Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Chris Distefano 2.0

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

Santino sits down with Chrissy Chaos the Laddah 14 kid himself to get cracked wide open. We talk about Joe Biden's standup comedy career, how Chrissy wants make America great again and again and new secrets revealed about his partner Yannis Pappitos. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com GO TO www.andrewsantino.com FOR TICKETS FOR THE STEAMY WINDOWS TOUR!!! SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! HAWTHORNE Stop smelling like a dork, take a 2 minute survey and let the pros help you smell good https://hawthorne.co Use promo WHISKEY for 10% off and change the way you be smelling BETTER HELP We all need someone to talk to and aint no shame in the getting ya mind right game. Take time to take care of yourself and talk to a licensed therapist https://www.betterhelp.com/whiskey Use promo WHISKEY for 10% off BUFFALO TRACE The ONLY bourbon with balls. Get yourself a bottle of the good sauce to last you through the pandy and the election. Drink responsibly but have a good time. Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your mom hates it when you leave six half-full glasses on your nightstand. It's a good thing mom lives on the other side of the country. And it's an even better thing that you can get six Ikea 365 Plus glasses for just $9.99. So go ahead. You can afford to hoard because Ikea is priced for student life. Shop everything you need for back to school at Ikea today. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, welcome to the show. You picked a good one. My guest today is Chris DiStefano. This guy is out of his mind. Ikea today. he's insane uh this podcast is no exception trigger warning if you get offended easily and you can't take a joke this one's not for you me and this idiot go off the rails completely

wackadoo space cadet nonsense uh goofball stuff we are obviously joking around the entire show me and chris are poking at each other to see who could take each other deeper into the droves of nonsense comedy it is uh an exercise in hyperbolic chaos so parental advisory uh it's all a joke guys relax take it easy it's stupid and it's stupid for the purpose of being dumb that's when chris and i get together that's what we do we egg each other on to say just insane stupid stuff so this one's super fun. We loved it. We had a good laugh, and I hope you do too, because it's stupid. We're together, obviously, promoting this little tour we're doing. Me and Chris DiStefano are doing four dates on the East Coast, October 8th, 9th, 10th, 11th, Wilmington, Delaware on the 8th, Butler, Pennsylvania on the

9th, Scranton, PA on the 10th, and Cape Cod, Massachusetts on the 9th scranton pa on the 10th and cape cod massachusetts on october 11th go to andrewsantino.com for tickets andrewsantino.com is where you're going to get all the information you need to know uh the patreon is there which will probably put the full link of this insane dumb chaotic episode unedited for the patreon fans to just enjoy and sit back and and listen to how insane we get uh and also, andrewsantino.store.com is where you get the hat and the shirts, the glasses, the sweaters. We're releasing new merch, new one-of-a-kind stuff all the time. So go to andrewsantino.com for tickets to see me and Chris DiStefano.

And as far as the episode goes, sit back, sip one, have a laugh, take nothing serious, okay? In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilistic. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Cheers. Hold on. Let's put just a little bit of Irish coffee for you. I like gingers. Cheers. Hold on. Let's put just a little bit of Irish coffee for you. Fuck yeah, dude.

That was the second hit. We put some in off camera. This feels... Cheers, brother. Cheers. Here it is. Pop, pop, pop. Pop, pop, pop.

Mmm. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I meet him once again today. It's Mr. Chris DeStefano. Hey! How you doing? How you doing? We're going to do the fucking steamy windows tour our agents of way jong-jan no way jong-jan way jong-jan stole everything on twitter is our agent way jong-jan say our agents

way jong-jan listen he's bounced back we make we make 10 on white girl rose yes uh yes we also we also created that guy by the way he got away they they they kicked him off twitter for a second then he got back yeah and now he's richer than ever because he sold two companies yeah nobody cares that guy won man stealing jokes is the best we should steal jokes that's the thing people are always like oh my god this person's done they're canceled they're gonna lose followers no they're not it just never happens i mean the fat jew people are like his career is over it's like what do you mean what do you mean? What do you mean? He's worth like $30 million now. Yeah, he made more money after everyone knew who he was.

My mom read an article. It was like, who's fat Jew? Yeah. And I was like, oh, it's this guy. Yeah. Whatever. I'm trying to explain it to her. It's going over her head.

Yeah. If your mom knows who this person is, they're rich and famous now. 100% rich and famous. People need to learn that. Because your parents don't know who your favorite comics are. No fucking way, dude. They have't know who your favorite comics are. No fucking way, dude. They have no idea who my favorite comics are.

My favorite comic, I would say, is Sam Kinison. He's dead. Yeah, he's dead. He died. I fucking, who else is hilarious?

I mean, Joe Biden. Joe Biden's funny. He was playing Despacito yesterday on the phone. But can I tell you something? Joe Biden is a good comedian, but the problem is, I don't think he's found his voice yet.

That's my biggest beef with Biden. Yeah. He's almost there. Yeah. He was at a mic, when I was traveling to New York one time, Joe Biden was at, where were we on the upper east side

at this weird mic, and he brought a guitar on stage. Right. And he does, I don't know if you've seen this bit, and he goes, this is how I feel about guitar comics, and he breaks the guitar.

Well, it wasn't his guitar. It was some guy in the band. Yeah. And he did this bit, and he broke out a wad of cash. Right. And he threw it at the kid. Really? And he goes, fix yourself.

And he left. And I thought it was a good bit. That's, I don't, you know. Really? Look, I don't want to criticize someone's comedy, but I think it was really, really funny. Dude, Joe. Fix yourself. Joe Biden.

And then he goes, and blacks. He said something about blacks. Dude, I was going to say, because that's the thing I was going to say. Dude, one time, like literally, and like. Dude, Joe. Fix yourself. Joe Biden. And then he goes, and blacks. He said something about blacks. Dude, I was going to say, because that's the thing I was going to say. Dude, one time, like literally, and like we all know Joe,

like he's a comic that's been working on the circuit. Joe Biden's been in the circuit for about a decade now. Yeah. So, whatever. Fucking Catholic school. You went to Catholic school.

I went to Catholic school. Joe Biden went to Catholic school. And we were coming up. We were doing open mic at the Laugh Lounge in New York City. And I'm sitting there waiting for my,

you know, going to do my notes. This is what, 2012, 2013. I'm writing my notes. And Joe Biden comes out of nowhere. Wei Zhongzhen. This is what, 2012, 2013. I'm writing my notes. And Joe Biden comes out of nowhere. Wei Zhongshan. Wei, Wei, Wei Zhongshan. Wei, Wei, Wei Zhongshan.

And I was like, how come like everybody could tell stories now in 2020 about this happened to me 15 years ago? It's always like a guy doing something horrible to a woman. And then it's like, okay. But it's like Joe Biden stuck. Wei Zhongshan. Wei, Wei Zhongshan. And smacked me in the face how did you hear it it was in it was oh you heard the other side with the other ear yeah yeah and then and then and it's like i tell told that story and people look at me like i'm a fucking lying sack of shit it's like dude joe biden did that

to me but now but now he's fucking you know i mean listen well we didn't know he was gonna run for uh what is he running for mayor or whatever whatever dude i don't fucking care but it's just it's these stories that never get out you know kamala harris too she was um kamala harris had you know she was living in in los angeles for a while right i don't know she was an actress yeah for a long time yeah you know she was on two sitcom pilots that my buddy's buddy was on yeah and uh he said it would never would never show up to table reads. Yeah. She would absolutely never try to remember her lines. She goes,

I can write better than any loser writers. Dude, one of the best. Oh, she said, any of you like. Wei Zhongzhen. She's fucking hot though, Kamala Harris. She is. That's why she works so much. One of the best weekends I ever had

is I was at a Ramada in Sacramento and I would just fucking, I would go on YouTube and take stills of Kamala Harris's feet, and then I would rub honey Dijon mustard on my dick and just jerk off. It was fucking crazy, dude. That's wild, man. It's great, dude.

I would come, and then I would come, and it would just be fucking great, man. Mustard's a very healthy condiment. Honey Dijon? Honey Dijon. Because what's the one from, like Chick-fil-A has a really good, it's like a hot honey mustard. That's my favorite. I don't know, dude. I love, the thing about Chick-fil-A is, even more than a chicken, I love their policy.

They're great policies. Well, because they're, are they Mormons? Is that who it is? No, I think- No, Mormons is in and out. Yeah. I just stand behind whatever Chick-fil-A does. I'm all for Chick-fil-A.

