Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Khalyla Kuhn
Episode Date: March 5, 2021Santino sits down with Khalyla Kuhn to talk about her thruple life previous to Bobby, her vivid dreams that she can actually control, and what the church did to her sense of love and life and relation...ships ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! DUKE CANNON - Get your beard feeling, smelling and looking amazing Use promo WHISKEY for 10% off!!! https://dukecannon.com/ VINCERO - Beautiful watches at a reasonable price 5 year warranty Get 15% OFF your ENTIRE ORDER http://vincerowatches.com/whiskeyginger HEADSPACE - Guided meditation can help you get into a mentally healthy place for meditation made simple. https://www.headspace.com/whiskey ONE MONTH FREE!!! Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Enough rambling from me.
Let's go to the episode.
In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You're that creature in the ginger field.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are pugilistic.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey
and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger.
I like gingers.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome back to Whiskey Ginger.
My guest today is one of my favorite people
on earth.
I say that for all my guests,
but I mean it once again.
Today, it's Kalilah Kuhn, baby.
No one gets my last name right.
Kuhn.
How long have you known me?
Kuhn.
That's a racist slur, you know.
Kuhn.
Kuhn.
How do you say it?
It's Kuhn.
Kuhn.
Yeah, I knew.
But Kuhn looks cooler.
Is it?
Kalala Kuhn.
I'll change it to Kuhn permanently
if that's what you want.
Do it for me.
Do it just for me.
Look at this.
I've got the better half of the Bobby Lee household in our studio finally.
The new star.
I was looking at your socks.
Look at how cool your rainbow socks are.
You like them?
They're really dope.
They're actually kind of gross because they're SoulCycle socks.
What do you mean?
You work out in them and then you put them in your regular shoes?
Well, no.
It means I go to SoulCycle,
which makes me a disgusting,
bougie LA bitch. Why?
No, that's totally normal.
Just because I could go to, you know,
more grassroots community
bike rides, but I go for the
expensive one where they
give you fancy shampoo.
SoulCycle is where they yell at you, right?
No. What's the one where they're like, That's Barry's. I goycle is where they yell at you, right? No.
What's the one where they're like... That's Barry's.
I go to that, too.
Barry's.
You go to that one.
I go to that one.
No, but SoulCycle is...
It's classes with really hot instructors who are really angry.
They're not angry.
They're intense.
The...
You push hard, but...
We're dominating this hill!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Do you have a Peloton?
No.
You know why?
I did it.
You know what's funny?
I did it in a hotel.
And I was with Rogan somewhere.
And, you know, he gets these nice fancy hotels.
And downstairs they had like four of them.
And I was working out.
And I was like, maybe I'll just try.
I've never tried it.
So I just tried it two years ago.
And I loved the workout.
But I hated how it made my taint feel.
Well, the taint feeling.
It hurt so much on my gooch. That's for any.
So what do you do?
What do women do then?
That doesn't hurt?
No, you just kind of grow a callus there.
And after your fifth ride, I swear to you, it's better.
You have a callus taint?
I have a callus fucking vagina.
So wait, it all gets like just banged up
enough when it just doesn't matter is like three day old french bread that's how hard it is you
have a baguette this is just a baguette it hurt me so much and I'm not even and also then I said
to the guy at the front desk he was like um I had asked something about the gym hours and I was like
yeah and I tried that peloton and then he was like oh did you enjoy it?
because they put in the full, they have the screens
where you can do the yoga too
and he was like yeah did you enjoy it?
we just put that in the hotel and I was like yeah it was kind of cool
it hurt a lot, he's like yeah we don't have
the upgraded seats and I was like
this is like a four season, why the fuck
didn't you get the upgraded seats?
you can't afford it?
on top of that
if they don't have the upgraded seats,
you can bring something to class,
kind of like a little cushion.
A pad.
Yeah, a ball pad.
But do people look down on you?
Are they like, oh, look what she brought?
She brought her taint protector.
You do look like a beginner
because advanced riders should not have that much feeling
in that area anymore.
So if you're an OG, you've got the baguette taint.
But if you're a newbie, I've got a croissant
taint. I'm soft. Soft and buttery.
Soft and buttery down there. It really did
hurt. I got so bruised and it got red.
And I was like, the workout was
incredible. So I did love that.
But I don't know. I'm afraid to go do
that in a class because I did a class thing once.
Me and the old bag did Orange
Theory. Orange Theory, yeah. It was cool with the roll machine, but the problem was that in a class because i did a class thing once me and the old bag did orange theory orange theory
yeah with a with a it was cool with the roll machine but the problem was people were cheating
like up on the you know you can see everybody's numbers are you looking at other people because
it's a competition i know but it's like put that up there for a reason they want you to try to beat
people you know that's one of the reasons why I do SoulCycle and not other cycling classes because of the competition.
I cannot compete.
If I compete, not only will I start to rage out halfway through because I know I'm working
harder than people, but my numbers are just not like reflecting.
That's what I mean.
But because they're cheating.
I see what people are doing.
I see when people bail on the, like you have to do row for a certain amount of meters,
right?
If it's like, I don't know, 600 meters or whatever.
I know they're not doing it.
Because I'll be stronger or more athletic than some people that are doing it.
And they get off earlier and I'm like, that guy didn't fucking...
I got on before him and he got off before me? Impossible.
So I know they're cheating and then they go to the treadmill and they don't put it at the right speeds.
I didn't like that people were... So they were getting the splats and you weren't yes i didn't like that
it bothered me i wanted to get the rewards for doing the whole workout and then also when i see
people like uh i just don't you know that's maybe it's just classes i don't like classes
if it's one-on-one uh-huh like of just a personal trainer cool I can't do like seven other random people in there.
I don't, mm-mm.
This is going to sound so corny,
but I do like working out in the dark
or in the red room with like really loud music
and feeling like I'm at least stronger
than at least three people in the room.
Yeah, you want to be, that's not,
that's exactly, everyone in there.
And I like being yelled at.
You do. I do, that's the kind of why you're with bobby for this long um no he doesn't yell
he doesn't yell he's a love bug you yell at him though don't you i don't i should you should in
a stern manner like a mom i'm his mommy bobby why is that there uh-huh I do the same thing. I'm his dad, but I'm his,
I'm a much more abusive father to him than you are.
You're a stern mother who has logic.
Mine is just anger.
So it just comes out as an abusive alcoholic father.
I always know when you're on the phone with him.
I know he's talking to you.
Why?
Because he's aggressive.
There's always just an undertone of someone's about to snap.
Either Santino is or you are, but I got to get the fuck out of here.
That's why the currency works.
We are yin and yang.
Who's yin and who's yang?
I don't know.
We'll figure it out.
Let me say this, by the way.
Bloodbath, congratulations.
Thank you.
The new pod with Lil Esther Povitsk and Annie Lederman.
I've always said Letterman.
It's Letterman.
No, I think it's Lederman.
Well, I think the correct way, like my cousin lives in Germany.
She's like, it's Lederman.
Lederman.
Lederman.
Lederman, which sounds Jewish, but she's not Jewish.
No, she's not because I think one of her parents was adopted.
I think her dad was. Right, which is she's a fake. No, she's not because her, I think one of her parents was adopted. I think her dad was.
Right, which is, she's a fake, she's one of the fake J's.
She's got some great jokes about.
About being Jewish.
Our beloved Jewish community.
Yeah, and Esther is Jewish.
Yes.
Which, you know, you know how I feel about them.
What if I went on this crazy anti-Semitic rant?
No, but they're great.
I love both of them.
I've known them for a long time as well.
I think it's a great...
I was just...
Honestly, I don't want to spend all this time
chatting about your show
because we have so many things to talk about.
But it's great because you guys are nothing...
You're nothing alike.
No.
All three of you are nothing alike.
We could not be any more different.
Annie and I do have
a sort of like
some parallels in our life
because she was just
like me,
just raped and abused.
She was abused,
yeah,
she's got the abuse thing.
Esther, on the other hand,
polar opposite.
Polar opposite.
Coddled.
She's our little baby princess.
She is.
She's our baby princess
and it really is,
it couldn't be
a more imperfect match. It is good. It's a good, and it really is. It couldn't be a more imperfect match.
It is good, and it's a good show.
You guys are really good together,
so I just want to give you some props on that
because I think it's really good,
and it's going to keep taking off.
You guys are only on three?
No, three episodes.
Our third episode this week.
Oh, it's going to keep going.
Because the rhythm is good, and also, boy, oh, boy.
Not to give PD any credit, but if he did help make everything look so it looks the the it just looks nice you know thanks pd didn't help us at all as
you can tell that's why who chose the the fish wallpaper because i was i'm on board with that
okay first of all the fit the let me tell you the fish well i just want to turn this off so this
isn't the fish wallpaper here's what really happened.
The reason that we did that on Bad Friends was because we were, there was nothing on those walls.
And like we had, I told him just to paint it whatever color and then he put up like.
It was a light purple before that.
It was.
And then he put up like a different design.
And then we were like, well, the fans were joking about it, making fun of how terrible it was.
And it was.
I didn't care.
I was like, I don't know what to do.
And they hated it so much I thought, well, how can I make, how can I like troll them back and make it look as childish as like the commentary?
Like it's just me and that idiot being idiots.
It's like, it looks like a 12 year old's room.
So in my head I was like, how can I make it look like a kid's place?
Yeah.
And it, and that's what it was.
It was like fish wallpaper.
That looks like it would be in that.
To me it was like a 10 year old would want that in his bathroom.
I wish Bobby would flex more with his real talents because he has such a talent for interior
design. He doesn't
want to. And I know.
What a missed opportunity. I tell him.
I said, let's make something
beautiful together. Tell me
how you want it to feel and look.
Doesn't care. He has such great
weird taste.
Very weird.
But he could have made it a next level
playroom.
I told him.
If we get the new studio, I'm going to force him to fill it out.
Do you know what a great musician he is, too?
Trust me.
Laxton Supreme?
What is it?
Superb?
One of my favorite bands of all time.
Do you know that they're reuniting?
He told me that, but to what?
Just to do one show?
I mean, maybe.
Imagine it just sells out the Wiltern.
Right, that'd be how funny.
They're at the Staples Center in June.
We're like, wait, what happened?
It's Laxton Superb.
Adam Levine's opening up for them.
A bunch of LA locals.
No, I know he is very talented.
Honestly, when he made that Daddy, Why You Die song that we did on the show,
even that little somber, super beta version of the beat
that he made in his car while smoking, even that was good.
Trust me, I know that stuff.
He needs you to poke him to do it.
Oh, I poked him.
He made our music for Bloodbath.
I know the music is good.
Because it's Mr. Bobby Lee.
He's like, what do you want
and I'm like give me three versions
and all of them were good
and why did you pick that one
just the vibe he wanted
something psychedelic
how long do you think before you guys on Bloodbath
will get into an actual gripe
what gripe about
I don't know
how long before you guys actually start to butt heads a little bit?
What do you mean? We butt heads from the beginning.
You know what I mean though.
When it becomes a thing where you're like
how long before one of you hates each other?
This is why I'm here. This is why I'm the third
person in Bloodbath. I'm neutral
Nancy. I am a referee
of that friendship.
You play right on the line.
Because I know Esther and Annie,
they are so contentious and they love each other so much,
but they hate each other so much.
But there aren't two people on this earth more suited for one another.
They're soulmates.
They just, you know, sometimes soulmates can't get it right.
So I'm there for it.
I'm a little like kind of like the cushion they need.
You're the good bounce.
You understand how to be there.
But what about you and Bobby? Have you guys hit that mark yet?
Oh yeah.
But I think we need to hit it sooner than later.
So you just get over it. Yeah, you do.
And then it just becomes a little bit easier.
Do you get your feelings hurt legitimately?
Do you cry about it when you guys fight?
No, no, but I get like, it keeps me up.
Because he can dig deep sometimes.
It'll just keep me up at night.
It'll be like writhing in my head when we get into stuff that I'm like,
but that's the thing that no one knows about, I think,
in our world and what we do is like, yeah,
we're creating content for people
and this is all in good fun.
But also like we invest so much
into these things emotionally and mentally.
And I think people really have no idea about that.
Like you guys have been doing Belly for five or six?
Yeah, six, almost six years, yeah.
So like people kind of think it's like,
yeah, you love it, it's your family, literally.
And also metaphorically with pd and and and um and gilbert
but it's like there's so much mental exercise that goes into that balancing personalities and
relationships and stuff in the same way somebody said to me about dave they were like do you get
along with everybody on the show and i was like yeah as much as you can show me a time when you
can get together with 75 people that you don't really know and spend every day with them and tell me you would get along with all them.
That's impossible.
It's impossible.
But you just have to promise to be to yourself, to be a professional.
Show up, do your job.
Yeah, do yourself to do it.
Don't jump into your feelings.
You know, don't don't lead with your feelings.
Just do the fucking job.
Get out of there. And, you know, honestly, I know that most people that work together eventually hit an
impasse and a difficult stage.
I will say that that has not happened in the six years with Tiger Belly.
I couldn't feel more blessed to have George and Gilbert.
We do, if there is some shit that goes down, it's usually Bobby and I.
Yeah.
And then we have to take a pause.
I have to go upstairs, eat a banana, come back down, simmer down.
Go up, eat a banana.
I do.
I need my banana breaks.
And then I go up and then I'm like, all right, we friends again.
Should we, you know, should we start up again tomorrow?
Should we finish it now?
And, but that's just.
Do you feel like, do you feel like, do you feel like your love has either gotten stronger
or it's been, or it stayed the same
since you've done the show with him?
How deep are we going here?
As deep as you want.
We can also talk about something light
like the Woody Allen doc.
God, very light.
Light reading.
Yeah, light reading.
You know, it's funny.
I was really thinking about this today, actually on my ride over here.
And Bobby and I are in such a stable place.
We feel so sure about the other.
But have you ever read Mating in Captivity?
No.
I'm not.
I can't.
I'm not a reader.
I'm not smart.
You talk like you're a reader.
I read. Okay, how about this? I read a lot. I'm not smart. You talk like you're a reader. I read.
Okay, how about this?
I read a lot.
I consume a lot of written content.
But sitting down and just reading a book front to back is very hard for me because of my OCD.
What about reading triggers your OCD?
My OCD and my ADD is like I just want to, I think I should be doing other things.
And then in the middle of reading, I'll get in.
A new thought that interrupts the sentence?
Too many.
I'll just hear and then it'll be a tree branch.
Like this is how I just, the way I talk is the way I read.
Where I'll just be here, here, here, here.
I'll just see all these bright lights pop up.
And then I continue to just go somewhere else.
Honestly, it's so hard.
My neighbor gave me a book called That Swim Two Birds and I tried to read it.
And it's also extremely difficult literature. Like it's very hard my neighbor gave me a book called that swim two birds and i tried to read it and it's also extremely difficult literature like it's very very deep yeah fuck all that so people are like oh this this is you got to read this book it's so good i'm like look if it doesn't
capture me within the first two pages i'm out i don't care i'm sure it it won a nobel peace prize
and i give you know wonderful It's just not for me.
Right.
Okay, so tell me the book that you're reading.
I'm not reading the book.
Okay.
I have read excerpts from the book, but I, you know, sometimes for two people like Bobby and I who've just had such a weird upbringing of, like, a lot of chaos, a lot of high intensity, we like to operate, we think the up here is the excitement.
You know, the boredom is where the healing happens right yep but the excitement is our baseline we we are just used to the chaos of
life and the kind of like you know the instability right yeah so what happens is when two very
unstable chaotic chaos loving people come together yeah eight years down the road we are now stable
and we feel sure and we feel like our two feet are on the ground right and the love has been proven
sometimes the eroticism goes away sure like we're used to when we first met we couldn't
get our hands off each other because it was like oh that person is like
dynamite in in a human body like that's what i want to do yeah like that's what i want to play
with right right and then we just him and i just have gotten so healthy over the last eight years
we're both in therapy we've worked out our demons and now i look at him we look at each other and
we're like like that desire we don't want to like rip each other's clothes off anymore so we're kind of at that impasse where we're like why does feeling healthy
like we're the healthiest we've ever been but we're the least horny we've ever been dude that's
so interesting you say that i thought about this the other day about how a friend of mine was
describing his ex and he was was like, we fought constantly,
but the sex was the best I've ever had in my entire life.
And I was like, I was thinking about it like, yeah, you know,
like if you're fighting a lot and you're having makeup sex
or just there's a lot of passion,
that tends to lead itself towards, you know, the other side of it,
intense moments of love.
So it's this roller coaster.
But when you're at this place of
like kind of you know ohm or whatever of of like happiness with each other you're right though
there is that's tough to like reinvigorate that but i think i know that there's a way there sure
and i know that there's a way to have to like kind of spark up that like that that energy that you need to be like sexual towards
someone but because i'm broken and he's broken we don't have those like adult those tools that
regular adults have right so we're trying to sort of like find that balance of like you know being
actualized adults but still being actualized horny adults. Because I'm telling you, like, since I've been in therapy,
my libido couldn't be lower.
What, what, you, there's like, and when you say like,
when you say like not horny anymore, are you like,
is it like, it doesn't even cross your mind during the day?
Or when there is a sexual moment, it's just,
you're not as ready to get the engine going.
Yeah.
Sometimes if I, even if I feel like a little bit of a spark,
I'm like, I don't have the energy.
Don't want to go there.
I'd rather sit here and fucking pick my boogers, to be honest.
You just check out.
Do you say that to him?
Are you like, hey, man, this isn't done yet.
Oh, no, I don't say that to him.
We just like, I don't know.
It's so funny because sometimes we're like,
should we just try?
Should we just, you know, take our clothes off and like hold each other?
Find it that way?
I'm not saying we're in a sexless like relationship, but you know what I mean?
It's just different.
Yeah, it's different.
And I think I hate when couples have been together so long and you don't hear, everything just seems so peachy.
And I'm like, wait, do they go through this or is it just him and I?
Of course they do.
This is so common that it's unreal.
I mean, it's like, but no one wants to talk about it.
Because, like, when you're young, all you're doing is having sex all the time.
And it's like, it's so easy to get engaged with somebody in a relationship, whether you're like in and out dating.
And then as you get older as a person and in the relationships, it's just people don't talk about how like your life changes so much.
Yeah. My fear is also the alternative, by the way, which is to be with someone who just wants to release every day and treat me like a receptacle.
to release every day and treat me like a receptacle.
And now I have to kind of just like sit there
and take it. Because I have
been in a relationship like that where like he'll
rip the pillowcase if like sex is not
on the table every night.
Really? Yeah. You don't...
That's crazy.
Every girl I've been
with has been with at least two
guys like that. That are just like, if I'm not
getting it, I'm losing my mind. Yeah. are just you know they're gonna they have to empty their
ball sack every night why can't you just be like go jerk off i know i would have just been like go
jerk off i'm not in your mood i'm not in the mood i might be tomorrow but go jerk off now i don't
want it right now yeah because i feel like the more anyone wants it, the less I'll want it.
Just please get away from me. The more they want
you, the less you want them.
Maybe. Or just in that
relationship that I was in, I was like, please
just get away from me.
This sounds abusive.
Maybe it was, but I was really young, so
all my, I'm sure, every single
relationship was abusive. It was abusive? Of course.
I know at some degree that
was like uh when somebody said that they got out of something for you know somebody famous for a
you know the ex said it was emotionally abusive i was like every relationship is emotionally abusive
not physically but every relationship is emotionally abusive every past relationship
specifically who the fuck knows what they're doing like right you know when you're when you're when
your feelings take over you and you're a young 21-year-old,
you're a fucking mess.
You don't know what to do with that.
And you say the meanest shit.
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Ginger.
I like gingers.
If Bobby left you
for a guy,
Oh my God.
how would you feel?
Um,
I'd be,
I'd,
if he leaves me
for a fucking
hippopotamus man, woman, fucking, it doesn't matter. If he leaves me, a fucking hippopotamus man-woman, it doesn't matter.
If he leaves me, I would be shattered.
Shattered.
Shattered.
Shattered beyond repair.
But if it was a guy, would it surprise you or would you be like, I guess that's where he's going now?
I can give two shits.
I mean, the fact that he sucked as many dicks as he has has never turned me off.
If anything, it kind of makes him like, I don't know.
I just like the way he's so weird.
Yeah, he's so weird.
Because I don't even think that his,
you know,
I don't think that he's necessarily
attracted to men,
but he's willing to try it all.
Yeah.
And I really like that.
You do.
It's so fucking weird
and like kinky.
It's the weirdest.
It is so weird,
but also,
I guess it just is proof
that like,
some people have, are just born with the freedom of sexual thought and some people aren't like he just is obviously it was
well yeah some of it right but i mean like some of it is also his his freedom of i think his
carelessness and his like adventure probably gets him into all those things anyway so maybe part of it is innate and it just brings it out of him you know like maybe it's the deep
in there somewhere we talked about on the show last week oh if he was bi or no well yeah it
started off as a joke because rudy said you know had made the joke but i think she's keen i think
she feels something and she feels that he's yeah she's keen dude she's got
that like i mean you know it's like she's really um she's really intuitive she's really really
smart with people she's low-key yeah she's low-key probably a fucking genius yeah that's what i mean
she's super into it she She's super in touch.
She feels things a lot.
You can tell she like
really like understands it
from an emotional level
which is
super hard
for when you're super young
because when you're young
everything is a fucking nightmare
and everyone's an asshole
and no one makes sense
and older
and adults are dicks
and they treat you like
you're a idiot
and you don't know anything
and then, you know, it's like all those a idiot and you don't know anything and then you
know it's like all those things coming at you it's hard to be in touch at all you know like it's hard
to even feel someone there's kids in my neighborhood who are probably around that age like 16 to 18
and they smoke and skateboard in the street and like i one day was like coming home late from a
shoot and i was tired and I was staring at one of them
He was kind of giving me like a fuck you eye
and I just kept driving but I soaked him in for a couple of seconds seconds and I was like
I want I know what he's feeling. It's like all this angst for no reason
And you want to just tell him get out and be like, hey, it's you're it's gonna be okay
Like it's gonna take a ton of time. I know you hate Mark, your stepdad,
you know what I mean?
And your mom is a bitch.
It's like,
I get what they're feeling,
but you want to be like,
it's going to be okay.
You don't need all this.
The world gives so much pressure to them already with technology too.
I just can,
it just see,
it just seems like that generation is more confused than we were.
But that's,
I always drive that point home with Jules.
Yeah.
It's like, it's not that serious.
Right now, all of this, because she's like,
oh, you know, like, I hear everyone in school
talking about their AP classes and the Ivy League schools.
I'm like, it doesn't fucking matter.
And I told her, even when you get to college,
I tell her right now, she's a straight A student.
Yeah.
I'm like, I don't really give a shit.
Get your degree, get into into university go to community college i don't give a shit all i care about is that all i'm paying money for yeah is that you walk out of there knowing something
that you're learning something that you i don't even care if you take notes and you fail a test
if you come walk out of there and you're like hey i learned this this this and this i'm really
interested in it i just kind of think that's bullshit busy work yeah i'd be like okay it is bullshit busy work it
is in college is bullshit busy but it's even but our college is is pretentious bullshit busy work
they make you feel like it's this is uh it's it's more notable to learn this stuff because you're
now getting taught by someone who is a doctor of this stuff but i never really
bought on that i didn't like no offense to people with their phd but like when you say doctor i'm
like i need you to be a doctor yeah it's weird for me to be like i'm a doctor of english you're like
god the fuck you can't save someone with it stop i and no one's gonna have a heart attack you'll be
like is there an english professor name i don't like that idea you You can be like, and they should just call it a genius of English
or like an expert of English.
But I never liked the pretentiousness of like in college,
the way I was treated by some of those professors.
Like I was so, so, they were so above me.
And they're blessing me with their brain.
Then you meet some of these people when you get older
and you're like, you're as dumb as me.
You're not that, you're just just you just learn more about one thing and yeah you regurgitate
the same thing to 400 students every semester so it's like ingrained in your brain yeah you're just
repeating bullshit that you've already heard before i do love teachers though i like youthful
teachers see my for my money give me the you teaching the youth like the most the highest
paid people shouldn't be professors.
They should be kindergarten,
elementary,
first through,
you know,
like the K through fives.
Yeah.
Because they're molding kids
and they're really having to like,
what they're really doing
is they're like high end babysitters.
You know,
you're like having to teach
and watch and care for kids.
By the time they hit junior high,
you just have to see
if any of them
are going to be total fuck-ups or not.
Yeah.
But, like, I think the teachers that get paid the most
should be on the youngest scale,
which is the irony.
They get paid the least.
And then college professors are making, you know,
$150 a clip, and you're like, what?
He has his aide do all of his fucking work.
Meanwhile, the first-grade teacher has, like,
shit on her pants from a little kid
breaking some, you know, one's
having a fucking panic attack. It's like, how
do you manage all those kids?
You're not, it's not like you're divulging
a ton of information to them, but like
that's the most impressionable years when you're
that young. Like I remember my,
do you remember your, like I
remember some of my young teachers,
like my young years of K through fives,
I couldn't tell you some of my junior high teachers or high school teachers.
I remember almost none of them.
Name your first to fifth grade.
Okay.
Mrs. Rhodes.
This is crazy.
Rhodes, R-H-O-D-E-S.
And then Mrs. Rose, R-O-S-E.
Spoken about both of them.
One of them is gone.
Rest in peace.
Rest in peace.
Who actually said to my mom, Mrs. Rose
said to my mom,
she was preparing teacher conferences.
She was like, is your son
on medication? My mom was like,
no. And she goes, he could
use it.
Because I was a total, I was such
a distraction. I was like,
I just couldn't stop.
I couldn't stop in class it's the
reason that i am bobby was the same way yeah it's like always doing whatever it is i was like i
couldn't just like zone into a thing i had to just whirlwind yeah it was just way more fun to just be
like talking to someone about anything else mr miller who uh who i who did the iitarod race with dogs in Alaska. How cool is that?
What is that?
The Iditarod?
Yeah.
He would go to Alaska every year and race in the Iditarod with sled dogs.
Oh, with sled dogs.
Like Balto and Togo.
Exactly.
My teacher did that.
That's so cool.
And he had a huge beard and long, cool hair.
He was so cool.
And he was just such a burly dude.
But all those people left singed into my brain.
But I'm dead serious.
Junior high, I can't tell you a name.
That's gross as that is.
Do you remember your young teachers?
Yeah, my young teachers.
But none of the older ones.
First grade, Vilma Larranas.
Second, Mrs. Macariah.
Third, Mrs. Duran.
Third, fifth grade, Mrs tan sixth grade mrs klimako
i remember all of them i still i'm all i'm facebook friends with all of them you are
you're such a good kid i swear you were a good kid i was a class president from first to sixth
grade i was also the top of my class i was never not the top of my class. Dork. You were the top of your class? Always, yeah.
Wow.
I was supposed to be the prized kid out of the islands,
and look where I ended up.
Life is good.
I mean.
Can you imagine, though? They're like, whatever happened to her?
She has a popular podcast called Bloodbath.
Oh, all my friends from back home look down on me.
They're like, oh, look what she does, a YouTuber.
Really, though? Yeah,. They're like, oh, look what she does, a YouTuber. Really, though?
How embarrassing.
Yeah, but can you imagine, though, like the success level that you've had?
If you saw all of the kids that I grew up with, their success level is...
What are they, all Mensa members that work at fucking...
Basically, yeah.
They're all either like...
NASA engineers?
Yeah, they have their world-famous furniture designers,
their doctors, their anesthesiologists,
all of them, except for me.
Yeah, but this is more fun.
But this is more fun.
This is more fun.
What would you do if this wasn't your life?
A doctor.
Okay.
A real doctor.
But you worked in the medical field.
Yeah, I did.
And it turns out I fucking hated it.
So see, it's like, but that's why my point is like.
I couldn't even put gloves on.
What would you do if that was out the window?
I, you know, if I were to go back to school right now, I would get, I would.
I know they're not, to you they're not real doctors, but I would probably get my doctorate in something along the lines of like either like sex science or sleep science.
Sleep science.
I'm obsessed with dreams, REM cycle.
You are?
Different stages of sleep.
I'm obsessed with sleep science.
No, I don't mind you getting a doctorate in that.
I just can't call you doctor.
That's my point.
Right.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't require, imagine.
Oh, people do. I know i they get called they would absolutely be like dr willis
it's like no what is your doctor no i think that's good sleep science is great i think that'd be that
would be cool to do research on that all the time you'd be contributing to society in that regard
yeah you know study me i have horrific dreams all the time what like do you do you have
a um night terrors no they're just like some nights i'll have just like not nightmares they're
just intense and super confusing do you always remember them a lot of times i do do your feelings
carry on throughout the whole day or do you forget them pretty i mean in the when i first wake up
they do
and sometimes they're intense and i'll have to like shower or go outside and drink coffee to
like escape have you ever fallen in love with someone else in your dream and wake up feeling
like reeling from that and thinking like i'm gonna leave my whole life pack my little whore bag and
go meet that person no is that that's how obsessed i am with dreams because my dreams are so vivid
and i like that dream like have have you left Bobby in your dream?
I lucid dream.
So yes, I've done everything.
The reason I've never cheated on Bobby.
Because you cheat in your dreams.
I do it all in my dreams.
Everybody, everything at my choosing with no regrets.
Wait a minute.
But is this a constant thing or is this come and go?
Because I can lucid dream, meaning I can control.
In my dream, I can tell myself this is a dream.
And so I don't go in feeling any type of way.
So I can just kind of walk into any single door I want.
I've kind of fallen off a little bit.
I don't lucid dream as much lately, but I mean, I should.
How do you get there?
How do you know to get there?
I've always been able to naturally do it since I was younger.
But I know now that there are ways to get there because they're studying lucid dreaming as a way to treat PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
So for people who get night terrors or who've had a lot of trauma, when they get into like that um um dream state you can control
your nightmares so the nightmare doesn't have to be a nightmare what yeah but how but how you
it's techniques that you practice prior to going to bed yeah whoa um i i don't know how to personally
do it because i've just naturally been doing it my whole life you just it's a thing you just know yeah and then the best
part about lucid dreaming is this um let's say for instance i'm in a scary situation i'm in an
active nightmare i can be like kalilah wake up i wake up no go back into the same dream hatch a
plan go back sleep what wake up into the same dream and then have a solution have an exit this
is like a movie it's a movie my head is
i'm obsessed with by the way here's what's even more crazy about it what if the dream is actually
your real life i mean what if i think about that all the time this could be the dream i think about
that all the time like you believe in simulation i've talked about this a lot on the show um
sometimes to a degree like i think like i think like okay you see that
that's green but like
we know it's green because we've like agreed on that
but the way it looks green to me isn't the way
it looks green to you and that's not just because of color cones
in our eyes I believe that like we've
constructed these things
oh you know about cones and rods
I think there's only one thing
I think there's only one thing that connects us to that,
but it's something we don't have access to mentally,
why we both agree on that.
But that looks so different to you and I.
Well, you know that they study the electromagnetic spectrum
in detail, right?
Yes, but that's why I believe in sim
because what's coming off of that,
what's emanating from that, is so remarkably different for me than it is for you.
So what would you label colorblindness then?
Just glitchies?
I think that's a glitch.
I think there's tons of glitches.
Okay.
I think tons of people have tons of small glitches.
It's the reason that, you know when people, somebody, people think that people that talk to people in the afterlife, they just, we call them crazy.
We just like write them off as crazy.
I think that just they have the, they have like a little glitch and they're able to access something that other people can't.
Look, I love my favorite human beings on earth are people that run real hot and that burn real bright.
Yeah. label as crazy or too much or you know like we they're they're you know cast aside and never like
considered to be normal we we yeah they're not normal they're yeah right neurodiverse
that's what we like to say we love the word crazy we're obsessed with crazy but you know what
then then i love my crazies. Yeah. That's the only...
And even if we're talking about people who are super hardcore into Q, like QAnon and stuff,
I try not to judge them too harshly only because it's like, you know, I love natural skeptics.
I like people...
There is a level where I'm like okay dude like sometimes
things just are the way they seem sometimes can we agree that sometimes yeah yeah um but i like
that level of imagination you do it it's kind of fun sometimes to consign and not when it like
alters and fucking fucks up people's lives well yeah not when it's harmful to others no but to
question to not be not question stuff is very strange to me
the idea that we spent we were watching this documentary about ancient egypt and i got like
obsessed wait which one the when they're digging up the the tombs you saw that did you guys watch
it i mean yeah over a course of like 16 fucking dinners i i consumed we consumed the shit out of
it in one night i was upset i was like obsessed my, my stepdad told me to watch that. It's honest.
I'm your stepdad, by the way.
I was so obsessed because it's, it's remarkable to think people bought into systems for so
long back then.
And we look at it as like, that's crazy.
I can't believe they believed in that, you know, but they're going to say that about
us in a 2000 fucking years.
A hundred percent. believed in that you know but they're gonna say that about us in a two thousand fucking years so
so when we say we know that there's no validity to certain things how can you be so certain i mean
they really thought they truly thought if when they buried those vertical tombs and they weren't
facing mecca that they were going to be cast to hell for the rest of their life and that
that was a fact it was fact it was just communal fact it was like you must be facing the right direction you're gonna this you're gonna
go to hell and the fact that it was like not just the thing that they talked about but they practiced
as simple as that is you're like yeah we do shit all the time that we think is real but it may mean
nothing in thousands of years and it may mean we were just we just never figured
it out or we weren't smart enough because they were smart so you see some of the shit that they
did you're like well i think it's just belief at some point how the fuck did they learn any of that
stuff you know smart they were they had they had that um what's it called um scanny scanty or
something it's like chess and it was a perfect little chess piece.
It was 2,000 plus years old.
And it was exactly how, you know,
like a mini little chess run would be
or cribbage today.
Cribbage.
Yeah, it was like cribbage.
And the only difference was
they used teeth and bones
of probably, you know, their enemies.
I don't know where they get them from.
But I was like, look,
that's how smart they were.
They figured out those kind of things
even back then. The same things that we do today something simple and small is like a little
child's game but it's just their belief system to us is archaic but it's like well they're gonna
look back at us and be like these people believed in that shit how stupid are they yeah so that's
why i think anything goes i i totally think that this is all part of our own imagination.
Like this is a plan.
Okay, but if we were to really fully subscribe.
And you're a lizard.
I know you're one of the lizard people.
I am?
You are.
What makes me a lizard?
You vibrate.
Your colors.
I can see it.
My eyes go back and forth?
Yeah, I can see it.
No, they cross.
I'm cross-eyed.
That does not make me a fucking lizard.
That's why you're a lizard? That's why Bobby and I can never have long,, they cross. I'm cross-eyed. That does not make me a fucking lizard. That's why you're a lizard?
That's why Bobby and I can never have long, serious eye-gazing sessions
because we're both sort of cross-eyed.
So one just wanders in a little bit at some point?
Well, we don't know which eyes to choose.
We can never have that movie romance stare at each other
because we just can't stop laughing because we're both fucking cross-eyed.
See, but that makes me laugh anyway because it's so weird and corny to just stare at each other because we just can't stop laughing because we're both fucking cross-eyed but that makes me when we try to that makes me laugh anyway because it's so weird and
corny to like just stare at each other intently well isn't that what they say you have to do you
have to stare at someone for four minutes to fall in love with them get real that's crazy wait wait
okay so i went to one one of my friends like art exhibits yeah and he he had us do that like with
strangers like he would pair us up with strangers and, and I must have been on my period when I went
because I started crying.
Just staring at a total stranger?
Yeah, she was like, there was something about this woman,
and I started crying, and I was so embarrassed.
I walked out of there like, oh, my God,
like, I'm such a fucking pretentious little whore.
And she's like, am I too ugly for that, girl?
And she started crying, too.
And then after that, we started hugging each other.
Do you think it was because you saw pain in her or something?
I think I
I don't know. I just felt really like vulnerable.
Like I felt like I'm looking
into someone who doesn't know me at all
and I can't like run away from
the situation. We've like committed to staring.
I don't know what it was but I
got got. I was really...
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slash whiskey today ginger i like gingers you did you and do you feel any emotions with anybody else
in the room or no was it just the one person you went you stared at it was just her and then she
gave me a ride home and we like never talked again did Did you talk in the car ride home? We did.
She told me all about her life in Orange County.
She was just like a regular woman who like got drunk a lot with her friends, with her
like, she was like in her 40s.
She was a mom.
She's divorced.
I knew her whole life story by the time she dropped me off, but it was nice.
And I just never called her again.
We never talked.
We were like, okay, we had that moment.
It's really cute, but it's also funny that you're like, also, I had no interest in talking to that woman ever again. We never we were like okay we had that moment. It's really cute but it's also funny
that you're like
also I had no interest
in talking to that woman
ever again.
I mean beyond that
beyond that single
singular
that moment in time
it was really powerful
I think.
Why do you think
how often do you cry though?
Are you a big crier?
Yeah.
You cry at the drop of a hat.
It depends.
It depends.
Has Bobby ever made you cry?
All the time. But Bobby ever made you cry? All the time.
But I mean made you cry like
really,
like really hurt,
like something really hurt.
Yeah,
I think before he left for Hawaii,
I probably got on my hands and knees.
I was like,
look at me.
I'm a virile,
sexy woman.
I started just bawling.
Why don't you want me?
And he was like, no, I must go.
War zone awaits.
War zone awaits.
Stay.
Stay there.
You start, and you just start, you can start bawling and stuff like that.
Like, when you get really tied up in your brain, you'll just start crying.
Yeah.
I, yeah, I think so.
I always think like i have
overactive lacrimal ducts you know some people can feel things and then the tears just never
find their way there i don't know how to cry i don't know what's wrong with you i i i just like
i get emotional are you a sociopath yeah i get emotional but what do you do then when something
is disaster when you just feel so down?
Because I've seen you down.
I've been broken.
When I'm broken, I will cry.
But like I don't know.
How do you cry?
Show me.
I don't know how to.
It's really embarrassing.
Wait, what about if it's for a movie, a scene?
I've never had to do it.
I've had to get emotional for stuff,
but how often do comedians have to cry on camera?
Most of the time we're you know we do we're
doing idiot stuff we have to look i get it when i did i'm dying up here i had to get really emotional
stuff with my dad but it was easy to do that because i connects from some sort of a real place
so nothing you watch makes you cry not even the octopus teacher no this is the great no i'm saying
what i'm saying is like i don't know how to cry for like like if something's sad or upsetting in my life life.
But like I can cry from any kind of children's movie.
Like any Pixar film, I'm bawling.
Thank God.
No, I'm just saying like I don't know how to cry when like, you know,
someone in my family dies and it really hurts.
But I'm just low and depressed.
Well.
But I don't know how to cry.
Like my grandmother died and I went to her funeral and I didn't cry and everyone was crying. And I was like, is something wrong with me? I didn't know how to cry. Like my grandmother died and I went to her funeral and I didn't cry and everyone was crying
and I was like,
is something wrong with me?
I didn't know how to cry.
But I felt atrocious.
It didn't come that way.
Sometimes there is this thing
as like stealing someone's cry thunder.
When there are too many people
crying around me,
I can't cry.
I'm like,
ah, it's not my turn.
It's like when guys can't pee
if there's like 19 dudes
peeing right next to them
in a trough at a football game.
Right. You get weird. You get a little piss gun shy. You're like, yeah, it's not my turn. It's like when guys can't pee if there's like 19 dudes peeing right next to them in a trough at a football game. Right.
You get weird.
You get a little piss gun shy.
You're like, yeah, it's not my turn.
Enough people are doing it.
Let me just wait for my moment.
It's just like when I'm feeling particularly bad and I go to a friend and I share some really bad news and I cry.
And then she starts crying.
I'm out.
My tears dry up.
You're like, bitch, this was my cry.
This was my fucking cry.
You didn't get to cry, bitch. And now I have to be the one. Consoling her. Yeah, I'm out. My tears dry up. You're like, bitch, this was my cry. This was my fucking cry. You didn't get to cry, bitch.
And now I have to be the one
consoling her. Yeah, consoling her. I'm like, okay,
it's not. We can't cry together. That's corny.
Right? Yeah, that is.
It is funny to think, like, women are allowed
to go to other women and just have a good cry.
And guys, it's not that we're not allowed
to. It's just, it's never a thing that men
would ever think to do. Oh, really?
All the guys in my life. Really? I boy would never a boy a man would never call me about something emotional
to have like a cry with me they tell you if they're guys tell guys when they're hurt and
pissed off but they're when they're actually sad men usually just keep it to themselves
it's an old like bury it thing as a guy. You're like, don't
tell anybody. It's just a
weird dad
response that you're like,
don't burden anybody
with your sadness type of shit.
That's an Asian response.
Catholic too. That's what we do. Bury it. Put it away.
Put it away.
Asians and Catholics.
Filipinos. Asian catholics there you
go it's just like the most don't don't don't get upset like you know the phrase you're gonna do
this right here in front of these people that's like such a catholic oh you're gonna do this in
front of all these people you're like but i'm really upset it's like hide it hide it until you
get home and even when you get home go to your room I don't want to see you do it. You know? It's not like an unloving thing.
It's just like a taught thing from that kind of people.
But, you know, my therapist said something really interesting.
She was like, you're not less fucked up than Bobby.
You're just well trained.
And I'm like, is that Catholicism?
It is.
I'm trained.
It is. And my responses are trained. And I'm like, is that Catholicism? I'm trained. And my
responses are trained.
So from outside looking in,
I do look like a well-adjusted adult.
But I am
no better. Bobby and I are
equally as fucked up on the inside.
I mean, I think we're all so fucked up.
I just think like some of us
learned those coping mechanisms. You know what I thought?
I watched Fleabag last week.
I finished it.
Did you like it?
It's my favorite.
So good.
God, Hot Priest.
I mean Hot Priest.
Hot Priest.
What a Hot Priest.
For my birthday, Jules got me a sticker she made.
She printed out of the Hot Priest.
Yeah.
It's on my mirror.
I don't want to give anything away from the show.
I was about to just leak something.
I'm sure people have seen it. It's such an old show. It took me want to give anything away from the show. I was about to just leak something. I'm sure people have seen it.
It's such an old show.
It took me forever to play catch up and watch it.
But it made me think of the confession scene.
And I thought, how weird that that was a part of our lives as kids.
Was just telling your secrets to a man in a booth.
Yeah, but wouldn't you lie at confessionals?
Because I would.
Everyone does.
Yeah, I wouldn't fucking tell them what the fuck I did.
But the people that do tell the truth they were embedded into the community
even deeper because they had more to lose
yeah
because that guy now knows my deepest darkest
but that guy tells all the people that he needs to tell
well also that guy is your salvation
basically he's your connection to the salvation
so you better not you know
stray
it creeped me out so much the idea that like
someone in their own regard thinks that they deserve to be
the voice of a thing to,
to,
to deliver messages to you as one thing,
but then to say you have to confide in me for your own sanity and safety.
It's like,
what?
Who gave you the fucking metal?
Let me tell you,
my family did me a great service by being horrible people.
When I was growing up.
All my older male cousins who sold the islands, like drug dealers, who were horrible to their families, shitty husbands.
Every Sunday they went to confessional.
They took the body of Christ.
Ate the wafer, baby.
Ate the wafer.
And they were the worst people on earth.
So I was like, oh, this is not real, is it?
This is not real at all.
They don't set on fire when they walk into the church.
Yeah, I was like, that motherfucker is still an intact human being.
He's not like a charred human in ashes.
And he'll probably live longer than anybody.
Yeah, fucking cockroach.
Those are the people that lived over like 104.
Of course.
Life is good.
They don't exercise.
They do whatever the fuck they want.
And so thank God for that.
Or else I would have been, you know, really like,
I would have hung on to Catholicism probably a lot longer
and felt all this regret and guilt and shame.
And we get so much beef,
especially when Bob and I talk about church and all that stuff.
And it's like, I'm just talking about my experience.
People are always like, you don't know shit about religion.
It's like, I know shit about what I experience.
I don't care what other people experience.
I know how I felt about the whole thing, you know?
Especially when you hear stories of your family.
And you're like, what?
Great-granddad had six families?
You know what I mean?
We just didn't know.
You know, like, yeah, you had three other wives in two other states.
And you learn all this stuff thinking that you knew who these people were.
And that's our experience with hiding away those secrets and stuff and the church was a weird protective everyone's a good guy type of thing it's you know i have um one of my cousins my
girl cousins she's the closest one to me she was married to a pastor for nine years and he fucked everyone in the congregation everyone everyone in
the choir everyone and he was so he was just a fucking narcissist he was so abusive towards her
um she it was a fucking mennonite church too so it was like the you had to wear your hair really
long you could only wear skirts up to here and she was like a punk rock girl when growing up like she was the rebel in her family but she met this like hot shot pastor and he was
like you know let me save you and so she saved you yeah she would cover up her tattoos and everything
and um yeah but he fucked everyone but so she left him mennonite is like they're like um mormon
they're like diet mormon right oh no i'm Mennonite. She's Pentecostal.
I don't know.
What even that?
What is that?
I think they're a little bit more hardcore.
Right.
If it's like if like churches,
churches, cars like Pentecostal is like
Pentecostal is like it's not
it's more hardcore than Mormonism.
I think so.
Oh, they are.
Yeah, because Mormonism is...
I thought Mormons were the...
Mormons are just...
Latter-day Saints, right?
Isn't that who they are?
Latter-day LDS.
LDS.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're hornballs.
I think so.
They allow polygamy and stuff.
Well, I think some of the church
doesn't like it, right?
Some of the people disagree with it.
That's also...
What an exhausting concept.
We saw that show that the the guy with multiple wives.
With Bill Paxton?
Oh, no, the real, the guy with the long hair, yeah.
He grosses me out so much.
But I'm also like, why would these chicks be into this?
Why would they be into it?
First of all, that guy is not that hot.
It's not like you'd bail on everything and be like, I gotta have this guy.
I don't care that he's married
and has two other wives
or three other wives.
He's not that hot.
And also,
it seems like a nightmare
having to deal with
other people's families.
Because like,
they're not one,
they are one family,
but they're not.
I can kind of see myself
being one of the wives, though.
Really?
You'd want to be one of the wives?
Just because it's like,
I don't want to be your one and,
you know, I mean, look,
if Bobby cheated on me, I would die.
I don't want to be your one and only.
No, I just don't want to be
the one place you come to.
Like, I would like to disperse
the family.
You know, like, if you have,
if you're having issues that way,
you don't have to come to me.
Right.
You could come to your wife number two,
wife number three. Yeah, but what they do is they have their own kids and they don't really put come to me. You could come to wife number two, wife number three.
Yeah, but what they do is they have their own kids
and they don't really put their kids in the other houses.
So it is like separate little house.
On the show, they were talking about moving back into one house
and they all hated the idea
because they like to have their little units.
That's a nature thing.
What's a nature thing?
Women want to be this protector of their kin.
So it's weird for them to want to give them away to other women to take care of.
So it is like, this is my little pod.
And we can be in a commune together, but I want my pod.
Because it's a comfort thing.
It's like, these are mine specifically.
Where the guys can just, you know, visit the pod every day.
I just think it sounds exhausting
going from house to house,
managing people's emotions and stories.
I was in a polyamorous relationship.
Were you?
Right before I met Bobby.
My last relationship,
I was living with two guys.
You were living with two dudes?
Yeah.
Did they hook up?
No, they didn't hook up,
but we hooked up together.
But, okay, so, wait a minute, though.
It's you and these two guys all in the same house?
Yeah, for years.
Traveled together.
You're a gypsy, man.
You're a gypsy.
No, you had told me.
I didn't know it was like a live-in relationship.
It was a live-in relationship.
We loved each other a lot.
How many people came and went?
Came and signed me?
No.
Yes, I'd like to know the number.
How many people would come and go?
How many men and women would come and go in the house?
No, it was just a relationship with two guys.
Oh, but you guys weren't open for other people no no it was it was monogamous
i was monogamous to two people so you're not you're binogamous it was a throuple yeah binogamy
binogamy binogamy yeah but wait a minute see what i thought i thought poly poly was like you're open
for other people coming into the relationship oh yeah that yeah, that's right. You're right. So, no, that's an open relationship.
What's poly, then?
I think there are different subsets of it,
but I would describe mine as poly, meaning not one.
These dudes didn't get jealous.
When one of them is sleeping with you,
the other one wasn't jealous.
How deep are we going again?
We're going to the bottom of the earth.
Because this is something that I've tried to leave in the dust.
Because when I first met Bobby, he couldn't shut up about it.
He went on every single podcast.
He'll never watch this.
She was like, this new chick I'm with, she needs two dicks to come.
And so my Instagram was private at this time.
But when I finally made it public, the only hashtag on it was like, two dicks to come.
What's happening?
Well, we don't need to dive back into it.
No, we can.
I think it's fascinating.
I'm not ashamed of it.
They were great guys.
They would get jealous.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Of course, right?
Because the second person came in
two years into the other one
so I was with someone for five years
and the other one just popped in?
two years later
how did that happen?
so he was a classmate of mine
in college
and I was like I'm in a relationship
I don't know what to tell you
he did
I hate talking about it because he's such a good friend
of mine now and he has like a family and kids um but he basically didn't say anything to me he went
straight to my boyfriend he was like dude i'm in love with your girl like i i don't know what to
tell you but this is i'm gonna shoot my shot and my um boyfriend at that time, he's like, you're out of your fucking mind. Yeah. Right.
And then but he allowed a friendship.
And then one Sunday afternoon, I was having sex with my boyfriend.
Yeah.
And it just so happened that like my friend was like around and I was like midway.
I was like, oh, like, what do you think of this?
And he said yes. You were like, what if he joins? I was like, Iway, I was like, oh, like, what do you think of this? And he said yes.
You were like, what if he joins?
I was like, I'd really like that.
And he was like, all right.
Wow.
Either really secure with himself or remarkably crazy. He was obnoxiously attractive.
So he knew it was like.
Obnoxiously attractive.
He was like, I already know probably had the
bigger dick i probably you know but but still there was jealousy like later on yeah of course
yeah because one finishes and now he just has to watch
just sitting there he's like god just eating a banana like you that's where you get it from
just eating a banana watching you guys wait. Wait, I have to know this.
Is there ever a moment... I'm going to get so much shit for this.
Okay, we don't have to do it.
He's a wonderful, loving...
We're not going to mention his name.
Very, very amazing math teacher.
Okay, well, let's not give any more details
so people can try to hunt him down and find him.
You're like, he's great, Santa Clarita,
but I'm not going to say any more
about where he is on Markman's Road.
I got to know, do you have to sneak
away at some point to hook up with one if you don't want to
hook up with both?
There was no sneaking around after it was established
that this is what it was.
But you have to tell, is there like a sign up sheet?
I don't have to tell him, hey, no there's no sign up sheet.
We're boning at four
so, you know, it's on
the sheet, on the the fridge you saw it
you didn't have to there was no discussion over like that it was just when it happens it happens
but if it started happening with one of them and the other one comes home what if you don't want
the other one to join and you're like we're just kind of we just want to um then then i would make
sure that there was no like a crossover that the other person wouldn't know.
So, see, it is sneaking a little bit. But if you were to ask me, did that happen?
I'd be like, yeah, it did.
Just not with you in the house.
You know what I mean?
That's just being rude.
There are rules.
But see what I mean?
But there aren't.
They're vague, right?
They're just made up by the parties.
Then you have to find them as you go.
That's why there should have been a board.
That's what I'm saying.
There should have been a board with rules. This is the laid out rules you're right because feelings at the end of
it all like it got a little muddled at the end because i feel now listen to this i had to break
up with both of them at the same time right you can't do just one the other one's going to be
heartbroken yeah i went on a god i was a, I was a really confused person, I think.
But I'll never do it again.
It was the most exhausting thing in my life.
How did you break up
with both at once?
Um,
I,
so we had been together
for a couple years.
We traveled
many different places.
It was great.
It was fun.
And then I just got tired
and I didn't have my,
I lost feelings
for the both of them.
Sure.
And that was it.
I came home from a trip
and I was like,
hey, so I'm not like into this anymore.
And it was a weird six months after that. Did they hate you?
What if they were like, well, we're just going to stick around with each other for a while?
One of them is still my best friend.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
That's noble.
I couldn't do that.
That's too hard for me.
But we, I mean, this was 10 years ago now.
So like when we look at each other, we cringe.
We're like, ugh, let's never bring it up.
I think he finds me disgusting.
I find him.
There's nothing there.
How long did it take you to become friends after you split?
Oh, him and I were always going to stay friends.
Really?
Always.
We were kindred from the day we met.
We were like, I love you.
I love you.
We probably should have never had sex.
It should have never been a relationship.
But we are never not going to be in each other's lives i love him so much
that's really sweet i like it obviously you're very mature with relationships not then i wasn't
that has to be having fun yeah but think about it it must be mature to be able to handle it like
that because most people in their 20s that break up with people, it's fuck you.
I don't want to talk to you ever again.
So that's rare to like even want to have a friendship relationship with somebody after the fact.
It's so hard when you're young because when you're young,
your emotions are whirlwind and you're thinking,
am I going to be this person for the rest of my life?
In your 20s, you have this like constant stream of like,
is this like a marriage relationship or is this just a a fling
is it worth it when you get in your 30s i feel like life changes remarkably over the way you
feel about relationships but back then it's easy to be like fuck you most people i feel like in
the 20s are just like oh fuck my ex i don't talk to them at all yeah people in their 30s break up
with people they're like we're hanging out tomorrow you know what i mean it's like it's
like not it's just shit because your life is so this is my dad always said that he was like your 20s are
a financial and relationship nightmare he's like your 30s you start to figure out how to make
money right yeah and how to balance your life in a relationship better yeah and he's like in your
40s it all falls apart but anyway no he was just like it's just he's like it's just when you're
that young you just nothing adds up so you're so overly emotional about everything yeah especially
when you're i will say i was gonna say especially when you're so young and broke and like
fighting money fights when you're young too that's like the scariest thing because it becomes a
factor sometimes when you're in your young 20s dating when you're living with somebody and you're broke
and it just creates undue emotional stress well then you you can't break a lease either oh it's
okay so i can't say who whatever a friend who i work with just separated from their partner during covid yes now literally like a month ago yeah
and this person told me and was like i'm just so like mad and annoyed like we just we just took a
fucking lease together annoying it was like why couldn't you just break up because the this
person's partner broke up with them oh he got dumped yeah and he was like why wouldn't you
just fucking say it
before we signed a fucking lease three months ago?
Like, you could have cut this off.
So he's dealing with this, like,
it's just a money problem.
That's a huge money issue.
Like, that's a nightmare.
How long had they been together before signing up?
A couple years.
A couple years.
So they could have,
the other person definitely knew
they weren't wanting to be together anymore.
Because it wasn't like a slow burn. It was like, out of nowhere, one day it was like, hey, I don't want to be together anymore because it wasn't like a slow burn
it was like
out of nowhere
one day it was like
hey I don't want
to be with you anymore
that's why I always
tell Bobby
I'm like you need
to give me like
a six month window
do not blindside me
right
give some build up
if your feelings
are like just
slowly
if your tank
is running low
just you know
turn on the engine light
give me the fucking
check engine light
give me a signal
say anything
you cannot just
one day say
it's over because I might murder you.
Yeah.
It does not.
Yeah.
How would you murder him if you were going to murder him?
Oh, so strategically.
Right.
So strategically.
Right.
Like, I would eat him.
Boil and eat his body?
You would.
You'd cut him off.
I'll eat his fingerprints now, motherfuckers.
I'll eat him fingers first.
Just nibbling on his hands
and you playing Call of Duty
while you're eating him.
Yeah.
Justification and payback
for all that.
I get that.
You're right.
Leave notes.
Leave hints.
Leave me little hints
that you're not happy.
Don't hit me with it
out of nowhere.
No, I'm not.
I don't have the coping.
I don't have the coping skills for that kind of attack.
That's an attack.
That is an attack.
I can't deal with it.
And there's no defense that you can do for that.
And Bobby and I have never been like, he's never been dumped in his life.
We've been rejected a lot.
He's never been dumped?
No, we've been rejected a lot.
We've been saying, we don't want to date you and stuff.
But he's never been dumped.
He's always been the dumper.
And I've always been the dumper.
So imagine.
Two dumpers.
Two dumpers.
That's tough.
That's a recipe for murder.
It is.
It's not going to go well.
Yeah, you can't have two dumpers.
But that's what you said.
You both lived such crazy lives when you were young.
It's like when they say two type A personalities together.
Can that work?
Is that sustainable?
Ten years max. No no a good run it's over soon of course it's sustainable but i because i don't like the rules that like that's why i don't believe when somebody's like what's her sign what's
your sign so it's like i don't think these things are gonna make the long i know in no way do i
believe in any sort of outside influence being the reason you stay
together or break up in terms of like the type that your specific personality trait or your
astrological sign or i think it's just you either learn to work with someone or you bail that's it
yeah you just learn to work with them because you're never going to like all the shit they do
you're always going to be annoyed by certain things.
And Neil Brennan said this best.
He was like, we were talking about how like people don't grow.
Men specifically.
Like men say that they grow.
They don't.
We're 14.
I think the same with women, by the way.
I think we're all like 12-year-old little boys.
But women probably grow longer than men do.
Like we stop at like 15.
Women may stop at like 20.
Yeah.
If they want to,
right.
They decide men don't decide men are 13 and that's it forever.
It's poop,
penis,
fart,
booger,
snot,
vomit forever in our brains.
It's like the funniest shit will always be.
I,
I'll never forget.
I, my dad took me to a
Chicago Bears game when I was in
high school maybe or end of high school
and we were in the
stall together. I mean we were in the
bathrooms together at a urinal
trough and there was a guy
that walked into one of the stalls
and we're sitting there and it was just us three
and we're just pissing and then
this guy ripped ass in the stall. I mean it was like it was heavy there and it was just us three and we're just pissing. And then this guy ripped ass in the stall.
I mean, it was like, like it was heavy.
And my dad was just like, my dad started going.
Like it just like a small little laugh.
And I was like, see, it never is not funny.
Like, yes, we're 15.
We'll always laugh at a fart inside of a bathroom.
Is it funny?
Is it really that funny?
No, but yes, it is.
Because the 13-year-old goes,
it's air from his butt.
That's hilarious.
It just is funny.
I feel like it's universe.
It's never, yeah, you're right.
Do girls laugh if another girl farts in the bathroom?
Fuck yeah.
You do?
Oh my God, especially if it bubbles forward
into their vagina.
Because sometimes, this is what happens.
Like sometimes, it doesn't always move backwards.
Sometimes it moves forward.
And it's like, whoop.
How do you protect it from moving forward? You can't, huh? No, it just does. You get doesn't always move backwards. Sometimes it moves forward and it's like whoop. How do you protect it
from moving forward?
You can't, huh?
No, it just does.
You get a little bit
frontal vibration.
The front cheeks
kind of clap.
That's so funny.
It really feels
kind of nice though
when a fart comes
through the front.
Does it?
Wait a minute.
When you're in the stall
and another girl's
in a stall next to you
and he's just
letting it fly.
I cannot.
It's funny.
Do you think all girls are like that?
I ask,
hey, are you okay?
You ever ask her if you hear it
and you're just like,
was that the front?
Did that hit the front?
The front lips?
I mean, honestly though,
yeah, no,
girls are just as disgusting as dudes.
It just won't be publicly admitted.
There is this whole like, like fart in front bobby or poop in front of bobby some people
some in relationships like just won't do it and some people don't give a shit you'll fart in front
of bobby i don't never um i mean he's heard me because you know he's you know snuck the lock
but you make sure he don't he doesn't hear it, it's just not my style because I want to be like,
you know, a sexy little flower.
My old lady's like that too.
Never wants to do it.
Like, is so afraid.
But around my sister and my friends
and everyone else.
Totally okay.
Who cares?
They don't, yeah.
So funny.
I don't respect them.
These bitches.
Not going to not fart in front of these hoes.
I think that's funny
that girls are as gross as dudes.
They just were allowed to be. It's like totally okay for us to be rep in front of these hoes. I think that's funny that girls are as gross as dudes. They just were allowed to be.
It's like totally okay for us to be repulsive.
It's not okay.
I'm not okay with Bobby's level of fucking hygiene.
It disgusts me.
But you love him for it.
You said that.
Look, we're trying to get through.
I tell him, like, look, you got to cut your fucking fingernails.
Oh, that's a big thing for me.
The fingernails is big for me, too.
Yeah, nah. The teeth have to be brushed and cleaned. me. The fingernails is big for me, too. Because it's, yeah, nah.
The teeth have to be brushed and clean.
Sure.
Hygiene is normal.
And the asshole has to smell soapy when I beach to compleash.
Just put baby wipes all over the house.
I don't like the smell of baby wipes plus asshole.
I need it to be washed.
So how often does he need to wash then?
Three times a day?
He needs to wash.
No, not every day.
Just always.
It has to be a clean asshole if that's going to be in the vicinity or my face adjacent.
Yeah, if it's going to be near, it's got to be clean.
Because he always wafts.
I just need to know that someone cares about me and my well-being.
Yeah, no, I understand.
But he does take care of himself for the most part.
He's so lucky because he doesn't have body odor at all.
Well, he doesn't have a lot of hair.
He doesn't, but he's...
Hair is odor for dudes.
But I think Koreans really just have very little body odor.
Right, because they have smaller sweat glands.
Is that true?
Yeah, it's true.
They don't have apocrine glands? I swear to God, they have smaller sweat glands. Is that true? Yeah, it's true. They don't have apocrine glands?
I swear to God,
they have smaller sweat glands than us
and less sweat glands than us.
We looked it up one time
because I was like,
this is bullshit.
Yeah.
No, it's real.
He really doesn't have,
like, even if he didn't shower
for five days.
Like, if he's...
I scratch and sniff his armpit
all the time.
Like, I know there's something
underneath there.
And nothing.
One time I, like,
plucked out a blackhead from there
and that smelled, but...
You like that, you like poppin
pipples don't you obsessed why that why do women like that so much men men don't really like it
but women are obsessed with popping shit it's such a release what is it though is it like a
is it like it you know you're fixing something or you know you're like solving something i don't
know what it's just the idea that something that's not supposed to be there
is now out.
Right.
But there was a fight
to get it out of there.
There was that fight
and then you just feel
like such a,
you feel really victorious.
Yeah,
like I don't,
like she'll,
like if I'll have one
on my shoulder or something,
she'll,
it's like,
it's like what a moment
she gets to have with it.
Yeah.
And I'm just like,
oh, come on, gross.
Just hurry up.
This is gross.
This is disgusting.
No, I beg Bobby and he runs, he like runs away from me also because it hurts sometimes too
when it's on your back it hurts see yeah see i'd rather just do it fast you guys want to like make
it a whole scene that's why that woman dr pimple popper is famous there's a whole television show
about popping stuff and i watched it once i was like this is disgusting she was like this is
wildly interesting it's the best also if you ever go on youtube um ingrowns ingrown oh no oh my god ah pulling out ingrown hairs
it's yeah but they they put it under like a like a magnifying thing so you can see
it's so good their root their root at the end of the hair oh it's so gross follicle i salivate
you do you love that shit fr mouth give me the ingrowns
give it to me
what's your guiltiest pleasure
of stuff online of watching
is it shit like that
do you like ASMR shit or no
I hate ASMR I think it's so overplayed
I can't stand it I don't know how people like it
like what type of ASMR
I don't like the this
I don't like that i don't like uh
the oddly satisfying stuff doesn't bother me i like the oddly satisfying that's okay but like i
but i a lot of it is kind of like uh watching a guy scoop something off the top and you're like
okay i what is this like like or or like stomping out sand to make it all even. I like that. Earwax extractions. That you like?
So good.
Really?
Sometimes like, I don't know why it's always an Indian doctor.
It is.
That does this really well.
But yeah, it's just when they're really like tightly packed in there.
And then they just, it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger.
Yeah, see, that grosses me out.
Like I had to, years ago I had to go to a doctor because I had a terrible, like I had an ear, nose, and throat guy because I had an unbelievably bad infection, sinus infection, you know.
And he was like, oh, we should pump out one of your ears.
You're clogged a little bit.
I was like, okay.
And he used kind of, it was just a water pick.
It was like a tooth water pick.
It was like a water pick that you use for your teeth.
Yeah.
But it was warm.
And it was like, and it was cleaning out my ear. And he would like show me what it was like a tooth water pick it was like a water pick that you use for your teeth yeah but it was warm and it was like and it was cleaning out my ear and he would like show me what it was yeah oh i was so freaked out i was so grossed out but he had said it he was like
it's gonna hurt a little bit but the pressure tickled it didn't hurt he was like you're the
first person that had ever you're the first person i've ever had that laugh that was chuckling
because it like tickled he's like most people it's super painful he's like do you're the first person that had ever, you're the first person I've ever had that laughed. I was chuckling because it like tickled. He's like, most people, it's super painful.
He's like, do you stick Q-tips in your ear?
I'm like, no, not that deep.
Tell him you don't cry either.
I don't cry.
Ear, eye, nose, and throat doctor.
He wheeled in a dead person.
I was like, this is your family member.
I did not cry.
But you would have loved the goop.
It's like that, getting stuff out of your body, like colonics, all that stuff, it grosses me out.
I don't like phlegm.
I'm not a phlegm girl.
People hock?
Yeah, like sometimes when I was doing like my clinical rotations, when you had a vented patient and then you had to kind of take a suction.
It's not my favorite.
Phlegm's not my thing.
When they do that, they cut right here, right?
That's a trick.
Yeah. Yeah. Right here. They slice it clean open. I'm always v my thing. When they do that, they cut right here, right? If that's a trick. Yeah.
Yeah.
Right here.
They slice it clean open.
I'm always vented patient, so you can also go through the mouth.
Ugh.
Like that, part of the Rona thing that scared me the most was like being on one of those
things, having a tube shoved down my throat.
And then face, like, face down prone.
Oh, I mean, that's the, like.
It's so grim looking.
It is.
I mean, it's just, you're dead.
At that point, I'm just like, oh, you're dead.
They've shoved things down your throat, and you dead you're upside down i'm glad i'm glad
uh we're almost through it and you're functioning now you're like going out and you're becoming
human again i'm kind of afraid of myself now you're it's you're look you take all the proper
precautions no no i'm afraid of myself in like a weird way because this week um i started doing
things and i started dressing up again putting jeans on for the first time i know when this is holy shit i'm so fucking hot i'm so fucking hot
i called bobby today i was like i'm so fucking hot you need to be careful you need to love me better
yeah when you walked to the studio you did get hollered at the street a few times so
yeah you did i'm so unaware yeah you did you gotta whoa whoa whoa
that's the troublemakers in this neighborhood yeah no i haven't put out this only time i put Yeah, you did. I'm so unaware. Yeah, you did. You got to, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's the troublemakers in this neighborhood.
Yeah, no, I haven't put on,
the only time I put on clothes is literally for this.
Yeah.
When we do Bad Friends, you can't see under the desk,
and I'm never wearing jeans.
I'm always wearing, like, sweats.
Well, for the past, like, year,
I have not put on anything but sweatpants,
but even on the show,
just my, I just get,
there are a lot of episodes at
least like six or seven no makeup hair unbrushed but you but you know what i'm i hope i'm glad it's
going back the other way because i did feel better about wearing real clothes i will say
wearing shitty clothes has not helped my move it's it's made me like lazier it's not good for you
it's not yeah and like everything just goes down with a ship like the
trimming the plucking i'm so hairy right now oh you don't even want to know it's disgusting
yeah we're i'm glad things are getting back to normal and we're gonna clean it up and
it is gonna be good it's eventually we're it's it's gonna be good and i'm glad that you're uh
i'm glad that you're on the other side of it a little bit you guys were protective for all the right reasons
you didn't get it i got we got it no you can knock on this wood there's wood right here
it's not a jinx you're very safe and protective and you do everything you can do
honestly 50 fucking 4 million people got it so it's like i'm sure a lot of those people did it got it on accident
but i think a lot of those people too got it from fucking around from being a fuck up and it's a 50
50 some people you couldn't help it i got it from a friend of a friend and it's like what are you
gonna do you know i'm gonna kill him did you want to kill him at that time i did for a minute i got
really mad i got very very upset bobby did not want to drop off medication and goodies for you guys.
I know.
That was the sweetest thing you did, by the way.
You dropped me off medication and goodies and all sorts of stuff.
I yelled at him.
Like, why aren't you being a friend?
Why aren't you offering to get him vitamin D and all that stuff?
He was really scared, which I totally understood.
He was like, we're just dropping it off at his doorstep.
It's fine.
But remember at the height of this whole thing?
Like, UPS drivers, I i was like i get why they
didn't want to come to the front door yeah because they're like i'm gonna go near this guy's fucking
house yeah like our ups driver is the same guy we've had you know for a couple years now like
it's the same dude who's so nice and when pandy hit he would drop it off at the end of the driveway
and he actually one time saw me outside and was like is it cool if i hide it by your car and he
kicks it yeah he goes hey dude package he goes is it cool if I hide it by your car? And he kicks it. He just pumps it. He goes, hey, dude, package.
He goes, is it cool if I drop it outside by the car and hide it?
I was like, oh, yeah, no doubt.
He's like, I just don't want to stay in your common area.
I was like, yeah, I got it.
Meanwhile, the mailman, our mailman is this Filipino dude who's like 75.
He smokes cigarettes, no mask, walks right over the door.
He'll talk to you.
He's like, hey, what's up?
He doesn't give a shit.
What's up, sir?
It's not real.
What's up, sir?
It's not real to him.
There's some older people that just don't think it's real at all to them,
and it's interesting.
The mailman doesn't give a shit.
My stepdad had a different problem.
I don't know what it is, but he's starting to have like a 10 second memory bank.
So every 10, every 10 seconds.
No, no, no.
He doesn't have Alzheimer's.
He just smokes a lot of weed.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Seriously?
Yeah.
How old is he?
In the 70s.
I like that that generation is into weed again.
I mean, I don't know if he was before.
He was before.
But not when he was a teacher.
For a long time, he wasn't.
But then now that he's retired he's like
guess what
my birthday
Christmas
here's the only thing I want
so I keep having to go
to Sweet Flower
just get him
get him weed
always just get him
is it edibles
are you getting him
or what are you getting him
I get him everything
he just loads it up
finally my parents
have admitted that
it's wonderful
it's taken all these
to finally be like
well I have a family member
who's really sick
and I got my family member
gummies and drops
and has helped them exponentially.
And I was like,
see, mom, do you see?
Like, this is not
the devil's lettuce.
It's not this thing
from when I was in high school
that you're like,
this is a bad,
you're gonna get on heroin
and sucking people's assholes in a week. And you're like, it's not real. Like that whole, that fucking
reefer madness was so fucked up to do to people. So imagine that's what we were saying before.
Are they doing that with us now with other stuff? Cause that was all government propaganda
to convince the public that marijuana, marijuana, a fucking, a fuckinganish word right mexicans bad negative you know what
i mean like they put it on us seriously they said marijuana because it was because they were like oh
it's all coming up from mexico yeah and that's who's got a bad people down there and they're
bad and it's negative and they they make you a murderer and a rapist and a and psychopath
it's just crazy they were able to perpetuate that narrative so big that the whole
country believed it like wholeheartedly and then over by you those fucking people that they kill
you if you had some of it right yeah you get to go to fucking prison for life in some places and
yes it's it's crazy for weed um but you know in on our island or where i grew up it was shabu it
was meth meth is really a problem in the islands.
Well, yeah.
I mean, they talk about that in Hawaii too, right?
It's huge in Hawaii.
Ice, yeah.
Ice, right.
Yeah.
What was the dude on TV?
The dog.
The dog, yeah.
Busting the ice.
I love that show.
Me too.
He said one racist thing.
What did he say?
I don't know if it was him or his wife.
It was probably an N-bomb, I think.
R.I.P. Beth. R.I.P. Beth. his wife. It was probably an N-bomb, I think. R.I.P. Beth.
R.I.P. Beth.
Love her.
It's always an N-bomb.
Was it?
It's always an N-bomb.
When they're like, what did they say?
And you're like, probably an N-bomb.
Wasn't that Hulk Hogan, right?
Or no?
I think it was Hulk Hogan.
It wasn't Doug.
Dog.
No, Dog did drop N-bomb.
Oh, he did?
No, he did for sure.
Or Beth.
Or they both did.
And Hulk Hogan. Everyone. Big guys love N-bomb. Oh, he did? No, he did for sure. Or Beth. Or they both did. And Hulk Hogan.
Everyone.
Big guys love N-bombs.
It's standard.
But this is the year.
Standard.
2020 was supposed to be the year I finally do mushrooms.
Wait, let's do them.
And yeah, but I wouldn't do it with you.
Why?
I don't.
I would be terrified.
Why?
I need to.
First off, I need to be chained to a tree because I don't, I would be terrified. Why? I need to, first off,
I need to be chained to a tree
because I have a weird head.
Do you want to go,
I lucid dream.
I have a really,
the reason that I've never done anything
but maybe smoke weed and drink
is because my,
I am high on my own fucking supply.
Some,
I have weird pathways in my head.
I already have weird thoughts.
I don't need hallucinogenics.
I hallucinate on my own.
You need to try mushrooms.
Go to Joshua Tree.
You guys love the tree.
Yeah, I will.
I just need someone that I feel like I fully trust.
What about, you don't want Bobby around you when you're doing them?
I feel like he's going to fuck with me.
He will, of course.
But I just can't have that.
I want to have a positive experience.
I would say get a good girlfriend to do it with you who also, who is experienced,
who's done it a few times, who can kind of help.
Yeah.
Because I think it's nice to have somebody with psychedelics who's aware.
Yeah, yeah.
Because when two people are doing it, like, when me and my buddy Tyler were doing it all
the time in high school, we were, like, learning it together.
I was like, this is a bad idea.
Like, because you're learning it together.
You don't know shit.
We took it one time at his house, and his mom came home early, and then we started tripping, like, this is a bad idea. Because you're learning it together. You don't know shit. We took it one time at his house and his mom
came home early and then we started tripping like the
moment she came home. And I was like, I'm
so fucked up. And he's like, me too. It's like, well, this was
a terrible fucking... How are we going to get
out of this situation? Neither of us know how to
navigate this. We ran out the
front door. I was like, we gotta go. She's like, where?
I'm like, we gotta go. I sat in my
car for like 30 minutes. I was like, the moon
is so big. This is such a nightmare.
We went to a haunted house on mushrooms, me and this dude.
I would say go to, so stupid.
Like, why?
Just so we could give ourselves panic attacks?
Now, would it be a bad idea for me to just do it in my backyard?
No.
No, that'd be a good idea.
But also like, I mean, I would say start in your backyard before you go somewhere else.
But take a smaller dose, right?
Wait, what does it feel like to swim on mushrooms?
I mean, maybe one of the greatest things on earth.
Okay, because that's what I'm interested in.
Because I already dive as is, right?
So I'm a water person.
Oh, get in your pool.
But I'm not going to have some weird thing where I make myself, I drown myself, right?
Mushrooms aren't that...
That's not...
They're not that controlling.
But do you have a hot tub?
Oh, no, we don't.
The only thing I would say is don't get in a hot tub.
Why?
Because one time I got in a hot tub on mushrooms and I was sat in there for far too long.
Because you kind of have no relegation of time.
Yeah.
Right?
You're just going to sit there, dehydrate, and die.
It's so dumb.
I felt like shit when I got out.
Well, because also your body shouldn't be at such high temperatures for that long even when
i'm like not high and in a hot tub well you're fully vasodilating so your bloodstream is like
operating at like full capacity it's really bad for you so you're probably tripping even harder
yeah you do trip super hard and i sat in there for like 35 or 40 minutes you shouldn't be in
there for more than 15 20 minutes oh. Oh my god. The last time,
I hate hot tubs even when I'm sober,
but the last time I went to, I think I was
maybe 19 years old, and I
went to a party at Caltech.
You didn't think these boys partied?
I don't think they, I didn't know. I didn't know they partied.
And I
vomited, puked all
over the hot tub. In the hot tub? In the hot tub.
Couldn't even turn my neck.
That's a courtesy.
They're like, could you please?
You're like, no.
Right in the hot tub.
The edge is right there.
Just right off.
And I remember this guy drove a Miata,
and I couldn't get over it.
The Mazda Miata?
The Miata, yeah.
And he was trying to hook up?
Yeah.
Nice try, dude.
I know.
I just puked all over his hot tub.
That was great.
You deserve this. That's what you get, Miata boy. Wherever you are outed all over his hot tub. It was great. You deserve this.
That's what you get, Miata boy.
Wherever you are out there, he's such a big fan of yours.
He's just like, I can't believe she treats me this way.
All right.
I love you.
Thank you so much for coming.
Thank you.
Look, you're doing God's work over there at the Lee Koon Foundation home that you've got.
So thank you for everything that you're doing.
And we end the episode
the same way. I want you to look in the camera
and you say one word or one phrase.
It's going to be the end of the episode. I'm going to walk
off and you're going to say one word or one phrase
whenever you're ready.
About what?
Anything.
I'm not going to look at you.
Why is this the hardest thing?
It is.
Oh, phrase two?
Yeah.
I was like, wait, one fucking word.
One word or one phrase.
Undignified.
In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You're that creature in the ginger beer.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger. I like gingers.