Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Jiaoying Summers

Episode Date: January 10, 2025

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What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show, baby. Leave a comment down below for the Algo Rhythm. Please tell a friend, spread the word, so we continue to do this show through 2025. And here at the beginning of 2025,

in the first quarter, I am on tour right now, this very weekend, tomorrow night, I'm in Chicago, Illinois, my hometown Chicago, playing in the Chicago theater. It's been sold out, and I'm very proud of that. Thank you so much, Chicago, for showing up and showing out. It means a lot to me, means the world to me. I then go to Durham, Durham, Durham, let's go, Durham Bulls.

I'm actually wearing my Durham Bulls hat right now. We went to a game last year. Would love to see you guys come out again. And then I go to Charleston, South Carolina. I go to Atlanta, Georgia. I go to Philly. I go to New York. I'm playing at the Beacon in New York,

the Met in Philly, which is amazing. I cannot believe I'm getting to play those two venues. I'm super humbled by that. Then I come back to the West Coast, and I do San Francisco, Phoenix, San Diego. I go to Boston, Massachusetts, four shows, and then I finally end the tour shooting my special in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm doing four shows there.

You guys, i'm so excited but i understand to not come to the second anderson tino dot com in here we call with and Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers. Let's start it. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean once again, today it is Zhao Ying Summers. I am here.

I made it in Hollywood. I brought a gift. Give it to me. Happy holidays. Oh wow, Frenkelman chocolates. I brought a gift. Happy holidays. Oh wow! Frenkelman chocolates! Yes! Frenkelman chocolates! It's green.

It's green, right. Irish. Irish for me. Ginger. That's right. That's exactly right. Red. That is so funny. This is very sweet. There's whiskey here.

There is whiskey here. We usually drink, but it's pretty early in the morning, so I think we might calm down. It's okay. Yeah. I think we might. Yeah, Bobby's not here. You just got a coffee. Yeah. We don't want to have too much. I can add some inside here. We talked about my editor Joe, his name is Joe and Joe means uncle, is that what you said? Yeah, Joe means uncle. Yeah, or old. I'm ready to learn Chinese. Joe means old or uncle.

So what is that? What's that about Chinese that have like nine things mean one thing? Why is that? Yeah. What's your guys' deal? We just want to confuse people I guess. There's some code word. So it's easy. Chinese is very confusing. I know. Well, I wore my shirt for you. Do you see this? I really, I've been making Air Jordan since I was five years old.

And it's Beijing in the factory. I fell home. You fell at home, right? Let me see your fingers. Those haven't worked in a long time. So this, yeah, my nail is not okay. It's, yeah, I should talk to the Vietnamese people so they can understand.

Yeah, fix that. We need to fix it. This is not okay. You like Vietnamese people? I think they have good food. I sound white now, I'm white now. They have good food. How about this though, this is somebody, you're the first Chinese person

with the Chinese letters written on them. That's like a white thing, we do that. I wrote it though, I'm a calligrapher. What does that say? It's a... Wait, let me try to guess. Open up a little bit so I can see. That says, oh, oh that says China number one

America number two Trump forever Wow yeah that's what it says. You really speak Chinese? Yes I do. Oh my god. What does it really say? It's a Tianxingjian Junzi ziqiang bu xi, di shi kun Junzi yi hou de zai wu. So I'm a calligrapher I wrote it is a passage from Yi Qing like Yi Qing it's basically the way the heaven works is that a gentleman who is a sex from I Ching, like I Ching. It's basically the way the heaven works is that a gentleman, it was a sexist, now it's just a gentle woman because they can apply to women too,

because women can function too. You have to work hard forever in order to maintain success, but you also have to be a good person. Like how earth is heavy and carry all the flaws. Be a good person and work hard and don't complain and just be a communist. And just be a communist and just be a communist Yeah, communist just fall in line and do the right thing. Yes, but yet you moved here to this country the the capitalist nation of the world

I do I love money. You know, that's yeah Chinese love money. They do we really do. I love money money Yeah, money. You can ask me I can do whatever you want. I'll massage your feet right now It's nice. You just gave me, you know more air time. I don't have any cash on me right now You don't need to pay me you can pay me just to come, you know, just get me more airtime. I don't have any cash on me right now. You don't need to pay me. You can pay me, just get me on your show. Okay, great. Well, you're here. That's perfect. That's why I own you.

The chocolate is not enough. You do own me for life. Full massage. Yeah, you own me for life. Yeah, for life. And you brought a special friend outside. I don't know if you wanna talk about him, but you have a special friend here. I told Bobby, it's new.

I hope he did not get to know me. If that happens, he's gone, but so far so good. So far so good. He's new. I hope he did not get to know me. If that happens, he's gone. But so far so good. So far so good. He's a big buff white. You got a big buff white. He's a Midwest white guy. Oh, that's the best.

That's what I am from Chicago. We like Midwest white guys. Cleveland, he's from Cleveland. I'm going to meet his family. I haven't had a boyfriend for four years. So that's the first boyfriend after my divorce. Wait, why for so long? You just didn't want to date anybody?

I can't get any men to date me. That's not true. I don't know. I think I can't. I just, I talk and they don't like it. Right. Right. Unlike most Chinese women, they don't say anything. That's why white guys like Chinese. You're the opposite. But I give good BJs though. They don't stay long enough to find that out. You do. They leave too early.

Well, you have small hands? No, I just, I deep throat. I feel like life is like sucking your dick. You go all the way. You go all the way. When you are going to put that dick in your mouth, you are already a whore. Because you can't be like, no, it's the same. Right.

Listen, it's the same. That's the same. So I'm just, if it's near my face, it's going all the way in. Right. I'll vomit it later, but you have to show. You have to show your commitment. Because after he leave you, one day he break up, he's gonna think about you all the time.

That's right. When the other women don't give the good bitch, he's like. I miss her. I miss her. Yeah, I miss those summers. Yeah. That's what you should get on there.

Give good head. Give good head. Gives good head. How do you say give good head in Chinese? Hui chui xiao. Hui ch head in Chinese? Hui is skillful. Basically it's like playing the flute, but that's the code word for BJ. So that's why when I told Andre, your whole thing is about giving BJ. Because the whole flute thing is, in Chinese culture, BJ just... Playing the flute means giving head. Yeah, playing the flute.

And say that again, say the phrase. Tresiao. Tresiao. Yeah, blowing the flute, like playing the flute. Tresiao. Tresiao means blowjob. So I can do that, I can go, Tresiao, if I go to China. To a Chinese girl.

Yeah, they'll be like, just give it to you because you speak that Chinese. She'll be like, I respect you, and I'm going to suck your cock because you're a good Chinese. I got to go to China, I got to book that trip. Yeah. You'll be very popular. They like a wider... I'm the widest they get. I mean, this is like because you're a good Chinese. I gotta go to China, I gotta book that trip. Yeah, you'll be very popular. They like a whiter. I'm the whitest they get. I mean, this is like see-through at some point. See-through is what they need.

They want as white as you. China want white. We like people who's white. My mom likes him more than she likes me because he's white. You think his parents are gonna like you? They think I'm gonna be serving him, but that won't be the case.

I think they'll like me. I don't know, I'm not sure. I think they're gonna like you, you're very lovable. I think his mom will like me. Yeah, well you're successful and lovable, and people that don't know, you have skyrocketed through the comedy scene because you're funny and affable and quick

and sweet and unique, and his parents should see that. Your success is there. You proved yourself. I think I did. I also bought my club to do comedy. You know that, right? You did what? You bought your own club?

The first week I started open-miking, I'm like, I need 10,000 hours. This is not gonna cut it because I'll suck forever. So I said, let me buy a place. I drove on Melrose. It's still open. It's been four years, five years. What's it called?

It's a Hollywood comedy. It's on Melrose. On Melrose. So you own that place. I own that place. It still goes every hour. I mean, seven days a week it's open. Wow.

I bought it so I started to host open mic. I do 10 hours a day. Very communist, very Chinese, very hard working. That's extremely Chinese. So I start hosting 10 hours a day open mic so I can be on stage every hour. So I just got my stage time. You still own the place?

I still own the place. Do you have a partner or it's just you? No, just me. I own it but I have a manager runs it stage time. You still own the place? I still own the place. Do you have a partner or it's just you? No, just me. I own it, but I have a manager who runs it full time. I have 20 comedian hosts who take shifts. We have three, four shifts per day. We open from 10 a.m. close at 11 p.m.

So every day, every hour, there's an open mic and it's always full. I think it's the most popular open mic place. You are remarkably Chinese. Very Chinese, because I know I suck. Like I'm not delusional. You don't suck? What are you talking about? When I started, I know I suck.

Oh, when you start, yeah. Everybody sucks. Nobody's good when they start. Chappelle might be the only one who was good when he was that young. And outside of him, we're all just figuring it out. So I knew I needed to be on stage and nobody's gonna put me on stage.

So I'm like, let me buy my own place. You're right. That's a very smart thing. Look, I'm gonna say this, his parents, they're gonna like you because Midwest people, they're very sweet. I would do this, I would bring them something like this. This is smart.

This really gets to the heart of a Midwest person. Bring them chocolate. We're usually like, we're fat gluttonous kind of people. I know he's in phenomenal shape. He's in, no, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. He's in great shape, this guy. And his parents are Midwest people, so they're probably hearty eaters. Bring them like a beef stew.

Beef stew, I can make a beef stew. Yeah, I can make a beef stew or Cleveland, so he's got- yeah, they like fatty foods. Anything fried, we're big into that kind of stuff. Have you been to Cleveland before? No, it's my first time. I'm not- And you're playing Hilarities too? Yes. Wow. Look at this. You're gonna play and they're gonna come watch you Yeah, his mom is gonna be in the front row with his brother He's he has two sets of twins

His mom has two twin boy twin boy and twin daughter and another son. She has five kids and you have two kids I have two I can't believe it. They are in the car right now. You left them out there That was a crack that yeah, you did did? Well the Teslas have those things now that say like the dog thing. It goes, don't worry my owner's coming back and the air is on. Yeah, I'm gonna break my car. You could do that for kids now too.

Yeah, I think so. It's safer in the car. It's much safer than in the streets? Yeah. Well then being with you. Yeah, I have two kids. I can't believe I have two kids. They are getting older,

make me feel like I'm older now. My daughter is, it's her birthday today. She's turning four today. What are you doing? It your birth daughter's birthday? We could reschedule. Yeah She's in school and I I got I'm gonna go take care of her. We're gonna hang out at five So how old is she? I don't remember. Yeah for four. Yeah It's fast. That is yeah, you got a divorce four years ago You decided not to date and then did you find him on an app? No, I never I actually we met through I I was in Austin. I was doing a show at Cap City

and then I hired people to film a show and his friend and him was filming my show. Wow. He just left Tesla after six years. He did well there, he wanted to become a storyteller filmmaker. Wow. So he learned how to film.

So are you guys making home films right now? No, I don't believe in porn. No, no, no. I'm saying home films. You took that the wrong way. I just mean making movies together. I like to... no, I don't think... he's... it was just like I met him there and it was funny. And you fell in love. I saw him. I thought he was cute, but he think I wasn't... he said hi to me. I was just like short with him. When I see a guy I think attractive, I he said hi to me. I was just like short with him as I want to see a guy I think attractive. I'm like, oh hi, I don't want to look at him I go yes my pussy was wet, but I don't trust my pussy last time I trust my pussy

I got married to a Chinese man, right on that's bad They are bad the Shanghai knees are the worst one the Shanghai knees Shanghai people are the worst I feel are bad because you know, that's a pearl for the East right? They are very connected to internationally so the Shanghai knees man They learn the bad thing from Americans and they have the bad quality of Chinese men also bad quality of American men Like they share bills, but they don't eat a pussy. Oh my god Split the bill don't go down. That's that's not good. Yeah, that's bad Like if I am paying half the bill, you know, you you know American guys eat a pussy Chinese men

Don't eat pussy Chinese men from China. Don't eat pussy. Is that a cultural thing? Yeah, cultural thing is gay. That's gay? What do they think about a dick in their butt? That's probably- I don't know about that. That's the most gay. I also think that eating pussy is gay.

Right, thinking, right. Well, a lot of things that are straight, ironically, are gay, right? Like I'm married, pretty gay. It's pretty gay to like- That's very- It's pretty gay. That's very cute.

It's cute and gay, that's what I mean. It's cute's cute. That's why it's gay. Like we watch tv together, gay. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. We go out to dinner together, gay. We go to events together, gay. You know what I mean? All this stuff's gay. We gather with other you know couples. Yeah. Gay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gay. That's good. Yeah, it's fine. Who cares? Gay is popular now. It is. It's in. And I'm hoping it gets me some roles in Hollywood because I'm struggling a little bit. Yeah, because you are so white. I am. It is it's in and I'm hoping it gets me some roles in Hollywood because I'm struggling Yeah, because you are so white. I am well, you know, honestly, I'm a different white though I mean even Asians agree that's why Bobby's my best friend. I'm an off-white because I'm the redhead makes me I they differentiate

I'm not like the right. I'm not like he's the original white. That's like Mayflower I sound like you may flower may flower. Mayflower, yeah. Mayflower material. Mayflower material. Mayflower material. He came over on a boat. I feel like a Pocahontas. I feel like he's John Smith. He is. He is John Smith. Yeah, he's John Smith. He's still, I mean, he's still around, but we're just gonna wait and see. Yeah, he'll give you smallpox for sure.

Yeah. He's gonna infect you in some way and then leave you. I think so. That's what the whites do. We're the best at that. I think so. I'll be okay with it. I'll have'll have some you're fine. I see him as my future materials I really see it. I know he's gonna give me a lot of now would you get married again or no? It depends on the dick, you know If the dick is there to stay and is a good dick and is the man I need a somebody who is I'm like this

I'm crazy. I need somebody who's like this. He seems pretty level. He's very yeah, he's very calm. He's very stoic He's stoic stoics agree. Yeah, that's right. I can't say anything romantic. He's not capable of saying it So he didn't know I love you stuff. No Yeah, he for him to say I love you probably take two more years He what about you though? Are you quick to say I love you? I wouldn't say it. I'm like I You know, I can't say it. That's right. I wouldn't say it before he said it. How do you say I love you in Chinese?

Wa ai ni. Wa ai ni. You should go to China. Wa ai ni. But it doesn't, honestly, it's not a beautiful I love you. Wa ai ni. Wa ai ni. Yeah, I don't know, it sounds a little too harsh.

It's harsh. Chinese is very harsh. It sounds like everybody is like selling fish in the wet market. You know, like, that's what it is. My daughter, she just like, Mommy, I love my pink dress. So cute. Ma, ni ga ma? You know, next's what it is my daughter. She just like mommy. I love my pink dress so cute money You know next thing you know she become like this fish wife in the market

She's like a rotating from two like a bipolar to like a two characters, right? What is going that I thought they fluent in Chinese? Yes, I made sure they do that I'm like your father's gone So you are you are already two and half you know you are gonna go to China and learn Chinese because we need to be competitive. We do. You don't have a dad. I'm the only thing you got. So I shipped them there and they didn't have any friends.

I'm like, make friends. You don't deserve to have friends. You don't speak Chinese, you don't deserve friends. That's right. So they cried for a month and a half and like two months later, they can speak Chinese. And now they speak Chinese and they want to go back to China every Year for three months so they can go to Chinese school. I think it's important. That's great

I force them to do it because they need it, you know, you don't ever want to go back I mean, I just I can't do stand-up in China because I tried I was doing this video thing with I think cosmopolitan they asked me to a 30 minutes Chinese stand-up and after I did it they were they're just like oh We're only gonna keep a 40 seconds of it. Well 40 seconds. Yeah, that's nothing they cut everything out I was I wasn't talking about politics. I was just making fun of my mom and my sister. They were against to me so Also, like if you do stand up in China, you have to send your script right you're set. I know this right They will correct it for you. They will change it for you and tell you what you're supposed to say Yeah, and if you don't say what they say, you are gonna be in trouble because you are

Trying to do something communism dog. I know so you can't really say anything. So I Think I'm fine. I this is better. You're more free here. Yeah, I like the money but the thing is like People are gonna remember I'm not funny because I'm fine. This is better. You're more free here. I like the money, but the thing is like, people are going to remember I'm not funny because I'm just going to go on TV. I have some TV offer just to sit there and to interview people, talking to people. I can't say anything that's funny because I have to be polite and nice to everyone. On Chinese TV. Especially the rich ones.

They want to be nice to rich, powerful people, which is worse because in America, we make fun of the rich and powerful. That's the best part about it. Yeah, but in China, you have to like see how much you like them like that's disgusting It is gross. No, we should be able to mock them. You mock the rich. We always punch up. Yeah, that's the whole thing I can't see like how much I like it. They won't give me their house. Like oh, it's a beautiful house I'm gonna give it to me. No, I won't I don't want say it's beautiful I'm like, oh how much people did you fuck how many people jump over the roof because you fucked them You know, how many Jordans did that everybody make? Yeah, I want to say it's beautiful. I'm like, oh, how much people did you fuck? How many people jump off the roof because you fucked them, you know?

To make this house. How many Jordans did everybody make? Exactly. I wanna say that. I'm like, oh my God, that's a beautiful house. I'm like, give it to me. No, we get to make fun of everybody here. That's the best part about it, right?

I love that. That's why you can hate people equally. We should do it a little bit more. Like I read this article yesterday that Zuckerberg had $214 billion, billion dollars. And he have a Chinese wife to count all the money He does she can count the money is he married or they dating they're married. They're married Yeah, I mean she closed the deal on him when they were in high university in Harvard or whatever Harvard

Yeah, dating she's a 14 billion dollars. Is that enough you think I? Want some of it you do yeah, what should we do to get them? I? Don't he's probably hard to get to I just saw he bought a new yacht I mean that's hard to track those things I've thought about it his wife is Chinese though I can you have infiltrate. Yeah, you can infiltrate the Chinese side. Yeah, I can probably do something I can just address about like her one time and just unbelievable how much how wealthy and separative these people are like they're not even a Part of our culture anymore you get so rich think about like this. I did this the other night This has been done before on this show too, I think I've talked about it, but it just stuns

me every time. A million versus a billion, like people talk about millionaires, right? But billionaires, different. A million seconds is how many days? How many days do you think a million seconds is? I can't. I'll give you a hint, it's less than two weeks. So how many days do you think it is? Ten days? It's 11 days. 11 and a half days is a million seconds. A billion seconds. How many days is that do you think? You're not gonna get it. It's crazy. It's well, 31 years.

31 years. 31 years. I think it's 11,000 days. 31 years. So the difference is a millionaire is 11 seconds worth a Billionaire is 31 days worth and that guy's got 214 of those. Oh my god. Thank God You know he look like that because he can't have everything If he look also hot I think God is gonna strut on him Yeah, you'd have to get cancer if you're that hot and that rich. Yeah, so I'm happy for him Yeah, good for him. I guess okay. Yeah, right, but I want it. Let's get him. Yeah I yeah, let's redistribute the wealth. Yeah, I'm gonna go to his house and become friends with his wife Well, you could you could you could that is what you could do. You could do a little

interior China I can go to his house to his feng shui. I know it's feng shui. I'll be like we need a fish pond here We need a fountain here. we need a fish pond here. We need a fountain here. We need to dig a hole in the back. To make sure we maintain our wealth. Is that where women go to the bathroom outside? Women will go to the bathroom inside, right?

In the rural area, they still have the toilet in the outside. You squat down. That's why all the Asian women have tight pussy. You have to squat down. That's why they have strong backs too. If you squat too low, you'll fall inside. You fall down. There's a big hole there. It's not tight, that's why they have strong backs too. Yeah, if you squat too low, you know, you fall inside. You fall down. There's a big hole there. It's not like a tight, it's like big.

You have to squat like this. Wide leg. Yeah, and then you have to maintain your balance. There's nothing holding you. It's not Japan. There's no total toilet you can hold. Right, because. No, you have to, like, that's where the core is strong.

The pussies are tight. It's all from squatting. If you squat too low, the snake bites your ass there's a rice field you know how was growing up in China did you love it or hate it I think it made me who I am I was born in the 90s we had a one child policy is being you got through I got through but I every day I don't get a plus my mom's like you know I took you out from the dumpster you know wow for a plus are your parents still alive? Are they around? My mom actually moved to America to help me with my kid.

When I got to become a single mother. So she lives with you? She lives with me, which is awful. That's bad. Well, so he's met your mom a bunch. He met her and she likes him because he's white. Right. And a man. He's white. Why? Was she worried that you liked women?

No, she will kill me before I say that to her. Sure. She think it... I think she thinks that me liking a woman is as bad as me marrying a Japanese. That would be equally bad. That's the same. So you being gay is the same as you marrying a Japanese guy. Being a traitor and a gay is the same kind of thing. And we agree here in America, dude.

Yeah, right? Don't be a traitor. Traitors are disgusting. Yeah, don't. Stick to the one you know. What about a Korean? Could you date a Korean? I don't know. What about a Korean? Could you date a Korean? I don't know.

Dating a Korean is like... Like Bobby's single, you know what I mean? Dating a Korean is like being bisexual, you know? If I'm gonna be known as bisexual, I'll just be gay. I think being a lesbian is harder. Oh, it's harder. If I'm a lesbian, like it's hot. Like I will be like this power lesbian.

But bi is like attention seeking, you know? I think dating a Korean is like, like I want want to be bad but I'm not that bad you know I want to go all the way I'm like I'm marrying Japanese I'm marrying the guy who ripped whose grandpa with my grandma you know I'm gonna go there for love it's right but the Korean is like you know I don't I don't think so I if I go I'm bad I'm gonna be all the way bad right can I tell you can I tell you how how can you tell the Koreans and Japanese and Chinese without even listening to tell the difference? Yeah Yeah, so the Japanese girls they have the crazy eye. They're like this

Crazy eyes. Yeah, okay my son In my day, you know, they're like this Okay, and Korean girls are they they are always smiling like They're smiling but they will they will either like they either give you a blowjob or either dig out. They will do something crazy. Korean women are just like, they are trained guard dogs. They look very soft and pretty, but they will strike. They will do whatever for their husband and their son.

They will kill someone for you. What about Chinese women? Just like, what car do you drive? What money you have? And then when we look at you, we actually look at way be like, does Bobby have more money than you? Right.

It's like always like the next thing. Looking for the next best thing. Like I can x-ray your wallet. Like I can x-ray your wallet. You know how much money is in my pocket right now. Yeah, like I just, we just think about it because we have to make sure we have to pay for our brother, school, sister's school.

We have to pay for grandparents. It's not about me. It's like I have to pay for everything. So I have to make sure, like if I'm gonna put a dick in my hole, I want it to be fulfillment, you know, for the whole family. It's gotta be a rich dick. Yeah, I just, you have to,

because you are, they're always the cheating, you know, the rich one cheats, the ugly one cheats, the hot one cheats, you know. Right. They always do. So what about this guy? Did you check his bank account before he started dating him? He's pretty good.

He has a few million dollars saved up from his testimony. I don't know. I don't know. You don't know. He's well off enough. I don't have to worry about paying things for him. He's well off. He's good. That's good. He's a corporate guy.

You don't want to be a sugar mama. No, he's a corporate guy. He worked his whole life and he's smart with money. He's going to help me with saving my money too. So I'm happy that he's not like an actor wannabe, a comedian wannabe who's just like, oh, so he just different. Yeah, he's better.

Yeah, I don't know if he's better than us. We are funnier though. Yeah, but he's better. He's got a better future. I think so. Yeah, he probably won't end up killing himself. He will leave me when he realized that his future is better.

He's never gonna leave you. You'll leave him before he'll leave you. I'll put my money on it right now. I hope so. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. You have opportunity and you're getting famous and who knows, what if his career goes down the drain?

What if he starts drinking and using drugs heavily? Oh, I can. Yeah, this is what the whites do. When we get depressed, we drink and use drugs. I like, the only drug I did is weed. That's the only one you've ever tried? I never tried anything. Do you wanna try anything else?

I'm not proud of it. I think a Michael Dosing mushroom is something I can start with. That's the only one you've ever tried? I never tried anything. You want to try anything else? I'm not proud of it. I think a Michael Dozing mushroom is something I can start with. That's really fun. I have some. We can give you some if you want some. Yeah. We have that. I'm big into that, but I tried a lot of stuff when I was young. Weed is good. Weed you do like? I don't know. I only smoke before I go to sleep. I only smoke with my friends. One of my friends smoke. I never let a joint, but if someone let one I'll be like Right. Give it to me. Puff puff pass baby. Yeah. He doesn't he doesn't he's sober. He's clean. He's sober He drink a little bit like a normal person. He just stoic. He's like he's no fun. He's just like I don't I

He's but he's no fun, but you still like him. I Like him but I also hate him but I like him more I also hate him. But I like him more than I hate him. But it's like he... Well that's love. You know that, right? That's love. I wouldn't say that on the podcast before he say it to me. I know but that's that is the definition of love is liking someone and hating them but liking them more than you hate them. You have to have both. Yeah. You can't just like someone. That's not love. It's a dog. That's an animal. That's something in your home. Yeah. Like I don't hate my dog at all. Yeah. But you have to love and hate your partner. Yeah. That's an animal. That's something in your home. Yeah. Like I don't hate my dog at all. Yeah. But you have to love and hate your partner. Yeah.

That's the whole point. I think that's... What does he do that annoys you? He just... Just... He just want me to be places on time. Oh, time is hard. He just schedule everything just has to be a system.

He want me... He just try to lecture me if I'm late is because I don't respect people and I got angry at him. Are you late all the time? You were so... You were perfectly on time for this? Because he's just like maneuver the whole thing to make sure everything we plan to make sure we're on time for this. Because are you typically on CPT on Chinese people time? Yes I am on my own time. I have this it's okay I'll tell you I'm bipolar

but I am not really on medication because I just know my crazy a long time ago. You can balance it on your own? I can balance on my own just basically I don't drink alcohol more than two units. I don't drink more than two. Because you get wild. I just the wild is like a sad wild. Wild but like I'm sad. Depressed. Depressed. Right. Like I got depressed. Did you get diagnosed with bipolar too? Yes. Wait you one or two? Bipolar too? I think it's two, yes. After we had two doctors, it's two. It's bipolar too.

We had two doctors try to figure out what's wrong with me. But I live with it. When I'm obsessed with something, it just goes in a circle. I just got really excited. I can't function. I can't think about anything else. Right. It's good for work.

I have a lot of energy. You do have a lot of energy. You have more than anybody I know. It's wonderful. I think so, right? Yeah, but you radiate in a positive way. Yeah, I have a lot of energy. You do have a lot of energy. You have more than anybody I know it's wonderful Yeah, but you radiate in a positive way. Yeah, I have a lot of energy and I don't get sad often I just when you do get sad you get very very sad. No not to a point that is suicidal I just I just Get sad for probably like one hour then I use my workaholic To balance it off. It's all from work. So you bury sadness with work.

Yes. That's what Irish people do, that's what we do. Yeah, so I work more. We bury ourselves, yeah. Then I work more, I feel I'm not worthless anymore. And we just push down all the negative feelings way, way, way down. Yeah, I just work more and then I got happy again.

I go back to my high. My high is easy. I'm almost like, I think 80%, 85% I'm high. My bipolar high. When the sadness comes, I'll be like, let's go to work. You gotta get out of here, sadness. Yeah, let's go to the gym, let's go to work, let's go to get some high yoga, let's look hotter, let's... Look hotter, be better, work harder.

Be nice, give some gifts to friends. So I don't know, somebody's hate at me, like they are angry at me maybe, I don't know. No one's angry at you. I become delusional when I'm sad. I'll just like check on people like, do you hate me? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something stupid? I just want to make sure everything's okay.

But no one hates you. Everybody likes you. That's nice. You're very loved. Do you have any enemies? Do you hate somebody? I don't hate people, but people hate me. There's a few person who hate me.

Your ex-husband probably. I don't think he love enough to actually hate me. Oh, see, there we go again, right? Yeah. You gotta have both, so he probably didn't love you enough to really hate you. No, no, no. There's no way. He's angry because I left him. He want me, him to leave me. That is really pissing me off. Oh, you got out early. Yeah. He couldn't believe I would leave him.

Wow. But you're... He's a very rich guy. I did not get his money, which is very sad. You didn't get anything? I was gonna, but he's in China, he's Chinese, and he's very connected in China. I had to go back to China to sue him for money and that means I have to leave everything here, go to China, leave the children here because I want to keep the kids. Did they have child support in China though or no? I should get it but I should go back to China and he knows the mayor, he

knows everyone, he knows the court. So he's plugged in. He's plugged in and it's kind of me wasting my time going there. So who cares? Live your own free life. Yeah. You have your kids, you have your career, you're killing it. I want the kids. That's all I want. I want them. They are actually pretty cute. I mean, their eyes are very small like Bobby's. They didn't get my eyes, which is very sad.

No, you have great eyes. Mine is a little bit bigger, but my son's eyes are like Bobby. Bobby taught me about this, that they have surgery. Double eyelid surgery. That's a thing that happens a lot? Yeah. They call them white eyes. They say go to get white eyes.

They want to look white, yeah. And then in America they want fox eyes like this. We want them up and away, yeah. Gigi Hadid, Kendall Jenner, Gigi Hadid, Kendall Jenner. They just want fox eyes. I think they should just also say if you have the fox eyes, you know, if you go to the subway in New York, they're kicking the track. That's the fatal side effects you're going to get.

Is that one of them? Because you look chinky now. They're like, you're a bad eater whore. You know, bad eating whore. They kick you. I think they should just tell the people, you know. In here, we pour whiskey. When was the last time you needed a doctor, but you pushed it off, huh?

You shoved it away. I'm too busy. It's gonna heal on its own. It's not that big of a deal. It doesn't look that red. Take a look at this. Is it that red? It's not that red.

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We all desire to be someone else or something else is so silly and the black people be happy Yeah, the black people are bringing the skin and we are injecting our lips to look black and all the girls are getting Brazilian But lifts we're all trying to be something else. Yeah, what do we wish we really be? We should just be ourselves and no we are not enough just like okay I'm not enough, but I'm okay with this piece of shit. It's perfect. I think so I just think it's delusional be like be like, in America, I'm enough. I think it's a joke. It's so funny that American parents tell their kid,

you are enough, you are great. Great is such a strong word. You are mediocre. You're okay. You are okay. Right. You are okay. I just feel like a- Do you say that to your children? Do you say you're okay?

You call them great, because you're in America. I wouldn't say it. I wouldn't say it to Winston. I just, I wouldn't say it to him. He needs, he's a Chinese man, Chinese American guy. He needs to be, he needs to go to like an Ivy League school. He needs to do something in order to just be respected. Sure.

My daughter is good. Respected by you or by society? By me. Right, you don't respect him until he does something of substance. Yeah, I don't respect him. He has to do something. How old is he? He's already like five.

He opens for me though. It's so funny, you gotta do something to earn my respect, he's five. He opens for how much time does he have? He can do three minutes. Did you write his stuff? I give him some tips and he will just try to rewrite it because he thinks it's better. But he's very good. The Chinese are good at putting their own to work. Yeah, he's very good at it. He's actually funny. He is good

Yeah, wow, he's good. He's funny. He's like he talked about one time He goes my mom I came home to my mom and she asked me about my dad's new girlfriend And she's about arena so mom said she must be so beautiful I said that the thing I love most about her is that she's a ballerina, so mom said she must be so beautiful. I said that the thing I love most about her is that she's so funny. Mom was so sad, I don't know why. That's good. Now do your kids know him?

They met him, they love him. He loves the kids. He's a very Midwest dad. He loves the kids. He takes them to school, and my ex-husband never ever took the children to school. Well, he didn't have to, he knew the mayor. He lives in China and here back and forth, but he never take the kids from school.

So this guy went, so my son always wanted to have a man pick him up from school. Sure, of course. So he went there and my son told the teacher that's his dad. He's like, Mrs. Kong, this is my dad. For now. He's like, are you short? He goes, yes, that's my father. And they're like, are you his father? He's like, I'm uncle Arthur. You know, like, I, the teacher's like, we, you know, we don't we you said okay, when's that guy? That's cute because he's he's saying that that's cute

But he's helping out he's doing it because it's hard for kids like I had I had a stepdad my dad wasn't around and Then I had a stepdad when did you have a stepdad? My parents got divorced when I was one right before I was one my dad went to to to prison He got locked up That's probably part of it Richard Pryor grabbing a Brothel also on the brothel your mom owned a brothel. We have to talk about that. Yeah, go back to you No, no, no, no, who cares about me. I want to hear about that. I Had no idea it was a brothel, but I didn't remember that

We my mom her her brother owned this hotel in the suburb on the highway. So my mom was working at a restaurant as a dishwasher. She's so smart that she was able to work up to a management and then she was able to buy the restaurant from the owner because they got sick and old. She made a deal and then she opened two more restaurants and she was just trying to my father's drunk the whole time so he's drunk he's never worked my father is drunk so my mom was able to basically buy this little hotel from my uncle her brother and it was just on the

highway you know it's like it's just really weird and then we have a massage parlor section and a shower place for people to get a shower. And people wash your back in China, you know, in the shower. Wash my back, baby. They wash your back, they massage you. And then my mom would have like a group of girls. I wouldn't say they are, I wouldn't say they are 17, but they are under 17. Yeah.

That's terrible. That's terrible. Yeah. So they are 17 and they are from the villages. They are, they want to find work that they know what they're doing So these are all like pervy businessmen and these are yes. Yeah. Yeah, so the girls their job is basically wash wash that guy wash them shower them and And the massage them and then there's the hotel room

There is a one floor that is suspicious as it is's the hotel room, there's the one floor that is suspicious. It's not a hotel room, but it's just after the massage, the business women go there to rest. And the girls will go in there with them. To tuck them in. They'll use condom and they throw it through the window. So there's an alley full of used condoms. I didn't know there are condoms. I saw there are balloons. I blow them.

And it's like. I blow them. It's a weird birthday party. Yeah, I blow the balloons and I tie them up on the tree. So there's like little balloons and then... Little jizz balloons floating around. How old were you when you found out about the brothel your mother owns? Yeah, I was only like 10, 11. I was there. I just was there to do my homework and the prostitutes would just be around me and try to like play with my hair and put the balls in there were they nice they were nice they were nice

but the one was a hoe she was dating my dad and I found out they're fucking I saw it I didn't know what sex but I opened the door I'm pretty sure you saw them I just saw them yeah they were my dad's always drunk and he's very handsome by the way yeah well you're good- looking so it must have come from something. I look just like him and my mom don't like me because she has white skin, small lips. She's pretty in China and she hate that I didn't look like her. My sister look like her. So my sister thinks she's hot her whole life. And she and your mother thinks you're ugly. Did she say mean things to you growing up?

Yeah, I can't wear her dresses. I'm always like in little tracksuit like Adidas like a Russian Drunk lord. She's always wearing little dresses. Anyway, I was blowing the condom. It was coming there So I had no idea. You caught your dad with one of the locals. Yeah, I opened the door. They are naked in bed I was 11 and I Knew she was his friend, but I what did they say? What's the excuse? They just got in the blanket and be like, get out! Get out, yeah. So I went on my knees and I took her wallet, and his wallet.

Oh, you robbed them? Took the cash. God bless, good for you. I like money because they don't have time for me, and if I have money I can buy things and buy things for my friends so they can like me. Money over trauma. Yes.

I get that. So I found out that, but she was trying to tell me to not tell my mom Yeah, but you know I I did and she she shaved my head So you told your mom dad's cheating and she shaved your head she was mad at you for telling her yeah She asked me what do you want to my haircut? She has a little pixie haircut. I said yes Yes, I do and she took me there and just cutting shorter and shorter I'm like what's going on? She goes is gonna be be great and it was so short and then they start shaving my head I didn't want to move I don't want to cut my scope because my dad always hit me all the time

I know when somebody's gonna really cut your hair They don't you know, okay, if some guy's gonna rape me, I'll be like Let me give a blowjob first Let me suck the dick first, you know if I can make him come from sucking his dick So at least you know, yeah safer. I was just I won't scream I'm like okay let me get on my knees let me show you what I mean suck that dick so hard wait a minute your old man was he abusive he beat you he's only he's not trying to be but when I'm annoying like when I'm annoying and he's drunk you know he just

like get out of the way he would just slap me right he's not trying to like let me look at you and let me punch you up. Like he's kind of like, when I get- He's just sloppy drunk. Sloppy and yeah, yeah, sloppy drunk. And he's dead. No, he's still alive and he's sober now because he didn't want, I got more famous in China.

Somebody was talking about me over there, like a dinner thing with his old friends, Chinese people. They were talking about me and they didn't know he's my father because he's so drunk and he's such a loser. and he said he's my father. He started laughing at him He's like there's no way she would have never become a horse as if she had a father like you That really hit him and then he got sober after that. How long has it been now? That's been like two years He's got sober. I hope he got sober. I mean he would have... Has he met your kids his grandkids?

He met the kids the last year when I sent them to China He loved them. He made a dinner for them every day. What really meaning for my son? Yeah, because he's a boy, right? They don't take my daughter was very chubby back then I don't blame him She just eats her emotions because the father is gone and I don't care about her. She buries herself in food Yeah, but now she's stretched out because my mom's not body shaming her. Your mom's body shames her? Mom's like, you can be pretty and be in the dress, but it's okay. You can eat. Because we are in America, you can eat. And just stared at her. She overeats though.

Yeah, but she's a kid. Yeah, so you can do whatever she wants. She's two years old, right? She's two? You're gonna give a two-year-old Ozempic? Yeah, I just need to inject in her and see how much she needs, you know. Well, you probably have the best version. Chinese Ozempic has got to be the best. Yeah. Yeah. People in China don't use that shit, do they? No, I feel like if you don't have discipline to lose weight, you should be fat. You don't deserve to be fat with, be skinny without pain for it. Well, because you know Bobby's on Ozempic. Why? Why is he, he's Asian man. Just put the rice bowl down.

Just don't. Put it down. Put the rice bowl down. I've said that to him every day. Put the rice bowl down. Walk. Walk. Walk, like a walk?

Just walk around. I know. Walk away. Walk away from the walk. Yeah, walk away. We've said that to him multiple times. No, I don't like that he's on it. I don't like this injection of foreign chemicals.

Who knows what the fuck that is. I don't like it. I think just starve yourself. Just put your finger. Just stick your finger in there. The old school. It's easy. Yeah, it's not hard Yeah, I know how to lose weight Yeah, I know. I just look at myself in the mirror. I'll be like, let's go. You're so skinny

I think I am okay now. You had two kids. You're in phenomenal shape. Yeah, I can't believe it They are like my son's gonna be six years old on February. I opened a comedy club on his birthday You do a lot of things on their birthday. You came here on February. I opened a comedy club on his birthday. You do a lot of things on their birthday. You came here on her birthday, you opened a club on his birthday. Yeah, it's a big day for me. I'm on whiskey ginger, whiskey ginger motherfucker. Whiskey ginger, I can pronounce it

because that's how big it is. Also, I think like, it's gonna, you know, I think you have probably, I can also like, I can X-ray pants. Oh really? Like when I see someone, I know their height. You know my height, you know my neck... You are 6'1".

6'1", yeah that's exactly right. I know exactly your height and I know what your dick look like. You do? Circumcised. It is. Pink, like a skinless chicken. Unbelievably pink. But, yeah, very pink.

I love pink. Bright pink, beautiful pink. Like a, you know, like a Barbie pink. Yeah. Grand gasoline pink, you know, Ken pink. Right. I would say it's a nice girth. And a good leather state. Good what? Yeah, I'm gosselin pink, you know can paint and I would say is nice girls and

Good leather state Good what when you are leather state leather state is like an all-erac but not like a soft Ah, but I got not a very very embarrassing in a gym, but it kind of weird weird in the gym Good when it's hard bad when it's soft. Yeah, but like a leather state is kind of suspicious in the gym, like you could be gay. Right. Why you have a half, yeah. I think that's your dick. We call it grower, not a shower. Yeah.

That means it gets more length. Yeah, yeah. It's fine, normal, but it gets good when it's gone. Yeah, yeah, it depends on how nice the girl is gonna take you. Like it depends on. That's exactly right, depends on who I'm looking at. It depends on the woman.

Yeah, yeah. Is he a grower or a shower? Is he a shower? He's a grower. He's a grower, yeah. Like when he gets out of the shower, it's not great. Yeah, yeah, is he a grower or a shower? He's a grower. He's a grower Yeah, like when he gets out of the shower. It's not great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, he has big balls, which is important I think the balls are good. You like big balls. I love big balls. I can't lie Why why it's just it's just like if I'm if I'm you know If I'm gonna put my face on it, it better be big. They better be nice and big go big or go home

You know, wouldn't you argue that smaller is easier to handle? I want to choke on it though. You do? I like the pain. I did not have any epidural when I was having the babies. You didn't get an epidural? No. The doctor said, you know, you can have an epidural, right? I said, I don't want it. Why not?

You just wanted the pain. You like your glutton for pain. I want the natural birth. I want to feel the pain of the natural birth. So when I abuse my son, I don't feel bad. Right. Do you know what I did for you? I also want the breast feed so he can be gay forever.

Like, my son's like mommy, they were in the park. I did not bring his little truck for the sand. And my daughter had two pink trucks. And I said, just play with the pink one. He goes, no, that's a girl thing. I said, look at this. Yes, that's your boobs, mommy. I said, you put your lips on my boobs.

You were sucking the milk like... That's also very girly. He's like did I do that as the yeah. Yeah, you you wanted you did that you Some would argue that's the most manly thing you can do is suck on a boob. Oh, that's that's manly to suck boobs men suck tits Don't tell him. Oh, I'm not gonna say Okay, I'll play with the pink truck. I said, you were sucking my tits. Yeah, he was, wasn't he? You wanted it. You like it.

You begged me every day to suck my tits for the milk because you like milk. Well, that's where his food is. And you like to put it in my arms. He's like, I didn't do that. I said, yes, you did. Yes, you did. So I use that. I just, I do breastfeeding and thank God my Chinese, the communist, hardworking tits

are heavy so they don't, I'm not wearing wearing a bra TMI, but they don't drop I'm happy. They're still out there still looking forward. They're looking ahead at the future Yeah, look at that. They're looking ahead at the future because I don't wear bra and my boobs are trained to to fight gravity Right. I think a bras are just really something that's an American thing. Yeah, I don't mean do they not wear bras in China? They were in China. I'm just the whole you're just tall. Yeah, I just don't. Yeah, I don't mean do they not wear bras in China. They were in China I'm just the whole you're just tall. Yeah, I just don't wear it because I don't like freedom Well, that's why you moved here. I'd like to be yeah That's why I want to country this country that you moved to where Kentucky Kentucky for college you went to University of Kentucky, okay

Did you really yes? No, I did. That's what I did. Why Kentucky? I had no idea. I just want to come to America I knew it because when I was a little girl my mom lent money to my cousin She opened a video store a video store like she went out to see like DVDs of yeah Yeah, so she she didn't pay the money back. My mom's like a well you owe me money You are going to babysit Jiao Yin after her school. She's gonna come to your video store and do her homework You have to watch her maybe make sure she's not gone. And the video store was in Kentucky? No, in China. So I watched it, I watched the movies and I want to become a Hollywood actress.

I just watch movies, but the whole time I saw Japanese porn. Because porn is not legal in mainland China. That's right. So there's a little drawer with this like little CDs. People just come in and give me the cash. I know I'm giving them the Japanese movie, but I didn't know it was a porn. So I've been selling porn when I was eight. I've been selling porn.

I've been blowing up used condom. Like balloon condom. Yeah, balloon just got- Used still. Yeah, they're only used. You can't do, but wait, how, but Kentucky's so random. It's so random. I just want to go to America

and my mother won't help me with applying for school. So I have to take the test and apply for schools. And the first school give me an offer was okay. I had some other offer coming in later, but I just... During that time, I can't wait for two more months for the offers. I just want to go to America. I just thought, you know, I can go from Kentucky to New York. Did you do four years?

I did. You graduated? The last six months. You dropped out? Yeah, I just want to leave and come to Hollywood. So I drove my $400 car here. From Kentucky? Yeah.

I thought you never went to New York though. I never did, went to New York. Yeah, but you ended up here. This is where the dreams are made. I think so, yes, I'm here. Trust me, you're making it happen. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, you're making it happen very well.

Kentucky is wild. What was your experience like in the South? Being from China and moving to the South? I saw that I Met two friends. I mean they wanted to take me to church. They wanted to make me They were nice people. They were sweet and nice people and They just they they look at me. They they are not racist They just be like what are you because there's it's not like a we're in Seattle or San Francisco. We're in Kentucky

I'm the only Asian person there. So they look at me, they're like, are you a sex robot? Like, do you do nails? Like, what do you do? Are you okay? Like, can you see? Can you see?

Can you see like, you know, can you see like up and down? Like, how far can you see? Cause like your eyes are like. Well, that's in our, you know, that's in the history of, oh, say, can you see? That's what we're referring to. Yes, right? Yeah, referring to Asians. Yeah, oh, say, can you see? Because your eyes are like... Well, that's in our, you know, that's in the history of America. Oh, say, can you see? That's what we're referring to. Yes, right. Yeah. Referring to Asians. Yeah.

Oh, say, can you see? I can see fine. I can see. And they also like, what does your name mean? You know, what does your name mean? I said, my name means the princess married to the king and the other queen wants to poison her when she was pregnant. So she had to really revenge and kill everybody. And then she becomes successful.

All that in Zhou Ying. Yeah Did you go to frat parties I That's a big culture down there. Oh very very yeah I was I wasn't popular when I got there I was slouching because I've been ugly my whole life in China. I you're not ugly. How are you? I I learned to be to have my confidence So I my boo-boo just came in so I was slouching. I have acne. I was wearing big glasses I was just like it's very skinny. I was just hiding the corner, but I was a good

I was good at math. I was a math tutor So like the Kentucky basketball team came to to get tutored by me because I'm fast Did any of those guys hit on you any of the Kentucky basketball team? That's one of the most amazing stories that has changed my life. One of the guys, I'll tell his name, he was there, I was helping with his homework. And I think that's the day I got contact lenses. I wasn't even trying to be pretty, I was just doing things. And one of my hot friends, a Chinese girl, so she is like the rich Chinese girl from

China. She's got like a black pink, like the hot Chinese girl, hot Asian girl, white skin, bleached white, skinny, pretty. And she was sitting there and the guy's like, hey, we have a party to celebrate. We want, did you want, what's your number? I was just the- The tutor?

Yeah, I was just the, not even, I don't think he was talking to me. So she's like, my number is blah, blah, blah. He's like, oh, I'm talking to her. Wow. She's like a what? Take that bitch. Yeah, and she kept talking. She's like a what he's like. Yeah, I'm talking to her She goes, um, you know that in China. I'm the harder one, right? Because he goes why is that she goes because her skin is dark. And I'm so much whiter and prettier. To a black man. She's saying that to a black man. He just lost his shit.

He goes, bitch, God damn, you're so jealous, I'm dead. Like he start laughing. When I heard that laugh, like black people laugh, like he laughed so hard, he couldn't catch his breath. He's like, you can come to the party, you can be a plus one. That's great. Hot white girl, whatever. And that, I'm like, okay, I'm not ugly anymore. This is a new life now. to the part you can be a plus one. That's great. Hot white girl, whatever.

And that, I'm like, I'm okay, I'm not ugly anymore. This is a new life now. That got your confidence up. Yeah, that's my new life. After that, I'm done. I'm done. Like I just become hot. That's incredible.

That's why I like black people. All it takes is one Kentucky athlete to tell you you're hot and then it changes your whole perspective. And also because I tutor them, so the girls like me. They are nice to me. Like the girls, the popular girls who don't talk to me, like the hot girls, now they want me so they can get their numbers from me. Oh, interesting.

You became like the kingpin to the athletes. Yeah, the kingpin to the athletes. That's a great movie, by the way. Yeah, that would be good. That's a great movie. You're the Kinect. You're the plug is what we say. You're the plug.

This is the key to the BBC. The key to the BBC. That's a great movie key to the BBC. The key to the BBC! That's a great movie, by the way. The key to the BBC. The key to the BBC. You coming from China, going to an all-American southern university where it's kind of like white Christian, you know, the southern good old boys and girls. Like they wore like a lot of frat culture, like spary shoes, button-ups and shit. Very, yeah. Very.

Did you like the culture down there or no? I just wanted to I just wanted to be likable I just want to have friends and I was able to make friends. Did you feel at home there at all? I end up having the feeling of feeling at home after I was able to find good friends. Yeah, right there for life I have friends for 15 years like from Kentucky. I I was in Honolulu and my best friend from college and she live in Hawaii and I stayed her with her for a week and she knows me before I spoke English she knew me when I was very shy and She saw me playing blue note and the people like like me and she just she's so proud of me

But she know everything about me. So it's amazing to have friends Knowing your life. Yeah, that is really cool to say. So it's amazing to have friends knowing you from a different life. I watched your Ascension. Yeah, that is really cool to see. Yeah, so I felt more like home after I was able to have this group of friends, like the Fong family. I found a family in Kentucky. So, Kentucky was hilarious, but it was awful.

There's something was awful, but finding friends there, it was very sweet. So I still love. Did you pick up any of an accent down there? Like, did you say words that sounded like Southern when you learned English? Like my massage of horror accent is so strong. Like it just filters everything out.

Right. I don't know. Nothing you can get through. I can't say a Southern accent. What's give me say, say, hey y'all. Jasper. Hey y'all. Hey y'all.

That's not bad. Hey y'all. Hey y'all. Y'all going to church today. Y'all going to church today. No, it still sounds Chinese. I'm so Chinese. No, but it's great. But it is funny because if you had a Chinese accent with the southern twang would be very weird. That's funny. That's weird. That's the bit. We have to

learn to teach you that before we shoot the movie. I know. You have to have a little southern draw. Jesper, get Chuck ready. Did you, wait, did you now, did you ever date any southern boys? Oh my god, I did. I had a boyfriend, he, I think he's probably gay now. He was a narcissist. He's like, he spent more time in front of the mirror than I do. But he was very pretty, so I was, I did him for my ego. Little southern boy?

Yeah, he's a southern boy. He became a lawyer. He became a lawyer. Oh yeah, like his daddy, his daddy's daddy was a lawyer too? He was a zookeeper, his daddy's daddy. What. He became a lawyer. He became a lawyer. Like his daddy? His daddy's daddy was a lawyer too? He was a zookeeper, his daddy's daddy. What? He was... yeah. You have like such a wealth of life that you've lived in such a short amount of time.

I really have. I really... it's crazy. What's next for you both in career and life now? Like what do you want next? I want to finally to really be able to focus on the comedy. So I'm filming my one hour special on March yeah at Cobbs which is one of my favorite clubs. I love Cobbs San Francisco is phenomenal how phenomenal man Cobbs Comedy Club is so wonderful and I love San Francisco as a city as a comedy city it's incredible. So you're filming it in March March what? March 15 and March 15 and 16. 15 and 16, you're doing four shows?

Yeah, the first one, first day just run a show. The 16s would be the filming. You guys gotta go, if you're out there, by the way, San Francisco Bay Area, go out and see my girl, 15 and 16 taping her special, a Cobbs comedy, because that place is such a great club, such great staff, great people, great area, that city. Love it.

Yeah, it's wonderful. And where are you putting it out, do you know? We have some options, but I'll talk to you later. Ooh, fancy girl. We have some options. Yeah, you don't need to say like yeah, it's wonderful. Where are you putting it out? Do you know we we have some options? Yeah, don't you don't need to say anything they need someone who you know there's I'm the only person who's doing comedy with broken English That's right. They're like a no. There's a couple of other people, but they're not Chinese. Yeah Yeah, do you have a name for the special already? I want to call it a job in the origin story because it's like The origin story the origin story because it's like The origin story the origin story You don't want to do key to the BBC. I think it's also like, you know, you know get to know her

So the next time you know, that's nice. It's a key to the BBC. Got it Let them ingratiate yourself then let them know you and then really break in you tell any of these stories in your stand-up Yes, I do. It's my life and I think also I saw the scorpions. I'm very excited because I used to sell scorpions when I was in school. Did you really? Yes, they are very good for erection.

Wait, when you were like in elementary school? They're good for your wiener? Yes, exactly. So the Chinese doctor, they buy scorpions from the village people so they can dry them and powder them up and put it in the medicine to if men need erection they can drink that powder. So if I want to get hard I just have to eat a scorpion? Yes I used to do a scorpion business in school when I was after school I take the fat boys big boys

strong boys with me to the mountains I would take them I was like 12 something like that I would just take them with me a big team we'll just go to flip the rocks it's rather than the moist one under the tree, that's where the scorpions stay, and use chopsticks to put them in the mason jars. And I collect all the scorpions, I sell them, and then I would keep the money and buy those guys firecrackers and candies. When you were 12 years old, you were doing, you ran a business when you were 12, so you were apt for business.

Yeah, when I started a company, I'm like, I suck, I don't speak English, I need 10,000 hours. I'm going to buy a club so I can host every day for 10 hours a day until I stop sucking. And that's what should be happening. By the way, using chopsticks to pick them up is hilarious. I'm sorry, but it couldn't be more serious. That's so funny. Very Chinese. Why? You wouldn't just use your hands with a glove or something?

They can really... Also, we don't have gloves in China. We make them for you guys, but we are not. You don't keep any? No, it's too fancy for us. A chopstick, one chopstick, right? You spit in the, use like a really skinny blade cut in the middle, not all the way, like cut. Like this is a chopstick cut all the way here. You open up, you cut something in the top,

and you put in that one, like one piece of wood in the middle, so it's like this. Use rubber band to tie it up. Oh, wow, I get it, yeah. That's also the chopsticks we use for white people, because they can't use it. I can use chopsticks, I know how. Well, that's because I'm friends with enough Asians.

I passed enough tests. Bobby is gonna teach you. He will, actually, and I'm a little better than him, I'll be honest. When we go out, I'm better than him. His fingers get a little, he's from San Diego. You know what I mean? He's not.

Yeah, he's, yeah, San Diego. He's not the original. I'm gonna grind up a scorpion and I wanna know. Like, are they as poisonous in China? Like, cause here, I used to live in Arizona. I went to school, I went to college in Arizona. Oh, wow. There are scorpions out there that they'll get in your shoes and stuff.

But some of them are super poisonous. Yeah, the desert is worse. Are they poisonous in China or no? They are. They hurt you, but it's not as poisonous in the desert. They're not gonna kill you. Yeah, the ones in the desert are monsters. They'll kill you, yeah. They can get in your bloodstream, and if it's if the poison is

Whatever what is it? You know rich enough or whatever depending on the breed they can stop your heart and kill you I think I'll be okay because I eat Trash and we have toxic things in the water like in China the eggs are fake your eggs are fake Yeah, I mean you are you have money you can buy real ones back and the eggs are fake is is chemical. They're chemically made. They're made in a lab Yeah, so I don't know how many poison thing I ate so I think my body can really you could take anything take anything Yeah, well, what what do you eat now? Like what's your diet? Like now? I eat a very healthy, but I I can't afford allergy You know, I don't understand when people have allergy. I'm like, you're just weak. Like, you know, deep down, you are weak.

If one day there's no food, I'm gonna die. If there's only peanuts, I'm gonna die. No, you'll just eat peanuts. Just eat it. Yeah, I was like, it's okay. Just don't, don't, just, you're weak. It's okay. People in China don't have allergies, huh?

No, no. They're not allowed to have allergies. Yeah. Because if they die, it means they weren't supposed to make it. I have a sister, and she is a really neurotic Jewish girl. And my mom, she would come to my office at my home and she would eat with me and she said that

she has gluten allergy. A gluten allergy, right, she has celiac, yeah. So she can't eat my mom's noodles? My mom's like, I don't think you have gluten energy, energy, energy, whatever it is, you're so fat, you probably, why would you have energy if you're fat? Like, if you can't eat the noodles, where is this from? What did she say?

My mom was speaking Chinese, so I had to lie about it. Oh, she didn't hear it. Oh, she said she wishes you could eat the noodles. Yes, then my mom said she won't eat the noodles. My mom saw that, she came with her translator, be like, you don't have energy to gluten. You look so fat you eat everything So is she still your assistant? No. Yeah, so my mom showed that to her. She saw it She goes she goes. Oh, I see my mother good I don't want you to feel like you're not home because you don't speak the language, right? You don't understand what I'm talking. You're one of us now. Yeah, so she just really honest about it

I don't respect the energy i just don't if i got has energy to things gone like to the basic things i'd i can't i'm not gonna put your dick in my mouth if you're allergic to peanuts your penis not to be my mother is right yeah well this is this is a weakness at the end of the day that's logic yeah in here we pull with for all my sports fans out there you need to download Profit X. It's incredible. The first ever peer-to-peer exchange in the U.S.

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tickle their fancy out there and see if they can play against other people and beat them. Back it up real fast. You're shooting in March. We don't know where it's going to come out or when it's going to come out. But next year you're going to put it out. Yes. Around the fall. Are you touring the rest of the year after this or no? Yes. I have a... No days down for you.

Do the kids come with you ever or no? My son go with me. If I'm close to California, if it's drivable, he will always come with me. I'll take my daughter too. They went to DC with me if I'm close to California, if it's drivable, he will always come with me. I'll take my daughter too. They went to DC with me too when sometimes I can plan things out, but I always try to take them on the road with me. My mom comes with us. That's a great, that's a beautiful family experience, especially because you're a single mother so you're giving them your world. It's nice for them to see your world. I feel like because I grew up, my mom was, she always slapped me and hit me, but we are

still very close because I was always with her. I was always at the restaurant I was cleaning dishes and listen to her yelling at other people but I can see her I know she didn't love me but she I'm a part of her. She likes you. She likes me I just always I want them to be around me even though it's noisy, but as they are part of my life. They are happy Yeah, I always worked I clean dishes. I was cleaning the bathroom. My job is cleaning the bathroom. You clean the bathroom in the hotel? In the hotel, and in the, I get paid though. You get paid for, I mean, yeah, she actually, she gave you, so

do you pay your kids to come along? Your son's gonna start getting paid for those opening spots. Yes, he got toys. Toys, right. Yes, and my daughter, she want to do that too. She also wants to be a comedian. Yeah, she just, they just hold my microphone at home and just competing on who's funnier in front of my mom. Really? Yeah they really love it. That's really beautiful. Are you gonna

put are you gonna put something about your mom in the special or do you not talk about her? I talk about her because she's the reason why I'm crazy. Right. Yeah she's crazy. Yeah she I mean she hit me all the time like when I was growing up and whenever I know her I don't blame her you know she has raised three children on her own her husband's a drunk and she I mean, she hit me all the time. Like when I was growing up, whenever I know her, I don't blame her, you know, she has raised three children on her own. Her husband's a drunk and she's 19 when she had me. She's a child, she never had her life. So your mom's not, your mom's very young.

She's very young, she's 53. Wow, that's Bobby's age. Yeah. Your mom and Bobby could be a couple. They could be. Is she single? She's still married to my dad, because in Chinese culture, you can't get a divorce.

But I mean, she could be single. She could see other people here, right? She didn't want to because she's a peasant. She's a married to my dad, because in Chinese culture you can't get a divorce. But I mean she could be single, she could see other people here, right? She doesn't want to, because she's a peasant. She's a communist peasant. Her brain isn't... My friends gave me a dodo and I gave it to her. She used it on my neck massage. Well they do feel really good.

I mean that's why I have them at home. Yeah, she used it on her neck. Wow. Yeah, she's... I don't know what's wrong with her. She's very crazy. And she's's very she really is too much. She's too much, but it's wonderful Yeah, it's obviously influenced you to be who you are. Yeah, she's very straightforward with me She just tell me what's wrong with me and she's I mean, but this not this not having a filter is what helps you be

As funny and creative as you are. Yeah, I just think you tell the truth. You just say what you feel Yeah, people just need to chill because they suck, you know? They just, people want something, they don't deserve it. I'm like, chill, like you don't deserve it. Like also like I, I don't think I deserve anything, but if anyone gave me an opportunity, like if I have a club date, I'm going to promote the shit out of it.

I'm gonna make sure it's sold out. I'm gonna tip the staff. I'm gonna give everybody a merch. I'm just gonna, because they can book anyone else. I want to make sure I make them money. I'm very Chinese My love language money. Do I make your money? Let me bring value to you. That's right Bring value to you. I want if you have dinner with me and your wife, you're gonna get blowjob tonight I'm make sure she's gonna do that for you. I don't want you to come over to the house tonight Yeah I was just like I'll just be like there's a lot of ways, the way to lick the balls,

and you can put them in your mouth, I can tell her everything. You need to coach her a little bit, that's really good, I'd love that. I'd appreciate it. I'll bring a banana with me. Please. Yeah, for sure.

Well, honestly, I do think that's a great thing you mentioned that I think is very powerful is when you said not entitled, because entitlement is a big issue, both in our culture, but especially in our business. People in our business feel entitled. It's really nice to see you've gone out of your way to make your own path to not think you deserve something

because that happens in our comedy culture. Where it's like entitlement is like, you don't deserve shit, no one owes you shit. And I kind of grew up with that mentality of like, you better keep working and getting it because no one's gonna give it to you. Especially because I look like this. I'm not fucking Brad Pitt they're

gonna think I'm okay yeah I gotta go get it they're not gonna they're not the phone isn't ringing to be like hey we need you for this thing you're like if Brad Pitt married a guy a leprechaun no no the fat club you're in the middle I'm in the middle right right I'm somewhere in the middle yeah yeah I'll take you are you are hotter than Edward Norton. No fucking way. Yeah, you are hotter than him. That guy's so handsome.

No, Brad Pitt is the hot one. Brad Pitt is a 10. Norton is like an 8. I think you- I'm 7 and a half, I know, we've done the scale. I think Norton was a 7 and a half. He's like- Well then we're parallel.

I don't like- he's like too pointy. He's like too- Oh, he's too skinny. Yeah. Too thin and sexy? No, I just- I't like is a rat boy Look, oh rat boy summer is over for you. That's empty. Shamale. I'll breastfeed him You will let him suck on those titties. Yeah, but I don't want it to be a pedophile and fuck him

I don't want to that to this little boy. I think yeah I will notice faces like a too pointy too pointy. So you are like you you might as you are more handsome than him God bless. It's not you have Defined don't do this to me gonna make me move to China. Yeah. Yeah, they know what you just being white. They love you I know. Yeah, I know. All right. Listen, I appreciate you coming on the show. You are the greatest I think all of my fans out there you want to support great live comedy someone who is Wonderfully entertaining great energy. so funny, a great presence. Go see her on tour.

What's your website? Is it just your name? SummersComedy.com. SummersComedy.com. We'll put the link in the description down below. Go see her taping. If it's not sold out, I don't know what's going on in San Francisco, but if it's not already sold out, there's four shows available at Cobb's to go watch her.

And go look at her website to see all of her upcoming dates. She's on tour. I appreciate you. We end the episode the same way. Look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode. One word or a phrase to end the episode whenever you're ready. Whiskey? Ginger motherfucker.

In here we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like that. The ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a pugilist. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and seventy-five dollars for the horse. Ginger's a hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.