Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Are You Garbage? H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
Episode Date: January 27, 2023Santino sits down with the Are You Garbage boys: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan to talk fights, Santino's weird cup holding, buying a storage locker at an auction, getting plastered with their buds, and much m...ore! #areyougarbage #andrewsantino #podcast #whiskeyginger ============================================================ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! RABBIT HOLE $5 OFF with Promo Code: WHISKEY https://rabbitholedistillery.com/drizly BETTER HELP Get the help you need from a licensed professional 10% off your first month https://betterhelp.com/whiskey HELLO FRESH Get 21 FREE meals PLUS FREE SHIPPING https://hellofresh.com/whiskey21 Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey, this episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole Distillery and their original works of bourbon.
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neighborhood. Go pick up some rabbit hole drink responsibly today. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans?
Welcome back to the show. We got a good one for you today.
Like my man Steve Harvey done say, if it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show, man.
Haven't been back in the LA studio in quite a while.
I've been jet-setting around the country, and that's why we got our guest today, the RU Garbage boys.
You garbage bro.
H. Foles, Kevin Ryan.
These guys are so funny, man.
I like them so much, they're such good dudes
you gotta check out their show, Are You Garbage
on the YouTubes and the podcasts, wherever you get
that stuff available, and also, you got a little bit
of time, go watch my new special on Netflix
Cheeseburger, it's been up for quite a while
now I'm so happy about it
turned out great, go eat
yourself a cheeseburger and watch Cheeseburger on Netflix
tell a friend
to watch it.
Spread that word.
Spread that love all around.
Enough rambling from me.
Let's go to the episode.
In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You're that creature in the ginger beard.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75
for the horse. Gingers are
hell no. This whiskey is
excellent. Ginger.
I like gingers.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger.
My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it.
Once again today,
it's two boys in the house.
Ah, you garbage boys. It's Foles Ke the house. Ah, you garbage boys.
Fools. Kevry.
Thank you guys so much for coming on. I'm glad I did your show
in LA. Now you do my show in New York.
Yeah, we're all twisted. Well, here, and I should hold
the cup weird. Everybody got mad online. I held
the cup so strange on your show. Like that?
Do you know why I did it? Because it was sweating.
It was sweating. It was hot in that room and it was
dripping. My hands were soaking wet. I picked up on that.
So I held it like this, but the internet got a hold of it.
So now I have creepy images of me holding.
Dude, people DM'ed me like, what the fuck's wrong with you?
It's so funny.
Dude's an alien, bro.
I know.
I told you, Hollywood, he drinks baby blood.
They drink, they hold cups weird.
And I do.
And I do.
I'd love to try some of that endocrine.
Yeah, would you like to?
Sure.
A little baby blood.
Hey, whatever you got to do, let's go.
I'm in.
I guess, dude. You look good. You're fine. I just was complimenting how good you look already for you. How old are you? Are you close to me? I'm 36. Okay. Yeah. You're
closer. I'm almost 40. Yeah. But I got to tell you, man, honestly, good God. And for Irish,
most of the time, Irish people, we don't age well. You go from like 13 to 84. I'm 40 now. I'm almost
40 and I look 40. I look appropriate for my age, but I used to look 40 when I I'm 40 now. I'm almost 40. And I look 40.
I look appropriate for my age.
But I used to look 40 when I was 20.
Okay.
I never not looked my, I never looked my age until right.
I'm at the tipping point.
Because that's why I know I'm halfway through my life.
80, I'm out.
This is literally my midlife right now.
I'm bluffing it, dude.
I think I'm on the back nine.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
I think you got longer than you think.
Dude, you're on the 18th.
You're putting on the 18th, man.
You can smell the hot dogs at the clubhouse.
You can put the chicken salad out.
What are you talking about?
You're in the clubhouse.
You're changing.
You take off one shoe.
You have a heart attack while you're taking off your shoe.
You're like, oh, no, not now.
All right, Maury.
I'll see you next Sunday.
Meet the traffic back to La Jolla.
I think you're going to be just fine.
You're a sexy, sexy man. Thank you. When you said you got an old lady, you're going to be just fine. You're a sexy, sexy man.
Thank you.
When you said you got an old lady, you're married or no?
No.
Been together seven years, though.
That's great.
Yeah.
She's a Philly girl?
No, she's Hawaiian.
She's human.
Yeah, she's human.
I take offense.
It's true, but I take offense.
And you should.
She doesn't wear sweatpants to work.
What island?
Oahu.
Oh, yeah, right.
Yeah.
Going back there in a couple of weeks. Do you go back all the time? Oahu. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah.
Going back there in a couple of weeks.
Do you go back all the time?
We do.
Well, since things started to work out, we do.
For the first...
What do you mean?
Since we started making a little bit of cash.
Oh, be able to get there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For the first four years, it was, I don't know, maybe next year.
What's the bus situation?
But then we started going back, and we go every year.
But now we're going back for uh for
a wedding and we work through the holidays pretty much so we're taking a taking a couple weeks you
boys did yeah would you do a bunch of shows well i saw you guys did grammar see here no we're doing
grammar see you're doing grammar we got three shows yeah but tell me when because this episode
might be out by the time it's out february 3rd and 4th that's perfect it'll be out it'll this
that'll be after this episode comes out so february 3rd and 4th. That's perfect. It'll be out. That'll be after this episode comes out. Nice. So February 3rd and 4th.
Yeah.
I'm sure you guys are probably sold out.
There's like 50 tickets left to the last show.
It's going to sell out, baby, for the boys.
Two shows for the IU garbage kit.
Three.
Three.
We're doing three.
You sure changed this?
Man, now you can go to Hawaii and back.
Yeah.
You don't have to work while you're there either.
Dude, you wouldn't have to put on a smock as soon as you land.
That's awesome, dude.
That's so great.
Put on a great skirt and start
dancing yeah right you're handing out beads i actually love going to hawaii and i used to hate
it which is funny really because i went a few times like when i like i went twice before i had
any money you know like it was like saved all my pennies to go and now i live on the west coast and
you know it's so much easier to get to hawaii it's nothing it seems nuts to go from here
yeah it's crazy it seems like there's so many clothes i get you have obviously an emotional
connection to it your girl the whole thing peep family there but like to doing the math in my
head i'm like that's fucking crazy getting australia from here i know but i gotta well
you won't that's way further i don't know if you know maps but that is way farther
every time we get on the plane i roll the dice dice of the fact that it's not going to be that full.
And they see the situation.
They see her squished up against the fucking window.
Poor girl.
With like her face pressed up.
And I'm the first one.
If you guys want, we'll move you.
Dude, catch like a row of four.
Got the TVs going.
Everybody's dinner. It's's dinner it's nice that's
nice it's like first class in the back of the plane well let me tell you now that you guys
are working to the holidays you sound through your grammar so you're making a little bit of
money do you ever think you might to the front not a first not a first we do that when we fly
i do it all the time now i can't go back to a little snobby boy you're up i do it all i'll
spend my money i don't care right i'll spend it all. I'll spend my money. I don't care. Right. I'll spend it all. Yeah, you should. There's nothing better than laying down while people are like fucking elbowing each other.
Trust me.
I'm asking for more chamomile tea.
What are we talking about here?
Let it crash.
Fucking go 180 later.
Take a snooze.
That's my thing.
I'm doing it today.
In a couple hours when I go back to LA.
Yeah.
You got to.
I have to, dude.
Because as much as I travel, I can't.
Like I told you, I was gone for a month.
I didn't see my home for five and a half weeks and it was like when i go all the way home i can't arrive
annoyed beat up yeah because she doesn't want to see hear my bullshit like you can't bring that
home no i can't be like i've been traveling i've been hustling i've been working and i'm also mad
now that i'm supposed to be back at the place where i'm supposed to chill no so i'm like spend
i'll spend the extra money uh as stupid as it is, because the airlines are
getting a little greedy.
Three grand to go to Cleveland.
It's so stupid.
We're making up for South West.
I don't want you to go to Cleveland.
It's wild.
Cleveland's a tough place to go to, too.
They're like, there is a direct flight, but it's $15,000.
No.
No.
So I'll do it just because I want the peace knowing I should get everything relaxed before I get home.
Sure.
So I can enjoy my time at the house.
Normally I wouldn't, but I don't know, man.
They were pretty pricey.
Well, to Hawaii is very expensive.
Yeah.
That's because that's another thing they know.
Just like funerals, it's like they know most people are going there for weddings.
Right.
They're one vacation of the year.
Right.
They don't know.
Right. So they don't care that they're gonna they're jacking it up they don't know about you and your girl going home to visit people you love they don't give a shit about that
10 grand for mass cards at a funeral what are we doing fucking collection plate getting heavy
you want to hear trashy my dad passed in uh in september so sorry thank you and we had um you
know we had a little thing after the ceremony
and we overestimated how many people were going to be there. So we had trays of risotto and steak
tips to brought that shit home and put it in the freezer. They wanted to have it for my mom's
birthday. And I'm like, you can't be eating fucking dad's death meal. You know, dead man's
meat. I mean, that is full circle, though. One door closes, another one opens.
You know what I mean?
I was like, throw that shit out there.
Come on.
But taking funeral home to go is kind of funny, man.
Dude.
That is something, too.
At my grandmother's funeral last year, it's one of those things where you're sad, it's
awful, you're saying hi to everybody, you're emoting, and there's all this, like, you're
feeling so many things.
Yeah.
Seeing people you haven't seen.
I haven't seen people I didn't see in 25, 30 years i was a little kid were you in the line did you stand up
and be in the line when they came through well i carried my grandmother i was one yeah i was
yeah i carried her i did too which sucked sucked i loved it dude i hated it i love being i've been
a pallbearer since i was like 12 that's your shit yeah he's a sturdy boy what are you talking about
yeah i was just gonna say yeah they always brought me up from the ranks you just put it on one shoulder he's firing carries it down
down the fucking aisle i hated it dude because i don't uh it just it got me so good it hit me so
hard it just it just it fucked me up i would have rather been able to cry in my seat but i made an
off-color joke about the priest being a stiff and man he's fucking he's livid on the mic yeah on the mic what'd you do 10 minutes
before the funeral i did a quick five come on man no because my my uncle read this really nice
piece that my mother wrote about the family our family's massive we're irish scum yeah so how big
my mom's one of 10 yeah my mom's one of nine it's non-stop do we come out of the woodwork yeah
we don't stop so our family's huge and there's so many stories
and you know i don't he just wanted to show some love so my mom wrote this thing with my uncle in
the in the church or after this in the church is in the church and and um he's like saying all this
really funny shit and it was it was killing like it was so funny because it was such relief for how
awful and sad it's so tense that well especially in the Catholic church and you didn't like it
no no i loved it.
No, I loved it.
Somebody like him.
Get me up there.
Well, I tightened it.
I was giving him a little couple of tags.
Tell the host to do a minute in between.
Hey, slow him down.
Let me get my head straight.
And he was ripping, dude.
And I went up there
and I just got through a little thing,
but I was like, you know,
father has zero sense of humor, this guy.
And I turn over and he's, I mean, he's livid. He's like shaking
his head. Yeah. Dude, God was
funny too. God was
funny too. You can laugh, Father. You know
what I mean? Sure. Yeah. You're shitting on him.
Yeah. You're not Rickles.
Well, crack a smile. You're some schmuck who just
got up at a funeral. Is this after
the homily? Yeah. He already done
his time? Yeah, he did his time. Really?
Yeah, so fuck him. They usually get one or two
in there. He did not, dude. Really?
Stiff as a board. Yeah.
My grandmother's priest that
she had actually had her whole life
moved. And I don't know if he moved
because he moved or because he had to get moved.
Relocated.
They buried him in Cleveland somewhere.
You've been reassigned. We got you in a $3,000 flight to Cleveland.
But anyway, yeah, it was one of those things where it was so, it just reminded me why the
church bugged me as a kid so much because of how it wasn't, I just wanted to have fun
all the time.
And it was so strict.
The rules were so strict.
So painful.
And they yelled at you and they'd smack you.
Yeah.
Could you guys get smacked when you were kids by priests or at school? I'm 46
so yeah, when I was... You got clipped.
I got tuned up. Nuns.
Because the nuns kind of ran the
elementary school that I went to in
upstate Pennsylvania and man
this one fucking had it in for me.
I think I tripped her or something like that at one point.
Well then that makes a lot of sense. I beat her up
after class one time. I don't know why she didn't like me.
Man, dude, she hated me. She fucking tuned me up a lot. I remember like actually hitting me in the face one time. Well, because that makes a lot of sense. I beat her up after class one time. I don't know why she didn't like me. Man, dude, she hated me.
She fucking tuned me up a lot.
I remember like actually hitting me in the face one time.
Well, because usually it's back of the head or it's, or they arm pulls. Oh, back of the head.
Yeah.
Back of the head is pretty normal.
You went to Catholic school?
In the face when I was a kid kid.
And then we got out.
We learned.
We were like, this is insane.
I was thinking about this the other day.
We went to Catholic school, but then at a certain point for one year we went to
like um it was catholic but it was like eastern european catholic i don't know what i don't know
the difference i couldn't really tell you what what the difference was but the host you know
the communion yeah wasn't communion it wasn't the wafer it was a little piece of vodka yeah it was a little piece of bread it was kind of one mushroom
pierogies hey padre where's the apple sauce you're killing me over here what did he give you
it was a piece of bread it was a little listen it was a little piece of bread with a tablespoon
of wine and that's how they would
give it to you and that was the first time where i was like i'm fucking hammered yeah yeah yeah
dude i was fucking like proper drunk and we'd go once a week every thursday in the morning
and they'd hit you with that and it was new to me and my brother and like after like the first or
second time i'm like staggering around for the next couple of periods like dude i'm fucking drunk yeah that's how they got you to the day so they
got they figured it out yeah when i went when he when when i went to uh uh when we when we moved
out to the suburbs we started going to uh a presbyterian church okay and they refused to
give people wine so they would give you grape juice instead. Huh.
Yeah.
So all of a sudden, we got a lot of black members.
All right.
That's an easy job.
I'm going to not throw it away.
It's terrible.
No, but they would give us grape juice instead because they refused to give alcohol.
It was against one of their little rules.
And I was like-
What were you doing taking it?
You were a little kid.
You just mean at church, like at service.
No, at church, at service.
Yeah.
They would give grape juice instead.
They didn't believe in-
Yeah, we didn't do that.
When we got down, I think that started to kind of go away a little bit in our area.
They would only give it to like the fucking homies that were working.
Not everybody got it.
No, we got it.
But the adults, really?
As a kid, you got it too?
Yeah, of course.
Really?
Yeah, 100%.
See, isn't that crazy?
Yeah, I mean...
That's how they got us, man.
We're all fucking drunk.
I mean, dude, it's a pedophile.
What do you mean, how's it crazy?
Isn't that crazy?
They're giving sips of wine to people who are fucking the kids.
That's how they got us to wander the hallways.
Yeah.
Slipping around homework.
Fucking pants start coming down.
You got your underwear on your head.
My lipstick all fucked up.
So you're locked up.
You have someone you love.
Are you a single man or you got somebody?
No, I'm married.
You're married, right?
I got married right before the pandemic.
She's a German broad.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
In this business, you're in trouble.
I know.
Be careful. She's a German Jew. Oh my gosh. Yeah. In this business, you're in trouble. I know. Be careful.
Well, she's a German Jew.
Oh my,
even worse somehow.
A German Jew,
that's great.
Holidays must be wild.
Yeah,
we do like,
you know,
we do the menorah and stuff.
Because half her family
does Christmas
and then half does
the fire squad.
What's the other one?
Yeah.
The chambers.
Yeah, so we just do, do i mean they weren't like really uh proper like religious they just do like one night of hanukkah like you would
do like christmas eve or whatever yeah okay right it's not like it's more just like cultural like
hey let's have a dinner with the family over anything else like do you do what is it called
uh like do you do uh shabbat and shit like that?
No, no, no, no.
They never went to like services or anything really.
It's more of just like cultural.
Just we are Jewish.
Yeah, we're Jewish and this is what we do.
I like to, I'll go to Shabbat.
I'll fuck with Shabbat.
You ever done that?
Yeah, my buddy's, my buddy converted.
He was Lutheran, converted for a girl
and she was old school.
At what age?
That's wild.
Conversion is strange. That's so not. Because most times the women convert. That shows me you don converted for a girl, and she was old school. At what age? That's wild. Conversion is strange.
That's so not.
Because most times the women convert.
That shows me you don't have a backbone.
That's my joke to you.
He was out of college.
I can't fucking trust you, dude.
You're fucking like that?
Get out of here.
No, he got into it, man.
And he was super Christian growing up.
Like, he taught Sunday school and all that kind of stuff.
He was Lutheran.
Yeah.
Whatever that is.
Not going to heaven.
He's not sitting next to me.
No.
Yeah.
I'm in the light flats.
I'm in the base.
And we're up front in the plane.
Yeah, that's right.
Sitting next to Michael, the archangel.
And then he converted for his wife.
And they used to do the Friday night thing all the time,
inviting me over.
It's actually real relaxing.
It's so fun, man.
It's chill, man.
I love it.
A little olive bread.
Well, I'm also so into home-cooked meals, man.
I told Mateo and I were taking a car
back to the city last night,
and I said how I was going to go to,
maybe go to Edgewater to go see my buddy
and his family,
because I love going to see his mom.
His mom, like, cooks a meal,
and it's nice to come to the East Coast
and get a home-cooked meal.
You walk in, the house smells real good. and she cooks whenever we want all day long anything
we want i mean it's like i'm gonna try to get my mom to move up here just for that reason dude
because it's so nice to go eat whatever they make i don't care what it is i'm gonna eat all of it
because it's always gonna be better than going to some spot the best restaurants in the world
i've been to some great places. Don't care.
Give me someone that I know. Give me some meatballs or something.
Yeah.
Sausage and peppers out of a fucking.
Get out of town, man.
I wanted to do it last night and he said, oh, I should go see my brother or whatever.
And we were talking on the car ride.
How much.
Just.
I've had a Michelin.
I've had Michelin restaurants.
Internationally rated.
I've done that whole thing.
I would.
I always would prefer my mom's shitty burnt chicken sure i'll
take a burnt chicken all day long just because i'm like there's something to making a plate in
like a crowded kitchen and you're like oh pass me a roll let me get the whatever and then you get to
you get to slot in stuff that doesn't belong together when you're at home you know you're
you're eating stoner food at home you're allowed to layer shit we're like i can't believe i'm
eating this with this but it's because meatballs and, dude. Slap a coleslaw on the side.
Yeah, just put some bowl of cereal just in case.
You never know.
I'll do all that shit.
Yeah.
I do love it.
That's kind of part of the reason why when I come out this way, I do want to be here
for a while in New York because it's closer to Chicago.
I can go home a lot easier.
Sure.
Going home to Chicago from here is, you know, it's like an hour and a half or two hours
at the most.
Yeah, easy flight.
Yeah, dude.
When I leave LA, it's five hours.
You know, it's four and a half.
That's crazy.
It's so far.
I don't understand how people work the road out of there.
You have to leave the day before at 7 a.m.
Yeah, yeah.
It's stupid.
Once I got my horse ready in the carts.
I think you just got to go and go.
When you leave LA, you have to go.
So your road jumping is a lot.
You're like spending.
Right.
You're like, I'm out.
Just knock it all out.
You have to a little bit.
You can't just go back, back and back and back.
You kind of have to do like Philly and Boston.
You know what I mean?
And D.C.
And then do some of the South.
Then go home maybe.
And then do, you know, Midwest isn't as bad.
But it's tough.
It's crazy to me.
You know, me and Bobby are doing a Bad Friends tour in March.
Nice.
Mid end of March or something like that.
And we're doing that.
We're spending most time out on the road with a bus, you know?
Well, we're either doing buses or sprinters.
We can't decide what we need to do right now.
But either way, we know we have to chunk and run.
It's got to be big, thick chunks because him and I together, too.
But that's the ultimate.
It's not like you two.
The bus is all right.
Well, I don't know.
Do you guys have, is there a little tension as you've gone on?
We have a very sexual tension.
Well, I know you've knocked that out way early.
You got that out of the way.
We did that at the open mic phase.
We're saving that for season three.
That'll get killed off.
We have a very open, like, if we're mad at it, it's like, but that's just like the fucked
up families we come from.
It's like.
We could do a bust though.
We'd be all right.
Yeah, we'll have it.
Like, there's no problem with me being like, dude, just shut the fuck up.
And then like four minutes later, we're just like out smoking a cig like it's
what that's that's we have it's like a brother i don't give it up that night though you don't give
it up you can't hold the garage to me like that what are you nuts to make up sex in the morning
of that how long do you hold the grudge for typically oh wow i don't yeah you can do it
weeks a couple days sure it could just be a comment that's like made in passing that he
doesn't like that you're not sure and then you know you're sitting there like an hour later
like we're there's something you're not yeah we're that level of crazy we're fighting wars
we don't know we're in what's the it's mostly him sometimes i've got a phone call and i'm like
oh this is a hot line like this is like this is like the fucking turn your key phone
you're spinning You're spinning.
You're spinning.
Right.
So can you name?
I'm Putin.
He's Zelensky.
I'm like, no, we're not invading.
Don't be silly.
You are very close to Putin.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're out, dude.
There you go.
Yeah, they're lying.
They're keeping you alive behind the boards.
That dude is getting weak in the Bernies around town.
Yeah.
I heard a rumor that this guy, and as i say this i get shot in the neck
i heard what's up bro you're a good guy what up i heard that there somebody collects his shit
wherever they go because they don't want people to be able to take samples of his yes because
they say he's like he's got like late stages cancer is like what's riddled his entire body
apparently he is littered with cancer and people don't want to test it because also,
obviously, I mean, not to get disgusting, but I'm imagining blood is a part of the regime.
A lot of them do that.
I heard Kim Jong-un does the same thing.
He saves it.
Brings his own tournament with him.
He saves it.
He's got a whole-
He's composting back at the house.
He's got a trophy room full of his best shits.
Like sneakers?
Yeah.
That was right after a big hot pot
march of 83 yikes i've heard that's what he does this guy just to protect himself which
doesn't doesn't uh doesn't make that's not that crazy if you're a world leader who's like
yeah a crazy guy that's like a poison you know all different kinds of stuff well he's got to
worry about that right isn't that funny like that guy's made so many fucking enemies. That's their move, man.
But I do like it because it takes it back to, like, medieval times when you're always
watching your back.
It's all cloak and dagger shit.
I like that, dude.
You can go at any minute.
It's the closest people by you get you.
You're right.
At night when no one's around in dark.
Pour some wormwood in your ear or something like that.
Tip, tip, tip, tip.
You know what I mean?
What's the worst fight you guys ever had?
And you don't have to tell me if it was a fight.
Dude, we have a show on our patreon called hard feelings where it's that like
we'll fucking scream at each other it's like we good plug by the way go to the patreon boys
watch all your garbage but also go to the patreon pay the kids so finally we can get
him in first class going to hawaii he can afford it yeah he can i know he can yeah i want to save
it for all the tuna i'm gonna eat when when I get over there. Just go catch it.
It's free.
I'll keep my moose of bees.
Have you ever gone spearfishing or shooting out there or anything?
I'm petrified of the ocean.
Oh, my God.
You go, what?
Dude, he's the biggest pussy. Grew up going to the Jersey Shore, petrified down there.
I saw Jaws when I was a real little kid, and I used to think that there was sharks in pools.
He's also not the sharpest tool in the shed, all right?
Yeah, yeah.
But you know what?
Have you ever spoken to any of those locals in the areas that you go to?
Because they'll tell you that some of those places, they almost never see sharks.
Some of them, some of them, some of them.
The last time that we went, we went out with a Hawaiian guy who runs tours.
He's a spear fisherman.
We went out in Kaneohe Bay.
I don't know if you know where that is.
You make it sound Irish.
Kaneohe Bay. I thought I told you. I was like, where are you, Dublin? It's right off the coast of Limerick. Kaneohe Bay. I don't know if you know what that is. You make it sound Irish. Kaneohe Bay.
I thought I told you.
I was like, where are you, Dublin?
It's right off the coast of Limerick.
Kaneohe Bay.
Naked nickel beers all day long.
Give me some of that park.
There's an underwater pub if you get down there deep enough.
You can hold your breath.
Ah, the fish and chips as far as the eye can see.
No, you went out to Kaneohe Bay.
Kaneohe Bay.
Yeah, and he kind of laid it out for me.
But just, it was light snorkeling, but I was petrified.
I got to tell you, I just went to Hawaii a couple months ago,
and we went with a guy who, you know, showed us the ropes.
Hottest guy I've ever seen in my life.
Just jacked, beautiful.
Yeah, good looking out there.
Yeah, you can't take your wife or girlfriend.
That's insane.
They're immediately going to leave you for this guy.
And when you're diving, she's diving. That's diving you know what i mean stiller and fucking long
that's right knocking boots you know who that was by the way hank azaria yeah isn't that crazy
it didn't look anything like him really that didn't look like him i've known him for a while
he was jacked out of control dude yeah that didn't look like it didn't look like the hank azaria you
know he was pretty jacked in birdcage. Yeah, I guess he was. Pretty ripped.
Yeah, but I'm with you.
I understand.
It looked like a different birdcage. It was a transformation for sure.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Either way, he knocked the bottom out of that, huh?
Well, just because you're fucking best friends with Hank Azaria, Jesus Christ, I didn't know.
No, I don't mean like I know him like that.
I mean, I know who he is.
In here, we pour whiskey.
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uh famous friends like that are you you know you this is a shitty one schultzy let's ask you for
money when we get out of here i'll tell valzellia now we're a cash app company yeah you better
believe you are yeah no okay so so what is believe you are. What is the worst, going back,
what is the worst fight you guys had?
Of recent note,
was over money.
Not in a bad way.
This is where it starts, by the way.
This is how it all goes down.
We're both real dirtbags.
This is the first time we're making money.
I have a pretty good sense of handling and everything.
Yeah.
Kippy handles the books.
Oh, there had to be an explanation of like.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
You know what I mean?
I wouldn't know how to do it.
You got to be a free bird, baby.
Yeah, I wouldn't know how to do it.
You think they're sharks in pools.
Let this guy handle the books.
If he was doing the books, there'd be barbecue sauce all over him.
He didn't like it.
I would just spend it as we go.
Yeah, he doesn't understand.
It's like it's also it's not in the sense of like we go on the road together.
We take out openers.
We take our camera guys.
Right.
So it's like a business.
So it's like money.
It costs a lot of money to fly people around the country.
And you have like if we're doing a show in L.A., San Francisco and La Jolla, it's like you have to pay for that now if it's in three months.
Yes, allegedly.
I can't just be like, hey, well, when L.A. gives me the check, I'll make good with you, Delta Airlines.
You know what I mean?
You have to pay for all of that.
Get to this fight.
I don't remember it.
Where he, I was, I had to teach you operating capital.
Uh-huh.
Where money comes in, but you don't get X percent of every dollar that comes in.
Correct.
Because it has to go.
We need it to buy plane tickets and Airbnbs.
When I get to nut at the end of the month, I do dirtbag math.
Yeah.
Of what I think it should be.
Well, I've seen a Patreon, and I know what the ads are.
Why isn't it X?
Right.
Because we had a $30,000 Amex bill, dude.
This wasn't accusatory. No, no, no, not accusatory. $30,000 Amex bill, dude. This wasn't accusatory, by the way.
No, no, no, no, not accusatory.
Here's my full trust.
Of course.
Yeah, yeah, not accusatory.
But it was more of, and then I was just, he called a little hot, and then that's all I
need, too.
You jack up fast.
I have the shorter fuse.
Right.
He's plotting in the dark.
He's getting mad.
He calls me, and I go, you mother, like, I lose it.
Right.
I have the explosive.
I'm more of a put a snakes in your bed I lose it. Right. I have the explosive.
I'm more of a put a snakes in your bed kind of guy.
Yeah, I have the explosive anger.
And he slits your family's throat right in front of your face.
He's like, is this your mom?
Kaiser Soze.
I lick the blood off the knife.
Make it real personal.
So you guys were clipping at each other about it.
So he came in hot.
I was just like, dude.
And also I had explained.
I can't remember it.
I explained it to him a couple of times.
Yeah, I got to be explaining things a few times.
15 times.
15 times.
I'm not even joking.
To the point where I go, hey, man.
He's like, well, the $2,500 and this and that.
And I just go, hey, listen.
We were arguing.
I go, I can't do this.
I'm just, we're going to let the accountant handle all this.
Like, moving forward, he's just going to make all the payments.
Yeah.
And he can explain it.
I don't like that.
He don't like that. Some outsider, he's
definitely going to rip us off.
That's how the world works.
You've never been out in public before?
You're going to get fucked.
By the way, the more money you make, the more you get fucked.
That is also the balance of the world that I kind of
appreciate. In a little bit of a
liberal, cucky way where I'm like
you make more money, you deserve to get fucked
a little bit more than the guy who makes less than you so get fucked a little bit yeah there's like you know
you're better off than there's more hands in the pot yeah but fine let me get like of course
i don't like that what's this a communist podcast yeah yeah let's get the hell out of here
it's kind of set up the red the red flag drops in the background rolls all slow motion now you
know what me and stop talk pretty heavily about this because we talk about money on the show
and what happens over time
and blah, blah, blah
and all that stuff.
And it is true that I do really feel like
the more money that you make in our business
in any way,
there is a lot more hands in the pot.
A lot more people are trying to eat.
It's just I'm willing to lose more money
if it's people that I want to help out
and grow the thing. So it's almost like that's the balance of making a little bit more money. it's people that I want to help out and grow the thing.
So it's almost like that's the balance of making a little bit more money.
If you save it all, if you fuck everyone off and save it all,
you're going to be a miserable, lonely guy with a few more bucks.
Sure.
Worthless.
We put most of it.
I'm ready to burn.
We were broke for a decade.
I'm like, this is new to me.
I'm happy in the darkness.
But it's a hard lesson to learn, right?
Of course.
Because as you get a little bit more,
just a few more bucks even,
you're just like,
well, fucking I'd like it.
You know, I want to keep more of it.
Yeah.
But then to keep growing,
you do need to feed other people.
That's just a part of the science.
Sure, of course.
It's like we had a higher,
you know,
I mean, now it's like a team of like
producers, editors.
We put a lot of the better,
especially in the beginning
when we first started touring in 2021.
We lost all money.
We did a couple of shows with some local people.
We're like, fuck it.
Let's bring our buddy Tom Cassidy, who's a comedian.
We started together.
Let's bring Tommy with us out on the road and just put everything back into making the shows the best they possibly can be.
We were eating it for a while.
And this might have been around that time.
Sure. That we were arguing been around that time. Sure.
That we were arguing.
Barking at each other.
But it was one phone call.
Yeah, no, and that happened.
I mean, like, we don't have, like, big, week-long fights because it's so explosive.
And then we go, it's like a brother.
It sounds corny, but it's like one of us will crack a joke about it within seven minutes.
And then it's like, it's over.
And you go, all right.
And we both have accepted we're nuts. And I'm like, it's And then it's like, that's normal. It's over. And you go, all right. And we, we both have accepted.
We're nuts.
And I'm like,
it's,
it's,
and he's like,
I don't want to fight anymore.
I go,
that's stupid to think we're never going to fight again.
Right.
Like just accept we're going to fight.
And then when it happens,
you can just fucking go like,
all right,
cool.
We'll get past it.
The next one will happen in six months.
And then it is what it is.
Cause comedy partnerships are tough.
You know,
like me and Bob,
you know,
it's like,
that's it.
Me and Bobby,
it's tough. It's tough because we and Bob, you know, it's like that's me and Bobby.
It's tough.
It's tough because we've known each other for a very long time.
We started working together four years ago in that in this world.
Sure.
And so like your relationship from what it used to be when we just met as friends and comedians shifted so heavily into business partners, comedy partners.
There's so many things that go along with that that people don't understand.
Your life partners, basically.
I see this fucking guy too much.
So at any point,
there is
those moments where you're like,
I don't want this to break us up, but
it does get harder as time goes on.
You have to find a way to curb the bullshit.
Because you start barking at each other and it gets
tough. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Kip, he's a smart guy.
He comes from a background where his family owned businesses, and he worked in them and stuff like that.
He knows what he's doing, and I'm a fucking idiot.
Construction, HVAC, and plumbing.
I mean, it's like, you know.
Plus you got a market.
Plus I'll whack you.
Yeah, yeah, no shit.
Yeah, construction, where the bodies are underneath the building.
We found a ton of bodies underneath 14.
I still want to keep my no-show jobs.
What are you talking about? That's good bennies, you know what I mean?
No, you gotta have it.
Me and Paulie and Syl hanging out.
Alright, let's, as you guys have
grown together in this thing, now
I put on a couple pounds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Have you found yourself
doing less garbage shit and getting a little bit fancier?
Well, I mean, like, this is kind of funny.
I want to talk about this.
You guys were obviously in Paris, right, for that cool event.
Fashion show.
Fashion show.
No business being there.
Literally not.
I've been wearing these pants for four days.
I don't know.
Dude, while you guys were there, we were like, look, you know, it's all of our boys.
And we're like, oh, shit, that's fucking sick.
We were in Sayersville, New Jersey,
at a storage unit auction,
buying a storage unit to go through
and see if we can make money.
I was like, these fucking dudes are on a private jet.
You got a fashion show, Santino.
I get it, dude. I get it.
And we dumped $200 into a storage unit in New Jersey.
Okay, well, good.
First of all, that sounds more fun.
Yeah, it was actually a good time.
No, we had a good time.
It was just, it was unexpected and weird.
And, you know, I can't believe, it just didn't make sense.
And the crew was wild.
It was fun.
It was me, Theo, Mateo, Stavros.
Bunch of dirtbags.
Yeah, it was great.
It was great.
And Schultz, fancy Schultz.
That's a really cool opportunity, yeah.
It was fun.
And also we got to make fun of, the whole thing was, this kid, Kid Super, he just wanted
like, he wanted to do a different fashion show because fashion shows are dog shit.
They're miserable.
They're 20 minutes long, and people sit there quietly,
and they watch people walk in weird clothes,
and it's usually shitty music.
Sometimes it's cool music, but it's a stupid concept.
It's boring.
It's like I could just see this on the internet.
So he was like, you know, he's a young dude.
Young, cool dude.
Good Irish kid.
I mean, his old man is from Ireland.
Oh, nice.
He still is in Ireland.
Nice.
And a really funny guy.
We're in the fashion game?
All right.
No, it's kind of wild.
His son.
Yeah, he was a New York guy.
By the way, everybody got high with his dad.
Stavros and Matteo got-
He was wearing wool sweaters.
He let me play a hand drum out there.
It was nuts.
But he, but this kid kid super was
like i just want to do something unique because these shows are fat they're short anyway dude so
he's like can you just do three minutes that's fun just while tyra banks had to change into a
new outfit so you know we're just servicing them we're we're servicing her you're an mc yeah it was
fucking that's great so much fun we just went out there he was like no nothing's off limits no
language no you know how sometimes people like don't make fun of out there he was like no nothing's off limits no language no you know
how sometimes people like don't make fun of the thing he was like make fun of the thing yeah my
first joke i was like it's great to be here in paris the the epicenter of bulimia yeah they
actually let they worked and i was like well you can't be anorexic the food is too good and it like
after those two hit back to back it was good well i wrote it i wrote nothing but jokes for the thing because we were all talking me and stopping everyone when we were in the hotel like
should we write jokes for the thing or use old materials weird yeah i was like should we use
material we know and so he was like fuck it dude just do shit on what we are yeah yeah and what
we're doing that was that was kind of the easiest way to get over it but honestly dude i was really
stoked about it because uh it was so unique and it was get over it. But honestly, dude, I was really stoked about it because it was so unique.
And it was a challenge.
That's great.
No, it's fucking sick, dude.
It was for sure a challenge because that's not your audience.
You boys were doing a nice dinner together?
Yeah, actually, we did the most romantic thing was the breakfast.
We went to like this really, a friend of mine texted me about a spot that was like,
go to this, locals like this breakfast spot.
You'll have to wait in line.
And dude, out there, these motherfuckers wait outside in the freezing cold because there is no these restaurants are small half the size
of this studio so it's five tables so you're waiting outside for whatever and then luckily
it was me mateo and stavros who are both very easygoing stav doesn't give a shit yeah he was
like in a track suit it was you know it was it was 26 degrees couldn't care less hair still wet
from the shower that dude doesn't care less. Hair still wet from the shower.
That dude doesn't care.
So we sat outside.
He's the man.
Shout out to Stavi.
And we sat outside until it was ready.
And when it was ready, it was phenomenal food.
And we had that together.
That was probably the nicest meal we had.
Because the other meals are kind of on the go.
We had somewhere to be or someone to do.
Who scooped up that check?
I think I did.
But I mean, everybody paid something.
Everyone chipped in.
Stavros is fine.
Yeah.
Mateo is fine.
Yeah, they're doing all right.
Yeah, those guys are doing phenomenal.
I'm happy to see how many New York guys, you guys included, right? We're new friends, but I got to tell you, when I heard about you guys and then saw your
shit and then someone was like, you got to do their shit.
I was like, I will, I will.
To see some of you guys and people like on the rise in new york it does
warm the old ginger's heart thank you you're very sweet and all every time we text or whatever it's
like you always get back oh yeah you're a very sweet genuine guy not always i don't always get
back i gotta preserve some of my yeah yeah and you know why i'm not texting you back yeah come
over and punch me in the face. Sorry, big guy.
No, I do.
Yeah.
Because I think that whole thing about I'm too busy is a little bit of a bullshit.
It's bullshit.
You are very busy.
Sometimes I'll get back to you when I can.
But also people that don't get back to you, it's a little like.
That's saying something without saying something.
I think it's a fuck you.
I do.
Yeah.
At the very least go, hey, I'm swamped right now. Can I hit you back in a little bit?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or hit me in a couple hours, dude.
I was on a thing.
I had a thing.
Fine.
But when you text someone and they don't say anything back and then you see them and they,
you know, Colm Terrell had a whole thing with me.
He got all mad at me because he texted.
He's a fucking, he's, I was just with him.
He's a wild card.
Well, he got mad at me about the St. Paddy's Day show, which is way far away.
And he's like, are you going to be in LA?
We were talking about it. He's like, I think Santino, he hasn't committed yet. And I want to be like, dude. He got mad at me about the St. Paddy's Day show, which is way far away, and he's like, are you going to be in L.A.? We were talking about it. He's like, I think
Santino, he hasn't committed yet, and I want to be like, dude,
that might as well be five years in
Santino's head. That ain't right, exactly! I go, dude,
that's like asking me what my grandkids' names
are going to be. I don't fucking... He got mad at me
about a Super Bowl box pool that I think
he sent out in fucking, like... He sent
it out pre-season. He's like, anybody want to buy a Super Bowl?
I'm like, dude, I'll take one just to get you off my back.
No, it's just that he got mad. And I said, dude, and I saw
him at the cellar. When I got here, I said, I knew I was coming to New York.
I knew I was going to see you. I was going to text you
anyway. Also, March,
relax.
We'll get there. I know. Well, I'm learning
this because like... Hey, don't fucking text me back.
You know, when we first started, you started talking
to bigger comics and become friends with them.
I'm like, oh my God, we haven't heard back from you know whoever yet and then we're like oh fuck they're
icing us this or that they must not like us and then i'm like and then as we get busier and stuff
you go oh shit like yeah i can't imagine what you're like your schedule like schultz or schultz
he's not he's never not doing something of course that's when i go like oh it's not personal it's
like of course some people are in five different states in three
days and travel and
getting back to me or, you know, somebody
about scheduling a podcast in a month
isn't the most important thing. It's super hard.
If you got back to me from a private jet,
I'd be mad at you. What the fuck are you doing?
What do you mean? I got Wi-Fi. Huh?
I got Wi-Fi. No, but I'd be mad. You're supposed to be doing
private jet stuff. You know what it is?
Cohorting with me. You're sitting on Wi-Fi looking at
Twitter and Instagram and nothing. Of course.
It's eight hours, eight and a half hours.
We talked for the most time, but
some of the guys wanted to sleep, but old
Santines knew. I said,
I'm not sleeping on this plane. I'm going to
fight it until I get to New York. Oh, and then crash out.
Last night I was exhausted and I was
eating chicken, sad, tired,
like barely awake. Just being like, make it till 7 p.m., make it till 8 p.m. Finally, I was exhausted and I was eating chicken, sad, tired, like barely awake.
Just being like, make it till 7 p.m., make it till 8 p.m.
Finally, I was watching the game and I was nodding in and out of the night game.
And finally, like right as the game was ending, I was gone last night.
And now I feel great.
Well, I feel fine.
I beat the thing.
It's always easier coming back, too.
Well, you just got to beat the thing.
If you can beat, we did it there, too.
If you can beat the thing, you're good.
Yeah.
If you can just trick your body into thinking that you're on the local schedule.
My thing is, we go to Germany a couple times a year to see my wife's family.
Right.
And it fucks me up on the way there real bad, depending on what time I get in and whatever.
And I'll wake up at like 3 in the morning or whatever, and then the rest of the fucking two days is screwed.
So you get real fucked up the first night. So you shut your brain down, and you at least wake
up at like 7 a.m., and you go, all right, I have a normal
day. I'm on a normal schedule. I don't get it.
I don't get fucking
jet lag. I don't know why. I don't.
I keep my watch on
New York time, and I always just
check it. That's like an old
sailor, dude. Never change the
goddamn ticker. I never get it, man. I never get it. That's like an old sailor, dude. I swear to God. Never change the goddamn ticker.
I never get it, man.
I never get it.
You've never been affected by it?
No.
What's the furthest away from home that you've been?
Hawaii.
Right, and I guess that's what the time difference there is.
Six hours.
Yeah, so that's kind of the same as going to Europe.
Like a champ.
Yeah, but that way is easier.
My ankle swells up from the plane.
Your ankle's good?
Do you wear those compression pants when you get on the plane?
Yeah, I wear compression pants.
Yeah, man, it's a whole thing.
That's funny. I've been dragging around fucking airports
how many times you have to get up in the middle of the flight to walk around to get the blood moving
uh you do that i don't i should i get up every 35 minutes take a pee whatever do a lap do a
handstand do a handstand get the blood back to your heart again when we when we go this time
i'm gonna fucking wear them the bed compression sleeves yeah it's on my sock yeah because the problem is you get there everyone's in shorts and i'm walking around like fucking
aunt rita with fucking my ankle all swole up in my fucking crocs and then we're like it's
like you're shoving dough into a fucking pan it's brutal well tell me how much how much do you weigh
right now uh 4.25.
What's the biggest you ever won?
4.25.
That's the biggest you've ever been?
Yeah.
Wow.
I went down to 3.80, 3.75 in the summer, and then fell off. What's the goal?
Live past the weekend.
4.80.
Come on.
Are you kidding me?
Bobby Kelly dynamically changed everything.
Looks fantastic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bobby looks great.
He's crossing his legs now.
He's really showing off for the other fat guys.
Well, I can tell it hurts, though, when he does it.
He's got to pull the pant leg off and drop it.
That's the goal, to be able to cross the legs.
Now, I'd like to get down to about 200.
200.
Dude, I would like to get down to 200.
Yeah, that's where I am.
I'm 200.
I was 171 and not in college.
You were 179? 171. In college're 179 171 in college 171 yeah
but i don't yeah that's but i would go i would fluctuate back and forth even in high school
i would go from like 235 in the fall to like 170 in the winter for football and wrestling
and then in college it was the same thing with football and lacrosse. I was like 230 250 and then in the spring
I would lose like 60 pounds just cuz all the running lacrosse damn
Yeah, there was a time in New York where you were probably my size now
Mm-hmm, and I was probably like one not like we were both really to you. I still felt
I look at picture. I thought I was fat in high school and I look look at pictures in high school, and I'm like, God damn it.
Why didn't I have fucking – I could have been cleaning up.
I thought I was the fat kid.
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Ginger. I like
gingers. But I feel like you've never
had a problem with women your whole life.
Um, I mean, no, I wouldn't say
that. You did? You had a problem?
I mean, what do you mean a problem? I mean, did you have trouble
getting girls when you were young? No, I don't think so.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
So you took offense to that.
Imagine running a business with this guy. I give him a compliment. He's like mean. So, yeah. I don't know how he took offense to that. I mean, maybe not the time. Imagine running a business with this guy.
I give him a compliment.
He's like, well, fuck you.
I don't like girls like that.
There you go.
Not telling the accountant
is going to start paying you.
Ew.
Making less money is good for you.
I mean, I wasn't bagging
like the hottest chick in high school
or anything like that.
It doesn't matter.
My point is,
you've always been all right.
You've never had to struggle.
Because you're affable,
you're a good looking guy,
and you're funny.
Funny guys rarely struggle, yeah.
Yeah, you were fine.
Okay. You never had trouble. No, never had trouble. There was was never a time but did a girl ever really shatter your heart you ever have
a girl shatter your soul yeah yeah give us the most embarrassing one um give me the one that hurt
the one that really hurt okay so one sent me into a five-year depression um i was dating this girl who i really really liked it
was when i lived up here the first time i moved up here once right after i went to i didn't finish
college went to theater school and then moved up here and was supposed to be an actor but i was
just doing blow and working at restaurants so you were being an actor yeah and um met this girl fucking hottest chick ever
loved her uh dated for you know like very very heavy for two or three years and then uh and then
she dumped me and i just stayed in my apartment for like five years doing blow what was the reason
she said she left i mean i was a huge loser what do you mean i wasn't doing anything you just yeah
you weren't doing it. I got very comfortable.
Your motivation level was low. Ooh, very low.
But look at you now. Yeah.
I think what did it is we were in the grocery
store one time and
I was very immature. Don't.
I saw you start laughing.
I was in the grocery store one time and
there was a woman in front of us and she was buying
like a cantaloupe or something
like that and I started smacking it around on the conveyor belt.
I mean, I mean, and the woman got really mad.
She's like, hey, what are you doing?
Don't do that.
And I like yelled at her or something like that.
What's the problem?
She's not going to eat the outside of it.
Who cares?
It's a bit.
The next day I went to her house and she had all my stuff packed in.
She had all my clothes folded in trash bags holy that's
how i knew it was serious and one single cantaloupe on the pillow the side of the bed you sleep on
and i walked out of there i remember uh her roommate's boyfriend who like we'd be all become
friends like the two little couples he was sitting on the couch and i had my fucking trash bag over
my shoulder walking out i See you later, man.
And he was just like, yikes.
He knew there was no chance of you seeing him later.
Well, he could have been nicer.
He could have been.
You know what was fucked up is that she had got me tickets to Billy Joel Elton John, which
was like a few months later, and she still hit me up to go.
And I was still in love with her.
I was still calling her and all that kind of stuff.
That's not okay.
Oh, man. I was doing everything I could. that kind of stuff. That's not okay. Oh man, I was doing
everything I could. We took a bus there.
She got you tickets? She got us
tickets for my birthday.
So she got you tickets? Yeah. This is what's
gross. She got you tickets.
She used it for her own
benefit and then when you broke up,
I was like, well, I still want to go. You took her?
Took her. She did that under the guise of
he'll be cool because he'll be trying to get
me back.
That's not okay, man.
I was trying everything.
Yeah, it didn't work, did it?
No.
No, because she was a bully.
That's a mean move.
Yeah.
You should have told her to go fuck herself and brought some, you're like, no, I'm taking
some other girl.
Even if you weren't, you should have just lied.
So I'm taking somebody else.
Yeah, I wasn't sharp like that.
That was a bully.
You're not sharp like that now.
It was a bully move.
I think that was a bully move on her part.
She broke up with you. You gotta let that go.
That's like asking for jewelry back.
You fucking cheap fuck. It's over.
It's like, if you give someone
something when you're in a relationship, when it's over,
you know. What about an engagement ring?
If you got engaged, would you ask for the engagement ring back?
Fuck no. Really?
You gave that to somebody.
She should probably give it back.
It's an identity. She'd probably want to give it back. Look. Because it's a, you know, it's an identity.
It's a.
She'd probably want to give it back.
Just tell you to fuck yourself.
She would be like, get out of here.
I don't want this.
This is over.
But if you gave a ring to a woman, whether it's engagement, marriage, jewelry for whatever.
Yeah.
When it's over.
Yeah, no, I would never answer that.
You're out.
It's over.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's nuts.
Yeah.
Fuck that.
I mean, that's.
Yeah, but the woman would probably want to.
Get rid of an engagement ring.
Yeah, I don't want that.
That's probably part of it.
No, she did a number on me.
But I just, anytime I've gotten dumped, I completely deserved it.
That's not true.
I think it, yeah, it is.
You think every single time?
Just in my specific case, he'll back me up.
Yeah, I either got too comfortable.
I wasn't there.
What the fuck?
He just subconsciously knows.
Yeah, that does sound right.
He's probably not wrong.
He probably, he's a lot.
He's, you know, you're great and I love you.
But he's, he's a lot.
He's a lot.
It's a 24-7.
It's a lot.
Big man.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you're my Bobby Lee.
Couple of heartbreakers though.
And it's funny, every time you do meet like another, like it's like, even like O'Conney and Tommy, it's like me and O'Connor and it's like him and Tommy.
Of course.
You need both to make it work.
By the way, me and O'Connor have had the same conversation that O'Connor and you have
had.
Oh, of course.
We've shared the same phone call about being like this motherfucker.
I know.
I know.
It's so funny.
Dude, like the four of us will all be together and like them two are like, you know, you
know, stealing each other's noses and stuff.
Yeah.
I mean, O'Connor, just like.
So me, you, and O'Connor should start a show, and Bobby, you, and Tommy should start a show.
Yeah, let's do it.
You know what's funny?
They'll be calling us every four seconds, son.
I guarantee you not one of your episodes gets published.
But they're phenomenal.
They're great.
They're phenomenal.
They're all fantastic.
No one ever, they never see the light of day.
We just did Look at Dish, their Patreon cooking show.
Yeah. Was it Sunday? Patreon cooking show. Yeah.
Was it Sunday?
It was Wednesday.
Wednesday.
And we both haven't been drinking.
We've been taking it real easy.
But we're with the boys.
And we're like, what do we got tonight?
I was on the phone with O'Connor when you guys were getting fucked up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was on Friday.
Yeah.
I sent you the picture of O'Connor saying I kidnapped him and I want 10 grand.
What did I say?
Keep him.
He said keep him.
Keep him.
Not worth it.
So we realized, all right, we're doing this.
So we started doing it.
I'm not going to break.
I was like two weeks off the sauce.
And I was like, I'm not just going to have a glass of wine for the show.
Right.
Let's fucking, let's all go get fucked up.
Get fenced.
If we're doing this, I'm blowing the fucking doors off it.
O'Conny, why I love him is there's always that point in the night where you see him
cross the river oh yeah
into o'conneville oh yeah and you'll be having like a normal conversation with him and then all
of a sudden he'll hit you with something you're like oh you're yeah you're out there yeah did
he tell you about boston no fucking idiot and we already had a conversation about it but i love him
with all my heart and soul so it doesn't matter. Well, he's one of my best friends on earth. And like, you know, first show, we got four shows for New Year's Eve.
We have four shows.
Okay.
You know, this motherfucker show one.
We go out and he's like day drinking.
And I'm like, hey, man, have like one or two beers.
But like, let's, you know.
Yeah, we got to be professionals.
You know what I'm saying?
We got a job.
Bring it in.
This dude shows up annihilated.
Annihilated.
And with a guy.
I don't know.
Some man I don't know.
He's got a dude.
Yeah, some dude that he met because...
He was at the bar looking for friends probably.
He's like, I'm opening for Santino.
Well, dude, here's what's funny.
He has to bring a guy home from the bus station.
Yeah, 100%.
He is.
A guy came...
This is Randall. He's good people. Why can bring a guy home from the bus station guy. Yeah, he is. A guy came. This is Randall.
He's good people.
Why can't I think of one?
I'm so dumb.
I'm drawing such a bad blank.
What?
Kevin can't.
He does a show with Clancy, with Kevin.
Feidelberg.
Yeah, Feidelberg.
Yeah.
Drove down to Boston to come hang.
Went to the bar.
Got so fucked up.
They met this guy.
Feidelberg went back to the hotel to sleep.
And Connor brought this guy to the show.
A man that they got fucked up with.
So I'm like, who is this guy? He's like, Feidelberg fucked up with so i'm like who is this guy he's like feidelberg i'm like this isn't feidelberg
he was like no i met this guy with feidelberg and i was like yeah but who the fuck is yeah
once the equation that guy's also gotta No, so he brought him along.
Sure enough, this guy fell asleep stage side.
Connor gets on the mic, by the way,
and he'll admit it was a tough show.
Yeah, a little sorry.
He gets on the mic,
and this guy's literally on the side saying,
knocked out.
I'm like, dude, get him the fuck out of here.
He made up for it.
It was fine.
By second show, that is,
he's a good Irishman.
He fucking boop bops,
get some water,
smack himself in the face,
took a nap.
They do the whiskeys too, man. They do it he went he went a little ham but also i called you or i called him on thursday if he was going to come to the city before i left and he goes i'm with arie
garbage boys and i knew right away yeah slurred up my favorite my favorite thing we got there they
were already pretty banged yeah yeah my favorite thing over the last year, year, year and a half is getting the four of us
getting fucked up together.
Yeah.
That is the fun.
What you just did on Thursday.
Yeah, yeah.
That's my favorite thing.
We're all like the four of us are experiencing success kind of together.
They're like a year.
But you know what I mean?
Like, yes, we popped in 2020.
They popped in 2021.
So it's like we're all like, let's go to the fucking World Series together.
Like now we have like money to blow on a ticket and go, and like, so it's this cool
thing where you're like, your peers again.
Like, we were like, so struggling, now we're like, oh, we're all kind of living the same
life, experiencing the same things type thing.
That is kind of nice.
It's fun to have, like, a team.
It is great.
Oh, it's the best.
And you sauced out for two weeks, you were off, huh?
Off the juice.
Yeah, my stepdad passed from kind of you know sorry man running heavy like that
dude your fucking dad took some lumps we took a couple lumps the past year he so what he he
did he have uh smoking and drill yeah life is smoking and drinking and uh so i was trying to
get off too because i was like dude i haven't been off i don't think i've gone three days
since the pandemic started off drinking. Not just one or two,
just even one or two.
World Series really got to us.
Yeah, we went, because we were hanging out.
Us two, Tommy,
O'Conney, Gillis, and my boy
from home, we just fucking drank for
five, six days straight.
I'm getting too old, man.
The hangovers fucking kill you.
I'm getting fat, so I'm like, I gotta fucking
trim down, but it's
you know it's tough it's hard oh look you know everyone did that dry january thing which i don't
adhere to i think that's that's kind of yeah mine wasn't because of that mine was just like i i
genuinely need to get off the i've gone through these streaks i mean i just talked to derosa
about this because he went through a existential crisis on this show about about it and i was like
yeah i was like dude you gotta dude, you gotta work with yourself
and not think about somebody else, the judgment and all this.
I said, just work with yourself on what you want to control.
Because, dude, I'm a big drinker.
I love drinking.
I've always, I mean, this show is about drinking.
Sure, good time.
Well, we're not doing it now because it's 10 a.m.
But, like, my whole thing was-
I had a couple before I got here.
I can tell.
Yeah, you didn't tie your shoes, so I can tell.
No, he can't tie his shoes i can tell no he can't die
you're right i thought about it when i said it i go fuck i thought there'd be a pa or something
in here you're waiting for those uh back to the future self-tying lacing now no but uh but i do
understand that cleaning it up you know i just got i yeah it just got too and it's also again like
you know we finally had like let's go out to a very nice
restaurant. That leads to
five Manhattans. What about your old lady?
Does she like drinking? Not really. She cut
back. She'll have one or two, but not
nearly. Not like you? No.
What about you? Does your girl drink like you do?
She did when she was younger, but
not so much now. Now, what about you?
Are you heavy like him, or are you not drinking that
much? We've been fucking boozing. You're one of the same. You're one of the same. Now, what about you? Are you heavy like him, or are you not drinking that much?
We've been fucking boozing.
You're one of the same.
You're one of the same.
Oh, yeah.
It's not like one of you is bigger than the other one at drinking.
You're both kind of, you guys do.
No, it's like if we're boozing,
we're boozing.
It's the same way.
If it's like we're boozing,
we're fucking, you know,
let's shut the machine down.
So after the shows are tough.
I usually do two double tequila and sodas.
During the show?
No, right after the show.
Do you drink before the show?
No
Do you drink on stage?
No
I'll have probably one before
Like when the show starts
I'll have a Bud Light
And then I'll probably take one up with me
Like a fresh one up with me
I can't even do that with spots in the city
I don't drink
Interesting
Yeah
Oh wow
That's never
That's always been my
I'm always good about sipping slow on one
Before I go on
Or I need to get out of my own head I'll take I go on. I need to get out of my own head.
I'll take it to the stage.
I need to get out of my own head because otherwise it's too, I've been, and like, since I haven't been drinking in the city, we're running around doing spots.
And it's like, so not fun.
And so tight in my head of like, hit the words.
What's like the way it's like, I just need to, and it's like, it's bad, but like, I need that beer to like, just lower my shoulders and be like, just go for it.
You're a clown telling dick jokes at the end of the day.
Right.
Have fun.
Go have fun.
Don't hold it so fresh.
There is a thing of having one like if you have two drinks 15 minutes before you get
on stage and it hits you perfectly and your shoulders are dropped and you catch the wave.
But it's tough to recreate.
And also like we were me.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Chase that.
If you're like looking for that every show, that's bad.
Yeah. I can't just have one. i can't just have one ipa i feel like i just had
like chemotherapy i got like a real tired and i gotta i gotta i gotta dart across the river i
gotta get i gotta get two or three you got a couple in there yeah then you feel like that
levels you out yes you don't you don't smoke pot do you uh do edibles but yeah i'll smoke a little
doobie every once in a while if the kids have it yeah what about you you know just that's why i boost that's why i have like i mean i remember even in
college like all my boys would be doing blow and then like i didn't know they were doing
but like they'd all go to the bathroom and then it'd be like you know seven in the morning and
they're like do you want some i'm like no i don't do blow they're like you've just been
you like drinking marathon drinking this like we're all doing performance enhancing drugs i'm
like nah man i'm just fucking fucking white knuckle on this thing.
I love the good stuff.
Can't have it anymore, but I love the good stuff.
Yeah, because it's bad for you.
Yeah, it's no good.
Yeah, but you do like it, huh?
Yeah.
Plus they put the antibiotics and shit like that in it now.
Right, you get a Z-Pak now when you sniff.
It's no good.
It's called Fennel.
I like grass-fed, grass-finished cocaine.
Like a gentleman.
Old school.
But no more? Nah. now when was last time uh years ago i'd say oh so it's but you've been good you've been a good boy for a long time yeah
yeah i've been a good boy well let me hold on let me get the producer will you bring in the coke
bring in the coke he's have a huge plate of coke for you to do well that was one thing we did on
the show in the parish show there's this very artist, may or may not land on you, but a guy named Jay Balvin.
He's like a famous Latin artist.
He is globally one of the most famous guys in the world.
Definitely not somebody we would probably know.
You would probably know that well.
But this guy's crazy famous, but he's from Colombia.
And so he says to the guy that's running the show, can some of the comics maybe write something?
His team, can they write something for him maybe?
You know, so we're all kicking around jokes.
And of course, the first thing-
It lands on Coke.
Well, yeah, what the fuck?
And his team is like, we can't do one of those.
I'm like, what?
Yeah.
What do you mean?
What do you think people think of Columbia?
That's what I was gonna ask.
Yeah, I was like, what's the perception?
What do you think the outward view is here?
Yeah.
Come for our papayas.
Like, what the fuck?
No, people-
You ever have the cartel cut your uncle's arm off
i mean there were so many coke jokes that everybody made i mean literally they went
door to door and every comic in the dressing room they were like a coke joke and everyone was like
well you can't keep giving us coke jokes like yes we can yeah you said make a funny joke
but he went out there and did like one quick small thing because he wanted to you know stay
got in and out and uh it was just
wild to look out in the crowd uh also because kodak black and roddy rich performed at the
after party kodak black was there with his baby at the art show yeah he's not dude he's the man
he's so literally after like after my performance i'm staring down i see kodak blacks in the front
he goes like this thumbs up i was. I was like, fuck yeah.
I think I'm just having fun, dude.
Dude, that's awesome.
He's just always having fun.
Dude, he was having such a good time.
And it was such a surreal, surreal moment for my comedy, you know, comedy history resume
that like I'll know in years down the road, you know, and you guys will keep getting these
things over time where you're like, that was fucking insane.
It'll never happen again.
It didn't make any sense that it lined up. I thought it was a joke when they first called
about it. Mateo was in the cellar with me on Thursday night and he was like, I think I got
invited to that thing that you're doing. I was like, you should do it. He was like, should I?
And I was like, yeah. He's like, I don't know. It sounds kind of like, it sounded like too many
holes were there. You know, when you get an offer for something or somebody that you're like, is
this bullshit or is this going to actually work out?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's the thing that you guys have done that you were surprised that you got to do?
Have you done corporates or no?
Sitting here with you, baby.
What are you talking about?
Have you guys done corporate gigs yet or no?
No.
No.
No.
Nothing crazy.
I mean, nothing crazy.
It's just really just like road shit and the festivals and stuff we've been doing the past.
You're going to start getting stuff like that though.
Two years.
Corporates for sure.
Some fucking trash company from Philly is going to want you guys.
What's the, what's the biggest company out of Philly?
What, is there like a big, uh.
Comcast.
Comcast?
Yeah.
You're not doing them.
No chance.
They'll censor the fuck out of you guys.
I could do a benefit for, uh, for a mayoral, mayoral candidate in, uh, in Jersey.
Oh my God.
A mayoral candidate.
This wasn't, this wasn't off to AYG's success.
He had met somebody who we literally,
he gave us like cash in a bag
to perform in a warehouse under 95.
See, this is what I'm talking about.
This is good.
And we did it two years in a row
and died a miserable, miserable death.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You will bomb.
Miserable death.
You will bomb.
Miserable death.
I don't care who it is, who it's for. But the buffet was unbelievable. That's what you go for.
And they had the Twin Towers.
Twin Towers. You looked out.
This was three years ago.
I don't understand. What do you mean?
It was a marble
showroom where you would go like, I want
granite countertops. Sure.
So you'd go to this showroom and they were having a
fundraiser for some political guy
in Newark or Jersey City. I forget where it was. In North Jersey somewhere. Sure. So you'd go to this showroom and they were having a fundraiser for some political guy in Newark or Jersey City.
I forget where it was. In North Jersey somewhere.
Right. You know, I'm not talking to fucking band
leaders over here. I was just going to say, say no more.
By the way. That's it.
And they had the Twin Towers. Cash gig, by the way.
I don't know if you picked up on that.
I didn't want to harp on it, but you green
bats, baby. It was alright.
You think the government is going to want to talk about this?
But it was and it was one of those things where like, oh, we're going to start the comedy show.
And it was like, people had to turn and face the stage that wasn't, you were next to the receptionist desk and the phone was going off during my set.
It was a bad, bad scene.
I did one for Jim Beam.
Me, it was such a weird collection, but it was, I've told this story before, but it was me, Joel McHale, Alonzo Bowden, Gary Veeder, who I love.
Big shout out to the Veeds.
And I don't remember who else.
But it was Jim Beam.
So me, I'm like, cake walk.
These are guys from Kentucky.
This is fucking Midwest trash.
Easy money, baby.
I get there.
Santori Whiskey has bought Jim Beam. Santori is a Midwest trash. Easy money, baby. I get there. Santori Whiskey has bought Jim Beam.
Santori is a Japanese company.
It is a thousand Japanese businessmen in fucking suits eating steak.
Do you think they want to see my bullshit?
No, you're the last thing they want to see, dude.
Eating shit would be a compliment to what I did.
I mean, I was like funneling diarrhea.
It was unbearable so bad how long 12 minutes and each minute each minute i think my heart was like
we should quit we could quit at any moment my heart was like you want to stop we could just
we could kill you right now on stage i had the worst time i've ever had and then afterwards me
and vede's uh i had to go fill up on sauce. I had to say goodbye.
I had to check out for the night because my brain, I was so depressed.
I couldn't believe it was so bad.
I was in Vegas.
We were going to, me and Veeds were like, let's go have a great steak dinner.
Did you picture you guys have suits all in rolling dice?
No.
You're drinking in a Motel 6.
It's me just shoving it back off the strip.
We're going to get up three grand by midnight.
Let's go.
It's the greatest night of our lives.
Talking to a girl named Destiny for three hours, just crying.
She's like, do you want to have sex?
I'm like, no, bitch.
Trying to make up for what happened in there.
You gentlemen need to leave now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think you've had your fill.
But the corporate gigs are going to, you'll get more,
and they'll get harder to do because you want to keep your brand
and do your thing.
The check would have to, obviously those pay really really well the check would have to be really good because
it's just like i don't want to go yeah i've done things for the money not even that much money you
know what i mean where i'm like i need this thousand dollars i'm gonna and it and you go i
know i'm gonna and you just bomb and it sucks and the ride home sucks yeah and the hotel room
stuff like you're just like all of this sucks oh i'm trying to i'm trying to be like if i don't
have to do it don't don't fucking suck my dick.
I'm not doing it. That's a smart move.
I don't want to fly to Minneapolis to perform for
Russian oligarchs
or something. I will.
No shit, I'm in. Forget about this, Bonzo.
New comedy duo?
Santori, give me a call.
Have you guys
thought about going individual or just always
on tour together like solo tours or no no not yet not yet i mean everybody was like this is
what's selling the tickets you know and so that will be a thing right because you guys are both
independent yeah we're yeah well our shows are we both co-headlined and then we just close out
together but so but solo touring is not in the cards at all. Not at the moment. I mean, why split the audience
up to be like,
I get it.
I get it.
The money would go down
all around.
And we had no cachet
before the podcast.
You know what I mean?
You and Bobby
were very well known
when you started,
you know what I mean?
Yeah, but still,
I guess the reason I'm asking
is to try to pry a little bit
about when you guys,
there will be a time
when both of you
do want to do individual stuff. So it's to to think you guys are killing it together you're
both very talented on your own right solo thank you so thank you buddy that is you know it's one
of those things where it's one of those i'm sorry to cut you off you know it's tough it is uh it is
something that will at some point be a thing but of course i mean i was you know but at the same
time like we have all like a lot of our friends go out by themselves and stuff like that and it's like they're like yeah
i'm sitting in a fucking i gotta do seven shows at some fucking funny bone yeah for not that much
money yeah and you know maybe i brought out a feature maybe i didn't we have a fucking local
bozo host or whatever and it's like dude we fucking we fly out with like five of our homies
and you're like we were we're experiencing like the best version homies, and we're experiencing the best version.
Got the Airbnb.
We're making scrambies and eggs in the morning.
Who's making scrambies and eggs?
Kippy makes scrambies and eggs.
I know he is.
I know he is.
You're sitting and waiting.
You're doing this.
He's hulking.
He's flying like a vulture.
Kippy's had to work a toaster oven.
He's flying around the room.
He grabs a piece of toast and flies away.
Grab your small dog and leave.
It would have to really make sense.
Unless like, you know, we end up, you know, almost killing each other and it breaks up or whatever.
Never going to happen.
Never going to happen.
The Beatles didn't last, dude.
You know what I mean?
Some garbage podcast might not last.
You know why the Beatles didn't last?
Because they did everything in a course of three fucking years.
Yeah, of course.
And they were children.
They were both grown men.
Yeah.
No, yeah, of course. That's the greatest thing about those kind of things is like, if they still were together later in life, they would be dog shit.
I wholeheartedly believe it.
Their moment in time was their moment in time.
Just like you guys, the cultivation of your careers to combine for this moment.
I believe things are happening when they're supposed to happen.
It's kind of like when somebody's like, you know, back when we were younger, it was like, oh man, to get on The Tonight Show or to get on Rogan or to get on any of these things that would set comics.
And people would be like, why hasn't so-and-so asked me?
And it's everything will kind of truly happen, at least in our business, when it's pretty much supposed to happen.
Whether you like it or not, it sucks.
Yeah, dude, because I know this is our third podcast together.
Right.
And like Ari's like, only you two fucking idiots would do a third podcast after the
first two failed.
Like you wouldn't be like,
how about we,
you know,
try it with someone else.
And it's like,
we've been podcasting together for 10 years at this point.
Just get like our rhythm is,
you know,
we know each other's rhythm.
We know what makes each other's laugh and everything.
So it's like,
we did all that in obscurity.
And now that like we were gaining a platform
people like these guys are great it's like yeah well we've been slugging it out for a decade while
100 people the 10 000 hours nobody sees behind the scenes of course no one sees you shooting in
the gym yeah nobody sees that no one sees any of the training they see what you are now and they
judge you based on now whether it's good or bad reception that's part of it you accept it when
somebody's like oh the fuck is this guy you're like oh really you haven't known the fucking
decade i spent yeah grueling in the thing which is fine sure but that's a part of
criticism that you have to throw in the trash that you're like fuck you man we've been at it you
don't know shit of course you either be come with us on the fun ride or go fuck yourself yeah which
is how i've always felt about how you have to continue to feel your career because it's never
gonna stop that those things are never gonna stop of like this guy's new. You're like new to you, dickhead. Yeah. New to you. It's been 17 years.
Right. Yeah. That will always continue. But you guys, you know, look, we have that kinship, too.
Like I said, because we didn't have any cachet before the pod took off.
That's what we're known for. Are you garbage? Which we fucking we love it.
It's it's our it's us, Our identity stripped down to its purest form.
You know what I mean?
I think that's why it resonated with people.
But yeah, we were fucking grinding it out together in the trenches in New York for fucking
for years, seven years or whatever.
And we're very, very poor together.
But that's the thing, too.
It's like on park benches and fucking kitchen floors and all that kind of stuff.
It's like if I were to get a gig now if someone was like hey kevin wait you know here's
five grand to come out to fucking whatever to do whatever my first call is at him like yo you want
to fucking open do you know what i mean like and so it's like we just we want to be on the road
together right you know what i mean like who's your first call to 60 40 split yeah i was just
gonna say he gets a phone call he's like like, no, no, I'll come alone.
I'll post middle and feature.
Just let somebody bring me up on the God Mike.
Do you really sleep on a park bench outside?
Yeah, I worked.
You did or no?
No.
Yeah, you did.
Yes.
When we were.
And it wasn't.
I mean, because you were out drinking all night.
Yeah.
It wasn't because like.
Park couch or park bench?
Park bench.
Like an old school shit.
Not like a big, beautiful bench.
Like a little shitty.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Over in the West Village.
I was waiting tables at a place that I had to be to work at 7, 730 in the morning to
open up for breakfast.
And, you know, when you're up here the first couple of years, you got to do your open mics,
try to get on some bar shows, run around, do this and that.
But then you got to hang out.
Everybody would meet in the West Village and everybody would hang out and try to be seen and do all that fucking bullshit.
So we do that until 2, 3 in the morning.
And then I have to be to work in the West Village at 7.
It's like going down to the West 4th Street station and waiting for the fucking.
It's going to take an hour at least to get home.
Yeah, waiting for the F train.
By the time I get home, I'll have to turn around and come back.
So you just fucking... Sleep on a bench.
Yeah, tuck your wallet in your butt cheeks and stick your
phone in your pants and get a couple hours sleep.
You couldn't put it all in your butt cheeks?
Put the phone in there too.
That was, you know, I don't know if you... That was occupied.
I heard this story
about Axl Rose
about that song Welcome to the Jungle, came from him sleeping on a park bench, I think here, when he first got to New York.
Really?
He didn't have anywhere to stay and he slept on a park bench.
And I guess a homeless guy or, you know, fucking some guy roaming around was trying to rob him while he was asleep.
And he woke him up and, you know, was trying to fight him off and was like the fuck are you doing and the guy was like welcome to the jungle bitch that's where it came
damn that's pretty good yeah and that's that's what i've heard rumor of that's where that that's
where that started he was probably 19 when it happened i was 40 when i was yeah so someone's
like welcome to the oh my god don't take my heart pills yeah drunk on frozen margaritas
yeah shout out to him no but that's that that is the the sacrifice you
made you make i guess is uh it builds who you are but you guys are never gonna let go of the
garbage stuff don't ever let go i was just saying you know like it's it's no i mean also as people
don't let go of your trash dude it's so in our fucking dna it's like like if you go to a fancy
party what do you what are you having to drink at a fancy part if they're like champagne i've had no i've had to learn like if we go to like a nice, what are you having to drink at a fancy party? If they're like champagne?
No, I've had to learn like if we go to like a nice restaurant.
Champagne when the Coke's gone.
Yeah.
What are you, nuts?
Something to put you to sleep.
Get into the NyQuil.
Have a drink to rattle off where it looks like, you know, you can't order like a Jack and Coke or whatever.
Yeah, you can.
See, don't ever give that up.
You should.
You got to call it a Cuba Libre.
Ooh, Cuba Libre, please.
So I'll do a Manhattan.
He does a martini.
You're a teeny guy.
I'm a dirty martini guy.
Gin or vodka?
Vodka.
I'm not crazy about the glasses, but I prefer it in a rocks glass with no ice.
I just like the saltiness of the olive juice.
I feel like you want it in a sippy cup so you can move around a little bit.
Yeah, a little sippy sip.
A little sippy cup there. Put it in two of those things on top of the helmet. Yeah, that's what it is.
The beer helmet. Plus, I mean,
I know it's traditionally like a
fancy drink, but they fuck you
up, man. Martinis?
Yeah, it's all booze. The whole thing is
you just say, just give me a cup of vodka.
That's what it is. Dude, get two or three
of them before the appetizers hit.
That's what my dad always says, that martinis, he likes martinis.
He drinks, he'll drink gin martinis, though.
He likes gin.
That's wild.
He'll do both, but he does like gin a lot.
He loves gin.
Gin's wild.
I can't fuck with that.
But he says.
It gives me the worst hangovers.
He says it's just like, it's like two is perfect, three is too many.
Oh, yeah.
My family says the same thing about Manhattans.
They call it loudmouth soup.
It is loudmouth soup.
After three or four, you really fucking find out what someone thinks about you.
Yeah.
Manhattans was what my grandparents used to drink.
I never loved Manhattans because I don't like vermouth that much.
I don't like any of that dry vermouth.
It's sweet vermouth.
Gotcha.
Not a fan.
I don't like it.
Yeah, I don't do, I usually do the martinis.
Well, it's got olive juice in it, but the vermouth I can live without.
You go out to a nice restaurant and you sit down, what's your drink?
I always have whiskey.
I've always been a whiskey guy.
Just straight?
My whole life. On the rocks or or straight one big stone or sometimes i
like it before dinner yeah sure yeah absolutely wine a beer or something like that with dinner
i don't drink i really don't drink beer anymore i i used to drink a whiskey with your meal yeah
damn yeah of course it's like deadwood it's hardcore you know what i mean doing it for a
while yeah no you know i it's also because i'm accustomed to it at this point in my life like beer i'll have a i'll have a beer or two with a friend at a thing if
that's the thing that's if that's the vibe i really don't love beer makes me feel like shit
my stomach hurts and i get bad shits the next day wine wine i will have when others are having wine
but i will never order wine oh yeah on my own accord even at dinner you want if somebody else
but gets a bottle of wine i'll have a glass as a politeness thing.
Yeah, but we're doing this.
But I probably won't finish it.
Do you know what I mean?
I'll have a couple of sips because it's a part of the culture, but no, I'd rather have
a whiskey, please.
So if you're having a steak, you're at a nice steak dinner?
You better fucking...
Okay, we just went to Mastro's for a buddy's birthday.
Okay.
And yes, I wanted a little bit of something something on the rock, so I had myself a nice
fat glass on the rock.
And you're having that while you're eating dinner.
So you're doing bite and sip with whiskey?
No, man, I'm not a savage.
You eat your food and then you drink your drink.
Really?
Yeah, we're bite and sip guys.
Yeah, you can't.
Another trash thing that you do.
Yeah, I mean, it's...
No, you have to have something as you're having appetizers, right?
Like if I'm having, this is like a shrimp cocktail, whatever.
Yes, have a couple of sips.
Once the steak comes, I'm focused on steak.
Then when that's over, I have this for dessert.
Because I don't really need dessert that much.
Drinks are-
Bottled water?
Huh?
Bottled water?
Still and a sparkling.
Give me one of each.
We do the same thing.
Yeah, you want one of each.
I'm a still guy.
You're a bubbles guy, I can tell.
Ooh, I love the bubbles.
It feels like it makes you happy.
Yeah, no, whiskey. Feels like I'm having a you happy yeah no whiskey whiskey forever i love whiskey forever i i have tough time drinking other stuff now tequila is the closest i can do to outside of good tequila good tequila i love your guy dude
yeah you shot in a beer shot in a beer give me a fucking bud heavy right and some fucking jmo or
even well we'll just whatever it is let's get it fucking going. Your shirt just turns into
a wife beater. You're like, whoa, how did that happen?
I was a big margarita guy, but
done the sugar and all that stuff. Started doing
tequila and sodas with
a lot of lime. That stuff that Burt gets
is really good in the bottle. What is it?
It's like some kind of lime juice that he gets.
Like lime concentrators. It's probably sponsored by a
lime company. Something, yeah.
And that in with a little club soda and some
tequila is all right. By the way, I just had an image
of him with his shirt off. They painted his chest
body like a lime.
Sell it, sell it, sell it, sell it.
Tequila for sure
has been my supplement for whiskey because
high-end tequila does have... It's clean.
It's got a similar...
The smoothness is similar to bourbon to me.
I like the way high-end tequila tastes.
And if you get some good shit, it's good sipping.
Good sipping.
But no more beer for your boy.
I'll have it once in a great while.
O'Connor, he likes his soda pops.
He likes beer.
Yeah, yeah.
I can tell because he fluctuates like a model overseas.
He'll get really, really thin and in shape, and then he'll get a fucking portly of shit.
He's got a tight body, though, man.
He's a little stoned.
He's a little rock.
He's a little rock shithouse, yeah. Yeah, but it's also because all that stress and pressure he'll get a fucking portly shit. He's got a tight body though, man. He's a little stone. He's a little rock. He's a little rock shithouse, yeah.
Yeah, but it's also because all that stress and pressure he puts on himself.
He's making his, he's turning
his fucking, turning everything into thick,
thick concrete like your family.
Boys, talk about where
you're going on tour next. What's the deal?
Yeah, tell us dates so we can
plug the shit out of them. Fully vamp a little bit.
We're launching a tour.
2023. The Stay Trashy tour starts in bit. We're launching a tour. 2023. The first leg of the tour, the Stay Trashy Tour, starts in March.
We're going to be down there in Maryland.
We're going to Baltimore in March.
We're going to be in Baltimore, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Oklahoma City, Dallas, San Antonio, Houston,
April's New Haven, Connecticut, Burlington, Vermont, May is Tampa, Raleigh, Columbus, and Cleveland.
Go see the boys.
What is it?
Stay Trashy?
Is that what he said?
Stay Trashy Tour.
We do stand-up show.
And at the end, me and not me and Kippy play RU Garbage with the crowd.
It's really fun.
It's a good way to introduce people to the show.
So bring the whole squad out.
Go out and see the kids.
What's the website?
It's being built as we speak.
That's how trashy we are.
We've been a link tree operation running.
The website should be up in a week or two
are you garbage.com go to rb are you garbage.com otherwise go to their instagrams and go check out
the boys we'll put it in the link below and you guys can click on there i'm sure there's
episode yeah fuck me it was very fun we had a really good time we had a very good time i got
a lot of love from that oddly enough from guys that were longtime fans of you guys that were
like never heard you but you're all right i'm, I think that's a high praise from your fans.
Never heard you, but you're all right.
I think for your fans, that's like, you're my favorite person on earth.
So we end the episode the same way with one word or one phrase.
Each of you has to look in your individual cameras and say one word or one phrase at your time.
We used to do it with one word, but then people were like, oh, I want to say a thing.
You could do that.
It's just going to end the episode forever, cemented in history when it goes into the Smithsonian.
So one word or one phrase, when you're ready and when you're ready, do it into your individual cameras there.
Your camera is that one, and your camera is that one.
Okay.
All right, so when you're ready, go ahead.
Boner.
Diabetes.
And here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You are that creature in the ginger beard.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger. I whiskey is excellent. Ginger.
I like gingers.