Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep459 - Fartmouth
Episode Date: November 5, 2023On this episode we're checking out "the most raunchy, stupid, and offensive comedy podcast on the internet." It's not even the most raunchy, stupid, and offensive podcast we've reviewed in the last 30... days. It's just a couple of unfunny guys who use gamer words because they're naughty boys. Both Vinnie Paulino and Jen from the Jingles Department join the show to discuss clam slam poetry and bad impressions. Then we're off to the races as we discuss our holiday song contest, Stuttering John being a bad friend, June Diane Raphael's narcissism, Chris D'Elia's halloween costume, Brendan Schaub's witty banter, and much more. The Isotopes new album - https://rochesterisotopes.bandcamp.com/album/fireworks-factory https://thecreepoff.com/ Support us, get bonus episodes, Vic and Hannah pics, and watch live every Saturday and Wednesday: http://bit.ly/watp-patreon https://watp.supercast.tech/ https://bananabag.org/watp Use promo code WATP for 25% off your purchase Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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You know, there's varying degrees
of trash in every culture. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr By the way, for those people that are in the back, remember to shut the fuck up. What are you talking about?
I've been dying to say that.
Cause.
Cause a row.
Cause a row.
Slapper Rooney.
It's show time. W-A-T-P-W-A-T-P.
Hello, Robert Mix and cousin Rooz.
Welcome to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts.
The only show that makes you feel like you're our most important listener because you are.
I'm your host, Carl.
With me today, two people who's suffering John Phanisai's about.
It's Jen from the Jingles department and Vinnie Paulino.
Hi.
Welcome, friends.
So uncomfortable.
Welcome to the show.
Please go to who are these.com.
Get our email address, voice mail number,
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We'll go to Discord, server link to our merchant
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you can watch the show live and
Unadded we record Saturdays at two Eastern Wednesdays at five Eastern and there are people here watching us do this
Right now you could be one of them also if you get on our patreon
You know a lot of people drop off at the beginning of the month their credit card expires
They don't realize they're no longer on the patreon. So check for that. I'm going to be putting up my latest appearance,
filling in for Anthony Cumi on the Anthony Cumi show, Eric Zane and I on how
we night did a show on there.
I introduced Eric to Teruts TikTokers.
So that's always fun.
Lucky.
Who doesn't enjoy that?
I was a fun episode.
Also, we encourage our listeners, give us a five star review on Apple podcasts,
then shit, all of us in the comment section today.
We'll be reviewing a show called Fartmouth.
This is a suggestion from a laugh track in the Discord.
We have all listened separately.
We've not discussed it with each other beforehand.
Let's get into it.
A show hosted by Tyler and Jake.
Its description is the most raunchy, stupid, and offensive comedy podcasts on the internet.
And I have to ask, is it Fartmouth or Fartmouth?
Because it's like Dartmouth. What I have to say, is it fart mouth or fartmouth? Because it's like Dartmouth.
And it's like,
first-safety.
And it's university.
Yeah, nothing really came up for their show
right away.
It was all Dartmouth.
Yeah.
Did you mean Dartmouth?
Yeah, Google's like, you definitely don't mean fart mouth.
No one's ever searched that with some convincing.
That's what I did.
All right, well, let's see how the show starts off.
It's a little obnoxious.
Is that the most annoying thing I've ever done?
Probably not.
So immediately I'm getting the come town. We don't really care vibes.
I don't know if that's an influence or not, but come town as great a show as that
is has really egged
on some bad podcasters to make a lot of bad podcasting.
You don't know if it was an influence.
You think it is?
You think it's obvious?
Yeah.
Sounds exactly like Comtown.
Well, except for the funny guys.
Except for that one last.
By the funny guys.
Although, right out of the gate, the episode, most recent episode, there's a joke, and
you won't miss it.
They make sure you realize it's a joke
Do you want to yes? Do you want to announce it yesterday? Oh?
Okay, Israel began their ground invasion. Oh, finally they did into the West Bank proving that
There's not a single bank in the world that you can't get into oh
We do that for me on the creep off from now on. If I tell a joke, just go,
oh,
everyone knows when to laugh,
and how hard to laugh for.
Absolutely not.
I thought it was good technique.
Fuck them, it's stupid.
Carl, I'm sorry I didn't interrupt the flow on this
because we're talking about the start of their shows
and how enane it is.
You are the flow of this, buddy, go for it.
All right, so listen, my first clip was the very first joke
of the show I listened to,
which was, I'm sorry, I wanna make sure I give you
a couple of titles.
Yeah, let's make sure people can go back
and research it themselves afterwards.
It's an episode 191, Israeli Dick Fluid,
the name of the episode that I chose to listen to
for some reason.
And you played,
fluid isn't actually in the dick.
Anyway, yeah, go ahead. Well, yeah, it's the, the bus it comes for.
It's the vessel.
Yeah, correct.
So the Israeli dick fluid episode opens up with the joke
and you played it in the teaser last week.
Let's remind everybody.
Yeah, it's okay.
Welcome everyone to Fartmouth podcast.
A show whose hosts believe that rape is a crime
and who on a completely unrelated note have
no respect for the law.
Nice.
Now, Carl, they beat that joke into the ground.
Listen to them.
34 seconds later.
I timed this 34 seconds later.
We think about rape, Jake? Uh, I mean, I like that it's illegal, but I also...
...don't respect the law.
Why? Why do they do that again?
I don't know, Carl.
All I knew is that the second time I heard that joke in under a minute
is when I realized that was in for a tough listen.
Yeah, it's gonna be a rough go.
That reminds me real quick, getting off topic,
and then we get right back on,
Jenna and I went and saw Tim Dylan last night.
Okay.
And Tim Dylan came out and did probably
the first five to 10 minutes just out of Rochester.
Yeah.
And repeated the same joke twice.
He goes, I thought I was in Gaza when I got here.
And he said that like again, just in a different way.
And he got a laugh both times.
You're dead.
He's got good delivery though.
He doesn't look at delivery.
Well, listen, joke.
Well, you're just doing that joke.
It's forgivable from professionals.
Yeah.
From amateurs, it's like, okay, I heard you.
Well, this, I mean, Tim Dylan, by the way, we have to talk about this.
We have to do it right now.
But there was almost one of those epic moments where a heckler yelled out at him that he
was ignorant.
He was an ignorant prick.
Yes.
And the whole crowd said, it's going nuts.
And some people are on her side.
Notice how I said her.
And other people are booing.
And Tim's like, well, it's better time.
It's bigger.
We'll talk about that later.
Jen, why would you do that?
Jen jiggles.
What did you pick up on?
Well.
Well, this episode.
These are some really racist people.
Yeah.
Well, that's the shocking part of this.
It's also offensive. Watch out.
So my clip number two, they start talking about BTK.
So they like serial killers. I can get down with that.
Then they go from BTK to Gallagher to racism.
Okay, let's get on that journey that all thrings us.
I wanted to know what come inside of a dead pussy
looked like versus alive pussy
So I could tell if he raped her before she died or not. Yeah, yeah
I want to see if I smack the stomach with the mallet if it all cuss out
Weird fucking Gallagher show
We've had 50 men coming to this dead woman over here and
Real good smack.
Did you know that black people love going to Gallagher shows?
Not for the comedy, just to catch the water.
No, I don't need that parko boy.
I can see that one coming.
I have to be honest with you.
I didn't see them doing the voice at the end coming, but yeah.
Well, if you liked that, wait and do to hear the Michael Irvin impression that one of these guys comes out with the episode
I checked out the most recent one that was about Randy Moss for some reason. Dallas star
receiver Michael Irvin even called to apologize to Moss because Irvin's own off-field problems
where a main reason Moss was not drafted. That's hilarious. Yeah. listen nigga. I'm so sorry. You know, I was at the club.
I'm gonna step on my shoe.
He does these impersonations.
I swear you think it was the real people.
Pretty good stuff.
Yeah, well, then my clip three is just a little more of that.
I get five of those.
I'm getting 20 dollars with a watermelon on this show. You got grits. Would you
be smashing no buckets of chicken now, boy? I need to check it. I don't want no bone
shots in my wrist. Don't be telling me you're eating that fucking that bone with a I'm a boss, man, oh, they're real. I almost said it. You can just look at me.
You can just hand me that fucking fried chicken.
Ah, god damn, I couldn't think of a single piece
of chicken's name.
I had plenty of time and I couldn't come up with it.
What's the better if you did?
We're not have made it funny.
Yeah, mostly offended by how a hack that was.
Yeah, right.
So I just want to make sure that wasn't Michael Irving.
Correct.
I know, okay.
No, I had to go back and listen to get myself.
It's literally sounds like the CBS boarding show.
It's about as a date.
That's awful.
There's no jokes.
This is the lowest hanging fruit.
There's all these guys are about correct.
Correct.
The episode that I listen to,
I don't want to go into a long thing here, but I would have to if I did right now
So I'm going to anyway Carl. All right, you don't want to you have to I have to because it's all I want to do
Okay, the episode I listened to I was really appalled at that joke twice
But what I liked about the show is that they went into a bit and they actually had prepared
show is that they went into a bit and they actually had prepared material in a whole fucking bit. You're ready to go. And I was shocked that they put this
effort in. Oh, but then you will not be shocked at the level of the material. Oh,
okay. So the bit that they do, episode three, listen to this great intro that
they've had planned for it. We're doing it just a second. It's time for Sam Poetry. That sounded so cool.
That sounded cool shit. Alright, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Slam poetry, huh? Carl. I didn't know what it was at first because I couldn't understand
what that jingle was. I was like, okay, we're going into a bit. What the fuck is this bit?
Then they explained it.
Oh, good.
Clam slam poetry.
We both write poems.
They're fucked up.
Yeah.
Which one first, though?
Your suggestion.
Yes.
I think should go first.
Okay.
Yeah.
Based on the fucking
the level. Yeah, I've on my half. Oh, okay.
The second topic. Yeah, mine, mine gets, uh, yeah, words are hard.
You go first. Same. I imagine. That's fine. Yeah, let's do that. Okay.
I'll go first, both times. Yeah. Uh, all right. So I asked, uh, Tyler and, uh,
I guess myself to write even though I I didn't I didn't actually ask myself, but
My topic was Israel Palestine shocking ever heard of it. Oh, topic. Yes, get to the work at overtime part Jesus Christ This fucking intro
When do we get to the clam? I imagine this is what going to like a Robert Frost
Poetry reading was like, sure. Okay. Carl, I want to point out Jody B in the discord. I was going
to bring this up, but he's in there chatting about this. So he thought the one we recommended
the show to me, but I saw on their website, they had a discord server. So I'm like, what's going
on in their discord server? Let's check that out. And who do I see all over in that place is Jody B so he's a big fan of the show. Oh, yeah, he's right in there right in about the clams slam poetry. He's raising his head.
He's got some splay into the after we play these clips. I'm gonna play you the first poem about the Israeli Palestine
conflict. Okay. I'm excited. All right. It's gonna be hilarious. You tell me, Carl. Jody B might like it. All right, Jody B, tell me what's funny about this.
After the drone strike, smoke settles, and the coffers paid off, what will anyone have
learned from another rocket tradeoff?
There's dead kids on both sides, but I'm not complaining.
It's less competition for Jesus, is all that I'm saying.
Prolifers want fetuses born if they're virginian,
but babies can be misal fodder if they're Palestinian.
And easy rhyme there, I'm well aware,
but that shoe fell harder than a push down the stairs.
Dean, bombs flying like shoes at a head like George Bush's, Tushu references. All to save
the asses of those who say took us.
Damn.
Yeah, that's a Jew fucking raffes of Jews.
Oh, that's the end?
Yeah, sorry. That was fucking raps a Jews. Oh, that's the end. Yeah, sorry.
That was dope.
Yeah, I like that.
Yes, queen.
That was terrible.
That was so bad.
You don't say.
Yeah.
But do you think the other guy could have done better?
I would hope so.
Well, let's find out.
All right.
The Jews and a rabs got beef older than Moses.
Kosher or Haram, they both be smellin' atrocious.
Oh shit.
Fighting over land like some dumb fuck savages.
Shit makes me wanna...
This is so fucked fucked I'm sorry
This this poem is some of the most fucked up shit
This is episode 190 something you said 91 191. They've done a 190 episodes before this yeah, I'll do themselves
Wow fucking time. Oh, he's not done with this poem yet, Carl. Let the man finish his poem.
Oh, I noticed he wasn't done.
I was hoping you were done.
Plagot for me, but I guess not.
Oh, would you like me to stop playing it for you?
I will.
Let me start.
Yeah, really read the answer.
Fightin' over land, like some dumb fucks savages.
Shit makes me want to mail tons of anthrax packages.
Israel bombs.
That's what he fucking stumbled on. Anthrax packages. Israel bombs. That's what he fucking stumbled on. Anthrax packages. Yup.
Oh, this gets crazy right here guys. Does it? Okay. Israel bombs. Drop from the sky like
Fire reigning. Blow up a hospital as if the docs had training. Oh, but wait, what's this? It was a rocket from Hamas?
Surprise you can't make fuel out of goats and applesauce.
What?
What?
What's that?
Dumb question. Are they known for their orchids over there?
No, are there a lot of apples?
I don't think so.
Washington State and New York State both.
A lot of apples, but I didn't know about guys. Okay.
Not a lot rhymes with the moss.
After it's all said and done and the dust settles when the animals are done throwing their pebbles.
Oh, it really won't matter which side keeps the land
They're all just Campbell jockeys fighting over sand
Nice, bro, Sam kittas and joke at the end there although Sam kittas and joke was way funnier
He correct. It is a Sam kittas and joke. Thank you for knowing that. Yes. I could only listen to this for so long,
and I'll tell you where I tuned out.
I do like torturing you every now and again, Vitty.
This one, I listened, you couldn't torture me with this
because I didn't listen to it long enough
for you to torture me.
I listened to the first 20 minutes of this episode
and said, holy shit, that's all I need.
Did you get to the Bomai Rans song?
Because Jody B is hoping that you clipped that.
I did not clip the bomb Iran song.
Sorry, Jody B, we didn't get to the bomb Iran song.
Oh, we'll tell you this though.
And I'm gonna save you guys a little bit of trouble here.
They do around two of this, okay?
Around two of this amazing poetry.
Oh, just amazing poetry, but they changed the topic.
Oh good, okay.
So they picked one of them picked Iran Palestine.
Sure.
The next one was making love to a political figure
Okay, now here's the thing though. I'll see you get to get brought up in this. No. Oh not even a little bit
Now I was gonna start to do my horn dogs
You need to listen to this guy talk up his poem. Okay, so hit number nine Carl just number nine
We'll do like we both hit this with a mortal technique. Yeah.
I've got a reference in this that I'm going to have to explain at the end
that it's going to blow your fucking mind, dude. Yeah. Okay. Like the
most like I there is zero fucking chance. Anybody listening to this is going
to get this reference. And then when I explain it you're gonna go holy fucking shit okay that is like the most goddamn detonative
ass bullshit ever fucking bombed my fucking simple mind explosive that's right
okay he's still called a shot a minute later. Okay. I spent half an hour writing this poem.
I spent half an hour analyzing every fucking word of this poem.
I was so passionate, I was like, this is going to be the greatest 85 seconds of content
I've ever created in my life.
Okay guys, you're all excited for this now.
Yeah.
I could see it from Chris's face and Jed fell asleep a little bit.
So I can tell everyone's really excited to find out what this poem is that he spent
30 whole fucking minutes to make a masterpiece.
Also, I love the fact that there's a reference that none of us will get.
That's so brilliant.
That's exciting.
I can't wait for that.
What are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?
I was listening to your new album today.
Available on the Ice Dose Band Camp.
I was actually gonna promote that.
Yeah, it was so cool.
Check out the fireworks factory by the Ice Dumps.
It's out there and it's fantastic.
Everybody go get it.
We've got no other sales already.
It's very exciting.
So check it out.
Okay. So ladies and gentlemen
Here is the poem that he is telling us is the greatest poem he's ever written the greatest piece of content
He's ever made is everyone ready for this long last all right. Let's let's get into it here we go his
Throbbing Vainey heebcock
Grasp the twist-minded fingers while he trapped another street block, the smell of phosphorus lingers.
In synchronized time he thrusts my warning asshole, accepts it.
And blinks of eyes blind now dust.
No fucking life signs detected.
God damn. Fill my insides to the brim with IDF forces. Sing the women
a hymn during forced A-rab abortions. Damn bro. Benny boys got plans out the motherfucking Wazoo, bronze balls put the tan in that tan Yahoo!
Fuck bro!
As my goop hits the floor, post nut clarity hits me!
Goop!
As my goop hits the floor, post nut clarity hits me. Genocidal dog of war, Jew tyrant turn Nazi.
Back pocket, NATO bitch, something has to be done.
My trigger finger itched so I reach for his gun.
Brain splatter on the bedsheet unseats his iron dome Ooh
Oh
Good one bro. Good one half an hour
Brain splatter on the bedsheet unseats his iron dome
ironic mix of my skeet
Drop three loads and a shalom. Oh my god
Drop three loads and a shalom. Oh my god
What the fuck dude, I didn't write that
God road Hands entered my brain
What's crazy is that his co-host actually gives it to him?
He's like that was actually incredible. This is what Tom Myers thinks the people behind him are doing.
Correct.
But this guy missed a perfect opportunity
to make this guy feel like an idiot.
Yeah.
Which I would've talked to you or you or you.
Like, if you called your shot that much,
I would've given you nothing.
No matter what came out at length.
Right, nothing at length.
Does anybody want to take a guess
as to what this amazing reference was
and that will blow your minds?
Oh yeah, I forgot about that part. Yeah, I know I was trying to figure out what that was too.
I mean, he wrote a poem about fucking Benjamin Netanyahu and then killing him. Sure.
Which is not a lot of genius. Are you in don't reference? Carl, I hope not. My final clip and I
will not bore you anymore with these people because right after I heard this is where I turned the podcast off
Here is the answer the reference I gotta explain
Fill my insides to the brim with IDF forces IDF stands for Israeli dick fluid
That is what I did that's a fucking connection dude
And that is what I tell you. That's a fucking connection dude. Fill my insides to the brim with Israeli dick fluid forces I'll be even funnier the third time wow that was hilarious
Wow real good stuff. I listened to the whole bit guys the whole bit and I was done I
Listened it three episodes. That's insane. What?
I did I listen to to fucking insurance companies, which every episode, none of them have a theme.
They all have a theme, but no theme. So each episode is different. So fucking insurance
companies was so boring. It was just, I think Tyler talking about a car accident he got
into. Again, really racist, though, because it was a Mexican woman.
The episode I listened to about Randy Moss, also boring and racist.
Really boring and racist.
Then the other one I listened to that wasn't the one I pulled
clips from was Billy Dry Pist Crystals,
and it was a, would you rather themed show?
Hold on a second.
Did you hear what she just said?
The other one she listened to, she didn't even pull clips,
she just listened to it.
So she'd have some knowledge for the show.
This fucking asshole comes out, I listen to 20 minutes, got my
clips and call the day. Yep. Yep. Correct. I like try hard.
No, that's you. That's you.
So Billy, dry piss crystals. Was a, would you rather get
pegged once a month by a trans person, or would you rather get pegged once a month by a trans person or would you rather lick a urinal at a very busy airport or
There's a busy this
You wouldn't think it would matter, but they go into where is this urinal located?
They go into really great detail about it
It's just and then that is where I tapped out. I didn't listen to the rest of that episode
It's by the food Core in the Cincinnati Airport.
Okay, all right, by the Food Core,
right by the Skyline Chili Stead.
Let me call Amy and see if she's up for it.
Ooh, yeah, so.
The one I did poke clips from,
Animal Commiss II Watery, I don't know why I picked that one
or what I thought it was gonna be.
It was disgusting. What? Animal Commiss II Watery was disgusting? to watery. I don't know why I picked that one or what I thought it was gonna be. Okay.
It was disgusting.
What?
It was animal cup is too watery, it was disgusting.
So number five.
Shocking.
Speaking of dogs and going back to your dog rape thing.
Yeah, about BTK.
Oh, yeah.
If you guys ever noticed that like,
animal jizz is like really watery.
Tower, I'll be a hundred percent awesome.
Oh, I got ever came across animal come.
I'm gonna also the only time I saw animal come was on Jackass
to that's what I'm that's the kind of thing I'm talking and Chris
Pontius drank the horse come.
Right. And it looked like it was pretty watery in there.
But it was a lot more like our come as men.
Right.
It's very thick.
It's viscous.
Very viscous.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like motor oil.
Right.
But the animal come is very watery.
Okay.
That was just part of their show.
Okay.
Well, I learned something.
And that's what it was titled after.
Well, would you get a bit that good?
That's what I wanted to name the episode.
Technically what we just heard was the title track.
Yep, yeah.
That was the title track of the podcast.
Guys, didn't get any better than that part of the show.
Let's call it that.
Yes, we all agree.
Let's do that.
Sure, you don't want to call it viscous mancom.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
No, no, just go ahead and come.
It was watery, that'll work, guys.
It was gross all the way through.
They talked a lot of pornography.
Okay.
Gross.
I mean, you can give seven to try.
All right.
While that is fascinating, it's bonerific.
I'll be honest.
There's not a lot of pornographic scenarios
where I'll just like straight up get a boner
without touching my dick at all.
Yeah, obviously not.
But the felching subreddit definitely tickles that itch.
At least to a good degree.
Oh, but here's my problem with it.
I definitely prefer the facial aspect of it
to the comment mouth aspect of it.
Oh.
Oh.
You're kind of sore of felching, I see.
Okay.
I like how they're trying to have this clinical conversation about it.
I really don't know.
There's a subreddit.
You host a show called Subreddit Surfing.
Have you guys done felching yet?
Well, we're planning on doing that for the live show.
Okay, good.
Yeah.
We just felching it subreddit Because we want to have a lot of visuals
and we don't want YouTube to begin.
That would be fun.
This is the part of the show where we explain
to my mother-in-law what felching means.
Jen, you want to take a stab at this?
Interesting you bring her up because as I was writing my note,
first of all, sorry, mom, the things I was writing down,
I don't think I've ever written the word jizz out more or ever than I did today.
I would hope not.
It was all over her folder in school.
Or...
Dear diary, there was jizz everywhere today.
Jizz, jizz, jizz, jizz.
And then my number six is just more gross.
Yeah, I mean, like the chick I fucked the most times
in high school was like 87 pounds
when we were sophomores in high school.
Like she was super fucking anorexic and shit.
Yeah, spinner.
Not even.
Or a lazy Susan, as we called them on an old episode
of fart mouth I really listened to recently.
Really?
Very good.
Very good.
I'll go and toot my own horror a little bit.
Beat, beat.
I said or lazy Susan's.
I like that.
I said that.
That's great.
You spin that bitch around on a pole.
Holy shit.
This guy went back, listen to an old episode.
Yeah.
And then repeated the joke that he had.
That he thought was funny from an old episode.
I've never something more pathetic than that.
Oh.
Dude, dude, how about we take that a little step further.
He went back and listened to old episodes
and is still making new ones.
How about that?
How about that?
Yeah, didn't learn anything.
I wonder where this is going.
Let's record again tomorrow.
All right.
Unbelievable.
So they start talking about Antonio Brown.
As I mentioned, this episode I was news about,
Randy Moss for no reason.
And Antonio Brown is done a lot of crazy shit.
And he's still doing crazy shit.
He hasn't stopped.
He's not letting up any time soon.
And this is the one thing that they took away
from Antonio Brown's crazy life.
I think it was Antonio Brown.
Yeah, Antonio Brown.
That farted in that lady's face.
Yeah.
He's not a lot of cool shit, actually.
He's so fucking awesome.
He's very entertaining actually.
I guess that's on brand.
If that's the thing that fart mouth
thought was the most interesting part
about Antonio Brown's career, it makes sense.
Well, it turns out these guys are pretty bad at geography
because this guy didn't realize that Delaware
and West Virginia are almost neighbors.
They're very close to each other, these two states. So, Delaware is not that far from West Virginia are almost neighbors. They're very close to each other, these two states.
So, Delaware is not that far from West Virginia,
so I'd imagine they're the same thing, right?
It's the same DuPont.
They're not. They're pretty far apart.
They're not that far from each other.
What's look at a map?
They're like, I mean, it's what?
100 miles maybe.
I think it's way more than that.
I guess like a hundo.
US.
I feel like Delaware's in the Northeast
and West Virginia's in the South.
I mean, technically, but they're close.
I think they pretty close to each other.
Technically.
We're gonna find out.
We're just gonna give it the old eyeball test.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're just gonna give it the old eyeball test.
See, I thought Delaware was where New Hampshire and shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I always viewed, I never realized that Delaware is like a fucking archipelago.
Yeah, it is, yeah.
A fucking surrounded by water almost.
That is one big ass fucking bridge, dude.
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
It turns a lot.
There's a bridge that goes from, is that West Virginia?
That's Virginia Beach. Norfolk? Norfolk's in West from, is that West Virginia? That's Virginia Beach.
Norfolk?
Norfolk in West Virginia, yeah?
Is it?
Uh oh, Ray Tarnelar.
Yeah.
Ray Tarnelar, yeah.
This is one of those moments where you just got to stop talking.
Yeah.
Just stop.
Because everything you're saying is dumb.
And it makes you look foolish.
And they're looking it up.
And they're looking at it.
And they're looking at it.
And the worst part about that is that once they see this bridge, they decide to start
researching bridges.
For the next 10 minutes of the show, they're reading a web page that talks about the biggest bridges in the US.
Oh my god.
Which is the most boring thing I've ever heard. I couldn't clip any of that nonsense.
But did they make any Jeff Bridges jokes?
They didn't.
Oh, did she were there?
Did they call any of the bridges racial slurs?
I'm just kidding.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Well, I do like the fact that it's a very classy show
and very professional.
Yeah, it looks like it's a damn and a bridge in a way.
Damn strong bridge.
It must be.
Pretty good stuff.
There are moments of the show when I was listening to it
where it was almost like a Bob and Doug
McKenzie come town mash up.
Oh, interesting.
The purping and the drinking and the stupidity.
But the sound of come town.
Does that make any sense to anybody?
The vibe of come town maybe.
The vibe, yeah.
Yeah.
Trying to be.
Just a lot of drinking and belching.
Yeah, like immature assholes and they're of being drinking and belching, though. Yeah, like, immature assholes,
and they're bedroom when they sit up with their parents,
and whoa, we're saying naughty stuff in the sleepover tonight.
That's kind of what the vibe that I got from this,
cracking each other up with, like,
did you hear this word?
Oh, I don't know what boys talk about asleepovers.
I will.
But I bet you it's something like my clip number eight.
That's the move, because that first squirt, you don't know where the fuck it's gonna go
Yeah, yeah, because it's gonna be that first one might be like a fucking 22
Set it off or it might be it might dribble out like the rest you've never known it's yeah
It's like a 50 50 shot that either the first shot is just gonna like seep out or it's gonna fucking shoot
North Korea.
Yeah, producer Chris and I talk about our
Com shots all the time.
It's right before the pillow fight.
That's cute.
Jenny, how did you rate that clip?
Was it North Korea, Jizz rocket?
No, I remember a Com shot.
Okay, okay.
All right, well since we're talking about
their hilarious racial humor,
they're talking about the differences between Wisconsin and Michigan.
Differences between Wisconsin, they're two completely different parts of the country.
They're not even close to each other.
We're talking these coast, coast, coast.
Technically, that's true, but I know, I know one of the differences.
Michigan has a fair amount of black people.
Best true. Wisconsin doesn't have any. Not so much.
All right. None.
I'm going to single fucking speak on the whole state.
They don't. Why was that funny? Wisconsin doesn't have a lot of black people on it.
What? I don't understand the joke.
Am I missing it? It's a comedy podcast.
Oh, I guess I've gone back and read the description
offensive comedy podcast.
Okay, now it makes sense.
Well, they're half right.
It is one of the most...
This is, this right here.
A offensive podcast.
The thing about Seinfeld stand up is he has these observations
that you go,
why didn't I think of that? We've all had these observations before.
Do you think the emphasis would still be on cheese if there were a lot of black people?
