Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep220 - 2 Bears 1 Cave
Episode Date: August 23, 2020I heard Tim Dillon say that never in the history of comedy have comedians produced more content. That's true and I wish they'd stop. When headliners like Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer are eating peanu...t butter on YouTube we've reached the point of oversaturation. Cros swings by the illustrious WATP Studios to chat about Bert and Tom proving how stupid they are, Stuttering John's lawsuit that proves how stupid he is, and Patrick Michael opening his mouth and subsequently proving how stupid he is. Support the show: http://bit.ly/watp-patreon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Garl, baby
If you add if you add a vagina I'd fuck it. Hello. Thank you nice, Doug
Like I'm gonna I mean I'm gonna die. I'll probably I'll know this hey. I want to suck your dick
I've never listened to who are these podcasts, and I never will
W-A-T-P! W-A-T-P!
Hello, rubber nicks and cuss-a-rudes.
Welcome to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts?
The only show that broadcasts from Rochester, New York, which is...
The fact Japanese in the world.
With me this week is Kuroj, welcome Kuroj.
Hello!
How's it going, buddy?
Good good, man, I'm alright.
I'm doing wonderful.
Please, please. I'm going to do a great job. Which is... The fact Japanese people work. With me this week is Karoj, welcome Karoj.
Yeah.
How's it going buddy?
Good good man, how are you?
I'm doing wonderful, please go to who are these
that kind of your email address, voice mail number,
link to our subreddit, link to the discord server,
link to our merchandise, link to our YouTube channel,
link to our Patreon.
Just put out a brand new bonus yesterday.
Andy came over here Thursday,
we recorded the bonus, we talked about Jerry Banfield. Oh, I can't wait there. We talked about Patrick Michael. We talked about
Stuttering John Molendes. Wow. It was epic. All the way. It's a great bonus episode.
Because you've done a bunch of bonus episodes. It's a different feel to the show. It's
loose. It's easy going. Yeah. Good time. It could get to a real chuckle fast. A lot of yellow and sweat.
On a swing, unlike the regular show.
Right.
A lot of beer, a lot of girls, and a lot of cursing.
Also, we encourage our listeners to give us a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and
the shit all over in the comment section.
Today, we'll be reviewing a podcast called Two Bears One Cave.
This is a suggestion that came in from Matt and Chicago.
Fuck you, Matt and Chicago.
We have both listened to each other separately.
We have not discussed it with each other before, and let's get into it.
This is a show that's hosted by comedians Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer, not just comedians,
but best friends.
Yeah, and you said this is like a popular show, right?
Okay, so the episode that we are reviewing, which came out a few days ago, Yeah, has 617,000 views on YouTube. It's also a podcast. So millions of people have heard this now.
That's the most mind-boggling part of this whole act.
Correct.
The fact that anyone is entertained by this for five minutes, let alone 90 minutes at a time.
It's just, I can't even fathom it. Let's get into clips because I really want to point out
how poor these two are at putting on an entertaining show.
Yeah, it's surprisingly bad.
Even though you shouldn't be surprised
if you've heard us cover Tom Segura or Bert Kreischer,
you would think it would be bad, but man, it's even worse.
It's worse than you'd think it would be.
You'd think they would land on a joke by mistake.
Yeah.
You got a clip that sums up the show for you, Crows.
I do and I call it two distractions, one sentence.
This is number one.
If it works a little bit, then I'll go to a doctor
and go, hey, I really need this shit.
By did the sleep test, it was a fucking nightmare.
Who's that?
I don't know.
It was a nightmare to do the sleep test,
and I was like, let's wrap.
And okay, hold on, I'm in the middle of a point.
Okay, it's because I'm in the middle of a point. Okay, you kids, cause I'm right.
No.
Neither of them can get through a sentence.
Yeah, it doesn't even matter what he was trying to say,
cause he didn't even know what he was trying to say.
By the way, I had that clip too, and the reason why I had it
is because he's making some type of point.
He's trying to talk about something.
Tom Siger goes, let's wrap, right in the middle of it.
And the reason why is because they need to fill a certain amount
of time to get their seven sponsorship reads in.
They're just filling time so they can read the ads
so they can make money.
And that's how you know that.
Because they're in the middle of the conversation.
He's like, all right, we've filled our time.
Let's call it.
Let's rap.
He's like, what do you mean?
I'm talking most of it.
I'm not listening to you.
No one is.
No one's listening to any of this shit.
Yeah, and I'm sure we'll get into it.
Like they're coming up with shit on the fly to fill time.
Like, hey Carl, how many digits of pie do you know?
And then they'll spend 20 minutes on that.
And it's just endless nonsense.
All right, I have an example of that.
What this show needs, I wrote a note down.
This show needs like a segment producer.
Yeah. They need like, Will Murray or something over there
to say, all right, we're gonna talk about this
and then we'll get into that.
Like it's so mindless.
Yeah.
And random.
Yeah, like for instance Adam Crowell has a guy who's like,
oh, here's the game I set off
but you're here pick between these things
and pick the one or whatever.
Oh God, they try to set up games.
Yeah.
Not stop.
So this is where they come up with an idea and Bert declares that this is gonna go viral.
He's excited about this idea.
All right, let's see who can name the most presidents.
Okay, let's go back and first one to tap out.
Okay, you guys got a list of the presidents up?
Guys, I want you to play along at home, okay?
Oh, this will be like a viral clip.
Okay, so this is about to go viral. I want you to play along at home, okay? Oh, this will be like a viral clip. Oh, guys, this is about to go viral. I want you to play at home.
This is Bert, Chrysler, and Tom Zegura
from Two Bears One Cave Listing, American President.
Why did he think that that was gonna go viral?
He's like, oh, I better set this up.
So it's not out of context for people.
This is gonna be amazing.
We're gonna list all of the presents.
They get through 12, and then it's over.
Yeah. They didn't know Clinton or Trump.
It's a mind numbing this fucking show is.
That's crazy.
And again, it's like, it's two people,
two dummies having dumb conversations.
We like, like, came over like,
hey, Carl, how many colors can you name?
Right. How many fucking people in the phone book
can you think of? Like, it's not even,
none of this is interesting.
By the way, what you said was not an exaggeration.
A lot of times we exaggerate for comedic reasons.
Yeah.
How many colors could you name?
Might be out next week's show if they hear us do that.
So, holy shit, that's a great deal.
Here's another free one.
How many types of trees can you name, fellas?
That's like a half hour for you.
That's literally what this show is.
And then they giggle to each other because they're stupid.
Like, oh, neat.
Like, for example, they didn't know
the second president of the United States was.
And this is surprising, even to me.
There's got, think less think, right?
So George Washington was first, who's number two?
I don't know.
Is that something?
No, I'm kidding.
Think about it.
Would this be interesting to you?
What do you listen to this?
Yeah, why play the game?
They call up a guy, played number 14.
This blew me away.
Yeah, okay.
You listen to this, Graham.
Oh my god.
You listen to that, Graham, was a president?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, maybe you don't play the game.
Yeah, maybe it's not that fun or funny.
If you're like Colorado's a state,
maybe you don't play the game where you name all the states.
That's not a game for you.
Yes.
Agreed on that one.
Yeah, it's interesting that they try to figure out
who their smartest friend is.
That's the clip you just played.
The person they call up.
Because they could, like I said,
they can't with like a dozen presents.
And they're like, oh, who would know who the presidents are?
Let's call our smarts friend.
But they try to figure out who that is
and listen to the pause after they ask this question.
I thought we named all the 20th century.
Who's our smartest friend?
Who's our smartest friend?
Who's our smartest friend?
It's Joe Rogan.
Your smartest friend is Joe Rogan.
The answer's Joe Rogan.
He just said $100 million deal to be a podcaster.
Yeah. Nobody else can podcaster. Yeah.
Nobody else can do that.
Yeah.
They're like, I don't know.
Waiter on the show.
They call up Dr. Drew and he answers.
Yeah.
Like that might be your smartest friend.
He's a fucking MD.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, they think it would be super fun too.
Here's number 13.
Okay.
Colt Kevin Christie,
tell him as quick as he can,
left off as many presidents as he can. Okay. If he Kevin Christie, tell him as quick as he can, lift off as many presidents as he can.
Okay, let me.
If he gets one out of our group, then he wins.
Let's see.
This is a fun game.
No.
Oh yeah.
No, it's not.
Bert Christchurch is constantly declaring
that things are fun and interesting
and we're all enjoying this.
And that tells me that's probably just the opposite.
You know, it's that whole thing
where you're trying to sell things a little bit too hard.
Yeah, yeah.
So he comes up with another game.
And here are the rules of the game
because since they didn't know
who any of the presidents were,
they're like, oh, I got an idea.
Yeah.
I want you to take a look at the names
that we didn't name.
And then I want you to come up with names
that are semi-similar, okay?
Meaning take a look at their vice president, take a look at a name that we
would might also recognize.
And then I want you to give us both names.
And we've got to decide if that was an American president or not an American president.
Meaning, meaning, so you name a name that was an American president or not.
And then we're going to go, that guy was never president or that guy was our president.
Okay.
Does that make sense?
Yeah. I want to play the game with you right now, Kuzh. and then we're gonna go, that guy was never president or that guy was our president. Okay. Does that make sense?
Yeah.
I wanna play the game with you right now, Cous, you ready?
And that was the second time they explained that whole thing.
I could throw out a clip that was him trying to explain
at the first time.
It's like dude, maybe games just, as a thing aren't for you.
You might be trying to play Mopley with this guy.
He's trying to explain free parking.
It would take all fucking day.
You'd be there for hours.
Cous, I got a fun game for you, ready?
I'm gonna name a podcast title, you just tell me if Patrick Michaels the
host or not, all right? All right, chewing bubble gum.
Oh shit.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, ding ding ding.
Uh, breakfast sausage.
What a fun game.
Yeah, fascinating shit.
They were so impressed with themselves too.
Yeah.
When, when the guys like reading off impressed with themselves too. Yeah, when
when the guys like reading off names of people like, Oh, I have no idea that's a
president now, then what are we doing? Yeah, what's the fucking point? They're not keeping
score. It's just again, it's just filling time. Yeah. And these are people who thought Ben
Franklin was a president. What about Benjamin Franklin? Was he not a president? No, he
never was a president. Wait, why is he on a hundred dollar? I thought that was the only
because he discovered lightning.
Who is this for? Oh, man. Who is enjoying this? Is it for fifth graders? You're like, oh, smarter than these famous comedians. Yeah. Yeah. Is it to build up the sub-acetive
of our youth? Because if that's the case, then I'm for it. You don't think that's the case?
No. You don't think that's the target audience for this one? I don't know who the target audience was.
And I want to say really dumb board people. And I can't, I, I, I, I it's shocking how much you don't the second president of the United States
How would anyone know that? How could you possibly know that?
They get into the essence of knowledge first. They try pulling this off which was hilarious because this was the only game that lasted
90 seconds here's number 15 all right, okay? I'm gonna go I'm gonna's first and then I want you to go. Top 10 books I've ever read.
And again, they go back and forth twice
and they're already out of books.
It's, they don't even know what the fuck's going on.
I didn't understand the point of that
because he goes, all right, top 10 books you've read.
If I asked you, they'd be like,
oh, I don't fucking know, can I, can you give me a day?
Yeah, I have to top 10 books.
And then, top 10 girls, like, what do you mean?
He's like, well, can you just name 10 books you've read?
I can just be changed the rules very quickly
because they're like yeah, how the fuck are we gonna do this?
Yeah, yeah, I remember Jay Leno had that bet
and he went out and asked people or no Jimmy
Well, it's not Kimmel.
You Jimmy Kimmel, thank you.
Name a book and people couldn't do it.
They couldn't even spit out the Bible.
They'd be like Dr. Seuss is like,
well, that's an author, but there you go.
Well, it's, I mean, do you realize
that they're able to add it out to the people
who are high on math?
Of course.
And just, but these two guys would have been great
on that.
They would have been like,
they have a book and they'd be like,
uh, hop on dad, they're like,
well, you're close, it's hop on pop, but sure.
I mean, so Bert Kreischer's big statement in this episode is he's discovered that dumb
people reading books does not help them.
And they should not read books because they're just dumb.
And he gives an example of this.
He's very difficult.
It's very difficult for him to describe what he's talking about.
And Tom's not picking up what he's putting down.
So he says, he gives the Bible as the example.
It's what just triggered me.
You mentioned the Bible here.
As I often do.
We're always talking Bible talker out there.
Like if you read a book and you're a moron, the Bible, perfect example.
How many people read the Bible and are morons and then go, oh, that means no butt fucking.
You're like, that's not the point.
The book's about.
Right? Yes. I think that actually is one of the points of the Bible
I think no butt fucking is
Specifically a point of the Bible by rock about this hard
There's a ton of butt fucking in the Bible actually if you want to get technical about it
It's out of me though and then a bunch of bad shit happens to those right and I mean you know
It's up for debate you would draw the conclusion that butt fucking is frowned upon
By God, I mean there's know, it's up for debate. You would draw the conclusion that buttfucking is frowned upon by God. I mean, there's a lot of interpretations.
You know what I mean?
Okay.
That's with anything.
Yeah, well, yeah, they get into the essence of truth.
Here's number 16 from Bart.
Okay.
Intelligent.
Don't give dumb people access to become intelligent.
Well, I think I mean,
by the way, this is a, everything I do is skewed in a comedy sense,
so I'm trying to come up with the idea
that is at one point funny,
but there is truth behind every idea.
Stop it!
I'm speaking the truth, but it's funny.
They get into books.
This is three different clips.
This is Bert.
This is just called Bert Can't Read.
Three different times.
They're 17.
You know what they call a guy-gin is what they call white people, I think.
By the way, see,
I don't even know the information I read
and I'm repeating it,
and it's not even correct.
See, my brain read this book
and then I can't tell you what this book's about.
No one asked dolphins to grow up.
No one asked dolphins to grow up.
No one asks dolphins to grow up. No one asked dolphins to grow up. No one asks dolphins to grow up.
My whole time I read that book, all I thought was I'm a fucking dolphin.
Everyone's asking me to grow up and be mummature.
But I'm a fucking dolphin.
I like to jump out of the water.
I like to fucking run around.
I'll come up to your boat and be like, that's all I only take away from that book.
The whole time I read it, I was like, and here they are asking a dolphin to fucking put
it short on. Is that what the book is about? I have, I could not tell you what that book. The whole time I read it, I was like, and here they are, I was gonna doff and fucking put it in a shirt off. Is that what the book is about?
I have, I could not tell you what that book is.
Stop it!
You're so stupid!
That was three conversations about three different books.
He didn't know anything.
He had no idea what the books were even
the basic summary of it.
He couldn't even describe these fucking books.
It's amazing that he came to the conclusion
that dumb people shouldn't read books. I wonder how he came to that conclusion. It's shocking. It's amazing that he came to the conclusion that dumb people shouldn't read books.
I wonder how he came to that conclusion.
It's shocking.
It's shocking.
You know what, Bert, I'm gonna throw it out there.
Most dumb people should read more books.
Yeah, or try to understand them at least.
When I don't read the book and someone's like,
what was that book about?
And you're like, I don't know.
All I thought it was dolphins.
Maybe you got to, you know,
maybe go back to Dr. Seuss to bring it back, I guess.
I don't know. So I think I've cracked the nut of why these guys are popular and what
their whole stick is and the whole essence of what this relationship is and what this
show is. And I have the clip that sums it up here.
You like it? I know you. I know you. This is why you need me as a best friend.
We just saw my mystery together.
I better treat you.
So, they're like best friends and they declare that they're best friends.
And this is where they're eating peanut butter and the guy enjoys the peanut butter
and for some reason, birds are very excited about this.
They're acting like children.
They're adults who act like children.
That's what their stick is.
That's what makes them appealing to people.
Like, oh, here I've been an adult,
and we have words like adulting and shit like that,
because nobody wants to grow the fuck up
and have responsibilities and live their lives correctly.
So instead, they're like,
I just want to be a 13 year old child.
I just want to go to sleepovers with my friends
and eat peanut butter.
And these assholes are doing on YouTube.
And I think that's where their audience is. I think it's people who are stuck in their teenage years, probably in their 20s,
30s and 40s who are going, oh my gosh, these guys just be fucking ragy
alcoholics and eat junk food and giggle at themselves and they're famous.
I want to do that.
It's amazing.
I think you are on to something there.
And no lie, 30 minutes of the show is peanut butter talk.
I mean, they go on, which is even worse than what books
have you read that you don't understand?
Like what do you think of peanut butter?
Oh yeah, yeah.
The hot takes on peanut butter are just hysterical
because they're comparing natural peanut butter
where the oil will separate.
I mean, we've all had natural peanut butter
And you have to stir it up compare it to process like Jeff peanut butter and Bert goes into a full thing on that
It's like you might want to leave that out of your act buddy. Oh, not that interesting
Well, and to go back to your childish shit. Here's number three. This is him enjoying some peanut butter
Is that
It's very spicy.
It is.
It's going to be hard.
Why is it going to be like this?
That's a great thing to do when a pod gets it's eat peanut butter.
Telling anything is a terrible idea.
Peanut butter is the worst.
Dude, the worst idea.
Talk with your mouthful.
What the fuck, dude?
By the time my kids were five, they wouldn't have pulled that shit in the same zip code as me,
because I would have smacked the fucking food right out of their face.
And that's why you don't like grocery or your dad. What a fucking asshole.
Now my kids are, are assholes, but they don't talk with their mouthful.
It puts them leagues ahead of these.
Well, let me play an example because they're taste testing peanut butter with pretzels.
And of course we get to hear them crunching on a pretzel. Just let this one play out.
That is really fucking good.
I didn't sweeten that.
I didn't do anything to that.
That's the audio that's coming out on a podcast
that has millions of listeners.
Yeah, and then they get to,
in this long peanut butter discussion,
they start reading George Washington Carver's Wikipedia entry
because of course they do.
This clip is kind of long and that's Isock 15 seconds
of dead air out of this clip.
So what you're gonna hear was actually a shit ton longer.
Here at number four.
Carver developed approximately 300 products
made from peanuts.
These include floor, flower, paste,
insulation paper, wallboard, wood stains, soap,
shaving cream skin
hilarious what's going on is a what's going on
George Washington Carver made so many things out of peanut butter But but they're all like, lotions, shaving creams, skin lotion, soap.
I bet when he came walking around the corner, like,
here comes George,
I'm going to go over her, I smoke peanut butter! read Wikipedia to me than this fucking idiot.
Imagine being that proud of yourself.
Imagine thinking a list was that funny.
Correct.
That's the intro paragraph of a Wikipedia article.
If that's your comedy, man.
And there's a ton of background noise going on.
And I was fascinated by this.
Here's what the room sounded like.
Now I didn't sweeten this,
but you'll hear that I added.
I boosted the volume twice.
This is the sound of the room.
Here's number six,
just some random shit they're talking about.
Oh, I think he actually has a,
we were trash talking in that group text today, remember?
I don't read them.
Okay.
I don't read,
I don't, like I read the last one,
and if it applies to me, I reply to that one.
So think about what your ego would be,
if someone was cracking up laughing at everything
you uttered like that, that's insane.
This guy's like, oh, I don't read text messages.
Blah!
This guy's losing his mind over that.
Yeah, do you get that message?
No, insane laughter.
Insane laughter. And so you wonder why Bert? No, insane laughter. Insane laughter.
And so you wonder why Bert is such an eagle maniac.
That's why.
He thinks everything he says is hilarious.
It's not.
Yeah.
In fact, very little of what he says is hilarious.
The only thing I thought was funny
is that the very, very addon was after they were wrapping up
and they were talking about doing the sleep test.
Yeah.
And they were talking about how they needed to take ambion in order to do the sleep test and they started talking about doing the sleep test. Yeah. And they were talking about how they needed to take Ambien
in order to do the sleep test and they started talking about
they were gonna be yelling racial epithets
and tweeting at the Secretary of State.
That was like, okay, that's kind of funny.
Yeah.
Nothing else in the show for an hour and a half.
This is an hour and a half show.
Yeah, it's interesting.
It was even remotely interesting to listen to.
Yeah.
Or funny at all.
Can I just, I put together a peanut butter super cut.
Oh yeah.
There's so much fucking peanut butter talk on the show.
It never ends.
But again, Twins love peanut butter.
Yeah, they probably eat three or four peanut butter sandwiches a week.
So to them, this is really important shit.
Peanut butter.
Peanut butter.
It's like a peanut butter.
Peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter. The peanut butter, peanut butter. Oh. He created peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter Oh, he created peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter like just healthy peanut butter which peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut peanut butter peanut butter peanut butter peanut peanut butter peanut peanut butter peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut peanut, peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter. And getting back to that thing where he said,
you played the clip, where it's like,
everything I say is skewed in comedy.
I'm like, oh, dude, you're trying to be funny.
Don't say that.
That makes it worse.
If you were decided you're going to just try to kill
some time and read some ads, I'd hit more respect for you
than saying, oh, I'm gonna taste peanut butter
and eat pretzels on a podcast.
I'm trying to be funny.
Yeah.
Oh, well, you're, you're bad at that, that.
Yeah.
Pretend you're not.
By the way, he's also really bad at reading ads.
I'm talking about Bert Kreischer specifically here.
He cannot read, this is an ad he's reading
for something that helps with hangovers.
So, Bert's the perfect guy for this.
Everyone knows he's the machine, he drinks a ton.
He's that he's chugging wine on the show,
chugging it, a red wine, a pino.
And so, he's got this product that you'd want to think
that he actually uses.
Like, the whole point of doing a read
and endorsing a product, you're like,
this works for me.
Tell me if this sounds natural in any way,
he's holding a piece of paper and reading it poorly.
I'm an active guy.
I like to have little wine, but before I do,
I take a little DHM detox.
It gets rid of the brain frog, the nausea,
the next day, hangziety.
You don't have any of that.
See, the big misconception is that
all your hangovers are due to dehydration.
That is not true.
It's due to the buildup of alcohol's toxins as a byproduct.
And DHM detox uses science to help boost your body's natural response to alcohol and help
break down those toxins.
Their key ingredient comes from Asia.
It is an Asian extract.
It comes from a plant extract that has been used in Asia for centuries and is known as
Tree of the Gods.
The crazy thing is this was pre-recorded. Yeah, he has many takes it as he wanted
He's like we got it
Fucking nailed it because all the ads come swooping in in the middle of a conversation
And then it's just a pre-recorded ad that they read yeah
If you would heard that you would think well he's been drinking wine and they're just kind of wronging with it on the show
No, he had all the time in the world to get it right.
Yeah, that, yeah.
It's script over himself.
It's every other word.
And it's really poor copy, red poorly.
Yeah, I know.
I know that.
He knows shit.
The fucking extracts from Asia, care.
From Asia.
Well, then it must work.
And no, dude, I did a lot of drinking in my time.
Hanziety was never an issue for me.
Hangovers were a big problem in my life.
I never had Hanziety.
Let's talk about births of Mushmouth.
This is like right out of the gate.
I mean, I probably know this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How the fuck do you talk like that in your podcast host?
No, not a podcast host.
This guy hosts multiple podcasts.
If we're some reason they're talking to Warren Samp
about starting another show.
So we're talking to Warren Samp
about doing a podcast together.
And I'm hoping it can come together.
And all I mean by that is like,
you know, there's three different people now,
three schedules, the logistics of it all.
I hope it can come together.
So what's the two of them with an X NFL guy?
I don't understand why that makes sense.
But look, Tom Sagerhoes, your mom's house and this two bears, Bert has Bert Cass, he also
has the Bill Bert podcast with Bill Burr.
They're constantly, everyone else's podcasts are constantly guests on shows.
They don't have anything to talk about anymore.
They could be interesting people, but they're spreading themselves way too thin.
They're spreading the peanut butter too thin, Grouse.
Yeah.
And it gets into this.
So, and this is another 20 minute conversation.
Well, what sports could you beat Warren Sapp at?
Yeah.
And here's Bert going full motherfucking shameless here on number 10.
Okay.
I bet.
I bet I could pick up,
because I did fencing one time,
and they actually said it was pretty amazing.
Yeah, and I can ride a bike with no handlebars,
and my mom says that my drawing is Spider-Man looks
just like Spider-Man.
Here's number 11, let's name every fucking sport
in Wikipedia.
Okay, hold on, how about badminton?
Yes.
101 badminton I could take more.
What about 101 basketball? No, uh-uh. I know, by the wayminton? Yes. 101 badminton I could take Warnsab. What about 101 basketball?
No, uh-uh.
I know, by the way, not even remotely.
Boxing?
No.
How is this an interesting conversation?
And it's just, it's a series of these long boring conversations.
It gets a half hour peanut butter,
a half hour of this fucking, what can you do with Warnsab?
A half hour of what president is?
President's gonna be doing.
And then we'll talk about the essence of knowledge
for some fucking reason.
Yeah.
And then we're not.
Yeah, it's surprisingly unlistenable.
I hated every second of it.
I hated every five moments.
I sat through the entire 90 minutes straight.
I just sat there and tried to focus
because if I had taken a break,
I'd never would have gotten back to it.
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
I could just feel it that I was like,
oh well, if I stop listening now,
I'll find any excuse to do anything else.
Literally, yeah.
All right, let's talk about their hilarious cold open.
You're a big catcher in the Rye fan, right?
Oh, I read it because I thought it was a baseball book. I started reading and I'm like,
when did I play baseball?
And they never play baseball.
Like, what level joke is that?
I thought catcher in the Rye was a baseball joke.
Yeah.
By the way, another thing that Bert does
is he refers to his act a lot.
He talks about, oh, this is a joke that I wrote,
and they're never good jokes.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know, I don't know if people find
Bert's comedy funny, but let me show you
some examples of jokes that he wants to work
into the conversation because they're in his act.
So I used to have a joke.
One of my first jokes was that I wrote
with George Washington Carver, created peanut butter,
and he also can make a car, combustible engine, run off the peanut oil as well. His big mistake was thatver created peanut butter, but he also can make a car combustible engine
run off the peanut oil as well.
His big mistake was that he introduced peanut butter
in jelly's first and he was like,
all right guys, I'm gonna pass these sandwiches out
and then I'm gonna tell you all the cool stuff
I can do with a peanut and they're like,
these are good and he's like, hold on,
that's just where we're starting.
First, I can, they're like, would you give any milk
and he's like, hold on guys, hold on,
I have a lot of stuff I wanna talk about.
And I cut it there but he goes goes on and on and on again,
this is entire bit on the podcast.
By the way, Tom's being polite.
I'm sure he's, I'm sure he's earned it before.
Here's another example of him pulling from a joke that he hasn't as act.
I had a joke, I say, I'm not racist.
I'm a, uh, I'm a economist because I love numbers.
Numbers don't lie.
It's interesting because you would think that if you have a joke
that you've crafted and you perform on stage
and it works into the conversation,
you'd think that would be funny.
Like that's a joke you worked on.
You're not a racist, you're an economist.
Yeah, there you go.
Good one.
Really funny.
And here's another example of Bert talking about a joke
from his act.
You would brought up that you were taping your mouth shut.
I used to have a joke about that, about going,
my wife goes, oh, you have no idea how hard he is to live with.
He snores, he doesn't flush the toilet,
and when he drinks his semen tastes like shit.
And I was like, maybe you have low standards.
Wouldn't it be high standards?
That doesn't even make sense.
Maybe you have low standards. Like in a man or I think I seem into taste.
I think he's going for you have poor taste in man
if you were then married to me.
But it's, that's not a very poor phrase.
It's poorly phrased and poorly executed.
I mean, honestly, these guys, these stand-ups,
and they both have multiple Netflix specials.
They're both very big comedians,
they're at the pinnacle.
And if you can't execute on a joke
that you've told hundreds of times,
if not thousands of times, and you're in a pockets,
oh, I have a joke about that.
Let me think, so my wife said I snore,
and my come tastes like shit.
And then I'm like, well, you're an asshole.
You get it?
Yeah. All right, You get it? Yeah.
All right, guys.
Yeah.
Well, and they get into some, you know,
that comedy classic where you start tagging jokes.
Yeah.
Here's number nine.
There you go.
It's like the guy with the biggest head
with an arumphant, a small-headed people.
That's not an analogy that people make.
It's like a guy with a ton of ears
with everyone with no ears.
What?
Well, what? Okay.
All right, let me just keep doing this.
Yeah.
It's like a guy with a bottle opener when no one's got a bottle opener.
Like a guy who's got six hands and no one's got hands.
There you have it.
You go.
I got it.
Oh, there's even a guy on the phone and everyone's talking over each other.
And just I hate it.
These are comedians.
I really professional comedians. And the guys like it's like you have a dozen ears and just, I hate it. These are comedians, professional comedians.
And the guys, it's like you have a dozen ears
and everyone else has zero ears.
And then the guy tags it with,
I have a single bottle opener,
and everyone else has a bottle opener.
When you're not understanding what we're going with this,
if that's how you're tagging this joke,
it's surprising to me that,
at a certain point, as they're talking about George Washington
Carver, because he talks a lot about George Washington Carver.
He's very concerned that talking about him might get him canceled.
By the way, what else could George Washington Carver, I'm going to get canceled for this
fucking conversation?
What else could he make a peanut do?
So I assume the reason why he said I'm going to get canceled for this is because George Washington Carver was a black gentleman
Was he?
But I would think that he would get canceled for that for the old fashioned way because you're boring and no one's watching or listening
That's how you get canceled back in the day kids the way the broadcasters got canceled is they weren't very good
Yeah, no one gave a shit. Yeah, wasn't that they talked about George Washington Carver's
peanut inventions.
There is something too that there used to be
a limited amount of airspace.
Correct.
And a shitload of competition for the airspace
and only more interesting or more relevant things
would get through.
Now there's unlimited airspace because everybody,
even us, could have a fucking podcast.
And it's just, yeah, people you and me have a podcast, crush.
And there's the proofs.
Yeah, proof is in that pudding right there.
All right.
Let's talk about Bert's stupid fucking laugh and how crack
himself up all the time.
This is interesting because this, the show says the description
of the show is twice a month, comedian, best friends,
time-sugar and Bert Kreischer get together
in a bear cave at YMH Studios to do what bears do,
make each other laugh.
All right, so the premise says,
these guys are just gonna crack each other up,
except for that's not what happens,
Bert just cracks himself up.
Yeah, insulation paper, wallboard,
wood stains, soap, shaving cream, skin lotion.
And you already kind of played that, but here's another example of the high voice
Bert. He had to get it at the end because he almost went an entire 90 minutes without
doing high voice Bert. Yeah. Let's do a sleep test together where we both get in the same bed.
God, if I don't fall asleep before you, I'll fucking punch you.
Oh, this is a great hit.
I will fucking punch you.
Let's do a sleep test together.
How are we gonna put this together?
No, they have to, it will be sober, right?
Who enjoys that?
I know that's his signature thing.
Yeah.
Who's enjoying that?
Oh, it's so obnoxious. And he doesn't even do it.
Like, I had a whole list of like falsetto songs.
I'm like, oh yeah, I'm gonna make it.
I know!
To get to your bed!
Yeah.
It's like, fucking, you see what going to see Galagher?
He doesn't forget a water balloon.
Oh.
What are you doing?
Yeah.
Why am I here that if you're not gonna do your bed?
Ha ha ha.
Oh, man.
When they're talking about peanut butter,
they decide, all right, we're gonna mix together
Jeff, the processed peanut butter
with this natural peanut butter.
We're gonna mix the two together on a podcast,
and then eat them, and then taste them,
and Bert decides this is gonna be amazing.
By the way, there are people watching this going,
I already know where this is gonna go,
which is gonna be fucking amazing. Really? Who there are people watching this going, I already know where this is gonna go, which is gonna be fucking amazing.
Really?
Who would, yeah, even times like really.
Who would think that's gonna be amazing
that you're mixing together two types of peanut butter
and then eating them?
Who's invested in this?
Like it's the food channel.
Like it's, you know, iron chef or something.
Oh my God, they're gonna mix the peanut butter.
Holy shit.
It's not epic meal time.
If this was epic meal time, it would make a little bit more sense.
But it's not. It's two best friends trying to crack each other up.
Hey, it's the best friend show.
We're BFFs. What's up, everybody?
Yeah.
Yeah.
By the way, there is an ad, so there's seven different ads on this show.
Yeah.
There is an ad for something that I found bonkers.
I've never heard of this before.
Hopefully I'll never hear about it again.
This episode is brought to you by EstablishTitles.com.
You can become a Lord today.
I know this sounds a little bit crazy,
but listen, in Scotland, landowners have long been referred
to as lards, the Scottish term for Lord.
The female equivalent being lady,
all you need is at least one square foot of land.
So you can now buy title packs, the plots of land, one square foot to ten square feet,
so that you can become a lord or a lady, or you can make somebody else.
It's an amazing gift.
You buy a plot of land in Scotland, and then you get the title of Lord.
This is like naming a star after some.
Remember that fucking thing?
I was just gonna say, this is that uncle who's got nothing to buy. It's like I named a star after
you. I don't know. Here you go. Do you know what it costs to buy this? No, they said it in the ad too.
It was like I looked it up right? I looked it up. If you want a one foot by one foot plot
of land. Yeah. It's like 50 bucks. Yeah. And then if you want the certificate, the proves that you
got it. It's $30 additionally. What? If you want to 10 by 10 it's $300
Jesus Christ
$300 for a plot-a-lanid Scotland maybe who fucking know who seems to be approving this
I don't even know selling the same plot of land over and over again
Why not buy floor to swamp land at least it's on the continent could you imagine you go to a family gathering
And you're fucking uncle cuz I think he's like hey guess who's now Lord Jim
Okay, you're gay war Jim
Shit stupid. I just pulled a top brother
Whoops here was my favorite ad
At least a piece of it. It was for a thing that cleans your asshole. Here's number seven
But these are common the rest of the world.
I remember the first time you used one in Japan.
Wait, hold on.
Did you hear that sentence?
I gotta start that one over again.
This, these are not words.
I feel like bull riding.
There's no words there.
But days are common the rest of the world.
I remember the first time you used one in Japan.
I'm barely saying these words. That's hilarious.
Yeah.
That producer guy who just fucking cackels
in the background.
Every sentence.
It's so obnoxious.
It's crazy.
Even if there's just a pregnant pause.
Yeah.
You don't just say anything even remotely funny
or try to be funny.
This guy just starts cracking up.
It's like the Joker.
Like the Joker, like can't help but laugh at everything all the time.
Yeah. I hope just like the Joker, he murders the hosts of this show. Hopefully.
Sorry, spoiler alert. At the end of the Joker, he murders the hosts of the show. Sorry about that,
everybody. All right, what else you got in this? No, I can't wait to never talk about
Berkreicher ever again. I don't know if that's gonna be the case. He hosts 57 podcasts.
I know.
And all we do is we do podcasts.
I'm feeling our paths will cross again.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, we have a lot more to get to today, Kroge.
I am very excited.
I think the big news, of course,
is what's going on with our friend Stuttering John. ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John"] ["Stuttering John is suing serious axiom.
Yes, he is.
And I know that he addressed it on his most recent episode
and you've brought some clips.
Let me just read from the New York Post real quick
so that we're all up to speed.
John Moendez, who became known as Stuttering John,
is a long time sidekick to the radio and television host
Howard Stern, a sued serious axiom for using his name,
likeness, and voice without permission
on channel dedicated to Stern.
Moendez, a cute series of exploiting his celebrity
to attract more listeners and advertising.
That's his case.
That's the flimsyest case.
He can't even get advertisers on the Stuttering John show.
Yeah, no, okay.
He's literally promoting some guy's house
who's trying to sell an LA and Speedweed, and he's selling Speedweed as a trade deal.
Yeah.
And he's going, oh, but they're making all this money
and serious because it's still doing John's on there.
This is the best part.
And we'll get into this, but he said,
serious responded to his recent cease and desist letter
by marginalizing his contributions to Stern's show.
And threatening to take his current show,
the Surinjohn podcast podcast of his Pandora streaming service
That is hilarious the John is the one who's giving us this information
You know what when I told him to stop playing my thing they laughed to me. Yeah, yeah, cuz it's a joke
They told me they had to get their testicles reattached because they left their fucking balls. Oh
My god, so I know you have some clips, I have some clips too.
I have Anthony Cumia had Bob Levy on.
No kidding.
The Reverend Bob Levy and they discussed this.
This was from the show on Thursday.
No kidding.
And I love this because as you know, Bob Levy
worked for Howard, he worked for Sirius.
And had the miserable men show on Sirius.
And they had a serious following out.
Yes, they certainly did.
Bob Levy and Howard Stern.
So it starts off by Bob Levy explaining why this is such a stupid and frivolous lawsuit.
When you go, okay, you know how it is.
When you come in to do a show, you basically sign something.
Signing away as you're in the studio.
And you did that all the time.
And whether you work there, you signed it too.
So basically, how it can have a choice of playing you if he wants to or not
playing you if he wants to because he's mad at you and that's just the way it is
you don't own anything you spoke into that microphone like he came up with the
idea for miserable man he did it with shuley and jimma forrantine he doesn't
own that at all seriously time can do whatever the fuck they want with that and
he cannot and that's how it's that to do whatever the fuck they want with that. And he cannot.
And that's how that's works.
And for a fucking century, that's how that's worked.
And it's even crazier than that because Anthony Kumia used to do this show
live from the compound.
Back when he was on Open Anthony,
he was doing a streaming video show from his basement.
And seriously, a problem with that.
They own you.
They gave me shit during contract negotiations about doing my show from my basement.
They didn't want me to do live from the compound when I initially was doing it in my basement
while I was still on serious exam.
So he had to renegotiate a way that he could do his show and it had to be totally unrelated
to the opening Anthony show and he had to do a very different format because when you
are hired by a company to perform work, they own your work. This is true even outside of entertainment.
You're a software engineer. If you write software, if you write software, I've
patented a few things. Yes, and I don't, I don't own any of that.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry to dock you.
At the gas station I work at. Yeah, I don good. You're a trucker like Andy. Yeah, exactly.
And you don't own those cases of coke that you deliver precisely. So this I thought was really
funny because this is what I said when I saw this come out. And the funny thing is all John does
is his career is based on the fact that he was on Howard Stern and he constantly talks about that. So shouldn't how it's turned in serious, Sue John, for using their voices and whatnot for his fame.
I would love that. It would make me so even though I don't want anyone to get sued for
any of the shows. Of course, it would bring me nothing but pleasure.
But it is hilarious considering the percentage of Stuttering John show that's Howard clips or
just stories about Howard or the Howard Stern show or the Jay Leno show or any of that shit like
As you've documented so many times his show is just all shit from these other places if Howard and Jay were able to be like
Hey season to says you can't talk about that part of your life anymore his show would be five minutes long. Yes, correct
Yeah, it's wild. Can I play a few more clips? Or do you have shit that John? Yeah. All right. So you're going to have John's rebuttal
of this. I assume. Oh, yeah. Okay. Good. All right. So E-rock hops on. And E-rock, as you know,
is a radio nerd. Yeah. Yeah. He knows everything there is to know about radio. And he has his
two cents to kick him. At the time, early, the early days of Howard, you know, CBS Infinity
owned it. Howard made the deal, he owns it,
he owns all his serious stuff.
Everything.
So you're fighting Don Buckwald and you had people.
Ah, good luck.
Yeah, good luck.
And Howard owns his shit.
Yeah, Howard owns all of his past catalog.
He negotiated that, he bought that.
Oh, I remember that.
So it was a big deal.
It was a huge deal.
Because for the first year on Sirius, he wasn't able to play any of the old shows
And they didn't have a lot of content. He was trying to run two stations by you know having his news crew call up
Bigfoot or something yeah talk to him on the phone for 20 minutes of the time
I remember they used to play tapes from NBC when he was on AM radio and like the early early 80s and it was
So bad so bad he bought the 19 years where the content it was a huge deal and it was part of the contract.
So how it owns all of that, Centering John has no claim to this at all.
And Bob Levy has a theory and I tend to agree with him.
This has to be a marketing tool.
It has to be.
It's just trying to.
I am a fucking genius at this shit.
If you're not going to get a dime up at this, but now everybody, it's in every paper.
It's a great fucking movie.
All right.
So it's a good point.
It is being talked about everywhere.
But Anthony says that's how John I can understand actually thinking he has a lawsuit here.
But any lawyer that would tell John he's got a lawsuit here should
be disbarred immediately.
It's a complete travesty.
Are you listening, Vince?
Anthony Gubbier thinks he should be disbarred for even pretending that you have a case.
Bob Levy is correct.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everyone's talking about this, but we're all goof, it's just like what we've been doing
at W-18 people the last two and a half years.
We're just talking about Suthering John
and saying what a fucking moron he is.
Yeah, exactly.
It's not helping, it's case-and-all.
In fact, this is Anthony Cohen, John, and Moron.
Now here's where Stuttering John's
utter fucking moronic mind comes in.
He's on Pandora. Which they own. And Dora is now owned by serious XM vice versa name
Star John came from the Howard Sternship right so that's make it literally say we own your fucking name
They absolutely can do that if they want a assault a retard
It's not a good optic to beat up on the retardant.
I know it was funny that they're speculating.
He might even own Southern Genoa, but I'll be able to use
Southern John, and they talk about, in the article
in this New York Post article, it talks about
how he got that moniker, and Dave has a pretty funny point on this.
Melendez, who has a speech impediments his childhood, got his Southern John moniker and Dave has a pretty funny point on this. Melinda is who has a speech impediments, his childhood, got his
Southern John moniker because blah, blah, blah.
We all know, you all know the story of Biff Tenon.
Why would you have to tell someone how Stuttering John got his moniker?
I go, shit your pants, Jim, what do you call him that?
The great Dave Landow, everybody. Very, very good point. And actually one other
point from Dave Landow here. Just speaking as a stand of comic, why the fuck would you not
want something you did aired on? That's right. 20 years later, if they're still playing
your voice, you want to count your fucking blessing. It's the only place anyone's hearing
Stuttering John. Yeah, no shit.
They're not hearing him on the Stuttering John show.
Yeah.
It's a miracle.
They're still playing those somewhere.
Anyone who's done radio in the 90s,
no one's ever gonna hear that again.
It got played once in the 90s.
Maybe it made a bust of real.
And that's it.
It's gone.
Only people on the Howard Search Store
are still being heard by people in their cars.
And even those 10 years on the Leno show where it was a nationwide
Late night TV show. Yeah, those are gone forever
No one's watching it. It came in a wintry and John's the only idiot who doesn't realize this is keeping his name out there
Yeah, how does he not know that?
Well, in this in a way is keeping his name out there too, but as a foil. Yeah, just, and just for a minute, it's gonna be a blip.
Yeah, as a radio.
By the way, our friend PJ came over the new song.
We got to do Stuttering John's side, then we're gonna, this is the world premiere of PJs,
brand new Stuttering John.
Here comes the son parody, your Beatles fan.
Indeed.
You'll enjoy this. He needs more money to get wasted
John is gonna sue, sue, sue, sue
He's gonna sue Howard Stern, sue that guy
All you can do is talk about me
But you know why it's very simple
Because I'm unlike you
Interesting, funny, and po because people are entertained by me
Big, big, big king. Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah.
Big, big, big king.
Yeah. Big, big, big with the Great Will Nounin,
gave us a nice compliment,
and that's not something that Anthony does often,
but he said that our podcast was great with Opie.
Will was very pleased with that.
Also, the great Dave Lando was wearing a sweet ween hat
on a Thursday.
Dave, I like your fashion, buddy.
Yeah.
Kevin, nice work.
All right, Kros.
I'm gonna see you with you. Now, still doing jumping out of show on Thursday. Yeah, killing it. Nice work. All right, Krosi with you.
Now, so do you jump out to show on Thursday? Yeah, all right, and he addresses the lawsuit. I'm guessing he mixes in with the do Tard known as Donald Trump. Oh my god. Donald Trump. Do Tard stop out of his 90 minute show. And I know you guys just talk about this recently. Yeah.
88 minutes is all some and it's frothing at the mouth fuck this guy. I fucking hear everything about this fucking off
But it's not even him. It's like somebody else talking about you
No, no, no, no, but yeah, so what I'm gonna put and I was actually interested because I'm like all right
Well, he's gonna discuss this. He's gonna talk about his feelings like why does he think this is a good idea?
I mean this is his platform. This is time to talk about it. And his, his chance to convince me because I'm on the fence. I could be talked. John, sing to me. Tell
me what the story is. This is and I'm not even fucking with you. The sun total of it.
Number 20 pauses in anywhere you like, but this is everything he has to say about it.
Okay, great.
As you know, the start of my career began on the Howard Stern show where I devoted 15
years to creating or contributing to some
of the most memorable moments of the show.
First as a lowly unpaid intern and later a lowly paid writer and performer, haven't
continued to nurture my celebrity status, a name recognition and then 16 years since
leaving the show.
Series XM should not be allowed to exploit my name, likeness,
voice and celebrity without permission or compensation by replaying non-stop from the
Howard Stern Show archives, my work to line their own pockets.
It's just not true.
And it's signed up for that.
And enough is enough people.
You're dead serious.
And there are hundreds of millions of dollars of the backs of performers like me for too
long.
I'm not alone here. I'm just the first out of the backs of performers like me for too long. I'm not alone here.
I'm just the first out of the gate.
This isn't about me and Howard or a show per se.
All I am seeking is to be fairly compensated from serious
for it freely exploiting me since leaving the show.
And that's all I have to say about that.
That's all I have to say about that.
What a fucking moron.
Dude, you're the backup tambourine player for the monkeys.
Right.
And you're suing serious axon because they play daydream believer once a month.
And you're like, fucking flip-motto, but no, that's not how this works.
You got paid for the session. Get the fuck out with your life.
And as Dave Landau pointed out, be happy that you were part of that.
Be proud. I was the fucking backup tambourine player for the monkeys.
And now I'm gonna go do great things. And I will fuck those serious XM guys. I'm gonna sue them
Not for nothing if he had a case. Don't you think already laying and Jackie Martling would be all over this?
Those guys are played way more often this set of a job
They had a much bigger role on the show or any celebrity that's been interviewed or any phone caller that calls in
I mean, we're any Wack Packer, right?
Where does the line end?
You don't know what I mean?
No, this is so stupid.
And I was talking about this with Andy
on our bonus episode.
In entertainment, you have to work your deal out
ahead of time.
Yeah.
So if you want to get points on a movie,
you could actually make money
based on how well the movie does, right?
But you got to work that in as a back end deal
before you sign the contract.
And a lot of people have been in a lot of movies that have made hundreds of millions of dollars.
They got paid the salary one time for filming the movie. And that's it. The key grip isn't
making residuals because they're on Empire Strikes Back that is now, you know, sold for four
billion dollars. Like that. They're not seeing a dime of that. That's how this works.
Sailor Swift has been one of the biggest stars in music
for what, 10, 12, 15 years.
She doesn't own her first like six or seven albums.
She doesn't own it.
Right.
It's gone.
Well, that's, she's pissed about it.
But she's actually shitty.
She signed a contract when she was 18
and that's how that shit works.
And I'm certainly not defending it.
But that's, that's how it goes.
That's actually shitty, and I'll tell you why.
Because that music every time it's played makes money.
Now, what John's describing was serious.
Okay, they got to fill this channel up with content.
Yeah, but they're not like making money.
There isn't like money being exchanged every time
still doing John's voice is heard.
Yeah, what I mean.
Whereas in music, it's very different.
Money has to be exchanged every time it's played. It is, there's publishing, there's mechanical. It's a it's a whole thing. But point
being you can easily sign a thing that says I don't own any of this, which is exactly what happens.
So he reads that fucking whatever the fuck that was is statement. And then here's number 21. He'll
be taking no question. Okay, great. You find find us a big interest thing. This fucking dumb nuts since the Donald Trump call, which was two years ago
He's finding us something interesting and he doesn't want to talk about it. Yep. You know next week
I'm gonna have my lawyer on the great
Michael Pope-Pock and then if you guys have any questions
For him we will, he will answer all
your questions.
But, uh, oh, talk to my lawyer.
Well, that's actually interesting.
I, I feel like we should ask some questions.
I'll make you the journey out of it.
Yeah.
So that I might want to check out.
And then the chat responds to his statement.
Here's number 22.
John, go from the heart, not a written statement.
That is from the heart. Okay.
Okay.
But we don't have to read these things. I don't know if I have to tell them that. He gets
so irritated, but just so read it. Well, it's a big part of the show. So who's in the
chat these days? Carl, you may be asking yourself. Here's number 19. Here's a compilation.
Who's in the chat?
Shamest 28. Thank you nice Doug.
Thank you, Vix Jaffa, and he's stepfather.
Patrick's lonely baby never changed for anyone, John.
Oh, that's amazing.
Still great.
Shout out to the listeners of W-A-T-P.
Vix Jaffa, and he's stepfather.
That's great.
And Patrick's lonely baby.
And he's lonely, that's great.
Those are fucking great names.
And they're all asking questions and participating.
Oh my God.
So my, that makes me so happy.
My hero, like the light of my life,
is a guy or cow going by the name Nice Doug.
Okay.
They invested, I'm guessing $21 in the soldering John show
to ask a series of questions that I think
you may find interesting.
Okay.
Now first they're, they're trying to stir the pot a little bit. Remember, this is an anti-Trump show. Here's number 23.
Crap. Oh, wait. Someone gave me a, a super chat here. I might as well. Nice, Doug. Trump
so loser. Well, I'm not going to agree with you there. And he's saying it so was his
pal, Anthony Cooley. I'm, I'm Anthony Cooley, certainly not a loser. He's a friend and I have nothing to say.
Keep going with that.
Ah, no.
And nice, Doug's back. Here's number 24.
Could I just point out?
Yeah, Anthony Cooley just for me.
No, asshole. Yeah.
Well, he also hit me on his show
and we played Clesson made fun of him.
Yeah.
When I was out of the show and he's calling him a moron because this is what happened.
What Suttering John did, which was a poor calculation on his part go figure, is he really
would have to already hang hard.
Yeah.
Now, if you remember, Arty Lang was a co-host with Anthony Kumia and Arty Lang is beloved
by Howard Stern fans.
Yes. He might be loved. I mean, he's definitely loved
more than Howard Stern.
Way at this point.
Yeah, Arty Lang is a legend.
So if you're a Howard Stern fan,
and that's why you know Suthering John,
you might not like Suthering John
for the simple fact that he told Arty Lang to kill himself.
Yeah, well, if that was a really poor decision
on his part, everyone who likes Howard Stern is like,
no, go fuck yourself
Stuttering John who likes the bats if you have any empathy in your heart at all for someone who's been very
Public about their struggles with their father dying and their drug addictions and their their issues
And no any anything with that and this guy saying go kill yourself like well, yeah
Solly out of jealousy too. Yeah, cuz Arty Lang has never been to anything but a ball buster.
He busts his balls.
John doesn't know how to take it because he's not smart or witty.
Yeah.
So he just goes, oh, you should go kill yourself.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's keep going.
Nice dog here.
Sorry.
Nice dog.
Thank you for the $7.
Will you have Opion?
He was saying he'd like to do your show on his podcast.
Opie says he has tons of Trump stories for you.
Baba Bowie taught the toothy nice tug.
I would certainly have Opie on a fan of Opie's.
I've done his show and anytime, anytime Opie is allowed on the program.
So there you go.
And no Ryan Opie is not banned.
I like Opie.
Just like I like Anthony.
I don't, I don't choose sides between those two. Now Ace level trolling by nice dog. He sprinkles,
I like it. He sprinkles in the right words that get his attention. He throws in the
seven box. Whoever you are, you're, you're beautiful. I love you. You're great. Yeah. Well,
done. Nice dog. And then he's even better than the real nice dog. And then he, he's got
this cupcake baked and then he takes out the frosting
and puts it right on top.
Here's 25.
Okay, let me just read this question.
Nice, Doug.
Thanks for the seven bucks.
Is Carl from W ATP band from your show?
He's number five on iTunes top list and what do you do to make him so angry?
I think he's jealous.
Bob of Fouille.
I don't have any problem with this guy called to be honest with you.
I don't I mean, I don't know why you always trashes me.
I mean, I never meant to guy.
I never done a thing to him.
It's so weird, Brelai.
He's a guy.
He's like these other podcasts.
You know, they just like trash me.