Yeah, I remember that they said they were closed on Sundays, and I was like, why would you close on Sundays? And they say, because we don't think gays should get married. And I was like, all right. Yeah. I understand. They wanted to, because on Sundays, they take the time to pray for the gays. That's what they said. They said, Sunday is our day to don't think gays should get married. And I was like, all right. Yeah. I understand. They wanted to, because on Sundays,

they take the time to pray for the gays. That's what they said. They said, Sunday is our day to pray for the gays. We hope they can pray them straight. Right. And I got to be honest with you, I've read some statistics that say, if you pray hard enough,

you can pray a gay person straight within a couple of years. Really? Interesting. I've heard of different statistics all over the internet. My mother obviously prays a lot. Very, very Catholic. She's told me that she's like prayed a lot for my gay and it's just there.

Well, that can't leave because you, so you're not trying to escape it. Yeah. Right? Like it's only, you can only get rid of it if you really want it gone. Yeah, dude. It's like quitting cigarettes. Because I got to be honest with you. It's like, yes, I like women for sure.

Like I, you know, I see a woman I can see that's beautiful, but I fucking love. Wei Zhongzhen. Like, it's just something that I like to do. Like you just know I see a woman I can see that's beautiful but I fucking love Wei Zhongzhen like it's just something that I like to do like you just get two balls it's your thing three balls and you put that in your mouth man

it's your thing and it's like people like oh you always make gay jokes it's like it's not a joke like I like Wei Zhongzhen and people always like

I remember one time even Yanis my podcast partner in history he was like all you do is make gay jokes it's like not funny anymore he's like dude

what do you mean it's not funny like I understand what humor is i'm a fucking been a comedian for 10 years one of my favorite things to do is to get down on my knees and put a way and then i like when a guy way and i just like the way that that feels and it's like people want to be like in 2020 like everybody's a joke you're just saying things for laughs and votes and click bait and it's like yeah man i the one dude i kiss men on the lips softly yeah i'll kiss a man on his on both his lips softly i'll tongue kiss a fucking man yeah dude i got one i got two chains on one of these chains is a woman's chain i fucking like men what's up dude you all right i just i really i can't wait for my dad to

call me that when he listens to this episode. Yeah. Because I'm going to get one of those. He's like, I heard your buddy talking about blowing guys and stuff. It's a bit, right? Yeah. No.

Whatever you say, Mr. Santino. But it's not a bit. It's not a bit, dude. But it's not a bit. And people need to know this. This is what I, two things on this podcast now that you're this deep in it.

One, Chris is never joking. And neither am I. We've never made a joke this whole thing is a very strict honest real podcast yes

never once a part of this I know it's a comedy podcast all this is real we have this is not for jokes no this place is not for comedy

not not at all not maybe at one time it was but in 2020 when things are serious when the biggest election of our lives

is coming up in a month or two from now whenever this comes out there's i'm not joking i'm not i'm genuinely being like serious because it's like a lot of people like want to make jokes and be like oh comedians are politicians politicians are comedians like i don't know i identify as an american citizen and i'm not joking when i tell you do the right thing in november and make sure you that fucking box you check whenever you vote is to the right the whole way down. Because I swear to fucking Christ, if our boy Donnie T doesn't get four more, you're really going to be in for it. What do you think is going to happen?

It's so much fun. I love you so much. Well, you because everybody knows, you know, look, we have difference in politics. You and I, people know that, but we're such good friends because like you are, you've told me before, you're not just pro-gun, you're pro-gun deployment, which means you think they should be handing out guns when you register to buy a home, when you get your license, that you should be given a gun. Like you bought a house, it's an escrow, here's a gun.

And you think depending on the size of the house, you told me that's how the size of the gun you get. Absolutely. Because some neighborhoods require bigger guns. I'm not, you know, you do the fucking math. Right. If you have a mansion, you can't go out with a little.22. Yeah. Yeah, you got to defend the property.

You got to defend the property. So bigger house, bigger guns. And yeah, I'm one of those guys that's all for that. And I mean, I don't know how to use a gun. I've never held a gun. I don't know how to shoot a gun. But I believe in defending your fucking property because it's what it is. This is America.

Well, let me ask you one more thing. I just have a bunch of questions that I don't know if you want to answer on camera. But you can if you feel like it. There's been a lot of controversy about building a border wall right now. You said we should build a border around Florida because we don't want those people to come in. Right. To the rest of the country. And then you said on our podcast that you should build the wall and it should be a maze.

It should be a maze. Which was a joke. But you said that in 2019. Well, now it's not a joke. It's not a joke. It's not a joke. That 2020 now where I'm like you know we need to build a wall and i'd like to build the wall with the bodies of dead democrats okay that's

what i want and that's not a joke anymore dead democrats just that it just dead if you're a democrat and you die and if you want to lend yourself to america because all you've been doing now is trying to take her down is you can lend your fucking dead useless blue carcass to the wall in mexico to prevent anybody who doesn't have a u.s passport who doesn't fucking bleed red white and blue right you could use your fucking vegan carcass and be a part of that wall yeah that's what i feel recently were quoted in the u.s in usa today yes saying that that it You recently were quoted in USA Today. Yes. Saying that it... You were recently quoted in USA Today, and you said not only should, at every sporting event,

we play the national anthem, but you also think we should do different renditions, one of them by Kid Rock, you suggested. You said he should play the Star Spangled Banner, Kid Rock. You then said you want Travis Tritt to play God Bless America. Yes. So you said, not only should we do that, we should have a lineup of musicians to play American pro songs. In fact, you said it could take over some of the game.

Yeah. I think that's what I'd like to see. I mean, I'd like to see a lot of people, you know, Roseanne Barr. I'd like to see what, you know, she sang the national anthem once or twice and I thought she had a good rendition. I think, yeah. And to see what, you know, she sang the national anthem once or twice, and I thought she had a good rendition. I think, yeah, and I think now, you know, if you get down on one knee when the anthem's playing, in order to get up, you just have to, you know, we have to fist fight. Like, I just feel like if you want to get down on one knee,

if you want to get back up, you're kind of signaling to me that if I'm a true patriot and I bleed red, white, and blue and I want to fight for America, then you getting down on one knee is kind of us saying like, you know, let the fight begin. And I also think a lot of you parents out there that say, you know what, my kid's eight years old and I'm going to let them choose what kind of fucking sex they want to be, if they want to be trans or whatever. I think that the rule should be if your child's under 18 and you want them to go trans, you as the parents have to go trans first. So you two, Wei Zhongzhen,

and then let your little fucking kid, and then you see how you like fear, and then let your little 15-year-old kid cut his fucking shmeagle off if he wants. That's my policy. Oh, shit. What do you guys think? I think it's it's good dude i think there's a great policy i got a pilot on true tv yeah yeah you're in town doing a pilot yeah do you want to talk about the

pilot yeah dude they're telling me that i fucking shouldn't be out doing anything you know because what if i get covid i was like fucking please dude what if i wait don't they test you every day yeah they're like oh tom so you're gonna go do Tom Segura's podcast? I was like, I'd rather fucking get COVID and die on Segura's podcast than fucking be out here for two weeks in this fucking city while it's all on fire. And the reason why the city's on fire is because let's just fucking face it. Okay? What is Los Angeles? What is Los Angeles?

The biggest Democrat, biggest gay city. And what does Jesus do every six months? Light it on fire. What does that tell you? He's a Republican. You think Jesus was a Republican? Jesus is a Republican. You know that for a fact.

For a fact. My mother fucking talks to Jesus. And he says, I'm voting right always. All he does is protect the red cities and light the blue cities on fire. Portland, LA is on fire. Okay, but let me give you an argument. What happens with the hurricanes in the South? How do you explain that?

Why would Jesus do that? I don't know. Probably because there weren't many hurricanes before until there were these little blue pockets. Oh, right. So you think the hurricanes are out just to hurt the blue parts? Yes. Yes, that's what I think.

And, you know, look, none of this is a bit. This is just how I feel. You know, look, none of this is a bit. This is just how I feel. Dude, honestly, whether or not people think you're being honest, the real truth is you are. Yes. Dude.

We're having a little Irish coffee on the podcast. Yeah. And I'm so happy to see you, dude. Dude, I'm so fucking happy to see you. Honestly, last time I saw you, you know, you talked on the podcast yeah and um i'm so happy to see you dude dude i'm so fucking honestly last time i saw you yeah you know you told you talked on the podcast about um you can't have booze and pills because then you go suck a dick you go suck a dick and honestly and i and i thought about it that was a funny joke that chris said when he was here last time yeah yes and you send me a couple videos yes and that's that comedy's gone that's all fact. That comedy's gone now because, you know, and honestly, I was talking to Donnie.

Check out Don DiPetta. He's off to the side. He's right here off to the side. He's got his legs spread wide open for his hairy Italian legs. I haven't seen wide open until I get to him. Well, because you're going to crack him. 100%, dude. That fucking hairy.

Because you guys were hanging out last night, and I said, what are you guys doing? And then you said, oh, we're going to watch the Islanders game. Yeah. And I said, oh, great. You know, I also love hockey. And then you said, oh, we're going to watch the Islanders game. And I said, oh, great. I also love hockey. And then you said right on, but Don and I have a thing that we have to do. Now, what do you guys do when you watch hockey? What is it that you were doing?

I mean, I'm a big Islanders fan. They won last night in double overtime. So we were just watching hockey, kind of just sitting back and enjoying being white. See, and I don't believe that. And I know something else was going on. Because you were acting real jumpy and you said, well, if he comes over, we'll have to change. Well, that's only because his girlfriend is Latina. Latinx.

Latinx. And we kind of always are a little worried. It's embarrassing because Ice comes over a lot. Right. To check on the status and all that. Now, is she legal or no? He says yes, but we know it's no. I don't.

Let's not. I don't want to get into it. I know it's no, and I've made some calls or whatever, and it's like, you know. Are you going to bust your buddy, though? That's the problem. I mean, if they ever want to break up, then yes. 100% I'll get ice over there. Yeah, she's going right over the Democrat dead body wall. Oh, so she's involved because she's a lefty?

She's a lefty. But Don's not a lefty. She's a South American lefty, yes. Oh, South America. So they have to go. That's very troubling. This country's a lefty. But Don is, Don's not a lefty. She's a South American lefty, yes. Oh, South America. They have to go. That's very troubling. This country's not going

to become Venezuela. How do we fix the country? Republicans. All Republicans? Yeah, and they're, yeah, I mean,

you know. Wei Zhongzhen. And that's, I think that's the only way. I think it's like in a movie when you just have to kill, like, you know,

like when they killed the Night King in Game of Thrones and then all everybody just faded away all the fucking those dead soldiers just faded away

that's what happens if you get right in the heart then all the Democrats will just they just crumble into snowflakes oh because they're made of snow

yes and they turn into snowflakes oh my god exactly and then the good guy so Jon what's his not Jon Hamm

Jon Snow is Don E.T. do you think we should have police occupation? Like you said out loud multiple times. On Ventura Boulevard. On Ventura Boulevard right here in L.A. You said refund the police times two. Yes.

So not defund. You want them refund. You want double their budgets. Refund the police. Yeah, refund the police. Refund the police, double their budget is what you were saying. Absolutely. And you had told me. Give them, I want, I want to give them more guns. Yeah. You said two guns per cop. Two guns per cop. On each side. Two guns per cop. Two guns per cop. Yeah. So two guns a cop. And you think every cop,

good cop should get a tank is what you said. Good cop should get a tank and bad cops get a hummer. Yep. That's what I think. I guess it makes sense that these are plans that you've kind of started to put into place. Do you think maybe you could run for office in some regard and make some moves? I'd like to. Because comedy's not going to work out, do you think? No, comedy's not going to work out. I've just ruined my career in the last 20 minutes.

Do you think people... We live in such a sick, twisted world that people would potentially take the first 20 minutes of that podcast and put it out for realsies if they ever got mad at me. And take this out of context? Yeah. Of course they would. How funny is that?

I did a bit on Rogan making fun of, I put a thing up on Twitter or Instagram about Joe Biden when he was talking to, what's his name from the Wake Up Show? Why can't I think of his name? What's wrong with me? From the Wake Up Show? Schultz does a show with him. What's wrong with me?

Akash Singh? No, dude. Fucking Charlemagne? Yeah, Charlemagne yeah charlemagne charlemagne the god yeah when he was talking to charlemagne and biden was like if you have a problem knowing if you're voting for me you ain't black you know whatever so i did a side by side on my instagram for a joke hilarious and then joe and i talked about it some on the show some yeah some conservative news network clipped it out and then sent it around their viral threads on Instagram. Oh, my God. And I was like, how weird.

And the caption was so weird. I wish I still had it. It was like Joe Rogan and Andrew Santino talk truth into the liberal nonsense media world or whatever. It was like it had nothing to do. We were joking about the clip. Right. But they made it like this is their stance on Joe Biden. It was so annoying.

But I was like, oh, they'll do that with. And now that we're doing so many hours of podcasting. Anything. They have hours of shit to clip from. Did you. Hours and hours and hours. And did you genuinely get like hate tweets and all that? No, no, no.

Nothing. No. In fact, the other way. But I got so much weird ads from like random accounts like True Patriot Instagram or like whatever. And they'd be like, this is, yeah, yeah,

this is what the fuck we're talking about. But I'm like, all right, well then you didn't look at any of my other Instagram stuff because I shit on fucking everything. Like obviously you didn't see what I was,

obviously you didn't see my other posts. But yeah, they just see what they want to see, which by the way, not to get deep, speaks volumes. People just see exactly what they want to see and then they're done and they're well that's but that's the whole thing i think like with twitter and social media that's why

i've been trying to limit it dude why i don't know if you've watched it already social dilemma on netflix you've watched it gave me anxiety so it gave me anxiety it gave me anxiety but it also kind of made me realize like that. I understand that has implications in the real world that I'm aware, but it's not real because all like hate tweets that like, for the only time it's ever really happened to me is, is I did a show on Netflix, ultimate beast master, it was called. And one of the Asian competitors fell into the water. And I said, there goes bin fung into the duck sauce. I called the water duck sauce.

And yeah, and, and yeah and and i got you know people were tweeting at me and they were yelling at me and blah blah blah blah blah and it was all online because everybody that came to my shows loved and everybody that i ever met in person that saw that show was like dude i love funny just very complimentary nice things to say so it's and i i i always wondered like i wonder if some of the people who said things on Twitter may have been some of the people who came to my show and said, great job. We love you because it's like a part of – like a dark part of a human being's brain wants to say something on Twitter. Just like you want to yell curses and things out in the comfort of your car and like still remain anonymous. I think that's what a lot of people do.

But it's weird because it has implications in the physical space get your fucking hairy arm in here dude keep talking yeah so i think that i think that more and more i'm starting to just realize like hey if you don't allow social media to be real then it's not real like so right because i understand you know people can get canceled and all that which i have to imagine eventually even that's going to not, because being canceled is just the cool thing now. It's like, eventually that's not going to be cool to kids anymore. They're going to be like, oh, we did that already. On to whatever the next thing is. It's all like these phases. But yelling at you for something you said, it's interesting to me of Jeff Scott. I've told this story before, but it just, every time it comes up, Jeff Scott's the

piano player at the comedy store. You know Jeff? Okay okay jeff is gay openly gay has hiv by the way beat it that's how tough he is he beat hiv kind of gay guy that got it in 80s when everybody was dying and he lived and you're like this guy's the toughest guys i hang out you hit him with bats and shit what do you guys do kiss we kiss really okay no jeff's like the greatest guy but jeff always used to but he's gay though yeah well i'm kidding i'm joking and I'm joking. And that's the one thing I don't like about him. That's the one issue. No, he's kidding. But Jeff always jokes around.

He would always be like, I hate it when a comic meets me and doesn't make gay jokes. Interesting. Really. And he goes, yeah, because if gay guys fought for equality for all these years, he goes, I fought for equality for all these years. You're not going to treat me as an equal. You're going to make it like a naughty thing that being gay is a being gay is a part of me he goes i make fun of you for being an ugly redheaded fuck yes why can't you make fun of me for being gay and i go jeff this is what

we're as comedians we're all trying to say for years but the problem is so many people just see it from their one side like he said the duck sauce he's racist of course yeah but what i then they can't make fun of you what is it like they can't shit on you yeah because because it's just people in my opinion and it all did honestly i think happened when trump came into office because i've obviously i just kid a lot i'm pretty apolitical if anything i'm i am a registered democrat i don't know what i'm gonna do in this election well i mean this fucking election's crazy nancy pelosi's got nice fat titties though uh clip it and then clip it yeah and uh and um but i just think like it's just a reaction to trump people are so upset that

yes a man like that that was rich and famous and white and people hated him and i understand the reasons they hated him but now the reaction is fuck everybody we're gonna try to take anybody down for anything and i just can't take him down. Exactly. That's what it is. You can't beat him, so you go, I'll beat what I know. And that's just not sustainable. It's just not a sustainable thing.

And it's like, you just got to, I really genuinely feel, like with jokes, like to be funny, you can't have hate in your heart. Like if the hate is there, then I think most people sniff it out and they're like, oh, that wasn't funny. But the things that are just funny, it's like all dave chapelle's jokes about transgender people they're just funny the people that want to hate on him were like dave chapelle is just being naturally funny about jokes about the trans community because he does accept them you know what i mean of course if he actually hated them most likely he wouldn't say anything about them sure that's what i'm saying like i'm like most guys that have these most people that have enough hate they you know how they talk about it too with their family inside their house yeah they don't say it out loud in public yeah because

then people know yeah i don't make any jokes about the chinese well let me because no no this is something that we're not joking about yeah you you for years have said you wanted to become a citizen of china because you love how they operate yeah because it's ccp chrissy communist party oh it's ccp ccp the chrissy communist party no of course i make jokes about the chinese dude imagine they did make the virus which i fucking absolutely believe they did that just came out the other day and and they start selling the vaccine for five dollars in barbershops that'd be great dvds that'd be fucking great and also what a good business yeah yeah we made the virus and now we got the vaccine. And we made you get... Yeah, but our government does that.

What are we pretending like they don't do? I love how people are like... Yeah, dude. Why would they do that? Our government makes shit all the time. Absolutely, dude. They make shit all the time. Dude, and then when the fucking movie Pandemic 2020 comes out, fucking Bobby Lee will play

the coronavirus. He will. That'll be the actor that plays it. But he'll get called out and canceled because he's Korean and they'll go, you couldn't even hire a Chinese actor to play the virus. Right, right. So then who do you who do you hire then i don't know from there i don't know who's who's chinese dude han james han james yeah i don't know i don't know who james that's the guy i made up but it could have been a guy it could have been a guy

yeah look i think i think at the end of the day uh you've said to me that you don't think you said people not only should not people not wear masks, you think we should start coughing on more strangers, shaking more hands again, not washing hands. You're a big not wash hands guy. Not at all. Because it's like the germs, they got to fucking, I mean, how much, how much of pussies do we want to be?

You're going to wash every germ off your fucking hands? It's like, nah, dude. Right. It's like, cause when someone says like they shower every day, what for know what i mean yeah once in a while is fine yeah once in a while is fine and washing hands it's like but what did i what did i just did i cut up something that i you know am i bleeding no i don't need to wash yeah no i don't need to wash when people do this thing with the mask i i go up to me i take it off them i rip it right off you don't wear a mask in front of me i use it to my fucking advantage i'll have like my mask on my face and then i've seen

fucking hot jewish girl i fucking throw it onto my fucking advantage. I'll have my mask on my face, and then I see a fucking hot Jewish girl. I fucking throw it onto my head. I'm like, oh, God, let me. And I fucking start talking to her. And then I put it down on my face again when I want to try to get with a Democrat bitch. And then I put it down here. You know, I fucking look like a muzzy if I want to talk to a black girl. Hey, tell me what percentage of Andrew Schultz's fan base is black.

A hundred percent. There's no white people like him? No, white people like him. But I just, I, when I, any time. You think white people just like him from a distance, they won't listen to him? Because, yeah, well, I think, I mean, yeah, Andrew, like he's, he's the kid. Like he's so, I, I think he, I would consider him a black human. I mean, he's black.

He's a black man. He is? He's a black man with white skin. I mean, you know, like Sammy Sosa bleaches skin. It's like Andrew Schultz is a black human. I mean, he's black. He's a black man. He is? He's a black man with white skin. I mean, you know, like Sammy Sosa bleached his skin. It's like Andrew Schultz is a black man. But Flagrant 2, every time I've done Flagrant 2...

Where was Flagrant 1? I don't know. That's a good point. Where was Flagrant 1? When it never came out? No, it just went right to Flagrant 2. You can't have a sequel without having a first one.

Who's crushing it more than Andrew Schultz? It's tough. Honestly, nobody. Joe Rogan. Maybe Joe Rogan. That's it. Maybe Schultz is better than Rogan. I don't know. Maybe Schultz? It's tough. Honestly, nobody. Joe Rogan. Maybe Joe Rogan. That's it. Maybe Schultz is better than Rogan. I don't know.

Maybe Schultz has more money than Rogan now. Could you imagine? I heard the Spotify deal fell through. Yeah. I heard it was in escrow and it fell through. Yeah. Joe actually called me the other week looking for like a, not a loan, but like a kick. I shouldn't be talking about this, but yeah, Rogan called me and was like, could you float

me a couple hundred grand? Dude. And I said, absolutely not float me a couple hundred grand? Dude. And I said, absolutely not. This is your fault for leaving California. This is the best state in the United States. I've never done Joe Rogan's podcast. I don't even know him. I want to fucking say right now, dude, I'll wrestle you wherever you live.

I'll fucking wrestle you. And if you can get me in a chokehold and I can last 10 seconds and not come, you got to put me on the show. What about that? That's a good bet. Send send that to rogan that's a good bit clip it clip it that's a good bit christy clip it i really do think that that could work 10 seconds and if i don't come then he's got to interview me immediately but if i come then i'll leave i'll get off his property you bow you have to bow i'll bow and i'll get off his property you do not you've never met joe once i've never met joe once i can't believe his property. You do not, you've never met Joe once? I've never met Joe once. I can't believe that.

That's so weird though. Yeah, I've never met, I've never been to the studio. I just, I was just, people, you know, at times would be like, oh, I heard you on Rogan, but I always got close. I was, you know, you're a show and Fighter and the Kid. But you're, you're always, you're around it anyway. I'm around those guys, but I've never been on the show. What, what, what show other than Joe's have you done that you uh that you

haven't done that you want to do is there is there a podcast you do that you go oh god i wish i did that i wish i did that one um well tom segura but i'm supposed to be doing tom segura soon you've never done their show i've never done time so you're gonna love supposed to be doing tom segura you're gonna love um i did uh um what else um wait, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei,

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Wei, Wei, Wei, Wei, that fucking dumpling what show what show um what show have you done that you didn't like what show have i done that i didn't like this is mean but it's real that i didn't just say it i'm trying to think that i didn't that i did not like what show didn't know because i would like to be honest you do all the legion of skanks stuff yeah legion of skanks but i you know legion of skanks legion of skanks the problem is i get so comfortable in there because they're so debaucherous fucking absolute scumbag people lewis you know puerto rican round snake just scum yeah of the earth he admittedly you know he admits it i just get in such a disgusting place mentally that i've said things that i've ruined relationships with my family like i've mentioned things about my family

where they've called and had sit downs and been like we like my month they were talking truly i was like being excommunicated from my family because something i said on legion of skanks what did you say that was so bad i can't even repeat it i'll tell you after but it's just it was so bad say it and we'll cut it and i just fucking i no dude it's like members of my family were like we're gonna sue you how would they know they listen to the show because the fucking people listen and then somebody sends them a like a cousin you have a young cousin who sends right and it's so interesting because you know one of my one of my you know family members a girl was like oh my these guys told me because

they're looking out for me like no they're not they're trying to fucking get pity from you so they can hook up with you. What don't you understand? But this is why women can't run the country. That's one of the primary reasons. Why have you so often stood on a platform to make it so that women can't vote again? You've said this so many times. You said suffrage was a mistake and women shouldn't be able to vote.

Now, why is that, you think? Are you afraid of women's votes? Yeah, I just think that, I just think like, show me one example in history where they ever voted for something and it's been the right move. Oh, okay. So you think prior to women's voting, we were on a good track? 100%. Okay.

I mean, look in the Middle East. I mean, they don't have any fucking problems. Right. Yeah, and, you know, and look at what the men have done. The men, I don't know. There's no way the COVID-19 numbers are high in countries like Iran and Iraq because they've had fucking face covers for millennia. COVID can't get in there.

Can't get in there, dude. If you could change one thing about America today, what is it? One thing. You can only switch one thing. What is it? If I could change one thing, I'd like to go back to the original 13 colonies. You want this thing back to 13? Let's get rid of anything west of western Pennsylvania.

Can you name the 13 colonies? New York, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Connecticut, Vermont. What do we got? Nine. Pennsylvania. Ten. Massachusetts. Eleven.

New Hampshire. Twelve. 11. New Hampshire. 12. End. No, but I don't know because it gets tricky. I always forget if Maine or Rhode Island is 13. Yes. Dude, very good.

Thank you. I know every state capital too. Well, you have a show called History of Hyenas. You should know the history of the United States of America. History of Hyenas. Dude, you know what's so crazy yeah one time i opened for richard lewis this was like 2010 the boku guy uh is he uh no he the guy you know the fucking neurotic uh do you not know boku what's boku god do you not know you guys neither of you guys is that a sushi spot we're gonna show we're gonna show in the middle of us we're gonna put up a Boku commercial Richard Lewis used to do Boku was like a

they tried to make it a new drink okay it was like a new sucked it was like Boku baby and he tried you don't remember

these commercials no oh my god tell your story I'm gonna show you it though dude have I said anything that's like bad that we have to edit out

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Please, if you need to talk to someone talk to someone man get back to feeling good Ginger I like gingers we're not hey we're not gonna do a lot of editing okay

because here's the problem yes accountability my editors my editors what am I gonna say my editors are illegal they're illegal

I know the other guys what's the guy's name? Fucking Andreas Or something like this Yeah I didn't fucking know What to do Well he doesn't He doesn't even work on this show

Right But the two editors That work on this show I don't tell them Right I make Andreas come do Off the side stuff Right

Because I can pay him Under the table I give him like Four bucks an hour Right I don't want any of this stuff done I don't want to talk about it What about

Do you guys keep Bobby In the crate or He's upstairs right now In the crate And you know what's so funny Is with Bobby do you guys keep Bobby in a crate or? He's upstairs right now. In the crate. And you know what's so funny is with Bobby, so you know, like,

do you know cup of noodles? Sure. We'll hide those all over the house and he can smell them. So it's like a little hide and go seek for him to get lunch, breakfast, lunch,

and dinner. Right. So three times a day, we'll hide a couple of noodles somewhere and we'll put a little bit of water in it so it starts to stink. And he knows where it is. I don't want any of this stuff

that's not going to go on. No, no, no. Anyway. So, yeah, go ahead. So, no. Anyway. So, yeah. Go ahead. So, I... Have I said anything on this that's bad?

I love that. Yeah. Have I said anything on the show that's bad? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, Richard Lewis. So, I was opening for Richard Lewis.

Yeah. And Richard Lewis, it was at Caroline's. And... By the way, I don't do well anytime I perform at that club. Oh, I bomb-erific at Caroline's and and by the way I don't do well anytime I perform in that club oh I bomb bomb bomberific at Caroline's

the three times I've been there even the last time that I thought I sold a lot of tickets for people to come see me yeah still just like

spoonfuls of shit something about the room I never did well in in Caroline's it's not their fault no I gotta tell you though I just can't do it

in that room something about it bomb I've bombed it up I've bombed fucking hard at Caroline's before so and this was one time

so 2010 i started maybe uh 2011 i started comedy in 2010 so think about 2011 i'm a year into comedy i the the i won some no one or got into some comedy competition in caroline's and you got to host a show oh so i hosted for richard lewis because you won the competition i didn't i don't think i won you know like maybe it came it was like the final four March Madness. And I came in the final four maybe. I forgot who fucking won. Maybe it was Norman or Sam Morrill. Somebody like that won.

Oh, Michael Che won. That's who fucking won. I don't know who that is. Yeah, Michael Che. You've seen him before. What does he do? He does come. I don't know.

He's fucking on SNL or whatever. SNL. What is that? saturday saturday no lie saturday no lies yeah so it's always true it's all true always true political show saturday no lies i love check yeah dude he is very funny so he won you came in eighth i came in eighth so i i host the show for richard lewis and richard lewis in between shows because he's very neurotic he's he in between shows he will go back to the hotel he won't wait in the green room so caroline's time out yeah he goes to the hotel and that's

every time he goes it takes a car back and forth to the hotel he won't sit and wait in the green room because he like just he wants to walk onto stage and walk out that's how he does it so and the hotel is like five blocks away but like with traffic and shit in the city like it could take 20 minutes so i do the shows friday and then i do but like with traffic and shit in the city, like it could take 20 minutes. So I do the shows Friday and then I do the shows Friday and Saturday. So Friday and Friday, the shows go great. I have to do 10 minutes,

which is, that's exactly what I have is 10 minutes on the fucking dot of material, maybe a minute more, but it's all bullshit. And let's be honest, seven of the 10 minutes a year or two, maybe it was two years in is all bullshit to begin with. I think it's good,

but it's bullshit. So I have, maybe we're having a birthday. Yeah. i maybe have three minutes of material and i'm supposed to do 10 so i just do 10 you know you get the light at nine and then efficient you're off right that's what it is all the shows two friday first one saturday great then saturday night 10 o'clock show again like clock like clockwork, at the ninth minute, it was the same joke, you know, same fucking joke. Do, and then boom. And then I finish it, no light. There's no light going on.

There's no red light, which is, that means you have a minute left and whatever. I don't see the red light, but I do the joke anyway. I'm like, I'll just get off. I see the owner of the club go like this, which means extend, extend, extend. So I'm like, oh, fuck. So I do another two minutes. Bullshit. Can't, you know, like this. Which means extend, extend, extend. So I'm like, oh, fuck. So I do another two minutes. Bullshit. Can't, you know, like sucks.

450 people there sold out for Richard Lewis Saturday night. I still see the guy and he's going like this. And I was like, okay. So then. So then. You've already buried your other three minutes of not good material. Nothing. So then I start doing premises. Right. With no punchline trying to get through it. You know, like three minutes of not good material. Nothing. So then I start doing premises, right?

With no punchline, trying to get through it. You know, like up with the L train. Yeah, that stuff. Yeah. So now we're at about 17, 18 minutes. I have three minutes of material and, you know, of good jokes that are done in the first three minutes. So now we're at 18 minutes.

Yeah. Okay. I don't know what the fuck to do. So then I start asking people birthdays. Who's got a birthday? Just like you did, which I should have done in the beginning who's got a birthday right people who's got an anniversary good now it's 22 minutes he's still going like this dude i then start to go into the crowd and say name a state i'll tell you the capital

i went through all 50 fucking states it was like the crowd couldn't believe that I knew everyone. They were like, he's not going to know Vermont. And I was like, Montpelier. And they were like, holy shit. Keep going on. I brought a guy on stage. I started making fun of him, but it was bombing. I was like making fun of him, grabbing like a limp.

He was like, I had a stroke. I was like, get out of here. Like shit like that. Dude, 61 minutes. No way. I had the recording on my old phone. One year in comedy? 61 minutes on stage.

Asked everybody whose fucking birthday it was. Every anniversary. State Capitol nailed every fucking state. I was getting into countries in South America and starting to yell out their capitals. And I was saying racist things. Somebody was like, you know, what's the capital of Columbia? I was like, wepa. Like, you know what I'm saying?

I was like, fire hydrants open illegally in the summer i was saying things like that like just racist bullshit because i was a brand new comedian that's what you do the defense mechanism yeah so so so i did that dude what happened was is he was he had gotten into a car accident if his car had gotten his cab driver whatever got into a car accident and the guy was drunk so he had to stay for the cops. Right. And then they rushed on. Doesn't say anything.

Doesn't even know that that happened. No, he doesn't care. Just like, oh, give it up for. He called me Jeff. I'll never forget. He's like, give it up for Jeff. I was like 60. What is your name?

Christopher. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Christopher. Give it up for Jeff. Jeff's not even close to Chris. Give it up for Jeff. But I dude, everybody.

I asked every single person in that crowd the birthdays and then named every fucking state um and got the capital so you're a good guy richard lewis he was yeah but the thing is though i started talking about like his dad he's not no i i don't i didn't get a chance to i opened for him but i didn't get a chance to meet him look i i'm stepping on toes here because i don't even know the guy but like go back to the hotel between shows like what the fuck you doing well i think he's just like a neurotic guy like no i know you know what let's stop this stop yeah we have to stop this treatment of comics like we're special right we're idiot losers right who just so happen to know how to make people laugh right it's like overt bobby told a story on bad friends about a about a girl comic he wouldn't say the name i'll tell you who she got mad because in her rider she

asked for like a certain kind of gum and they didn't have the gum. Right. And then, yeah. Grow the fuck up. Grow the fuck up. Grow the fuck up. Shut up.

Yeah. I'm so tired of us, of comics thinking that they're special. Look, we're funny. We get to make people laugh. Outside of that, you don't deserve the check you make. No way. No way. No fucking way.

On stage, you deserve that check. Off of it, you don't. Dude, I fucking did a show in Monmouth New Jersey two weeks ago I deserve $75,000 to do 30 minutes that's how much you made

socially I mean socially distanced so I couldn't you know sell but I deserve I deserve a check for $75,000 and the heads of a fucking few

you know Wei Zhongzhen the most I've ever made doing stand up we can't say that we gotta bleep that out we gotta bleep it out the most I've ever made doing stand upup. We can't say that. We gotta bleep that out. We gotta bleep it out. Yeah.

The most I've ever made doing stand-up, I did stand-up for Jeff Bezos. Right. On this weird little private island he had. And, and,

and it wasn't a huge check, but it was the most I ever got for one time. It was Bezos. There was a bunch, like a bunch of like rich, super rich, famous guys there.

And I did 45 minutes and I got 265k wow 45 minutes there you go dude dude i mean you know it's a shame it happened but i mean you know we were all there like how many times did we do shows for jeffrey epstein and it was just like a couple couple dozen i mean we all were on epstein's island doing shows and it was like you know it was a good money what do you want to do i want to make money it's a gift and i see way john yes but i was making money money. What do you want to do? I want to make money. It's like, yeah, did I see? Wei Zhongzhan. Yes, but I was making money. It's like, are you going to pay for my kid's tuition?

Yes, I saw a couple. Wei Zhongzhan. Not me. Yeah, dude, I'm doing fucking jokes. Clinton used to play the saxophone. Wei Zhongzhan. Like dancing snake charm or naked. He'd be playing the saxophone.

Yeah. Naked. I cross-legged on the floor. I see it all the time. See it all the time. Yeah, there was some fucking. Wei Zhongzhan. What are you going to do?

So that's all going to get cut? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, leave it in. No, cut it out. We'll make a shotgun decision. No, we're going to have to listen to it, right? Wei Zhongzhen. You can't do that.

Holy fuck. Can we do it? Should we name the tour... Wei Zhongzhen. ...Steamy Windows? I thought about it. Yo, dude. Dirty, dirty.

I'm kidding. Wei Zhongzhen. Wei Zhongzhen. Name the tour Steamy Windows. Yes. Because we couldn't think of a good name. Yes. And we've beaten the we're gay joke to the ground.

And we figured what's a little bit more beating it to the ground. Steamy Windows. Steamy Windows. And we put Dr. Fauci in there. And let me tell you something. A lot of people hit us up and say, hey, we want to come see you guys live. You're so much fun. It's too expensive.

Right. And to that I say, fuck you come see you guys live you're so much fun it's too expensive right and to that i say fuck you yeah fuck you fuck you loser you fucking poor bitch why oh is it the system's fault you're a poor dumb fuck i haven't worked in six months get another fucking job get a fucking job i can't too bad then steal then steal yeah if you can't afford to get to our show with your own money steal it steal it exactly dude so yeah so fucking steamy windows tour and we're gonna do it and let me tell you something yeah i know it's expensive for some of these cars but it's perp it's it's you got it it's 150 a car or something like that, but get a few people in the car. You can get a bunch of people in the car.

Get a fucking BMW X7 and get some people in the third row and get in the fucking car. And you really need to pick up the pace with the tickets, Butler and Scranton. Cape Cod's doing well, but Butler and Scranton, you're embarrassing us. How about this? How about this? All jokes aside, we know the tickets are expensive. We don't make the ticket prices. I don't.

In fact, Chris and I are losing money on the first two shows. And he doesn't know that. I'm telling him now for the first time. He doesn't realize this, but I'm telling him. We're losing money on the first two shows because we have to pay for these outdoor venues. So the tickets are expensive. You can put a bunch of people in the car. And by the way, there's no drink minimum.

At a club, you got a drink minimum. In your car, there's no drink minimum. In fact club, you got a drink minimum. In your car, there's no drink minimum. In fact, it's BYOBNF. You bring your own booze and food and if you're drinking

and driving, we don't care. We don't care at all. We don't care. Because I've signed a waiver and you will have to sign a waiver upon entry that says I'm legally

not responsible for you killing yourself and your family. Not my problem. Because you came to the show. If you live super far away, we suggest getting someone who's a sober driver. If none of your friends are came to the show. If you live super far away, we suggest getting someone who's a sober driver.

If none of your friends are willing to be sober, then so be it. Then you're rolling the dice. What, have you never been to Vegas? Sometimes you gamble. You're going to gamble on your buddy. Who can drive the best drunk?

In fact, test it out now. Go out with friends now. Start drinking and driving. See who can get home the fastest. Any of the Donald Trump supporters that were Jim Gaffigan fans before two weeks ago and he went on a twitter tirade and denounced our president come see us come see us come see us you're not gonna hear any of that shit from us i feel like i have to say please don't drink and drive please come see us we love you

please be safe but also the jim gaffigan thing crazy real talk i was sitting i'm literally sitting on twitter and i saw he was trending and i was like oh shit your instinct in trending is killed or canceled yes he's dead or he got canceled yes and then i see oh no no he's starting a war dude he fought with so many people on twitter i couldn't fucking believe how many times he responded it goes to show you he responded to responded to people. It goes to show you. He responded to like a thousand people. It goes to show you the true, like truly how upset, you know, Donald Trump is making people like. He was fucking living. It's getting to the point where people are trying to control things so much that they can't control.

Yeah. That they get so upset. And that's not a problem with Twitter. That's a byproduct of Twitter is you're going go on there in a emotional state yeah and do things that i don't know that anybody regrets it but it's just like no they do yeah i've had friends told me i had a girlfriend tell me she went after someone and they were she was and she goes i kind of regret uh the way i handled the situation right and i said but it's crazy because now it's already out there. It's gone.

It's over. Even if you delete those tweets with the things that you said, it happened. Right. It existed. The damage of what you do when you attack people for no reason, it's over. It's over before you could ever fix it. It already happened. It's a car accident.

It's done. It's done. Yeah, you can fix the bumper. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. But everyone in the neighborhood is going to go, yeah, it was too car accident. That's all you're going to know. Well, it's like more and more. It's done. Yeah, you can fix the bumper. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. But it's like, but everyone in the neighborhood is going to go, yeah, that was too car accident. That's all you're going to know. Well, it's like more and more.

It's like, we're just so emotional. Like people want to say, oh, don't be emotional. Be rational. It's like, I don't think we're capable of it as human beings. It's like we lead with emotion. Everything we do is emotionally charged in some way, even our most rational decisions. Sure. So when the emotions tip out of whack and you've maybe had a few drinks

or you're so watching somebody on tv that you don't know at all that you're just like kind of like i think people lose sight of the fact that like there's things that donald trump does that he knows for example he retweeted today my you know a buddy of mine was going fucking off today on how donald trump how our president how could he retweet a clip of Joe Biden? Joe Biden had played Despacito. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But somebody made a Twitter thing. Fuck the police.

Fuck the police. Oh, my God, Donald Trump. What an idiot. Why would he do that? It's like, no, what you don't understand is most people didn't even know that Joe Biden played the Despacito song. That didn't get covered really by the media because it's pandering to the Latinx community. And it doesn't,

and everybody knows, even the most extreme left people, like it's pandering. We know it's pandering. That's why he played it. He doesn't like that song. We know Joe Biden is pandering, whether you like him or not.

It's just pandering bullshit. So Trump, what he did was, as soon as I showed it, I was like, oh, this is why he did it. Because he was like, let me retweet this. Because people know that it's not fuck the police. Let's Google the actual song. And then you saw all the tweets coming in.

Why would Biden pander? Why would Biden pander? And then that looks worse for Biden. Of course. But then people get so upset. And it's like, no, no, no, no. You're stepping right into Donald Trump's trap again. Yeah.

You keep stepping in when you do that. God, he's so good at that. He's so good. Just back away. It's like, I know how to step into the traps. I fucking Puerto Rican baby mama. But they don't know how to do that. Yeah.

They don't know how to do that because the same people that are like, adamantly fuck Trump, fuck Trump, fuck Trump, and then I go on their Twitters. Yeah. They follow him. Sure. You follow him.

Yes. There's a lot of people I don't like. I don't follow them. That's the problem. It's like, if you're don't like. I don't follow them. That's the problem. It's like, if you're going to say that you hate someone so much, and then you say, why do you follow him? They go, well, I have to fucking see what he's going to say next. Yeah, no.

No, so you like him. So then I hate him. Also, why are you inviting constant negativity into your life if you don't like a person, whether you're Republican, Democrat, gay, straight, Muslim, Jew, whatever. Whatever your opinions are, if you don't like a person, whether you're Republican, Democrat, gay, straight, Muslim, Jew, whatever. Whatever your opinions are, if you don't like it, why do you invite it into your life every fucking day? Because they like it. Because they like it.

Because of course they fucking like it. So it's mind-blowing to me. I don't like sci-fi movies. I'm a little buzz right now. You're buzzy buzz. So somebody log me out of Twitter. No, no, log him in. Yeah.

I'll give you an example. Don't cut anything I'm going to say after this. I don't like sci-fi movies. I don't watch them. I don't hate you for watching them. I don't hate you for liking them. They're not my shit. I don't watch them.

I certainly don't follow Star Wars on fuck. I don't follow a fan account. Why would I do that to engage? So anytime someone does that on the fucking internet. No. It's because they like them. It's because they love that shit. So that's what it is.

People get so upset and they're so emotionally charged on social media it's like when i watch people go fucking crazy and respond to anyone everyone it's also you gotta what i genuinely believe now this truth i genuinely believe this i'm not you unless you physically have a video or a video evidence of you or somebody saying something, you know, racist, sexist, or whatever. If you have to have concrete video evidence for me to believe it. If you show me a screenshot of your DMS of somebody saying a slur or, or, or, or this term or that term, or you show me any type of picture of it. I don't. I believe that account first to be some type of Russian bot or some type of computer bot that is intentionally trying to divide us. It's intentional.

It's intentionally trying to divide. And then watch the tweets go and watch people go crazy because there's dude in 2001, September 11, 2001, the months after 9-11, all you saw was cars with American flags and American flags outside of houses. And now 19 years later, if you see an American flag, they think that it's racist and they automatically say you're a Trump supporter, you're against our country by having the flag. To me, the only way that that is possible is by some type of intervention from another country, probably China or Russia. So there's just there's no way that happened by just American people changing. We were first fucking sure manipulated by some other country.

And I genuinely believe because when you say when you say when you do anything, anything at all patriotic, you're automatically this like trump crazy who does that does that's that's fucking an attack as if he owns the flag or something now that's an attack from an outside country that's just an attack from somebody else you the american people have their brains certain people that believe that they don't know that they've been 100 infiltrated and played right because most people that get so outraged on social media they've been 100% infiltrated and played. Right. Because most people that get so outraged on social media, they've never experienced the hate that they're outraged by. They just saw it on a media account or the media told them and then they get so mad.

But they've never done any, they've never had a problem in their life, most of them. Because if you really have problems in your life, most people have real problems in their life. They spend all the time trying to fix their issues. Focus on the problem. They're not tweeting about it. They're like, oh, I need to go do this because it truly is like the best.

They don't have time for Twitter. They're working two jobs. They're working. And they have shit going on. And then it just doesn't even add up. They're like, oh, I didn't even know that was it. You know when you ask someone in your family or a family friend, and you're like, did you hear this happen?

They're like, what? When? You're like, three months ago. It was like the biggest thing in the world. And they're like, I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah, because our Twitter, what my manager once told me, was talking about he was like i was like oh man that he got fucking fired he did yeah hey he did yeah you're stealing money that's why guess what the jig is up

the jig is up with the fucking community with everybody who can help us the jig is up the people middleman we found out how to get the drugs, dude. We don't need you. Patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys American flags. Anybody who signs up gets a flag. Well, you get two flags. You get one.

You get a flag shirt and a flag hat and it says right on there don't be a flag about it. Don't be a flag about it. When you sign up for Patreon.com you get a flag.

If you stop the subscription you get a flag. Wei Zhongzhen. What is that? You just get sent someone to the house? You get a flag. If you stop the subscription, you get a flag. Wei Zhongzhen. What is that? You just could send someone to the house? You get a picture of me. Oh, cutie pie. The big G-A-Y, Chrissy D.

So nobody knows this. We're going to break this news here on my podcast right now. That Giannis is moving overseas. Yes. Do you want to make the announcement? People don't know that Giannis. The Bay Ridge Boys is going to continue. It's going to continue.

Okay, History Island is going to keep going on. You know, there's a lot of 14 boys. Can't be stopped. But Giannis has decided to move to where? Do you want to tell us what country he's moving to? I mean, if you want to say the word decide, you can say the word decide if you want to be politically correct.

But Giannis wanted to lie to me, one of his best friends, Wei Zhongzhen. Wei Zhongzhen. To his supporters, to his comedy fans, he wanted to lie and tell everyone that he's Greek. Mr. Pano's character, I'm Greek, I'm Greek, I'm Greek. And then we find out, because I did the research,

because I am an American citizen, that he's from Turkey, which is in the Middle East. So he has to go. He's got to go. And he's deported now. Yeah, that's enough. That is enough. So he's gone. That's disgusting. I didn't even know. Disgusting. That's disgusting,

Chris. Disgusting. I gave him a box of sand and I said, go home. Well, that's what he gets. And that's what he gets for deceiving you. You're his best friend. You're his partner in crime. And here he is lying to you all these years so he goes but go to patreon.com slash bayridge boys if you want to keep them out oh okay go guys go to patreon.com slash bayridge boys if you want to make sure that someone like yannis gets back to where he belongs exactly if you want a federal agent if we want our good heart our patreon money we take a big percentage of patreon

money and we we give it to the government to make sure there's always eyes on yannis to make sure he stays two feet in the middle east where he's from because you know what you guys have done enough for the government they should do more for you exactly and you're and you're doing it's a good duality because you told me when this whole when the pandy started you got a ppp loan from the government yeah 56,000 56,000 and then and then i said that's a pretty good loan. And you said, I must have broken up or something. It was $156,000. Yeah, right.

You said $156,000 and we're spending most of this on pre-merch on, of course, the flag hat, flag shirt. I said, where's the rest of it going? And you said,

I'm working on a project to take care of somebody. Yes. And my heart goes to, oh my God, someone's sick in the family. Yeah. But no,

it was to get rid of Jan. It was to get rid of the Jan. And then... Wei Zhongzhen. Wei Zhongzhen. Wei Zhongzhen. Wei Zhongzhen Wei Zhongzhen Wei Zhongzhen Wei Zhongzhen well I hope you win the case

and honestly I don't think he deserves to stay in this country after all that turmoil that he's caused not at all because lying to you and saying I'm a Greek I'm a Greek

I'm a Greek and the punishment it's not funny anymore no it's not funny anymore that's just rude that you're he's not an American citizen nope so he's out

so but you know but we're still gonna try to do the do the podcast and you know and yeah I mean you know as best we can I mean what can you do I have a podcast that I'm going to be starting with Sal

Volcano that hasn't come out yet because I just wanted to get like a cleaner image to get away from what's the one called it's good we're going to call it right now hey babe with Chris Stefano and Sal Volcano why does your name come first because I'm more famous than Sal and I make more money so so that's

why so that's why um he spent seventy five thousand dollars on one on one shoe he couldn't even find the other shoe yeah he's got a shoe god it's got a shoe he's got a habit he's got a yeah he's got a hat he's got a shabbit he's got a shabbit shabbit so so we got that podcast coming out which uh should be coming out soon. So look out for that because I'm obviously so busy. I have a show in Practical Jokers that I do, and I'm just very, very busy. I thought that was Sal's show. You're not on that show, are you?

Oh, right. That's Sal's show. That's Sal's show. Nobody cares about that show. You're on a pilot. Yeah. Yeah. I'm on a true TV pilot. But what is the pilot?

You think it's going to do anything or no? The pilot? Yeah. 100%. So it's going to take off. People watch TV. In 2020, people watch true TV. That's where they watch.

That's where the eyeballs are. They're on true TV. Yeah, they're on TV. People watch television more than the internet and anything else. More than YouTube. You had a TV show. Yes. A network show.

Right. What happened? They canned it. They canned it. they canned it they can't they canned it um did you like it uh i did i i actually did like it and then i illegally put it up on instagram illegally illegally because you're not supposed to do that and i said fucking sue me i said sue me because you know guess what you want to fucking come and sue me way jong-jin jong-jin and he did and he did and you've said Right in the fucking middle of the parking lot. Right.

What happened? I just was walking and then all of a sudden I fucking, I'm walking and I get, you know, last thing I remember

is I start to go a little like woozy. I wake up. I have, you know, like some fluid coming out of my butt and a big hole in my pants

and then there was a post-it on my head that said, make America great again. Wei Zhongzhen. Really? He signed it. He said, Donald Trump's my best friend. DTLM. Yeah.

DTLM. DTLM, BLM. Wow. BLM, DTLM. By the way, yeah. Wei Zhongzhen. Wei Zhongzhen. I'm kidding.

You got to edit that out. Edit that one out. Edit that one that but how fucking even wild is that if you said that you're fucking done anything we've joked about could be we can be just buried it's wild though you can't just kidding you can't want but i mean to live in the country that way is wild well because because we don't even realize it's like you know people like oh you know people uh vladimir putin or whatever sil people. People go missing in communist China or people go missing in Russia. People go missing here too. It's hit jobs that people – they don't get killed.

They go missing. Your life and career is over. So it's the same in America as the people who want to go cancel but then will denounce communism. It's like you're doing the same. Yes. We just don't have to kill them with a gun. You don't have to kill them with a gun. No, we just kill them with the internet kill him with the internet if you

could kill someone with uh with the internet without a gun who would you kill if so you mean so i'm not physically going to murder them if you had the ability to do what we do in america to somebody to just erase them because you don't like them who will just get them out who do i fucking want to just just get out just i'd like to just see them years you Who do I fucking want to just get out? I'd like to just see them. For years you told me Cuomo. I don't know if it's still Cuomo, but you said it for years. Nobody's fallen off like Governor Cuomo. I mean, people love that guy in March.

Yeah. And then, I mean, the guy shit the fucking bed and has just ruined. He's trying to ruin New York. Where is he now, you think? I don't fucking know. Let's in our minds, where is Cuomo sitting right now? Right now? Probably he's fucking to where is he now you think i don't fucking know let's let's in our minds where is cuomo sitting right now right now probably he's probably fucking governor cuomo he's probably sitting in the pedophile ring you think so i think he is i see he's sitting with the musad i watched that documentary oh my god no it's crazy i don't fucking know anything did you guys

watch it together we did we did but it's so nuts like you can't even fucking it's insane i don't know but i i i yeah governor cuomo he's really him and de blasio it's really like it's it's disgusting what they're doing to the italian name because we had a fucking good italians had nice man they're really defaming italians i mean bro i've never this is true i've been living in new york city my whole life i've never seen two men universally hated by both sides as much as, I mean, the most staunch liberals and Republicans hate Cuomo and de Blasio. I think they both think that they have political careers. Their political careers are over. They are hated in New York. New York as an entire city cannot stand those guys.

But it's crazy because everybody loved Cuomo in March, April. And what happened really, though? Did they just slip up for all the coronavirus stuff? Well, people, no, it's not because everybody loved cuomo in march and what happened really though because people slip up for all the coronavirus stuff well people no it's not even about the nursing homes it's it's i mean obviously that was you know i don't know that that was necessarily governor cuomo's decision i'm sure a lot of people had a hand in that it's the way he handles himself at the press conferences now like don't make me come down there the power thing is like people like no no no like and keeping new york city closed as long as he has when we have virtually no cases is is real i mean the people are irate people i don't give a fuck because go to patreon.com slash bear rich boys the money's piling in piling in piling in piling

in so i don't give a fuck just fucking lease the bmw dude i don't give a fuck an x7 yeah i don't give a fuck i'll get an x9 i'll get a takashi BMW X9. Seriously? 100%. You got that kind of money coming in? Yes, dude. You're a big dog. Big fucking dog. You're a big dog. Big dog. But here's the thing.

Yeah. Dude, I'm fully drunk right now. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It just happens. That's part of it. We'll finish off a little bit.

Do we have to cut out anything that I said? Probably. Yeah, right? Yeah, I mean, there's some stuff in there. But it happens every podcast. You got to cut something, right? It happens every just but it happens every podcast you gotta cut something right it happens every podcast seriously every podcast

you have to cut something because you said something stupid not on mine right most people like on me and Bob's oh we cut a lot you have to

because Bobby says insane stuff and then I back it up and then we keep going and then we get into just an insane place but you know that you have you're saying it to know you're gonna cut it

yeah it's just fun to get it out that's what I did a little bit because you're not allowed to get it out sometimes why do we feel like we're not it to know you're going to cut it. Yeah. It's just fun to get it out. That's what I did a little bit. Because you're not allowed to get it out sometimes. Why do we feel like we're not allowed to get it out? I don't know, dude. We should be able to just say it. We definitely had some funny things, though,

that we could keep. Yeah, you should keep. There's a lot of it that you should keep. Like, a lot of it that I think we're going to put in there that's questionable and scary. Yeah. Look, I can't deny that you're gay. I can't deny that you're

a hardcore Republican who's gay. Well, that's the thing. If I say controversial things, but then I say, but I'm liberal and I'm gay and I'm waiting to

get the money to become trans, then are the things that I said okay then? Sure. Because are they only not okay because I look like I'm a Republican

straight white male? But if I say like I'm a Republican straight white male? But if I say I'm actually a gay woman that I want to transition, then I think the things that I said are okay. I think it is. Right? That's how it pretty much works. Look, are you allowed, as a gay Republican, are you allowed to out loud support Trump amongst the gay community or no? In our community, no, we can't. The only time I've said Trump 2020 is when I've had a dick in my mouth.

So you can't really make it out. It's hard to hear. Yeah. It's hard to hear. So, you know, and listen, I know a lot of people like, oh, Chris, enough with the gay jokes. It's like, you know, after a while you kind of realize like it's not a joke maybe it's not how about maybe it's not a joke i've been saying this for a long time on my podcast i you know i fall in love with men i have sex with women well it's kind of blended to falling in love with men and having sex with men

msm you know and so and the guy the comedy store uh, I said I didn't know him and that's a lie. And I'm going to stand here right now and tell you I have AIDS and I got it from him. Jesus Christ. Well. So? Well, magic beat it. You know, but I don't I don't have the money. You got the money.

Well, but a lot of my money is going to, you know, different fucking campaigns, social justice issues. Are you a part of a super PAC? Yes. Have you don't, be honest, be 100% honest. Have you donated to Donald Trump's campaign? No, I haven't. Be honest. I haven't donated to Donald Trump's campaign.

Have you donated to a party that donates to Donald Trump's campaign? No. Have you ever shot that party that donates to Donald Trump's campaign? Um, no. Have you ever shot that gap? Yes. They donate. They donate? Yeah.

I can go down the list of people that donate to Donald Trump's campaign. It'll blow your mind how many people. Have you ever worn Adidas shoes? Yes. Trump. Interesting. Have you ever eaten

at the Olive Garden? No, because I'm Italian. Oh, okay. Have you ever eaten? Red Lobster though, because I like black girls. That's, they biden okay there for biden yeah uh have you ever

have you ever been to can we say that or we can't say that can we keep that yeah okay that's fine right right? Yeah. Have you ever shopped at a Duane Reade? Yes. Trump. Trump. Good. Good. Have you ever...

Planned Parenthood? Have you ever used Planned Parenthood? Yes. A couple of girls. That's Biden. That's Biden. Okay. It's an easy divide over where I lay.

I only will shop or use or employ things that I know are going to support the party that I support. Yeah. So you should be more diligent about what you support. You know what I mean? Right. Like, where's your favorite place to buy clothes? Like, store?

Yeah. Favorite store to buy clothes? Like Marshalls or JCPenney? Yeah, I would say that. You know, Old Navy. Old Navy, Trump. Arab Hostile. Trump.

Okay. So. Okay. Well, you know, Old Navy. Old Navy, Trump. Arab Hostile. Trump. Okay. So, okay. Well, you're safe because that's your stuff. But when you start to get into the others, Penguin. You know Penguin? Oh, the clothing brand? Trump? Trump.

Okay. Polo. I don't fit into their shirts. You don't fit into Polo's? No, because I got leading man face, best friend body. So. you don't fit in the no because I because I got leading man face best friend body so look Chris and I are going on tour he's a little drunk

I'm a little buzzed we're so happy that you listened please come see us everything we said is a joke except for some of the stuff that Chris said you'll know which which is obvious it's pretty obvious you'll figure it out you know what it is come see us we said is a joke except for some of the stuff that Chris said.

You'll know which is obvious. Just figure it out. You know what it is. Come see us. October 8, 9, 10, 11. Did we have a date in Charlottesville? We're doing a secret date in Charlottesville. It's called the Wei Zhongzhen.

The SSS. Well, we wanted to make it the SS. But we couldn't, yeah. Yeah, for some reason, the restrictions. All this shit. These Rondons are like, you guys can't put any of this out. October 8th, Delaware. Okay, come see us live.

October 8th, we're in Wilmington, Delaware. October 9th. Butler, Pennsylvania. Butler, Pennsylvania, which is near Pittsburgh. Yeah. Scranton, October 10th. And Cape Cod, Massachusetts on October 11th. October 11th. Butler, Pennsylvania. Butler, Pennsylvania, which is near Pittsburgh. Yeah. Scranton, October 10th. And Cape Cod, Massachusetts on October 11th. October 11th.

So these are October boys. And then also, do you have any other dates after that or is that just it? No, that's all I got. But plug whatever you got. What else do you have next? October 23rd, I'll be doing a cool thing. I'm streaming a show. You can buy it anywhere in the world, wherever you are in the world.

On October 23rd, buy it. You can buy it before. And I'm going gonna do like a special right into your living room so you know tickets 20 you can invite a thousand people over it doesn't matter invite whoever you want over get some beers get some girls get some blow get some american flags and watch me do an hour right into your living room on october 23rd, you go to chrisdcomedy.com. Go to chrisdcomedy.com. Go watch this dude. Come see us live together.

Go to andresantino.com. We end this episode the same way. I'm going to walk off. You say one thing in a camera when I'm off. One thing, one word or phrase to end the episode. Go ahead when I'm off. Trump 2020. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Trump 2020.