Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Kyle Dunnigan

Episode Date: July 14, 2023

Santino sits down with one of the funniest guys on YouTube Kyle Dunnigan! He talks about flying to Hawaii on Bill Maher's private jet, does some of his best impressions, and Santino offers to help him get $20 million dollars! Be sure to check out his hilarious YouTube channel! Link Below. https://www.youtube.com/c/KyleDunniganComedy #kyledunnigan #whiskeyginger #andrewsantino #comedypodcast  ====================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey BIRDDOGS Use PROMO CODE: WHISKEY For your FREE TUMBLER https://birddogs.com ========================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. It is Kyle Dunnigan. So very funny, man. So smart, so funny. A man of a million voices and faces. You got to check him out. His Bill Maher is by far my favorite. Love him. I am on tour. Hey, come see me in the fall. Me and Bobby Lee are touring around the country in the fall. We added a bunch of dates. We rescheduled some stuff. We're going to be in Rochester, in Pittsburgh, in Northfield, which is near Cleveland. We're doing D.C., Chicago,

Milwaukee, Madison. We are jumping around. Go to badfriendspod.com to check out those dates. Badfriendspod.com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, dot com. Enough rambling from me. Let's be the whore. Ginger's our hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean him once again today. It's Kyle Dunnigan. Thank you. You can't sip that without cheers in me, Kyle. I don't know the rules. Yeah, that's the rules.

You're supposed to look in my eye, aren't you? Yeah, you look me, do it again. Look me in the eyes and you stick out your tongue like this. Yeah, just like a little silly boy. Take a sip. Hold it again. Look me in the eyes and you stick out your tongue. Like this. Just like a little silly boy. Take a sip. Hold it in. How do I know if it's good? Is there a way to... Does it feel smooth when it goes down?

It's pretty similar. I don't think so. There's a lot of them I think are not smooth at all. Okay. Let me try again. You know what the best part is? Hold it on your tongue for like five seconds. Hold it on your tongue. Let your tongue salivate. And now swallow.

Okay, yeah. No, that's smooth for sure. Your face. It is smooth. It's weird because alcohol tastes terrible. But then we get to a point where like, this is good, but it's funny. I think it tastes really good.

Some of it. When you first tried it, do you say, yum, this is good. Well, I, you know, it's when I first tried it, I blacked out on a bottle of rum, spiced rum. So I can't drink. If I have rum now, I'll throw up. The thought of rum is repulsive to me, but like we stole a bottle of spiced rum from my buddy, Matt's dad.

And we sat on a hill behind his house. And, you know, you didn't know anybody. You're like, how much do you take? And he's like, well, you sip, I'll sip. You sip, I'll sip. Yeah. And he threw up all over the place. I mean, he puked everywhere.

And we were dying laughing. But like the taste of rum now, no thanks. Yeah. I'm out. I don't like rum at all. Yeah. But whiskey does taste good. When I i first had whiskey i had it mixed with stuff my grandparents used to drink manhattans you know okay yeah yeah so i like that because sweet vermouth is in there cherry juice is in there it tastes it's easy to it's easy to drink okay you know yeah but whiskey on its own yeah you got to grow

to a little bit let Let's talk white stuff. We were talking white stuff. My dad would have it, and I just was always like, and I tried it a few times. I mean, if it didn't get you drunk, would you ever drink whiskey? Yeah, but if there was no payoff for anything, would you ever consume it? Oh, you just blew my mind. Bob, can you take that out? What's his name?

Joe. Joe, can you take that last thing out? I said. No, leave it in. That's so funny. Damn it. No, yeah. I mean, what would you, it's like, would you eat healthy food if you didn't, if it had

no health benefits? Exactly. Why doesn't the food that's good for us taste good? Does anybody do research? Because they put cancer in good food. You have to put cancer in good food. No, like lettuce. Why doesn't it taste good?

Yeah, why doesn't your body crave what's good for it? That doesn't make sense. Well, I think because we've interjected all of these chemicals over the years, so I think maybe a thousand years ago, it probably did taste good. You don't think so? You around back then? Yeah, kind of. You know, kids will be like, blah, to carrots. Like, just a child, a baby will be like, blah, and then? Yeah, kind of. Kids will be like, blah, to carrots.

A child, a baby will be like, blah, and then ice cream, their eyes will bug out and they'll be like, eh. Well, that has to be because sugar is

something that humans crave. I don't know why we crave sugar. Actually, I'm answering my own question, but yeah, there was a time in our evolution where the people

who got honey and ate a bunch of honey and got fat, like lived through the winter. And the ones who liked salad and didn't like the sugar and like the carb, the things would get you through a winter died. Yeah, that's right. Fatties always last. Yeah. Fatties live forever, baby. Yeah.

I'm a fatty. You're not a fatty. You're a skinny mini, dude. I'm a fatty. I'm fat. Shut up. I'm so fat. Do it.

I'm fat. I can't get fat so fat. Do it. I'm fat. I can't get fat, but what happens in my whole family, there are these just giant rocks on toothpicks. Just like the belly comes straight out. Does your dad look like that? And then everyone's leaned over. Everyone on my dad's side just leaned over fat and just tiny legs. Everything's tiny.

The fat goes nowhere but here. It's awful. It's disgusting. It's toothpicks with, you look like bowling pins. It's like tiny, wide, tiny again. Yeah, tiny. The fat goes nowhere but here. It's awful. It's disgusting. It's toothpicks with you look like bowling pins. It's like tiny wide. Yeah. Cute fam. Attractive. Girls like it. Girls like you, dude.

You're a little. I don't even date anything. You don't date anything? Nothing. Are you single right now? I'm on the apps. Yeah, but like who, I mean it's just doing Trump hands. It's just so dirty. I don't date very much. It's hard.

My whole group left LA. Yeah. You know, and there was like parties and you'd meet people. Sex parties. Sex parties. And now it's just, I don't know. I'm in my house a lot. How do you, you don't, so you're on the app, but you don't use them at all.

It's a waste of time. Every now and then I'll go out, but it's been really bad. This one girl was, I don't know, maybe it's LA, I don't know. But I'm taking her out to dinner, you know, and she's texting. At dinner. Like the whole time. And so I took a picture of her texting, and I texted it to her. So we're like, boop, come up on our phone, a picture of her texting.

I thought that would be funny or something. She goes, oh, I do look cute. She thought I was like, look how cute you are. Anyway, I to her. So we'd like, boop, come up on our phone, a picture of her texting. I thought that'd be funny or something. She goes, oh, I do look cute. Like she thought I was like, look how cute you are. Anyway, I got to get out of here. But wait, where'd you go to dinner? That's probably the most important part. Cheesecake Factory. Well, that's, yeah, that's your fault.

What's wrong with that? Nothing. Nothing. Okay. Nothing. Good. Is that where you went to Cheesecake? Where'd you really go?

Cheesecake Factory. Liar, liar, liar. Look, is that bad? I think it's a nice place. It's not. It's packed. Sure. That doesn't mean it's a nice place.

Doesn't mean it's not. I mean, it means people like it. Skid Row is packed. Is that a nice place? How's their food? Actually, really good. Really? There's a rat skewer on 4th Street.

Oh, yeah. Really good. Like a food truck? Invites you inside his tent. They should do an MTV Cribs of just tents and Skid Row downtown. Have you seen

how fucking elaborate some of them are? No, I know. They're amazing. Yeah, yeah. People build houses. There's a guy, I was across the street

from the Improv on Melrose. There used to be a restaurant right across the street from, do you remember that big two-story restaurant? It's been closed for years now. Across the street from the Improv. Okay. Oh, yeah. Right next to that, on that street, Remember that big two-story restaurant? It's been closed for years now. Across from the improv.

Oh, yeah. Right next to that, on that street, without any exaggeration, the entire block from Melrose to the alleyway, this guy has a fucking maybe 800-square-foot tent house that he set up. And it's beautiful. It's not there anymore, right? No, it's there. It was there two nights ago. It was there three nights ago. It was stunning. They've cracked down a little there anymore, right? No, it's there. It was there two nights ago. I was there three nights ago.

It was stunning. They cracked down a little bit here, right? Something happened. Well, we're in the valley. In the valley, we don't have it like that. Over on the other side, it's bad. Yeah, yeah. Are you a valley guy?

You're a valley boy? Yeah, I live, yeah. Yeah, valley's the best. Yeah. That stuff stays on that side of the hill. There's homeless guys in the valley, but it's different. Brady took over a whole parking lot and that's the Ralphs. I know, I saw that. But then they got rid of it.

They completely said, this is our parking lot. Everyone put up giant things. They killed them all. Which is nuts. It's sad. The police killed them? Yeah. You know, cops, dude. When will they stop? Oh my god, cops. We don't will they stop? Oh, my God. Cops.

We don't need them. Defund the police. What? I was going to do a refund the police tour where all the money was going to go to the police. Refund them, dude. Give it back. I shouldn't say this. My brother is a cop. My whole family is cops.