And quite honestly, I don't even know what the hell I ever did
to piss the guy off.
You know, it's nothing.
It's show fodder.
It's our format.
We didn't do anything to piss us off.
We reviewed your show while he dipped threat to sue me. All right
Nevermind. He didn't do things. He also took your break your legs. He's threatened to break my legs
He's threatened bodily harm. He's threatened lawsuits. All right. Take all that back. Yeah, he's actually done a lot of things to piss me off
Yeah, but they're so format you more. I'm back in this almost here. I don't even know what the hell I am
It did the piss the guy off. You know, it's like I get these 20 years who go crazy on me
Yeah, I don't know why these people go I I, I don't understand. Like, I never did anything to any of these people.
I don't know if you get it, Brent, but I get to these people hating me so viciously that
I don't know. Like, I don't know what the hell it could be. I mean, who's he talking to?
Who's Brent? Is it his gas that he has? Oh, yeah. He has some he has a comedian on it's really not
a ball. It's funny because you notice that Brent didn't respond to that. I don't know if you
have people viciously hating you like, no, nobody does. I can ask you. And I cleaned up a bunch of
these because there's a he does. He's like, Bert, he'll get halfway into a sentence and then he'll
start reading another super. Okay, I got to go back to what he was talking about two minutes later.
So you clean this up. I'm sorry, I didn't get all the way through it. I got that. He'll go back to what he was okay. Thank you. Thank you. So there is you clean this up
I'm sorry. I didn't get all the way through it. I'm backing up. Let's get through this. Is this just too fun for me? I haven't heard this
Yeah, I don't know what the hell it could be. I mean, you know, is it my face?
Is it because I'm a rap Polarican? Oh god. Oh, it's because I have a like you know smelly feet. What is it?
I mean, I didn't you know like I have people that hate me that I'd never even met
Stuttering John just pulled the fucking race car
He hates me because I'm half Puerto Rican
That's amazing. What a fucking idiot. So that's the beginning of the show at the end of the show
So wait, can we talk about this?
I'm sorry, I hate to interrupt you like that.
But somebody asked if I was banned from a show
and he said no, right?
That was a long conversation
because he said that they were asking his OP band,
his carl band, all kinds of things.
And that's when nice dog gets right the fuck in there.
That's my precision.
And it's like, I love it.
But his call from WATP band,
he's just jealous of you, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, well done. but his call from w a t p bad He's just jealous of you, you know, yeah, yeah, well well done
But does that mean that I can go on his show because I want to go on his show
Well, and what about him coming on your show Carl?
Now let's talk about that so Carl in the chat
Canter's the conversation now I choose to believe that this was really you. Yeah, I don't know that it was or not
I have a good in my heart. I really wanted to be you. That's hilarious.
So here's my ex. Call, come on my show. Was I've never been formally asked you dumbass.
And you know, let me ask you a question. Why the hell would I come on your show? If all
you do is talk about me, go on Anthony Cumie's show, a friend of mine
to trash me, and go on Jim Norton's show, a very good friend of mine.
No, that's a fucking line. Jim Norton's a very good friend of his. Why? Because he called
you once to tell you that he's going to part of a video of me bashing him. If you remember,
he said, and this is not a centering jobs fucking mouth He said Jim Norton called me to tell me that he had this guy on the trash me
I had to call Jim Forrantine to confirm it wasn't a prank call
He didn't know Jim Norton's number. He wasn't even sure it was actually Jim Norton
Yeah, and now they're very good friends other busting. Oh, oh, oh, shit. You fucking liar
Well, you can't talk on the internet as often as you talk and lie this much. It's too obvious and this this is a story at times telling the story every time it's different. The next time he tells a story, my roommate.
Yeah, yeah, my first husband, Jen or Trash me. And so much so that Jim Norton calls me because Jim Norton, unlike you, is a friend of mine.
And calls me to say, John, I had no idea this guy was going to be on here to trash you.
To probably Jim Norton called me also.
I've never called him my very good friend.
Jim Norton literally called me up towards it.
And by the way, you said that Jim Florentine agreed to
sorry, John, sucks a podcasting.
We're going to take that out because, you know, Jim Florentine,
I don't want to do that, getting out there.
Yeah.
So he called me to tell me that my very good friend. Of course. to tell me that, my very good friend, Jim Norton talked to my very good
friend, Jim Florentine.
This guy is delusional.
Who does he think he's fooling?
The 20 people watching his show?
And I said, it's okay, Jim.
The guy's a loser with no life working at a loser marketing company in Rochester and whose partner slash boss should know that
he does these things and trolls me on his work time because maybe he'll get canned like
he should be because he shouldn't be doing also now he's going after my job.
Now he's going after your job.
I don't know why they hate me so much.
I think his partner should get him and then he goes
He's doing it on his work time. Why would you assume that?
Why would you have? I don't even shit at work. Well alone call stomach shot up. Why would he assume that?
I'm doing my work time and you know and
Come on, John. I didn't fucking for I guarantee he's got rants about cancel culture going all the time
He's one of these types and then he's like well this guy hurt my feelings in the internet
He must be canceled cause that guy is job if his business partner knew that he was making fun of stuttering John
Melendez on the internet. I bet he wouldn't be too happy about that. Yeah, all right
I bet he wouldn't give a fuck that he might guys. He would be like who the fuck is that?
Why are you calling me? Yeah, who cares? That's amazing. All right, we got more here. Yeah, he keeps going in the next clap. So is this me again?
This is a continuation continuation. Follow from the chat really got under his skin. I'm like nice dog who's just asking questions
You understand I love that he thinks that I'm watching him live and fucking with him. It's so fucking with him
It's so funny.
And why only troll me?
If you show us who are these Pat podcasts,
why do you just troll me?
We don't.
We troll everybody, you moron.
No, Carl, all you think about all day long,
every day of the week is startling, John.
That's amazing.
I mean, why?
You know, it's kind of said that, you know, your life
is so pathetic that you trash me.
I mean, there are so many, there are millions of other podcasts.
Yet you choose to troll me and trash me.
But you know why?
It's very simple because I'm unlike you,
interesting, funny, and poignant. Poignant. People
are entertained by me. I've been in the business for 30 years. You're a
nothing loser. You're a do-nothing loser. I haven't done a thing in your life.
Yeah, done nothing. But you know you want to continue
treasuring me. Go ahead. ahead you just promote me doesn't bother me
It's not like I'm gonna go listen to you trash
Oh
Minutes into his call Rand but you don't bother me it doesn't bother him and look like you ever had to like you get one of those
Relatives are getting up there and you got to pull him aside be like listen grandma if someone calls you and says they're from your bank, they're not necessarily from your bank
Like you know what I mean?
Not everyone is if you get an email that says you need tell me your password
It's not necessarily from Gmail like someone needs to have a talk with a guy
Maybe I or else I'll be a voicemail. Should I should I call them back? They want my social security down
Yeah, not everyone on the internet is who they say they are believe it or or not, for instance, Patrick's lonely baby might not be an actual baby.
I mean, I don't have proof of that.
But it's possible.
I'm just saying hypothetically, you know, John, you are a special kind of stupid.
Oh, I want to point out in this New York post article, and this is doing him no favors.
He just said he was in the industry for 30 years.
Yeah, yeah.
He's a 30 year veteran show business.
Uh, Melendez said he averaged a $35,000 annual salary
while working for a stern.
He averaged $35,000 a year while working for a stern.
Now, of course, he's got an angle here.
He's trying to get the pity.
Like, I didn't even make any money
and they're making money off of me,
but why would you want that out there?
And by the way, being an intern,
does that mean you're in show business?
Is that old joke about shoveling elephants shit? Why would you want that out there? And by the way, being an intern, does that mean you're in show business?
Is that old joke about shoveling elephant shit?
Yeah, well, which is pretty much what I would,
Southern Jod is.
And your job of answering the phones
for four hours a day is not that fucking impressive.
Right.
And you didn't even show up to work on time
which they talked about on the air constantly.
That's so crazy.
That's fucking, that's amazing.
So I'm a little bit confused. I
Would never invite him onto my show because I only have people on my show that I like. Yeah, we don't do I suffer that woman from Philadelphia
Since then I have somebody on to debate this is a debate Jerry
I'm not gonna debate you. Yeah, but I would love to go on John show if John would have me
I'd love to go on and talk with Stuttering John. I bet you're $7 and are super Chad away from that half.
Okay. Fair enough. How much do I, all right. Real question. How much do I have to
pay Stuttering John to be a guest on his show and how much time will he get me? Real
questions. I want to know. That's all, that's out there. I mean, honestly,
nice doggo heaven answer for you. The next episode. Perfect. There you go. Love it. So here's just a couple clips I want to fly through. This is just
John B and John. Now there's, there are two jokes that I want to play because they're
the only two jokes he tells during this whole show. We doesn't do a comedy show anymore
across, but he's still. He wants this is the other something. Here's his baseball joke. I'm sorry, let me just sit on your back.
It's here.
I found it.
Okay.
The news is not Tom Brennan, who, as you know, is the Cincinnati Reds broadcaster who got
caught off Mike saying that a certain city is the, well, the F word, not, you know, the F word meaning a disparaging term
for a homosexual capital of the world. And then he, in his apology, it's kind of weird,
in his apology, he calls a home run. And I know, seems kind of disingenuous.
And I know, seems kind of disingenuous.
No, he was still calling the game.
What? What?
And what I love most about the joke is,
if you were going to teach a class on, this is the wrong way to tell a joke,
this is it. I mean, he's stuttering, John, yes, but he stutters and stumbles through every single part of the show. What was the joke? What are you talking about?
He did, he was apologizing while calling a home run.
Did you know that?
It's the funniest audio you'll ever hear.
Because in the fifth inning of the game,
now he said it in the pre-game.
In the fifth inning of the game, he gets told,
we're bringing in somebody else to take over for you.
You're out of here.
And he goes, he comes back, he's like,
all right, we're in the top of the fifth.
The reds are up. So I apparently said something that got on the airwaves earlier and I am deeply sorry and that's a long fly ball to a lot
Feel that's out of here. It's a Roger now up for zero. I am a godfiring man
And I apologize if I'm offended anyone. I swear to God. It's the funniest fucking audio. I so that wasn't even a joke
Oh, look at up and it's so weird. It's not a job doesn't understand what's going on
And all he doesn't understand the context at all.
Yeah.
It makes it really disingenuous when you're calling a game.
That's what he was doing at the time.
He was calling the game.
Yeah.
He was actually impressive.
Because he's the Reds and Downs,
and he should be excited about a home run.
It would be way funnier.
If you would've been like, I used a term
that I would never normally use.
Oh my God, it's back.
It's deep.
It's out of here.
Reds on the board.
Yeah, there you go.
Okay.
I thought it was John trying to tell the one liner, so.
Okay.
Well, I'm sorry.
I got him shitting on your package next.
So here is a joke about Indian food.
I'm not gonna cry.
Okay, great.
Sean, how can 25 have you been dipping your non lately?
Sean, that's nonsense.
M-
Hey, ho! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho the way Carl. So now we know what the humor we're dealing with. Let's listen to him shit on his own point twice. Okay. Now this one does include the guest he was talking to and
the reason I left this in is because the guest is like, oh, I used to love those jokes.
The guest is a comedian tells him one of the jokes he logged. I mean, just try to get
your way through it. That's number 30 watching. Staying up was the Lindo monologue. Oh,
wow. Well, you know what?
You know what? I wrote a lot of those jokes.
I still remember some certain Leno monologue jokes.
Like just in my head, like what?
I remember one that movie Hannibal came out and he was like,
you know Hannibal's favorite part about about pizza hut, the delivery guy. That was the like, I
just remember certain joke. I haven't heard this yet. It's gigantic credit for this. I'm
just guessing. I don't know why I remember those jokes, but I do. Yeah, I mean, I don't
want to say a lot because there's 20 writers. So I wrote some of those jokes, but it was
always great to have to have him tell, because I did a lot of dro jokes, but it was always great to have him tell,
because I did a lot of droppings,
which with the video jokes, those I did a lot more,
but it was great to have him do a monologue joke.
Okay.
So we went from, I wrote a lot of his monologue to,
well, there were 20 writers, I wrote some of them,
to, while I mostly found Funny Shinn on the internet
and forwarded it to that,
and I play it in the thing.
In one little 30-second thing.
And, John, no one is fooled by this.
You were hired as the announcer as a goof.
You can't talk.
He.
And they decided that it wasn't funny
because you were trying so hard.
You were such a fucking tri-hard
that they're like, all right, well,
John, if you're not gonna play along and,
and you know, his tape is audition tape.
I mean, I don't have to say Pamela or Anderson and N wordless cage. and you know, his tape is audition tape.
I don't have to say Pamela or Anderson and wordless cage.
I mean, we don't have to rehash this.
It was a goof.
And then they're like, okay, this isn't working.
Let's make him a writer.
But his job was, and I used to tune in everyone's wall back
in the day, he would find funny shit on the internet
and give it to them and they would play it.
Here's a funny thing.
And so that's, we went from Iroge, Jay's entire model. He told 29 jokes a night,
four nights a week, and I wrote every single one of them. Well, I would forward a few emails.
And this is another one I just love. He was the king of the cold open, do if you remember.
Oh, was he declared that? Uh, this is, uh, he's trying to introduce a video clip that he wants to play.
But it's just amazing.
And I don't know, like if you, you know, if you missed it, I had a date, so I missed some
of it.
So, but here we go.
I don't know if it's a date, but I hung out with an old friend of mine.
But here we go.
He's like, oh shit, he might actually watch this.
Yeah.
I would never go on a date with Sudary John Buwendez.
His press release is going out.
Yeah.
I just want to say Sudary John was your own podcast,
and he was on a date.
That was not me.
Anyone who's speculated that it was me, definitely not.
I tell you, got married last night, Carl?
Well, I didn't get married.
I was on a date.
I was in the bushes while she was on the corner. But it was really it was you should have been there. It was pretty cool.
Wow. All right. My last one. This is just this strikes me. And again, you know, my job
with the gas station, this comes up a lot. This is so fucking stupid. He was trying to book an
interview. He doesn't know what time zone he lives in. He's lived there for 20 years.
He doesn't know what time zone he's in.
Ryan Sharman, a McAfee is a train wreck.
Yeah, yeah, I've kind of, I kind of got that feeling as I started to do some more research
on him.
So it might have been a blessing in disguise that I screwed up the PST, EST.
Look, I'm going to do it.
Why?
It's because I'm from New York.
And you could take the guy out of New York, but you can't take the New York out of the guy.
Oh, no. So what, so when I see EST sometimes in my head,
I still think I'm in New York or something. So I don't know.
You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you idiot! You stupid fathead!
You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you stupid fathead!
Wow. And not to...
It's fucked up in an interview with John McAfee
because he doesn't know how to read a clock.
He doesn't know what time zone he has lived in for 20 years.
How is that possible?
And here's the worst part.
This is even stupider.
I can confuse my mountain tide from time to time.
I think we all do.
And I know what's...
Pacific is pretty easy.
I know I'm nitpicking here.
There is no EST or a PST right now you're in PDT
This is daylight time you're you're making up these acronyms so you can sound smart
You're using the wrong acronym you saw like a fucking idiot you always did pick that
Because at the fucking gas station that shit cost me fucking hours of work dude
That is so much fucking work the fucking time zones are my
Dude that is so much fucking work the fucking time zones are my enemy. I've spent years of my career dealing with fucking time I said shit. Yeah, I said weird Jesus Christ. It's because of you. I write ET and PT now
I leave the D and ask out of it because of you because you can so piss off about it
I only speak in UTC my car will have in band practice at all 400 right?
Right. yeah, whatever
So it's good holy shit, crows. I do it to take a P break
Yeah, which is awesome because you brought a P break song nice. So let's hit it and we'll be rough There are some halls in this house I set certified freaks seven days a week
Wet ass P word make that pull all game week Yeah you have it with some wet ass P word
P word speak I'll just tell ya Bring a bucket in a mop
For this wet ass peer words
Give me everything you got
For this wet ass peer words
Beating up and one gets a charge
Takes your large and extra hard
Put this peer word right in your face
Swacking in those like credit cards
Hop on top and one to ride
I doin' peer gollies inside
Spitting my mouth, lookin' my eyes Peer words, ride, I do a T-G-E-L-L-S inside Sped in my mouth, looking my eyes
Be with his wet, come take a dime
And I'll continue as alone these lines
And it gets significantly significantly more vulnerable
Like my more vulnerable, talk to ass with watching lab
Ask for a car, what you ride that D-Werz
You really ain't never got an affin' thing He already made up his mind for a king
Now get your boots and get your coat on for the sweat as P-Word
He bought a phone just for pictures of the sweat as P-Word
Pay my tuition just to kiss me on the sweat as P-Word
This is God's, this is what the feminist thought for
This is what the feminist movement was all about It's not us, not really about you is what the feminine is called for. This is what the feminine's food for was all about.
It's not us, not really about you know what the big tree is
independent from around it, doing trees.
It's about what has to be worth.
And if you say anything differently, it's because you're on the side.
And as you see, it's about that what has to be worth.
Hey, hey, hey.
So, Croge, are you aware of this film? Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
So, Croge, are you aware of this film, my heart, response to Vic?
No, I'm hoping you'll play.
I can't wait to hear it.
Last week, Vic came on and she decided she wanted to bash this podcast called FilmyHeart,
which is a Dr. Phil review podcast
with two comedians.
Yeah, she had some personal trust.
Brog with that, yeah.
Correct, it was a little bit odd.
She's like, oh, this guy, I met him at an open mic
and then he started messaging me and was trying to hook up.
My go, I mean, that seems,
it's why I keep suggesting my ex girlfriend's podcast
every week.
Right, right, yeah, exactly.
So it was personal for some reason,
and I love that Phil, my heart responded.
I listened to the entire clip that they posted in our sub-reddit.
It's 45 minutes long.
And they played the entire segment,
and they broke it down,
and they talked about everything that was going on.
I thought they did a really nice job with that,
and I think they have a good sense of humor,
and I appreciate those guys. I do just have one clip that I thought they did a really nice job with that and I think they have a good sense of humor and I appreciate those guys.
I do just have one clip that I thought was kind of funny
from this.
As much as we should be editing out us popping our piece,
Carl should be editing out this non-comedy garbage
from his otherwise pretty funny podcast.
Yeah, let's be honest, like if she weren't like hotter
whatever, like she has nothing to offer.
Yeah, totally. And I like is she weren't like hotter whatever like she has nothing to offer. Yeah, yeah totally and I'm she's not hot to me to me
She's ass ugly. Yeah, I think people on Reddit were saying she looked like Peggy Hill
She does she's fucking an ugly dumbass. That's what she has no no redeeming qualities in life. Oh totally I agree
So check that out if you want to shout out to
Parker and Drew over at the Film My Heart podcast. They seem like good eggs. I will say,
don't like my show. Don't tell me you don't like my show.
Don't tell me.
I don't tell you.
Don't tell me you don't like my show.
Don't tell me you don't like my show.
Don't tell me.
I don't tell you.
Because that's absurd.
So I listened to the latest episode of one of our favorite Patrick Michael podcasts.
Breakfast dessert.
Breakfast dessert, please.
Yeah, they thought I was doing it.
Oh, yeah.
This is from August.
It's really August.
Delicious.
So breakfast dessert isn't show that I really enjoy because it has a very specific format to it. Yes, very rigid show
He has all these different segments which he sets up here. He forgot what his own segments are either way today
We of course are gonna talk about the main segments, you know, we got the main ones to go through we got to talk about
the random facts,
joke of the day, all that stuff. So we could remember two of them and what's funny about this
is that he actually brought in brand new segments on this episode once he's never done before. Yeah. And he obviously did not write down notes or anything because he had no idea. He's like, you know, all our regular segments that we do, like, um...
That, uh, you know, all the, that thing, I mean...
Random facts.
Yeah.
Because I know you're a huge fan of random facts.
Aw, it's my favorite.
This is a great one.
Let's get ready to get some knowledge, everybody.
Okay, so today we're gonna start with some random facts.
Let's hit you with some random facts.
We love this.
You guys might have heard of Yamaha,
their motorcycle company,
and they started manufacturing motorcycles in 1955. I Random fact number two I had to leave it all in there because I was like there's no way that's the fact
When Yaba started making motorcycles dude Yama is an insanely huge corporation
What makes hundreds of categories of shit correct let alone
Individual item why would I ever need to have that knowledge?
Fuck what year did Yaba create their first motorcycle?
Yeah.
Who gives a fuck?
That's a random fact that he finds interesting.
And he explains he's the one who goes out and curates
all of these random facts.
On the front page of Wikipedia.
And those are the random facts for today's episode.
I hope you guys enjoyed those.
Honestly, all of them were specific choices
that I made of things that I
was sure weren't common knowledge. And I hope you learned something. The idea is
coming to this podcast at the very least, even if you don't enjoy it, you don't
laugh, you don't have a good time. You will have learned something. That's not
what learning is. And that's the the goal folks that's the goal folks
he's putting on a pot a comedy podcast in the comedy category and he goes even
if you're not having any fun at all and why would you be at least you learn
something that yama has started in 1855 that's not that's not what learning is
like you said it's not even interesting that's not even a just like in any
way in the motorcycles being a thing
that you could buy.
Oh my God, what the fuck?
What I love about that clip is that there's this lack
of confidence, like even he knows at this point
that he's putting out a garbage product
that no one could possibly enjoy.
So he's even saying, like, all right guys, listen,
I told you that, I mean, maybe you learned something,
maybe somebody didn't even know about.
So that's a reason to listen, right? Maybe, I mean, I don you that I mean maybe you learned something maybe somebody didn't even know about so that's a reason to listen right maybe
I mean I don't have funny jokes, but maybe that's a reason later out in the show. He's just happy that people are still listening
All right guys. Thank you so much for tuning in this far
We're probably about halfway there
Oh, but I am excited to share this last part of the episode with you not only by the way
He's about a third of the way through what he says right. We're halfway there.
He's like, guys, just take away the, we're almost there.
Yeah, it's like a weightlifting class, bro.
All right, halfway there.
We got that.
We got that.
Yeah, exactly.
It's the only time you have to say that.
Yeah.
It's one of something that's excruciating.
Yeah, exactly.
With you, not only this, would you rather segment
that of course we have to get into, but.
That would you rather.
The actual reason that we make these episodes, okay?
I like to find weird stuff on the internet
and might not pertain to anything that's your relevant in,
you might not even be that big of a fan of comedy,
but hey, you came here to get away
from whatever the hell was going on
in your day-to-day life as it is.
A lot of projection.
Why else would you listen to a podcast from a guy
you've never heard of?
You know? But this is the one thing that people like us, you know, those that people have not heard of can be successful to a certain degree. You know, this is the only format that we have,
where in a sense, we're on the same exact, we're doing the exact same thing as so many other people.
Okay, so that was rollercoaster.
It's a rollercoaster right there. Let's break that down.
So first off, he's trying to explain why you don't have to explain it. so many other people. Okay, so. Wow, that was rollercoaster. It's a rollercoaster right there.
Let's break that down.
So first off, he's trying to explain
why you'd listen to his show
because he can't even figure it out.
Yeah, yeah.
Right?
He's trying to get away from something else in your life
and you're trying to be distracted by something.
No, people listen to Poggy, it's gonna be entertained.
It's to be entertained.
Patrick Michael, that's the part you're not entertained.
He's like, maybe you're pushing a vacuum cleaner.
It doesn't matter.
They want to listen to something that's entertaining.
Talking about Yamaha's not entertaining to people.
And then he goes, and you know, you don't even know who I am.
I do.
I do know you.
I actually have too much about you, but I,
he doesn't even know who I am.
But this is the only medium where people who don't,
you don't even know who they are can do this. Well, that where people who don't you don't even know who they are can do this
Well, that's not true at all
Every single person who's on a TV show in a band is a pop singer anything you could think of a
Olympic athlete
We're not known at one point. Yeah, and then became known you think it good at something and then you become known for it
Yeah, we're 25 years like since people were making their own home pages,
was like, well, I may be some nobody,
but here's my page of fucking Nirvana quotes.
There's some bullshit, you know what I mean?
Less.
We're so far ahead of this, is it?
There's a reason why we know who Maddox is.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Because he had a web page in 1998.
Yeah, yeah.
This fucking moron still thinks
that the only way to get into a variety
is by starting a podcast.
Oh.
Like just get good, get really good at something.
Be one of the best at something.
And you will be known.
Yeah.
Oh my God, this guy.
All right, so one of his segments is Joker the Day,
which turns into three jokes.
Oh.
But the second joke is the one that I wanted to highlight
for you.
I'm wondering if he wrote this or not, okay?
And it's got...I don't want to build this up too much, but it's got very much of Jackie
Martling's fingerprints on it.
The way that it's written, not the way it's delivered, but the way that it's written.
Second joke of the day.
A new school teacher starts her first day of class.
She begins by asking the students to stand and introduce themselves. The first child stands and says, hi. My name is Mary
Johnson. Thank you, Mary, says the teacher. The second student stands, my name is Sam Smith.
Thank you, Sam. The third student says, my name is Johnny Fuckower. The teacher is horrified
and tells Johnny that's not the type of language that will be tolerated.
He replies, Honus, my name's Johnny Fuck Hour.
If you don't believe me, check up in the 5th grade where my brother is.
So the teacher walks up to the 5th grade class and asks,
Do you have a fuck hour in here?
And one boy in the back of the room stands and says hell no, we don't even have a nap hour in here
Good, okay, he wasn't written that right it's so stupid
I know this is that one twice like oh maybe I missed something I went back and listen to what he got like oh
My god
It's so convoluted yeah, and the punchline makes no sense and I would have fifth grade be like fuck out
We don't even have a nap hour what what and that setup is like nine cents too long
Very Johnson Sam Smith
That music too is like
That's it, Sam Smith. That music too is like a prescription drug commercial.
Yeah, it is.
Side effects may include headache
and yelling out loud while you're jogging.
Yeah, do you suffer from insane rambling?
All right.
Holy shit.
So he has this other really fun segment that he does.
Would you rather?
And the would you rather segment is something that you do with your bodies
and what you do is you throw out two things
and you have to do one of them and they're both terrible.
And that way you kind of got to think through it
and like, well, okay, if I had to do one of those things,
which one would it be?
And Patrick Michael plays this with himself,
which is fucking stupid.
All right, it's very bizarre game to play by yourself
But he also doesn't understand the essence of the game. Yeah, this could be a fun conversation starter
But the way he does it is wrong
Okay, so this episode's first would you rather?
It seems the not seems to be an obvious one
But it's would you rather smell an elderly person's butt?
Or smell a baby's butt?
Alright, I'm gonna play the conclusion of this when it gives the answer. But he goes, would you rather smell a butt or smell a butt?
Like, those are my options?
Like, I don't know, fucking flip a coin.
What are you talking about?
How was there an answer to that?
You can't even cope with something funny to say for that.
Is it what a smell of butter or butter, Kroge?
What do you got?
What do you got for me?
Which butt do you want to smell?
Why is that thought through your head?
It's so stupid, I-
Did you read that out loud?
Let's find out the exciting conclusion.
Pfft.
Pfft.
Now, honestly, I thought it was gonna be an easier answer.
I thought, obviously, you'd want to smell old person's butt because baby shit is awful.
But then again, maybe old people shit is just as bad.
I have had no experience with that.
So I think I'm just gonna jump right in here and say I'm gonna have to smell
baby's butt.
Oh!
How compelling! What a compelling argument he just made. He has no experience with old people.
Oh right, because you're dead left. Oh yeah, that's right. Whoops! He does know about
baby's though. He doesn't have to pull out, so he doesn't know about that.
Well, I mean, you know, when I'm doing chores
and I got the podcast going so I can escape,
I really wanna think about elderly people's fecal matter.
That's what I enjoy, that's why I listen to podcasting.
The next one that he does, and I don't have a clip
but I'll just tell you, would you rather chew metal
or chew glass?
Again, it's like, dummy, it's not supposed to be a chewer,
chewer, smeller, smeller, it's like, it's got to be two different things would you rather lose your left eye or lose your right eye? I know
It's like I don't know flip a fucking call me
Oh man, I also like that he just doesn't know words
He's really bad at forming sentences. Here's an example
You know there's a good chance you might just listen to this podcast and think,
well, dammit, I'm gonna dance. If I'm listening to the breakfast dessert, I might be
putting on them blue-sweight shoes. You know what I'm saying? And when I say that,
when I say blue-sweight shoes, I think about the fact of, there's probably a lack of dancing
in blue-sweight shoes. I mean, it doesn't like, as far as materials go, that's suede and leather
allow you to move about. But hey, who am I? I'm not a shoe guy, I'm not a shoe constructor,
and let's be honest, that's what they are. We did it though guys. We've got through the first
several segments of this podcast, but we're gonna hit a few more. Kind dude. I didn't edit that Bro, that's just the insider. I think it's a magic Michael bro
That's you constructors. Yeah, first of all who's sitting here in the year of our Lord 2020
Thinking about
Blue Swain shoes. I mean you only dance a blue swan shoes. You didn't know that I mean
That's 70 year old reference and I play a lot of music from the 50s
I mean, you know look I 70 year old reference? And I play a lot of music from the 50s. I mean, you know, look, I love that.
What the fuck?
But it is the fun.
I'm a Burkins and ask him.
It is the fun.
He's never worked at a shoe construction site.
Yeah.
He's not a shoe constructor.
So he's not sure.
You know what the, and build shoes
to know what kind of shoes to wear.
And was he reaching for like,
cobbler, like, was he trying to hit
some very good sales?
I think so. I think he was trying to come up with the word
and just could not come up with it.
And it was a nonsensical thing anyway.
So maybe you're listening, and again,
it's coming back to this, like he's trying to figure out
why anyone would listen to his show.
And he can't figure it out.
It's like maybe you're listening because you're dancing.
Well no, we'd listen to music.
We wanted to dance.
That's how that works.
I don't pop on a Patrick Michael podcast
to do some dancing.
Yeah.
So, those were the three segments
that he always does on breakfast dessert,
but he's got new ones now.
He's got new segments.
One of them is he reads everyone's birthday
on the date that the show comes out.
All of the famous birthdays,
I think he's done this before, right?
And it ends up being like two weeks before he publishes.
Right, right, we did talk about this.
What's funny about this is you would think that if you're just gonna read random famous
people's names, you try to pull some content out of that.
Yeah.
Maybe talk about something that you enjoy about them or have an angle on it.
Or just anything.
Or just anything.
Yeah. Not only does he have just nothing
He doesn't even know the names of the people. He's reading
I don't know Brittany and baby 27. I don't know what that is
Jeff Gordon 49
Billy Bob Thornton 65
Brilliant segment wow and that fucking music that's like it's Satan had a game show
That's the music man holy shit. Then he's got the life hacks
101 segment and
These life hacks are just
Oh my god, the guy would know a life hack if it hacked him in the face
Our next life hack here is want to make sure you wake up in the morning?
The snooze app for iPhone will donate to charity each time you hit the snooze button.
That's a crazy app.
That's a crazy app to think that you hit the sh- yeah.
I mean, some people should definitely do that.
Not those that don't have any money.
He just read a promotion for an app. He doesn't even know he thinks he's doing life hacks.
What he just did was he read an advertisement.
Yeah, well,
this specific app will donate to charity, isn't that crazy?
Well, that's the promotional gimmick.
Now, if they're in different hands, like freaking omics
would do a 90 minute episode on this
For the financial consequences of donating charity versus the extra street been at there's these psychological implications
This guy is just like there's this happen. There's charity, but you need money and then you can't sleep. Oh my god
Okay, isn't that crazy. Oh
No, it's not it's not crazy at all and
Then he's got funny quotes now funny quotes is a disaster of a segment.
This is different than the joke segment.
Correct.
Funny quotes.
This is funny quotes.
All right.
This is a cluster fuck.
Here's the first one.
Okay.
So now what I'd like to do is we're going to hit some funny quotes
and then we're going to close out the episode with the sketch comedy
troop that I wanted to mention.
And this is exciting. This is a a new segment just some funny quotes. I have no idea where they're gonna go or
What they're gonna consist of but here we go. Let's let's do what we do best and have a random breakfast dessert show you guys love it
I love it
He's brand-ly pulling shit. Okay, the first thing I got here funny quote says not to brag or anything, but I can
forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. I mean that's that it is a quote right? So I'm
gonna probably put those words in that order. That's some build up for that huh? Yeah.
Dude, pull yourself in that place. Imagine we're're like, well, I'm just gonna review podcasts, but like,
I don't know, let me just Google podcast here.
Let's see.
I mean, what the fuck?
Remember, oh, you said right there,
I wanna talk about a sketch comedy show.
Yeah.
You know the whitest kids you know.
Yeah.
There's a sketch show from like the erotic commercials.
Yeah, yeah.
And he goes, I wanna talk about the sketch show.
So he starts talking about it. I guess he used to watch the TV show when it about the sketch show. So he starts talking about it
I guess he used to watch the TV show when it was on TV and then he starts talking about the other shows
That were on that network that he used to like and then he says I think these guys have a podcast now or something
It's great that they're still doing stuff. He's not even keeping up with them. He has nothing like even the shit that he wants to talk about
They's not just reading off the internet. He knows nothing about one more funny quote. Yeah, before I get into that, because he realizes after he reads it that this was a terrible
decision. Good time Charlie B. Plunkers on Twitter says, today I learned that someone set up a solar-powered
MP3 and speaker system in the middle of the Namibian desert to play Africa by Toto for the rest of
time. Wow, that's just, I mean that's not even really that funny, just bizarre. I mean
it's really hard to pick like where is going to be the best, you know, it's groups.
All right, it's groups of funny stuff.
All right, so let's see.
Okay, let's see.
He's in real time trying to track down funny quotes.
Read to when he goes, oh, that wasn't funny. My apologies.
Patrick Michael, a little bit of prop goes a long way, my friend.
Yeah, why the fuck wouldn't you spend two minutes doing that?
He knew he was going to do funny quotes funny quote correct pull up a few funny quotes dude. He's
raising random tweets and that wasn't a joke. I mean there was a picture going on so I'm gonna actually did that yeah
That's not it wasn't even supposed to be funny. I don't think it's interesting. Yeah, it's my mind
It's just a stupid just a thing that happened
So he talks about the whitest kids you know, and he talks about sketch comedies. Like, you know,
there used to be a lot of sketch comedy shows on. There aren't that many anymore. He has an idea
for a sketch comedy show. Not for a sketch. That might be something that you could pitch on your
podcast. I have this awesome sketch idea. No, not him. He's got an idea for a sketch comedy show.
They could go on for multiple seasons. You ready for this crush? Oh boy, I can't wait. I love this guy.
Patrick Michael, I love you. You're the best. You're the king of podcasting.
But here's what I think the new sketch comedy could really be. If a sketch comedy troupe
was to come together and do something similar to American horror story or
American crime story, whatever those the ones that
Feature an entire season based off of one story
But the same actors
So they could do that for comedy for a sketch comedy show where the first you know eight or ten episodes are
Dedicated to one time period or something like that.
It's just an idea, but it would be able to keep it going where even something like Saturday
night live could be useful in that aspect where it's like, oh yeah, this season where every
sketch is based in the 80s.
I'm just throwing it out there, but either way guys,
thank you so much for tuning in.
Okay, this is the dumbest idea I've ever heard of my life.
First off, he's comparing it to the shows where every season
is the same cast playing different characters.
Which is what Sketch Comedy is.
That's what it always is.
It's always the same cast playing different characters.
His idea for Sketch Comedy is to not be sketch comedy,
but to be serialized comedy.
Correct.
Could you imagine set out lives like,
all right, for this year,
we're just gonna do 80s based sketches.
You're like, give a Trump's of the craziest thing last night.
Doesn't matter, we can't do that.
We're just talking about Ronald Reagan.
Do you know he was forgetful?
I think he had Alzheimer's.
Isn't this hilarious?
No!
Why aren't you covering the news?
What's going on?
But his idea that there should be,
follow me, a serialized comedy about situation.
Like a situation comedy.
Maybe call it a sitcom.
You're with me, right?
Yeah.
And do the same story that goes on every week
for like a whole season.
Yeah.
That'd be great Scots comedy, right?
I don't think anyone's gonna say Scots comedy is.
I don't think he knows what anything is.
What the fuck?
And you can tell that he knew that he had a bad idea
because he goes, I'm just throwing it out there.
I don't know, I'm just throwing it out there.
Like, pitching Michael first off,
stop pitching TV show ideas.
Yeah.
That's not what you do.
Well, yeah.
That's insane.
Oh, I, you know.
Come on, but it's just like a single sketch. I saw a softball
team on my bike ride last night. I pulled over. I'm like, you know, be great. If you guys
played football, right? That would be amazing. What is this year? You guys won your baseball
league, but next year all the same play that to play football. Yeah. Why would we do that?
Yeah. That would be terrible. Holy. We would lose every game. What a fucking moron.
It's really surprising. That show is, it's got to be from his high school days, right?
I mean, this, this bill, the, the whiteest kids, you know? Yeah, that, because, right,
this all builds into my theory that he's never, he doesn't, he hasn't experienced life.
No, he never left his teenager. He only talks about classes he took in high school
and friends he had and pranks they used to pull
and stealing phones from old ladies.
And like every story that he has revolves around
when he was 17 and a half years old.
And even the pop culture, like even his,
he discusses music when he discusses sketch comedy.
He can only talk about that one little time frame
He was also a great drummer in high school. I love you do that. Yeah, wow. Yeah, he's in a band with that guy
He's pretty ripping all right
Grocer we've covered it all my friends shit have we ever by the way we talk about the fact that the two bears one came
It's another fucking podcast based on the two girls one cup
Which is a reference from 2005. Yeah.
And there's so many pockets.
I remember I saw a whole list of them.
Yeah.
Does it have to podcast the had the, I think Amy Schumer had one like three girls one guy
and this thing and this thing and everything is this number and then that number.
Two pairs one cave.
These are comedians.
It's so unoriginal.
Yeah.
And if you kids go at home, don't know what that is.
Google that from your mom's phone. Yes. Yeah. And if you kids go at home, don't know what that is. Google that from your mom's phone.
Yes.
Yeah.
Tell your mom to send it to you.
This is, this has been a great time.
Yeah.
We've had a lot of fun today.
We covered the two bears, one cave podcast.
We covered the stuttering, John.
I can't wait to see how this plays out.
The wassu was serious exam.
My guess is it goes away. And we never
hear about it again. Yeah. Howard Stern won't talk about it. No one's going to address
it because it's just so fucking stupid. It's so ridiculous. Yeah. So stupid. But I love
that he did it. We talked about Patrick Michael. Then what he's up to fill my heart. So
that must mean it's time for everybody's favorite part of the show.
This is the part of the show. We play a clip from the podcast that we'll be reviewing on next week's W ATP. This is the highly anticipated podcast that we've been getting a lot of people calling for.
Featuring one John McAfee.
John!
We can't hear you.
Oh no. Oh, oh, his mic is uh his mic symbols making annoyance.
Yeah, I'm just fucking with you.
I've got to put this to you.
Oh my god.
I put you for turn your video on
Well anonymous
Mother fucker hang on
I don't have one I'm too shy
Oh
That's right. The anime pussy podcast.
The one that I was gonna ask for psych.
Psych! I'm not doing anime pussy.
That was just a joke tease.
That was a joke tease and you felt for it.
I did.
Here's the real tease.
Here's the real podcast I'm reviewing next week.
I will say I do not know how to spell Blagoa Vitch. I can also barely say it.
Do you know that it's Rod?
You know that, right?
Yes, but I think most people don't know that.
You hear him being called Rob Blagoa Vitch,
like a million times.
Rob Blagoa, Rob Breff, the double B, Rob Blagoa Vitch.
Because then it just becomes one name.
It's Rob Blagoa Vitch.
What?
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
This is Max of Health South, which I still can't say.
Helps up.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
These people are shoddy of a cannon.
Yeah, holy shit.
I thought you might know what that is.
That?
Yeah, it's something about that voice out from there.
This is a podcast called True Crime Obsessed.
A suggestion that came in from at winter 337.
This podcast, Crosier, True Crime Obsessive,
you heard of it?
Crime Obsessed, no.
It is the number one podcast on Patreon,
has 37,436 patrons.
Number two, Choppotrap House.
Now, 37,000 patrons, I don't know how much money they make.
Yeah.
Number two, Choppo Trap House makes $158,000 a month.
So I can only imagine what these people are making
to do the show.
Yeah.
They watch true crime documentaries, and then they review them.
That's it.
That's the pitch.
That's the pitch.
Good.
And apparently they giggle a lot. True crime obsessed. And people pay for this. They pay a lot of money for it. I mean, that's like kind of widely available already.
If you want to start a podcast, put the word true crime in the title of the podcast. It will be found by people.
Boy. It will be found by board housewives. Yeah. lots of stupid people out there with five bucks a month floating around. Yeah
Ooh wow
So Andy's gonna be back on the show or Andy this weekend coming up. Oh, it's gonna be fun true crime obsessed
Is the podcast will reviewing Crozier. I want to thank you so much. Oh, you helped me out of town by listening to the
Centering John show for me and anything that you want to
plug my friend.
Of course, I'll be on the sub-reddit later.
I am a VIX Japanese stepfather coming out of me.
So please join us again next week.
It might be the episode we find out once and for all.
Who are these podcasts?
Sleep well, every pony.
Party in the must-vis of Morning Radio.
And how did you know these clothes were cow?
Dude, guys. Okay. Great show. Good job, though, these clothes right now.
Dude, nice.
Okay, great show. Good job, everybody.
Great job, everyone.
Get the shit, who gets it by?
You're not cares, Matt.
It's boring as shit.
Fuck, things suck!
Things a lot, Carl.
Everything's real.
It's a way to win, and I can't. And...
You know, who are these? Podcasts.
I don't know.
I don't get it.
Makes no sense.
There will be no reviews this week.
Vic is currently traveling cross country.
No producer, Chris, and no Vic.
I know. I'm sorry to take this personally. Well, it could be you. It could be you. Or they
might just realize that you and I can hold down before it together. That must be it. And
we don't need all of them. Or it could be the fact that Vic just got crushed for 45 minutes
by the guy she tried to. She tried to goof on. Yeah. And lots of time to pass.
Who knows?
Yeah.
But according to Vic, she is traveling, going to visit her mom, her Russian Jewish mom.
There you go.
Who's got to be 140 years old, based on her story.
So, yeah, Victoria will not be joining us this week.
So we're just going to play some voicemails.
And the good news is, Kroge,
Vic is still with us in spirit and in voicemails.
Yeah, Vic, I saw her on her Instagram.
She's like the definition of Butterface.
A lot of unfortunate shit going on up above the neck. She's got
a no-k-bony, but it's testecrated by her really shifte taste and tattoos. This might be too
specific, but that last call, last week on the nose would think they will operate it
and just do it.
Oh, wow, wow.
Drop in the anti-semitism at the other.
Jesus Christ.
A lot of that in today's show.
Holy shit.
Yeah, I've noticed that.
By the way, I disagree.
I think by definition, a butter face has a great body.
Hey, Carl. It's cripple Jesus here.
And I was listening to that Bible podcast.
Yes, we're doing so.
As many of you know, I am a preacher myself.
And like the name cripple Jesus is a preacher of stage name.
And I find the Bible boring, just like anyone else.
My way to work around that is I started my own Bible, so I would like to read you a passage
from the Hot Wheels Bible about housewives. I mean just open the book here. Again this is housewives
thirteen one. Who bones the meat wolf shall receive my back hand. I hope that was
insightful for the listeners. If anybody wants to contact me about doing any
experiments, I do have a whole hot wheels Bible.
It covers all things from marriage to gambling that.
And I just want to shout out that guy who said he would
drive me to the shameless pickup game. Whoever that guy is,
he now has my permission to park in the hand because, but, oh, sweet deal.
Praise the Lord. All right.
cripple jesus, quick question for you buddy. What is your Bible, the hot wheels Bible?
What does that say about butt sex? Probably a lot.
It's probably covered.
If I know cripple Jesus, there's a lot of a lot of butt sex being covered in that.
Alright.
By the way, CJ, yeah, you always kill a bunny. Thanks for coming in.
Carl, really?
No, don't be episode.
Are you fucking?
Carl, really?
No, don't be segment. Are you fucking hitting me? the fuck really
fucking
i pay a whole zero dollars and zero
system
and you don't even get me a fucking
oh be segment
you call yourself a bomber god
oh you really have a flat
like god i'm pulling my patreon rubber
death
you know you can please some of the people,
some of the time crows,
please all of the people,
some of the time.
Yeah, like Abe Lincoln said,
fuck them hoes.
I think he said that, I forgot.
So this guy called in three times in a row,
and I'm just going to play you one of these.
He's not a big fan of Vic,
so I'm sure I'll be happy that the fact that i have
hello carl this is he and this is
still how i talk
i just wanted to call to but you know that i
fucking hate
vick
and that segment that she brought to the show
made me want to change the podcast not only that it made me want to change the podcast. Not only that, it made me want to throw my phone out
the window and drive off a cliff.
Fucking horrible.
I know I'm not the only one to say this,
so I'll just keep it at that.
Call me back, thank you.
Bye.
It wasn't the best segment.
I'll be honest, we had Will, noon, and I,
we were laughing, we were having a great time with OP. Yeah. And part of it's on me. I'm going to take responsibility because
grows you know this. We had a gig and I was late to our loading time. Yes, you work hard. Sorry,
I'm here. You. So I was watching the clock and I was trying to keep things moving and I wasn't
totally as involved I normally would be. So my apologies for that.
It was it was really funny when the guys on the show did the rebuttal.
He's like, the only thing the girl did wrong.
He should have added this whole part out.
And I was like, I did think about it.
Yeah, it did.
Sorry about that.
Hey, this is Vicks boyfriend.
And this is how I talk.
I'm saying of this podcast hitman kid saying that my and this is how I talk about the
podcast hitman kid
saying that my
looks like fucking
piggy hill
you can keep talking like that man i have to come out there
we're gonna have to fall up
to freeze all of your face kid
comment back
well the pegi hill comment really struck a nerd with people like that,
that's got over very well.
Yeah, that connected with folks.
They really did.
So podcast hit man, watch out man, Vicks Boyfriend.
Yeah, drop some, some trays on your ass.
I mean, she reminds me more than one I'd check from Futurama.
But that's just me.
That's another peggy.
Oh yeah, there you go.
Hey, Charles, bonegasix, G9 here.
Just wanted to register my missing of Kevin, the classic old Kevin, original co-host.
Please Kevin, come back.
Just for the odds, episode here and there. Your funny voices and
hanged dog, I guess I'd say, demeanor were always appreciated. Although the other co-hosts are
greats generally, but yeah, let's get Kevin back. Come on man, you'll miss. I don't think he will,
so I think that he just felt bad for shitting on people
So often but it's okay, you know, it's all right. It was it was funny. That's the golden rule isn't it?
Anyway speaking of co-hosts and under good one is then Kaya who hasn't been on for a while
You were so sad to mention him. I've been meaning to say for a while
Hold on a second. I get this dad stop. Why is it Kaya? Do the show?
We can't does the show, he was just sad. Jesus grace.
The reason I wanted to mention him is I've been meaning to say for a while. Let's save
Kay as life is the campaign. I've been listening to the P part, which is mostly Karl Pissing,
which is top tier entertainment obviously. But the episode where Kaya is pissing, he sounds strange man,
that's not right. That's the pissing of like an 80 year old man. He's under 40 sure. He
get that check dude. You've got prostate problems for sure. So, you know, get it checked. Thanks guys.
Jokes on you, boner guy. He's actually jerking off into the toilet. That's so much a jack-u-let. Kaya has.
He's an all-man.
So first of all, he's trying to say,
he's not impressed with his stream.
I'm not impressed with your stream.
And that's true though.
Kevin does not have a mean bone in his body,
except when Carl was fucking him.
Lo-shin-side says,
what are you gonna have crows out the show?
Very good.
I actually forwarded that voice about to Kevin, and he wrote back and was just like, being
the guy with funny voices I'll ever wanted to do.
He was very happy with that.
So maybe we can get him back on for a segment.
Maybe we can have Cooper Commander co-host or Dorkles.
Oh, I was on with Dorkles.
That'd be fun.
Yeah. Hi, Carl.
This is your doctor.
Dr. Vinnie Paulino Bumbats.
This is how I talk.
I probably don't give you respect or something like that.
Anyway, I noticed in the opening of the latest episode of
Who Are These Podcasts, you're talking a little bit too fast. So I'd like to get you
booked in for an appointment and we'll go over that medication there with you buddy. Call me back.
Last time, but it was it was a good premise. Yeah. I knew Kroger didn't appreciate that one.
What else is going on? A guy from the subreddit hates our co-host.
Hey, Carl, I'm from the subreddit after you posted this episode and the co-host this week sucks
He sucks and he's awful and he ruined the show and I hate it
All right, so there's one person who's not a fan of will noon and I suppose well, I mean that could be from any week
That's you mean, you know that's true. mean, that could be from any week. That's true.
I mean, you know, that's true.
Just pull out of your week that you want.
All right, what else we got?
Hey, Carl.
I'm from the subreddit later in the night.
And you know that one thing you said about OP,
well, in 1600 episodes of OP radio ago,
he said something totally different.
You totally missed it. And I can't believe you did that you retard
I have seen that guy in the subreddit. Yeah, I think the subreddit guy calls back again here
Hey Carl I'm from the subreddit later after you post the latest episode, man. I
Hate dick That was one of the things that the guys from the film my heart after you post the latest episode, man. I hate Vic.
Yeah, that was one of the things that the guys
from the Phil My Heart podcast were saying,
they're like, we went and read through the subreddit
and Vic is not liked by anyone.
They're like, yeah, wow.
If that's how you're gonna judge Vic's popularity
by the subreddit, you're gonna think
that maybe people are not fans of hers.
Yeah, that's just a minority of the listeners.
Everybody else loves her though.
Right, of course, it's just a vocal minority.
I mean that, I love this all about it.
I fucking love it to pieces.
It's so funny.
I know.
Oh my God, I'm waiting for him to turn it
because there are weeks when that tide gets up there
and I'm like, oh my God, they're gonna kill Carl.
They're gonna murder Carl.
This is gonna happen.
Don't say this out loud. And then other weeks are like, oh, they like the show again. They're gonna murder Carl. This is gonna happen. Don't say this out loud.
And then other weeks they're like,
oh, they like the show again.
You're encouraging them.
Uh.
Speaking of the subreddit,
I love to pop in here because
people post all the best-stuttering John stuff.
Oh, they're great.
Anytime.
I'm just gonna click on a random pose that came up
because anytime someone posts on a...
And they type a name for you.
Anytime someone. Okay, here it is. So just randomly gonna press play out of those.
Uh, Vicks, Japanese, Stepfather, John, why do you get mad about the shower questions?
You've said on past shows that you went days without showering.
That's not trolling.
You said it.
I was kidding when I said it. I was kidding when I said it. Do you know when I kid around?
And I don't.
Just doesn't like people talking about the fact that it's hygiene sucks.
So I cut this out when he was going on about...
Why do you look like you smell bad, John?
He was going on about, oh, well Carl doesn't like me because I'm half Puerto Rican or because my feet smell.
And then later on one of the WATP fans gets on him and he goes
No, I'm just joking my feet don't really smell that's for comedy. Okay. I'm like dude
You put pictures of your feet on the internet before and I could smell the pictures correct those pictures
Stock plus was the he doesn't leave me cuz I'm Puerto Rican was that comedy?
Was that a joke like you can't mix and match it as you please not known as a fact
Was that a joke? Like you can't mix and match it as you please. Not known as a joke.
After the fact.
All right, Kroes, I can talk about sitting down with you
for the rest of our existence and we might.
Yeah, that sounds good.
But we've got to take a break for now.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for coming over and for doing the show.
It's always fucking crushed it.
You know what people say we have a great show for you today?
I say it after the fact.
This is a great show today.
Ah, it's gonna go.
We put out a quality product for everybody today and you are welcome.
What do I, what a what a drop should I use? You call the drop to end the show.
If I find out, like a fine way, put that down. Any Alex Jones? You got it, buddy.
You fucking know all about this shit. Bullshit. Perfect.
Fucking know all about this shit.
Bullshit.
Perfect.