Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep220 - 2 Bears 1 Cave

Episode Date: August 23, 2020

I heard Tim Dillon say that never in the history of comedy have comedians produced more content. That's true and I wish they'd stop. When headliners like Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are eating peanu...t butter on YouTube we've reached the point of oversaturation.  Cros swings by the illustrious WATP Studios to chat about Bert and Tom proving how stupid they are, Stuttering John's lawsuit that proves how stupid he is, and Patrick Michael opening his mouth and subsequently proving how stupid he is. Support the show: http://bit.ly/watp-patreon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Garl, baby If you add if you add a vagina I'd fuck it. Hello. Thank you nice, Doug Like I'm gonna I mean I'm gonna die. I'll probably I'll know this hey. I want to suck your dick I've never listened to who are these podcasts, and I never will W-A-T-P! W-A-T-P! Hello, rubber nicks and cuss-a-rudes. Welcome to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts? The only show that broadcasts from Rochester, New York, which is...
Starting point is 00:00:32 The fact Japanese in the world. With me this week is Kuroj, welcome Kuroj. Hello! How's it going, buddy? Good good, man, I'm alright. I'm doing wonderful. Please, please. I'm going to do a great job. Which is... The fact Japanese people work. With me this week is Karoj, welcome Karoj. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:46 How's it going buddy? Good good man, how are you? I'm doing wonderful, please go to who are these that kind of your email address, voice mail number, link to our subreddit, link to the discord server, link to our merchandise, link to our YouTube channel, link to our Patreon. Just put out a brand new bonus yesterday.
Starting point is 00:01:00 Andy came over here Thursday, we recorded the bonus, we talked about Jerry Banfield. Oh, I can't wait there. We talked about Patrick Michael. We talked about Stuttering John Molendes. Wow. It was epic. All the way. It's a great bonus episode. Because you've done a bunch of bonus episodes. It's a different feel to the show. It's loose. It's easy going. Yeah. Good time. It could get to a real chuckle fast. A lot of yellow and sweat. On a swing, unlike the regular show. Right. A lot of beer, a lot of girls, and a lot of cursing.
Starting point is 00:01:30 Also, we encourage our listeners to give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and the shit all over in the comment section. Today, we'll be reviewing a podcast called Two Bears One Cave. This is a suggestion that came in from Matt and Chicago. Fuck you, Matt and Chicago. We have both listened to each other separately. We have not discussed it with each other before, and let's get into it. This is a show that's hosted by comedians Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, not just comedians,
Starting point is 00:01:56 but best friends. Yeah, and you said this is like a popular show, right? Okay, so the episode that we are reviewing, which came out a few days ago, Yeah, has 617,000 views on YouTube. It's also a podcast. So millions of people have heard this now. That's the most mind-boggling part of this whole act. Correct. The fact that anyone is entertained by this for five minutes, let alone 90 minutes at a time. It's just, I can't even fathom it. Let's get into clips because I really want to point out how poor these two are at putting on an entertaining show.
Starting point is 00:02:31 Yeah, it's surprisingly bad. Even though you shouldn't be surprised if you've heard us cover Tom Segura or Bert Kreischer, you would think it would be bad, but man, it's even worse. It's worse than you'd think it would be. You'd think they would land on a joke by mistake. Yeah. You got a clip that sums up the show for you, Crows.
Starting point is 00:02:49 I do and I call it two distractions, one sentence. This is number one. If it works a little bit, then I'll go to a doctor and go, hey, I really need this shit. By did the sleep test, it was a fucking nightmare. Who's that? I don't know. It was a nightmare to do the sleep test,
Starting point is 00:03:00 and I was like, let's wrap. And okay, hold on, I'm in the middle of a point. Okay, it's because I'm in the middle of a point. Okay, you kids, cause I'm right. No. Neither of them can get through a sentence. Yeah, it doesn't even matter what he was trying to say, cause he didn't even know what he was trying to say. By the way, I had that clip too, and the reason why I had it
Starting point is 00:03:17 is because he's making some type of point. He's trying to talk about something. Tom Siger goes, let's wrap, right in the middle of it. And the reason why is because they need to fill a certain amount of time to get their seven sponsorship reads in. They're just filling time so they can read the ads so they can make money. And that's how you know that.
Starting point is 00:03:35 Because they're in the middle of the conversation. He's like, all right, we've filled our time. Let's call it. Let's rap. He's like, what do you mean? I'm talking most of it. I'm not listening to you. No one is.
Starting point is 00:03:43 No one's listening to any of this shit. Yeah, and I'm sure we'll get into it. Like they're coming up with shit on the fly to fill time. Like, hey Carl, how many digits of pie do you know? And then they'll spend 20 minutes on that. And it's just endless nonsense. All right, I have an example of that. What this show needs, I wrote a note down.
Starting point is 00:04:01 This show needs like a segment producer. Yeah. They need like, Will Murray or something over there to say, all right, we're gonna talk about this and then we'll get into that. Like it's so mindless. Yeah. And random. Yeah, like for instance Adam Crowell has a guy who's like,
Starting point is 00:04:14 oh, here's the game I set off but you're here pick between these things and pick the one or whatever. Oh God, they try to set up games. Yeah. Not stop. So this is where they come up with an idea and Bert declares that this is gonna go viral. He's excited about this idea.
Starting point is 00:04:29 All right, let's see who can name the most presidents. Okay, let's go back and first one to tap out. Okay, you guys got a list of the presidents up? Guys, I want you to play along at home, okay? Oh, this will be like a viral clip. Okay, so this is about to go viral. I want you to play along at home, okay? Oh, this will be like a viral clip. Oh, guys, this is about to go viral. I want you to play at home. This is Bert, Chrysler, and Tom Zegura from Two Bears One Cave Listing, American President.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Why did he think that that was gonna go viral? He's like, oh, I better set this up. So it's not out of context for people. This is gonna be amazing. We're gonna list all of the presents. They get through 12, and then it's over. Yeah. They didn't know Clinton or Trump. It's a mind numbing this fucking show is.
Starting point is 00:05:10 That's crazy. And again, it's like, it's two people, two dummies having dumb conversations. We like, like, came over like, hey, Carl, how many colors can you name? Right. How many fucking people in the phone book can you think of? Like, it's not even, none of this is interesting.
Starting point is 00:05:25 By the way, what you said was not an exaggeration. A lot of times we exaggerate for comedic reasons. Yeah. How many colors could you name? Might be out next week's show if they hear us do that. So, holy shit, that's a great deal. Here's another free one. How many types of trees can you name, fellas?
Starting point is 00:05:39 That's like a half hour for you. That's literally what this show is. And then they giggle to each other because they're stupid. Like, oh, neat. Like, for example, they didn't know the second president of the United States was. And this is surprising, even to me. There's got, think less think, right?
Starting point is 00:05:52 So George Washington was first, who's number two? I don't know. Is that something? No, I'm kidding. Think about it. Would this be interesting to you? What do you listen to this? Yeah, why play the game?
Starting point is 00:06:09 They call up a guy, played number 14. This blew me away. Yeah, okay. You listen to this, Graham. Oh my god. You listen to that, Graham, was a president? Yeah, yeah. Okay, maybe you don't play the game.
Starting point is 00:06:19 Yeah, maybe it's not that fun or funny. If you're like Colorado's a state, maybe you don't play the game where you name all the states. That's not a game for you. Yes. Agreed on that one. Yeah, it's interesting that they try to figure out who their smartest friend is.
Starting point is 00:06:35 That's the clip you just played. The person they call up. Because they could, like I said, they can't with like a dozen presents. And they're like, oh, who would know who the presidents are? Let's call our smarts friend. But they try to figure out who that is and listen to the pause after they ask this question.
Starting point is 00:06:46 I thought we named all the 20th century. Who's our smartest friend? Who's our smartest friend? Who's our smartest friend? It's Joe Rogan. Your smartest friend is Joe Rogan. The answer's Joe Rogan. He just said $100 million deal to be a podcaster.
Starting point is 00:07:04 Yeah. Nobody else can podcaster. Yeah. Nobody else can do that. Yeah. They're like, I don't know. Waiter on the show. They call up Dr. Drew and he answers. Yeah. Like that might be your smartest friend.
Starting point is 00:07:14 He's a fucking MD. I don't know. Yeah. Well, yeah, they think it would be super fun too. Here's number 13. Okay. Colt Kevin Christie, tell him as quick as he can,
Starting point is 00:07:24 left off as many presidents as he can. Okay. If he Kevin Christie, tell him as quick as he can, lift off as many presidents as he can. Okay, let me. If he gets one out of our group, then he wins. Let's see. This is a fun game. No. Oh yeah. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Bert Christchurch is constantly declaring that things are fun and interesting and we're all enjoying this. And that tells me that's probably just the opposite. You know, it's that whole thing where you're trying to sell things a little bit too hard. Yeah, yeah. So he comes up with another game.
Starting point is 00:07:50 And here are the rules of the game because since they didn't know who any of the presidents were, they're like, oh, I got an idea. Yeah. I want you to take a look at the names that we didn't name. And then I want you to come up with names
Starting point is 00:08:01 that are semi-similar, okay? Meaning take a look at their vice president, take a look at a name that we would might also recognize. And then I want you to give us both names. And we've got to decide if that was an American president or not an American president. Meaning, meaning, so you name a name that was an American president or not. And then we're going to go, that guy was never president or that guy was our president. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Does that make sense? Yeah. I want to play the game with you right now, Kuzh. and then we're gonna go, that guy was never president or that guy was our president. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. I wanna play the game with you right now, Cous, you ready? And that was the second time they explained that whole thing. I could throw out a clip that was him trying to explain at the first time. It's like dude, maybe games just, as a thing aren't for you.
Starting point is 00:08:37 You might be trying to play Mopley with this guy. He's trying to explain free parking. It would take all fucking day. You'd be there for hours. Cous, I got a fun game for you, ready? I'm gonna name a podcast title, you just tell me if Patrick Michaels the host or not, all right? All right, chewing bubble gum. Oh shit.
Starting point is 00:08:52 Oh, no. Oh, yeah, ding ding ding. Uh, breakfast sausage. What a fun game. Yeah, fascinating shit. They were so impressed with themselves too. Yeah. When, when the guys like reading off impressed with themselves too. Yeah, when
Starting point is 00:09:05 when the guys like reading off names of people like, Oh, I have no idea that's a president now, then what are we doing? Yeah, what's the fucking point? They're not keeping score. It's just again, it's just filling time. Yeah. And these are people who thought Ben Franklin was a president. What about Benjamin Franklin? Was he not a president? No, he never was a president. Wait, why is he on a hundred dollar? I thought that was the only because he discovered lightning. Who is this for? Oh, man. Who is enjoying this? Is it for fifth graders? You're like, oh, smarter than these famous comedians. Yeah. Yeah. Is it to build up the sub-acetive of our youth? Because if that's the case, then I'm for it. You don't think that's the case?
Starting point is 00:09:39 No. You don't think that's the target audience for this one? I don't know who the target audience was. And I want to say really dumb board people. And I can't, I, I, I, I it's shocking how much you don't the second president of the United States How would anyone know that? How could you possibly know that? They get into the essence of knowledge first. They try pulling this off which was hilarious because this was the only game that lasted 90 seconds here's number 15 all right, okay? I'm gonna go I'm gonna's first and then I want you to go. Top 10 books I've ever read. And again, they go back and forth twice and they're already out of books. It's, they don't even know what the fuck's going on.
Starting point is 00:10:31 I didn't understand the point of that because he goes, all right, top 10 books you've read. If I asked you, they'd be like, oh, I don't fucking know, can I, can you give me a day? Yeah, I have to top 10 books. And then, top 10 girls, like, what do you mean? He's like, well, can you just name 10 books you've read? I can just be changed the rules very quickly
Starting point is 00:10:47 because they're like yeah, how the fuck are we gonna do this? Yeah, yeah, I remember Jay Leno had that bet and he went out and asked people or no Jimmy Well, it's not Kimmel. You Jimmy Kimmel, thank you. Name a book and people couldn't do it. They couldn't even spit out the Bible. They'd be like Dr. Seuss is like,
Starting point is 00:11:05 well, that's an author, but there you go. Well, it's, I mean, do you realize that they're able to add it out to the people who are high on math? Of course. And just, but these two guys would have been great on that. They would have been like,
Starting point is 00:11:17 they have a book and they'd be like, uh, hop on dad, they're like, well, you're close, it's hop on pop, but sure. I mean, so Bert Kreischer's big statement in this episode is he's discovered that dumb people reading books does not help them. And they should not read books because they're just dumb. And he gives an example of this. He's very difficult.
Starting point is 00:11:38 It's very difficult for him to describe what he's talking about. And Tom's not picking up what he's putting down. So he says, he gives the Bible as the example. It's what just triggered me. You mentioned the Bible here. As I often do. We're always talking Bible talker out there. Like if you read a book and you're a moron, the Bible, perfect example.
Starting point is 00:11:58 How many people read the Bible and are morons and then go, oh, that means no butt fucking. You're like, that's not the point. The book's about. Right? Yes. I think that actually is one of the points of the Bible I think no butt fucking is Specifically a point of the Bible by rock about this hard There's a ton of butt fucking in the Bible actually if you want to get technical about it It's out of me though and then a bunch of bad shit happens to those right and I mean you know
Starting point is 00:12:20 It's up for debate you would draw the conclusion that butt fucking is frowned upon By God, I mean there's know, it's up for debate. You would draw the conclusion that buttfucking is frowned upon by God. I mean, there's a lot of interpretations. You know what I mean? Okay. That's with anything. Yeah, well, yeah, they get into the essence of truth. Here's number 16 from Bart. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:36 Intelligent. Don't give dumb people access to become intelligent. Well, I think I mean, by the way, this is a, everything I do is skewed in a comedy sense, so I'm trying to come up with the idea that is at one point funny, but there is truth behind every idea. Stop it!
