Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Erik Griffin 2.0

Episode Date: September 25, 2020

Santino sits down with the Griff to chat about becoming a gaming god, how he was a hooper in high school and the time he got arrested for allegedly assaulting a meter maid. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com GO TO www.andrewsantino.com FOR TICKETS FOR THE STEAMY WINDOWS TOUR!!! Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! DRAFTKINGS - Football is back baby!!! Get entered to win millions of dollars simply by signing up Go to www.draftkings.com and use promo WHISKEY DHM DETOX - Feel healthy after a night of boozin Take two pills before you drink to make the next day a breeze https://dhmdetox.com Use promo code WHISKEY for 20% OFF SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ CHRIS & ANDREW ILLUSTRATION: https://www.instagram.com/garrettarreguin/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth.

I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It's Mr. Eric Griffin returning. Did you wear the same Superman shirt when we did this the first time? No, I think it was a different one. This is my new one. Because you know what happened? Griff. No, listen.

This is my new, new Superman. This is my new Superman shirt. I have two shirts. I have a Captain America. I have a Superman. So it ripped up here, right? By the seam. And then Rachel puts her finger in it and then just like rips it.

I was like, oh, I wanted to do that. I was so mad. Why? It was my favorite shirt, so I made her buy me this new one. But I'm not being mean. That shirt was $20. No, no, no. This is from Big Man Store.

It's like $35. Okay, bro. Because it's good quality. Okay. It lasts. Wow. You're doing fine. You can afford another $35 shirt.

It's the principle of it. So, I mean, she bought me another one. Yeah, but don't you do the same thing? I like to be relaxed. Don't you do the same thing, though, when you... Like, I'm wearing sweatpants. I mean, I couldn't be more relaxed. I'm wearing sweatpants.

But don't you do the same thing when you see something like that? You have to pick at it. Like, if it's a hole in the thing, I rip it. Like, I have a hole in the sock. I'm going to rip it. Now, I keep that kind of stuff away from her. But for some reason, I have the same rip on, like, four rip in like four or five shirts right there yes maybe do you have moths but they only like this part of my bro you have moths can we get you some mothballs you start

smelling i don't know what it is but yeah i i do i knew i just like being comfortable no no i like just like i'm 15 it's fine but you love superhero shirts yes Yes, I do. I don't know why. Since I met you, I think I met you in a Captain America shirt. What it is is I found a store that fits my shape. What's the store? The DXL store. Oh, and they carry those?

Yeah, because the problem is if I go to a regular store and I get say 2XL, the 2xl is like fine here but i'm shaped like an ostrich so like so like up here is cool but then it gets big here and then the shirt won't fit me but then if i get so i'm 2xl here like three or four xl two and a half xl down yeah yeah yeah so and so the shirts don't fit right. But big man store, they know. They make it a little wider here. So you don't have to pull it down all the time?

So it lays better. Dude, where did I just see? We died laughing. Where were we? Oh, God, I can't remember. It doesn't really matter, but there was a guy walking in with a pretty young, tiny skinny girl, like a really tiny skinny girl. And the dude was heavy, you know? But he was wearing clothes way too tight. Heavy guys wear too tight clothes, and you're like, come on, dude. And he was wearing like a really tiny, skinny girl. And the dude was heavy, you know? But he was wearing clothes way too tight.

Heavy guys wear too tight clothes. And you're like, come on, dude. And he was wearing like a polo, but it only went down and covered almost all his belly. See, that should never be there. There was a crescent moon of skin of his belly underneath the polo to his shorts. And his shorts were too short and too tight.

And I was like, just get the bigger. I don't know why people think wearing the tighter clothes unless you're in bomb ass shape don't get super tight clothes well first i don't ever wear stuff that's like super form-fitting unless you have like a good a bomb body i never got it when you're like those are too it's just too tight you've got to be uncomfortable yeah or it's like you shouldn't wear too tight you shouldn't wear too tight you shouldn't wear too big because that's not gonna just get relaxed you're not hiding how fat you are right i'm i don't see that like big parka and then i'm like i'm like oh they'll never know yeah yeah yeah you got it hidden it's like no man it's like wearing a shirt in the pool it's like you still

fat motherfucker take that thing off yeah but see that's you know that's just shame i had a friend that used to wear a shirt and he was it was's like, you still fat, motherfucker. Take that thing off. Yeah, but see, that's, you know, that's just shame. I had a friend that used to wear a shirt, and it was just because he didn't want his stomach out. He was just ashamed. But your stomach is out. I know, but it probably feels like, you know how when a kid, it's like when a little kid pretends to be invisible, he's like, you can't see me.

And you're like, okay. Yeah, it's definitely the emperor has no clothes situation. Right, it makes them feel good. So you're like, it's fine, it's fine. Thank God I wasn't a fat kid. Not that there's anything wrong with being a fat kid everybody knows eric griffin talks shit about fat kids on a constant basis uh you know but i never like so this is like a uh you know later life was when well because dude you put up a photo we should put it up we'll put it up here in between us right now you put up a photo of the

newspaper clipping when you're in high school playing basketball. That's you jumping in the air? Yeah, dude. Bro, but not skinny. You looked jacked. Dude, when I was 26. It was wild. I was like, that's not Griff.

We used to go play basketball. First of all, we used to go to the dunk courts all the time. Yeah. So that's like, the rim would be eight foot. So we would just be out there like we're NBA players. I used to tear that up. But I tore my ACL playing out there. And then I didn't have insurance at the time.

So I had to like – Who did when they were young? So it was like I had this torn ACL for over a year. And in that time – Wait, you just lived with it? I just lived with it. Wasn't the pain intense? No, no, no.

Actually, you're fine with it. If you tried to play sports on it you could right right right no right so i regular day-to-day was fine i wasn't doing anything then i just got super fat and then it was like then i i was like 26 27 it's like the age started coming where the weight doesn't just come off you so i went from being like super active being an athlete and then i i was like a fat guy yeah but, but no, but I don't see you as a fat guy in my head. You've always been a big guy to me, but you're also big. You're tall. But I've been, I know I could probably, if I lost like 40 pounds. 40 is a lot, right? I know,

but still like, yeah, because I could lose 40 pounds because I can get down to like, yeah, because I'm at 280 something right now, which is 25 pounds from, you know, here's the thing. How old were you in high school 170 pounds shut up so i'm trying to tell you same height same height so you grew in junior high you sprouted up and then you stopped high school was it right and i was all nose you could see it from the back you should have ran track you'd have won every race yeah i was like beat him by another nose there's griff that ticket tape yeah so it was, which used to be the bane of my existence, having a big nose. It finally grew right to my face.

I was going to say, if you had a small head, it'd be weird. But it's the same size nose since I was 10. You know what I mean? Jesus. So I've always had a big nose. That was always a thing. Every school I went to, I was waiting for the big nose jokes. And then they would come.

You would just knock them out. Wouldn't you get them out of the way? i didn't learn that till later oh that i learned that so fast i didn't learn that till i was in high school to make fun of it myself and make fun of people and then it stopped or just stop bothering me i think it stops bothering all of us yeah that's what like like because we become comedians too like the redheaded jokes when i was a kid like they kill you when you're young and then you get older and you're like, it's, it's so like not funny.

See, it's almost like, it's almost whack to me. Now, when someone tries to be cruel about it, when friends are having fun and you know, when you or Bobby or someone's like, Oh,

you, you redheaded freak. Like it's funny to me. But like when, if someone tries to say it diminutively, I'm always like, it doesn't work. Here's the thing. And I say this to my chats all the time like in the chat or i'm gonna i'm doing premieres live i just like just be funny yeah you can rip me because you're funny be funny yeah don't be like just being cruel and weird right like that's the thing that i

because i'm at this point right now i mean my mind just works like that all the time, just being a comic. I'm like, if you get me, I'm going to be like, that's good. That was a good one. Have you read one recently that you're like, Oh, I wish I had, because I know we were going to talk about this. But like, yeah,

sometimes I'll be like, that's a good one. You got me on that one. And other times it'll be like, it's just like, just call me fat for just no reason. It's like, come on, man. Give me something more here. It's not just cheap, though. it's like come on man give me give me something

more here it's not just cheap though it's like lazy and that's how i look at it too it's like this is lazy it's like what are you doing you troll fuck you know yeah but it's also i think it they they probably love you i've said we've said this before it's like the guy that says the meanest thing probably likes you the most because why is he paying so much attention yeah what is that about well i just think that people love to tear people down too, though. Yeah. I know that's part of it. I think there are people that are like that.

But I also think there are people that are just like they hate their life. They're just, you know, they don't have a good life. Yeah. And they look at somebody like this is for me. So they look at me and they might be like, well, what's up with that guy? Then it's like, why does he deserve? Yeah, his girlfriend's pretty. Right.

He's got he's he's doing well. People. Yeah. What's up with that? You it's like why does he deserve yeah his girlfriend's pretty right he's got he's he's doing well people yeah what's up with that you know so i i get that you know it's like it's weird how i just think it's sad as they get older you think that dude's gonna be 60 being that that kind of guy yeah you're gonna be that kind of mean cruel like this is a lot of mean cruel people and that's why i love like my favorite thing on Instagram, by the way. By the way, I never block people because blocking somebody gives people too much power. Yeah. I restrict. Restrict. Yeah.

Bro, restrict is the greatest thing because you know what it is for them? Yeah. They still see their comment. But no one else does. As if it's there. Yeah. So I feel like it's a win-win for everyone. Yeah.

So the troll gets to still be a troll because he's sitting there like oh i'm tearing this guy up no one sees it do you still see it no oh it goes away you you just see that comment restricted and if you want to you can open it up okay i just don't i just give it a quick delete and nobody cares that's fine i don't even look at this stuff dude i love I love mute on Twitter. Oh, I've muted almost everybody. But also Twitter is a fucking trash bin anyway. But I mute on Twitter and restrict on Instagram are the greatest things.

Because it still gives them. Because I like to give them, go ahead, tweet about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, I'm never going to see your response. That's got to drive them nuts. Yeah. But I had to let them know. Yeah.

I always, every time I see a troll thing, I go, you're muted. And then it's fun to just start talking. You say it or it tells them. No, it doesn't tell them.

If you restrict, does it tell them? No. So they have no fucking idea. And the great thing about restrict too, is that if they send you a DM. Yeah. It doesn't let them know you've read it or not.

Right, right. But it'll just stay in the request, right? Yeah, yeah. You just delete. It's great. You're like a scientist with this. People that are watching, you can see my left eye. It hurts bad.

I got like a little infection in my left eye. It's like the ginger is actually. It's protruding. It's protruding. It's protruding. The redness has gone down from my head into my eyeball. But I woke up this morning and it hurt so much. I watched it a thousand times. I still couldn't get this thing out.

But it's driving me nuts all day today. It was doing that thing when just when I thought it was getting better, it got worse. Like I would I'd pay attention to it again. You know, they say you have to trick your brain into go into like focusing on if something's bothering you pain wise or annoyance, you do other stuff or think about other shit. And then this slowly kind of disappears. As soon as I get comfortable, I went to take the dog for a walk and it was driving me fucking nuts. I drove, dude, I drove, I drove so far today to go get a roof rack for my truck because we're going out of town. And I drove all the way out to Thousand Oaks.

You ever been out that way? Yeah. You know who's wearing a mask out there? Nobody. Nobody. It's like Huntington Beach. Bro, I got out of the car and I had a mask on. And for a hot second, I almost thought, oh shit, and I was going to take it off.

And then I was like, no, wait, what? No. Because you know how like if you forget your mask, you like oh oh shit i gotta grab a mask this was the opposite effect where no one was wearing it inside this dealership and i was like oh i guess i could and i was like no i'm not gonna fucking take it away i'm gonna take it off it's a weird i walked in with it on yeah nobody had it on dude i was nobody did that show on huntington beach oh yeah you told me that yeah right no one had a soul they don't they don't give a fuck. Yeah. But honestly, let people choose. Now my whole thing is whatever, do whatever you got to do. I don't even, I'm going to wear it. I just wish we could

get some information that we know is not going to happen. You just hear how the, that the CDC came out, updated their website and then they took it down. They updated their website saying like it's that, that was false about the aerosol can stuff so you go so you're telling me the infectious control center yeah we can't trust shit coming out of there yeah we're fucked then we're fucked then we might as well just have the inquirer tell you know if they do have an update on corona and we should believe everything that that says but honestly if you ever read some shit in the inquirer and you're like bullshit and then a couple months later you're like, it was true. I just, man.

Like, who knows what's real anyway? So I don't know. I just, I go by, I feel the same way with politics. I don't trust one party. I look at it. I view what I can view from it. The most information I can gather from all sides. And then I make a decision.

Yeah, but the problem is... I figure it out to the best of my ability here's the difference though when you have two sides giving opposite viewpoints then you could be like okay i could take that and that there's no other side of the seat of of corona well there is no anti-corona on the internet there is yeah but hey man who's to know that they're not right? Let me tell you how this is going to go down. Yeah. They're just not going to talk about it. It's going to just go away?

Like, for instance, the NFL, they're not talking about it. Well, yeah, I mean. They're not even, and I bet you there was a letter from upon high, don't talk about coronavirus. They're like, no interviews, no nothing. Don't mention this shit. Don't talk about coronavirus. They're like no interviews. No interviews. No nothing. Don't mention the shit. Don't talk about it at all. Kneel for the national anthem.

Talk about black shit all you want. That's these rich white dudes. That's how they talk about it. You can have back your blacks. Yeah. We don't even care. Y'all can be black as you want. But don't talk about that corona shit.

They're not going to be talking about Rona. Boy, you better take a knee and shut your mouth about Rona. I bet you they're going to have like when somebody does get it they're going to be on the injury report and it's not going to say why. Okay, so this is what I'm telling you though. There are rumors on the

internet that some people have already gotten it. Oh, dude, they're not going to talk about it. But this is my point. There's too much money on the line. That is my point. Too much money on the line. Who knows? We're just going to deal. Also, dude, I read an article today online. There was a woman, the oldest woman to survive the Spanish flu from 1918. She's 102 or something and she just beat Corona as online. There was a woman, the oldest woman to survive the Spanish flu from 1918.

She's 102 or something. And she just beat Corona as well. I was like, what? Well, how is this robo bitch? She beat that back then when it was like impossible to beat it. And to be Corona again at her age,

I was like this. Well, that's what I don't like. Yeah, but I don't know, but I don't like the idea that like, how can some people be beyond safe and healthy through it? And then some people get just murdered.

Well, that's what- And there's no string, there's no shoestring to tie them together. Well, that's the strange thing about, that's what's so deadly about it. Or what's strange about it, I should say. I don't know if we want to call it deadly. Listen, I get it.

People are dying. When it first came out, no, yeah, but- Some. You know, I just saw a commercial. It was like, it was about heart disease for dying. When it first came out, no, yeah, but- Some. You know, I just saw a commercial. It was about heart disease for women. Yeah. And they said every minute, every minute-

A woman dies of heart disease? A woman dies of heart disease. It's got to be more for a man. No, it hits women more than men. Really? Yeah, well, according to this commercial. Huh. Fake news.

What I'm saying is, how many minutes have we been on? 10, I don't even know, 12. Yeah. Well, according to this commercial. Huh. What I'm saying is. Fake news. What I'm saying is like, how many minutes we've been on? 10. I don't even know. 12. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, should we shut it down? Right.

Right. I'm just saying, are we shutting it down? Because, you know, I'm just saying at a certain point, it's going to be like that. Yeah. Like, I don't want anyone to die. But maybe the people that have already died, those are the people that were going to die. Yeah. Because of what?

The pre-existing conditions. Sure. Or how it affects whatever's going on but look right when it first came out i understand they were like we gotta quarantine we gotta be safe not because they knew what was gonna happen but in anticipation that if it was really bad they didn't want to overrun the hospital system yeah okay that was the right right this shit hasn't happened they keep talking about florida they keep talking about florida especially liberal like the liberal side they want to tell florida's the worst and they're doing terrible these republican states where's the liberal news in florida at the hospitals with the long lines and the overrun chaos out here i know i'm shipping out bodies and bags yeah it's not happening that was in new york you can walk right in the motherfucker and you're fine yeah right but

that new york was a different story yeah different story new york was hit that now they're like they have the lowest whatever i'm just saying no you're look i you're right trust me i you know what i do know um that i i i screwed up the intro and i want to have you sing us in. Because I want to change my mental zeitgeist to all this sad Corona stuff. So will you woo-woo-woo me in for the show, please? Let me slowly introduce you. It's going to be in the middle of the show

and you woo in the background, okay? This will change our mood. It'll make us happy. Okay. Should I put on my... And I'm going to be real slow. I'm going to do it slow so you get your... Should I play my...

Yeah, yeah. Play your song. If you're not watching Riffin' with Griffin, you must. Also, Gaming with Griffin. I want to talk about that. Yeah, Riffin' Gaming. This dude is the next... Who's the biggest dude?

I don't know. I don't follow online gaming. Who's the biggest guy? Oh, like Nick Merckx and... What's his name? Ninja. Ninja, right. That guy I've heard. Dude making $500 and what's his name? Ninja. Ninja, right. That guy I've heard.

Dude making $500,000 a month. Shut up. Yeah, dude. From sponsorships? From subscribers. I know. That's why. Who knows what your kid's going to tell you they want to be when they grow up, but you

can't discount anything. Yeah. Imagine how many kids in the future in 20 years are going to be like, I want to be an influencer. That's a legit dream for some kid to have now. I know. I want to be on the Internet and influence other people. Yeah, this shit's crazy.

So give me the riffing with Griffin intro. I'm trying to find it. This doesn't make any sense. If you don't know, some of the happiest moments of my life came from Eric singing. Both when we work together, also at the store. He hums his way into a room. I don't know why it's not right here. That's so annoying, right?

Well, on the intro, if you've never watched a show, you should. He does a little song. Is this it? And it's Griffin with Griffin. Who made that song, by the way? They're called Dope-A-Pod. Oh, it's a band. Yeah, they're a funk band.

Wow. And this guy detective design you've seen him because he the guy that's in the band too uh he draw he's a great artist what's his name do you know uh what's what's his name it's like it's eli and the other guys oh man he's gonna be mad at me i completely i'm drawing a blank on his name right now i know but it's like they're're great. And they made these songs for me. But I have a lot of songs here that people made. But that's why I have so many original songs from people. They just keep sending you stuff. You've never made your own.

Yeah. You've written your own? No. No, just when you sing. These guys, like this is another one that some guy made. Throw it into the mic. Oh yeah. That's great.

And they do some singing on it. That's the same band? No, they're good. We're with them. We're with them. That always makes me feel good. Yeah. All right, cut that shit out. This is my show.

I watch the show. Look, in the middle of the pandemic, you switched over to gaming, and it's wild to watch you take off on it because it means nothing to me. i don't know anything about it yeah dude it's but you love it now no but if you think about even in the comedy scene what i didn't realize is there's like this other there's an other pie slices of pie and comedy in la that i had no idea about. You mean comics that game? No, no, no. Like sketch. Oh, oh, oh. It's like, we know about alternative. That's a big pie. So we have alternative, but there's people that do sketch and there's people that do improv and there's like a vibrant scene. Of course. Well, this is the same thing in entertainment. There's different things.

This gaming shit is huge. Oh, well, yeah. I mean that I've known, I just don't know the depths of it. Right. Like I used to do a job for this company called Machinima. Do you know, do you ever heard of them? I don't think they're around anymore. But I worked with them and they were gaming and I knew nothing about gaming. But they I got exposed to how many people really make a great living and do stuff that you'll never know or never heard of because it is a niche. It's just a different just like stand up as a niche, too. It's a market that people only know about two percent of what's really going on in stand-up they only know chapelle and you know i mean they only know what they see they don't know you and they don't know you i mean there's people that don't know us that are like yeah i like comedy you'd be like oh do you know eric griffin no i've never heard because how could they get to all the nooks and crannies yeah but there's you're still successful in this thing they just don't know gaming's got to be the same way there's people that are probably making half a million a year playing games that nobody knows.

Dude, it's... Because there's big money. There's huge money. I know. I should be a gamer. It's huge money. And then the opportunities that I've gotten because of gaming, if comedy started right now, I wouldn't stop gaming.

Well, you wouldn't stop comedy. Yeah, but if i if it was like the comedy opportunity it was like a set tonight or you got a game live i'm going to game damn yeah well priorities change right i guess yeah i mean by the way it's like what i'm saying because i know what it leads to like or if it was like an event if it was like hey do you want to go to like you know albuquerque for thursday through sunday uh for whatever money do you want to go to like, you know, Albuquerque for Thursday through Sunday for whatever money? Or you want to go do this do this gaming event where you stay at home and you make three times the amount of money. Well, that's not even a question.

That's what's happening. Well, that's insane. Then you got to get me up on gaming. Now I'm now I'm ready to switch. I'm a full time gamer now. Yeah. So it's called Whiskey Gamer. That's what it would be.

That'd be actually a great whiskey gamer yeah gamer no but but um the other thing i wanted to talk to you about was transitioning from opportunities coming from stuff i get on this um uh i get on this zoom uh last week and uh they keep saying this guy's gonna join us for doing we're doing this voiceover for the show and they say eric is gonna come on soon and i don't think anything of it i'm like some actor named eric is going to be on the zoom soon we had a girl um that was on with me at the beginning and then she left then we waited another 10 minutes and then whose voice do i fucking hear on the other end of the and you go i thought that was you asshole and i was like i was like bro these people don't really know our relationship they don't know i know we have the executives from hbo max they're all these people they have

no idea that we're like oh fuck you griff yeah we're just going in on each other but i could cartoon but i'm sure they're because did you see how many people were on that no i didn't even look and see bro 15 or 20 people were just listening their cameras and their mics were off so they were just sitting in a room listening meanwhile Meanwhile, he's like, this motherfucker. I was like, Griff, chill. These people don't know us. They don't know we know each other. Even when we said that, it almost felt like he didn't know if we really knew each other well.

Oh, right, right. He was like, oh, you guys. Yeah, right. Okay, from comedy. Okay, cool. Yeah, he got nervous. Because also, you said something on it, and I'm not calling anybody out because i'm not going to talk about the project because i don't want to you know i don't know if that's a thing but

you had said something that you don't know if you wanted to say it that way and the instinct was him being like oh i don't i don't we don't we're trying to make a joke not trying to be insensitive and i was like no one we know we all know but i was like that has to be the thought process because he doesn't know if you took it the wrong way. I was like, that's where we are now. That online, it was obviously such a joke. It read like a joke. It was obvious.

But when he said it, he was like, oh, we're not trying to be insensitive. And I held my tongue, but I wanted to be like, yeah, man, we're comedians. I know that that's a joke, but I know he's had somebody go, I'm not reading that. I'm not reading that.

I don't like the way that's, it's like, it's wild. That's where it is now that you're like, okay, well, I'm not reading that. I'm not reading that. I don't like the way that's, it's like, it's wild. That's where it is now that you're like, okay, well I, you know, or you have to like, you have to like walk back everything you say right after you say it.

Right. You know, just in case, just in case, especially when you're improv and cause you guys were improv and a lot. And I was like, cause I improved up top without you at the first scene with this, with this woman. And, and I improv'd up top without you at the first scene with this woman

and I'm not mentioning names, but whatever. And we were improvving and, you know, she was hitting on me in the scene. Yeah. And my whole job was to be like, ma'am, I've got to go. Like, I'm a doctor. Like, I'm leaving. And she's flirting and flirting and being like over the top. And my instinct was like, well, what realm can I take this?

Cause if I'm saying something, even though it's saying in character, if I'm like, Ooh, yeah, let's see those picks. You know what I'm saying? I didn't want her to be like,

no, I don't like the way that sounded. You're like, Oh, this is a character. But I was conscious of it, but I was conscious of it. I literally was like,

well, so I went the other way just for comedic purposes and it worked, but it was also like, she was being, you know, she was being, you know, she was being over the top. I was like, well, I have to go the other way because otherwise it could be taken as like gross.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It was a trip, man. And that's voiceover. It's for a cartoon. I know, it's voiceover. That's what's insane. And when I heard your voice, it was a pleasant surprise,

but I knew. I turned, I told the old bag, I was like, Griff, Griff is on. She's like, what? I was like, Griff, Griff is on. She's like, what? I was like, Griff is on the fucking show. Yeah. At least we work,

we work together again. You're doing, you're doing 10 episodes of this thing? Yeah. I wish we could talk about it. I don't think we're supposed to, so I'm bummed out. I have no idea.

I don't even, but see, but I don't know with, with cartoons and all that, like with TV stuff, you can say anything. You're like, yeah,

it's coming out. I'll tell you everything you need to know. I actually have no idea. I don't know when it's coming out. Animated shit. I'm always like, I don't know. I don't,

cause they make you sign stuff all the time. We need to know you have no idea i don't know when it's coming out animated shit i'm always like i don't know i don't because they make you sign stuff all the time we you know ndas and you know here's something i wanted to ask you about speaking of projects have you noticed how many people are like are now watching i'm dying up here on like yeah man i just got hit up like three times this week on amazon because it's on amazon that's why now the real question i want to know is and i know you got those i know you saw the residual checks are coming in are we getting paid i know you got those. I know you saw the residual checks are coming in. Are we getting paid? I knew you. I was like, I knew you saw those residual.

That's the first thing I thought. I was like, are we going to get some money for this? Are we going to get some money? I doubt it. I think they buy out that stuff, don't they? No, they still got it. No, no, no, no. Wait, actually, I can go to my SAG app.

This is a promo for SAG app now. I can go to my SAG app. I doubt it. You know what I hate about i doubt we're gonna wearing masks is it doesn't recognize your face yeah so i gotta put a mask down then people look at you crazy i'm like i'm not putting my fucking password in apple said apple released a statement saying that they were gonna make it mask id work like you know it's gonna recognize oh we do get some residuals but it's bullshit well there you go a hundred dollars all right whatever man i mean

that's like there's some people at home that go. A hundred dollars. All right, whatever, man. I mean, that's like, what? There's some people at home that really want a hundred dollars, Griff. You know what? I'm so tired of apologizing for like- For money? That I did okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I know.

I mean, what am I supposed to do, man? I know. I know. You rode in here on your Ferrari. He texted. He goes, I'm here. It'd be the other way around, though. Rachel would make-

She would get that car. She'd make you drive the- Hey, I got her a Buick, and she loves it. Oh, yeah. What did you buy her? You car. She'd make you drive the. Hey, I got her a Buick and she loves it. Oh, yeah. What did you buy her? You told me you were buying her a car. Yeah, I got her a promise car because I was telling her, like, you ain't getting no big ass ring right now.

Why? Because you're like the economy. I'm not buying you a fucking, a diamond ring. Yeah. I'm just saying, like, I say, if you want this certain type of ring, let me, because at the time, we were about to go do all this stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I even got a Tiffany's credit card. I was ready to you know i was like but i was like there's been a client you're like but i said listen i don't know i didn't know if i was still gonna how i was gonna make money well because who knew what work was gonna be i didn't know what it was gonna going to, how I was going to make money. Well, cause who knew what work was going to be? I didn't know what it was going to be. So things are all better now. Yeah. But like, it was like at the same time I go, well, I can't do both of these things. You need a car.

You're living with me. We're going to be together. Car is going to do her more good than put a ring on her hand right now. And to get back and forth from work. Cause she still works out in Valencia. What? I know. She's trying to switch.

That's so far away. Her family still lives out there. Six flags, right? Yeah. That's so deep. So I was like lives out there. Six Flags, right? Yeah. That's so deep. So I was like, and her car's on its last leg. So I was like, you want a car or you want a diamond ring? You want a car?

You want a diamond ring? What'd you get? A Buick what? Encore GX. The SUV? Is that what that is? Whoa. She looked it up.

She was like, I like this one. They're not cheap though, right? No, it was fine. Oh, it wasn't crazy? No, it wasn't crazy. Did you buy it cash? Oh, no. It's leased. We leased it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got nervous. I was like, Grif, one. They're not cheap though, right? No, it was fine. Oh, it wasn't crazy. No, it wasn't crazy. Did you buy it cash? Oh, no, it's leased. We leased it.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got nervous. I was like, Grif, what are you doing? I know. That's the lease. How in love are you? No, because I also like getting, because I bought my car. Cash, you did.

I know you told me, right? Yeah, I bought my car. So I want to have the, if we have a second car, I want that one to be able to try something new. Yeah, flip it out. Yeah. Well, you're not going to believe this when I tell you this. When my car is something new. Yeah. Flip it out. Yeah. Well, you're not going to believe this when I tell you this,

when my car is up for its lease, I'm done. Really? What are you going to do? One car household, dude. Oh, we already have a Jeep.

We're done. I'm done. I'm out, man. I'm downsizing a lot of stuff. I just don't feel like it anymore. I don't know what it is. I'm like,

I don't need it. The pandemic is like an electric. No man. Cause even those are expensive. The nice ones are expensive. Yeah. The one you would want to get. Yeah.

Cause see, yeah. If I can't have it, I don't want it. Yeah. I'm a pretty girl. Yeah. Actually, you know, it's so funny. Volvo made a car called the Polestar one. If you have a chance of your car person, Polestar one Polestar is Volvo's, um, you know, no,

it's like, but I'm saying Polestar, the namesake is they're like unique division of their, of their cars. Like the S 90 has a, it's like but I'm saying Polestar the namesake is their like unique division of their cars like the S90 has a Polestar it's like Genesis for Hyundai yeah but initially but Genesis is it's own company

so to speak right well now it is right Polestar used to just be Volvo now they're their own branch company

like how Genesis became and Polestar made these two independent Polestar 1 and 2 the 1 is legit it's a coupe

the 2 is like an egg I don't like it but they won $150,000 for it electric? yeah hybrid made these two independent, Polestar 1 and 2. The 1 is legit. It's a coupe. The 2 is like an egg. I don't like it. But they want $150,000 for it. Electric? Yeah. Hybrid. Hybrid?

It's not even electric? Yeah, but it's beautiful. It's 707 horsepower. It's a beautiful car. The design is wonderful. I don't want it. I mean, I can't afford it. I'm just saying.

But I read this article. They said, this is what's going to happen in the future. These specific high-end hybrid electric cars, like these kind of niche ones, they're making 1,500 of them.

And that's it? That's it. I get it. 1,500, boom, done. They're not going to have overstock. You're not going to drive to Long Beach and see lots filled with these cars like you do. It's not going to be like a Target shirt.

Right. You know what I mean? This ain't a Target shirt, bitch. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. I know, but see, I want to get, if I had to get, if I was going to trade my car in and get another car, Right. You know what I mean? Is that what you're talking about? This ain't a Target shirt, bitch. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. No. But see, I want to get, if I had to get, if I was going to trade my car in and get another car, I want to get that electric Hummer.

Griff. What? An electric Hummer? Yeah. Why do you need a Hummer? That's what you would say before because of the gas. No, but I'm saying- But if it's electric-

No, no, no. Not because of the gas. I'm not doing shit for the environment. My car literally eats gas it eats on the way here i lost a quarter of a tank okay got it no it's absurd i love it i want to i'm just saying you like how big and chunky they are i love that shit really and then the bigger it is the better the electric stuff in it is well because they can put more stuff more expensive too yeah i don't know how much it is i'm not even gonna look an all electric hummer

yeah well weren't the old hummers like 60, 70 grand? Weren't they expensive? Yeah, but this is like they're new. They're going to... Who knows? I don't know. We'll see. Look, it's going to be pricey.

My car wasn't cheap. It wasn't over 100, but it wasn't cheap. But that's gas. There's no electric, right? That's all electric. Oh, that is? Yeah. That's nice.

I didn't know. Yeah, it's all electric. All right. I was tired of paying for gas. I don't really... Gas doesn't really bother me that much because we don't drive that much anymore. Okay, well, it bothered me. My girl was living in Valencia at the time.

Well, that's disgusting. And my parents are in frickin' Oxnard. So that shit was like, my gas, and then the gas was coming on $5 a gallon. Oh, no. It was getting to that, and I was like, I'm paying a car note for... $800 a month in gas. Yeah, dude. Dude, it was bananas, for real.

What was gas when you first got your license, when you were 16? Do you remember? Oh, my God. A dollar something. Dude, I remember. 89 cents was the lowest at the Chevron near my house. Yeah, or the Arco was always cheap as fuck. Arco is dirt cheap, but I don't trust Arco.

For some reason, I know it's shady gas. You know what I mean? Like, I can feel it. Like, they siphon the gas on parked cars. Yeah, they make employees go to Shell at night. Run hose from there over to... No, no one will see. Why is the...

It's a Japanese guy. I was going to say, what is the Arco guy? Don't worry about it. It's a Puerto Rican guy. That accent. Why? Have you been to an Arco? They're all the same.

Yeah, so they... What pump? Yeah, gas was cheap back then, but... Dirt. It was unbelievable. My first car... What was your first car? I had a Mitsubishi Mirage.

A hatchback. It was white. I blew the transmission out that bitch. It was a white Mitsubishi Mirage? And it was like... And I had a... Stick? Never drove stick again.

That was the first and last time I drove a stick. I fucking hate that shit. Why? I love stick. No. God. Why? You don't like to feel it no no that's how i feel it yeah that's why you like electric then the car goes you know and the fuck when you're smooth it's hot oh man i remember driving i remember when i first got that car i remember being on la cienega going up the hill set yeah i was i was like oh shit grinding it yeah cause my car's going backwards

to get that fucking clutch and that shit I said I'll never never do a stick again do a stick again I think I want another stick I just love to feel it

I like the way it feels when you're smooth it's good also when a girl can drive a stick ugh it's so sexy I don't know why it's just so hot

when a girl can drive a stick a girl in high school had a crush on me and I didn't know it and's just so hot when a girl can drive a stick a girl in high school had a crush on me and i didn't know it and i had such a big crush on her and she could drive sticks used to pick me up sometimes and not till later did she admit she was like you didn't know i had a crush on you i picked you up you know what's so dumb when we were that young we didn't know you didn't get it we didn't fucking know you didn't know dude okay how could you how could you so the signals are so mixed when you're young. You don't get it.

You're trying. You're trying to figure it out. Just the fear of failure. Just the fear of like. Oh, because you know it's coming. Oh, my God. Dude, I was like an athlete in high school. And even still.

You know what I mean? And then we were like. But I went to an all-boys school. So we had all these sister schools. Right. So they were our cheerleaders. The Catholic school? Yeah.

We would go to dances. And so we had all this thing. So cut to later. I'm way out of high school. And I'm working at this school. And I'm out on the playground with the kids. Were you teaching or something? Yeah, yeah.

I was doing the PE for them. So I'm out here doing this. And this girl is walking around the yard. It's an after school program. The yard like it's prison? Yeah. She was walking the yard. She was walking the yard. 482, get back in line. And then I say to her, I go, excuse me after school program, you know? The yard, like it's prison. Yeah, it was like, yeah. She was walking the yard. She was walking the yard.

482, get back in line. And then I say to her, I go, excuse me, can I help you? Because she was a sister of one of the kids, you know? And then she goes like this, Eric Griffin, you don't recognize me? You were always conceited in high school. And I thought to myself, I was conceited? I was so mad that I didn't get to take advantage of being conceited. Should have been.

She was like, you would come to the dances, and you would just stand off in the corner. You wouldn't even talk to anyone. I was like, bitch, I was. Bitch, I was nervous. I was nervous and shit. I was insecure. You think I was over there in the corner like, man,

fuck all these girls at the dance. I'm standing over here. Like, is that a thing? Yeah, I'm sure somebody was for somebody, not for me. I was like, so you don't even know. We stood off because we were nervous. I was so mad because I thought back to myself, I didn't take advantage of being like. Perception of conceited?

Yeah, being the perception of like, oh, that's right. I was on the basketball team. Right. We were doing pretty good at the time. Were you in a cool group? Were you in a popular group? Yeah, I was in a cool group. I was with the cool kids. Damn. Yeah, I was with the basketball team and right we were doing pretty good at the time were you in a cool group were you i was like i was i was with the kids damn how far we've fallen i'm all right now we're not no we are the opposite of the cool kids it depends on the cool kids the cool kids are now cool kids we're the podcasters no no no no we go home and sad just like everybody else i know no

no i just think like the pop the most groups, they probably felt the same way though. Like we all just pretended like – No. You think they were on it? No, dude. The cute popular kids, what's wrong with them is they knew it. Some of them. Yeah.

Only the really good looking ones. The other ones that were just kind of in the group, they were just like you. They just got through. You know what I mean? Yeah. They just got led into the nightclub. They didn't belong in there, but they got led in. But you were with the guy. Yeah, you were with the guy. they were just like you. They just got through. You know what I mean? They just got led into the nightclub. They didn't belong in there, but they got led in. You were with the guy. Yeah, you were with the guy. You were this guy.

I'm with him. No, the guy had to go, he with me. I was with that guy. Fine. Fine. I got this. And the guy was like, it's alright. Really? Is that what it was like? That was me. He's fine. He's fine. That's so embarrassing.

You know what's even more embarrassing? We went out to dinner with a friend. I haven't been out to dinner in forever, and we sat outside of this. It was a parking lot. I'm not going to mention the place. Which is ridiculous, by the way. When you finish this, I'm going to tell you about how I went to dinner with Rachel on a sidewalk. Go ahead.

I was in a parking lot, and the food was fucking terrible. I don't want to blow up their spot because you know people are struggling but like holy shit it was just garbage and it was outside i was already annoyed and they try to make it look nice but but still you were like you know i'm still in the parking lot in this mother by the dumpster so of course you know the night's waiting on i'm out here trying to have a nice dinner. The whole time, all I can think about is I'm in the parking lot next to the place and I'm paying what I'm paying to eat here. It just bummed me out. And I had been out in so long. I was like, you know, and then afterwards they were like, let's go. I was already kind of bummed. The food wasn't good.

He's like, let's go have one drink across the street at the head of outdoor patio. I said, I don't know, man. And one of the guys were with, he was like, it'll be fine. And I was and i was with another dude we were with another dude who's you know got a little bit of a namesake maybe and he mentions his name like i'm here with so-and-so and then he also goes and andrew santino and the look on this dude's face was he was like like like he smelled a fart he was like he could have just said he could have just said like some like weird language yeah i'm with google google good that's what he heard what language you speaking bitch i'm with yeah the guy's like let him in yeah but it would just embarrass me a little bit because i was like oh don't mention my fucking this guy doesn't know the fuck i am and like what i think he was just having fun but also it made me go back to that place of like i don't miss waiting in lines i don't miss that's the stuff i don't miss yeah

about la pre-pandemic lifestyle i don't miss the waiting i don't miss about LA pre-pandemic lifestyle. I don't miss the waiting. I don't miss the hustle and bustle of trying to... All I want to do is go get a drink. I don't care about a scene, but they're like, oh, you have to wait in line. I don't miss that shit at all. Not even a little bit. I hate that shit too. I remember I went to...

This was like a party for... What's her name? Hayley Baldwin. Who's like Hayley Bieber now. Yeah, bieber yeah it was like her birthday and it was at that place what's that place across like it's like on the same street as the laugh factory but across from the chevron it's like some big time club or whatever i guess i don't know because you think i go to clubs yeah and so so i say to the guys they're all there you know and the guy go they go um i said yeah i'm outside man these people aren't letting me in yeah you know then the guys are like well just tell them you're what's it called it from you know montana's

i was like you think people give a fuck about that's that was like six years ago man i'm just i'm just a weird dude out here who shouldn't be at a club that's what they radio and they go it's a weird dude out here yeah dude like get me in like you want me to come i'll come inside dude i've had somebody come get me who's famous and then still give them trouble yeah yeah the guy that's like he's fine he's good and they're like oh we don't know and i'm like damn this is sad if even the famous guy that they know can't get me in and then he's like, you're good. You just have to chill for a minute.

You're like, this is embarrassing. Dude, this is why I don't like going. I don't like being put in that situation. I hate it. You know when someone says some shit like, yo, just come and we're going to fuck you. No, yeah. Because I get there and I'm being looked at like,

and in my mind I'm like, you think I want to be at this dumb motherfucking place? I know. And you want to say so many mean things to the guy? Yeah, because I'm like, first of all, I don't drink. First of all, dude, you out here. You're not even inside having fun. You just a gatekeeper, bitch. You know what I mean?

You just get mad. And I go, I don't want to go through this. It's nice when you can just walk up. I have been in situations where people are like, oh shit. You know, yeah it's just it's nice when you can just walk up like if like i have been in situations where people are like oh shit you know but it's like what's up man but it's like a mcdonald's drive-thru swear to god i put like bro i'll give you extra sauce bro dude i i order my food i pull up what's your order super fat guy mcdonald's order i'll get like a quarter pounder with cheese with a large fries really Really? Yeah. I love it.

I didn't see you like that. And so the guy sees me and he's like, I can't charge my test. And I thought I was balling it. I was like, thanks, homie. That's what's up. I know. That's what's up. But then, and I had to stop because.

Yeah. And he's still kind of right there. That's still the second window so sometimes it's like that i've had situations where you know somebody throws you a freebie yeah like like like uh i was in a we were we parked our car rachel's with me so we park and then we're pulling out and you have to pay the guy he was like montez i can't take your money you know that was like it's cool bro I looked over at Rachel like You see

Oh god it's so corny She's probably like Ugh drive Montez I know she can't stand it She can't stand it I had a dude Like I thought it was road rage And in like his car

Like we were in a parking lot And I'm waiting in line To get out of this fucking jammed parking lot And this dude Comes screaming up my left-hand side and, and it's kind of like cut me off a little bit. And I'm getting, I'm like,

get the fuck up. So I, I get, I put my car like wheel in front of him, you know? And you're like, nah, bitch.

You know, I do that again. Then he goes up again and does the same shit. So I'm like this motherfucker. And then I end up just pulling to the right to just be like, fuck him. I'll just get in the next lane or whatever. Well,

he follows me. Now I'm like, something's happening. Yeah. So then just get in the next lane or whatever. Well, he follows me. Now I'm like, something's happening. Yes. I'm like, what the fuck? So then we get, I finally, I get up to where I'm about to pull out

and he almost cuts me the fuck off. He was like, mixology. No, honestly, he didn't even say, he didn't even say, yeah, yeah. He's like, how much your mother pilot?

You know, I didn't go. How much your father? No, but he, I, I, I, I rolled down my, no but he i i i uh i rolled down my he pulls all the way up and i rolled down my window this little fucking jack little tiny black dude just jacked his fuck real short but like fucking i mean it's you know like a cut off shirt i was like this fuck this dude's gonna rip my fucking soul out of my body and i rolled down my window go what's up man because he's i'm like what's the deal you You know, he goes, yo, I love you, motherfucker. I love you. And I was like, oh, okay. And he goes, bro. Oh. And he got like emotional. And he was like, you don't even know, dude, I love you, dog. I was like, all right.

Then it was cool. And then it started to get weird. Yeah. And then, and then we're sitting there and I'm trying to just still get out. And he's like, he's like, yeah, man, you keep doing you. And I was like, I'm going, I'm gonna, and I'm also trying to get the fuck out as fast as I can. Cause I'm like, I've got to go. And at the end of it, he goes for real, man. I go for real. He goes, no, for real. I was like, all right.

And I out, I'm out. It got, it gets to a point sometimes when they say that, you know, someone's like, appreciate you. You're like, thank you. I appreciate you. And then it gets like in an elevator is always weird. It gets very strange. Dude.

I meant Mohegan sun. Yeah. I've done it walking down that large hallway i know it you know yeah dude in a wheelchair and another dude he's pushing the dude oh no the guy sees me he's like oh shit these just like at full volume oh yo y'all look who this is montez workaholics here y'all whoo you know he. It's Montez from Workaholics here, y'all. Woo.

You know, he's going in, right? And I say to the dude, I go, hey man, thank you. I'm just trying to live.

Dude in a wheelchair goes like this. You ain't that famous. Yeah. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey. Wisp ginge fans, I know you like to sip the sauce, just like the Red Rocket. I enjoy it very much.

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Download DraftKings. Use that code WHISKEY. Ginger. I like gingers. He's right. I wanted to kick this motherfucker in the face. It's like, you don't want to make it a big ass deal.

You just push him away. Yeah, just like, bitch, get your fuck out of here. But that's what people do. If you don't give them the response that you want, all of a sudden they tear you down. Right, that's your fault. Bring you up, tear you down. I've had so many and like, I'm the kind of person, I don't

really notice it because I've been around comedy long enough to see people be successful then fail. Like, they had it, they were on shows, lost all their money or like, they had a certain amount of fame and then the fame went away and I saw how it affected them. So,

when I got into a position where like, I'm not that famous or anything but i just i just was like okay whatever yeah because another time i'm in this store you know and everybody works there acting fucking weird you know like a cult like it's a retail store yeah yeah yeah but i'm just trying to get some help and just people are being all and i go i say what the fuck you know you just fed up what the fuck guys i was like what the fuck's going on i get help in this aero pastel or not you know i was like and then the lady goes it's i'm sorry just everyone's a huge fan of that show and then it's like oh now you got me acting now i'm an asshole yeah you know what i mean like you're a dick i'm the dick you know because you think to yourself like you don't know what people's situation is so then right you know because i'm not but if i would have been aware i'm just not

aware i i'll be out with a buddy this is my one friend of mine he's always the one like when when i it was like season six seven hours so it's like you know we're really he's the one at this at the place going like that person recognizes you over there. Oh, he knows he calls it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That person, they're looking, they want to come over. I'm just like, yo, don't worry about that.

The brave ones will come over and I'll be like, yo, what's up? Let's do whatever. Right. The other ones, they either don't care or they're looking at me like, I don't think you look like that in person

or they're, whatever shit that they're talking in their head. What's the first thing they say though? Because for me, I can't believe you're that tall. They think I'm short. I'm like, what? Yeah you look like that in person or they're whatever shit that they're talking what are they what's the first thing they say though because for me they always i can't believe you're that tall they think i'm short i'm like what yeah i get that one too there was there was a guy i thought you're really tall i get that at shows though when people you know you're doing a meet and greet well that's the weird that's meet and greets are great but they're also like thank god that's over well dude look look look look i nothing i love meeting fans more than anything the problem with with meeting fans sometimes for me is if they're too drunk.

So now I have security. I didn't used to have a security, but now it's not for fear of anything. It's just someone's got to move them along because when they're too drunk, they're too drunk. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. One more. One more picture. Would you buy you a shawty?

And you're like, dude, I got to say hi to you. You don't want to be rude, but you're also like He's too drunk to know That it's time to go Or how about when the girl Is being super inappropriate And her boyfriend is right there Her boyfriend's right there Yeah

Bro I always had this look You better get your girl Yeah When they're like Hey get your girl When they're like You're so funny And you're like

Come hang out with us You're like I'm not hanging out with you I'm sorry And you're looking at him Like dude can you do something And then these are the Motherfuckers that want to come later. Right.

I'll be tweeting about it or some shit. Right. Right. You know, he was throwing eyes at my girl. It's like, dude, your girl was blacked out.

What are you talking about? Or just listen, I've already like, I talked about this on Rick Glassman's podcast. It's just like being on the road and just being like, you know, you, you trying to get with chicks.

You say shit in the DMS and whatever you know what i mean it's like a weird time now so it's like you look back on your behavior and whatever right but i remember some shit like if it's like you just i'm single i'm flirting you know he's rifling off shit yeah you're rifling off shit yeah so this guy hits me up and he's like uh talking about you know he's tweeting at me like, oh, you know, the things you're saying in the DMs to my girl. I'm like, yo, dude, let a player play. I didn't know you.

She didn't let me know it was, you know, because what they do is and they'll take that and this is what the girl is going to use you as a weapon. No! You know what I mean? I don't know. You know, he's like, he goes, I should make a coffee table book about all the things you say in the DMs. And I go.

By the way, that would be hilarious. It would be hilarious. Trying to get that booty. Wink is the next page. But it's like a full white page. And in the center, you put it in different artsy places. I used to say my go-to was, I said this before, my go-to was like, I can't leave this town until I eat your pussy. That's what you'd say?

That's the start? That's the jump? Yeah. If they're hitting you. What do they usually say back? It's either yes. Yay. Yeah.

Or it's clearly flirting. Or it's going to be one that's going to be like, ew. Like, what? You don't know me. You hit me up because you saw me at a show and we're talking like this. We're not going to date. I don't live here. Yeah.

If you don't know what this is, you know what I mean? Like, it's like. What if she fell in love, Griff? I mean, it's just like. What if she fell in love? So you're looking like I can look at it now as an older man and you look at things that are going on in society. And it's just like that's not necessary every time. Like, you know, but you find yourself like, you know, you're lonely. You're on in society. And it's just like, that's not necessary every time. Like, you know, but you find yourself like you're,

you're, you know, you're lonely, you're on the road and you're just, you're feeling yourself with this like weird fame that you feel, even in a small, it doesn't matter. You're in a little town and 200 people were just laughing at you.

They make you feel invincible. And like, yeah, women are like, Oh, Hey, you know, you're just like,

you, you, you gravitate towards that, you know? But now, you know, now it's just be like, just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

Right. But I didn't know that at the time. But you're flirting. Shooting a shot is about as innocent as it gets. You would think. But it's funny. I'm in Chicago. I just got finished at Zaney's.

I'm on the street about to walk to my hotel. Downtown. Love. Dude walks up to me and he's like, Hey man, you tried to eat my girl's pussy? And he's like, I got the DMs right here, bro. You know, he's like, I was like, what you want me to do, man? It's on you now.

I was like, you know, because they broke up and like whatever was going on. I was like, what's that got to do with me so like that's it's actually flattering that you want to keep my dm yeah he likes it you know like yeah have you ever been invited to a threesome by a couple bro that's how often it happens i've asked so many comedians and they all go bro it's crazy how often people will go if you're down to hang out with us the problem is it's not fucking tom brady and giselle you know what i mean like that would be great you know what i mean it's like it's never them it's always tim and galisa yeah yeah it's the woodsman couple of the two it's always we're swingers yeah okay we need to swing your ass like no i can i see it it is always funny like

like i'm sure there's good looking swinger couples. I got to tell you, they're not approaching us on the road. Cause I get, I'll get, and by the way, the girl, the girl is always very aggressive. The girls are always very aggressive and they'll tell you straight up where I think I was in Austin.

I think I did cap city rest in peace. And I was at the bar. Yeah. Yeah. It's they're done. That clock goes down. Why? Cause of Corona.

I think so. I think it's going to pay the rent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is Rogan going to take over that space? The whole rumor is like, is he going to buy the club? Who knows? I mean, who knows? But think so. I think it's, yeah, yeah. I think it's Rogan going to take over that space. The whole rumor is like, is he going to buy the club?

Who knows? I mean, who knows? But they're good. They went down, but I was at that bar waiting. It was the first time I ever went out there and I did. Okay.

But like I was, it was in between shows and I was kind of just chilling. Cause I was, I was like bored and I was like, ugh. So I would go out to the bar, talking to the staff, having a good time.

This girl comes over and she was like, Hey, I was at the first show. I was like, Oh, thanks. You know, it was way too late for them to be still hanging around. They flipped the room. They're already packing again. And I was like, Oh, okay. And I'm kind of looking around like, Oh, so the only, she sits down and she's like, what are you doing after? I was like, Oh, I'm already onto it. But I'm just thinking she's trying to hook up. And I was like, yeah, I got to go back to the hotel. I'm sure I've, you know,

I'm leaving tomorrow. So I think I'm, I'm going back to the hotel by myself. I'm going to pass out probably, you know, whatever. I make some stupid joke. You was like, yeah, I got to go back to the hotel. I'm leaving tomorrow. So I think I'm going back to the hotel by myself. I'm going to pass out. Probably, you know, whatever. I make some stupid joke. You're like, well, we just jerk off and eat cereal and fucking, you know, whatever. And she's like, well, my husband and I were at the first show. And then my mind goes, oh. Oh, this is something completely different.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. They own a pet shop. Yeah. They want me to. Maybe they have a winery. We brought you this chocolate.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We have this. Maybe it's a business. Right. So then I go back to like, oh We brought you this chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We have this business. Maybe it's a business. Right. So then my, I go back to like,

Oh, she's not hit. Okay. And then, then clear as day, they get, she gets it right out of the way. She was like,

um, you know, my husband wants to know if you're down to come home. And obviously you don't have to do anything with him. It's all with me, but he wants to be a part of it. And I was like, look,

I'm, you know, I appreciate it, but no, thank you. And then she kind of gave me like a, like, are you serious?

It was, she was like, really? Cause she was cute. But I was also like, I'm not having sex with you and your fucking husband. Like, like she was offended because she thought I'm pretty enough where he would say yes.

And I was like, no, I'm sorry. Which is insulting to you. Right, right, right. Cause see now,

you are, listen, you're a good looking dude, you know, relatively. Yeah, I'm on the, I'm right on the spectrum but you have like at least you're that you whatever you lack here you're in shape you know what i mean it's fallen off since the candy now i'm gonna have nothing you don't understand how many chicks

think they're cute enough for me they just go oh well i could, I can get you, bitch. Hey, bitch. Are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me a break. Well, because they try to be like, you're lucky I'm asking you. No, what happens is. It's so fucking rude. This is what happens to me.

The hot one comes over. Yeah. And says, oh, my God, you were so funny. You're so cute. Can my. Then she points to some fucking monster. She is so into you. I like your show.

Yeah, and I'm like, oh, okay. So you think that you're too good? Okay. But every hot girl – that was the same thing in high school. Remember that the hot girl was always the leader because she has nothing to lose. She's already fucking the star quarterback. She'll go right up to someone and say, Denise likes you. And you're like, yeah, well, I like you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody likes you, okay? You know that. Yeah, you're like, yeah, well, I like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody likes you, okay? You know that. Yeah, you're trying to go, Denise. Which Denise? Denise L or Denise R? Oh, Denise R. With a limp?

Fine. Yeah, so it's always. Did you ever get rejected in high school for like a. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no. For like a dance? Did you ever ask someone to go to a prom or something and you got rejected? Oh. Because your, no, no. I was going to ask for like a dance. Did you ever ask someone to go to a prom or something and you got rejected?

Oh. Because your boy did. Yeah. I got smashed down. She's like, actually, I'm waiting for so-and-so to ask me. I was like,

oh, that's even worse. So she didn't even have a confirmed date. No, bro. She didn't even put you on a... This bitch was working on potentials. Oh, no.

On hopefuls. She had a board of hopefuls and I wasn't on it. Yeah, I was a very late bloomer when it came to like any kind of interaction like that. Well, we were all so uncomfortable. No one was comfortable, first of all.

But taking the shot to ask, you know, actually. But but to be fair, on the other side of the coin, a girl who I couldn't stand, like just so annoying over the top. She was too much. She was nice. You know, she was a part of our friend group. I went to a dance with her just because she was she asked me and I was like, I cannot say no. I went to a dance with her just because she was, she asked me and I was like,

I cannot say no, but I didn't beyond the sense of like, it wasn't going to be an attraction, you know, going out the window. It was more like I was bummed because I could have gone with someone that maybe I had a crush on or like may or like maybe had potential. Do you know what I mean? You know,

have you seen some of your former friends that you haven't say maybe you went to high school with? Yeah. I talked to the same couple of people from my, cause like you're, I'm older than you yeah so wait like a lot but shut the fuck up wait like eight to ten more years all right you're gonna see those same people yeah here's the difference between like when you work in entertainment you know like i see my girlfriend like rachel fiance now you know what i mean so so i'm out doing a show i'm not gonna say where

because i don't want. Sure. You know what I mean? And then my buddy, he comes up with his wife. From high school. Just his wife. You know, like he's just a regular dude. These aren't like a couple from high school. Yeah, he's been married 20 years. And I saw his wife and I was thinking to myself, I mean, is this your mom?

I felt so bad. I felt so bad. I felt so bad. Mrs. Anderson, I haven't seen you in so many years. I just felt so bad thinking like, oh, this is normal people shit. Where like, you got married at 22, 25, and you've been with this same person, and this is what they turn into. Probably he's going to hear this and be like, fuck you, Griffin. I know. Like all my high school.

I remember I went to like, it wasn't a high school reunion, but I just saw a bunch of dudes that we all went to high school together. We went to this dinner. We had a, like, you know, we had a Facebook group. And I walked in late, and I saw all of them, and I was like, oh, my God. Is this what I look like? Just like, I mean, motherfuckers was fat and bald and no hair. Everybody had weird glasses. And I was like, oh, no.

This is what we become. It's over. I'm a part of this. Motherfuckers can't read the menus. You know what I mean? Doing the glasses on the nose. Yeah, dude. And I was like, oh, no.

I just think it's crazy. That's what we become that's okay whatever what honestly i i i don't give a shit anymore i've reached a new level of like right it is what it is you're gonna get to that's what i'm saying whatever but you're all gonna fall apart but you have this like again it's like being in hollywood it's like it's so like fake warps your senses yeah nothing's real so real. So fake everything. You know, you don't know what like real life is really like sometimes. Well, you also don't know how old humans are here because everyone dresses like a

fucking child. I E me. Right. Like we all dress like fucking kids. No one has to wear suits. We don't, we don't, there's no rules.

There's no time limits and people fuck with their face. You know, uh, young people try to look old and old people try to look young and it's the weirdest dichotomy, right? Like a 19 year old girl who gets Botox. You're like, what the fuck are you doing? What? I know, uh, young people try to look old and old people try to look young. And it's the weirdest dichotomy, right? Like a 19 year old girl who gets Botox. You're like,

what the fuck are you doing? What? I know. And, but it's all the time, dude, I see it all the time. But then you see a 50 year old,

we were at this fucking place. Me and Stefano were at this spot. This woman had to have been in her late fifties. And the, she was, she was dressing and acting like a fucking 19 year old. You know what? Look,

look, I reserve the right to say people could have the freedom to be who the fuck you want to be but also lady because she was like jiggling her tits at one of the tables because she was fucking wasted was all a bunch of young bro bros and on the way out she's got tight tight shorts on her camel toe huffing out wedge sandals on with her tits falling out and her makeup smeared and that's gonna be britney on with her tits falling out and her makeup smeared and that's gonna be britney she's gonna come out of her room and her kids are still gonna be like mom stop it it was just i did it again it would just made me sad and she was like showing off her tits because she was feeding into the

bros thing that you know she started saying something they were barking at her about it and then she was loving it but i was just like imagine like my aunt acting that way in a fucking la supports behavior like that yeah la supports when you're like too old to be acting like a fucking fool but you try to like but being in hollywood you try like i've always been humbled by hollywood and people in general just because it's so hard for me to like get work. Or so when I do, I cherish it. And you know, but it's like,

it's still, even too much work right now. I'll say, even in that situation, you get humbled by weird things that happen in life. You know? Yeah. You know what I mean?

Going back, was it your high school reunion? Is that what it was? It wasn't a reunion. Have you been to one of those? No, I haven't. My old man gave me shit about it.

He was like, why wouldn't you go? I was like, I don't want to. He's like, you owe it to them. I was like, I don't want to. He's like, you owe it to them. I was like, I don't owe anybody shit. What do I owe these fucks? He comes from a small town.

To make them feel shitty about themselves? In his mind, he comes from a small town. That's your dad just being like, yeah, go show them. It was for him. Yeah, 100%. Go show them how my son, look at what my son's done. Show them what you've been doing. Yeah.

No, but I told him, I said, that's not me. I don't, that's not, you know. And he didn't understand. It's a personality thing. I don't like those. I don't like things like that oh like i don't like um ceremonial stuff is tough for me right like unless it's for like a very good friend like a birthday or something or like a dinner with each other like but like big get together to do's with a lot of strangers i just it's uncomfortable i just don't like i don I don't enjoy it. I know I'm not going to have fun.

The food's going to be nasty. Parking's going to be a bitch. I'm going to get annoyed by somebody. I just don't have... I just like moving on is my thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's in the fucking past. And to go back so far...

It's weird. And remember how awkward and everything it was. Well, now, once you go... It's not like I was that close with these people anyway. You were just in the same building for a couple years. Yeah. Four years. But it's almost like, imagine if you worked at a company for six, seven, eight years or whatever.

And then in 20 years, they were like, let's get back together. Bitch, I don't even like you. We just both worked there. Yeah. Yeah. That was Einstein's bagels. I don't, I'm gone. I don't work there anymore.

That's how I kind of feel about it. I mean, the people I keep in touch with from high school, still, I have some really good friends. And I've reconnected with a few, which has been kind of great as the years have gone. And, in fact, people that we were never that close when we were young got closer after. Because we have more in common now than we ever did, you know? But also, with the same token, there's more people that you probably don't have anything in common with anymore that you're like, we're just moving on, man. And we all should be happy about it. How about this?

We weren't friends when we were in high school. Yeah know now i gotta go eat with you at some weird gym expectation that yeah it's like what are you talking about well because they know you that's the hard thing too is like i know you they're like you got to come back and do the thing you're like i don't know what i don't want i don't want to know no no don't want to do that i don't want to do it no i don't well also but of all people you should go back now you got a fucking skinny young fiance you're about to show off you should go back you should go back you know she just looks young by the way i really i'm she is young i just want to take her around to see if i find one of my exes she's young relative she's in her

20s correct no she's in her 30s yeah bro god dude i thought i was like she'd be 26 maybe hell no really yeah wow she just has like a she's i guess i for some reason i thought she was like she's in mid-20s she has like her face routine and vitamin regimen i know you told me about it it's insane doesn. She doesn't drink milk. Yeah, she doesn't drink dairy. She barely has bread. You don't restrict from anything. Yeah, I don't give a fuck. I'm drinking all that shit.

Yeah, she has this weird face routine every night. Every night? Yeah. She gets this $600 machine. Hey, you know we got that at the house. She does that. I should be got that at the house. She does that. It's like two. Yeah.

Yeah. I should be doing that, my ass. As we get older. I make her do it to me. Yeah, I'm like, we should be. Yeah, so she does like her little face routine on me. Yeah. That's why I look your age.

Because when you see, I look your age. So it's like, you know, so that, you know, again, I don't, I only want to, the only thing I would want to do is see one of my ex that cheated on me. In high school? No, just in my 20s. Oh, in life. Oh, yeah. I want to see her now. Yeah, see what she's up to.

With Rachel. Oh, hey. Oh, wow. What happened to Mike? Exactly. Oh, so that didn't work out yeah oh oh you guys have kids together oh my god co-parent just so you get shit out of why the weight looks good on you

you look sick you look sick that is what it because that's the only revenge is to be like this is what i'm doing now yeah i'm sure you've seen some of my shows but you know do you want to have do you want to have kids have you talked about yeah yeah yeah is to be like, yeah, this is what I'm doing now. I'm sure you've seen some of my shows, but you know. Do you want to have kids? Have you talked about them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in, huh? I'm all in. Wow, bro. Off the market. A little mini Griffin running around? Yeah. What if your child said they wanted to be a stand-up comic? What would you say?

I'd be like, let me go try it and let me know how you feel after a few years. You're fucking insane. Bro, it's not football. It's worse. That gives you uh physical damage this gives you emotional damage i just i want to i want my kid to be happy be to explore uh you know like so do different things like what you want to do is you want to break one of your kids' toys, okay? Yeah. And then be like, well, what do you want to do? Right. To see if they go, well, let's see if we can fix it.

Right. Then you want to give them inspiration instead of, yeah. Try to inspire. I want to take my kid like, let's go try taekwondo. And they're like, I don't like this. All right. Let's go golf. Let's go.

Right. Because I think that's what's missing. Because when I was a kid, real young, they used to have career days. They used to have people would come talk about stuff. And you would be like, wow, I didn't know that that was possible. Like, what's happening now? I just don't know. I don't know if kids are inspired enough to, or if the parenting skills are like, let me see if I can interest my kid in a bunch of different things and see what sticks.

Yeah, but I think his technology has taken over, right? People are like, well, he knows what he likes. He's already on the fucking computer again. But we can't trust that. No, I know. And we talked about this in the car today. We actually were talking about that. Like tech schools are so important.

It's weird that like, you know, because we were saying we're getting the truck ready, the Jeep ready to go on the road. And she was like, is it going to need anything because we're driving far? I said, what do you mean? And she's like, are it going to need anything because we're driving far i said what do you mean and she's like are we gonna need to do anything to it i said well the oil change at most but we just got that done and then she said she was like things starting to panic you're starting to think do we need to do shit well yeah because you think i'm not adept to do anything to the car you have your emergency earthquake kit

with you do you have your no i mean it's what i'm saying it's all that kind of like it's like but we lack all that stuff because I think tech school would benefit. High school itself needs to go back to teaching shit like that because that would be helpful. They need to teach a life class, by the way. Stuff like normal life 101. You have to clean your gutters if you own a home. You know what I mean? Shit when you're young.

It tells you shit. Even like economics in a younger age. Like home ec. They taught us home ec stuff that you were like, I guess I just never thought about that. Well, they have a technology because my little cousin's in town with her daughter. She's nine and she's telling

us about her school today. She's like, oh yeah, I have my tech class. And I was like, tech class? Yeah. And I'm thinking wow, times have changed. You did typing though, didn't you? Bro, typing. On a typewriter? On a typewriter. I know.

I was like, it was a quill pen. And then we had to like, there was a whole section in the typing class about the whiteout. You know? Whiting out on a typewriter. Yeah, yeah. I imagine there's people listening to this. They're like, I have typewriters for you. It's crazy.

An early 1900s. Like, now it's like, that's a skill you're supposed to learn at like walking talking eating oh dude like nobody's they don't are they even teaching the keyboard in school anymore that's the kind of shit that's like that's got to be a criteria yeah you have to know how to you don't know how to do the keyboard it's innate you know they learn it so fast because like like i remember um our niece was so young and knew how to swipe open a phone and knew how to do swipes. Oh, God. And also knew how to get around a letter texting.

You know how you can hold your finger and just go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And she quickly could learn how to do it. It's wild as shit. Dude, I can type on a computer without looking. Same. But I can't tell you where the letter.

I couldn't. If you give me a piece of paper and say- Right. I couldn't detail it out. Tell me where the things are. Right. All I would know is one, two,

three, four, five. That's the numbers. But I couldn't tell you where shit is, but I'm up here. I know it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a strange thing, right? Well, it's kind of like, I,

I can almost always tell you where the 50 States are located, but writing, writing them down in my head, I'm like, yeah, I think I almost know everything where everything is, but also I just know by met, like when you feel it, you know, when you see it, you know, like I know better in my head. I'm like, yeah, I think I almost know everything where everything is, but also I just know by met, like when you feel it,

you know, when you see it, you know, like I know better in my head than I do out loud. For some reason, I'm better up here than I like directions on the same way. You can put me in any city. If I've been there once,

I guarantee you, I can get around again. I couldn't map it out. I don't really know how to do that, but up here, I just like learn to know. Yeah. I'm good with that for some reason.

And in terms of like, once you go someplace once, you're like, okay, now I know how to get around. And there's some people. The old bag gets lost. She gets lost in L.A. I'm like, we live here. And you can put me back in a city I've only been to once. You know what I mean?

And I'll figure it out again. But I remember when I first started driving, I had gotten lost, which the concept of getting lost is really stupid. Today doesn't exist. Yeah. You can't get, but at the time I'm like, oh my God. And then I, even at that age, I stopped myself and I was like, this city has been discovered. You know what I'm saying? They already did.

Like, I'm not like, I didn't cross. I'm not discovering new land. I didn't cross. Yeah. You're going to the highway. This is a 7-Eleven right here. I'm like, this is a populated area i'm not gonna not ever get home again right you know what i mean right right this will work out somehow yeah and sure enough as soon as i had that thought there was the freeway thing like los angeles you know okay and then you get it right yeah

and i just was like but that's how it is. That was Thomas guide days though. Oh man. You don't remember how great it was. The first time map quest came out. Yes, I do. I was a, I was a PA using Thomas guides.

And then at some point I got to print out. Thomas guide was the stupidest. Like, well, it was the only thing we had. Thomas was, he was an asshole. Yeah.

He was like, check this out. Watch how many streets end on this page you're like you fucking bitch you guys if people that don't know look up a thomas guide it was just a map a map book but you would have to be like page this and page this to align these two neighborhoods to know where they crossed over it was fucking impossible and when your map quest came out right and we thought that was the shit. It was like, oh shit, the directions turn left on six. Go six blocks turn right.

It tells us where to go. Bro, now we go so far, I'll look at the directions on my phone, and then I'll put it away and just figure the rest out. Now I don't want to look at the directions. I'd rather just figure it out. I'll figure it out. I'll get there. I just put the things in.

I don't like that. I'm all GPS. See, I don't like when it's like, go left. I don't like that. I don't let figure it out. I'll figure it out. I'll get there. I just put the things in. I don't like that. I'm all GPS. See, I don't like when it's like, go. I don't like that. I don't want to say things. I don't let it. I don't like it. It messes up my music and stuff.

So I just go like, but I like to see because on my car, I have actually two different maps on my car, which is dope. Okay. Gaming with Griffin is doing well. There's a display here and there's like the big thing there. I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah. I love that.

So I like GPS. I don't need to know directions. You put away your phone in your car. I don't need to know how to spell. Right, right, right, right. Setting up for the future to fail. You're like, you don't need to know how to spell. You don't need to know anything.

You don't got to spell, man. The car does everything. I just realized my generation is the guinea pig generation. So we had all the test stuff of all the shit that these kids are enjoying today. You're welcome. But like, I realized that you start typing and you just start typing what you think this word is. Oh, bro.

Yeah. And then you're, you know. Take care of it, Apple. Like irresistible. I just start going I-R-R-R-R, you know. care of it apple like irresistible i just start going i r r r r you know r e i s yeah yeah i just start and he goes he goes irresponsible irresistible there it is boom this one yeah you know what i meant phone do you put it away do you are you one of those people that consciously puts the phone away when you drive or no i actually are you fucking around like an uber driver because i have I have a thing right on my dash. So my phone's right there.

So I'll turn it sideways and turn on ESPN. Dude, I got a ticket today. For texting and driving? Because you're terrible. You know what? I wasn't even texting. What were you doing? That's the worst part.

Picked up the phone out of the cup holder and I answered it to tell my buddy. I was like, hey, I'm going to hit you in a little bit. I just pulled out of the parking lot and I'm going home. And the bike cop goes right up to my rear view. I mean, my side, like T-bone comes up to me

and parks. He flashes lights. He's like, I was like, what? And I put the phone back in the thing. I get over. What's up?

He goes, you're on your phone. I said, no, no, no. First of all, I'm at a red light, by the way. And I go, no, no, no. I swiped open my phone to answer the call.

It wasn't connected to Bluetooth. Also, that's an expectation. What if a car doesn't have Bluetooth? You still going to give that guy a ticket? Yeah. See, that's bullshit. It's hands-free.

No, that's bullshit because not all cars are. Mine was, but I wasn't connected. It's not my car. So I get over and I said, he goes, you're on your phone. I said, no, I wasn't, sir. I picked up my phone. I tell my friend I'll call him back later. I didn't even have a conversation with him.

And he goes, I saw you pick it up and you were playing with it i said i answered i swiped open and i put it back down and then he goes he goes well i'm gonna need to see license and i said dude and i literally said my man during the pandemic let me tell you what's happening right now this is it this is it no let me tell you something yeah yes because they need money i know what 25 yeah but i bet you there's a mandate go give tickets for everything registration Let me tell you something. Yeah. Yes. Because they need money. I know. What? $25. Yeah, but I bet you there's a mandate. Go give tickets. For everything.

Registration. I know. Parking. I know. They need money. I know. Well, I always write something rude in the memo. Well, I had a thing. In the memo, the check goes up.

Put it up your fucking ass. I had a parking guy. These motherfuckers. Yeah, go get a life. Get a soul. The most evil. You soulless piece of shit. Most evil motherfuckers on the planet. a life get us the most evil soulless evil motherfuckers who picks that job yeah assholes you know it's not government assigned no it's

not like you went oh fuck parking attendant that's what i've said before and that's why you're a dickhead no you were like that should be cops that get punished they become parking attendants yeah like you walked into a jiffy lube and it was like we want you you know what i mean like it's on a bulletin board of like i don't know how they end up with it but the ymca or something you know what i mean like oh i i want to do that it's always an asshole because it's like this yeah it's like an asshole with a hand we need you to be an asshole it's not because cops cops at least are cops or at least people you need cops to protect your ass and help you out and figure out crime and help the city parking

attendants don't do shit. My one problem with. They fuck up your day. My one problem with cops. Your one problem with cops? Yeah, I got pulled. Well, other than like. Okay.

Don't kill black people. Yeah. But the. Don't? Are you saying don't or do? What did you say? Don't be fat on a bike. Yeah.

They're always fat. They pull me over. They're always fat. Because then me over. They're always fat. Because then you just go, all right, this is what I can't stand. If you're going to give me the ticket, shut the fuck up. Yeah, leave me alone now. Yeah, I'm done with you. That's what I did to him. I'm done with you. Because they want to wait until – because you're like – you're doing your thing.

You're like, hey, man, I just – okay, you're giving me the ticket. So I didn't talk my way out of this. You and me are done. You are now dead to me. Yeah, I roll up the window. You know what I mean? But that's when they want to be like, well, I just okay you're giving me the ticket so I didn't talk my way out of this you and me are done Yeah, yeah, I roll up the window. I mean, but that's what they want to be like, well, you know Sit on it. Yeah Yeah, we done When he handed back the license I was quiet and I just rolled on the side window In fact, I told this bitch has to go the other side of the car which made me feel good i go you're too close to me bro and

he goes excuse me i said go to the other side of the car like you're in my fucking window because he's hugging out of the street yeah and he did he walked over to the other side i rolled down the window and then i was so frustrated because i saw him go do it and he's saying something i'm not listening and any and i just go let's go just give it and then he felt like real disrespectful of me because i was already so annoyed. He puts it out. He goes, he hands me back the ticket, the license and the registration. And I'm not kidding. I smacked it out of his hand on the seat.

I swear to God in my life. Just stared at me and I rolled up the fucking window. And I fuck him, dude. Fuck it. Fucking dude. Go fucking. I have cops in my family. Why privilege?

I have cops in my family. You think I can smack the license out of a cop's hand? First of all, yeah. And by the way, this is not a white cop. It still, it don't matter. Yeah, it does. They blew.

Because if it was a white cop, I wouldn't have got the ticket. Let's be honest. No, I smacked it down into the seat i didn't touch his hand i just like the paper he had it out and i just went like that to the paper like the fuck out of here you know i i i snatched a ticket out of a parking attendant's hand just like take it scrunched it up too i threw it on but that turned into a big mess for me why because she first of all, it was all bullshit. She called the cops? I'm surprised I've never told you this story. So, I was

like mentoring this kid, you know, and it was his birthday and I was picking him up in Burbank. Him and his friend are not where they're supposed to be. On this corner. So I have to pull up, make a left, and I'm waiting for them in the red as they're coming across the street. Yeah, but you're in the car. I'm in the car. The car's running. The kids walk up and they start saying hey he's you know what are you doing

i look at this lady's giving me a ticket suck dick yeah she's giving me a parking ticket and you were in a refugee i said what are you talking about picking up kids you know i said if i was a white woman in a station wagon would you be giving me this ticket right now you know but when you had a mustache it's weird when you're like i'm picking up kids i know it's weird you know and so now i'm mad i'm yelling at them it's because y'all what were you supposed to be you know a mustache, it's weird when you're like, I'm picking up kids. It's weird. And so now I'm mad. I'm yelling at them. It's because y'all, what were you supposed to be? It's the whole thing. I snatched this fucking ticket out of her hand.

I snatched it and I fucking threw this shit on the ground. Like, fuck you. Then I pull out and I'm yelling at them. Next time you be where I say you. So stupid, inappropriate. You're mentoring, right? Yeah, exactly. So stupid, inappropriate.

You're mentoring, right? Yeah, exactly. Two weeks later, two Burbank police officers come to my place at the time. When you were living in the valley? No, I was living in a different place. What? I still had a roommate at the time. I wasn't even like.

Okay. So I pull up. They come. First of all, okay, I lived in a building. You had to get buzzed in, all right? And my room was in the way back. Right. So if you're knocking on the door, I ain't going to hear you.

Right. I hear banging on the door, dude. Boom, boom, boom. You know? I come open the door. Open the door. Who the fuck's banging on the door? You know, I'm mad about this shit. It's the cops.

The Burbank. The PD. You know, I go, how you banging on the door for? You know what I mean? So now I'm like, what the fuck? You know, they're like, why did you answer the door? I go, you're supposed banging on the door for? You know what I mean? So now I'm like, what the fuck? They're like, why didn't you answer the door? I go, you're supposed to be buzzed in. As you can see, this is a very big, I'm in the back.

So that's strike one on these motherfuckers. Strike one. Yeah. OK. Then the guy says, you know, it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Don't you work? Oh, boy. You know?

Oh, boy. I said, I'm actually an actor and a comedian. I made great life choices. Cause I'm at this point. You're going in it. I'm going in now. I live here.

Yeah. I said, I make great life choices. So that's why I'm here at this time. And he's like, Oh, cause now it's like, Hey,

fuck you. Yeah. You made two assumptions and you were wrong. Right. Twice. You fucked up twice. Right. Now the guy says, did you. Yeah. You made two assumptions and you were wrong. Right. Twice. You fucked up twice. Right. Now the guy says, did you get a ticket, a parking ticket in Burbank?

Let me tell you my first thought. Finally, somebody complained about this bitch and they come in and get my statement. I'm with the opposite. So I go in. let me tell you what happened it's like opening it up yeah i just tell them exactly what happened in the situation but then i in the middle of my story i'm looking at these guys and i go oh they ain't here they're not on my side so i say i say um what are you guys here for you know I say, what are you guys here for?

You know? Well, the officer, the person said that you grabbed her arm and twisted it. Get out of here. Yeah, bro. What? She said that I grabbed her arm and I twisted her arm. No. Lying piece of shit.

You know? Yeah. So she's pressing charges on you this is exactly what i yes this is exactly what i said to the cops hey man i was upset but i'm not the meter made mangler he's still out there by the way that's exactly what i said to the guy they i go dude this is a complete they go well we we had to come out. Then the guys were like, they can see I'm not hiding shit. My shit is on my emotions are right here. You know what I mean?

Yeah. The guy, they shake my hand. All right. 10 days later, I get a letter from the district attorney of Burbank, and I'm getting charged with a misdemeanor assault of a peace officer. They're officers of the peace. That's what they are. That's what they call these motherfuckers.

Yeah. They create the most chaos. They got the word officer in their fucking title. It's so pissed me off. Now I got to get a lawyer. So now this $60 ticket turn into whatever. It's $3,500 ticket. Jesus Christ.

I go to the lawyer. The lawyer goes to the court for me. They figure out. He goes, well, here's the thing. They're going to expunge you, but you have to do community service. How many hours? Let me tell you what the community service was. Anger management.

That's what I need. Now I'm in my head like, so I got gotta go into some anger management where motherfuckers are like yeah I beat my wife yeah

this one's like oh I did it what are you in for I did some shit to a meter maid so I'm like I didn't want to do that one I said I want to go to a private one that's another $800

like a one on one counseling yeah yeah yeah by the way you could have upped the story it would have been great they're like what are you doing here? You're like, I'll beat the shit out of a meter maid. Yes.

Stomp his teeth in on the curb. I just was like, I don't want to be here with these common criminals. Right, right, right. So I go to this anger management guy, and he goes, well, tell me what happened. And I'm like, I'm furious at this point. Sure. Look at all that I've gone through. So I'm like, let me take this bitch.

He's like, okay. Let me stop you. Yeah. You seem like you're upset. Oh, do I? Dude, bro. I was like, of course I'm upset. Who wouldn't be upset?

Look at the situation I'm in, man. He wouldn't let me tell the story. Right. I'm trying. And then I fucking flipped out.. He wouldn't let me tell the story. Right. I'm trying. And then I fucking flipped out. You know what's making me fucking upset? You making me fucking upset. And I fucking flip out.

You let me tell my fucking story. You know? So I tell him exactly what happened. And he listens to it all. And he goes, damn, you were fucked and i was like thank you felt good because he thought let's say i left my car and i went into the bank for five minutes no i was in the car with the engine running waiting for some kids to come across the street. And this bitch. And by the way, I mean bitch. I'm not sugarcoating shit.

She gives me an unnecessary ticket. Makes a white woman. Yeah. She was white. That's who does it. You know, making some false accusation and fucked my life up for like whatever many times. So, you know what I learned from that? Yeah.

To let shit go. Yeah. I knew immediately when the cops were at my door and they told me the situation, I said to myself, I got to let this go because this will eat me alive. Yeah. Because I have no recourse. There's nothing I can do. I told the lawyer lawyer look into that bitch because maybe she's done this to other people yeah because that's not the point i was i wasn't

doing as well as i'm doing now because i would have went to court i don't care how fucking much money would it cost today today yeah, I called business manager. Get $25,000 ready because we're going to fight this. We're going to court. We're going to court because I want this bitch to stand in court and lie. Right. Because I had witnesses. The kids saw it. Everybody saw the whole thing.

Right. You didn't touch her. No, I didn't touch her at all. She was just frustrated. And people act like that shit don't happen. Of course. Oh, should we believe the victim? Yeah. Should we believe the victim? Right. the victim no you believe me motherfucker cause I got

lied on I was so mad you know and so I had to go I had to let it go let me just deal with it let shit go I had to let shit go one day I'm gonna talk about this on like a special just to be like and just at the end be like

I won bitch because she knows she out there yeah she's listening she's listening i just that's my dream it's just it's just one of those things where people act like people don't lie yeah act like like you in a situation where in that situation they're not gonna believe me no you know even with witnesses and the kids and then the kid lied for me in a sense that he said he wasn't upset because i said to the cops yeah i was upset wouldn't you be upset right i told you the circumstances what you're gonna be like well thank you no you're gonna be like go ahead and look at it and say it for you're gonna be upset right it's natural it's natural right so the kids don't the kids don't know that so they're just

well they're trying to be on your side yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's like it's one of these things you know so it's like when that kind of shit happens man what am i what am i supposed to do so let it go yeah i had to that's my advice let it go so i'm just for everybody out there if you are ever been in a situation with a meter maid because that's what they are they're meter meter maids. Maids. They're like, yeah. Kitchen people. Yeah, they're just like. Housekeeping. That's what they are. They're just housekeeping for fucking meters.

Housekeeper for the streets. Yeah, the street housekeepers. Not that there's anything wrong with being a housekeeper. They know. Got a lot of housekeepers listening to this show. No, there's nothing wrong with it. They just take advantage of their situation. If you've been in a situation like that, don't get upset anymore.

Because know that I took one for the team. I like it. Yeah. That feels good. Look, we're going to end the episode the same way we do all. I want you to look at the camera when I walk off. Say one word or a phrase. And I think I know what it is.

Go ahead. Fuck you. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilistic. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.