I'm Irish. You're really? Yeah. Okay. I'm half Irish. Look at us. Okay, yeah. Firefighters. I come from firefighters and cops.

Yeah, yeah. So when everybody was like, fuck police. I know. I got real defensive. Like, do you know how hard that job is? It's a nightmare. It is. My uncle worked on the west side of the south side of Chicago and was like, I dare anybody

to go try that. The job is go where people are being assholes all day long. And when they stop being assholes, there's other people being assholes. You have to go there. And they're going to scream at you. In Chicago, it's they're dead. Go see dead assholes. And then go see all the dead guys. And then go talk to people who hate you, who don't want to help you.

Find out who killed their friend. He's like, that's the hardest thing in the world. What do you mean? It's miserable. Nobody wants to do it. They're losing a lot of people. It's a bummer. Oh my God.

Now I'm suspicious who wants to be a cop. Now that's, I'm like, you want to be like, what's wrong with you that you want to even jump into this? What I would have got behind was like protests, like we need cops to have therapy twice a day. Or we need like meditations twice a day for cops.

Totally. I would have been like, okay, that makes sense. This makes sense. Yeah. I'll get behind that. All right, let's start it now, Joe. Joe. I want to be interesting right off the bat.

I want to be. Be interesting off the bat. Let's go. Let's start right now. Let's go. I want people to learn something from me. What do they learn about Kyle Dunnigan that they don't know? Oh, about me? I was going to instill wisdom about life, but okay, about me?

What about you that people don't know? I think I'm pretty boring. I'll be honest. I think I'm one of the most boring comedians. Perfect for a podcast. It's terrible for a book also. Like every comedian has like a book. It's like a fascinating thing.

Everyone has a book now. I grew up, my family was nice to me. People were nice to me. No trauma. Oh, I had one sexual assault that was good. What? It was a good sexual assault. What happened?

sexual assault. What happened? When I think back to this memory, it only brings me feelings of warmness and joy. And this is not to say, I mean, sexual assault is bad and don't do it. I'm just saying, my lived experience was this girl who was

13. I think I was 6. Whoa! This sounds really bad. Yeah, it does. I'm just saying, and you should not do this, but she was like flirting with me as a joke, and everyone's laughing, and then everyone went inside, and then I was like standing on the step, and then she came over, and she was like, bye, Kyle, and then she just made out with me.

Now. Well. What? That's not that bad. That's not, that's like kids, I mean, 13 to six is weird. Super weird. I don't know why she liked you. Was she fully functioning? Yeah, she's hot.

You were a hot six year old. Six is crazy young for a 13 year old to like, that's weird. Yeah. When I see a 13 to six year old, I'm like, ooh, that was weird. But in my perspective back then, it wasn't. You were the man. I felt like that was great. and it was, like, good. Yeah, it was very bad.

Is that girl dead or in jail? I haven't checked on her. I don't know what happened to her. We should call her right now. Call her up. Call her up. I don't think... I wish that we kept in touch.

We didn't. I just want to go back and just say, like, sexual assault's very bad, and no one should do it or get it. Yeah, it's disgusting. Yeah, we know. That was kid weird stuff, childhood stuff. It was never in

and I think, I mean maybe you go to a psychiatrist and he would analyze this and say it did screw me up in some way, but I don't think it did. It had to have. We all say that. In what way would that have screwed me up? False sense of confidence. I didn't have that. That didn't happen.

Well, the shutting down with the thing you said about women at the beginning. I've had this conversation with many of my single friends when they go, maybe it's dating in L.A. I don't think so. My sister lives in Chicago. Dating in any major metropolitan area is as chaotic as it is in any other city because everyone thinks there's something better that's next or something that, because the city moves in that direction. I go to New York like once a year and it seems better. Yeah. Because everything is better when you visit, live there.

And then I meet people and I'm like, ah, I mean here it's not as set up where you'd actually intermingle and bump into people and talk. Yeah. So I feel very isolated here in LA. No, that, that part is true, but I'm sure the dating scene in New York is just as chaotic because there's so many options. Here, people can just leave you on a date,

go on another date, or go see another person. Yeah, and they will. Kyle, they will. I just saw a thing, an ad on Instagram for Bumble or Hinge is getting sued. For what? For, it was illegally tracking messaging conversations or it was filtering messaging conversations.

Okay. Which now you know it's all going to come out. All of these apps are going to start to crumble and they're going to find out they're all, with a joke of like, oh, they're listening. They are, but now it's going to get deeper. We're all going to find out, oh, they're logging my conversations

and logging key phrases and words. You know that's coming to get deeper. We're all going to find out, oh, they're logging my conversations and logging key phrases and words. You know that's coming. Lock up. I don't type anything that's going to get me in trouble. No, but I think it's not even that. It's not even negative like you did something bad. It's like they're just logging conversation, which— I'm okay with that.

Okay, cool. Yeah. Invasion of privacy is fine. You know, I— I'm going to come in your house and sit there for days on end, not do or say anything, and then leave. You wouldn't bother you at all. I think it's because that girl sexually assaulted me.

That is exactly why. I have no boundaries. Maybe that is it. I don't really have boundaries. You just let people in all the time. Yeah, I think, you know, people should have their privacy, but I also don't care about my privacy that much. I do. In that regard, I do. Because we give so much... You know, people just have their privacy, but I also don't care about my privacy that much. I do. In that regard, I do.

Because we give so much. As comics, we're always like, look at us. Here's some shit. Here's some stuff. Here's a joke. Here's a video. So on the other side of it, I want some semblance of security to feel like you're not giving everything away all the time. You're already on the internet. If you're on the internet at all and you're on social, which you are, you post a fair amount.

It's like you're giving a lot. Do you want even more of them to be taken? Well, that's the thing. Like I think the surveillance that's happening, and this might be naive, is for them to make more money. Like their motivation is like money. So it's not like to take what I say and get me in trouble. No, I'm not saying trouble. I'm just saying, but the motivation to get more money must have a root of mischief involved.

Because when one thing starts to grow, they'll start to grow something else. Because it's just to make money, but they can use elements from that to go, you know what else happens when this happens? That's true, yeah. I mean, it could get. It's like one of the greatest inventions in American history, truly. I would say the airplane. No, no, when are they usually? During times of war.

Yeah, because we spend all this fucking money on shit we don't need. And then in that regard, they go, you know what we found out when we were building that crazy fucking bomb? Fucking Cheetos. Like, it's stuff like that where they're like, this was...

Is that true? Yes, the atomic bomb is how cheetos got made what yeah that happened some of the bomb dust uh got on some guy's hand and he's like i would like this after i eat i went all the way i know i dug you down i dug you away the acting was good thank you no but i mean great inventions always lead to something else when people are wasting money and war or any sort of revolution. They're wasting money on one thing. They always find another way to make money on something else.

But that's a little different. I mean, those are two. Those aren't apples and apples. Those are apples and bombs. Yeah, it's more like two separate. I, A, all things equal, I'd like people not to spy on me. But this whole. But now they're going to. And everybody at home listening, please start spying on Kyle Dunnigan things equal, I'd like people not to spy on me. But this whole... But now they're going to.

And everybody at home listening, please start spying on Kyle Dunnigan. Yeah, I mean... This is his address and phone number right here. We're going to put it up right on the screen. It's going to be super boring. That's his home address and phone number. Well, let's see what happens. Yeah.

I mean, I'm an American. I don't want any spying. But the spying that's happening with my phone, I talk about Vegas and they send me a Wynn hotel discount. It's pointing right at you now too. That's the best part. It really, it's unbelievable. We're talking about Vegas. If I say Las Vegas. Vegas, Vegas, Vegas, Vegas. They're going to send me an email

about it. In an hour. Which is kind of nice. Part of that is fun. Anyway, I seem pro-communism or something, but I'm not. That's okay, Commie. That Commie. Don't spy on us. Don't spy on me. Yeah, yeah. You've already opened the gate, dude.

In fact, you of all people who make a lot of, for people that don't know, first of all, big fan of a lot of your stuff. Honestly, for years I've watched you. Thank you. And your political characters that you are able to do not only is impressive, but it's also, you're begging

for spite. I mean, you're getting spied on. The amount of politicians you make fun of and the way that you have gone viral with them, they're looking at you. Well, I know I'm very unfriendly to advertisers. Yeah. I'm the exact thing they all hate. Everything I post on YouTube gets demonetized.

Every... Because of language content? No, I just... It's political. It just... Yeah. And I get, you know, the ad press don't want to be involved in anything political or divisive so they don't want it. But it does suck. Yeah, but also you're never

that offensive. None of the characters are that, like, offensive. I know. That's what I... And it's, like, so silly. I get so surprised. I get... I mean, I got. That's what I, and it's like so silly. I get so surprised. I get, I mean, I got completely kicked off. I mean, completely demonetized from Facebook.

I can't make any money on Facebook, period. I'm not on Facebook. I haven't been on in a long time. Are people still on it? Oh yeah. Facebook's big. Is it really big?

And I mean that. I don't know. Yeah, I think it is. Well, it's also connected to Instagram. Oh right. They're the same now. Yeah. But I also, I don't know. Yeah, I think it is. Well, it's also connected to Instagram. Oh, right. They're the same now.

Yeah. But I also, I don't know. I'm not sure how to make money. I don't know how to make money. Well, let's try to make you some money right now. Okay. Guys, here is a GoFundMe right here for Kyle. Please click on this if you're watching right now.

We're going to get a GoFundMe going. What are we talking? How much do we want to raise? I thought about this. I think- You got to throw a number out. If I were to put money in my bank, we're going to get a GoFundMe going. What are we talking? How much do we want to raise? I thought about this. I think you got to throw a number. If you were to like put money in my bank, we're going to have to work again. It would be $20 million. 20 million.

Let's get to 20 million work ever again. Guys, can we please, please, please get to 20 million, hopefully within a week or two. I think that's feasible. If everyone gives a couple bucks,

we can get there for Kyle. Seriously. It doesn't take that much. How many people watch the show? 77. 77 people? We just dropped, we lost one last week, 78. And Marcos, if you are sneak listening,

we know that you left. Joe. Joe? Start it now. Start it now. All right, good. I feel like I haven't been interesting yet. I do.

I think you're interesting. I want to ask you. Yeah. I heard through the grapevine that Bill Maher is not a fan of your impression of him. I did an impression, a couple of videos of him where he was just, it was the most innocuous, non-offensive, non-attacking him videos. They were very good. It was just like reading to children was the whole thing. I was likeoffensive, non-attacking him videos. They were very good. It was just like reading to children was the whole thing.

I was like, oh, would you eat green eggs? You wouldn't. He's reading children's books. It was just a silly, it wasn't even about him really. And then he went on Joe Rogan and he just brought me up. Out of nowhere, he brought me up. It was the day you had some guy was doing a terrible impression of me. He said that, that I was doing a terrible impression of me he said that

that I was doing a terrible impression of him and then Joe was like I oh Kyle no it's a great impression and he's like

Jamie play a video and he goes if you play that I'm leaving he got really mad that's so fucking funny and then after he did that then I felt free

to really do some Bill Marvin yeah and then they got really I think I went too far actually Then I felt free to really do some Bill Maher. Yeah. And then they got really, I think I went too far actually. Why do you say that? Well, the next video I did, like, it was like a Bill Maher gang bang is what I did next.

You think he's never been in a gang bang before? No, I hit home really hard. It was, it was a make a, make a wish. Like it was like make a sketch where like a sick boy wrote this sketch. This is the premise of it. So I'm just like, I don't want to do this, but Caleb, you know, wrote this. And I would just keep cutting back and forth this gangbang. Everyone just fucking built more on their ass.

Anyway, now he probably, I actually went to Hawaii with him in his plane. He doesn't remember me, I'm sure. You went to Hawaii in his private jet? We went on vacation together. This is about like 10 years ago. How did this come about? But I was dating a girl who was friends with him. We missed our plane to Hawaii. So he was like, come on my plane.

How did you even get connected with him to come on his plane? My girlfriend at the time was friends with him. Oh, must have been good enough friends to come on my plane to How did you even get connected with him to come on his plane? My girlfriend at the time was friends with him. Oh, must have been good enough friends to come on my plane to Hawaii. That's insane. Had they ever dated? No. I'm trying to find the pinhole of why he

still has a little bit of a gripe with you. I don't think he even remembers. I was invisible to him on this trip. I would always get his back. How many people were on the jet? It was Alan Thicke. Love a good Thicke.

He was great. I loved him. And his wife. And then I think two writers. And then me and my girlfriend. Like writers from his show. And 10 years ago, you miss a flight. She says, I'll call Bill. And Bill goes, come on my show. Mm-hmm. And 10 years ago, you miss a flight. She says, I'll call Bill.

And Bill goes, come on my jet. Yeah, yeah. And you went, and his, and he doesn't own a jet, though. He just had, he just. He rented it, I guess. Yeah. He chartered one. And he had this show in Hawaii. And, you know, we had dinners, and he just was so mean to me.

I really clocked him that trip. Like, I don't like this. This guy's, like, not nice to me. And my girlfriend was like, he's not being nice to you. I'm like, yeah, that's what I thought. And guy's like not nice to me and my girlfriend was like he's not being nice I'm like yeah that's what I thought and he just was not nice to me and I'm like

this you know they're all billionaires I'm this like poor guy who you could just be nice to and like Alan everyone else was really nice to me

yeah I remember when at dinner I was like my hand was shaking giving my credit card to these dinners we were going to because you were nervous

and not paying I didn't eat like I didn't eat. Like, I didn't order an entree once. I just acted like a, because I was scared. At this time, I had very little money. And I don't know. I was just like, oh, this guy's kind of a dick.

And then there was another thing where we were, I was at the Ice House, and he was on the show. He wouldn't let anybody in the green room. And there's like, there was nowhere to stand. Yeah, the Ice House, you were in that hallway is where you'd have to stand so i'm on the show and i'm like this fucking guy and i went in there i sat in there and they didn't kick me out but it was just like and he didn't he didn't converse with you at all no no that i was being i was betraying a thing this was before the trip to hawaii but i just was like this fucking guy anyway i agree with like everything he says.

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So go over to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Once again, go over to Squarespace. All right, go to Squarespace.com. You got a free trial. Check it out. Try it out. When you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, baby, I like my bird dogs. Bird dogs just sent me a package yesterday. Yesterday. I just got a package from bird dogs. Love them so much. My favorite thing about bird dogs, those inner liners. I love the shorts with the inner lining so I can go for a jog, go for a run, jump in the pool, play with my pup. They're comfortable. They don't stink. They stretch

because sometimes I get fatty patty stink. They stretch because sometimes I get fatty patty legs. You know, sometimes I get fatty patty legs, you know, and I'm a bad boy and I'm chips and salsa late at night. I get fatty patty legs. And I love that the bird dog stretch bird dogs make such comfortable, functional clothing. It's incredible. The best part is now they got these khaki shorts. They look like khaki shorts, but they function like a gym shorts. So it's a great trick, baby. Uh, trick the world into being the comfort King or queen that you truly are. Bird dogs is incredible. They make such a great product. I love working out at them. Um, and I love lounging around the crib and I'm because I don't like wearing underwear and I love sliding in and out of my bird dogs,

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Okay, people. Here's the thing. Okay, everything's condescending. Oh, really? There's like a face thing he does. Bill, tell me about how you feel about Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's has the worst parking lots. Can we get a bigger parking lot? He does find a minute thing and he,

he does a thing where I would already agree with it. And I have no, I don't have any beef with him. I'm just saying he, he does a thing where I already agree with you, but then he inflates it to make it feel like it's extra like can you fucking believe and you're like yeah yeah no we yes we know yeah yeah he's the first person right right right the first one on the moon like and everybody's like yeah uh-huh yeah yes i guess rule. Do we have to buy our own bags?

Look at that. Which, by the way, I never can remember. I have the bags. I never bring them in. I do it out of protest. You don't tell me. I don't. I want the paper bag. No one tells you when to bring a bag in.

Yeah, fuck you. I'm going to fucking bring my paper bag. You know what? Cheers, dude. Fuck your bag. There it is. We almost got there. I don't bring bags. I don't. I don't bring them. There's paper there. I'll take the paper. They'll recycle it. It'll be fine.

Ten cents, though. That adds up. Can I be honest with you right now? I'm doing okay. The 20 cents? The 20 cents? I got it. I'm doing that the 20 cents I got it I'm doing that to supplement other people what took off your career what started you feeling

like oh things are starting to line up for me my sex tape leaked and I think that was probably one of the best things I had ever done you don't think that was good? no why? it didn't show me in a good light it wasn't compelling

was there anything else? Was there some other moment? Uh, uh, the pandemic, did you start, uh, catching waves then?

No, I think like the beginning, beginning of my career was like, I did a couple of sitcoms and then I did, you know, Oh yeah. What were you on? Floundered through some stuff.

And then comedy started to kind of rumble in a good way because of the internet and podcasting and all that stuff. What was the show you were on? I can't remember the name of it. I'm dying to appear. I did that on Showtime where we did the comedy show. First, I did one called Mixology years ago. Mixology.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, those are good gigs. No, they're not. They're a terrible show. Yeah, they are. Well, they write everything and they edit it and you just do the lines. Yeah, acting?

Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of easy. It just do the lines. Yeah, acting? Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of easy. It's like the greatest. Yeah, Seinfeld's at it best. He's like, you play dress up. My daughter does that every single day. That's one gig I have come to Seinfeld is he put me in this movie and I didn't even have to audition. In the Kellogg movie?

Yeah, the Kellogg movie. Yeah. I don't know if we – can we talk about that? Is that public? I have no idea. I think it's public that it's coming out I got sent that script and I read it and for people that don't know

it's about the Kellogg brothers were brothers, Kellogg serial and it is like this hysterical feud that they had had oh this is a different movie it's about Pop-Tarts which is Kellogg the basis was of which there was Kellogg Brothers.

Okay. I'm almost positive. This isn't in the movie. It's either Post or Kellogg. One of those two were brothers. Yeah. And they had competing cereal brands. That's not in the film at all?

No, the Post versus Kellogg feud is there, but not the brothers. I'm almost positive. You know, I could be wrong. But anyway. Did you read the script? Yeah, I did a bunch of table feud is there, but not the brothers. I'm almost positive. I could be wrong. But anyway. Did you read the script? Yeah, I did a bunch of table reads before I was even given a part. But I don't remember the brothers. Yeah, John Harvey, Will Keith Kellogg, the Kellogg brothers.

Yeah, so what happened was they sparked this rivalry because one of them wouldn't share the recipe. And he wanted to go off on his own. And so behind his back, he stamped like the Kellogg name on one of them wouldn't share the recipe and he wanted to go off on his own. And so behind his back, he stamped like the Kellogg name on one of the boxes. That's how that was started by Kellogg's. That is not the focus of this film. Oh, what is this now? It's the guy who invented the Pop-Tart.

So the original thing that I read was about the feud of the brothers. Really? And stealing the name. Yeah, that was the first draft. Was it Seinfeld? It was, that was the movie. I don it Seinfeld? That was the movie. I don't know if he was his yet. Oh, this is probably two Kellogg movies that just were around

the same time. God damn the Kellogg Brothers. It must be because it was always about Seinfeld's bit about the Pop-Tarts. So this movie is about the Pop-Tart. The Pop-Tart, yeah. Coming up with the Pop-Tart. And is the movie good? I mean, I haven't seen it. How much are you in it? I have like four scenes that are you know

small relatively small i play walter cronkite and um johnny carson in it you play walter cronkite yeah i went to his school did you really yeah i went to the school of journalism school oh where's that arizona state it's not a real place. Oh. Arizona? State. Oh. It's a state school. Oh okay. I didn't come from any money we couldn't afford a real nice school. State school is kind of the that was kind of my state school was like really I knew I was going to

a state school. Out of state though that's kind of nice but it was cheaper than in state state schools in Illinois at the time. ASU I think cost me eight grand a year or something. I don't even remember what it was back then. Yeah, my first year I went to a very expensive school and I was like,

this is such a waste of my parents' money that I transferred to a state school. How much was it? 20K or something like that? It was like more. Holy shit, where'd you go? To Ithaca College for a year. Oh, Ithaca is so nice.

You were a smart young man, huh? Not really. I couldn't read. I still can't read. Can you read like that sign? I can read, but it's really slow and bad and arduous. When I was growing up, that meant you were dumb. It was the equivalent of you being stupid.

And so I went to a few speed reading courses my parents put me in. And one was these nuns. And we had to drive like an hour and a half to this place. And they had this machine. It would project on the wall to help you read better and train your mind. So there was ten, I remember this very well,

there was ten phases. And the first one was very slow. 10 was like super fast. So they tested me when I first got there and I was on level one. I couldn't read faster than level one. And then none saw I was upset and she was like, don't worry. By the end of the summer, you'll be on level 10. And I was like, really?

I was really excited because I really didn't want to be stupid. And so I would go there like three times a week, hour and a half each way, and worked really hard. End of the summer, they did my test. Guess what level I was on? For the sake of comedy, I'm going to say three. One. I was on one.

You didn't move. And then I remember her like lightly patting my back goodbye. Like you could see. Some children cannot be saved. Yeah, she was like, the faith of God just fell off her face. But anyway, I never was tested for any reading problem, but I must have one. Do you think maybe some of that came from the trauma of the sexual assault from that girl? Yes, that's what it was.

Were you reading a book when she kissed you? She hurt me from reading. Yeah. Imagine you're reading Tom Sawyer's. I was reading Tom Sawyer, yeah. And she's kissing you, and then everything just went numb. Everything garbled up. And words became toxic and evil to you.

God, where is she? I want to talk to her. Were you ever, as a kid, did you get all, like, were you given a lot of love? A decent amount. It was fine. I mean, there's really nothing to complain about. Could you have a level of calmness about you? I haven't slept.

Oh. I sleep like two hours a night. Why? I don't know. I think I need to meditate more. I also have a very unhealthy, unsanitized bedroom situation. Not dirty. Do you live in filth?

No, but like it's not like I have screens, like the TV's on all night. My phone's in my bed with my laptop. It's not, what do you call it? My bed hygiene. Hygiene's the wrong word. I'm not even looking for it. Yeah, hygiene is not it.

It's, there's a word for this. Anyway. Like your bed manner, your bedside manners. I don't know. Your room is a tech cave. It's like a tech chaos cave it's very bad for sleep I went to a sleep therapist

it was almost 6 grand to go to a sleep therapist when you could just google what she told me but she spread out over like 6 sessions but anyway what you do is if you can't sleep and this completely works but I won't do it I did it once and it works you can't have any you can't look at screens an hour before you go to bed.

Yeah. And you wear the stupid fuck blue blockers. And then you lie in bed and if you can't sleep, you get up and you read a book in a chair. And when your head starts to nod, then you get back into bed. If in five minutes you're not asleep, you get back out of bed and you sit in the chair and you read your head nods and you get back in. It's exhausting for a week but after a week your brain goes i get it and you lay down you sleep it's great but then once you just creep and i'm watching tv or da da da you're done and you spiral back that's what happened to me i i don't i just

i've accepted the fact that my sleep patterns are absurd because of the career that we have that sometimes if i'm on the road and I'm touring and I'm going to get good sleep and some nights I'm going to get terrible sleep, some nights I get no sleep, I've accepted it. Let me tell you the insanity of the road. Give it to me, baby.

This is what I've distilled it down to, which is what you only think about, but it's what's crazy making. You're alone for 23 hours. Then you have too much attention for an hour. Then You're alone for 23 hours. Then you have too much attention for an hour. Then you're alone for 23 hours. You have too much attention for an hour. Then you're alone for 20.

And then after five days, you just feel like an alien and completely unattached and isolated. That's very weird. Unless you go on the road with friends, which I'm not at that level with the bus and the good times. That's what we're doing, good times.

Don't tell me that. I'll FaceTime you from the bus and show you how fun we're having. Fuck that, I don't want to even know what you guys are doing. Where are you guys going? Who are you going on the road with? Me and Bobby Lee are touring around the country right now. You guys are assholes. But we're playing pretty marginal rooms.

There are like 3,000, 4,000 seats. Just a couple of people. I seriously consider this take to be fine, but it wouldn't have been worth it. You could have done it. This is fine. This is fake carpet and shit. It would have gone all over you. No, consider this take to be fine, but it wouldn't have been worth it. You could have done it. This is fine. This is fake carpet and shit. It would have gone all over you. No, you know, I get it, though.

That is kind of like the blue light of phones is like when you are on the road, because for years, I mean, I did that for years and years and years of like all the attention, all the attention. Nobody, you're alone in your room eating bad fast food. All the attention, all the attention, you know, in your room jerking off trying to get to bed in a hotel like that is true that is that same effect on your brain of like it's toxic that's why there was nights i would be exhausted get in the hotel bed after doing shows want to go to sleep can't sleep wake up jerk off try to go to sleep again. You don't wake up and jerk off? TMI. Whoa, whoa, dude. Might be. Wake up, masturbate, and try to go back to sleep. One time at four in the morning, I sat in the tub. And sitting in the tub at like a Marriott courtyard is just not, it's just a bummer.

You sat in the tub? Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, I turned on the fucking water. Usually you go like, I got in the tub. You say, I sat in the tub. Well, because it was depressing. Getting in the tub sounds like I got in the tub. You say I sat in the tub. Well, because it was depressing. Getting in the tub sounds nice.

Sitting in the tub sounds sad. I see. So it's like the tub is over and you're now just sitting in the water. Sitting in the tub. Okay. I actually know what you're talking about. I oddly know what you mean. You've been there.

If you've been there, you know. I've sat in my tub. It's sad. It's not I'm taking a bath. No, it's over. The bath is over. The bath is over. Now you're just sitting in the tub.

Okay. Yes. Welcome back to Sitting in a tub. Okay, yes. Welcome back to Sitting in a Tub with Kyle Dunnigan. Today we're going to talk about how sad it is to just sit in a tub. And also those tubs are small. You're kind of a tall guy. I'm a tall guy. No, I'm not. How tall are you? Five, eight and a half. Long legs. Short legs. Stick them out. It's an

illusion you're saying. Go straight forward. I have the tiniest little legs. They look long. I have the tiniest little legs. They look long. I have the legs of a 12-year-old girl. I know. I was trying to hype you up for the audience. You ruined it. He's tall, ladies. He's taller than he looks.

That's the one thing. It's like people are so sensitive to other people's feelings, except like if you're dating apps, like under 5'10", don't bother. It's like, oh, it's okay to... There's certain things. Yeah, we have to be very promotional. Being a redhead. People feel free to pick on redheads.

You're a good-looking guy. You got confidence. But there's little boys who are redheads who it's okay to... I think we should shit on everybody. I'm not saying... I agree. But if you're going to not shit on anybody

except for redheads and short people, we got to... What are we doing it's still socially acceptable make fun of certain things for some reason it's just like you say anything about a fat person it's like you're the worst person to ever live you say something about someone who has a lazy eye you're like yeah it's like how dare you yeah that's a disability but then if you go look at this little short red-headed loser gross girls like short guys look at that little troll yeah no it is it is funny how we're supposed to be um uh you know

no shaming and we're supposed to be like sex positive and promotion of every everyone's lifestyles but they are allowed to slide through on certain ones where they're like short guys are gross why? yeah white men, fucking piece of shit well they are gross, most white men are gross and that's just because we've seen us enough where you see a couple of whites walking around and you're like men are gross

I think guys yeah in general I don't know how women how they even do sex with us? it's disgusting I think their computer goes somewhere else. I think their brain literally puts them in another place because their body instinctively would go,

no, no, no. Yeah. So their brain has to go, and they're morphed into somewhere else and they disappear. And the female brain, the craniums are smaller, so they can't fit as much brains in there.

Right. And then there's that problem right right what does they say the female brain is one quarter the size of a male brain it's or it's less than a quarter it's three quarters smaller right and then add on to that you know the whole shoes and bags thing which takes up a lot of the brain. Just the right hemisphere of shoes and bags. Right. Yeah. What is that?

By the way, this has been covered, but it really, I know it's like a, someone at home is literally like, this is, do they really think that? Is that how they really think?

That's disgusting. It's, it's just, it's the fact the cranium is a lot smaller. Like it's, this is, this is science. You can't get. What were you saying shoes and bag

thing i don't want you to skip that no i mean it's been treaded over but it really that stereotype like they like a lot of them really do love shoes and bags yeah well a lot of uh uh as a straight man yeah i feel like that's our cars and toys like how guys love computers and tech and we're like obsessed like dude i know friends that have to have new tech they're obsessed with new tech yeah and that's their shoes and bags so they look at us being like why do you give a fuck about that new tv computer ipad watch phone but who cares but that stuff's cool. That's what they say. Shoes and bags. What's your embarrassing, like what's the thing that you know is like,

it's a little embarrassing that you love it, but you will pay good money for it. You don't care. Oh, like something I shop for? Well, I clearly don't buy clothes. No, not clothes. Yeah, that's no.

I do like tech stuff. I bought an iPad. This is what I mean. Yeah, you don't really need it, but you're like, I really like to have a little mobile computer without keys. Yeah, and I go to Starbucks and I look and I think, I don't even need to look at this right now. It's so stupid.

And also iPads, then everybody gets the keyboard attachment for the iPad. Yeah, I got that. So you just bought another fucking computer. You got an uncomfortably small keypad here. It's so hard to type on. It's so stupid. Those things are so dumb. They were like,

I had a Helio phone. That was a phone that you probably don't even remember. Back when blackberries were hot, there was a company called Helio that was like a sidekick. And it had the smallest keys you've ever seen in your fucking,

I couldn't, I couldn't do it. I would double hit keys all the time. And I thought, why would I do this? This is a complete waste of time. You know, I love? And I want us to transition into electric cars.

Because during the pandemic, no one was driving. And I live where my outdoor, you wouldn't have to clean it. And now every week there's this black gunk. I got to wipe down. I just want us all to be in electric cars. Do you drive an electric car right now? I do. And I'll tell you, in every way it's better.

The big thing, I think they need to do a commercial where a guy drives up in his electric car. And there's a person putting gas in their phone. And their phone has a little engine and there's smoke coming out of it. And he's like, why do you have that? And he's like, oh, because I don't like to wait too long to fill my phone up. And then I haven't thought this commercial through. I can tell. The point of the thing is, is people equate, which is natural.

Like, I go to a gas station every week. I don't want to wait at a charger a half hour every week. Right. I'll just fill it up in five minutes. But you don't, that's not, it's not the same thing. It's a phone. It's like a phone. You plug it in when you go home.

Yeah. It charges when you're asleep. You, I never go to a gas station or a charge. I never go to a charging station. The only time would be on a road trip. I've taken a Tesla on a road trip and then you have to stop. And then all you do is eat for 15 minutes. You are even driving three and a half hours.

You want to stop and eat and it takes a half hour, but you, you charge, you have to sit waiting to charge your car as much. You have to sit waiting to charge your phone on the road when you're not at your hotel. Like you don't, it just happens.

It's just like so much better. I agree. I know what you're saying. What do you drive? A Tesla? Do you have one of those? Yeah. Which one?

The three? Yes. Yeah. The three. You look like a poor person. One. Yeah. I could tell you were a three.

Yeah. Do you know why I knew you weren't an S? Why? You don't seem like a large sedan guy. You don't seem like you'd want a big, long sedan. I have the cyber truck on hold. I don't know if I'll be able to afford it,

but I have it reserved. Why would you buy that? Because because it's awesome do you need a pickup truck no yeah that's i know that i don't get i guess no that's where the that's the electric i agree i know what you mean by but that's the part of it where i go that's silly you would never need a pickup truck well now i will practicality i think you need a pickup truck if you're loading stuff in the back for work. I also got a thing that goes in the back reserved where it pops up and it's like a shower and a bed and an office and then you can just go anywhere and you plug

it in and then you're just on God's good humor. Okay, I like it. You know what? I take it back. I like it. Just imagine. And it's got windows so you can just go to the beach and pop it up and then you're just frying eggs, take a shower,

go to the beach. I mean, it's game changer. I'm on your side now. My problem, I know what you mean. I think that's cool, the electric car thing. I get it.

I've always been a combustion engine guy. I like cars. I'm a huge car fan. What do you like about cars? Why do I like engines over batteries? Yeah, what are you getting out of that that you feel like you're going to miss? Um, the sheer power, like you actually feel the power of an engine. Like you can physically feel the pull of an engine where the pull of electric, it's impressive. I've driven the plaid. I've,

I've been in fast electric cars. It feels like a go-kart. it doesn't feel like there's any machines working and i'd like the if that feeling for some reason is like it's it's it's in my gut like i love the feeling of a machine working and these pistons smacking together there's something beautiful about fire and combustion and and fucking engines like just slamming and pumping to pull you forward is i don't know it's something beautiful i mean it. I mean, I could see that being something. In the same way like humans were obsessed with horses, why we rank horsepower in cars, because it was impressive to physically see this machine,

this animal machine, yank humans, was wild. That had to be, to be able to go, get me seven of them. If one is good, seven must be better. And it's going to pull a lot more weight. And there's something impressive about that that I think humans naturally. So you can have like your fun car and your driveway most of the time. But you don't go out and everything around you, wow, do you? Like it really is something where.

I do. But I'm a car guy. I love cars. Like I just ordered a new car. And it's a waste. What kind of car is it? It's a waste. I'm not going to tell.

I'll tell you later. I'll tell you later. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. A GT. car is it? It's a waste. I'm not going to tell. I'll tell you later. I'll tell you later. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. A GT. What is that? Just naming a GT? I don't even know.

I just hear that's a car, people say. Isn't that a car? Yeah, sure. There's a GT. I mean, GT would be like attached, like a Ford GT?

No, I can't. That's not. That's like, no, no. You bought a Lamborghini. I bought two Lamborghinis. Shut up. One for me, one for you. One's pink and That's like, no, no. You bought a Lamborghini. I bought two Lamborghinis. Shut up.

One for me, one for you. One's pink and one is blue. I would love to drive one. But the downs that you turn the car, it stinks. Your shortening lives. It's just, there's so many downsides to cars. Now, as a fun thing, I get that. But it is, the speed and the instant torque is fun too that you don't get from a car. No, you do get them from nice cars, from very high performance cars.

You can't get that instant, instant torque. You still got a little of that current, right? No, you do. For performance cars. I'll take you in my car after this. We'll have some fucking fun. And you'll go, this is kind of nice. I just feel like

you get used to it a little bit after a while and then ultimately the day-to-day sitting in traffic most of the time you want to be also the the autopilot on tesla is unbelievable people i i don't think it's being see i don't talk about i don't want it to drive me i don't like that i want to drive i like driving but you can always disengage. I know, but I want to engage. I like engaging. Seven hours to Arizona, you want to engage the whole time? I'll be on a plane. That's insane.

Why the fuck am I- I drove to Arizona. It's fucking great. Why? You sit back. You're free. The car drives itself. What are you doing the whole time when you're driving seven hours?

You're on the text. Yeah, fuck that. Be on a plane for 45 minutes texting and then land in Arizona. No, no, no. You get your car. That's nice. No, I do. Be on a plane for 45 minutes texting and then land in Arizona. No, no, no. You need a car. That's nice. No, I do. This is where I differ.

I am a, not to mention the fact that mining for lithium is absolutely going to fucking ruin the earth, by the way. No, not at all. 100%. Lithium is in every con in every country. It's a very, it's a very. The creation of electric cars costs way more for the earth in the long run. It will. Absolutely not.

Oh, for sure. I'm going to tell you why you're wrong. For sure. This is important to talk about. Let's hear it. Because you have a big audience. It's also, again, equating it to combustion engines, ice vehicles. It's not the same.

Once you mine the stuff, it's all very reusable and— We'll see. No, no, no. It's very—they can We'll see. No, no, no. It's very easy. They can already do it. There's already companies started where you can take batteries and every time you recycle them,

they become even more pure. So once we get enough of the stuff and these cars die and they take the batteries, it's going to be a self-generating thing. Unlike you burn fossil, you got to keep digging more and more. It's not like that. But a lot of burn fossil, you got to keep digging more and more. It's not like that.

But a lot of these things, you have to dig so deep because there's so much money being lost with the oil companies having this transition, which is going to happen just naturally, but it's being really slowed down because of the misinformation that's being really pumped out there pretty hard.

It's hard to, like very few people know this fact. And people should know it. Like, it should be promoted. You know, we want to get, you know, into reusable energy. We want to get off, you know, fossil fuels. We have to. I mean, there's only like a certain amount. We're going to hit peak oil, you know, at some point.

Sure. I mean, you go on, we used to be the biggest producer. Then it was like Venezuela. It bumps around because people dig up their oil and then they have to slow down because they see. And even the United Emirates and places over there, they're putting money into making their place like Dubai into a tourist place because they see the end of the oil. Like they know it's a –

Well, that's also like a fake paradise too. They want more money to come in because it's a playground for billionaires. Yeah, but the point being like they see the end of their like money train and they know they – But there's without a doubt something – nothing was without cost. So something is coming from mining all of these materials for there's no chance that it's clean. I saw that guy on Rogan talking about,

first of all, the amount of slave labor that's happening, that's digging some of this is awful and crazy. But I mean, Tesla's very much on top of that. I mean, there's, I don't know, their latest stock shareholder meeting. Like they're very much on top of making sure there's no slave labor or using children. But can we though?

Unless we're seeing it all the time. Like we have iPhones. He said he would put, that's a thing. It's like we- We're using slave labor iPhones. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why I'm saying, so I don't buy it. When a major corporation says we are doing our diligence,

don't buy it. I don't buy it. I think they are says we are doing our diligence, don't buy it. I don't buy it. I think they are all doing what's going to make them the most money. And if it is at the cost of, you know, a balance of humanity, they will look the other way. Because they're like, we had no idea that company. We hired out a third-party company to do that. We didn't know they were doing that. I think generally that's true.

But I don't think it's true in this case for right for this i don't know yeah because um it's cobalt is like the cobalt yeah that's the big one and so they've taken it out of uh 97 of the batteries is it's only three percent cobalt at this point they're looking to get rid of it completely like they're very much realized their brand you mean to think it's like a greedy thing a greedy company they know their brand and people aren't going to put up with it and they're going to protest yeah for some reason we don't with the iphone but and all phones like your phones are completely you know cobalt it's like uh it's all cobalt it's it's mostly yeah so we don't have a problem with that but also i don't think and i don't mean to be like a tesla fanboy i certainly don't have this i know i don't but i

do have criticism of him but i think there's a lot of shit about him that's just being pumped out that's not true i mean i know frank he open sources patents now someone with a greedy motherfucker doesn't do that. That's someone who, that's a very strong push to saying to backing, I really want us to move to reusable energy. And make it better, right.

The opening of being like, if you can do this better using the things that I've created, make it better. No, I think that's cool. Close that patent and make money off it. But anyway, I'm not saying he's a perfect guy. Definitely got flaws. But there's so much bad shit about EVs

and I see so little corrective information that I like have energy to, this is a very funny podcast. All right, Joe, start now. Well, because there's lobbyists that really make a lot of money on that. It's the same thing with guns and cigarettes.

It's like the reason that alcohol and guns and cigarettes, we know they're the deadliest things in the world, but we fucking, they're making so much money on it. They can't stop now, baby. I want a gun. Do you have a gun? Yeah. Joe, bring in the gun. Imagine if we had a gun for a guest.

Every guest gets a gun. I would love that. I went and I shot. It's fuck, it's terrifying. I love shooting guns. But you know what? I get the danger, but I was raised knowing. My dad was extremely, we didn't have guns all over the house.

But if we would go hunting in Wisconsin or Northern Illinois, it was a big deal for him to like really, because I was a fucking lunatic when I was a kid. So he was like, this is, this is for real, dude. There's no fucking around. And if anybody, if anybody was even remotely goofing around, he would shut it all down. Even like he didn't like any sort of, there was no playtime with guns. It wasn't good. Smart. Well, it changed the way I, my perspective on it. Now, granted that was probably my dad's the minority. He was the son of a military guy. So like he took it all very serious. We were the minority.

Most people that we knew or hunted that they use guns. Fucking. Yeah. They'd be like, check this out, man. Fuck. Pop off in their backyard. Yeah. But that's the problem is there is no nobody takes it serious.

Yeah. What's kind of stopped me from getting one is just that statistic of like you probably shoot yourself if you get a gun. You'll probably die. Yeah. It's if you were going to get a gun though, what would you get? How big?

Oh, just that kind of small. And then the revolver. No, the revolvers don't jam as much. They said, they said get a revolver. That's like,

I'd love to see you shoot somebody. You know, I would, I would, if they deserved it. Yeah. But I went to the gun range and I went to the guy. I was like, yeah, give me a gun.

And he was like, you ever shot before? I was like, yeah, yeah, I shot before. So he gave me the thing and I went in there and I, and I was terrified. And I was like, I can't pull the trigger. But what made me pull the trigger was the idea that I would go back and go, I couldn't shoot it. To the guy who I was acting so tough in front of, and he'd be like, no, this is not for me. So I shot that.

And then once you shoot it once, you're like, oh, this is no big deal. It does scare you a little bit when you go to those places and you shoot a gun, and I have, maybe it's a dark brain, but I stood there for a second when my round was empty, and I was like, what's stopping this stranger next to me just turning yeah that's another fucking thing I didn't like the thought of a stranger I don't know this man who's next to me in this other bay we're protected but what would stop him from moving around it coming up to

either you know that's fucked me up I was like what stopped this guy from killing me and I think I could shoot that guy you'd go the other way you go I could kill everybody in here I was like I should shoot these people this people this is a great movie this is like a Tarantino film of like two perspectives at the same time oh yeah we cut to it yeah

of me being like god what if somebody just and you're like god I could do anything I want in here yeah they're dangerous the thing was like

five feet away I couldn't fucking hit it the target the thing was right there and I'm like how does it know hold this well cause you're probably

moving when you're shooting right the kickback probably moves the bullet yeah I mean you have to have a pretty strong forearm to hold it really tight let me see your forearms real fast and I'm like, how does it know hold this? Well, because you're probably moving when you're shooting, right? The kickback probably moves the bullet. Yeah. I mean, you have to have a pretty strong forearm to hold it really tight. Let me see your forearms real fast. Yeah, those are not.

If you shot it like this, I don't think it was going to go anywhere. It is fun to do it, though. I know. It is really. You do it, and you're like, this is great. It's scary, but great. Yes, but I'm also just like, if there's a gun in my house, I feel like every now and then I'd be like, there's a gun in my house. Well, you don't drink a lot.

No. And I like to have a couple of drinks. So I don't want it near me. Not for harming anybody but me being like, I'm going to go play with it in the backyard. Like that. That's probably what people do. They go, I just want to go out back and fuck with it. Yeah, I would want to shoot it if because it's the

power is insane it's like putting there's a red button in my house that says don't push everybody wants to push that yeah and they stare at it going what if i push that button or if your girlfriend's like like if she didn't clean the kitchen good you come in as a joke that's funny you know just a haha like ha ha be like what's this yeah what's up with the plates kind of like what's up with the plates

I'm kidding I'm kidding if any women watch this I've said I've really turned off all of them no yeah

will you tell me in will you do Elon for me and talk about guns so the guns are like pretty cool you know

the way he laughs Elon for me and talk about guns. So the guns are pretty cool, you know? The way he laughs when he says statements and he laughs at them, it's like, and this isn't, I'm sure he's, I'm not trying to shit on the guy. It's as if somebody, he watched a video of how to talk to people and how to laugh. Yeah. And he's mimicking a laugh that he's combined from seeing videos of people laugh. Yeah. Like he himself doesn't know his own laugh.

To be clear, I made a whole episode ragging on this person. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know. I know you saw that, but it's like a full shitting on Elon. Yeah, but he would like that. Yeah.

Like I feel like he'd be able to take the piss and go whatever this is a comedian making a joke yeah which is ironic that Bill Maher is a comedian who doesn't like a comedian making a joke and it's not even like a yeah you're not even attacking something personal about him it's not like hey man that's my fucking wife you know what I mean well with Bill Maher I started talking about black hookers. I did. Yeah, but that's funny. It's just funny. It's funny. It's funny.

So, yeah, he does this thing. He's a lot of stuttering. And yet his laugh. Yeah, he just, his sense of humor. Like, he'll be in a room, a huge auditorium of thousands of people. And he'll say something. And he will be literally a room, a huge auditorium of thousands of people and he'll say something and he will be literally the only person laughing at it and be like completely alone in this laugh.

Yeah, it's creepy. It does seem computerized. It's almost like... He talks about like Spaceballs, really good movie, like yogurt. And the person will be like, what? Trying to get like, what is the joke?

But that's what happens with rich, smart people. I'm sure a party of that has got to be fun to watch. Everyone trying to make each other laugh with stuff that isn't quite funny. What I kind of base this thing on, the most socially awkward people are in charge of our social media. Mark Zuckerberg and the elements are two of the most socially awkward people are in charge of our social media like Mark Zuckerberg two of the most socially awkward and yet I mean there might be like a drive to be

in control of a social thing if you don't feel I don't feel comfortable socially sometimes I do sometimes I don't that's a brilliant statement by the way seriously the people who are in charge of our social media are the most socially uncomfortable people.

Yeah, it's weird. It's creepy that they kind of... Well, but isn't that the same in any industry when you really look at it that you go, why would people make fun of Hollywood? And they're like, some of the most single-minded people are yelling and have the biggest platform to tell people

how to think and feel. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's even more fucked up. The fucking awards for actors just kill me. It's absolutely repulsive. What in the world to you, you really have to step back and go and just think before you go to those award shows,

like these only exist because people wanted to get, have another show and get more ratings. And this was a way to get a bunch of stars together and like have another show. Like that's why the Oscars exist. It's not because you're better than lawyers and doctors. It's because you're going to bring in ratings because you guys are famous. And so there's another show and they go,

these are awards. And, uh, just the crying and the, I don't know. It just seems, it seems so strange when people take those awards so seriously. You're acting.

I mean, a nine-year-old won an Oscar. It can't be that hard. Wait, a nine-year-old won an Oscar? Yeah, for the pianist or the piano. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. But yeah, when a nine, there's like no, like the best surgeon of the year was this nine-year-old girl. It's not a thing that's that hard to do. Right.

I mean, there's great actors meryl but like meryl streep was just as good when she was 24 as she is now it's not you study and work get better it's like and is she working an hour a day on it even not even this is like you know this this makes me feel and i agree it's so funny it's like acting when we say like they love the word brilliant oh god they're brilliant and you're like brilliant is it should be used much much less but i think there are a handful of people who are actually tremendous at acting that are able to transform right and people who work who do work really hard like tom cruise works like there's people who work really hard and i appreciate like the work he's unbelievable what that guy does is loopy shit it's that so that to me should be

reserved for that when you are chaotically committed where you're like dude you're like another being you're not even here anymore that's why i think it's that's why recognizing it goes that makes sense but what you're saying that i agree with is like in the nba right if you're not the top star of a team let's say you're the fifth or sixth man six or six man of a team you're still fucking unbelievable like you're the fifth or sixth man, sixth or sixth man of a team. You're still fucking unbelievable. Like you're better than anybody on earth. Like the shittiest NBA player would beat the fuck out of the best person that you know locally playing. It would be embarrassing. Meanwhile, the shittiest pro actor is not any better than anybody at acting. Like the shittiest professionally working actor

is just as skilled sometimes as a guy who occasionally likes to do, you know what I mean? Like, that's what I'm saying. That's the problem is like the gap between the best of the best and those that are just kind of in it is insane versus the NBA. It's like, just because you're not a superstar,

you're still unbelievably good at basketball. Here's how we could take the piss out of it. Yeah. Instead of calling it acting or actors, at the awards you go, the best person playing pretend is... Yeah, exactly. The best pretend person. The best person play

person. The best play person today He's so good at playing pretend. The best liar. when i got this role to play pretend i knew i you know just take this did you because you're so embedded in doing impressions and like you kind of chameleon like craig is by far my favorite thing to do. Oh, thank you. Oh, dude, fuck it. I love that. And you fucking with your mom. Yeah. She's a good actress.

But it's funny in a way that I don't care how fabricated the bit is. I don't care how real it is. I think it's just so, it's taken from a place that does exist in the world somewhere someone is like that with their parent that I'm like you're channeling a real person who does this all the time I know that exists somewhere in the world it's funny because I've been doing that

character since I can remember and I think I was doing it to like when you were a kid you used to play this yeah with my mom. Like she would play this character, Girl. I mean, it was really weird, but like... Wait, your mom was called Girl and you were Craig?

Yeah, I remember we would improvise. This was very young. This is like right after my sexual assault. Yeah, right, right, right after the touching. This is all the drama. Dude, we're finding out. But I was like, what's your name? What's your name?

And then she was like, girl. I think she's a bad improviser. She said girl. Girl's bad. And then I remember thinking, boy, I'm done doing this.

But she's a really good mom. She stayed with this premise and we would, I don't know. But yeah, she still does bits of dance. Like if you called her today

and just went into Craig, she would go along with it? I don't go into like that, but like like if you called her today and just went into craig she would she would go along i don't go into like that but like i ask her to do stuff like hey can you come on a zoom and record this thing and she'll do it when you woke her up when you woke her up like early in the morning was it actually late at night or now that first shot is real and i surprised her i was like wow it's we're doing dishes. Or she was doing dishes because I catch her and then her acting is very real. She's naturally kind of funny.

And then after that, I was like, oh, can we do these next few things? And I just had her do fake stuff. Where did the voice come from? Because it's extremely specific. It's like, well, actually, we had a neighbor whose name was Craig

and he was really like a doughy I don't know where the voice came from that is extremely specific I don't know why I started doing this I have no idea but I like it so much because you physically change shape

by the way great acting great pretending And because you physically change shape, you like change shape. By the way, great acting. Great pretending. Great pretending. But that, because I always liked lisp. I was fascinated with character. Whenever I did like a character. Yeah.

I liked lisp. But I, this lisp, the back one is one of my, that's like my favorite. Yeah. Because you can get away with it. And when people struggle with the back lisp, like in your conversation with them. Back lisp, yeah. It's with them, back lisp. Yeah. It's like, they seriously will try to get through with it without having to like,

like they work really hard. Like the front lisp, it's undeniable, but this one, they try to hide. Yes. Yes. You better store. But,

uh, uh, soups, we will stay after the party's over and that they'll try to find a way to get through without having it hinder them. But if you're a front lisp like Craig, he can't get away with it. It's so obvious.

It's so hard to respect you when you talk like that. You lose all respect. When this comes out. That teacher would get spitballs. That's the substitute that everybody fucked with that was like,

guys, if you don't settle down, everyone's out of this class. Because speaking looks like a struggle. That's why you're like, I can't trust the guy. If he can't speak, how could I put any investment into him? We had a guy we tortured. I feel so bad.

Even now. My friend group had this ringleader who was really an evil person, I came to find out. I know this guy. But we just took this poor guy he was a piano teacher he was screaming at us he had really strong hands he was a professional pianist and he was yelling at us so hard that the coffee mug went bink came right off the handle no and then of course we're laughing even harder but it was like he was so gullible it was hard

this is a quick story we were gonna go on on some trip to South Carolina and sing whatever up and down the coast, just dazzle people. So he's like, we got to sell grapefruits. Your parents want to pay money, you know, to this trip.

We got all these grapefruit forums, the whole choir of, I don't know, 40 people. We sold one fucking grapefruit and we just thought it was the funniest thing. And so the thing was over it had been like months and then we'd go hey man i never got a grapefruit form and then he'd go that was five months ago or whatever and start getting mad again about it and then the next

from ago i didn't get a grapefruit form either and then i just told him and he just would keep yelling and going it couldn was so fun. And then he had a pile of music on top of his upright piano. We just put gum and string and we just pull all that off and then pull the piano away when he was playing. He wouldn't know that we were just like, it was torture.

We went to Canada and he was on his bed because we brought so many fireworks. Our luggage was mostly filled with fireworks. How old were you? This was 17. Yes, junior high school or something. So this kid, one kid, Jim Mustard, he was a chronic liar,

and he just was a fucking nut. And we gave him a brick of fire. It was 100 fireworks all tied together. I'm like, okay, in 20 minutes, whenever we're, or it was like five minutes, we're going to all at once throw our bricks of fireworks out our windows out of this tin thing in the middle of this concrete courtyard. It was going to be fucking insane. And the reason we were in our rooms because we weren't allowed to go out because we were

already bad for something else. Sure. Like we were already in trouble and now we're going to do this. So this guy, Mr. Burt comes in with this crutch they came back early from their tour he's like oh boy you guys really missed a tour and he was in vietnam and he had a limp because his leg almost got blown off in vietnam okay so now i'm like oh god jim is about to drop this brick of fireworks this is a vietnam vet. I gotta fucking stop this thing. So I go like this, right? To go get Jim. And I see

flicker. I see it come out because it was like a curved end of a building. So I could kind of see his. And I'm like I sat back down. I'm like here we fucking go. And this thing went off. This guy hit the fucking deck. He figured it was just

another attack. You gave a guy a vietnam flashback yeah and then we went in and the the teacher who he tortured was just lying on his bed and he was rubbing his head i remember and he goes you made my mother cry it's awful his mother was on the trip and she cried this poor man awful yeah It was awful. Yeah, I feel bad. Yeah. It's okay. I really wasn't the ringleader, just to be clear. But it sounds like you were a part of the chaos. I was a part of it. I was a follower, though.

It's kind of like the guy who drives the car for the bank robbery. You're like, you're just, this is, you're involved. Yeah, I'm what's that guy, Gosling. Yeah, you're Gosling. You are Ryan Gosling. When I think about you, I think about Ryan Gosling. Yeah. Who do you think about when you think about me that's a famous actor? Come on. Goose Gosling. When I think about you, I think about Ryan Gosling. Yeah. Who do you think about when you think about me

that's a famous actor? Come on. Goose Gosling? His brother, Goose? Ryan's brother? You don't know Goose Gosling? His little brother, Goose? I'm pretty sure I'm right.

This is like a famous picture in the 80s. Goose Gosling? I might be wrong. Kyle. Google it. Goose Gosling? There's no way that was a real guy.

I feel like it was Goose Gosling. Goose Gosling There's no way that was a real guy I feel like it was Goose Gosling Goose Gosling He was Are you serious? Yeah but when you say the 80s Do you realize that he was born in 1900 He died in 70 So he pitched in the 30s

Or in the 20s That is not who I was thinking of It's amazing that someone else named something like Goose Gosling It's not Gosling but but it's Gosling. Are you from another time? I feel like you might have fallen out of a wormhole. I do feel like that is possible, yes.

Are you a multiverse person? A hundred percent. Are you a simulation person? Do you want to know what's even creepier about Goose Gosling? We share the same birthday. That's even weirder that you made me look this guy up that you didn't know was real, and we both are October 16th.

That's really weird. That I don't like. Now I'm creeped out. Oh, before the multiverse, let me get to this real fast. What's your birthday? Guess. September 14th. I'll send it to you in my brain.

September 14th. No. February 8th. May 25th. That was pretty close. What year? 1995. What year? 71. Wait, May 25th. That was pretty close. What year? 1995. What year?

71. Wait, May 25th, 71? Yep. Number one song on May 25th, 1971. Somebody sent me this. They were like, do you know what your number one song was? Wait, let me guess. On the day of your birth.

Yeah, go ahead. Your song by Elton John. No. What is it? On May 25th, 1971, Rolling rolling stones brown sugar was top of the charts makes sense look at you you are brown sugar and that should be the name of your album you know mine was on october 16th 1983 wait that was like the greatest year for music by the way 1983 i love almost every song october 1983 Okay it might be Probably Michael Jackson

No It's actually This is That's so funny Is it one of that Is that take on me Take No

Forget it I want to take that back I looked it up yesterday Josie's on a vacation Far away No It's awful It's a bummer

Come a come a come a cameleon There's so many good songs And it's a terrible song That was number one on my birthday. Total eclipse of the heart. It's awful. Total eclipse of the heart is such a miserable song to have on your birthday. I wouldn't say it's a bad song. I would say it gives you a miserable feeling.

Yeah, there's just- It's not a song I feel miserable. It's sad, even though it's supposed to be a song about love. I was falling in love. It's kind of good, though. Now I Feel Miserable. It's sad, even though it's supposed to be a song about love. It's kind of good, though. Harmonize with you there. Is that Pat Benatar? Who is that?

No. Who the fuck is that? It's not Pat Benatar. It's like Goose Gosling. Is it Goose Gosling? I think it is. Let's go back to multiverse real fast. Yeah.

I 100% believe in that. I think we are existing in multiple spaces simultaneously. And I also think you lived many lives and your other lives bleed into these lives on accident and that's what creates your personality traits. I think that's more

genetic coding than multiverse. I'm more leaning toward, it used to be multiverse. I actually do believe in multiverse i'm more leaning toward they used to be multiverse i actually do believe multiverse but i i am opening my mind up to a simulation since we have found i don't know if you know this relatively recently that were made up of three plank length triangles so we're pixelated who Who told you this? Science, man. Come on.

Science, man. So, it used to be like, oh, we're like a vibrating energy. Like, no, we're pixelated. That to me... Pixelated to whom? To what?

To whom? I don't understand. Like, beyond quarks, the smallest element is like, the Planck length is the absolute smallest length possible

without it being non-existent. And three of those together. It's a triangle. Triangle. That's what we're all made up of. That's what every element and Adam and Corey is made up of that. Well, you know, the significance of a triangle and sculpture is extremely large. That's why pyramids.

That's, I mean, dude, we have the triangle the triangle the shape triangle yeah is very very embedded into in our human biology in our history it's very creepy do you want to hear a triangle story about me don't i so i'm in kindergarten i would think so and she's like here's how you draw a circle whatever grade this is fucking idiots so she's on the board and she draws a circle and we all draw a circle on her paper. And then she's like, now everyone draw a square. And she draws a square. And I'm like, this is fucking easy.

Yeah, you've done this. Then she goes, now draw a triangle. And I was like, what? Couldn't do it. I was, and I started crying. And she's like, okay, everyone go to the thing. Kyle, stay here. And she brought me to the board and she goes, make three dots and then connect the dots.

And I was like, oh yeah, fucking right. You know, then she brings everyone back and she goes, Kyle's going to show everyone how to draw a triangle. And now I'm like embarrassed. I'm like, they know how to, now I look like an idiot. embarrassed. I'm like, they know how to now I look like an idiot. So I'm up there going, first you make three dots, then you

connect them. Dirt. And then I was like the idiot of the class. The next time I cried was, there was a puzzle and it was the cow jumps over the moon, the moon the spoon and whatever that hated a diddle. I'd never been read any books as a child.

I didn't know that nursery rhyme. I was trying to figure out why would a cow, why would a moon come after a spoon? I was trying to deductive reason my way because I couldn't do this puzzle. And then Jimmy Lampson did it in two seconds. He's like, cow, moon, spoon. So then I was like, felt like an idiot.

And then I couldn't read. And you know where this all came from, Kyle? Elicitation. Being touched by that girl. God, that was a good memory, though. Don't take that from me. I won't. I won't.

Where can you find him? No, I want to say this. I hope everybody goes online, and we'll put links in the description to watch some of your stuff because I think your characters are some of the most enjoyable to watch. Like just so fucking funny and original. Sounds like.

It's better than anything I see on the internet. Like the deep fakes you do. Even your original character. Even stuff like Craig I think is just, it's so impressive because I don't think a lot of people do it anymore. Even stuff like Craig, I think, is just so impressive because I don't think a lot of people do it anymore. It sounds like you would be sort of open to funding and maybe sending in a little Patreon. Well, once again, let's put the GoFundMe up right here for Kyle, and we're going to get to $20 million hopefully by the end of the week. What can you retire on where you're like, that's enough?

Money-wise. Yeah, where you're going to be—you're not going to be ridiculous. You're just going to be totally, I can go on vacation when I want. I can go where I want first class. How much money is it for the rest of your life, assuming you live to like 85? I don't know. Honestly, the reason I can't compute that is because I just assume I'm just going to keep working until they say goodbye. No, no, this is a hypothetical. You can no longer make any money. I guess what I'm saying is I don't know of a world where I don't want to make money.

No, this is my world. Oh, your world. You're in my world now where you no longer. How much would it take for me to stop work? No, no, no. Work doesn't exist in this world. Oh, then why does money exist? That's tough.

That's tough. I think you're backwards there. But you have, how much money do you need to then live the rest of your life totally comfortable, do you think? You can just go by how much you need a year and then times that by whatever. How many years for what I have left? Yeah, something simple. Not something egregious, like 80 or 90 million. Something very like.

So just a practical amount. Something simple and easy, yeah. Like two million. 20 million is your magic number. You think that is... You can... If you got a check for 20, you'd be like,

I'm good forever now. I can die. If you don't take taxes out of it. Big deal, isn't it? Taxes. Don't pay your taxes, guys. You don't need to. Turns out,

they'll never find you if you just keep running from the law. Yeah, they can't find you if you keep going. But you have to never stop. Yeah. Where you going to never stop. Yeah. Where you going, Frank? Somewhere exotic. Frank.

We end the episode the same way. I want you to look in that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase that's going to end the episode. It's been a pleasure having you on the show. I really like you. I'm a big fan. Me too. Thank you. And one word or one phrase into that camera whenever you're ready. So terrific. ain't it a curse? Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.