Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Ali Siddiq
Episode Date: February 21, 2024Santino sits down with the phenomenal comedian and story-teller. Houston's own Ali Siddiq! Check out his amazing specials on YouTube. The Domino Effect, & The Domino Effect 2: Loss. Out now! Links bel...ow. The Domino Effect https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsKDNZQhVX0 The Domino Effect 2: Loss https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvofZaBh7wA #andrewsantino #alisiddiq #whiskeyginger #podcast #dominoeffect ================================================ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBITHOLE $5 OFF YOUR ORDER https://rabbitholedistillery.com/buynow USE PROMO CODE: RABBIT SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey GREEN CHEF Get our best deal of the year! $250 OFF YOUR ORDER https://greenchef.com/whiskey250 ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You're that creature in the ginger beard.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger. I like gingers.
What's a thing that you need that you don't have?
I don't know.
And that I don't want to get for myself.
I want a Porsche.
I'm going to get me a 911.
But I'm going to buy it.
You'll buy it.
And no one's going to buy you that.
And if you did have someone to buy you that.
Oh, sugar mama she is.
Going to put her name on a license plate.
Let me get some
heavy set,
thick,
curvaceous white lady
who would like to,
a small man
as a sugar daddy,
small black man
as a sugar daddy,
I will definitely,
I'm saving,
I want to get my hand tattooed,
I just don't want to know
what I have right there,
but I'm definitely,
if you buy me a Porsche,
it's definitely going right there.
Yeah,
your name is going right there.
Lucy, who is Cindy right there. Lucy.
Who is Cindy?
Susan.
Yeah.
Who is Susan?
Susan 68.
What was that?
Age and name.
Pardon me.
Susan 68.
Whatever you want.
I'll get you whatever you want, baby.
You don't have to have teeth.
You just have to be thick and curvaceous.
You're my little chocolate boy, whatever you want.
Just a big, heavy, white woman, Susan.
And I want her to emphasize boy.
Don't call me a little chocolate man.
I want to be called boy.
My little chocolate boy.
I'm talking about the revenge.
Oh, my goodness.
Welcome to the show.
We started already because this is too good.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger.
My guest today is one of my favorite people.
I don't know if I should say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today.
It's Ali Sadiq.
Thank you for coming to the show.
Cheers.
Cheers to you.
Cheers.
A little bit of something in the blood to start the day.
Oh, man.
I am very, very happy right now.
And you already had a margarita.
Good sauce.
Good smooth sauce, huh?
Good smooth sauce.
So you got that.
You have your David seeds.
You're set.
I'm set.
I'm ready to talk.
You're a seed man.
Man, I'm a seed man.
I'm from the South.
This is a Houston thing.
And played baseball.
I was a shortstop.
And you're in the country with your father.
You're in the country with your grandfather.
And everybody's spitting something.
But you're too young for tobacco.
You're too young for all that.
So I just got some.
My first thing was Big League Chew.
Oh, I love Big League Chew.
I love that so much.
For people that don't know, that was the best.
Stringy bubble gum in a little tin that looked like a dip tin.
So people would pretend it was a dip tin because we were young and we put a huge one on the side.
I used to love that.
Remember when they went to the pouch?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The rip pouch.
It was even sexier.
Right.
I had a glob of it.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that.
I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. Just a sugary mouth. So then I went to Sunflower Seeds.
Sunflower Seeds.
Well, it's better for you, for sure.
Oh, man.
And I love Sunflower Seeds.
I don't, I've never turned down Sunflower Seeds.
You'll say yes.
So when I walked in the song, I was like.
Yeah.
And then I was like, I don't want to do Sunflower Seeds in front of everybody.
But here I am.
But here you are.
With a cup and whiskey and some of those things,
and I'm very happy.
And whatever little strange candy you had in there that you said.
That's the white rabbit, baby.
Oh, man, this is delicious.
That's the white rabbit.
I like anything that's thick to my teeth.
You know, that's how you keep young,
and your teeth not coming out.
My grandfather would never eat these.
Yeah, they'd be falling out the whole time.
Oh, it'd be like, hey, I got my teeth.
Get that out of my teeth. Man, this is a great set thank you very much i appreciate you
coming i'm thankful to have you here i want to tell you this before we get too deep into it for
people that uh need to know uh you are a fantastic uh comedian uh what's interesting about you to me is, uh, standup takes a lot of different shapes and yours is so, um, heart heartfelt and deep and poetic and true to you.
It's, uh, it's different than I think most standups today in a, in a, what, in a wonderful way.
Right.
Because a lot of times, you know, stand-up kind of mimics itself.
A lot of times,
stand-up kind of feels like other shit
that you've seen before.
And I mean,
I do traditional stand-up
and I think your,
your shit is wonderful
and your new special is great
and it's hard,
hard in a good way.
It's tough.
And so people need to go watch that.
Obviously,
people probably have seen
your first special that came out
just over a year ago right?
the domino effect was just about a year
and this one, Lost, is part two
and
it's tough
well I mean it's great, I just mean it's like
it's very real, it's very you
and it's very genuine, it's very deep
so props to that, I just want to give you some props to that.
Oh, thank you.
So I guess this is the first one.
I'm announcing it here.
So I just recently shot Domino Effect 3 and 4.
Nobody else knows.
3 and 4?
Yeah.
Good God.
We finished the series in D.C.
So they'll be coming out.
Nobody else knows but this show, this first show.
That's great.
I'm announcing now.
What are you putting?
Are you just doing them?
Are you going to put it out like right after each other or gap it?
We're going to gap it a little bit.
So we're thinking right now, but we probably come out maybe four or six months right after.
That's great.
And it's a true, it's really cool, man,
to do two,
we shot two back-to-back,
one to finish the series,
and it's just,
it's cool, man.
It's like,
it's totally different from two,
and then four
is totally different from three.
Real, like, yeah.
Going through the transition
of the story, so.
That's wild.
You got, listening to you now, even here live, and i'm sure some of the people that hear it you could have been anything
in the voice world if you didn't want to be a comedian i'd listen to you fucking over a pa
system you know why can't the guy who announces the train stops be you why does it have to be
an annoying voice why does it have to be like bed for? Why does it have to be like, Bedford next!
Why can't it be your smooth-ass voice doing it?
Should sell you the rights to your voice to do every announcement possible.
I just started noticing that people said I had a cool voice.
I never noticed people. Get out of here, man.
When you were young and you developed your voice, when you went through puberty, you sounded like this.
You were deeper than most kids in the neighborhood i'm sure yeah i was deeper than most
kids but were you you weren't made fun of for it or anything no it was i think that um because what
i was doing at the time my my voice goes up and down it's like i'm still going through puberty
at 50 years old you at 50 it's like I'm still
like my voice
will go up
the inflections
of when I'm
saying something
you can tell
how I'm feeling
if you're listening
to my voice
when I'm confident
I'm pretty
Billy Dee Washington
kind of
related
but when it's
you know
I get
very Bobby Boucher
sometimes cause I'm not I'm like it's you know I get very Bobby Boucher sometimes
cause I'm not
I'm like
it's weird
it's like
especially if I'm
talking about something
that's in the story
that's genuine
to what I was
feeling at that time
because I don't
ever say that
I'm
confident
the most confident
in every moment
like my
you know like I used to watch karate films, right?
And it was just the five deadly venoms.
They had to go face this master who had all of the skills
and they had to find his vulnerable point.
And he could move it.
So you had to time it.
I'm like that.
You can catch me off balance and really vulnerable right before I get on stage.
The moment before you get on.
Yeah.
But the moment you get on, it's all different.
Until I say, hey.
Hey, yeah.
Before that, it's like this is where my most vulnerable, like you could rattle me right at that time.
And D.L. used to do it.
Like, I would be getting ready to go on.
He was like, people don't know you out there.
And I'm like, what?
What are you saying?
What are you saying to me?
That is so mean.
And then it goes back to when I first started.
My best friend GT,
I'm getting ready to go on stage
and the owner of this comedy club,
I started at Just Joking Comedy Cafe.
It's Thursday night.
It's college night. It's like Apollo night.
I'm getting ready to go on stage.
My foot is on the step. It's three steps.
My foot is on the step and he walks over to me
and taps me. Hey,
the owner is in here.
She says,
if you do good tonight,
she gonna let you do the weekend.
No pressure.
Fuck you.
I'm like,
this is all the fucking pressure.
Yeah, yeah.
No pressure.
No, comma, pressure.
Yeah.
Lots of it.
Man, and...
But you killed anyway
and you did the weekend, didn't you?
With Tony Schofield.
Tony Schofield.
Chicago.
Yeah, Tony Schofield.
That's wild.
That was your first weekend?
That was my first weekend ever.
Wow.
Ever of all times, Tony Schofield.
Do you remember the...
Like, for me, when people always ask,
like, do you remember your first set?
I don't really remember the first couple of sets I did
because I think the nerves were so... I't know i think i was so rattled
when i did first did open mics my first couple of times but i do remember my first paid weekend
right like that i remember the most i remember almost every night because of how hard man it
was fucking hard those early weekends were tough papered most of the rooms were papered for us
oh man and it was you know
three three to three to five people that like loved you and then 50 people that were like maybe how did you view it when you did your first weekends how did you
i mean i i honestly i didn't give a shit because i was getting paid to do comedy i was like this
is just a part of the i just looked at it like boot camp i was like you have to do it i didn't give a shit because I was getting paid to do comedy. I was like, this is just a part of the... I just looked at it like boot camp. I was like,
you have to do it. I didn't... It didn't
bother me. You know, I knew I was...
It was not... It didn't really make you
feel good some nights where you're like, man, this is
fucking tough. I didn't really love
going back to a shitty motel and
eating, you know, vending machine food
before I went to bed. That wasn't fun.
But, I viewed it
like boot camp. Like, I was like, everybody does this.
Everyone's got to do it.
Nobody gets to jump the line.
So I don't know.
I kind of liked it a little bit.
You know what's crazy?
I didn't know it existed until I found out
that this was the pipeline
that mainstream comics were going through.
Right.
Rob Stapleton told me,
hey man, get off the chitlin' circuit and go to mainstream.
Now it's going to be shitty for you
because I'm making so much money on the chitlin' circuit.
So first weekends, improvs, funnyones, I'm getting paid the minimum.
Bare minimum.
I'm talking about the –
Bare minimum.
I'm talking about they have – this is a system they have come up with.
This is for you to survive.
Correct.
This is enough for you to keep going.
Right.
For the next year for them to give you the same deal.
Right, right.
The same deal. Right. For the next year for them to give you the same deal. Right, right. The same deal.
Right.
And then they just give you, they increase it by $5,000 or $1,000 the next year, depending
on how your career is projecting at the time.
You have no idea that this is happening.
This is the most beneficial time of my whole career.
Yeah.
Because now I'm out on my own and I'm learning to be
a headliner.
I'm learning this.
Right.
All this shit,
everything that's going wrong
is my fault,
everything,
and you still have to perform
through all that
and then it's the check drop
in the middle of your shit
and it is all these things
that you are learning to be
and this is shaping you
to be this,
in five years, you become this charismatic person now that
you never thought you would be like other people you seeing other people go up and you're like i
don't even worry about it that's all good because you've already nobody's seen you get drunk through
the mud right yeah you've lived it for 1500 right you,500. Right, you lived it hard. Six shows. Six shows.
And nobody knows you.
And they play with the room.
And people eat nachos in front of you.
They don't give a shit about you.
Sleeping in the front row.
Fucking knocked out.
I really love talking to comics who have this experience of this part of the game.
That most comics,
because they forfeit this.
They are,
I don't know,
$1,500.
But you said the exact thing.
You saw it as boot camp.
It was boot camp, yeah.
I saw this as,
y'all paying me $1,500 to practice?
Yeah, yeah.
That's practice.
Like, what?
I get a hotel room,
travel, and $1,500 to practice?
Are you fucking right?
I'm doing this tonight.
Like, what?
This is to practice?
I'm like, I'm not in practice.
We talking about practice?
Hell yeah, I'm in practice.
Because in my mind, what else was I doing?
Because I'm, so what I'm,
it's $1,500.
So what is $2,500?
Because I'm doing the thing that I've,
I've reached a plateau now
to get here.
I remember,
I remember when I was an open,
not even,
I wasn't even,
I was less than an open,
I was on a list
that I hoped that they got to me.
Yeah.
That's tough.
When you number 15, you're like, they're going to shut this shit down.
12 is the cutoff.
And then you're like, ah, yo, we done tonight because the host decided he wanted to do 45.
Yeah.
And he killing.
What you going to say?
You just, some bullshit.
And you don't get to go up.
I started in a spot where they were prone to booing.
It's college night.
It's Apollo night.
And this is where you go.
It's a variety show.
So you have to, as a comic, you just got to put your name on the list
and hope that you don't get called up behind a gospel singer.
This is your whole hope.
Whoever's in front of you,
as long as they're not singing a gospel song,
you think you can make it.
But man, if Jesus is mentioned in front of you,
oh my goodness.
Nobody can follow Jesus.
Nobody can follow Jesus.
That's impossible.
You're losing.
Yeah, it's over.
You go home.
As someone's up there like,
woo, woo, woo,
you're just packing up all your shit.
Yeah, man, I'm on.
I got to go, man.
Yeah, my kids, I got to go.
I got some shit at the house
I got to take care of.
My crock pot is on.
I got to go.
You know, I left it on high,
should be on low and simmer.
I got to get out of here.
Those days of that for you structured
i mean it was structured who you became as a comic you were already you but i think all that does all
those battle scars all that shit it helps you be more settled into who you are it's almost like uh
you know it the foundation just starts to settle better you It's like the older house just looks better. What could rattle you as a comic right now?
Going through everything that you went through,
going through that process, that form,
what could actually rattle you?
The place catching on fire.
And you'll still be like,
I had this shit on fire.
I'm going to be the last out of here
it wouldn't
nothing rattles you
it can't hit you
if you've given enough to it
now you're trying to construct how you
want to move through it
it used to be the worry of how
you move with it
it's almost like a big
but now it's almost like how I want to feel
inside of it, which is, I think, honestly, I'm not going back just because, but truly by the way
that your, your specials, particularly the first one, especially, but even, even still the second
one, like it's you dictating the way you want it to feel. It's a hundred percent you, I can,
you can tell it's the way you wanted it to be,'s 100 you i can you can tell it's the way you wanted
it to be which is kind of the the dawn of the independent comedian because we used to kind of
be so subject to the machine and it's nice that you you're like fuck that i'm doing it my way
you know like it's i want it you it felt so organically the way that you wanted to present it
which is great and that's only because you did all the shit before.
If you didn't do that, who knows what would it look like now?
But to have all that is, I think that's the important shit.
And your life experiences, you know?
And you and I have so much in common.
We're both young black men from Houston.
We both were in prison for a long time.
I mean, that's a very paralleled lives that we lived.
You've been to Montreal, correct?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was the first time I ever met you.
In Montreal?
That was the first time?
The first time I ever met you was in Montreal.
You was, and this is, and I know this is so stereotypical of me.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, this is so fucking stereotypical.
But you have, it's's hear me out
okay
it's so
I'll brace myself
yeah
you got
you have to
it's so zero two
so
it's you
Bill Burr
Dan Carter
okay
when I saw you
I was like
and this is what I said
you was walking down
in Montreal
I think you
it was it was a bunch of you guys.
This is a white guy who I really like a lot.
Jeff, Jeff Dan or whatever his name is.
Jeff Dan.
Jeff.
His last name may not be Jeff.
White guy has, his hair is kind of wavy.
Real handsome, tall white guy.
Jeff Dye?
Jeff Dye.
Jeff Dye.
So he's walking down the street. I think y'all were on the same side
of the street. And I looked over like,
look, that's a tough-ass white boy
right there with that beard. He'll fuck you up.
I told my friends, I said, he'll fuck you up right now.
I said, this is not
a Dan Carter white boy.
I'm a fucking ass white boy. Have no
idea that you do comedy.
No idea. So then I go to the show and you there. I'm like rugged ass white boy. Have no idea that you do comedy. Yeah. No idea.
Yeah.
So then I go to the show,
I go to the show,
and you there,
I'm like,
I said,
they're going to rugged ass white boy.
I told you earlier,
he'll whoop your ass.
And I'll keep fucking my friend
because you got a beard,
your hair's red.
I'm like,
yeah,
I'm telling you,
any white boy with a beard
that's redhead
is fucking tough as shit.
We don't have a choice.
I'm talking about
so stereotypical
I'm like
I'm gonna tell you
listen
you're probably from
Boston or some shit
and you're so Chicago
I'm like
no I think he's from Chicago
yeah yeah
and you're talking
I'm like
and then
funny
and I was like
and you were totally
different than
Bill Burr
yeah people do see
they see me they go that's like that right yeah yeah and it wasn't like that no and um
dan soda was so i love dan soda yeah he's so fucking funny man but love dan and i'm wide i'm like he calls himself a ginger i'm like uh-huh that's weird i know i
know some redhead white woman beat the shit out you you call him fucking ginger yeah people get
mad about it yeah and like i was like and um that's our n-word yeah we took it back you said
yeah you said it on them like yeah ah that's fucking funny yeah we took it back. And you said it. I'm like, ah, that's fucking funny.
We took it back.
They tried to hurt us with it.
We took it back.
And we took it back.
And I'm sitting there, and I'm like, told you, nigga.
White boy beat the shit out of you.
I was like, yo, I had no idea that you didn't do this.
You were in Canada.
And this is my phrase
I didn't even want to go to Montreal
I had
I did not even want to go
why didn't you want to go
you were like
I don't
it's not worth it
I didn't understand it
industry wise
you were like
what am I doing up there
who gives a shit
industry wise
I didn't understand
what was going on
and I asked my agency
I was like
wait a minute
don't you go to Montreal
and get like an agency
and a manager
and a deal you used to get a deal yeah I was like yeah I was, wait a minute. Don't you go to Montreal and get an agency and a manager and a deal?
You used to get a deal, yeah.
I was like, yeah.
I was like, wait a minute.
I have an agency.
I have management.
I said, did I lose my deal with Comedy Central?
Did I lose my deal?
Did I not have a deal anymore?
He's like, no, you didn't lose your deal.
I was like, then what the fuck am I going to Montreal for?
And he was like, man, you gotta go.
It's this industry thing.
And I went
and had that fucking time of my life.
It is phenomenal.
Not with the industry,
with comedians.
Yeah.
This is like
the Oscars are some shit for us.
It's like whatever convention
rappers would have of Army.
And I was like,
yo, this shit was cool.
And I was kicking
it with people that i normally wouldn't even see you know because because how you pass in the
business ships in the night yeah so finally all the ships are at one port it was really cool to
see then i started seeing you it's like i saw you in montreal then i started seeing you everywhere
i was like it was pretty cool he's the dude who says the ginger.
Yeah.
So when you get a chance to meet somebody, you never know.
And I think you came up to me at Bert's.
Yeah, Chrysler's thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And out of nowhere, he was like, hey, man, I had to cancel X-Rons.
He didn't want to.
I was like, man, this dude is fucking nice.
He didn't even have to say. I didn't take it any type of way.
I saw you and I said, I got to go talk to him because we were trying to do this before and I couldn't do it.
And he was with me actually.
And I said, I even said it to him.
I go, I got to go over there and say something to him right before we start.
Because I said, yeah, because I feel like our community, there's something about,
Seinfeld talked about this years ago, that like,
he goes,
I don't give a shit
if I'm around the world
in a country where I don't
speak the language.
If I find out that someone
does stand-up,
it's an immediate bond.
I don't give a fuck
if we do stand-up
that's not like each other,
that he's a one-liner
and she's a storyteller,
but he's like,
it's a bond
that we forever have.
So,
the community
means something.
And the craziest thing is I hate it.
I fucking hate to say this.
My initial bond was only with certain people.
Yeah.
Because it was like this real competitive type of atmosphere in our community amongst them.
For sure.
Going in the mainstream and being around different people.
Like if somebody asked me
who's funny,
my range of stand-up
is a lot of people.
Bigger now, yeah.
Before,
no, even in the beginning,
I never realized that
because I was in this box
and this is all the people
would talk about.
But when they would ask me personally
man who your favorite kind of who like who was your comedy influences i'm like i know it's gonna
sound weird to y'all but like hee haw and carol burnett and don rickles these are the people who
i saw first i heard a richard pratt album later but i saw these people on tv first right carol burnett
was a huge influence yeah she was phenomenal it was saying so when i look at it
i'm like yo it was the first person that would really influence me in comedy was redhead
yeah so then you go down the line I'ma mention
Don Rickles
and I'ma mention
Rodney Dangerfield
and I'ma mention
Richard and
Eddie and all them
but
the first people
were the people
who I saw
man he all was
fucking hysterical to me
yeah
and
if people didn't believe
that
Trapper John on
MASH
I thought all this
witty shit was
fucking hysterical.
I'm watching it with all the people.
This is funny.
So if you think about, oh, he black,
the first people going to be is black artists.
No, the first people that are going to be
is the people who watch on TV first.
Which is funny because every white comic I know,
they always go to the black ones first.
It's the opposite.
Every white comic is like Eddie, Richard.
That's how it always goes.
And it's like,
I think that influence
is when you actually
made a conscious choice
to go for comedy.
Yeah.
But when you growing up,
what was hysterical to you
was what you was actually
watching on television.
Sure.
So after them,
Carol Burnett and Cosby
are gonna be in the same vein
because I'm watching Fat Albert.
Mm-hmm. True. Right. You know in the same vein because I'm watching Fat Albert.
True.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not watching him.
I don't even know this man does stand up. Right.
He's the guy that says the things before Fat Albert comes on.
Right.
Right.
I don't know anything, but Carol Burnett is the lady who my mom is watching this show
and I'm watching.
Right.
When you said DL, you mentioned working with DL.
Was there someone that you saw when you were young?
Was there a comic or performer that you ended up working with
that you saw when you were younger?
Oh, man.
When I saw Dick Gregory, when I worked with Dick Gregory,
when I saw Dick Gregory, he was still in black and white.
That's a while.
My dad was showing me,
because it was the food. It was the
Dick Gregory diet plan.
They all get to that at some point.
Yeah, drinking the Dick Gregory.
Get you a can of Dick Gregory.
My dad enjoyed
him. So this is my know stand-up stand-up
singing yeah with dick gregory so to work with dick gregory that's wild he's a libra
and the first person who ever helped me in my comedy career was a guy named Anthony Colbert Sr. He got me headshots.
He paid for me headshots
with a high-priced person,
people who were doing Destiny's Child.
Damn. What the fuck?
He was named Montague.
His name is Montague.
Montague.
It's a high-priced photographer.
He used to be the role manager for Dick Gregory.
Oh, wow.
And he always used to say, man, you remind me so much of Dick.
So that was the first person who ever invested in me.
So when I get a chance to meet Dick Gregory, I'm performing with him.
We did the performance.
