had a joke about it i just thought about that because i had a joke about um a memorial and like tying it into a job that I had at a movie theater where I'd have to like make a speech before a movie started.

And then like a coworker dies and I have to like do the speech at their funeral. It was stupid, but it was funny. That is very funny. And I remember some comic was like, I have a joke like that. And I was like, okay, you wanna do you want me to watch your joke and i watched it and i was like do you want my joke like you can have my joke like if you want a funny joke i'll give you mine but we don't have this because yours is very bad yeah no i i actually the the only i've only had like one or two people be like,

Hey, we have something similar. Um, but it's usually just the premise. Yeah. But Fitz and I, Fitz Simmons and I had the, this is the funniest response I've taught. I've told this before, but this was my favorite Fitz. And I had a joke that was quite similar. And I went up to him at the improv and I was like, yo, Titsy, I think we have like a similar thing. And he goes, oh, really? I was like, yeah. And he goes, who does it better?

And I was such a great best. And I go, you do. And he did it on TV. He did it on just for laughs or something like that. But it was perfect. It was the best response. That's a great way to say it, because I feel like when I was in that situation, I was like, how do I respond to this?

Because it's better. And he, and honestly he did his, his version was much more clean. It was ironed out. Mine was brand new. Um, yeah,

it was, he does it. It was just so blatant. It was like, yeah, his was, and I, and I love that he was honest about it.

Cause he didn't want to do the dance. Yeah. The dance where people are like, Oh my God. Yeah. No, he knocked, he knocked that shit out and it was great because then it puts it back in your court it's on me yeah who does it better and then i really have to think about it because if i did

do the joke better i would have to be like i like mine i like mine dude yours isn't fucking good you know what i mean and then it would be a good competition but no rarely um rarely has that happened to me but yes on the road we haven't had too many scary experiences. Fun times. We went to a fun sex shop. That was really fun. Remember the fun little Art Deco sex shop that we went into that was owned by the gay couple? Yeah.

Do you not remember that? We took a long walk and then the Uber picked us up at the sex shop. Oh, yeah. No, wait. That was in Sacramento? No. No, that was in St. Louis? No.

I remember. I'm picturing the street. I have a vivid memory of the street because it was these cute houses. I do too. That wasn't Sacramento. I know that was in the South. Were we in the South? I feel like it was St. Louis. Was it St. Louis?

Maybe. I'm so bad at that, dude. Yeah, it was like an upstairs like sex lounge. Yeah, sex shop. And we were kind of like giggling and the person was like. Yeah, no, he was over. It was owned by like a gay couple and the one guy was very annoyed at us. Yeah.

But it was, it was like. They did have some, sex shops have silly stuff. But I was just going to say like sometimes sex shops, sometimes they're, it's like very professional or high end sex stores stores but sometimes they're just like goofball gifts this one looked like it should have been like a thrift sex store exactly used yeah yeah it also had like like i remember there was anal beads but then we did uh they were this big i mean there were the pool balls i was like come on have you ever done that anal beads you like but i i've heard you talk about the finger you're you the butt play the self butt

play yeah yeah i don't like putting stuff in my tush i i tickle it i like the tickling yeah i um yeah i've never liked it in i don't know you never had anything in there no i want to do a little baby like starter butt plug i think it'd be fun but see i want to i want to do it with someone i'm in a relationship yeah yeah yeah you can't butt plug by yourself yeah no that's very strange and it's like you have to be ambidextrous you gotta be flexible and and also you know what if you get the butt plug in there when you're by yourself and then you're more bummed it's almost like a little depressing yeah and then you have to take it out sad yeah like a sad flush yeah why are you crying i thought this was going to be fun.

And you're washing it. You know what I just did? What? Before the pod. I did a boric acid suppository in my coochie. Why? Because there's cockroaches in there. That's how you kill cockroaches.

You're prepping for the haunted house? Wait. Boric acid. Boric acid suppository. What does that do? Boric acid, you can't ingest it. It's very poisonous. Like, you straight up use it to kill cockroaches.

But it's in your butt. No, it's in my coochie. My front butt. Oh, you put it up your cooch? I put it in my front butt. Yeah. Wait, so what is that for? It's for bacterial vaginosis.

Oh, baby got- Also known as BV. Yeah. It's like a UTI. No. Right? No. No? No. It's bacteria. It's a bacterial infection. Yeah. But yeah, but UTIs are more urinary, urinary tract infection. Right. That's the acronym. Bacteria vaginosis has more inside of the like a lining. Yeah. It has to do with like, like the discharge. So is this because old boy was banging somebody new? Well, so a lot of people who are young get it. Um, because the pH, like you're so hormonal

and stuff that your pH can be imbalanced by like wearing a bathing suit for too long or having sex or even just like getting your period. Sorry, boys. No, no, no. This is, this is a, we do, this is the period hour. Okay, cool. The second half of the show is always period hour. Okay, great. Yeah, so I've always, like it's always been a thing. Like always. Your whole life? Like since high school, yeah. Right, since, yeah, right.

Yeah, I think since probably either I got my first period or since I became sexually active. Like I just remember that it was like always a problem. Is it painful? No, like it doesn't bother me. That's why I've only just done it for the first time now. Because I'm like, I'm an adult. I should not continue just being like, whatever. But if it's not painful.

It's not painful. It's just it's not a big deal then. Well, so you know how I have the joke about discharge? I'm like, I discharge a lot. It's gross. I love it. It's a funny joke. So a lot of times like overly, this is so disgusting.

Overly discharging is a symptom of bacterial vaginosis. Sure. Because your vagina is just like creating more. Weeping. Yeah, it's crying. It's crying. It's like coughing. It's like.

It's like a lot of phlegm, you know. Even your vagina is Jewish. It's only tearing its throat yeah so anyway i shoved a little pill up my cooch and we'll see how it goes i'm excited congrats thank you who gets the dot your your gynecologist is like you should start taking this no so i went to the doctor to get uh checked i thought i had the old gone ear clap you ever had them no okay good i'm like, come on. Like, I need to get it within a year. You want to get it?

I mean, I'd rather get it now than when I'm not on insurance. Gano is bad because it can fuck with your fertility for the future. Yeah. So I think- So maybe I don't want to get it. I don't know. Or is it clam that does that? I don't know.

One of the two does it. I just sway away from those. Yeah. Just make sure you're getting some clean D. Anyway, I found out I have BV. What's new bv shout out to bv shout out to bv bv lokes so um so the doctor's like you can take antibiotics i'm like i don't want to take antibiotics those are so they can be so bad and wreck your system

yeah so i'm like is there anything else i can do and she was like boric acid suppositories and i'm like all right and some girl from the hills like not lauren conrad but some other girl some other lauren lauren lauren i don't know lauren c low yeah low i think so i don't know one of the hills girls created this like wellness company of course yeah so now she sells vagina pills so i bought them hell yeah so you get a vag pill and you're good right i mean how long does it take my so my friend says it uh it takes once once and you're done but they say but they say you can take it for like a week straight i don't know we'll see you got to keep you posted i'll keep you posted yeah just let me know just text me and go it worked it didn't work huge

update my vagina is great put that shit on instagram That's why you're getting, get a BV tattoo. Okay. Prone to BV. Yeah. BV for life. Do you know Snake Pit? Do you know what Snake Pit is? The Instagram handle?

I'm plugging hard. Okay. What is it? Snake Pit is an Instagram handle that's tattooed. That's like, that's like crass tattoos that people get. Oh yeah. It's like Mickey Mouse with like a big pussy and stuff. It's the weird, it's always weird and crazy crazy look up snake pit if anybody doesn't know it's but

immediately i went to like a bv tattoo would end up on snake pit but it's usually it's usually like it's usually like dudes get get super sexual tattoos it'll be like a someone got oh wait they also posted i don't know if it was them or another account but it's the same train of thought that i was on because it was the same kind of image a girl had gotten her husband or boyfriend a birthday cake yeah and it was just her ass cheeks with pulling her panties to the side oh my god was the candle in the cheek yes it was so dope i was like that is it was just it's that kind of stuff that's on snake pit that makes me laugh that like people like that exist people love raw dirty shit and they don't give a fuck who sees it they don't care who knows they'll put it on their body permanently it's usually there's a lot of

also cartoon imagery with porno shit yeah i didn't know about that like lois griffin sucking peter griffin's dick is a big one that's my favorite crossover is Is that? I think mine is Marge and Homer. I don't know why. In fact, I learned about, I talked about learning about Overwatch porn for the first time. I talked about that before. Overwatch is a game, I think, but they make like intense porn. It's like extremely vivid. Have you ever done VR porn?

No. I have a friend that has one. He's like, you have to try it. Ohave yes david david has it but he's egged me on to try and i just don't feel like it my friend nick had it this was a long time ago yes he was like on the first wave so it's like kind of pixelated you know he doesn't have that high def well this was like when it first was happening this is like a hose coming out of the back and shit. Yeah. And so I put it on and it was so trippy.

I was just like laying on his bed watching this girl walk in. It was crazy. I don't like it or anything. It was too surreal. Yeah. I mean, I don't like having something covering my eyes because I feel like I'm just going to get like surprised fingered at any point. Yeah.

Like sleeping in my car, I'll try and like take a nap, have the seat reclined. And I'm like, I can't close my eyes. I might get fingered by like the meter maid or something. You think that's what happens? Yeah. Your meat is out. Oh, actually with you, it'd be like. Yeah, there'd be a lot of air.

Meter maid's like, you got BV. You're like, oh shit. Shit, she knows. You really take naps in your whip i used to when uh you know where to stay no because i was driving up from long beach to do comedy oh dude crashing my car a lot i'd sleep at people's houses a lot do you know the irony of this story what do you know when i started comedy i lived in long beach and when i first moved here and i used to drive up in my friend colin's truck my boy miller let me use his truck. He would say, take me to the office. And I would drop him off at the casino

because he was making money gambling. I mean, killing it, by the way. I was so jealous because I was trying to make ends meet. He was killing it gambling. And he would gamble. I'd drop him off at the casino and I'd drive his truck up to LA. And sometimes it was late because I didn't have a car. It was late and I would have to pull over and knock out a few before I'd go pick him up. Well, yeah. I think we've talked about this before. Sometimes I would drive home after open mics and it'd be like 2.30 in the morning. And Long Beach isn't that far, especially at 2.30 in the morning. It's not bad. But you're so tired because I would drive up at like 2 p.m.

No, I would have to drive up earlier like noon traffic. Get my like day set for the open mics like this one's a lottery. This one's first come first serve. This one's in Burbank, you know, like plan out my mic night. And then by the time I would go home, I'd be so tired that I would start hallucinating on the freeway going home. Yeah, that's the end. By the way, I think it's happened to anybody who had to do those long drives. Yeah. And the worst part is you just kept driving. Yeah. Well, no, there was one time it was so bad because here's what happens when I hallucinate when I'm driving. And I don't like, luckily, I don't. That doesn't happen anymore because I live close. So I get home, whatever. But I would I would think that i would see like merit like cycling marathons

happening on the freeway like people on the 405 yeah i would think that i'm seeing like bicycles and so i would just completely break my car on the freeway luckily it's like 2 30 there's no one behind you yeah but it was sketchy and one time i remember i was so tired that i ended up pulling over parking in a subway parking lot ordering an uber to get to my aunt's house who I was living with at the time. And the Uber driver picks me up and he goes, oh, I'm so tired. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and then I'm wired on the way home when he's driving because he's driving sketchy. So now I'm fully awake and I'm like, I should have just, I should have just drove one time on the way when