Yeah, black people don't like cheese. They're not big cheese heads. They're not
as it turns out. Have you ever heard a black person talking about cheese?
They got ash on their elbows, not cheese on their heads.
Right. Yeah. You know, elbows, not cheese on their heads.
Right. Yeah. You know, it's not funny, but I'm, you know, I get it pretty good stuff,
huh? But why people don't like cheese according to them.
He's in a lot of perwards. You don't see that very often.
It's like, what the fuck are my lids like to? All right. I've just seen people who do
shit like this on stage. They think that they're at GM.
Yeah, they expect laughter.
Yep.
And all I'm picturing in my mind is if either one of these guys went up and tried to
deliver jokes to a room, they would not be getting the reaction that they get from each
other.
The rest of the room would sit there and stare at them silently.
What the fuck did you just say?
I think they'd go over like Michael Richards.
I'm pretty sure is how the show would go down.
It'd be a lot of phones getting pulled out of pockets.
Well, they don't just,
they're not racist towards just black people.
Thank God.
So my clip nine is all about Indian pussy.
Why is your pussy got grill marks on it?
Oh, fuck.
Oh, they're just painted on.
The fuck? This is for old and cruel, bitch. See, the Outback Steakhouse, Oh They're just painted on the fuck
See the outback steak house put that blooming onion away
Spitch got a Dubai ass pussy more like goodbye bitch. Oh
So dot Indian I was gonna ask about oh now I'm really good by it. So, Don Indian, I was gonna ask about.
Now I'm offended by this.
Now I'm the problem. Okay. Fair enough.
But Dubai isn't in India.
You think that's part of the problem?
No, this whole thing is confusing and stupid.
Well, they, why are their grill marks?
Why are they laughing at you?
You left us, Jenny Jingles about this.
I don't know what the consequences are.
You can't determine why they just were talking about Indian pussy.
They said Indian pussy's ashy. Honestly, I've never seen one.
I don't know what they look like.
Put your blooming on you in a way. What the fuck is this?
I don't even understand the references that they're laughing to stare at.
They're geographically challenged.
Yes, that is definitely true.
So they don't know where the pussy is. They don't know where the pussy is
They don't know where was Virginia is. Okay, so let me play a whole different side of the show that maybe you guys didn't hear on your
episodes the side where they decide to read sports statistics off of a web page forever
He was the state champion on track
He was the state champion on track. The Virginia, the West Virginia State Champion
in the 100 and 200 meters with times of 10.79
and 21.95 seconds.
That's crazy.
He's fast.
This was the only year he competed on the school's track team,
but he would later join the Marshall track team
and lower his 200 meter time to 21.15.
Nice.
He skipped over one part.
He said in his senior year of basketball?
He averaged 30.2 points.
Yeah.
13.7 rebounds.
5.1 steals.
Oh, who gives a shit?
Who gives a fuck?
I can't imagine if I was on this web page, I would stop reading it.
Why are they still reading it into a microphone for their show?
This goes out and out to the point.
I think they're bored of it.
Yeah, college is stupid.
It's really dumb.
Yeah, before that, it said that Notre Dame denied
his enrollment application.
Right, right, right.
But did not stop another high profile
football program, blah, blah, blah.
And that's the way the news goes.
Guys, if you don't care, I'm not gonna care.
Why are we doing this right now?
Where did this all come from?
And it gets worse, Vinnie,
because not only are they reading Randy Moss's stats,
but they're trying to calculate things in real time.
Most receiving yards gained by a freshman in a season,
which is 1,709 on 78 catches, dude.
What's that average?
A record which still stands.
God damn, what is that average? A record which still stands. God damn what is that
average? 17 was it 1709. Yeah on 78 catches. 40. No 20 20 fucking yards per
chance. And some of that is probably after the catch you know. A bit of
bunch a lot of it is. How long ago did Randy Moss retire from the NFL?
Why are we talking about this?
And of all the things we're talking about, stats?
Yeah.
Nothing interesting there.
No.
It's not a sports show.
Randy Moss tried to run over a female cop with an SUV once.
Let's talk about that.
That would be interesting.
That would be interesting.
That would be interesting.
But they're literally telling us that Randy Moss was good at football.
I know that.
I watched him catch four touchdowns and one half
I get the bills. I don't want to talk about that
It's awesome. I don't want to talk about that. Yeah, at least with animal jizz we were learning something
What I do want to talk about what I do want to talk about is Chad Pendington
I bet you'd expect that they become off on the show did ya? No, yeah, okay
He had a for the Jets he had one 3,000 yard,
and then for Miami in 2008 he had another
pretty decent season, 3,000 yards.
Yeah, he had a,
all of his passer ratings are terrible though.
Oh, fucking cares!
So in 2008, I get, you're pretty excited about this.
Chad Penetrate was the quarterback for the Miami Dolphins.
Yeah.
Your team. Yeah, old spaghetti arms Penetrate. Oh quarterback for the Miami Dolphids. Yeah. Your team.
Yeah, old spaghetti arms Penetrate.
Oh, well, they're very excited.
I bet you're excited to hear more about that year
on the Dolphids.
19 touchdowns, seven interceptions.
That's not terrible.
97 passurating, not bad.
67.4 percentage.
That's not that bad.
I mean, I was reading the percentages
as is passurating the whole time.
Oh, yeah.
No, passur is not not horrific.
He had one that's 104.
Think about it.
Would this be interesting to you?
What do you listen to this?
What are they doing?
They literally got a side track.
Did you just start talking about Chad Pettico?
Back to fucking talk poetry.
Could we go back to the show?
Yes, please.
Don't want people like to clam, slam poetry section.
It's way better than listening to it.
I think, evidently, was like, I don't think the show is funny.
I don't think the show is good, but at least they did like a bit.
And now your city here playing me that they're fucking just reading stats.
Oh, do you want to hear combine numbers?
This is even worse than stats, at least stats, like something that happened in a game.
That's impressive.
This is just this guy's athletic.
Moss had run two 40-art sprints, which four two four and four two eight god damn bro had a
vertical leap of forty seven inches I just want to fucking explain what that
means to you people this man stood on the ground jumped and it went up in the
air for fucking feet that means the bottom, like where his,
like there was 47 inches between his foot and the ground.
Yeah, at his height, that's insane.
He jumped for fucking feet off the ground.
Ugh.
He's one of the best receivers ever.
He made that decal pepper look like a serviceable quarterback.
Yeah, we get it.
Randy Boss was good.
Jesus, fucking Christ, 30 minutes of this shit
Yeah, well at least I got a big racist about him at least I'm just like, yeah, he's pretty good football
I couldn't include all the races at all
Well, I don't know if this is a good time, but this might be a good palette cleanser for you guys my number 10 at least
This is a little bit interesting at least this idea a little bit
interesting I'm excited all of a sudden I've never watched any Michael Bay directed porn that
be fucking dope I want to make that I need to make that right now you just see an explosion off in
the corner it's whenever it's when Optimus Prime comes into frame gunshots. I've never seen any Optimus Prime facial porn.
It's just oil.
It's just tranny fluid.
Tranny fluid and some tranny porn.
Optimus Prime would definitely fuck a transformer.
He would have to.
You know, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, dog.
It's tranny on tranny.
Optimus Prime and Dillamovaney.
That's a good porn on.
That's a collab. Yeah. Optimus Prime and Dillam Oveni. That's a good porn out. That's a collab. Yeah.
Antarget. And you got fucking AI kid rockin the corner, crying and jerking off.
Like the gen thought that was a pal like Clemson.
Compared to some of the other stuff. What do you label that with
Transformer? His medical lead is almost for feet.
And what that means is you wouldn't want to watch that movie.
No.
You know what they say about Optimus Prime.
There's more than meets the eye.
Huh? Come on guys.
I can be on that show.
What do you think you could be on that show?
It turns out Jodie Bees, but on that show multiple times.
That's right.
So he's writing this is great.
Oh boy. Well, do you mean? Yeah, she's writing this is great. Oh boy.
Well, yeah, speaking of.
That's all good stuff.
I'm gonna say first.
So I only have one more.
Perfect.
Worth Wild Club.
Thank you.
And it's number 12.
We raised like $600 for the cat surgery.
Oh, yeah.
500 and they weren't able to get it like treats and such.
So thank you for everyone doing that.
That was great.
Anthony, from Who's Right donated a bunch of money.
But only because we talked about it,
not because he's a good person.
So.
What ever.
Well, these guys are cool with Who's Right, huh?
I was gonna say, how do they know this guy
and what's his affiliation with the show?
Well, I don't know.
We got Jody B and who's right and these guys.
Just saying.
I guess this is a whole offensive cringe
network of the internet.
But they're nice to cats.
Some of the vines here.
So that better.
Listen, these guys are probably fine.
They're yuking it up.
They're having a good time between themselves.
Doesn't need to be a podcast.
No, definitely does not.
The show made me feel bad.
I realized after I pulled my clips
that I was in a worse mood than I was before that.
That's not a good sign like I can't equate
specifically what it was.
Listening to the show made me feel bad.
I'm sorry.
You could still feel. You know what makes me feel good?
It's banana bag.
The banana bag.org is where you wanna go.
bananabag.org slash WATP.
We'll give you the discount code WATP for 25% off your purchase.
I have a packet right here.
You mix it in water the night before.
Go out drinking, get up the next day.
Have another one of these. Drink it slowly. It's like it's the pharmacist formulated this.
It's everything you need to get rehydrated, reenergized for your day. I'll tell you a quick
story. We had family in from out of town last weekend. They stayed over Sunday night, Monday
night, Monday night. We stayed up. We were watching Killer Consumata Space, followed by Tootsie.
The first was my idea.
The second was that.
But the next day I got up and I was feeling a little rough
and I had a feeling for Anthony on the Anthony Kumia show.
And thank God for Banana Bag getting me through that Tuesday.
I much appreciate what they do for me.
Even Dr. Steve purchased banana bag.
He sent me a note last night about it.
It's not for Dr. Steve.
He doesn't need banana bag.
He's doing very well, but it'd get for someone he knows.
So he gives himself the regular IVs.
Yeah, right.
Exactly.
He's in the hospital.
He can get the good stuff anytime he wants.
But banana bag, if you have a drinker in your life,
you want to get a gift for? Perfect gift.
They will thank you for that.
We have the holidays coming up.
As you know, Vinnie, I know you get excited.
Merry Christmas, Bob, you drunk.
But banana bag.org, use the promo code WATP,
25% off.
They are a loyal sponsor to the show.
We appreciate that.
And their product
really works, which is the most important thing about anything that we're marketing.
It has to work. If it doesn't, it doesn't matter what we say about it. It actually works.
Try it out. But anabag.org is where you want to go. Now, you heard me mention the holidays
are approaching. Halloween's over. You know what that means? Christmas. It's Christmas season. You know that video. I know that.
And I want to announce a new song parody contest. In the past, we've talked about OP Chad Zumak. We talked about Patrick Michael.
This one is open. Open for anything you want to write a song parody about that relates to W-A-T-P, but we want to do a holiday-themed song parody contest. Ah, so pick your favorite
holiday song. Make a song parody. I'm gonna play a couple examples here of just
some greatest hits over the years that we've had. This is one of my favorite of
all times. This is from the Chad Zumq song parody contest. I'm cast to bolster up his Twitter just last night.
Yeah.
He thought that I'd believe people like his comedy
and also would notice all those strange credit card fees Then I saw Zuma retweet Saga
Accounts
Acting like he's not the one who tight
A word of heaven would have been
If Carl had only seen And who could forget from the most recent contest the Carl Sorry parody contest? But this one's definitely in contention
Here he comes now the big hand
Mr. Rochester I'm Mr. Snow I'm Mr. Tickets are onself or Dabblekite All is fucking terrible
People call me Smile Talker
Whenever I speak
Always down on my knees
You're a creep
He's Mr. Cowbacini He's Mr. Cowbakhini, he's Mr. Queer, he's Mr. New Review Girl, they're all misdisappeared.
People call me Snow Loser, they say that I suck, and I'm a club-footed fuck.
You're a cuck.
Break it down. You're a cuck.
Break it down.
I'm Mr. California. I'm Mr. Fun.
My canal is saltwater.
And I've got two sons.
You would do me a-ho-ho-w-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho He's Mr. Take the high road, he's Mr. Class
He's Mr. Bloded Idiot, he's Mr. Live in the past
People call me an alcoholic, but their math is all wrong
All of this brain cells are gone
I thought this was a Carl song.
Yeah.
What are the best?
So there's your inspiration.
Start working on your side parodies for holiday themed songs.
I'd like it to come together as a Christmas album.
Yes.
You know, there's Mariah Carey, there's Pearl Eives.
A Christmas gift to you.
Yeah.
W-A-T-P Christmas album.
One of the classics.
Yes.
Yeah, there was the Cuckmas album that
Asteria's Coconut made for Maddox many years ago.
And we can get something like that going.
So looking forward to that,
hopefully with the Jingles department on it.
Wink, wink.
I'll get to work.
That's all right.
Now we're talking. All right, with that, I think it's time for our
Bridge of the week, the
Bridge of the week comes in from Nick Tucker checking out a show called Irrational Moms and Nick writes
These boobs make obvious points and dumb jokes. Let's see what we got. I think there's a distinction or a difference or something between somebody who like hunts
and kills like maybe one animal a year
and then feeds their family with it
versus like trophy hunters who are, you know,
spinning whatever amount of money.
Many, many tens of thousands of dollars to go kill
like some endangered animal in another country.
Like that's not the same thing as your type of hunting.
For anyone who could be offended, it's,
I still may not like it, but do you eat meat?
It's gotta be killed.
I mean, I eat meat whenever I'm done hunting.
I do like to stalk animals that I'm just joking.
I will.
She's in.
Right.
She stalks her prey.
I stalk her. Pre. I stopped.
No, I have to say, I have never, I mean, I grew up having like as a little, little tiny girl.
Like, and that was like just the thing I did with my dad.
And it was just a very like,
I have so many great memories of my father and I.
All right, so what I find fun about this is here's a show
that has less than 1,000 views.
Season one, episode three.
It's one of those things that are really calling their shot, aren't they? This is just the first season of our
show. Why don't you get some listeners first so we can figure out seasons.
Right. I mean, wouldn't that make more sense to kind of get that yourself with
that. Anyway, thank you, Nick Tucker. I don't know how you find these things. I
thought when you said what's fun about this, I was gonna say her makeup.
I want them to know a lot of fun. Yeah.
Metrolinks and crosslinks are reminding everyone to be careful. about this, I was going to say her makeup. Want them to get up a lot of fun. Yeah.
Metrolinx and cross links are reminding everyone
to be careful, as Eglinton Cross Town LRT train
testing is in progress.
Please be alert, as trains can pass at any time on the tracks.
Remember to follow all traffic signals.
Be careful along our tracks, and only make left turns where it's safe to do so.
Be alert, be aware, and stay safe.
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Alright, with that, Vinny's here. So we got an insider. Let's get it
Gakia I just have a couple of clips here.
What I want to demonstrate is how difficult it is to be friends with Suddhuring John
Melondas.
And I thought since Vinny's here, this would be a good time to discuss such a thing.
So John did a show on Thursday and he invites his buddy Richard O'Jet on.
Now it wasn't a political show.
Those were on Wednesdays.
He needed Richard O'Jeta to come on to review
the Phil Omore videos that he does
about martial art techniques.
And he needed the army major to agree with him
that Phil Omore is an idiot.
This is very important for John to get a guy who has no,
nothing about martial arts.
He was in the military.
They don't really teach a lot of martial arts
in the military.
It's a poor,
but you know, Jetta would just shoot you, Phil.
Yeah, that's really how that goes.
And that curves,
yeah, it will curves something
would definitely be an order on that.
So they're watching this video.
And at a certain point,
Ristrao Jetta who's doing Jetta favor,
we all know Jetta's not paying him to be here.
He's coming on on an off day. He's
not normally on there. Blessing hard. Don't really need to come to the end of this one with a
blessing. Blessing. For different areas. I'm going to have to roll man. I got to go out here and
manage. The trajectories are different. But I'm either doing a forehand. I'm just saying I got to go in nine minutes. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm not seconds click.
Chain punching.
Okay, this is the one I want.
All right, I made some 49 seconds.
Okay, I'm going to get a little bit of a little bit of a
little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of Okay, this is the one I want.
All right, I made some point in nine seconds.
Okay, this is hand-to-hand combat. Are you ready?
Yeah. How does John have the worst resolution in podcasting?
He really needs to up his game on that. Even with the resolution, I can see a really gross smudge on his shirt up there.
What is it?
I believe that's animalcom.
You can tell it's not liquidiness.
The watery.
The watery, yes.
All right, so you just heard that.
Rich and no Jen goes, all right, John, I gotta go.
They've already been watching all these videos.
He's waiting on it.
And Rich and no Jen is basically like,
yeah, I don't know a lot about karate.
You know, it's very different than what we've trained with,
but whatever.
So, John goes, no, no, no, we got to keep watching this.
He just said, I got to go.
I got to show in nine minutes.
Not really has to go in nine minutes.
He's got to show in nine minutes.
So I don't know about you guys, but I like to prep for even more than nine minutes before
I start a show.
No shit.
Yeah.
I know.
Isn't that crazy?
So John's not letting him go.
No, no, no, no, hold on.
I just need your honest opinion.
Okay.
This is the one I want.
All right, all right, I made some 49 seconds.
This is hand to hand combat. Are you ready?
All right.
All right.
I know you know hand to hand combat.
Spit it out.
All right, just give me your honest opinion.
Just forget about him trash me or anything
Nothing to do it. I played that scene. I just want your honest opinion forget about the fan these my mortal enemy
I think we're friends so you have to hate him too forget about that pot. It's basically just said but he's so uncomfortable
Hold on John just wants Richards's out of subpoena.
He doesn't need Richard to go on with what he thinks.
John doesn't need reinforcement on this.
He just wants an out of subpoena.
Just give me your out of subpoena
by his hand to hand combat.
Oh, my God.
Now, on the major, how has that hurt anybody? I don't even know what he's doing.
I'm really done.
Okay, it's not-
There you go.
He wants to play for three seconds and he goes, is that stupid?
I ran to say it as much as you're honest opinion.
Who has that hurt?
Now, the name of this video is shaking the rust off on the wooden dummy.
So this would lead me to believe that Phil is not claiming that this is some technique
that everyone needs to know in order to defend themselves.
I think he's relearning maybe some techniques that he used to know in the past.
I watch a lot of videos on how to play guitar parts and guitar solos and people will slow
it.
So they'll slow it down so much.
It's like, you know, I know what a G chord is.
We can keep it moving here, but this is a thing that people do and they're teaching people
stuff on the internet.
They slow it way down so you can see what they're doing and understand how that works.
So Richard's got nothing for this.
He's not familiar with the style of fighting or anything.
He has to go. John's not familiar with the style of fighting or anything. He has to go.
John's not gonna let him go.
All right, let's just play a little bit more.
I know you gotta go, but it's only 49 seconds.
Nothing's different.
I imagine these moves are so slow.
I mean, I could, I would just punch him in the fucking face.
The video's not called, how I would beat up Stuttering John Melendos.
He's not claiming that this is a real fight that he's having with the Wooded Dovey.
All right, but John would just punch him in the face, so that's good.
Someone is, he's working a, a routine, which is what, what, you know, I think those, those do.
And then it gets faster and faster and faster. Someone is working a routine, which is what I think those do.
And then it gets faster and faster and faster.
I think that's what it's for.
Oh, yeah.
It's a sec.
I know I can take this kind of fight.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you for your honest opinion.
I can take him.
Holy shit.
This totally reminds me of those videos that below the factory is making,
where it's just Carl from Aquitineine not listening not listening to anyone else just in his
off in his old world wait for someone to stop talking to them just then it gets
faster faster faster I think that's what it's for I know I can take this kind of
fight that's the chance I don't want to fight you, John. You don't have to worry about getting you to fight with him.
All right, so Richard really wants to go.
He's got shit to do and John will not let him.
Brother, I'm gonna have to run, man.
Are you sure we're gonna make it all done?
Yep.
Hold on, don't just play to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
What's the point of watching this part?
It's all the safest.
I'm imagining you would just punch him.
I mean,
I mean,
I wish him the best.
You know,
that wouldn't, that wouldn't that wouldn't thing will never will never
hit him back. Do you think he ever got to a real fight? Oh my God. You know, you
know, it's hard, it's hard to say, it's hard to say. It's like trying to leave an
after hours with some coaked up loser that is so lonely. Yeah. The one to tell
you the same story. The loneliness. Dude, dude, the one to tell you the same story The loneliness dude the loneliness is really incredible here
Because the fact that Stuttering John is on there going, you know, I could probably beat the sky up right?
I bet you could beat him up, but I could beat him up
Let's beat him up together
And at a certain point, he's like you could take this guy right? It's just like I don't have a problem with the sky
I don't know what I don't have a problem He's like, you could take this guy, right? Richard's like, I don't have a problem with this guy. I don't know what the problem is. We can take it. He's trying to bond over this.
John, let him go. He's got a show to do. What the fucking boring. I go, hold on. Just watch 30
more seconds of the same thing of the same thing. And then, and then tell me how I can beat him up.
It's, I need you to do that. So the last clip I have on here is John talking about me going to his show on March 10th.
Yeah.
Stuttering John live.com is where he can get tickets, come meet the Carlson to see an evening
with Stuttering John Melendez.
Still VIP tickets available for that?
Yes.
Okay.
So you could go get your VIP tickets meet and greet with Stuttering John, take a selfie.
You know, it's a amazing to me, Carl.
Yeah.
That you have been so incredibly kind and generous because you've gone on so many other
shows and plugged the URL to get tickets.
I promote it every time.
You have promoted it more than he has.
I've never heard him say Stuttering John live.com.
I've never heard him do the actual plugs, but here you are.
His mortal fucking enemy, plugging it away.
You plugged it on Drew and Mike.
You plugged it, like you said, everywhere.
I've heard you do it.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
And the whole point of this thing for him, from what I understand,
and what we originally talked about was for him to do something about the nostalgia aspects of his career.
Right.
To try to find...
Stories you never heard before.
To try to find an audience of people who enjoyed what he used to do, so maybe he could
somehow reconnect with that and maybe find a way forward.
Now all of a sudden it's the roast of fucking Carl.
Yeah, I know, I really changed it.
But it's not even the roast of Carl.
The roast of Carl would be interesting.
It's the roast of some random person.
He's gonna dress up in a dress.
I think but no.
Please, John, if you hear this, please get Grant.
Yeah, but I have a brother.
Please get Grant.
That would be funny.
That would be funny.
But here's the deal, guys.
And I'm gonna just be on front street with it.
I'm gonna be as professionals I can.
I am not involved with the planning of the show.
Yes.
As of last Friday, I about out, I am fucking done.
Okay, so this is what I wanted to ask you about.
Yeah.
Because when John announced that he was going to roast me,
and I wasn't allowed to be there, I said, fuck that,
I will be there.
If you're going to roast me, you can roast me to my face.
I will be there at the show.
And John's initial reaction was, fine, bring it on,
I can't wait. But
since that, he's been going on and going, I wouldn't do that. I'm not going to say why,
but you know why. And I wouldn't do that if I were you. Well, Carl, you're my guest. You're
the guest of the club. Well, I'm glad you said that. So because I enjoy the show. Watch this clip
right here because John thinks that you're going to say something very different about this.
Lady Kaye says he's coming to watch a... Didn't you already do this?
And ask me this... Look, if he comes,
he's disrespecting his friend then.
Then he asks him not to come.
So if he comes,
then I don't, you know, that's on him.
I... Here's the way I look at that.
Yeah.
John, you're disrespecting my friend.
Yes.
Correct.
I have never told you how to live your life.
I've never told you who to be friends with,
who not to be friends with.
This whole fucking thing has been maddening.
Yeah, because he tells you not to be my friend,
which is the weirdest thing.
The adults don't do that.
John did the same thing to his poker body that he wasn't on to be Anthony Kubius.
Okay, so guys, I have this control for people.
John, full disclosure.
I'm just, I've got to get this shit.
Wow, it's happening.
And scene.
I have done everything I fucking can, Johnny, to keep this shit together and be professional and be kind and nice.
I know. I've tried to be respectful. I am so done. I'm not going to get into the details
of it, but I'm going to tell you guys this. If John is getting any help from his show,
it's going to be from Cardiff Electric, not Vinnie Polino. Now, John is also this week
on multiple occasions, as he refuses to work with Cardiff,
he's gonna be a potato.
So if you don't wanna work with Cardiff,
you don't wanna work with Cardiff.
You don't wanna work with Cardiff.
You don't wanna work with Cardiff.
He won't have a meeting with Cardiff
unless he can see Cardiff's face
because he doesn't wanna talk to a potato.
You know, tough shit.
I know, the potato's great.
We all love the potato.
I believe what if it was a can of beer
He said to me Vinnie, how would you feel going into a business meeting with the potato?
And I said if I were you, I'd feel thankful
Because that's how you should feel correct. We tried to help you dude. We of
Anybody in this fucking dabble verse you got the two nicest fucking people in it. No shit to help you.
To help you.
And you for very little rewards.
You know reward.
Not at all.
I got nothing but grief.
You've got nothing but grief for this.
And you know what dude?
And I got like three wins on the creep off for it.
So I'm loving it.
And you know what dude?
It is my fault.
I don't.
It's.
It's not arguing.
And here's what it is.
And I can only narrow it down from a movie quote. And I feel like
a douche for saying it, but it's that fucking line from Jurassic Park. I spent so long trying
to figure out if I could. I didn't stop to think if I should. And I was like, well,
putts. I'm like, we could put on the show. This, this would be a thing. The devil versus
will fucking love this because how often,
when are the dealers ever gonna get an opportunity
to just show up and go see John and person do a show?
I thought this would be a good thing for everybody.
Sure. Maybe I misread the roof.
Maybe I misread the roof.
Maybe I misread the roof.
I don't know people feel about this.
And I've been trying to be as professionals, I can,
and I will continue to be as professionals, I can,
but I'm telling you guys, I'm out of this business with this show with him
He could do whatever he wants to but the fact of the matter is you're trying to do a roast at a comedy club
And you're gonna not invite the person that you're roasting that does not seem fair. It does not seem cool
So I'm gonna work either exactly what he was gonna rip on some guy who's not me to his face
How is that even interesting?
I'm not taking it might be interesting.
No, it's fucking bizarre.
John, I am not gonna trash talk you.
I'm not gonna get into the details of everything
that went down.
It is much more than what you've said on the air.
Yes.
You might seem like it was just this one tweet
that he put out that you got offended by.
No, it's more than that.
No, no, it is way more than that.
And he is apologized for it, but the problem is this.
I saw the turbulent water.
And I saw the water, and these were just decisions
that he made, things that the way he chose
the deal with situations that were so unbelievable.
He just respected you incredibly much.
He just trusted you.
And I find that to be very rude.
Yeah. And especially when I'm I find that to be very rude. Yeah.
And especially when I'm doing you literally charity work for you.
Yes.
So I'm not shitting on you, John.
You have your show.
I will not be taking your show away.
I'm not canceling your show on you.
I will not cancel your show because people bought tickets and they want to watch it.
So now folks, what you are going to get is John.
You are going to get an evening with John without all of the extra help that we were gonna give him
to try to make something bigger.
And I'll tell you to make his show good from this point on.
I'll tell you what Vinnie's contribution to
DoubleCon was huge.
You are our AV guy.
We had so many video elements, so many things happening
with the live podcast, with the debut awards,
and Vinnie was on top of all that.
He knows that club inside of the house,
he knows all the equipment,
and you're not even going to the show anymore, right? No, I'm gonna go sit with you. Okay, that will both go. awards and Vinnie was on top of all that he knows that club inside of the house all the equipment and
You're not even going to the show anymore, right? No, I'm gonna go sit with you. Okay, that will both go That's cool. No, I'm gonna send the back to you because listen dude John do your show. I hope you're sitting the back
I wasn't funny. I have to keep you away from the stage. Yeah, I gotta stay what listen. Here's the deal
I trust you do you see how difficult it is to be your friend John?
Do you see how maddening this is? I just played the example of you with Richard O'Generde.
The guy's just trying to get away from you
and you won't let him get away from you
for your own selfish needs,
for him to say that your enemy is an asshole.
Is he gonna finish this sentence on this clip with?
Yeah.
But he shouldn't show up there
because I don't know what's gonna happen.
Let's find out, shall we?
John, I'm gonna clarify this for you
because I set it to you on the phone
and I set it to you on your show. Nobody listened when I I said it, but John saying I don't know what's gonna happen is a vague threat
It's a threat. It is a threat. Yeah, I asked a lawyer. I said is this a threat. Yes, so John
You could say I'm not sure in a specific threat. You're not John Gotti
You're not someone who can just make these vague fucking little things out there and not think that you that you could seriously lose your mind and go crazy on people. I've had to be quiet
because I'm trying not to be the person to blow this fucking show up. I hope everybody
realizes that. I have been trying desperately not to blow this fucking thing up. Yep.
And I am fucking up to here. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
All right. Let's watch the rest of this. No thanks.
to hear. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
All right. Let's watch the rest of this. No, thanks.
I I point suddenly think he's making a mistake.
Let's just say I look forward to see them there.
Oh, not really.
Mixed.
I'm ready.
Told Vinny.
I don't think he should be there.
But if he's going to come.
I don't I don't even know if the I don't even know if the, I don't even know if the place is gonna let him come there. I don't think they will.
Do not come.
Do not come.
All right, Jody.
So I hear you, buddy.
I don't think the place is gonna have a problem with you.
Yeah, I go to every year.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I'll be a paying customer like I always do.
Honestly, John, don't fucking make these threats anymore.
Fucking stop it.
Just fucking stop.
I was gonna leave you alone, John.
I was not gonna interfere with your show.
He really was.
That's the thing.
I couldn't wait to not go to your show, honestly.
That's the thing that's so fucking mad.
But he has to take it to the next fucking level,
and he has to make this happen,
where I'm like, oh, I'm not just gonna sit down,
I live a mile down the street,
I'm not gonna just sit here while you're ragging
on some poor fucking guy, probably my brother,
I do what's best.
I wonder what John's saying to Grant right now.
Yeah, right.
I've never dealt with a talent who did the things that he did that I ever gave the time
of day two again.
Right.
So that's where I'm at.
Yeah.
And I didn't draw first blood John in your terms.
I didn't start a problem with you.
I've been nothing but professional and kind.
So if you want to come at me hard and you want to fucking call me out and you want to start
a whole fucking thing, be my guest, but no, you did this.
Not me.
Vinnie has reached his breaking point,
which is impressive, because Vinnie and I
have been doing the creep off for three years now.
And you've not gotten this upset with me.
I have a fucking list for you too, right?
I believe that.
I have a fucking list.
Then Vinnie's like, we're all talking about
Sunday down in the show tomorrow, right?
Like, no, of course not. Yeah, I. Then he's like, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night.
We're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking
about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night,
we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're
talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're
talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're
talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're
talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about talking about Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about
Sunday night, we're talking about Sunday night, we're talking about And by that I mean she kills comedy. She really is just a problem.
I don't know what happened to her.
I know Jen used to be a fan of hers.
Used to enjoy her stuff.
Yeah, sad.
Now what's the show that she used to be on that you used to watch?
Well, how did this get made?
Used to be a really funny podcast.
She's still on there still doing live shows.
They're still doing that?
Yeah, who knew?
She plugged it on the podcast.
Okay. But she was on Grayson on the podcast, but it's too.
But she was on Grayson Frankie, which, you know,
okay, but she wasn't a bad character on it.
Mm-hmm.
She was also on the league once in a while.
Once in a while, yeah.
So, you know, our husband obviously,
a big part of the league.
And so I was checking out an episode
of the Deep Dive, the most recent episode.
And Junay and Rayfield is so exhausting as a celebrity.
She's unrelated and everything away,
and it's her and Jessica St. Clair on this show.
And just the way that it starts off,
no one can relate to this.
And they don't have a big audience.
There's not a lot of people listening to this,
and there's a good reason for that. Hi Jessica.
June, friends.
Are you still exhausted from our shoot that we had on Tuesday?
Because I am and it's Thursday. So I've not only am exhausted from that, but I have to tell you, I am currently hungover.
Are you exhausted from our shoot on Tuesday?
Oh, I'm totally exhausted.
I'm also, you know, I'm a little hungover.
It's so obnoxious, the way that these people converse, like that's not normal.
Most people have very busy days every day.
I'd like to know what the deal is with that opening music.
It sounds like a like a training video
from like a shitty start the 90s.
Are you ready to start your career with artist?
Like, d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- Yeah, what was that music? Yeah, I know, it's a little bit too inspirational for me, especially the way that it starts off, it's just like,
I just can't today.
Ugh.
These people think they have real problems and they don't, and it's really fucking annoying.
Also, the way that June talks,
she thinks every word she says is so important.
Listen to how she talks.
No one else talks like this.
I would say the show last night, Paul Sheerhoes did a beautiful, beautiful event.
I was incredibly proud of my man.
Yeah, man.
I was incredibly proud of my man because he raised money for the resuscitation of my
money.
Yes, and it was a very large-scale event.
You know, anyway, so I was there from like three o'clock on and so I was there for a long
time and it was festive and the green room was so much fun and it was just so lovely, lovely
vibe and...
Why do you talk that way?
I have a stoo-roo!
She's so in love with herself.
Nobody talks like that.
She drugged.
She still drugged. She sounds drunk. talks like that. She drugged. She still drugged.
She sounds drunk.
Yes, that she's a drug person.
She thinks she's so interesting that she has a tug.
Like, oh my man, he's so wonderful.
So fucking sink soggy and obnoxious and annoying.
She went on though after that to talk about more about
other poor gaffers and camera men.
So the crew members drunk on vodka sodas with a splash of
crayon. Yup.
I'm so glad.
While these poor people can't feed their families.
Right. So she's raising money.
They're raising money for these crew members
because the actors are still on strike.
And that means that all the people in that industry
are not getting a paycheck right now.
We how fun.
Yeah, for deep divers who we like are thinking about what
to do to help everybody who's out on strike. Like a lot of people are suffering, but these
crew members who, you know, haven't worked in six months since May, who's fault is that?
You know, and they can't do anything out. It's not like the stress for us. It's like,
okay, we could, we could still do our podcast or we could thank God.
And when the writers went back, we could still write their-
Thank God, they're so talented and have so many different talents that they're able to
keep working through the strides.
That was so incredibly, that was so rude.
Yeah.
They can't do anything else.
They can't do anything else.
All they know how to do is just to hold that camera.
They know how to bring me things and take pictures of me.
Right. And if I'm not there, they can't do anything.
Those poor craft services people,
they have nothing else to do.
I hope they're trying.
But they're trying to.
I hope the craft service.
I mean, it's not going to be good.
This is insane.
Is an enormous population in Los Angeles
of people who are losing their homes,
who are unable to pay for school,
who are leaving LA, who can't afford food, the basics. These who can't afford food the basics.
These people can't afford food because you're not acting
in your shitty TV show.
How important do they think they are to the world?
Well, I mean, not for the problem.
The studios are a big part of the problem here.
Sure.
So it's not just their fault for holding out,
but what a shitty way to look at it.
Yes.
So they need to save these people.
It's so unrelatable.
I can see why the show's not popular.
I can't imagine middle America, listen to this and being like, Oh, I'm glad they're
raising money for those crew members.
I don't know.
I'm striker.
I was at the water cooler the other day.
We were having a conversation about her photo shoot last Tuesday.
It's fucking insane.
So this is another thing that June got
very emotional about at this event, this fundraiser they had to raise money for these poor people
who can't fend for themselves in any single way. But she, but Andrew Savage asked the audience
just like, can everybody who's in a union who works in our industry stand up. And so many people stood up.
And I wanted to cry because it was like,
what industry can you really say that about?
She wanted to cry because there's so many union workers
in film and in Hollywood.
The same industry that looks for every way
to not work with union workers.
They film in Canada all the time.
They love going to Arizona and New Mexico.
They love going places where they get away
from having to work with these fucking people.
Charlie, wait till I tell you what's going on in here.
To move her baby.
Yeah, I know.
It's so silly that she's sitting there
looking at these people.
I thought she was gonna say,
and we told every member of the union to stand up
and no one did because they couldn't afford
the ticket to the evaluation.
Could one of you stand and get me another drink?
She just tickles and she just shits me like that.
She slurps the straws and you can hear that something.
Red the microphone.
Does anyone hear a problem? You're right.
Someone taught me off.
Okay, I forgot, we've covered this show before,
but I totally forgot that they have the deep dive academy.
So let's get into the promotion of that academy
and then we'll get into it.
But I do wanna take a minute just to say
that if you're on the fence and you're like,
God, I want to maybe try it out for two months.
November and December in the Academy is a bus.
Like, remember in Harry Potter when it was like
the holidays and they would have the banquets
and the floating pumpkins and all that?
That's what's happening right now.
You know, you let me put self-tanner on you.
And listen, I do want to talk about this.
So Jessica and I probably heard on the podcast
if you're a long time deep dive error,
but we have had a long running debate about tanning.
All right, that's like a turd right there.
She's like, you got to join the kind of mirror now.
It's like magic, like in Harry Potter.
I put on tanning lotion.
I'd rather go to the Donda Academy.
That crazy school Kanye West had.
That this.
So you couldn't make heads or tails
of what the Academy actually was.
I know.
So I had to do a little bit of a deep dive. Get it.
Hey, into the deep dive.
That's it.
Deep dive Academy. Yeah. Turns out it's a year-long past to Zoom tan.
It might be. It might actually just be that. Well, let's see. They have a minute-long teaser
video to get us all excited about this thing. Let's see what that's.
At the deep dive Academy of Significance,
our students learn a variety of disciplines.
Fashion.
Leave them there so we can.
I'm a vagina right now.
You're so beautiful.
Give a higher vagina.
It's a beauty.
And is it insane?
Why aren't you laughing right now, Jenny Jingles,
and this funny to women?
And this, uh, really good comedy.
She's talking about the pants
we're penetrating her vagina. Oh the pants for the problem
Pretty good stuff, huh? Yeah, it's high-waisted pants
Proves her Chris and I will rip it out of that for 30 minutes today
And is it a daytime block?
And the culinary arts. You guys don't have to hold the knife.
Nope.
Our esteemed faculty push the limits of academic excellence.
And I got some of these.
I'm not doing this.
I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it.
And research.
We are about to switch out to them. We are about to switch us down to cold.
Follow her!
All the way down.
Oh, come on.
Get out.
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Join us to earn your degree in significance.
School is now in session.
So it looks fake, right?
It looks like it's all just a joke.
It's not even a real thing.
Because I, I'm watching that video.
I go, okay, the retellin' if they have a thing
you can sign up for.
Oh, shut up, Carl, I'm throwing out my student.
No, okay, yeah.
Yeah.
But then you, you scroll down and you see
what these courses are.
And they have like a book club.
And they have, I don't know, it looks awful.
It's ridiculous.
Significant design.
So I wanted to look up and see what is this going to cost.
What a risk.
What do we have to do?
So I went to the admissions page in roll today.
What's included with the enrollment?
And we get another video.
Hello, I'm Ms. Jessica Sankler and I'm Mrs. June Diane Reveal and welcome to the deep dive Academy of Significance.
Now if you are here, up to the Academy, you are already a person of significance.
But our goal with your... You're still not laughing, Jen. What's going on?
You're not listening, are you? I'm trying not to throw something
through the screen. The Academy's mission statement is
let us live, which means getting the most joy out of the
clothes we wear, the food we eat, the shit we put on our
faces, and the adventures upon which we embark. No, we are not only
your skin, head, and mistresses, but we are also your fellow students
learning alongside you. Each week during the semester you will receive a lesson which we expect you to practice.
Now this is important students. A life of significance can not only be learned about within these four walls of the Academy.
We will be taking your coursework.
To this piece.
Click the button above to register and make it.
I get it.
To you.
To you.
School is now in session.
As a woman, I would like a formal apology from the two of them.
Yes.
Carl.
Wheel of consequences?
Yes.
Yes. All right. What brand you want. Let's see what you get for this thing. Um, Wheel of Consequences. Yes! Yes!
Alright, let's rad you in.
Let's see what you get for this thing.
Every month, students will receive weekly lessons which may include life-long learners'
lessons from our team of experts in style, beauty, cooking, organization, table-scaping,
etc.
Show and tell.
Videos highlighting Jessica and June's latest obsessions.
They are so self-important
Field trip videos were June or Jessica take you along for an insane experience. Oh my gosh astrology video forecast
She of course of course there is
Oh behind the scenes of their stupid podcasts and no one fucking listens to great. Oh, this is the best 10% off all of your deep
dive merchandise. Oh, 10% off their merch. Great. So it's how much it is nine bucks a month
okay for this Academy. Now I have to show you the funniest page on this website. When I
saw this, I went, oh, this is this is rich. So you go to their contact page and they have
an FAQ on there. I'm sure you're familiar with FAQ frequently asked questions.
So they get the question enough times, they go, let's just put the answer on our website
so I'm to keep responding to every email and submission form that comes through.
They have one frequently asked question.
What is your cancellation policy? It's the only
frequently asked question. I stopped giving you money
immediately.
Well, please, let's look up what this policy is. Oh, I did
look it out. Um, month to month. Okay. Yeah. Well, you can do
both month to month or annual. Um, so if you do month to month, okay. Yeah, well, you can do both month to month or annual. So if you do month to month, whenever you cancel,
they won't bill you for the next month,
but you lose access to the videos immediately.
So they recommend if you are gonna cancel,
wait till the end of the month,
like get your month to be worth.
You paid for the month, then you canceled before the month's
up and they just cancel you anyway,
even though you've been-
And no refund.
And no refund.
Wait for the whole month though. Yeah, well, you showed been- And no refund. And no refund. You mean for the whole month though?
Yeah, well, you showed us you have no significance.
So that's what you get.
Then I kind of get just because of the logistics of it,
figuring out how to pro-rated for everyone.
I was like, that'll just keep it your nine bucks.
The fact that you want to figure it out
and you'll just stick to the set all.
I know.
It's the same thing.
Keep the nine bucks, but they should have access
to everything till the end of the month.
That's true, okay.
That's a marking period at least. The marking period. Yeah, I should have access to everything till the end of the month. That's true. Okay. Yeah, that's a marking period at least.
The marking period. Yeah. I should have access to the Mr.
Master. Yeah. Right. Okay. So let's get back to the
podcast. There's more than promoting this stupid thing. Kindie.
Yeah. I can't wait to hear her take on some. She's gonna love it.
And then you put it. And then again, this is not a visual medium.
You have to join the Academy. but during our styling segments with Abby,
about around the holiday and holiday party outfits, she cracked us wide open.
What she did was so subtle and so periton and so affordable and so accessible.
It's truly changed my life.
And then you stopped at the segment and you said, I gotta put a red lip on you.
And I'd never done it before.
And you put me into a place and I transformed.
And now I'm in my red lip era.
Oh.
Imagine being this pompous that you're like, everyone should live their lives like I live
my life.
I'm going to charge them nine bucks to teach them how.
This is basically what they're doing.
I love how fucking Taylor Swift has every woman
using the term era now.
Yeah, I'm gonna get you picked up on that
because she said red lip meaning red lipstick.
It's now my red lipstick era.
Yeah.
And guess what that turns into, Vinny?
You've already guessed it.
What we gotta talk about, Taylor and Travis.
I did not know that's what we had to talk about.
Thanks a lot, Benny.
Of course, it's what everyone's talking about.
Travis just get fucked up tomorrow in Germany.
That would be nice.
That would be great.
Fuck them up.
I'd be fine with that.
I took a lot of screenshots of them.
Is she in Travis?
I was going to text you last night, because I did a big,
deep dive on them.
They are doing so great.
I think about them all the time. I do too. was gonna text you last night, because I did a big deep dive on them. They are doing so great.
I think about them all the time. I do too.
I actually said to myself today,
I said, are you gonna talk about Travis and Taylor today?
Or is it all you, are they all we have?
Kind of.
If you're obsessed with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey,
you're a loser.
That's all dumb thing to be concerned about in life.
I can't stop thinking about it.
I mean, too.
I know it's all I've been thinking about.
I was gonna send you these screenshots
that I took of them.
I would drive to your house and punch you in the face.
If you started sending me screenshots of Travis Kelsey,
I would just punch him in the face.
I hate this whole thing. I hate this watch him in the face.
I I hate this whole thing. What it's doing to football. I kind of laugh. Yeah, because it is funny. All these people. These women are trying to watch football. I have no idea what it is. Yeah.
And they're trying to get some chrisis that they're wearing. Yeah. I think that's a funny.
Jesus. I think it's kind of funny. But it's also maddening and stupid. So fuck off.
Yeah. Thank gosh. He's not fucking a buffalo bill
That's all I'm gonna say you know, man
Don't even put it into the universe if her and to Marham one got together. It's the end of football
Football just becomes a media circus
Who's the one night out Josh Allen state and oh?
I'm no idea. She's dating the
I think her last is Steine fell. Yeah, she was in the...
Steinfeld?
No, I think...
Because Steinfeld's not Jewish enough.
Yeah, it's made up.
Okay.
I think my last name's Steinfeld.
Burg.
He was in...
What was she in?
She was in the...
One of the transformers, really.
Yes, yes.
She was in one of those.
I think there was one where they put the oil all over her face.
I heard about earlier.
Oh, yeah, that one. They just heard it in the deep time. What's happening? What's going on with the show right now? I'm sorry I introduced this
I just say Josh Allen's girlfriend is really hot. That's all I'm saying. I believe that
Haley Haley Steinfeld got it. Well, he's a hell of a football player, everybody
So he is a car. He's an interception machine and he's done highest completion percentage in the league
He's a number one. Well, he doesn't have that after. Cover a man.
Actually, Tuah is now.
Josh was for two days because they played on a Thursday.
And I went to a plate on Sunday.
He took that back.
So sorry, Carl, to tell you.
Speaking of things that straight men say.
I think sometimes what happens with the red lip
is like women have gotten this message from straight men that like we look better without makeup or that we it shouldn't wear makeup
No, that's not what we're saying. You know, she doesn't you shouldn't talk. Yes, make up. Yes talk. No
I can't get me more specific than that
You know, man, I got it. I got a wonder is she even paying attention in these significance classes
What is yeah, right am I gonna be this dumb after I take this course? It's not good
All right one more clip on here because I know you guys need to know what her assessment is of
Taylor and Travis's relationship. Is there a cute name for these two? I don't even know. I don't care
Should I know what that is? I hope it ends in a murder suicide?
really do
And the thing that I'm loving so much about Travis and Taylor,
this season did I red-lit? He's coordinating to it. He's changing his wardrobe around it.
The chiefs have always been red and white. You retard. Do you notice that he's wearing the same
color as it red-lit? The whole thing just wearing very Jersey to match Taylor's lipstick.
What a good idea.
Even my home isn't doing it.
What?
Only he's wearing the red.
Fucking bar.
I love that they're changing the Jersey color just to celebrate this relationship.
Well, love is a beautiful thing guys.
I really, I hate that relationship so much.
It's so obnoxious. There's no way it's real, I hate that relationship so much.
It's so obnoxious.
There's no way it's real, too.
It's completely fake.
And once I see them fucking, I will not believe that's a real
relationship.
I need to see the sex tape come out or else I'm not buying
or just be there in person.
Yeah, or yeah, or anything come over.
Let's see some sex guys.
Pool table right here.
When she dumps him.
Yeah.
And she does the song inevitably about what a piece of shit is yeah oh that's what I can't wait for is
what all these little fucking idiots are burning their chief stuff is that's
gonna be a lot of fun they don't have real chief stuff the only thing they
have are those sweatshirts is like I watch Taylor Swiss boyfriends team right stupid
they want super balls now anymore that ship is sailed. Cheese. Wow, I shouldn't talk so soon. Shut up.
Probably fucking win again.
All right, speaking of super annoying people, I was checking in.
It's been a little while. I was checking on the golden hour.
Familiar with this shell.
I really, I remember vaguely.
Kristalia, Brendan Scha, and Eric Griffin.
Oh, Christ.
This is what came out of the, I gotta,
I gotta stick this to Leah, Disciple,
coming in a couple of weeks.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Well, I'm not that off the air.
Okay, yeah, I'll be interested to hear about that.
Yeah.
So fucking about underage girls,
you mean to comedy stylings?
Yeah, we gotta be 21 or over this week.
Yeah, good idea.
That's a pretty smart move.
So the golden hour is one of these shows
where I guess it's considered comedy
because they all laugh a lot.
So I assume that that makes it comedy.
And what they do is they put the best joke of the episode
at the very beginning to let you know
that this is gonna be a good one.
Like, oh, okay, this has got some good jokes.
So this is the very start of the Halloween episode
of the Golden Hour.
The channel you are 80s doctor or what are you?
No, he's got to do everyone else here guest.
He's either Miami Vice or, yeah, there you go.
But which care, life.
Don Johnson.
Yeah, well, that's what I would take it.
I was just talking to you.
You're not the black one.
I thought it was like Korean remake of Miami Vice, you know?
It's actually, you know, rock,
Miami rice.
Miami Rice. Miami Rice. Yeah.
Oh.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Oh, that's a bit of title.
Miami Rice.
Miami Rice.
So, not a terrible joke, but one that you could get a quick reaction to and then move on.
It was a fine joke, I guess.
It's fine.
It's fine.
It was good timing.
It was the right time to say it.
They made it the name of this episode
and they had to put it at the very beginning of the episode
to let you know how crazy good this show.
That's the best joke of the show.
So I see that.
I think that's probably not gonna be the one.
I hate that format because I feel like it would be
a terrible thing applied to your real life.
If every day you woke up and you saw the best part
of your day first thing in the morning,
yeah, right.
Everybody would hang themselves.
Yeah, that's all downhill from there. Oh, a blueberry muffin is the best part of my day first thing in the morning. Yeah, right. Everybody would hang themselves. Yeah, that's all downhill from here.
Oh, a blueberry muffin is the best part of my day today.
I've also show zero confidence in your show.
Do you have to be like,
guess what guys, good stuff's coming up.
We promise you there's gonna be some good stuff.
Oh, we does the same thing by the way.
Does that stupid thing where it's like,
come it up.
Oh, so it is completely retarded.
It is, completely.
So you notice that everyone's dressed up for Halloween.
It's funny because when we filled in for Anthony on Halloween, Iraq gave both Eric and
me instructions dressed accordingly.
It's Halloween.
And Eric and I both showed up without any costumes on because we're grown adults.
We don't wear costumes on Halloween.
Uh-huh.
We're adult men. Uh- men, not these retards.
They're all dressed up and it turns out Eric Griffin
is poor.
Now, it just so happens that I remember the last time
we talked about the golden hour,
I think it was around Halloween last year
and I saw Eric Griffin wearing his Fred Flintstone costume
and this year.
Like this one here, I wore last year,
but we didn't go out. So this is the first time this has been out. Oh, I know, yeah. Oh here, I wore last year, but we didn't go out.
So just the first time this has been out.
Oh, yeah, remember, yeah.
You should let me buy that.
Yeah, but I'm gonna do it.
So I know their views are down since Theo Fond left the show.
I guess they don't have it in the budget to get Erica New costume for Halloween.
So yes, we're gonna say what from last year, but at least that you have it.
I would do this, convinced like he may have worn it a few times in between just that laundry day. for Halloween. Yes, we're the same one from last year, but at least that you haven't ever do, it's convincing.
He may have worn it a few times in between,
just that laundry day.
Yeah, but tab a ew.
Oh, okay, I'll leave.
All right, I'll see myself out.
All right, I'll save you.
I'll save you because Brendan's shop
comes up with a hilarious joke here
that you're gonna love because they're talking
about trick or
treating you know they're all dressed up they're growing man that's a that's a funny scenario right
these guys going trick or treating no oh wait till Brian's shop gets to get his two cents in on it
cool are you guys gonna trick or treat around your neighborhood solo just like that that's not
creepy at all hey trick or treat to me. No, I am.
You guys got any full size bars in there. You can open a door like this thinking it's a kid
and then you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're costume so good.
Dude, this show is in raging. Everyone is swinging for the fences non-stop.
Nothing ever lands except for Miami rice. It's the only thing that landed the whole episode.
And the fact that Brennan's job thinks that that just saying full-size candy bars is a joke. You're gonna go true,
true, you're gonna be like, oh, give me those full-size bars. That's good costume though.
Look at it. Oh, he's very happy with the costume.
Very good costume.
Brennan Shobb is obsessed with this costume. He talks to him about it non-stop throughout
this. He spent $200 on it. Whoa! Good content, good stuff. Wow! Don't
you know you have some legal fees coming up? You might want to save your money. But are the
police looking for you? Is that why you're wearing that? That's a way. All right, so I just want
to reiterate something that I've been saying a lot lately and that is that LA is a shit hole.
Lost it. If you live in Los Angeles, what are you doing? It's a shit hole and I have some evidence
of that right here. Can we just give it up? We're lucky that Nick's with us today.
Oh, shot at last night. You were straight out of sleep. And I think you know who did it.
And you don't want to tell us. I don't want to poke the bear. But's my there's my window. Wow, I mean right above where you're sleeping man
Hey, not a terrible way to go though. You found the bullet too, which is this is scary
Yeah, I'm making jokes, but this is like who's making jokes? I didn't hear any jokes
Come on guys you trick-a-treat your way
Good news you're not making jokes about it. But literally a bullet flew into his bedroom
while he was sleeping.
And he lives near Silver Lake.
It's not like he lives in the ghetto or something like that.
Yeah, that's L.A. for ya.
What a nice place.
There's another type of humor here that makes zero sense.
Well, this is how you gentrify a neighborhood.
Fire bullets into like the poor homes.
Yeah, he's scaring us.
He's like, I got to move. I got to move it was a 22 that's how you gentrify the neighborhood by
shooting holes in the windows that just the opposite Eric that doesn't make
any I like that even Chris Lee goes what do you mean yeah the fuck are you
talking about that that's how you gentrify the neighborhood is that's not the
case at all no No. OK.
So then they talk seriously to each other.
And they're talking about how he had to call the cops.
And the cops came over.
And the cops weren't any help.
But I thought this was kind of funny.
They got there relatively quick, quick,
quick, which I was surprised, but he didn't do anything.
He was a Theo fan.
So he did a little extra investigation.
How funny is that?
Yeah, he was asking where's Theo.
Yeah, right.
So when's the last time you've seen Theo?
How funny.
He's cutting back.
Theo Vod, the guy who got the fuck off the show
and away from these retards.
And the cop shows up and he's just like, oh, you know,
Theo Vod, can you get an autograph for me or something?
That means he's going to sit there and be like, oh,
man, OK, it's cool.
Yeah, no, he's pretty funny.
I like him too.
All right, so Kristalia here is gonna explain
that he does not watch comedy podcasts.
Never, does he sit down and watch a comedy podcast?
If he were to check out podcasts,
he explains what he would check out.
That's, I don't want shit.
I was just thinking about this.
Somebody was saying, who was it, Gary Owen? I can't remember, I was, look, I saw't want shit. I was just thinking about this somebody was saying who was it Gary Owen?
I can't remember I was look I saw an Instagram video
I was like I watch so many podcasts and I was like whoa
I do much time. I don't think of comics. I get maybe two podcasts a week. Well, I'm driving
All right. Yeah, you listen right yeah, but people I don't know different types of pop. No, no
I know it's not not so comedy
Yeah, but that's what maybe think of I'm like well,, I don't listen to any of it. I don't say any comedy podcast. Right. Nobody else's. Yeah,
I don't listen to podcasts. I don't listen to any, but, but if I was going to be like a murder one or
something. Oh, well, if you like true crime, we have a creep off episode. I'll send him a free copy
of our bonus episode we did about him. I'll send it right over. We inducted Chris Lee into the
creep off hollow fade. That was a fun episode. I'd be happy to send that to him. He wants to check that out.
I honestly thought he was going to say,
I'd watch like Teenage Girls makeup tutorials.
I thought he'd be in.
I think that's what he's actually watching.
Roll box, something like that.
How funny is it that these two guys
who cannot put a joke together,
New Yorker saying how formats work or anything,
Brendan Schop and Chris Lee are both like,
I've never watched any other comedy shows.
You should.
Well, it's interesting,
because you're making one, you're on one.
Maybe you should. Maybe you should see what other people are doing and see how Well, it's interesting because you're making one, you're on one, maybe you should.
Maybe you should see what other people are doing
and see how to do it correctly,
because you're terrible at this.
And that's why they think they're doing swimmingly.
Right, because they're not watching and seeing,
oh, other people actually have formats
and they don't talk over each other
and when they make jokes, they land.
What?
And Fred Flintstone's like,
you know, there's a variety of subjects out there.
Yeah, I know, right.
Exactly.
Listen to Eric Griffin for once.
So this is what I'm talking about.
When you don't watch other shows
and you think that what you're doing is great
as Chris Zalia does,
you bring up the worst conversation
serders possible.
This is the kind of shit that I would hear
if I was sitting around at the water cooler.
Like I could hear this kind of conversation
if I just went to work and talk to my co-workers.
I could not. I can't remember a time that it was harder for me to wake up than today. Today,
I couldn't wake up, dude. I think you're in REM sleep and just maybe. I woke up and Calvin was just
like singing a song. Kristen was getting ready and because Calvin was in our bed, you know,
we wake up and he's, did you
get kids do that by the way? Tiger
well, I'll jump in. So every night
or what? No. How often? Once a month.
Oh, fuck. That's fascinating.
Please go on. If I was walking out of
a desert and I was dying of thirst
and there was a water cooler at the
edge of the desert and there were
people around it having this
conversation. Yeah, I turn around and go back into the desert.
I fuck you all.
And also, did he, when he goes, was it already up sleep?
Did he go, yeah, and he was singing a song?
Did he, did he think he was talking about the band?
I miss that.
I think he was talking about night swimming with the wrong boy.
They did put a man on the moon, actually.
Oh, Jesus.
I hate him so much.
Can you imagine that cover? Dude, dude, bro. I couldn him so much. Can you imagine that, dude, dude, bro,
I couldn't wait, I got this morning, bro.
Dude, bro, bro.
I saw him tired this morning, bro.
Like shut the fuck up.
Yeah, go back to sleep, go back to sleep.
And then it gets even worse.
So this is a longer clip.
But I think this really captures the essence
of what this show is.
I don't know why it has any viewers at all.
I'm glad to see their numbers are declining
because they don't deserve viewers
when this is the content that they're putting out.
When you think about movies, now it's like,
oh, I gotta watch this on Paramount Netflix
or something like that because who wants to sit?
If it's something that you're not so interested in,
can you, I can't even imagine going to the theater.
No, you're not trying to.
This new caprio movie,
all go through this.
It's three hours. Yeah, but I'll go to
All three hours, okay, so all right, let's just say I'd like to go see that movie in the theater
But then I hear it's three and a half hours. It's three and a half hours. Yeah, I think well I have to wait to come home
I what if I want to pause it and get something to eat and fucking I don't want to sit in the theater if you got a
Half-hour-clock movie with previews your about we're getting it home around home at 3.30 a.m. Yeah, you're nights over
You got a pee you're gonna miss some of it like am I crazy? No, I feel like it's a it's a mentality has changed because I'm 40
I'm also I'm 43. I'm not 22, but if you know if I'm thinking of it 22
Nobody's gonna do not love a good movie though. I'm all about sitting in a movie watching a good movie
But it's like three different things different now, dude the friggin the last Batman movie was three hours
I okay, so it was pulled on I can do three hours if I really want to but three and a half bro
That's almost four hours. Oh first of all it is because now they should preview
minimum 20 minutes of bro. I don't do anything for four hours. Yeah. Hey, you know what guys
This right here this rambling boring conversation containing already made before observations. This could be a podcast
You know guys movies three and a half hours long my date doesn't have that kind of attention span
What do I do? It's like that she's be a tick-tock. I'm trying to watch
You can't jangle keys at her in the movie theater
Carl there was never a better time to bring back that drop
I know because when I'm watching them I'm like holy shit this is what family guy was talking about
every group of friends sit around and have this mundane conversation
and they might think for a second hey maybe this would be interesting for other people to hear
and they're wrong these assholes are actually doing it
they're convinced they're convinced would be interesting for other people to hear, and they're wrong. These assholes are actually doing it. They're convinced.
They're convinced it's interesting for people.
Ah, three hours, sure, but three and a half.
I love Britain's jobs, participation in the conversation
too, at the back of the movies, three hours,
that was popping.
Thanks.
I like how they were kind of doing
a lesson on how to tell time.
Well, three hours was fine.
Three and a half hours, that's almost four hours.
That's almost four hours. That's almost four hours.
And four is almost five.
Let's go.
I'm convinced you could do a segment on the show every week.
I agree with you.
It's so, it's so bad.
You know what's not bad is the ice
that tells new album fireworks factory.
Troy Smith, the artwork for it.
I saw him in our chat earlier.
Thank you very much. Troy, hi Troy. I'll I saw him in our chat earlier. Thank you very much, Troy.
Hi, Troy.
I'll put the link in the show notes.
You can check it out on band camp, 10 new songs from the isotopes.
Check that out.
We'd appreciate you guys supporting the band.
If you can, guys, what have we done today?
We've done it all.
We talked about fart mouth.
We talked about irrational moms. We started a new song parody contest. Yeah. How it a themed songs banana bag was in there
for a little bit. Stuttering John is bad at being a friend. The deep dive is obnoxious and pompous.
The golden hour is in ragingly bad.
So you know what that means?
It's time for everyone's favorite part of the show.
And that is of course.
The team.
The team.
The team.
The team.
The team.
The team.
The team.
The team.
This is the part of the show we play, Clifford, and the podcast that we'll be reviewing
on the next episode of who are these podcasts?
Because if there's one thing I know, it's radio.
And radio loves a good tease.
And that's what we do here.
Now in a radio tease, they'll say after the break, for me, I say in four days.
Just in four short days, you can check us out again and we'll be talking about this. Ready in Where it thongs him long dad raising kids clean his shit need a long naps when my mom's with my mom's with my mom's
I
Get
Steena piece. This is what the fuck I'm talking about Kim Kungdon and my girls are wine
Jack
Yeah, we're here bitch. I'm so pumped you guys are here. Oh, let me comedy club on state Madison, Jizz, Conson
I don't know if there's tickets left
Buy them and I'm gonna announce some more shit next year coming up to I'll be going back to Canada
I'm so pumped about that that narrows it down
Christina P host a show she looks familiar. Yeah, she is time- Tom Sager is wife. Not because of that.
They do your mom's house together.
She's done comedy specials.
She's been in TV shows and things she might have been.
She was just a healing and buffalo
a month or so ago.
Okay, very good.
Well, seeing this, I miss fart mouth already.
Where my mom's at is the show
that we'll be checking out on the next episode
of who are these podcasts?
Who knows? Maybe it'll be the one
that we enjoy. Guys, I'm sorry. We're not catching an alien today. Cardiff. I know. Cardiff
did not have time to put that together for us. But producer Chris was able to put together a
net news segment for us. Internet news. F in for Lucy Taipak's this week is correspondent, that broad.
From Patreon, all crap warns don't count on Nagle.
Every time it's a sudden family thing with him, Eric replies,
yes, once.
So that means every time.
Slipner, Eric's rants were so good.
It's so fun to watch, or more like not watch, late night shows burned to the ground. Top Shelf episode.
SSDO pines, Salted watermelon is delicious. Same vibe as prosciutto and melon, but that changes nothing.
Bob and Sherry still suck. Yikesies.
Dang lizard.
I was talking to my neighbor Sandy and I asked her, have you heard about this new fake Gary that calls in to WATP?
And she said, yes, the only thing more exciting than a Gary and San Diego voicemail is someone
pretending to be Gary leaving a voicemail.
From YouTube, back for Bloods Certainly is, with congratulations to E-Rock, by the way,
on the success of his biopic starring Brendan Fraser.
Cute crew notes, Opie's streak of making no money is hitting seven years now.
Robbie C. fantasizes,
I just wish OP had an ounce of self-awareness.
I don't want to dislike him,
but he makes it so easy.
Home Kitty,
OP has to be a little bit of a sped
if he honestly just hears laughing
and takes that to mean funny moment.
City Pop FM, good Lord.
I hope we get some W-A-T-P episodes on this comedy shaman guy.
He's going places.
Run Dads, more Nagle.
No one has ever said it, but I'm saying it.
More Nagle, AB 223 points out, fat guys who constantly quote Golden Era Simpsons are
totally cool and not hacks.
Mountain Man claims, stuttering John is a big tough guy talking to his laptop in his divorced dad apartment. David to Dominic
Cheap, drunk, stupid and cowardly is no way to go through life, John.
Niferious V suggests, Carl and Shulee should sit in the balcony like Statler and
Waldorf on the Muppet Show and do a live point, double point episode right
in front of Statio Pinocchio.
Shalbax Club asked, why did he cut his hair?
He went through that whole awkward Ben Franklin stage for nothing.
And from Facebook, Rajveer Sahotisters things up with Tuky Sucks.
I like him less than a friend.
Sam O'Brien.
I love Tuky.
Brett Stevens.
I can't decide who's worse between Tuky and Hackride.
I'm leaning Hackride.
Ed G. Lord.
I'm Tuky for Tuky. Benjamin F. Cullen. Tuky and Hackride. I'm leaning Hackride. Ed G. Lord. I'm Kuky for Juky, Benjamin F. Cullen.
Tuky plus Ralph equals funny.
Rife went to his demands.
What has he brought to the dabbleverse?
And David Michael plays us out with...
Joy, boys and girls! [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in range. You know she was making a comeback this week. It was so nice to hear from her. I love Lucy.
Yeah.
Nice to hear from that broad.
It was very nice.
And Eric Nagel is here.
He shows up when he's not on the show.
He wrote, I didn't want you in costumes, dummy.
All right.
All right.
If you say so.
How are you wrong?
Listen, if I want to be called a dummy,
I'll bring on Cunti Kindi over here.
Hey, Kindi. Rick and Rola. What's going on Cunti Kindi over here. Hey, Kindi.
Recon Roller. What's going on, Kindi? How you been? How much? How are you guys?
Did you check out the deep dive segment we did today? Yeah, that was terrible.
Are you a fan of June Diane Rayfield? I'm not a fan of women in general.
Yeah. What are you a fan of? What are you a fan of, I'm with her. What are you a fan of, kiddie? Let's list some interests here.
Apparently the show, think about it.
I hate watch.
I see you.
You brought your, it's nice that you brought your other half
today, the one with all the looks and talent.
Oh, it's nice to be here.
Oh, you thought I'd tell you.
Vity are more of his other two thirds.
I see what she did there.
Yeah, it's not so funny what she's writing out to you.
Is it?
I love it.
You're a fan of Candy because she got you fat.
More like on Candy.
Oh, got you there.
I love you too, Candy.
Can you do any new reviews you can read for us?
Yeah, there's a couple.
They're both from 2D A's ago. This one is by Kayla Rose.
It's called JC Penny Shirts. Way too many JC Penny shirts in this show.
I've got a guess that that is a Eric Niggas eight height of 50. I'm going to guess that that is a
five star review. Can be. That's right. Excellent. Thank you very much.
Next is by, I think it's Kev Ozebo.
It's called What A Bunch of Ha-Ha-Hacks.
Step under a ladder, fuck your mom's bladder.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Never heard that one.
It's true though.
It is true.
Is that a five star review?
Oh yeah, it is. Nice. Two five star review? Yeah, it is nice
Your average is still 3.1 just you know, all right well
There was a time
It's so funny because there really was I know there was a time when we had I think a thousand more one-star reviews that we had five star reviews so we've really made a comeback somehow we've actually have more
five star do you do you know the actual count five servers is one star can you
look that up it's it's slightly more okay there are hard to tell yeah it's
it's head-to-head the numbers't there. Just a graph. Okay. Well, please keep giving us those five-star reviews
I is on apple pie gas you're looking at
Yeah, okay, that'll probably go away at some point apple sucks
Hank Moody says kindi is adorable. There's no
Couple many review girls on this show sir. Thank you Hank. No
It's gonna go right to her hat. I can't have that. All right, we got some voice mails
Tom Myers calling into the show
Oh jeez, I'm listening to your voice mails like man. What's with all these wet back calling in am I right?
Anyway, this is Tom Myers. You're only a racist listener
Tom Myers, that's wildly inappropriate. We have a lot of Mexicans listening to the show that are gonna be offended by that
Please don't call with that stuff ever again.
Do I sometimes scream a question to get an affirmative answer?
Yes.
Do I scream another one to establish a pattern?
Yes.
And I have to flip it on you with the next question for impact.
Yes.
Do I think anyone knows that I'm doing this?
No. Anyway, that's a format, um, John Lakeville, uh, keep an eye out for it. Okay.
On the last show, I think I talked about how we have, uh, Spanish-speaking people in the audience
and John tries to do that, uh, you're my bitch thing that he pronounces a
hoorog so we got some reactions from people on the hats.
Wait, he fair.
No.
Wait, he fair.
I'm not a Mexican but I'm a Spanish so I know how to speak Spanish and I think that
done is saying you are my pair as in a fruit.
So basically, I think what you do is do 80s projecting because like, yeah, my kid is a fruit.
So you are my fruit too, right?
That's what I think.
But yes.
And also, Vera, come on.
Just say, do it if he's booze up.
You know.
But anyways, both a show, love Carl and love Chris the most.
And Andy's okay.
Oh yeah, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can you assign you nodding your head?
Do you speak Spanish as well?
No, but I was curious.
So I looked it up and because I know points.
I mean, bitch.
So I was like, I wasn't sure why he was saying, Patra, but it's just female dog, like
which does technically mean bitch, but I don't think it's the right one.
No, definitely is not.
So that translates.
I hate him so much.
Yeah, he's pretty hateable.
That's better.
He's a pretty difficult deal with some we've learned.
Stuck show got us all together, even Kendi on the same page.
Isn't that amazing?
That is true. We're bringing people together.
Actually, Kendi is just part for the course.
It's just someone else to add to the list that she hates.
Sit down.
Nothing is changed.
You might be right, though.
We'll solve it right through me.
Everything's falling apart with, you know,
the Rochester show and everything.
I was really holding out for like a big fallout,
like a climax. Yeah, like a climax.
Yeah, it's coming.
Like the Rochester screw job, that kind of thing.
Like I wanted you to just walk out on stage, pretend you work coming the whole time and then just bomb them.
Yeah, well, we'll see.
We'll see what happens. It should be fun.
It's a long way to go.
It should be a fun weekend.
I never really thought of calling it the Rochester screw job, but that's. I'm surprised fad. It's a long way to go. To be a fad we good. I never really thought of calling it the Rochester screwdriver, but that's...
I'm surprised, really.
I am a heal by nature.
Hey Carl in guest hosts for this week.
I was listening to the horn dogs episode and I don't know what it was about that dog barking,
but it really pissed off my German shepherd.
He started barking and growling, and I think I heard him say the F's, or I don't know that.
I was really shocked, and you know, there's a really smart dog, but you know, don't call me back.
Something pretty funny, dog.
Yes, me.
It's a book.
It's a book, and back the time Tuky's on. All right. Here
is a fan of Lucy tight box. Hey, on
last episode Lucy tight box said that
she is happy in her body. And I would
like it to be noted that I would also
be very happy in her body.
Thanks. Don't call me back. She prefers a cryer, sir, but definitely better now.
No problem at all.
You know, the dog show, I forgot the name,
but they had some pretty interesting insight
about Taylor Swift being the enterprise.
Her truly interesting insight.
And I was kind of not expecting that after they had told the story
about it, asshole getting fingered.
You know, you think that he'd be, you know, going,
yes, queen after realizing that Taylor Swift is a devil
incarnate toothless hag, maybe not that, but you know, well you get the point.
Yes, queen.
Toothless hag.
Probably not that far.
Yeah, probably not.
I call it a red lip to Jezebel myself.
That's right.
All right.
A lot of reactions to horn dogs.
Here's a gay listener reacting to it.
Hey, Carl, it's your only gay listener, probably.
I'm just listening to that Horn Dogs podcast at the soad.
And I just have to say, the straight one definitely wants
to fuck the gay one.
The straight one is not straight.
He's lasting it. All the terrible jokes that The straight one is not straight. He's
lashing it all the terrible jokes that the gate one is putting out
there. And as a gay man, I am a fit. Okay, thanks, bye.
The straight one. You know, the straight one, the sucks dick,
that one. You know, that he was on the other of the phone going
does straight one. Yeah, probably the one who dabbles.
All right, we have a Gary from San Diego clone. Call I get to
the show. Hey, Carl, Gary from San Diego. So I was talking to my
neighbor, San Diego later, they and she started crying again. And
I said, San, why are you crying?
And she said, well, it's because you are a real Gary Gary.
I said, Sandy, what do you mean?
Of course I'm the real Gary.
And she said, no, you're not.
Remember that time you cloned yourself so you wouldn't have to go to the Bellagio with Judy. You could just stay around here and check up on Stuttering
John. Well you're one of the clones Gary and there are more clones too and they
keep calling Carl and I said you know what Sandy I think you're right can't help just getting out and I strangled her there
in the kitchen.
Okay I gotta go take care of Judy now.
We're all in roll.
The world is sorry to not close yourself.
Might seem like a good idea at the time but bad things can happen.
It's no shortcut at all.
No it's not.
You know I call that I gotta add something that clip with the eon musk in
the pizza noises that's obviously uh... doctored
doctored uh... video no it the the noises of the squashing that's gotta be
that
guy from the dog show
with uh... figures up his butt, right?
I mean, I don't, I'm on the Patreon,
but I don't like to watch the show
because there's a lot of disgusting stuff.
I'm really glad I missed this one on YouTube.
So yeah, well, that's Dr. footage you guys have asked
holds by.
It was not doctored.
For some reason, they were really eating pizza
in the middle of the Joe Rogan experience.
I'm not sure why.
And they had a chew so close to the microphone too.
It was actually grosser than horn dogs.
Yeah.
It was.
I like this guy goes, I don't watch because it's too much gross stuff.
No, they were just describing all the sex acts.
They weren't actually doing that.
They kind of actually have dudes putting figures at his butt during the show.
But I'm aware of how I'm fine enough.
Didn't see that way.
Didn't you make me watch a video of a dude getting fucked in the butthole
behind a curtain on YouTube a couple months ago?
Had nothing to do with the podcast.
That was our slumber party.
Oh, sure.
That was a weird, Carl.
That was a weird day.
I'm learning a lot today about boy slumber parties.
Yes, you are.
All right.
There are a lot like the girls ones.
Once we're done practicing kissing,
that's a dude. That's what we do. That like the girls ones once we're done practicing that we do that.
We do that.
Can we put makeup on each other?
Open your mouth and close your eyes.
All right, so I get home from, oh, we were going to talk about how Tim Dylan's open
or sucked.
So I have a theory.
Who was it?
You know, they never announced his name.
They didn't because the guy said New York Center.
No, he goes, he goes from New York Center.
New York Center. And then he just said anything else in the comic came out. So we don't know
what his name is. And he was so bad. And I'm convinced. And I've been saying this since
Chad Zumak opens for some pretty big comics down in Florida. I am convinced the big
highlighters like Tim Dylan, who aren't going to sell a single extra ticket if they had a good opener.
Get the worst one possible so they seem way funnier by comparison. Okay. I don't think that.
Here's what I think they go for and it ends up being a problem and I get that I you've told me this a many times. I've seen it so many times. It's insane.
Every major headliner that I know of that ends up with really shitty openers are ones
who try to book somebody different from them.
Okay.
So what happens is you go and expecting to see like a Tim Dillon style show but he doesn't
want anybody who's his style opener for him.
Makes sense.
Because then it doesn't.
You know, we saw Seinfeld in Vegas and Alonzo Bowen open, he's fantastic.
Yeah.
So like, I'm just saying that they generally try to go for different.
Somebody that's a different style.
And sometimes when you're going to see Tim Dylan and you have someone in front of them
whose style is very different, generally it does turn off the audience.
It wasn't just a style thing.
Okay.
Well, the guy probably sucked.
I'm not that bad, dude.
He was so nervous.
He's like, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm like a drug addict. You know what I mean?
Like big room too. Yeah. That's a big room. It's a big room.
Debomin. Yeah. It's not good. Keep it going for that guy.
Oh, let's just say that Tim Dylan was a breath of fresh air. Oh, that was the other thing too.
This comic. He's from New York City. And so he goes in there with the idea that
Rochester's a shithole and everyone who lives there thinks that they live in a shithole. So one of the
first things he says is he's just like, yeah, so I'm from New York who wants to come back
with me and people just started booing. I'm like, no, we don't want to go. You're fucking
blows. Go fuck yourself. Go now. I love the people think like I love New York City. I
couldn't do if I was retarded. Anyway, I really hate when openers take that route.
Yeah, so stupid.
So if we all live here, it's not gonna work.
I mean, you can get a couple of jabs and it can be fun.
Oh, Tim Dillon actually had a good garbage plate joke.
I've heard every comic's garbage plate joke.
Every single one of them makes the same joke.
All right.
And I'll paraphrase.
It's not gonna hit us as well as Tim's dead.
But he goes, the garbage plate is just a plastic plate with whatever
You could afford on top of that because it's the only it's only that variation of the only meal that's cooked by a raccoon
Okay, that's pretty funny. Okay, wasn't bad. I liked him. Don't he's funny. He's a funny guy
All right all of that to set up this next voicemail
This is Gary and San Diego.
This is his worst voicemail ever.
And so Jenna, I get back from Tipped Out of Wist of the voicemails last night.
And Jen said, no, don't play this one.
And I said, no, I want to play it and tell him to do better because I know you can do
better than this.
So I'm shaming him for this voicemail.
Jason, you're back in Rancho Bernardo.
What's up?
I heard you got a big surprise.
Oh, yes I do.
How about this?
How about it?
You and Judy and me all go to Rochester
on March 10th to see Stuttering John.
That's a little problematic.
I think you forgot Judy and I are going to go to the Emmys that day on March 10th.
That's the Emmys that would be our third year in a row.
I don't think Judy likes buttering John anymore.
But he said Judy.
I love Target, but I just just test that buttering John.
That man is disgusting.
Yeah, he's a little too profane for Judy.
I've got to leave the room every time I start to listen to that podcast.
She won't put up with it.
I got an idea though.
What if I call the casino host at the Bellagio
and get us a room for New Year's Eve, a suite
for a couple of days before New Year's Eve and New Year's Day
and we can all go to Bologia. It's a short ride and by the way Rochester's 4,500 miles by plane, they
just 280 miles one way. No brainer. What do you say Sandy? Oh my gosh that sounds
good to me. Hey Judy, you want to play some poker when we go? Yeah, Judy loves poker. Okay
Anyway, I'm gonna say everybody's favorite catchphrase rock and roll
Fuck they're trying out skits now. I was Gary producer Chris here
You're mad with power
Power. Seriously.
Ah.
This is like,
Saturday night lifestyle.
Scott County's like, where are we going with this?
What's happening right now?
But let's make sure it doesn't end.
Yeah.
You could do better Gary as my flight.
So am I to assume that he's gonna be do a dodge with Gary?
Gary Judy and Sandy New Year's Eve at the Bellagio.
I think that was implied.
It sounds like it's not the first.
Yeah.
Wow. Why do you think Sandy's crying all the time,io. I think that was implied. It sounds like it's not the first. Yeah. Wow.
I think Sandy's crying all the time.
Rock and roll.
Hey, Carl. I've been stroking it to Lucy Typax. It's a poultry voice. It's like probably
most yellow listeners, but I refuse to look around. I've learned after all these review
girls and guys can't look them up. I mean, she's from Rochester. I'm guessing that
tattoos kind of skanky missing the tooth
or the tooth.
So Lucy, you will be.
She will be.
Reason that news on your life.
Okay, thank you.
The good news with Lucy is that in the back.
And the same ones.
She's one of our good ones we have.
Yeah, that is very true.
Hey, Carl, the other day on the podcast, you said that if anybody had any ideas about
stuttering, drawing, you felt that you should get a cut of the action.
So I figured before I greenlit this idea I had, I checked in with you and see if you're
okay with it.
So I'm thinking what I'm going to do is just read his book on a public channel for free.
And just to make sure I don't get any type of copyright trouble after everything will
send it to I'll call his case of slur. So just let me know what you think
of that idea. It's transformative. And if you green light it, I've already looked up
some really good slurs. So we're in business. Thank you. Bye. Sounds good. Yeah.
That's the idea. Yeah. Guys all business. Yeah. Right. It's right to the pitch. I like that.
I wouldn't plan on keeping your Patreon. I'm very proud of these.
Nick Tucker saying,
kindie and Jenner hot and Lucy,
Carl has gold these days.
Ah, Milwaukee boy.
Thank you.
All right.
Jen is hot.
I don't know why she's with you.
He's talking about so much better.
It's my charm and charisma.
What do you mean?
Yeah,
like a suicide.
It's a Jensen. And I doesn't even go to bad for you.
I'm not, I'm not getting it.
She's like, yeah, I'm saying about that all the time.
She shuckled when you said charisma.
So, just so you know, Carl, that's where you said, hey guys,
quiet down, let's listen to the next voice battle.
Alright.
Okay, sorry about that.
Hey, Carl, I was just listening before.
I was listening to the show.
I was thinking, oh, you know, it's been a couple of days.
I think I might go home and crank one out.
But you know, after I listened to the show,
I, I reckon I could probably wait a few days.
I'm good.
I'm not moving anymore.
Don't call me back.
Yeah, Horned Docs was the top one.
That was, I haven't had a boner since.
That was a rough boner list, no nut and november.
Yeah, it really helped things a lot.
No wonder Jenny's in such a good mood.
Hahaha.
Jenny and Plasses.
Hahaha.
Sick that's talking about the cat again.
Hahaha.
All right, we got one more here.
We have a new character we're being introduced to on the show.
Hey Carl, this is Javier from San Antonio.
Turns out Chad's remarks to loser.
It just reuse go fuck yourself.
All right.
So Gary's obsessed with centering John, but Jerry in San Antonio is checking out
Chan Zubak.
So maybe we'll get more updates from Jerry, because I'm not paying attention.
Yeah.
The last time you think I heard from Chad was he was doing amateur contest in Florida.
God.
How funny is that he wanted, he was in the funniest comic in Florida contest.
You know who found that and sent it to me.
Well, I don't.
Market, Belito.
Oh.
Yeah, I'm a damn dumb.
You just like,
Vic, you believe in shit?
amateur contest.
That's hilarious.
Cause I saw it was like a Instagram post or something
that someone who was in the contest posted and it showed the list
of all the comics of Chad Zubak, it's right in that list.
Of nobody.
It got sent to me because it was somebody was in the contest, was originally from Rochester
and posted it.
Okay.
I was like, get the fuck out of here.
That's hilarious.
Look, it's Homer Simpson in a contest with children.
Yeah, and he's mopping the floor with him. Yeah.
I hope Chad won that thing, right?
Right.
We should really look up the result.
He's got to change his website if he doesn't win
Florida.
The audience community.
I know he does.
He does say that he's a four-est-funny community.
Probably should have stayed out of that competition.
Because don't you have to bring friends
in order to win those things for the most part?
It doesn't hurt.
Yeah.
It's going to make it tough.
It hurts. That is going to make it tough. It doesn't hurt.
That is gonna make it tough.
All right.
Well, thank you, Kendi, for hopping on again,
reading those fantastic reviews.
It's showing a problem.
We appreciate it.
Do you do the, since Cardiff isn't here,
can you do the Stoner Girls by thing?
By.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. That's not bad. Cardiff's got some competition. Bye! Bye! A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a- We down here as we are go fuck yourselves have a good week
Why is it funny or a potato doesn't I know idea
He's all serious
That thing gets closer to the camera.
He's all serious.
Serious fat heart.