Starting point is 00:12:53 I'm speaking the truth, but it's funny. They get into books. This is three different clips. This is Bert. This is just called Bert Can't Read. Three different times. They're 17. You know what they call a guy-gin is what they call white people, I think.
Starting point is 00:13:08 By the way, see, I don't even know the information I read and I'm repeating it, and it's not even correct. See, my brain read this book and then I can't tell you what this book's about. No one asked dolphins to grow up. No one asked dolphins to grow up.
Starting point is 00:13:24 No one asks dolphins to grow up. No one asked dolphins to grow up. No one asks dolphins to grow up. My whole time I read that book, all I thought was I'm a fucking dolphin. Everyone's asking me to grow up and be mummature. But I'm a fucking dolphin. I like to jump out of the water. I like to fucking run around. I'll come up to your boat and be like, that's all I only take away from that book. The whole time I read it, I was like, and here they are asking a dolphin to fucking put
Starting point is 00:13:44 it short on. Is that what the book is about? I have, I could not tell you what that book. The whole time I read it, I was like, and here they are, I was gonna doff and fucking put it in a shirt off. Is that what the book is about? I have, I could not tell you what that book is. Stop it! You're so stupid! That was three conversations about three different books. He didn't know anything. He had no idea what the books were even the basic summary of it.
Starting point is 00:13:59 He couldn't even describe these fucking books. It's amazing that he came to the conclusion that dumb people shouldn't read books. I wonder how he came to that conclusion. It's shocking. It's amazing that he came to the conclusion that dumb people shouldn't read books. I wonder how he came to that conclusion. It's shocking. It's shocking. You know what, Bert, I'm gonna throw it out there. Most dumb people should read more books.
Starting point is 00:14:12 Yeah, or try to understand them at least. When I don't read the book and someone's like, what was that book about? And you're like, I don't know. All I thought it was dolphins. Maybe you got to, you know, maybe go back to Dr. Seuss to bring it back, I guess. I don't know. So I think I've cracked the nut of why these guys are popular and what
Starting point is 00:14:30 their whole stick is and the whole essence of what this relationship is and what this show is. And I have the clip that sums it up here. You like it? I know you. I know you. This is why you need me as a best friend. We just saw my mystery together. I better treat you. So, they're like best friends and they declare that they're best friends. And this is where they're eating peanut butter and the guy enjoys the peanut butter and for some reason, birds are very excited about this.
Starting point is 00:15:03 They're acting like children. They're adults who act like children. That's what their stick is. That's what makes them appealing to people. Like, oh, here I've been an adult, and we have words like adulting and shit like that, because nobody wants to grow the fuck up and have responsibilities and live their lives correctly.
Starting point is 00:15:20 So instead, they're like, I just want to be a 13 year old child. I just want to go to sleepovers with my friends and eat peanut butter. And these assholes are doing on YouTube. And I think that's where their audience is. I think it's people who are stuck in their teenage years, probably in their 20s, 30s and 40s who are going, oh my gosh, these guys just be fucking ragy alcoholics and eat junk food and giggle at themselves and they're famous.
Starting point is 00:15:41 I want to do that. It's amazing. I think you are on to something there. And no lie, 30 minutes of the show is peanut butter talk. I mean, they go on, which is even worse than what books have you read that you don't understand? Like what do you think of peanut butter? Oh yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:56 The hot takes on peanut butter are just hysterical because they're comparing natural peanut butter where the oil will separate. I mean, we've all had natural peanut butter And you have to stir it up compare it to process like Jeff peanut butter and Bert goes into a full thing on that It's like you might want to leave that out of your act buddy. Oh, not that interesting Well, and to go back to your childish shit. Here's number three. This is him enjoying some peanut butter Is that
Starting point is 00:16:24 It's very spicy. It is. It's going to be hard. Why is it going to be like this? That's a great thing to do when a pod gets it's eat peanut butter. Telling anything is a terrible idea. Peanut butter is the worst. Dude, the worst idea.
Starting point is 00:16:37 Talk with your mouthful. What the fuck, dude? By the time my kids were five, they wouldn't have pulled that shit in the same zip code as me, because I would have smacked the fucking food right out of their face. And that's why you don't like grocery or your dad. What a fucking asshole. Now my kids are, are assholes, but they don't talk with their mouthful. It puts them leagues ahead of these. Well, let me play an example because they're taste testing peanut butter with pretzels.
Starting point is 00:17:02 And of course we get to hear them crunching on a pretzel. Just let this one play out. That is really fucking good. I didn't sweeten that. I didn't do anything to that. That's the audio that's coming out on a podcast that has millions of listeners. Yeah, and then they get to, in this long peanut butter discussion,
Starting point is 00:17:32 they start reading George Washington Carver's Wikipedia entry because of course they do. This clip is kind of long and that's Isock 15 seconds of dead air out of this clip. So what you're gonna hear was actually a shit ton longer. Here at number four. Carver developed approximately 300 products made from peanuts.
Starting point is 00:17:51 These include floor, flower, paste, insulation paper, wallboard, wood stains, soap, shaving cream skin hilarious what's going on is a what's going on George Washington Carver made so many things out of peanut butter But but they're all like, lotions, shaving creams, skin lotion, soap. I bet when he came walking around the corner, like, here comes George, I'm going to go over her, I smoke peanut butter! read Wikipedia to me than this fucking idiot.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Imagine being that proud of yourself. Imagine thinking a list was that funny. Correct. That's the intro paragraph of a Wikipedia article. If that's your comedy, man. And there's a ton of background noise going on. And I was fascinated by this. Here's what the room sounded like.
Starting point is 00:19:06 Now I didn't sweeten this, but you'll hear that I added. I boosted the volume twice. This is the sound of the room. Here's number six, just some random shit they're talking about. Oh, I think he actually has a, we were trash talking in that group text today, remember?
Starting point is 00:19:18 I don't read them. Okay. I don't read, I don't, like I read the last one, and if it applies to me, I reply to that one. So think about what your ego would be, if someone was cracking up laughing at everything you uttered like that, that's insane.
Starting point is 00:19:35 This guy's like, oh, I don't read text messages. Blah! This guy's losing his mind over that. Yeah, do you get that message? No, insane laughter. Insane laughter. And so you wonder why Bert? No, insane laughter. Insane laughter. And so you wonder why Bert is such an eagle maniac. That's why.
Starting point is 00:19:50 He thinks everything he says is hilarious. It's not. Yeah. In fact, very little of what he says is hilarious. The only thing I thought was funny is that the very, very addon was after they were wrapping up and they were talking about doing the sleep test. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:03 And they were talking about how they needed to take ambion in order to do the sleep test and they started talking about doing the sleep test. Yeah. And they were talking about how they needed to take Ambien in order to do the sleep test and they started talking about they were gonna be yelling racial epithets and tweeting at the Secretary of State. That was like, okay, that's kind of funny. Yeah. Nothing else in the show for an hour and a half. This is an hour and a half show.
Starting point is 00:20:19 Yeah, it's interesting. It was even remotely interesting to listen to. Yeah. Or funny at all. Can I just, I put together a peanut butter super cut. Oh yeah. There's so much fucking peanut butter talk on the show. It never ends.
Starting point is 00:20:32 But again, Twins love peanut butter. Yeah, they probably eat three or four peanut butter sandwiches a week. So to them, this is really important shit. Peanut butter. Peanut butter. It's like a peanut butter. Peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter. The peanut butter, peanut butter. Oh. He created peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter Oh, he created peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter like just healthy peanut butter which peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut peanut butter peanut peanut butter peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut, peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter. And getting back to that thing where he said, you played the clip, where it's like,
Starting point is 00:21:07 everything I say is skewed in comedy. I'm like, oh, dude, you're trying to be funny. Don't say that. That makes it worse. If you were decided you're going to just try to kill some time and read some ads, I'd hit more respect for you than saying, oh, I'm gonna taste peanut butter and eat pretzels on a podcast.
Starting point is 00:21:22 I'm trying to be funny. Yeah. Oh, well, you're, you're bad at that, that. Yeah. Pretend you're not. By the way, he's also really bad at reading ads. I'm talking about Bert Kreischer specifically here. He cannot read, this is an ad he's reading
Starting point is 00:21:37 for something that helps with hangovers. So, Bert's the perfect guy for this. Everyone knows he's the machine, he drinks a ton. He's that he's chugging wine on the show, chugging it, a red wine, a pino. And so, he's got this product that you'd want to think that he actually uses. Like, the whole point of doing a read
Starting point is 00:21:56 and endorsing a product, you're like, this works for me. Tell me if this sounds natural in any way, he's holding a piece of paper and reading it poorly. I'm an active guy. I like to have little wine, but before I do, I take a little DHM detox. It gets rid of the brain frog, the nausea,
Starting point is 00:22:14 the next day, hangziety. You don't have any of that. See, the big misconception is that all your hangovers are due to dehydration. That is not true. It's due to the buildup of alcohol's toxins as a byproduct. And DHM detox uses science to help boost your body's natural response to alcohol and help break down those toxins.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Their key ingredient comes from Asia. It is an Asian extract. It comes from a plant extract that has been used in Asia for centuries and is known as Tree of the Gods. The crazy thing is this was pre-recorded. Yeah, he has many takes it as he wanted He's like we got it Fucking nailed it because all the ads come swooping in in the middle of a conversation And then it's just a pre-recorded ad that they read yeah
Starting point is 00:22:59 If you would heard that you would think well he's been drinking wine and they're just kind of wronging with it on the show No, he had all the time in the world to get it right. Yeah, that, yeah. It's script over himself. It's every other word. And it's really poor copy, red poorly. Yeah, I know. I know that.
Starting point is 00:23:16 He knows shit. The fucking extracts from Asia, care. From Asia. Well, then it must work. And no, dude, I did a lot of drinking in my time. Hanziety was never an issue for me. Hangovers were a big problem in my life. I never had Hanziety.
Starting point is 00:23:34 Let's talk about births of Mushmouth. This is like right out of the gate. I mean, I probably know this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How the fuck do you talk like that in your podcast host? No, not a podcast host. This guy hosts multiple podcasts. If we're some reason they're talking to Warren Samp
Starting point is 00:23:52 about starting another show. So we're talking to Warren Samp about doing a podcast together. And I'm hoping it can come together. And all I mean by that is like, you know, there's three different people now, three schedules, the logistics of it all. I hope it can come together.
Starting point is 00:24:06 So what's the two of them with an X NFL guy? I don't understand why that makes sense. But look, Tom Sagerhoes, your mom's house and this two bears, Bert has Bert Cass, he also has the Bill Bert podcast with Bill Burr. They're constantly, everyone else's podcasts are constantly guests on shows. They don't have anything to talk about anymore. They could be interesting people, but they're spreading themselves way too thin. They're spreading the peanut butter too thin, Grouse.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Yeah. And it gets into this. So, and this is another 20 minute conversation. Well, what sports could you beat Warren Sapp at? Yeah. And here's Bert going full motherfucking shameless here on number 10. Okay. I bet.
Starting point is 00:24:43 I bet I could pick up, because I did fencing one time, and they actually said it was pretty amazing. Yeah, and I can ride a bike with no handlebars, and my mom says that my drawing is Spider-Man looks just like Spider-Man. Here's number 11, let's name every fucking sport in Wikipedia.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Okay, hold on, how about badminton? Yes. 101 badminton I could take more. What about 101 basketball? No, uh-uh. I know, by the wayminton? Yes. 101 badminton I could take Warnsab. What about 101 basketball? No, uh-uh. I know, by the way, not even remotely. Boxing? No.
Starting point is 00:25:12 How is this an interesting conversation? And it's just, it's a series of these long boring conversations. It gets a half hour peanut butter, a half hour of this fucking, what can you do with Warnsab? A half hour of what president is? President's gonna be doing. And then we'll talk about the essence of knowledge for some fucking reason.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Yeah. And then we're not. Yeah, it's surprisingly unlistenable. I hated every second of it. I hated every five moments. I sat through the entire 90 minutes straight. I just sat there and tried to focus because if I had taken a break,
Starting point is 00:25:46 I'd never would have gotten back to it. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. I could just feel it that I was like, oh well, if I stop listening now, I'll find any excuse to do anything else. Literally, yeah. All right, let's talk about their hilarious cold open. You're a big catcher in the Rye fan, right?
Starting point is 00:26:03 Oh, I read it because I thought it was a baseball book. I started reading and I'm like, when did I play baseball? And they never play baseball. Like, what level joke is that? I thought catcher in the Rye was a baseball joke. Yeah. By the way, another thing that Bert does is he refers to his act a lot.
Starting point is 00:26:22 He talks about, oh, this is a joke that I wrote, and they're never good jokes. Yeah, yeah. I don't know, I don't know if people find Bert's comedy funny, but let me show you some examples of jokes that he wants to work into the conversation because they're in his act. So I used to have a joke.
Starting point is 00:26:37 One of my first jokes was that I wrote with George Washington Carver, created peanut butter, and he also can make a car, combustible engine, run off the peanut oil as well. His big mistake was thatver created peanut butter, but he also can make a car combustible engine run off the peanut oil as well. His big mistake was that he introduced peanut butter in jelly's first and he was like, all right guys, I'm gonna pass these sandwiches out and then I'm gonna tell you all the cool stuff
Starting point is 00:26:53 I can do with a peanut and they're like, these are good and he's like, hold on, that's just where we're starting. First, I can, they're like, would you give any milk and he's like, hold on guys, hold on, I have a lot of stuff I wanna talk about. And I cut it there but he goes goes on and on and on again, this is entire bit on the podcast.
Starting point is 00:27:08 By the way, Tom's being polite. I'm sure he's, I'm sure he's earned it before. Here's another example of him pulling from a joke that he hasn't as act. I had a joke, I say, I'm not racist. I'm a, uh, I'm a economist because I love numbers. Numbers don't lie. It's interesting because you would think that if you have a joke that you've crafted and you perform on stage
Starting point is 00:27:29 and it works into the conversation, you'd think that would be funny. Like that's a joke you worked on. You're not a racist, you're an economist. Yeah, there you go. Good one. Really funny. And here's another example of Bert talking about a joke
Starting point is 00:27:41 from his act. You would brought up that you were taping your mouth shut. I used to have a joke about that, about going, my wife goes, oh, you have no idea how hard he is to live with. He snores, he doesn't flush the toilet, and when he drinks his semen tastes like shit. And I was like, maybe you have low standards. Wouldn't it be high standards?
Starting point is 00:28:01 That doesn't even make sense. Maybe you have low standards. Like in a man or I think I seem into taste. I think he's going for you have poor taste in man if you were then married to me. But it's, that's not a very poor phrase. It's poorly phrased and poorly executed. I mean, honestly, these guys, these stand-ups, and they both have multiple Netflix specials.
Starting point is 00:28:23 They're both very big comedians, they're at the pinnacle. And if you can't execute on a joke that you've told hundreds of times, if not thousands of times, and you're in a pockets, oh, I have a joke about that. Let me think, so my wife said I snore, and my come tastes like shit.
Starting point is 00:28:40 And then I'm like, well, you're an asshole. You get it? Yeah. All right, You get it? Yeah. All right, guys. Yeah. Well, and they get into some, you know, that comedy classic where you start tagging jokes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:54 Here's number nine. There you go. It's like the guy with the biggest head with an arumphant, a small-headed people. That's not an analogy that people make. It's like a guy with a ton of ears with everyone with no ears. What?
Starting point is 00:29:04 Well, what? Okay. All right, let me just keep doing this. Yeah. It's like a guy with a bottle opener when no one's got a bottle opener. Like a guy who's got six hands and no one's got hands. There you have it. You go. I got it.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Oh, there's even a guy on the phone and everyone's talking over each other. And just I hate it. These are comedians. I really professional comedians. And the guys like it's like you have a dozen ears and just, I hate it. These are comedians, professional comedians. And the guys, it's like you have a dozen ears and everyone else has zero ears. And then the guy tags it with, I have a single bottle opener,
Starting point is 00:29:32 and everyone else has a bottle opener. When you're not understanding what we're going with this, if that's how you're tagging this joke, it's surprising to me that, at a certain point, as they're talking about George Washington Carver, because he talks a lot about George Washington Carver. He's very concerned that talking about him might get him canceled. By the way, what else could George Washington Carver, I'm going to get canceled for this
Starting point is 00:29:58 fucking conversation? What else could he make a peanut do? So I assume the reason why he said I'm going to get canceled for this is because George Washington Carver was a black gentleman Was he? But I would think that he would get canceled for that for the old fashioned way because you're boring and no one's watching or listening That's how you get canceled back in the day kids the way the broadcasters got canceled is they weren't very good Yeah, no one gave a shit. Yeah, wasn't that they talked about George Washington Carver's peanut inventions.
Starting point is 00:30:27 There is something too that there used to be a limited amount of airspace. Correct. And a shitload of competition for the airspace and only more interesting or more relevant things would get through. Now there's unlimited airspace because everybody, even us, could have a fucking podcast.
Starting point is 00:30:43 And it's just, yeah, people you and me have a podcast, crush. And there's the proofs. Yeah, proof is in that pudding right there. All right. Let's talk about Bert's stupid fucking laugh and how crack himself up all the time. This is interesting because this, the show says the description of the show is twice a month, comedian, best friends,
Starting point is 00:31:05 time-sugar and Bert Kreischer get together in a bear cave at YMH Studios to do what bears do, make each other laugh. All right, so the premise says, these guys are just gonna crack each other up, except for that's not what happens, Bert just cracks himself up. Yeah, insulation paper, wallboard,
Starting point is 00:31:22 wood stains, soap, shaving cream, skin lotion. And you already kind of played that, but here's another example of the high voice Bert. He had to get it at the end because he almost went an entire 90 minutes without doing high voice Bert. Yeah. Let's do a sleep test together where we both get in the same bed. God, if I don't fall asleep before you, I'll fucking punch you. Oh, this is a great hit. I will fucking punch you. Let's do a sleep test together.
Starting point is 00:31:55 How are we gonna put this together? No, they have to, it will be sober, right? Who enjoys that? I know that's his signature thing. Yeah. Who's enjoying that? Oh, it's so obnoxious. And he doesn't even do it. Like, I had a whole list of like falsetto songs.
Starting point is 00:32:09 I'm like, oh yeah, I'm gonna make it. I know! To get to your bed! Yeah. It's like, fucking, you see what going to see Galagher? He doesn't forget a water balloon. Oh. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:32:18 Yeah. Why am I here that if you're not gonna do your bed? Ha ha ha. Oh, man. When they're talking about peanut butter, they decide, all right, we're gonna mix together Jeff, the processed peanut butter with this natural peanut butter.
Starting point is 00:32:32 We're gonna mix the two together on a podcast, and then eat them, and then taste them, and Bert decides this is gonna be amazing. By the way, there are people watching this going, I already know where this is gonna go, which is gonna be fucking amazing. Really? Who there are people watching this going, I already know where this is gonna go, which is gonna be fucking amazing. Really? Who would, yeah, even times like really.
Starting point is 00:32:48 Who would think that's gonna be amazing that you're mixing together two types of peanut butter and then eating them? Who's invested in this? Like it's the food channel. Like it's, you know, iron chef or something. Oh my God, they're gonna mix the peanut butter. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:33:02 It's not epic meal time. If this was epic meal time, it would make a little bit more sense. But it's not. It's two best friends trying to crack each other up. Hey, it's the best friend show. We're BFFs. What's up, everybody? Yeah. Yeah. By the way, there is an ad, so there's seven different ads on this show.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Yeah. There is an ad for something that I found bonkers. I've never heard of this before. Hopefully I'll never hear about it again. This episode is brought to you by EstablishTitles.com. You can become a Lord today. I know this sounds a little bit crazy, but listen, in Scotland, landowners have long been referred
Starting point is 00:33:37 to as lards, the Scottish term for Lord. The female equivalent being lady, all you need is at least one square foot of land. So you can now buy title packs, the plots of land, one square foot to ten square feet, so that you can become a lord or a lady, or you can make somebody else. It's an amazing gift. You buy a plot of land in Scotland, and then you get the title of Lord. This is like naming a star after some.
Starting point is 00:34:03 Remember that fucking thing? I was just gonna say, this is that uncle who's got nothing to buy. It's like I named a star after you. I don't know. Here you go. Do you know what it costs to buy this? No, they said it in the ad too. It was like I looked it up right? I looked it up. If you want a one foot by one foot plot of land. Yeah. It's like 50 bucks. Yeah. And then if you want the certificate, the proves that you got it. It's $30 additionally. What? If you want to 10 by 10 it's $300 Jesus Christ $300 for a plot-a-lanid Scotland maybe who fucking know who seems to be approving this
Starting point is 00:34:33 I don't even know selling the same plot of land over and over again Why not buy floor to swamp land at least it's on the continent could you imagine you go to a family gathering And you're fucking uncle cuz I think he's like hey guess who's now Lord Jim Okay, you're gay war Jim Shit stupid. I just pulled a top brother Whoops here was my favorite ad At least a piece of it. It was for a thing that cleans your asshole. Here's number seven But these are common the rest of the world.
Starting point is 00:35:05 I remember the first time you used one in Japan. Wait, hold on. Did you hear that sentence? I gotta start that one over again. This, these are not words. I feel like bull riding. There's no words there. But days are common the rest of the world.
Starting point is 00:35:17 I remember the first time you used one in Japan. I'm barely saying these words. That's hilarious. Yeah. That producer guy who just fucking cackels in the background. Every sentence. It's so obnoxious. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Even if there's just a pregnant pause. Yeah. You don't just say anything even remotely funny or try to be funny. This guy just starts cracking up. It's like the Joker. Like the Joker, like can't help but laugh at everything all the time. Yeah. I hope just like the Joker, he murders the hosts of this show. Hopefully.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Sorry, spoiler alert. At the end of the Joker, he murders the hosts of the show. Sorry about that, everybody. All right, what else you got in this? No, I can't wait to never talk about Berkreicher ever again. I don't know if that's gonna be the case. He hosts 57 podcasts. I know. And all we do is we do podcasts. I'm feeling our paths will cross again. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:12 Well, we have a lot more to get to today, Kroge. I am very excited. I think the big news, of course, is what's going on with our friend Stuttering John. ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John is suing serious axiom. Yes, he is. And I know that he addressed it on his most recent episode and you've brought some clips. Let me just read from the New York Post real quick
Starting point is 00:36:55 so that we're all up to speed. John Moendez, who became known as Stuttering John, is a long time sidekick to the radio and television host Howard Stern, a sued serious axiom for using his name, likeness, and voice without permission on channel dedicated to Stern. Moendez, a cute series of exploiting his celebrity to attract more listeners and advertising.
Starting point is 00:37:13 That's his case. That's the flimsyest case. He can't even get advertisers on the Stuttering John show. Yeah, no, okay. He's literally promoting some guy's house who's trying to sell an LA and Speedweed, and he's selling Speedweed as a trade deal. Yeah. And he's going, oh, but they're making all this money
Starting point is 00:37:30 and serious because it's still doing John's on there. This is the best part. And we'll get into this, but he said, serious responded to his recent cease and desist letter by marginalizing his contributions to Stern's show. And threatening to take his current show, the Surinjohn podcast podcast of his Pandora streaming service That is hilarious the John is the one who's giving us this information
Starting point is 00:37:49 You know what when I told him to stop playing my thing they laughed to me. Yeah, yeah, cuz it's a joke They told me they had to get their testicles reattached because they left their fucking balls. Oh My god, so I know you have some clips, I have some clips too. I have Anthony Cumia had Bob Levy on. No kidding. The Reverend Bob Levy and they discussed this. This was from the show on Thursday. No kidding.
Starting point is 00:38:14 And I love this because as you know, Bob Levy worked for Howard, he worked for Sirius. And had the miserable men show on Sirius. And they had a serious following out. Yes, they certainly did. Bob Levy and Howard Stern. So it starts off by Bob Levy explaining why this is such a stupid and frivolous lawsuit. When you go, okay, you know how it is.
Starting point is 00:38:34 When you come in to do a show, you basically sign something. Signing away as you're in the studio. And you did that all the time. And whether you work there, you signed it too. So basically, how it can have a choice of playing you if he wants to or not playing you if he wants to because he's mad at you and that's just the way it is you don't own anything you spoke into that microphone like he came up with the idea for miserable man he did it with shuley and jimma forrantine he doesn't
Starting point is 00:39:00 own that at all seriously time can do whatever the fuck they want with that and he cannot and that's how it's that to do whatever the fuck they want with that. And he cannot. And that's how that's works. And for a fucking century, that's how that's worked. And it's even crazier than that because Anthony Kumia used to do this show live from the compound. Back when he was on Open Anthony, he was doing a streaming video show from his basement.
Starting point is 00:39:18 And seriously, a problem with that. They own you. They gave me shit during contract negotiations about doing my show from my basement. They didn't want me to do live from the compound when I initially was doing it in my basement while I was still on serious exam. So he had to renegotiate a way that he could do his show and it had to be totally unrelated to the opening Anthony show and he had to do a very different format because when you are hired by a company to perform work, they own your work. This is true even outside of entertainment.
Starting point is 00:39:48 You're a software engineer. If you write software, if you write software, I've patented a few things. Yes, and I don't, I don't own any of that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry to dock you. At the gas station I work at. Yeah, I don good. You're a trucker like Andy. Yeah, exactly. And you don't own those cases of coke that you deliver precisely. So this I thought was really funny because this is what I said when I saw this come out. And the funny thing is all John does is his career is based on the fact that he was on Howard Stern and he constantly talks about that. So shouldn't how it's turned in serious, Sue John, for using their voices and whatnot for his fame. I would love that. It would make me so even though I don't want anyone to get sued for
Starting point is 00:40:35 any of the shows. Of course, it would bring me nothing but pleasure. But it is hilarious considering the percentage of Stuttering John show that's Howard clips or just stories about Howard or the Howard Stern show or the Jay Leno show or any of that shit like As you've documented so many times his show is just all shit from these other places if Howard and Jay were able to be like Hey season to says you can't talk about that part of your life anymore his show would be five minutes long. Yes, correct Yeah, it's wild. Can I play a few more clips? Or do you have shit that John? Yeah. All right. So you're going to have John's rebuttal of this. I assume. Oh, yeah. Okay. Good. All right. So E-rock hops on. And E-rock, as you know, is a radio nerd. Yeah. Yeah. He knows everything there is to know about radio. And he has his
Starting point is 00:41:18 two cents to kick him. At the time, early, the early days of Howard, you know, CBS Infinity owned it. Howard made the deal, he owns it, he owns all his serious stuff. Everything. So you're fighting Don Buckwald and you had people. Ah, good luck. Yeah, good luck. And Howard owns his shit.
Starting point is 00:41:34 Yeah, Howard owns all of his past catalog. He negotiated that, he bought that. Oh, I remember that. So it was a big deal. It was a huge deal. Because for the first year on Sirius, he wasn't able to play any of the old shows And they didn't have a lot of content. He was trying to run two stations by you know having his news crew call up Bigfoot or something yeah talk to him on the phone for 20 minutes of the time
Starting point is 00:41:53 I remember they used to play tapes from NBC when he was on AM radio and like the early early 80s and it was So bad so bad he bought the 19 years where the content it was a huge deal and it was part of the contract. So how it owns all of that, Centering John has no claim to this at all. And Bob Levy has a theory and I tend to agree with him. This has to be a marketing tool. It has to be. It's just trying to. I am a fucking genius at this shit.
Starting point is 00:42:24 If you're not going to get a dime up at this, but now everybody, it's in every paper. It's a great fucking movie. All right. So it's a good point. It is being talked about everywhere. But Anthony says that's how John I can understand actually thinking he has a lawsuit here. But any lawyer that would tell John he's got a lawsuit here should be disbarred immediately.
Starting point is 00:42:48 It's a complete travesty. Are you listening, Vince? Anthony Gubbier thinks he should be disbarred for even pretending that you have a case. Bob Levy is correct. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's talking about this, but we're all goof, it's just like what we've been doing at W-18 people the last two and a half years. We're just talking about Suthering John
Starting point is 00:43:07 and saying what a fucking moron he is. Yeah, exactly. It's not helping, it's case-and-all. In fact, this is Anthony Cohen, John, and Moron. Now here's where Stuttering John's utter fucking moronic mind comes in. He's on Pandora. Which they own. And Dora is now owned by serious XM vice versa name Star John came from the Howard Sternship right so that's make it literally say we own your fucking name
Starting point is 00:43:37 They absolutely can do that if they want a assault a retard It's not a good optic to beat up on the retardant. I know it was funny that they're speculating. He might even own Southern Genoa, but I'll be able to use Southern John, and they talk about, in the article in this New York Post article, it talks about how he got that moniker, and Dave has a pretty funny point on this. Melendez, who has a speech impediments his childhood, got his Southern John moniker and Dave has a pretty funny point on this. Melinda is who has a speech impediments, his childhood, got his
Starting point is 00:44:07 Southern John moniker because blah, blah, blah. We all know, you all know the story of Biff Tenon. Why would you have to tell someone how Stuttering John got his moniker? I go, shit your pants, Jim, what do you call him that? The great Dave Landow, everybody. Very, very good point. And actually one other point from Dave Landow here. Just speaking as a stand of comic, why the fuck would you not want something you did aired on? That's right. 20 years later, if they're still playing your voice, you want to count your fucking blessing. It's the only place anyone's hearing
Starting point is 00:44:44 Stuttering John. Yeah, no shit. They're not hearing him on the Stuttering John show. Yeah. It's a miracle. They're still playing those somewhere. Anyone who's done radio in the 90s, no one's ever gonna hear that again. It got played once in the 90s.
Starting point is 00:44:56 Maybe it made a bust of real. And that's it. It's gone. Only people on the Howard Search Store are still being heard by people in their cars. And even those 10 years on the Leno show where it was a nationwide Late night TV show. Yeah, those are gone forever No one's watching it. It came in a wintry and John's the only idiot who doesn't realize this is keeping his name out there
Starting point is 00:45:18 Yeah, how does he not know that? Well, in this in a way is keeping his name out there too, but as a foil. Yeah, just, and just for a minute, it's gonna be a blip. Yeah, as a radio. By the way, our friend PJ came over the new song. We got to do Stuttering John's side, then we're gonna, this is the world premiere of PJs, brand new Stuttering John. Here comes the son parody, your Beatles fan. Indeed.
Starting point is 00:45:44 You'll enjoy this. He needs more money to get wasted John is gonna sue, sue, sue, sue He's gonna sue Howard Stern, sue that guy All you can do is talk about me But you know why it's very simple Because I'm unlike you Interesting, funny, and po because people are entertained by me Big, big, big king. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:43 Big, big, big king. Yeah. Big, big, big king. Big, big, big king. Yeah. Big, big, big king. Big, big, big king. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:53 Big, big, big king. Big, big, big king. Yeah. Big, big, big king. Yeah. Big, big, big king. Big, big, big king. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:01 Big, big, big king. Yeah. Big, big, big king. Yeah. Big, big, big with the Great Will Nounin, gave us a nice compliment, and that's not something that Anthony does often, but he said that our podcast was great with Opie. Will was very pleased with that.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Also, the great Dave Lando was wearing a sweet ween hat on a Thursday. Dave, I like your fashion, buddy. Yeah. Kevin, nice work. All right, Kros. I'm gonna see you with you. Now, still doing jumping out of show on Thursday. Yeah, killing it. Nice work. All right, Krosi with you. Now, so do you jump out to show on Thursday? Yeah, all right, and he addresses the lawsuit. I'm guessing he mixes in with the do Tard known as Donald Trump. Oh my god. Donald Trump. Do Tard stop out of his 90 minute show. And I know you guys just talk about this recently. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:41 88 minutes is all some and it's frothing at the mouth fuck this guy. I fucking hear everything about this fucking off But it's not even him. It's like somebody else talking about you No, no, no, no, but yeah, so what I'm gonna put and I was actually interested because I'm like all right Well, he's gonna discuss this. He's gonna talk about his feelings like why does he think this is a good idea? I mean this is his platform. This is time to talk about it. And his, his chance to convince me because I'm on the fence. I could be talked. John, sing to me. Tell me what the story is. This is and I'm not even fucking with you. The sun total of it. Number 20 pauses in anywhere you like, but this is everything he has to say about it. Okay, great.
Starting point is 00:48:18 As you know, the start of my career began on the Howard Stern show where I devoted 15 years to creating or contributing to some of the most memorable moments of the show. First as a lowly unpaid intern and later a lowly paid writer and performer, haven't continued to nurture my celebrity status, a name recognition and then 16 years since leaving the show. Series XM should not be allowed to exploit my name, likeness, voice and celebrity without permission or compensation by replaying non-stop from the
Starting point is 00:48:51 Howard Stern Show archives, my work to line their own pockets. It's just not true. And it's signed up for that. And enough is enough people. You're dead serious. And there are hundreds of millions of dollars of the backs of performers like me for too long. I'm not alone here. I'm just the first out of the backs of performers like me for too long. I'm not alone here.
Starting point is 00:49:05 I'm just the first out of the gate. This isn't about me and Howard or a show per se. All I am seeking is to be fairly compensated from serious for it freely exploiting me since leaving the show. And that's all I have to say about that. That's all I have to say about that. What a fucking moron. Dude, you're the backup tambourine player for the monkeys.
Starting point is 00:49:25 Right. And you're suing serious axon because they play daydream believer once a month. And you're like, fucking flip-motto, but no, that's not how this works. You got paid for the session. Get the fuck out with your life. And as Dave Landau pointed out, be happy that you were part of that. Be proud. I was the fucking backup tambourine player for the monkeys. And now I'm gonna go do great things. And I will fuck those serious XM guys. I'm gonna sue them Not for nothing if he had a case. Don't you think already laying and Jackie Martling would be all over this?
Starting point is 00:49:54 Those guys are played way more often this set of a job They had a much bigger role on the show or any celebrity that's been interviewed or any phone caller that calls in I mean, we're any Wack Packer, right? Where does the line end? You don't know what I mean? No, this is so stupid. And I was talking about this with Andy on our bonus episode.
Starting point is 00:50:10 In entertainment, you have to work your deal out ahead of time. Yeah. So if you want to get points on a movie, you could actually make money based on how well the movie does, right? But you got to work that in as a back end deal before you sign the contract.
Starting point is 00:50:24 And a lot of people have been in a lot of movies that have made hundreds of millions of dollars. They got paid the salary one time for filming the movie. And that's it. The key grip isn't making residuals because they're on Empire Strikes Back that is now, you know, sold for four billion dollars. Like that. They're not seeing a dime of that. That's how this works. Sailor Swift has been one of the biggest stars in music for what, 10, 12, 15 years. She doesn't own her first like six or seven albums. She doesn't own it.
Starting point is 00:50:51 Right. It's gone. Well, that's, she's pissed about it. But she's actually shitty. She signed a contract when she was 18 and that's how that shit works. And I'm certainly not defending it. But that's, that's how it goes.
Starting point is 00:51:01 That's actually shitty, and I'll tell you why. Because that music every time it's played makes money. Now, what John's describing was serious. Okay, they got to fill this channel up with content. Yeah, but they're not like making money. There isn't like money being exchanged every time still doing John's voice is heard. Yeah, what I mean.
Starting point is 00:51:21 Whereas in music, it's very different. Money has to be exchanged every time it's played. It is, there's publishing, there's mechanical. It's a it's a whole thing. But point being you can easily sign a thing that says I don't own any of this, which is exactly what happens. So he reads that fucking whatever the fuck that was is statement. And then here's number 21. He'll be taking no question. Okay, great. You find find us a big interest thing. This fucking dumb nuts since the Donald Trump call, which was two years ago He's finding us something interesting and he doesn't want to talk about it. Yep. You know next week I'm gonna have my lawyer on the great Michael Pope-Pock and then if you guys have any questions
Starting point is 00:52:02 For him we will, he will answer all your questions. But, uh, oh, talk to my lawyer. Well, that's actually interesting. I, I feel like we should ask some questions. I'll make you the journey out of it. Yeah. So that I might want to check out.
Starting point is 00:52:17 And then the chat responds to his statement. Here's number 22. John, go from the heart, not a written statement. That is from the heart. Okay. Okay. But we don't have to read these things. I don't know if I have to tell them that. He gets so irritated, but just so read it. Well, it's a big part of the show. So who's in the chat these days? Carl, you may be asking yourself. Here's number 19. Here's a compilation.
Starting point is 00:52:41 Who's in the chat? Shamest 28. Thank you nice Doug. Thank you, Vix Jaffa, and he's stepfather. Patrick's lonely baby never changed for anyone, John. Oh, that's amazing. Still great. Shout out to the listeners of W-A-T-P. Vix Jaffa, and he's stepfather.
Starting point is 00:52:58 That's great. And Patrick's lonely baby. And he's lonely, that's great. Those are fucking great names. And they're all asking questions and participating. Oh my God. So my, that makes me so happy. My hero, like the light of my life,
Starting point is 00:53:11 is a guy or cow going by the name Nice Doug. Okay. They invested, I'm guessing $21 in the soldering John show to ask a series of questions that I think you may find interesting. Okay. Now first they're, they're trying to stir the pot a little bit. Remember, this is an anti-Trump show. Here's number 23. Crap. Oh, wait. Someone gave me a, a super chat here. I might as well. Nice, Doug. Trump
Starting point is 00:53:35 so loser. Well, I'm not going to agree with you there. And he's saying it so was his pal, Anthony Cooley. I'm, I'm Anthony Cooley, certainly not a loser. He's a friend and I have nothing to say. Keep going with that. Ah, no. And nice, Doug's back. Here's number 24. Could I just point out? Yeah, Anthony Cooley just for me. No, asshole. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Well, he also hit me on his show and we played Clesson made fun of him. Yeah. When I was out of the show and he's calling him a moron because this is what happened. What Suttering John did, which was a poor calculation on his part go figure, is he really would have to already hang hard. Yeah. Now, if you remember, Arty Lang was a co-host with Anthony Kumia and Arty Lang is beloved
Starting point is 00:54:23 by Howard Stern fans. Yes. He might be loved. I mean, he's definitely loved more than Howard Stern. Way at this point. Yeah, Arty Lang is a legend. So if you're a Howard Stern fan, and that's why you know Suthering John, you might not like Suthering John
Starting point is 00:54:36 for the simple fact that he told Arty Lang to kill himself. Yeah, well, if that was a really poor decision on his part, everyone who likes Howard Stern is like, no, go fuck yourself Stuttering John who likes the bats if you have any empathy in your heart at all for someone who's been very Public about their struggles with their father dying and their drug addictions and their their issues And no any anything with that and this guy saying go kill yourself like well, yeah Solly out of jealousy too. Yeah, cuz Arty Lang has never been to anything but a ball buster.
Starting point is 00:55:05 He busts his balls. John doesn't know how to take it because he's not smart or witty. Yeah. So he just goes, oh, you should go kill yourself. Yeah. All right. Let's keep going. Nice dog here.
Starting point is 00:55:16 Sorry. Nice dog. Thank you for the $7. Will you have Opion? He was saying he'd like to do your show on his podcast. Opie says he has tons of Trump stories for you. Baba Bowie taught the toothy nice tug. I would certainly have Opie on a fan of Opie's.
Starting point is 00:55:31 I've done his show and anytime, anytime Opie is allowed on the program. So there you go. And no Ryan Opie is not banned. I like Opie. Just like I like Anthony. I don't, I don't choose sides between those two. Now Ace level trolling by nice dog. He sprinkles, I like it. He sprinkles in the right words that get his attention. He throws in the seven box. Whoever you are, you're, you're beautiful. I love you. You're great. Yeah. Well,
Starting point is 00:55:57 done. Nice dog. And then he's even better than the real nice dog. And then he, he's got this cupcake baked and then he takes out the frosting and puts it right on top. Here's 25. Okay, let me just read this question. Nice, Doug. Thanks for the seven bucks. Is Carl from W ATP band from your show?
Starting point is 00:56:13 He's number five on iTunes top list and what do you do to make him so angry? I think he's jealous. Bob of Fouille. I don't have any problem with this guy called to be honest with you. I don't I mean, I don't know why you always trashes me. I mean, I never meant to guy. I never done a thing to him. It's so weird, Brelai.
Starting point is 00:56:29 He's a guy. He's like these other podcasts. You know, they just like trash me. And quite honestly, I don't even know what the hell I ever did to piss the guy off. You know, it's nothing. It's show fodder. It's our format.
Starting point is 00:56:41 We didn't do anything to piss us off. We reviewed your show while he dipped threat to sue me. All right Nevermind. He didn't do things. He also took your break your legs. He's threatened to break my legs He's threatened bodily harm. He's threatened lawsuits. All right. Take all that back. Yeah, he's actually done a lot of things to piss me off Yeah, but they're so format you more. I'm back in this almost here. I don't even know what the hell I am It did the piss the guy off. You know, it's like I get these 20 years who go crazy on me Yeah, I don't know why these people go I I, I don't understand. Like, I never did anything to any of these people. I don't know if you get it, Brent, but I get to these people hating me so viciously that
Starting point is 00:57:15 I don't know. Like, I don't know what the hell it could be. I mean, who's he talking to? Who's Brent? Is it his gas that he has? Oh, yeah. He has some he has a comedian on it's really not a ball. It's funny because you notice that Brent didn't respond to that. I don't know if you have people viciously hating you like, no, nobody does. I can ask you. And I cleaned up a bunch of these because there's a he does. He's like, Bert, he'll get halfway into a sentence and then he'll start reading another super. Okay, I got to go back to what he was talking about two minutes later. So you clean this up. I'm sorry, I didn't get all the way through it. I got that. He'll go back to what he was okay. Thank you. Thank you. So there is you clean this up I'm sorry. I didn't get all the way through it. I'm backing up. Let's get through this. Is this just too fun for me? I haven't heard this
Starting point is 00:57:50 Yeah, I don't know what the hell it could be. I mean, you know, is it my face? Is it because I'm a rap Polarican? Oh god. Oh, it's because I have a like you know smelly feet. What is it? I mean, I didn't you know like I have people that hate me that I'd never even met Stuttering John just pulled the fucking race car He hates me because I'm half Puerto Rican That's amazing. What a fucking idiot. So that's the beginning of the show at the end of the show So wait, can we talk about this? I'm sorry, I hate to interrupt you like that.
Starting point is 00:58:27 But somebody asked if I was banned from a show and he said no, right? That was a long conversation because he said that they were asking his OP band, his carl band, all kinds of things. And that's when nice dog gets right the fuck in there. That's my precision. And it's like, I love it.
Starting point is 00:58:41 But his call from WATP band, he's just jealous of you, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, well done. but his call from w a t p bad He's just jealous of you, you know, yeah, yeah, well well done But does that mean that I can go on his show because I want to go on his show Well, and what about him coming on your show Carl? Now let's talk about that so Carl in the chat Canter's the conversation now I choose to believe that this was really you. Yeah, I don't know that it was or not I have a good in my heart. I really wanted to be you. That's hilarious.
Starting point is 00:59:08 So here's my ex. Call, come on my show. Was I've never been formally asked you dumbass. And you know, let me ask you a question. Why the hell would I come on your show? If all you do is talk about me, go on Anthony Cumie's show, a friend of mine to trash me, and go on Jim Norton's show, a very good friend of mine. No, that's a fucking line. Jim Norton's a very good friend of his. Why? Because he called you once to tell you that he's going to part of a video of me bashing him. If you remember, he said, and this is not a centering jobs fucking mouth He said Jim Norton called me to tell me that he had this guy on the trash me I had to call Jim Forrantine to confirm it wasn't a prank call
Starting point is 00:59:51 He didn't know Jim Norton's number. He wasn't even sure it was actually Jim Norton Yeah, and now they're very good friends other busting. Oh, oh, oh, shit. You fucking liar Well, you can't talk on the internet as often as you talk and lie this much. It's too obvious and this this is a story at times telling the story every time it's different. The next time he tells a story, my roommate. Yeah, yeah, my first husband, Jen or Trash me. And so much so that Jim Norton calls me because Jim Norton, unlike you, is a friend of mine. And calls me to say, John, I had no idea this guy was going to be on here to trash you. To probably Jim Norton called me also. I've never called him my very good friend. Jim Norton literally called me up towards it.
Starting point is 01:00:32 And by the way, you said that Jim Florentine agreed to sorry, John, sucks a podcasting. We're going to take that out because, you know, Jim Florentine, I don't want to do that, getting out there. Yeah. So he called me to tell me that my very good friend. Of course. to tell me that, my very good friend, Jim Norton talked to my very good friend, Jim Florentine. This guy is delusional.
Starting point is 01:00:51 Who does he think he's fooling? The 20 people watching his show? And I said, it's okay, Jim. The guy's a loser with no life working at a loser marketing company in Rochester and whose partner slash boss should know that he does these things and trolls me on his work time because maybe he'll get canned like he should be because he shouldn't be doing also now he's going after my job. Now he's going after your job. I don't know why they hate me so much.
Starting point is 01:01:23 I think his partner should get him and then he goes He's doing it on his work time. Why would you assume that? Why would you have? I don't even shit at work. Well alone call stomach shot up. Why would he assume that? I'm doing my work time and you know and Come on, John. I didn't fucking for I guarantee he's got rants about cancel culture going all the time He's one of these types and then he's like well this guy hurt my feelings in the internet He must be canceled cause that guy is job if his business partner knew that he was making fun of stuttering John Melendez on the internet. I bet he wouldn't be too happy about that. Yeah, all right
Starting point is 01:01:58 I bet he wouldn't give a fuck that he might guys. He would be like who the fuck is that? Why are you calling me? Yeah, who cares? That's amazing. All right, we got more here. Yeah, he keeps going in the next clap. So is this me again? This is a continuation continuation. Follow from the chat really got under his skin. I'm like nice dog who's just asking questions You understand I love that he thinks that I'm watching him live and fucking with him. It's so fucking with him It's so funny. And why only troll me? If you show us who are these Pat podcasts, why do you just troll me?
Starting point is 01:02:31 We don't. We troll everybody, you moron. No, Carl, all you think about all day long, every day of the week is startling, John. That's amazing. I mean, why? You know, it's kind of said that, you know, your life is so pathetic that you trash me.
Starting point is 01:02:50 I mean, there are so many, there are millions of other podcasts. Yet you choose to troll me and trash me. But you know why? It's very simple because I'm unlike you, interesting, funny, and poignant. Poignant. People are entertained by me. I've been in the business for 30 years. You're a nothing loser. You're a do-nothing loser. I haven't done a thing in your life. Yeah, done nothing. But you know you want to continue
Starting point is 01:03:22 treasuring me. Go ahead. ahead you just promote me doesn't bother me It's not like I'm gonna go listen to you trash Oh Minutes into his call Rand but you don't bother me it doesn't bother him and look like you ever had to like you get one of those Relatives are getting up there and you got to pull him aside be like listen grandma if someone calls you and says they're from your bank, they're not necessarily from your bank Like you know what I mean? Not everyone is if you get an email that says you need tell me your password It's not necessarily from Gmail like someone needs to have a talk with a guy
Starting point is 01:03:55 Maybe I or else I'll be a voicemail. Should I should I call them back? They want my social security down Yeah, not everyone on the internet is who they say they are believe it or or not, for instance, Patrick's lonely baby might not be an actual baby. I mean, I don't have proof of that. But it's possible. I'm just saying hypothetically, you know, John, you are a special kind of stupid. Oh, I want to point out in this New York post article, and this is doing him no favors. He just said he was in the industry for 30 years. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:20 He's a 30 year veteran show business. Uh, Melendez said he averaged a $35,000 annual salary while working for a stern. He averaged $35,000 a year while working for a stern. Now, of course, he's got an angle here. He's trying to get the pity. Like, I didn't even make any money and they're making money off of me,
Starting point is 01:04:39 but why would you want that out there? And by the way, being an intern, does that mean you're in show business? Is that old joke about shoveling elephants shit? Why would you want that out there? And by the way, being an intern, does that mean you're in show business? Is that old joke about shoveling elephant shit? Yeah, well, which is pretty much what I would, Southern Jod is. And your job of answering the phones
Starting point is 01:04:53 for four hours a day is not that fucking impressive. Right. And you didn't even show up to work on time which they talked about on the air constantly. That's so crazy. That's fucking, that's amazing. So I'm a little bit confused. I Would never invite him onto my show because I only have people on my show that I like. Yeah, we don't do I suffer that woman from Philadelphia
Starting point is 01:05:12 Since then I have somebody on to debate this is a debate Jerry I'm not gonna debate you. Yeah, but I would love to go on John show if John would have me I'd love to go on and talk with Stuttering John. I bet you're $7 and are super Chad away from that half. Okay. Fair enough. How much do I, all right. Real question. How much do I have to pay Stuttering John to be a guest on his show and how much time will he get me? Real questions. I want to know. That's all, that's out there. I mean, honestly, nice doggo heaven answer for you. The next episode. Perfect. There you go. Love it. So here's just a couple clips I want to fly through. This is just John B and John. Now there's, there are two jokes that I want to play because they're
Starting point is 01:05:53 the only two jokes he tells during this whole show. We doesn't do a comedy show anymore across, but he's still. He wants this is the other something. Here's his baseball joke. I'm sorry, let me just sit on your back. It's here. I found it. Okay. The news is not Tom Brennan, who, as you know, is the Cincinnati Reds broadcaster who got caught off Mike saying that a certain city is the, well, the F word, not, you know, the F word meaning a disparaging term for a homosexual capital of the world. And then he, in his apology, it's kind of weird,
Starting point is 01:06:37 in his apology, he calls a home run. And I know, seems kind of disingenuous. And I know, seems kind of disingenuous. No, he was still calling the game. What? What? And what I love most about the joke is, if you were going to teach a class on, this is the wrong way to tell a joke, this is it. I mean, he's stuttering, John, yes, but he stutters and stumbles through every single part of the show. What was the joke? What are you talking about? He did, he was apologizing while calling a home run.
Starting point is 01:07:07 Did you know that? It's the funniest audio you'll ever hear. Because in the fifth inning of the game, now he said it in the pre-game. In the fifth inning of the game, he gets told, we're bringing in somebody else to take over for you. You're out of here. And he goes, he comes back, he's like,
Starting point is 01:07:22 all right, we're in the top of the fifth. The reds are up. So I apparently said something that got on the airwaves earlier and I am deeply sorry and that's a long fly ball to a lot Feel that's out of here. It's a Roger now up for zero. I am a godfiring man And I apologize if I'm offended anyone. I swear to God. It's the funniest fucking audio. I so that wasn't even a joke Oh, look at up and it's so weird. It's not a job doesn't understand what's going on And all he doesn't understand the context at all. Yeah. It makes it really disingenuous when you're calling a game.
Starting point is 01:07:48 That's what he was doing at the time. He was calling the game. Yeah. He was actually impressive. Because he's the Reds and Downs, and he should be excited about a home run. It would be way funnier. If you would've been like, I used a term
Starting point is 01:07:59 that I would never normally use. Oh my God, it's back. It's deep. It's out of here. Reds on the board. Yeah, there you go. Okay. I thought it was John trying to tell the one liner, so.
Starting point is 01:08:10 Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I got him shitting on your package next. So here is a joke about Indian food. I'm not gonna cry. Okay, great. Sean, how can 25 have you been dipping your non lately? Sean, that's nonsense.
Starting point is 01:08:24 M- Hey, ho! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho the way Carl. So now we know what the humor we're dealing with. Let's listen to him shit on his own point twice. Okay. Now this one does include the guest he was talking to and the reason I left this in is because the guest is like, oh, I used to love those jokes. The guest is a comedian tells him one of the jokes he logged. I mean, just try to get your way through it. That's number 30 watching. Staying up was the Lindo monologue. Oh, wow. Well, you know what? You know what? I wrote a lot of those jokes. I still remember some certain Leno monologue jokes.
Starting point is 01:09:14 Like just in my head, like what? I remember one that movie Hannibal came out and he was like, you know Hannibal's favorite part about about pizza hut, the delivery guy. That was the like, I just remember certain joke. I haven't heard this yet. It's gigantic credit for this. I'm just guessing. I don't know why I remember those jokes, but I do. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to say a lot because there's 20 writers. So I wrote some of those jokes, but it was always great to have to have him tell, because I did a lot of dro jokes, but it was always great to have him tell, because I did a lot of droppings,
Starting point is 01:09:46 which with the video jokes, those I did a lot more, but it was great to have him do a monologue joke. Okay. So we went from, I wrote a lot of his monologue to, well, there were 20 writers, I wrote some of them, to, while I mostly found Funny Shinn on the internet and forwarded it to that, and I play it in the thing.
Starting point is 01:10:04 In one little 30-second thing. And, John, no one is fooled by this. You were hired as the announcer as a goof. You can't talk. He. And they decided that it wasn't funny because you were trying so hard. You were such a fucking tri-hard
Starting point is 01:10:17 that they're like, all right, well, John, if you're not gonna play along and, and you know, his tape is audition tape. I mean, I don't have to say Pamela or Anderson and N wordless cage. and you know, his tape is audition tape. I don't have to say Pamela or Anderson and wordless cage. I mean, we don't have to rehash this. It was a goof. And then they're like, okay, this isn't working.
Starting point is 01:10:34 Let's make him a writer. But his job was, and I used to tune in everyone's wall back in the day, he would find funny shit on the internet and give it to them and they would play it. Here's a funny thing. And so that's, we went from Iroge, Jay's entire model. He told 29 jokes a night, four nights a week, and I wrote every single one of them. Well, I would forward a few emails. And this is another one I just love. He was the king of the cold open, do if you remember.
Starting point is 01:10:57 Oh, was he declared that? Uh, this is, uh, he's trying to introduce a video clip that he wants to play. But it's just amazing. And I don't know, like if you, you know, if you missed it, I had a date, so I missed some of it. So, but here we go. I don't know if it's a date, but I hung out with an old friend of mine. But here we go. He's like, oh shit, he might actually watch this.
Starting point is 01:11:25 Yeah. I would never go on a date with Sudary John Buwendez. His press release is going out. Yeah. I just want to say Sudary John was your own podcast, and he was on a date. That was not me. Anyone who's speculated that it was me, definitely not.
Starting point is 01:11:39 I tell you, got married last night, Carl? Well, I didn't get married. I was on a date. I was in the bushes while she was on the corner. But it was really it was you should have been there. It was pretty cool. Wow. All right. My last one. This is just this strikes me. And again, you know, my job with the gas station, this comes up a lot. This is so fucking stupid. He was trying to book an interview. He doesn't know what time zone he lives in. He's lived there for 20 years. He doesn't know what time zone he's in.
Starting point is 01:12:08 Ryan Sharman, a McAfee is a train wreck. Yeah, yeah, I've kind of, I kind of got that feeling as I started to do some more research on him. So it might have been a blessing in disguise that I screwed up the PST, EST. Look, I'm going to do it. Why? It's because I'm from New York. And you could take the guy out of New York, but you can't take the New York out of the guy.
Starting point is 01:12:29 Oh, no. So what, so when I see EST sometimes in my head, I still think I'm in New York or something. So I don't know. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you idiot! You stupid fathead! You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you stupid fathead! Wow. And not to... It's fucked up in an interview with John McAfee because he doesn't know how to read a clock. He doesn't know what time zone he has lived in for 20 years.
Starting point is 01:12:52 How is that possible? And here's the worst part. This is even stupider. I can confuse my mountain tide from time to time. I think we all do. And I know what's... Pacific is pretty easy. I know I'm nitpicking here.
Starting point is 01:13:02 There is no EST or a PST right now you're in PDT This is daylight time you're you're making up these acronyms so you can sound smart You're using the wrong acronym you saw like a fucking idiot you always did pick that Because at the fucking gas station that shit cost me fucking hours of work dude That is so much fucking work the fucking time zones are my Dude that is so much fucking work the fucking time zones are my enemy. I've spent years of my career dealing with fucking time I said shit. Yeah, I said weird Jesus Christ. It's because of you. I write ET and PT now I leave the D and ask out of it because of you because you can so piss off about it I only speak in UTC my car will have in band practice at all 400 right?
Starting point is 01:13:43 Right. yeah, whatever So it's good holy shit, crows. I do it to take a P break Yeah, which is awesome because you brought a P break song nice. So let's hit it and we'll be rough There are some halls in this house I set certified freaks seven days a week Wet ass P word make that pull all game week Yeah you have it with some wet ass P word P word speak I'll just tell ya Bring a bucket in a mop For this wet ass peer words Give me everything you got For this wet ass peer words
Starting point is 01:14:32 Beating up and one gets a charge Takes your large and extra hard Put this peer word right in your face Swacking in those like credit cards Hop on top and one to ride I doin' peer gollies inside Spitting my mouth, lookin' my eyes Peer words, ride, I do a T-G-E-L-L-S inside Sped in my mouth, looking my eyes Be with his wet, come take a dime
Starting point is 01:14:50 And I'll continue as alone these lines And it gets significantly significantly more vulnerable Like my more vulnerable, talk to ass with watching lab Ask for a car, what you ride that D-Werz You really ain't never got an affin' thing He already made up his mind for a king Now get your boots and get your coat on for the sweat as P-Word He bought a phone just for pictures of the sweat as P-Word Pay my tuition just to kiss me on the sweat as P-Word
Starting point is 01:15:19 This is God's, this is what the feminist thought for This is what the feminist movement was all about It's not us, not really about you is what the feminine is called for. This is what the feminine's food for was all about. It's not us, not really about you know what the big tree is independent from around it, doing trees. It's about what has to be worth. And if you say anything differently, it's because you're on the side. And as you see, it's about that what has to be worth. Hey, hey, hey.
Starting point is 01:15:45 So, Croge, are you aware of this film? Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! So, Croge, are you aware of this film, my heart, response to Vic? No, I'm hoping you'll play. I can't wait to hear it. Last week, Vic came on and she decided she wanted to bash this podcast called FilmyHeart, which is a Dr. Phil review podcast with two comedians. Yeah, she had some personal trust.
Starting point is 01:16:08 Brog with that, yeah. Correct, it was a little bit odd. She's like, oh, this guy, I met him at an open mic and then he started messaging me and was trying to hook up. My go, I mean, that seems, it's why I keep suggesting my ex girlfriend's podcast every week. Right, right, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:16:24 So it was personal for some reason, and I love that Phil, my heart responded. I listened to the entire clip that they posted in our sub-reddit. It's 45 minutes long. And they played the entire segment, and they broke it down, and they talked about everything that was going on. I thought they did a really nice job with that,
Starting point is 01:16:42 and I think they have a good sense of humor, and I appreciate those guys. I do just have one clip that I thought they did a really nice job with that and I think they have a good sense of humor and I appreciate those guys. I do just have one clip that I thought was kind of funny from this. As much as we should be editing out us popping our piece, Carl should be editing out this non-comedy garbage from his otherwise pretty funny podcast. Yeah, let's be honest, like if she weren't like hotter
Starting point is 01:17:02 whatever, like she has nothing to offer. Yeah, totally. And I like is she weren't like hotter whatever like she has nothing to offer. Yeah, yeah totally and I'm she's not hot to me to me She's ass ugly. Yeah, I think people on Reddit were saying she looked like Peggy Hill She does she's fucking an ugly dumbass. That's what she has no no redeeming qualities in life. Oh totally I agree So check that out if you want to shout out to Parker and Drew over at the Film My Heart podcast. They seem like good eggs. I will say, don't like my show. Don't tell me you don't like my show. Don't tell me.
Starting point is 01:17:46 I don't tell you. Don't tell me you don't like my show. Don't tell me you don't like my show. Don't tell me. I don't tell you. Because that's absurd. So I listened to the latest episode of one of our favorite Patrick Michael podcasts. Breakfast dessert.
Starting point is 01:18:10 Breakfast dessert, please. Yeah, they thought I was doing it. Oh, yeah. This is from August. It's really August. Delicious. So breakfast dessert isn't show that I really enjoy because it has a very specific format to it. Yes, very rigid show He has all these different segments which he sets up here. He forgot what his own segments are either way today
Starting point is 01:18:36 We of course are gonna talk about the main segments, you know, we got the main ones to go through we got to talk about the random facts, joke of the day, all that stuff. So we could remember two of them and what's funny about this is that he actually brought in brand new segments on this episode once he's never done before. Yeah. And he obviously did not write down notes or anything because he had no idea. He's like, you know, all our regular segments that we do, like, um... That, uh, you know, all the, that thing, I mean... Random facts. Yeah. Because I know you're a huge fan of random facts.
Starting point is 01:19:13 Aw, it's my favorite. This is a great one. Let's get ready to get some knowledge, everybody. Okay, so today we're gonna start with some random facts. Let's hit you with some random facts. We love this. You guys might have heard of Yamaha, their motorcycle company,
Starting point is 01:19:30 and they started manufacturing motorcycles in 1955. I Random fact number two I had to leave it all in there because I was like there's no way that's the fact When Yaba started making motorcycles dude Yama is an insanely huge corporation What makes hundreds of categories of shit correct let alone Individual item why would I ever need to have that knowledge? Fuck what year did Yaba create their first motorcycle? Yeah. Who gives a fuck? That's a random fact that he finds interesting.
Starting point is 01:20:09 And he explains he's the one who goes out and curates all of these random facts. On the front page of Wikipedia. And those are the random facts for today's episode. I hope you guys enjoyed those. Honestly, all of them were specific choices that I made of things that I was sure weren't common knowledge. And I hope you learned something. The idea is
Starting point is 01:20:32 coming to this podcast at the very least, even if you don't enjoy it, you don't laugh, you don't have a good time. You will have learned something. That's not what learning is. And that's the the goal folks that's the goal folks he's putting on a pot a comedy podcast in the comedy category and he goes even if you're not having any fun at all and why would you be at least you learn something that yama has started in 1855 that's not that's not what learning is like you said it's not even interesting that's not even a just like in any way in the motorcycles being a thing
Starting point is 01:21:07 that you could buy. Oh my God, what the fuck? What I love about that clip is that there's this lack of confidence, like even he knows at this point that he's putting out a garbage product that no one could possibly enjoy. So he's even saying, like, all right guys, listen, I told you that, I mean, maybe you learned something,
Starting point is 01:21:22 maybe somebody didn't even know about. So that's a reason to listen, right? Maybe, I mean, I don you that I mean maybe you learned something maybe somebody didn't even know about so that's a reason to listen right maybe I mean I don't have funny jokes, but maybe that's a reason later out in the show. He's just happy that people are still listening All right guys. Thank you so much for tuning in this far We're probably about halfway there Oh, but I am excited to share this last part of the episode with you not only by the way He's about a third of the way through what he says right. We're halfway there. He's like, guys, just take away the, we're almost there.
Starting point is 01:21:48 Yeah, it's like a weightlifting class, bro. All right, halfway there. We got that. We got that. Yeah, exactly. It's the only time you have to say that. Yeah. It's one of something that's excruciating.
Starting point is 01:21:57 Yeah, exactly. With you, not only this, would you rather segment that of course we have to get into, but. That would you rather. The actual reason that we make these episodes, okay? I like to find weird stuff on the internet and might not pertain to anything that's your relevant in, you might not even be that big of a fan of comedy,
Starting point is 01:22:13 but hey, you came here to get away from whatever the hell was going on in your day-to-day life as it is. A lot of projection. Why else would you listen to a podcast from a guy you've never heard of? You know? But this is the one thing that people like us, you know, those that people have not heard of can be successful to a certain degree. You know, this is the only format that we have, where in a sense, we're on the same exact, we're doing the exact same thing as so many other people.
Starting point is 01:22:36 Okay, so that was rollercoaster. It's a rollercoaster right there. Let's break that down. So first off, he's trying to explain why you don't have to explain it. so many other people. Okay, so. Wow, that was rollercoaster. It's a rollercoaster right there. Let's break that down. So first off, he's trying to explain why you'd listen to his show because he can't even figure it out. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:52 Right? He's trying to get away from something else in your life and you're trying to be distracted by something. No, people listen to Poggy, it's gonna be entertained. It's to be entertained. Patrick Michael, that's the part you're not entertained. He's like, maybe you're pushing a vacuum cleaner. It doesn't matter.
Starting point is 01:23:07 They want to listen to something that's entertaining. Talking about Yamaha's not entertaining to people. And then he goes, and you know, you don't even know who I am. I do. I do know you. I actually have too much about you, but I, he doesn't even know who I am. But this is the only medium where people who don't,
Starting point is 01:23:23 you don't even know who they are can do this. Well, that where people who don't you don't even know who they are can do this Well, that's not true at all Every single person who's on a TV show in a band is a pop singer anything you could think of a Olympic athlete We're not known at one point. Yeah, and then became known you think it good at something and then you become known for it Yeah, we're 25 years like since people were making their own home pages, was like, well, I may be some nobody, but here's my page of fucking Nirvana quotes.
Starting point is 01:23:50 There's some bullshit, you know what I mean? Less. We're so far ahead of this, is it? There's a reason why we know who Maddox is. Ha ha ha ha ha. Because he had a web page in 1998. Yeah, yeah. This fucking moron still thinks
Starting point is 01:24:02 that the only way to get into a variety is by starting a podcast. Oh. Like just get good, get really good at something. Be one of the best at something. And you will be known. Yeah. Oh my God, this guy.
Starting point is 01:24:13 All right, so one of his segments is Joker the Day, which turns into three jokes. Oh. But the second joke is the one that I wanted to highlight for you. I'm wondering if he wrote this or not, okay? And it's got...I don't want to build this up too much, but it's got very much of Jackie Martling's fingerprints on it.
Starting point is 01:24:33 The way that it's written, not the way it's delivered, but the way that it's written. Second joke of the day. A new school teacher starts her first day of class. She begins by asking the students to stand and introduce themselves. The first child stands and says, hi. My name is Mary Johnson. Thank you, Mary, says the teacher. The second student stands, my name is Sam Smith. Thank you, Sam. The third student says, my name is Johnny Fuckower. The teacher is horrified and tells Johnny that's not the type of language that will be tolerated. He replies, Honus, my name's Johnny Fuck Hour.
Starting point is 01:25:11 If you don't believe me, check up in the 5th grade where my brother is. So the teacher walks up to the 5th grade class and asks, Do you have a fuck hour in here? And one boy in the back of the room stands and says hell no, we don't even have a nap hour in here Good, okay, he wasn't written that right it's so stupid I know this is that one twice like oh maybe I missed something I went back and listen to what he got like oh My god It's so convoluted yeah, and the punchline makes no sense and I would have fifth grade be like fuck out
Starting point is 01:25:51 We don't even have a nap hour what what and that setup is like nine cents too long Very Johnson Sam Smith That music too is like That's it, Sam Smith. That music too is like a prescription drug commercial. Yeah, it is. Side effects may include headache and yelling out loud while you're jogging. Yeah, do you suffer from insane rambling?
Starting point is 01:26:15 All right. Holy shit. So he has this other really fun segment that he does. Would you rather? And the would you rather segment is something that you do with your bodies and what you do is you throw out two things and you have to do one of them and they're both terrible. And that way you kind of got to think through it
Starting point is 01:26:33 and like, well, okay, if I had to do one of those things, which one would it be? And Patrick Michael plays this with himself, which is fucking stupid. All right, it's very bizarre game to play by yourself But he also doesn't understand the essence of the game. Yeah, this could be a fun conversation starter But the way he does it is wrong Okay, so this episode's first would you rather?
Starting point is 01:26:59 It seems the not seems to be an obvious one But it's would you rather smell an elderly person's butt? Or smell a baby's butt? Alright, I'm gonna play the conclusion of this when it gives the answer. But he goes, would you rather smell a butt or smell a butt? Like, those are my options? Like, I don't know, fucking flip a coin. What are you talking about? How was there an answer to that?
Starting point is 01:27:23 You can't even cope with something funny to say for that. Is it what a smell of butter or butter, Kroge? What do you got? What do you got for me? Which butt do you want to smell? Why is that thought through your head? It's so stupid, I- Did you read that out loud?
Starting point is 01:27:36 Let's find out the exciting conclusion. Pfft. Pfft. Now, honestly, I thought it was gonna be an easier answer. I thought, obviously, you'd want to smell old person's butt because baby shit is awful. But then again, maybe old people shit is just as bad. I have had no experience with that. So I think I'm just gonna jump right in here and say I'm gonna have to smell
Starting point is 01:28:05 baby's butt. Oh! How compelling! What a compelling argument he just made. He has no experience with old people. Oh right, because you're dead left. Oh yeah, that's right. Whoops! He does know about baby's though. He doesn't have to pull out, so he doesn't know about that. Well, I mean, you know, when I'm doing chores and I got the podcast going so I can escape, I really wanna think about elderly people's fecal matter.
Starting point is 01:28:31 That's what I enjoy, that's why I listen to podcasting. The next one that he does, and I don't have a clip but I'll just tell you, would you rather chew metal or chew glass? Again, it's like, dummy, it's not supposed to be a chewer, chewer, smeller, smeller, it's like, it's got to be two different things would you rather lose your left eye or lose your right eye? I know It's like I don't know flip a fucking call me Oh man, I also like that he just doesn't know words
Starting point is 01:29:00 He's really bad at forming sentences. Here's an example You know there's a good chance you might just listen to this podcast and think, well, dammit, I'm gonna dance. If I'm listening to the breakfast dessert, I might be putting on them blue-sweight shoes. You know what I'm saying? And when I say that, when I say blue-sweight shoes, I think about the fact of, there's probably a lack of dancing in blue-sweight shoes. I mean, it doesn't like, as far as materials go, that's suede and leather allow you to move about. But hey, who am I? I'm not a shoe guy, I'm not a shoe constructor, and let's be honest, that's what they are. We did it though guys. We've got through the first
Starting point is 01:29:38 several segments of this podcast, but we're gonna hit a few more. Kind dude. I didn't edit that Bro, that's just the insider. I think it's a magic Michael bro That's you constructors. Yeah, first of all who's sitting here in the year of our Lord 2020 Thinking about Blue Swain shoes. I mean you only dance a blue swan shoes. You didn't know that I mean That's 70 year old reference and I play a lot of music from the 50s I mean, you know look I 70 year old reference? And I play a lot of music from the 50s. I mean, you know, look, I love that. What the fuck? But it is the fun.
Starting point is 01:30:08 I'm a Burkins and ask him. It is the fun. He's never worked at a shoe construction site. Yeah. He's not a shoe constructor. So he's not sure. You know what the, and build shoes to know what kind of shoes to wear.
Starting point is 01:30:19 And was he reaching for like, cobbler, like, was he trying to hit some very good sales? I think so. I think he was trying to come up with the word and just could not come up with it. And it was a nonsensical thing anyway. So maybe you're listening, and again, it's coming back to this, like he's trying to figure out
Starting point is 01:30:34 why anyone would listen to his show. And he can't figure it out. It's like maybe you're listening because you're dancing. Well no, we'd listen to music. We wanted to dance. That's how that works. I don't pop on a Patrick Michael podcast to do some dancing.
Starting point is 01:30:47 Yeah. So, those were the three segments that he always does on breakfast dessert, but he's got new ones now. He's got new segments. One of them is he reads everyone's birthday on the date that the show comes out. All of the famous birthdays,
Starting point is 01:31:01 I think he's done this before, right? And it ends up being like two weeks before he publishes. Right, right, we did talk about this. What's funny about this is you would think that if you're just gonna read random famous people's names, you try to pull some content out of that. Yeah. Maybe talk about something that you enjoy about them or have an angle on it. Or just anything.
Starting point is 01:31:23 Or just anything. Yeah. Not only does he have just nothing He doesn't even know the names of the people. He's reading I don't know Brittany and baby 27. I don't know what that is Jeff Gordon 49 Billy Bob Thornton 65 Brilliant segment wow and that fucking music that's like it's Satan had a game show That's the music man holy shit. Then he's got the life hacks
Starting point is 01:31:54 101 segment and These life hacks are just Oh my god, the guy would know a life hack if it hacked him in the face Our next life hack here is want to make sure you wake up in the morning? The snooze app for iPhone will donate to charity each time you hit the snooze button. That's a crazy app. That's a crazy app to think that you hit the sh- yeah. I mean, some people should definitely do that.
Starting point is 01:32:22 Not those that don't have any money. He just read a promotion for an app. He doesn't even know he thinks he's doing life hacks. What he just did was he read an advertisement. Yeah, well, this specific app will donate to charity, isn't that crazy? Well, that's the promotional gimmick. Now, if they're in different hands, like freaking omics would do a 90 minute episode on this
Starting point is 01:32:45 For the financial consequences of donating charity versus the extra street been at there's these psychological implications This guy is just like there's this happen. There's charity, but you need money and then you can't sleep. Oh my god Okay, isn't that crazy. Oh No, it's not it's not crazy at all and Then he's got funny quotes now funny quotes is a disaster of a segment. This is different than the joke segment. Correct. Funny quotes.
Starting point is 01:33:10 This is funny quotes. All right. This is a cluster fuck. Here's the first one. Okay. So now what I'd like to do is we're going to hit some funny quotes and then we're going to close out the episode with the sketch comedy troop that I wanted to mention.
Starting point is 01:33:26 And this is exciting. This is a a new segment just some funny quotes. I have no idea where they're gonna go or What they're gonna consist of but here we go. Let's let's do what we do best and have a random breakfast dessert show you guys love it I love it He's brand-ly pulling shit. Okay, the first thing I got here funny quote says not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I mean that's that it is a quote right? So I'm gonna probably put those words in that order. That's some build up for that huh? Yeah. Dude, pull yourself in that place. Imagine we're're like, well, I'm just gonna review podcasts, but like, I don't know, let me just Google podcast here.
Starting point is 01:34:08 Let's see. I mean, what the fuck? Remember, oh, you said right there, I wanna talk about a sketch comedy show. Yeah. You know the whitest kids you know. Yeah. There's a sketch show from like the erotic commercials.
Starting point is 01:34:20 Yeah, yeah. And he goes, I wanna talk about the sketch show. So he starts talking about it. I guess he used to watch the TV show when it about the sketch show. So he starts talking about it I guess he used to watch the TV show when it was on TV and then he starts talking about the other shows That were on that network that he used to like and then he says I think these guys have a podcast now or something It's great that they're still doing stuff. He's not even keeping up with them. He has nothing like even the shit that he wants to talk about They's not just reading off the internet. He knows nothing about one more funny quote. Yeah, before I get into that, because he realizes after he reads it that this was a terrible decision. Good time Charlie B. Plunkers on Twitter says, today I learned that someone set up a solar-powered
Starting point is 01:34:58 MP3 and speaker system in the middle of the Namibian desert to play Africa by Toto for the rest of time. Wow, that's just, I mean that's not even really that funny, just bizarre. I mean it's really hard to pick like where is going to be the best, you know, it's groups. All right, it's groups of funny stuff. All right, so let's see. Okay, let's see. He's in real time trying to track down funny quotes. Read to when he goes, oh, that wasn't funny. My apologies.
Starting point is 01:35:39 Patrick Michael, a little bit of prop goes a long way, my friend. Yeah, why the fuck wouldn't you spend two minutes doing that? He knew he was going to do funny quotes funny quote correct pull up a few funny quotes dude. He's raising random tweets and that wasn't a joke. I mean there was a picture going on so I'm gonna actually did that yeah That's not it wasn't even supposed to be funny. I don't think it's interesting. Yeah, it's my mind It's just a stupid just a thing that happened So he talks about the whitest kids you know, and he talks about sketch comedies. Like, you know, there used to be a lot of sketch comedy shows on. There aren't that many anymore. He has an idea
Starting point is 01:36:13 for a sketch comedy show. Not for a sketch. That might be something that you could pitch on your podcast. I have this awesome sketch idea. No, not him. He's got an idea for a sketch comedy show. They could go on for multiple seasons. You ready for this crush? Oh boy, I can't wait. I love this guy. Patrick Michael, I love you. You're the best. You're the king of podcasting. But here's what I think the new sketch comedy could really be. If a sketch comedy troupe was to come together and do something similar to American horror story or American crime story, whatever those the ones that Feature an entire season based off of one story
Starting point is 01:36:54 But the same actors So they could do that for comedy for a sketch comedy show where the first you know eight or ten episodes are Dedicated to one time period or something like that. It's just an idea, but it would be able to keep it going where even something like Saturday night live could be useful in that aspect where it's like, oh yeah, this season where every sketch is based in the 80s. I'm just throwing it out there, but either way guys, thank you so much for tuning in.
Starting point is 01:37:27 Okay, this is the dumbest idea I've ever heard of my life. First off, he's comparing it to the shows where every season is the same cast playing different characters. Which is what Sketch Comedy is. That's what it always is. It's always the same cast playing different characters. His idea for Sketch Comedy is to not be sketch comedy, but to be serialized comedy.
Starting point is 01:37:49 Correct. Could you imagine set out lives like, all right, for this year, we're just gonna do 80s based sketches. You're like, give a Trump's of the craziest thing last night. Doesn't matter, we can't do that. We're just talking about Ronald Reagan. Do you know he was forgetful?
Starting point is 01:38:01 I think he had Alzheimer's. Isn't this hilarious? No! Why aren't you covering the news? What's going on? But his idea that there should be, follow me, a serialized comedy about situation. Like a situation comedy.
Starting point is 01:38:18 Maybe call it a sitcom. You're with me, right? Yeah. And do the same story that goes on every week for like a whole season. Yeah. That'd be great Scots comedy, right? I don't think anyone's gonna say Scots comedy is.
Starting point is 01:38:27 I don't think he knows what anything is. What the fuck? And you can tell that he knew that he had a bad idea because he goes, I'm just throwing it out there. I don't know, I'm just throwing it out there. Like, pitching Michael first off, stop pitching TV show ideas. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:38:40 That's not what you do. Well, yeah. That's insane. Oh, I, you know. Come on, but it's just like a single sketch. I saw a softball team on my bike ride last night. I pulled over. I'm like, you know, be great. If you guys played football, right? That would be amazing. What is this year? You guys won your baseball league, but next year all the same play that to play football. Yeah. Why would we do that?
Starting point is 01:39:01 Yeah. That would be terrible. Holy. We would lose every game. What a fucking moron. It's really surprising. That show is, it's got to be from his high school days, right? I mean, this, this bill, the, the whiteest kids, you know? Yeah, that, because, right, this all builds into my theory that he's never, he doesn't, he hasn't experienced life. No, he never left his teenager. He only talks about classes he took in high school and friends he had and pranks they used to pull and stealing phones from old ladies. And like every story that he has revolves around
Starting point is 01:39:36 when he was 17 and a half years old. And even the pop culture, like even his, he discusses music when he discusses sketch comedy. He can only talk about that one little time frame He was also a great drummer in high school. I love you do that. Yeah, wow. Yeah, he's in a band with that guy He's pretty ripping all right Grocer we've covered it all my friends shit have we ever by the way we talk about the fact that the two bears one came It's another fucking podcast based on the two girls one cup
Starting point is 01:40:01 Which is a reference from 2005. Yeah. And there's so many pockets. I remember I saw a whole list of them. Yeah. Does it have to podcast the had the, I think Amy Schumer had one like three girls one guy and this thing and this thing and everything is this number and then that number. Two pairs one cave. These are comedians.
Starting point is 01:40:19 It's so unoriginal. Yeah. And if you kids go at home, don't know what that is. Google that from your mom's phone. Yes. Yeah. And if you kids go at home, don't know what that is. Google that from your mom's phone. Yes. Yeah. Tell your mom to send it to you. This is, this has been a great time.
Starting point is 01:40:30 Yeah. We've had a lot of fun today. We covered the two bears, one cave podcast. We covered the stuttering, John. I can't wait to see how this plays out. The wassu was serious exam. My guess is it goes away. And we never hear about it again. Yeah. Howard Stern won't talk about it. No one's going to address
Starting point is 01:40:50 it because it's just so fucking stupid. It's so ridiculous. Yeah. So stupid. But I love that he did it. We talked about Patrick Michael. Then what he's up to fill my heart. So that must mean it's time for everybody's favorite part of the show. This is the part of the show. We play a clip from the podcast that we'll be reviewing on next week's W ATP. This is the highly anticipated podcast that we've been getting a lot of people calling for. Featuring one John McAfee. John! We can't hear you. Oh no. Oh, oh, his mic is uh his mic symbols making annoyance.
Starting point is 01:41:38 Yeah, I'm just fucking with you. I've got to put this to you. Oh my god. I put you for turn your video on Well anonymous Mother fucker hang on I don't have one I'm too shy Oh
Starting point is 01:42:04 That's right. The anime pussy podcast. The one that I was gonna ask for psych. Psych! I'm not doing anime pussy. That was just a joke tease. That was a joke tease and you felt for it. I did. Here's the real tease. Here's the real podcast I'm reviewing next week.
Starting point is 01:42:21 I will say I do not know how to spell Blagoa Vitch. I can also barely say it. Do you know that it's Rod? You know that, right? Yes, but I think most people don't know that. You hear him being called Rob Blagoa Vitch, like a million times. Rob Blagoa, Rob Breff, the double B, Rob Blagoa Vitch. Because then it just becomes one name.
Starting point is 01:42:39 It's Rob Blagoa Vitch. What? Ha, ha, ha, ha. This is Max of Health South, which I still can't say. Helps up. Ah! Ah! Ah!
Starting point is 01:42:49 Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! These people are shoddy of a cannon. Yeah, holy shit. I thought you might know what that is. That?
Starting point is 01:42:57 Yeah, it's something about that voice out from there. This is a podcast called True Crime Obsessed. A suggestion that came in from at winter 337. This podcast, Crosier, True Crime Obsessive, you heard of it? Crime Obsessed, no. It is the number one podcast on Patreon, has 37,436 patrons.
Starting point is 01:43:19 Number two, Choppotrap House. Now, 37,000 patrons, I don't know how much money they make. Yeah. Number two, Choppo Trap House makes $158,000 a month. So I can only imagine what these people are making to do the show. Yeah. They watch true crime documentaries, and then they review them.
Starting point is 01:43:41 That's it. That's the pitch. That's the pitch. Good. And apparently they giggle a lot. True crime obsessed. And people pay for this. They pay a lot of money for it. I mean, that's like kind of widely available already. If you want to start a podcast, put the word true crime in the title of the podcast. It will be found by people. Boy. It will be found by board housewives. Yeah. lots of stupid people out there with five bucks a month floating around. Yeah Ooh wow
Starting point is 01:44:10 So Andy's gonna be back on the show or Andy this weekend coming up. Oh, it's gonna be fun true crime obsessed Is the podcast will reviewing Crozier. I want to thank you so much. Oh, you helped me out of town by listening to the Centering John show for me and anything that you want to plug my friend. Of course, I'll be on the sub-reddit later. I am a VIX Japanese stepfather coming out of me. So please join us again next week. It might be the episode we find out once and for all.
Starting point is 01:44:35 Who are these podcasts? Sleep well, every pony. Party in the must-vis of Morning Radio. And how did you know these clothes were cow? Dude, guys. Okay. Great show. Good job, though, these clothes right now. Dude, nice. Okay, great show. Good job, everybody. Great job, everyone.
Starting point is 01:44:50 Get the shit, who gets it by? You're not cares, Matt. It's boring as shit. Fuck, things suck! Things a lot, Carl. Everything's real. It's a way to win, and I can't. And... You know, who are these? Podcasts.
Starting point is 01:45:35 I don't know. I don't get it. Makes no sense. There will be no reviews this week. Vic is currently traveling cross country. No producer, Chris, and no Vic. I know. I'm sorry to take this personally. Well, it could be you. It could be you. Or they might just realize that you and I can hold down before it together. That must be it. And
Starting point is 01:45:56 we don't need all of them. Or it could be the fact that Vic just got crushed for 45 minutes by the guy she tried to. She tried to goof on. Yeah. And lots of time to pass. Who knows? Yeah. But according to Vic, she is traveling, going to visit her mom, her Russian Jewish mom. There you go. Who's got to be 140 years old, based on her story. So, yeah, Victoria will not be joining us this week.
Starting point is 01:46:25 So we're just going to play some voicemails. And the good news is, Kroge, Vic is still with us in spirit and in voicemails. Yeah, Vic, I saw her on her Instagram. She's like the definition of Butterface. A lot of unfortunate shit going on up above the neck. She's got a no-k-bony, but it's testecrated by her really shifte taste and tattoos. This might be too specific, but that last call, last week on the nose would think they will operate it
Starting point is 01:47:06 and just do it. Oh, wow, wow. Drop in the anti-semitism at the other. Jesus Christ. A lot of that in today's show. Holy shit. Yeah, I've noticed that. By the way, I disagree.
Starting point is 01:47:20 I think by definition, a butter face has a great body. Hey, Carl. It's cripple Jesus here. And I was listening to that Bible podcast. Yes, we're doing so. As many of you know, I am a preacher myself. And like the name cripple Jesus is a preacher of stage name. And I find the Bible boring, just like anyone else. My way to work around that is I started my own Bible, so I would like to read you a passage
Starting point is 01:47:58 from the Hot Wheels Bible about housewives. I mean just open the book here. Again this is housewives thirteen one. Who bones the meat wolf shall receive my back hand. I hope that was insightful for the listeners. If anybody wants to contact me about doing any experiments, I do have a whole hot wheels Bible. It covers all things from marriage to gambling that. And I just want to shout out that guy who said he would drive me to the shameless pickup game. Whoever that guy is, he now has my permission to park in the hand because, but, oh, sweet deal.
Starting point is 01:48:54 Praise the Lord. All right. cripple jesus, quick question for you buddy. What is your Bible, the hot wheels Bible? What does that say about butt sex? Probably a lot. It's probably covered. If I know cripple Jesus, there's a lot of a lot of butt sex being covered in that. Alright. By the way, CJ, yeah, you always kill a bunny. Thanks for coming in. Carl, really?
Starting point is 01:49:18 No, don't be episode. Are you fucking? Carl, really? No, don't be segment. Are you fucking hitting me? the fuck really fucking i pay a whole zero dollars and zero system and you don't even get me a fucking
Starting point is 01:49:34 oh be segment you call yourself a bomber god oh you really have a flat like god i'm pulling my patreon rubber death you know you can please some of the people, some of the time crows, please all of the people,
Starting point is 01:49:48 some of the time. Yeah, like Abe Lincoln said, fuck them hoes. I think he said that, I forgot. So this guy called in three times in a row, and I'm just going to play you one of these. He's not a big fan of Vic, so I'm sure I'll be happy that the fact that i have
Starting point is 01:50:07 hello carl this is he and this is still how i talk i just wanted to call to but you know that i fucking hate vick and that segment that she brought to the show made me want to change the podcast not only that it made me want to change the podcast. Not only that, it made me want to throw my phone out the window and drive off a cliff.
Starting point is 01:50:29 Fucking horrible. I know I'm not the only one to say this, so I'll just keep it at that. Call me back, thank you. Bye. It wasn't the best segment. I'll be honest, we had Will, noon, and I, we were laughing, we were having a great time with OP. Yeah. And part of it's on me. I'm going to take responsibility because
Starting point is 01:50:48 grows you know this. We had a gig and I was late to our loading time. Yes, you work hard. Sorry, I'm here. You. So I was watching the clock and I was trying to keep things moving and I wasn't totally as involved I normally would be. So my apologies for that. It was it was really funny when the guys on the show did the rebuttal. He's like, the only thing the girl did wrong. He should have added this whole part out. And I was like, I did think about it. Yeah, it did.
Starting point is 01:51:18 Sorry about that. Hey, this is Vicks boyfriend. And this is how I talk. I'm saying of this podcast hitman kid saying that my and this is how I talk about the podcast hitman kid saying that my looks like fucking piggy hill
Starting point is 01:51:34 you can keep talking like that man i have to come out there we're gonna have to fall up to freeze all of your face kid comment back well the pegi hill comment really struck a nerd with people like that, that's got over very well. Yeah, that connected with folks. They really did.
Starting point is 01:51:51 So podcast hit man, watch out man, Vicks Boyfriend. Yeah, drop some, some trays on your ass. I mean, she reminds me more than one I'd check from Futurama. But that's just me. That's another peggy. Oh yeah, there you go. Hey, Charles, bonegasix, G9 here. Just wanted to register my missing of Kevin, the classic old Kevin, original co-host.
Starting point is 01:52:21 Please Kevin, come back. Just for the odds, episode here and there. Your funny voices and hanged dog, I guess I'd say, demeanor were always appreciated. Although the other co-hosts are greats generally, but yeah, let's get Kevin back. Come on man, you'll miss. I don't think he will, so I think that he just felt bad for shitting on people So often but it's okay, you know, it's all right. It was it was funny. That's the golden rule isn't it? Anyway speaking of co-hosts and under good one is then Kaya who hasn't been on for a while You were so sad to mention him. I've been meaning to say for a while
Starting point is 01:53:00 Hold on a second. I get this dad stop. Why is it Kaya? Do the show? We can't does the show, he was just sad. Jesus grace. The reason I wanted to mention him is I've been meaning to say for a while. Let's save Kay as life is the campaign. I've been listening to the P part, which is mostly Karl Pissing, which is top tier entertainment obviously. But the episode where Kaya is pissing, he sounds strange man, that's not right. That's the pissing of like an 80 year old man. He's under 40 sure. He get that check dude. You've got prostate problems for sure. So, you know, get it checked. Thanks guys. Jokes on you, boner guy. He's actually jerking off into the toilet. That's so much a jack-u-let. Kaya has.
Starting point is 01:53:45 He's an all-man. So first of all, he's trying to say, he's not impressed with his stream. I'm not impressed with your stream. And that's true though. Kevin does not have a mean bone in his body, except when Carl was fucking him. Lo-shin-side says,
Starting point is 01:53:58 what are you gonna have crows out the show? Very good. I actually forwarded that voice about to Kevin, and he wrote back and was just like, being the guy with funny voices I'll ever wanted to do. He was very happy with that. So maybe we can get him back on for a segment. Maybe we can have Cooper Commander co-host or Dorkles. Oh, I was on with Dorkles.
Starting point is 01:54:22 That'd be fun. Yeah. Hi, Carl. This is your doctor. Dr. Vinnie Paulino Bumbats. This is how I talk. I probably don't give you respect or something like that. Anyway, I noticed in the opening of the latest episode of Who Are These Podcasts, you're talking a little bit too fast. So I'd like to get you
Starting point is 01:54:47 booked in for an appointment and we'll go over that medication there with you buddy. Call me back. Last time, but it was it was a good premise. Yeah. I knew Kroger didn't appreciate that one. What else is going on? A guy from the subreddit hates our co-host. Hey, Carl, I'm from the subreddit after you posted this episode and the co-host this week sucks He sucks and he's awful and he ruined the show and I hate it All right, so there's one person who's not a fan of will noon and I suppose well, I mean that could be from any week That's you mean, you know that's true. mean, that could be from any week. That's true. I mean, you know, that's true.
Starting point is 01:55:26 Just pull out of your week that you want. All right, what else we got? Hey, Carl. I'm from the subreddit later in the night. And you know that one thing you said about OP, well, in 1600 episodes of OP radio ago, he said something totally different. You totally missed it. And I can't believe you did that you retard
Starting point is 01:55:51 I have seen that guy in the subreddit. Yeah, I think the subreddit guy calls back again here Hey Carl I'm from the subreddit later after you post the latest episode, man. I Hate dick That was one of the things that the guys from the film my heart after you post the latest episode, man. I hate Vic. Yeah, that was one of the things that the guys from the Phil My Heart podcast were saying, they're like, we went and read through the subreddit and Vic is not liked by anyone. They're like, yeah, wow.
Starting point is 01:56:16 If that's how you're gonna judge Vic's popularity by the subreddit, you're gonna think that maybe people are not fans of hers. Yeah, that's just a minority of the listeners. Everybody else loves her though. Right, of course, it's just a vocal minority. I mean that, I love this all about it. I fucking love it to pieces.
Starting point is 01:56:33 It's so funny. I know. Oh my God, I'm waiting for him to turn it because there are weeks when that tide gets up there and I'm like, oh my God, they're gonna kill Carl. They're gonna murder Carl. This is gonna happen. Don't say this out loud. And then other weeks are like, oh, they like the show again. They're gonna murder Carl. This is gonna happen. Don't say this out loud.
Starting point is 01:56:45 And then other weeks they're like, oh, they like the show again. You're encouraging them. Uh. Speaking of the subreddit, I love to pop in here because people post all the best-stuttering John stuff. Oh, they're great.
Starting point is 01:56:58 Anytime. I'm just gonna click on a random pose that came up because anytime someone posts on a... And they type a name for you. Anytime someone. Okay, here it is. So just randomly gonna press play out of those. Uh, Vicks, Japanese, Stepfather, John, why do you get mad about the shower questions? You've said on past shows that you went days without showering. That's not trolling.
Starting point is 01:57:20 You said it. I was kidding when I said it. I was kidding when I said it. Do you know when I kid around? And I don't. Just doesn't like people talking about the fact that it's hygiene sucks. So I cut this out when he was going on about... Why do you look like you smell bad, John? He was going on about, oh, well Carl doesn't like me because I'm half Puerto Rican or because my feet smell. And then later on one of the WATP fans gets on him and he goes
Starting point is 01:57:45 No, I'm just joking my feet don't really smell that's for comedy. Okay. I'm like dude You put pictures of your feet on the internet before and I could smell the pictures correct those pictures Stock plus was the he doesn't leave me cuz I'm Puerto Rican was that comedy? Was that a joke like you can't mix and match it as you please not known as a fact Was that a joke? Like you can't mix and match it as you please. Not known as a joke. After the fact. All right, Kroes, I can talk about sitting down with you for the rest of our existence and we might.
Starting point is 01:58:10 Yeah, that sounds good. But we've got to take a break for now. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming over and for doing the show. It's always fucking crushed it. You know what people say we have a great show for you today? I say it after the fact. This is a great show today.
Starting point is 01:58:23 Ah, it's gonna go. We put out a quality product for everybody today and you are welcome. What do I, what a what a drop should I use? You call the drop to end the show. If I find out, like a fine way, put that down. Any Alex Jones? You got it, buddy. You fucking know all about this shit. Bullshit. Perfect. Fucking know all about this shit. Bullshit. Perfect.

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