Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Ron Funches
Episode Date: April 17, 2020Santino sits down with the Brown Sugar Bear Ron Funches, to talk about shitty neighbors, getting so high your limbs tingle, feeling out of place in fancy places and how Ron is allergic to booze but fo...und his fix with Mary Jane. SUPPORT OUR SPONSOR! BUFFALO TRACE Get to your local grocer or liquor store and pick up a bottle of the ONLY bourbon with balls Buffalo Trace is donating 1 case of clear spring 190 proof alcohol for for Kentucky based businesses and non profits for sanitization use (First responders, government agencies, law enforcement, 501c3 charities and any form of health care) Please visit here to apply: https://bit.ly/2XFJtqm Check out RON: https://ronfunches.com For all things CHEETO: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ ALL STANDUP DATES ARE CHANGING AS WE SPEAK AND GET THROUGH THIS THING. Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Buy Merch: https://shop-andrew-santino.myshopify.com Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ & https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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I'm blabbering on as usual.
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Enjoy it.
In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You're that creature in the ginger beard.
Sturdy and ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse gingers are
beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse gingers are hell no
this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers ladies and gentlemen welcome back to whiskey
ginger my guest today is one of my favorite people on earth i say that for all my guests
but i mean it especially today it is ron fun Funches. Ron Funches, baby.
Hey, Cheeto.
My baby boy.
We were talking about video games earlier.
Ron is into Animal Crossing.
He's got a $2 million stake in turnips.
You're selling turnips, huh?
Yeah, I got in.
I mean, I bought the turnips for about $500,000.
About to make 2.3 mil.
So wait a minute. in the video game world
of of selling what's considered what's considered richness in the animal crossing game what's a lot
of money in that uh i mean probably a lot you know like real life 10 million 20 million you know it's
the same as real life because you're selling a turnip for $500 doesn't seem real at all.
But that's what the economy means.
Hey, things keep going how they're going.
We might be selling fish and turnips and shit.
Yeah, you might be.
Do you have anything?
At your house, do you have a vegetable garden or something like that in real life?
No.
Uh-uh.
No.
Dude, I want one.
I want one.
I got an orange tree and a peach tree. And we eat those. But now I actually one. I want one. I got an orange tree and a peach tree, and we eat those.
But now I actually want, I see why white people love vegetable gardens.
I get it now.
After all these years, I'm like, oh, I get it, because you can go in your backyard and just get something.
It's really nice.
You said white people, right?
But you also know that it's also very popular in the very militant black community to have your own garden because you don't want to be eating food from the government.
I know.
I understand.
I think whites do it differently.
That's more of a strategic thing.
I think whites do it to show off.
Like black people do it because it's like intelligent necessity for them that they think that's like, I don't want to get it from the man and I don't want to deal with somebody else's shit.
A white person does it so they can brag in their community.
That's like a very like braggadocio thing to be like, we have a carrot garden and lettuce.
It's bullshit.
My neighbor has a garden that goes an entire city block.
The whole side of his house is one city block.
He bought all this property and it's a huge vegetable garden.
And I want to steal from him so bad.
He's out there every day.
I want to take it.
That's a beautiful neighborhood.
It's nice.
Hey, cheers to Ron.
I'm having myself some Buffalo Trace.
Ron doesn't drink, but he's having a—there's a little bong there.
Should you take a hit and let me take a sip at the same time, yeah?
Sounds good.
Great.
Mmm.
You know what's going on with my neighbors?
What's going on?
Well, I hate my neighbor, which is fun.
All of them or just one of them?
Just the one to the left.
He's a real yelly guy.
He yells a lot at his wife.
He yells a lot at his kids he yells a lot at his kids
like every day oh and then one day um my son who was special needs his school bus was blocking his
driveway and he came out and honked and yelled at the bus driver and even like revved his car
like he was going to hit the special needs school bus so i got up in his ass um so i got up in his fucking ass yeah i got
real up in his face got real ignorant until i realized his son was there and then i had to back
down because i didn't want i don't a don't want to be a bad example b i don't want to go to jail
uh so i had to you know back off of that but he's been real
calm with us since then uh but now he's been stuck at home with his family and his wife and they are
falling apart his yard looks horrible right now it is like it's one of the few joys that i'm getting
is watching his family fall apart from the outside i love that you get to seek revenge through doing nothing at
all yeah you just get to sit back and watch it crumble oh yeah his yard right now is horrible
there's like big ass stalks growing up it's like wait is is it is it because him and his wife have
been fighting so you've heard them fight for years huh as well for two years two years yeah two years
that's wild does what does he say
can you make out what the what what they're yelling about it sounds a lot like that's uh
will ferrell's saturday night live sketch where the guy's just yelling at his kids all the time
he's like get off the shit yeah yeah that shit yeah it's like that all the time about him but
him yelling at his kids and yelling at his wife before he goes to work but now he can't leave so it's real it's
real he's getting real over there so is it was this was this hatred uh a dual hatred from the
from the jump right from the get-go did you guys not like each other oh i had no i come in with no
beef ever but he kind of came in a bunch of times it was being like as soon as we moved in you know
probably because i moved in and
i'm like you know i'm at the time oh you know mid-30s young black kid and he has his whole
family over there and he was just i didn't even have my um fiance or my son at there at the time
so uh he was just like what are you doing here you know and kind of just you know coming over
one time he came over and he complained because he said my garbage smelled too
bad that that he could what yeah that's not a real thing i was like just wait for the trash day then
man i don't know what to tell you it's it's it's four days away okay at any moment in time if the
trash smells too bad it's four to five days away yeah Yeah. Get over it. Yeah. It's not that big of a deal.
It's not like it's in my front, you know, it's where it belongs.
So, you know, ever since then, I kind of hated that guy.
So he's trying to find shit to get mad about.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Because he hates his wife and he hates his kid and he hates his job.
And you're young and successful and that bothers him.
Yeah.
So all this stuff is sad
projection that he just wants to take out on you i'm so glad you see it because that's how i see it
too because i'm like okay because i'm chilling we having fun over here we be playing music over here
and then i could tell like obviously because his yard's not doing well he barely holding on to keep
that house you know he barely holding on over here we start piling looking for the next house you know we're selling turnips over here
well we was until this shit happened but
ron you know what would be the greatest like the most beautiful kind of universal revenge that
would happen is if this guy had to get out of the house and you bought his house. Oh, I've thought about that.
Just pull a Drake.
To buy his house would be so disrespectful in such a great way.
You know, that's what Drake did.
You know, that's what Drake really did.
Wait, what do you mean?
He bought his neighbor's house?
Yeah, his neighbor was complaining about him playing music too loud,
so he just bought his neighbor's house.
Oh, how great.
How great.
What a great way to say fuck you. Yeah. I'll just buy you then. Bye.
There's some, well, so it's like, we got lucky because most of our neighbors,
most of them are pretty cool. You know, like, oh, in fact, the coolest, the coolest dude is,
um, this dude right next, literally next door. He's an old, uh, older British dude. He works
on cars all day in his driveway. So he's kind of like the neighborhood watchdog. He's just a nice dude who drinks, who's cool, who's chill.
And I'll come home and he'll be like, come over for a drink, Andrew.
And I'll just head over there.
We'll have a drink.
We'll talk.
And nothing bothers them.
There's been times when I'm like, hey, we're going to have some people over in the pool.
And people are going to be coming and going, just letting you know, because our backyard's side to side and he could they can hear everyone out back there
and he was like oh we don't care at all like he he did they've never given a shit he's been
we've got we got lucky we got super lucky you know yeah just roll the dice you move into a
place and you hope that somebody's cool you know yeah but it's all i mean that's what you want is
just space in between you you know i'm just happy that i've gone from like i used to live in like big ass apartment complexes where there were like you know people above you
people to the left of you people below you yeah you know same so same i know i can deal with so
so tell me speaking of moving on up now that you're now you're living large and you're gonna
buy this guy's house and shut him down you uh you got you have do you have two shows on quibby or am i
stupid no i have one show once you have one show on quibby but did you do you had in development
more than one show with them am i wrong no no i had you know what was it what are you talking about
go ahead no no go ahead you i thought you were doing a show that was like roast battle, but like the nice version.
Yeah.
That's what I am doing.
Yeah.
You are still doing it.
Yeah.
But the name changed.
Maybe that's what it was.
That's what it probably is.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's called Nice One now.
Yeah.
It's like Boast Rattle and like at midnight.
It's pretty chill.
It's going to be.
It's fun.
Have you shot a lot of it or what?
Yeah, we shot eight episodes.
I'll be out May 25th on Quibi.
I loved it. I fucking loved it.
I never hosted a show before.
I didn't know if I'd like it,
but I really do like it
mostly because
it reminds me of going back
to hosting stand-up shows where it wasn't really your job to get over as much as it was your job to get the whole show over, you know?
And I really like, I kind of take a pride in like getting my friends over and talking about their accomplishments and talking about how funny they are.
I think that's important.
talking about their accomplishments and talking about how funny they are.
I think that's important.
I think that's something that we kind of overlook a lot in comedy that we're, we're taught to put ourselves down a lot as comedians.
And I think that does comedy as a whole a disservice.
And so I'd like to be like, this person's amazing.
They've been in this and this and this and this, even though you never,
you don't know them, you know?
And that's a lot of what this show allows me to do because it is
called nice one it is about being nice to each other so i we make jokes about like oh you're
so successful you were in this you're in that you know and right and then it's a weird way of writing
jokes but it's also it's a way as a person who loves pro wrestling it's a way of putting people
over it's a way of saying how important someone is
while also making jokes.
And I like that.
I really had a great time.
All the writers were awesome.
I just hope we get to do more.
That's dope, dude.
Speaking of which, by the way,
so May 25th, right, Quibi?
People should watch that when it comes out.
But speaking of pro wrestling,
I literally just read that Florida deemed
all WWE activity as an essential, right?
As essential, so they're allowed to continue on.
Now, but when they say that, they're allowed to wrestle, but the fans are not allowed to be in the arena.
Is that what it is?
That's what it is.
Right.
So everyone that's wrestling is allowed to still continue to wrestle.
They're still going to film it and stream it live.
And now, do people have to pay is there like a pay-per-view for it now or is it just going to be it's you know they have their cable shows their weekly cable show and their show they
have a show on NBC but I'm saying like instead of like because when they televise live events
is there not going to be a special version of the televised is there anything that's going to be
like special or different from it or it's just going to continue on just without an audience
as a whole continue on without an audience just how they how i mean that's how they did
wrestlemania which is like their biggest event and um thing i normally go to every year and this year
they just did it with no audience they had um but they also taped some matches like movies so they did like right and
that was fun um but you know i think this is stupid as fuck you know there's no way that that's
an essential business i don't know you know i'm a biggest pro wrestling fan in the world but i don't
see the point in putting a bunch of people's lives at risk and making them fly all over you know
their jobs very similar to ours where they're just flying all over the place all the time staying in hotels and this is not the time to be doing that so i think you
should just let them go home i think it's a i think it's a very foolish endeavor but i just think uh
people are going to make their choice you know this teaches us about the way society reacts
anything it's like people are going to do what they're going to do they don't give a fuck what
you tell them like just the other night they busted a night nightclub in Miami, like an underground nightclub or whatever.
And they had like 250 people
that were coming and going throughout the night.
It was just like a secret nightclub,
a secret bar.
And people were going to and getting drunk and dancing.
And it's like,
you can make all the rules in the world
and everybody can respect them at different levels.
But people that want to do
whatever the fuck they want to do
are going to do it no matter what you tell them.
People are going to show you who they are. people are always going to show you who they are
and on many levels there's going to be people who are like yeah you can't tell me what to do
and there's also like you see a lot of like we're finding out who the helpers are and we're finding
out who people are trying to take advantage of this situation yeah so many people crazy man so many fucking companies had a commercial out
dealing with this like within five minutes like i've talked about it before but i think i hate
the most i heard this five hour energy commercial where they're like hey we're normally your
get up and go energy drink but if you can't get up and go we can be your stay at home and still
give the boss a good day's work energy drink i'm like go fuck yourself
five hour energy that's how you gonna be at this time you want me to be worried about my fucking
boss fuck my boss that should be right that should be a ron funch's speech uh you should put out a
commercial that's like fuck my boss you think I'm worried about my fucking boss
fuck 5 hour energy
fuck my boss
I'm Ron Funches
and I approve this message
just put out
a campaign
do you drink that shit
have you ever drank that stuff
that 5 hour energy
all that shit
nah man
I've always been
as a conspiracy theory dude
I've always been like
I don't believe
into a solution
to a problem
that's made up
you know
like if you're tired
nigga go to sleep you know like what the fuck am i gonna drink poison instead of just taking a nap
right do you drink do you drink coffee no man i used to i used to when i was in high school i was
real into it and i uh would get migraines if I stopped.
Like, it was just real, you know,
like almost blinding migraines.
And so, for the most part,
I don't really fuck with caffeine.
I have like a sugar-free cola every now and again.
But for the most part, I don't really fuck with caffeine.
That's brave, man.
I don't know.
Like, I got to tell you,
my biggest vice has always been Coke in a bottle it's i it is so hard for me
god dude it's it's it's like it is my one thing that i know it's it's so i can't give it up like
i'll be as healthy as i can in so many aspects of my diet and me exercising but like i have to have
a mexican coke once in a while because it's so fucking good it doesn't make
sense it's when it's hot out and you have a cold coke in a bottle i don't know man it's i don't
like i almost don't give a fuck that it can take it can strip metal you know what i mean i don't
it's so goddamn good i don't hey brother i i agree so hard this is why i can't do it i agree too hard
man i love them i love as soon as you said it i not only did i
think about drinking a bottle coke i was sitting at a restaurant in highland park eating a burger
and onion rings and and drinking a mexican coke as soon as you said that i knew exactly where i was
yeah you felt it yeah i could feel it in your body oh yeah god Ron when you when you uh
when did you when because did you ever drink at all or you never really drank I'm allergic to
alcohol um I tried to drink when I was 18 and um it just it puts me in like a shock and I um my
throat closes up and I projectile vomit it's not a pretty scene no don't don't ever do that then
let's not have you do that
when did you really discover that you enjoy that smoking pot was not just something you enjoyed but
became kind of like a part of your lifestyle you know what i mean because it's definitely like a
part of who you are as far as like you as a as a creative person i know you like to you like to
smoke when you perform and when you're creating stuff.
So when did you know that that was the thing that you loved?
I had an inkling very young.
I was a pretty good kid for a long time. I knew because I just kind of knew.
My dad had drug addiction issues.
I had a lot of stuff in my family about that.
And so I decided very young.
I never was like, oh, I never want to try cocaine.
I never want to try heroin.
I never want to do these things because I know if I try them, I'm probably going to love them.
But I also knew that I want to do probably, I mean, probably going to want to smoke weed.
And I was a nerd.
So I would do research and I'd go like oh no one's
ever died or no you know look at all these things you look at alcohol you know oh just you know
objectively i'm just looking at things i've never done any drugs at this point i'm going oh this
just seems better you know right and so i always had an interest but i still never tried it until
like i was like 16 years old and my friends were getting into it.
And I was still trying to be a good goody goody.
And so I would just be like, no, I'm going home.
But like you sit at home long enough with your dad while your friends are getting high.
And you're like, oh, you know, maybe I'll try.
Maybe I'll give it a whirl.
Yeah, I'll try just a little bit.
And I tried it once and Red Vines had never tasted more delicious.
And Scary Movie 2 was now the best movie I'd ever seen.
And I was like, I think I like this.
What was your first, was it out of a, what was your first?
Wizard Bong.
A Bong?
Wizard Bong.
Real old school.
Holy shit.
Yes. That's wild. I was out of a pop can no no no no
an apple it was out of an apple was the very first time and then the second time was out of a pop can
and then after that i was like uh i think we should smoke this out of a glass thing because
the pop can seems to be tasting very bad when we smoke out of it but i remember those days people
you'd crush a can if you could find one poke a bunch of holes in it if you didn't have anything
smoke out of it was it was it worked oh yeah i laugh about those days with my friends all the
time talking about uh pop cans or apples or knives and talking about how my parents my dad being like
where are my butter knives?
That's so funny because some people don't know about taking like a knife hit.
That's so funny.
Like people don't, I think after generation and generation, it becomes a thing that like, I'm sure for our parents, you know,
for that generation of pot smokers,
the ingenuity was different than ours.
And then the kids today,
their ingenuity is so much different because they're the way of obtaining it
is so different.
Like,
do you do dabs?
Are you a big guy into dabs or no?
I used to,
I used to do dabs.
I got heavy in the dabs pretty much right after I was getting divorced and
stuff.
And I was like,
just walking around trying not to feel.
Um,
and I,
I,
um,
I think they're very efficient and I think,
but I truly think they are for people who really need that, for people who are sick, for people who need 80% THC.
When I was doing that, it was making me take naps at 2 in the afternoon, which was fine when I didn't have voiceovers and shit to do.
But once I was like, oh, I kind of like being successful and like being a businessman like I I didn't like
having because I would get high and then be like okay I have to fight it and go get to my voice
over you know because I wouldn't wait you know and now I've learned to like wait and just use it
as a treat and then also me just smoking flour makes it so that I can maintain a level and not, you know, pass out.
Yeah. I'm this, I mean, I'm a big flour guy. I don't, I don't, uh, I I've tried some of that
other stuff and I, you know, either my, my, my, my pentance for it has changed. I just don't really
like, I used to love to get super, super high when I was very young. I've been smoking pot
since I was 15, you know, and 20 years later,
21 years later,
I guess I just don't love
getting that obliterated anymore.
Maybe it's I'm growing up,
maybe it's my age,
I don't know what.
It's also,
you know,
not to sound like
a fucking old man boomer,
but like the pot
is generationally stronger now.
It's just,
it's gotten so much more potent
than it ever was when we were young.
It's like athletes.
Is LeBron James a better athlete than Michael Jordan?
Yeah, of course.
That's just how it goes.
The evolution has gotten stronger.
It's what happens.
You're not wrong in that.
I completely agree with you.
I used to call it chasing oblivion.
That's what I was always looking for.
I was always trying to get to where my toes were tingling and I was about to pass out. That's how high I wanted to get. And then I realized, yeah, as I got older, it was more about like, oh, if I keep doing this, I'm going to have to go oh this is not healthy for you this isn't good for your
son and this isn't good for your business and when when things like i love fucking having fun
i love fun but as soon as things start affecting my son or my business i i have a very clear thing
in my brain to go fucking cut this shit out and so i never i was like i love pot i don't drink i
don't do other things so it's like
i don't want to get to the point where like i'm just like i just love life so you know i was like
i better start slowing down yeah that's good though dude if to have that kind of mindset that
that mental check down is important because not a lot of people have the ability to do that so
it's a that's a big that's a it's a grown- move. That's what I like. You know what I mean? It's just a grown man move to be like,
Hey, I got to fix this shit. This is going to get to a place that I don't want it to be at.
You know? Um, speaking of grown man moves though, bro, are you, you, uh, you don't have to talk
about it if you don't want to, but you mentioned fiance. When are you getting married? Um, I don't know sometime real soon you know we're whenever when uh i think you haven't planned a
date yet no no no no no the lab you know which was we're actually we're real lucky about but
it's like not it sounds like i'm nonchalant about it but i'm actually really really planned
about it like so we got engaged in november and we were just like let's take the
rest of this year to just chill and be engaged we're gonna go to japan we're gonna enjoy being
you know i guess newly newly engaged and so and we'll talk about it at the beginning of the year
we'll start planning and we'll start doing stuff and so then we started doing that and i've been
married before and it didn't go well i got married very young and I had my son when I was 20 and uh it just was not a great relationship and both me and my
fiance come from um backgrounds where our family had done with some domestic issues and so I was
like hey we both have these backgrounds um it would probably I know we love each other very
much and I also notice that
sometimes when we get in conflict i know i can feel it in my veins i'm like oh i'm being triggered
about old stuff and i can see it in you so let's go to the couples therapy and hang out and and do
that for a while or you know for a few sessions and then just sets the groundwork because I don't want to have a third marriage, you know, like, so I'm not doing this shit again. Yeah. Yeah. So we're just kind of in
the middle of that right now. And then once we're done with that, we'll, we'll, we'll set a date
and we'll send out some invitations. Hopefully you'll, you'll come and we'll do it.
Well, I just, I was, I was just curious cause I'm, for you because I know that you've been a single dad is, I imagine, extremely rare. A lot of times, if anything, it's usually single women that are raising kids. But you've been a single dad when I met you, obviously, for the first time and I learned that you had a son. And I was like, that's wild because we met, I don't know, 10 years ago plus. I don't even know how long ago.
Because, you know, we met, I don't know, 10 years ago plus.
I don't even know how long ago.
And, you know, as we start to come up in comedy, there's already so many struggles already.
But when I learned that you had to be a dad as well, I was like, God, that's such a tough grind to be a single father and trying to wiggle our way up in this unfair, uncouth, ridiculous business, you know?
So it's great that now you're at a point where
things are going great and you're going to get married. And I think that's awesome. Would you
have another kid or no? Yeah. Yeah. I want to, because I want to see what it would be like to do
it on, on what I call easy mode, you know, like, right. I had my son, we had no money, you know,
I would wake up trying to be like, it was literally day to day living.
It was like, how, what am I going to get him for dinner tonight?
And how am I going to figure that shit out?
And that's how my day would begin.
And then I had to figure that shit out before the afternoon.
And so it was a very, very stressful time period.
And I still, a lot of love. was awesome i wouldn't change i would have
changed it i would have changed the money part a lot of people say you wouldn't change nothing
i would have changed some things change the money part
but i did get to spend a lot of time with him uh you know as a dad i got to see his first steps i
got to see all that stuff and and and it's kind
of cool having someone with me that that whole that old rap adage of like you weren't with me
you wasn't with me shooting in the gym you know and like this kid was shooting with me in the gym
you know he was with me from the open mics you know he went with me to some open mics and now
you know and then he went to me with me to my special taping you know and so
it's it's things like that where i and our relationship is like that where i feel like
oh like i owe you like he's and he knows so many aspects of life where i'll be like oh what do you
want to do for spring break he'll be like i want to go to walport oregon and stay at a motel six
and i'm like fuck no we'll never do that again
if we did that was what because it had it has nostalgic and a nostalgic thing for him was he
born in oregon you had him in portland yeah him in oregon in salem oregon and we lived out on the
coast and he used to go to this pizza place a lot because they had taken baked pizzas that would let you pay with
food stamps. And so it was a fun trip for him. But for me, it was like, OK, we can actually
make this look fun and nice and I can pay with Oregon Trail Card. So I see why he likes it,
but it don't bring up good memories for for me but isn't that wild to think that
how you how we perceive something uh when we're children versus how our parents actually lived it
is so uniquely different because as as someone as a youth you know you're not privy to the bullshit
so like he's still clean you know what i mean like yeah he didn't he didn't see all the shit
that comes along which is a good thing but it's wild to as we get older that you see what your parents were seeing sometimes.
And you're like, oh, fuck, I understand now why that's why they didn't enjoy these times or whatever it was.
But it didn't bother me because I couldn't fucking see the shit, you know?
Yeah. Why? You're like, why are you so why are you so angry?
Because the lights might be cut off.
why are you so angry?
You know,
like,
cause the lights might be cut off.
So, you know,
uh,
but I think it'd be fun to have a new kid who,
who hopefully doesn't have to experience those things.
And then I,
I think I'd be a better disciplinarian cause I would feel like they,
you know,
they have it too good.
And like,
you know,
fuck them.
Isn't that the worry though?
I think about that all the time is like,
you know,
people comment often negatively about,
uh,
living in LA or like, Oh, Ray, you're gonna raise a family in LA. And you know, there's always, people comment often negatively about living in LA or like, oh,
you're going to raise a family in LA. And, you know, there's always, people always have comments
about that. And like, I, you know, I don't, I don't really give a fuck what other people think
about what, you know, where I live or how I live my life. But it's always interesting to me that
like, I kind of want to give my kid when I have one, a similar upbringing to how I had it, but I, it won't happen here.
Cause LA is so uniquely different from how I grew up. You know what I mean? So those kinds of things,
I think about a lot that you're like, well, you want them to live good, but you don't want them
to live spoiled because then they won't appreciate shit. They won't, they'll never ask you to go eat
pizza at the motel, motel six in Salem, you know, because they'll, they'll want to go eat at fucking tavern on the green at Barney's. You know what I mean? Like they'll think ask you to go eat pizza at the Motel 6 in Salem, you know, because they'll want to go eat at fucking Tavern on the Green at Barney's.
You know what I mean?
Like they'll think that like these things are, it's hard when privilege gets normalized
because then kids like Beverly Hills kids, they don't fucking know any better.
So it's hard for me to get mad at those kids because they don't know.
They have no other perspective.
Yeah, I'm sure you might be able to relate to this but you ever go to like you go
to a meeting or something somebody wants to meet you at like some fancy hotel or or whatever and
you go there and you're kind of like man like look at me like i'm i come from open mics to this and i'm like working hard and and
and things are going good and then you walk in and you go to the restaurant and sometimes i've
seen like a five-year-old kid in a blazer walking around like he owns the place talking to the cook
and you're just like holy holy fuck. What the?
I was just happy.
Yeah.
That's such a real thing.
In here,
we pour whiskey.
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Back to the episode.
Ginger. I like gingers. having me at the hollywood bowl i went
to go see chance the rapper and i was so excited because i had these like middle seats at the
hollywood bowl and i was like oh my god you're so expensive and fun and then i look around and
there's like all these eight-year-olds and ten-year-olds there's like whole families where
the mom had paid for like six kids to go to
the Hollywood bowl.
And they're all like walking around texting,
not giving a shit.
And I was just like,
I know how much these tickets cost.
You fucking listen to every lyric.
You're yelling at her kids.
You're like,
Hey,
listen up.
You know how expensive you listen up.
Put your phones down,
pay attention to chance. I get that, dude. I get that. Like I, I feel it a lot in it. Well,
also because you know, when I get put in situations like that, I'll never be comfortable.
I always kind of feel like I'm not, I don't belong in those, those situations. Cause I,
I didn't have it when I was young. It wasn't like a. I wasn't privy to some of those things.
So when you get them as an adult because you've earned them, I'm still uncomfortable sometimes.
Even when I stay at a nice hotel, when we go and we stay at a really, really nice hotel,
sometimes I feel like even the staff knows that I don't belong. Even though I can afford it and I
paid for it, I feel like they even look at me and they're like nah this is you know this is not what he's used to you know what i mean like i'm glad that happens
to you because then i don't feel like it's all racism now well ron it is it is but it's it's
it's because of my hair it's a it's a hairism it's a hairism more than but i've never i've
never felt that way though i i think one of the rare one of the things I like
about myself the most is that I I think because of my upbringing like like my you know my my mom
and dad were never well off and then my mom was a single parent um but my aunt and stuff were like
doctors and lawyers and things like that and um so and my mom had always put in
culture she was always about like let's especially we grew up in chicago she was like well i can't
afford to do these things but i can take you to the museum on the free day i can take you to this
right you know and so we go to the natural history museum a lot the museum of science and industry a
lot and we would just talk about traveling a lot my mom always was let me know that even though we were in the south side of chicago that there was this
whole world around me you know and so now like i'm comfortable wherever i go really like i've been
uncomfortable in the trailer park i'm comfortable in the projects i'm comfortable in a fucking nice
ass house that's what i prefer the most really like when i'm in a nice store or projects i'm comfortable in a fucking nice ass house that's what i prefer the most really
when i'm in a nice store or something i'm like this feels right yeah that's nice i mean i think
like again like the perspective is is nice we were just such like a i was just used to like
middle class lifestyle like like middle of the road working, like both my parents worked. And so fancy stuff was never part of my parents' agenda. It's also comes from
a place of like, um, you know, like you're supposed in my, in my family or my lifestyle
of growing up around us, it's like you get made fun of if you show off. For us, it was always like it's embarrassing to have something nice almost.
I don't know why, but it was this like you shouldn't talk about it.
If you have it, you shouldn't brag about it.
That's come up recently around us because I think me and my fiance,
we grew up differently that way because she has similar middle class.
But I think because I grew up below middle class
anytime that we got to celebrate it felt earned it was like fuck yeah we got this
fuck yeah we got a new car fuck yeah we got it was not like yeah um feel bad about it it was like
right you know celebrate it because we worked hard for it and we know things can
change at any time well i say that and i mean dude i'm learning to have that perspective more of like
you know i i get told often that it's like dude you should be you should be happy or celebrate
these moments because sometimes i breeze by them in life whatever they are little achievements
because i feel like i'm like don't get too excited about it because they can take it away from you or you don't want to, you don't want to seem like you're
too proud. It just, there's something I'm learning to get over of like celebrate the fucking small
moments, enjoy it. Don't feel embarrassed about success or, or, or, or when things are just good.
It's not just about money and career. It's just like life in general to be a little bit more
happy about those things i'm
i'm working on that but that's brother that makes me that makes me both so um it makes me that gives
me so many emotions it makes me sad that you feel that way that makes me excited that that's going
to change for you and that makes me jealous that you're this good right now with that weight on your back because when you
take that weight off your back man man how good are you going to be when you let yourself shine
man yeah maybe i yeah i know i'm working i'm trying i'm trying dude you found like you've
as long as i've known you you found a new um i felt you shift a new perspective of yourself and
the way you value yourself in comedy. And
that's a big thing. And like I said, I think it comes along with your shift and what you've
accomplished and stuff in your career and what you've done, I think comes along with the way
your life has kind of, you know, like when, you know, when like Legos or toy pieces just snap
together perfectly. I think for you, like I could physically watch
a lot of things snap into place
that it was really cool to watch.
I mean, you know, like when you do meet your girlfriend
that eventually became your fiance
and getting your house and, you know,
like as your son has gotten older,
all these things have kind of clicked a little bit more,
which is I think the thing that we're all striving for
is to make the puzzle piece snap right.
You know what I mean?
Because it's hard.
You have all these fucking things you need to balance.
When they start snapping, it's cool to watch, man.
It's very cool to watch.
Thank you so much.
That means a lot to me.
And that's a lot about,
and I never really get to talk about this,
so I'm so happy you bring it up,
but that's a lot about my comedy philosophy.
I have a firm belief that your comedy and your success in
comedy is firmly tied to how you are i mean if you want to use the word spiritually whatever like
mentally however your well-being is so to me that they can't get far off you you can see that
sometimes where sometimes people will make this character and that lets them be successful but the real person is not happy and the real person
becomes trapped in that character you know or sometimes we just don't let ourselves be successful
because we don't let ourselves we feel well we don't deserve it or whatever um and i had always
like i that was one of the main reasons i went into therapy is because
i was having and this is me just my soul therapy um was that i was noticing that i wasn't letting
women get close to me because i you know because of my first marriage and stuff and that i was
very quick to like i was looking for a reason and anything that showed me a reason, I was like, all right, you're not the one out, you know?
And so and for the most part, that was fine.
That was actually a good thing.
But there was a couple of good women that I was like, you know what?
I think I might have, you know, I was the one who fucked this up.
And so and when I met, when I started dating my fiance, I was like, she's a really good woman.
I was like, this is a really good woman, and I don't want to do the same thing again.
And so I got into therapy, and I was just like, I want to stop being so focused on,
mostly on money, you know?
At my favorite, when I started comedy comedy i didn't give a shit about
money i just wanted to be funny i just like i wanted funny and i wanted to pay my bills with
comedy and that was it and then i wanted to take care of my son and make sure he had a house
but even after we got the house i was like more more more more more more and i wasn't sleeping
i wasn't you know doing i was just and i wasn't making decisions
based off of if it was going to be fun or if it was going to be good i was making decisions off
of is this going to make me more famous is this going to get me more money and i never gave a
fuck about being famous i never gave a shit about that and so i had to kind of take a step back and
really refocus and i'm loving it now i really owe a lot of it to my
fiance is she she's gotten me off of of tweeting all the fucking time getting into twitter fights
and that's healthy as shit twitter is fucking twitter is accessible that your fiance is is is
a bright woman to get you off of that is a good step because most of us need to get away from the toxic like that shit is toxic as fuck yeah it's very very toxic and it's just and it's just it never solves anything and
it never when i because again i started seeing it affect my business because i could see the numbers
and i was like oh i'm getting into a fight with these people. I think I'm right. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know I'm right.
But then sometimes other people are going in and tweeting the third tweet in my fucking diatribe, you know, and then going, look at this jackass.
And I'm losing like 10, 15,000 followers or whatever every fight I get into.
And I'm like, you know, this this isn't necessarily money but it is the opportunity
to reach people so yes why am i just getting involved in this bullshit when i could just let
my assistant tweet out dates and i can go about my business and talk shit with my friends on a
in a group text you know
save that shit for a group text bro that's so it's so true like that's that should be a should
be an autobiography called save that shit for a group text so many things that i think and we say
comedically it's like just say it to your buddy don't put it out to the world because you don't
need the bullshit like the trouble that comes from it it's just it's just not worth it half
the time on twitter you know not just the trouble it's also a double-edged sword of like let's say you go the opposite way it used to be that like some people could get some writing
jobs or like people could see how really really funny you were now like for example my friend
blair sake she kills it on twitter all the time and every time she posts something that isn't like
even if it is personal some other account will take it.
Some celebrity account, some fucking, some boxer took her account, her thing, and then just said it was his.
So that his 1.5 million things thinks this fucking dumb ass boxer is funny, you know?
And so it's like, why don't you just keep that joke and make money with it?
Right.
Well, I feel that way about Twitter as a whole. Like,
I, like, you know, I didn't engage on Twitter much. I still don't really, it's tough for me
because I just don't, I'm giving jokes away for free. It's just odd to me. It's like,
I'll give you a little snippets of things that I might think are funny, but when someone's like,
you know, why isn't your Twitter engagement high? It's like, cause I don't feel like writing jokes
for free. Like that's fucking crazy.
And I'm giving it away to people to use.
So usually I'll just put up bullshit on there,
random stuff once in a great while.
You know, one of my favorite things to do, honestly, Ron,
that gives me, like, pleasure is once every month or so,
I'll ask people, I'll say,
hit me up at me if you want to get roasted.
And you got to have your photo has to be there. I have to be able to see you and your profile has to be unlocked.
And it's just usually fans that will want me to make fun of them because it's like this fun
bond we get to share, you know, just, and it's always something minor and small. It's never,
it's never that mean, but the fact this, this weird thing comes about from it of like
the love, they know it's all in love and the love that
they receive from you making fun of something that you can both laugh at it it's one of my
favorite fucking things it just it's this it's this moment that happens with fans where you're
like oh yeah you can take a joke you know I'm playing around there is no there is nothing
vitriol about it it just feels so good for a little moment in time. It's the one thing I like about Twitter is fucking with the fans like that
because then I know that, oh, they love comedy.
They just want to be a part of something fun.
Yeah, I like that.
Other than that, I don't like it.
Yeah, I miss doing that aspect.
I think, obviously, when it gets closer to my show dropping,
I'll probably ask for my password back so that i can get back in
right now though sometimes i randomly talk shit on things like um but it's so fun because you
have to know just how hard i have to work to talk shit to someone on twitter now i because i don't
have my password i have to go in and just remember their twitter handle and then put it into google
and then look at their page and then figure out what shit i want to talk
and then text my assistant and go can you tweet this
what a bureaucratic system you have to go through just to talk shit yeah yeah because now they know
because before i was like oh i'm stoned at two in the morning. I say some random shit and I wake up in the morning and there's like a blog written about me.
And so now it's like I write it out and I send it to her and then she'll be like, OK, this is fine.
I should be like, no, you can't.
You can't fucking say this.
Right.
Have you ever have you ever tweeted something that got you in big trouble?
Is there something you've tweeted that's gotten you in some big trouble?
Multiple times.
Yeah.
Lots of times.
No, but but I mean something detrimental to like that was actually like that you've tweeted that's gotten you in some big trouble? Multiple times. Yeah. Lots of times.
No, but I mean something detrimental.
Like that was actually like that you had to, that like you did that you knew was really bad and collapsed either a relationship or, you know.
I mean, has that happened? Because you've gotten in trouble, I guess you could say, on the sense of like you getting someone saying, people getting up in arms about what you've said,
but I don't think that's like getting in trouble, right?
Yeah, no, no, no, no. I consider getting in trouble. Like my manager calling me
and letting me know something has happened. You know, I've never,
have you ruined a relationship via Twitter? Have you ever broken a business or personal
relationship? And it's just been like, that's, it's spun out of control.
Probably a couple of personal relationships, but just people who I only knew through Twitter.
Anyway,
I think I did some Michael Vick jokes about how,
you know,
even if you're pro animal,
like,
you know,
it was 10 years ago. So even if those dogs had the best of lives,
they're dead.
Yes.
And some people really didn't like that.
It's a, like that's, it's such an like that it's a like that's it's such an obvious it's a joke it's such an obvious joke but it's also how i felt yeah it's true it i mean it's true it's a joke but it's true yeah right so many of the
best jokes aren't fucking true they're true like there's so much there's truth laced in it you know
yeah and it's like i mean because to me i just, I just didn't, it just came from the pro, your sports guy a little bit.
The Pro Bowl was happening and they were invited him to come and then like a half a million people signed a petition to not have him be there.
And I, it just really struck me.
me i was like it'd be one thing if he never went to jail or you know had to actually like you you as you decide he should still continue he can't go he can't go toss the ball around with his friends
because of something he did 10 years ago yeah i think i mean this that we're we're a we're a
violently hypocritical country when it comes to things like that we're okay with people doing
certain things that we overlook or we
we let slide or even or even it happens and they don't catch as much flack um and we pick and choose
uh society does on who they really want to get the most mad at and i gotta tell you it feels like a
it feels like you know plinko from fucking the price is right it feels like plinko it feels like, you know, Plinko from fucking The Price is Right. It feels like Plinko.
It feels like it just landed in your slot.
You know what I mean?
It's like because some people get it in a way that others, you can't explain it.
It's so many factors.
Like you remember when David Letterman had an affair with his assistant or whatever,
and then he went on that night and his monologue, before he did it, he was like,
hey, I had an affair. What's going on is between me and my wife and my family and I'm handling my personal business and I'm here to do a comedy show. So let's put all that stuff out because
it's not going to get broached ever again. That's the end of that. So do you want to do a comedy
show tonight? Because I'd like to do one for you. And people loved it. And then it's like it
disappeared. You know what I mean? Meanwhile,
other people in the media, whatever that happens in their family relationships, whether it's domestic abuse or affairs or children with other women or whatever, it seems to explode for certain
people and some others for not. So we're just, we're hypocritical over who we choose to bury.
You know what I mean? We love throwing stones. The society loves to be like,
fuck you, but that guy's cool.
He can have a second chance,
but this guy, he never gets to come back.
Michael Vick never gets to come back
even though you're cool with people
doing way more fucked up shit than him
and they don't even think twice.
You know?
Yeah, it's crazy.
I think it's wild.
It's just like,
it gets me angry for a long time. It used to make me really, really mad because of how people were getting different the different levels of judgment was
always odd to me i was like why is that guy in more trouble than that dude because i feel like
that shit was way worse than that shit you know yeah that i think everything slowed down now
as far as people getting called out quote unquote because uh for for whatever reason they're getting
called out for because of fucking the pandemic has given perspective. I think I feel like people have gotten some perspective on life because of this.
Yeah. Now people want to fuck. They're like, please let me get out there and start fucking.
Yeah, please, please. I know if I read I can't read another joke on Twitter by by any of my female friends or coworkers.
any of my female friends or co-workers comics how much they masturbate.
I've never read so much I masturbate jokes in my life out of women.
Not one dude friend of mine is being like, oh, I'm jerking off a lot.
But every girlfriend that I have on Twitter, comic or not, is like,
oh, my God, I broke two vibrators.
It's like every joke out of them.
It's so funny how it's switched now.
It's like dudes always talk about their dick. It's like,'s like well during a pandemic women only talk about breaking vibrators it's like that seinfeld episode where the garbage the garbage strike is happening now it's piling up
she's used to the garbage man coming and taking everything away yeah that's that's uh that's exact that's precisely what it is
because i feel like i feel like people are uh i feel like people i i would love to know how many
people are secretly fucking during the pandemic like how many people are secretly sneaking away
you know what i mean i would love to know those numbers yeah who's doing the night call still
yeah who's like that who's that horny or also like, who's that noble? Who's, who is that horny and turning it away? Right. Who's that brave soldier?
Right. Like if you were single, what, like this, this was like, neither of us are single, but I,
I, I gotta see, I gotta, I gotta hear my friends talk about that. They're like,
I've had one friend, I'm not going to mention his name. Cause you know him, you know him as well. And he was like, dude, she's been
isolating. I've been isolating. Don't you think it's fine if I go over there? I'm like, I don't
know, man. She has, she has a roommate. Like, you know what I mean? I was like, I was like,
you're factoring all this stuff in, but it sounds like from the outside world, we're talking about
like if she has an STD, do you know what I mean? It's like, she's clean. I'm sure her roommates
clean. I mean, I, the way we were talking about it, he's like, I'm sure it'll be
fine. Right. I mean, I asked her, she said, yes, it's the same line as being like, are you clean?
Have you been tested? It's that same idea we were talking about. And I told him, I was like,
I you're taking a risk, dude. I mean, do it if you want to do it. I'm just saying like,
you don't know her fucking roommate. And he doesn't know this girl that well either. You know, they,
they've hung out a few times before this, but that's it. I was like, I don't know, man.
Fucking this is why I'm happy that I'm not out there like that. Oh, it is beautiful. Oh yeah.
That part of makeup, trying to make a pandemic baby, man. Trying to make a trying to make a pandemic baby man trying to make a trying to make baby covid
right now so we'll see what happens there's gonna be a lot of covids born a lot of little covid
juniors um so ron i love you i thank you for doing this with me i i end the episode the same way
every every time uh i want the guests to say either one word or one phrase directly into the
camera that they they think encapsulates like whatever is going on in their life or their brain.
Just one word to end the episode or one phrase.
You go ahead and do it.
Magic.
In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
You're that creature in the ginger beer.
Sturdy ginger.
Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
Gingers are beautiful.
You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the whore.
Gingers are hell no.
This whiskey is excellent.
Ginger. I like gingers.