Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Pete Holmes

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

You kids are in for a treat this week with the return to the show for one of our favorite comedians and people Pete Holmes! Pete, a beloved comedian, actor, and the creator of the hit HBO series "Crashing," takes us behind the scenes of his comedy career. We'll delve into his stand-up, and his new special "I am not for everyone" out now on Netflix. But that's not all. Pete shares his unique perspective on life, spirituality, and personal growth, with a dash of his signature humor. From his popular podcast "You Made It Weird" to his stand-up specials, Pete Holmes is a master at finding the funny in life's quirks. Check out his new hit YouTube series BAT-CANNED out now! #peteholmes #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast =========================================== SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS SQUARESPACE Get that site up and running now! 10% off your order https://squarespace.com/whiskey IBOTTA Easy Cash Back Everywhere You Shop DOWNLOAD APP *Google Play & Apple App Store* USE CODE: Whiskey ME UNDIES Get 25% Off & Free Shipping! https://www.meundies.com/whiskey DRAFTKINGS SPORTBOOK Get $200 in Free Bets Instantly PROMO CODE: WHISKEY =========================================== Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeyging... https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Produced and edited by Joe Faria IG: @itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode of Whiskey Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole Distillery and their one-of-a-kind Kentucky bourbon and rye whiskeys. Behind Rabbit Hole's award-winning spirits is the story of their founder, Kaveh Zemanian. He left a 20-plus year successful career as a psychologist and went down the rabbit hole to craft the finest spirits, okay? And he was just inducted into Kentucky Bourbon Hall of Fame. What do you want to know other than that? This is that boxer grill. They got four unique expressions. I really love—this is rye, and I've told you guys for a long time, I never loved rye until I got my hands on this rabbit. And it's absolutely delicious.

They're a small batch. A lot of people say they're small batch. They're producing under 15 barrels. That's incredible. That ensures quality in every drop. A lot of brands promote toasted barrels and all that stuff. And they don't char and toast barrels. These cats, though. They have four distinct expressions, like I said. The Cave Hill, the High Gold, the Boxer Grail. That was that one. And finally, that Derringer. It's that PX Sherry finished bourbon in Pedro

Jimenez. I'm working on it. Sherry casks. It's so, so good. Each one of these is absolutely delicious. This one I've sucked on for a long time, the High Gold, and I really enjoy their sauce. And if you want to try something unique and different that's not part of one of these is absolutely delicious. This one I've sucked on for a long time, the high gold, and I really enjoy their sauce. And if you want to try something unique and different that's not part of one of these big box names that you're already familiar with, try some rabbit hole, baby. They got four distinct whiskey expressions, but today I've been savoring this boxer grill. You want some, go to rabbitholdistillery.com slash buy now. Rabbitholdistillery.com slash buy now. Use the promo code rabbit for $5 off your first order. Drink responsibly. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans?

Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man Steve Harvey done say, it's Pete Holmes. Show me Pete Holmes. Pete Holmes, good buddy of mine. He has a special out on Netflix right now called I Am Not For Everyone. And isn't it true? This guy is something else. I love the PD. He is incredible. He's also got a series on his

YouTube channel called Batcanned. Those links will be in the description down below. Go watch his new special on Netflix right now. Pass it around. Let everybody know. Also, hey, I am on tour. We're doing a couple of more dates before the end of the year. Me and Bobby Lee are going to be doing Bad Friends Live. We do stand-up. Then we do bits from the podcast. You get a two-hour-plus show of tons of stand-up comedy and crowd involvement. It's so much fun. Tomorrow night, we're going to be in Denver. Denver, Colorado, show up.

Then we go to Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, and Madison. Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com. We added dates for the new year. They're on there, too. We're all over the place. but go to badfriendspod.com for those. Denver, come see about me. Enough rambling. Let's go to the episode.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are pugilistic. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey

and $75 for the horse. Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers. It's more artsy. Fartsy. It's more artsy, fartsy. Did you call it Farts and Craps? Yeah, Farts and Craps.

What else is it? What is it really called? What is it really called? Scarts and craps? Yeah, farts and craps. What else is it? What is it really called? What is it really called? Scarts and narts? It's called arts and crafts, but it was right there. No, it's not. Arts and crafts, bro. Farts and crap. I'm going to be like Burr.

Just give me a topic. I'll give you a hot take. Bill, how do you feel about... What is that? Bill? What is this? I didn't even tell you yet. Come on my show.

How do you feel about veggie grill? I want something else other than veggies. Go in there. You don't like vegetables? Guy's going to give me vegetables. What is this? Doesn't even have a soul. Supposed to eat it.

No, you know what Bill would really do? He would be a vegan. Yeah. Like whatever you're not expecting. I eliminated all of it. Got rid of all the bullshit preservatives. Did I tell you I called Bill? Nonsense.

I called Bill once to say his special was incredible, and I was like, you really? It was at a time when, like, kind of, like, cancel-y vibes were very high. Ooh. Ooh. And I thought, look, I love Bill. Yeah. I just was like, I love Bill. Yeah.

I just was like, and I really think you did all of comedy like a solid by just kind of like showing that you're just fucking around. Just fucking around. Just fucking around having fun. I just want to delight you. I'm going to say some shit, but don't take it too seriously. And I'm just trying to compliment him. I was like, I didn't do that.

I didn't do that. Shut the fuck up. I wasn't doing that. I was like. You can't give him a compliment. I'm okay. I'm calm in the car. I just't do that. Shut the fuck up. I wasn't doing that. I was like, uh, you can't give him a compliment. I'm calm in the car. I just turned the volume down. You ever do that? Yeah. Uh-huh.

How often do you say I'm going to lose signal and just hang up on somebody? Be honest. I've never done it. What? I do turn the volume down. I do it. My mom will be like, I do it a lot. Do you know what I do it to you? Can you tell? Yeah. I do it a lot. Do you know when I do it to you? Can you tell? Yeah.

I do it a lot. I go, oh, I'm going to lose service soon. And then the other person on their line, if they're rambling at us, I just hang up on them. You know, you don't even have to. I've never done that to you. I know. I've never done that to you. All of ours end with a bye.

I love you. Goodbye. But his, like if he's pissing me off and he's just jibber-jabbering on the phone and just mouth vomit. He's giving me a jib-jab. I immediately. If he's giving me a custom-made birthday internet card. That's what he does.

I just fucking jib-jab that shit. I mark jib-jabs as spam. You're a jib-jab. Yeah, do you guys? I fucking, I take Dayquil at night. That was one of my old lines. I take Dayquil at night. You ever steal from yourself?

That's good, though. That's one to steal. I like it, too. Yeah, Dayquil at night. That was one of my old lines. I'd take Dayquil at night. You ever steal from yourself? That's good, though. That's one to steal. I like it, too. Yeah, Dayquil at night. It was the one that was sort of starting to vibe. The date was getting a little spicy. The date with my own career. It was getting a little spicy.

You make eyes at your own career, and you're like, are we going to 69? Should we do it? Are we going to? Who's on top, I say? He says, my butthole's intholes in your nose that showbiz baby buttholes in your nose and you know what i don't mind it perfect time to introduce my guest ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey ginger my guest today is one of my favorite

people on earth i say that for all my guests but i mean it once again today it's pete holmes it's pete holmes pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd pd It's Pete Holmes. Petey, Petey, Petey. Petey, Petey, Petey. Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey, Petey. I was just going to say nobody can do the complex part. Petey, Petey, Petey. Can you imagine being a Japanese video game music composer? Hold on. Yes. And there's no bar.

You're making the music for fucking Mario 1. Dice Clay was their boss. Listen up, Japanese. You're making the music. Oh, for Mario. They all love smoking. They love smoking. They do love smoking.

They love smoking. They love attitude and smoking and being bossed around a little bit. Also, you know there's a part of Japan where everyone dresses like Dice Clay. Oh, dude, have you never been to Harajuku? Have you never been there? Harajuku? Harajuku.

Do you not know this? Is this the greaser town? Harajuku's like the cool, hip, young, funky, fashionable, like really kind of like... Really? Really kind of out there, doing their thing. And they usually... In Japan? Yeah, in Japan they take a culture, they always have like a

cultural moment, and they all become it. They had a goth time in Harajuku they had like a hipster time they also had a skater time big pants Asian goth

JNCO jeans Asian goth extra scary to me because it's very the ring but they smile a lot what was the ring what was the ring

except a goth Asian it was a goth Asian she had a hair in front of her face beautiful hair great hair came out of the TV didn't matter HD standard D, standard D, that demon's going to get you. I don't know why I'm doing it.

Joe Biden? That was Biden. Very good. Here's my Melania Trump. It's me. I'm a model. I have big, perky ones, big, beautiful, perky breasts. That's my perfect.

And let me do, I can do Jared Kushner. Okay. His son-in-law. Yeah. Ready? Yeah. Can I go to the bathroom now that's every day of his life yeah no he can't go in there they've got him trapped you think he's free dude he's held captive he's not free the problem is Trump talks like comedy talk like

that's how he's he's so I hear I'm talking and I'm like but before he was even doing it we were all kind of doing it. Like, it's funny to keep stating the faces, kind of build on it, say some shit. And double down on something that's like, if you go, he's fat, not fat. People say he's fat. Reese's peanut butter cups. They had jelly in them when I was young. It was BB&J.

I'm telling you, it's real. It was white bread, peanut butter, jelly. Delicious. It was lunch. It was lunch. What happened to lunch? Now it's all baby carrots. Have you ever seen, have you seen, there was somebody drew on the internet, somebody drew

his body and why he's kind of like, he leans forward. If you've never seen from the side profile, it's kind of weird. He like leans kind of at an angle and they said it's because, you know, remember in elementary school when you had a boner and you would tuck it, tuck it up your pants? Oh yeah, high noon. And they said he's always got a, he's always got a high noon. He's always got a high noon. That's why he leans forward because he's always got a high noon. He's always got a high noon. That's why he leans forward, because he's always got a high noon.

Cuckoo, a bird, comes out on like an accordion, like a wooden accordion, comes out because it's high noon in the dance. High noon. I look down, there's 12 o'clock right there. You give it a little sucky. Excuse me, I'm tense. It's so long. It's the width and the length of my torso.

Let's be honest, he probably does have a big penis. There's like no doubt in my mind he's got a big penis. Big old hog? Because America wants to be like, oh, he's a fat, small dick. There's a piece of me that's like, there's no chance. Oh, you think he's got a big one?

He's got a honker, yeah. How about a fucking thick? Not long. It's a chode. Chode, chode, chode. It's a can of tuna. It's a can of tuna, baby. He takes it out, the cats come running.

They come. They see it. They think dinner time. How about fucking Joaquin Phoenix in the trailers for Napoleon, the Napoleon movie? Wait, what? Have you not seen this? No. Am I crazy?

He's playing Napoleon. And it's, I don't know what it's called. Fucking Napoleon. Napoleon, probably. And everyone's French in it except Joaquin Phoenix. So they're like, eh, my lord, we are going into the battle. And he's French in it except Joaquin Phoenix. So they're like, Eh, my lord, we are going into the battle. And he's like,

Great, great, let's go. He doesn't even try to put on an accent? He doesn't do it! No way. What are we talking about? He doesn't do it! He's like, I'm Napoleon.

Like a, kind of like a valley voice. I'm Napoleon. Hey, it's me, Napoleon. I mean, I take British over nothing. I would have accepted British. That's what I'm saying. They usually me, Napoleon. I mean, I take British over nothing. I would have accepted British. That's what I'm saying. They usually go, just make it British, and then no one will know the difference. Also elves, also dwarves.

They're all Brits. Well, they've got to be. Because it's cuter when they're like, because when they waddle over, because they do have to shift weight. Gandalf. Yeah. Gandalf. We've got to go now before everything falls apart. And that's Australian.

You can't be Boston. You can't be like, fucking Gandalf. We've got to go now before everything falls apart. And that's Australian. You can't be Boston. You can't be like, Hey, fucking Gandalf, come suck on my nards. You can't fucking suck on my nards in a British accent. Sounds folksy. Suck on my nards. Suck on my nards, will you? And nards. 69, butthole in my face and I don't mind.

Kiss the trumpet. Go ahead and blow it, Kenny G. I found a Kenny G sport. Okay. Oh, no. Kenny G sport. Okay. Oh, no. Kenny shirtless. Putting it in a pony going,

you want to know why they call me Kenny G? But you're like implanted in someone else's body and you're like, ah, but you can't leave. As the lady, you're into it and you have to experience it. I always have thought about it and this is a very mean thing to say. No, but any time men have really long hair, like really long shoulder length, I'm always like, you do have to tie that up before you make love.

Yeah. Otherwise, the woman, imagine being the woman and having to like, and get his man, his droopy man hair. We can't both be leaning on our hair. It has to be one. One hair lean at a time. One, ow, ow, ow, you're on my hair. You can't do that hair lean at a time. One, ow, ow, ow, you're on my hair. You can't do that.

You can't both be going, ow, ow, ow, you're on my hair. I still have a vivid memory of a young woman I dated, a beautiful woman, and I leaned on her hair, and her eyes went black. And she went, you're on my hair. How many times? It was about something else. It wasn't just the hair.

Yeah. The hair was, like, pulling the string on the back of the teddy bear, but she had something else She needed to get out Oh I had I had one of those I had one of those For my Pee Wee Herman doll

And when I found out That he got caught Jerking off in public When I was young I didn't understand it I threw it down the garbage chute In my apartment building I told my mom

I got rid of him I got rid of him I was mad And of course you told your mom Not your dad Your dad would be like We jerk off in theaters that's what we do

well he was my dad was in prison at the time oh so sponsors this week are MeUndies MeUndies.com

slash ginger but I did have that pulled up hi I just did a podcast today yeah today my own podcast

with a young man named Joey Bragg. He had a bit, a very funny bit, about Pee Wee Herman jerking off in a theater. He's like, that's the second weirdest thing you can do in a movie, in a porno theater. Number one is not jerking off. And I added to it, who's going into porno theaters? Which is like the last vestige of a dark, it's like Greek, it's like an ancient Greek, like, yeah, we have the a dark, it's like Greek. It's like an ancient Greek, like,

yeah, we have the internet and we have space shuttles. We also have this dark theater. You can just blow a load on the ground. We still have that. Yeah, that's creepy. Who goes in, doesn't jerk off.

That's weird. Snitches. Two snitches. Yeah, snitches. Goes, is that Pee Wee Herman? Excuse me,

sir, are you jerking off? Sir? Very rude. Sir? And everyone's like, shh, shh. Shh.

Please. All you hear is... It sounds like people are playing paddle ball in there. Sir? Sir? With a light. And he snitched, which makes me think, obviously... Who's the snitch?

Well, it was the theater. Someone in the theater. Obviously, it wasn't a patron. It was someone that worked in the theater. My imagination says, saw Pee Wee Herman, knew who he was, Paul Rubens, and then told someone else through the grapevine. It got back to someone else that was like, wait a minute. Who?

What? Who? Yeah. And then they were like, we can get paid for this, can't we? If we tell the press he was doing it. And then I bet they weren't. No, and they weren't. But I bet you they thought they were. That was the beginning of um snitches not well that's

the sex that like a sex tape leak about a celebrity or something is like i think they promised these people money they never got money i wonder no one really you unless you make the tape like dustin diamond the dd r.i.p dd did he? I think he died like 10 years ago. Dustin Diamond is alive. Is he alive? Screech. I'm crazy. I thought he died a long time ago. He's alive. Dustin Diamond died in 2021. 2021. Two years ago. My God, that was... Hold on. You want to give a minute to...

By the way, it's Yom Kippur and you're insulting one of our dead Jewish heroes. Do you want to change up your entire perspective right now? A DJ age? Did I disrespect a DJ age? You disrespected a DJ age? You got to watch the DJ age. Respect on Yom Kippur. Dustin Diamond, how did Dustin Diamond die?

This is my vocal warm-up. How did Dustin Diamond die? Dealing with doulas. Dealing with doulas. Dustin Diamond died decades after his diabolatrous sex tape. Diabolical. Diabolatrous. Dustin Diamond died.

Dustin Diamond died dealing with doulas and his deficit. Diabolatrous. Sex tape. Diabolical. Diabolatrous. Dustin Diamond died. Dustin Diamond died dealing with doulas and his deficit. Diabolical. Deficit of dick. Of dick. Girth. Dick. Dick. Dick, dick, dick.

Dick. Dick, dick, dick goes the porno clock. We're running out of time, girls. We'll be right back. The guy in the valley. Meanwhile, at Vivid Entertainment, dick talk, dick talk, guys. It's dick 30, ladies. Let's go.

Dick talk, guys. It's not going to strike. Let's go. Dick, dick, guys. It's not going to strike 69 on its own. Who doesn't mind the bottle in their face? Kenny T, hair up. How did he, how did he, Dustin Diamond died? Oh, my God. Not a funny one. You could have said anything else besides can't.

Not a funny one. He can't. He leaned in and said cancer. Make it up. He made eye contact with me, too. Yeah. Cancer. Oh, okay.

Make it up, dude. Today is a reminder of our own mortality brought to us by Dustin Nyman. Thanks, DD. We miss you very much. He made a porno tape, but I think that was because

this is why we're striking. We need better residuals so we don't have to make porno tapes. Well, I think it was like a, like a, like a... He was broke. He was in a bad way.

Well, he was? Bad way. From what I remember on one of those Ehud True Stories, it was like he owed a lot of money. He couldn't get work. He did like a... Remember he did like a reality show where he did like a big brother type of thing?

He did something like that? Yeah. When you see them go there, you're almost like Hollywood, you need to be an older brother and give him some money. You know what those shows... Do something right by the show.

Those shows can feel like the airlock on a spaceship. It's like you were in the spaceship. Then there's the airlock, but you know they're going to open and just kind of eject you. But while you're in the airlock awaiting oblivion, they're like, you want to live together with fucking Salt-N-Pepa or whatever it is. Salt-N-Pepa.

I don't know why I picked Salt-N-Pepa. Well, just Salt. Just Salt? Because Pepa. Salt-Pepa. I don't know why I picked Salt-N-Pepa. Well, just Salt. Just Salt? Because Pepa's doing fine. Is she? I don't know. I don't know which is what. I honestly don't know who's doing what.

Between Salt VP, I'm going to say Salt. You think Salt's better than Pepa? Well, as a seasoning. I couldn't tell you the diff between Salt and Pepa in Salt-N-Pepa. Okay, hold on. But I couldn't tell you which one's Kid and which one's Play. I couldn't tell you which one's Bell and which one's Biv and DeBeau. Keep going. I couldn't tell you which one's kid and which one's play. I couldn't tell you which one's bell and which one's biv and de beau. Keep going. I couldn't tell you

which one's MC and which one's hammer. Same guy. Wayne's World was right. We need the extreme close-up. Whoa! The best. Honestly, but in real life, salt over pepper. If you had to get rid of one of the two condiments,

we're getting rid of salt, we're getting rid of pepper. Well, you don't die without pepper. You die without salt. I know, but you can get salt supplemented in other ways. You mean like salt in the foods? Yeah, so just as a table condiment. Salt wins every time. See, this is interesting.

You know why no one's unscrewing the pepper top? Because nobody's peppering shit! I pepper everything. Eggs, peppered. Steak, peppered. Chicken, peppered. Steak, peppered. Chicken, peppered. Go ahead and get yourself some Basco and get out of the bitch pool. Get out of the bitch pool.

Get out of bitch pool. Yeah, but you know what? It's nice and warm in here in this bitch pool. Yeah, the bitch pool's great. Oh, it got cold in there. Oh, it's a little cold in the bitch pool. Help. It cuts to Paul Lynn. It's living up to its name. a little cold in the bitch pool. Help. It cuts to

Paul Lind. It's living up to its name. He's just watching the bitch pool. I had a discrepancy that I needed Pete Holmes' perspective on. This morning I went to go get a nice little coffee and the gentleman I said, can I get a cappuccino, please? And he goes, what size? And I said,

isn't there only one size of cappuccino? He's like, you get small, medium, large. And he showed me the cups. Yeah. And I said. What you're saying is it's just one shot. It's a double shot of espresso. And you're asking how much milk you want.

Is that what we're talking about? Yeah, but cappuccinos, it should be the most minimal amount of cup possible. When you go around the world, you say cappuccino. It's a little cappuccino cup. You don't get it in a grande, a bente. What am I, calcium deficient? What am I, lactose extremely tolerant?

So I said to him, I said, just the original size. And he goes, the medium. I said, I think it's the smallest one. Just the smallest cup you have for cappuccino. And he kind of was like, yeah, you know, some people like it in the bigger ones. I said, I understand. I understand. That's, yeah, just the tiniest one. And then he goes, you know what's weirder for me?

People that ask for almond milk or alternative milks. Because I can't foam or steam. I can't really foam those. They're not dense enough. You can foam them. Give me this guy's home address. Hold on one second. Can we put his address? Can you put his address right here in the middle of the screen? This is where he lives. And his phone number. I want some of you to attack him. I want some of you to support

him financially. But don't tell us which one's which. Please make a vlog about it. Tag us. And go against your instinct. If you wanted to attack him, support him some of you to support him financially. But don't tell us which one's which. Please make a vlog about it. Tag us. And go against your instinct. If you wanted to attack him, support him. If you wanted to support him, I'm sorry, attack him. And of course he was at Holmes Isn't a Home Without Pete's Coffee Shop on Ventura. A home without a Holmes isn't a

home at all featuring Pete. Coffee Shop on Ventura. Okay. We opened one in your name. Can I give you one? Uh-huh. Yeah, because we've opened... But you agree with me. Of course I do. Cappuccino should be the teeny tiny little bitty boo-boo. Come on.

I didn't argue with him. I just weirded out. I thought, that's not real. I'm going to give you one. Yeah. I go, what I like, what do I like, what do I like. What do you like? What do I like?

What do you like? I like just a double shot of espresso because I'm a fucking pussy. I don't know. You thought I was going to say a real man. You know why you like just a double shot? Why is I'm a fucking pussy. I don't know. You thought I was going to say a real man. You know why you like it just a double shot? Why is that? Because you're sober. Yeah, because I want to feel something.

You want to feel something. I want it to taste bad, and I want it to hurt, and I want it to burn. So that's sober. That's Sobey's noodles. I like that. It's Sobey's noodles.

It is. So I go in and I go, I want a triple, I used to get a triple espresso. This sounds boring, but here's the best coffee hack in the world For real What comic is the best coffee hack?

What's his name? You think beans medium? Espresso Rogan I tried my best It was close, there's something there Maz Javani Maz Java Ani Maz Java Ani We're getting close uh half calf

half cat fuck it you go in if you want a double espresso but you just they're so little yeah say you want a long shot they they pull it longer same cost double the amount it's awesome yeah before i knew that tip i used to order a triple. Say, give me a triple. So I go, I know, people don't like this. I go into a coffee shop. You don't like it. I don't like it.

I go, give me a, where was I? Fucking, it doesn't matter. Seattle. Let's say I'm in Seattle. Coffee place. Sounds right. I go, give me a triple espresso. I didn't say that.

I said, hi, how are you? Good afternoon. But in the story, I go, give me a fuck. Give me a trip. I have something on that too. I go, give me a triple espresso, please a trip. I have something on that too. Give me a triple espresso, please. And this guy, he was like Eastern European, and he was a snob about coffee.

And he was like, just so you know, we don't do triple espresso, not a thing. Triple espresso, really not. We don't do that. We have to pull it twice. And I'm like, yeah, I just want more. And he's like, you get a double. And I'm like, yeah. I want more.

Like, why are we talking about this? It's all made up. It's made up. Give me more coffee. It's not done. Who's here? Fucking the Dunkin' Donuts guy? Is he gonna cut your heart out? You fuck! Give me more coffee! Give it to me. Yeah, just give it to me.

Here's what I got for you. And he eventually did. I'm on an airplane. He did. Yeah. And he shut the fuck up as I drank it, too. He didn't say anything to me, so I think that was a sign that I won. Or that he spit in it. He didn't. He wasn't even making them. He wasn't even pulling them. He was like the big shot, hairy ass manager.

Big shot, hairy ass manager. A-B-S-H-A-M. Imagine somebody goes, let me talk to your Big Shot Hairy Ass Manager, please. Do you got a BS ham? Do you have a BS ham? A BS ham gave me a hard time. So I'm on an airplane. You're going to like this. I'm leaving.

It's one of those times when they had us exit in the middle. I don't like that. Me neither. Because it makes me anxious. Look at the coach passenger. Yeah. Makes you look down and go oh no what's weird about it

is the flight attendants will occasionally let instead of doing like a car merge you go I go you go yeah they'll stop

sometimes so more of the first class can get off and it's mean it feels mean and gross everything about it sucks don't like it so old homesy

I was in first class and I stopped and I'm watching some of the coach, what do you call these? Oh, people. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

They're coming out. And I think race is an element here. I'm just going to mention that there was a black man getting his overhead and there was a white guy who's a turd

impatiently goes around. You don't do this. Shot dead. Shot dead on the spot. You should be shot dead on the spot. It's a bad move. That's why we need guns. That's why we need those air marshals on airplanes.

Shot dead right there. Just to settle little minor disputes. Yeah. But here's what's important is, is, is the, uh, the black gentleman went,

what's, what are you doing? And he was like, sorry, I thought you were, I thought you were like some bullshit. That's all. Right.

I'm now privy as I'm leaving, I'm privy'm leaving privy to the retelling from each of these fuckers on their phones. I'm telling you, all that happened was the black guy was like, what are you doing? And he was like, oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were. Okay. What did he think that we thought he was done? That's bullshit. It's like you're panicked and you're like, I'm sorry.

I thought you were like going to take forever or not notice me cutting you. Right, right, right, right, right. But then I hear the white guy walking down the corridor. He's telling the story to his friend. He's like, so I'm like, oh, yeah, I thought you were like taking forever. So I'm going to go around you, man, like that. Then I get to the escalator, see the black guy. And he's like, he's telling the story.

He's going like, I said, you're messing with the wrong guy today. All this stuff that neither of them said. Yeah, nothing happened. Yeah, nothing happened. I'm like, you better take two steps back. You better take two steps back. I'm on the escalator like, none of this happened. I said, he said, this is, I definitely

remember, you're messing with the wrong dude today, he said on the phone. Which did not happen. In real life, he went, what are you doing? I was like, we are, was. But what are you doing, in his mind, might have meant so many things. Well, subtitles on, he was saying, you're messing life, he went, what are you doing? I was like, we are. But what are you doing in his mind might have meant so many things. Well, subtitles on, he was saying, you're messing with the wrong. What are you doing, man? You're fucking with the wrong guy.

I could use. You ain't got the one today. I'm not him. I could use life subtitles. Yeah, me too. Then I'd hear my dad say I love you all the time. What am I thinking right now? Subtitle me right now.

Ready? You're hungry. I'm starving. God, am I communicating it clearly enough? I'm hungry for love and affection. By the way, my dad does say I love you, but sometimes... Not enough, in my opinion.

Well... We've been listening in. Roll the tapes! What if the NSA was listening to our calls, but just to emotionally check in with us? You know, he hasn't said, I'd love you to a son in seven calls. And they tap him?

I had a friend work for the FBI, and he said that one of the things that they have is, like, dragonflies. This was, like, 20 years ago, too. They have, like, electronic dragonflies. So they look like dragonflies. Stop it. And I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, that's for surveillance, but it's also, like, if there's a group. This was what he said.

This is what he said. It was, like, if a group of riffraff are loitering somewhere and you want to get them out of there, you can bug them with literally bugs. With like fucking... Okay, and this is your friend that worked for... I've said too much. Yeah.

I don't know. No, because this is all the birds aren't real theory. You know birds aren't real theory. Birds aren't real is fake. A piece of me thinks the birds aren't real theory You know birds aren't real theory Birds aren't real is fake A piece of me thinks some birds aren't real Keep the mic close Don't get weird You just told me

I said you're messing with the wrong Motherfucker No it's not You don't say motherfucker Motherfucker I like that Time out I want to tell you You sent me your special a while ago No, you don't say motherfucker. Motherfucker. Motherfucker. I like that. Time out. T out.

I want to tell you, you sent me your special a while ago. And I don't want to go through this without mentioning that. I called you on the phone after I watched your special. The telephone? Mobile. What did I say to you? Do you remember? I can remember exactly where I was.

I was driving north on Sepulveda. I remember where I was. Where were you? I was driving. To Ojai. To Oj was. I was driving north on Sepulveda. I remember where I was. Where were you? I was driving... To Ojai. To Ojai. I was driving north on Sepulveda. I was weaving underneath the 405,

and I said, man, you really found your own. Oh. You really like... It's one of the best things I've seen that you've made. It's one of the most... It's very alive.

It's so funny and like... It doesn't feel like you're, and this feels strange, and I'm not trying to be contrived here. It doesn't feel like anybody owns you while you're doing it. A lot of times now specials, myself included,

you feel like you're doing it for the machine, a little bit. Wow. You're cognizant of, I was very cognizant to a fault of like, it's a special, it's a show, I'm doing it for the thing,

and there's the taping, and I got to make sure, and the thing, and the thing. And I think this one, you definitely didn't. I really? You don't feel that way at all. It doesn't feel like that way as a watcher. I do remember you saying that. It was a peak moment for me.

Pretty present. That you loved it. I loved it. And that you said that. I just didn't want to, what if I was wrong? You know, I was like, I remember. And you were like, I didn't say that. But I do remember, and I remember where I was because it really mattered.

Because I didn't show it to a lot of people. And Birbiglia said something similar. He said, what did he say? He said. He was sleeping, I imagine. He was in a sleeping bag wearing mittens. He couldn't let himself out. Little sleepy Mike Birbiglia.

Little sleepy Biggie. Little Biggie sleepy. I call him Smarallyglia because he's a small man. That's what he would do. He always has to insult somebody's anything. And he's so tired. Pete has great hair for a tall guy. Great hair. Better on a shorter man.

Mike said, it feels like you have nowhere else to be in the world. That's a really good impression. It feels like you have nowhere else to be in the world. Watching my special. And can I tell you a else to be in the world. Watching my special. Can I tell you a story about the special? Please. Which comes out. I'm not promoting it. It just happened. It's a fact. I wanted to talk about it because it's a real thing. Okay. So tell me the story.

Here's the story. I think you'll enjoy this, or I hope you will, and then I die. Don't! No, and I'm back. Lazarus. Jesus just had an EpiPen. Turns out JC had an EpiPen. That's why he went in that cave. He's like.

Yeah. Oh, my God. The mystery of Jesus broken down to two EpiPens. He was a time traveler with two EpiPens. He saved Lazarus. He saved himself. And by the way, where is he now? Because he's still out there.

JC? Yeah, the guy's immortal. This is like finding Hitler. Yeah, finding Jesus and Hitler together. Oh, no. Once in a while they hang out. Did Jesus have Instagram if he's around today? He'd have 12 followers.

That is good. No, he would follow 12. He'd have a lot more followers. Oh, yeah. He'd follow 12. He'd follow 12. He'd have millions of followers. Hundreds of millions. Hundreds of millions. But would Taylor Swift have more? That's kind of the dilemma.

Well, probably. Because Jesus' content probably would not be good. I can't imagine it being good. It's like, Louis has that bit about it. It's like, you can't live like Jesus. He's crazy. He's out there living outside. Yeah. First show. So we did two like, he's crazy. He's out there living outside. Yeah. First show,

so we did two shows as you do for my taping. Forgive me if I already told you this in real life. No. First show, here's a couple things

I had never done before a special. One was I told people. I told like friends. You were shooting a special. I was like, I got a special. Now I live in a small town.

I never told people. now I have like coffee friends friends around town and now everyone's going like how's that? who's your specialist this weekend? like they're freaking me out like reminding me of being like 16 and telling people you're going out for your license

I wish I had told no one so like well meaning good lovely friends are like isn't your specialist this weekend? I'm like Jesus like comics try to forget. Yeah, we usually do forget on purpose. Just like coast.

Yeah. It's a stress coping mechanism. Don't bring it up. Isn't that, it's like being like, aren't you fighting Frasier this weekend? Yeah, I'm going to be good. I think I'll be fine.

Toss salad and scrambled eggs. Might have meant that one. In here, we pour whisk. This episode of Whisk Ginge is brought to you by Squarespace. I've talked about Squarespace so intently on this show because I believe in it, because I've used it, and it really is truly the best way to showcase yourself, your work, your skill set, whatever you want to push out to the world.

You want a good website, you've got to use Squarespace. It's so phenomenal. Truly, to me, changed the game in how to create your own site. You have custom merch. Let's say you make merch on there. You can easily sell custom merch and create passive income stream, engages your audience, and scales your brand. They have an asset library. You can upload and organize, access all your content from one solid place. They have these flexible website templates. You can do whatever you want on there, basically. I like to color between the lines because I'm not so smart. But if you want to go rogue, you can.

They have a video collection. You can organize your video library. And with this, you know, you can also use their video site to create, promote, and upload your own stuff. And my favorite, like I've said, is the analytics page. I love the analytics to help grow your business, learn where your site visits and clicks are coming from. That's where I know where to come find you guys on tour, which cities are most engaging. And it's based on the top words, our most popular products or content that you're featuring.

If you're looking to build a site, I don't know how you're not using Squarespace. I don't know what you're using, to be honest with you. But head over to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Once again, squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Once again, squarespace.com

for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, squarespace.com slash whiskey to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Why Ibotta. Here to tell you about Ibotta, baby. Ibotta is incredible. Thanksgiving is clucking around the corner right now, kiddos. And

Ibotta is here to tell you they're they're gonna give you some cash back to help make sure your thanksgiving table is complete because who wants a turkey without the gravy you don't want the turkey without the grave uh starting november 1st for the fourth year in a row ibotta is giving 100 cash back on your thanksgiving feast 100 cash back on your thanksgiving feast add the offers uh in the app to redeem for everything you need to make your Thanksgiving feast complete. All you have to do is shop at your favorite retailers and upload your receipt. Huh? You think this was Dr. Seuss?

It's so simple, and it's catchy. They give you cash back on hundreds of grocery items, from produce to personal care to pantry goods. A lot of P's in there. You can make sure you're beating inflation no matter what you are P purchasing, my friends. I bought it. It's incredible. You can earn cash back on hundreds of online brands, retailers when you start using them with Lowe's, Macy's, Sephora, my favorite. How is my rouge?

Best Buy and so many, many more. You're looking to get some cash back, particularly the holidays are right around the corner. This is why I love this stuff. You want to save a couple of bucks because you're spending on all your family and friends, husband, wives, girlfriends, next-door neighbors, dog walkers, anybody that you love and you know. And don't forget to take care of your postal worker. Come on, man. They need a little something-something. Slide them off.

If you're going to get cash back, help somebody else out. Download the Ibotta app now and use the code WHISKEY to get 100% cash back on your Thanksgiving dinner starting November 1st. Just go to the App Store and Google Play Store, either one, and download the free I Bought an App and Use Code Whiskey. That's I-B-O-T-T-A in the Google Play or App Store and use code Whiskey. Ginger. I like gingers. So I was

nervous going in. I was more like aware, like you said, you don't want to be thinking this is my special. No. But this one more than my fourth or something special, more than any other special, I'm like, oh, this is my special no but this one more than my fourth or something special the more than any other special i'm like oh this is this is it and i get to the city i get to minneapolis we're doing the first show and i'm really aware fuck this is my special uh the wonderful director oran brimmer he goes hey for sound we're gonna turn the air off and i go yeah

of course for sound you got to turn the air off. Like, I signed off on it. Five seconds into my set, I look like fucking, I'm drenched in sweat. Now I'm doing my act. You just turn into Bruce Bruce. You just got a towel. You're like, these motherfuckers do not get me. Dude, I had a black towel, and, like, within the first seven minutes I'm like got my Swedish sex towel which is my only towel

joke no you should have wrote some towel shit dude dude if I had known I would have 25 minutes on sweating and toweling off cause that's all I was doing and to like reset and they're hot too the crowd is also hot which makes them sleepy exactly so I'm doing it and I'm like that's a

10 that's a 10 and it got a 4 and I'm like, that's a ten, that's a ten, and it got a four. And I'm like, they were doing great, but everybody was hot. I'm drenched in sweat. At some point during the taping, I go like, I say to the director, I'm like, we gotta turn the air on for the second show. Who has ever watched a special and been like, I liked it?

Oh wait, who has ever liked a special and been like, I liked it, but I could kinda hear the hum of an air conditioner? Who has ever been like, I didn it, but I could kind of hear the hum of an air conditioner? Who has ever been like, I didn't like that special. He looked like he was being interrogated. It was horrible. I got off stage. My beautiful wife is sitting there, and I go,

all I said was, I need the AC off. That's all I said. Like, not to her. I just walk off stage. I go, I need the AC off. This is the first time in my career, 20 plus years, that this has happened. I went into the basement, little sad green room. Not a luxurious green room.

They always are really sad. It was a sad little basement. Varsity Theater, right? Varsity, yeah, Minneapolis. Sad little Blair Witch Project kind of theater. Like there was someone facing the corner. And a light is always swinging. You're like, can that light stop swinging?

Yeah, yeah, and it's not a steady light. And I'm in the green room, and I'm proud of this. There were some well-wishers and whatnot back there, good people. But I was like, everybody, I need the room. Yeah. Because I just didn't get it. Yeah. Like, I didn't get it.

I just taped it. You're supposed to get it on the first one. Then the second one's bonus. That's right. And you fuck around. That's right. That's how it's always been. First one, didn't

get it. Was sweating. I was so wet, I pulled my shirt off. It was like... You know what I mean? Fucking... I could have put out a campfire with this motherfucker. It was terrible. My wife is there. Matt McCarthy, my opener, my friend is there. And I

sat down, dude, and I was like... For the first time in my career, I went, what if we don't get it? Like, what if the second one also doesn't work? Like, it's possible. Sure. Never occurred to me. Specials are usually what I call a victory lap. Yeah.

The crowd is hot. Everyone knows it's a special. You've done it 200 times. Go out and do it. Have fucking fun. It's your cake. Right. It's not supposed to be the vegetables. It's the fucking cake.

Now I'm vegetable-ing it. I go out. Now I'm in a new shirt, of course. I had to dry my hair. Just with a towel. It's not a fancy production. I got paper towels and just ran it over my hair. Fucking gross and stupid.

I sit down and I go... I have a moment where I'm like, I sit down and I go, like I have a moment where I'm like, we can't. This is the gift. Not my gift. A lot of people have this.

It's like pressure can be good. Yeah. And I was like, Good stress. It was like a not today kind of moment. Like you get hit by an arrow

and you're like, not today, you know? And then you die. So I go up. Oh, I guess today. Matt, Matt is closing. He's doing his closer. We're already at the second show now. We're at I guess today. Matt is closing. He's doing his closer.

We're already at the second show now. We're at the second show. Air is on. Air conditioning is on. He starts doing this bit. He has a very funny bit about someone saying to him that wrestling is the gayest thing he's ever seen. That's what someone said to him.

And he starts defending how that's an ignorant and stupid and wrong thing to say. But before he can even get to it, someone in the crowd at a taping stands up blackout drunk, not Sobe Noodles, and goes, that's rude.

The weirdest heckle of all time. Yeah, I do have these guys sometimes where it's like not mean, but you're like, it's completely. What is this, a letter to the editor? Yeah. That's rude? That's rude.

Yeah, but stood up. Save it. Who stands? Hear ye, hear ye? Yeah. Do you have a bell? Rings a bell. Yeah.

Stood up at a taping and yells, that's rude. And he's like, well, you know, if you let me finish. And I'm like, this is my TV crown? A group of like seven people are ejected. With this Yahoo. With this woman. The Yahoo is the leader of the Yahoo's. They all leave heads hung low, embarrassed.

They were probably really big fans. Knowing how the world goes, you brought a Yahoo. Six people were into it and a Yahoo goes, that's rude. But I'm like, I have a lot of stuff. It's not like fucking super edgy, but I'm like, I have a lot of stuff. It's not like fucking super edgy,

but I'm like, if you can't handle him making fun of someone saying that, you're not going to like my shit. And you're in a vulnerable position. If that had happened during my set, I would have been like, I don't know what I would have done. So thank God it got out of the way.

So they boot him. And I go up and this is one of those, you know, match point moments. The ball could go on either side of the net. And I'm like, it just woke something up in my belly. Thank God. Even as I say this to you now, I'm not just retelling a story. This so easily could have been, and I went up on stage,

shaken by that, shaken by the first set, and just didn't find it. And we had to what? Sweeten it? What? I don't know what the fuck. Thank God something kicked in. It's the same kid growing up, uncomfortable at the dinner table.

It's the same kid, uncomfortable in junior high. People making fun of your fucking man boobs and this and that. That same kind of fire came in and was like, I don't mean to self aggrandize, but something kicked into gear. And from the first word of my set, I was like, we're I'm flying the plane. We're going to Orlando. We have tickets to Disney. Dad's flying us to Orlando.

And we don't need to wear our seatbelts the entire time. That's right. I'm keeping, boo, it's off. You can smoke, you can drink, take a dump in the sink

because we're going to Orlando. And it was one of the best, it made me realize that's one of the keys of life is we don't want what we want. We want what we want to be taken from us and then to go back and get it. And get it, yeah. Like that's the of the keys of life is we don't want what we want we want what we want to be taken from us and then to go back and get it and get it yeah like that's the narrative of every movie so it became good but i'm here to tell you as my friend there was a moment where i was like

am i gonna go back to my dumb fucking quaint shire small town and tell everyone that i had diarrhea in the hot tub because i thought that's what i that's what, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. How was it? I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. My first fucking Netflix special, didn't do it. I swear,

I'm not making the story better. I thought I didn't do it. And then Val, who's seen me hundreds of times, was like, that's the best standup you've ever done. And the director, he said,

you found your mo, I think he said mojo. I don't like that word at all, but I understand what he was trying to say. You know what I mean? Oh, no, he didn't say mojo. He said swagger. Swag's fine. And when I watched it, I was like, he's right.

There's a certain, like it or not, I know what I look like when I feel like safe and in control. And it didn't come off as like, I better get it. It actually kind of went so far past panic that it turned into serenity and then we were just doing it i would again i don't mean to smell my own farts here well what does it smell like it smells a little bit like lysol because when trump said we should be injecting oh you drank oh you did i did drink it and i injected it and you know what god bless i didn't die of covid so no look at you now okay put both your arms in the sky real fast let's see can't do it yeah that's the lysol really same way i thought

i was just because i'm 44 no can't do it either look that's as i can go that's the price you pay but we're alive thank you trump and no coco maloco but uh yeah it was it was a thrill and and what am i fucking charlie rose in it yeah no but i saying it felt good. I do do this to people. I will make people Charlie Rose sometimes. I will kind of get you in a place where I pull... I get emotional thinking about it. Yeah. You work so hard on something.

Yeah. Hundreds of sets. And what happened was I was touring it, and I was about to film it. Then COVID happened. So then I had like this huge break, and then we all kind of started again. Right. And then this is when you and I met when we were doing the outside shows.

Yeah. And then during that time, I did like, I had my old hour and then I made a new hour and then I pushed them together in like 30 from here and 30 from here

into like one super hour. And it, super hour. I'm just saying it's like, that was this sort of gift that I didn't expect. It was like I thought I was ready. That's sort of a curse we all have to deal with. Like I'm ready.

I'm ready. I'm ready. And then thankfully it got shut. Not the world got shut down, but I got shut down, and it gave me time to write jokes that I felt more passionate about. Happy about. They were more fun. Well, it's a fun thing.

And I also argue, I imagine you probably watched the first set, and it probably was a lot better than you thought, too. Well, you're slam-tino, aren't you? Yeah, I know. Because we're watching it, so Oren did a great cut, and he was like, it's like 20% the first show. And I'm like, what? Yeah.

I thought it was unusable. But, like, this is that thing. It's the tale as old as time. It's the tale as old as time. It's the song as old as rhyme. Is that you think it's fucking the worst. Atrocious. Yeah. And after the first show, people came back and they were like, we got it.

And I was like, I felt like Will Hunting in Good Will Hunting. I was like, do you have an idea how easy this is for me? This is a fucking joke. Because I'm going for that like math that has weird things that I don't even recognize. Yeah. That he doesn't even know.

I don't want algebra. No. I'm going for something that Einstein looks at it and goes How did he do this? Yeah. How?

How? And Stellan Skarsgård that's right can be like you know the difference the handful of people that can tell the difference between you and me

I don't know why I'm doing Robin Williams. No, I like it. Now, I'm every character. It's not your fault. Don't say that, Sean. 40 miles away. Stole my line. And then somehow Napoleon pops in without an accent and goes.

I'm French. It was great. I am Napoleon. Hello. Look at my dumb hat. The hat seems dumber with no voice. Hello. Look at my dumb hat. The hat seems dumber with no voice. Hello. But it was better than you thought the first one.

Attack. That's what happens. Well, buddy, there's a couple. But the overwhelming feeling of it being. Bad. Bad. Helped. Yes.

It did help. Yeah, it was like almost. And then you're almost like, did you do that to get yourself into the state? How much are we doing that? How much do you, in my family, I swear we pick fights because we're the most loving and the best we can be when we're recovering from, when we're sewing things up. You're talking about self-sabotage. It's like some of our favorite shit as humans.

Yeah. Beyond the substance part that you know. Yeah. We self-sabotage in every single way because recovery makes us feel alive. Absolutely. Bouncing back feels more alive than ever. Look, I don't want to... I'm not saying it's a good thing for that stuff to happen.

Yeah. But Michael Jordan pretending that a guy called him a fucking piece of shit... Which never happened. Right, exactly. Yeah, they said it never happened. It never happened. And I think this is happening all the way up

in fucking Facebook. They put out fucking the, remember the Nintendo Wii VR? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone was like, this sucks. I swear they unconsciously do that shit on purpose to fight, to have something to fight. Elon Musk breaks the window on the Tesla truck. Right.

Unconsciously on purpose so they can be like, now we have to work eight times as hard. Because there's a certain type of drive that you can't fake. And you know it. So the consciousness that gets you to the place you are, you are now, won't work in sustaining a level of success.

So you make it up. Yeah, you manufacture nonsense. It's almost like you make the roadblocks. Like you're placing the bananas in Mario Kart. That's right. Or you're hitting your own. I sometimes hit my own. I hit them all the time.

I know my daughter's not... She doesn't know that button. And why did I put it right there? Because that's the turn I just made. Buddy. Ah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Listen to the wisdom of this. You can only put a banana on the Mario Kart

where you were driving. Wow. Like fucking drink the inside of a lava lamp and get high on that. a banana on the Mario Kart where you were driving. Wow. Like, fucking drink the inside of a lava lamp and get high on that. I'm just saying, if you're dropping it, that's a part of the track you're probably riding on. So you're probably gonna go again. Unless you're a fucking genius

going off to a party. You're like, I think people are here. Why would you do that? Simple discretion, by the way, to the fans at home. Please don't drink lava lamp juice. We've had two guys do that in the past. LLJ will kill you. Will kill you. Did you know LL Cool J is Lava Lamp Cool James?

Is it? Yeah, Lava Lamp. Wow. How many Lava Lamps did you have when you were in high school? Zero. Two. Two? Yeah.

You know what I did? Yeah, I had two. I'd get the extra large Nantucket Nectars, put water in it. Let me guess. Break a highlighter, throw it inside, put a black light underneath. Did Slamtino just get another one? In here, we pour whiskey. Hey, you know what kind of Spanx I got on underneath my shorts?

I got on MeUndies, baby. I love MeUndies. They have the softest and most breathable underwear and loungewear that I've ever experienced. Whether you're on the grind during the work week, posted up on the couch, watching some football. Me undies, he's here to keep you so comfy. I don't know if you've ever tried these things. They are incredible. They have like, it's just a snug, it's really snug on my papusa. It's snug on my papusa and my joratos.

Making up words. But it is amazingly comfortable and so soft. Unmatched comfort, breathable. The lounge wear is also great. It's not just underwear. The lounge collection, cozy joggers, hoodies, onesies, and so much more. If you're not happy with your pair of MeUndies, it's on them. Come on. Well, that's a guarantee. They're like, whatever, keep it. We don't care. So many other people are so happy with them. You got to be wrong. And you'll wear them. You'll still wear them. You know you will. They're responsibly sourced. They use sustainably sourced materials and work with

partners that care for their workers. They're very breathable and unmatched comfort. If you never tried MeUndies, what you waiting for? Get comfy for these upcoming holidays. It's about to get cold out here. So to get 25% off your first order plus free shipping, go to MeUndies.com slash whiskey. That's MeUndies.com slash whiskey for 25% off plus free shipping, me undies. Comfort from the outside in. Man, football is here. NBA is back. And DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA,

is celebrating with an unbeatable offer. New customers can score $200 instantly in bonus bets for throwing down $5 on the NBA. Win or lose, it doesn't matter. You start the season with an instant dub. Get that dub. And with DraftKings parlays, everyone's got a shot at an even bigger basketball wins. String together multiple bets from the same game

or build your own parlay across multiple games for a shot and making your payday even sweeter. If you've never used DraftKings Sportsbook, you don't know what you're missing. It's incredible. The parlays are the most fun. To spread it out over the course of, you know,

a bunch of different teams, a bunch of different games, it makes it more engaging and more fun to watch around who's hitting the first layup, who's hitting the first mid-range jumper, you know, who's getting the first kick, who's getting the first pick and tray. You can have so many different kind of prop bets on there. It's so much fun.

You must, must try it. If you're a fan of sports and a fan of betting and also into the NBA, basketball is more fun when you're in on the action. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. Use the code WHISKEY. New customers can get $200 in bonus bets instantly for betting just $5 on the Sportsbook app. That's incredible. Only on DraftKings Sportsbook with code WHISKEY.

The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.1800gambler.net. In New York, call 877-8HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY. That's 467-369. In Connecticut, help is available for your problem. Gambling call 888-789-7777. Or visit ccpg.org.

Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort, KS, Licensee Partner, Golden Nugget, Lake Charles, LA, 21 and over, age varies by jurisdiction, void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See sportsbook.giraffekings.com slash basketball. Terms for eligibility and deposit restrictions. Terms and responsible gaming resources. Ginger.

I like gingers. Is Slamtino the king of the igloo? Yes, he is. He's ice fishing. Is that what you did? Yeah. Yeah, you break a high letter, you throw it in there, and you put a black light underneath.

You know what's sad? I thought you would be like, what? No. I thought you were going to be like, come again? We did that. How old are you again? Come on. I'd rather not.

Come on, baby. Give it to daddy. I saw a comedian. How many times have you circled around the sun? 44. Yeah, we're around the same age. That's like our generation's bullshit. Can I say?

Yeah. Birbiglia, too. He goes, comedians are the best in their 40s. And it's true. You feel like you're the best you've ever been. I don't just mean me. Because I said that to you in the car. I said, I've got to tell you, dude. I said, I feel like this is probably the best you've ever been. I don't just mean me. Because I said that to you in the car. I said, I've got to tell you, dude.

I said, I feel like this is probably the best you've ever been. And I said, not to disrespect what you've done before. And I'm not just inflating this for the sake of the show of like, we're friends in the real world that I've talked to you candidly about this. I just feel like, and we don't need to harp on it, but I feel like it's cool to feel that. I say this every time we talk. You've done my pod twice.

I bet I mentioned it both times. I bet I mentioned it the first time I was on this pod. Was that that time I went and saw you, the first time I had seen you live, it was the first time I'd seen you. Yeah. Isn't that weird? Yeah. Sometimes you just don't see.

A lot of ships in the night stand up is. Ships in the night, true. And I watched you and I remembered kind of what we were saying about Burr. It's like you did the thing about pushing Biden and all this stuff. It's like cheeky. It's mischievous. Build a maze is mischievous. You know, it's a little bit.

It's not wicked, but it's fun. It's fun. It's just. It's just. You know what I mean? That's. Oh, you know what I mean? Yeah.

I told you I watched. What's his name? Your buddy. A lot of them. I have so many buddies canceled from snl shane gillis shane gillis i'm sorry i forgot his name but i watched him and it gave me that feeling too i was like one of the i think he's you know i think he's uh one of the best comics out i i watched his new special and i was like holy shit fantastic the same feeling i got when i was watching you where I was like he does a good job and you do a good job

which is transmitting this likeability and this sort of like I think I understand people I'm not hip to the takes on him currently

but I watch and I'm like he's clowning he's trying to delight us yeah he's trying to have fun going back to what we said no he wants you to have fun too

I really feel like he's like I want you to have fun. Going back to what we said. No, he wants you to have fun, too. I really feel like he's like, I want you to have fun. Yes. I want you to have fun. Yeah. And when I watched you do that set and the set that you liked and watched, I started just doing more jokes that I was like, it's Bird Does It Too. There's just people.

It's like there's so much stand-up now. I'm not saying you have to be shocking, and I'm certainly not saying you have to be offensive, up now. I'm not saying you have to be shocking, and I'm certainly not saying you have to be offensive, but I am saying can you reduce what you really feel or what a part of you,

this is more accurate, what a part of you really feels down to its essence and give it to us right in the heart? Can you do that? Instead of this sort of like, say it! Say it! We're all trapped with these fucking things. And it's not us. I don't mean to make this into my podcast, but I mean, our thoughts are not us. We are the

observers and we're responsible for it. I understand that. But like what we say and what we do, but like you're watching this insanity churning up and it it's lonely, and it's scary, and it's sad, and you think you're bad, and you think you're broken, and you think other people couldn't possibly be thinking this or this or this or worrying that they're becoming this or afraid that they're becoming that or whatever. And then you see a comic, and they go on stage, and they let you see their shadow in a way

that i would argue is deeply deeply helpful that actually stops ugliness that helps us laugh at it and exercise it you know what i'm saying maybe not always i can't control other people but like when i go on stage i make fun of i have this huge chunk now in my new hour not the one that's about to air but in my new hour about my parents getting older. Underneath it is like, this is crazy. We're all getting older. It's fucking scary. I have a bit where the setup,

this is what I'm talking about. Can we just reduce it? Can you just fucking say it? I go, you guys afraid to die? That's the setup. Is that a relatable premise? You afraid to die? I am.

I'm tired of not talking about it. We're going around like, hey, you see Ted Lasso? Then you go in a closet alone and you're like, ahhh! Like, I'm fucking tired of it. We need to, it's Mr. Rogers. Mentionable? Manageable. Let's fucking get it out.

And that's good comedy. The most offensive comedy to me is shit that's just reflecting back to us the same nonsense that you already know. It's the echo chamber of nonsense. Isn't winning great? Isn't sex great? Isn't eating great?

Isn't sleeping great? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I only got back what I came in with? Eat shit. Fuck stick. Fuck you, eat shit. That's not dirty comedy. No.

Dirty comedy isn't comedy where you swear. That's not dirty comedy. Dirty comedy isn't comedy where you swear. It's comedy where you leave feeling exactly the same level of alone you came in. That's fucking filthy. And I don't care if you're up there going like, Wheat thins are fuck yellow eat shit. I'm afraid.

I'm in outer space. I'm in outer space. And you just told me about Twizzlers versus red vines fuck off dude I don't get that back And it's actually it's offensive to me too It's like a Twilight Zone or a black mirror episode when someone's just up there and you're like And there's no darkness to it. What are we doing? It's like going to a museum and all you painted was like fucking ponies. I'm not even, some of my favorite comics are clean. That's not what I'm saying.

I think if you listen to Nate Bargatze, there's truth in there. Yeah. There's darkness in there. Yeah, there's a lot of darkness, yeah. I think there's, he's getting out some of his mean. He's getting out some of his cruelty. Right. It's that joke.

It's a sleeper joke. He's like, how do you train your dog not to pee on the carpet? Do you get two dogs and the first one that peed on the carpet, you shot it in front of the other dog? It just goes by. But I'm like, yeah. Because we live in a world that's fucking cruel. And we have cruel means to get a lot of shit we

want and you just helped me laugh at that a little bit. And some of that steam just whistled out. And what I don't need is like, you know, you ever jizz? And you're just like, whoa! what I don't need is like, you know, you ever jizz and you're just like, whoa, fucking jizz. What is this, a Mountain Dew Code Red commercial?

Who bought you? Who bought you, you coward? I'm just having fun. But have you ever jizzed? I've jizzed. And it is like, whoa. What is going on? That feeling is so good. Do you ever sometimes masturbate and you're bummed out halfway through?

Can I tell you? And you're like, I got to get out of here. Can I tell you a bit? I don't want to do this anymore. Can I tell you a bit? It's a bit. I'm letting you know ahead of time. I like it.

This is a bit, but it's real. Current bit. Old bit. It's an old bit. I don't think it's on anything, but it's something I trot out every once in a while. I go, one time I was jerking off, and as I came

this is real I went not worth it I said it as I jizzed not worth it and I meant it it wasn't worth

going to the post office and like avoiding eye contact with old women and children clergy just kind of feeling like a fucking ape

it's humiliating it is. It's humiliating. It is gross. It's humiliating. After we jerk off, there should be footage that we had to watch of ourselves jerking off, front to back. Buddy. The moment you're done coming, there should be a tape playback that you watch your playback of what you look like while you're doing it. It's like when you play David Hasselhoff the cheeseburger video. You go, you need to stop drinking, and you play burgers sliding out.

That should be us being like. video. You need to stop drinking and you play it with burgers sliding out. That should be us being... That's in my new hour where I go, I jerk off because sexuality is such a huge... When I'm horny, it's like all I can see. You're just horny.

So you jerk off so you can be like, good day, madam. You know what I mean? But I kind of recycle an old thing into this new thing where I go, my dumb ass dick. My fucking dick. I'm looking at an old thing into this new thing where I go, my dumbass dick, my fucking dick. I'm looking at an iPad and my dumbass dick is like, time to get someone pregnant. I'm like, no one is here. And I go, open your eye.

Don't you see our reflection in the glass? It looks good to me. It looks like something. There's a lot of air in here. You fucking dingus. He's like the military, and he gets every missile pointed towards the phone. There's no enemy. We're turning both keys.

They're out there. Every potential baby is ready to be. That is such a great analogy. I do feel like every time we are shooting rockets into the sky at an angle, it's just out there for nothing. What is the checks and balances down there you should see the ipad well because the balls have done their work they're done the balls don't care the balls are checking into work and checking out they're not taking any work home yeah they're clocking in and they make a fresh batch and they're

this is them this is crunch all you want we'll eat more well we put one there's already one up there just use the one that we put up there, please. They don't like him at all. No. He's fucking annoying. He's almost nothing. He's nothing. He's a water snake.

Right, that's so funny. He's almost nothing. He is nothing. Nothing. And they're educated and they're trying to create. They're fucking cradles of life. Yeah, and this fucking idiot gets to spit out their work. And he gets all the.

He gets all the credit. How big is it? Right. You mean the shoot the fucking juice boys send it out? The pipe. The pipe. The fucking factory? Just the, that's what you care about?

Okay. Why don't you ask who made it? Yeah. Why don't you care who created it? It's not the rifle. It's the bullets, you guys. It's not the rifle. It's the bullets. you guys. It's not the rifle, it's the bullets.

God, I love you. If you wrapped it up, I'm like, it's all good, baby. Thanks for having me. I was gonna say, my riff when I came in was like, you know, there's certain guys, you, Adam Ray is one, there's just certain comics that are like, you have a special coming out? You can come on the show.

I'm not even mad at the ones that say you can't, meaning I don't have bitterness towards them. I do. But the ones that go... I do. And you know who the fuck you are. You know who you are. Let's just go take a look at the podcasts I'm not on.

We're going to put up the list right now in the middle. Right here in the middle is going to be a long scroll. Of all the pods that Pete's not on. You're going to have to start at the beginning of the episode. Just scrolling the whole time. But here's why, beyond the fact that we're friends, that I feel like it's important to push it out. Because it's a sea of madness in the comedy world now.

The internet is changing dramatically what our future is. Everyone's putting out everything all the time. So there still should be something special about specials. I mean, I still feel like it should have a little bit more. I agree. Jazz to it. I get excited about specials.

Well, same thing. Like when you said Shane, when Shane was putting out his, I was happy. That's the one. I was happy to go. We were in New York.

Dude, I watched it on the road. Yeah. You know how good a special has to be for you to watch it while you're working a weekend and you're like, I'm going to keep this on? I did. Fucking nuts. This is crazy.

I told Segura. There's one. Who I didn't know that well. There's one. There's one. There's one. There's one. You don't see me in your mom's house, do you?

Oh, I'll do two bears. I'm just kidding. It sounds like I'm mad. It sounds like I'm mad. I'm not mad. Thank you, guys. You're huge. You're huge.. It sounds like I'm mad. It sounds like I'm mad. I'm not mad. Thank you, guys. You're huge.

You're huge. Go ahead and have on UFC. You know what? Just talk to Bird again. He needs the boost. Selling out fucking arenas. Old Holmes is over here with my wares. But you're selling out.

You're selling out everywhere you go. Well, I appreciate it. What's the difference? I didn't sell out some of the dates I thought of you because Slamtino gave me a juicy little tid where he was like you know I'm not proud of it

but sometimes I check if the comedians I don't like to see if they have tickets available and it made me laugh so hard once in a while if it's a

it's gotta be someone I definitely don't like that has been fucking foul to me you know what it is you know what fuck that guy this is why it's fun talking to comics.

You've reduced, you're not hiding your feeling. And you're also not identifying with it. You're like, here's something I do. Yeah. Not proud of it. No. What do I, another bit I have where I go, I'm not proud of this, but sometimes I catch myself, and this is real, I go, thinking that when I die, this

whole thing ends. I go, you ever catch that? You're the ultimate center of the whole thing. Right. Which some people are like, that's narcissism. Not to split hairs. It's solipsism. It's like only my experience is quantifiable. It's the only thing I've known to be real.

Well, because you won't be here to know what else is happening. That's what I'm saying. And then the punchline is I go, isn't it frustrating to know you'll never be able to tell me I was wrong? And then I go, my wife will be petting my hand. I'm in the hospital bed. She's like, you can go. Let go. We'll be fine. I'm like, we'll see about that.

But like, that's, I like the shameful... There's other things. There's bits where I go, like, you ever surprise yourself with how callous you can be? That's fucking... Look, I don't mean to pat myself on the back. All I can say is, I'm doing the comedy that I would like to see.

You know what I mean? I'm like, that's what I would like to see. Well what I mean I'm like that's what I would like to see well it's more you're doing the comedy that you like to tell and if I feels the best I say that I like telling it and I was like if I was in the crowd I would just wait to leave feeling a little lighter yeah instead of just like what did I just eat pizza is good is it pizza pizza was that pizza or you know what it can be work it can be worse sometimes you know you'll be at the Improv, you watch something that might not even be that rough, but underneath it,

and I don't mean you need like some hoity-toity degree to notice this. You just go like, what are we really talking about here? And you're like, it's propagating a very bad thought system. A bitter thought system, yeah. Something a thought system. Bitter thought system. Something a little nasty. A little teeth click. Even though people will be like, that was fine. Anyway, I have bits where you're like, what are you really laughing at?

And I'm like, no, that is you're laughing at our darkness. We are laughing at our darkness. But you've tickled that a long time. I remember being in my hotel in Florida. I know this is funny. I was in Marco Island, Florida. Polo. Right here.

And I was, I got a call that day that the sitcom that I did was going to go to series, the shitty sitcom I did. And I was so happy because I was playing that, what is it,

Captain Brian's Room in Marco Island. Did you ever do that off the hook comedy club oh no no i haven't tough yeah and so i was it was a tough go but uh i'm giving you too much information i digress but you had put out nice try the devil right that was that was at the same at the same time and i ingested that and I really enjoyed it and I thought

beyond you being fun and goofy there even then was the same thing you're talking about now you're more present with it but there was the little dark

just a little wickedness yeah there's a little bit of wicky there well that's what I'm trying to get in touch with feels more real now that's what I'm saying it's honest

it's real right and when you again not to turn it's real right and when you again not to turn it into my podcast but when you get that distance between what you think

and what you are and we're blurring that line we think our beliefs are who we are that's why it's hard to have a civil conversation with people

because you're attacking their identity but when you've extricated your identity the core of your being from the things you sometimes think you can say it's not that salacious but like sometimes i feel like when i die this is gonna

end i go i just have a hard time thinking you'll be walking around eating a sandwich and i'm dead you know what i mean i think that's funny but it's also shallow it's it's it's self-centered it's ugly but that's how a lot of people feel that's what i'm fucking saying yeah that's what i'm saying what you're just gonna keep going like Like, I had this idea that a buddy of mine had formulated and tried to put down on paper a few times, and we never really got through it, but we had this idea about a guy whose life was dog shit, so he hired a guy to kill him, to quote-unquote kill him, you know? But what he really wanted was someone to take his place in town in a small town and report back to him what it was like without him oh and it's like this weird

dark angle somewhat narcissistic living wake yeah you're like a living yeah living wake and he's like i want to know what they felt like and how off how were they getting on yeah without me yeah not because it's all about me but because did some of these motherfuckers even give a shit about me? That was the idea of this. And obviously, there's a whole bunch of nonsense that happens in the rest of the story. But the truth is, I think more people than not go,

what is going to happen when I'm gone? Not to me, but to everything that's going on. So is it important that I do things for here and now? Yeah. Or am I like, I've had this argument with my dad a lot. Unfortunately, he is very much from a spiritual sense, believes kind of that the payoff is when it's over. I am pay off is now. Yeah. And we never can meet on this, and it's strange because he's like, you know, you do good now for the afterlife. And I understand that it's a religious perspective

for him. But I'm always like, this is it. Because I doubt there is something more spectacular than this. Yeah. Yeah. And he truly does think, you do those, you get all those coins here, so you can cash them in afterwards. You know, the good coins.

Yeah. And I was like, I think this is probably it, in my opinion. Even if there is something else, to me, it feels like this is the reward. This is probably the heaven and the hell. Yeah. Depending on how you make it. Well, there's a couple of things that come to mind. One, first of all, is compassion and understanding for where people are.

You know what I mean? And I hear you having that for your dad. Especially when I was younger, I would really love to, like, inform your dad and quote the Bible at him and how he might be looking at it wrong and why he might want to look at it the way I look at it. I had a sort of, well, honestly, I was on ketamine, I think. But I was like, there's so much less to do than we think. But it felt very profound. I was like, there's so much less to do than we think. But it felt very profound. I was like, there's so much less to do

than we think. True. It's another way of saying, Richard Rohr, one of my spiritual teachers, he has a book called Everything Belongs and I really think that's true. I know this book, yeah. I don't want Bill Maher to be like, I actually love God or whatever he fucking says. Everybody belongs. You think there's a man in the sky?

Come on, people. I basically make fun of that perspective in my special. But for you, look, I can just encourage you. I can't change your dad. I think you're right on. Richard Roy says it's heaven all the way to heaven. It's hell all the way to hell. True.

Which is a great way of saying like what you're experiencing now sort of might echo or continue. I don't think there is a hell. I don't – Richard also would agree with that. But there is a... I don't believe in hell. That's a silly concept. Nice try the devil I do that. There's no hell. No, that's a different one. But anyway. Jesus does say in one of the Gospels,

he goes, people, the kingdom of heaven will not come by expectation. First of all, what the kingdom of heaven means doesn't necessarily mean heaven. Or a place. Exactly. I think kingdom always, people think it's a place. I mean, don't get me started on the things that are sort of misinterpreted. Into more of a Greek idea, more of a Greek mythology.

The idea of Hades and heaven or whatever they called it, and one or the other, is more Greek than it is Christian. The idea of the devil and the flame. Yeah, the pitchfork, right. It's not really found. The word for hell in the New Testament often is Gehenna. I've played Frisbee in Gehenna. It's where they burn the garbage.

It's just kind of like garbage. It's like nonsense or whatever. Right. Anyway, Jesus says the kingdom of heaven will not come by expectation. They will not say, look here, look there. The kingdom of heaven is among us and men do not see it. Right. So that's kind of to your point. Yeah. And, but those of us that have been able to drop what you're thinking, drop your, the games we're playing, all of these like status things. I feel good. Andrew was nice to me. I did have a sandwich today. My car is cool. I live here.

I got a blow job. Someone likes my dick. If you can turn all of that down, and it's hard to do while we're doing a podcast, but if you can reduce yourself to just the phenomenon of being aware. So Rupert Spire, I say this all the time, would say, instead of identifying with the content of the movie, just be the screen. What is it that's aware of your experience? Almost no one asks that. When you you have a thought who is hearing it who what is a better way to put it what is hearing it you could

call it being being itself and when you can drop the thoughts and silence your thoughts and drop anchor into that being into that flat screen that isn't colored or tarnished or ever changed by the content of the movie why do that not just so you can feel good or peaceful even but so you can know who you really are and there's no fear there when pete has a lot to be afraid of pete's gonna fucking die oh yeah pete pete could lose work pete could this the peak of pick that. But my ultimate identity or the smallest unit of what I am, and you can go inside and look at it, wasn't born, wasn't died. There's no boundary on the other side of it, it's not.

Like close your eyes and be like, where does this end? Where does it end? Can you find a wall whereupon on the other side of it, this sense of beingness isn't. It's like, it just is. And that impersonal, infinite, unborn, undying awareness is doing just fine.

And so you can learn to rest in that. Not just as a thought experiment, but as a way of relaxing. And that's where you are. Sometimes. But a lot of times you are. I mean, the game is just getting... Again, there's less to do than we think. It's okay when Pete loses himself. I call my parents.

I get tight. I get tense. I turn into a child. Okay, and then we recover. It's all in the repair. It's all in the repair. It's all in the repair, baby. Let's do some ketamine. I really feel you, I don't know, settling in.

Like if you did die soon, I hope it doesn't happen. But I bet if you did, you'd be like, okay. Okay. Well, what's crazy, man, is. Okay, yeah, all right. Well, I mean, okay, fine. When you die, it will be now. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Everything you've ever done is now. I know that sounds so obvious. All the big truths do. So it'll be now. It's hard to explain what I mean by that. We narrativize our lives, and we go, there was yesterday, and there was a child.

It's all the quality of your consciousness now. Now, yeah. And, you know, they say, it's in the Book of Tao, I believe, it's those that find their way in the morning can gladly go in the evening. So I would say the point of life is to kind of come to terms with impermanence. You know, the Buddhists say, why am I laughing?

And it's great that it's laughing. Why am I laughing? Because I know this is already broken. I know the mountains are already dust. I know the planet's already gone. Like, we're all like, well, maybe we'll all die later. That later will be now. Right.

You know what I'm saying? So that could freak you out, or you could go like, oh, all the potential and all the infinite possibility and all the peace and all the infinite possibility and all the peace and all the joy is here now and it's possible now non-circumstantial happiness and happiness is maybe not a great word it's maybe joy is joy yeah is is here and now so like postponing it i don't know saving it for something else yeah why not do it now yeah i i don't know. Saving it for something else. Yeah. Why not do it now? Yeah.

I don't think the thing that wound this all up is waiting for you to die so it could be like, surprise! What a bummer, too. Yeah. I made you so I waited for you to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted you to die before you got what I wanted you to have. Buddy, we're supposed to make ourselves like God,

but we've made God like us you know what i mean so we've made it like a football game and there's winners and there's losers and it feels so good i'm working on a bit where i'm like it was so much better when i thought god was mad at me it gave me something to fight and fear and i was so worried and the god that loves everybody or or is love the way that god isn't an object looking at you and loving you. God is love. It's perfect oneness. It's wholeness. And we're having this dream of separation

and the wholeness doesn't even really necessarily even know this is happening because all it does is love. It's like water. All it does is get wet. We made it this thing where it's like, if you're a Republican or if you're a Democrat or if you're this or you're that. If you don't say fuck, if you do say fuck. We've turned it this thing where it's like, if you're a Republican or if you're a Democrat or if you're this or you're that, if you don't say fuck, if you do say fuck,

we've turned it into the worst parts of ourselves. Judging and labeling, torturing and murdering. That's not... But nobody wants unconditional love. It's so fucking boring and stupid. You're at a bar with a God that won't talk shit. He's fucking Canaanites and he's like,

what? What? How could perfect wholeness even acknowledge an other called the Canaanites or called the fucking the Trumpers or the Biden fucks

or whatever you call it. Wholeness is wholeness is wholeness and we don't even want it. We'd rather be angry and deprived and broken and killing each other than to go home and I actually think that's what we need to realize

is like, dad's not mad it's us that would rather be separate and miserable than identity-less, in quotes and part of wholeness. That's just one take. But here's the great part you can you can ease your way

into it you don't have to go all the way in you don't have to do the big pull off cause you're gonna have moments of the that's the game

yeah you skip you skip a little bit as you go through it yes I'm learning that in my own way dealing with my skull

and my injury and yeah yeah I'm like learning to be like oh not every day is gonna be a good day with my legs and my back that's that's so like learning to be like oh not every day is going to be a good day with my legs and my back that's that's so that my some days are a shitty day and you know what i

don't think enlightened people don't get lit up with rage or whatever you want to call them saints i think they have that yeah they have disappointment and they don't identify with it yeah you just uh it's just the weather you You're the sky. Yeah. And you just push, you have to push it where it belongs, put it in a little case, and it's going to be there, but,

and then it comes back, it is what it is. When the relapse feelings happen of whatever it is, whether you're mad or you're sad or you're hurt, or you will relapse, undoubtedly, but then you just fix it.

Yeah. But let it happen. Yeah. It's okay. You can just, don't grip it so tight, whatever it is. It's okay. You can just... Don't grip it so tight, whatever it is. Don't grip it so tight. Don't grip it so tight, you barefoot motherfucker.

I want to tell you how much I love you. I love that you bang me into the spiritual stuff. Well, because we always do get there a little bit. We got there on your show, too, because I'm interested in it. You look skinny, by the way. You lifted up your shirt and you look thin. You know what I did? Huh? I don't eat

two days a week. What? Yeah. Just no food. This is one of them. I haven't eaten all day today. So no food today? You want to go get something to eat? Very badly. But you won't eat all day, all night. This is a snooze. Intermittent fasting. But it's the 5-2 intermittent. I used to do the other kind. What's the other kind?

You know, like a six-hour eating window or an eight-hour eating window. Oh, right, right, right, right. That's sort of flatline for me. This is almost over. This is such a snooze. But when I was at my heaviest and someone had told me that this is – because I'm an addict, so I do really well with black and white. And Jimmy Kimmel did it, and he told me about it.

On two days a week, I eat 600 calories. So that is actually not that bad. Like a chicken breast is 300 calories. So you can, you know, think about it. So two days a week you do that. For the rest of the week, you eat normal. Normal, yeah. And it's crazy.

I lost a shit ton real fast. Like seven weeks, after seven weeks, you're like, what the fuck? It's crazy. Wow. Way faster than the other stuff and way easier because whenever, like today, first of all, you learn that you don't need as much as you thought you did and like so today i'm not panicked i'm fine i had a little whatever i had a little snack before i got here so i can get through you feel good your blood sugar's fine feel

fine you fucking realize what real hunger is you stop confusing it with thirst or boredom which is me i eat for boredom is the big one yeah just want to change my state. Now I do other stuff. I'll fucking swim or I'll go in a sauna, like extreme things. Like I want to do something or I'll have a coffee. I just want to change the channel. You want to feel it. I want to feel something. That's what the addict wants is to feel alive, right?

But then like, what was I going to say? Oh, you can always say I can eat it tomorrow. I'll get it tomorrow. How powerful is that? Like, ah, I'd love some pizza. And you're like say I can eat it tomorrow. How powerful is that? Like, I'd love some pizza. And you're like, I'll have it tomorrow. And you can! What the fuck? You can! I eat pizza! I can eat pizza! And you still

keep losing weight? It's crazy that, uh, I don't know why it's not more popular. It makes people sweat the thought of going a whole day without eating. On the first day... But you do eat that day. You do? It's a fast mimicking diet. So if you do it carefully, like I eat a lot of sardines. What am I, a fucking

Ukrainian immigrant? Old boat captain? I know. Sardines are great. You know Pete's just eating sardines all the time? Everywhere he goes. He's bringing them to the club now. Omega-3s, no mercury because it's a vegetarian fish. 20 grams of protein, 200 calories. You eat a 10 of sardines,

fucking fill you up. You can have three of those on your fast day. Is it good enough, tasting-wise? I like it. You know, you pulled on it. Tastes like tuna. Salt. Tabasco, because I'm a fucking man. Man.

I don't want to bore me. Bore anybody? No, you are boring you. It is boring. But there are people that I see on Facebook that are, like, posting about their, like, weight loss journey, and I just want to be like, 5'2", nobody's talking about it.

So that, I'm done. So 5'2", 5'2". To start doing the 5'2", only eat 600 calories on the two days. The rest of the days you can eat fucking 85,000 calories. Well, that might. Do it. That might. Come this October 24th, please watch Pete's brand new special.

It's called the 5-2 diet. You know what? You can watch it, and that was before I did the 5-2 diet, so you can see how much weight I'm on. And let us know below how you feel about the difference. And also put some of the guesses of the podcast. The same way, Pete

is going to look into that camera. And you've got to say one word or one phrase to close the show out. It used to be a word, but now it's just a phrase. So give me one phrase into that camera, a piece of advice, something wholesome, a callback, whatever you want it to be. Whenever you're ready, I'll sit here in silence, and you look right into that camera and go ahead.

Okay. There's so much less to do than we think. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers are hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.