I was doing it. Cause I used to do the drive back and forth from San Diego if I was doing shows. And one time I was doing it when I was doing my first run of La Jolla shows when I was featuring and San Diego to LA is no joke. It's a long drive. Particularly if you've done two shows at night, you're tired as shit. It's far. Yeah. It's a couple hundred miles. And dude, I pulled over and I got fast food at one of those bullshit stops in the middle of orange County., I pulled over and I got fast food at one of those bullshit stops in the middle of Orange County and I pulled over and I ate the fast food in the car and then I woke up

still in the car, of course, I was fine, I wasn't driving but I woke, I had been so tired that I like ate the food and passed out and I did not remember going to bed, or going to sleep in the car and I woke up at like 5 in the morning I had that experience, it was creepy as fuck but I was blacked out and i drove and i crashed my car right and that's why you're sober yeah that's why you're sober yeah right i was not drunk yeah i was not drunk i was i was i was on e i was on before molly i was on e my generation did e

yeah do you know about e yeah how lame that we i mean look at my hair i know i mean yeah you know yeah you know i would but i i almost wish that i did it more before getting sober because it's weird getting sober young because i knew that i needed to at the time but your problem was booze right yeah mostly well don't you think you could try psychedelics they tend to say don't have addictive qualities but i think but i think because of like mushrooms you could do yeah remember we were in uh that's what is that where we were when those dudes were at the bar with us they were fans and they and we drove in the back of their truck yes that felt like a movie it was a movie but we were gonna do mushrooms with them and i was like you know what this is the one time where it's like not planned we just like met these people like it feels like a movie. But we were going to do mushrooms with them. And I was like, you know what? This is the one time where it's like not planned.

We just like met these people. Like it feels like a natural thing. And we were in this like weird country area. So I'm like, this feels- Where were we? That was Missouri. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We got in the bed of a truck and we just kind of partied. And I was like, this would be where, like this would be the circumstance for me to do it. But I don't know. Cause I feel like if I were to do like mushrooms or something, then I would be like, well, I've done mushrooms. I might as well just like try drinking again. No, see, mushrooms have no, I think staying away from drinking is good for you because it's it's it's a it's a bad vice that turned into negative things with mushrooms. Typically, they don't have addictive properties and also psychoactives.

But it's not that they do. It's not good for you. Yeah. I more research they do, it's good for you. Yeah. I mean, relatively. But it's not that I think that I would become addicted to it or something. I just think that in my brain, because I haven't done anything for like pretty almost five years now, that it would just be like, well, I've done this. Now I should move on to the next thing. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess that. Well, I mean, that's an addict. I think it would set off like a domino effect. it wouldn't but it's like do i want to find out i don't know i feel like i'm but i also feel like i don't know it's but yeah i'm like it's weird getting sober young yeah but it's also like i don't think i'd be where i'm at if i wasn't I don't think I'd be where I'm at if I wasn't. Yeah, I think it's a good thing. I was doing comedy for like a year when I was drinking and doing drugs.

Yeah. And then I stopped. And I think if I kept... Because I would be at the comedy store underage. I would bring my own flask because I was like... Were you 20 or 19? How old were you? I was 19.

Yeah. Sneaking in. Sneaking in. Bringing in my own alcohol. When did I meet you? How old were you? I don't... When did we meet you? How old were you? I don't know. When did we meet?

How did we meet? Store maybe? Yeah. I don't know. I remember. How do you remember? Okay. So, I mean, you know, when you go to the store, you become like acquaintances or like familiar

with people, but not like close. And we were never really close but i remember i was in um i was in arizona doing some random bar show and you were in arizona and ari manis was opening for you yeah and ari was like i'm opening for santino and i was like oh my god that's so cool like like i want to go like see you guys perform or whatever and i was there an extra night and i didn't have a show and you had a show at house of comedy and ari picked you up from golfing and i was with ari and i got to hang out with you and i was like whoa i'm with santino and that's when we like met yeah and i

think i was just like being silly and funny and so i mean i imagine you thought that I was also cool-ish. Yes. And then what happened? But then what happened was we all ended up going to the aquarium together. Yes. And this is back when I had short hair. I was really ugly. And you took a photo of me on a Polaroid, and I still have it. Really? Yes.

Yeah. But then I remember you let me do a spot at House of Comedy and I was like, I mean, it was bad, but. No, you actually did good. I did fine, but I think. But I could tell you.

The night was. I could tell how good you were. Yeah. I knew you. I knew you. That was, so let me guess. Five years ago.

No, four years ago. Four years ago. Four years ago is probably what it was. Probably. Yeah. So how old were you then? 21. 22? 21, 22 21 22 21 i could tell you were going to be very good anyway i just knew i could just feel i mean you know yeah i could just feel that your eye was like oh she's yeah you were on

to something very very strong was there was there ever a time where you had an opportunity that you thought was like make it or break it and you blew it and you thought like this is it? Not well. Because I'm thinking of another shared experience that we had where. Well, give me one. So I remember the first time Rogan ever asked me to do guest spots for him was at the Ice House in Pasadena. And you were also on those shows and it was two nights two shows each night yeah and i was i was like this is obviously like the

biggest it was a big break deal yeah you know and i was supposed to do 10 minute guest spots and i ran the light not by like a minute or two i was doing like 17 minutes like five minutes and i was like he's never gonna work with me again. This was so unprofessional. Which is completely the opposite. It's not true at all because you were doing great. But at the time I was like, because I didn't hear from him for like two or three months after that.

So I'm like. It wasn't deliberate. No, of course not. But in my head, it was extremely deliberate. Yeah, I could have fucked with you. I could have been like, dude, he was so mad. You're so good at fucking with people. Well, I.

like dude he was so mad you're so good at fucking with people uh well i i that's why it's also fun like getting to travel with you because you're so social like after a show we'll go to like a bar or something and it's so fun and like you're good at like just socializing i like people man i like just like meeting people and fucking around and you're also like like we'll be at a store and like you'll just fuck around with the cashier person and it it just reminds me that like nothing's that serious and to like have fun and like be silly and like i i really like enjoy being around you because of that because we're gonna die yeah and i'm just like why why you're gonna get murdered i'm gonna die and you're gonna get murdered yeah i like to especially when i'm on the road because i'm sucking in a new city. Like I like to just suck in a place

because I think I learned it from my dad. Genuinely, my father traveled for a job and dude, he never experienced the city. And it was something we talked about years later. I was always like, I don't want to go from a plane to a hotel to a comedy club to a hotel to a plane. I was like, I'd rather soak in the city

and have some fucking fun. Yeah. I think people forget that you're still, it's still your life. There's this idea. You're like, I got to get back home. I want to get back home. I want to get back home. But. I think people forget that you're still, it's still your life. There's this idea. You're like, I got to get back home. I want to get back home. I want to get back home.

But you're like, dude, you're here right now. Yeah. You're not going to enjoy this at all. Like it's even if you're not into going out into bars, we would, you wouldn't drink in and we would just go out and fuck around and have fun and just goof off and meet people and go try new restaurants or food or, you know, Chili's Chili's dude. Honestly, of all the great restaurants i've been to chilies top notch top notch yeah no and when you when you asked me if i

i haven't i felt like i blew i feel like i've blown big auditions but not in the comedy space i didn't have that like fuck i blew that thing because that didn't really come along my way really i mean i mean I felt like I blew my um when I went to just for laughs and did it uh in Montreal but I felt like I blew my showcases also because I didn't care because I was angry that I had hadn't gone already in so many years and also I was doing shit like I was on a sitcom at the time or I just gotten off that that sitcom I did and then I was already doing stuff. So I was like, I don't fucking care. Yeah.

It was on the heels of me doing like a half hour for Comedy Central. And I was like, why would I fucking? Yeah. So I did kind of blow those things, but it's also because my annoyance got in my way. That's probably what I was more like, fuck this, which is stupid.

I should have soaked it up a little bit more. Yeah. But you know, you've been to Montreal. No, no, never never you'll go and it'll let you down yeah it'll let you down for sure some casting director will come on to you be like oh my god you're amazing yeah and i never talked to you again that's literally what but i blown so many auditions i mean you try in the room you always gotta throw something out there i auditioned for uh i don't remember the movie but it was yes die hard 2 and i was going to be the building and uh but the 9-11 one of

those guys took it um why can't i think of her name uh um melissa mccarthy and her husband ben are you know both great comic actors, funny, talented writer. And we went out for a thing that they had. And I walked in the room and I was in a bad mood for some weird reason. And one of the producers was like, how's the day? I'm like, fucking atrocious. But I thought that they were going to chuckle a little bit out of it. And it was like, oh, are you OK?

And I was like, no, yeah, I just fucking. And I just explained the laundry list of stuff that was going on. Oh, my God. And they were like, okay, do you want to get started? I was like, yeah, dude. Why? It's never going to work out. No.

But that was the first thing. That's the one piece of advice to anyone that's trying to get into that part of the business is um fucking leave your bullshit in your car yeah i it's hard to do dude dave i i you're such a great you're so good i wanna like i like i start shooting in three weeks shut up yeah we start shooting can i visit you on set yeah of course i'll wear a mask and everything covid protocol yeah we had a two-hour meeting I start shooting in three weeks. Shut up. Yeah. We start shooting season two. Can I visit you on set? Yeah, of course. I'll wear a mask and everything. COVID protocol.

Yeah. We had a two hour meeting with a health, um, a health, uh, uh, liaison woman. Like one of the, also this woman was like a genius from Oxford who was like one of the leading,

uh, virologists from England who was basically breaking down their research and how it's applying to our business. But jokes on them.land's fucking having a surge so what do you know lady but it's so good and now i get to name drop you and people talk about the show dave i'm like that's like one of my best friends you know the manager and they're like dave you're like no it's he plays his friend and manager and they're like i don't know i don't know the redheaded the orange guy everyone's favorite scene is the wood table with the hole in it that's my that was my favorite so good but you know i want to i want to do that like i look up to you you'll get in that you'll

get you will absolutely get into that can i tell you what fueled some of my humor that night because it was a long night what this is some inside shit for people that don't know the show we won't ruin it but it's a great scene with a with a sex sex table in the garage. And, uh, I'm sitting in the car doing the take a thousand to, you know, we're like setting up a million different ways and all this stuff. And I had to pull the car around the driveway and had to reset the car every time. And I'm on my phone and I was getting tired because it's the end of the night. Grumpy. I was getting grumpy. I was getting grumpy. Yeah. And the thing that kept my energy up, people could Google this video. It's so fucked up and mean, but a friend sent it to me at the right time. I need it. It reinvigorated me. There is a guy, there's a guy

who's recording on a stoop and like in Brooklyn and New York, and he's just facing the street and it's just the frame is just the street and he's singing thriller. You, and he's just facing the street. And the frame is just the street. And he's singing Thriller. He's singing, It's close to midnight. It's something evil's quirking in the dark. And as he says that, into frame comes a crackhead who's jonesing out of his mind. And he just passes through frame perfectly as the guy goes,

Something creepy's moving in the dark. Dude, it's so stupid to laugh at it without context people need to look it up i laughed no shit for like 15 minutes i was crying and then it reinvigorated my energy to do those scenes and that scene i thought wasn't going to be funny because i had thought i've done it so many times yeah and i was like oh god this is fucking we killed it like I'm fucking our energy was drained we had to reset and turned out

that was one of my favorite scenes it turned out to but also thanks to that thanks YouTube because that clip fuck

you know that clip I know the video it's close to me and the crackhead just stumbled and they're like looking like they're in the video

a thriller oh yeah you're gonna get there 100% you are gonna be doing comedic acting at the height of it and i'm gonna be i'll be you know i'll be living off of sag union um pension plan and i'll be like how's the biz you're like i'm killing it bitch i'm gonna be a multi-millionaire you're un you're very talented and i don't want to kiss your tush anymore but um i don't want to kiss your tushes because the bv i'll do it for my mom i'll do it for mamas you're incredibly

talented and you are going to go you you're going to keep soaring as soon as we can sort out this pandy and get back to stand up you're going to keep crushing so funny every time my mom comes to like the comedy store or something it feels like i'm at like a parent teacher conference where she'll like go up to like the older guys and stuff and be like how's ally doing yeah how she how is she doing she's a little bit disruptive she's kind of a class clown look she likes the attention yeah she takes sometimes he takes the attention away from the other comics and their abilities but that just comes with the territory that was what did you get that as a kid was ally distractive i was well one time we had you know how sometimes there would be would be like teacher's aides who'd come in and like they were studying to become a teacher so they'd observe the class?

Yeah. So there was a dude in my like home ec class and he's sitting in the back taking notes. And during class, I go up to him and I go, do you want to see this dance I just learned? Like, you want to hear me sing? And I'm putting on a whole show for this guy while he's trying to just like observe the class. And I'm completely like, the class is happening and I'm just like doing a song and dance for him in the back.

And I get called to the office like a week later. And my parents are there. Oh, shit. And they're like, and that guy was there. And I'm like, why is he back? You know? Yeah. And they're like, and that guy was there. And I'm like, why is he back? You know? Yeah. And they're like, he has been studying you for ADHD.

You had a fucking spy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so I got put on medication in eighth grade. At a roll. Yeah. By Vance.

How long were you on it? Oh, my God. I was on it for so long. Yeah. how long were you on it oh my god i was on it for so long yeah i was on it for from 2008 until like 2014 or 15 wow dude and i did and i don't think i have add if i do it's mild i think i just had no attention at home and i needed an outlet yeah i don't believe in it i mean i had it 100 or what they would categorize but i just think it's high levels of anxiety and intensity. And also your brain function levels are just very high. You're firing a lot.

That's, I've talked to too many, too many doctors that, that say medication is absolutely completely over prescribed. It's not the right thing. Yeah. Well, and I remember coming off of it. I'm like, this is crazy. I like the mood swings. Like, oh, it's terrible.

Right. Yeah. I remember when I was put on it, I would get so, and when I was on it, like I was, if someone wasn't doing something the way I wanted it to be done, I would just go silent and like angry and hostile. Like not that you could tell, but there was just an energy to me that was like, you're not doing it. What do they say? You people vibrate when they, when they're shifting off of medications, your insides are like shaking. I never tookerall my mother it was actually a stand my

mom shout out to mom she's my mom didn't want me to take it she didn't my mom was like the woman actually i'll never forget this teacher is now no longer with us so you know but mrs roads she said to my mom she goes you know your son probably needs to be on medication. And my mom was like, don't fucking tell me my son needs to be on. And I watched my mom like stand up for me because for years it was always like, Andrew's a troublemaker. And my mom's like, what the fuck were you doing? Because I was, but it was the first time that like my mom was like, no, fuck you. He's just, no, he's just a fucking, he wasn't doing anything bad for anybody. He just, he's your class sucks.

You're boring. He's trying to make life of boring shit. I can't help it that my kid learns different and thinks different. Shout out to Mama Santino for standing up for me. Although she was not a Santino. Yeah. She was for a short period of that time in my childhood. And then she got a divorce. My mom's not a mccough scan i know she yeah she's not she when she texts me i she's a santina she's a

there's so much mystery around it i'm glad we can finally clear the air well yeah i mean people thought uh people thought uh you were my old bag people thought somebody said whitney cummings was my wife uh which is my wife which is true um and uh i know i love that it's like how many yeah you've been you've dated i've dated every any time you see me in a picture with any comedian anytime i've opened for any fucking hit that dude yeah every single one every single one i but i think i didn't you didn't get it a lot with me or i didn't get it with you a lot because people saw our relationship online that it's like you're very i guess the way we always put it up online you're very much like a sister to me and i'm also like i've talked about

this so many times where i'm like well first of all i don't hook up with comics anymore because i'm just like beyond that yeah like the first two years i was doing stand-up i was hooking up with the lamest lamest comics because i'm like i'm never gonna see you again no no you don't need to okay i like i'm like trying to remember but i was like my strategy was like yeah i want to hook up with people and like because i would be in college at this time hooking up with people but i'm not in. I'm at open mics all the time. Right. So do I,

like, I just knew I'm like, I want to hook up with comedians who are not funny, who aren't going to out last, you know, like who aren't going to be around for a while. You want, you want duds.

And they're not around. So now I don't have to worry about it. And then it's like at a certain point, I was just like, I don't need to do this anymore. Like now I have enough friends outside of comedy where i can like meet people not involved yeah yeah yeah well you look at that's the that's the weirdest thing about when when girls go on the road with guys and it's annoying because you've said this before where

it's like you wanted like you want to take me out on the road but like uh it's it's hard to bring a woman because then there's that like that like uh you know thing of people just assuming and i mean i don't really care about that i think i just think it's bullshit that it exists i think it's like a non-stop like why does that always have to be justified you know what i mean that it's like oh you know well the internet is why oh i bet they're hooking up yeah i always think like how crazy is it to be like so good at boning that someone's like i want to take you to work with me too yeah yeah like going on the road can be like so like lame and exhausting that it's like the fact that you think there's nothing sexy about it no no no it's tiring as fuck traveling and it does nothing yeah it just it's um it's not what people think.

It's not glamorous. I mean, there's moments that are beautiful. Like we talked about before. It's like you make it fun, but it's also work. Like it's most of the time when I go on the road with people, it's like they're in their room. Yeah. I'm in my room and we don't see each other until like showtime.

The show. Yeah. With us, it's a little different. We like to go out and do shit, but's only because i i get anxiety if i'm sitting in a hotel room by myself for too long because i'm like this is fucking boring like crazy what am i why what you know whenever i was out with joe joe joe likes his privacy and um i would just go do shit by myself i would literally just go do shit because I was like, even the nicest hotel in the country is still a fucking hotel.

I don't care. People are like, oh my God, a fancy hotel. You're like, it's a fucking room, dude. It's just a room. It doesn't matter how nice the sink is. It's nice because you get to go back there and have the nice bed and the nice shower

and the amenities. And the soap always smells better. It always is. The towels are nicer and softer. Joe spoiled me. Like getting, having the opportunity to go on the road with him has like ruined every other cool opportunity I've gotten

because I'll be with comics like at my level or like a little bit higher than me and I'm just like, and they're like freaking out. They're like, this is the coolest thing ever. And I'm like, yeah, it's nice. You're like, one time I stayed ever and i'm like yeah it's nice like one time i stayed on a floating four seasons it was floating in the ocean no it's it's a little it's tough it's tough because it's so extravagant like it's like you know to get to that level to play what he does is like arenas are new level um but you'll be you'll be selling out theaters and

arenas in no time and in your own right and then, you know, don't forget about me, okay? I won't. Promise? Promise. All right, I'm going to get off camera. You're going to look in the camera right now. And you're going to say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Make it count.

And make it mean something. Okay? Go ahead. Okay. Okay. I know Benny Blanco isn't watching this, but I really want to be your friend. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey.

Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse

gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers