Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep109 - The Stuttering John Podcast
Episode Date: June 17, 2018Kevin is back to talk about the extremely bitter and untalented Stuttering John Melendez. He has no business putting out a podcast - there's no format, no production, and the guy doesn't even stutter ...anymore. So what are we even doing?? We also drop in on what's new with Opie Radio. This is the gift that keeps on giving. It's better than Sock Fancy (and I should know, I'm a subscriber). Make sure to subscribe to WATP and support our brand new sponsor - Sock Fancy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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A W-A-T-P, everybody!
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts.
The only podcast that contains more Michael Rapaport drops than it does original content.
You're not charismatic.
Hello to, uh,
welcome our guest host today, Kevin is back.
Hello everyone, hello, hello,
out there in podcast bill.
You can visit us at whoarethese.com,
our Facebook page are on Twitter,
who are these pod, email the show,
whtpshowatgmail.com.
We're always looking for podcast suggestions also. We encourage our listeners to give us a five star
review on iTunes, but then in the comment section, you can
shit all over us. I think that would be a lot of fun. Today, we'll
be reviewing a podcast called the Stuttering John podcast. This
was a suggestion from multiple listeners who asked us to review
this show. Kevin and I have both listened to it. Separately, we have not discussed it beforehand.
So without further ado, let's get into it. Stuttering John show, what do you think, Kevin?
Well, you know, Stuttering John is a guy I haven't really thought about in a lot of years.
Right. I've been a long-stern show listener. He left a long time ago, and I never really quite paid attention to what he was doing.
But this show in a nutshell is just him,
it's just bad feelings from him,
like for whatever an hour and a half.
I'm just him.
I'm gonna set this up.
I want you, if there's people out there
who don't know why Stuttering John is a thing,
I'm just gonna go real quick through
What that is starting off with classic Stuttering John when he was on the Howard Stern show
He was the guy who they would send off to the red carpet events and different things to interview celebrities and ask ridiculous questions
One of my favorite moments of all time is this here's the setup
I have maybe the greatest piece of table over here. Oh, we're
talking about the Ringo star press conference. You hear any of it? No, I've only
heard what they had on the news. It was a huge press conference yesterday for
Ringo star and Joe Walsh and stuff. And Stuttering John, I heard a majority of the
press conference is Stuttering John asked two questions and it was real funny. And I went home and I didn't
know and none of us knew, but we rolled tape on it anyway. John got to a third question.
All right. So that sounds like shit, but they're talking about the fact that he was at the
Ringo Star press conference. This has to be in the late 80s or early 90s. Yeah, that would
be my guess, yeah.
So this is when Southern John was full time
with Howard Stern.
You hear Jackie laughing, and this is going old school.
This is his greatest accomplishment, Southern John's,
greatest accomplishment of all time,
talking to Ringo Starr.
Yeah, all right, that's kind of a fun question.
What did you do with the money?
What money?
The money that your mom gave you for singing lessons.
Oh, this is the worst thing I've ever had.
This one, one of the greatest jokes of all time
So funny so that's what Stuttering John was known for he would go out and ask ridiculous questions
He'd go up to celebrities and say
Who are you and why are you famous which pisses people off to no end when you're a celebrity?
Eventually though people would recognize and they'd know it was Stuttering Jeff from Howard Stern, and he wasn't able to get into these events. They wouldn't accept
his press credentials. So he just became a bit character on the show that really didn't have a
role on the show for Howard Stern, other than he was just kind of a guy in the back office who
would rip on Gary or, you know, just bring shit up that he heard from Scott the engineer and come into the studio and mix things up. And then you know obviously
he was fodder for all the people on the show, but he didn't really have anything going
on. We should probably qualify it that he used to stutter. That was like. Well you heard
the music. Yeah, he was definitely a nervous and deli. Yeah, yeah. He was not comfortable
talking to celebrities and asked them ridiculous yeah. He was not comfortable talking to celebrities
and asked them ridiculous questions.
He stayed around on Howard Stern's show for a while
and then eventually he got his big break, quote unquote,
Jay Reynolds hired him to be the announcer
for the tonight show.
I have just some quick clips just to bring us back.
He did audition tapes using Scott the engineer
Howard Stern. So of course they saved these tapes to play them later on the show. And
this is the the Stern cast going back and listening to this guy's audition tapes to be an
announcer for the 10 night show. I mean, that's a that's a ridiculous job for a stutter. But, uh, he definitely did not deserve it, listen to us.
It's the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, featuring Kevin U-Banks and the Tonight Show band.
And me, I'm Stuttering John.
Tonight, Jay welcomes Pamela Rannison, Harrison Ford, the music of Stained.
And, uh, I f***ed it up. I didn't have- I didn't have any- I didn't want to do the same.
Is that too over the top? So, this is him auditioning for this job with Jay Leno.
You heard him pronounce Pamela Anderson's name wrong.
Pamela Anderson.
They keep playing that part over and over and over again.
And already just losing his shit.
And I, Jay welcomes Pamela Anderson.
Harrison Ford.
The music of stained.
And.
I fucking f**ked it up. Give me a bans. Got it. music and shit. And I J welcome Pamela Anderson Harrison Ford the music of
stained and yeah I'm ready to sign and go up on gold. I can't think of a
thing. So my favorite clip from when they were goofing on his auditions is when
he tries to say Nicholas Cage. Do you remember this Kevin?
I do. Okay.
Well, one more clever than we'll get into his podcast.
And me, I'm Stuttering John.
Tonight, Jay welcomes Nicholas Cage,
Hey Hudson, and comedian Greg Gerardo.
And now, Jay Leno.
Hey, Charlie, listen, I got you tape.
How do you Greg Ger'll get on my show.
You can't say the nigga way. You can't say the n-word.
I got the joke tape. That was very funny.
Maybe that's what he meant.
John, do you think you could say Nicholas? Nicholas. Nigg or wise.
That's better.
Why don't you just go and my tongue.
Sounded out.
Nigg.
All right, so that's the,
the already era of Stern when it was good.
And those guys having some fun with that.
All right, so that sets it up.
That's your Suddering John is Suddering John.
Went to the tonight show.
Jay Wano obviously is no longer on the show.
The whole staff is gone.
And John being a talentless hack
was left with nothing to do.
And now he just started a podcast
where it's him talking to his iPhone for 50 minutes.
And that's all it is.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a very hard listen,
because there's only,
there's only what, six episodes so far.
And you could tell he's learning as he goes
because I was looking at their,
like the web page of the show
and they're all like named incorrectly.
Right, it's up, there's no consistency at all.
This one was episode four,
but there was another episode that was called episode four.
They have no idea what they're doing.
They keep changing the name of the podcast.
I think it's called the Stuttering John podcast,
but I don't even know.
Do you have a clip that you wanna play
that maybe sums up the show for people
so we can finally get into it.
Well, you can start out with clip one.
Cause this is like right off the bat.
Like if you're gonna
Broadcast or whatever I do that in air quotes
But if you're gonna talk on a microphone and make show out of it clear your fucking throat before you do so
Welcome to the stuttering John podcast
How are you my friends?
That's the first thing he says you could easily go back back and fix that. Like, alright, let me start that again.
It sounds like the goldfish from Peewee's boy house.
I'm just going to go for it.
Alright, Peewee.
Alright, I actually have the same clip,
but I go a little bit further because I want to point something out.
Welcome to the Stuttering John podcast.
How are you you my friends? That's right. I'm
trying to get on a on a daily schedule every Tuesday. I will I will record my podcast and
hopefully you'll enjoy it. Every Tuesday he's going to record his podcast. That's not a daily
schedule. That's a weekly schedule. That's a weekly. That's called weekly every Tuesday. Oh
Shit
He's he's too's day. I'll talk about Pamela and
He he talks about that's the other thing about this show cabinet is that the reason why
Stuttering John was even employed by hours because he had a stutter right he doesn't stutter
So what's the fucking point is just a boring person talking to his iPhone? John was even poised by Howard because he had a stutter. Right. He doesn't stutter.
So what's the fucking point?
It's just a boring person talking to his iPhone.
He starts off the show plugging the book that he's writing, or maybe he's already written
it, or I don't know.
But he talks about this chapter in his book.
It's about, of course, Howard Stern, because what do you want to read about from Stuttering
John, not the boring people in his life,
the celebrity thing, you know,
and I just don't think this is a good way
to promote a book that you have people to buy.
I was doing my chapter on Howie's Single Life.
You know, talking about when,
about Howie first found out about Howard's divorce and then the girls he had after.
There's stuff in there. I'm probably going to have to take out because I'm going to get sued, but it's true.
So, all right, I have this whole chapter about that period of time when Howard was single,
where he was having all these girls like, oh, okay, I want to know who those girls were what was going on
I'll probably have to take it all out
Okay, then why would I buy your book?
Well exactly.
What is that?
So many fucking people are writing books now like he talks a lot about that like all these everyone's got a goddamn book coming out
Fucking Casey
Armstruck. I'm sure I was a book coming out
Yeah, I know I I some shit about that.
He talks about he's pissed at everyone.
He's pissed at Arty Lang. Very pissed at Arty Lang.
He's pissed at Anthony Cumia.
He's been on Anthony show a few times.
He was he was out, I think, with Arty and Anthony.
But this, I thought was interesting.
He's talking about how Anthony Kumia is writing a book
and he's goofing on the fact that Anthony would write a book.
Anthony's coming out with a book I see.
And what is it called?
You know, instead of Moby Dick, just called Dick, you know?
I mean, because I don't even know,
I don't know, is he that popular? I mean, I'm not saying I mean, because I don't even know, is he that popular?
I mean, I'm not saying I am,
but at least I was on a national show
for fucking 15 years.
I mean, isn't he just a local,
I mean, wasn't he a local DJ?
I think he might have been on to a three markets,
maybe New York and Boston, maybe Philly, I don't know.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is Stuttering John saying Anthony Kumya
isn't famous enough to write a book.
It's Anthony from the Opian Anthony show.
It wasn't Howard and Stuttering John.
He was a fucking bit character at Howard Stern's show
and he goes, oh, it wasn't a local DJ
who's in those three markets.
He was at XM Radio, you fucking idiot.
Serious XM. Do you know what satellite radio, you fucking idiot. Serious XM.
Do you know what satellite radio,
you know who gets satellite radio, everyone?
Everyone is subscribed to it.
The fuck is this guy talking about?
Yeah, I don't know.
He does a lot of that where he kind of tries to put himself
kind of above.
Like he's putting down everybody and then he's like,
yeah, but I love you, I love you.
And it's really weird to me because at some point,
and I don't know if this is just because whatever he's
from fucking Staten Island or Long Island or whatever,
but he sounds like dice.
Staten Island or Long Island or one of those islands.
One of those fucking Island.
Jackal Island, one of those islands, right. those fucking islands. Checkle Island, one of those islands.
Right.
No, but he sounds like dice.
Right.
You know how he's got like,
and I'm trying to figure out if he's doing an on purpose,
or if that's just how he fucking talks now.
But God, I've got so many, I have a lot of clips.
For me, I have a lot of fucking clips.
You do.
Yeah, he's got, so to play number two,
this is just him kind of, I don't know,
talking more about like how people are putting him down.
Okay.
And you say I'd be nothing without Howard,
now that may be true.
I mean, he gave him a start.
Okay, so he's got, he's got this thing
he needs to prove himself.
His entire podcast is devoted to proving his own worth
because he was hired as this dummy who stutters.
That's why he's famous.
And unfortunately, Jay Leno hired him for a job
he wasn't qualified for, and now he's delusional.
Oh yeah, definitely. Dude, now he's delusional. Oh yeah. Oh,
yeah. He is so delusional. And I'm sure you and I have very similar clips that go through
him proving to the world that he deserves to be famous and he's very talented. Yeah.
God. God. Yeah. So if you play my track three, he does a lot of name dropping, which then
he calls out other people for name dropping, which is fucking hilarious.
Okay.
They don't know that I write jokes.
I've written for Jay Leno for 10 years.
I've written for, you know, that I was the head writer of the Kreme Abdul-Jabbar Rose.
Yeah, I have that one too.
I love how far that drops off.
I wrote for Jay Leno. I was a writer for the cream
Abdul Jabbar rose like that fucking that went down quick
Yeah, I have one I have a clip here. It's called depression scale if you start it's number 10 and it goes through
It's really funny like the highs to the bottom fucking lows
Because I went through depression.
You know, after you come off the Stern Show,
I'm a slurry-gimme out of here.
The Tonight Show, you know,
the criminal Jabarros, the Stephanie Miller Show,
bike-sized TV, you're on all these shows,
and then selling like you're not working, you get depressed.
Yeah, I would bet.
I would bet you fucking crash back to Earth
and realize you're a nobody who has no talent. Yeah, it's gotta be tough. I would bet. I would bet you fucking crash back to Earth and realize you're a nobody who has no talent.
Yeah, it's gotta be tough.
I want to-
The sharpest drop-off since fucking Bitcoin.
It just like,
Right, it just fucking plummets.
I want to go back real quick to what he was talking about,
how he was a joke writer.
He throws out there the hero jokes for Jay Wanol
and Jeff Ross and the head writer for this rose.
And was there any evidence during this show?
We listen to 50 minutes of him talk.
Was there any evidence that he could write a joke, Kevin?
Oh, no.
I mean, it's, it's case in point of when he was talking about Anthony and he goes, uh,
yeah, you got to write a joke, uh, write a book, uh, just call it movie dick.
Don't, don't call it movie dick.
Yeah. Call it dick. Right. So don't call it Moby Dick, I call it Dick.
Right, so that was an attempt at a joke.
Here I have, this is at the very end of his show.
This is his big joke in the show.
And it is such a fucking hack joke.
I mean, I gotta tweet the other day,
saying, the guy, I mean, this woman was like,
you're an asshole, you suck.
I've always hated you.
And that was from my mother.
Oh, so he realized he didn't set it upright.
So he had to go back, he's like, this guy,
oh no, this woman, I got, all right.
This woman says, you suck, I hate you.
And I was like, come on, mom, right?
Everyone's done their joke. That's not a good joke.
And actually, I want to go back to him talking about Anthony Cumi's book because he talks about
what the alternative book title is and then he's ready to riff. He is going to crush it.
What is it,? Primarily suspended?
I don't know.
Speed.
There's so many I could do. I don't want to get him too upset though.
Epic fail.
I love it he goes.
Oh yeah, the name is permanently suspended.
Uh, uh, so it's like a chip moment.
DAAAGH!
GIGGET! DAAGH! Okay, what's the joke? What do you got? He goes, I don't want to piss him off. Spended so it was like a chip moment
Okay, what's the joke what do you got he goes I don't want to piss him off I got so many things I could say but I'm not gonna do it. I just just one job just give us one one
I give us a joke give us a joke that maybe it's funny you nothing and
It's not like you didn't have time to prepare for this shit
What else is he doing in his life besides recording his podcast?
He's reliving his fucking glory days because I have a few clips here
when he kind of he walks back.
Now he's bitching about already.
What point?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm so glad you said that, Kevin.
I am so ready for that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. that Kevin I am I am so ready for that. That's all I have is Gory Day's clips. That's
what this entire show is about. He just talks about back when he was famous and people
gave a shit about all right what do you got? This isn't even this isn't even famous. This
is just I played track for this is kind of sets it's about yeah this is great I mean you never really
know I mean I was getting a's and all my films at NYU probably the most prestigious film university
in America you could some might argue you see it you see all that some might argue you see but
yeah I have I had that clip too and I wrote down Proof that he would have made it without Howard Stern because he's talking about the fact that people think I'm just famous
Because Howard Stern brought me on a stuttering job, but I was getting a's in college
I got what is that what the fuck does that have to do with anything
The fuck you talking about
Here's him explaining that he does have talent. I know it's hard for some Stern fans to swallow, to think that maybe I do have talent,
but I do.
I'm sorry.
No.
You are sorry, you don't.
But that after he explains that he does have talent because he has to prove himself,
right?
He goes into these fucking stories that are
mind-boggling and he's not joking. This is real. And the truth is, you know, I started out,
like we all did in our elementary school play in the recorder, which is like the fucking
flute. And then you go, and then I moved on to trumpet where I became an
all-distic trumpet player. In second grade I was playing with the fifth sixth graders.
I learned how to read music in second grade.
But all we can do is talk in hell out of the way.
He's going back to second grade because already like said he wasn a musician so he goes back and he goes oh really
already I'm not a musician I was playing trumpet with fifth graders what I was in second grade
what oh yeah there this also this gem too but track five okay you, and then, you know, I was in chorus in all district. I had a solo
every year. He had a solo every year. I mean, come on.
All right, it doesn't stop there, Kevin. He then talks about about the how he's great at comedy.
So we all know he's an amazing musician.
He played trumpet and red music when he's in second grade.
But what about his comedy chops?
You know, he's known for being the state of comedian now.
And he says, well, obviously I have comedy chops.
You know, and it's just, you know, for him to say something
like that, and oh, I was never a comedian.
Well, well, already, I was, you know, I was never a comedian well already I was
You know I was making comedy films. I seemed like I'm my first super eight millimeter camera when I was in freaking fourth grade
And you know, I was making I wrote my first sketch in junior high and six grade
You know, and we got an A on it was called the smothered brother
Did stuttering John just brag about an A he got in sixth grade?
He sure did. And he was telling Arty Leg.
That Arty Leg is wrong about how funny he is.
Like just so you know Arty, you might think you know how many.
My teacher in sixth grade gave me an A on a film I made.
Glory to me. This is Guy Fucking Dumped.
What the fuck is going on?
I made a movie called The Smothered Brother and Glory to me.
So, that goes down to talking about his acting.
And apparently, when he was in first grade, he was the best actor.
You would think that I'm making up this this setup, but listen listen to this
shit and it's big serious.
That was never an actor. I was in I was a star of the show and the little
carrot scene. I know it sounds crazy. Why am I defending myself?
But in first grade and it got it got aired on public television. They
liked it so much. You know they put it on on TV. And I was in
first grade and I knew all the ones I would give the other actors their lines, in case
they forgot while we were on stage.
This is insane. Kevin, I don't remember anything I did in first grade. Nothing I did in
first grade was important or meaningful. Nothing I did. Yeah, And any of my fucking life is important or meaningful, but especially that first grade.
That was a regular shilly temple.
Yeah.
And that's the picture.
This guy's painting.
We are on TV.
Public access is not TV.
Anyone can put anything on public access.
I was picturing that conversation where he's explaining to Arty Lang, who has been in
dozens of huge movies,
that he's an actor because in first grade,
he knew everyone's lines.
And I was just imagining,
what would it be like if Arty was in the room,
maybe Arty and Robin Quivers,
and they were having this conversation?
How would they respond to that?
Why am I defending myself?
But in first grade,
and it got aired on public television
it got it they liked it so much
What a fucking idiot, Southern John. It's unbelievable.
That's a great drop.
It should be on everything that we say, too.
Well, I could literally picture him having that argument against Arty like, because I think
Arty went through the same thing with, uh, Stale, the stock broker.
When Stale was trying to pretend
that he was a talented comedian.
It's like, what are you fucking idiot?
You're nobody.
Yeah, he does this like, well, I mean,
we've been talking about it.
This fucking name dropping thing.
So he calls Arty off for name dropping,
which is I have his track was seven.
You know, and then, I't know nor McDonald and David's
spade. I don't know any other names you could drop there
already. And then what Dan Fulotto, all the girders in his
life that keep Judd Apatow and heat homes and I don't know
all his girders. Yeah. Yeah. And then that's immediately followed up by his own take, which is not a track
eight.
You know, I don't know about, I was never a musician. Well, Joe lost didn't think that
already. I wrote a song with Joe Walsh. You know, I played with you and McDonald on
my album. He was the bass player on my album. You, oh, for most of the songs,
if you don't know who you and McDonald is,
he's the bass player for Bond Joby now.
Rolling Stones, Rolling Stone magazine
seem to think so, Arty, you fat snore.
Yeah.
I know, what a fucking idiot.
He's like, already so his name dropping.
Well guess what?
I hung out with Joe Wells.
Like, time, time, come on man.
Are you not? He's actually not listening back to the show?
But he listening to himself while he's talking and all is he is he aware and again
I want to point out this drop off. I wrote a song with Joe Walsh and then he says and this this bass player from Bon Jovi
Was on my album. It's not even the bass player from Bon Jovi like okay
That's you it felt pretty far just now. Yeah, even if it was the bass player from, I don't know anybody
in Bon Jovi except Bon fucking Jovi. That's, that's the guy I know in that band. So this,
this is how, well, come on, you know, Richie San Borra. All right, okay. Glory, baby.
This is how he wraps this all up. He's having this long conversation about everything that he's accomplished over all of these
different years.
So here's the wrap up.
You know, so good.
So yeah, who knows what I could have done.
I could have been.
You would have been a nobody.
I know exactly what you could have been.
And now we find out why he needs to defend himself
and why he has to prove himself
and go back to all of these past successes
that he's had in first grade and second grade.
But, you know, I could take it with the best of him.
Howard goofed to me, Fred goofed to me, Jack,
he goofed to me, Rob and goofed to me.
I took it, I took it, you know,
I took it for a while when Anthony and Arty would goof on me.
But at some point you'd fucking gotta say shut the fuck up.
Especially when kids are concerned, especially when my career is concerned when fucking
Arty's main objective seems to discredit my comedy, which is the way I make a living right
now.
No, it's not already who's discrediting your comedy. It's your comedy that discredits your comedy job.
I wish you would have went one bar like a one bit further on that clip because he says comedy, you know, the way I make my living now comedy mostly pensions though. Like I'm like pensions from what?
From fucking that tonight show? Yes. Yes. That's exactly right. I happen to know because I've seen
John on Anthony Kumio's show when he's talked about this after the fact, he was making like 80 grand
a year working for Howard Stern living in New York City, which is not a good salary. And
Jay Leno offered him like a half a million a year.
So he made the move and he was making a half a million dollars a year,
which he's lost to his ex-wife.
But yeah, when you get that type of gig in Hollywood,
you're pretty much set.
He's got a pension going, he's gonna be fine.
But yeah, it's like, I make my living off of comedy.
Well, mostly that job I didn't deserve is still paying me.
I do wanna wrap up the glory days piece
of this review that we're doing.
He talks about he wants to revive the thing
that made him famous in the first place.
Right now I'm in the process of raising some money to do the Stuttering John interview show.
It's just going to be called Stuttering John Interviews dot dot dot.
I'm only trying to raise like 20 grand.
I need like three camera crews to go on the red carpet.
I got to start off just to let me bullet it again.
Find out where all the celebrities are.
Where they gonna be.
Go out there.
No one's gonna recognize me anymore
since this Howard Stern day with the long hair.
And start asking the questions.
I already talked to one of my tonight's show buddies
and former.
