Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Christina P

Episode Date: November 6, 2020

Santino sits down with the main Jeans mommy, Christina P to talk about role play with Tommy Segura, telling grandma about your fetishes, being stalked by instagram and trying to differentiate between success and reality. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! ROMAN - Stop feeling like you cant get help if the rocket doesn't launch like it used to. Get rid of your ED now at http://getroman.com/whiskey Promo WHISKEY for $15 OFF and FREE SHIPPING MANSCAPED - Clean up your balls and tush and now your ear and nose hair! Go to https://www.manscaped.com/ and use promo WHISKEY for 20% OFF WACK YOUR WEEDS SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it. Hey! Once again today, it's Christina P.

Hey! Hey! Hey! I love you too. I love you. And I'm so glad you're here and you're queer. I am. And you're transitioning.

Dude, I made a joke on Instagram Live. You want to talk about troublesome. I made a joke on Instagram Live three days ago where i read an article that a friend sent me it said um the same week that that a mom of it's a husband a wife and they have two kids and the mom says i'm lesbian now so i want to get a divorce i want to be with women sure the dad says this is incredible i'm trans and i'm gonna transition what so we can stay together and they did no swear to god there's no article about it that sounds like a new sitcom yes right cbs that would do so well that would get picked up immediately two and a half moms

but i literally was like after he sent that to me, I was like, the world is, and this is not me being negative about it. I'm not being like, fuck, I'm just saying the world is getting so sexually interesting that I find that now in the future, straight people are going to be so like yucky, boring, like you're so boring.

So in my head I was saying on this Instagram live, I go, I was coming out to my fans as straight. I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And honestly, like I know it's not fun. I know like I'm not going to my fans as straight I was like I'm sorry I'm sorry and honestly like I know it's not fun I know like I'm not gonna have you know a month in the Poconos where I blow some guy

named Brett and we fall in love on a yacht like but you do like to talk about it I do yeah I do I joke about it all the time I tease it all the time yeah but a couple of fans got like mad at it they were like oh you're mocking the community I was like no dude this is me saying I'm it's boring now to be straight it's so bland so let me show you boring hold on let me show you this thing i found where is this and by the way that is a real article about a real family where and now they're still together now the the the guy transitioned and now they're still together so it's like that's amazing either he was either he just didn't want the marriage to end like what if he was what if he was like i'm not gonna let this marriage but do you think that's really because i'm not wait but so it's just anatomy

that kept them apart do you know what i'm saying i imagine because she said she wants to be with women and he was like well i'm gonna transition and he fully did the whole meow and everything yeah and then they're like bitch and you're you're the ideal now. And then it's perfect. That is wild. That's how it is. It's wild. And then the hormones, I guess, make you more of a woman. Totally. So if my wife wants to leave me, I'm just going to transition into the man she leaves me for.

I'm just going to become him. Who is that? Who do you think? Who do I think she would leave me for, honestly? Yeah, yeah. Do you guys discuss that? Like, you know what's this funny two nights ago we said um because I said man I had this crazy sex dream and I had a sex dream about somebody who I just recently have uh met online like I'm a fan

of this person I think she's really funny we don't know each other and she came into a sex dream of mine and I was like whoa so weird because I don't know if I'm attracted to her in the real world hold on you told your wife that you had a sex dream about another woman yeah that's a good marriage yeah well because she has sex dreams yeah and the reason I did that to her this is why to answer your question she has a lot of sex dreams and it's never me and she's never like it's never a guy like that it's never like Mike from from the corner store she's like it's I it's faceless but it's always a scenario so she can see where they are but she doesn't know who the man is oh that's kind of but it's not me it's not you definitely not me did you watch that social dilemma movie yes and the most fucked up thing

that like actually made me nauseous and we turned it off was the future idea of instagram advertising that literally changes its verbiage to fit you that's that's that makes me nauseous like the idea that they go like the other day i said to my wife because the winds were come that happened uh we're coming i was like oh dude it's gonna get windy i'm sure this tree above our house it always fucking something cracks i'm like ready for it to ruin my house and i was like a plus it fucking broke our gutter and that's all i said it broke our fucking gutter last time i love you what do you think popped up just like what do you think popped up on my phone um like rain gutter gutter protector gutter i'm not kidding that's scary and

then and that's fine i get it i know why it does that but then my fear is that it goes andrew remember when the wind broke your gutter last fall that's where i'm gonna start losing my shit yeah when it knows you're because it's doing it i know it's happened like what's the weirdest ad you've gotten on instagram or twitter from talking so here oh from talking well you know how like you if you mentioned something or you've searched it once but like you keep seeing it slowly appear have you never had that yeah yeah yeah so i got into like wigs so i had different phases of this year of this quarantine yeah like it starts with baking and then like overeating and then over drinking and then smoking too much pot yeah and then i

got into a heavy wig phase i don't and i don't even wear them like maybe sexually with tom occasionally sure and uh yeah he should wear a wig too when you guys have sex tom oh my god he looks he would be the ugliest woman who bleeds he'd be the ugliest he really looks, he would be the ugliest woman who bleeds. He would be the ugliest. He really would. I think he would be the ugliest man. If he, if he were like man who looks like a woman, he would. He's so, like he's so. He's such a masculine guy.

Yeah. Yeah. He has no feminine features whatsoever. I would feel so bad for those people who are just so masculine and they want to transition so much. Now he has nothing in him that, I mean, he would have to take estrogen, right? Like he'd have to like really juice it up. So much estrogen.

Because there's nothing in him that's like, doesn't he have one piece? There's gotta be like, do you have soft feet? He's gotta have something. Maybe, no. Okay. Yeah, there's one portion of him that's hairless

and it's just like here, like the side of the ribs. Everything else is just covered. Is that from you hugging him? No, just natural. Just natural no hair here? Yeah. Okay, keep going.

I cut you off. What's the weird thing? The wigs. So then wig, wig ads. And like, do you want a pink wig? Do you want, I was like, yo, this is very specific. Totally. So scary.

And what if they're like, what if porn gets that way too? And they're like, oh, Andrew's back. Notice last time you were into horny co-eds. Can I tell you? You're gonna hate this. It has done that to me. I swear to God. On Pornhub, you know, they do like,

you previously watched or something that you like. They do what Netflix did. They just stole Netflix's algorithm. And they were like, you also enjoy, viewers also liked. They, it put me in this subcategory. All these other guys, Jade, they're D jade so much cum has happened on this clip you seem like a blacks on blondes kind of guy and i'm like porn hub you know me they do that porn hub does start to like feature but i'm i'm off the i'm not

i'm off um no porn for me i'm not having that porn in two months what what happened i was trying to you know put it in her instead of on my chest you know what i mean so i vowed to myself i said no more porn for two months i'm just gonna get away from it because it's working but i mean like how does that feel to not to be such a purist about sex honestly it it's a it's because i've had porn in my life for you know whatever 20 30 years or whatever and so now it feels kind of good but i miss it i miss it of course i'm finding myself porn pornoizing other things oh a swimsuit magazine came in the mail and before i threw it away i pornoized the shit out of it like as i was thumbing through it because like those things you the junk mail you're like it

goes right in the recycle it's like the the the mail person's like here and you're like come on dude you just put it in the recycling i know what's the difference and it was a swimsuit catalog or whatever like on sale because they're going like on buy them on in the winter for the for next season and i'm thumbing through it and i just started pornoizing the idea of like all these women in there i was like thinking about little scenarios you know what beach she's at and well that's the scuba guy that's what you had to do in the 90s right yeah i used to yeah victoria's secret i just steal victoria's secrets and jerk off to those now i heard victoria's secret is no longer, right? Is it ending? Why? Because of what happened?

I think that they can't keep up with, like, I think they just didn't change with the times. And, like, I think they're just obsolete now. Yeah, but I mean. I don't know. Their shit kind of sucks. Yeah, it sounds true. To me, it's kind of like, why do you need it? Well, I mean, it's pretty, but it's not well made.

Like, My Big Ol' tits won't fit into any of their stuff that's your store you should open a store called my big old tits i would open a mom lingerie store that's like i want my panties full flavored cotton high above the baby bump yeah way up that never goes away right yeah way up i would yes it would be like that wait a minute so so the so you're always a little fat is there an age when yeah women stop wearing victoria's secret or no is that not yeah it's called when you become like a woman when you become a woman like in your 20s when you're learning to have sex and your boyfriend's in college and you're like guys like that so you'll go and like buy all that crap because you're i think you're learning to be a lady and

then you you get married and you're like oh my husband doesn't even notice if i put on right what's the point yeah he really doesn't because i'll buy nice nice tom doesn't even like remote it just like goes right through well he's just like okay cool take it off like he's a dope i agree though i'm the same way i'm sorry well because and then the trickery if she's like you don't like it like don't you like i'm like no i love it don't care but i want to you're i like it when it's naked yeah do you know what i mean it's hard to just be like it's like it's way hotter when it's naked i'm sorry the i think the hotness of lingerie was probably built exclusively for hookers and affairs i think hookers and affairs because it's like this is what you don't

usually get is that what it is just i imagine because like a married couple how often could you have the right timing enough to get the lingerie ready for the thing when you have lives that exist that's true because most married i would yes i would argue that that's correct that married people it's such an artifice that you don't have time for, especially when you have kids. You're like, what? Put on the, okay. Yeah, put it on.

No, it's just, come on, let's go, let's go. I just feel like I don't, I think that is like this, it's the world that people envision. It's kind of like how everyone thinks like, you know, oh yeah. And that comes along with like, the whatever you want in sex. Like that's my favorite thing about like, oh, you can do anything once you get with someone that you guys commit to each other.

It's like, no, no, there's a cutoff for everyone that's like, no, we don't do that. That's not we're not going to do that or I'm not going to like I don't want that or I'm done with that. Do you find that like stuff that you guys did when you were first dating? You don't do anymore. No. Here's the thing is that we're pretty good about in terms of changing the times keep yeah like keeping things in the repertoire there's things we did as a joke early on that you're like nobody really really you know like 69 like tom has a bit about that yeah and his act because it's like who really is 69ing

every night or like this is my jam. 23-year-olds probably are. Like 23, 24, like young 20s are probably just, because they're still skinny and light enough. Right, that's the thing. When you're married, you're like, well, we're 20 pounds heavier. Yeah, I can't, I don't want you on me. So heavy.

I don't even get on top of my, now we go side by side. We just snake slither through. That's the walrus. You see those nature documentaries when walruses just, Now we go side by side. We just snake slither through. That's the walrus. You see those nature documentaries when walrus is just, and they kill their offspring to get to the other one.

Right, just to smash next to it. That's what we do. We walrus sideways and just go for it. That's what we do. I think there's, yeah, because I think the things that changed was like we pretended like we, like the role play thing I think is always fun.

You can't, that's because you can have endless possibilities. But there's role play things that I now know she hated, but was too nice to say no to. She just went along. Yeah, because she was like, if you like it, I guess it's harmless. What's the one she hated the most? I pretended that she was her mother. And it was that. That's so gnarly.

Better than her dad, I guess. Well, no, that's now. Now that's now. That's what we switched to. No, I think it was like, I think the early role play stuff was like, that I like was, was that we are. That's a great joke. You got to write that down.

The mom, I know. like uh that i like was was uh that we are that's a great joke you got the mom i know the stuff that we don't do now is mostly like um she hates porno scenarios because she thinks they're cheap sure like they're always hacky but like when you're you kind of do guys do kind of like them when you're young especially that you're like oh like we're not supposed to be hooking up you know it's like this like naughty thing or whatever like don't tell anybody yeah that idea you begin to realize she's like make it anything else make it see my problem with role playing and i've never i've never done it because i maybe it's because you're an actor and you're comfortable acting but she's not an act she has she's not even she doesn't have anything to do with the business i just i can't pretend yeah to i can't

get into character well do you have what you have to get wardrobe that's the thing you have to change into the wardrobe oh yeah like i wear like if i'm uh okay i'll pretend like i'm a mechanic sometimes i'll come home with uh with like a wrench in my hand and i'll have grease all over me you know and i'll get in there and i'll have grease all over me you know and i'll get in there and be like i fixed the car you want me to take off or you want me to stick around oh no oh my god no the role playing now has become or now it's more like uh now i guess this is not really role playing but it's like situation playing it's like where can we have sex that we've that we usually don't or we never do? You know what was really hot one time?

We pulled over at Will Rogers Park on the way home from LAX when she picked me up. And we boned in the park. And that was awesome. That's a nice park. I take my children there. Yeah. And it was like 2 in the afternoon. So I was pushing a stroller.

We're like, we're living our best life. So you guys are, you've pulled the goalie. Are we talking about this? Yeah, the goalie's gone. Yeah, I pulled the goalie. Have we been talking about this? Yeah, the goalie's gone. Yeah, I pulled the goalie. I kind of, I really enjoyed that type of sweet, sweet marital lovemaking. Because don't you feel like it's fulfilling the prophecy? For sure.

Like, this is why. I'm doing what Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior wanted me to do. Right, like you grew up Catholic, yeah? Oh my God, dude. Yeah, so doesn't this feel like I'm finally doing it the way I'm supposed to be yeah like well but also my grandmother I grew up with so much church in my in my around me because my mom's one of 10 kids and I big Irish Catholic family and it was a kind of always in the back of your head like you felt you felt bad about literally everything everything

and my grandmother like loathed the fact that any of the young kids were the grandkids were living with somebody before marriage that was like a huge and she would make you feel bad about it she was like it's just not it's just not something you should be doing and you're like what do you we're we're fucking when we didn't live together like what's the difference right in their mind that cohabitation is like you're breaking the rules yeah you're like but people would fucking just go back to their own apartment this is just less travel time i know what's i'm saving gas saving money and what's the diff it's like the it's like pornography well pornography is prostitution with a camera yeah okay right that's they just have this idea that like they were told once and they bought it wholeheartedly it's almost how i feel about politics without getting into that bullshit but it's like it's almost like people are told once

something and then they're just got they're like stuck that's why i don't believe in either party i fucking loathe democrats and i hate republicans i agree i think it's a trash idea to associate with one side i think so too i don't think i don't think anything is that cut and dry i don't what what else in your life is nothing yeah that's what i don't understand you wouldn't do that with anything like you if your kid says to you except for dogs versus cats i'm firmly dog but that's just human that's human that's if you're smart i feel like that's if you yeah and so many of my fans get mad at me when i say that because i have a dog and they and i just oh i'm if i hit on a divisive issue not for me i love dogs but i

always say that and people are like you know you have some fans that are cat people i'm like okay fucking i just don't like them because they're rude they walk around like you owe them money it's a yeah it's a it's a diminutive animal it's not a nice people go well you don't know well i do know i do i've had cats yes they don't love you no they don't don't care about you they dogs do they like that you love them right that's what a cat is i like that you love me you know but a dog is i love you i don't know really anything yeah and i i'm pretty sure you love me but even if you don't i still love you anyway yeah that's what a dog is yeah and they don't torture you they don't well they can't destroy your property and stuff but honestly who gives a fuck i know the first time my dog fucked up a chair i i'm a weirdo i'm an ocd clean

neat freak weirdo like my house I just don't like messy shit I wish I were like you well no it's a detriment it's because my dad was just a psycho

and he was an army kid so it's like embedded into us to be like why are the shoes there do they go there I'm like

I guess they don't I love it how much how much rage do you think you have inside of you an awful lot yeah

an awful lot and it gets it comes out once in a great while um and who gets the brunt of it my wife yeah lucky it's a it's funny because it it just that militantness of everything i thought i guess i should say that the the happiness that i've found is i've let a lot of stuff go right Like when the dog ruined a really nice chair, I'd bought her a really nice chair that she loved and the dog fucked it up. And I just didn't give,

I felt like I should have cared. Did you kick the shit out of that fucking dog? Well, yeah. It was an expensive chair. It was an HC Buttercup. It was a nice chair. My dad would have. Our dad's made out.

Oh, for sure, yeah. That's it, dog's gone. It's an outside dog now my dad would go on vacation and leave our dog in the backyard yeah that happened that was a totally normal thing to do and no indoor bath nope hose and it drank pool water yes that's a normal thing back in the day somebody said uh i don't know who said this to me somebody said what kind of dog did you get and then we had looked up the dna you know we did like the the vet at the vet they do they can test it and it was like cocker spaniel whatever and i don't know who said it to me maybe it was my dad but someone was like remember dogs used to just be dogs that is true when i was a kid nobody was like what crossbreed is it they

were like oh you got a dog what is it and like yeah it's a dog look at the dog we got they it was just a dog and i know most people had my wife had outdoor animals when they grew up in colorado all the animals dogs and cats lived outside yeah we had outdoor cats too my dad would just open the gate and my dog would walk itself and this is in la this is the suburbs go yeah see you later yeah no yeah but i mean i don't know like maybe that's it's fine it's well it's probably frowned on nowadays but there's got to be people that do it they just don't talk about it of course they of course well farm especially people that live out in the middle of nowhere correct in rural rural rural areas yeah you betcha that dog well you're where were you as a kid what

part of your valley right valley so canoga park hell yeah and see no tar sienna you know i'm saying honestly the valley had a had this weird connotation as a kid, and now I live in the Valley, and I had heard what the Valley was. But as a Chicago kid, in my mind, this is what's weird about the perception of California. I thought the Valley was like a really, really expensive. I thought it was more expensive than Beverly Hills. Oh, wow. Yeah, because as a kid, when you hear like Valley girls, you think that's rich, wealthy.

It's been misconstrued i guess to through television and film that you're like oh she talks like a valley girl and i'm like whoa that must be like where all the celebrities the famous people live right that's like the beverly hills yeah that's interesting because it's the complete opposite it's where most working class there are some celebrities yeah but my dad was a forklift mechanic and we had a pretty middle class normal life existence yeah yeah that's how i feel like like when i go through burbank i always say to my wife it gives me this weird i have a very nostalgic i'm very keen with nostalgia for some reason like does something to me i don't know what it is but it shocks my insides and i i was running through burbank and it reminded me of my

childhood in chicago i was like this feels exactly like middle class, working class Chicago. It feels exactly the same. Like very kind of humble homes, nothing huge, nothing too small. But like you can tell that the mother and the father both work for sure. And there's one or two kids and people kind of know each other

in the neighborhood. And, you know, I just, it just has that vibe to me. And when I learned what the Valley was, as soon as we moved from the other side of the hill, I was like, oh, this feels more like home for some reason. So I love it up here. Oh, shit.

I do. Like I love here more than I love living in West Hollywood. That's a different demo. Yeah. So every section of LA is just an entirely different demographic. You just have to find your tribe kind of, and then you're happy. You know, if you're a hipster, you're going to go Silver your tribe kind of yeah and then you're happy you know if you're a hipster you're gonna go silver lake echo park yeah right and i don't they don't

they don't like me over there no you age out i think at a certain age you gotta leave you think so what is the number for silver lake but what if you just open up a burgering yoga business then what you do right right and you're 48 that's west side you're that's west side you're looking santa monica you're looking palisades venice right what if you're okay here you go i'll give you a scenario sure uh hi i'm mandy i've just got divorced i found out my husband left me for um a girl he a girl who's in his improv class he's improv 101 and we're in our mid-40s sure he's having a crisis because he got fired from his job, um,

as an ad sales rep. And now I have no money, not really a lot of discernible skills. I was working as an admin. Okay. You know, and now I decided I wanted to get into health and nature. Okay.

So I'm opening up a health clothing and food store. We make smoothies and we sell shirts made of hemp and hope. So where do I go? Okay. Mandy, I have the perfect neighborhood for you. Redondo Beach. Oh. Have you been to Redondo Beach?

I have not. So it sounds to me like you've had enough of of la vibes big time you got to go beach vibes when you're looking holistic you're doing yoga you're doing the smoothies right also for divorcees redondo's a hidden gem uh if you go to you're like the greatest real estate agent redondo's a hidden gem you got to go to their village there there's this village a little baby village a little village and there's a place right there on the water where all the divorcees

get together and they have brunch. I promise you, it's where you're going to find your next husband, Mandy. I can't wait. Yeah, it's all doctors, lawyers, well-to-dos.

Well, I'm headed down there. Redondo. Here's what happens to Mandy though. Takes your advice. Moves down to Redondo. Okay. Meets a doctor.

Great. Falls in love. Great. He kills her no why why because because that's what they do that's what they do doctors are murderers i think you and tom have an extremely dark side and do you run these murder fantasies by your wife do you watch murder things in front of her a lot she watches way more murder stuff than i do she watched she likes true crime i hate i hate true crime she likes true crime like like many women do and it's i don't know why i think it's because why why do you hate it because it can happen see

that's why i don't like it fucking happen you think like us yeah you do i that i have like a very i don't like that because i know that's real. Yeah. She doesn't like fictionalized murder, right? She doesn't like fake murder shows or what she likes. If it happened, I want to hear all about it. And that makes me sick. I don't want to know any of it. None of it? So you'll never indulge any of that stuff?

Nope. It doesn't ring my bell. Does Tom love it? Loves. I'm talking every night I fall asleep and it's like the murder documentary, the serial killer, the guy. And that's you? I'll watch it sometimes.

It's interesting. I don't hate it, but she loves it. But it makes me think, I've said to her a few times, if you do kill me, don't do like a hurt. Don't make it hurt. Do you know what I mean? I want to be, she's like, no, I would slowly poison you. That's what I would do.

And we laugh, but I love that. Yeah. Because I think me, like if your wife doesn't like you I would slowly poison you that's what I would do and we laugh but I love that yeah because I think me like if your wife doesn't like you she would hurt you when she killed you because it's like payback right but if she just wants you gone just a little sprinkle of something something in your coffee every day I would do the arsenic that's what it is right slowly but because they can't trace a slow ride I would rather go out like that yeah like i asked bobby this the other day on our show would you rather die in your sleep or die while you're conscious and awake oh sleep see he said sleep you don't want to know what happened no i just want to die fade away can i tell you the most but what if you're having like a great night's sleep and then oh or i'm sorry what if you're having a nightmare and then you die during your nightmare?

Don't care. Yeah, but how will you know you're dead? That's what I said to him. You won't know when you're... Will you know when you're dying awake? Yeah. And then you'll get to like say goodbye to people? That's how I feel.

I feel like when you die when you're awake, you go, I'm dying. And then you can see all the shit that... You know what I mean? I don't know if I want to go through that. But then... Okay, what if you're dying and then you can see all the shit that you know what i mean i don't know if i want to go through that but then okay what if you're dying but you're somewhere shitty when it happens like let's say you just get hit crossing the street here in the valley and like some smelly paramedic or some smelly person hobo picks you up and then that's the last image you see it's not your loving wife this man's urine soaked pants carrying me through the stoplight yeah and you're like this is my last moment with

just like some stranger i think about that a lot though i do think about what's my whereas i've said it out loud i don't want to die here like i've thought that like fuck if i died here this would be the word like i have this i have this joke that i used to tell about not not wanting to die naked like i don't want to die like while i'm changing or so i don't want to die where like my clothes are off because it gives me like like you know when people slip in the shower or the tub that happens all the time yeah biggest fear my biggest like for the rest of my life i can't have tubs with i can't get into showers with high because if you die and you're naked and you're in the showers running on your naked dead body and the paramedics walk in they see your gross little naked penis and your stupid face

into my you know your hair is all wet and sideways and yeah and you look so sad you release your your bowels shit so like i guess the shower is a good place for that if you're gonna poop when you die showers nice it's a great place for the paramedics it's easier so does that mean if i die while sleeping next to tom he'll smell my shit that's how i know you died fuck yeah that's terrible it is and also they should make mattresses ready for that i feel like there should be a cover just a shit cover in case just in case would you want to know if i could tell you the date that you're gonna die would you want to know yep yeah i don't believe in that whole like when people always say you know no i just you know this idea like live every day like it's your last it's like well i don't i hope it's not so i'd rather somebody go march 18th 2070 that's not a bad run it's a really good run fuck did i just jinx myself 50 years from now

yeah that's amazing i'd be 87 that's good shit i just i don't want to die i know did i just do that i want to live that long how long do you why do people say that too my mom jokes around a lot about how old is she 14 15 she's young she's in her 60s. But she always says, she always goes, I don't, you know, how much longer, you know? But don't you, some days I do feel that way

where I'm just like, how much more of this shit can I do? Yeah, I guess there's times. How many more sandwiches? How many more sandwiches am I going to eat? That's what I mean. Aside from my children and my husband who I love and adore and cherish.

Children more than husband, for sure. Yeah, obviously. There's nothing else I'm going to be super bummed about leaving. Yeah. Just my kids. Yeah, family. And my dog. Okay, it's adding up now.

I know. Okay, right. And pizza. No. I don't know. Oh, I've got a question for you. Yeah. If you could murder somebody and not get caught.

Bobby Lee. Really? Easily. I've said it to his face. I want to kill him. Yeah. No. If I could murder someone and not get caught, who would it be?

Well, not who would it be. Would you? Oh. Oh, yeah. I was going down who I would. You are already two steps ahead. Yeah. Oh, my God. There's so many people I've come in contact with that I could murder. If I could never get who I would. You were already two steps ahead. Yeah. Oh, my God.

There's so many people I've come in contact with that I could murder. If I could never get caught for murder. You're so angry. Well, there's people that deserve to go away. There are people that deserve to die. I agree. I don't think everybody. I mean, would you never do it?

If it's someone who's a real POS. Yeah. Yeah, dude. You'd do it and get away with it. If I could kill Hitler or Stalin. What do those guys do? It's bad stuff. Is it really?

It's bad stuff. Hitler is the guy that made BMWs? Is that? He was responsible. That's actually true. I know. Isn't it really funny to think like whenever I see,

it's funny to think how like popular Mercedes and BMWs are and you're like, but we hate Nazis, but the company that made cars for nazis we're cool with like we're totally okay with it for some reason it's it's the upside down now yeah and i i hate sounding like an oldie yeah but i so i studied philosophy in college and at the very end of my philosophy education we read post-modern uh philosophy sure and at the very end of my philosophy education, we read postmodern philosophy. Sure.

And at the time, in the 90s, they were like, this shit's wild. It's kind of silly. It's fun. It's interesting. It's ridiculous. Yeah, it's ridiculous. And now that way of thinking is becoming the primary way of thinking amongst younger people. And that's what I was raised as the upside down

like that's that's lunacy right and now lunacy's coming up as the primary way what do you think also because your your your dad your your dad was born where uh hungary in hungary right both my parents hungary look it up bros uh and that's the thing too is that people are very they're throwing around communism and i see it on tiktok i'm on tiktok as you know i love to curate i love what i love seeing what you curate from tiktok your your feed is better than tiktok's feed for me well it's because i i carefully groom my algorithm i pay a lot of attention to what it says you know how it says for you yeah i i would i think it'd be cool if i could do christina peace for me oh i'd love that like wouldn't it be cool if they go like oh right like a playlist yes you know on spotify you can create playlists and be like

yo you can listen to this guy's playlist every week you can download somebody's place so great i want your for you you know what i could do maybe i could save them in a folder and then have you look or something yeah but i mean you should we should should reach out to fucking TikTok and be like, they should feature. It's a great idea. They should feature Christina Pease for you this week. Andrew Santino's for you. Yeah, mine's the same. Mine's just like an old guy getting hurt over and over.

It's just old guys getting hurt. But hold on. But let me finish this thought because it's so important for people listening who are young who'd maybe not remember. So you and I grew up, where are you born? 83. Okay, I'm 76. But we grew up where are you born 83 okay i'm 76 but we grew up with the terror of the red scare the the freak out yeah the freak out of you're gonna it's coming and you're gonna die you're gonna die the the soviet union was our big enemy now

they call it russia but they were communists and they took over a lot of europe they annexed central and eastern europe yep the iron curtain they forbade uh-huh and they forbade the practice of religion freedom of speech they took wealth they took your money they would take wealthy people's homes and move in multiple families it was it's fucking real and now i hear this shit that youngsters are reading marx and lenin and this is cool like bros it ain't cool yeah it's insane to think that they think that's okay it's a really weird well here's how I try to balance it I know my dad how he reacted to how I listened to hip-hop right like I remember specifically right and I remember thinking he doesn't get it and And when I'm his age, I should be conscious of what I don't get

of the youth below me. 100%. So I do. So I am, as much as I can. But there's things where I go, you just don't know how detrimental this could be. Right? Like, hip-hop wasn't gonna,

hip-hop wasn't really gonna do anything. It wasn't gonna hurt anybody. Well, neither was Elvis Presley or the Beatles. Right. But there was hysteria over that right so it's like this balance of trying to say to people younger than me when i do have conversations with family members or people's you know younger younger people who have younger kids that it's like it's not that older people are always trying to go you're wrong it's that they're trying to go

i've seen something similar to this and i'm telling you how this could be bad yeah regardless of what it is but for the most part i'm open minded i just don't like the idea of like losing control i don't like i don't like the idea of limiting freedoms that's what i mean of sacrificing freedom like it's like go just give it all away that scares the shit out of me and it seems that that's what what is being advocated totally and that's what's terrifying i don't give a fuck uh of what people do if they want to have men having periods great i couldn't care less don't care okay it's like the last thing i could it's so it's like we talked about if you like a restaurant eat at it if you don't um don't go back it's like

why i don't give a fuck what anybody does with their time it's not it's not my life right but when it gets to a point when we all are willing to sacrifice the things that that make us who we are like being able to say whatever you want hold on your restaurant analogy we didn't say that on mike but your oh yeah that's right he said there's a saline restaurant down the street we ate there we don't say that on mic, but your restaurant was, you said, there's a saline restaurant down the street. We ate there. We don't like it. Can't stand it. Just don't go back. Never gone back. But today's rhetoric is, you know, I don't like that restaurant because it is morally reprehensible. They are transphobic. Therefore, we're burning it to the ground. Yeah. Versus, you know what? I don't like this restaurant. I don't like what they stand for.

I'm not going to go there. Right. I'm going to tell my friends, too. This place sucks. There's power in action, but it just depends on what the action is, right? Like, remember the couple that wouldn't sell a gay couple a cake, a wedding cake? Right, right. And there's this big thing that's like, well, if you start there, what's the difference of that place saying we don't sell it for black people?

You know what I mean? It's like saying this idea that you have the right to refuse service but if you're refusing because of something like sexuality or like race then you're getting into this i understand that but it's a war you almost can't win with ignorant people so instead you have to just fight them with like intelligence and a clever approach like it then it should be the goal of a community or a people or society to go, we're gonna open up so many pro-gay cake places. Right.

And they're gonna fucking crush that business and it's gonna bury them. Because saying you're gonna shut that business down and like protesting it, I understand why that feels good, but like you almost have to be just smart. You just have to be smarter. Well, I think the danger of this business doesn't uphold the values that i hold therefore they should

disappear so that's dangerous because now you go well then who decides what the moral values of the system are yeah who's the one that says that who's this morality right and they can decide that uh that if you give them that much power, it's an infinite regress of, well, today anybody, you know what? I don't like the fucking color of your hair. Oh, me neither. Anybody who says ill things of whatever, hair color people. You're out.

And that's what happened in communism. That's what happened. So it's very, very, very tricky and dangerous very very i mean didn't we learn anything from uh from wizard of oz didn't we learn anything about the man behind the curtain was just a little scared sad man right this powerful puppeteer of people's emotions and their futures and then you realize that it's just a sad little scared man just like everybody else i think the mistake that i have found as i've gotten older is we, everyone's just a big kid pretending to be an adult. We all,

we like this idea of like growing up doesn't exist. It doesn't know when it's kind of, I think we're all kids. Responsibility. Yes. More and more. Yes. But you also pretend to be,

I think we all want to pretend to be adults. Like you, I think we all think we know, but we're all kind of just trying to figure it out and then we'll get old enough in your 70s and 80s you'll go i figured it out but it's too i'm over i'm done yeah i'm dead that's what i think it's over like my grandmother's 90 yeah and she's been scared because of the pandy yeah the pandy i like that baby tom papa calls it the quar oh yeah that sounds like a papa thing we We say Pandy over here.

We say Pandy. I like the Pandy. Me and Bobby call it Pandy. Well, because it's cute. It's like, oh, the Pandy. What happened during the Pandy? But my grandmother was scared, not because of getting sick. She was scared of losing freedom.

It was wild. Her perspective was very interesting. Because I was like oh no no you're afraid of you know like people around you and stuff like that and like scary right because she lives at home she doesn't live in a home or anything she lives in her house and she's like no honey it's about not being able to live anymore and i was like oh that's what a crazy perspective she has you know because she's lived through she's seen it she's seen all of it she's seen the cycles of history and now we're just going back into a conservative era again where

we're going to regulate people's language we're going to regulate ideas right we're going to regulate how you're thinking you're not thinking the way we want you to we're going to cancel you you're out isn't that weird to think though that that's like a more conservative approach but it's ironically led by a liberal agenda isn't that and it's and here's the thing i think a lot of it does have good intention sure there's so many good intentions yeah and woke is um it's good the intent is good however how do you execute these ideas let's be really cautious right well i said this to brian moses called me today we were talking on the phone um and he was uh he was black he's still black he was black then and um i only allowed one identify well no he's

full black okay and i only take one phone call from one black guy a day because that's my limit i can't do more than one but we were talking about he was complaining about a show that he's working on right now and like the notes that are being given and whatever and i said you know what would be great to come from hollywood pretending like they really want to involve more more non-white people because they say they do and i'm like oh if you really do fire all these billionaire white guys who run studios who've had jobs forever that make millions of dollars like i see all these guys i know these guys and they go from one place to one place to one place. And you're like,

okay, if you really do care, don't just give black people shows. Then fire the guys, fire all these guys that are making 9 million a year. They get to jump around. I just, I think it's just,

we know it's phony. We know Tampax doesn't really mean it. Doesn't care. So it's like, don't, I'd rather you not lie. I'd rather T not lie i'd rather tampax go hey we don't really care about supporting any of these things we're trying to sell tampons

you want to buy tampons we make good ones i know i would go i would respect it i would go all right i resent it so i go to like a little coffee independent coffee place near my and i'm pro black lives matter i agree with it i think it's fine yeah however why does my coffee company that i go to have to announce that it in fact is like i don't want to know the politics of this coffee yeah place right and just tell me that you will give coffee to everybody i don't care it should a science. We serve coffee to people. Right. Right. Don't fucking care. In here, we pour whiskey. Fellas, listen up. Erectile dysfunction is embarrassing for some people.

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Manscaped.com, promo code WHISKEY, 20% off. Get your life together and clean up your body. Ginger. I like gingers. But that's the thing is that identity politics says you have to give a shit about my identity. So I think that's the thing is that identity politics says you have to give a shit about my identity so that i think that's the issue is like it because that's a that's a gen xer way of thinking right like we don't give a fuck what you're doing just yes okay come on but i think now it's you must acknowledge that i'm i'm a non-binary i am i identify as okay yeah fine but that's what we're thinking I'm trying to understand

what the young people are and I believe it's this I the root cause is is is because the for the first time in history the good thing about social media is that you can be recognized and you can feel the the positive things would be yeah you can feel recognition and respect or love or adoration or even just good vibes someone's like cool shirt i love your shirt christina so there's something and then the negative is everyone wants and needs and cherishes validation i mean everybody everybody so we all we all do and now it's so inclusive it used to just be actors they're so self-indulgent you know like hollywood entertainment people but it's like my aunt is on instagram and she wants likes too so she's the same man so it's transition now to the youth going i need recognition and i want you to know i exist because if you were super comfortable with yourself and didn't really give a shit if other people knew you would just

you would just require equality right that's it so if i was born a man but now i'm a woman and i want to be called a certain thing my pronouns are different okay that can exist it just exists in you in my personal vacuum but the moment that i start going online and going you have to know this about me it's because we all really need validation if we were treated equally you wouldn't need it now granted i'm not saying every there is equality across the board for anybody i don't think that everyone's treated equally no but i do think that the moment we start seeking this ultimate validation from society it gets in this weird sketchy place of like well you didn't call them by this thing that they liked it's like oh i'm sorry it's like no you're not sorry right no you're not sorry you fucked up and it's like no no i i don't i didn't do that out of malice i just transphobic well no yeah no i just i didn't i didn't know

you hate trans people right because you did not acknowledge so then they label you a bad person you're like no now you're immoral then you're canceled you're in the trash go away right go away not even uh hey did you know that this person or let's let's have a dialogue what's going on yeah we can fix this yeah this is essentially like i bought a house and it has a few issues but instead of being like i should hire a plumber they're like fucking knock it to the ground burn this fucking house and i think there's so much currency in being victimized on social media totally there's this great uh david rubin calls it the oppression olympics where oppression olympics i love this phrase because it's so true like we can one-up each

other on our um victim of so fine i was talking to someone and they go whenever i hear somebody say the phrase as a before they start talking, I feel my eye roll coming. You know, as a Hungarian-American, cisgendered white woman, Andrew, I don't see representation of myself. It's like, well, you may never. Yeah. You may not. You got to find a way to move on. Right.

It might not happen. You got to move on. Also, do we value those things as much as we pretend to that's my no we don't yeah that's my interest we don't like because maybe we should be getting back to more about tampax doesn't no they don't they don't give a rip no about trans men they don't know they don't care they care about how many tampons can i sell of course even in sephora i was in sephora and there was a mot like a the poster sephora is a cosmetics company i know what it is i don't know i don't know people you're there okay i shop at sephora i went to a two-story sephora in toronto oh yeah yeah with my wife and story yeah two-story and i liked it i actually really liked it because she gave me a um they gave me a quick facial, a mini facial. Oh, I love it. But you know what,

can I, we'll get back to your Stifor story. No, no, no, go. You know what she said? You know what the woman said? Yes. She goes,

would you mind if I gave you a facial? And I said, oh no, I'm not interested. I'm just, she's looking, she's shopping fast.

And then she goes, it'd be nice if you got one. You, you could, you could, I could give you one, you could use one. Did she just skin shame you yeah she did

i got skin shamed at sephora let's cancel sephora and do i bask in yeah but i don't need you kelly to tell me that in toronto two-story sephora do you think it's because you're a cisgendered white male with red hair that's what i think it is as a cisgender straight white male with red hair can i tell you i don't feel i'm represented on television enough i don't think you are yeah literally not genuinely i joked about it on this show how many i go of all the scripts i've read being in hollywood never once did it say and the hot redheaded guy walked in the the sexy redheaded man just bust into the room and all the women swooned yeah no it's always the redheaded guy picks his pimples and they flick booger and they kick

him in the face. My representation of a redheaded film was a Christmas story. Farkas. Remember the bully that the kid ended up punching finally? Yes. Yes. Farkas. That's true.

You guys are menaces. Yeah. Dennis the Menace. Dennis the Menace. He was a blonde. I think he was a redhead. Was it? Dennis?

Oh, yeah. Maybe he was blonde. I don't know. Let's go strawberry blonde and we'll break it. We'll call it. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Oh yeah, maybe he was blonde. I don't know. Let's go strawberry blonde and we'll break it. We'll call it. Problem Child. Remember that movie?

That's right. Your representation's very negative. We're either little brats or we're ugly nerds. We're little assholes or we're ugly nerds. Okay, hold on. I have one counter.

Some kind of wonderful. The lead sexy, sexy guy. I know, but where is he? Okay, where is he? Well, he's older now. What else did he do, though? I'm sure he did a lot of 80s movies. Wasn't a movie star, though.

Do you know what I mean? Like, didn't get to the... Like, the only movie stars that were redheads were women. Molly Ringwald. That's true. Lucille Ball. And nowadays, there's a million of them. What's that bitch that plays...

She did the Card movie. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's these girls... Jessica Chastain. Big tits. Yeah, I know, you know, there's these girls. Jessica Chastain. Big tits. Yeah, I know. I think they're big naturals because they look natch. You think those are natty natties? Yeah.

You really do? Yeah, she's very thin, but her honkers are. They are heavy. I'm like, wow. Do you have, now do you look down on girls who have small breasts because you're a biggin'? Do you ever, do you ever see girls with small breasts and you go look at that that i call them uh tom and i call them hungry tits yeah no those tits look hungry they need to eat some more do you see that you see girls small boobs and you go

bitch no i i'm jealous really i wish i had littles i mean i've had tits since i was fifth grade you know so i So I would just love to. But it was cool then, right? No. I had to hide them and then, no. Because here's the thing. If you had big tits back in like sixth grade, you're called a slut. Yeah, they ought to.

I know. Right? And it's like even if you weren't active sexually, people assume you're a whore. Why? What is that? Big tits. Because they just assume that you got to give those tits to somebody. You can be walking around with those tits someone's sucking those tits yeah we had a girl that was called a slut and you know what was so fucked up she wasn't and no and years later

she admitted to how much it fucked her up and i was like that's so weird because i had a massive crush on her of course she had those big old titties i was so sweet to her but she people call her a slut and i thought that and i was weird and people say that i'd be like no who's she who's she dating hold on my sephora story oh yeah i don't want to get and we got to get back to your tits yeah yeah yeah well we'll get there we'll get there so i'm in sephora and it's a poster and it's um so now they have this thing of like non-traditional models are supposed to be attractive okay and like okay i guess sure so there's a model and she's not traditionally attractive she looks like normal people not even that she's super she's ugly super heavy and oh she's thick oh i thought you meant i thought you meant she's not good looking

at all she's not really oh the face isn't good either. Not really. I mean, look, I'm raised on like when models are just better looking than you. Yeah, they're better than us. So much better than us. Yeah. They've always been. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's their gift in life. Like don't take that from somebody. Yeah. If you're born and you're 5'11 and you weigh 90 pounds as a woman and you're gorgeous, like that's your gift, dude. You're better than us and you deserve to'11", and you weigh 90 pounds as a woman, and you're gorgeous. Like, that's your gift, dude. You're better than us, and you deserve to be praised. Yes. I kind of, I, just like athleticism, if you're athletic.

We want to watch you be good at it. Yeah, dude. Yeah, you're the best. So they have a nontraditional model, and then it's like X, E, Z, G, Zimzer, respect all the pronouns. Oh, right, the respect all the pronouns and then all the identities and the things and i'm just like so the thing is if i don't like that model and i say like i don't find this attractive i'm now transphobic i might be racist fat phobic or whatever it's called now

yeah you're all of it just because i'm like i don't know aesthetically it's not for me yeah you're not allowed to i'm not attracted to that image and then i get well like like what like this this always puzzles me of like uh like the idea that because you are a minority group of any kind any kind right like if you're not just trans but like let's say you're just like gay like and i've said this to plenty of my gay friends just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't be an asshole like i can be like you're a fucking asshole and you can't and someone can't go oh were you homophobic right no those some people can still be assholes right just because he fucks assholes doesn't mean he can't be an asshole that needs to be a shirt just because you fuck assholes doesn't mean he can't be an asshole that needs to be a shirt just because you fuck assholes doesn't mean he can't be like you can also be a mean person just be but just because you're you can't use your minority status to transform me into the bad guy if you're a bad person you can't go like oh you

don't like that guy because he's gay it's like there's nothing to do with it he could just be a fucking jerk right and i also think there's something more equalizing about not having to define everything down pathologically and just being like why don't we just is that a person like your friend like isn't it really important is it so important that he's gay right because then you don't that's right you take away the ability from just to be an asshole and just be a person because then it becomes like oh you don't like him because he's gay it's like i didn't like it was he said that fucked up mean thing to me yeah but you're not even allowed to be like right like i used to have a joke about that why do we why do we preface we preface sexuality today

like a guy said this at a party he said um blake's coming over and the guy said i don't know him and he goes he's gay and i was like what if what is why does that even fucking matter it's such a weird thing to like throw it in but it does today there it's identity politics yeah you have to be like i identify you know what tom and i always talk about is like when people insist on coming out as like i'm bisexual or i'm into snm and to like come out to their parents about it oh right like in thanksgiving like you you have to come out to your 70 year old mom just let her have the lie for a couple more years she's gonna get out of here soon she it's like you don't really like her she doesn't like you anyway this isn't gonna be

the thing that bonds you yeah i think that's interesting she's gonna get it like i'm i'm into snm and i love dressing up as a dog or whatever like right you have to you have to unburden her with that shit right because it's this weird like i need to i need to have you know the real me but also it's like she's so old and ignorant it's never gonna click well it's not just you it's that what makes your dick hard. She needs to know. Know what makes your dick hard, yeah. It's like, does she really need to know what you bust nuts to? Imagine if her mom, the mom is like, well, I'm just happy to know what makes your dick hard.

Like, I'm just, pass the peas, Chad. I'm just proud to know what makes your pee-pee hard, son. Right, what parent is like, oh, I'm so glad you told me. Yeah, like coming out as gay, I get like dad i'm gay but when you get into like what's your life when you get into like hey i'm into uh i'm gonna dress up like a horse and getting beat and spit on and pissed on by my buds it's like oh by my buds marcus marcus we know you're gay he's like no no you don't get it's not just that i'm gay i like to be choked out by a gang of guys who are wearing leather stuff and i want to lose my breath for 10 to 15 seconds at a time yeah when i masturbate i do breath play

but that's a big deal to come out to your parents now about your sexual proclivity or your sexual specifics like seriously and i feel as that's like nobody's business truly yeah keep well also aren't most of us kind of private about that shit anyway aren't aren't you a little ashamed of some of your stuff all of it all of it like i but i think too we grew up with more of a shame culture and i think that that's true there's no shame now but i think shame in small doses is a-okay yeah we need we need a little bit

of shame just a little bit yeah like like Sebastian's whole thing about being embarrassed I'm so embarrassed nobody gets embarrassed

anymore is a real thing though no one has embarrassment you're allowed to like be out front on the street being like what's up hey it's me

like that's totally normal there's no embarrassment whatsoever that is so crazy it's still crazy to me that this is like that. That's normal. Totally normalized. It's totally not only is it okay, it's promoted.

Yeah. Selfie is a cool thing to do. It's so crazy. I mean, we're growing up. That's the antithetical. Antithesis. Antithesis of cool. Yeah.

It's like a totally. You're alone. Fucking loser. It's a picture of just you you fucking loser so maybe that's good now that people are like hey what's up bitch you know i don't know it's becoming a but that's what i'm talked about before it's like it's the self-indulgent thing is very strange because it's validation toes this very thin line of like supreme insecurity and about and mental breakdowns and then oh yeah and also feeling like you belong that's the hard thing is like some people use it to like go oh i belong to a group and it feels good it does i imagine that's a fun thing to have in a youthful group of like

we're in this youthful well i'm not i don't do it i don't have it i don't know but i imagine the instagram clicks that people have when they're in high school are a thing right and ours were like bowl cuts and who skated yeah and who was like those are the druggies and those i don't so i don't know what that feels like, but I do know that it looks sad. It looks so fucking sad. Yeah, it looks sad. It bums me out. It does feel sad.

I agree, though, that validation is so important. Like, look, we're comedians. Is there any needier group of humans on the planet? Yeah, but we've never denied it. That's the truth. Comedians are always like, oh, we're self-indulged selfish um sad usually like broken weird people depressed yeah who need you guys to be like this guy's fun she's hilarious like i just love her yeah but we our whole job is that we're trying to make a living doing that when other people do it as their side gig i'm like what are you doing right get out of this this is sad that's maybe that's what it is because when i see it in

like in other people that are in show business i go like why you don't have to do that like you probably have good parents or yeah don't don't do that you have a family like um my favorite is uh gosh who had this joke was esther Povitsky in her special? She's like, oh, you don't need to post a picture of yourself for me to know you're mentally ill. The paragraph you wrote. That's so true. And it's so true because whenever I see celebrities and then they download, they're really dark feelings. And I'm like, oh, I don't know if this is the right place for that.

Like my heart goes like oh gosh i see you're hurting i'm not sure this is the right and it's almost like what did you watch the paris hilton documentary i want to no i watched it hard to hard to sympathize yeah it's just it's difficult because you're like it's hard it's hard for me to actually use this glass 100 okay yeah they've never been cleaned um never been cleaner sorry never been cleaner no they're great of course you can i've they're washed and desanitized desensitized no they're everything's been sanitized after postcode for me hiv yeah since i had the i had the can i talk about that with you after tell

tell me about paris because we just got on the topic. No, it's just Paris. It's hard for you to feel bad for someone whose goal was to make $100 million. Like she says that in a documentary. She's like, once you make $50, it's like you want to make $100. I love your girl voice. Will you always do that? Yeah. Can I tell you something just so far before you go into this?

I love watching you act. I loved you on the Showtime show. Oh, yeah. I'm dying up here. Yeah. You're so talented. Thank you. And you're so brilliant.

And you're just... Anyway, I love your Paris. Do your Paris Hilton voice. Thanks. Well, that's my Paris's. Please take that on stage. Want to make 50 million? Oh, my God.

And then it was like 100. But she had talked about like... They try to humanize her so much to be like, this is a character. And it is. You can tell. She obviously hyperbolized who she really was but there is a point when like what is the character and who is the person anymore right when you've lived it so long she says she isn't she's more of a tomboy she's got a deeper voice in real life and we've seen that i've seen that side of her too but this is an interesting thing and I'm not trying to make a weird

parallel and make people feel bad, but like a lot of us live characters. Right. Well, when is it you and when is it not you? Do you know what I mean? You're asking me that? No. No, I'm saying we have friends in our business that live characters, and you're like, you know, like

Bert. Bert is a hyperbolization of who Bert really is. But also, like, Bert has kind of, he is that guy. He's that guy. But also, deep down, Bert's a real person. You know what I mean? Who kisses his kids goodnight. It's just like, that's the thing that's interesting to me about Paris was like, yeah, I know this isn't always who you are.

But once you do it so much, isn't it kind of who you are? It's rooted in who you are, but once you do it so much, isn't it kind of who you are? It's rooted in who you are, right? Like comedy persona. Right. I would argue is you times 10. Totally. So there's a root in there.

That's like, these are my fucked up thoughts and you just get better and better at going. Oh yeah, that's a really good fucked up thought. I should share that. But also it begins to be who you are too, right? Doesn't also,

that's the fear is like what is the like i know theo well and i i've known theo for long enough like you've known him for years and it's like theo has this very eclectic eccentric character and he is also very eclectic as a human being but i think also he toes this line of like he's become performance just as much as become who he really is. You know what? I don't really know him that well. I mean, I know,

I mean, I guess I know him. You've just known him timeline longer. Yeah. But, but I knew him. I've known him well as a good friend, you know,

in the past decade of our lives. It's just, he, a lot of guys do that. A lot of people do that in entertainment. That's my point. It's like, you become,

you become kind of, you know... It's like David Duchovny didn't do that show because he wasn't a sex addict. Right, right. Do you know what I mean? Right. Well, that's when... In casting, I always find that,

I mean, unless you're one of those rare actors... There's like three of them. Who can truly be the chameleon, truly transform. They're hiring you. Yeah, they're you. Because you can kind of, you get in there and you're like,

I can make that work. Like you played a dick comedian. I'm a dick. You're not a dick. You're one of the sweetest, loveliest people. No, but I have the, I get it.

But that side of you, you access and you're able to be like, motherfucker, you know. Right. It's real. It's almost. It's your attitude. Yes. I've always said that i think i think most actors aren't that good at acting i think nine myself i

am including myself i think 95 of actors are not that good at acting they're good at accessing feelings and emotions and showing you them um in a world that's created which someone go that is acting no real acting to me would be like daniel day lewis or the people that can literally change shape yeah that's when i'm like that's a fucking actor that's insane that's really really rare but accessing emotion and displaying it on a show or a film i I just don't think it's that special. I think it's more special when someone can fucking mind fuck a character and you're like,

whoa, I didn't even know that was them. Christian Bale. Christian Bale. I would say Christian Bale is one of those rare, like, oh, wow. He's a chameleon. He truly is that caliber. Totally.

Otherwise, it's your lens, it's your personality, and you said emoting something. tom cruise is not a good actor but he's great at what he does yeah that's what i'm saying but he's phenomenal at being tom cruise yeah yeah but that's why when someone goes you can't separate me from the actor it's like when it comes to television and film it's hard for america because that's who you are to them yeah well jack nicholson right they hire jack nicholson to do that well whatever fucking that thing that that's who you are to them. Yeah. Well, Jack Nicholson, right? They hire Jack Nicholson to do that. Well, whatever fucking that thing. That's him, right?

You know the casting. Yeah. Yeah, you know why. And it makes perfect sense why. Like how many De Niro movies has he done where he's not a tough guy? Right. Yeah.

He's another guy that's like, well, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. No, that's a De Niro. Well. Well. That's a good De Niro. I just think that it's weird in our world of like... So that's the Paris thing is like...

So, yeah. How do you... I just... I guess I highly recommend people watching it, but to keep in mind that it's like not everything you see is who they really are. However, it's a job of the performer to check themselves, to stay...

That's when people don't get humble. That's when Charlie Sheen becomes Tiger Blood because he believes in the fucking chaos right that's not probably who he really is at all but it was like drugs and money and power and fame mental illness and yeah he's lost but all that breaking comes from buying into your bullshit well and having people around you who reinforce your bullshit totally and not having people in your camp go like that's not a good idea or or how about that how about you're acting insane nobody goes dude you're acting so dumb yeah stop yeah instead they're like dude fucking if that's what he wants to do he wants to do it so we're gonna let him because i get paid 80 grand a year to be near him you know like

that's a that's what i so that's what paris i think embodied was like how do i show you who i really am when all you want is this thing anyway so it's like well dude that's a sacrifice well that's a sacrifice and and the intent now let's not forget when she became very very famous the whole thing was i'm hotter than you yeah i'm skinnier i'm i'm I'm an heiress and I don't give a shit like remember that horrible show she did with um oh that's on there yeah the the farm or the dj simple life the simple yeah with Nicole who I think Nicole Richie seems very funny yeah she seems dope yeah yeah um and the two of them the whole premise was we're cunts and we're going to be cunts to working normal people we're going to pretend to be stupid Hollywood idiots to hardworking Americans.

Yeah. And it worked. Yeah. And we were like, we love it. But to now try and I think what she's doing, which is another brilliant move, is to go, oh, that doesn't work in today's climate. Right. Being a victim works.

So let's talk about, oh, I'm actually really humble. And I had this bad thing happen. And see how sympathetic you are now? It's like, well, that's just another manipulation. Yeah, that's all it is. To try to gain more love and attention and adoration. And that's really what it is. So if you don't have someone in your life

to check you down in entertainment, I think that's when people get truly lost. It's like when you meet rich people in our business or you go to their house and you're like oh my god you bought all this dumb stuff you know you go to someone's house and you're like this is such a bunch of sad shit that you'd never need and you bought all this sad shit because they gave you all the money and then you were lost and then you just were like i don't really have anything and this is kind of you know i'm just like living this phony life it's so it's nice to have somebody like i'm sure you and tom do it to each other like

my old bag will genuinely check me well when i get into something that's like i really want this or i'm into this thing and she'll go that's so annoying why like that's not who you are like and it'll make me go oh yeah i'm not that guy what that guy. What am I mean? I'm not that guy. I don't want that stuff. I don't like that shit. I don't I don't want to try to be this thing or do this stuff. So I'm learning how to do that a lot because it's like you don't want to get it's scary as you get more along in a business when it's easy to have fun and love it and enjoy it.

But then also you're like, I don't want to lose me at all. Yeah, I think, I know what you're talking about because I think when Tom and I first had some success and like, it's fun in the beginning because you're like,

I can just buy that? Like, I'm going to buy this crazy hat or I'm going to buy these shoes. And then, gosh, Marianne Williamson said it. She's like the spiritual guru or whatever. I don't know her. She's pretty great.

She talks, she said, the problem is not when you can't buy one of them the problem comes when you can buy all of them the problem spiritually becomes when you can buy totally that's a brilliant thing yeah and I was like oh my gosh because it gets to a point where you're like well how many shoes can you have and how many handbags mean anything anymore and like i mean i started to um i was starting to shop compulsively when the the pan happened the candy the candy yeah and um and i you know when you do that and like there's a delay on some of the deliveries and then you have like a memory fog and you're like oh god this is getting bad like this isn't even bringing me joy anymore like what the fuck it's just an activity to do. Yeah. Yeah.

It doesn't relieve the anxiety. Right. But that being said. Stuff is fun. Stuff is fun. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't want to poo-poo stuff.

Yeah. Because I think one of the most obnoxious things ever is when you have celebrities like Jim Carrey come on. Have you ever seen this horse shit? The minimalist thing and all that stuff? Yeah. I mean, he's so funny and he's so talented. Yeah, I love the guy. He's a genius and I grew up with him. But I but nothing makes me want to vomit more when a multi-millionaire

is like you know what you don't need it yeah like oh really tell that to um everybody who can't pay their bills right now yeah yeah don't say that i have a big gripe about that stuff about this whole like uh jim was my boss and i'm dying up here and we had dinner oh yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. Whoopsie. No, no, no, I don't know But it's true. I don't like that either. I think that's a silly way to think he'll never see this and Well, because money's great and money's yeah, but but it's also it's very diminutive to say like you don't need these things And it's like well, you don't know how people fucking live dude Like what do you mean? Like you you not to say that you don't know what it's like to not have money because he does he grew up very poor

but it's like Your experience now doesn't match what other people are living through there's a guy and a girl out there a husband and wife who have fucking two jobs a piece and they can't even afford fucking nanny care for their kids so the oldest kid has to raise the younger kids and this is their life yeah and to tell them they don't need stuff you're just like dude you're an idiot you can't say that people do need things because it helps them live their version of life and plus you have the arrogance of having gone through it all like yeah they always say that in hindsight like totally i've had millions of dollars and i've lived in mansions and it sucks like oh really really always it always sucked oh okay yeah no i don't buy into that i don't i don't that minimalist thing is like

oh i i think you can have i think we should all have less bullshit stuff but also you can't that's why i said politics in this day and age isn't really reaching a lot of people i feel like the fear is because politicians and famous people alike oftentimes speak to you um like they know better than you and you should listen to them and you're dumb if you don't that's the rhetoric that always gets pushed around. Like Hollywood sounds like, and it's true because when they say something about how someone lives, they take into account almost none of their personal experience.

So it's like, you know, don't you care about this, this, this. And it's like, what? I got to get my kid fucking braces.

What the fuck are you talking about? Like, I know. Don't you want to fix your life? It's like, what? I got to get my kid fucking braces. What the fuck are you talking about? I know. Don't you want to fix your life? It's like my fucking, the minivan has nine dents in it because the kids play baseball on it. Now I can't take it to work. I know. The audacity.

Yeah, it sucks. I think my favorite is the best part about Instagram is that now I get to know how completely mentally unstable celebrities are that you've been watching for years you're like oh like today on my vegan cooking show we're gonna make buffalo non-chicken whatever buffalo chicken wings we legally can't call a chicken a chicken right you're like really you need like you the hole is so big inside of your heart that you need to you're an actor like you're gorgeous or you're i don't know but then again here we are sitting jacking our d's on yeah but this is fun for us yeah who am i to judge no you see you see you see

what you see what um you see what like uh lack of attention does we all need it especially in our business so like it's hard for anybody to get away from it you know when someone's like i just live off the grid you're like that that that actor's gone that those people don't live anymore so do you know who i really like huh what's his name jeremy renner yeah is it renner i think so he's the one that like builds houses and shit oh he does i don't know that well i heard him on stern that's hot it is hot that is very one of the last few people that's like besides you who's like a human being and then it's me that's they act for a job yeah because jeremy renner he's like yeah my my daughter so i make

sure i don't take jobs that are more than you know x miles from her and he's like i build houses i live in the house as i build it and then i flip it i'm like oh you're just a person nick offerman does that you know nick offerman from sounds familiar nick nick offerman from he's ron swanson from parks and rec oh i don't watch that show no i know but you know the character the mustachioed guy i think so oh yeah it's megan malali's husband yeah um she's also unbelievably talented too he's a like a wood builder like actually built and it has his before he got that show was like a wood shop maker like would build incredible things out of wood and that's like a wood builder like actually builds and has his before he got that show was like a wood shop maker like would build incredible things out of wood

and that's like his that's his focus in life that's cool yeah it's why I wish I had that I'm too boring to have like a thing to go comedy is my

outside of acting it's like what do you do outside of acting it's like stand up and podcast fun stuff I read books but that's not a skill

you know what I mean i wish i wish you read a lot i do now i'm starting to because my second kid is two i'm starting to read philosophy again and that's my passion my love my love really i'm not smart enough to teach it like i thought i could be like what if i got a phd and i became an academic like those motherfuckers are so smart uh but i i don't. I struggle with these books, and I'm like, this is cool. I love ideas. I love knowing what's going on, especially now. How many books a week?

No, not a week, because I have kids. It's harder. A month. I'm reading two right now. I'm reading Camille Paglia and Zizek. DiGiorno. DiGiorno pizza. Yeah, it'sizek? Oh, DiGiorno. DiGiorno Pizza. Yeah, it's not delivery,

it's DiGiorno. You're reading two books at once? Yeah. Can't do it. But it's gonna take me months to, to, oh, and I listen to podcasts,

and you know. I'll listen to books on tape. What do you, on tape? What do you, did you have to find a deck? I listen to books on tape. I'll listen to books on tape

when I'm running, that's what I'll do. Right now, I'm on Where the Sidewalk End sidewalk ends by shell silverstein i hated that book you didn't you didn't like it you didn't like any of his books i didn't like giving tree i didn't light in the attic i like the light in the attic okay that one was good yeah but you hated sidewalk ends yeah the giving tree little boy with the apple that everyone thinks cool as fuck yeah but you couldn't stand where the sidewalk ends. Didn't like it. And that's where you fell off,

shell. Wait, can we talk about your AIDS? Yeah. Tell me how bad it was. It was, and Christina's referring to my COVID,

but in people of our age range, we call it AIDS. I had, it wasn't, honestly, I have to say it wasn't it wasn't that bad and i say that not trying to diminish it but like no diminish it i want okay it wasn't that bad because compared to what other people that's i guess that's the stance i

keep taking when someone's like how was it was like it fucking sucks it's tell me tell me it was shitty but also i didn't go to the hospital so like whenever i just don't like it when someone's like dude it was terrible like i had friends it was like dude it was so bad i'm like what happened like what did you get and then they'll tell you the symptoms i'm like bitch people have tubes in their throats like you did that's not you had a fever and you felt like so it does suck for people that get it i'm not saying don't doesn't matter but it sucks it drags the fuck on your tie dude you're so exhausted that you almost can't believe it it gives you weird anxiety that you're so tired you're like i slept all night long in and

out in and out of sleep and then i got enough sleep then during the day i would sleep like three more times during the day jesus but not because of like a the flu for me again i should also say this personal everyone has a different experience I didn't have a fever I never had sweats I never had any of that stuff I had couldn't really think like my head was always clogged and tired and my exhaustion just came from the day it had nothing to do with like I had friends that stuck on a couch for four days and he couldn't get up he was like dude I couldn't even walk upstairs without like feeling like I was going to pass out I was the opposite I was just kind of going about my day at home trying to do stuff. And then in the middle of the day, I'd be like, fuck.

And I would just pass out on the couch. It was weird. It was just like it would knock you down. Did you have congestion? Yeah, totally. Yeah, bad, bad, bad. No taste, no smell. Did you lose weight at least?

I didn't. I didn't. Because I keep sucking down that fat, mama. I can't. No, I did. i did you say that you forced yourself to eat i did you just had to keep doing it so i would just do like ramen or peanut butter and jelly or like soup shit that you're just like texture i know this is macaroni and cheese but it's not macaroni and cheese and how long did you have the um anosmia that's what

that's called what no taste no smell four days oh that's dude i am extremely lucky because i have a friend that i'm not going to mention and i'll tell you off air because you know who he is sure three months he can't he still can't taste or smell what i know everybody said it to me i was like no shit he was like don't tell anybody i was like i want to so how was your cough i mean you don't have any like i didn't have a chest so it didn't make its way to my lungs thank that's why i say when people get pneumonia that's when it's like really sad and scary because You don't have any like. I didn't have a chest. So it didn't make its way to my lungs. That's why I say when people get pneumonia, that's when it's like really sad and scary because you go to the hospital and young people get pneumonia from it too. They just, some of them don't end up in the hospital with pneumonia.

But if you get pneumonia and you're over 70, you're fucked. Yeah. You're fucked. So, so I didn't have that, but I had crazy body aches, like insane body aches, crazy headaches and congestion, tired, couldn't couldn't like I couldn't really function mentally. Like you feel just fogged out and the dragging this up. It just felt like it fucking never ended. It was like a week and a half. I was feeling like that, like body.

It's like, yeah, like ongoing. How long were you in pain? The headache thing was constant. That shit sucks. like a week and a half. A feeling like that? Like body aches? It's like, yeah, like ongoing, ongoing. How long were you in pain? The headache thing was constant. That shit sucks. And it never goes away. It never went away. I mean, it was like the whole time

until finally like when I got healthy, then it went away. But like the headaches never subsided. It was like, it felt like sugar headaches or caffeine headaches. You know what I mean? When you have either a lack of or too much.

It felt like that. It was like all You know what I mean? When you have either a lack of or too much, it felt like that. It was like all encompassing and it sucked dude. And the biggest bummer was, um, you know, you want to just go live a normal life. And so right at the peak of my symptoms, I went to CVS without a mask and I touched and licked everything.

Now I said, you know what I did though? We did, I do, I'm in a tackle football league in Culver City, skins and skins. We both, nobody wears shirts and I played right at the height of my symptoms. You did, good for you. Yeah, the one thing is weird is you do wanna tell people now that I've had,

I wanna tell everyone I already had it in social situations to make them feel more comfortable. Right, well, I'm not envious of you. No, don't get it. But I'm envious in a way. Don't get it. People do say that. Don't get it.

For sure, don't get it. I don't want to. Gosh. But also, it's good to be done with it. I don't know if that means anything. It's like you have the chicken pox and now you can go play. But you can get it again. I know.

I've heard that. Three to six months after your immune system go your immunity goes away but hopefully by the time they have the vax and if not you know i don't know we'll have to i'm as safe as i could be yeah do you know what i mean i know like can i tell you what really touched my heart yeah when i heard you talking to drew yeah gosh, I felt so bad for you. You said, I felt ashamed to tell people that I had it. Like I had done all, and I totally understand that. Cause have you ever had an STD? Yeah.

Well, I never technically, I didn't have one, but when I was 20, I went to this shitty Planned Parenthood and they did a regular pap smear. And she's like, oh, your pap smear is abnormal. And I was like, well, what does that mean? She's like, probably just have genital warts or something. And I was like, what? Throw it away.

It's probably just warts. Next. That's literally how it went. And I felt so much shame. Yeah. Because then, you know, until i got the final results back and it wasn't thankfully but what was it it was just an abnormal pap like i guess it happens like jizz i know boring um but i remember feeling that way because you're like god did i i brought this

on myself yeah brought this on myself and i wasn't careful enough but i mean you do know that like you can get it even if you are cautious it's not about we were as cautious as we could be like it was that was the whole thing that annoyed me is like i had you know i had been as cautious as i could be and and when someone's like maybe you weren't being safe and you're like there's people sucking body shots out of people's buttholes in lake havasu right now i think i'm the fucking safe spectrum like that's what annoys me is people are living super irresponsible and i'm not even criticizing their choices i'm just saying in comparison yeah fuck you like fuck you i having a drink with a friend outside you're fine it just no i i don't care anymore but like you know um

outside because drew was puzzled about the whole thing about like oh you get it outside but like because drew was puzzled about the whole thing about like oh you get it outside but like i mean we're sitting and drinking and talking you know what i mean like for hours now so it sucked it was terrible and then and even my doctor because i was like how do you think do you think it was outside do you think maybe if i gave him the ride home and she was like what dude we don't fucking know you could have been in the five seconds before you sat down with him like we have no idea she goes it's just it's it happened it's gonna happen it's gonna happen she's like we've we've heard the craziest shit we have people that are like i haven't left my house and i wear a fucking

mask when i go to cvs and they're like well you got it and then they hear people that are like again in lake havasu you know butt fucking on somebody else's boat you know sharing beers and they're like i'm negative it's like that's what happens that's just the bad luck of or the good luck of the draw i know i know just don't get it i know i don't want to i know someone who got it too who wasn't leaving the house did everything the way they're supposed to do and still got it so it's like it's gonna happen if it's gonna happen unfortunately i think i just think we'll try our best but i did get an std and thank you for bringing it up in college. I did, dude. I got one that was...

What was your... It was bacterial. No, molluscum. Molluscum. How bad does that sound, though? It's on your peener, right? It wasn't on my peen. It was on my pelvis.

And so I went to the doctor and I was panicking. Because I was like, I did wear a condom. And I was like thinking in my head. I was like, how did this happen? Like, how the fuck? I wore a condom. You guys told us condoms are safe. Yeah. And the doctor was like how did this happen like how the fuck i wore a condom you tell you guys told us condoms are safe yeah and the doctor was like after three days of panicking about it i was like pacing in

my dorm like what am i gonna tell my dad like i'm gonna die you know and the doctor was like oh my god it's cream it's a cream we can just put a cream on it and i put a cream on it went away and i was like oh that why did i feel bad about like what a fucking dumb thing to panic about like i freaked out it was just something yeah molluscum molluscum and then anal warts but anyway anyway that's the show no the molluscum was the only one and it scared me to death honestly because it didn't i didn't feel it in my pec but i looked down and saw bumps all over and i was like this is it i'm scarred for life i'm gonna i didn't feel it in my pec, but I looked down and saw bumps all over, and I was like, this is it, I'm scarred for life. I didn't think it was herpes.

I thought it was, you know, like some kind of like, like maybe warts or something like that's permanent. I thought it was like, these things will be there now forever, and they're not, but the anal warts are. But I'm happy to be through it, and you're never going to get it, because you're good, and you're never going to get it because you're,

you're good and you guys are going to be safe and you and Tom Tom are, you're going to last through the pending. You're going to get vaxxed and you're going to be fine. I hope so. But, um, your wife didn't get it from you, right?

Did she get it? The warts? Oh no. The, um, HIV. Cut that part. The pandy.

No, she, yeah. Oh yeah. She got the pandy. She got it from me. Had to. She was okay. i mean honestly she was like me it was like it was really it sucks you feel like shit you can't explain it you have weird aches and pains like you just feel fucked up but the no fever and no um fluid in the lung thing to me was like praise allah yeah because i didn't

that scared me the most like my friend said it felt like having a belt around his chest oh that's terrible for four days he was like dude it felt like someone was pulling on a belt and you're like like you couldn't breathe in so dude that's i know scary i know but but i'm i'm through it i think i hope i'm on the other side and now i'm i mean i don't know i haven't been tested yet so who knows thanks yeah now when you get the negative and the antibody positive you do feel so happy it it literally made me feel i wasn't sick anymore but the day i got the negative and the antibody positive i felt like i was health healthier even more that i was like oh the relief of saying because they call you because when they when you have antibodies, they have to call you legally

to tell you at some point you have had it. Because they don't know if you've had it. You know, because she goes, you tested negative. And I go, yes, I know. I looked online on the portal. She goes, I know, but I have to tell you that you have the antibodies.

So you have had it at some point. I go, oh yeah, we just got over it. We know. And she was like, oh, okay. Because some people, my friends, my friend Malin her husband had antibodies and and did never never came down never was i think i mean i just this is my stupid theory is that comedians are so dirty people dirty like because we get every with the first

year i toured as a feature, I got every cold in America. I got pneumonia. Oh, my God. I got pneumonia when I was on the road. Yeah. Yeah. So you get it all. You are, you're a petri dish.

So I don't know, man. I hope we have it. You think you might be good? I don't know. We got, Tom and I got a raging flu like right when this first started. March or something. Yeah. And, you know, at the the time obviously there was no covid

test so did you did you you should just go get antibody test do you think it would have so long ago even february is when i was sick you might not have antibodies anymore but you might which could be good because then you're just blood yeah it's blood blood and cum and tears they make you they take your blood they make you cum in a cup and then you have to put a little tear out um okay i love you i love you i want you to um continue to have a wonderful career whether or not i see you a lot anymore is sad because you guys might might not be around as much anymore and that's just a and that's just life um community is dispersing yeah man it's you guys's fault it's my fault it's your fault what personally yeah wow i asked tom tom said you i ask you you think it's you you also agree

everyone's leaving but it's for the good i'm serious though i did a show the drive-in theater show tammy joe's i did it at the magic castle yeah and well and everybody's moving oh yeah about to move or it did done move. It's going to be a strange. LA is a little scurry. It's a little scurry right now. It's so fucked. So wait, did you get the Thanksgiving guidelines?

I did. From Newsom? Yeah. And honestly, okay. My address is 1462 Bancroft Lane. We're having a party. Okay. I'm breaking the rules.

Everyone's coming over. Bring your own turkey. Bring your own utensils. Bring your grandmother. Bring your buds. We're raging in my backyard. Yeah, it's crazy to think that not like Halloween too. I can't have kids at the house.

And I loved giving out candy last year. Like I really do like that. I'm a dork. I decorated our whole house. Like I have lights and shit everywhere. I have a graveyard in the front. And it's meticulously put together and no kids coming because i love seeing kids in costume and the parents it's so fun to like i don't know that's such a sweet thing i think it's such a

nice communal thing that you're like hey look at everyone is human again we get to like talk to each other and be like oh my god and i get to you get to be very funny you know when kids come up and you know and the kid comes up in an obvious like a you know like there was a kid in black panther and he came up and i go superman and he goes it's black panther and i said not to me it's not and i closed the door on him um because i don't give those kids can't no no but it's fun to fuck around and tell jokes and feel that vibe and And now, you know, now we're not going to be able to. But it is what it is. I don't know.

We'll fucking, we'll get over 2020. 2021 will be worse. And then we'll be fine. Hopefully next Halloween. Gosh, who knows? Life will be back to normal at some point. I want you to do this. I like these shoes so much, by the way.

I saw them halfway through. Who makes those? It's a brand called P448. Come on. P448. It's Italian. I know, but can they name it? Just name it a shoe name.

I know. It's Italian. That's why. P448. He's like, no, no, no. Come on, Giuseppe. Give it a name. It's a shoe company.

He goes, P448. That's just a call sign number for the shipping log? That's what they call it. P-4-4-8. P-4-4-8. Well, go get some P-4-4-8s. We end the episode the same way. You're going to look in that camera and you're going to say one word or one phrase.

And that's how we end the episode. So it's on you. When I get off camera, one word or one phrase. About you or just in general? You look right at the camera about anything to end the episode. Okay. All right. Jeans.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers