Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Heath Hussar

Episode Date: December 4, 2020

Santino sits down with 1/2 of Zane and Heath Unfiltered to chat about humble beginnings before Vine and YouTube at Brookstone in the mall, how he survives solely on energy drinks and coffee, we start a law firm and talk about horse cops and about David Dobrik gifting him a Lambo. ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! MANSCAPED - Clean up your nose and ears just like you clean up your face chest and balls Go to https://www.manscaped.com/ Use promo code WHISKEY for 20% off!!! Go whack your weeds! SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off SCREWBALL - Americas most awarded peanut butter whiskey 70 proof , whiskey with natural flavors please drink this good jazz responsibly Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth i say that for all my guests but i mean it once again today it is heath hussar what's going on guys i want to say hussar because it sounds like i'm supposed to say with an accent but how do you how do you say it properly so i've always said hussar hussar it's like the white version of it.

Yeah. But basically it's, have you heard of the Hussar Army? No, but I'm not a smart man, so you'll have to know that. I'm not either. I only know it because it's my last name. Okay, good. But yeah, it was this super elite cavalry back in the day. Very, very badass.

Just elite army. Where? They rode in Poland. Poland, okay. They're the Polish winged hussars. The winged hussar? Yeah. And they would ride around this crazy armor and they would have these spears and they

would keep the heads of dead people they just stabbed in the head like on the spear so they'd ride up on you. And they would have these big wings that would like whistle when they're riding. Shut up. Dude, they're sick. Do you have any representation of that in your home do you have pictures of the the winged hussars no i i thought about getting what i'm getting for christmas bro an actual uh replica of one of the outfits so they would so so they were they like a they were a vigilante army or something i don't understand where they you know their connection i probably should know more about it you should it's your history yeah um but they yeah it was just like the top of the top let's make it up let's make it up right so so so what so who were the hussars

again what did the wing hussars do so basically it was it was in poland anybody that had over a seven incher yeah um was guaranteed in right but then they had to pass a couple tests um so if you were under seven inches you're not getting in not a shot that's a bummer does girth matter or not at all no no they were more because they rode around with spears and stuff so it was all about length got it and um it's a shame because i wouldn't make it but Shame. You know what? I can carry the name with honor. I'm only six inches short.

Other than that, I'd be fine. The winged Hussars, people should look it up. Look it up at home right now. The winged Hussar. Pretty cool, though. That is really dope. Well, it depends on what they did. I'm like, that's really cool.

They were good guys. They were good guys. They were good guys. Okay. Well, who's to say it? Who's saying who's the good guy? I'm sure the people fighting them were like, we're the good guys. I'm sure Nazis were like, we're the good guys. They're good guys. Okay. Well, who's to say it? Who's saying who's the good guy? Right. I'm sure the people fighting them were like, we're the good guys. I'm sure Nazis were like, we're the good guys.

Everybody thinks they are. We're the good guys. We're fighting for the good team. Right. Everybody thinks they're right until somebody else says they're wrong. But that's how the world works. I mean, especially during the times of the winged hussars, you know? Right.

Exactly. You never know what was good and what was bad. the winged hussars you know right exactly you never know what was good and what was bad sure the vikings are brutal insane people who pillaged and stole and raped and killed and did all sorts of insane stuff but they also had a really big charity do you know that the yeah the they had they were they're very charitable okay very charitable like just goods around to yeah the vikings would do live stand-up shows uh right before they still on making shit up here yes okay that's what i figured this whole show it's gonna be okay okay nothing is real dude not vikings would do live stand-up shows uh right before they still on making shit up here yes okay that's what i figured this whole show it's gonna be okay okay nothing is real dude nothing nothing

is real i don't know enough history in fact my dad loves history so much he would um try to interest me in reading old history books he loves world war ii is probably his favorite era of all time and it is really really interesting when you if you ever read world war ii is probably his favorite era of all time and it is really really interesting when you if you ever read world war ii books it is kind of wild to educate yourself about the history of this country and and you know what happened in the war but i could never get deeply into history because i would do that i would start making up scenarios in my head as i'm reading something i would drift away and start picturing your own stuff well yeah i mean that that's why it's just more fun like that way more fun that's why like reading a book is hard for me a because

I'm dumb we met we already said that and b because I just feel like I start to escape I'll see a scene and I'll drift off in my mind and then I'll realize I've been reading still like like it's like you know when you're texting and driving yeah we're like whoa dude I just drove eight blocks like how did I get here yeah and I do that reading. And so I have a hard time sitting and reading a book. I can read articles online. My comprehension is zero. Yeah. What's wrong with us?

You think it's just like what's happening today? I don't know. I've just never, I've never been a good reader. I've never read good. I don't read good. And I'll literally do my hardest and i'll just sit there and i'll just and i'm reading i'm like this is making sense all right i'll get to the bottom of the page and just be like i don't i didn't retain any of it yeah a piece of me is like i don't care

i just don't it's also because our you know what we're doing now currently is so internet based involved yeah like you're so used to like streaming through multiple things on the internet at once and ingesting this and ingesting that so it's hard true or false we're just taking shit in doesn't matter dude faker the better to me faker news I want I think Trump if he was smart should make a news channel called fake news fake news channel

would be good I would love it dude it'd be like it'd be better than what the onion puts out it's like yeah with those like tabloid things like in the grocery store yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Right there at checkout. Yeah. See, you are smart. Dude, I know my grocery store checkout.

And you've, look, look, and you've, for people that don't know who you are, wake up. You're a very talented, funny, entrepreneurial, what other adjectives can I throw in there? I like this. Sweet cool dude we recently met we're trying to do some projects together which I think we could have some fun on you are the co-host of an extremely an embarrassingly

popular show right? It's remarkable I mean it's great to see how much weight people have on the internet now. And you're somebody that built your own thing from zero, which I always think, I always applaud. I'm like, they did that on their own. No one gave you the blessing, the thumb.

You know, no one gave you the print to be like, this is the next XYZ. You did it on your own. And Zayn and Heath unfiltered. It should be the other way around. It should be Heath and Zayn. But I understand that was a legal battle. In alphabetical order.

Right. That's what I was going to say. I honestly don't know how it happened like that. It kind of just... It just came about? It just did, yeah. Was there ever a conversation with him about it? There was in the very beginning.

So we started on Vine. Right. And we made Zayn and Heath Vine videos. Right. And we made Zane and Heath Vine videos. Right. And it kind of just happened because we went by two character names in the beginning. And in that order of those character names, he was first. So in order to keep it like who was who, we just like... I don't know, man.

I'm going to petition for you switch it you should really push us get a lawyer involved might be a little pricey but could be worth it it could be worth it maybe it'll give me that little oomph that i need right right just the push right well because this is the thing about doing you know duo shows you know like and and by the way check out the show um appreciate that yeah it's it's very i mean it's it's actually wonderful and you know I've worked with one of your one of your other co-stars

right Kenny I don't even know how to say that another person on the show Kenny who's very talented he's hilarious

the rhythm of the show is wonderful it's Zane and Heath unfortunately Zane and Heath unfiltered should be Heath and Zane but we will that's fine

but we'll get to the bottom of it. It's a very funny show. You have a wonderful rhythm together. And there's such a... There's something about doing a show with somebody else that's... It's extremely difficult to do well. Anybody can try. But you guys do a great job.

And I know what that's like because me and Bobby do our show. And it's hard. It's hard to balance, especially if you're very close friends yeah there's so much going on in your worlds as friends outside of the show that typically make it sometimes difficult i mean do you guys ever do you run into speed bumps sometimes where you're like i don't want to film this week and i'm not in a good mood and vice versa um it's happened like once or twice yeah um and then also we have four people on the show. Right.

So it's going off of everybody's schedule. So Mariah, my girlfriend, she's on the show and she teaches dance and she has her own internet career that she's doing. So trying to find the time for everybody when they're free. It's hard. Can get a little bit tough sometimes. And is there times that you guys just do just you two? that's wild why i mean what a headache i would just be like we're doing it without you it uh it's definitely tough sometimes but we always find a way to make it work

yeah i mean look this is arguably this is your job so you just have to make this be a priority and maneuver around it it's the it's going to be the new it's the way it's the way you've been operating for how many years have you been doing it the the podcast or just social media social in general um social media for i think nine years yeah so like a decade of this podcast for a year this is your job it's your it's it's outright what you have to do for a living so you just have we're all going to start to bend a lot more even when the pandemic's over we're going to have to just bend to understand what keeps the industry moving in whatever our pockets are you know like this is new for us i mean i'm only a couple years of podcasting and

you know it's it's crazy that it's become i i feel the same way it's crazy we started so everything we've pretty much done on the internet has started as a joke and not like like this is still a joke but it's but it's funny and it's working right somehow it's clicking yeah uh but yeah so we started making vine videos like just to i guess mock other people that were doing vine totally and just making some of our friends like back home laugh and they're like wait these are actually kind of funny like you should keep doing this uh so we just started making more and more and then caught like a little bit of traction and then we built a following made a little bit of money off of it

and i was like wait what what is this world sure and then it got to the point where i was making more money off that than my full-time job. What was your full-time job at the time? So I was working as a manager at Brookstone selling massage chairs. Oh, hell yeah. Yep. A little bit of a... Sir, if you're not going to buy the chair, get out.

You should have seen... How many times do people just linger around Brookstone? Well, you get the people that come in and linger, but then you also get the people that fucking take their shoes and socks off and they stick into the- Shut up. Dude, disgusting. Where is this at, by the way? This was in the mall in Florida, Broward Mall.

Where? South Florida. South Florida. Wait, Broward Mall? Is that what you said? Broward. Broward Mall. Broward County.

And at some point, you were like, this is a complete waste of my time. Yeah. I can't be doing this. Because were you working that job as a means to of my time yeah i can't be doing this because did you were you working that job as a means to an end because you had another focus or were you just trying to figure it out kind of yeah so it was uh it was my job while i was in school full-time also yeah i was going to school i was going to be a cop so i was doing criminal justice were you really yeah is there is it in what city were you wanting to do it in um i was looking to get hired in

plantation when i was done that's that's what a name you'd think they'd change that by now right especially yeah being a cop in plantations probably being a white cop in play you don't have an accent it would it would have been the cherry on top yeah if you're like yeah it's me man but you don't but south florida doesn't have any accent it's all north florida that has that yeah everybody just sounds like a normal like a person they call it broadcast english in broadcast journalism broadcast english broadcast english you kind of don't sound like anybody okay you sound like an american is what it's funny because when i'm out here people say that like it sounds like i have an accent i mean i think you have a little

you have like little backgrounds of it but like so do people say i do sometimes but maybe it's like a tinge of leftover from somewhere else but for the most part you sound like humans americans i appreciate that you're not a human you're not an american but i'm not i don't want to tell people the truth this guy's from canada he's a liar he was born and raised in wayne you never know what's true here on this podcast nothing literally nothing it's all made up so south florida you're working in the in the brower mall and you're working going to school right and you're just wanting to get out what you have just make some money to pay for my schooling totally and uh i was making the vine videos on my lunch break oh wow so my buddy zane would come meet up with me

and we would like film some vine skits where was he working um he was working at the competitive uh sharper image yeah he was working in sky mall uh in processing so he where where was he working he uh he was working at the airport he did like he was one of those guys that like hold the signs like whatever whoever's name oh right coming in right and he would sit there and wait for them and then take them to the bus that's funny what a that's a bummer i'd much rather be at brookstone no but he was making fucking five times the money i was really i don't know why that job paid so well that's the mob it's run by the mafia something was going on for sure because that seems that seems super sketched to be making really good money being the sign guy you know yeah you had way more responsibility by the way did you have any

i throw a million questions at you so settle in did you have cops in your family is that what you was that what influenced you or no no i think it was just the uh the benefits yeah truly um just having a pension yeah a guaranteed salary yep i've always i was always raised to like do the easiest not the easiest but like the most guaranteed route right whatever i did and now you're gambling for a living yeah it's insane huh you ever think about that that you're gambling for a live it's great it's wonderful but it's working it is it is the most stressful yet liberating feeling in the world totally um it's it really is a blessing and a curse do you think you'd have you do you think uh you know every a lot of people have second halves of their lives where they change what

they're going to do and what they want to do you think you might ever still become a cop um no no huh if it was something less uh dangerous not even dangerous just like less on the ground i don't want to be like a traditional cop i was always more interested in doing like either undercover or some sort of like swat swat would be fun i've always thought that stuff was really cool what's the last kind of cop you want to be the paper pusher just sitting there yeah bummer like like uh what do they call them like just like the traffic people that just fucking give out tickets. Those are bad.

Nobody likes you. Well, they're bad people. And also, well, parking enforcement, they're not police officers. No, but they think they are. Yeah, that's right. But there are versions, there are police officers that do like neighborhood patrol. Ugh. And those guys are even worse. Fucking losers.

Leave me alone, okay? Go get someone doing something real bad leave my leave my neighborhood stop picking on people for speeding or going through a stop sign i got pulled over my own neighborhood for blowing through a stop sign did you get a ticket no because i did the whole thing i did the dance i was oh nice that was very nice i was sweet and polite i tried that didn't work well over the years i have a thousand tickets okay and i've learned to kind of i'm not usually good with those things are you a good driver i'm good at going fast i'm good at not getting pulled over but then i do get caught i was coming down a hill going like 120 or whatever

in uh up up up north near mammoth we um, we were taking a little trip to go up near Mammoth past Mammoth. There's a, a Lake and I want to be able to know it, but I'll look it up right now. Um, there's wild horses. So, so we learned, that's pretty cool, dude. It was incredible. So of course, here, let me look this up just so I'm correct. Um, if you go up to Mammoth, right. And you keep going on 395 june lake right by june lake junction if you continue to go by like mono lake and lee vining there's a place called mono mills and mono mills if ever you get the chance drive off of 3 395 and break off to the right by mono mills horses out there yes you got to keep going and this is what's insane dude this This is the craziest part about this whole scenario.

Someone told us we were hiking in the craters. There's huge craters up there in the summer. And you hike through these huge pine trees and mountains. And you come up on these massive craters, holes that are still there from when asteroids hit forever and ever ago. And there's water at the bottom. And we were at one of these sites. And this guy was like, you guys ever seen the horses? Because you could tell anyone that's little there's water at the bottom and we were at one of these sites and this guy was like you guys ever seen the horses because you could tell anyone that's out there is kind of adventurous because it's hard to get to or creepy yeah both i mean look there's follow me i'll show you some horses you guys ever seen them he's like kiss my neck and

i'll show you where the horses are so we kiss the guy's neck and he says you should see the wild horses go go off near lee vining and Mono Mills and you'll see horses. And he goes, I'm not kidding. This sounds like it's made up. He goes, you got to drive about 10 miles. All right. Just clock it on your odometer. And once you get about 10 miles out there.

What made you trust this guy? Cause he wasn't going to come with us. I was good. It's not like I was going to, he's going to, he's not going to be like, can I get in the car? I was just going to go out there and see, I'm still going to be on a main road. Okay. Okay. You know, it's still, it it's still it wasn't too off the beaten track no i mean you gotta still be on the car to get there be in your car it's on it's on a it's on a an

interstate okay and um also now that i think about i'm like what why did we trust him he could have had to set up there to kill us but you know what yeah that's i always go to that shit i don't i don't trust anybody so you die dude so you die you know what i mean this is like smoking nine cigarettes one of these so you die anyway i feel that though i i hear about the horses from the guy he says 10 miles there'll be a marker um it'll be a mile marker and there'll be a gate but it's locked and closed you can pull over there and you can get out and you can see in the distance if you walk a little bit past the gate you can see there's there'll be horses well we drive out there and we get to mile 10 no marker 11 no marker 12 no marker they're panicking fuck this i go fuck this we're going home we drove down here it's we're going back to the cabin i'm done we tried okay and she's like all right i mean what about one more over the one

more hill i go it's we're pat there's no way fine i go over one more hill no marker no more excited guy wait wait get there i go to make a u-turn and i turn into like a little kind of inlet off the road marker where i go to turn around is the marker and i was like son of a bitch i pull over the car treasure map dude it was that felt pretty good so you got anxious i was getting excited i get out you know we're looking around you can't see anything in the distance i'm like i don't know so well we walk down this little kind of this little path it's the great wide open and i swear to god like out of a movie, out of nowhere, boom, all of a sudden, there are like seven to 10 wild horses running full speed headed that way in front of us.

And they're probably three, 400 yards away. But I couldn't believe, I was astonished by like how beautiful wild horses were. It's so funny because I actually had a thought like a couple of weeks ago and I was like, is there still wild horses? Yeah, man. that's that's pretty fucking cool it is kind of wild to think about yeah because we own everything now huh humans want to we want to grab everything yeah they're still they're out there they're wild it's and we stayed for a long enough time where after they had run and and uh if they had run past us a lot of them tended to stop and eat and whatever a little bit further away from us but you

can still see them but apparently and this is something i learned from looking up online they're crazy vulnerable and they will attack you if you get close oh shit they don't fuck around wild horses don't fuck around i'm looking online i'm thinking horse horses don't like charge people yeah they do they will charge so that is apparently why they put up these gates so people won't run out there or be able to drive anywhere yeah because they're you know normally you would touch them on the nose you give that yeah a little brush a little tiny yeah right doesn't it feel so good to brush a horse's nose like something about it and why do you always go back of the hand and not the front of the hand i just think it's a sign of respect it's a little

bit uh yes right i don't this is less aggressive right this is like i'm grabbing your face this is like hey we're buds yeah right i get it it's a nice little gesture so as i'm driving home i'm i'm making this i'm i've i've gone way off the beaten path i'm we're excited and i'm driving super fast to get back to the cabin i'm happy we're like you got to tell everybody about these horses dude sure enough this cop pops me coming down the hill and and i have nothing you know when you're fucked and you just start getting angry i was fucked i knew so i go what like i know you already know he knows i know and i give him the whole thing i'm like it's just good to know that like i'm paying you to do this to me right now you know it's like this is what a bummer that I'm paying for a cop to give me a ticket because I fucked up.

It's like, I'm, you know, it's like handing the bully money. You know what I mean? It's like, I know what's happening. Paying him to take your lunch money. Yeah. And I was angry and I was, I was acting like an ass to him and he gave me a fat fucking ticket. That's a buzzkill after seeing.

I deserved it, dude. He said he could, it could have been a felony because apparently. You were doing double the speed limit, right? Yeah, it was over this, over double. I know. I know. it could have been a felony because apparently you were doing double the speed limit yeah I was over double I know they could have taken your car they could they could have impounded

he kept saying that too because he wrote me down for 118 and it was 60 but he said I was going more than double which I don't know so he was a nice cop he was a nice cop yeah but look

I got cops in my family going back to all that I respect cops and I think a lot of people you know especially given this time period only want to say negative shit about cops which is which is a big boo-boo to me i think it's it i don't it's disrespectful to me because you can't you can't say that you can't say that about any group of people you cannot say about any one group they're all this right you can't be like all starbucks baristas are into heavy metal because i knew a few that were it's like you can't say like all starbucks baristas uh are into heavy metal because i knew a few that

were it's like you can't say that about anybody even if a majority of them were into heavy metal doesn't matter you couldn't say all because there's a lot of people there's a lot of humans that aren't the same right so the worst cop to me though is either a bike cop bicycle oh the motorcycle cops no bicycle bicycle bicycle oh bicycle to me is sad bike motorcycle cops. No, bicycle, bicycle, bicycle. Bicycle to me is sad. Motorcycle cops, I think those guys are just ready to retire. Bicycle's sad. They got to catch up to you. What about horse cops?

You think if he would have been a horse cop and you told him the horse story coming down, I think he would have definitely gotten off. Yeah, 100%. He would have gotten off. He would have gotten off to the story. He's like, I'm a horse guy. This is hot.

You saw the Mustangs? This is hot. This is hot. Did they charge you? How far away? Did you watch them pee? Yeah, no, horse cops is always weird.

I don't understand riding horses. I've talked about this before. Have you ridden one? Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it. It doesn't like it. Why am I on it?

It is the most interesting feeling in the world because did you go bareback or did you put a saddle on i saddled up i don't go bareback it's a little bit too aggressive for me sure sure you seem like i got i got sensitive you got thin thighs i do i do we gotta okay we gotta we gotta work out them thighs baby um but yeah so you're you're you're up on a horse fucking six feet in the air yeah and you just got this string around its head and you're driving an animal it's insane like if you you pull and it goes like you it is bizarre i don't like it i don't like it because i did it one time you can

make it go and stop it can kill you that's my thing though yeah like like if i die in a car driving too fast i did that if i die because a horse throws me up it did that i should have known better it depends on the hoop do you have a car you're driving sure right but a horse can kill you without any without any reason it could just be angry just be done and start running and then throw you into something. Your brakes go out in a car. How often does that happen? Unless you're messing with the mob, huh?

Unless you're working at the airport holding up signs. Asking, you know, taking people to the bus. Oh, I was saying about that. Yeah, Zane worked for the fucking mob, dude. That's a fact, for sure. What were his boss's names? Joey D? Mako S. That's how you know me, Zane.ano giovano garunzi garusi you just call me mascapone how about that zany just get him off the plane just get him off the

car and you'll be good and we'll give you six grand what yes just shut your mouth. And then you could go play Vine with your friend. When Vine died, were you upset or were you like, whatever, it's time for it to be over? I was at the point where I was over it. Yeah. I wanted something new to do. Sure. I didn't know what it would be, but I still enjoyed being in the internet space. Right. something new to do sure i didn't know what it would be but i still enjoyed being in the internet space right um and it's crazy because we had like 3.7 million followers on vine when it ended but my instagram had 30 000 followers isn't that fast it just didn't translate it's the same thing

with tiktok now right there's people on tiktok that have like the top yeah the top is different but i've seen pages where they'll have eight nine hundred thousand followers right and you go to their gram and it's like sixteen hundred twelve hundred crazy less than you know what i mean like just maybe a couple thousand if they're lucky it's because it's not the same you know those apps are designed to keep you on the app they don't want you to go and if you try to push some shit from other apps they'll like hide that yeah like if you're like follow me on instagram they're not going to put that thing out there no why would they yeah don't you can't tell them where you want them to be because they're like they want here it should be tiktok based they the more um you know it's very

like uh incestual they want it inside they want it to keep you keep circling around the app as long as possible yeah it's creepy what so when you guys when you when you left vine or when it was over i guess you can when vine left us yeah oh god is that your novel that's a novel when vine left me what was the thought process then were you guys like well we just got to make our own shit right away i was pretty worried um it was my only source of income right um but we lived in a house of like other viners right that was a big thing right there was a bunch of like vine homes or apartment complexes i remember that 1600 vine right that was a big one we're all like the top viners lived i wanted to live there i just didn't have the money for it they were doing well it was really expensive it was nice right and it was like king batch and

amanda and all those people. All the big ones. The big ones that were making good money. Side note, I want to know, and you obviously don't have to tell me numbers, but how did you monetize? How could you make a living on Vine? You could only make money from doing brand deals. That's it.

There's no other monetization at all. And that's why they had their like... It's like TikTok. Same thing. No, they're making money off TikTok now. How are you making money on TikTok? I don't know. I don't really do tiktok or how do people make money on it they have some sort of monetization i don't know what the they don't run ads right they do oh they do now right when you open it up sometimes the first one is an ad yeah but they can't run an

ad on your video i don't think they could do it on your video but if somebody's scrolling through your feed maybe huh yeah no they can like throw one in there so people are making money on it or just overall on the platform and then they dish it out so it's basically like per view that you're getting on tiktok it's not like high paying um because i've got some on there that are a couple million yeah you got to sign up for the uh little creator i'll sign button whatever it, you gotta sign up for the little creator button, whatever it is. I'll sign up. I didn't know. I just started it

to throw up stuff, clips from me and Bobby's show and sometimes from this show. I just was like, oh, it'll be a new place to throw shit up. Yeah, do it though. But then,

so here you are. Your money's gone. It's not coming in. Yeah. Did you guys have any kind of game plan? None at all just winging it yeah at the time i was a fucking dumbass i was just getting blacked out every night

just partying living that fun life being new to la yeah and um our buddy david was starting a youtube channel this is david dobrik yeah yeah who's and uh who's um what's another violently famous on the internet huge absurdly famous huh he's got that fucking smile that kid i want to kiss him right on his fucking face it's just it's i get it girls like him guys think he's cool he's fun yeah parents are like this guy's cute my my mom my grandparents love him yeah it's hard to you look at that guy how do you not like that guy i see him on the internet and i like well i like this fucking guy i see his face i don't want to but i do no i do want to i do want to you know why because he doesn't have a air of he there's no arrogance to him from what i've seen right there's no it's not even he's not

even confident he's like uh just charming yeah he's just sweet the innocence is real yeah so i think that's what worked for that guy so you got i know you guys are very close friends and so go on you so yeah so he started filming like our whole friend group and uh making youtube videos with us and his channel just started taking off exploded huh and he was not a vine guy no he was but not six not that big i don't want to say the number and be wrong but i think he was in like the two million range okay so that below below you guys though yeah yeah we were we were a little bit bigger at one point and he flipped the script he sure did yeah flipped it and yeah threw it over threw it in the trash um but yeah so we

started helping him out and then i started gaining a following on instagram just from being in his videos and that got bigger than i ever was right um and then everybody started making youtube channels in the friend group after like seeing his success because it worked right yeah yeah and then you guys then then you guys really full went full ahead and making sketches and stuff online right it was like then you were like well this is it for us we have to yeah just trying like the whole vlog stuff well that's what everybody i mean that's bit bits sketches vlogs i mean everything has become now kind of part of the same world right in that creator world whatever you want to call it i mean it's too new for people to have a name we'll know in 30 years what they call it i'm so curious to see where this all goes away at some point you know what i mean it morphs into

something new right like it'll continue to just continue to it'll be a new thing it'll be a new thing and then a new thing and then it'll just continue to grow you know i don't think youtube's gonna die i don't think youtube's gonna die but i think it's i think it's gonna dramatically change shape i think if you don't adapt, you do die. I'm sure, you know, the radio was like, what's going to fucking take over us? You know, and then TV was like, fuck you. And then the internet was like, fuck you guys.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's continued to grow. And now like primary source for entertainment for certain age groups are always going to be, there's always going to be a new thing. What is it? I don't know. Something that the kids are going to find.

Something that goes in their brain. You know, you fucking, you put a chip next to your eyeball and you can just watch shit all day, but it's curated based on how you feel emotionally. I don't want to live in that time. I do. I'm ready, dude.

Strap me up. Put it in my veins, bro. Just let me sit in a fucking lounge chair like this and just do nothing. Sit in one of these comfortable vintage chairs and just watch nonsense. No, it's a scary world don't i don't know what that's who knows what that's going to be but also i want to disappear i i like want to get away from all of it where do you want to go my goal is to get to tennessee uh uh tax uh tax purposes yeah smart dude no i

just i knew you were smart i really like the uh the lifestyle and how quiet it is tennessee's nice what are we talking nashville are we talking uh chattanooga area chat okay yeah that's off the beaten path too that's my uh my parents got a house out there oh they do and uh got quite a few acres oh and i would just like to i don't know i just like my dream is to buy a compound for my parents my brother me and mariah and just like have a lake out there that sounds nice disappear and then just like open up like a little breakfast shop sell my coffee you sound like a lifetime movie you think they'd write something about me yeah dude you're like and then lifetime movie. Wild mustangs running around my property. And me chasing them. Right?

Hey, Heath! That's that crazy redhead. That naked ginger again flopping around his one-inch penis. That's why they didn't let him in to the hussars. You can tell. You can see. You can see why we didn't let him in.

I don't want to say it, but... That's okay. I like the idea of running away sometimes. I understand that feeling. Look, I just went to... I was in Colorado doing a little house shopping or what, a neighborhood shopping out in what I call the sticks. Obviously, I'm not going to tell people where I was, but it's interesting because I do kind of get, I do get a little like, oh, this could be wonderful.

And then there's moments where I'm like I do still like to be close and connected to things you know that's the thing that sucks like LA is so great for networking and like

coming on a show like this or just or just life like it's nice to be able to go to when we're not in this bullshit right go to a nice restaurant

to to go meet friends somewhere that's like new and active and poppin and just having a good time and meeting people out you don't get the chance to really meet people somewhere that's like new and active and popping and just having a good time and meeting people out. You don't get the chance to really meet people out and create a community when you're living out in the middle of nowhere. So you got to have your nut with you. You got to

just, it's got to be all there. Do you and Mariah and- I carry it all the time. You got a dog? No, no dog. Get a dog, dude. I don't have, I don't have time for one. Grow up, get a dog, dude. You got time. You have time for a dog. Oh, if I did though, it'd be like a little golden retriever.

Great. Golden retrievers are wonderful dogs. I know. You'd be wearing them right now. You have time for a dog. Oh, if I did though, it'd be like a little golden retriever. Great. Golden retrievers are wonderful dogs. I know. You'd be wearing them right now. He'd be all over you. Growing up, my friend had like nine. Don't get me excited. Oh, it was,

they're the best dogs on our retrievers. How does that work with like traveling stuff? Like if you like, if I'm like, bro, we got to go to Mammoth tomorrow. Okay. I'll take the dog. What do you mean?

I'll put the dog in the car and let's go. Or if you got to fly somewhere real quick. Yo, we just got this roll for you. You got to. But I got, I got, is my wife coming or she's staying at the house with the dog? She's coming and we want to leave the dog. I call up one of my, a boarder. No, I call up one of my 15 friends. One of my close friends that goes, yo, will you watch the pup? A hundred percent. Nobody says no to watching a dog i guess i just don't like putting that shit off on people i used to be that way until you realize how much people like dogs i used to think about that right like you want to go dog shopping tomorrow let's go

dude let's go i'm down dude i love dogs i like i'm trying to sucker my i'm trying to get my parents a dog my dad's retired my my mom's right there too and my dad's like like, oh, we don't want the responsibility at this point in our life. And I'm like, you need it. The happiness that you get from the dog, I'm telling you, man, it changed my life. Whether it's a dog, cat, whatever animal you want to have, it will remarkably change the way you feel during the day. I swear to God, it's been so good for my mental health. When I go for runs, I like to run.

I went and did a five mile tonight before I came here. Did you really? Yeah, man. That's incredible. I mean, not for runners, it's garbage. I mean, people that really run. I did a 0.7 today. Gassed, done, walked home.

You got to man up, dude. You got to go. Shut Up Legs. You know that book? Shut Up Legs? No. Shut Up Legs. Is that a children's book?

Yes. Then it's too advanced for me shut up legs it's a coloring book um it's about uh it's about amputees kids who don't have legs uh and it's good it's really good no it's a um shut up legs is by this uh famous cyclist and it's basically about breaking through um that runner that pain that weird pain obviously he's a cyclist but it's the same idea of like you do have those moments about

it's about two and a half three mile two and a half or three to me my body does that thing where you're like oh dude should I give up and this is weird

but I usually call a friend I phone a friend while you're running yeah yeah my friend Jake just got it not too long ago my buddy Chris

told me to keep going for some reason i never am that out of breath when i'm running because i'll i'll i do i change my pace right i'll keep changing my pace and when i'll call someone i'll be on like a very very joggy pace and i'll talk to them for a mile or so and then when i hang up i'm like reinvigorated i don't know what it is but it's a trick tricks right there right i call call a buddy you're feeling feeling uh like you're getting tired you get a call from me tomorrow morning i'm calling you or call me when you're running i'll pick up i'll talk to you while you're running all right cool it will boost your it will boost your mental morale for some reason

because i think i think people tired is a mental thing anyway your body can keep going yeah for sure so what what is the uh the the rule uh it's something like you've only used 30 when you feel like you're oh yeah like military i know i know right i know what that is to keep going or whatever yeah right it's another way of saying like you had there's way more in the tank yeah yeah you think you're on empty but there's so much more but i think i think it helps to call somebody and that's my stupid trick um i think mine is just the cramps i'm i don't drink a lot of water at all you gotta drink more water i've just never been a water person you don't like you don't like the thing that we need to survive no i just i don't really care about this stuff that my girlfriend makes funny all

the time because i'd be putting like fucking mio drops just to make it taste like watermelon or something liquid iv you know that yeah i love it but but but otherwise you can't just drink water it's just not for me well it literally is you have to have it everything about it is for you mariah needs to get you uh hooked up to uh to getting a regimen of just chug i chug a huge glass of water first thing in the morning and then i keep filling it up as the day goes to remind myself when I walk by it in the kitchen to just drink it. Okay. Just do it. Knock it out like you're chugging.

Don't take sips because sips are annoying. Just chug it. Just chug it. Okay. Chug a 12-ounce in the morning. Chug one in the afternoon. Just get it down. Force it down.

Hold my nose if I have to. Yeah, like it's the worst thing on earth. People around the world just can't have water, and you're like, this is trash. I don't want this shit. Some kid walked 14 miles just to get some this morning to bring it back and like a spill in half the bucket on his head yeah out of his head yeah we're bad people dude but it's true no we're the the the are you are you peeing yellow do you yellow pee no i'm i think because i'm taking it in with other you know flavorings right you're

yeah you're drinking it with other stuff in it i get about probably 80 of my water intake throughout the day through energy drinks oh what are you drinking like monster monsters and bangs red bulls the whole nine. So Bang, this is interesting. Bang was big in the influencer world. Yeah. They spent all their marketing money there. I'm curious to know if it's working. I wonder if that has paid off.

That's everywhere now. Yeah, but I wonder if it's paid off in terms of, you know, like Red Bull was the first. Yeah. They're very, very old. You know, it's from Thailand or the Philippines. I can't remember which one did it first and then uh some austrian guy or whatever had taken it back but it's very old um but they're marketing the way that they marketed red bull is why it took off but it paid off because yeah but then they got in trouble for it because they said it like gives you wings it does it really fucking does ask the hussars ask the fucking hussars red bull was

their fuel dude that's what they drank it's that old huh and that's that old dude it's that old yeah no i well i think like but they were the original right there were the ogs and and they figured out how to market and it worked so i see bang i see all these new ones and i wonder is it paying off in dividends for them? Are they actually making money off of putting that product out so much? I have a feeling they're making a shit ton. Is it good? I like it because it's got such crazy flavors. I'm a flavor guy.

What kind of flavor are we talking? We're talking cotton. This isn't a sponsorship or anything. I just drink a lot. No, go ahead. Yeah. Cotton candy. Birthday cake.

See, this is, Miami Cola. Yeah, I can't do it. That sounds insane. Mango madness. Mango madness. Miami Cola is a flavor? Yeah. What does Cola have anything to do with the city of Miami?

I think it was just like a fun color thing. See what I mean? But they're smart. They trick people into being like, ooh, Miami Cola. And it tastes good, huh? Yeah. How big are they? They're like 24 ounces? They're big, right? I got the Miami Cola. And it tastes good, huh? Yeah. How big are they? They're like 24 ounces?

They're big, right? I got the Miami Cola in my truck right now. That's what I had on the way here. Really? Yeah. You drink them all day? I was really bad. I was doing like two, three a day.

Three energy drinks a day? Yeah. But now, this is the first one I've had in a week and a half. No coffee? Oh my God, coffee. So coffee and energy drinks? First thing I do, I wake up, make a cup of coffee. Your heart's going to fall out.

It's going to fall right out of its cage. I get a couple palpitations. You should. Three energy drinks and coffee? So like a little wake-up call. Right. And you don't smoke because smoking would make it worse. Because if you were smoking energy and coffee. And alcohol. Done. You're done for, bud. Re you know like. And you don't smoke because smoking would make it worse because if you were smoking energy and coffee.

And alcohol. Done. You're done for, bud. Recipe for disaster. Well, I think it's, look, I'm not trying to shit on them. I don't think energy drinks are great. I don't think, I mean, you know, they're not great for you. It's not like they do anything for me though.

It's just a flavor. I think it's just an addiction. You don't get a boost of energy at all. You don't get like a kick. Maybe a little bit. But not anything significant. Does coffee do it? So it's weird.

Coffee doesn't give me like a, whoa, I'm awake now. It'll just like, okay, I'm drinking something. It's a stimulant. You do feel it, but it's not like. Like at night, if I were to drink a cup of coffee, it wouldn't be like, I'm fucking wired. Can't go to bed. When you were a kid, did your parents drink coffee after dinner?

Yeah, they were drinking coffee 24-7. Yeah, that was a big thing. They would have like nighttime coffees. They'd sit down on like the patio. Right. That's a totally normal thing. Isn't that weird for that generation, for our parents' generation to just drink?

Like our generation does not, and I know we're a little bit different in age but like same thing no one in my age range nobody in your age range has a cup of coffee at night

or after dinner as a casual thing I love it you do huh you'll make a cup you'll make a brew a pot at night I'll do a pot

or a K cup yeah and then if I'm feeling really frisky and had like a nice dinner uh you know what cuban coffee is cuban it's coffee from cuba good context clues um no so it's a we used to drink it all the time because i'm from south florida and you would have the best cuban coffees you get like the little espresso pot you know the little metal one oh Oh, I know what Cuban coffee is. Yes.

And then you boil it on there. Then you pour it and then you take like sugar. You put. Yeah, it's a shitload of sugar. And then you just whip up sugar with like the little spritz of the first little coffee that comes out the spout. Yeah. And you just whip it into like this froth.

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Ginger. I like gingers. I've seen, I've heard, somebody else, Turkish coffee is kind of similar from what I've heard. I've never tried that one.

Yeah, when does this episode come out? This is just for me. These aren't even actually recording. Yeah, this doesn't come out. This is just for me to have a good time. This is just really lonely.

Friday. Friday. Two days. Oh, shit. Okay. Why? Because my coffee comes out when uh nobody knows i can't really say it say it but really really really soon how soon like really soon that's why i was asking when this airs is it out uh shortly after why can't well why can't we say it now you don't you if it comes out on friday if

this comes out on friday because the team's got this whole like release thing oh the team dude what do they even know what do they know now i know i'm super pumped well right we sat at dinner and we talked about we talked about about your coffee company because you you were pretty interesting in sourcing coffee that you can be proud of, right? That's what we were talking about. You're like the guy that went and found the beans that the monkey poops out.

What are those? Where is that at? Oh, shit. The cat eats. Is that what it is? Yeah, the cat will eat the bean and then shit it out, and then they harvest it from the shit and it's the most expensive coffee you could buy how fun though shit it's shit coffee they the fact that they

don't call it shitty coffee is really weird to me i would call it shitty coffee they're just missing a mark yeah just go right for it go walk right into the fire if you're gonna if you're gonna make it if you're gonna make poop coffee call it shitty coffee who's figuring that out though who's trying who's scooping up the poop who's tracking down and it's a specific cat it's not just like a house cat well i do it honestly it's uh great things come from um terrible times right so we do the best under pressure during immeasurable weird poverty stricken sometimes the greatest things are birthed out of poverty or tragedy people people people needed coffee so bad they were picking through poop

and they were like, I don't give a fuck. I need the coffee. It tastes better. Yeah, right. Okay. Like, try. I mean, think about,

there was a comic, God, I wish I knew who it was. I think, well, I remember Brian Sclero, I think, is a comedian. He used to have a joke about, think about the first guy and I might be wrong, so don't

get angry. Quote him on it. Yeah, who knows? Hold him accountable. I don't know who it was that said it. I think it was him, though. He said the first guy to eat an egg had to have been starving. You see this thing come out of this chicken's ass.

Right. You see this thing come out, and you're like, I'm going to fucking eat that thing that came out of its ass. Or like, he's something, I think it was him that was talking about you know drinking milk from a cow you're like you're gonna suck on this tit you can do fucking you're really gonna drink what's coming out of that tit that white creamy thing coming out of that long skinny thing that looks just like a penis dangling right rusty looking i mean think of how i think of how people ate and started eating or trying anything you know what blows my mind more than anything what how we figured out bread yeah well all that kind of stuff was all on accident

ingredients you can't even fucking eat alone right to mix together at a perfect ratio right to then get it to rise bake like it's got it's it's from it had to be on accident those kind of things not make sense to those kind of things have got to be on accident right because it because yeast is mold so it's molded, right? Same thing with beer, right? Beer was mold, right? So anything that's molded or fermented, it's all been on accident.

Somebody, like I said, was so hungry or thirsty, they tried it and they were like, fuck it, I don't care. If I die, I'm already dying, right? Like grapes, fermenting grapes that turn into wine had to have been from someone who was like, I don't care. They're old. I know, but I need to eat them.

Well, no, they went bad. You might die. And he's like, I don't fucking care. I'm so thirsty. Like that. It had to have been from a moment of strife. But yes, bread is very interesting that it was. How did those things?

How did that work? Had to have been an accident. Right. Like the French fry theory was that. Cut it. Cut it. It was an accident right dropped it no fry boiling it was boiling oil and it was total total accident i mean all that's everything like that people are fucking cool though people are cool like there's some cool people out there there's a lot of not cool people but there's some cool people out there. Give me some cool people.

Oh, man. First one that popped into my head was Jimi Hendrix. He's a cool person. He's dead. That doesn't mean he's not cool, though. He was cool. Yes. He was cool. I don't know what he's doing now.

I don't know what afterlife he's in. I'd like to think that he's with all the other 27-year-olds. Is it 27? The white lighter, right? The white lighter, man with all the other 27-year-olds. Is it 27? The white lighter, right? The white lighter. The white lighter 27-year-old. I smoked enough weed and got scared of white lighters because of all that stuff. And then when you sober up, you're like, that's bullshit.

What the fuck? Why was I tripping out? It didn't even matter. The white lighter. Did you smoke pot? Do you smoke pot now? I tried it. No.

No, you didn't. I wish because I love the smell of it. It smells great. I think weed smells incredible. Either the flower or burning doesn't matter. I love it. Well, you like campfires, huh? Yeah.

Yeah, anything burning does smell good. Are you really? Yeah. Do you go camping here in Southern California? I just went to Mammoth maybe a month and a half ago. It's great, right? Went out camping there. Beautiful.

Fly fishing. You could have gone and seen the horses while you were up there i wish i would have had this next time next time you'll know to go over there you said it was ended up being 12 miles and then there was this i'll give you seriously when honestly i'll text you yeah i'll drop you the pin of where it was i really will because it to this day and then have me back on because i want i want to share that after the horses yeah if they don't stomp you to death. If they charge you and kill you, it'll be a whole. Then we'll have to do a memorial tribute to you.

You'd show up? A hundred percent I would show up. And then it would be Zane and Santino. Like I've always wanted. Zane's still first. Yeah, of course. I know. Unfortunately.

I got to give the kid what he needs, you know? Was he? How close were you guys? In high school? Yeah, like were you actually close? Because you told me something else, right? No, we weren't close at all. Did you not like each other maybe?

We, be honest. We were both like funny kids in school. Sure, but? And I was funny, but was also part of the popular. Were you athletic? I was on the football team. I wrestled, but I wouldn't consider myself athletic. I just did it because I felt like I had to.

What about him? No, he didn't. He didn't play any sports. Right. What do you mean you felt like you had to? Because your dad? My brother's an athlete and played all through high school, college. Pro? What athlete?

What did he do? He tore his hamstring when he school, college. Pro? What athlete? What did he do? He tore his hamstring when he was in college. He got a full ride scholarship to UConn as a punter. Really? He actually won a competition. He was the number one punter in the United States. Tore his hammy. Yeah.

I think it was like Chris Saylor kicking competition. What does he do now? He lost two jobs. Oof. And he just got a new job. COVID's been a really terrible time for him. Fuck. But he just got a new job like two weeks ago.

Damn. Toward the hand. Yeah. Did he have the goal of going to the NFL? He was, yeah. He wanted to, huh? All he wanted. What a fucking nightmare.

And now, no, huh? Yeah. I mean, but kickers don't need an age. What if he starts? Can he ever go back at some point? goal of going to the nfl he was yeah he wanted to huh all he wanted what a fucking nightmare and now no huh yeah i mean but kickers don't need an age what if he said what if can he go ever go back at some point his like his leg it's over it's done once you tear it it's done like blew it out and then his coach made him keep kicking on it not thinking it was as serious wow and uh sue the coach who's it who's just gonna listen here uh i think it was i think his name was Randy Edsel. Listen here, Randy Edsel. We're coming after you, dude. Don't think you're going to get away with this shit.

The law firm of Heath and Santino are coming to get that ass. That's right. You're going to pay the dues. That's our slogan. We're coming to get that ass. That ass is ours. That ass is ours. Not mine, ours.

Ours, yeah, it's ours. They're going to be like, are these guys, is this a gay couple law group? Yeah, we are. You got a problem with it? Bitch. We're going to bring the hammer down. Yeah, well, I'm going to bring my hammer

right down on your mouth. Yeah, shut that mouth before I put my hammer in it. This is good. Hey, we're making this law firm. It's got a ring to it. You went to school for criminal justice. You know something. I got a little bit of a memory to it. You went to school for criminal justice. You know something.

I got a little bit of a memory of it. I went for broadcast journalism so, you know. Don't remember the books but I can... Books. Who needs them?

Books are for fucking idiots, dude. Speaking of kickers, by the way, I wanted to ask you this then. This is interesting. Are you a football guy or you don't like football? You don't give a fuck?

See, there was a female kicker for Vanderbiltilt i did see that you saw that yeah they let her in there she kicked the ball she got athlete of the week seems a little much kicking the ball once i was like hey man i'm all for right breaking new ground but athlete of the week imagine some guy that ran back a kickoff and he was like you know i'm getting athlete of the week and they're like girl kicks once gets athlete of the week he's like oh good for her whatever she was a soccer player i think yeah and due to covid it was vanderbilt right vandy yeah coach got fired oh coach got fired for putting her in damn i think i think it was because of his performance uh i don't think it had anything to do with her i think it's also weird to think that look something great i know it's good for women it's positive i'm not being

a hater but there's a moment where you go this is just dangerous there's a moment where if she's in the field open right a kicker is a player right yeah she would get murdered she would get murdered on a kickoff have you ever seen some videos of kickers getting clipped yeah it's insane how hard they get kickers are even less athletic than the other people in the field they're just different athletic right like they're they're working on lower body strength and on yeah but it's kind of it but it's kind of it's it's kind of funny like watching a kicker try there's some jacked ass kickers though yeah my brother there was some jacked ass monster okay but this girl was not jacked i know she would

have gotten murked now if she had come from the mma and started kicking i'd have a different opinion you lay some bitches out she could knock some motherfuckers out right but i i see that kind of stuff and i think is this progress or is this them trying to get their name out there optics yeah it just looks good for them to be like let's see we did a girl it's like i don't know if that really i don't know if you really give a shit it seems uh i feel like a lot of stuff nowadays is performative of course i mean i would say most shit is right particularly what's going on now. It's like everything feels like it's a setup. Like they,

like everything feels planned in the weirdest way. Like it just, it feels so planned. You know what I, you know what I thought of today that felt very strange. I saw a picture of today is maybe not today. Rosa Parks to mark the anniversary of when she refused to give up her seat on the bus. I don't know if it was today or whatever, recently.

But then I saw an article about it. And I thought about how powerful of a moment that was. Right. That she was like, fuck you, I'm not moving. It was amazing. It was beautiful. And then I was looking at the article and in it is a photo of her sitting in the seat with a man behind her staring at her, and I couldn't help but think,

how the fuck did they get that photo? How did they get that photo? Yeah. Who took that fucking photo? Right? When did that photo take place? Was it like a reenactment? I don't know,

but it's a good looking photo it looks it looks powerful as fuck she's looking out the window this kind of white guy's looking around the corner at her and it's perfectly situated from where the door would be on a bus you know because the driver would be here and cameras weren't that popular back then no not at all and what they call the news did they call like a news source to come out to capture this i don't know i couldn't wrap my head around it they didn't have any explanation of the photo but i i a lot of people have seen this photo you know what i'm talking about yeah and i was like how did they get that fucking photo maybe it was a reenactment of it maybe it was a stage staging of it for the news for the newspaper

but i couldn't stop thinking about that for some reason i was staring and i was like how would they how would they have gotten this photo right because the in the moment would never have happened people weren't carrying around cameras back then they were massive they're not like this yeah today got a big old fucking shoulder rig under the head squeeze that through a doorway yeah i mean what like nowadays nothing surprises me when they're like they got it on film i'm like of course they got it on fucking film everything this thing records accidentally right it's recording us now right now and it's it sent our whole transcript over to zane he's pissed he already texted me oh shit he's livid dude he's starting his own law firm right now we need to have a chat yeah

he's starting one with kenny uh and your girlfriend i'm sorry oh fuck that's the way it goes um we got the hammer we got the hand dude that's they don't got the slogan looks like we got the hammer it's all about marketing we kept it how long you been with your lady uh just over three years are you in love be real say it if you're not you can say it you can say it on here she'll never hear it i'm in love you are it's it's a it's a weird thing like it's it's it's a different feeling than when we first started dating a year into it, two years into it. Sure. How many years now?

Just over three, but it feels... Love changes, I feel. Hey, man. Strap in. Yeah, it does. Changes a lot. It's more of an appreciation. Yeah, you start to like the person for different reasons as time goes on, right?

It starts as one thing and then it changes a lot over time. And then sometimes you go back to something, a feeling you had before. And then sometimes you want to push them in front of a bus. And then other times you would jump in front of that bus. You jump in front of the bus and you find a new reason to really enjoy them again as a person. I think love is a very skewed concept anyway. I don't understand it. I don't really believe in a traditional version of it.

I don't know what in love means. I never understood that. And it's interesting because I've been with other people in the past that like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not talk about that. Let's not talk about that. No.

Now she's going to hear this, dude. Shit. Sorry, Bubba. All right, let's go through all the babes. No, but like at the time, like when I i was with them like i thought like this was something and then it was the next like whoa i can't believe i thought that about this and like it's just like everything changes totally and then you you start to realize different things as you get older yeah that uh that it's it's never gonna be one thing but that's a good thing it's always supposed to keep changing you know and it's it's i think the health one thing. But that's a good thing. It's always supposed to keep changing, you know?

And I think the healthiest version of it is not getting stagnant, you know? I just apologized on the way here because we got into an argument. What'd you do? We got into an argument over some bullshit. You know, my fault. I was annoyed for no reason, you know?

And I got uppity, you know? I pack too many things into my schedule sometimes. My fault. So then I get angry about... I get nervous about the packing. But I did that. So you just got to go... Is that why you pushed back 30 minutes on the episode?

Because you had to... That's because I had to go meet my boyfriend. Oh. I see my boyfriend before I come here. Ah, I see. Isn't that funny to think That like No honestly

It was because You know what it really was This is the pack The schedule thing I had ordered a gift For somebody My family And they were delivering it

To my house Right Because you can't go in Anywhere anymore Now you have to You know our new rules Delivered it to my house And I wait for that

And I wait for a Whole Foods Delivery grocery drop off That we had scheduled At two different times You don't pick up Your own goddamn groceries um i i do i'd usually go in oh you're pretty busy so i can i know i usually do go in but we had ordered we had had a farm you know farm fresh to you do you know what that is it's uh like a delivery

service that will do like um sources from local farms right I love it I'm not a sponsor there's none of it I just I think it's great they drop off local they support farms in your area that's pretty cool

yeah and we like that and then what we don't get from them I'll usually have a delivery from Whole Foods because there's no rush so like I'll do like whenever it comes

toilet treat type stuff bullshit yeah it's the same as Amazon at some point you know I mean it is Amazon Whole Foods is Amazon have you seen the new Amazon grocery store no oh i mean i saw it online fucking take something and then it charges your account you like put it in your basket and it knows

i love that shit dude see that's the kind of chip in the head stuff that i'm ready for i can't believe you're about that i'm about that so nuts cash no more cash coins i've been off calling coins for years. I refuse. I don't like coins. No, no coins. No for me. I don't do coins.

I don't. Change is a. Why do I have this? Why do I have more dirty stuff in my hands? Get it away from me. I love the pandemic for this. Change. They're like, well, my God, we're in a shortage of change.

Good. Fuck. Fuck them. It should have been even numbers from the beginning. Yeah. Get over this nickel and diming, you know. Quit nickel and diming them. Cut it out.

Quarter me. Quarter me at most. No, I don't like change. It's annoying to me. I wish everything was a whole number. It'd be easier to swallow. Well, I think it made more sense back in the day. Yeah, but we're in the new day now.

Right. Well, like a long time ago, you could go get a hamburger for 15 cents. Fuck that. Now, you can't get anything for cheap. So, fuck, rip me. You're ripping me off anyway. Let's keep going. Just kill me.

Just take all my fucking money. Just take it all. Take it all. And just leave me a little bit so I can retire on a lake in Chattanooga. With some fucking wild mustangs, baby. I like the idea of a lake, by the way. That's always been fascinating to me. You know? I definitely want to have my own like private water what are we talking we talking speedboat or pontoon what kind of guy are you oh wake boat okay so what you so i'd like to

do like some sort of like water in the vein of speed because you need to have a powerful boat right i'm pontoon guy all day long just kind of floating drinking it's like a a dock with a motor it's a dock that moves it's a mobile dock i love pontoons when then you got the ones that have like little spiral staircase that goes up with the slide come on heaven on earth is that what you're talking about i'll i love pontooning i think the idea is wonderful also you're not disruptive to the water, right? You're not ruining the wake. You're not ruining the wake.

Manatees are safe. That's exactly right. I like the idea of tuning. I like speedboats, but I'm tuning. Speedboats are fun. I'm not into speedboats. There's not too much seating. You can't really move around.

There's nothing there. There's no room for sandwiches to be made. What's a wakeboard boat called then? I think just call them wake boats wake boats like uh you still got like your little party area in the back because you get the rack with the speakers right and you can you can like kneeboard oh go ahead wakeboard wakeboard right right yeah i get it my i had um i had uh family members that used to be able to do uh uh barefoot water skiing i was blown away by that that's you gotta be you need a speedboat for that you need to be a man you can't do that you need to be a man to do that shit that's a tough

guy shit that hurts i tried some shit that's it hurts so much and it's so hard to get up on your feet i it doesn't make sense because they they to like, don't they like start holding onto the bar just to get their feet? Yeah, to get your feet in the water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going fast enough that you can like start getting that. Yeah, yeah, the chop. Then guys can lay down on their butts, spin around. They can chill on their ass and they can just hang out for a while.

And then, have you ever seen the guy let go and can float, you know know like glass on top of the water for a while and spin a few times on his own that's as close to jesus as i think you could be that's what religion should be going to church should be called they saw some guy fucking uh skiing on his water skiing on his feet he's like there's jesus right there that's where the the Jesus thing came from. People are like, he walked on water. It's like, no, he didn't, dude. No, it was a speedboat pulling him. He was barefoot skiing. All that stuff, you know? And they said he turned water into wine.

One of his best friends owned a vineyard. He had wine, dude. They just thought he showed up with the wine. He turned water into wine. It's like, no, he didn't, dude. His buddy owned a vineyard. With today's advances in you know technology and stuff i i'm turning water into flavored watermelon stuff yep so you you think jesus couldn't have done it all it takes is a little that's it dude a little sleight of hand jesus was a magician that's really what they say he's a

carpenter no he was a magician he did a lot of up-close magic and they got to see all of it right that's he just impressed them that's all that whole thing getting his mom getting pregnant they say he was a carpenter. No, he was a magician. He did a lot of up-close magic and they got to see all of it. Right. He just impressed them. That's all. That whole thing, his mom getting pregnant without having sex. Magic, dude.

It was a magic trick. I'm going to admit her stomach. Or she just didn't want to admit. She didn't want to admit the fact that... There's a lot of people that get pregnant and say they've never...

I know. Because their parents would... I know. Well, that's the rumor, dude. do you love your parents i do i did they love you yeah do they like your brother more no i think it's it's pretty equal maybe a little a little bit more me a little bit more you i'm i'm more talkative to them my brother is very quiet It was actually his wedding a couple days ago. Seriously? Yeah, I just got back yesterday.

That's where I was. Your brother just got married? Yeah. Congratulations to your brother. I hope the marriage lasts as long as you want it to. That's what I have to say now, you know? Because you never know. When you say forever, some people are like, what?

No way. I don't want it to be forever. This was a lease, you know? This was a five-year thing. A 10-year fixed mortgage. Fixed mortgage. was a lease. This was a five-year thing. This is a 10-year fixed mortgage. Fixed mortgage. This is right. This is a 5-1 arm.

I'm out of here as soon as I can. Congrats to your brother. I hope they have a happy, wonderful life. Yeah. This is the speech I would have made at the wedding. I hope you guys have a happy life. You know what they say. If mama ain't happy, no one's happy.

Keep her happy. It's good to see you aunt janice you're nuts stop drinking you wild bat um everyone else here dance away let's have some fun uh let's make some mistakes uh i'm looking at you uncle carl let's make some fucking mistakes if you have any coke let's do it and uh let's party on this is a great wedding i can't wait to see what comes about from these two shalom sh, shalom, shalom. That was incredible. Oh, l'chaim, sorry.

Bleh, l'chaim. I said it wrong. You're Jewish, right? No, I'm not. Oh, fuck. That's right. Hazar. Hazar, Hazar, Hazar.

Is that how you say it? Yeah, that's a big... Hazar. Hazar. Hazar sounds right. No, I knew it. That's crazy. That was incredible.

Was that a good speech? Yeah, I was freaking out because I had to do my best man speech. Oh, shit. How'd that go? One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Well, I'm a fucking pussy. Why? I couldn't stop crying the entire fucking day.

Oh, bro. I was bawling my eyes out. That's okay. What's wrong with that? Something happened that made sense sense that it moved you and it was perfect yeah i i don't know what it was i think just like seeing my parents there how happy they were seeing him and he's been through so much shit and just like seeing my whole family i haven't seen him in so fucking long it was just a really like beautiful moment and seeing like

my dad dancing on the dance floor is he a good dancer not at all but he thought he was and he was having a great not at all man he's trash uh it was embarrassing yeah that's why i was crying right that's why no dad i didn't know you were so bad he was dancing it was just the moment really settled yeah it was it was a big moment and uh just taking it all in that's great man uh are they gonna i'm an emotional person are they gonna have little bambinos i think so maybe huh i know i know he did it for a really long time but now i think he's he's interested he's older or younger he's older seven years older seven years older yeah wait how old are you i don't know 27 okay right so 27 plus seven is uh 42. Math major.

Can't read. Can't do math. Do you need to, though? Do you need to, though? Look at us. Look at us. We're having fun. We made it.

I hope all good things to him. You know what I mean? It's a big step. It's a crazy step. It's a wild step. You going to do that with your old lady or what? When the time's right. Yeah.

Yeah, take your time. Because it's not for guys nobody marriage is not for men it's for women it's their party you're just you're right you just are part of the party i asked him about it like a couple days before yeah and i was like are you excited like it's it's coming like how do you feel and he's like oh i'm excited well he's also not like a very emotional or excitable person you're the opposite yeah you're really i could cry right now cry cry on my show cry on my show there he goes there he goes uh um but i was like are you excited and he was like i'm excited for her yeah because

for a guy okay and this doesn't apply to every woman but no guy has a moment of his youth where he's like

dreaming I know my perfect wedding but some women do and the idea is wonderful to them I think to guys it's a rite of passage it's a fun moment

in time it's memorable it's with family all those things are beautiful but it's a rite of passage. It's a fun moment in time. It's memorable. It's with family. All those things are beautiful, but it's nothing that a guy... It's the opposite of inherently what we like. It's like, I like a party, but I don't like planning all the details.

I don't like to worry about all the people. Like, oh, that's too much. I don't like all that. Come on over. Come on. I saw a meme today that made me laugh so hard. It was some girl had tweeted a picture of a guy. It was like a beach house.

Like it was a view of the ocean. Okay. And all it was was a TV on the floor with a PlayStation and a foldable camping chair. And the room was empty. And she goes, men think this is paradise, SMH. And then he retweeted it underneath. He wrote, these bitches just can't understand how minimal makes us happy.

And I was like, it's so true that like, guys are satisfied by this, almost nothing. Almost not like, yes. If it was just a TV in a room with an ocean view and you're a single guy, you'd be like, this is great. I don't need any more shit. I've got my TV and my chair, ocean view. I don't need the shit. I think we're just so simplistic by nature, most men, that you're just like, I don't want all the other shit. But that's what's so great about having that partner that

sees those other things. Mariah will see stuff in the house and I'm like, wow, that really fucking worked. And I never would have thought about that. I don't know. Yeah. I don't, I'm not good with any of that stuff. I would never know how to do any of the things. I don't know if it was up to me, my house would be empty. It would have a bed. It would have, how many pillows do you guys got on your bed? No, I've cut that down to size. It only two a piece so four to sleep so two a piece for the sleep and then on the on the show is three more okay so that's not bad i don't think right we have seven that's seven two a piece to sleep oh you have two each to sleep yeah okay five six seven and then three show pillows geez three for shows two

two in the bed three for show how many do you throw onto the floor the three as soon as you get the three but i keep the tube because i keep i keep i like it as a rail i'm like a child i like the body pillow as the rail and so it's kind of like a crib you kind of like block the edge of city yeah yeah yeah that's right and i got a california king for that reason because i like it wide okay give me the wide bed don't get anywhere get away from me that's what i say get over there i'm over here you go over there so the cuddling stopped i don't like any of that shit dude get out of here with that actually cuddling when you're awake we cuddle on the couch yeah yeah watch a movie but when i go to bed that's where i go to sleep leave me alone

i'm a hot sleeper too so yes get off of dude. I don't want your body on my body. And then if you have like to like readjust or something, then you're waking them up. Then they're annoyed. And then they go, she goes, what? And you're like, get the fuck off of me. It's hot. 98 times two. It's too hot.

Get over. I don't like it. Cuddling awake. I'm totally into. I love cuddling awake. Yeah. Couch stuff. Then that's nice.

But in bed when we're ready to go to sleep if we're not hooking up and it's sleep time go away sleep turn the back 100 nothing like saying we call it we call it butt to butt okay but keep it cute so it's like doesn't seem rude right i'm not saying i'm not you want to go butt to butt yeah butt to butt it's a it's a it's a sweet way of being like i'm done i've had enough i want to go to bed and i'm gonna sit here until i can't sleep because the melatonin isn't working and i'm gonna get on my phone and i'm gonna look at my phone for 40 minutes then i'll be asleep but i need i look at my phone every night before i go to bed yeah i know it's bad for you, but I don't care. I'm tired of people saying that. It's so bad.

It's fine. But I can't have the TV on. Too loud. Too distracting. Too bright. She doesn't want to see the TV. She's trying to go to bed. I've never been a TV to sleep person.

Because if something's on, I'm watching it, and I get pissed off, and I need to see how it finishes. Yeah. It depends on how trash of TV is on in the background. If I got... Sometimes I put Storage Wars on there.

Oh, my God. Yeah. I'll do some in the background. Sometimes I put Storage Wars on there. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'll do some Storage Wars, dude. I'll throw it on just to have it in the background. It's either HGTV. She likes Lifetime movies because they're just mindless. You don't have to pay attention. Food Network. Oh, you guys really are old.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus. Jesus. Yeah. food network oh you guys really are old yeah yeah jesus yeah uh that's kind of it at night because it's mindless television i'm not really watching i do get down with hgtv stuff though i love it dude i'll flip i'll go on a flip or flop marathon tonight yeah you know what's not you know i'm saying son i'll go home and i'll fuck with my dream home lottery edition oh i don't like that because they're like they they get kind of weird. It's also sad.

It's also sad because people that win the lottery are always poor and sad. Spend it all. It's very sad. Yeah. And it's, it's really,

it's sad to watch someone get all this money and then you know they're never going to be able to hold on to it. You feel bad. Lottery's a, lottery's a bogus thing.

Yeah. It's a bogus bullshit thing. I forget what the percentage was that I saw, but like how many of them end up going bankrupt let's just present let's just pretend and say all because every story it is like something like your tragedy something crazy all those people it's never like a and everybody wants your money yeah well because because most people that play the lottery the

highest percentage are usually lower socioeconomics because they want the hope that they could win so when they do win all of the people around them also are broke. So they were like, give me your fucking money. Working class person. Come on, man. You know if I would have won,

I would have given you the money. Come on, man. 500 million. Give me a million. Give me a million. Give me one. And then they realize that after taxes,

they're all fucked and it's over. And you buy one fancy thing and you get buried speaking of which i want to say this i want to bring this up real quick yeah your boy david dobrik right bought you a lambo yeah lamborghini huracan cash uh-huh he just said here's a lambo yeah just we were in his car and we pulled up to his garage and his like door. Yeah. He opened the door and it was sitting there with a bow. Did he, did you know, did you ever say you wanted a Lambo? So I'm really into cars.

Like it's all I fucking think about. Look at online. Just, I love cars. Sure. They excite me. How many do you have? I have the Lamborghini. I have my Raptor.

Yeah. That's a great truck. I have a Raptor. Yeah, that's a great truck. I have a Ford Lightning. Oh, you're a big Ford guy, huh? Yeah. I don't know. No, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just saying, some people get really into a brand.

Yeah, it's not that I don't like Chevy or anything. It's just kind of what I've known. Sure. I have a Ford 1973 Ford Mustang Mach 1. Wow, beautiful. That was my first car. Me and my dad built that when I was in Florida. anything it's just kind of what i've known sure uh ford uh 1973 ford uh mustang muck one wow that was my first car me and my dad built that when i was in florida um and then i have um a geo metro i want it to be something simple you're like then i have a honda accord eco edition it's actually great it's my favorite car yeah no uh a yaris no um i have the lightning the raptor the lambo and then we have uh mariah's jeep the rubicon rubicon yeah is that the big one

what is that one it's the uh the wrangler the four-door oh right right right right right right the one that has the yep yep like the sport suspension and sure whatever upgrades i don't fucking know but the mock you got the mock the mock one yeah that's still in florida that's hot dude yeah it's a hot whip dude get that thing out here because most of your toys are big yeah i like i like little sports cars i like i like that i want to take you for a ride in the lambo i Dude, call me up. It's so fun. I would love to.

I'm also obsessive with cars, but I'm not a big... Trucks were never my culture, never my style, so I'm not in that groove. But I did drive that Raptor, and it's phenomenal. I like it just for the convenience of having a truck. Yeah, it's nice to have a truck. There's always something like... I do collect a lot of like vintage furniture and just shit yeah so i'm always on offer up buying stuff right so i'll go

pick up a big ass like tanker desk or something right and you gotta throw it in the bed and you use it you use the bed of the truck i do right you're one of those guys you don't actually it's a lot of guys have trucks now like they'll have the wrapped they won't put anything in the back of there they want to protect the bed lining you know you don't give a fuck come on now you'll scratch that thing up right now let's go outside and let's key it let's go key it right now you ever been keyed my my lightning got keyed with literally a month after i moved to la fuck really where'd you park it was in and out it was at the parking lot in and out i fucking went to in and out pulled in ran inside ordered came out to go and then i walked and the

whole side of my truck was keyed well let's do this you at this point were recognizable correct that was when i was a vine douchebag but i mean somebody knew who you were i think so so they keyed it because they knew you the randomness of that would have been too strange just key maybe they just like for no reason maybe they just what neighborhood are you in uh it was the one in hollywood nah that's somebody knew you somebody knew you right next to the high school somebody knew you somebody knew you if you told me it was like deep somewhere here in the valley or whatever i'd be like no way dude it's too random hollywood near the high school somebody knew who you were and they were like son of a bitch but they probably liked you

that's the irony yeah right people that people that uh people that hate you they probably they they actually like you some guys like dude zanon heath suck they watch every one of your fucking videos they they comment every time these guys are these guys see if i bring it up yeah they just they like the attention the trolling is the trolling is real i would never key your car but i am gonna get in the lambo. We're doing that soon. Cool. You're going to come. I'll let you drive it.

Really? Yeah. I might crash it. Do we have written? No, no. I'll be very safe. Full three-point race harnesses. Yeah.

Do you know the specs on that car? So it's a 610-4, so it's the all-wheel drive version. Right, which is phenomenal, by the way, because rear-wheel drive on those cars never made sense. Always have all-wheel drive, dude. Particularly phenomenal by the way because rear-wheel drive on those cars never made sense should always have all-wheel drive dude particularly super super quick i think uh they list it at a 3.20 to 60 but if you launch it i think it'll do 3.9 oh it goes below three yeah did you do you know about the tesla you know the new plaid tesla um the fastest the fastest production vehicle right now is that the one that they're coming out with the the roadster no or what's the roadster is another one but the plaid is the

is the s so the the s the s is that four-door one the big one there's the three model three and the model s yep the s now is the regular s or the dual motor okay which they used to call the p100d yes or the p75d prior to that the dual motor is the top of the line over here huh big tesla fan over here i just like cars i'm obsessed nice good i like fast cars but now they made this one called the plaid the plaid is the fastest production vehicle uh 060 what are they claiming the plaid can go you know how the ludicrous mode was their dual motor the plaid mode their plaid hyper mode they say it's 1.96 or something like that under two seconds so is the roadster fastest production vehicle dude tesla knows what's up i look are you a tesla fan i don't have one i don't i don't own one i know a lot about cars and so i'll just i just read a lot

of stuff but um it i will say this it's enticing how about that yeah how about there's something about it that okay so i've been in them they're fun as shit rogan had one and they're so fun but i will say i miss the roar you know i've got a car that roars yep i like roar i like those i like those got a nasty aggressive sound yeah twin turbo v8 i love love, I like, give me the, I love that. So when I've been in the Teslas, that, it feels like a roller coaster. It feels like you're at Six Flags. It's fun, but I don't know if I would, my wife said that. She's like, I don't know if you'd like that over time.

She's like, you would miss the engine. It takes it away from it. I think I'd miss the engine a little bit. Maybe, but also. There's nothing like getting on it and just hearing it. You hear it eat. It's aggressive. Yeah, it sounds like

an animal in there. That's toxic masculinity. That is. Make it louder. Yeah, make it as loud as you can. I just think you can hear the beauty of a machine working.

There's something powerful about that. That's like how incredible to hear this thing. Yeah, like the Ferrari symphony like when you're like oh getting on it come on man and also it's made by hand i think there's something beautiful about handmade engines that's like a human made that a battery is a battery yeah it's made by a human but it's just a slab i just don't like tesla interior well because they only have one it just is one thing right yeah they

don't intelligently that was smart from a business standpoint he didn't cost himself a lot of money but yes stylistically what got what people do there's a couple of guys i follow on youtube they trick them out okay which is tight they'll take you know you remove the seats they reupholster them yeah they everything in tesla is pretty customizable oddly enough you could take apart that whole dash and put in new custom stuff so you could do that with almost any car

but it's more of a hassle Tesla is so bland that you can really kind of make it your own you can do anything you kind of can it's kind of a blank canvas but

I like the design and sexiness and style that the company brought to it right like what Lambo did to the inside of their car. It's specific to Lamborghini. Right.

That's something incredible about that. Like it's their touch. So I think there's more value in that kind of stuff. Although I will say they're violently overpriced. They're great cars, but good God. Yeah. There's,

I mean, you can get my car for almost half the price. Yeah. You get a Audi SQR. Yeah. Or the, the price yeah you get a audi sqr8 yeah or what or the uh the um just a regular r8 right same engine yeah right yeah same v10 same engine yeah same exact thing but also peeps but it's not a lamborghini it's not a lamborghini you're gonna pick you're gonna pick me up in a lamborghini and we're gonna go cruise let's do it all right look um i i i could talk to you for hours but uh real quick though what what's what's your dream car favorite car of all time yeah like if you like if budget were no option uh you know i to this day it's a corny because i from a car perspective it's not one of the best cars

they ever made um but there's something so simple and sexy about a ferrari california i don't know why i loved the california i loved the original versions the 70s and the remakes i don't know why i couldn't even tell you why maybe it's something from as a kid um but i was obsessed with them i also this isn't a this isn't like i couldn't have it type of thing but um i learned stick shift on a on a um 69 stingray and a corvette stingray and i think the old vets are that's to me the humps over those wheel humps i mean the the the the the body split window coops hell Hell yeah, baby. Fuck. It's just a beautiful design.

But for me, I think, yeah, if it was all the money in the world, you know, I probably, God, I don't know. I probably would buy, if I was like endless budget, I'd buy a Ferrari California in bright red. Oh, it's so fucking red. Just that classic. Yeah, dude. Ferrari red. Very cliche. It's theirs. It's called Ferrari red. he's so fucking red just that classic yeah dude ferrari red cliche it's theirs it's called ferrari red that's their patented color um i'd buy that i'd buy um uh the old lady loves aston martin's she's obsessed she thinks they're such great she's

got she she likes uh james bond huh she does that's exactly right that's where she found nobody nobody likes aston martin's unless you're a james bond fan well that's right because it's a kid as a kid when you saw those it was just so cool yeah he made them so tight they're great cars um it's not my style but i'd get her one of those i gave me a ferrari california and then i'd probably get uh i don't know i don't know what else would be like my ultimate maybe like a a shelby okay yeah old school old school yeah and old not the new ones are cool but i would get an old shelby you know i'd like if i'd like i'd like one of the originals would be hot just because they're so dope looking you're talking about shelby cobra right yeah okay yeah just because i think they're so sexy man

i think those are going for like 1.5 million. Yeah, they're out of this world. Out of this world. Yeah, it looks like an animal. It's a real... It's when cars look truly like animals. Now they kind of look... I don't know.

Now sports cars tend to look more like, you know, they're just sleek and nosy and, you know, I don't know. What's the worst design sports car? Oof. I'll tell you. What's the worst design sports car? Oof. I'll tell you. Maserati. Okay. I think they're the worst.

I think Maserati. I think they're just terrible. I think the, what do they call them? The Maserati Quattroporte. Well, the Ghibli is the one. The Ghibli? Those are disgusting. Yeah, and the uh and the um the gran turismo the gran turismo right yeah the gran turismo is not the worst looking car

but it definitely it looks like to me if you get a maserati you're like i want people to think i'm really rich right that's right right right right that's the trick and it's kind of like a some guy by the way there's a marketing it's trying to flex we have one fan at maserati who watches all these no i'm kidding oh i was gonna say no but how funny would it be if he's like no but we love a whiskey ginger we were just about to give you a sponsor why would you do this to Maserati? No, I just think of all the Italian sports cars. I'm just like, Maserati, slipping hard.

Anyway, I'll never be able to afford any of those great ones. I'll never be able to afford a Lambo. So you're going to put me in one, and we're going to vroom, vroom around town like the cute couple that we are. The Heath and Santino law firm is coming at you, baby. We're dropping the hammer. Open your mouth. Open your mouth. We end these episodes the same way.

You got to look right into the camera when I walk off. You got to say one word or one phrase. That's going to end the episode. Wait till I get off camera. And then you go ahead and close us out. Right now. Wow, that was really quick. You walk.

Shit. Yeah, you do it. You do it. Whatever you want to say, one word or one phrase right into the camera. All right. Wild, wild horses. In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey.

Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy. Ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilistic. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 for the horse gingers oh hell no this whiskey is

excellent ginger i like gingers