We talked for three hours after the first show.
Then the next night, we talked for another three hours after that the coach of the Houston Rockets we
all sat around and dick rey was talking and he turned and said mr. mean this
motherfucker right here in comedy if you bother him because he don't know how to
deal with you
making him unbalanced.
But let me tell you something.
If you control
your attitude,
you're going to be one of the greats
and you're going to take my place.
Nigga, you got to wait
till I die.
That's great. Four later he passed he passed yeah and i i go back to that moment and i read it in the moment i know he has a nephew that does it and i know people like well
why would he say that you gonna be like because i'm the i'm the person that's the most like him yeah yeah
in terms of like uh the way you emote the way you perform yeah you do have uh you do have a similar
vibe i mean you just do you have a similar vibe it's the same zodiac sign it's the same a piece
of his soul must be in yours somewhere it Yeah, when me and him actually talked, it was different.
It was like really talking to the older me.
Like I could hear myself in him.
Have you found yourself kind of feeling more like him as your career has gone on?
It's crazy, man.
It's the craziest thing that I'm, that the things that people like about me are all the teachable moments.
It's not really the stand-up.
It's like the personal connection with me versus the artist.
Right.
Even with comics.
It's like when comics talk about me, they understand.
about me they understand it's a it's a very genuineness to me that if I'm with you I am with you no matter what yeah like whether this shit is hard for you
with this good for you with whatever it is I'm that person because I've that's
what I'm that's the cloth that I'm cut from. So Joey Diaz knows that no matter what he going through,
he can call on me.
Ari is the same.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, these are people who, you know,
I have a genuine love for in this business.
And as a comic, it's comics that,
this is the thing about comedy with me,
it's comics that I fucking hate.
And we'll list them right here, by the way.
We'll put all the names around.
Like I have,
I have comics that I hate.
Well, you have mortal enemies in the game.
Like I hate everything about them inside me.
Everything about them inside me.
Yeah.
But if you called me
and you knew it was somebody that I hated
and they needed something,
you would have no,
because it's you,
you would have no problem calling me
for somebody that I hated
and you know that I would help them
because it's you.
And I would bow.
It's people that know,
if you want me to not talk to you fucking ever,
you let somebody who I know that I fucking hate, let them know that I helped them.
First I'm going to deny it, then I'm going to banish your ass to purgatory or whatever the shit that you're doing.
I never speak to your ass again.
If you let somebody know who I hate, that I helped them out.
You're good. Hope it's somebody you hate. if you let somebody know who I hate, that I helped them out. Oh, shit, is that me?
You're good.
I hope it's somebody you hate.
No.
It's a thing.
It's a guy from Houston that moved to L.A., and then he had a hard time in L.A.,
and he hated me when he left,
and I hated him.
He was a soul enemy they
called me right I can feel it in you so I'm like I hated him in my spirit I
wanted my children's children's children I hate him generational hey I wanted
generation D right yeah deep so he um was in LA and he fell on really hard times and he needed some money to get home
and they called me
I was like the first call
and I said
hey
tell me how much did y'all end up with
at the end
and I
fell in the rest
so they got all the money that he
needed and he comments and then we got all the money we needed I said cool I'm
gonna send you this he said well that's more than what we need it covers what we
need I said just because we getting them back doesn't mean that he's not gonna
need working capital once he gets back.
True.
Because then we'll be giving him something again.
So you give him all the money that y'all collected, and then I'm going to give him the money to get back.
Under the stipulations of this, if you ever tell him that I helped him, I will kill you.
So he got back, right?
And he is shitting on me.
Like, dude who I helped, he is shitting on me.
I'm like, for months he's shitting on me.
I never said anything.
He passed.
Oh, shit.
He passed.
Yeah.
He went to his grave hating the very person
who helped him
who helped him
did you pay for his funeral
if they would ask me
I would
yeah that would have been
ice cold
I would ask
get him a nice casket
get him a nice casket
and I never wanted him
to know
and I wanted him to be
and I wanted people
to look at him like that
like hey man
you do know
and they
if people knew
they'd be like
yeah this is like his best friend like look at him like that. Like, hey man, you do know you, and they, people knew, they were like, eh.
Yeah.
This is like his best friend,
like,
oh,
you kind of shitting on the man,
I don't,
I'm bound.
But you won,
at the end.
It's you,
you came out on top,
you came out clean.
and I tell people,
that's how much
I love comedians.
You'll help them even if you hate them.
Even if I hate them.
That's wild.
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Ginger.
I like gingers.
When you said you shared astrological signs with Dick,
are you big into that?
Is that something?
Because I'm so ignorant to it.
Because I'm a Libra.
When you said that, I said, well, me too.
What does that mean to you?
Oh, man.
What are you, October what?
October 17th.
16th.
My coworker that I work with every day, he's the 16th.
People who say they're not into it, I just say this.
I just don't know it.
I don't know anything about it.
And this is what you have to know.
Yeah.
There's not going to be a Libra that you're really not connected with.
You're not going to really get along with Libra women because that's too much.
That's too much for me.
Oh, you're saying I won't get along with a Libra.
If I meet a Libra that's a female, no chance.
Libra women, unless you're into taking risks,
and most Libras are not, we take very calculated risks.
Our risks are very calculated.
I know a lot about this risk before I...
It's almost not a risk.
I have studied this.
The level of risk is 2% versus the 90% that other people,
because we are big into balance.
Yes.
The only way to irritate you is to try to get you off balance.
You don't give a shit about somebody else being off balance.
Just don't try to fucking have me topsy-turvy.
Right.
I don't really fuck with that.
And Libras, even though most people don't know about their thing, we have so much that's
the same.
You will not speak to a person that you generally do not like.
Yes, yeah, I know.
You don't give a fuck what the, I don't give a damn what the situation is.
You're not that, oh, oh I'm not gonna do this shit
cordially
I'm not gonna do it
cause other
nobody's gonna pressure me
to do this shit
you're not fucking with them
you're not fucking with them
nah that's true
and if they speak to you
you take this shit
very offensive
because they know
that you don't fuck with them
that's right
now you fucking playing with me
that's right
I don't even know you
that's very true
I don't know you
but I know't know you,
but I know this.
And you know why you like that?
Because you will give a person,
and I say this all the time,
whoever the person was
that came up with this saying,
the straw that broke the camel's back
is a fucking Libra.
Because you will,
ah,
ah,
I'm cool, I will you will I'm cool
somebody would have to
back you all the way into a corner
and then
you're going to go forward
you are very talented
your chances do you understand
for you not to like somebody you gave them
99 chances yes that's true
so if you
told me there's somebody that you
like i automatically know i'm not gonna like them because i know the type of chances and the type of
shit that you put up with from them in order for you to say you know something enough is a fucking
that is so funny that's so true that's so true it's a lot for me to be like man fuck that dude
it's a lot but if you get there like there's someone who i you know you work
with people all the time that you kind of don't like if you do shows and there's someone that i
just don't fuck with and we don't fuck with each other but it took a long time for me to get there
but there is a moment the straw that where you're like fuck you and that's and then you just kind of
i don't know i close it off and it's not
anything more than it's not like i don't do anything outside of that you don't have to do
shit but it's over it's just fucking over it's like it's like in your mind you cut the top i
moved out i moved out of that apartment you don't live there anymore you don't need closure you are
the closure i have closed the door on this shit.
And when people even ask you, you're like.
Nah, nah.
I don't live there anymore. And you don't even say nothing bad.
You're like, I am fucking.
Because you know how to be fucking done, done.
Yeah, it's over.
Yeah, for me, that shit is done.
But also, that's a product of, I think, maybe it's me and maybe it's also how I grew up, too.
Like, for me, when you talk about your father in your special, it's, it's
wild because my relationship, we had some similarities in that. My dad was in jail when
I was in prison when I was a kid. And then when we tried to connect, I always did. It was always
such a fun fucking time because it was free. It was free. It was like dad got to do whatever he wanted to do.
And it was the same thing.
But with him, I had these big chunk moments of being really upset.
That it's like, man, why did I sit on that step and you didn't show up?
I mean, talk about a fucking...
You couldn't have put this in a bad TV episode where I'd be outside
and my mom would be like, he's not coming.
And I'd have to be like, yes, he is.
But those moments really kind of fucking mold you into someone that's like,
when you start to decide who you stop fucking with,
they have to push you to a moment of, okay, that's it.
I did keep giving you a bunch of these chances.
And then you fucked him up.
And I had that a lot. So when you talked about your dad and your special it was interesting because I thought
god we had the same thing that when I got to go see my dad my mom was so like
about it she hated it hated it she fucking hated it because she had to be a responsible parent and
I got to go be free with him I could go to the horse races and go watch amateur boxing and i could stay up till two in the morning you know what i mean go
get cigarettes for the old guys i got to do whatever i wanted my it was free it was like
if i if we wanted to go get food late late late at night i could say oh i'm hungry and we would go
and you couldn't do that with my fucking mom go get food what what the fuck go to the fridge what do
you mean go get food go get go get a piece of bologna from the fridge and eat it but i got
the freedoms that you exhibited when you talked about that relationship i saw that so heavily but
it goes back to what you're saying you have to really push someone like us i guess i didn't
know this but it's hard for me to go, fuck you.
I give you a bunch of shots.
I know you do.
It's like I gave you a bunch of shots.
As soon as you say you're a Libra, it's 10 things that I automatically know that you
would and you wouldn't do.
So who, what woman do I connect with the most, right?
Like I'm married, but Virgo's the one.
Is that the one?
Virgo's.
Virgo.
Anything that you have to balance out.
Okay, right.
I have to balance that.
If you have to be the balanced person.
Right.
You don't go in because you guarantee 90% of the things.
Like they say, oh, women make the men better.
That's what most other men, not Libras.
Right, not us.
Not us.
We balance out everything.
Everybody, right.
Like, everything.
Even if you're a Gemini,
we make you control
both fucking people.
Like, we make you control.
Like, oh, you're like,
I know who I'm dealing with.
I'm dealing with Larry today.
He was saying,
yesterday it was Curtis,
now it's Larry.
You know, like, I have friends, they Gemini, they two different people, and I know how I'm dealing with. I'm dealing with Larry today. He was saying, yesterday it was Curtis, now it's Larry. You know,
like I have friends,
they Gemini,
they two different people
and I know how to deal
with both of them
because my balance is about me.
It's not really about you.
So I got to control you
in order to keep me together.
I don't want to do this
up and down shit with you.
I don't,
when you listen to,
watch this, when you listen to, watch this.
When you listen to people with problems,
like somebody comes to you with a problem,
you're listening because 9 out of 10,
you're only going to listen to this shit once.
Yeah.
And you're listening in detail.
You're not even saying anything.
You're just listening.
And you're thinking about all the actual solutions to what you're saying you're not
listening you don't you don't listen to nobody's problem with the with the whole idea i just wanted
to hear it your problem is you're you're listening with and you're fixing the shit as you're listening
like okay i'll see what this is uh-huh okay okay all right all right so and you're not even saying nothing then as soon as they finish all right
let me tell you
what's wrong
like
it goes
you go right into
the fixed mode
it's like
I don't have time
for the sympathy
of this shit
it's like
so let me tell you
where
you kind of jumped out there
you're like a manual
you're like
if you go to page six
I can show you
how you fucked up
and right here
under addendum three
you used the wrong screws
right you've just been used the wrong screws.
Right.
You've just been using the wrong screws.
You got to go back.
Listen, I can put our key of ferns together.
I have no problem.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's easy.
I just follow the steps.
I follow the fucking steps.
It's like, I'm not looking at step one and then going to three.
No, I'm step one.
Oh, that's two.
And I've laid the screws out that I need.
These are the... You're using screws.
You're supposed to use them little wooden pegs they had on the thing.
You're supposed to put those in there.
That is a personality trait that some people skip to step four.
And they're like, well, where's this piece?
You're like, well, you fucking flipped to the last page.
Where the fuck...
You skip...
It's like, I know how to...
That's the problem is where people go, I know how to build it.
And you're like, you don't.
Why are you reading the fucking manual then? If you knew how how to build it why are you reading the thing yes you would
have just built the shit and we're logical like that hey man because of this yeah you probably
don't know that right i'm just going i'm guessing i'm just guessing i'm just guessing well that's
like a thing with like i don't know if this happens to you, but like, you know, sometimes my wife will ask me a question that like, I know we both don't know the answer to, but she does too.
She knows I don't know the answer.
But then you have to go, we're going to figure this out together.
I don't know.
You don't know.
We're going to get there.
But she'll ask in a way that's like, don't you know that?
You're like, you fucking know I don't know that.
We've never been here to Poughkeepsie.
What the fuck?
No, I don't know what the fuck is.
We're going to do this together.
Are you intentionally trying to throw me off balance?
Yeah, yeah.
That's what it is.
You're trying to throw me off balance.
You're trying to throw me off balance.
Don't fucking.
Not today.
Not today.
Don't fucking throw me off balance, man.
You already know.
I don't know shit about this place.
Don't start this shit.
Damn.
Like, I do that with most people.
You don't really like repeating yourself with something that you know that somebody you talked about.
You're like, I know fucking facts, man.
You talked about this.
You know how I know the facts?
Because how can I remember every motherfucking detail of this shit?
But you are acting like you got fucking
temporary amnesia
it's like
going back
it's like yo man
why are we
we're going over this again
should we cut the cameras on
alright
um
50 motherfucking episodes
and now you're asking
should we cut the fucking cameras on
yeah see
see stop talking to you
talking to fucking him
there's days where I'm like
you know this answer why am I telling it to you because you trying to fucking him there's days where i'm like you know this answer
why am i telling it to you because you try to fucking throw me off balance
do you find do you find do you find because you're you're in houston yes do you find staying
there keeps you in balance because look 100 so many many comics, right? Like I'm from Chicago.
I've been living here for years.
I had to leave.
I had to get out of, because I just, you know,
I just had to go.
And here in New York, and a lot of people moved to either.
And then a lot of people like you,
Ralph Barbosa too, another kid that still lives in Texas
that's from there.
You know Ralph, do you know him?
Yeah, but it's like a lot of people stay where they're from and they're making such a successful career.
And I think proving, you guys are proving like you don't have to go live in L.A.
You can, but you don't have to.
Do you think that's like a piece of your balance that has helped you?
I take it with great pride because I'm the one that originated.
Yeah.
It was no before me.
Right. No staying at one that originated. Yeah. It was no before me. Right.
No staying at home before me.
You would, yeah.
And I take that with pride
because I'm not going
to let anybody say
that they did it before me.
This is one of the things
that I'm very,
very holding on to
because when I started
25 years ago,
that was the thing.
It was go to New York,
go to LA.
Right.
And people told me
I would,
the word never. You'll never make it. You will never make it unless you go to LA and New York, go to L.A. Right. And people told me I would, the word never.
You'll never make it.
You will never make it unless you go to L.A. and New York.
And I was pissed.
Like, how can you claim with such validity, with such venom that that's it?
And I don't think people realize I was such a student of stand-up.
Comedy is virtually new to L.A.
I mean, because everyone's from somewhere else, true.
Everyone's from somewhere else.
Right.
And the cultivation of the craft,
this is people who are waiting
to become something else other than stand-ups.
They use them as a slight little prostitute to get something while they're waiting on something else.
They're trying to do something else.
But the craft of stand-up is lost with these fads like when you said earlier earlier that
people are starting to mimic other people which is weird because an art when you have a craft
people take a craft so serious
that they want to become who they are.
And there was one Carol Burnett.
There was one Dick Gregory.
There was one Rodney Dangerfield.
There's one Richard Pryor.
There's one of all these people that came before us in the craft of what we
was doing.
So George Carlin didn't want to be anybody but George Carlin because there
was no other George Carlin. Right. So George Carlin didn't want to be anybody but George Carlin because there was no other George Carlin.
Right.
And so Don Rickles, there was only one Don.
Now it is a imitation of life's kind of thing that when somebody finds success in one thing,
another person tries to do their rendition of that instead of becoming their own voice.
Yeah.
So it's kind of hard to navigate through this thing when you're seeing people being, quote unquote, I don't call it popular.
I don't call it popular, and I definitely don't call it successful because to succeed in a craft, like in any, and I'm saying football, baseball,
R&B, being an artist, being a poet, being a graphic designer, being a director,
you want to succeed under the scope of that you did it your kind of way you did you you have a
when i'm watching a spike lee movie i know eventually somebody's gonna start floating
it's gonna be a it's gonna be a float situation going on and you kind of
won't, you
wouldn't be upset if you
was watching somebody else's film and then
somebody started floating. Yeah.
Wait a minute.
That's not the characteristics of
like
I heard a statement, like somebody said
Are They Special was great for them.
What does that mean? Yeah, what great for them? What does that mean?
Yeah, what does that mean?
What does that mean for them?
Somebody got to float.
Yeah, somebody's got to float.
It is this thing about greatness.
I've never told a comment that I thought they were good
that I didn't really feel like they were.
Right. Because when I say it it's going to be the thing
that turned me
for you like I watch
stand ups all the time
okay okay and then
did he just say ginger
that's how it works
and you find it's the thing that when somebody say, this is what got me.
And then I went down the rabbit hole of watching X, Y, and Z.
Right.
Because I watch, I will not watch a stand up that I don't think they good.
So when somebody asked me about somebody, I only mentioned the people that I know that's good.
So it never has to be a, oh, Ali, do you think?
I'm like, hey, man, did you see?
Or did you see?
And I have no problem promoting those people
because I see the genuineness in what they're doing.
I want you to see it.
And I want to be the person to say, look, look at this person.
So when you see the imitation
you always know the way it came from first like no that person kind of like ali sent me this dude
that yeah because i only support the original person you like the original one because that's
the best form of what you're looking at right which is what you've held on to right that's
what you're saying is like you being from home, being at home,
doing it your way is truly the only way that you saw.
It was never going to be like come to L.A. or go to New York.
This was always going to be your way, regardless of if it was like,
well, it's going to take a little bit longer.
Maybe it won't, right?
The timeline is skewed.
Some people pop off quick. Some people pop off quick.
Some people pop off late.
Some people pop in a totally different way
than you ever saw them coming.
And then they come from somewhere else.
Right.
I'll never label you a great stand-up
if your popularity started somewhere else.
Right, right, right, right.
Because now I got to labelake the snake one of the greatest
now i gotta put jake the snake up there and and right and um what's my man the other wrestler um
that does stand up in the clubs who who i don't know who does stand up in the club that's a that's
a wrestler it's two of them um it's jake the Snake and what's my other guy's name?
Jake the Snake does stand-up?
Oh, my goodness.
Are you being serious?
Yeah.
How do I not know that?
You'll see Jake the Snake in comedy clubs doing shows.
What?
Do professional wrestlers that do stand-up.
I think it's, what's his name?
Jake the Snake.
And what's the guy that used to wear the mask with the flannel shirt?
Mick Foley? Mick Foley?
Mick Foley!
Yes!
Yeah, Mick Foley.
Mick Foley.
Yep, Jake the Snake and Mick Foley.
Look them up.
I guarantee they got an improv date somewhere.
Well, we should go see them.
Should we go see them?
I'd love to see Jake the Snake.
I love Jake the Snake.
Did you like wrestling when you were a kid?
Oh, yes, I loved it.
You did, huh?
I'm gonna Original wrestling
With Kamala
And Junkyard Dog
Junkyard Dog yeah
And Ted DiBiase
And the Nature Boy
Ric Flair
Right
How can you not love
The Nature Boy Ric Flair?
Now see I love
When I was a kid
I really got into wrestling
For a hot minute
And then
I grew up in Chicago
In the Jordan era
So like nothing else mattered
You know what's so funny about that?
Like literally nothing mattered
I remember as a kid
we were never allowed to watch TV
if my mom
cooked and we ate, because they both
worked. So if
my mom and my stepdad both worked. So if my mom
cooked a dinner, we were
fucking, it was
against the law to watch TV.
You know what I mean? When we ate food.
It was like, you cannot go,
you have to sit with me and talk to me.
Cause I made you fucking food.
Cause my mom worked long hours and worked in the city and then would come back out.
And so we'd have to sit.
But if Jordan was playing,
we were allowed to watch because my dad would want to watch.
Like we were,
that was the only fucking time we could watch TV and eat food at the same time was if Jordan was on.
That's how much he dictated my life as a kid.
My dad, we loved the Bulls so much.
It was like there was no rules.
If the Bulls were, you could have that on.
You know what I mean?
We would skip fucking church if we could.
You know what I mean?
It was like Jordan, the Bulls.
Jordan's Jesus.
Jordan was Jesus.
He is Jesus to me. He is Jesus., he, that, that was the only thing.
So for my childhood, everything I liked all like little things that I liked,
it just went away because the basketball was like it.
And for a short period of time, I was good and thought I love basketball.
What if I got to play basketball, you know, in college? Pros, no way.
I see how, you know what I mean?
At some point.
Amen.
You see how translucent I am.
I'm Dan Marley.
Bird.
Yeah, I know.
Danny Ains.
Yeah, it wasn't them.
A lot of great.
Yeah, I was Baby Bird.
Yeah.
It was a lot of great.
There was a couple of good whites.
Man.
We threw a couple of good whites in there.
Oh, man.
Yeah, there's a couple.
There's a couple that bounce around.
Now they're all Eastern European lunatics.
You've got to be a psycho from Eastern Europe.
No, but I loved it so much.
Look, he's got the white, popular white NBA players.
By the way, why is Kevin Garnett up there?
Because he was in Minnesota.
Yeah.
If you've played long enough in Minnesota, you've got to be a white guy.
Because you're white.
Kevin Garnett is the blackest person ever of all time.
Yeah.
It does say below it, blackest guy ever, Kevin Garnett.
Larry Bird, Stockton, Nash, Jerry West.
Yeah, but again, Dirk.
Dirk, yeah, you can't give me somebody from fucking Eastern Europe.
It doesn't count.
Like Joker, all these guys.
No.
But I thought for a little bit that I was like, man, what if I could make a,
what if I could go to a D3 school?
That's what I thought.
What if I could just do D3 just to play basketball in school?
And my coach was like, you don't have enough school in you to go play somewhere.
Because I just hated school.
Like, were you good in school?
I fucking hated school.
I wasn't good in school.
I just couldn't be there.
I had no reason to be there.
And you know what's crazy?
I could have been great in school.
Great. You just didn't give it any effort. I had no reason to be there. You know what's crazy? I could have been great in school. Great.
You just didn't give it any effort.
I grew up in the house with a genius.
And my sister's an actual genius.
So anything I needed to know, I could have just walked next door and asked the genius.
My mom is a genius.
You had a house full of brilliant people.
Me, I am a mathematician and a chemist.
So those are the things
I'm very good at.
Chemistry and math.
Chemistry helps in the streets.
Know how to count money.
Know how to cook drugs.
No, father was very good
at both of them as well.
But yeah, I was...
Did you teach yourself?
No.
To do drugs?
Yeah, to cook.
No, God taught me.
It was a thing.
It was harder than I actually think.
When you first start, you're like, the right amount of baking soda.
Because that Master P song taught me more than I ever needed to know.
I fucked up some drugs when I first started.
It was crazy.
And then the dude was like,
it goes away,
and he's like,
put some ice in there,
and you brought it back.
I'm like,
oh, he's a fucking Houdini.
This is crazy.
They're magic drug dealers.
I'm sure you ran into some dudes
that knew how to cook.
That would just...
Pops.
This dude named Pops.
He cooked.
I really wasn't a cooker.
I was a transport,
deliverer.
Distribution was your...
I could cook if I had to, but not my thing.
But Pops is a guy, God, if I was writing a movie, Pops would be the guy in the kitchen.
Speedos on.
Shut the fuck up.
We're Speedos?
In Domino Effect 2, that was my man.
Yeah, but Speedos for real?
That's not an embellishment.
Speedos.
Speedos. God damn. What's crazy is, let me tell you why. So you'll for real that's not an embellishment Speedos God damn let me tell you why so you'll know that it's not an embellishment
so he
he smoked drugs alright
no place to really stay
this is the apartment that we cook in
don't really stay there
so in the apartments
where he live in he didn't have a home
he would be laying out at the pool like he lived there.
Right.
Just kicking it.
So every day, the pool was mostly about a leasing office.
So he'd have his clothes folded up under the thing and a towel.
He always had this towel
and he would be asleep
at the pool
with Speedos on.
They never knew
he didn't live there.
They just thought
he was an old man
that went swimming every day.
Yeah.
Who's going to question
an old man
who's going to swim it?
Yeah, leave that motherfucker alone.
Nobody's going to come out
at the leasing office
and be like,
hey, get out of this pool.
He's by himself.
He's not hurting anybody. Yo, I got on Speedos, fam. You want to come over to B.asing office and be like, hey, get out of this pool. He's by himself, dude. He's not hurting anybody.
Yo, I got on Speedos, fam. You know what I'm about to be over here?
Like, that's
genius shit.
Yeah, that is. You know what I'm saying? I used to be like,
yo, Papa's a fucking genius, man.
Like, it was crazy. Ways to get away with
shit is what you learn when you're put in a
position where you don't have a choice. If you
wanna do drugs, like you wanna do drugs,
you wanna do something,
lay on the ground. Nobody's gonna question you. Lay have a choice. If you want to do drugs, like you want to do drugs, you want to do something, lay on the ground.
Nobody's going to question you.
Lay on the ground.
Right, he's on the ground.
Leave him alone.
Anytime that I want to smoke somewhere
that there's no smoking,
I just lay on,
I just sit on the ground.
Like a homeless person.
Nobody bothers.
Like you can't smoke
in Burbank out here.
Outside.
But if you're on the ground.
You're good.
You're good.
You just sit on the ground.
No one knows how successful you truly are.
It's just a man smoking on the ground.
It's a man smoking on the ground.
Sit on the ground.
By the way, I hope in a future series of specials you do sitting on the ground.
I hope sitting on the ground makes it into somewhere.
Just think about it.
The simple tricks to get through life, right, though, are like, you know that old phrase of act like you've been there?
If you pretend like you've been there, people don't know the difference.
It's like if you walk into a fancy party and you pretend like you're supposed to be there, who the fuck would know the difference?
My dad always said, he's like, well, if you don't feel like you're supposed to be there,
at least fake it.
Because no one will know the difference.
You know what I mean?
Like, no one will fucking, no one, and no one will care.
You know what I get?
Like, okay.
He's supposed to be here.
He walked in there, didn't he?
Yeah.
How would he know to be here?
Man, if I want to do something, sit on the ground.
Sit on the fucking ground.
Sit on the ground. If you get into a fight and somebody threaten you, sit on the ground sit on the fucking ground sit on the ground
if you get into a fight
and somebody threaten you
sit on the ground
sit on the ground
and see
if somebody
lean down
while you threaten
you kick him in the face
you're already on the ground
right
someone comes out
you try to fuck you up
you lay on the ground
you cannot knock me out
I'm already on the ground
sit on the ground probably the greatest piece of advice if you're ever in a vulnerable position just sit on the ground. Sit on the ground.
Probably the greatest piece of advice.
If you're ever in a vulnerable position,
just sit on the ground.
Whatever you need to get away with,
sit on the ground.
Man, I'm telling you,
if you think about it,
when you see somebody
sitting on the ground,
you're like...
Leave that guy alone.
Leave that guy alone.
He's obviously going through something.
If somebody's trying to kidnap you
and you just sit on the ground,
I'm not picking you up.
That should be for people that try to, for kids that don't talk to strangers.
If a stranger comes up to you, just lay on the ground.
Just lay on the ground.
Lay on the ground.
They're not going to come near you.
Make them drag you.
Make them drag you.
Everybody knows you're going to need help.
You see somebody dragging you on the ground like this?
I'm not helping you.
Of course he's trying to kidnap me.
See, I'm resisting. I'm on the ground. Arrest this man. I'm on helping you. Of course he's trying to kidnap me. You see, I'm resisting.
I'm on the ground.
Arrest this man.
I'm on the ground.
I can't be in the wrong.
There's no way in the world you can be on the ground.
I'm on the ground.
If you assaulted somebody and you're on the ground, you stab him in the knee.
Hey, man, who you think was bothering who?
I'm on the ground.
I'm on the ground.
He's bleeding, but I'm on the ground.
I think the man on the ground is in the right here for some reason. I'm stabbed. He's on the ground. I'm on the ground. He's bleeding, but I'm on the ground. I think the man on the ground is in the right here for some reason.
I'm stabbed.
He's on the ground.
He's on the ground.
Let him be, please.
Sir, obviously you was messing with him.
He's on the ground.
How could he not?
He was on the ground.
What were you doing, sir?
Yeah, did you approach him?
Did you approach him?
He had to.
You had to approach him.
Yeah, because he's on the ground.
He looked like he was always like this
he was like
he was sitting there
it's a stain
like
stain
sit on the ground
sit on the ground
I don't care where you at
just sit on the ground
sit on the ground
probably the greatest
piece of life advice
I think I've ever heard
tell me
tell me now
when you the next couple of questions that you put out are you going
to take a break or are you just going to keep moving in this direction because i will say to you
as little as i know you the one thing i do know about you is you never stop touring you're like
a fucking machine you're one of the guys that people talk about when they're like man that dude
puts up dates like you're you honestly but it's not a negative talk about when they're like, man, that dude puts up dates. Like you're,
you honestly,
but it's not a negative thing,
but it's truly like you put up dates.
Like you're,
you are moving,
man.
Do you want to take a break?
Do you ever take a break or no?
I'm going to take July off.
The whole month of July.
Are you though?
Really?
What if something comes up?
Nothing.
You're taking the whole month off.
I'm taking the whole month of July off.
I've started taking like two or three weeks off just to hang out with family and really disconnect.
I found that I really needed it.
You do.
Just to enjoy the life and whatever you're doing.
You want new experiences.
You're getting them, but not like vacation experiences, man.
I think that who you are really is who you are on vacation.
I just talked about this the other day with somebody.
That is the freest version of you.
That's who you are.
That's who you really probably are.
That's who you fucking really are.
When you're on vacation,
this is the only time this happens.
Because you have a wife,
you go like,
hey babe,
I just met Charles and them
and they wanted to go to dinner.
I'm like,
where the fuck is Charles?
Can we go to dinner
with them
as a couple?
They want to have sushi
with us.
Yeah.
That is true.
Your wife is like,
who the fuck is this man?
I just, I just...
The best.
He's the best.
Wait till you meet these guys.
Yeah.
That is a fact.
That you become the most,
like, free.
There's no...
You don't really care about...
No judgment. You go to dinner with a Mediterranean family that you have no idea. Right, right. You don't really care about... No judgment.
You had a dinner with a Mediterranean family that you have no idea about.
Right.
And you'll never talk to them ever again, but it doesn't matter.
But it doesn't matter.
And I am friends, man, with everybody out there that I've met on vacation.
Really?
I'm friends with some of the weirdest couples.
Yeah, we met some weird people on the road.
Yeah, that we've gone on vacation. we met some weird people on the road.
Yeah, that we've gone on vacation.
We've sat with people or gone out.
Just because you're there together, why not?
Why not?
Yeah.
Now that's nice.
Hey, man, this man named Johnny Walker.
Two Ts.
Two Ts.
Two Ts and his Walker.
I don't even know where the two Ts came from.
Yeah, but it doesn't matter.
Johnny Walker. Two Ts.
Two Ts. Just to throw it doesn't matter. Johnny Walker, two T's.
Just to throw it in there, yeah.
And I keep saying Johnny Walker, two T's.
And the lady who lives in my house, I affectionately call her,
she says, that man's name is Johnny Waters, two T's.
I said, that's how you say it, Walker.
Said, you're drunk like him.
Either way, I like Johnny Walker two tees He's my guy
That's my guy
It's all the time I'm pissing on my phone
And me and this man hugging
Two tees
That is the freest version that you'll ever be
You do need to take a break
Because it's healthy for the brain
But in the meantime,
I'll say this.
Keep killing it.
And for those of you that want to see a phenomenal show,
you have to go
see him live. Obviously, watch his special.
Specials! Both out on
YouTube right now. But go see him live.
What's your website?
Alisadeek.com. Very easy.
It's very, very easy.
Spell my name with I-S-I-D-D-I-Q.
The A, that says sad dick, and I don't, that is very, my wife would very disapprove of that.
That is so funny.
Not sad dick.
Yeah, man, yeah. Lost, man, I must say, I think, and I will say to this day,
Lost is probably going to be the greatest piece of work I ever do
because of the content and how deep I wanted to go in.
I didn't think that I could go that deep and then come back.
Yeah.
Being honest.
And I never ran this special.
Like, I never went out on the road with it.
You never ran it front to back?
No.
You just shot it?
We shot it.
Wow.
Because I put it in my brain that there was no way that I could get to that particular part about my sister night after night.
And then come back.
It'd be tough.
Yeah, it'd be really tough.
It would be really too tough.
So we never ran it.
and I did a short version of the beginning in Philly under the worst conditions to try to see where it was at.
And after I did the first 30 minutes,
I knew that I had it because we did it in Philly.
It was the late show on Friday.
We're 45 minutes late.
Yeah, that's tough.
The feature, the host and the feature still got to go up. we're 45 minutes late. Yeah, that's tough.
The feature, the host and the feature still got to go up.
I didn't cut their time.
Oh, I would have.
I would have been like, boys, we got to slice it.
To get to who they want to see, I let them run. So it's 45 minutes behind.
Then they have to wait another 30 minutes to get to me,
and I started off with it because I wanted to see if it was that.
Right, under those conditions, right?
Under those conditions.
Because if it works, it works.
If it works, it works.
If it works there, it works.
Yeah.
And I did the first 30, and then I said, yeah, I got it. And, and I did the first 30 and then I said,
yeah,
I got it.
And then I pulled back,
then I did some other lighter stuff
and then
we went and recorded it
and I'm like,
man,
I kept telling him,
ain't no running this twice,
man.
You did it.
Because,
and it was just that thing.
Man,
I definitely appreciate,
man,
this is one of,
this is one of them podcasts
that you like, you want to come back like a lot because you're like, man, it feels. You're always more than welcome. Man, this is one of them podcasts that you want to come back a lot.
You're always more than welcome.
Man, outside of Rogan, man, I'm being honest.
I've had some very, very fun podcasts that I've been on.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to put this as top two.
Well, I love that.
It makes me feel good. I'm going to put this over, and I Well, I love that. It makes me feel good.
I'm going to put this over, and I know he's going to get mad,
but he know I love him.
I'm going to put this over Joey Diaz.
Oh, no.
What'd you say, cocksucker?
I heard you over there fucking rambling on to that fucking redhead.
Yo, because at first, one is going to go over Joey Diaz,
because I'm a little drunk, but I'm cool.
But on Joey Diaz, I was a little drunk, but I'm cool. But on Joy Diaz, I was taking an edible.
He gets you so fucking high.
Because I do this thing that I like to experience other people's spaces.
I go into a space, and whatever's happening in that space, I just get into it.
Yeah, why not?
I'm on Joy's podcast, and I took this edible, and I was like this at first.
I was like this.
I was very, you can tell.
I came in really hot.
Like, yeah, we doing this.
And then as it went on, you started seeing me.
Yeah, disappear a little bit.
Yeah.
I can't do it.
So, Ali, what do you think about?
Huh?
Yeah.
What?
Are you talking to me?
Like, I was just talking.
I was like, hey, man, I think whatever you think about what you just said.
Yeah.
He's broken people's brains, man.
That guy, he's restructured people's brains before.
He gave me a Death Star.
No, no.
Did you do it?
No, thank you, bro.
I'm going to have it.
No, thank you.
I am like a wuss. How much are they 10 stars are 10,000
milligrams it's fucking absurd that's that's one of the ones that's when i was at the broken hand
but then you start seeing me the next one it was it was terrible google that what is a death star
edible 10 how many milligrams is a death star edible because i'm telling you i thought it
i might be wrong but i thought it was 10,000 Did you do it? I never, no chance
I'm such a bitch with that, I can't do it
And over 100 milligrams to me
Is I'm out, that's too much
100 milligrams is too much
Already I'm done
How much?
125
Okay
Look at that, I mean that's absurd to me
Yeah, it's all guesses
see everyone has a different
but I think
100 milligrams
is
absurd to me
I think the most
I've ever probably done
was around
I don't even know
maybe 50 or something like that
but yeah
300 to 500 per pack
either way
I would never make you do that
on this show
it's absurd
you can't even speak English anymore
you're not even a fucking human
hey we're doing this next one in uh korean yeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah we start speaking languages we don't even know we speak we're like holy shit
i can't fucking believe that i hey it's not like being in korea drinking soju
all night and then and then being able to walk in the morning. That death star is insane. That's absurd.
Look, I've said this before.
Weed is different.
These days, weed is different.
It's, it's, it gets a, it like grips you in a way where it never did when I was younger
smoking weed.
I don't, I don't feel constricted.
Now, if I get on that, I feel like I i'm like a snake has wrapped me up and i can't
move i can't do it and and my cognitive skills are gone i can't even think when i'm that high
so god bless people i can still do it not me god bless you god bless you if you can do it
i sound like trump god bless you if you can do weeds to that degree uh well let me say
this to the fans in the crowd uh i appreciate you so much being here it means a lot please go watch
loss go watch both specials but go watch loss go watch him live um before he chokes on sunflower
seeds and dies live on my show go watch him live uh his website will be in the description link
below he's got a bunch
of dates coming up and he's going to tour until he can't tour
anymore and take a break in July.
We end this show the same way.
You look into that camera
and you say one word or one phrase.
A lot of people do
a little something something
to end the episode. It's going to end it, so it's going to end
on you. When you're ready, you let us
know whatever you want to say to end the episode. Sun's going to end it, so it's going to end on you. So when you're ready, you let us know whatever you want to say
to end the episode.
Sunflower seeds,
they delicious.
In here,
we pour whiskey,
whiskey,
whiskey,
whiskey,
whiskey.
You're that creature
in the ginger field.
Sturdy,
ginger.
Like vampires,
the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are pugilist.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger.
I like gingers.