Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Nimesh Patel

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

Santino sits down with comedian Nimesh Patel to talk about his opinion of doctors, Indians wearing Disney tees, his time at SNL & much much more! #nimeshpatel #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast ...COME SEE ME ON TOUR!!! https://www.andrewsantino.com ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast ============================================================ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! RABBIT HOLE $5 OFF with Promo Code: WHISKEY https://rabbitholedistillery.com/drizly SIMPLISAFE Get that house secured 20% off entire system and first month FREE https://simplisafe.com/whiskey ROMAN Get your T up dudes and $15 off your first month and FREE SHIPPING https://getroman.com/whiskey BESPOKE POST PROMO CODE: Whiskey for 20% off your first box https://boxofawesome.com TRADE COFFEE $30 Off Your Best Coffee Ever https://drinktrade.com/whiskey Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole Distillery and their one-of-a-kind Kentucky bourbon and rye whiskeys. What I love about these guys is they are small batch, okay? That means under 15 barrels, so you know the quality is going to be there in every single bottle. I love the way this bottle grips. I feel like I can run around with it like this and drink it all day. I love this stuff. They have four different expressions. The Boxer Grail is what I've been sipping on. This is their Kentucky Straight R straight rye whiskey you guys know i'm not a big rye guy uh but i do like this a lot they also have the derringer uh derringer is their uh straight bourbon uh whiskey finished in sherry casks which i love the high gold which i usually be sipping on that's the
Starting point is 00:00:37 kentucky straight bourbon whiskey that's the og and also to finish off the cuatro it's uh the cave hill the kentucky straight Bourbon Cave Hill as well. This stuff, very delicious. But this Boxer Grill, that sour mash rye I've been digging on, it's very good, man. It's got a punch from that rye grain, but follows it up with flavors of citrus, bright floral notes, and they got black tea flavors in there. Either way, you got to get your hands on some of this stuff.
Starting point is 00:01:02 They sell it all over the place. You go to rabbitholedistillery.com, and you can find out where they sell it in your neighborhood. They list everywhere where these are available. And do yourself a favor. Pick up a bottle and see how much you like it for yourself. Follow me down the rabbit hole, won't you? Go to rabbitholdistillery.com slash drizzly.
Starting point is 00:01:17 rabbitholdistillery.com slash drizzly. Use promo code rabbit for $5 off your first order. Pick it up, drink it up, and do it responsibly. Have fun. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining the show, welcome to the show.
Starting point is 00:01:30 We've got a good one for you today, like my man Steve Harvey done say. It's Nimesh Patel. Nimesh Patel. Very funny dude. Go check him out. He puts up a ton of stuff on the interwebs, as all the new comedians do of this day.
Starting point is 00:01:43 You got to keep up with the times, baby. Speaking of which, what time is it? Time to come see your boy on New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve. I'm in Boston, Boston, Massachusetts. Come on out. If you got plans on New Year's Eve, come out New Year's Eve Eve.
Starting point is 00:01:57 If you have plans on New Year's Eve Eve, come out New Year's Eve. If you have no plans at all, come to both shows. We're out here, baby. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com for tickets. That's the only place to get them. Don't go anywhere else. I'm also doing meet and greets. You can come say hi to your boy on New Year's Eve. andrewsantino.com. Enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
Starting point is 00:02:21 You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger.
Starting point is 00:02:41 My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the first time, and hopefully not the last time, I'm joined with Nimesh Patel. Thank you. Thank you for coming, man. Cheers. You're drinking a little bit of wine because Bert Kreischer gave you wine,
Starting point is 00:02:55 which is sad to me. I'm, of course, having a little bit of rabbit hole, having some cave hill. But how is the wine, first of all? It's exactly how we said it would, which is a great Syrah, easy to drink. You could tell it's definitely not complex. It's like the reason the wine he was so adamant about is it doesn't get you hungover because it doesn't have as much sugar. It doesn't have many tannins and sulfides,
Starting point is 00:03:22 and you could tell it definitely does. Because it tastes like shit. It tastes good I could drink I could Girls with this for sure It's like Because it's not heavy is what it is
Starting point is 00:03:30 Yeah Syrah is like a lighter grape Is that why? I have no idea Who knows You know enough You sounded up top You sounded like a sommelier
Starting point is 00:03:36 I mean I went to a vineyard once And said that's enough You're like every white girl in the Midwest Exactly They go once They're like this is a blended grape It's very good Very good pecorino cheese The soil was perfect That's enough. You're like every white girl in the Midwest. Exactly. They go once. They're like, this is a blended grape. It's very good.
Starting point is 00:03:48 The soil was perfect. I've been to a bunch of different wineries, vineyards over the years. And I do that thing where I'm like, I'm going to pay attention. I'm going to listen. And I get shit-faced. And I miss all of it. It's the same with cooking shows. My wife and I watch a million cooking shows.
Starting point is 00:04:05 Like millions of them. I don't know. I couldn't tell you how to make one thing. Because you're drunk or eating. Just because I'm busy and I don't care. It's background noise. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just background noise.
Starting point is 00:04:14 You were married. I didn't realize that. Yeah, I'm married. Yeah, I know. You thought I was gay. A lot of people say that. That's not what I was going to say. Nah, don't lie to me, dude.
Starting point is 00:04:21 You're in my studio. I thought you were just a much younger bachelor. No. How old am I? 38? 39. Okay. It's not that young.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Yeah, I'm 36, but yeah. How long have you been married? Technically two years, but we did it like- Whoa, because she was in prison for the first one? Yes, yes. I had it locked up. No, it was, what's it called? Pandemic.
Starting point is 00:04:42 So we were supposed to get married right at the beginning of the pandemic and then the pandemic happened so we couldn't but I had to do the legal thing because my grandpa was like, you gotta get married. He's like 95 and telling me this from his bed he had been in for like 10 years. You gotta get married before I die.
Starting point is 00:05:00 So I was like, alright. So you did it for him. Yeah, so we did the legal thing just so we could go whisper in his ear we're married now and he didn't even get to come to the wedding no no and then like wow a year and a half later we did the indian the traditional hindu ceremony right and uh which are phenomenal by the way thank you yeah 800,000 people show up it was small it was like 250 but it 250, but it was a small wedding. But we did it, and then like a month and a half later, he was gone. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:05:31 So the wedding killed him. Yes, literally, yeah. I mean, I do a bit about it on stage, but I was like, yes. We knocked it out. He kept saying, I'm waiting. How old was he? 95. Dude, Indians, man.
Starting point is 00:05:40 Longevity on you guys. Longevity, yeah. Did you have an elephant at the wedding? No, no. Sometimes they do, right? I've seen elephants. The standard thing is a horse. Love the horse.
Starting point is 00:05:50 But I had a— You could have propped him up on a horse, your grandpa. Yeah, a weekend at Burn. No, he was there. I mean, yeah, I would love for him to come, but there was no way he was going to make it there in a wheelchair or nothing. But we had rented a white car, a white Jaguar, instead of a horse. Oh, I like that. I was like, I don't want a horse. They stink.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Yeah, there's shit. There's shit everywhere. They don't want to be there. You know, the horse has never been asked his opinion on if it wants to come to a wedding or not and be surrounded by a bunch of drunk Indians at 8 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. And it's like a waste of time.
Starting point is 00:06:23 At least I had the car for the weekend. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, yeah. Did you let your wife drive it? They're not allowed in my culture. I understand. Yeah, yeah, I understand. I really like you guys.
Starting point is 00:06:35 That's why. Yeah, that makes sense, man. Yeah, keep them in their place. She walks behind me. Right on. At all times. Ten paces, dude. Ten paces.
Starting point is 00:06:44 I get it. Keep it strict. Keep it real strict. So you were in town. You paces. I get it. Keep it strict. Keep it real strict. So you were in town. You're playing shows in San Diego. You're on tour right now. Yes or no? Yes, I'm on tour.