And partner, or you, he was a writer on the tonight show he was a writer of a
Dave Aletaman. He's gonna also help me write the questions. I'll probably get another writer
from a tonight show and we'll craft the questions hopefully as good as Jackie and Fred did
and and I'll go out there and do it again. ["Sing For The Fire"]
All right, so he's talking about, hold on, before I say that, did Bruce Spring
just say throw that speedball by you? It's called a fastball. Now when he has a
speedball, he'd have a change up, a curveball, maybe a slider, a speedball?
Anyway, holy shit, that fucking song.
It's garbage.
So he's talking about the fact that he's going to revive
his stick.
I'm gonna go out there and interview celebrities
and ask them ridiculous questions again.
Now, Kevin, if you were this amazing person,
he's building himself up to be that you can write jokes in your hilarious
and you've written jokes for all these people,
do you really need two writers from the Tonight Show
to help you come up with questions for celebrities?
Well, not only that,
but he said he needs a three camera crews
for Red Carpet.
What the fuck is he talking about?
This is never gonna happen. You should start with one audio engineer
for his current podcast.
Yeah.
All right, I want to switch gears real quick.
He gets into the current news.
And there's a lot of people who have weighed in on this Rosanne bar thing.
You know, you're familiar with this.
Yeah.
Well, I got to tell you, I only need one hot take and that is Stuttering John's hot
take on this Roseanne bar situation.
What's wrong with you Roseanne bar?
You can't be disparaging to women.
But what she, what she, I mean, she tweets that this a woman What the Obama administration looks like an African-American woman that looks like an apre I mean a
combination of an apre something what is wrong with you Roseanne
You heard it here first people
Stuttering John hot minute. He had nothing to say on that. You don't have to bring it up. If you have no take on it whatsoever,
other than Jesus, Rosanne, that was dumb.
Okay, I think we've all established that.
I wonder what his heart take is about Donald Trump.
Oh, Jesus, do you have that?
I don't.
I don't either.
It got very political for a while.
He got into this whole thing about Republicans and Donald Trump. And I just couldn't give I don't either. It got very political for a while. He got into this whole thing
about Republicans and Donald Trump, and I just couldn't give a flying fuck about this
guy's political views. He's an idiot. Well, he named Rob's Trump a shit load, too,
because he's like, he used to call it into the Stern Show. I've been on helicopters with
Donald Trump. I've been the dinner with Donald Trump.
I know that he was talking about that kid being retarded. That's his skype of humor.
That's his humor. I've listened to Bruce Springsteen albums with Donald Trump. All right,
I've thrown speedballs by him.
Sorry. I know. He actually Yeah, I know.
He actually, they were best friends.
Like, no, no, no, no, you worked for a show that he was a big enough celebrity that he
would actually call into the show and get on the air.
And there's nothing to do with you, John.
He's a huge talent, man.
I mean, shit.
I've learned a lot about Stuttering John, listen to this.
I mean, he has a very, very solid background going all the way back to grade two
Right, you know, you play the recorder. That's pretty fucking honorable and I mean shit
I'm uh, I'm by bow down this guy now. What I love is that
He's putting out this podcast that we could all agree is garbage. It's unlistenable. He has us
His bitterness to start off the show and trying to prove that he's talented and that's the first
30 minutes and then he starts reading questions from Twitter and
So he's just answering questions and one of the questions is something like is the Hoki Poki really what it's all about like?
Why are you?
Do you have nothing else to do?
Yeah, so the head. Why did he pick that? don't, I don't know. I don't know.
So then at a certain point, he explains that someday he might create a podcast that's
listenable.
Uh, I might have news and it looks, I don't want to wow whatever if that happens. It might have like a,
some radio type show,
an internet radio show coming out very soon in like four weeks.
So I guess this is the preamble towards that.
All right, so I'm just gonna give a little bit
of advice to Stuttery John
because apparently he doesn't know
about the entertainment industry.
If you're gonna want something,
don't start with the worst possible product
you could possibly put out and then build
to something that might be good down the road.
And I love that he says, yeah, I mean,
if it happens, it happens in four weeks,
I might have a really good show.
If it happens, it happens.
Kevin, when you and I started this show,
do we just happen to stumble upon one day,
we were recording ourselves,
and we had clips of other podcasts,
we go, shit, we can just happen.
We just started the new podcast,
making fun of the people's podcasts.
No, you fucking make it happen, you fucking retard.
If you wanna have a good podcast and a good show,
where there's a news person on there
and you actually have a format
and fucking bits that you're doing,
then fucking do it.
You don't wait for it to happen to you!
This is the most motivational I've ever heard you.
Yeah, I feel like fucking mad folly right now.
Jesus Christ, but seriously though,
why is he putting out the worst possible product possible
and then he's going, yeah, in four weeks
I might have a good radio show.
Oh, you buy?
I doubt it. Well, I'd be surprised. radio show. Oh, you buy it? I doubt it.
Well, I'd be surprised.
It sounds to me.
Now, I obviously don't know, Jesus, I'm fucking stuttering.
I don't know John Melendez.
You know what I mean?
I don't know this guy, but it seems like
shit's kind of been handed to him.
He actually calls that out at one point,
because I guess, already used to say that too.
Like, you know, he fell into this successful Stern show.
And then he got this, you know, he wasn't a musician and got a record deal.
And then he got, you know, the tonight show, and he wasn't an announcer.
So it's like he didn't, he's kind of stumbled into a lot of shit and, and, and, and, and
been marginally famous for it.
And now here he is, you know, trying to scrape together something and is hoping
that he'll fall into something again. And I don't think it's going to happen, you know.
You don't, you don't think it's going to happen. Kevin, I mean, I don't know if you know
this, but he is one of the most talented people who was on the tonight show. He talks about
all of his contributions, you know, and the segment guys, they had to go out there on the field
and come up with bits and you know, and I was all of those. I was segment. I,
you know, I was a monologue guy. I mean, you know, monologue was not my, I didn't,
I didn't focus on the monologue. I was more of coming up and creating a lot of segments and
eventually I became a drop in guy and I was
probably the number one cold open guy which was like comedy sketches getting back to my youth.
Can you hit my youth? He was like what he was in sixth grade. He was writing comedy sketches. He's
like, yeah, then I did it for the tonight show getting back to my youth. But did you hear what he
was taking credit for there? He was the fucking tonight show announcer and he's explained that he was part of the monologue writing
He was doing the bits. He was doing the cold opens. He was writing sketches
And then he explains that I don't know what a video drop-in is, but I have two takes on this clip
But you know then the the drop-ins which were the video jokes
That was one of the ones that made Obama laugh at the White House car
respondents center.
We literally, if you saw my reel of drop-ins, you would call already a fucking idiot,
because it is well crafted, well thought out jokes in a video sense.
And it's, it's a niche thing that only you know let's face it out of the 20
guys on tonight show maybe three or four of us were able to do it holy shit
all right you heard that that clip I just played Kevin yeah I bring your job
back up to our torture mouth all right okay this fucking guy is so delusional
he thinks he's able to write comedy in a way
that only a couple of guys who were hired to be writers on the tonight show
could even figure out, could possibly pull off.
And then, he's so fucking bitter.
They have to make it about Arty Lang.
Every single thing he says, he's like,
yeah, you know, I used to do this thing that was so great.
If you want to see my real, yeah, fucking Arty.
Yeah, check out my real Arty.
Like, Arty's not even listening to this.
You're not talking to Arty right now.
He doesn't care about your podcast.
They were you talking to?
I love that he pretends he's not bitter.
Here's another question from DMACC killer 7566.
Why are you so bitter?
Well, I am not bitter DMACC, I'm not bitter.
Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's fucking bitter. It's amazing. The stuttering rebuttal, this show should be called.
He's just responding to the things that no one is aware
that's even happening.
Correct.
This is a hard one for a lot of fucking reasons about it.
It's just, number one, it's not good at any kind of
measurable scale.
And it's just, it makes me depressed listening to it because
it's like, this is a guy who thought he had everything. And now doesn't have everything,
but it's just trying to, it is really, it's really the fucking song Glory Days personified.
It really is that fucking song. I'm so glad you said that.
We were on the exact same page.
It's all I could think of when he was talking
about all his accomplishments.
And it'd be one thing if he was just talking
about the tonight show and Howard Stern.
Like that's all I wanna hear about from Stuttering John.
I don't wanna hear about the standup show.
He did it yucky, yucks and Baltimore, right?
And I don't care.
But the fact that he went back to when he was a fucking child or when he was an
NYU-gaining A's on his fucking film tests, that was surprising to me. That was surprising.
I asked Arnie's gonna hear this and be like, oh, I didn't know that.
Right! He's talking to Arnie! He's talking to Arnie so many times!
Doesn't he know that this is not a good argument to make? Arnie would be crushing it right now. It's so stupid.
I'm sorry, John. I didn't know I didn't know that
Sixth grade you wrote the Smothered brother. I didn't know that that was you.
Here's a clip that I have. It's from near the end of the episode.
He just can't help himself to be boring. He talks about something that
happened in high school. They couldn't be less interesting.
You know, it's funny when I was in high school, it was when Reagan was president, and I wrote
on a desk like some shit trash in Ronald Reagan, and this guy wrote back to me on the same desk
in pencil, you know, you know, you're nothing but a bleeding heart liberal. And I wrote back to me on the same desk in pencil, you know, you know, you're nothing but a bleeding heart liberal.
And I wrote back to him, who the fuck is this?
And he wrote back to me, Darryl Lamonica.
I knew Darryl Lamonica, it was this fat bastard who, like, ninth grade, I think I was in tenth.
So I said to him, well, I'm Frank Fee, I picked the biggest bully, the tallest, biggest guy, and I think, I'm Frank on Frank feet and I'm gonna kick your ass
Thalamon can never run on that test again
That's fascinating. Please go on
What the fuck kind of story was that?
How big is this desk that you're writing fucking sentences on it? So I mean what's the interesting part?
I don't understand why he would relay that story where he had a pretend he was someone else
to intimidate someone who was just writing on a fucking desk.
Is this what we're talking about on your podcast?
I hope Mark Lamanik is like a fucking huge lawyer right now and heard he just heard
these disparaging remarks on a shitty podcast.
Well, I'm hoping that's like two or three chapters in this book that I cannot wait to pre order on Amazon
Because that's another day. I
wrote on the desk
Doesn't the teacher smell and then somebody wrote back you smell and I was like I'm not the one who smells
You're the one who smells and this is what I'm fine for months and months until we fill up all the desks inside the classroom
But then we started writing underneath the desks, you know, or all the gumwas and stuff. Is this interesting?
I mean, it actually is more interesting than what I was just listening to this morning.
And it sucks because I'm doing double duty now. I had to listen to this, um,
Stuttering John show, but we're also doing an Opie segment and I should have teased
that earlier in the show.
We do have an Opie segment coming up.
So I'm listening to Stuttering John's God Awful Podcasts, telling stories about nothing.
And then I have to switch gears and listen to Opie and Vic Henley and Carl Ruiz and it's
fucking torturous.
This is my day off. This is the day I don't go to work and this is what I'm spending my fucking torturous. This is my day off.
This is the day I don't go to work
and this is what I'm spending my fucking time with.
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
I don't know why I'm complaining.
I don't know why I'm complaining to you, Kevin.
You were smart enough to walk away.
I mean, you should not, you should be like,
yeah, well, this is the fucking bed you made.
All right, I do want to put to play you this compilation
that is the accomplishment compilation.
This is all the shit, actually, it's not even all the shit,
but this is just a quick comp of the things
that Stuttering John has done that proves
that he's a worth full meaningful person
that we should all be very impressed with.
You know, I played pretty good fucking league guitar in my album,
if you've fucking heard it.
Rolling Stone magazine seemed to think,
so are you fat snore?
I have my class three, I take a fucking,
I take a rotest in a freaking 26 26 30 foot truck where I had to power up
parking at bitch. And I was getting aisin on my films at NYU as
far as I'm concerned. I think Mike Bolkshaddy is funny as
shit. And I've written, I've written some jokes for Mike. I was
in chorus in all district. I had a solo every year. You know,
after you come off the Stern show, I'm a celebrity get me out of here.
The tonight show, you know, the criminal jubaros, the selfie militia show,
bike size TV, you're on all these shows.
I would write sketches and I got to direct the likes of Quentin Tarantino.
I became an all-distant trumpet player.
It's, uh, but I got to direct Jamie Lee Curtis and Jack Black and Adam
Samler and David Spade. I learned how to read music in second grade, bunch with Kim Kardashian,
a bunch with Charlie Sheen. I mean we I got to write and direct so many stars. Sophia Vagara,
you Laurie. Terry Bradshaw like three or four of them, Phil Jackson.
Yes, I wrote a lot of jokes for Howard, but you know, I killed it on Anthony and all
the producers and directors and staff there always told me how well I did.
Keep themself and Anthony himself.
Oh, shit.
I'm sorry about the length of that.
It is all over the place.
Could you imagine if you did a show where all you knew was talk about everything you've
ever accomplished, this is kind of like Bobo from how we're starting talking about the
spelling bee that he won and the grades he used to get when he was like is something
trying to out fucking Bobo?
I was hoping you were referring to that Bobo and not the other Bobo.
Bobo and A.
Well, I still love Bobo because that Bobo, the other one is on chip show from time to time
and he is fucking amazing.
I am the pre comes the three comes the pre during that clip.
He refers to the Kareemel Abdul Jabbar roast as what I think is the criminal abbarra bar show.
Yeah, I don't care for it.
I'm not sure.
Kremel Abdul-Jabbarra.
The show.
The Kremel Abdul-Jabbarra.
A couple more clips I want to play and then we'll talk about Opie.
He talks about the fact that Anthony Kumia is a local DJ and has no right writing his
own book.
Why would he write a book? He was a DJ in New
York in Boston. But then he talks about Casey Armstrong and Casey Armstrong was on the
Howard Stern show for a minute in the 90s. Do you remember Casey on the show? What was
his thing? He was like a good looking guy who worked out a lot. He was a good looking
guy that they kept on claiming
they thought he was gay. Casey was such a bit character on that show. He had no, he
wasn't an important guy. So this is John. Rantry talks about how Arthur Acubian should not
be writing a joke. Anthony from Albion Anthony. It should not be writing a book, I should
say. He says this. And lastly, what's Casey Armstrong up to? Apparently Casey's got a book coming out.
I forget what it's called, like, amazing people or whatever, but he's got a book coming
out, so God bless him.
Alright, so God bless Casey, because he's writing a book.
I listen to Howard Stern every single day.
I could give three flying fucks about Casey Armstrong's book.
There's no way I would possibly want to read that.
Well, by that definition, you should write a book because you've listened to Howard Stern show before.
All right. I got one more clip on here that is again, an example of this amazing joke writer who's
written jokes for all the greats. The two strokes happened because of a I had a my cholesterol is through the roof it
was probably higher than artis way and that's hard to fucking that's hard to
that's hard to beat but he is so pissed and already and Artie Lang is on his death
bed at this point have you seen Artie Lang's nose, yeah, it's bigger than my face. Yeah, he's looking
knees looking pretty rough. He looks rough. This this
Southern John show is not good. It's not a good show. It's not fun. It's not
fun. It's not funny. It's not funny. Anything else you want to talk about
with with John or any of the clips? No, I mean, it just that this is it was depressing, honestly, to listen to and to hear like,
it's one thing to, you know, brag about all the bullshit you supposedly have done, but
to me, like, bragging about writing on the tonight show is not something that I would ever do. Because the tonight show for Jay Leno's run was a horrific turn.
I don't know.
Oh, I got he can be was talking about like you would get a joke on the monologue
and how proud he was.
I dare you to go back and listen to those Jay Leno fucking monologues.
It's the they're the worst jokes.
They're not even close to money.
I'm not really sure how that show fucking hung around for as long as it did.
Well, I don't know.
There's this thing Kevin called the Midwest.
There's a lot of fucking people there and they have zero sets of humor.
They just think that if you're smiling
and looking at a camera and you hear applause going on
then it's a funny joke just happened.
There was nothing, there was no entertainment value
in that show.
Yeah, I don't, you know, that's kind of my opinion
of Leno anyway, but you know, people were like,
oh, he's edgier is in his standup or whatever
and this was kind of a milk toast way of doing shit on on TV and stuff, but I don't know.
I mean, not that I'm a huge fan of, uh, fanlain or anything either because I don't really think that
it's, it's ever really been that great of a show. Uh, I'm talking about tonight, tonight show, uh,
particularly, but I would never claim that I was like this star writer on the tonight show. I'm talking about the tonight's show, particularly, but I would never claim
that I was like this star writer on the tonight show because it's not generally known as
like the biggest fucking, you know, the Carol, it's not the Carol Burnett show, a fucking
light night show, you know what I'm saying?
Well, you know, again, John Melendez is a talentless hack who, for him, that's an amazing accomplishment.
He over-achieved in life.
It's wildly impressive that this stuttering buffoon was able to be this big character on
Howard Stern's show and then an announcer on the tonight's show.
It's remarkable.
But the sad thing is that it's left him
delusional and bitter.
And that's what's sad about this whole thing.
That's why it's depressing to listen to his show.
Because you listen to it and you go,
oh, this is a guy who thinks highly of himself
and he shouldn't.
He shouldn't think so highly of himself.
All right, speaking of thinking highly of yourself,
I want to talk about OP radio.
I teased last week that we're going to do an OP radio segment
on our show from now on.
It's just too much fun.
I listened to episode 12 called Day Drinking the Divorce.
Kevin, did you listen to any of OP's show?
I got a little bit into this,
and I got a few things that hurt me.
Well, I have a lot of fucking things that hurt me about it,
but yeah, I get the feeling that this is not a role.
It wasn't recorded in a bar.
It was.
Like maybe they just, no, no. These guys are in a bar again.
Again, it's a different bar than the other one that we did,
but they're back in a bar recording a podcast.
Did you think it was?
Did you think it was theater of the mind?
I mean, they were bringing out the seafood trying it
everything.
Yeah, I got the vibe that maybe they were just
fucking piping in like ambient noise like oh we're in a bar
You know like this is how cool are we a bunch of guys in a bar day drinking where we are 55 year old men and we're day drinking
Vickadly wishes he was a 55 year old man
All right here is
I'll break down a couple parts of this show
Starting off with the run're on Westwood One,
and Westwood One does not understand this medium at all.
They don't get podcasting, so they're still doing
the fucking cheesiest of cheesy radio intros.
Grab yourself a beer, martini, or choose your poise
because you're about to hear an episode
unlike any episode you've heard before.
Because you're about to hear an episode unlike any episode you've heard before
Disregard the previous suggestion if you happen to be driving
And now the Westwood one podcast network presents day drinking on open radio the
the the
is this before or after the uh...
the impression that uh...
i didn't even i didn't pull that
i assume it's come up i don't i don't know if it was or not i don't think it was
uh... j morgan i think his is a better impression.
No, yeah, you're right.
The very intro was Kevin Pollock doing,
what's his name?
Christopher Walken.
Christopher, it was a Christopher Walken.
Yeah, it dropped.
It was terrible.
And then it goes into this overly produced radio bit
that I think is having a laugh about driving while intoxicated?
Who knows? Weird. Think is having a laugh about driving while intoxicated? I don't know who knows.
I mean weird, kind of weird.
But it's just this overly produced radio bit,
or radio segment, or whatever that is
that is such a turn off to people these days.
That's not something you wanna hear.
All right, so then Carl Ruiz is on the show
and Carl Ruiz was not on the podcast
that we reviewed last time.
Carl the chef, chef Carl.
He is now becoming a big star
because he's on the Food Network on who knows what,
doing who knows what.
And this is him talking about what a big star
and how professional he is.
And then Carl, being Carl, did the double,
hot pepper, and fried oyster?
Because I'm a professional.
If you've seen me on the Food Network, Wednesdays and Sundays.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
For the first time, I dipped my fried chicken in honey.
And man, I gotta tell you, that was delicious.
I didn't edit that.
That's exactly how the show sounds.
So he says, I'm on Food Network,
Wednesdays and Sundays,
and they all just start laughing uncontrollably.
I don't know why.
And then OP chimes in with,
I just dip fried chicken in honey and it's delicious.
It seemed wildly awkward
that they're all laughing about Carl's plug and then Opie just chimes in with that
And it was a weird thing to say too because when I was a kid like a young little kid
I would get chicken nuggets and dip them in honey. It's what children do
He's actually like a delicacy that he just discovered. He's putting fried chicken in honey?
When I was in second grade, I took chicken nuggets,
I dipped them in honey, I got an A in that class in lunch.
Could you imagine Stuttering John and the OP
in a room together trying to be entertaining?
Holy fuck.
Okay, so here's the main thing
that I want to talk about with this episode of the Opie
Show.
He finally starts to talk about something that is kind of interesting.
After he got fired from Sirius XM last summer, he went through some shit and he had a deal
with that.
And I can imagine that was probably rough.
He's been out of work for a long time. So he talks about how he had a higher a shaman to come to his house to help him out.
You really need to have a shaman come to your house after
everything you've been through. And I had a full fled shaman
really. Why have you been through? Well, just all the backstab
thing. Sort of a bitch. How about the backstab? Okay, all right, there's some how about the backstabbing? You're right. Okay, about the backstabbing? Okay, all right, there's some.
How about the backstabbing?
You're right, okay, I forgot about that.
How about the people turning on me
after I showed him a great life?
Interesting.
So, Opie's bitter because there were backstabbers,
people who turned on him after he made them famous.
He, Opie's this guy who made people
who didn't deserve to be famous.
Wait, this seems like a theme on the show.
He turned these people who didn't deserve to be famous
and gave them a great life and then they turned on him.
And I'm thinking, well, this could be a lot of different people, right?
That he's talking about.
Right, right.
All right, so he's talking about the shaman comes to his house
and he does this meditation exercise
where the shaman is shooting arrows at his enemies.
So this is a little bit later in the podcast, they reveal who this backstabber is.
Did the arrow miss and go through a rollins cupcake?
Because everyone's still alive.
Okay.
Interesting.
The backstabber was Roland.
Now, anyone who's listening to the show who's into ONA Universe knows what this means.
Roland is the guy that Obi was taking pictures of shitting at Sirius XM,
who went to HR and said,
I have this guy putting his phone over the top of the stall and taking
pictures of me while I'm shitting.
And HR went, that's pretty unacceptable.
And then he got fired.
Oh please piss it that guy.
Why are you taking pictures of him shitting you idiot?
That's wildly illegal to do do and certainly unacceptable in a
workplace is he's fucking serious?
he's fucking delusional.
he's said that's another theme on this show today it's fucking she's more delusional.
do you remember when when Obi was bragging about how he used to take a shit in the ocean?
No, I don't remember that.
Captain Orville.
No, no.
There was a point where he was like, I went down the brie, I went down to the, to North Carolina,
I took a shit in the water and Opie, uh, fucking Jim and Anthony are like, why would you do that?
Why not just like go to the bathroom?
Yeah, I was in the water, you know.
Yeah, why would you do that? This not just go to the bathroom? I was in the water.
Yeah, why would you do that?
That doesn't sound like a good idea at all.
That's like fun.
Yeah, it's fucking disgusting.
That's actually what happened, but.
Kevin, I mean, yeah, I don't think I don't believe
any of his stories, but Kevin, I like to shit
while I'm sitting at a toilet with no one taking my picture.
But that's just me.
I mean, I don't know.
Maybe I'm in the minority out of this.
I just thought that was unbelievable
that he's talking about the backstabbers.
I could probably list all the people
that he thinks has stabbed him in the back
as everyone's talking shit about this guy
because I hope he was a shitty coworker.
He treated everyone like garbage.
Right, right.
We've already covered that.
Let's move on.
Let's move on to the new things.
So he talks about the shaman that he hired a shaman came to my house
legit, okay, I'm listening with tribal drum
African or American Indian American Indian native native American
Shaman yes, dream catcher in his hair all that shit
Okay, brilliant back and forth with these two so this now, I'm gonna get into a series of clips
that introduces what I really wanna talk about.
And I snorted stuff.
No.
I don't really wanna tell the full story here.
I'm just giving a little pieces, but I snorted something,
and I'm like, I've never done heroin,
but I'm not sure if I just snorted heroin.
Okay, so this shaman shows up in his house and they're doing all these meditation exercises
and whatever fucking nonsense.
And then he snorts some type of plant, he says.
And now he's concerned that he just did heroin.
Do you remember this, Pirate Kevin?
Yes, I do.
Okay.
What is so ridiculous about this is that he goes on and on about how he thinks he might have done heroin
and he explains what he went through, things like this.
My body was on fire. You ever do heroin? No.
Okay. So he's asking, if you ever done heroin because my body was on fire, is that normal?
And then Carl knows a little bit about this. So he asked him this question.
You did not do heroin.
If you did, did you get itchy and scratchy?
No, the whole body heated up though.
And it was on fire.
I was like, OK, so Carl's, did you get itchy?
I said, no, not that.
My body heated up.
OK, so we're trying to figure out if you did heroin or not.
There are very specific things that happen to figure out if you did heroin or not, there are very specific
things that happen to you after you've done heroin, and Opie still does not understand.
Let's just put it this way, I was super alert. I was super alert. I was aware of every
inch of my body. Okay, Kevin, I've never done heroin. I assume you have any either.
I have not. Okay, what I know about heroin is it doesn't make you super alert.
I've seen the pulp fiction scene where John Travolta shoots up and then drives around
his car.
He doesn't look super alert in that scene.
He looks like he's kind of dozing off a little bit.
Maybe he's mellow and relaxed.
This fucking idiot, OP, is going, I think I've done heroin.
My body was on fire.
I was alert.
Like, that's the opposite things.
Heroin makes you numb, it makes it so your t-
you're just fucking out of it, you feel great, you fork.
This guy's explaining the exact opposite of all this shit.
And of course, he doesn't want to talk about it too much in depth
because he's teasing this for a future episode.
So I want to do like a full episode.
I want to do a full episode on the shaman coming to my upper west side apartment.
Vick, he told me, he's like, I think I did heroin.
I'm like, do you still have your apartment?
He goes, yeah, I'm like, you didn't do heroin.
That's true.
That's what the experience is.
Holy shit.
He milks this for as long as he possibly can.
This story. And then, he's this for as long as he possibly can this story and then
He's a terrible storyteller and I'm gonna play you this clip and I'll explain why this is not a good story
And again, he does the the high-pitch opi voice, which I think I've done like 18 times today
So I know I know I'm a hypocrite I get it, but enjoy
I was too worried whether or not I did heroin or not
to worry about all that other stuff.
I'm like, is this guy drug dealer?
He's just, this is how he like turns people on
to fucking heroin and now I'm gonna be,
now he's gonna be my dealer for the next 20 years.
Okay, everything that OP says is very fake and superficial.
So he's trying to, you know, oh my gosh,
what happened to me?
He had me sort this thing. Am I gonna be addicted to heroin and now he's trying to, you know, oh my gosh, what happened to me? He had me sort this thing. Am I going to be addicted to heroin? And that was my drug dealer.
First off, are we to believe that this multi-millionaire has an unvedited
potential drug dealer up to his spacious apartment to dose him? Do you think
that he maybe did a little bit of research and probably talked to his other
snobby multiimillionaire friends
About this person and what they're doing
Well, we were to believe that he found this guy in Craigslist
Is this even a plausible story in Opie's world?
No, this is just all bullshit to make him sound like he's got something going on. I
You know, it...
Kevin, the one thing that I was excited about,
because I've listened to a lot of OP podcasting,
in my opinion, more than I'd like to.
And the thing I haven't heard yet,
is any type of format.
And you know how we feel on this on WATP,
we prefer that you have some type of format to your podcast.
You don't just set up a couple of microphones. Just start talking. It's not right.
So finally he gets to a segment and I was so excited.
What do we get right into with our segment that we call weird news?
Okay, some are on its underrated stories that are very strange weird news.
That are very straight weird news
Count as scorch I
I have to give credit to the people on Twitter who kept tweeting me like OPS become scorch I spent hours last night watching old scorch videos and it's fucking amazing
OPS literally become scorch. This is OP, describing OP, I call it this bit.
This is a segment from the old O&A show
where they're listening to Scorch,
and Scorch is now broadcasting from a restaurant,
a bar restaurant, and OP is explaining
exactly what OP is now doing.
Oh man, what the Scorch is PFGTV to all of the viewers in the whole PFG TV network.
See, we can't even say this station or this station anymore because we're I love that
he has no idea that this is not working.
He's not thinking this.
And he's not and he is as big as fucking Conan O'Brien.
It's fucking happening.
Let all in the rest of them.
Is that amazing? Oh, because I love that you just understand this is not working.
It's a holy shit.
You really has become scorch.
I never really thought of it that way.
Dude, listen, listen to this quick segment I pulled where scorch is trying to,
to spin the fact that they used to be in a studio and now they're broadcasting from
a restaurant and it's the exact thing that happened on the OP show that I reviewed a
couple of weeks ago.
It's unbelievable.
We got Scorch talking about how great his new venue is, which is this crappy bar.
Yeah, you know, you said that he always tends to look on the positive.
Oh boy, does he?
He can learn from Scorch as far as looking at the positive.
I think Scorch is one of those guys who practices the secret and power positive thinking.
Yeah, things like that and put himself where he wants.
He visualized himself in this pub.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
A bad, if something bad happens, he doesn't even see it that way.
Nothing bad's ever happened.
It's good.
Before we get into our next segment, I want to talk about we we taped the show now.
This is the living room. We felt so you're genericized if you can use that word. Everything was so generic and
so. Okay. You know, I mean, everything was so, you know, I mean, the TV studios were nice.
Mind you, I'm not going to say the TV studios were nice. But you know what, we came into this place.
We taped at Michael's pub. It's on 113 in Tingsboro massachusetts it's one forty seven
frostbite television
uh... by the pub actually set aside a special
the
scorches literally describing exactly what opi is doing now
if you remember from the opi radio show you to be four years like yeah right this
uh... bar on uh... fifty second street
uh... on the upper west side like
who wait what
that used to be in a studio in a building
and the other part i like about that is that uh... they talk about like
anfady piped in a or uh... sand piped in was like uh...
yeah you know he reads the secret and he's in all these new age things
and i'll fucking he was just talking about that damn shaman.
He is fucking scorch.
Oh, he has become scorch.
It's unbelievable.
He's always talking about the numbers.
So scorch is on there going, yeah, I can't even talk about what,
what's station run now where we have all these affiliates.
Opie, even in this show that we just listened to Kevin
is talking about,
Westwood's one's really happy with the numbers.
That was showing Karl our download numbers.
The numbers are huge.
I don't believe you.
If highly rated shows never talk about the numbers,
they don't have to.
Right, yeah, it speaks for itself.
Do you think he's getting paid to do this podcast?
OP.
Yeah.
I don't know if you heard Anthony's take on it, but Anthony was positive that he was not
getting paid for it.
Because OP's not selling any advertising.
There's no revenue model here.
So do you think I'm trying to like get inside Opie's mind?
Like do you think he's doing this to like,
I got to keep myself relevant,
I got to keep my name out there.
So people don't forget about me.
Is that, do you think what he's trying to do with this?
Well, it doesn't make any sense to me
because Westwood One is a legitimate company
that is hired.
If you go to Westwood One,
I don't know if it's Westwood.com or their podcast site, it's got Jim Rome,
it's got a couple, I'm drawing a blank,
but it's got a couple of famous people
and Opia's in that mix of people that are going through
and I'm like, why?
I know that Jim Rome definitely is not doing something
for free and I know that it's Jericho is one of the people
on there.
I know Jericho is not doing something for free, so they that it's Jericho is one of the people on there. I know Jericho's
not doing something for free, so they must be paying him something, but I don't know
how or why. He's not generating any revenue for the company.
Oh, this is so fucking cringey. So fucking big though.
There was a drop from the Scorch segment that Jim Norton had that I just thought was
perfect for future OP shows.
And this fucking joke blocker.
He was describing Scorch and it's so perfect.
And this fucking joke blocker.
The other thing that Scorch does is he never has a joke.
So if he hears something that he thinks
is interesting or funny, he just amplifies it.
And I wasn't able to find that exact segment
because I was watching hours of this last night
and I saw that.
But then listen to this OP show that we just listened to.
And Vic Henley talks about how his teeth are fucked up
and just this is Opie's joke.
It breaks all the time. It breaks every two years because I grind my teeth and I don't wear my mouse guard at night.
You have a mouse guard? Oh my gosh.
You have a mouse guard?
Like that, he just said he had a mouse guard. He just said he wears a mouse guard.
You have a mouse guard? That's your joke?
Oh, fucking hell.
It's so tough.
It's so hard to listen to.
It's so hard, but you know what?
There was a time when OP was on OP in Anthony.
All right.
This is going along. A worthy affiliates.
We're going along this week.
Yeah, but you gotta make sure you get them
to your numbers though.
Get your numbers up there.
Get your numbers up.
Kevin, we've talked about Stuttering John.
We've talked about OP radio.
There's probably other things we could be talking about,
but I feel like it's time for
all right this is the part of the show where we tease the podcast that we'll be reviewing next week.
I'll be playing a quick segment from that podcast to get everyone excited about next week's WATP.
Kevin, you're familiar with this part? A little bit. Yeah, I'd say. Good. Well, here we go.
You're the people in your life when Apes bananas pardon my profanity, but they went nuts for the last
thing we did together where we just kind of recorded at your house and yeah, I got a lot of
responses. I don't know if they necessarily went nuts
Perhaps they were just being kind and just a brand new perhaps they were being
Nice and you know to an old man giving him
Oh, that was such a good podcast you look at the old man doing the podcast. It's like a record a radio this podcast
Is that how hurt functions? This is a West Fall.
This is a podcast called Papa's Basement Episode 5, 6, 8,
568 Depression and Anthony Bourdain's Suicide
with Sean Westfall.
This was a suggestion that came in over Twitter
from Brian Bolte.
I think that Brian might be the host of the show,
although I'm not positive.
His face until very similar to the face of the host
of the show.
Yeah.
I love when the fucking people like Tweet you
and be like, oh, you should check out our show, man.
And then it just becomes a fucking shit fest
when you actually get all of it.
Well, the funny part is,
is that the tweet that came over was,
yeah, it's all fun and good that you did an OP show,
that show sucks.
You should do a good show, do poppies basement,
and I don't think it was sarcastic,
or trying to be funny.
It was like, now do a good show.
And then I'm looking at the guy who sent that to me,
and I'm looking at the picture of the host
on their website, and I'm like,
I think this might be the same guy
who's declaring that this is a good show.
So, okay.
And it's been around a really long time.
This is what has happened on WETP.
It has just become people submitting shit to you.
Oh, it's on a control, we have, I've said this before,
but we have a fucking backlog of shows and it's tough because
I've talked to people like the
Poboys podcast
Obviously our buddy Doug and who's right?
If told me we like it when you do the indie
Podcasts. It's way more entertaining
Now recently we've been doing a lot of
Big shows Howard Stern, OP Radio, Stunner,
huge show. Yeah, big show. And I think that's a lot of fun too because here is a show that
should be good and isn't for a lot of different reasons, whereas these other shows shouldn't
be good and aren't. So it's tough, you know, it's a weird balance
of trying to figure out how far down to punch
in certain aspects, because I get these show people suggest
they're like, hey, this is my show, it really sucks.
I love you guys shit on it.
And I was thinking, oh, we could, but I don't know,
I think I've covered most of the things
that suck about shitty podcasts at this point.
Yeah, I don't know how you keep doing it,
but you're doing a good job, God.
Oh, thanks, thanks, Kevin.
Yeah.
It's like my mom complimenting me.
Wait, I just do a Suddering John joke.
Ah, holy shit.
I think you did.
Oh, go fuck yourself.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Kevin, thanks a lot for joining us on the show this week. I think you did go fuck yourself
Kevin thanks, thanks a lot for joining us on the show this week. It's been a lot of fun talking to you again Do you do you have anything you want to plug? No, I absolutely nothing going on in my life right now
Sistine
All right, please join us again next week because it might be the episode we find out once and for all who are these podcasts sleep well every pony
You not carry
Your white head a giant stitch in her. Fuck you!
I don't know who you must have been.
I need it from the top.
I gotta get it.
Oh wow, they're so good at it. This dude is fucking corny!
You know, who are these?
Podcasts.
I don't know.
I don't get it.
Makes no sense.
But all we can talk about is the way they... I don't know. I don't get it. It makes no sense.
Well, feel free to cut a lot of that out. I was, I don't know off topic on half of what I was talking about, but
Not more than usual. Yeah, hopefully there's some stuff which it was. I think so. I think so. I
What else did I? I had this
Clip that we didn't get to, you know,
that's the one bad thing about being famous for something, especially something as cultish
as the Stuttering John thing was, we do get pigeon hold, uh, you know, typecast into that
role. And that's the one downside. So I love that he thinks he's pigeonholed because of the character you play on Stern,
not because he has no talent.
Right, right.
That that person holds you is your lack of talent
or resourcefulness.
Pigeon hold.
They'll pass you by pigeon hold.
Okay, Anthony could say, my standup wasn't funny
or whatever,
or even though he's laughing his ass off.
And my brother knows his laugh
because he was an open Anthony fan
and I saw Anthony laughing his ass off.
It's just such a lie.
Is that fucking hilarious?
He goes, Anthony came to my standup show
and my brother heard him laughing.
And I saw him laughing.
Go, okay, whatever.
Well, how bad is this gotten for you in life
that you have to prove that Anthony Kubia
laughed at a joke you told while you were on stage?
Right, yeah, that is holy shit.
Comment, you know, and like, you know,
the little bit that I actually know about standup,
that is like, that is a real reach.
Like you have, that's the type of approval that you need
that you have to like watch to see if someone you
Whatever admire is laughing at one fucking joke or that that you've told could you imagine if someone came to your standup show
Kevin and then afterwards you're talking to me like yeah, I saw you laughing at the chucky cheese joke
And you also laughed at the like how uncomfortable was that like wait are you, are you keeping a scorecard on stage with you?
What's got, what's got you laughing?
What's got you laughing there?
That's only fucking, fucking, fucking stuttering, John.
What is wrong with you?