Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep01 - Totally Married

Episode Date: March 2, 2016

Kevin and Karl review podcast - Totally Married - Episode 1 - "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife". As of 11/16/20 - I just uploaded a version with better audio. -Karl Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts. I am Kevin. And I am Carl. And we listen to podcasts so you don't have to. On today's show, we'll be analyzing and reviewing a podcast called Totally Married, episode number one called I Now Pronouncing Man and Wife. As always, we'll both listen to the show separately and we haven't discussed it at all beforehand. So without further ado, let's find out Oh Oh, listen to that.

They totally love us. They cannot wait to hear more about Totally Married. You the can I. So the podcast that we listen to totally married, the host is Elizabeth Lame and her husband Andy. It's an advice show. They spend most of the time reading questions and giving advice. Let me just read the totally story off of their website,

just to give everybody an idea of what we're dealing with here. What started out as a way to combine Elizabeth's access to funny people and Andy's access to funny people and Andy's access to recording equipment has snowballed into totally lame, totally married and the new, totally mommy, with over four million downloads and accolades from places like E Online, USA Today

and Los Angeles Magazine. The totalies have taken out a life of their own to which we say totally, totally honest, totally fun, totally real. That's what we're about. Listen in. I, um, all right, so that's, I guess this is a comedy show. Is this supposed to be funny? I, you know, I think that's the intent of it is to be funny, yeah. Okay. I honestly wasn't sure. I'm listening through them. Wait, is this in the comedy category? Because it, it seems like, I mean, I found wasn't sure I'm listening through them. Is this in the comedy category?

Because it seems like, I mean, I found it in the parenting or parenting relationships or something category. Right. I thought it was like an advice show. But I do like that they have E Online USA Today and Los Angeles Magazine. That's a pretty far drop. Los. Those are the three accolades that they got. Los Angeles Magazine, that's a pretty far drop. Los.

Those are the three accolades that they got. Los Angeles Magazine. Yes. That's one of those ones you see by the bus stop. It's in the little fucking little cans that you take out. You take out 72 of them at a time when you want. The people who write for that magazine are also called bloggers We always like to start off the show

Playing the clip that we think just the short clip that sums up the podcast that we listen to best and I have one that I'd love to get started with all right All right, it's actually called worlds worst teaser All right. All right, it's actually called World's Worst Teaser. At the very end of the show, but this sums it up for me. All right, here we go. Actually, most of my friends are from,

like the last couple of years. Well, let's literally write this down because this is a whole other episode. This is you and me and friends. Yeah. Adult Hood friends. Oh man, we yeah, we'll get into it. Okay, so next episode is adulthood friends.

I don't have friends. What was the thing? Oh, in high school. 21 that age. Wow. I can't wait to hear about their friends on the next episode. That's amazing. Just listening to this whole podcast, like the thing like I this is really fucking lame, but I went to a

Starbucks This this morning, you know here on the good old west coast I went down to a Starbucks and I listened to this podcast on my iPad with a notepad and paper and The background noise of the coffee shop is what helped me not want to kill myself. But then I came back to my... We were just in interesting conversations somewhere. Right, right, right. I mean, even babies crying was like good background noise to this.

Exactly. But then I came back to my apartment and I was like, it's just like this, obviously. It's just us talking and there's nothing else but sides to two voices, but I don't know what it was about this, it just made it so like sterile feeling when I was listening to it, I don't know, if that's a good word or not. Well, it's an obnoxious promise,

because think about it. What they're saying is, we're the most amazing married couple. Everyone should listen to what we have to say because our marriage is perfect and we have the per-relationship and we're so interesting and we just love to talk to each other. Just the premise alone is nauseating. Yes. Very much so. Yes.

And it isn't bad enough that you got to learn about Elizabeth and Andy. Now we're going to hear about their friends in the next fucking episode who gives us shit. Yeah, which are apparently are just her recent friends. She doesn't remember having a lot of college friends. She says that in there. I'm like, what? I, all right. Here's the one that I picked out from my favorite little moment here. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, anything else you want to talk to me about? I just thought that was... That's a cool one. As being somebody who has to edit these podcasts now, that would have been something I probably would have pulled out. Not the podcast, not the podcast. Yeah. It was pretty much putting a lot of effort into it.

Although, I will say these these guys I think are like professional Podcasters somehow they're on your wolf Yeah, that was that threw me for a loop because you sent this over and you were like hey Here's our next podcast we're doing. It's totally married and I'm like what the fuck? So I start listening to it and I'm like who are these fucking assholes? You know like just talking to each other, like I just don't, you know, ironically, I'm like, who are these two assholes talking to each other? That we aren't two assholes talking to each other,

but then I looked it up and I'm like, well let me see what the girl looks like, you know? So I bring it up and then I see that they're, yeah, they're on earwolf and they have like, you know, like a following and a fucking presence and shit and I'm like, yeah, it doesn't make any sense at all. Actually, why don't you play, I clipped the show intro. I mean, there is production here,

there isn't a ton of production, but there is some production here. So it sounds like a professional podcast when it starts off, go ahead and play that. All right. Totally married. I do. I do. I I do I do

Totally married the old ball and change I do I do I'm tired maybe tomorrow Welcome to totally married I'm All right, so the song does not get you excited about, let's see, too, a show. It's fucking terrible, but she cracks herself up so often. Yes. And that was a perfect example. And she started laughing at her name. Yeah, there's a few times in this.

Can I really get that funny to her? There's a few times that she does that in here, where she, where she just giggles. And it actually says that on their website too. Like she's giggly and whatever. Yeah. Elizabeth Lane is a giggler, podcaster, comedy writer, lover of animals and lover of slippers, fashion to look like animals. Just Google schnauzer slippers.

You're welcome. Poor thing. Oh, it's actually, it's fucking terrible. Hey, just Google schnauzer slippers. You're welcome. Boring. Oh, exactly. It's fucking terrible. The other thing that really irks me about Elizabeth besides giggling at herself all the time is her vocal fry when she talks. She does that thing that checks who think they're hot,

do, and they know whatever. Also, Monica's they want to fuck them. I think you have an example of that, because I'm pretty sure. I do. I haven't. Do you want to play that ISO? The Makeup Baby? Yeah, yeah.

To make a baby. Make a baby. To make a baby. Oh my god, baby. And then a baby. Oh my god. Baby. And then I would shove my cock in that mouth so fast. Stop talking. Oh, good.

Oh, there too. Just stop it. Here's a little clip that I like that where she was very soft-spoken. Shut the fuck up. I just like that. I isolated it. I like that it's an ISO. Yeah, that's good. Shut the fuck up. That's actually perfect for future episodes. I like that a lot.

Yeah, I'm gonna put that on a loop and play it to myself. It's kind of sexual. It kind of gets me going. Shut the fuck up All right, so you had a boat or half the time listening to this episode did you know what here's another thing So we did the last episode that we did had a female co-host on it and she was not Bad to look at I know that you did not agree Disagree I. You disagree. I thought she was OK. Quite bad with you again. This girl, very cute.

Also very cute. So her voice is very cute. She giggle. The voice is not very cute. OK. Thank you, man. Well, that was, no one wants to hear out of a cute girl's mouth, that she wants to have a baby.

Oh, it's wonderful. They talk a little bit about their relationship in their wedding day and it's really pretty boring and then about 12 minutes in, they start to go to advice show time. Right. And I thought it was interesting. I clipped a couple of things.

I have two clips on here. One is called, things people who host advice shows should not say part one. And the other one is things people who host advice shows should not say part two. Oh, okay. You want to just hit both of those? I will do that.

I just, it's really important that you have fun with the other person. I think that that, if I could, in my limited experience, give someone a relationship advice or someone who's like, is this right? Do you have fun with them? In her limited experience, if she could give somebody advice, that's the whole premise of the fucking show.

Isn't it? We have the other limits of the fucking show. We're talking about. Play part down. It gets better. I will say this because this is the only similar situation I have and this is where this podcast might go right because we really are giving advice where we're totally unqualified. But... Now, I wrote that down too.

I was ever saying that. I wrote that totally unqualified for this. I did write that down. But then I realized, as I was looking through their website, they actually call themselves out on it. And it says, one of their blurbs somewhere, it says, marriage advice or listen in for sage advice from totally unqualified people. So that's like one of their little tag lines there. So I was like, all right, they're off the hook. They realize that they are not

fucking qualified. But I'll give that to you. Okay. You say they're unqualified advice. Still, I wouldn't say, oh, I don't know, anything about relationships, how can I give you advice when that's the whole point of show? Right. Right.

All right. Let me present this argument to you in another way. Okay. I have two clips on here. One is called fake question. Hit that one real quick. Daryl, Elizabeth and Andy,

I've been married for 27 years. How much longer do I have to do this? OK, so that was one of the questions, right? That's fun. Oh, yeah, I was talking about it to do this. They spent three minutes answering that question. It's a fake question. It's a joke.

There was no reason that you didn't need to talk about it. Now, play real question, my's a joke. There was no reason that they needed to talk about it. Now play real question, my other clip, and listen to the response. So this is the actual question on this advice show, and this is Elizabeth's response. Gotcha. The guy who wrote in is upset because his boyfriend, although it sounds like they've been dating for a long time and they maybe will get married, hasn't come out to his family. This is intense and I mean I don't even know if I can speak to this because I can totally empathize that that would be shitty. Epic sale.

Again, I've never once heard Dr. Drew go, oh, I've never heard of that before. I have no idea what to do. You're running an advice show. She had the question ahead of time. It wasn't a collar. Yeah, I actually wrote this down too, because it's like, she says I can empathize. No, you can't empathize.

I can't empathize with someone who, you know, a gay man who's struggling about coming out. Like that's like a whole, like that's some serious shit that I don't know how to relate to because I I'm not being not a gay man. So it's I it's like it for her to say that it's like you know you cannot totally empathize with what it would be like to not You know to not come out as a woman or whatever it is that she's well I agree and I don't know why she even addressed that question They take questions on their Facebook page or email or something, right?

And you are able to choose Which questions you bring on to the show, right? You might want to pick a question that you have an answer to well, it's true And there's my advice for your advice show All the big questions you can answer. Yeah, there might be entertaining to answer. Well, it's funny. It's something accomplished. She, uh, she says earlier too, that, you know, I read in the beginning of the podcast that they had on

their totally lame show, which is the other podcast that she has to play on her last name, totally lame LAIME, that she had it posted on Facebook for questions for this new podcast that's totally married. And she got a flood of questions coming in. So what you've just, yeah. Right. The joke question. Right. And they picked a question they couldn't answer. Actually, I think they. In fact, a joke question. Right.

And they picked a question they couldn't answer. Actually, I think they picked multiple questions they couldn't answer. Yeah. I'm not... Yeah. And it's... No, I mean, I... You gotta say, alright, this is their first...

This is the first podcast and a run of... There was quite a few on there. 170's. Yeah. There was a hundred of... Totally married episodes. Right. And she, you know, you remember this to make a baby. They did make a baby. I think they made a couple babies from the pictures that I've seen. Yeah, they have, I'm looking at the Facebook update from

December 23rd. And then there were four. Holy. Yeah, it's recently had a Baby and I just I can't hit your carrying less about this fucking family Yeah, I They're and their perfect life or whatever the clock. They're trying to portray here I think the funny thing is we're ripping a lot on Elizabeth under voice and and everything, but we haven't really talked a lot about Andy. Oh, yeah, let's get into Andy. Yeah, I'd be good. I so I Andy, it's a really short one if you want to play the other ISO.

Obviously. You have this written up phonetically for me too. The way you named it. It's obliocely. Obviously. Obliocely. Obliocely. Obliocely.

Obliocely. That was how you would write that word. Yeah. I got the feeling that he wanted nothing to do with recording this fucking podcast. Like he's just like, all right, okay, she's, you know, the wife now and now I kind of have to go along with it. But apparently he's just like all right okay she's you know the wife now and now I kind of have to go along with it but apparently he's been featured on some of

these other things because he's like called psychic Andy I didn't get the whole psychic thing there's something I'm missing there why they call him psychic or whatever the fuck that was all about but well let me let me fill you in there Kevin because I got a whole team over here doing the research We have access to the information that you need to know all right Andy Makes music and is psychic Andy Rosen is a true quadruple threat podcaster husband record producer and master of dog agility We might not know what quadruple threat means get it

Oh, I just uh, I don't even get that joke. I don't Wait a minute. So all right, it's quadruple threats. There's four things right that they listed right podcaster husband record producer and master of dog agility. So wouldn't that be quadruple? All of those things give me the biggest douche chills. Yeah, this guy is... I just did a cool. Yeah, I just, it just feels like he's kind of a long for the ride.

I don't know, in a way. And it was weird to me. The whole thing. I actually think Andy was taking the advice part of the show a lot more seriously than Elizabeth. If you noticed the gay gentleman who was having the issue with his partner not coming out to his family yet,

Andy was getting very serious about that. He really wanted to dig in and figure out what the right thing to do was. He also kept asking what the question was. Like Elizabeth would read the question and then he'd go, yeah, but what's the question? Yeah. She go, well, he wants to know what to do. Right. What's the question? He's got a bit dull. I don't know these are real smart guys. Yeah, it's, he just came off not very likable at all in this. It's just very passive and coming for me.

That's a funny thing to say, but he's kind of just like, in the background, the Mopey husband talks a little bit about when they got married in the beginning and carrying her over the threshold or some shit. And they have us back and forth about how she lost weight. So he could lift her and that she, they aren't really the type of couple that she can run and leap into his arms or do that.

It's every conversation with a girl I never want to have again. Yeah, it's, it's very cringey and the weird part is they're married and then I'm thinking okay, they haven't known each other very long. They've been together for eight years before they got married and then I'm thinking okay they haven't known each other very long. They've been together for eight years before they got married. It's the couple at the party who are putting on that and how in love they are and everyone's just like shut the fuck off guys. Yeah, and that's exactly. They seem like they're together all the time.

Yes. It's way too comfortable. You know, you think about like Rich Voss's podcast, my wife hates me. I'd rather hear a couple that was on the verge of divorce than these shitheads and how perfect your fucking life is. Oh, our life's perfect, so we'll give you advice. What should I do? I don't fucking know.

I don't. Right. Well, I mean, you want to- Right, podcast. You want to, you know, a source of conflict between two people, too. I mean, obviously if everyone gets along, there's no fucking, what's the point, you know, a source of conflict between two people too. I mean, obviously, if everyone gets along, there's no fucking, what's the point, you know?

Yeah, fuck you, Kevin. I agree. That's what I was about to say. Fuck me. I'm gonna play a game with you real quick. Yes. The game is called Fill in the Blank. If you play the Fill in the Blank clip,

it will end and I want you to produce, what's that next word? All Alright, okay, I like this. This podcast might be just an unbelievable cure for AIDS. Eh, no? No. Ah, certainly not gonna cure AIDS. Sure it's not gonna cure AIDS because I was really hoping that we'd find a podcast that would fuck cure AIDS because I was really hoping that we'd find a Podcast that would fuck curades in here. If my curades you mean epic failure then yes

That's exactly what the the correct answer was. I think when they when they do curades that it should actually be called like the product should be called curades Like that's like curades Would be the thing. It's funny and this is completely not fucking related to anything that we've even talked about but I happen to be on Facebook yesterday and you know they have a little news take around the side and it said This is how much of a fucking nerd I am it said that Charlie Sheen acknowledges the doctor who

cured him of AIDS or something like that. Yeah, the quack, right? And I just read Doctor Who and got excited. That's like, I thought it was something to do with Doctor Who. I'm like, Charlie Sheen's gonna be a Doctor Who? What? It's fucking embarrassing, dude. Yeah, it's really.

I can't wait until you just told me that. Well, yeah. You know. It's like a funny... Um. Was he, he's the new well. Yeah, you know, I'm like a funny What's he's the new doctor? Yeah, exactly like holy shit. Let's see he is winning doctor. He was an attitude No, you know what I think's funny is you're going back to your earlier scenario You've invented a product that cures aids and you need to come up with a marketing gimmick to get people to use it I got like that you're worried about

What should the packaging be which colors should we choose dude? with a marketing gimmick to get people to use it. I got to like that you're learning about the name. And what should the packaging be? Which colors should we choose? Dude, it hears a sound. You'll sell a lot of it. I don't think you need to go out with a clever slogan. Or a lot of it. I think you nailed it.

Oh, shit. Yeah, I guess I didn't think of that. I will purchase some curates for our buddy, Charlie there. Can you see the commercial, the TV commercial for curates for our buddy Charlie there. Can you see the commercial, the TV commercial for curates? Maybe like check with your doctor before you take curates to make sure you don't have violent diarrhea. Curates will not protect you from things like awful wives, terrible podcasts.

If you have blood flying out of your eyeballs, curates may not be right for you. If you've ever used trans dermal mesh Trans-vaginal mesh all right, so we've totally got enough topic I think it's because this show was really boring. Do you have any other clips from the show you wanted to I had just for I just have this one Give me a minute on that one. Oh Back in your back. Oh, all right. Yeah, and then I had just the other ones It was just a stupid this one here. Yeah, basically Anything else you want to talk to me about I've had that conversation for five minutes long

And you clipped a total of 3.7 seconds. You're an amazing contributor to this. I was I was I was I was balls deep and a latte starbucks. Yeah, I understand. I am I'm concerned with your your method. I understand. I'm concerned with your method. All we have to do is make a podcast that sucks as bad as totally married. And we too could be at earwolf. Well, you know what? We're on our way. We are on our way. I see this as the bar is so low in podcasting that we can't help but succeed. That's the way I'm looking at it. Yeah, I'm actually speaking of the bar being low in podcasting that we can't help but succeed. That's the way I'm looking at it. Yeah, I actually speaking of the bar being low in podcasting,

I do want to tease our next episode. Okay. We're gonna be listening to a podcast called Stuff Mom Never Told You, and it's from the House Stuff Works podcast network. So again, this is pretty well produced and gets a lot of listens. We're going to listen to an episode called The Asian Fettish. And to fully tease our next episode, I did pick a clip from this next podcast we'll be listening to. Here's the clip.

The dainty submissive gaysha or the diminutive Chinatall, the angry, a sexualized dragon lady or the overbearing tiger mom. I love, I love this one already. I, I just popped two boners over here. I've popped 50 of them over here. Here's, here's the bad news These people are not pro Asian fetish Damn it. I'm sorry. I'm a feeling we're not we're not gonna love this one. Yeah, I I can guarantee I'm not gonna love this one

This one, but it should make for an interesting podcast on I'm on the next episode of Who Are These Podcasts. And now to show these clothes right now. ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿ʻ ʻ‿� you