Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino - Theo Von

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

Santino sits down with the Rat King himself, Theo Von to chat about running out of gas, a lack of empathy and a new path of life in Nashville and we go deep into the philasophical discussion about what is LIFE?!?! ORDER SOME MERCH!!! https://www.andrewsantinostore.com Join our Patreon : https://www.patreon.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Go to www.andrewsantino.com FOR ALL THINGS CHEETO Go to www.theovon.com for all things RAT KING SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! SQUARESPACE - Help design your website today with amazing templates and the help of professionals https://squarespace.com/whiskey Use promo code WHISKEY for 10% off DHM DETOX - Beat your hangovers!!! Take two pills before you drink to make the next day a breeze https://dhmdetox.com Use promo code WHISKEY for 20% OFF SCREWBALL WHISKEY- Drink the original and most awarded peanut butter whiskey. Enjoy it responsibly. Don't be a dummy. Follow Santino on Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Whiskey Ginger Insta and Twitter: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast/ & https://twitter.com/whiskeyginger_ Whiskey Ginger Clips: http://www.youtube.com/c/WhiskeyGingerPodcastClips EDITING AND PRODUCTION DESIGN BY THE AMAZING WHISKEY GINGER TEAM JENNA SUNDE https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday/ JOE FARIA https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria Y&S https://www.instagram.com/youngandsick/ Intro Music by Rocom: https://www.youtube.com/user/RocomTelevision Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome back to the show. If this is your first time joining us, welcome to the show. Please spread the word. Tell a friend. Keep the Whiskey Ginger train moving. My guest this week is Theo Vaughn,

the masterful magician of his mind, body, and soul. He's a wonderful dude. I love the way his brain works. I can't wait for you to see it. Also, I've got some great news. Me and Chrissy D, Chrissy D Stefano, crack you open hyenas, ladder for a team, are doing some shows together in October. Yay! Me and Chrissy D, October 9, 10, and 11 right now. October 9th is in Butler,

Pennsylvania, which is basically Pittsburgh, Western Pennsylvania. October 9th,, and 11 right now. October 9th is in Butler, Pennsylvania, which is basically Pittsburgh, Western Pennsylvania. October 9th. October 10th, we're in Scranton, Eastern Pennsylvania. And then October 11th, we're in Cape Cod, dude. Cape Cod, Massachusetts, bro. With Tom Brady. October 9, 10, 11, Butler, Pittsburgh, Scranton, and then Cape Cod, my friend.

So go to andrewsantino.com to get those tickets. The dates are right there, andrewsantino.com to come see me and Chrissy D live outside. Have a great time. The Steamy Windows Tour in your car. Do whatever you got to do. We just can't see it from stage. Wink, wink.

Have some fun with us October 9, 10, 11, andrewsantino.com for tickets. Andrewsantino.com has the Patreon, all the other stuff. Andrew Santino's store has all of our merch, our shirts, our hats, our rocks, glasses, all that fun stuff. But go to andrewsantino.com has the Patreon, all the other stuff. Andrew Santino's store has all of our merch, our shirts, our hats, our rocks, glasses, all that fun stuff. But go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. October 9, 10, and 11 for me and Chrissy D, baby. Grab them tickets.

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Squarespace does it right to help you create the space that you need online. Squarespace.com slash whiskey. Use that promo code whiskey to save 10% off. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger field. Sturdy, ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today., it is my boy, Theo Vaughn.

Theo's pouring himself some, what is it called? Tarasul? What's the name of that? This is called Ritual Whiskey Alternative. Whiskey Alternative. Zero proof. Zero proof. I have to taste some too when you're done with it.

Get the first hit. Yeah? Let me get a little snifter. Yeah, so you can just know what I'm going through at the same time. Wow, that's so, that's interesting. Is it? It's spicy. I've never tasted it. It's like, cheers, dog.

Cheers, man. Thank you for having me. It's like spicy. It's interesting to have zero proof alcohol. I've never tasted it. That's kind of weird, right? Hemp leaves, green peppercorn prickly ash and toasted spices wow now american oak now let me ask you this something question yeah if you didn't know yeah if you didn't know that this didn't have any liqueur in it or liquor. Could I tell? Yeah. Yeah. I don't believe you. Bro, I could.

There's something missing in it. Like, it's good. The flavor is kind of good. Madagascar vanilla. That's what it says on there. That's good. It's just something's missing, but the spicy is there. It tastes like they beat it with an oak tree at the end.

It's good. It does, huh? I like your, is this, wait, is this fashion or function, the scarf? This is a mix of both. Because a lot of times I'm realizing that I don't have the mask. I forget them all the time, bro. So now I keep them in my car. So I keep two in each of our cars.

I keep them at the house by the front door. And then I have, we have some at the office here. Because I forget them all the time. I just don't think about it half of the time. About what? About grabbing a mat. I feel bad and then I'm like, well, someone's going to be pissed off at me if I don't wear the liquor store. The guy around the corner, the liquor

store guy, I forgot it one time. And he was like, it's okay. I don't care. Come in. Doesn't matter. And I did one of these. He's back there making a bomb he's like yeah i'm not he's like i'm about to blow up this whole block in 45 minutes don't worry about it he didn't give a shit so what you use this for the mask too yep i'll use it for the mask and then it also has a little bit of a fashion function i feel like it's a little bit of like a you know i don't want to do like the neck i don't really feel like a like a nice. It's a little bit of like a, you know, I don't want to do like the neck. I don't really feel like a nice necklace.

I had a nice neck piece, but I don't know what happened to it. And then also the mask. You know, my issue with the mask, Andrew, is that they don't, there's no, they should say, this is the mask we're all wearing. I agree. Cause everyone's got a different thing. Like there's no way that this is health. No, that's not all the same standard. Right.

That's like saying, uh, uh, that's like, that's like, uh, Keds aren't the same as Jordans. You know what I mean? Like you can't play, you can't hoop in Keds. You can, but it's not going to fucking work. Yeah. But with the mask thing, it's kind of like, well, i think i have the one that works but i don't know yeah some people have on the carpentry one people have the asbestos one the real doctor one the n95 that's like the real thing but then you got people getting pulled into surgery they don't that work at a spc that works at a humane

society sir we need you now no i'm just, I'm just, I'm going to work. I'm going to Nona's Empanadas. Yeah, I'm here for dry wool. Next thing you know, that guy's in there spackling somebody's kidney shut. But it's crazy. How is there, if it's, I understand that we're doing it and it's become like a handshake. It's become like a way to show people, okay, I'm supporting you. You're supporting me.

Yeah. I understand that. I might not always agree with it, but I understand that. Sure. But there should be a mask that, okay, this is an effective mask. Well, they should. Yeah. They just said anything.

Yeah. How? That's not a real thing. No, I know. There's people wearing a lot of, you'll see like at the grocery store, you'll see a lot of the Raggedy Ann, you know, a lot of the Halloween. Halloween. Yeah.

Especially if you get over into the cantina or what is it called? Mexican areas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The barrios. Yeah, the barrios. Barrios. Oh, it's fucking el dia de los muertos down there. I know, bro, yeah, yeah. The barrios. Yeah, the barrios. Barrios. Oh, it's fucking El Dia de los Muertos down there.

I know, bro. They're thinking it's another holiday. Yeah, dude. It's a bunch of little, you know, thin brown heroes wearing scream helmets,

you know? It's just like, I saw two little fat kids look like a fucking, I saw two little fat kids with fucking football helmets on. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And the barrios is a whole different story. I bought, I went down to East LA to go get some tacos and it's chaos. They're selling chiclets in the street again. It's old school. They're throwing it back old school. And now it's, they're still, they're setting off fireworks like it's, they're still thinking it's the fourth. Oh, yeah. Like America, bro. It's August, man. They're cracking them off like it's... They're still thinking it's the 4th. Oh, yeah.

Like, America, bro. It's August, man. They're cracking them off. I love it. They don't stop. East LA doesn't stop. And they shouldn't stop. No, why would they?

Why would they? It always smells like laundry, too, in Mexican neighborhoods. Do you ever notice that? It always smells clean. It always smells like a laundromat for some reason. You got brand new shoes on, by the way? You got some clean Adidas. Yeah, these are in honor of my buddy, Billy Conforto, who's a friendromat for some reason. You got brand new shoes on, by the way? You got some clean Adidas. Yeah, these are in honor of my buddy, Billy Conforto, who's a friend of mine that passed away.

Oh, rest in peace. Yeah, his birthday just passed. Every year, I'll get myself a pair of these around his birthday and wear them for a couple months, kind of. How'd he die? He drove into an embankment, kind of like a cement structure you know good god was he drunk was he always high well he was semi-high he was on let me see he was on pills i think he was on like uppers and downers somewhere in between yeah and he just he had a long run man he'd been running from just running from all of it forever, dude. He's

the first person that taught me how to throw a Frisbee. He was there when, when princess Diana died, he told me princess Diana was, and, uh, he was probably one of the top, you know, I don't want to say he's one of the top, probably homosexual prize fighters, boxers in America, he's one of the top probably homosexual prize fighters boxers in america top gay fighter in america i would say i i would say there was probably a six week period where he was that's what he was was he married did he have a husband nope this no this is before people were doing that yeah before it was allowed yeah before it was like super popular yeah it became kind of a fad huh getting married well it kind of was something for the rich when you think about it. Yeah.

Poor gay guys weren't getting married. No. No. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And it wasn't, but rich gay guys, they seem to like, you know, it's just another way the rich are always showing off, I feel like. But remember that, how rich gay men were the thing?

Yeah. That was like the new, yeah. Getting married was like an accessory if you were a rich gay guy. It was like a brand new Beamer. You know? It was like a new fancy car was the hot thing to do. I called you. You called me and I called you back. You were out in Nashville looking for spots. How was it? Oh, it's awesome, man. Do you love it? I love it. I was watching you on the gram. You look like you were having so much fun, man. It's beautiful out there, man. Did you go out fishing? Did you guys go fishing?

No, we didn't go fishing, but it was just too hot. You have to get out there at almost like 1 a.m. to really even have a chance, because it was just so hot. What did you get into in Nashville? What did I get into? When driving around, man, you get outside of the city. Yeah. I mean, you could be like nine minutes outside of the dead center of downtown.

Mm-hmm. And you're in like an amazing area. Well, it's beautiful. The suburban Nashville is really, really beautiful, man. It was great. There's so much land. There's so much beautiful land. And every home was just nice. And yeah, the energy was just good, man.

I had a good time. So I found a spot that could be a studio there. So thinking about doing the bi-coastal for a while. So, so you would go to Nashville and do, do the show half of the year from Nashville and half the year from here, or how do you want to do it? Yeah. Yeah. Just keep the studio here, keep my apartment here, and then just be there for probably about like 60% of the month, you know? And then would you just do your show? Would you do the one with Brendan Sklab? Would you do that one too or no? I would do that one, yeah. I don't know. I don't know

if that one would go forever. I mean, my own one will be one that I'm always going to do. But yeah, for now, we'll keep doing King of the Singum. It's just when I come back, we'll do, we'll record two episodes. Yeah. Or, yeah. He's a snake charmer now, that guy.

I mean. Is he sponsored by bicycles? It's, it's like the, I can't not see a bike post, but, and Segura is now into bikes. Now it's like a crossover thing. You don't, you don't bike, do you? Well, it's just one thing to the next. I'm going to sell you coffee. I'm going to sell you neck wear.

Right. You know, I'm going to sell you. He's like a traveling salesman. Yeah. CBD oil, dude. Remember, I remember when Brendan told me me that he him and his buddies found a cbd mine somewhere and i was like underground cbd oil bro it's plentiful it's just pouring out estonia oh like look bro that's not the angle you want to take if you're gonna try to sell this

thing okay he's unbelievable though he can sell ice to eskimos he's so good at finding stuff you know how many people buy thick boy gear it's it's insane yeah it's so many my dad has a thick guy thick boy shirt my dad's like we're starting to bike we just want to get out and just just we want to be thick boys trying to find snakes in chicago this dude you know so i'm happy but you sounded you sounded you sounded so happy on the phone i want to say this as a friend it made me smile on my end of the phone it's been a long time since i've smiled because of the pandy over the phone with somebody but you were so excited to be in national and soaking it up and living a good life and i could feel i could feel the energy through

the phone even that you were excited it made made me excited. I was like, wow, that's great, man. I was happy for you. Yeah. Thanks, man. Yeah. It feels kind of exciting. It just feels like an adventure. Yeah. I feel like I'm just wanting something to be like more to be excited about. Yeah. Something new, right? I think so. A change of pace. Yeah. Just a change of pace. Like, you know, it kind of, it definitely scares me a little bit. Um, you know, I start thinking, I start feeling less creative here. I feel like sometimes the creativity that Los Angeles thinks it has, it doesn't really have. And I feel like it's starting to become almost too evident to my instincts. Like it just, I don't know if it spurns the best me out of me

sometimes to just be, you know, set here. And I don't know when standup is going to come back. You know, like, I mean, there's people saying it could be 2022 before you can go and do. That's like, that's likely, unfortunately, I feel like, I mean, there's show people are doing shows now on rooftops. I got invited to go do a rooftop show on a parking garage. The Improvs are renting out parking garage rooftops in malls near the Improvs. Yeah, you get up there and there's two guys trying to take their own life. Like, hey, guys, can you hurry it up? I'm going to jump. Well, don't listen to this comedy show.

You're definitely going to fucking jump. No, but I saw a video. People were honking their horns. And I texted Burr last night because burr did one at um the magic castle you've ever been to matt you know that the magic castle has a show yeah he did two nights in a row in la yeah but i don't think he i don't think they announced it do you know i mean i think he he like uh popped in on them which because i think if they announced it it would have been people would have you know would have been a whole thing but people bought tickets to go to an outdoor comedy show.

They're not knowing the lineup, to my knowledge. And Bill texted me this morning. And I said, how was it? And then he didn't answer. And then this morning he goes, honestly, dude, he's like, I was so excited. He's like, I had so much fun. Wow. He's like, you got to get, he's like, just go try it.

I said, maybe because of him, I was like, maybe I'll go at least least give it a whirl because this one seemed like they had it organized right like they had everything set up the right way you know and he said you could hear people and shit that it was you know i was like that's important i i to if it's done the correct way i'm afraid of going to do one and it's you know you can't hear anybody they're barely there somebody said that someone uh uh You can't hear anybody. They're barely there. Somebody said that someone, you know how you walk a room? Someone said that at one of those shows, people started leaving.

Like, he drove the room out. The car started taking off. Imagine you turn off your lights so they don't see you creeping out. No, I don't. The vibe of it's so weird. But down in Nashville, in Tennessee, they're doing shows. And the comedian's like, oh, look at this guy going to take a dump at home. This guy's going to get his brakes checked.

Where are you going, bud? His car's got one. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got to go. My kids. Wasn't that the worst thing in the middle of a show when someone got up in the middle of a show and they're like we got we have to go we got to go to why people always give those people a hard time they're leaving they gotta go yeah don't leave them alone they've got to leave they're

not doing it because they don't like you they're leaving because they gotta go home did you see uh big jay okerson got attacked he got thrown off stage? Was that real? Yeah. Looked like it. Unless it was some publicity stunt by Joe Biden, you know? Kamala. Kamala's going out. She's like, throw him off stage. That's wild. Dude, I thought for a second it was a bit that they were running. Because you know they've been running this like Big Jay versus, what is it?

It's a competition to see who's going to be president of Legion of Skanks or something phony like that. And I was like, oh, this must be a thing that they're up to, Luis J. Gomez and them. But I guess not. He hit him pretty good. Did the dude hit him in the face? Did he punch him? No, he charged him and knocked him off a stool.

Right. I couldn't. From the video, it looked like the dude jumped up there and it looked like they tried to scuffle and then he fell forward. Did he get hurt? I don't know. If he came out of the closet, it would be a hate crime, I think. He should come out. He's got those leather gloves.

Oh, yeah. He's got all those piercings. Dude, look. I mean, it's like – But, yeah, that's the thing. It's like sometimes you got to play the law to your advantage these days. Yeah, you might have to say you're gay just to save yourself. Yeah.

Who cares? He does have a few of those – I mean, he's got that chain wallet. That chain wallet is retro. Retro baby. Yeah. That's retro, man.

Do you have a chain wallet when you were in high school? No. Same. Oh, that's sad. Yeah. I had two dads. I didn't need a chain wallet.

I had a stepdad and a real dad. Yeah. The chain wall is for people that never stepped there. Yeah. No stepdad. You got to feel like. No, I just never. I never understood.

I know where my wallet is. I don't need to be reminded. I don't need like a tracer to find out where it is. But they're attacking. Do you think people attacked him because they're upset or just. What I heard to the grapevine

was he made fun of someone in the crew that they were with. They were leaving. And you know what happens when the crowd gets behind the comic, when they're leaving, they're like, get out. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. And people say in the Antwerp, it's not even a black guy. It's a little Chinese, Chinese dude, but they just reel it up,

reel it up. And I guess one of the guys in the crew was tanked enough and fed up with people yelling and played. Yeah. Ran up on stage and try to be tough guy. But the weird thing was I was told that the dude didn't didn't try he his intention wasn't to like hurt him because they didn't start swinging or anything he went up there thinking maybe it was i think he thought it was gonna he was gonna be it was gonna be funny and like hug him or tackle

him or whatever joking around that's what it that's what it felt like when I saw it. But I don't know all the details. We got to call one of those East Coast dudes. But the video looked like he ran and just knocked him off of that stool. Right, kind of. But it looks like he's getting up because he knows he's there.

And it looks like the dude almost goes to like grab him instead of push him. But either way. I mean, he knocked him pretty far. He'll be fine though. He's got a lot of padding. I've never hugged somebody for distance. You know what I'm saying?

You never jumped and hugged? You never did a tackle hug? That's what I you never tackle hug oh if that dude was hugging him then he is the ultimate hugger there's nobody nobody had hug i'm gonna go but i'm gonna give you a hug jumps and tries to squeeze him as hard as he can nobody hugs with as much power as that guy both of his parents are probably in wheelchairs because of them. He broke their backs. I saw that. I couldn't believe it, man. I really, I thought it was, I thought it was a bit at first because with those guys, you never know.

They slap box in the streets. They do all sorts of stuff. Oh yeah, they're ruffians, man. They're really, they're the modern day newsies almost. If you remember the newsies from that movie, Newsies. Yeah, they're the newsies boys. Yeah. They're like paper, they're like paper boys.

They're street, street, street, street runners. They're one of a kind, man. Hey, let me ask you a question yeah if it's about brendan it's not okay i don't know that's the answer this is always like dude brendan no no i don't want to know about i don't know you know i don't want to know you know what am i going to ask you what his shoe size is i i know what do i need to know about the guy? No, I don't know. He's a mystery. This bottle of fake booze. When you were drinking, when we did meet, you weren't a whiskey guy though. No.

No, right? What was your choice when you were drinking? My favorite drink, probably cocaine, I think. That was your favorite? Like, I mean, and here's the thing. I wasn't getting real crazy. I didn't like to drink. I didn't like to go in a pee all the time, but I saw you a few times. We would get liquored up a few times, but it wasn't often. No, it wasn't like Brent Morin. Who Brent Morin from the comedy? I don't know. Oh,

uh, yeah. He loves the sauce. He drinks. Yeah. he loves a drink and he's good at it he's one of the best yeah he ranked last year he ranked i can't drink like that right well but like it's not like like some guys are justin martindale can drink you know yeah he's good at it too he's i can't drink i just i can do it but you have to go pee i don't like having to go pee all the time i don't like that like uh i gotta go pee is somebody don't like having to go pee all the time. I don't like that. Like, I got to go pee. Is somebody going to take my seat while I'm gone? Disoriented. You don't like the loss of balance and that kind of sloppy. You don't like to be sloppy. That's your thing. I like to be a little bit more in control. Yes. I see. You're a controlled drug person. If you do drugs and if you get intoxicated,

you want to make sure you know exactly what you're doing when you're functioning. Yeah. Yeah. Something would just get too risque, but yeah. So I just like to get cocaine and I would just go do it at home. You know, do you remember the first time you did cocaine? Oh yeah, dude. I remember I was in Tucson, Arizona and I walk in to this place. This guy, Dennis was working with me and he was a bus boy. Were you a bus boy too? Oh yeah. Where was it? Uh, Tucson, Arizona. City Grill Restaurant.

City Grill. Why does every... Busboys love Coke. When I was a busboy, Coke was always a thing. Because, man, it just helped you get that extra table or two. Right. It helped you get to that extra bread basket. Bonus.

If you get 24, 26, 28, you were good to go. Well, it just helped you get that last... You get two extra water glasses filled in a minute. It helped you get that extra mile. It helped you get that at that last you know you get two extra water glasses filled in a minute it helped you get that extra mile it helped you you know you carry a pitcher in each arm and then balance a pitcher on one of your you know when you're on your on your clavicle there yeah upper rear clavicle did you ever did you ever eat any of the food that was left over yeah yeah what do you mean i worked at outback steakhouse that's all i did that's all i did was eat steak oh that's good all all the time and people like did. That's all I did was eat steak. Ooh,

that's good. All the time. And people are like, ew, that's gross. All I did was, whatever they didn't finish, I would cut where they were eating and then take the piece that they weren't.

That was the easiest. They were like, oh, definitely. It's like, he never got anywhere near that side of the steak. Dude, it's like dances with wolves,

man. You know, it's like, you gotta, you gotta finish what's out there. Mm-hmm. You know, it's like,

we get to the place, sometimes I feel like people get to the place where they finish what they want. But yeah, when I used to work at a restaurant, we finished what's out there. I used to wash dishes with this dude, this black guy. And he was, I don't know if he was like, he was like a, he wasn't a guy, but he was like a young guy, like a young man like me, probably 15 or something. And he and I would make uh dueling sandwiches so when the plates came back with the different it was like a place had wine and cheese so fancy items oh nice so we get a nice cheese a gruyere or um you know a swiss or something yeah yeah umbrella bro put it

on there stack it up get little pieces of meat that came off of somebody's this, a little bit of fig jam. Yeah. Fucking little, you know, somebody leave some flowers for a graduation. We'll fucking pull a baby's breath out of them bitches and chop it up on there. You know, the goal was just to whoever can make the finest sandwich. Yeah. And then we would split them and give each other half.

And who made the better sandwich? It was a competition, right? Yeah. Yeah. And me and his boy Dol And, uh, me and his boy Dolce sugar, his name meant sugar in Spanish, but they call him Dolce. And, um, and we would eat the sandwich and just kind of decide who was, who's was better. Did you, and how often did you win? I think probably, I mean, I think both of them was probably shit. You know, we were

at the age where it didn't matter, you know, like you'd eat something that's garbage, you know, as long as you had a cigarette after it didn't matter. You'd eat something that's garbage. As long as you had a cigarette after, it didn't matter. It was more about that cigarette. God, that cigarette post meal. When I was smoking, that was my favorite thing on earth. Didn't it taste so good? Dude, I used to leave City Grill in Tucson, Arizona. Dude, I'd get in the car, bro.

I'd put in Abbey Road. I had a cassette tape, dude. Yeah. I had a cassette tape, bro, and I'd put that in. Somebody stole my passenger seat out of my car, dude, and I didn't give a fuck, bro. Checked the whole seat. Yeah. You had a race car at that point then.

Yeah, it was just like if you got in the front, you had to sit in the back. It was like that. And I would just put that in and one song and a cigarette, I could time it where it would last me

until exactly I pulled it in my mom's driveway. Damn. Pretty good. Didn't that feel good? God, it felt good, man. What was your cigarette of choice? Usually a Winston or a Doral.

A Winston? What are you, my father? That's insane. That's what my dad smoked. Winston's and his brother smoked unfiltered Paul Malls. That's a veteran of war. Oh, yeah. It's almost like you have to go to NAMM to smoke Paul Mall. They check you at the store. You go to NAMM, he's like, yeah, you can have the unfiltered.

But my uncle used to smoke non-filtered Paul Malls. They show you a picture of a Vietnamese guy if you at the store. Like, did you go to Nam? He's like, yeah. He's like, okay, you can have the unfiltered. But my uncle used to smoke non-filtered Paul Malz. They show you a picture of like a Vietnamese guy if you cringe a little. Yeah. They're like, okay. Yeah, you're good. You're yegging. You're yegging. Dude, he did.

He would smoke. And you know what's so funny is my whole life as a kid, I kind of just thought, you know, before you knew what like unfiltered or filtered cigarettes were. Oh, yeah. He would pick tobacco out of his teeth all day. Would he really? Because he would smoke a hundred of them. I mean, he'd smoke, chain smoke them.

Your uncle? Yeah, and he always had tobacco in his teeth. And was he a handsome guy? He was a handsome dude. Was he better looking than your dad? He's still alive. They were kind of the same. Both tall guys, 6'2", 6'3".

Wow. Ball players, in good shape. Yeah, big guys. The only reason i have height the only reason i'm six one is because of my dad my mom is like five who had better who had who was better with women you think your father uh my dad really yeah my dad by far i always said my father has more more more ex-wives and black guys have shoes he this dude he could he was he's so good with like he just had such a charm about

him. You know, I don't even think it's never a handsome thing. It's just, if you're charming enough and he passed away, no, he's alive. He's out there, but he's not charming women anymore. That's great. He's not charming women anymore. Really? How old is he now? 60s, 60, late sixties. Wow. He's still pretty young. Young yeah he's just not sure you know i think once you do it after you've done it you're done do you know what i mean but is he married now or no no he's done does he live alone three ex-wives done no yeah he's done he settled down now he just likes to hang out and what does he does he doesn't work for xerox does he he works for canon does he really yeah the comp the competitor of Xerox.

Yeah. Cause my friend Scott's dad works for Xerox. No, he works, he's his own, he's a contractor. He does his own thing. He used to take me, he used to take me to the South and the West side of Chicago.

You go to all black neighborhoods. That was the only neighborhoods he liked to work at and do contract work. He loved it because he was the only white dude that could go there and, and they could trust his ass because he had already worked with other people in the neighborhood because he knew people in the neighborhood. Oh, wow. Richie, get your ass over here, Richie. I swear to God, we'd call Paul the car. I'd be like seven years old.

I'd be like, bring that little redhead boy with you, Richie. Who that? And we'd go over there and, dude, he was a chameleon, the way he could do that. I mean, he could go, he could go to a Polish dude's house, a black dude's house, an old Asian woman's house, and he could convince them all of the job that he was going to get done. And they'd all buy into it, man. He was really good at that. That's the thing that people don't talk about it. There's a racial barrier of people that trust who's going to work for them. But my dad was, he was so good at that. He could, he was good, man. He just, he just learned how to understand people.

And that's where I think we, I get it from. Like, where do you get your people skills from? How do you, how are you so good with? I don't know. I mean, yeah, my dad loved working around black men and black women. They really liked him, I think. He just was a people person. He was a people person.

And that's how you get it, right? I think so, probably. You could talk to anybody. My dad used to go to the, my dad used to go to, you know, he was a man that did credit cards. What do you mean? That did credit cartery. Like, you know, if you go-

Like fraud? No. What do you mean? Sold credit cards? Oh, yes. Basically, if you go to a, you ever been at a college or something and there's somebody bothering you? Yes.

You go to the student union or the airport? Yes. Like, come over here, sign up, get this Frisbee, you know, and they throw throw the frisbee and hit you in the back you know i do want a frisbee yeah and you're like oh 10 000 points yeah yeah come over and sign it up so that my dad had that job right this when that job first came out yeah it's brand new so he'd take me over with them to the uh different universities over there's southeastern University in Hammond, Louisiana. We'd drive over there and I'd get up on the table and do the little deal, you know, shake the pamphlet, you know.

You were the one that was selling it, really. But he, because he had been doing it. And so once he got me over there, I was the fresh meat, you know what I'm saying? So he definitely, you know know cultural appropriation for sure were you taking commission but my culture was youth he gave me he broke me off a few dollars at the end you know yeah and it was unlimited twix one of the things that he had was uh one of the gifts was one of the gifts was twit oh shit so you get a frisbee you get a little drink bottle a sip bottle and you get a twix you know unlimited twix is what a perk that you had as a kid. I mean, when did it end?

Just one stick after the next, dude. You were chain sticking. You were chain eating Twix, baby. I couldn't stop. Dude, it was crazy. But I'd get them on a table and get the fan flick. Get over here. Who wants a card?

Who wants a card? And then you'd see the girls, you know, and they'd look at you, you know, and I was just getting sprung. I was just kind of, you know, hitting pervert at my time and I was feeling vibrant in my body and I fucking would see these ladies. And then I get nervous. Then I started getting a little ashamed because my dad was so old and he would fucking fall asleep. And the credit card machine he had, like somebody had broken into his car. I think like an urban guy stabbed him one time with a screwdriver at one of the colleges. Jesus Christ.

It got icy, bro. And they broke the Xeroxer that he had. Oh, they cracked it? Yeah. But he didn't know. And so like he still put the thing in there and tried to make it cut the copy. And there's this shattered glass all around. And it just became this weird liability.

You know, I was a kid and I was trying to help. And I was trying to have that I'm working for my dad moment. But then it was such like a basket case. It was just like there was just too much going on, you know? Yeah. But it was fun, though. I mean, it was fun to go do it. You know, we'd go over there to Xavier and, you know.

How old were you when you were doing that? I was probably 12, I guess. You talk about that, seeing the first girl. Do you remember your first crush? Do you remember who she was? Oh, dude, I remember who she was. Who is it? Well, there was two.

There was one, the first woman, girl I ever saw that I was in love with. I was in Texas. I was out there outside of, you know, the largest freshwater swimming pool is in Texas. Shut up. I never heard of it. Where? Not sure. Yeah. It's out there though. Yeah. The largest freshwater swimming pool, South Texas probably. there though yeah and largest freshwater swimming pool south texas probably somewhere man they they got it and and saw was over there and i remember doing something oh my neighbor took me on a

camp i don't know if it was camping i don't know maybe his dad kidnapped him i don't know what happened but they invited me right yeah you got to come along. I got to come. And his dad wore brown onesies all the time. And those Dickies onesies, full body. I remember them, yeah. Yeah. Where are they now? Why can't we have those now? I know, dude.

They're so comfortable, man. Now it's considered cultural appropriation. You wear a brown onesie, dog? You're done, bro. You're going to prison. You're going to prison, not jail. Yeah, dude. They lock you up for life.

You're doing hard time. You're doing hard time. Dude, the cops will beat you to this for fucking putting one on. Dude, how crazy is this? The thing a lot of kids are doing now, painting their friends black or brown and then leaving them places. Yeah, that's a prank. To get attacked by cops. That's a prank now.

Yeah. There's a big- That's crazy, man. There's a big new prank that's going around now that when guys pass out at parties, they write all lives matter on their forehead and they put them in a black neighborhood oh it's a bit it's a big bit i don't know if it's it's really we just had to do the balls on the cheek yeah it was only penises on the face for some reason we all drew penises so often we were obsessed with drawing penises on our friend and i gotta tell you to this day it's still funny i see those pictures sometimes in my old hard drives we take pictures of guys with penises on our friend. And I got to tell you, to this day, it's still funny. I see those pictures sometimes in my old hard drives. We take pictures of guys with penises on their head.

It's never not funny. It's always funny. There's something about those childish games. Like, do you feel, my grandmother used to say, she didn't feel, she's never felt her age. You know, she's 90. Wow. And she said she's always felt like 23, 24.

Do you feel like there's an age when you stopped up here feeling like you were getting older? Like I know we're physically, but did you ever mentally go, I think I've stayed around this age. Only in the past year did I start to feel like something I got older or something happened to me. It just snapped over? Yeah. Like how old do you feel right now? Now I probably feel about 36 years old. How old are you feel right now? Now I probably feel about 36 years old. How old are you now?

But last year, I probably felt 27. You were feeling that good, huh? Wow. I was feeling good, man. You jumped almost a decade in one year. It was a long... Why? What do you think it is?

Just stress and pressure? I think stress, man. I don't know what happened. I think just doing too much. Doing too much.ing too much everything on the road everything oh it's just too much what's your release then what's the stress what's going to crack that stress release for you now i'm trying to just manage things a little bit better i'm trying to make sure to do things that I want to do. Right. I'm trying to space things out, you know, not to overwhelm myself.

Like, you know, a lot of people, you know, people ask you to come pod and do different stuff. And, you know, we want to support each other and do that at the same time. Also, it's like not to isolate either. Like I'll start to isolate and get stuck in my head. Yes. You know, but I think some of it was like, I think even just my diet, my self-care, I just, something happened, man. I don't know what happened to me. But you've never been out of shape or I've never seen you slovenly.

I think I just had like a mental thing. It was up here. It was a mental thing. Yeah. Remember that time when I told you that I was supposed to do the shows in Brea? Yeah. You know? We were sitting. That's how you hit the improv. It was me, you and Joe and. Upstairs do the shows in Brea. Yeah. You know, we were sitting at the improv.

It was me, you and Joe and upstairs at the upstairs. Yeah. And with Bert and you were like, I'm not going to do them. Yeah. I said, I got to cancel this weekend.

And by the way, let's be public about it. I supported you. Didn't I? Yeah, you did. I said, if you don't want to do it,

if you don't feel like doing it, you shouldn't do it. That's when people crack. Chappelle told that story about, uh, when Martin Lawrence was doing, uh, shouldn't do it. That's when people crack. Chappelle told that story about when Martin Lawrence was doing Blue Streak maybe, and he ended up in the hospital because he had a stroke. Wow. And they couldn't figure, I mean, strokes are so random. You don't know it's hereditary, it's blood pressure. There's a million factors. Yeah. But they said his stress levels were insane. He was holding an insane

amount of tension and stress and his blood pressure was through the roof. Wow. And, and he attributed to working as hard as he was working, being pushed to the limits and it broke his body to think that it's not a reality is silly. We, we can break our bodies very easily. You know, your mind can be very strong or, or get, or get collapsed as well. But sometimes you're able to mentally trudge through something and your body goes, no way I'm done. I'm, I've got to be out. So when you said you didn't want to do the Bray shows, I was like, you shouldn't do the Bray shows, bro. If you don't want to do those things, it was just weird. And I couldn't, it was like, I couldn't do it. It was like, I just,

I just hit something just had, I just couldn't, I thought something inside of me, inside of my brain or something was going to pop. And thank God you didn't because something bad could have happened. Something bad could have happened, man. It was just, and I don't know what was going on. And so since then,

I've just been trying to just like kind of pace myself and like, just kind of just find ways to calm down because I want to be able to enjoy myself. I want to be able to do, you know, do good shows. Um, and just, and not like get burnt out. You know, I think we all, or I don't know if we all, but

you know, I get like on this thing where, especially when, when, when work got busier in the past two years, it's like, okay, well the podcast is going good. Like who am I in podcasting? Am I, you know, what is my podcast going to be? Is it just like a goofy podcast? Is it a, um, you know, is it a place where people come to have, like, learn about somebody new, like a person that they don't know about? Like just trying to, trying to learn on the fly, you know, instead of just being myself a lot of times. What is it to you now? myself a lot of times. What is it to you now? I think it's getting back to be just a place where I can just learn about new people and learn about new things kind of. Yeah. And just kind of share

about things that are more going on in my life and associate and share, like have somebody come in. If I'm dealing with something, have somebody come in that has the same thing going on and then we can kind of just, or maybe they're an expert in it. Maybe they're not. Connect. Yeah. It's a little bit more about connection or just sometimes funny, but I guess I kind of still don't know, but I know that I'm not going to fly at 90 miles an hour trying to figure it out. That's smart. Cause otherwise you crash. Oh man. Yeah. Too many people crash, man. Yeah. And I want to have fun. I want it, I want it to be something that I love to do still too. Well, you see. Well, you seem to be still engaging in the right ways with it in terms of like, it seems to be making you happy and still having a good

time. You're putting up videos of you back in the gym getting jacked. Are you trying to do this? Are you really trying? Are you going through like a workout regimen to try to fight Brendan? Is that real? Do I think at UFC 500, 515? You could be there? That I could take Brendan? Yeah. Or at least go to a second round with him? Yeah. God, I would love to see that. Wouldn't you?

I would love to see this. Would you be in my corner? Oh, yes, bro. Yes. I'll be the water bottle guy. Or I'll be... Nah, I'll be more than that. What do you want me to be, man?

Well, you do your little... If this is the attitude you're bringing to the ring... Well, man, I just want to be supportive. Okay. Never mind, actually. This is the attitude I want in the ring. I want somebody that's going to say, no, man, you get out there and do it. What are you talking about?

What are you talking? You need to get back in there. I'll put a cut smear. I'll be the cut guy. I'll be your cut guy. This bicyclist? This coffee selling bicyclist? You can't beat him?

This snake wrangler? You want him out there? Come on, man. This CBD mind finder? This underground CBD mind maner, this underground CBD mind man. Is this what you want? He's an inch away from wearing a suit and tie. Take him down. I saw when I saw the workout video, I loved it. I was like, this is, he's getting back into it because you go through these big phases. There was a time when you were huge into yoga. I remember

that you were huge into yoga and then you that. Oh, yeah. You were huge into yoga. And then you got back into traditional working out. And now what are you doing now? Are you lifting weights or what are you doing? Now I'm just, well, all the gyms are closed. I'm just working with a trainer now twice a week. But you go to a private thing and work out with somebody, right? Yeah.

Because for me, it just helps me get it done. Yeah. It's like I'd rather pay a little bit more and get it done because i don't even have a gym membership right now there's no gym i know i cancel mine yeah so i like it man i get in there you know we do some things we do these you know the baby burps and the different you know up downs yeah the up downs the fucking cat mamas we do it all you know and next thing you know you're fucking jack and i'm ready to fucking fist fight dude. With gloves on and we're sanctioned. I want it to be sanctioned.

No, it should be ruled. The rule is enforced. We don't want it to be flimsy. No street backyard stuff. This is in the octagon. Legit. Get him weighed in. And feel him.

I want him padded because I feel like he cheats at that stuff. Oh, he cheats on the weight. He stacks a little bit. Stacks for sure, right? Yeah. So I want to see him at a... and he would have to lean out, man. He's probably 270 right now. We say 240.

I think he's more. Yeah. We say meet me at 240. I would have to put on 50 pounds. I want to see you put on 50 pounds. Wait, what's your, what's your. Well, the sad part is none of that's going to be height. If some of them were going to be height, that would good just go out but yeah and that's the tough part

man it's just a lot of body to manage that's a lot but we could get you we could get you stretched out a little bit at least right yeah i just wanted to carry part of my body around in like a garbage bag or something yeah that's true like i just don't want to be uh i just don't want to what have you turned hey tell me this for real yeah Yeah. As someone who, who is in the program, right? What have you turned a negative addiction into a positive addiction? Like, what do you think you took that?

Like if an addiction was drowning you, what's a new addiction that you think is positive that you've spun out of it? Oh, and I don't know if it's positive, but it's been work probably. But, but I mean, that is positive to a degree,

right? You've been super focused on work. Yeah. But at know if it's positive, but it's been work probably. But I mean, that is positive to a degree, right? You've been super focused on work. Yeah, but at a point it's not. So perhaps you need to find something you think that gives you that same addictive joy, but that's positive, right? That's what I feel like a lot of people I know that are addicts being the son of one. I feel like the thing I see in addicts when I talk to a lot of addicts is if they can replace it with a positive addiction, it's good. You're going to be an addict,

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It's the way to do it, baby. Ginger. I like gingers you know that's that's why i feel like the pandemic has made so many people so mad so angry and there's all these forces being put into action and you're like how much of this is boredom versus actual anger. Right? Like I saw a tweet the other day. Ryan Reynolds, the actor, sold his gin company for $600 million. Right? And right afterwards, Alana Glazer, who is from Broad City.

Do you know her? Yeah, yeah. She retweeted it. I saw this. And wrote wrote oh now maybe you can donate more than 200 grand because he got married at a plantation that's really the first thought out of your mind like the idea that it's just gaslighting other celebrities for your own benefit i feel like but i don't even think she that's my point is does she really mean that or is she just like bored and annoyed and that's a thing to throw out there it's just

like that's a strange thing to say also here this is my big issue and i said this a long time ago brendan and i were talking about it one time oh god everybody sorry i've just been through no i know i know i know kind of like when indiana jones or remember that old movie when i was when i was he's trying to walk across the thing you don't know where the stair is. You don't know which one's going to fall out. That's talking to Neil. Bro, it was just. I'm joking, Brendan.

No, no, no, no, you're not. You're not. No, no. But he, but I was saying how like everyone is such a, everyone's so emboldened to be on their, on their soapbox. You're tweeting from a phone made by Chinese kids who kill themselves every year at a rate that's unimaginable. How noble are you really in all your exploits? There's none of us.

Who do you? It's just the lack of empathy by some humans and other humans. And a lot of times, to me, it's people on the far left that really lack a lot of empathy, man. And I'm not political about it, but I just don't. You see a trend is what you mean. Where I'm from, people really have a lot more empathy for everyone. Right. No matter who they are or what political or race or whatever I feel like.

Yeah. Then here you just get, there's so much, just, just no empathy. Well, quit to attack. You can't understand that somebody, yeah. Like once you try and,

you don't know what somebody else's life is like, man. And just, man, I just hate seeing rich people. I hate seeing celebrities tell people how to live or in this case, it's just celebrities fighting with each other.

Which is even stranger to me. What a, what a, what, because guess what? Neither of those parties are actually going to engage right right the people are just going to get annoyed about it and it's going to create this thing down below which is even more interesting that's interesting yeah is that though that that us fucking minions just end up fighting about it right now them they're up there she's rich too yeah she doesn't fucking care they're really never going to rich too yeah she doesn't fucking care

they're really never going to communicate about that why doesn't she just go and make a donation though that's what i understand right like if that's your thing why don't you just go make that donation she'll say because i didn't sell my gin company for 600 million dollars right and then he'll say well then you should have got a fucking gin company 10 years ago and maybe you could sell it for 600 million dollars but you sold, you sold a Hollywood. How much is that? You know, what is that worth? Right.

I like how she said it. Cause he got, he got people that don't know the story. You should look it up. He got married apparently on what was a plantation at one point. Uh, and he felt guilt about it. The irony of that is,

is if you're going to, if you're going to feel guilty about everything that a slave, a slave built, you're going to have to rip down a vast majority of the united states of america yeah and you're also gonna have to leave a lot of shit up i mean slaves didn't build that much shit well they built a lot of shit they built a lot of shit but how are you gonna know what are you gonna you're gonna only delineate which buildings are built by slaves or property that was owned by people that owns like okay you're gonna tear down the pyramids yeah

you're gonna rip down the pyramids or were they built by aliens? You tell me. And everything, if then you could go back to then, everything should be, we all, if you want to go back to Native American, we're all living on Native American land. Yeah, we stole it anyway. And they stole it from aliens. That's exactly right. Aliens first, natives twice. And there's a lot of people that say that and you can look that up. Yeah.

So what I'm saying is, what are we going to do? At this point, we should just all give our money to the aliens or to Mormons. Well, the same thing. They're the same thing. Yeah. I've seen that church. That thing does not need to be that high in the sky. Bro.

Because they're communicating. People give Mormons a hard time, dude. I'd be Mormon in a heartbeat, bro. Yeah. You move to Utah. Oh, beautiful women. Beautiful women. You get to be tall.

Yeah. They're all tall. Yeah. They're very welcoming. Well, they're closer to God. Go to. Yeah. You moved to Utah. Oh, beautiful women. You get to be tall. Yeah. They're all tall. Yeah. They're very welcoming. Well, they're closer to God. Go to the tabernacle, man. That thing is like a damn Neapolitan sandwich. They are. Every color person in there, bro. They're the sweetest people. They really are. Yeah. You can have different wives if you want, different husbands. I know. I spent Christmas in Park City this past year. We took a train ride through town. Yeah. It was the cutest train ride I've ever seen in my life. It was the cutest, sweetest.

Everyone was nice and polite. No one budged or pushed or pulled or yelled or complained. Why do you think that is? Why do you think they're so calm? Because they know they're going to be okay in the end? Well, I think you have a lot of people in this world. That. Don't have any faith, in this world that don't have any faith you know and don't have any and that's why there's a lot of gross people in hollywood you know that's why

there's a lot of gross people because and in the world i think because this is it for them you mean like this is the one life and they believe yeah are you are you deep in the faith huh are you deep in your faith i mean i have you deep in your faith? I mean, I have a faith. I mean, I believe that there's more to my existence than this. Yeah. Right. So, so I'm, I'm playing along.

I'm playing 20 innings, you know? Yeah. You want to keep it rolling. Yeah. And some of these angry bitches is out here fucking playing, you know, hoping there's a rain delay at seven,

you know, because they don't care. So that's for me, that's a part of the thing. Sometimes if I meet somebody, they have no faith at all, or they're not thinking long-term. Part of me, sometimes it's, and it doesn't really have to be a Catholic or Baptist, or it doesn't have to be denominational. But I think sometimes if they don't have a belief in something bigger than themselves, then how could they not be living in a space of just greed, just pointing fingers, they're always right?

When somebody's always right, man, fuck them. They can be right without me, bro. So faithless are the most flawed. Well, it just, I don't. I'm not disagreeing with you. No, I know you're not. Yeah, I think it's an interesting perspective. I just, I don't know if they're the most flawed,

but I don't know how easy it will be. It can be sometimes to really relate to each other. Right. Because you're living completely different perspectives. Like atheists, right? That believe that it's all bullshit and short game. Yeah, the guys that get up there and want to bunt. Yeah, dude.

I'm out, bro. I just want to get on the bag. I'm just looking to get on the bag. That's it. Really? Yeah, atheism just seems. Here's the thing. I think it's a risky belief.

It's like going all in before you see your cards, you know? You have a two and a six and you're fucking putting the pot in? I have too big of an imagination to be an atheist. I just- Sure. I think that's correct. It's just a- I think it's hard to be an atheist if you've touched enough.

If you've traveled or seen or touched enough, and by touched enough, I mean like involved yourself in other people's cultures. And I think once you've done that, you go, it's really hard to think nothing exists. It's really strange. Once you've touched enough, it'd be strange to go to that many places and eat different people's foods and listen to their language, their culture, their problems, their happiness, their sadness, and then still go, no, this is all an accident. Yeah. I just, it seems strange. You have every right to feel that way if that's how you fucking feel. I think it just seems a little lost.

Now, if you grew up in this very tiny little bubble and you never left your bubble and that's all you knew and saw, yeah, maybe it's more feasible to me. But when we travel for a living, even traveling just in the US, you go enough places go enough places you go wow it's a different it's a different world just a state away people feel and think and view differently in just one one little state away just go to fucking arizona different state nevada different state colorado diff very different i mean that that to me starts to you start to see different lines of people's lives and to me it makes me go well something's got to be i don't know what it is i'm not smart enough but i know it's a thing oh no and we may

know one day um or joe rogan might tell us rogan does know but it's annoying he keeps it in that fucking pod thing he sleeps in that water thing that's where the he gets the drippings of knowledge come from there too oh dude i saw him one time eating things out of, eating facts out of a glowing bag one time. Really? Yeah, totally. Because I've heard this and I've never seen it before. Totally, man.

It's in his glove box. He's endless. You know, he says he loves to play pool. It's not. The crack of the balls gives him the secrets. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, I've heard it a few times. It's like Zeus with the planets.

That's exactly right. When they smash, then he gets all this knowledge. It's really insane. I'm like, do I use this one to break? He's like, no, that's Neptune. That goes back in the formation. He's leaving. That dude's going to Austin.

You know why? I know. You know why? Yeah, tax money. Tax money. It's really- Good for him. It's one of the same reasons why I'd love to-

Well, here's the thing. I don't want to pay those taxes. Tennessee, right? Yes. No state taxes. I know. Can I come with you? How about this? Can I at least register my business out of your address in Tennessee? Yeah. Do a shady style. Dude, I used to know, I'm not going to call them out. A couple of pro athletes, they only bought cars in Nevada or Texas. They did it the right way. That's the way to do it. Now my houses are there, man. Florida, same thing. All the golfers, people know, my fans know I love golf. It's a nerdy sport. People make fun of me all the time. It's a dork white guy sport, but they're so smart with their money because they only live in

Florida. You can golf all year round, but it's more for the money because they could live in Southern California. They could live in Arizona, but none of those places have state income tax, free state income tax. They all house it down in Florida. Well, the, yeah, I think, yeah, that's a big, that's one of the big reasons. And there's some other reasons too. I think I just want a little bit more semblance of what everyday life is like. You want some normalcy. It's so, at a certain point, it's just too disconnected for me to just spend as much time here. I don't think I used to mind it as much because I was traveling a lot. So I get to be in other places,

but now I've just been here and it has just been, I feel like it's just been deadening to my, it's just been deadening to me. Well, this wakes you up, right? But what's interesting to me is in 10 years, we're all going to look back and I want to see all the intricate stories of people that had different kinds of jobs and what this exposed about their life and their job. It exposed for us, it's kind of tough to live in this city when you're not working in this city and you're not on the road. If we can't do stand up here at night and get in our fix, and you definitely can't travel, then it makes you reevaluate what this place means to you, right? I wonder what that does for other humans that have lost their form of income

or their communication to friends and family and work. That to me is going to be very interesting in 10 years to see how people's lives change. I mean, dude, it breaks my fucking heart. We live in a neighborhood that has a lot of mom and pop shops. And we try to go support as many mom and pops as we can, okay? I'm not getting on a pedestal, but we do a good job. I go buy local shit. I go to a local hardware store.

Oh yeah. Get you a local. Yeah. Local shit. I try my best. Local way. But you know what? They're all failing.

They're all drowning. And it's so crazy. And it makes me think this is what we're going to come down to. It's like, we're going to fail the most american core of this country if we can't get rid of this thing because these people can't stay open man they can't afford it it makes me sad watching them set up you're like you know they make probably a one-tenth of what they usually make so yeah i don't know i think it's reevaluating our lives which which in your case it's been a beautiful thing man man. Cause I'm telling you, I said this as a friend, honestly, your sound of your voice made me

feel joy for the day. Made me go, damn, dude, that's, you know? Well, I walked down the street. I noticed this too. This for me, Andrew, and, uh, you know, is, um, sorry. That's all right. You get unbuttoned on this show. That's what happens.

You get unbuttoned. I'm like gas. I'm running out of gas on the way here. How'd you get gas on your arm, bro? Putting it in the tank. The wind going by. The truck's going by. Spraying it. Did you know how to siphon?

Did you ever learn how to siphon as a kid? Did you ever do it? Did you ever siphon someone's gas? Yeah, we did that as a kid. Get that fucking hot jaw, dude. That shit. You got to spit it out fast. Yeah, it's risque, man.

That's risky. What did you say when you walked down the street? What did you realize? You know, there's so much fear out here that I feel like I just feel

it constantly. And I start to think that everything's that way. And I'm used to being in a place where you don't have, like you don't, where you're not taught to be afraid of your neighbor really. And here I feel like, I don't know if it's taught or if it's just something that's no matter where I am out here or even who I'm with, I always feel alone if it's taught or if it's just something that's no matter where I am out here or

even who I'm with, I always feel alone a little bit. Wow. That's tough. But, and I think, I think a lot of people do. I think it's a gen, I think it's, and I can't figure it out. People say, oh, well, this is traffic. It's, it could be that it's too many people. I don't know what it is, but I think I'm glad to have a little bit of a of a different semblance of where when you see someone they mean something well just because yeah they're a human being and so are you and that's a vibe that i don't get here very often and then i think somebody like me really needs to needs to operate better because you know i don't know if i was a if i suffered from addiction before i mean i know i always had some real problems with loneliness and the way i felt

and shame and stuff like that and self-loathing but you know sometimes i don't know if i lived here if i would have as many issues sometimes you know i understand that there's also a parallel to what you do for a living too that also doesn't help, right? The idea that you are putting yourself out there on a constant, it is a, this is a rewarded business on reception and reward. We want, you want acclaim,

you want people to want, you want to listen to you and watch you and watch you perform and make a career along with the fan base. And that comes at a weird cost, right? This is not a new thing. There's been going on for,

right. It comes at a cost and it all does. It all evens out. That's what's amazing about everything is that there's a cost to everything. You know, you can give, you can become the most famous person in the world, but that person is not allowed really to speak their mind.

Like if it's through Hollywood, they're not allowed to speak their mind. They're not, they risk every word. They risk losing everything. Unless you've built it on your own. Right. A guy like Rogan has nothing to lose. Right. You know, they, they've tried a thousand times and he just, he, he, he doesn't even know what happened. Like that's how disconnected, because when you build it on your own, you can't criticize it. Right. It's too hard. Yeah. But now they're

finding, I mean, look, they're finding ways to pull people down, but I guess until the end, if there's no, yeah, you just have to keep going, you know? And you know what you have to focus on again, like we said before, is like, you have to focus on what's making you feel better. Cause, cause if it's making you feel worse, there's no reason to do it anymore. If the pandemic's taught us anything, it's that none of us, Eric Griffin,in i was talking the other day he's like i'm not going to do shit that i don't want to do i'm not going to be nice to people that aren't nice to me i'm not i'm not going to do things that don't make me feel right good and healthy and happy yeah because he said i was doing things for other people that didn't respect me and didn't like me didn't appreciate

me and he said i'm no longer going to do that. He's a beautiful man, bro. Yeah. For his size and his height. Yeah. And his body style, man. He has a very rare body style. It is. You know, it looks like he could play power forward underwater.

That's what he is. That style kind of, you know what I'm saying though? Yeah, bro. He's got a very, he's a, he's got a fluid physique. Yeah. The fluid physique is what we call it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's a a very, he's a, he's got a fluid physique. The fluid physique is what we call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a sweet, is a sweet man, but also someone that I've learned a few lessons from, honestly, like as somebody that I've, as a friend, if we've gone, we've

grown closer and closer and closer over the years, which is strange. A lot of my friends I've gone either the other way or stayed pretty stagnant with. And him and I grow closer because I- Can you hear me all right? I can't hear you at all. I can't hear you at all. I don't have headphones in. Oh, my bad, man. Sorry.

I was thinking like, why can't he hear me? But he can. I can hear you. You're right here. I mean, do you sound good to the audience? Give them a check one, two to the mic real fast. Check, check. They hear it.

Okay. When you said that though, by the way, that brought up something the other day. I ran into Chris Spencer. Do you know Chris? Oh yeah. And Chris and I, pandemic or not, gave us the biggest hug. He gave me the biggest dab and the biggest hug because I hadn't seen him in a long time. And it just made me feel so good to see someone that I recognized and we were laughing and joking. And I think when you find the right people to do that with, it makes the downfalls of this business or this city

or whatever you want to say worth it. Because there are people that I'm like, genuinely glad to see, you know? Oh yeah. No, I think there's stuff like that. I think, but it's more rare. I feel it's definitely like you have to, it's like on locate, you have to travel to it just a little bit more. Sure. Like, I don't know. And I just want to have the best of both worlds and you're going to get it. And so that's what I'm going for now. Is that realistic? I have no idea. I think so. But the good thing is, is that I don't have to be, you know, I can be back and forth, you know, are you taking Nick? No, we need a studio here. So we have to have, well, you're going to get a Nick out there. Yeah. What's his name?

Not sure. We got to find him. I got to get a Nick. You got to get a Nick out there. Yeah. Because he's obedient. He's wonderful, Nick. Yeah.

Now, does he sleep at the studio or what does he... Sometimes he does. Because he doesn't go home. I've seen in there. I've snuck in there and seen snack trails and little bottles, you know, water bottles of urine. Oh, he's peeing inside? I hope so. There's a bathroom right around the corner, though. Yeah, but it's far.

It's always far when you have to pee. That kid's one of those guys that's fascinating. In the same way that Jamie's fascinating for Rogan. Because they're both very nice, cool, good guys.

Also could be murderers. I would never know the difference. Oh. So good behind the scenes. Oh, I could easily see one day me having to go to court. For Nick? Yeah. And he's still, you know, he does Nick's pics now. good behind the scenes oh i could easily see one day me having to go to go to court for nick yeah and he's still you know he does nick's picks now he does uh his ufc picks how is he doing numbers

wise he's doing great i i've picked some rough weekends to follow him i'm down about maybe about 900 right now he's clipping you that hard but he no it's not me against him it's just me following oh but it's on his Twitter. You can find it. I think real Nick Davis is his Twitter, but he loves, he just says, tail at your own risk. He's just a degenerate gambler, but he gets into it and he's got some good picks, man.

He had a, he picked a submission this weekend that I went on and. Really? But you know what I'm noticing with the gambling stuff, man, all of that. It takes me out of my element. It takes my brain power away. Cryptocurrency is 24 hours a day. Are you doing crypto? I'm in crypto right now.

And I don't know if I can handle it, man. How much money is in crypto right now for you? I'd say probably about 6,000. What's the, is that, I'm too stupid. Is that, do people have a lot of money in crypto right now? They might. To me, that is a lot of money and it isn't. Because it used to be big, right?

And then it went away and then it went up again, then it went down again. What's the guy's name that's a card player? Jennifer Tilly's husband. She's also a famous card. You know Jennifer Tilly, the actor. She's now a poker player on the World Poker Tour. Oh, wow. Phil Helmuth. I might be wrong. Oh, yeah. Phil Helmuth. I think that's it. Phil Helmuth. Yeah. Helmuth? Helmut? Helmut. Helmut, California. I was on an airplane, and they were sitting in front of me,

and he was on the phone doing that thing that does very much bother me when somebody's like, yeah, the deal's 25, but I'll take 40 if that's where we get to. And he's talking money, and he's yelling loud. I don't like that. I don't like when people talk money out loud. My dad, when I was a kid, he was like, don't talk about money. Losers talk about money. Yeah, I did it a couple of weeks ago and I still feel bad about it. Nah, don't. And he was talking loud about it and it was all Bitcoin stuff.

And I just didn't, I thought, well, maybe he knows what he's talking about, but it sounded like there was so much money at one point and then none at all. So all day online, you're looking at Bitcoin shit? No, I'm not all day online. You're looking at Bitcoin. No, I'm not all day online. Now, usually I just do look at my Ameritrade's on, you know, Monday and Wednesday. But what happened now is with Bitcoins, it's 24 hours. So it's crazy. So there is no market.

Yeah. The market's never ending. So it's just you can check in at any moment. I check in right now. What are we at right now? Okay. Right now, my. You go to TD Ameritrade is the one that runs Bitcoin?

No, I got Coinbase. Coinbase. Let me see what I got right here. And right now I have some. I don't know why this is. Because there was, I know at one point people were cashing out big. A lot of people made cashing out big. A lot of people made a lot of money. Yeah, I missed that point.

You did? I'm like every other freaking regular dude in America. About four years ago, I lost $2,000 in Bitcoin. That's in crypto. That's every man I know. But that's not that bad. It's not that bad. I'm down 5% in the last hour since I walked in here.

One hour? Mm-hmm. Really? So Orchid, my Orchid orchid tokens the flower i'm not sure are at 58 cents right now and then my algo tokens actually are up half of a percent what dictates the growth of a bitcoin market no idea that's good to know good to know no idea honestly like you know what the market dictates right it's the sale of physical products right i think so but i also think the market basically is what is already it's almost like people's reactions are already priced always into the market so by the time you look at the market

you're trying to think what are people going to think it already it already happened yeah the market is what already happened yeah but the point of the market is it can still based on the economy's influx of a product or the lack of a product. This I'm too dumb to understand because there is no product. There is no physical thing, right? Yeah. You're betting on air. You're betting on air, yeah.

You're basically just betting on different pieces of air. That's so cool though. But how sexy do you think that you're betting on air? Because you could catch some good air. Yeah, and look, now you can catch some good air, man. I mean, there's, you know,

that's the thing overnight thing go up 300%, you know? And then, but when do you sell? When's the moment that you're like, I'm out. So I got to get out soon because I'm just tired of looking at it. And I'm starting to realize it just monopolizes my time.

And were you, when you said that, were you, was gambling becoming a problem before too, with the UFC shit where you get put in too much money down? No. Cause you have too many friends in UFC. Now your friends are too many fighters.

Are you betting on your friends all the time? No, I bet a little bit on them, but it's very, it's like $100. Like I was going to say, because that can be dangerous. Oh, that'd be extremely dangerous. Because emotional betting is very bad betting. Yeah, and I'm not a good bettor.

If I- Trash. Really? I am remarkably shit. And I noticed even if I bet against what I was going to bet on, I lose that still lose yeah dude i used to play fantasy football i quit because i lost every time

i would get and i was like oh i got all the right guys boom they would all get injured i wouldn't trade i'd get over it i could never do it man i was never good do you ever play fantasy or no oh yeah i played it man i got over it i couldn't do it and then people yeah i just somebody said they're gonna shut it down because it's too much like slavery people are saying you know what is oh oh trading players and doing all that shit what are you having what are you taking half of a zanny what'd you take trying to get more blood flow to the sea rotch baby, this podcast doesn't end like that. You're taking like a pee-pee pill? An upper.

It's just an Indian one. It's from India. It's a light one. What is it called? Huh? What is it called? It doesn't have a name. It just comes in like a name list.

You're cracking a pill from India and you just throw it in the throat? I've taken them for years, man. I crack about half of one twice a week. And it's to get the pump downstairs? Yeah, and it's nothing crazy. You're not going to go be a raper. It's more like a... Just something to be like, oh, yeah.

To wake you up a little bit? Yeah, just something to keep the... Do you have a date later? No. Just something to keep the cavities. You just want to remind the ballast that it works for the boat. You know what I'm saying? I got to tell you, I got, I got my old man.

I have the old, my old man's disease. My old man, one time we were sitting around, my dad said something, made a joke about there was a Viagra commercial. He's like, you don't have to worry about that. I said, why? He goes, I, it's in our blood. We're still good. Really?

Yeah. And I thought, okay, dad, honestly, right now you fucking, you sneeze the right way. I might get a hard on. Oh, wow. So you're really one of those guys with the erection. I can get a hard on it. If, uh, if I'm thinking about going home and I'm thinking about piping the old bag on the way home, I might get hard.

Oh, Christ. Thinking about it. I don't know what it is. My diet isn't indicative of that. It's not like I'm eating something. I'm not eating very healthy or doing all the things. It's just I've always been, I can get it. You want a lot of salt palmetto or something?

Mm-hmm. Ashwagandha. Are you really? I'm in ashwagandha right now. B12, ashwagandha, daily vitamin. What else am I on? That's it. How many pills are you on?

Are you taking a lot of pills right now? No, I would say I'm on antidepressants. Which one? I'm not sure, but I've been on it for about 21 years. I was on. But my goal is to try and get off in the next two years.

Do you ever take Zoloft? Oh yeah, dude. I came, I, I took Zoloft the first batch that came out. I took one, I took the early ones too.

The pills were still warm, dude. One side was burned. Yeah. I mean, they were good, bro. Yeah, I took them for a while. Dude, I could drink 20 gin and tonics, dude. Wake up in the morning, help my buddy wash his boat. And still meet a beautiful girl.

Yeah, and function. What else? What else are you taking? Dude, I made love to a girl one time and she was supposed to give me a ride across the country the next morning and i at like 6 a.m i had to dismantle a water bed that and it still had water how'd you get how do you get that out bro had to get a hose hook it to and hang it out the window finally i just said this is gonna we gotta go we gotta go we gotta flood the apartment i just it to and hang it out the window. Finally, I just said, we got to go. We got to go. We got to flood the apartment.

I just, no, I left it going out the window of the hose into this. We hit the road, yeah. But she left me, but it was. How many relationships have you ended versus how many have ended you? Man, I have a bad habit in them. You end them fast? No, no, no, no. I don't get into them.

If I find myself in them, i stay in them for a long time and i'm not a good boyfriend what do you why why not why are you not a boy probably cheating i would say is the number one answer but are you but is it is it because you just the wandering eye and you can't or is it because it's wandering dick but wandering dick but you can't, or is it because it's wandering, wandering dick, but you don't want to commit. I don't want to commitment is my biggest problem. Yeah. And every facet you think you'll ever, uh, you'll ever sell the boat and park it and drop anchor. No, no marriage. I think I will do that. Yeah. I think it's going to be a, it's going to be a battle. Cause it's not that I can't do it. Well, it is. It's that I physically have a problem doing it. Right.

You know? Because your old man was a late bloomer. He had you old, right? Did he have kids before you? Yeah. He had three kids before me. Two kids after me. You'd be a good pop, dude.

You should do it. You know how fun you'd be as a pop? Yeah. In Nashville? Anywhere, yeah. Ladies, if you're out there in Nashville. Nobody ladies listen to this podcast yes they do we have a pretty good lady base really but they're all in canada for some reason

god i will i will marry a woman sight unseen from canada or australia canadians canadians for some reason and they create a different breed up there they're wonderful people oh i've said it a million times the women up there are gorgeous i told him about you when i went up there oh They're wonderful people. I've said it a million times. The women up there are gorgeous. I told him about you when I went up there. Yes. I said, hey, you got to see this guy. Honestly, the Canadians. What is he? I said, you just got to see him. He's a gench. Tell us about him. He's just tall. He's got electricity

in his skin. Pale, see-through, bad skin. He's got skin. Yes, skin. Yeah, he looks like a guy that kind of was near a fire. Just for a couple hours. Yeah, didn't save anybody, but stood out there. Yes, skin. Yeah, he looks like a guy that kind of like was near a fire. Just for a couple hours. Yeah, didn't save anybody, but stood out there. Just warming up. But did get a video.

Yeah, but videoed it with his phone. Canadian women are gorgeous. Canadian men, horrendous. What is that? Why are the men so ugly from Canada? But they're kind. No, they're the sweetest men. They're beautiful in the heart, though.

Well, and they get beautiful women. Every Canadian couple I've ever seen, the guys are six, the girls are nine. Every single time. In America. Well, in England, shout out England, the... Great country.

Men are handsomer. Yeah, well, no one... Yeah, I would say across the board in England, most people are just... I don't like... They're just... Oh, come on. I don't like the way they people are just, I don't like, they're just, it's. Oh, come on. I don't like the way they look.

Really? I don't like the way they look. Dude, I'm ready to, I am so ready. I fell in love with a British girl when I was over there. I fell in love with a British girl. And she used to make fun of American girls. She used to go, they all look like horse faces. They've all got horse faces, horse teeth.

And I didn't notice that until I came back. And all girls have this thing you know this they have like high lip in America this is like a gummy thing but a lot of girls here look like horses that's real that was a British girl saying that they got them more pudding babes over there they got them more

little Rubenesque little fucking uh cherubic bitches they got them real little sheriffs over there bro if you if you had to move to another country outside of the u.s on australia that's it huh yeah why australia there's just something the vibe is right for you and it's a little bit of everything it's a they got the beach they got the land they got crime you, they're criminals at heart.

They are criminals. And we're all criminals at heart. We're all these broken things that are just, you know, we're just out here in this spiritual lost and found, man. And I feel like when I go over there, oh, this is the lost and found. This is the people that were, they sent them over there. They didn't think they were good, you know? Right. They were the prisoners, the outcasts, and the troublemakers.

And they said, all right, we'll show you. And there's some complete BAs, man. Badasses. Yeah, they are. What about New Zealand? They got champions. Do you mess with New Zealand? I didn't go over there last time I went, but I do think about going again.

And next time I will not miss out. I'm going to take a longer trip. I want to go, so I've never been. And I have a fan base that is down there that said hey come come come and i've never been able to go and i spoke to you last time we're in the parking lot of the store we were and i said i want to go to the melbourne comedy festival you you always you're one of those guys that's always like i talked to you here and this happened and i never remember if it happened yeah i remember even if it didn't it's such a good skill because I'm like, fuck, man. We were in Little Rock, Arkansas.

You and I siphoning gas out of that guy's 96 Camaro. You punched the clerk. I stabbed that chick. Remember? She bled out. Oh, yeah. We beat that guy with a cell phone. Yeah.

And then we skipped town. Yeah. She had a Roy Orbison t-shirt on. She did. It was torn at the bottom because she had stolen it from the girl that she had beaten to death. She had bludgeoned a woman to death with a two by four. Yeah.

I remember that so vividly. And she said she was going to be on Unsolved Mysteries and she lied. Never was on. She was on 48 Hours. Yeah. This is the thing.

If you're going to lie to me on being on TV, better lie the right way. I had a girlfriend of mine, a good girlfriend of ours that was, when she was a kid, she saw her grandmother on Cops.

Ooh, that'd be awesome. A while. Yeah, and then now cops is gone they took it away burr and i talked extensively about how the media has politicized the virus they make you feel like if you're this way you're this way and if you're that way about it you're that way like if you say i don't love wearing a mask but i'm willing to do it right just to do it then someone can go what you? What are you a fucking lefty cuck? You've bowing down to the, and you're like, no, I just, I'm not playing a political role.

I'm, I'm analyzing what makes sense to me as a human, but they politicized it so much that now it's an angle. There is no truth. Like we talked about at the beginning of this podcast, what mask should I wear? There is no truth. Like we talked about at the beginning of this podcast, what mask should I wear? There is no truth. It's just what category do you fit into politically and they can yell at you for doing the right or the wrong thing in their mind. Yeah.

That's it. And at the end of the day, we're all just trying our best and we're all just trying to show each other love and figure the fuck out and survive. And that's even, I was thinking about atheists, man. Like there is one thing that I kind of admire in a little bit about atheists,

is that there's part of them that's saying, this is all of it. That this is, that shouldn't expect more. This is the game. Sure. That there's only four, you know what I'm saying? There's no- There's no overtime.

Right. So there's something also that's powerful in that, that's like, you know, like even though it's not really my thing and I think it can have different, it can, some of the same ideas can affect somebody's other views of the world. Sure. And life and interaction with other humans and species. But I do, but there's part of it that i respect to say man i'm you know it's all on the line right here well yeah look i like i don't unless they're evildoers unless they're saying you know i'm just i'm here and it doesn't matter i'm here yeah and it doesn't matter right

and i'm just here to do evil i'm here to do this yeah yeah yeah and steal this right right right well i i've said this before i've recommended this before and people have adhered to it, but I'll do it again because I think I'm going to recommend it to you. Some, there's a book called Some. Some. And it's basically, what it's trying to detail is

for those of us that believe, for those of us being the royal us that believe that there is no afterlife you should look at now as your own heaven and hell that is kind of the perspective of what he's saying in a million different ways he's saying if you believe in nothing else yeah you shouldn't wait to find out then you should believe that this is going to be your heaven and hell on earth you should cherish this moment as your heaven or your hell your tough times are going to be your heaven and hell on earth. You should cherish this moment as your heaven or your hell. Your tough times are going to be your hell here and your good times are going to be your

heaven here. And if nothing more exists than just know you make your own heaven and hell right here, right now. So how you dictate your future, whether or not you move to Nashville to get those things in your life that make you feel mentally and physically more secure or happy or solid or whole, that is you trying to enter your own heaven here on earth because you can make your own hell and you can make your own heaven it's a choice we make a lot of our own choices well i believe that too man it's a good book read some um some s-u-m s-u-m some it's a brilliant i give i'll tell it i'm

gonna give you no it's okay you didn't win the B. You didn't win the spelling bee. You're running up. Helena King won our spelling bee. What was her name? Big Helena. I don't know what her last name was. Helena? Big Helena.

First pregnant girl to win a spelling bee in our region. Really? Yeah. How thick was she? Fifth grade. Fifth grade? But she was held back. She was older.

She was still like 18 in fifth grade. No, she was probably 16 ok right there yeah I guess she won I mean give or take 2 years

yeah 16 minus 18 well um let me say this Theo Vaughn I've loved you for a long time yeah

oh this ending like one of Bobby's bullshit endings where he says something rattles off some BS yeah yeah yeah ok good let's hear it

I've loved you for a long time. Let me see this. Today's guest. One of my favorite bits that you ever did, and I'm going to do one of your bits to you, because it always makes me smile, because we have spiders outside of my garage, and we always have

black widows, and to this day, your black widow joke, whether or not we ever know each other at the end of our lives will make me smile at the very end of my life because it's the one of the funniest simply well-written jokes that i've ever heard that's i'm just giving you a compliment and that's it to end the show thanks man yeah my buddy got bit by a black widow dude yeah she was in her 40s outside of a bus stop, dude. It is so funny. I don't feel funny sometimes anymore. It makes my heart every time I hear about the guy today was by,

by the house today and he goes out black widows, the, uh, the, the male dude, you know, black widows out by that garage. I seen, I go, I know. And I hear black widow. And I immediately think of you saying my buddy got flipped by black widowow she was in her 40s it was at a bus stop she was angry for no reason that's what you used to say she was angry for no reason it made me smile all right we end the show the same way okay you look directly into the camera that one that one on the left okay look directly into the camera and you say one word or one phrase to take us home when I get off camera when you're ready, go ahead. Goodbye.

In here, we pour whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk. You're that creature in the ginger field. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene sturdy and ginger like vampires the ginger gene is a curse gingers are beautiful you owe me five dollars for the whiskey 75 dollars for the horse gingers are hell no this whiskey is excellent ginger i like gingers