Starting point is 00:06:50 It's called the Lucky Lefty Tour. Find tickets at findingnemesh.com. There it is. I'll be in L.A. at the theater at the Ace Hotel in January, January 20th. So come see me. There's a theater there? Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:07:03 I don't know what it's called. Ace Hotel Theater. Yeah, yeah. I guess so. But yeah, there's a theater there? Yeah. Wow. I don't know what it's called. Ace Hotel Theater. Yeah, yeah. I guess so. But yeah, there's a theater there. So I'll be doing that. Wonderful. That's great.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Yeah, I'm excited. And you got, and I said this before, you know, when I intro the show, that you, you're someone I'm jealous of because we're in the same age range, right? But you put out stuff online so much. A lot of guys are really good at it now. And I would say specifically, New York guys are very good at it. And you guys put out so much material on there. Are you also kind of,
Starting point is 00:07:32 you know, are you in a place now where you're like, I don't care to burn this stuff because I'm not specifically working on an hour that I'd rather just put more stuff out? Well, I mean, if you want to know the art and the science of it, the math of it all.
Starting point is 00:07:44 Give me your math. The math for me is that, you know, I started, if you want to know the art and the science of it, the math of it all. Give me your math. The math for me is that I started putting stuff out in, let's just call it like November 2020, December 2020 on TikTok. Sure. And I had filmed an hour at the cellar in like July, August 2019. So I had an hour to chop up and i could put that out and then i also had you know six years of seller clips the seller's been recording yeah i know i get them sometimes when i go yeah they've been recording stuff forever they have a would they have a uh you can get it without the watermark oh i just gotta really i gotta really hit up liz
Starting point is 00:08:20 yeah it's literally just no watermark in the email it takes a little bit longer but yeah that's that's okay so I had I had you know six five four years of clips that I could chop up and put out and then a bunch of other stuff and so while that was going on I had enough until basically I was like a month or so into my tour the first tour that I was on and then I realized that I'm gonna to be filming every set. I'm not going to put up any material, but tons of crowd stuff just happens. Yeah. And I'll bracket, step aside and say, it's so funny to see people think crowd work is all he does
Starting point is 00:08:59 or crowd work is all you do. It's like, no, when you do some volume of shows, random crowd incidents happen at every show. It's not like I only talk to the crowd for my entire set. It's like I'll talk to a crowd, and sometimes they'll say something stupid, and that will end up, okay, this is, again, stuff I don't have to burn. It's just a funny thing I put out. Oftentimes they'll say something stupid.
Starting point is 00:09:22 And it doesn't have to be like mean or or anything of the sort is just an in the moment thing that you've managed to capture yeah and so what ended up happening and what has ended up happening is that i can put out a mix of jokes i know i that won't fall into my set that i just wrote or like topical stuff and that i think are funny or things that i've been working on for a long time but I know don't belong in the specific hour that I'm creating right now. Right. And that I know I probably won't revisit at some point. So let me just put it out.
Starting point is 00:09:51 And like knowing that I put it out will make me not precious about it. And I'm of the mind, oh, it's gone already. I've already let it go. Like let it go. Let it be what it is. So that's good on you, man. I'm editing my special right now. And boy, oh boy, is it annoying.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Why? I'm particular, you know? Yeah. I just like i don't put a lot of stuff out online and i've been told a million times i should and i just don't do it and now that i haven't done it i feel like i'm just gonna wait till the special comes out and that'll be my version of that yeah are you are you hesitant to put stuff out i say the n-word a lot and that's really what it is yeah that'll do it i mean no N-word a lot. And that's really what it is. Yeah, that'll do it. I mean, you gotta have a big drop for that. It's just because I don't, you know, I'm of this weird mindset
Starting point is 00:10:33 and it's a me thing that comedy is live. And whatever you put out online, no offense, you, me, anybody, it's never gonna be as good as live. It just is not. So for me, if i can get away with not putting out as much live stuff and just putting out stuff and then just make you come see me live then i feel like that's that's the angle that i'm enjoying right now especially because the internet is inundated yes with guys who have a clip a day
Starting point is 00:11:00 you know like you know yeah i don't know if i've, no, yeah. I don't know if I've caused that. It's you, you piece of shit. I don't know if I've caused that proliferation, but I definitely participate. Well, you're a part of it, right? Yeah, yeah. And that's fine, dude. It's awesome. It's just,
Starting point is 00:11:13 I wanted, I stayed a little bit true to the idea that I was like, I don't think that's for me, personally, for no other reason that I, that's not what I wanted to do.
Starting point is 00:11:21 And so I've stuck with it even though I've seen the success. So, I'm happy to see it working, but also, I wanted to do. And so I've stuck with it even though I've seen the success. So I'm happy to see it working, but also I like to stay in my little... Let me try to lure you to the darker side, which is I'm of the same mind that the stuff I put out, whatever, special ed tape or whatever,
Starting point is 00:11:42 it will never fully capture the live experience. Never, yeah. But for whatever reason, that crowd work thing or that clip or whatever makes someone want to go to the live thing. Yeah. And that, I think, it adds, it speeds into your desire of like,
Starting point is 00:12:02 I want people to experience it live. Yeah. I guess like, I guess your point is that. I'm doing well enough without it. Yeah. Okay. Right now. I'm not.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Okay. Yeah. Go see him. Go see him. Please come see me. I mean, go see me first, but then go see him. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:17 All right. Let's talk about something not so serious and fun. Kanye West. This guy's still supporting him. I him after all this shit i mean they were free uh but uh i mean it's insane what's going on with this dude it's like shocking everything i hear that he's talking about i feel like um he's doing it just for clips on the internet it's almost as if you were like what could you say every time you do a podcast that would be undoubtedly the perfect clippable thing? And it's like, well, be anti-Semitic, be racist, be homophobic.
Starting point is 00:12:52 Like there's a list of easy hitters. Yes. And this dude literally is like in a car beforehand. He's like, I'll say that. I'll say that. I'll say that. You know, it's like. He's losing his mind.
Starting point is 00:13:02 I don't. The man. Well, let's just say. Let's say we can agree that the man is a genius musically. Sure, totally. He's probably the best hip-hop artist of all time. He's in a category of a few. Yes. Let's just say that.
Starting point is 00:13:18 Top five, undoubtedly. Yeah, of all time. Yeah, of all time. And he's a billionaire. Yeah, of all time. And he's a billionaire. I don't think anyone in his position or his mindset or someone who's been in the media this long doesn't know exactly what they're doing at all times.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Even when they're having a psychotic break? My conspiracy theory mind is like this is all part of some plan. This is a pretty weird plan. His anti-Semitism, as anti-Semitic as it was, I think was directed at the Kushners, which I think is fine. That's okay.
Starting point is 00:13:55 If he targets one, you're okay with it? Yeah, if it's the Kushner family, yeah, cool. See, I think he's shooting into the sky at random and he's trying to just piss off as many people as he can and say the most fucked up shit that he can because he knows it's going to incite. What did he say recently?
Starting point is 00:14:10 Well, dude, that interview with Cuomo was bananas. Did you not see that? No. That's nuts. My eyes have been very closed to what's been going on in most everything. Let me just say, you don't want to be on his side. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:23 Damn. All right. Well, I'll delete that tweet. Pretty nuts man it is like wild to watch it's just like uh it's funny because we'll net we didn't get to wait how do you how old are you what'd you say 36 yeah so we're close in age it's like we'll never get to see on a good note guys from our youth in the hip-hop world that we grew up with and loved we're never going to see on a good note guys from our youth in the hip hop world that we grew up with and loved
Starting point is 00:14:46 we're never gonna see this fall from them because they're gone already or they're they're too old or they're Jay Z right and who's too rich
Starting point is 00:14:53 and too quiet to even care anymore also too old by the way Jay Z's fucking old now 50s but when you see him at like games and shit he does look fucking old
Starting point is 00:15:02 I'm like remember when he was a child you know what I mean? Yeah. On Life and Times and you're like, hey, that's a kid.
Starting point is 00:15:07 That's a 24, 26 year old man. But it's just, I guess the guys from our youth, because you're a hip hop head, I know, and I am too, and those guys are either gone
Starting point is 00:15:18 or doing their own thing. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're kind of not going to have this mental breakdown publicly, but I think the advent of the internet and social, which is what Kanye has been used during his growth and his height, has made him even more famous.
Starting point is 00:15:35 I think that's part of his collapse. That's why we're seeing it. Yeah, I think when you have no one else to communicate through and no other way to do it than just being and seeing a direct medium you realize that it some people need a filter it's not like the music is how he should be channeling whatever he's feeling yeah and the instant he stops doing that whatever filter music provides maybe his anti-semitism needs like a beat and beat Like a man put that shit to like an old-school He just needs yeah, he needs he needs you know, he needs some love. Yeah, he just needs some love
Starting point is 00:16:21 Yes, haha for Pete Davidson, by the way making it man does that guy look even better and better as time goes on I love Pete it's wild Pete's the man Pete couldn't look better as time has gone on
Starting point is 00:16:33 he's won all of these little wars it's so weird and he doesn't fight in any of them nope and I'm not just saying Kanye everything else that goes on
Starting point is 00:16:39 around Pete it's like he keeps winning over and over and he doesn't have to pick up a gun it's incredible although he does own a lot of he doesn't have to pick up a gun it's incredible although he does own
Starting point is 00:16:46 a lot of guns America listen up Pete Davidson owns about 57 guns that's why he walks like that that's right there's just two in his pants at all times
Starting point is 00:16:53 it's not big dick energy it's big gun energy big gun energy he's got yeah I would have big gun energy too if I had a big ass gun yeah we just don't own guns
Starting point is 00:17:01 because we're not allowed to people like you and I fellas we'll just we're both felons. Yeah, willy-nilly. If you were a felon, what would your crime have been? Some white-collar embezzlement, stealing from a charity.
Starting point is 00:17:11 Yeah, that's right. Brett Favre, this shit. That's what I would do. By the way, I love that they were like, Brett Favre took money from a small community and never went and did the thing. You're like, they all do that. Yeah, that's what it is.
Starting point is 00:17:27 That's an athlete? You mean being a pro athlete? Open up the books on Joe Buck. Let's see what that guy's done. Like, I think it's so funny. Anyone that's involved in sports media,
Starting point is 00:17:35 for sure, they're taking checks and not doing the job. Uh-huh. By the way, sometimes comics, you know, at a super high level,
Starting point is 00:17:43 they get paid so much money to do a corporate. They're not there. They're barely there. Yeah. They show up. Hey, at a super high level, they get paid so much money to do a corporate. They're not there. They're barely there. Yeah. They show up. Hey guys. They do 15.
Starting point is 00:17:50 They eat a steak and they fly home on a jet. Yeah. Glad to be here at this four seasons. Yeah. I'm glad to be supporting, uh, time management corp. So thank you guys.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Have you done corporates by the way? I've done a few, uh, I the way? I've done a few. You love them. I've done a few that I've loved. Yeah. Like, oddly enough, the Zoom corporate ones that I did. Oh, that must have been easy cheese. It was.
Starting point is 00:18:16 I try to make it as entertaining as possible for myself, too. Yeah. And, like, I got hired to do two or three. Two of them were just, like, random 15-minute spots. And I was, like, I got hired to do two or three. Two of them were just, like, random 15-minute spots. And I was, like, I'd worn them before. I was, like, look, I'm not going to pull any – I'm doing political stuff. I don't care if you feel like it or not.
Starting point is 00:18:31 If you don't like it or not, it don't matter. They usually say don't do political stuff. I'm doing it. And, like, that went great. One or two of them – two of them were for, like, people I had worked for previously. And they had gone – one of them had gone to another company it was like the in the on the board of another company and i was like we're gonna pay me this much money but in return i will make like a custom set for you guys like that's nice you know so like give me i need all the information i need i'll spend like a week or two like you
Starting point is 00:18:59 know writing jokes on like every single person in the board or whatever. And that's always fun. Like I like doing that. It's worth, it makes it worth the money. You know, like, oh, this is cool. Like, and they feel like they got a good product. And I would never, I wouldn't do that typically unless the check was big enough. But for these two people, like they had worked for them before and I was like, I'll do it exactly like this.
Starting point is 00:19:21 And so I had a blast in corporate stuff. So that's good. Yeah. The other side of it is really a nightmare. Yeah. The one I did, it was a retreat for doctors. And a bunch of Houston doctors had a retreat in San Antonio. Why would doctors pick you?
Starting point is 00:19:38 Well, funny enough, I performed at a – one of my friends had to step out from doing – emceeing the Indian American Physicians Association conference. Oh, I got invited to that. Yeah, you were there. Yeah, yeah. To help. Yeah, I was serving. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Yeah. Here is a model patient. This is how not to behave. Do not drink whiskey every night. They're just showing my liver up on the board. They're like, this is what not to do. Do not drink whiskey every night. They're just showing my liver up on the board. They're like, this is what not to do. And I'm just like, wait a minute. No, I'm here working.
Starting point is 00:20:11 So I got to emcee it, and this was right around the time I started really carving out my healthcare material. And so when I emceed it, I made sure I did healthcare stuff up top. And everyone loved it. The doctors loved it. It was like a room for like 300, 400 people. And I was just telling the story of how the asthma attack and all that stuff. Two years later, I get hit up by the guy who had been sworn in as president at that event that I emceed.
Starting point is 00:20:39 He's like, hey, a smaller group of doctors is doing this retreat. We'd love for you to come and do 10, 20 minutes. Sounds a little culty. Do 20 minutes. And it's all the doctors who are like the heads of their departments and like the heads of other departments who have had a very difficult pandemic time in Houston and their families at this San Antonio. Children? Children at the San Antonio Hotel Ballroom. And I'm slated to do 20, and I've written,
Starting point is 00:21:15 I know what my 20 is because it's like a lot of the health care stuff, and I wrote a bunch of new health care stuff. I go up, and my health care angle is like I don't respect doctors at all. It's the same. Yeah. So now I'm telling these doctors, you guys ain't shit. I feel like doctors like prostitutes, this and that. And it's just like it's 20 on paper.
Starting point is 00:21:38 It's seven and a half. Life. Sweaty. People moving around. It's a ballroom with the lights are all on and the 30 foot ceiling yeah fucking podium with a shitty mic no one's everyone's got like food on their table everyone's who the fuck is this guy right and it was terrible to the point where the guy that hired me the president had hired me refusing to like shake my hand afterwards like because because i made him
Starting point is 00:22:02 look bad in front of his senior people and uh the check cleared though the check cleared for sure the check had to clear and they wanted me to apologize and I was like nah I'm not gonna
Starting point is 00:22:11 you knew exactly what it was when you were hiring me uh uh if anything like you should I don't wanna say apologize but you should adjust
Starting point is 00:22:21 to how you think comedy shows are gonna go and never do this again it's on you bud yeah it's all on you I didn't I apologize, but you should adjust to how you think comedy shows are going to go and never do this again. It's on you, bud. Yeah, it's all on you. I felt bad that they didn't like it, but I didn't apologize for anything that I was going to say. Nor do I.
Starting point is 00:22:35 But I just remember, I was like, I'll never do anything of that ilk again. I feel like I had this pit in the back of my stomach going, when I said yes, this probably ain't going to work out. These doctors say they're up for it, but I don't think they're up for a good old-fashioned ribbon.
Starting point is 00:22:54 Uh-uh. And especially older doctors. Not a lot of doctors have that good of a sense of humor. They don't. Except for plastic surgeons, because as we all know, those aren't real doctors. No. They're just fucking people that got hyper, hyper specialized at playing with tiny.
Starting point is 00:23:09 I can shit on doctors all day. Plastic surgeons are just like kids who loved K'nex, you know, or like they were very good at like building little things. Do you have doctors in your family? No, no, no, no. I'm white trash. You guys started the whole doctor thing. No, no, no, no. No, no. I don't mean white. I mean no. I'm white trash. You guys started the whole doctor thing. No, no, no, no. No, no.
Starting point is 00:23:25 I don't mean white. I mean orange. I'm an Irish trash. We're, uh, have you ever met an Irish doctor? No. You ever met Dr. Mick anything? No, no, no. No, dude.
Starting point is 00:23:35 I'm trash. Only bartenders. I come from people who build things. Do you see how good my wrist snap was? Yeah, it's a strong motion. Yeah, I come from the bluest of collars. No doctors. no lawyers. I don't have anybody of any sort of upper echelon in any of my bloodline.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, I come from real dog shit. I'm sorry to hear that. No, no, no. But also, it's made you a strong person. I'm the king of all of them. Look at me.
Starting point is 00:23:58 I'm on top of the mountain. You're living, you're living, man. I'm killing it. Are your parents doctors? No, no, no, no. Engineers? No, my dad is a liquor store. How much more racist your parents doctors? No, no, no. Engineers? No. My dad is a liquor store.
Starting point is 00:24:06 How much more racist can I be? No, this is a good guess. Most other people that are sitting in this chair, one of them would have said, yeah, you're right. Yeah, but no, my dad has a liquor store. My mom. Liquor store. Yeah, my mom is a chemist, but. That's okay.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Not like a high-level chemist. She's worked at the same place for quite a while now, but yeah, she is a chemist, but... That's okay. Not like a high-level chemist. She's worked at the same place for quite a while now, but yeah, she's a chemist. And yeah, there's no hyper white collar in me. Sure. But my sister's a lawyer. Boom, there it is. And then my five first cousins were doctors.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Come on. My other cousin married a doctor. There's a lot of doctors. There's cousins who are doctors. Come on. My other cousin married a doctor. There's a lot of doctors. There's a lot of doctors. So I can, that's why when I talk shit about physicians, it's coming from a place of knowledge. Right. Like I've argued with my cousins constantly
Starting point is 00:24:57 about the things that we argue about that make fun of on stage. It's just they're not there to defend themselves, which is exactly how it should be. Yeah, of course. Of course. And doctors have it good enough that nobody gives a shit.
Starting point is 00:25:08 Yeah. Oh, the doctor feels bad about something? It's fine. Except the doctors. The doctors get real up in arms. Like, I get, when I put doctor stuff out, it'll always be like,
Starting point is 00:25:19 you don't know shit. And the doctor's commenting in the... Funny. I'm like, word? You mad? Shouldn't you be in surgery right now? Like, why are you talking?
Starting point is 00:25:27 It's just like – Resident. Yeah, yeah. Go work 17 hours a day. You know? Like, it was – it's like that. So when I did that corporate gig, I was like, these doctors – I'll never – I will never do another corporate gig when it's 80-year-old doctors in the room.
Starting point is 00:25:44 Just like, we should have retired 30 years ago. Yeah. Although if they call up and they're like, we'll give you a fucking truck of money. Yes. You know what? Let's do it. I think we should do it. Open heart surgery.
Starting point is 00:25:55 Let's do it. I think it's time to do it now. Are your parents proud of your profession now? Yes. Being one of the top one presenters on OnlyFans that you are? I think, I think, I would hope so. I think they're just proud of the fact that I'm finally doing exactly what I want
Starting point is 00:26:10 in every single way I want to be doing it. That's great. You know what I mean? That sounds very, that's about as whole as that statement could be. They're just happy that you're doing all the things that you want. I just want to do, I'm just doing everything I want
Starting point is 00:26:19 and nothing I don't want all the time. That's the literal goal. Yes. Like how long have you been doing stand-up? 13 years. And at the beginning, the goal was to long have you been doing stand-up? 13 years. And at the beginning, the goal was to, can I just do stand-up or comedy, whatever, et cetera. Something in comedy.
Starting point is 00:26:33 And make money. Yes. And not have to do shit I don't want to do. Exactly. But you will do corporates and shit that you don't want to do within the thing, but also as long as you get to do the thing thing. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:26:43 Yeah. With the right check attached i will say i'll say no to shit now which is what a good feeling wow you know it's just like nah i don't want to do that i haven't said no in years yeah it feels fucking i should start doing it it might be the whiskey uh uh that's keeping you from saying no but uh i still say yes i say yes only because i feel like they're gonna i feel like they ask you to leave at some point. So now I'm like, I gotta say yes. Yes, I understand that fear, but I'm also like, I value my time differently now. Because I don't.
Starting point is 00:27:15 You have kids? No. Okay. But I do have, I know that I want to spend time with people I care about more than I'd want to do with certain other things. Smart. So I was just like, yeah, I probably won't. I'll probably cancel the show I got coming up this week in New York. I'm like, I don't feel like doing it.
Starting point is 00:27:35 It's a good amount of money, but it's like... Okay, so I've done it to that degree. I know what you're saying. Since I start the special, I keep taking time off. And I say I'm going to go back and do spots and start warming up. And I've done two. But this whole week, I was like, no, no, no. And then this happened, and I was like, oh, do I want to schedule a show?
Starting point is 00:27:54 But I have that pod with the mesh. And I thought, no, I think I'm going to keep taking the week off. And I keep doing it, which has made me feel good. And I think it also comes with time and busyness on other things that I'm focused on. Yeah. So I start to section off what I care about. I'll get back to it, but, you know. It's a maturity thing, I think.
Starting point is 00:28:12 It's just like, I think, and a confidence thing in the sense that I think when you start, you're like, I got to do every single show there is. Yeah, yeah. As many sets a night as I could possibly do. Yeah, yeah. But now it's like, I know who I am.
Starting point is 00:28:27 I know my pace. I know what work I'm capable of doing should I want to turn that switch on. Right. And so when it comes to the freedom that I have and, you know, hopefully we'll be able to maintain, I think that's the thing my parents were most likely most proud of. Sure. That I've achieved this kind of freedom and that you know they came to see my when i taped the thank you china special back in new york in
Starting point is 00:28:51 december they came to see it and uh that was like the biggest show of me they it was only 400 people or something but it was like for them like 400 people times two are gonna be watching him tonight like a lot they came to see him and then and the end of uh the first taping like i shouted my parents out my dad was in the crowd my parents in the crowd my my dad stood up and was like oh that's why i was like nice dude nice yeah take it i was like yeah don't take my shine pop sit down they're proud you know so that's great yeah it's fun does your is your wife in the game no no no No, no, she's not in the game. One headshot per household. That's what we say.
Starting point is 00:29:25 Yes, exactly. You got to keep the other side clean, you know? She is as far removed from the world of comedy as you could be right now. You know, I met her when she was a waitress at a club. At a comedy club? Yeah. Oh, just like Joe Rogan. It's a classic story.
Starting point is 00:29:43 What, which one? I won't say just. Oh, privacy. Yeah like Joe Rogan. It's a classic story. What, uh, which one? I won't say, just... Oh, privacy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's make it up. Were you at Magoobies? Yeah, Magoobies. Is that where it was?
Starting point is 00:29:51 It was at Magoobies. Magoobies in Poughkeepsie, Connecticut. Was her name Toe? I knew Toe from Magoobies. Beautiful girl. Beautiful girl. The very opposite of her name. Lazy eye, high tooth.
Starting point is 00:30:01 She had one high tooth, right? Stank. Loved her. Smelled terrible. That's how I knew I had a high tooth, right? Stank. Loved her. Smelled terrible. That's how I knew I had a shot. Alright, least favorite city to perform in. Go for it. Come on. In here,
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Starting point is 00:33:13 it because it's me i've been everywhere same i was buffalo was probably my worst time yeah uh yeah buff is tough but i mean i had casino or play a club? I did Helium. Okay. And the club is great, but I think they were the most drunk crowds I've had. Well, it's Buffalo. Yeah. One show, I'll never forget it. One guy was so—he just kept yelling, Josh Allen. Yeah, well, he's right.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Yeah, Josh Allen. I was like, that's all y'all got is Josh Allen. Yeah, but God bless Josh Allen. Yeah, yeah, Josh Allen's great. And Von Miller went over there, too, he's right. Yeah, Josh Allen. I was like, that's all y'all got is Josh Allen. Yeah, but God bless Josh Allen. Yeah, yeah, Josh Allen's great. And Von Miller went over there too, though. Those sacks the other night were instrumental. Amazing. Yeah, but him yelling out.
Starting point is 00:33:54 Josh Allen. Like, it was, I think, 13 times. And no one from the club said shit. I told him, hey, man. Every time. He yells Josh Allen, the owner just goes yep yep at one point at one point someone i might have been the same guy have you done the healing in buffalo uh no at one point so the stage entrance is here like this this is stage there's like a ramp up to the stage
Starting point is 00:34:21 the guy or someone is like leaned up on the wall trying to creep up onto the stage i was like what are you doing and then someone pulled him away like his girlfriend not security his girlfriend i pulled him away his girlfriend was working security that night yes and i was just like i don't know what i had a good time with the jokes and stuff but just that vibe of like these people are trashed like i don't like what's wrong like buffalo is wild it's like uh they're they're not new york they're in new york but they're not new york no but they're not the midwest no but they talk like us they kind of have the same culture but they're yeah they're the south and the north yes it's a really it's strange they're
Starting point is 00:35:01 they're on the little i'm sorry sorry. Buffalo, I do love you. Thanks for showing up. But man, you're weird as fuck. Albany, also another weird as fuck place. Albany. I played that Bozo Egg venue that they put me in. The egg, you know the egg? No.
Starting point is 00:35:15 Yeah, look up the egg. Okay. It's just a big fucking egg in the middle of Albany. And you're like, why did they do the, some, this is the problem with super small towns that have big egos a little bit. They think they need to make art a big part of their culture to be like people will come. If we put an egg out there, someone's – right now I've been tweeted at a thousand times because in the middle of – I think it's in Canada. I want to say it's actually in Alberta. Someone – a guy is a big sculpture in the middle of the field of a man holding a Cheeto.
Starting point is 00:35:46 And because my, you know, people call me Cheeto online. People have been like, you gotta go take a picture with this thing. It's like, I know, but then what else? You know what I mean? I'm in this fucking shitty ass town. I can't go to like a good restaurant thereafter. Then I've got a picture of me with the thing
Starting point is 00:36:01 to appease the people. If I'm near it, sure. But for some reason, cities who are like desperate for you to get there because they don't have much, they love to put a bunch of bullshit art everywhere. And they like to tell you all the things about their city that are incredible. And it's like three things. And you're just like, like I went to Marquette, Michigan. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:23 I've never been. It's a very nice place. Like it's a beautiful small town, maybe 20,000 people. A lot of whites. A lot of whites. Very white. They are Trump supporters.
Starting point is 00:36:35 Yeah. You were the only one that they saw you there. I was. I did a weed festival called Camp Cannabis two weekends ago, I think. October 6th i forget but it was i literally went on stage like this this feels like a trap i'm the only not white person for miles no no keep going brownie keep on going i was a headliner it was three o'clock in the
Starting point is 00:37:00 afternoon i was like what what is this but that all has to say like their hotel that we were staying at we went to the bar at night and the guy was just rattling off the three things that are there to do and what everyone in michigan knows everything there is about michigan because that's how it's like one giant small town that place yeah no you got to go jump in the lake what it's fucking October. Yeah, but just do it. Yeah, we do it every morning. Come on, man. Get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:37:28 I've seen the giant seesaw on 14th Street. Yeah. No. Get on it. You got to have the sandwich at the Landmark Inn. I always want you to eat one thing. There's always one thing they want you to eat. Garbage plates in Rochester.
Starting point is 00:37:40 Rochester, yeah. Rochester. You got to get a garbage plate. Does that sound appealing? Yeah. You got to get a garbage plate. It's like, what? Does that sound appealing? Yeah. They're like, you got to get a diarrhea mouth. Oh, you love it. It's so good.
Starting point is 00:37:51 Shit on a fucking plate. Go for it. You got to get poop on a plate is good. That's Tommy's. It was ridiculous. They try to convince you of the things that you're like, look, man, I just want to do the job and chill out. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:38:03 If you had one neat thing for me to see, I'm, I'm good. I don't need, I don't need you to try to wow me. I was in St. Louis. St. Louis you've done. I met you.
Starting point is 00:38:12 Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Everyone was like, you got to go to the city museum. Yeah. You ever been? Yeah. It's a fucking pedophile's dream.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Mookie and I, my, my friend, and it was open for me we were there we got told we gotta go to the city museum
Starting point is 00:38:28 I'm down to see something new I've never seen before we go there and we're online and there's like kids in front of us with an older mom
Starting point is 00:38:37 and we asked is this like a good place for adults and she's like yeah it's fantastic and I'm like okay cool spent like 30 hours
Starting point is 00:38:44 to get in and the instant you get in you're like'm like okay cool it's been like 30 hours to get in and the instant you get in you're like oh she meant it's a good place for adults to throw their kids away and have them run around and hopefully not get molested by someone who's just there it was so stupid it was like that's what you're telling your people in the city to go to right you can't be rogue adults at those but yeah it's like disney world right like you got to go with a kid you can't be a 40 year old and just show. It's like Disney World, right? Like, you've got to go with a kid. You can't be a 40-year-old and just show up. And we're just, we're walking through the museum, like, at some point it's got to turn.
Starting point is 00:39:12 At some point there's got to be something redeeming about this entire place. Show me the bar. Yeah. There's nothing, there's not a bar. There's not good food. There's nothing. And the best place is the exit. You're like, what the fuck?
Starting point is 00:39:23 Why the fuck did I, fuck did I come here? By the way, do you trust anybody who's over, let's say, 25 and goes to a Disney resort alone? Mm-mm. But so many people do. It's shocking. I don't think it's creepy more than I think it's a little sad. I understand the nostalgia and being attached to something, but
Starting point is 00:39:49 I don't. Not Disney. That's for children specifically. It's not like your favorite food. Yes. And I don't want to talk too much shit about it only because I got cousins that love it so much. But guys, let's rip them up what
Starting point is 00:40:05 y'all doing they were do they wear disney clothes no they didn't wear that oh sure that's a white thing that's whites whites love disney if i saw an indian person in a mickey mouse t-shirt i would call the police this person's been abducted and just broke out from where the fuck they were trapped by older white people it is so funny to think, I don't even know why I understand completely. You're like, if I saw an Indian guy in that,
Starting point is 00:40:29 I'd be like, what's going on? Are you okay? What's happening to you? But if I see a white in it that's older, I'm like, it's all right.
Starting point is 00:40:34 They're, you know, a little slow. A little slow. A little slow on the upswing. But an Indian guy for some reason, like my neighbors growing up,
Starting point is 00:40:41 when we moved to the suburbs, my neighbors in the suburbs where we're Indian, and, you're welcome. Thank you. to the suburbs, my neighbors in the suburbs where we're Indian. You're welcome. Thank you. By the way, great people. Yes. Wonderful, wonderful human beings.
Starting point is 00:40:53 But their dad looked like every Indian dad I would have imagined an Indian dad would look like. You know what I mean? Like me in 10 years? Yeah. Well, you don't like flannel. Do you like flannel? I love a good flannel.
Starting point is 00:41:03 Yeah, he always rocked a tucked in flannel? I love a good flannel. Okay, yeah. He always rocked a tucked-in flannel with jeans. Oh, hell yeah. And jeans with dress shoes, which is always, that's key Indian, jeans, dress shoes. You were living next to a spy. Yeah. That was a man who was like, I will blend in. I will be here. No one will know.
Starting point is 00:41:21 The shoes go away. They were great. They just looked like what an indian dad in my mind would look like who's like got glasses and kind of balding and like he looked exactly like every guy i think that yeah it's almost as if they made him in a lab good and they're like we'll plant you right here don't don't don't make too much noise be very sweet to everybody no one will suspect what's really going on yeah if it's the americans but the indians you know like that's a show where they should we should make yes let me going on. Yeah, it's the Americans, but the Indians, you know?
Starting point is 00:41:46 That's a show that we should make. Yes. Let me write on it. Please. I'll be the white voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to have one on these. You could be the unsuspecting neighbor. I am.
Starting point is 00:41:54 Dude, everything I book now is like weird white neighbor. I did House Party. They remade House Party. I'm the crazy white. I'm the only white on the poster. Oh, that was you. Yeah, that's me that's awesome and i wrote i wrote i wrote did you meet lebron no no no he helicoptered in uh and i never
Starting point is 00:42:13 met him i know he wasn't even i worked with the two main kids and then one other uh lady on the show and it was in and out but i wrote wrote on Jamie Foxx's Instagram. He put up a picture of the poster. And I just wrote, I'm the white one. And it got, like, removed. So I wrote it again. And then they left it the second time. But I don't know if the algorithm of Instagram was like,
Starting point is 00:42:40 is this a race-based tweet? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. So it, like, shuffled it to nothingness. I couldn't find it. And then finally when I found it again, it had gone down the line of 8,000 comments. But I was like, that's so interesting that they pulled it away. Like I wonder, does the computer do that?
Starting point is 00:42:57 Does Jamie Foxx's assistant do that? It's either, it's probably Jamie Foxx's assistant or the algorithm. Yeah. I would think it's the assistant because I don't know if the algorithm is reading I'm the white one as a racist thing. White?
Starting point is 00:43:09 Maybe. I guarantee you the keywords are colors and they're like, ah, ah, ah. Yeah, there's definitely that going on because I know in TikTok that happens for sure. Well, you get muted on TikTok now,
Starting point is 00:43:18 which is wild. Yeah, you get muted. I've been muted. I've been flagged for sexual harassment speech or hate speech. I just appeal all the time. I've only not won an appeal like once or twice. But it is – the algorithm that's reading it is smarter than all of us.
Starting point is 00:43:37 It's just like super fast. I can't wait until it kills us. I got to see one of those Boston Dynamics robotic dogs. Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen those in real life? No. Dude, they're fucking, it is the wildest shit you've ever seen. How tall are they?
Starting point is 00:43:51 This high. They're about, you know, two and a half feet off the ground, three feet off the ground. The ones that do the back flips? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was it. It's about, I would say, four feet long, so give or take. And, you know, two and a half feet, two and a half feet off the ground.
Starting point is 00:44:03 And, you know, they pre-programmed with all this stuff and they were showing me like some of the tricks they can do with it and some of like the movements they can do and it
Starting point is 00:44:11 all I kept laughing about was like they were like and we're all cracking up because it's kind of funny to watch it do it but my mind the whole time was like
Starting point is 00:44:18 this thing will get up on its two hind legs at some point and just yee-dee-dee and just crack the engineer's neck there's no doubt don't they already have the one of them caught feelings really literally not the
Starting point is 00:44:30 dog they developed an ai you can google this but there's this they developed a program they were implanting in a in like a you know like a machine in a body type machine and they were trying to get it to respond to emotion and all that stuff and And after time, it had started to like... Are you talking about the Google story? Is it Google? Well, I know Boston Dynamics had the... They just signed a pledge saying, you know, we'll never use it for evil or anything like that.
Starting point is 00:44:59 One of Google's engineers that was working on their AI said that they felt that the AI they created had the consciousness of a seven-year-old or something like that. And it was like it had caught feelings, so to speak. Yeah, maybe that's the one. I just read one that was like it started to like emote a little bit or like respond to emotions on its own. I think it might be the same one. Big time yuck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:19 And I can't wait to go down at the hands of robots. By the way, you are my overlord. Let me be your slave. I'll say that right now to the robots. So you own me. That's the robot camera. Your robot camera's over there. Okay, I'm saying what he said to China and the robots.
Starting point is 00:45:35 You speak Chinese, right? Yeah, you've said you're learning. Yeah, I say a few things in Chinese. Ni hao. Gracias. It's all going to be Chinese at some point. At some point, yeah. At some point, this will be translated in live time.
Starting point is 00:45:50 Yes. Whiskey ginger in live time Chinese. But that robot thing that you're talking about, the Boston Dynamics dog. Yeah. There was a Reddit thread or Reddit video. Somebody compiled the evolution of the Boston Dynamics robot. You got to see that shit. But the second one,
Starting point is 00:46:10 or not the second, the last one, is basically doing like parkour. It's like you could like move it and instead of, it's AI that's reacting to, like getting its balance back, you know, like you could hit it with like a 10 pound, like 10 pounds of force. It would still fix itself.
Starting point is 00:46:24 Yeah, and so they were... Like autopilot on a plane, basically. It's like the same tech as like figuring out how to take a hit and then keep moving. Yep. But it was after like that last iteration where like Boston Dynamics had to like be like we swear we won't use
Starting point is 00:46:39 this for war or evil. It's like, right. Yeah, wait till the government's like we're going to nationalize your stuff or you're going to give us, we're going to give you a billion dollars and you're going to make these robots for us. Or we're going to give you money and still kill you.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Yes. So we'll give you a lot of money and we'll still murder you guys. Yes, exactly. No one will know. We'll Epstein you, baby. Hmm. In here, we pour whiskey.
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Starting point is 00:50:01 And are you willing to have another glass? Yeah. Okay, let me pour it for you because that's only it's only right if i pour you some but i'm i'm interested i don't want to promote this wine at all but it's funny that burt would give you wine saying it's not going to cause you a hangover but the real reason that he doesn't get hangovers is because you know he's a genetic freak yeah he's a monster yeah yeah he's repulsive he's a pig he's a monster. Yeah. Yeah, he's repulsive He's a pig. He's a beautiful beautiful man. I anticipate you're gonna be hungover for sure someone. Well, I'm not gonna go sleep Well, what do you mean my flights at 6 a.m. My car is coming up for oh, yeah, just hang out then
Starting point is 00:50:35 So, you know, let's be up a little bit drop there your flights at 6 a.m. Yeah good for you, man You do that. Do you are you fancy? do you do I didn't book Delta one this time Lay Flats I didn't this time it was just like three grand one way I was like 2400 one way
Starting point is 00:50:50 three grand not bad yeah I don't have a whiskey sponsor yet Jesus they're really getting us at least not that kind
Starting point is 00:50:58 but right Comfort Plus and I'm Diamond so I was like hoping for an upgrade but I don't think that's gonna happen
Starting point is 00:51:05 I think there's too many actual rich people getting on the plane yeah the richies are gonna get through you know and so
Starting point is 00:51:10 I'll be in Comfort Plus just chilling but the Comfort Plus on the new Delta flights is actually still crispy it's still pretty nice yeah still nice
Starting point is 00:51:18 so and it'll be super early so I'll be tired and I'll just you know pass the fuck out put my sleep mask on. Like a real East Coaster.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Exactly. We need our whole—West Coasters need our little beauty rest. Yeah, I got to sleep. You guys operate differently than us, though. I'm going to try to pass out on the plane, but— You live in Jersey, by the way? I live in Brooklyn. Okay.
Starting point is 00:51:39 I lived in Boreham Hill, Brooklyn, for the last seven or eight years, and I've been in Manhattan since— I mean, in New York since 2004. I went to school there. Where'd you go? NYU. Oh, wow. Fancy boy. Could have been fancier, you know, could have gone to Columbia, but I was rejected. NYU is a great school. No, I'm not. What'd you go for? I was a pre-med when I joined and became a pre-med finance major my sophomore year and then I dropped pre-med my Second semester junior year so I graduated the finance degree and like a minor and an almost minor in chemistry In chem. Yeah, so you're a stupid guy. Yeah, I mean, I'm doing like an idiot I went to Arizona State and I'm really doing it. I'm doing comedy You sound like an idiot.
Starting point is 00:52:23 I went to Arizona State, and I'm really doing it. I'm doing comedy. So how smart could I be? Do you think you could have worked out better doing something else in those professions financially? Yes, for sure. But I feel like the upside on comedy is probably a lot higher if I stay working the way I'm working right now. Sure. Whereas, uh, I think for a lot of people to get the upside that comedy has, you have to be, you have to see level in, in, in your, right.
Starting point is 00:52:59 In your job where you have to be working like a hedge fund or like a crazy investment bank. Then these jobs get harder and harder to progress and get to that level and you get older then you start after then you have to really backstab and kill people yes i mean i that's not to say i got friends who probably make rogan money in in working in finance and who make make tim dillon money working in finance and more than that like yeah who kill it. But I also know most of my finance friends are probably doing just as good as I or, or, or worse, but they've also been doing like, I've, I've only made a good amount of money in the last two years, two and a half years doing comedy. You know what I mean? Like, thank you, China. Thank you, China, for sure.
Starting point is 00:53:42 But, you know, just touring, you you know like before that it was like all right where's my next job like snl was a good job but yeah i was only there for a year before that you know i had random writing gigs here and there but they you know you've done random writing gigs they're not they're not you're not balling out with the random writing gigs you're not taking delta one flights no it's a little bit of a favor sometimes yeah unless the guild is paying for kind of thing so story yeah but you know my friends who went to traditional route who actually like i didn't get a job outside of college after college i was unemployed for like a year and a half so i was living at home my parents place so minus that minus that year and a half i've been in new york since 04 right they were in jersey right
Starting point is 00:54:20 they were in jersey so like 40 minutes out but at that time my friends were all making you know uh high five figures low six figures working in finance immediately after high school i mean after college so it all feels like uh playing a catch-up kind of game you're there now baby and then you soared past them yeah yeah and then it becomes like okay now it's time to really hit that shit and so to answer question, now maybe I would be doing better financially doing comedy, but had I just stuck that route and not hit this spot in comedy, I've definitely been better off. Your happiness level is, that's all that matters, man.
Starting point is 00:55:02 One of my good friends from college makes great money, but he's just like, I'm so jealous, man. Yeah. You don't got to do anything tomorrow. That's right. I'm like, yeah, I know. You haven't planned. But I did a lot of stuff on all the tomorrows.
Starting point is 00:55:15 Yes. To get to the place where you don't have to do too many tomorrow. Yeah, I don't got shit to do. Also, the culture of Finance Bros is a little scary. It's a little nose heavy. A little fratty. Yeah's a little nose-heavy. A little fratty. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:26 A little fratty. Yeah. Speaking of which, I saw some frat kid online. They're suing the school. Missouri? Somewhere in Missouri, maybe? He's like... Oh, thank you for pouring this, brother.
Starting point is 00:55:35 Of course, please. He's like in the ER, still in critical condition. He had like a.43 BAC. Jesus Christ. Yeah, they drank the kid out of commission. That's terrible. It was funny because we drank a lot as kids. I never did any of that.
Starting point is 00:55:50 Were you in a fraternity? I mean, there was no fraternities at NYU. Is there fraternities? There were fraternities at NYU. I just never joined them. Skull and bones. Yeah, yeah, no. I think, I forget what the main ones were,
Starting point is 00:55:58 but no, I never had any interest in joining. My group of friends is like a fraternity, but without the fucking letters. Yeah, without having to pay it into it exactly it was just like my floor who like my first floor that i like my what's it called um my dorm my the floor that ever my first floor i shared with other people most of us are still friends to this day same the friends that i made in in that you know year yeah i'm friends with to this day same the friends that i made in in that you know year yeah i'm friends with to this day because you we end up living together next year and live together next year that's why the proximity theory is real that's what's so interesting is you could plant
Starting point is 00:56:34 yourself in any of those other dorm floors in a different dimension you'd be best friends with those other people exactly it's kind of creepy honey we reshaped entirely who you are yeah as a person that's why i definitely believe in different dimensions and parallel universes because you're like, this could just be my life and another thing if all I did was two floors down, one floor up. If I were, if I read Roomed with Sean instead of Victor, I will be a doctor who traded stocks right now.
Starting point is 00:57:02 Because that's what Sean did. Right. Instead, Victor was my friend from high school. He designs web... He, like, he designed websites then and now is
Starting point is 00:57:10 some crazy developer for a huge furniture site. Like, he does, like, crazy shit. He worked at Casper and now he works here. Living Spaces? I forget the name.
Starting point is 00:57:21 It's a new, brand new, uh, but, like, apparently a very good furniture website. It starts with a K. I forget what it's called. Oh, KKK. KKK Furniture.
Starting point is 00:57:32 Yeah. All whites. They make great stuff. All the time. You want your furniture white? Everything's unpainted. None of our furniture is colored. This is all raw wood.
Starting point is 00:57:45 The KKK furniture. All white furniture. But yeah, so he works with some site like that. But had I been roommates with someone else, I would have been roommates with my friend Thunmay, who is like a hedge fund contrillionaire. I might have been also a hedge fund contrillionaire. Sure.
Starting point is 00:58:03 It was just how the cards were dealt for me kind of beautiful man yeah i love it and i we always in that in that reflecting hour that comes when you're coming down from molly you know waiting for your uber you're like yeah we got a special thing going on right here, guys. We really are unique. We're the only 35-year-olds here. That's what it is. How did you find SNL in terms of like did you enjoy your time or was it?
Starting point is 00:58:39 Because we know a lot of guys that have been there. I'm friends with a lot of people. I tested there myself. Like I went through that little gambit. When was that? Pete. Me and Pete were the year. Oh really? It was me and Pete.
Starting point is 00:58:49 That was a long time ago. Yeah, long time ago. 10 years. Yeah, must have been about 10 years. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. Pete and I, yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:56 Pete was a kid. I was 30. Yeah. And it was a wonderful experience. Truly. I actually really enjoyed it. And then so many of my friends that came and went from then,
Starting point is 00:59:06 I saw so much misery in so many people's eyes, you know, and it was just a tough thing for a lot of the performers because there's so much ego and so much effort and it's such a painstaking process
Starting point is 00:59:15 and the hours and there's politicking and all that stuff that like we talk about or, you know, like Inside Baseball know about. It's interesting because just as a writer on the show,
Starting point is 00:59:24 not performing, I feel like it's a little bit more palatable. Well, I was also lucky and unlucky, but mostly very lucky that I was writing only on update. Right. And so all the quote unquote politic and that happens or whatever, I was kind of blind. But you saw it.
Starting point is 00:59:42 I didn't, I saw it to the extent that people would talk about oh this thing happened this thing happened but i was not i was me and the other update writers we were always kind of siloed in our great corner of the office of the of the floor on top of that i was the only new one in the update writers uh uh room so i was even more removed from having to give a shit about what was going on or anything like that um there's always you chay jost me chay jost pete schultz uh uh katie rich josh patton me Megan Callahan, Dennis McNichols, um, who were the, the like Dennis and Pete, Pete was a head writer.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Dennis McNichols was like the head producer. And then Josh, Katie Rich, uh, Megan Callahan and Peach and myself on the writing, on the writing squad. And Scott, who was,
Starting point is 01:00:39 uh, like effectively a writer, not effectively, right. Our producer, he would give us all the prompts and all that kind of stuff. And so that room itself and those update writers were all together in the same room i was in che's office we shared a chain i shared an office uh so i was even more isolated even better it was good in the sense i was like by myself but bad in the sense i couldn't pick
Starting point is 01:01:03 stuff up from the people around me but maybe that's healthy in terms of you know of the creation individual because you're not getting influenced you don't have to think about the other people's thoughts about it yeah it was good in that sense but also bad in that sense because it was
Starting point is 01:01:18 my learning was again just all on my own I wasn't surrounded do prefer that not in that situation in hindsight I didn't prefer that situation like I would have I think I would have learned a lot better had I been in the same room group think yeah or at least it it was just one of those positions where like I was never I'm not a I'm a quick study but I'm not a, I'm a quick study, but I'm not a curious person necessarily in that situation. Yeah. And so I was like, well, I'll just figure this shit out and just do whatever I think is right.
Starting point is 01:01:51 Right. As opposed to being like over communicating anything. Which I feel like many people do in those situations because they're worried about what's going on there. Yeah. I did not do that at all. I was like, it's going to be fine. My boy hired me. I'm here to help support Che and everyone else.
Starting point is 01:02:11 And it was like, I'm here because of that. Did you want to continue on or no? I would love to have stayed on because it felt like right at the end it was. Come on, Che. I felt like right at the end I was getting my stride. But at that point it was like I was very grateful that i got to be there once my once my photo went up on the writers room wall that's cool and i know it's that was it a good photo yeah we all i think i forget what was there some weird like uh instagram challenge that was going on at the time so us and the uh the new
Starting point is 01:02:42 writers uh i think we all did some like weird instagram challenging that was going on at the time so us and the uh the new writers i think we all did some like weird instagram challenging that was going on uh with the hoodies on something like i don't know what it was so no uh it wasn't a good photo but it's a photo nonetheless yeah and it's there forever and it's there until whenever they decide to not a plane hits that building yes exactly we'll be right back yeah nbc covers it that is kind of that that is beautiful though i said that to brooks wheel and we walked through the hallway i've known brooke we started comedy together we were we came up together and i we walked how was brooks huh how is he doing good that's good that's he's good i mean he's you know dude he's really found he's really fun you know i'm talking very personal about a good friend of mine, but he's really found his way into what I think is like exactly what Brooks is.
Starting point is 01:03:31 He's always been an adventurous, like get up, get out, go travel and do, live in the woods and live in the mountains. And I was always jealous of that. And he was always like, why don't you just do it? And then at some point you realize you're like, but that's not who I am. Yeah. I like showering. Do you know i mean like i hate dirty feet when i met brooks i was like he told me he was like a biochem major
Starting point is 01:03:52 yes he's a very very bright man and i was very bright dude oh you were genius yeah he is he worked on on heart valves he's when i first met him yeah he's like a fucking super smart guy. Yeah. And then what I love about super smart people in general that behave the way he does is like, you got to figure it out, man. Yeah, he's, yeah. Yeah, like you know that the only point of life is to just be like outside hanging, or like that calling, if you feel that,
Starting point is 01:04:23 that is what you're supposed to be doing he lives very in the moment the he worked on his company worked on a family member of mine's heart valve and they tracked that they can track down the actual number of the valve because they're attached to all these vins basically a car in your chest yeah and you know exactly who made it you can be you could actually meet the people that made it if you really feel like it's fucking crazy more wild but when i walked with him through the halls of snl i had had a couple of soda pops so i was buzzing a little bit and i was feeling i got and sometimes i get emotional and my jekyll and hyde drunk is never like angry fight
Starting point is 01:05:00 i'm always like maybe a little too sappy right or emotional and and i told him i said you have to this is incredible and he kind of was fucking it off he was like come on man stop you you know like probably embarrassing like a dad uh-huh where it's like you gotta get a picture in front of the picture but i was like this is powerful man you got to realize this is a an institution it is a cool hallway to walk down. And it's forever, you're forever embedded into the list of these names. Yeah. And whether, however he feels about it today
Starting point is 01:05:31 is how he feels about it because your individual take of something is obviously significantly different than those that just come in for a little brief moment in time. But that's still something, again, for you too. Like, how fucking dope, they fucking chiseled you into the book.
Starting point is 01:05:44 You're there now with that thing for the rest of time. something again for you too like how fucking dope they fucking chiseled you into the book you're there now with that thing for the rest of time i will forever cherish the time i had i remember it there was a window of time between the reality of working there and the dream of working there yeah that window of time i remember being some of my fondest memories ever yeah i was just like i remember what it was like to to call my then girlfriend or fiance i think we were fiance or girl no we were girlfriend boyfriend at that point still and telling her don't tell nobody don't tell nobody bitch i know you're i know hey bitch don't tell nobody i know i know you're in the car with your parents right now but hold it together yeah i just got snl i remember i
Starting point is 01:06:30 remember that i remember where i was was midtown manhattan i was a little buzz i got a text mike texted me when i was um uh uh what's it called on my way to drink at a bar and he just dm'd me he's like congrats man he didn't even text me he's just congrats you now work at snl it's like what are you talking about and then and then like that was it and it was just like uh i remember that feeling i remember there was like a big show show that um that summer that che and jose went up to montreal to do uh a gala oh yeah and uh myself and claire friedman uh a very funny writer that jose brought on i remember us two thinking hey this is crazy we uh we're about right on snl aren't't we? And then that summer being like the most fun. And then right before SNL started,
Starting point is 01:07:29 Che and Jost and I think they had like this big show at the Public Hotel or something like that. And I just remember no one knew, but Sypha Sounds knew. And he... Sypha knows everything. Yeah. He has the key to the world
Starting point is 01:07:45 he he said on stage congrats to Mesh Patel and people were like what are you congratulating for I was like oh I got Saturday Night Live and it was just like
Starting point is 01:07:53 such a surreal moment to be in comedy where I was at and then I went across the street and I went to Sweet Chick
Starting point is 01:08:02 the fried chicken spot oh yeah and I got $ Chick, the fried chicken spot. Oh, yeah. And I got $300 worth of fried chicken. And I brought it back to the green room. I was like, this is all me. I'll sweet chicken this whole fucking place up. I work at SNL now. And Rosebud was a vegan or vegetarian or some shit or being vegetarian.
Starting point is 01:08:23 And she bit into this vegetarian chicken, and it was the most disgusting chicken anyone's ever had. She's like, why would someone do that? I was like, I told you. You can't fake that shit. It was just cabbage, fried cabbage. I remember that summer. I think of it so fondly.
Starting point is 01:08:43 In that time at the show, I can only think of it so fondly in that time at the show I think of it I can only think of it fondly whatever was going on work wise was secondary to the fact that I was part of this thing yeah and that I could bring my cousins
Starting point is 01:08:59 like every writer's room you've been to the writer's room a few times I imagine yeah from a writer's perspective it's like who do I been to the writer's room a few times. I imagine. From a writer's perspective, it's like, who do I get to bring to this fucking wonderland? Yeah. And I remember thinking, man, I get to bring my cousins to the show.
Starting point is 01:09:13 I would be asking other writers, like, you're going to use your tickets? Because I got family, yo. They're 20 minutes away. They're downstairs right now. 700 relatives here. Yeah, they're downstairs. They're downstairs right now. And I just remember
Starting point is 01:09:26 like how fun it was to bring my friends and family, like people who, sofas I slept on when I was starting comedy who I was like, yo,
Starting point is 01:09:35 let's, me, you, Jeff Ross, and we're gonna hop in his Escalade and we're gonna go to the fucking
Starting point is 01:09:42 Christmas party right now. Yeah. Thank you for letting me sleep on your sofa 10 years ago when I started, John and Josh. I just remember those moments being like, man, what a fucking fun thing to share with people. Wow. Like, beyond just being able to work with Che, like my closest friend, and just be around me, Charles Barkley, and all that, beyond that shit I remember fondly like being like my whole crew is here we hanging
Starting point is 01:10:07 this is like this may not last and it didn't but it was like a very but it happened it happened yeah I remember feeling like
Starting point is 01:10:14 so cool just being like at the after parties like I got the dinner I got it don't worry about it we're not doing that as much now no
Starting point is 01:10:21 but we were then no in hindsight I should have been doing that then the check wasn't that big well look I think you got We're not doing that as much now, but we were then. In hindsight, I should have been doing that then. The check wasn't that big. Well, look, I think you got a lot of time and space ahead of you to keep making good moves. I've seen you from afar.
Starting point is 01:10:40 I've had a parasocial relationship with you, which is kind of wild. You introduced yourself when you walked in the door, which is kind of wild. Yeah. Because I know who you are, but door, which is kind of wild. Yeah. Because I know who you are, but I don't know you. We never met before. Yeah, but that's what's strange is I feel like I know you a little bit just because on the internet. But that is what's negative about parasocial is people think they have a piece of you.
Starting point is 01:10:57 What's positive is you feel like I comfortably know you even though I didn't know you, which is kind of nice. That's a cool thing to experience in that sense which i i hadn't thought of it that way when you walked in that door i felt like i knew you anyway oh i'm glad you felt that way thank you very much i'm glad i know it's weird for you to kiss me on the mouth i thought that was an indian thing that's what we do yeah no it was a little sorry for grabbing your ass no that's not that big of a deal i never talk about it uh but look i appreciate you coming here. I hope people go see you on the road and keep continuing great work.
Starting point is 01:11:29 Please, please, please come see me. What's your website again? Plug it again. FindingNemesh.com. FindingNemesh.com. Yes, ma'am. All over the internet to see this man. Go get some tickets.
Starting point is 01:11:38 We end the show the same way. Look into that camera right there. Say one word or one phrase to take us out. We used to do a word. Some people didn't want a phrase. So one word or a phrase into that camera whenever you're ready life is about balance in here we pour Ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent.
Starting point is 01:12:13 Ginger. I like gingers.

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