Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Esther Povitsky
Episode Date: February 9, 2024Drugstore June herself Esther Povitsky is on the show! The mommy to be talks about her new star studded movie Drugstore June coming February 23rd. #andrewsantino #estherpovitsky #whiskeyginger #podc...ast ================================================ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS RABBITHOLE $5 OFF YOUR ORDER https://rabbitholedistillery.com/buynow USE PROMO CODE: RABBIT SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey DRAFTKINGS SPORTSBOOK New Customers get $200 Instantly in bets! USE PROMO CODE: WHISKEY ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You're that creature in the ginger beard.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger. I like gingers.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people in the world. I like gingers. we say on the streets i am about seven and a half months pregnant i know i can't believe it look at
your seven and a half months pregnant i know and do we know is that a guy is that a girl we're
gonna let it choose thank god it's a girl it is not choosing did you do a gender reveal no no i
know i don't want any take a sip out of that water it's gonna change color
literally when i got the call that the nurse was like, okay, we know the gender.
Do you want to know?
And Dave was asleep, and I was in the bathtub.
And I was like, yeah.
And then she said, girl.
And my first thought was like, I should get out of this hot bath because I want this one to stick.
No.
Yeah, you were falling a lot the last couple of months before you knew i would see you at the
store just trip down the stairs is that okay is it her this is funny you say this i saw a video
on the internet of a gender reveal of the this couple who's like a health nut couple you know
these people that work out the whole time that they're pregnant and she was jacked and she got
into an ice bath in the morning and that's how they did the gender reveal in an ice bath with
her husband in it and my immediate thought was of course i know it's probably fine but i was like can you
do a fucking ice bath with a baby i don't think like extreme temperatures are great right i would
imagine they're not good for you yeah yeah this is it right here that's her right there this woman
gets into an ice bath with her husband they're obviously like cool fit couple and they pull it
but she's prego prego there and she's in the nice bath in the morning.
The things that I see pregnant women do online and I'm like,
and I'm depriving myself of weed.
Like this isn't fair.
Right.
You should smoke weed.
I think you should be surprised how many people say that.
Say smoke weed.
They're like,
I did.
It's fine.
And I'm like,
yeah,
but you're kind of shady.
Like I don't want my,
I don't know.
I don't know if I trust you. Well, my mom smoked and I'm sure drank during, but you're kind of shady. Like, I don't want my, I don't know. I don't know if I trust you.
Well, my mom smoked and I'm sure drank during the pregnancy for me.
And nothing's wrong with me.
Yeah, no, she did.
100%.
In the 80s, dude?
Right.
In the late 70s, early 80s, they were smoking and drinking the entire time.
Well, drinking is now, like, fine.
I know.
That's what they say.
Yeah.
That's what they say.
But it's only if you're, like, getting extremely blackout drunk all the time like that's a problem if you don't you know which we are
if i i just have never drank so that's not i'm not gonna like start now just because i can't
have weed i don't know what i did consider yeah why not you've you've had drinks before i've never
tried alcohol i know no no you've had a drink no. No, I've never. On my 21st birthday, I like sipped wine and was like,
ugh, and then spit it out. Really? And I was with
my mom and dad. Mommy and daddy.
Mommy and daddy? Go have one. We were in
Evanston, Blind Faith Cafe. Of course you were.
Of course you were. My little Jap.
I know you're Southside. Yeah, there is no
known safe amount of alcohol use during pregnancy
or while trying to get pregnant. Oh, this is old shit.
October 23. No, but this is
unreliable. This is the Center for Disease Control.
Who trusts them?
Remember COVID?
They told us not to wear masks.
This is Fauci. Fauci said no booze.
No booze while you're pregnant.
That's not true. We drank an absurd amount of booze.
All of the general rules are so fake.
Yeah, they're all bullshit.
I have sushi.
Is that the name of your daughter sushi i have sushi we actually
do have a name and it's so crazy that dave is like we can't do this and i'm like no we're doing it so
i can't you're not allowed to say what it is though no because dave did make the mistake of
telling two of his friends and they were like they didn't like it barbasol what is it what is it i
gotta guess no let me you won't guess.
What's a name that two Jews
would name their kids? Two alt-y Jews
would name their kids? Also, I told you, there's a
really good chance this is a red-headed baby.
Shut the fuck up. Don't talk about
this on the air.
We better get our story straight
now. Okay, how
do we get around this?
Dude, it was, first of all, it was
just for laughs.
We were in Montreal, out of
the country. Vancouver. Vancouver.
It was Vancouver just for laughs. That's right.
So we did a little song.
Why would it be a redhead?
You have redheads in your family? My grandfather
was a redhead. His nickname
was Red. Very creative.
Very creative.
I just am thinking, like, because Dave and I
both are very, like, dark hair.
Yeah, he doesn't have redheads in his family.
No. He's a different kind of Jew
where they're, like, you know,
hardier. Hardier?
I think so. Does he come from heavy Jews?
No, like, I'm like a pale Jew
and he's like an olive-y Jew.
He's more of like a Jew from the Middle East. I think so. And you're like a Jew Jew and he's like an olivey Jew. He's more of like a, a Jew from the middle East.
I think so.
And you're like a Jew from the North side of Chicago,
a pale North side Jew.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're a waterside Jew.
He's in the middle Eastern Jew.
Yeah.
Which is so much cooler.
And I want my daughter to look like him,
but he doesn't want that.
But there's this porn star that looks like Dave.
And that's why I want my daughter to look like.
Who is it?
Uh,
it's not Adriana Cechik. It's Abela Danger. Look up Abela Danger. She looks like Dave. I'm so
attracted to her. Abela Danger and she's Jewish? Yeah. This is what I want my daughter to look like.
Oh, right. Yeah, that will. That does look like Dave. That's Dave. That's my daughter. I'm hoping.
Yeah, you're only hope. That's I hope. Well, I do hope this is your daughter.
daughter i'm hoping yeah you're only hope that's i hope well i do hope this is your daughter i would be fully supportive so this this is who you want to your daughter to to i think it's
possible this is if your daughter got into porn would you be cool with it i don't know man why
not no i'm just saying i don't know because you know you do porn i do i do trash tuesday you do
trash tuesday that's basically porn i, you're whoring yourself out.
Red hair is also found amongst the Ashkenazi Jewish population.
This I know very well, in fact.
Yes.
1903, 5.6% of Polish Jews had red hair.
That's actually, hey, dude, one of the most famous comedians in the world is a red-headed Jew.
Who?
Mexican Jew.
Louis.
Louis C.K.
Oh, he's Jewish?
Yes.
Are you?
Shut up, dude.
Let's not get into this, okay?
I don't want to get sued or fined or killed on here.
Other studies have found that 3.9% of Jewish women overall found to have red hair.
So, dude, your daughter could be one of the 3.69%.
I know.
Because I really want her to be kind of goth looking.
So I'm like, but I think it'll be cool.
I'll get into the red hair.
Maybe like Wednesday.
What's her name?
That's what I'm picturing.
What's her name? Christina Ricci. No, Jenny Ortega. Oh, the new one red hair. Maybe like Wednesday. What's her name? That's what I'm picturing. What's her name?
Christina Ricci.
No, Jenny Ortega.
Oh, the new one.
The new one, okay.
She looks exactly like Wednesday.
Yeah.
She has that like...
Like Christina Ricci, the one I said.
Christina Ricci was good, but I think this new one looks better.
Really?
Because the new girl...
Why are we pitting them against each other?
Because it's ethnic.
Because I like ethnic.
I get ethnic over white, and I know you're a bigot.
You love whites.
That's your problem.
Well, let's hope that your daughter...
Doesn't look like you.
Yeah, doesn't look like me.
Fucking fingers crossed.
What's a good alternative name for her daughter
we could name the daughter?
Something that's very Southern California
because you guys met here,
you fell in love here,
you had a baby here.
CVS.
Let's name her CVS.
That, you associate with with southern we have those in
chicago what are you doing i know but okay that's you're right okay i'm sorry right aid vons okay
little vons look at little vons in there vons king little vons king whoa it kind of worked
vons king wait a minute uh i will say something say it I found out the other day, this reminded me, do you know what CVS stands for?
Don't look at the screen.
Certified.
No.
Isn't that funny?
I didn't.
I've said it a million times.
I thought it stood for City Variety Store, but it stands for Consumer Value Store.
Your idea is, there's something adorable about that.
City Value Store?
Yeah.
Doesn't it seem like, okay, C you thought would be city because it's in the major, it's
never in rural areas.
It's only in city areas.
So I thought it'd be City Something Store.
I hate that they're calling it, you're just a consumer.
Consumer Value Store.
You're just nothing.
Right, it sounds sadder than City Variety Store because it does have a variety.
I bought a Burbank hat there once.
I bought a Burbank hat at the Burbank CVS.
You can buy clothes there.
My dream is to find a Walgreens or a CVS in my hometown
that's like Skokie.
I want that.
I know I haven't found it yet.
You know they sell it out there.
If anybody lives out in Skokie,
please send us a Skokie CVS hat or Rite Aid hat
if you don't mind.
I grew up around the corner from a Walgreens, so I'm like
you know, all my medications were like
Walladryl, Wallatin, and
that's a big part of the
movie, Drugstore June,
which we're not going to talk about on this podcast,
let's move on. I swear it's coming up organically,
is based on the idea that if
I did not move to LA to do stand-up, I would have
worked at Walgreens, and that's kind of like how we came up with the idea that if I did not move to LA to do stand-up, I would have worked at Walgreens.
And that's kind of like how we came up with the idea of the movie.
It is a great concept for a film.
It's a great concept.
I hope it works out.
I haven't seen it.
No, we do have so many friends in this, including you.
We wanted you in it so bad.
I know.
You offered me a role in it.
I couldn't do it.
You were shooting Dave.
I know.
I was shooting Dave and everybody got mad.
And why would you want to work with Bobby again even more?
Yeah, I see that little fucking you-know-what every day.
But Drugstore June is going to be coming out February 23rd.
In theaters.
In theaters.
There's tickets now on sale for advanced screenings if people want to come.
But whatever.
We're done.
We don't have to.
No, but I do want to plug it a little bit.
But it is incredible.
I will say this.
What's beautiful about this is so many of our friends and family are in it.
It's an ATC production by our ATC boys, Billy Burr over there.
Billy Burr is in it.
And we've got Miranda Cosgrove, Beverly D'Angelo, Haley Jo Osmond, who I beat at golf one time.
No way.
Yes, that's true.
We did the charity golf event.
Isn't he so fun?
Doesn't it feel like he's like a stand-up?
Yeah, he's a sweet dude.
He fits in in our world so well.
Yeah, he sees dead people.
Al Madrigal, Matt Walsh, Bad Baby.
Yes.
I mean, Brandon Wardell, Slink, my boy, Black Jesus.
Gabrus, John Park, Steph Tollef, Trevor Wallace.
I mean, this is literally stacked.
Directed by Nicholas Goosen and written by you and the Goose.
And go back up and also Robert E. Lee.
Is Bobby Lee not on that cast list?
God, I would love it if he's not.
No, Robert E. Lee is there.
He should be.
And Jackie Sandler, no less.
Adam Sandler's wife, who's incredible.
So it's so funny that this is just littered with so many people that we know and love.
And I will give you a little bit of credit on this.
Not seeing the film.
I know it is going to be good, honestly.
But also, no, seriously. we know and love and i will give you a little bit of credit on this not seeing the film i know it is going to be good honestly but also no seriously but also how cool um the whole dream joke that we all say is like any comic goes i wish i could do what sandler does is like put all my friends and
family in movies that's what happy madison did and then to be able to do it at a micro fraction
of the budget well who gives a shit you did it though dog rock and roll
i think that's so cool man you know how hard it is to put friends and family and stuff it's so hard
it is hardest when especially when i had my show it was like even harder because there's so much
red tape they'll be like this person's not sag and i'm like well that's stupid who cares and who
gives a shit yeah no one no one cares well back in the day you used to get exemptions do you remember
that do you remember those days the taft-hartley yeah you used to get uh you used to get exemptions. Do you remember that? Do you remember those days? The Taft-Hartley? Yeah, you used to get Taft-Hartley'd in, which means, for people that don't know,
if you weren't in the union because you couldn't afford to pay in,
because you didn't make enough money in the union to be the union,
they would let you do an exemption.
I don't know how many times you could be exempted before you had to push through.
I'm thinking of, like, because the whole thing when you move to L.A. to be an actor, actor they're like you have to be in the union to get a job but you have to get a job to be
in the union and so you're just like how do you remember like how you got in well no for me it was
that's what i'm saying i was what's called a force join meaning i was allowed to work like so many
jobs until i made enough money where i could actually pay to get into the union. And I remember my first job was, well, my first on-camera job was punked.
Really?
Well, I did a commercial before that.
I did like a TV commercial.
But I didn't have to join back then.
Like I think I was force joined when I did punk because I didn't make enough on the commercial.
It was the same thing.
You book your first commercial.
It's like a couple thousand dollars maybe. Like grand you're like three grand i'm a billionaire
i know and then that's what it costs to join the union and you're like okay so i'm literally at
zero what was the point of doing any of this but i also remember when i first booked a commercial
out here i was like oh this will be my monthly income now and then i did not book another
commercial for like four years.
Dude, it is so funny.
You think you're going to happen all the time.
It's hitting the lottery.
You hit the fucking lotto and then never again.
And then maybe you'll do one or two more.
Yeah.
Or if it's an anomaly, you're like, what's her name who I can't even think for some reason did AT&T.
Oh, Milana.
Yeah, Weintraub.
Weintraub?
Weintraub?
Yeah. Milana. Yeah. I don't knowhop. Vineshop. Yeah. Milana. Yeah.
I don't know. I can't remember pronounce her name, but she landed the AT&T thing and then it became a career. It wasn't just like a, Oh, I just did a commercial. It was like a career. Is this you?
What is this commercial that you did? Not this one. Yeah. Let's, let's see though. Look at that.
That's little Lester that I met many, many years ago. I've known you for so long now and I've
hated you for all of it.
Truly since 2009 when I first started,
I knew you.
Isn't that fucking wild?
I know.
And you're so successful now.
It's crazy.
Stop it.
Stop it.
That is my baby, by the way.
That being said, that is my little baby.
Wait, let's back up.
I don't want to skip forward.
Okay.
Because Drugstore June,
I do think you do know that's bullshit that you wouldn't have been working at walgreens had you not moved
out to la but you've always had this fucking imposter syndrome about you since the day i met
you when clearly you had talent and ability that that moved you through the business so it was
obvious that you were good but you've always had this,
like, I should probably be working on it. But why, but why that? Why? Why has that been your brain?
I just did not grow. Like, okay, you move out here, maybe the similar experience, like everyone who's from here, like their parents are lawyers and doctors and they're like,
they're high. They have all this great education and they're on these tracks of becoming really successful people.
That's not what my upbringing was.
It was like my dad was a salesman.
My mom was a receptionist.
My mom worked in my and was the lunch lady in my school, which you'd think is embarrassing.
But I loved it.
No, that's not embarrassing at all.
I like walked to the lunchroom so proud, excited to see my mom.
But so I just did not think in this big way for myself. I was like, oh, I'll just I want to I'm going to live at home forever. I'm going to live and I'll move in the basement. I'll work at Walgreens. Like and that's sort of like what the movie is. It's like, OK, I'm in my late 20s 35 i live at home i work at a pharmacy and there's no plan and that's just like what life was until i moved here and then you meet all these people who are like you're a
fucking loser you need to like have a plan did you have that experience at all like i mean my
parents were regular people we live we didn't i had no connection to the business i had no like
yeah i don't i didn't
have like a weird in you know like at least someone was like my uncle lives in la and i
stayed with him when i didn't have any of that stuff yeah and i don't i don't judge it like
dave my the hopefully the father of my baby fingers crossed he comes from a like a family
that emphasized education and like there's nothing wrong with
that it just wasn't no it wasn't in my house i went to arizona state what the fuck are we talking
what are we talking about like going to school was like all right glad to try yeah baby i visited
fork on my dog that's so bad for me it was like go to school hopefully if you can like i didn't
my parents were wanted me to try to go to college but I don't think if I said I
don't want to go to college I they probably would have been like yeah whatever just whatever you
gotta whatever you gotta do for me it was like you have to go because my mom was a beauty school
dropout who got pregnant in beauty school you fucked that all up didn't you no it was my sister
who lived remember we this is so I still think we're cousins because of this my mom and sister
lived in the same building as you in Chicago I know it's a little creepy I do think we're cousins because of this. My mom and sister lived in the same building as you in Chicago.
I know.
It's a little creepy.
I do think we do have some.
That is my baby.
I know we've said this like three times, but that's my fucking baby, dude.
Give me back my baby.
Have you kept, by the way, your last name or are you taking King?
Okay, here's the thing.
Because Esther King is cool.
You think?
King is such a fucking rad last name.
What are we talking about?
Well, how does it not make me less Jewish?
Like, it's just a lateral move.
The way you walk keeps you Jewish.
Trust me.
I don't think you're going to get away from that.
No, you're, it's, well, you know, Rob Schneider's daughter, Elle King.
I know.
Do you know Elle King?
Yes.
And that's a sexy, cool vibe.
Elle King.
Martin Luther.
Martin Luther, dog.
Yes.
The number one.
I read his biography this year.
It's so good. What did it say in it?
He's so filled with drama.
Was the dream thing a lie?
He never had a dream. Imagine it was like
Hasan Minhaj. He just made up the whole thing.
For content? That's amazing.
He's sitting in a room. He's like,
what if I had a dream?
He's pitching. Dr. King, I don't think you didn't have a dream.
Why are you saying that?
What if I did that? I said like, you guys were chill with whites.
Like we were cool with whites.
No, it's like the best biography I've ever read.
He's so, he's whatever.
Okay.
So I did change my last name.
Oh, legally you did.
No, on Instagram, which is, that's legal.
That is, as far as I'm concerned.
Yes.
And then I was like, actually, nevermind.
And I changed it back.
And Dave was like, okay, it was weird that you changed it when we weren't even married but then you changed it
back like it was it became this whole thing in our relationship that was just weird but um i don't
i don't maybe i use that last name like in my private life you know when i get takeout that's
all i do in my private life but you don't have a code name and you're when you get takeout that's all i do in my private life but you don't have a code name
and you're when you get takeout i just do like esther king or lauren king oh no dude i have i
have fake names i use fake names all the time all my accounts have fake names oh like my uber my
like uber eats postmates all the stuff has fake fake names i do lauren a lot but it's not because
i thought i was somebody but i am but it was because um
the name esther is just like it's like hard well they drop off your food and they're like is this
for your grandmother oh that's so cute you got your grandmother you got your granny esther food
no i have to use fake names because i kind of just don't want them to have your address even though
you don't want they do they do somehow and it never matters and nobody cares yeah no one cares
but it does feel a little weird for some reason.
Yeah.
So yeah, I make up names all the time.
Or I use ex-famous athletes' names.
Oh, that's like, what's one?
I would, Bill Weddington.
I was Bill Weddington for all the Chicago,
old Chicago Bulls, usually.
Oh my God, cool.
Yeah, it's like either old athletes from Chicago
or like, I was Mark Grace for a little while on Uber Eats.
You don't know who that is.
You don't know, these are names that mean nothing to you.
Is that a baseball player? It was a baseball player, yeah. Okay. Mark Grace, yeah little while on Uber Eats. You don't know who that is. These are names that mean nothing to you.
Is that a baseball player?
It was a baseball player, yeah.
Okay.
Mark Grace, yeah.
White Sox?
Chicago Cubs.
Okay.
White Sox, yeah.
You can't use the famous ones because then it's kind of a dead giveaway.
Even a young person would be like.
Is it like Mark McGrath one?
No, that's a singer.
Mark McGrath is a singer from Sugar Ray.
What about.
But can I be honest with you?
I'm going to start using Mark McGrath on Uber Eats.
Every morning. Ready? someone gets to my door i listen to the sirius xm station and he's one of the radio djs on there
and one could think that once you've had a successful band like it's sad it's like weird
to see them kind of like fade off but it's cooler cooler that he's like, no, I'm just hosting a radio show playing hits from my era.
I fully agree.
I think that's rad.
It's so cool to like, even if he is not a one-hit wonder, even if someone is a one-hit wonder, it's like, take that and go relax.
Yeah, why not?
You did it.
Yeah, that's enough.
Also, one-hit wonders could turn into comeback things.
We talked earlier about Coachella lineup and Lana Del Rey.
This is not me taking a shot, but she had a big album,
but then I think people were worried, could she make another album,
or is it like a one-hit album?
And now she's headlining Coachella.
Oh, okay, yeah.
It's fucking huge.
I was going to say, she's got like six amazing albums.
I love her.
No, I do too.
I'm saying she put out a massive album.
Her first album was fucking huge.
It's almost impossible to back up an album that big in our business with another album.
That's hard to do.
Yeah.
Most bands that come out the gate with their first album being the most powerful, it's
tough to make another album with that much weight.
Female pop stars tend to pull it off.
Look at Gaga.
Look at Britney.
Look at Madonna.
Britney. What? Britney? Britney? much weight female pop stars tend to pull it off look at gaga look at britney look at madonna britney what britney baby one more time followed up with oops i did it again are you but those are two singles those aren't two full albums those are out those are records off of an album those
albums weren't successful albums well they were though no they weren't i mean maybe they weren't
like whatever you had two singles off of each album that's all you're talking about but like
they were still they sold well no no the singles did yeah the record so well but the albums
were not notable record you weren't like every song on there is amazing you can't name another
song i mean i absolutely give it to me right now crazy come on no that's maybe one more time yeah
born to make you happy on baby one more Time. Oops, I Did It Again.
Lucky.
Heard of it?
She's a lucky.
She's a star.
But my point is they sold well.
Of course they did.
Yeah, she's mega famous.
But so you're saying like it's got to be critically, okay, critically liked.
Well, that's, okay, that album by Lana Del Rey had like.
Yes, she's very critically loved.
A multitude of bangers on there.
Yes, that's true.
It was like what Gaga does when you're like, oh, this whole album's filled with bangers.
But most of the time you make a bomb album and it's tough to back it up.
Yeah, I'm sure.
It's like anything else.
Specials, comics, all that shit's hard.
Once you do one great one to be a great comic, you'd have to do like four or five.
Do you ever feel like you just wrote a bit and it's like really great and you love it and then you're like, I'm obviously I'm never going to write another bit again. That's good.
I think about that all the time.
Okay.
Every single day of my life.
Every joke I write, I go, well, this is bad and I don't need to do this anymore.
And I'm wasting my time and my feeling, my emotions.
Do you ever drive home from a set and you're like, I don't think I need to do this anymore.
I think I put in all the work.
I don't need to feel this way anymore.
I don't want to feel it.
There's days when I'm working out shit that I just, I don't know why I'm doing.
I'm like, what is this for?
I'm so relieved to hear you say that because when I watched your hour at JFL a couple years ago, I was like, this is so brilliant.
Like every topic, every joke was so funny.
And you talk about things that seem like they're offensive, but you always do have the right take.
It's just, but you don't see it coming.
It was like my favorite hour.
It was so good.
I love you.
So I'm glad that you're insecure.
Well, no, trust me.
I think if you're not insecure and you do what we do, you're sick.
We know those people. They have problems. They're sick. I think if you're not insecure and you do what we do, you're sick. We know those people.
They have problems.
They're sick.
I think you're sick.
I think you get to a place when, look, the kind of love that we received from our family
was like...
Just enough.
Just enough.
Yeah, it was healthy just enough.
Where it's like, we do love you, but you probably will fail.
Like, my parents were like, oh, yeah, you'll do fine, I guess, I think.
Like it was never,
I have friends that are like,
you're the greatest.
No.
Their parents are like,
they dote on them so much
that I'm like,
man,
that's so sick.
That's so disgusting
that you don't have any insecurity at all.
And so then when they do fail,
they can't believe it.
Wait,
so,
okay.
When I fail,
I'm like,
that lines up.
That makes perfect sense.
That makes perfect sense.
Same,
especially like,
I was never the lead in the school plays, like rejection after rejection, like I got this I'm like, that lines up. That makes perfect sense. That makes perfect sense. Same. Especially like I was never the lead in the school plays.
Like rejection after rejection.
Like I got this.
But like so okay.
So recently our friend Benji.
Yes.
He messaged me.
He was like, hey, and I don't know if this is probably private.
Sorry, Benji, but who cares?
He was like, hey, my niece really likes it when people watch her dance, but no one wants to.
And I don't know what to do about it.
And he's like, you grew up dancing.
What do you recommend?
And I was like, God, this is really tough.
Because if you watch her when no one wants to watch her, then she's going to expect people to watch her when she's boring.
And if you don't, then she's going to be so desperate to be watched her whole life.
And I told Dave this, and Dave was like, you and Benji are literally disgusting and crazy.
He was like, of course you watch the child.
Yeah, watch the child.
Who's expressing themselves.
He just like went off on us.
I was like, oh, yeah.
I'm glad he's having the kid with you.
Me too.
Honestly, like I'm glad he's the one that's going to balance the chaos.
Imagine if you and Benji have a child together.
You two are both like, well, we shouldn't watch it.
If we watch it, we'll just let it go out on side.
Put it outside for a little while.
Make it think about it.
And then come back in.
You need to have some support.
But you can't have all of the...
I think too much of it gets...
It's super unhealthy.
I agree.
I do agree.
But you need to cheer on even when it's even when it's boring and stupid yeah if it's stupid there's a video when
you said a school play there's a cute little video of a little boy who land little british boy also
so cute when they talk he lands a role in in um uh he the school play for Christmas. And he's like,
I've got one of the main roles.
And she's like,
oh my God, are you Joseph?
Or are you an innkeeper?
And he's like,
I'm a door holder.
Play this nativity shit.
This is fucking hysterical.
And he has so much pride in playing.
He holds the door.
They don't even give him a role.
Hold on, hold on.
Pause it.
You need to hear
this shit it's wild classic role is it classic part yeah um joseph no uh one of the three wise
men no one of the innkeepers no um rejected. But it's a classic part?
Yeah.
Okay.
You tell me then, because...
I'm door holder number three.
I'll be holding doors.
That's amazing.
How cute is that?
That's amazing.
Probably Joseph and Mary.
He's so excited to hold the door for Joseph and Mary.
Now look.
Oh my God, I wish I had that when I was cast.
Get in there, let's go.
He's so cute.
I wish I had that energy when I was cast as a tree.
Like I really, I knew.
I knew better than him.
But you are very much a tree.
That meeting, they were taking a meeting,
they were like, Esther is a tree.
They're like, we have to give her the tree.
No, see, like this is the healthy version of the mom rooting it on because he's got a positive disposition.
Yeah.
But let's be honest.
You're never going to make it.
This kid is never going to fucking make it.
I don't know how to feel.
Like, look, what happens if she, what happens if, what are we calling her?
Little Airbnb.
Barbasol.
Barbasol.
What if little Barbasol?
What if Tujunga?
What if Tujunga comes out?
What if Sepulveda comes out and she wants to be in the business?
Because the likelihood is high.
Also, is there going to be a planet?
Like, whatever.
Oh, that's a good call.
Good thing you're having a kid then.
This is just for me and my experience.
I'm like, I don't know.
Who knows?
I have no idea.
What's your instinct, though?
Would you want it?
Would you support it?
Whatever she wants is fine.
Yeah, that sounds so vague.
Be honest.
Because what if she's more successful than you ever were?
You'd be livid.
Are you kidding?
That'd be great.
You would be livid, Esther. What's the point of having her if she's not going to be more successful than you ever were? You'd be livid. Are you kidding? That'd be great. You would be livid, Esther.
What's the point of having her if she's not going to be more successful than me?
That's like.
See, I want them to fail.
When I have kids, I want them to fail miserably.
Yeah, I want to laugh at them and ridicule them for their failures.
By the way, I just realized your daughter's name is Anne Frank, isn't it?
She's been hiding out there for long enough.
In here, we pour whiskey.
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I'll be honest, you're really catching me off guard because I've been so focused on hating pregnancy
that I have
not given a literal one thought to what it would be like when the baby comes. Well, who cares?
It'll just be beautiful and fun. And let's hope she has 10 fingers, 10 toes. Sure. Isn't that the
only hope? Don't they just want hands and feet that match? Yeah, that's so weird that that's
what the go to is. Well, because, you know, I'm sure back in like the 40s, you know, they would
like miss a hip or, you know, like a jaw would be half off. Wait, what? Well, because, you know, I'm sure back in like the 40s, you know, they would like miss a hip or, you know, like a jaw would be half off.
Wait, what?
Well, because don't you know how the death and pregnancy and pregnancy accidents in the turn of the century was through the roof?
Yeah.
People were, weird shit happened.
So they were like 10 fingers, 10 toes.
The infant mortality rate decreased 86%.
Oh, my God.
And infant deaths for 100 live births in the 40s.
Dude, back then it was like
most babies were just dying
or they were given to the wrong mothers
there was a new thing that came out
a woman wrote a fucking book
as a nurse from the 50s
or the 60s about
guessing how many babies
she gave away to the wrong people
it was in the thousands
it was in the thousands it was in the thousands
what yes baby switched yes it was not it was like this was a common thing do you feel confident that
like you're your mom's baby no no yes actually it's insane so much so because i look exactly
like my mom one of my mom's brothers like it look I have the same we look the same
like my uncle my uncle Dan is my mom's youngest brother who is like an older brother to me
basically because the gap is I think he's only like 12 years older than me so it's not that big
of a difference and oh he looked I looked up to him as like an older brother and um he he when he was young looked exactly like me oh that's that's cool yeah it
was cool well my mom's one of 10 kids i mean what is up with that my irish dude we're met we're the
mexican of the of the of western europe we're the mexicans of western europe the irish so my dad is
an only child which is very rare for that yeah and I'm like, his family died like so long ago because he's so old.
I'm like, why?
I want to know why there was only one of him.
Why'd they only make one?
Yeah.
Well, are you going to have more than one?
I hope not.
I don't.
So then you're doing the same thing.
I know.
But I'm like, what's the origins?
Is it just like pregnancy sucks?
Like, I don't know.
Well, I imagine as you get
older it's hard to have kids obviously and also pregnancy is hard and also money probably came
comes into it sometimes like maybe his family couldn't afford then nobody thought about that
financial struggle yeah they didn't right people just we think about them too much yeah because
we're in la and people did just have babies and that put us in a bad position didn't it
yeah they did so that was probably a bad idea.
We probably should think about stuff like that.
Stop.
Stop having babies, maybe.
I think everyone should stop.
There was no birth control technology, you know, and that's another thing.
Religion, yeah.
Religion was at the helm of saying you should have many babies.
How old was your dad?
How old, I'm sorry, was?
He's 80 now.
He was 44 when they had me, which.
Which is on par. With Dave. I know Dave. Dave's 40, right? He's 80 now. He was 44 when they had me, which... Which is on par.
With Dave.
I know Dave.
Dave's 40, right?
He's 45.
Right.
So I...
And your dad's 80?
He's 80.
He's just straight 80.
Is he still kicking good?
Everything's good?
Yeah, he's going on long walks.
Although I did, when I told him I was pregnant, his reaction was, I'm too young to be a grandfather.
I was like, that's, you're so confident.
He said, I'm too young to be a grandfather. He is too, you're so confident. He said I'm too young to be a grandfather.
Yes, too young.
You're like, Dad, we're planning your funeral.
What the fuck are you talking?
That's insane.
I'm too young.
Good for your dad.
That's confidence.
I know.
I hope that I inherit that.
But Dave is 45.
I would have never been like now is the time,
but Dave is getting up there.
So it's kind of fun to do a favor for an old man.
You know, that's how I feel about this.
You're talking about your dad or Dave?
Dave.
Okay.
Is Dave your daddy?
He is right now.
Do you ever call him daddy?
No.
I used to do a bit about this.
I totally am into the daddy thing
and I meet this older guy
and he's not, it's not allowed.
He's like, that's disgusting.
He doesn't like daddy stuff.
No. He wants to be equals with me. I'm like, then why are you, we're not, it's not allowed. He's like, that's disgusting. He doesn't like daddy stuff. No.
Yeah.
He wants to be equals with me.
I'm like, then why are you, we're not, look at us.
Right.
We're not equal.
No, you're 16.
Why is he so, you've always been into the daddy thing?
When you were young, did you always date older guys?
No.
I mean, in high school, my boyfriend was a year older than me and I do still drive past
his house and the movie is also about him.
But, and he looks like Dave.
He knows this, right?
I'm sure it's gotten back to him.
You don't you would never speak ever again.
He would. He's blocked me on everything.
Really? From high school? That's so long ago.
Well, he blocked me a long time ago.
It's days. He'd be surprised.
You'd have to go in and manually unblock my number.
And he just hasn't taken the time.
Why don't you invite him to the premiere of Drugstore June?
I don't want to get into legal problems.
And I feel like once I reach out.
You're going to get sued?
It's something bad could happen.
But I am pregnant.
So it's like, oh, my God, I'm just so innocent.
Right.
Look at you, little innocent girl.
Who me?
I'm just having a baby.
I'm so sorry about everything I did but I did promise myself
that after the movie came out I would stop driving past his house so I got one last drive by in this
past Christmas why do you drive past this home okay this is a good question and I'm really trying
to dig in and like figure it out and I think it's like for the memories you know you you know you
like to visit old places you lose your virginity in this house?
No.
Was there something like special that happened in that home?
Fighting.
You fought with him.
We fought.
This is when you were in high school.
You were a high school fight.
Yeah, you cooked together.
I don't know.
We hung out.
We did the stuff.
But I also do, if I'm really being honest, and I dig one step deeper, it's like I want to accidentally see him.
Oh, to prove because you've gone so far?
Like look at me now type of shit?
No, I think I just want to like see.
You never want to just see an ex?
No.
Really?
I have no desire.
Couldn't care less.
Well, I don't know.
I hope they're well.
I hope everyone that's come through my life
is well now
but I don't know
if I see them
I don't know what I would say
or what I would
why don't you set his house
on fire
then you'll see him
he'll come outside
just light a fucking fire
he'll be outside
waiting for the fire to burn
you go
whoa what a coincidence
Mark here you are
and I'm so sorry
about your house
what have you been up to
who me I'm pregnant
and I have a movie about you
it's coming out it's coming out in theaters by the way sorry about your house. What have you been up to? Who, me? I'm pregnant and I have a movie about you.
It's coming out in theaters. It's coming out in theaters.
By the way,
setting his house on fire
to get the news there
to do a plug for your movie
is actually a good promo.
I just want to be clear.
This is all a parody
and this is all for comedy.
Yeah, all for comedy.
Fair use
or whatever the fuck this is.
You cannot use this against me.
No, don't use this against Esther.
That's true.
This is all a bit.
Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink.
Imagine, though, his house sets on fire in a couple of weeks for some reason.
Oh, my God.
All right, stop it.
I'm kidding.
Stop it.
No, no, no, no.
It won't happen.
But if it does, amazing.
That is something that I talk about with Dave a lot since my fiancé is being pregnant.
I'm like, you realize if something happens
to me and the baby like it's all on you what would he do how well how would he handle that
i don't i don't know but where's his family they're in boston so would he move back to the
east coast you think no no no no he would he would stay here with the baby find a new woman in la
oh if well i'm just saying if the pregnant woman goes missing the pregnant wife it's and like dave your hands are dirty no matter what i know um but he but he would never
he wouldn't be suspect number one if you go missing no one's gonna blame dave no and there's
so many people to blame i've already told i've always told dave like my parents are even like
if you ever hurt me or do something bad to me, my parents will take your side.
Like they'll know that you had to.
Wait,
they'll go,
they won't,
they won't,
they'll defend Dave.
Yes.
Because like if he beat the shit out of you,
they'd be like,
it's probably.
If he killed me,
there's no way that they would take my side.
They'd be like,
we know it had to be.
Cause he's so right.
Yeah.
He's so even keeled.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's not like a,
and you're a lunatic.
Yeah. This is actually, I do understand what you're right. Yeah. He's so even keeled. Yeah. Yeah. He's not like a, and you're a lunatic. Yeah.
This is actually, I do understand what you're saying.
Yeah.
Like they're team Dave.
Yeah.
They should be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But they have no team Esther at all.
Well, you know, my dad is, so my dad's like really into health and stuff and we went out.
Oh my God, Dave, please don't watch this.
And we went out. Oh, my God, Dave, please don't watch this. We went to breakfast over the holiday break. And my dad afterwards was like, I don't like the way Dave butters his pancakes. I think you need to get a life insurance policy on him.
What does that even mean? He put too much butter on.
Butter and salt. And he salted his eggs. And my dad was like, no.
Wait, he salts pancakes, though?
He salted his eggs. He might have salted. I've never seen a salted pancake in my life. like, no. Wait, he salts pancakes though? He salted his eggs. He might have salted...
I've never seen a salted pancake in my life.
It sounds good.
Salted pancake.
I know it does actually sound really good.
And I had to be like,
dad, like salt is...
It tastes really good.
Like usually it's...
No, it's okay.
Salt's not bad for you
unless you're like overdoing it.
I think so, yeah.
Look at this.
Salty pancakes.
This is the thing that we should...
The salty pancake is the thing
that's moving forward in the community.
I think we should do salty pancakes. Maybe Dave's thing that we should. The salty pancake is the thing that's moving forward in the community. I think we should do salty pancakes.
Maybe Dave's onto something.
Like a scallion pancake is salty.
So good.
How big was the slab of butter he put on?
Be honest with your hand.
Show me with your hand.
I don't want to.
Show me with your hand and I want to see.
Have you been to Walker Brothers in, these are north side things, but Walker Brothers
Pancake House, Chicago area.
I don't go up there.
That's insane.
We're so far apart.
They don't let me up there.
This is people like, you and Satina are both from Chicago. I'm like, it's might as well up there. That's insane. We're so far apart. They don't let me up there. This is people like you and Satine are both from Chicago.
I'm like, it's might as well not be.
But also the north side,
it was fancy.
It is. Not all of it.
It gets fancy. Skokie's not, but it gets fancy.
But it gets so fancy. And so we're close to all the fancy stuff.
And that was what my grandfather used to call that, the swells.
Do you know what that is? No. The swells.
You know, like the other half. That's where
they are. That's where all the money is. That's fair.
That's where the money is up there. That's money, money.
Yeah, because you know, like the days that the young people
on the podcast that know Home Alone,
you know the Home Alone house. That was what it was to us
when we were a kid. The whole Evanston
Kenilworth of it all was like, that's
where like real money. That's the North Shore.
Winnetka. Winnetka. Oh, pretty
pretty stuff. Oh my god, the best McDonald's in
Winnetka. Well, the cleanest, oh my god the best mcdonald's in winnetka well the cleanest right so there was there was never it was never dirty up there it always felt like the
north shore was like it felt even though it wasn't gated i feel like it should have been yes it feel
like it all should have been gated like i wasn't yeah look at how pretty it is they love the winnetka
mcdonald's so much oh my god i want to go and get it looks like it's fucking aspen i mean it looks
like it's it looks like a ski resort That's how nice it is up there.
Isn't it weird that it's like there's so much nice stuff all over the country.
Don't you feel like, where does all this money come from?
Well, the Midwest, particularly McDonald's, is from the Midwest.
So that makes sense.
Oh, yeah.
The original McDonald's.
Well, the original McDonald's is here.
Yes.
Okay.
Sorry.
You're right.
We really did it.
The first of the...
Shane.
Yeah.
Yeah.
San Bernardino was the first out here.
Yeah.
And then...
I love how we need to know our fast food history.
Well, Ray Kroc, my dog.
Ray Kroc, an abusive lunatic who pulled the first McDonald's out to the Chicagoland area.
Where is it?
Did you say Deerfield?
Is that right?
I think it's in Deerfield.
Am I right?
We took a field trip there when I was in elementary school, I remember, to the original McDonald's.
That's so cool.
That was a big fucking deal.
They were like, you know, this is where I started.
And then I think someone had said something like, you know, my uncle says it's from California.
And the teacher was like, okay, okay.
Well, it is, but it was started stark.
You had this conversation we just had.
Yeah, this happened when I was a kid.
Displains.
Displains.
That's right.
Displains. Fuckplains, that's right. Displains, fuck.
Okay.
Damn it.
Croc opened up in 1955.
That was when your dad was in college.
1955.
No.
No, he was in elementary, middle school.
High school, maybe.
He was born in 1943, so.
My God.
I know.
1943.
1943.
When infant mortality rate was through the roof. Yeah, so maybe that's why. Maybe there born in 1943. So my God, 1943 when infant, when infant mortality rate was through
the roof. Yeah. So maybe that's why there, maybe there was another baby. He had siblings and they
lost them all. I know my grandmother had 10 kids and she had three miscarriages outside of that.
So she could have 13 children. Isn't that something? Wow. She was never not pregnant.
That's hard. Did you ever meet her? My grandmother? my grandmother yeah yeah she only passed away a
couple years ago oh my gosh she was a bad bitch dude really she was a thug dude yeah that many
kids and she's still like she still was like just a boss she was your size tiny tiny woman that's so
wild you never met my grandmother did you no that tiny woman sees because this one is just like
taking me out what are you you eating? Oh my God.
All the stuff?
No, Andrew.
Like, you know, you know me, right?
I know.
And you know that the pregnancy that you envisioned for me
is the one I envisioned for myself,
which was just chow down, like this is it, party time.
Yeah, hardcore, go ham.
And I have such bad acid reflux
and there's no room in me that I have to eat less
than I've ever eaten in my life.
And I'm so depressed.
Is this your diet plan?
Have a baby, you'll stay skinny?
So you don't have any habits that you're not picking up any bad habits at all?
Like you're not eating, there's not something, you're like, I can't not eat donuts every day.
This is breaking me down only to rebuild me to be a new human. Like I have my vice, my love is to sit down and chow,
eat my whole Chipotle burrito,
eat like, you know, just get the footlong at Subway.
I can't do any of that.
And I'm like having to face real emotional issues
that have been, you know,
stuffed down by food for years and it sucks.
Wait, why?
It's just because you just feel like-
There's not room.
Like if you eat a little too much, you up do you throw up yeah wow yeah that's fucking
wild i've never heard of this before i'm sorry this is most women i know that are pregnant are
just like i can't stop eating they're all fucking job like bane yeah uh human uh what is this uh h
hcg oh yeah gonotropian a hormone produced during pregnancy cause feelings of nausea constantly Yeah. Human, what is this? HCG. Oh, yeah.
Human gonotropian, a hormone produced during pregnancy,
cause feelings of nausea constantly.
Greater sensitivity to smell and taste,
so now you might not even want to eat anything.
That was the first trimester.
The first 12 weeks was like sick, can't get out of bed.
And you would smell stuff and just be nauseated?
So bad.
Literally, you could smell,
and on a far away, Dave's in the kitchen i'm in the
bedroom like i could smell like he put oil in a pan and you're just like you disgusting fuck like
what were you just olive oil in the pan you pig you're trying to fucking kill me you hate me
um and then it then now it's just more like acid reflux it by the way but do you think that's
pregnancy or judaism it's pregnancy or Judaism? It's pregnancy.
Okay.
I think.
But okay, so I thought I was the first person in America to ever have acid reflux.
I'm like, this is so horrible.
I hate this.
I can't live this way.
Then I go to the comedy store.
I'm in the green room.
I'm like, you guys like acid reflux.
Brent Morin's like, I have that every day of my life.
I'm like, oh, okay, sorry.
Never mind.
Yeah, a lot.
It's very common.
Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, acid reflux is very common. I'm like, okay sorry never mind yeah a lot of it's very common yeah i didn't know
that reflux is very common i i'm like i could drink tomato sauce before this and i was like
strong 20 of the people have it so most so so uh i would say and it's probably 50 of comics for
some reason because it comes to also i mean there's a lot of factors to gastro uh gastro
reflux disease gird this is not so gross this is not who i am you're
not a gird girl no no you're really not but you're gonna get back to normal as soon as that thing
farts out of your vagina you're gonna be fine yeah when you when that thing slides out you'll
go right back to you yeah well we know we know we know that thing that's a big hole
i pray by the way your baby has baby has truck backup signals on it.
Let's go.
I should have slotted it up more because now I wish that it was as big as it could be.
That doesn't make it any easier.
You think?
No.
You'd have to have a whole basketball team in there at some point or football.
I should be like, Dave, I have to do something to make this birth easier, and I need you to look away.
And I'm going to the Lakers game.
I have to go see some of the Lakers.
Did you ever hook up with an athlete when you were young?
No, I wish.
Star football player?
No, nothing?
Well, my high school boyfriend, who I'm not over, was a baseball player, which I do think is a very hot athlete because they have thick thighs, which I like.
Thick thighs.
Wait, what did you say? You're not over? Is that what you said? Did I say that? You said that. Oh, maybe I do think is a very hot athlete because they have thick thighs, which I like. Thick thighs. Wait, what'd you say? You're not over? Is that what you said?
Did I say that? You said that.
No, maybe I did. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I said that. Yeah, baseball player,
that's a hot athlete. What's the hottest athlete? What's the hottest guy? You think baseball?
Baseball. I love the muscular legs. They're thick. Basketball, that's too tall and lean for a girl like me. That's just too much.
Football?
I love the bigness,
but I just... Too much.
I don't need that. What about hockey?
What are they? I don't even know.
Strong, tough, toothless.
Oh, there's a hotness to that.
They're a little jagged. They've been beat up a little, but there's some good looking...
Jagged is hot.
Well, show her Conor Bedard. And I love long hair. Show Conor Bedard. Conor
Bedard is unequivocally the greatest young hockey player in the NHL right now. He plays the Chicago
Blackhawks. First picture, my friend. Is that a, is this a, you like him? You like Conor?
That looks like, like a, like an actor. Well, he's a young lad. He's young. He's very young,
but he's a, he's the new star here on the Chicago Blackhawks. He's cute. Oh, Chicago Blackhawks.
He's us, baby. So that's not your style. You're not a hockey girl.
No. You know what I'm really into? And this is a quality that Dave has. And this is strange,
but it's so hot to me.
Writers.
That too. Love that. I love someone that just wants to be creative, but hide.
Right.
Just doesn't want to be on camera.
A little recluse.
So good.
But I love that when a man doesn't know how to order at Starbucks, it's very attractive to me.
There's something too feminine about a man who knows what a refresher is.
It really grosses me out.
A refresher?
Yeah, thank you.
You're like, you don't know do you it's
like a drink that 16 year old girls get at starbucks like that's who's like 16 year old
girls that's who goes there they know they're they're like michael jordan in their prime at
starbucks like dave i didn't know this until i went to starbucks with dave and he literally
he's like he gets the front line he's's like he's like I'm good
like he doesn't know what to do
I don't know either
well I don't go to Starbucks
I don't
like a man who's just like
coffee
small
the guy who the baristas hate
I'm like
I want to have sex with that guy
that's the guy
that's
well that's why I like mom and pop shops
because they keep it pretty simple
like I like cappuccinos
I drink coffee at home, just regular coffee.
But if I go out, huh?
Hot coffee?
Love hot coffee.
That's such an old man thing, too.
I know.
It is embarrassing.
I usually get a hot coffee.
Yeah.
But when we go out, I like cappuccinos.
If you like hot coffee plain, you should just go to a bank and get your coffee at a bank.
Like, that's, it's so crazy.
Are you my grandmother? Are you reincarnated into my grandmother? A bank? Esther at a bank like that's it's so crazy are you my grandmother are you are you
reincarnated into my grandmother a bank esther a bank there aren't there's no banks left they're
all gone there are no banks if like there's you're wasting time and money if you drink hot black
coffee go to your local chase walk in walk out and they will be glad that someone wanted that
this is so stupid like a like a marriott courtyard that has got that kind of...
Yes.
I know.
Who is that coffee for?
No one cool wants that coffee.
I love that coffee.
You and Dave...
I'll drink all that shit.
It's delicious.
Bad coffee is very good.
Diner coffee, so good.
Oh, my God.
You can't possibly believe that.
It's not good in the way we're...
It's just the vibes.
Well, yes.
But no, it's just...
You know what it is?
I'll give you what it is.
It reminds us of when we were young, our parents and our grandparents would smoke and read
the paper or do crosswords and drink a cup of regular coffee.
And late at night, this is not I'm being nostalgic, late at night when the kids are supposed to
be in bed and the parents are up sitting around a coffee table or a dinner table and they
would be talking laughing joking drinking coffee
and that has it does something for me nostalgic wise i have to say i have the exact everything
the picture you're painting i'm there with you romantically like late at night drinking coffee
so then to me it's like i want to be an adult one day when i grow up i'm going to drink coffee
yes i love that but it's just for me it's a thing like where it's like oh i'm gonna be a
girl who just eats a square of dark chocolate for dessert every night like it's a romantic idea i
have but in practice it's never gonna work you eat the full bar yeah you're not gonna have one
square that's insane milk chocolate caramel yeah you like that because you like the sugary shit
you like the sweetie sugary yeah right but that's the other thing i don't like that sugary drinks
like coffee drinks that are sweet. I have no interest.
Not even just like if I'm going to have a sweet drink, it's going to be a Coca-Cola,
a Mexican Coke.
If I want sweet, just give me a fucking give me a pop.
And I want like the pop.
You're such a Midwest door.
What do you mean?
It's called pop.
You don't call it soda.
I do call it soda.
Fuck you, dude.
You're from where I'm from.
I want it to be refined early on.
You wanted you worked so hard on getting rid of your Chicago that you call it soda, you scumbag.
And I do call them tennis shoes.
Sneakers?
I call them sneakers.
Wait a minute.
You say pop, don't you, dickhead?
I say pop, but when I went to school in Chicago, people made fun of me for saying pop.
That's wrong.
Chicago calls it pop.
We always call it pop.
Do you have a mullet?
Yeah.
We made him shave his head for Carlos to look like like carlos now it's growing out it's fat and he's still getting
laid so it doesn't matter this guy's so handsome it doesn't even matter yeah we call it pop in in
the midwest it's always been pop and i refuse to call it soda because when i say soda in my house
if i say to my dad hey will you get me a soda from the fridge my dad would assume i'm saying
soda water or club soda oh i'm gonna play all sides around and just say may i have a soda from the fridge, my dad would assume I'm saying soda water or club soda. Oh, I'm going to play all sides from now on and just say, may I have a soda pop?
And then everyone will like me.
You are my grandmother.
Why?
Give me a soda pop.
You have old fizzy water back there with little bubbles and syrup.
Have you ever had a pharmacy soda, actual pharmacy soda pop from the fountain
okay
that's my dream
is to go
and to like
an old timey pharmacy
I've never been to one
but I think there's one
in Chicago
here
well there's one out here
that there's
there's one out here
that's like in
inland
in the
in
yeah in the inland empire
there's an old
I saw it online
there's an old
pharmacy soda soda pop fountain that's the dream of course yeah in the inland empire there's an old i saw it online so there's an old uh
uh pharmacy soda soda pop fountain that's the dream yeah where they mix it live and all that shit oh yes but i will say at jewish delis they do something called like a chocolate phosphate
or an egg cream and that's soda water with like chocolate sauce and whipped cream it's so good
i swear anytime a restaurant or a um usually it's like a barnes and noble
starbucks that does this but like where they're hand mixing a soda for you yeah a soda water with
vanilla syrup that's hot yeah that's very good some sips you only taste the vanilla and some
you only taste the plain soda it's just so good see it's the south pasadena it's oh my god i literally yeah fair oaks pharmacy that's what it's called all the time yeah
fair oaks they do they do it there they'll mix you up some good sauce are you serious right there
i'm showing you the video of it um you know what's so funny is that the the jewish deli
system here in los angeles has been shattered since I first moved here used to be the best
now they're all closed the ones that I loved
or they've changed hands
I don't like Cantor's
Cantor's stinks now when we were young it was the best
Greenblatt's closed
rest in peace Greenblatt's I miss you so much
one of the best of all time
I never was a Nate and Al's guy
it's just too far into Beverly Hills
it's just like far into beverly hills it's just
like it's also i'm not 104 everybody there's 104 years old i cannot believe people are still alive
that go in there um i like arts deli arts is actually pretty good um but i used to go to a
place called juniors it's not around anymore it's on westwood when i lived on the west side
oh juniors and it was it's a uh cheesecake place like from new york or no no no juniors was it was uh it was an old jewish deli
uh beloved juniors deli forced to close after 53 years i know it's so sad like this they're
all closing down all the ones in my hometown like in skokie barnum and bagel and the bagel like
it's i just want some lima bean soup and, and.
What's the,
who's to blame?
That's Junior's right there.
That's what he used to look like on Westwood.
Oh,
I've seen that place.
Who's to blame for this?
Is this Hamas?
Is that who's doing this?
Is that who's closing down
all of our famous favorite delis?
Seriously though,
Junior's,
when I was young,
man,
because I lived on the west side,
or well,
I'm sorry,
I lived in Culver City,
but this was my,
this was like a little,
man, we're getting nostalgic.
This was like my home away from home because at night I could go there and they had late night menu deals and it was cheaper than the dinner menu because it was like a quarter
of the menu was available.
When you, oh, that's so.
So you could get like.
That's the best.
I know.
You could get like.
A late night deal on a menu?
Trust me.
I was all about it.
Junior's was the best.
You would get a half sandwich and a soup for like half the price that it was during the day and so i would go there after shows or
whatever and write and then sit at night and it was a beautiful little mom and pop not in great
condition but still wonderful you know when you were on the west side did you ever eat at pacific
dining car the 24-hour steakhouse please of course so gross. Of course. It's repulsive.
I think I got salmonella there twice.
Yeah, I did, actually.
I used to eat over on...
I used to love the West Side, but then, you know, you get older and you look uglier and
you can't be seen in a lot of these places.
Yeah, it's so true.
Although, Beverly Hills, this is a real secret.
You think, oh, I can't go there.
I'm too ugly.
Everyone there is 105 years old, like you said.
When I go to Beverly Hills, I'm the youngest, hottest person.
Yeah, they're like, what, are you in high school?
Look at this little high school girl who's pregnant.
Like, it is.
Like, go to Beverly Hills.
You'll feel so good about yourself.
You actually, it is so true.
Everybody there that lives in the flats that goes downtown that right not the tourist days go there on
tuesday into the flats of beverly hills who those that have come with their it's usually someone
that's walking them in the wheelchair that's like pushing their wheelchair yeah you are half the age
of even their help because no one else can afford to be there so if you just like roll up one day
for a little walk i almost said w-a-l-k because my my dog was maybe she could
hear we can she'd be quiet um you have to or you say or or instead of outside i say backyard
backyard you say oh you what's that oh for and so she doesn't hear yeah outside um i really though
have the same kind of like romantic romanticization of diners like going to swingers
late at night after the comedy store with a bunch of people is so fun and also like being at an age
where you could just eat a grilled cheese at you know 1 a.m and not really have to care yeah not
think about it you don't care how fat you are not because your metabolism is good um like i miss that i do miss those days
but now uh you know look now you have a new responsibility now you have to care about
you know barbasol and hopefully raise her in a way where she understands she understands the
ins and outs and the sacrifices that you've made. That you have acid reflux now because of Barbasol. Which, can I say, I didn't realize this.
I kind of knew.
I am naturally a really selfish person.
And this is like the first time in my life I am sacrificing for someone else.
And yes, I'm being essentially held at gunpoint.
I'm on the roller coaster.
I can't get off.
And yes, I'm being essentially held at gunpoint.
I'm on the roller coaster.
I can't get off.
And that's the only way that this was ever going to happen for me is when it's just forced, thrust upon me.
But I realized I am a put your mask on before you can put on someone else's mask.
On the plane, yeah.
Like that is – and I want to preach that as a positive.
Because if you are the kind of person that does for others first, you're going to be miserable.
I can only be lovely if I'm first.
So spoil me, then I spoil you.
Yeah.
Okay.
But this is hard for me.
Well, so when Barbasol comes out, do you feel like you will be that way as well, that you
will do for you before you do for her?
Mommy first?
I mean, realistically, that's probably not an option but that it is actually some people do live like
that that's true i think i just having my body be my own and being able to eat a whole chipotle
bowl like i'll feel like i have my needs are met i would like when the baby does come out i would
like to buy you your very first burrito if you don't mind is that can that be my gift yes a big
what's your order for for chipotle what are we talking what's that burrito, if you don't mind. Can that be my gift? Yes. What's your order for Chipotle?
What are we talking?
What's that burrito filled with?
Oh my God, chicken, rice, both beans.
Oh, we're doing pinto and black?
Both beans is the way.
Once you try it.
Veggies?
Veggies, of course.
Extra fajitas.
No corn.
It's a little too spicy, and I don't need the extra grain.
So no hot sauce?
No hot sauce.
Sour cream and cheese?
I do mild, extra mild guacamole some maybe a little
cheese a little sour cream extra lettuce rock is extra is that okay of course always daddy yes can
you believe that they have to say that i respect i think it's our the prices also are it's so
expensive now thank god they tell you is it really yes inflation is so is it knocking out well how
much is guac now is Is it that much extra?
I don't know.
I don't really get Chipotle.
I just remember I could get Chipotle for like $7, and now I'm like, I leave, it's like $12.
Is it really?
Yeah.
Everything is-
Should we sue?
Yeah.
We should sue.
Guac.
What is the guac?
I want to know what the guac-
It used to be $1.79.
I wonder if it's gone up, too.
Probably.
But let's be honest.
I know this may sound out of touch.
Okay.
An extra $1.65 is not going to kill anybody.
Anybody.
Anybody who goes to...
Especially for the guac, you're going there for that.
You need to get it.
But I'm just saying, like, let's be genuine.
There is no fucking person on earth that's going to Chipotle,
that's going to a fast food restaurant like this that was like, I only have this much money.
If you charge me an extra dollar, I couldn't make it through.
Right.
There's no way.
They wouldn't go out to eat.
Yeah.
They would eat at home.
So everyone can afford it.
I think enough people got mad that it was extra.
$265.
That's not huge.
No, that's abhorrent.
I'm pissed off now.
I was okay with a dollar something.
Okay, my last old lady cheap thing I need to get off my chest.
I started eating at Subway again recently, so things are going well.
You know there's other sub sandwich shops that are all over the place.
There's so many of them now.
I miss Potbelly's and I don't know what's similar to it.
Oh, God bless.
I love Potbelly's. I miss it so much. I to it. Oh, God bless. I love Potbelly's.
I miss it so much.
I had it every day for two weeks when I was home.
We have them in Southern California.
No, we don't.
In Orange County.
No, there's not.
Take the drive.
They must have closed.
There's none in California.
Really?
I thought there was some down here.
I think there was one at the Irvine for a minute and it's gone.
Yeah, at the Spectrum or whatever.
It's not there.
Wow.
Nobody slices their pickles thinner.
It's the best.
It's so delicious.
Anyway, I started eating at, this is important.
I started eating at Subway.
It's really hard when you were living in, if you've lived through $5 footlongs.
It was my whole existence.
You can't go back to Subway in 2024.
A six inch turkey is $8.59. Get fucked, Subway. Honestly turkey is 859 get fucked subway honestly subway get fucked get absolutely
fucked i'm like what is the point take a walk and get fucked what is the point eight dollars for
six inch with tax you're spending ten dollars i'd rather go to jimmy john's or jersey mike's or
i'd rather go to any of these places. But these places are all superior now.
They are.
So I don't know how Subway.
Why is Subway even competing?
I don't know how they're in the game.
They should get, you know what, they should get absorbed by one of these other companies.
You know what they also order?
You know what they also put in out here?
Do you know Chiba Hut?
No, what's that?
Chiba Hut.
They just put one here somewhere in L.A.
Chiba Hut is a toasted sub made by Sweet Little Stoners.
And there's one in North Hollywood
or something like that.
Really?
Yeah, it's opening up soon.
But we used to have one in,
they're all over Denver.
I think I had them in Arizona
when I was in school.
Oh, read the menu, though.
You're going to love this.
It's all pothead stuff,
but it's really cute.
Connecting to the sky.
Chiba Menu.
Look at this.
Look at some of these.
I'm plugging this place for some reason.
The Jamaican Red.
Oh, this is advanced.
Yeah.
I mean, these are like funky subs, all sorts of weird fun shit.
I'll tell you, the one I used to get was Go Down.
Oh, I want to go here.
No, let me see.
I may go here right now.
No, it opens January 22nd. It's not open? It's opening up, dude. I may go here right now. No, it opens January 22nd.
It's not open?
It's opening up, dude.
They're doing it right now.
They're close.
Why are you telling me about this?
Well, I wanted to tease you.
I like to tease you, girl.
I like to tease you, girl, but they have good vegetarian ones, too.
Look, that's you.
Go up.
That's the chisel.
That's you.
And that's also the Jewish version of saying cheese the chisel.
The chisel, you fucker.
The cheddar chisel.
That's you.
The sticky, icky, peanut butter and jelly.
Look at that.
I'm in a toasted turkey
because you can't have deli meat, supposedly,
when you're pregnant, which is so fake.
But if it's heated up...
Who says that?
Who says you can't do that?
Doctors.
I hate doctors.
They say no deli meat?
Yeah.
Do we really believe that our parents
didn't eat deli meat while we were...
No.
Like, what the fuck are we talking about then?
It's all the rules they give you.
It's like, no, mommy comes first.
Mommy first?
Yeah.
So what is your daily diet?
What are you putting inside that little body?
I eat a lot of eggs and avocado.
So eggs and avocado?
I'm eating like the skinniest I've ever eaten, and I'm the not skinniest.
So just eggs, avocado?
Eggs, avocado.
I eat, oh my God, chia seed.
I make my own little chia
i know this is you don't want no party you have no party you're not doing ice cream nights or
anything i have to eat bland food because any little flavor will trigger me it's i know we
can't talk about this is too depressing do you have do you also are you lactose intolerant
no i am a strong girl inside. This tummy can handle stuff.
Percentage of my Jewish friends that are lactose intolerant?
It's high, I'm sure.
58 to 65.
Yeah.
So you're one of the others.
I'm another.
Dave is lactose intolerant.
He is. How did you know?
I can feel it from afar.
He buys lactate. I'm like, ew.
Yeah, look at this.
Three quarters of all Jews cannot digest milk and sugar.
90% of Asian Americans too
yeah
or booze
you should see how
fucking
a lot of
a lot of Asian friends
when we go drinking
they you know
they have that chemical
that turns our skin red
have you ever seen that
no
you don't know about this
no
Chinese
look up the
Asian people alcohol
yeah no there's
they have like
there's a
chemical reaction
I think like
but everyone can have that
right it's not just Asian people
no but it's but it's more they have it more yeah of course but it's have that, right? It's not just Asian people. No, but it's,
but it's more,
well,
yeah,
of course,
but it's more an Asian
to get allergic reaction alcohol
and a phenomenon called Asian flush,
genetic mutation preventing
the breakdown of the toxins,
alcoholic beverages.
Is like drinking your thing?
Like,
I'm curious
because I have no thing right now
which was eating and weed.
Like,
what's your thing
where you're like,
I'm going to get off on this?
Well,
golf is my getaway.
That's my little getaway, my little favorite.
Dave loves golf too.
Does he really?
I didn't know that.
And he supposedly is not bad.
You're probably better.
Yeah, I'm better than Dave for sure.
No, but you know what?
It's my little – it's just a nice way to get out with friends, be outside, joke around,
and then also play this fun game where you're truly so annoying
you're playing against yourself like you're just beat you're trying to beat yourself you want to
be as good as you can be very stand up like 100 it's you it is a solo game you may be playing
against other people in a game but you're really just trying to best yourself yeah i like that a
lot this is the mommy me this is and this is andrew first yeah that's golf is my selfish uh me just for me it's
for nobody else but me that's dave has in date but dave is more poker but golf and poker is he
wasting a lot of money on poker i just we're gonna have to have a conversation about you guys are
gonna be your books are upside down i definitely wonder and i'm also like well my dad was a
compulsive gambler so like what is i'm the issue did he ever do
anything bad like lose the house my dad he close bad yeah it was my grandfather my grandfather i
think lost their house really yeah but i think they get it back you know gamblers they get it
back somehow they owe someone something a couple years ago i mean i think this was last summer i
got a call from my dad he's like i'm in some trouble and i'm like what's going on from your dad because my mom whenever my mom goes out of town like you never know what's gonna happen
he's like well i just want you to know like last night i got arrested at the casino because in
illinois you can do a self-imposed ban so if you're a gambling addict the casinos have to like
support you and your journey of your addiction so you can
go there sign up sign your life away and they're like that's it you're never allowed back on our
properties you just banned yourself wow and my dad didn't realize well he knew this when he went but
he banned himself from like every i think it's either caesars or every mgm property so there's
like all these casinos in vegas he can't go to anyway so he went when my mom was out of town he's he figured i'm
just gonna not bring my id in with me so they'll never catch me and he goes in and then they're
like sir we need to see your id and he's like i don't have it and then they're like we need to
walk you to your car they saw they found out who he was took him in the
basement and like he was one he it was like the first offense so the next one he would get fined
ten thousand dollars because like the casinos take it so seriously this is like they they could
lose their license it's like how funny that is they're like we're not gonna let you lose money
here you lost ten thousand dollars we going to fine you 10 grand.
You know what?
My dad going there, that was a form of gambling.
Yeah, of course it is.
He wanted to see if he would get caught.
Yeah, you're gambling.
He's gambling again.
But that is such a sad, self-imposed is so sad.
Oh, I think it's kind of cool.
Well, it's dark as fuck.
He's like, I just can't stay away.
We should have that for bars.
Bars should ban alcoholics.
I think that's why I'm very into it.
That's a better idea.
It's like the people that buy the little lockbox and they put their cookies in it.
Have you ever done that?
Put your cookies in a lock jar with a timer?
Let's be honest here.
Clearly, I've never done that.
I have my cookies bedside.
I have a bedside table drawer with cookies in it.
I have Reese's Pieces by my bed right now.
You do?
Yeah, like E.T.
I was eating them last night watching TV.
I want to have a sleepover.
That sounds so fun.
I love.
Reese's Pieces are great because guess what?
You can't really make a mess.
There's no crumbs anywhere.
No.
But you get so much bang for your buck.
You get so much bang for your buck.
It's so much more than an M&M.
I had this great uncle who um was
obsessed with sweets which i later found out that that's because he was an alcoholic and quit right
but he was his the addiction clearly transferred because you'd open his bedside drawer and it was
just all snickers like just oh yeah snickers is by far the best candy bar by the way i agree it's
under it's undefeated it's undefeated Snickers has all the things you want in it.
I do think personally I prefer Twix, but I understand that Snickers is number one.
What can I give you this?
I like Twix minis.
I can fuck with the little babies.
Twix minis are great.
I'm literally getting like-
You're getting horny for Twix, right?
I'll say this.
Kit Kat, waste of time.
Let's pick a-
Waste of time.
Give me that photo.
Go up again to all of them.
Take five is creepy. Kit Kat, waste of time. Waste of time. Give me that photo. Go up again to all of them. Take five is creepy.
Kit Kat can fucking kick rocks.
Mounds is a joke.
And also Almond Joy, because I don't fuck with coconut, to be honest with you.
No, not in that capacity. Three Musketeers is fine if you're in a bind.
A hundred grand I would definitely put up there.
A hundred grand is pretty fucking good.
Baby Ruth is also surprisingly good.
For some reason...
Yeah, you're never going to choose it first, if it's there but if it's there you're gonna if it's like
at the end of the halloween bag you're like i'll eat it payday felt like something i liked in junior
high until i found out there were so many more options yeah that's like an old man one mr good
bar is also an old man chocolate bar uh twix take twix is good take five is funny because take five
was acquired by reese's so now take, that's why the color is different.
That bag didn't used to be black.
The bars used to be different. Yeah, that
doesn't look like what I remember. No, no, it's new.
Reese's bought them and then rebranded
them because they actually used to be orange, which is funny
because Reese's is orange and they switched.
Milky Way doesn't even exist. How about that?
Milky Way is a fake.
I love caramel that I would eat it,
but yes, I'm not reaching like okay
if you're reaching for one of these which one are you reaching for oh snickers immediately and if
snickers is gone i'd probably go for the reese's the take break even though that's my least favorite
of the reese's zoom in the fast break oh yeah yeah because it's got reese's but it's got that
like nugget nugget on the bottom thing i't know. Just give me the old school fucking cups. I think in the moment I'm going Twix and then 100 grand.
You're going Twix first.
Oh my God.
The cookie, the caramel.
It is delicious.
But I wish it was bigger.
Yeah.
Why don't they make them longer so I can really suck on them?
Because I always suck them before I bite them.
You do not suck them.
That's horrible.
I do.
I deep throat my Twix.
No, you want to have it all in one bite.
And Snickers I really like because it reminds me of my ex why that guy brian i used to date
that black guy brian i used to date why would that remind you of what it was like his dick
come on dude you keep up what am i doing over here am i doing this whole show by myself i just
penis stuff i'm not I don't follow it.
Oh, okay.
That's right.
I don't mind it.
I just, I'm slower.
Let me do some clam stuff for you then.
There we go.
That looks like Brian.
There it is.
I'll do some vagina stuff.
Okay.
Thank you.
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Ginger.
I like gingers.
Are we shaving our bush still?
Are we letting it grow?
I haven't seen it in a while.
You don't know what it looks like?
You don't know what it looks like?
No, I don't know.
There could be changes.
There could be pH issues. I just, I don't. what it looks like no i don't know there could be changes there could be ph issues i just i don't when you deliver the baby yeah i want you to play the song uh ozzy uh
ozzy's rendition black sabbath's rendition of i'm going through changes and is dave gonna watch it
come out no thank god i think that's so gross let him see it so and he if i had a paper
guy he would faint so he doesn't want oh really he's like that yeah oh my god then something
falling out of your puss will lose his mind i just don't i also think did you ever hear that
thing where like elvis presley watched priscilla presley give birth and then he was not attracted
to her ever again no but i think it was a litany of things that were going on with Elvis.
I don't know if that was the thing, but I think
maybe the pills or the
thousands of other women. The banana and peanut butter.
Yeah. Oh, she turned
18. Burn, sick, burn, sick, burn, sick, burn.
Yeah, she did finally grow up.
Didn't he meet her when she was
four? Four!
She was on the slides.
Oh, I'm gonna take you home, home little mama would you want to watch that
yeah sure i don't care why not i mean it's probably they do say it's it's it is fucking
remarkable to see life come out no i i what's what's the problem i mean you're doing it
i know it's so i want them to have a big mirror so you can see it.
Just to look down like a rearview mirror for you.
You're grossed out by that.
Over half of the fathers in the delivery room.
So that's pretty good odds.
Half of the guys say yes.
Half of the men say no.
So he's a no is fine.
Does he say no or do you request you don't want him down there either? I just said like I don't think and he was like, yeah, I don't need to watch.
It was we're usually on the same page with stuff like that.
Like here's the two hacks
for me in a relationship.
Do you both feel the same way about roller coasters?
Do you both feel the same way about scary
movies? And then you're probably going to agree on everything.
Well what are yours? We're both scared of both of those
things. Oh my god. What about
you? No we're both
cool with both of those things. Really?
Roller coasters?
Adventure? But that's good if you as long as you guys are on the same we like that stuff well i guess like roller coaster
and scary movies that's a great barometer i understand why these two things are if you guys
agree on those you're probably gonna be you're gonna make it yeah yeah i understand like turbulence
you're scared of turbulence on a plane it's
unpleasant i'm not scared anymore because i've had to train myself because we fly so much
but yeah and also physics someone some guy at the chateau marmont once told me and i trust
everyone i meet there god they were like jeff goldblum's like the physics there's no way the
tail will rip off that's who i see there by the way jeff goldblum
at chateau marmont in my mind he's there all the time in my head he lives there it's so funny that
he was like the hog guy for a while and then you're just like ew he's just a guy like i used
to see him at my gym and it was the weirdest equinox i used to work there and he was always
there he was always there yeah and i hated it i know it like yucked me out when a celebrity is at
the gym too much i'm like you're here for other reasons.
Well, he never, he didn't work out much.
No.
I mean, he did work out, but I would see him often just hanging out a lot.
When I worked-
Chatting it up.
When I worked at Equinox, I would always see Amanda Bynes would come in and this was like
before she, you know, publicly things went a certain way.
What happened?
things went a certain way.
What happened?
I don't remember,
but she would come in full makeup,
like full glam,
and just leave that way.
I'm like, what did you do here?
She wouldn't even work out.
I don't know.
But then it's also weird to see a really cool celebrity working out too hard.
There's an ick to that as well.
There's a weirdo thing to that.
Celebrities just stay at home.
Stay at home.
Get your own gym. You're too famous to be out stay at home. Stay at home. Get your own gym.
You're too famous to be out here.
Yeah.
Get your own,
get a home gym.
Grow up and get a home gym.
You're a billionaire celebrity.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People like us are supposed to be at the gym.
Yeah, we need it.
I'm a B minus list.
C plus, B minus,
depending on the year.
I actually do wish there was a good gym.
I need to find like an option.
A B list celebrity gym would be so fucking funny.
Yeah. Only for B list celebrities? Yeah yeah that would be great i'm in did you ever go to east bank club
in chicago it's so funny yeah yeah my mom's last office she worked out was right next to that right
around the corner yeah we go we get guest passes when i'm in town and it's like my i wish there
was a gym like that in la well east bank club and it's historic it, I wish there was a gym like that in LA. Well, East Bank Club and it's historic. It's a little outdated now
to be honest with you.
Yeah, it is outdated.
It's 90s.
East Bank Club,
people that know,
that was like the yuppies gym,
a cool yuppie gym.
It's like where Oprah went.
It's where Obama played basketball.
It was like the Chicago spot.
It is.
It would be,
I don't know what's comparable
on us because it's not.
There's nothing.
It's not a big chain
or anything like that.
It's its own thing.
We just have Equinox out here
which is just like stupid. No, but that's a chain thing. We just have Equinox out here, which is just stupid.
No, but that's a chain.
And they're all over the place now.
Yeah, East Bank Club was kind of a cool little nook.
But yeah, that's a sexy yuppie gym.
Yuppie gym is what they would say.
That's the yuppie gym.
I wish.
I'm craving that out here.
Out here?
We should make it.
Why don't we just create a business?
Let's do it.
We'll call it the West Bank Club.
Oh, my God.
You're a genius.
And you're Jewish, so that's convenient.
The West Bank.
We're layered. You're a genius it the West Bank Club. Oh, my God. You're a genius. And you're Jewish, so that's convenient. The West Bank. We're layered.
You're a genius.
The West Bank Club.
Huh?
That will make headlines.
Yeah, that will.
Oh, my God.
The West Bank Club presented by little Esther and Santino.
And the homepage will say,
Oy vey, come in today.
will say,
Oy vey, come in today.
Oy vey, come in today for a brand new disc.
I have to sign up.
But I do crave like a club.
I wish there was some club.
I'm like a...
Well, you could join Soho.
That's a club.
Why don't you do that?
It's so far.
I know.
I don't want to do that shit.
No one there wants to look at you
or talk to you.
Well, where do you think you would have... What kind club would be your in your mind if you were like you know what would be my favorite kind of club okay there'd be like a lot of pretty girls
okay so i could like talk to them and be like what are we doing what are we eating where are
we going tonight um what's the central theme right because there's beach clubs here in la you could
do on german can't be that for me, so it's not a workout club.
It's not a beach club.
Is it a food club?
Wait, now I want a beach club.
Okay.
Like from Jimmy John's.
That is my order there.
I think...
That's the thing.
I don't have interests or hobbies.
You have nothing?
I don't.
Other than in the entertainment history
who is this is a struggle for me i like eating i like getting high so let's make a food of a
stoner food club but stoner branding is sorry sorry sorry let's make a flower friendly food
club high-end flower friendly pretty girls like flowers so that'll trick them that's good right
and they'll come in there it's actually pot but you don't have to smoke pot but it is a thing it's a thing that's okay pilates i would love
a little pilates these are all my interests do you get high when you do pilates no can you get
high and work out yeah that would be fun do you ever i'm sorry i never get high and you don't
no but do you ever get high in general you Not anymore. I think I put away the weed.
Why is that?
I don't know.
I just don't care for it anymore.
I don't know.
It just, I'll do mushrooms once in a while.
That's fun.
But those are just, it just, it's a little, that's more of like a creative, fun, like indulgence.
And I want to feel and dig in.
Yeah, with weed, I've smoked for 20 some odd years
and I just, you know, I smoked for so long
and I just got over it.
This is what Dave says to me too.
He's like, you just discovered it.
You're going through all the things
that everyone you know experienced when they were 20.
Yeah, and I started smoking when I was 15 in high school.
And then so I just smoked so much weed.
So you're just over it.
A little bit.
Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah, I just kind of like maxed out my...
Like getting stoned to me now is fun once in a while in my backyard with friends and like a glass of wine.
Yeah.
Like if we're chilling, everyone's talking, pass around a joint, totally.
Totally down to have a hit, have a laugh.
But I don't need to get wrecked stoned anymore it doesn't
interest me really that much i love to get like a little high and then like play a card game hell
yeah i'll do that that's cool i let you know what the last actually that's not true when i was having
my back issues um i was smoking a joint when i would walk the dog i'd walk the dog and i would
take a couple hits off a joint and then one time i walked the dog i smoked a whole joint
and um i had a full conversation with her about why we needed to go home and my dog just sat there and
did this but i was like what don't you understand we need to go back because i have to be back at
the house and if i'm not back in the house in a little bit i need to get a cup of water and she
kept turning her head and i was like please can we go home and she kept pulling to go the other
way because she likes to the same she likes that same little path that she takes yeah i love that
i know but i was like we do have to go back to the house in the moment we went she likes the same little path that she takes. Yeah, I love that. I know, but I was like, we do have to go back to the house.
And the moment we went back to the house, I was really high.
And then she kept, like, nodding at the door.
So I was like, we'll go in the backyard because at least I'm protected in my own little space.
I just got too high.
That's scary.
Too high.
Yeah.
But you know what goes away.
Exactly.
You know what makes it go away, right?
Xanax.
Okay.
Yeah. What else? Appleanax. Okay. Yeah.
What else?
Apple cider vinegar.
No.
Push-ups.
This is like Huberman, bro.
What?
Apple cider vinegar, push-ups, and a butt plug.
If you do all three of those things consecutively, your high will calm down.
People at home right now, if you're too stoned, listen to this.
Apple cider vinegar, a shot of it.
Do 10 push-ups and put something up your ass.
I guarantee you your high will go away. You know what experience I just had that was
worse than smoking too much and getting too high, which is very uncomfortable, worse than having
when you have too much coffee and you're on accident. I had to take this glucose test for
being pregnant. They test for gestational diabetes.
They make you drink this 10-ounce bottle that has 75 grams of sugar on an empty, fasted stomach.
I thought I was going to die.
75 grams of sugar?
On an empty stomach, liquid.
I has never felt so hot, so spirally, spinny.
It was worse than any coffee or weed.
That sounds really bad for you.
I know.
Why would they do that?
Because they measure your blood, and it's evil.
This is why I hate doctors today.
But it was the worst I've ever felt.
And I'm like, sugar?
My sweet sugar that I love so much could really hurt you.
It can kill you.
It hurt me. Well, type 3 diabetes,
man. Don't you know about this? I don't. Type 3 diabetes. It's getting linked in the medical
community to Alzheimer's now. This is what's causing- I've never known the differences between
the types. Corresponds to a chronic insulin resistance plus insulin sufficiently state
that's largely confined to the brain. So what they're saying now is you have neurodegeneration from type 3 diabetes.
There's a lot of people looking into this.
They find Alzheimer's and dementia are directly linked to type 3 diabetes.
It is usually people who are in good shape that have terrible sugar addictions.
Really?
Yeah, and because there's such spiking levels of sugar, it's brain degeneration.
So they're high-functioning adults.
They may work out a lot, but they may just eat so much sweets or so much sugar in their
diet that they're using the sugar as energy and fuel, which is fine.
You know, that's what you're, like, if you eat a candy bar, they're like, if you walk
at night with a candy bar, you're using the energy.
The sugar isn't as bad.
But these are people that have like active lifestyles, typically aren't overweight, so to speak.
But the sugar is causing so much brain neurodegeneration that they're linking it with Alzheimer's and dementia.
Well, let me tell you, I read this book called Glucose Revolution.
Most embarrassing title ever to be publicly admit.
Glucose Revolution? And can we ever to be publicly admit. Glucose Revolution?
And can we be honest, was it an audio book?
It wasn't, but I do mostly do audio.
This one, I was before that.
But there's a hack in this book.
What is it?
If you eat your sweet,
which most people already are doing it,
so you're probably fine.
If you eat your sweet after you ate something,
like a meal, as long as i had protein and fat
maybe some fiber there is not that spike right so you can reduce the spike so you can have your
snickers bar you can have whatever you want just have it right after dinner have it after dinner
and also eat a a uh a rich dinner with like proteins and and um and then you can have it all and no you can't have
it all don't don't do that don't don't say that to my audience okay and also what you said if you
do a little bit of physical activity after you eat the sweet it doesn't it's not as damaging for
you the sugar is your muscles will use it a little bit you put it to use and this has been health
tips i know are you like wait why it's been Health Tips from the West Bank Club here on Whiskey Ginger.
We are so killing it already for the club.
We are smashing it for the club.
Please sign up today for the West Bank Club.
The promo code is Hamas.
The link is down below.
Stop.
Come on in.
Let's start the year off with a bang.
Bombs away here at the East Bank Club.
I got to stop, dude.
That's too much joke.
Too many stupid jokes.
Wait.
Are you?
Why do you know about this? Like, into fitnessy healthy stuff you must be since
you know me i've been as healthy as i can be i mean look dude i continue to try to work out and
to be good at that kind of stuff but it's harder as we've gotten older it's more i have to be
cognizant of it because i'm just i'm 40 what the fuck i don't have a choice like you have to i know
like you just they tell you they're like dude you're gonna you? I don't have a choice. Like, you have to. I know. Like, you just, they tell you. They're like, dude, you're going to, you know, you can't have this as much as you used to.
I know.
They just tell you.
You have to grow up at some point.
This kid has no idea.
He has no fucking idea.
He makes me sick, dude.
He could eat McDonald's every day.
I miss, I miss that era.
I miss McDonald's so, dude, I miss McDonald's so much.
I haven't had McDonald's in forever.
You know what the best thing about McDonald's is?
Is it always tastes exactly the same.
Don't you feel like nothing in your life?
Oh, I was going to say the play pit, the ball pit.
I love the ball pit.
I'm there every day.
Yeah, it tastes identical to when I was a kid.
Identical.
Nothing changed.
And there's so few things in life that stay the same.
Everything changes.
That is true.
And McDonald's is just there.
And the chicken McNuggets are always the same.
The sweet and sour sauce.
The skinny little hamburger that's just the size of a cookie.
Love that hamburger.
It's just it all doesn't change.
Yeah, everything else changed.
All the other fast foods kind of shifted.
Even In-N-Out doesn't taste the same anymore.
And I don't know what it is.
But something over the years I was like, I don't think this is what it used to be.
I kind of know what you mean.
Something is different about In-N-Out for some reason. I don't think this is what i used it used to be i kind of know what you mean something is different about in and out for some reason i don't know what it is but
yeah mcdonald's no matter what i feel like matthew mcconaughey and dazed and confused where he's like
high school girls are always the same like that's me about mcdonald's it's like in every age they
stay the same age is that what he was talking about was McDonald's? In my version, yes.
Look, ladies and gentlemen, it's been a wild ride with one of my favorite comedians and humans who's so sweet and so smart and the epicenter of Trash Tuesday.
Arguably or not, really.
I don't know if it's it's more objective than anything else the greatest
the greatest little walking
human in comedy
who's about to squirt out
a baby
please watch
Drugstore June
it's going to be available
in theaters
also available for
pre-sale for
limited select theaters
right
advanced
advanced screenings
we'll have
some of our cast
and where's it going to be
after in theaters
is it going to be on
a digital space at all that won't be for a while so we'll get there when we get of our cast. And where's it going to be after in theaters? Is it going to be on a digital space at all?
That won't be for a while, so we'll get there when we get there.
But video on demand, it will be able to be purchased at some point.
But please go see Drugstore June.
It's going to be playing at the North Hollywood 7, the Lemley 7 there, Friday, Feb. 23rd, 24th, 25th.
Yes, February 23rd, it'll start playing at the Lemley in North Hollywood.
It's only an hour and a half so you only have to
look at her for an hour and a half.
Cast surprises will be because we're all
Oh you got some sneakies in there? Yeah we're very
excited. There's a lot of cameos in the trailer
and there's like, that's not even half of the people
that are funny that you know and love that you'll
see in the movie. And also
your friend Bobby Lee. And Robert E. Lee
is in it who played a great role and he looks
good in the trailer and he's wearing a little ponytail.
He's very different in this movie in a way I've never seen him.
It's good, though.
It's weird.
And it's really, there's like a paternal side to him in it.
It's weird.
You think there's an Oscar on the rise?
Is there Oscar buzz around this movie with him?
Can you imagine if he won an award for your movie and no one else did?
I would be so happy.
I would absolutely, I'd kill myself live on camera.
Watch Drugstore June.
Please go see it.
Esther, we end the episode the same way.
Look at that camera right there
and you say one word or one phrase.
Whenever you're ready, that's going to be,
that's going to end the episode.
So whenever you're ready, one word or one phrase.
Okay, I want a toasted sub sandwich.
Bye, everyone.
In here, we pour whisk
you are that creature in the ginger beard sturdy
ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful
you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse
gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers