Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep516 - Late Night Love

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

I don’t know how our listeners are finding these show but we’ve stumbled upon another doozy. Jazz and Lubby host an advice show out of Sacramento with some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard. I couldn’t imagine two people who are less equipped to host any type of show.  Pat Dixon joins the show to help figure out if Lubby just shot up or is in a k-hole. Then we hear a fantastic new song from Tony Muskrat about Lisa Boswell and check in on our favorite trans duo out of Connecticut. Helga Mann can’t stop bragging about everything. Also, Pat Dixon tries to figure out why Tom Myers’ jokes are so wordy and unfunny. Finally, we check in on Stuttering John making the Tonight Show 10 year anniversary all about him before another round of “To Catch An Alien,” your recent reviews, and voicemails.  Tickets to the Vegas shows May 31st – June 2nd – https://www.hackamania.com/ use promo code WATP for 20% off https://rumble.com/user/PatDixon Support us, get bonus episodes, and watch live every Saturday and Wednesday: http://bit.ly/watp-patreon https://watp.supercast.tech/ Try Magic Mind for free! Use the promo code WATPLTTRIAL and visit magicmind.co/watplttrial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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16 are you a boner guy? Oh, I was a boner guy. You know what? I miss being what are you talking about? I'm the one who should apologize. Is it gonna be Absolutely riveting is it gonna change your life by any stretch probably not but it's gonna be at least entertaining Okay, by the way for those people that are in the back Remember to shut the fuck up And suck my cock I've been dying to say that cuz Cuz a row cuz a row slaparoonie it's showtime

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So hackamany.com, promo code W-A-T-P, get 20% off the purchase of those tickets and hang out with us in Vegas, May 31st through June 2nd. Also we encourage our listeners, give us a five star review on Apple Podcasts and show offers in the comment section. Today we'll be reviewing a show called late night love this was a suggestion from herb beta patched in the discord we've all listened separately we've not discussed it with you before hand let's get into it so the reason why herb beta patch sent this to us because he was watching it live the other night on youtube and he sent me this video that says one watching now started 61 minutes

ago he was the only person watching the show watching this show so let's set this up because this is hosted by jazz and lovey I don't want to ever up carl but you know how many views it's up to now five now? Five. It's three of them are us. Right. It's insane. So, it's definitely not taking off like that reality show. Not yet anyway. We'll see what happens. So, Jazz and Lubby, do you think they're a married couple, Pat? I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. I, I, I, boy, I'd hate to think that they were, although I did consider it. It couldn't be. Okay, so,

they're going to talk about the topic of this episode is analysis of motherhood in media. And you know Mother's Day is coming up. I thought it'd be a good idea to address how mothers are portrayed in modern media and that's what they're talking about. So that's what we're discussing today, portrayal of mothers in media and literature. And then we've got our normal questions on work-life relationships, parenting, and that's various things.

So before we start, we want to welcome our Sacramento audience on KUBU 96.5 FM here in Sacramento. And we want to welcome all the rest of you out there as well. You can send us your questions, comments and what nots to love it. Late night love.us serious questions only people. All right. When you start emailing these five folks, cause they do an entire advice show after this breakdown of motherhood in media, there's a lot of advice being dished out. That's where it gets interesting.

And so if you're gonna use that email address, serious questions only. Can't stress that enough. All right. It's really good from the moment. I mean, he does four and a half minutes, she finally talks and you're like, holy crap, I see why she's not talking, you know?

He's impossible to have a conversation with. He doesn't even know what he's saying. Let me just play this example of that. He's trying to start a conversation. And it's mind boggling. median mothers have been a spin a love hate relationship right from the evil stepmothers to these mothers who try to have it all. Some succeed, some fail, you know, but it's this modern view of mothers, right? That we see in media, which is interesting because modern media is failing.

So it's a question of does modern media reflect our view of motherhood at the moment or is it trying to lead our view of motherhood, which is why it's, shall we say, struggling. What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it the way she's staring Yes, it's almost like she's trying to figure out what he's talking about staring through him. I was like, what is Gollum thinking? Yeah, she does look perched on something Yeah, she does look perched on something doesn't she like yes, I mean I would react the same way in her defense Yeah, if this guy's talking to me is just like blah blah blah blah bleep bleep blah bleep blah bleep I'm like huh?

Testing to see if I'm listening Is that FM radio? Okay? I mean you know yeah, he is bad, but she shits on newspaper no question They put her out of the cage for this show alright, so She finally perks up five minutes in with us between what movies will call a Mary Sue from you know, Ray of Star Wars, right? You haven't seen the new Star Wars. You don't know I don't watch the new Star Wars Right. Well, a lot of people say she doesn't seen the new Star Wars. You don't really know. I don't watch the new Star Wars. Right? Well, a lot of people say she doesn't have the journey

So Pat you watched this entire episode. Yeah, I don't know if you remember this part of that This was an interesting part that really just featured Lobby This is my friend. You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you. I think we all picked up on the fact that she looks and sounds like Gollum.

It must be an outtake there, yeah. It's like CGI or something. This one here, I like that. There's fewer wrinkles on that face than hers. That's true. Not quite as expressive though. I have to say So then jazz goes off so it goes from Star Wars He goes up on this tangent about different movies and mothers and movies or something I don't even know why he brought any of this up

None of it makes any sense and he also doesn't know why he brought it up If you just watch them for you know, 90 minutes of, you know, entertainment, they're fine. But if you sit down and try and think through a romance movie, just don't just don't. Anyway, I've got off on a tangent and I forgot what my actual point was. So I guess the question is, modern media reflect our view of motherhood? Our modern view of motherhood? Or is it trying to lead our modern view of motherhood?

Or is it just as confused as the rest of us are right now? We don't really know what all these things mean despite the fact that we do. No one knows what he's talking about right here obviously. This guy's a retard. So now Luffy has to respond to that. So this is picking up from that exact second where he finishes whatever that was and this is Luffy's response. Well, every mother's say You know the the mothers are thanked for what they do now

Shouldn't that be enough? And thanks for coming out of your K-hole to say that. You notice about halfway through what she's saying, he starts looking around for security or something. Right, there's a weird dynamic between these two. I don't know how they were hired to have a radio show. Neither of them can talk at all. It's their chemistry.

It must be their chemistry. I'm gonna stop talking for seven seconds and then maybe you could start talking. Good stuff. I love that take though. I think we're thanking mothers too much. Once a year? That's ridiculous.

What are we doing? They need our praise more often than that. That's not gonna happen. Not on my watch. So now we get past whatever that was. Cause that goes on for like 10 minutes and they never make a single point and no one knows what the fuck they're talking about including themselves. So then we finally get to the meat of the podcast or the show and that would be the advice part.

People write in questions and they give you their advice and I love it because love you really perks up when it's time for questions. Yeah, that would be my suggestion. OK, let's get through the rest of this. All right. So we've got relationship questions. Yes, we do. My husband doesn't want to have to answer to anyone, including me. How do I deal with this? Well, no one wants to answer to anyone,

Me how do I deal with this? Well, no one wants to answer to anyone including him including Themselves usually quite frankly. Well, that's retarded. What? Fuck does that mean? He's terrible at this and also For an advice show. I've seen a lot of these shows, you know, Love Line was a great show. Dr Drew and Adam Carolla you get a lot more you have a lot of these shows. You know, Love Line was a great show. Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla. You get a lot more, you have a lot of follow-up questions, right? Like, okay, well, tell me a little bit about this. Like, my husband is stubborn.

What should I do? Like, okay, like give me an example. How long have you been together? Do you have kids? What's going on? You know, there'd be a lot of things you'd need to know in order to give any type of advice. These guys just go, all right, yeah, I got this one.

Yeah, I mean, my husband doesn't want to answer to me. Yeah, yeah, no shit Yeah, you're probably annoying. You know what are you telling him to do and like I think it's eventual answer here if I may I don't know if you get into it. I do have the answer okay. Well. I'll let you know okay I'll play this because this is the worst possible advice. When you're 34, 35 have a family. Control is illusionary, but you still have to work through that. Yes, you do. Yeah, it may not be good for your relationship long term, but it'd be good for him long term. So there's my suggestion. Get a way to get counseling. You know, a therapist for himself.

Because that's what he needs right now. There may be depression issues. Who knows? Who knows? That's a good point. I love that they're writing into an advice show. What should I do? You should get counseling and see a therapist. Well, I was trying to avoid that actually That's why I'm ready to you actually. Well, I mean, truthfully, imagine asking these two anything. Yeah. Imagine asking them anything. I mean, I, it's, it's, I can't believe that anybody watches this show. Oh yeah, they know. Yeah. The last thing these two should be doing is giving advice to people. Yeah. This is the Sarah Silverman principle. Right. Yes. It's like you're depressed and you're having issues every day. Why are people

asking you how to live their lives? It's not good for anyone. You're barely can hear it. All right. So next question. Let's see what the next question is here. All right. What is next? Me and my fiance are at odds because I take my child to the park and I have friends there for once how do I handle the situation? He's just not used to it How could you answer that question that I mean there's no information there at all I take my kids in the park and I have friends there. Yeah, who are your friends? Samuel Doug I take my kids to the park and I have friends there. Yeah, who are your friends? Jeff, Samuel, Doug? Yeah.

And then they run a train on me. My husband isn't enjoying it. I don't know what's going on. And they attempt to give advice on this shit. Who's writing in? It's got to all be jokes or something, right? Yeah, or people listening to this. Or they think these are good questions

in writing to themselves. I mean, there's no way to track that, right? No, there's definitely no way to track that. Until WATP listeners start writing in some questions and then we'll know what's going on. Well, you know the answer the woman's looking for is, girl, you go down there and see your friends. Fuck your husband, you know what I mean?

Oh yeah. You see, she just wants that, and you know. Yeah, and basically what they say is, well, you know, it's important that you have friends too And and you know, he goes to work all day and he has work friends like they're just making up all these scenarios Like I didn't get any of that from that conversation with that question But okay if you say so the episode I watched they break into song All right, so here's another question that came in okay, not mature enough yet. What's next? Yeah?

Me and my ex separated I had purchased gifts for his family prior to our splitting up Do I still give them to them? Well you can do whatever you feel is right for you You can take them back you can give them to somebody else And you can want to you can take them back you can give them to somebody else I want to know what I should do with it do whatever you want. Here's some options Everybody likes gifts, so you know whatever yeah, do you like the gifts you bought maybe keep for yourself? I don't know And that's it it's a trivial thing to ask for advice about Yeah Alright, so lovey reading this question is crazy this gave off

This is this is where I pulled the golem clip when I watched this so like okay. I've seen I've seen this before all right My boyfriend offered me to live with him rent-free after training for eight months, and I can't make a decision Someone's gonna ask her a question about something being precious Well and someone needs to ask her what she's scratching back there Her precious she can't talk or read Why is she reading questions out of talk? She's a looker Yeah, it's all about the sex. So shallow. It's hilarious.

This should be the answer to every single one of these questions. This really sums it up right here. Who knows? With just that information, it's hard for me to say. Correct. That should be the answer. Every fucking time. I don't know.

The information you gave me, I have no idea what you should do. My wife is awesome. What do I do? Marry her. Already did. What do I do? Marry her already dead All right, so now we move away from Relationship questions and we get into parenting questions because I look at these two and I go probably amazing parents be my guess So here's the first question coming in for parenting advice. But what do we've got? My 15 year old daughter wants an iPhone for her 16th birthday. Unfortunately, we can't afford an iPhone.

And we tried to explain this to her. However, she is very angry and has stopped speaking to us. What should we do? You know, this comes up like every three or four months, doesn't it, where some kid does get and have something they want it's like it's a recurring theme on this one and the answer is kind of basically all always the same so let him be mad that's the answer no it gets even worse

listen to what he says after that enjoy the silence if they're not speaking to you I think this person wants to have a good relationship with their daughter, and that's why they're saying look We can't afford the iPhone. She's mad at us now. This is a quandary. How do I mend this relationship? He's like fucker Fucking kick rocks Helpful in any single way what do you mean yeah, I mean that's that's plan a well call you know we'll call We'll put that in the maybe pile Homemade iPhone

Here's an idea get a fucking job Go to cricket wireless or one of these fucking places where you can get an inexpensive smartphone and a plan Maybe she gets an Android. I don't know there's raising kids. You can't afford a phone right? Why'd you have children if you can't get them now? 15 or 16 is actually very old to be getting an iPhone at this point right? Oh, yeah She's got to be an outcast Whatever was talking about the tick-tock fish. She's like I've heard a tick-tock that what's in the news My parents are watching the news on TV, and they were talking about that. It's like get the fuck out of here Wendy

Go watch your TV my parents are poor All right, you're ready for the worst advice ever this this clip really tickled me And if he doesn't want to eat lunch you give him his daily lunch money in cash And if he wants to spend it on on twinkies and and snickers then he's going to be hungry he'll live trust me teenage boys can live on snickers and soda all day long he's six Lisa Bigelow everyone this is the dumbest person ever my my kid you know he's he's not eating lunch I'm Like my kid you know he's not eating lunch at school. I need him to have a nice nutritious lunches first grader

Let me fucking Twinkie do Twinkies even exist. I don't even know Twinkies and Snickers Yeah, he'll survive Yeah, and the reason that for the confusion is is the whoever wrote in said he has a card I'm letting him use a car like a bank card. What yeah a card for his lunch at school What are you talking about? I wonder if it's weird Yeah, cuz they were confused about like him having a debit card or something like that I wonder though if it's just kind of a school card that you use and then you have to pay up at the end of The month or something. I don't know.

Yeah, it could be, yeah. My parents made me use that because they didn't trust me with cash. Right. And for good reason. Yeah, okay, so that makes sense. So that actually existed way back in the 60s. Okay, I didn't realize that.

Yeah, there you are. All right, so here's another fun one. This is just, this guy's not even trying anymore with this advice, and I gotta say that Luby is better at this than he is on this one Okay, how do I put please don't bring siblings on the invite without sounding rude You just put please don't bring siblings on the invite No extra guest, please Yeah

How do I tell people not to bring their siblings on a party invite without being rude tell me to fuck themselves That's I'm trying to not be rude. Did you not get that part of it start to warm up to this guy? He's not really wrong Why do you care for being rude these people are assholes Fuck your kids. You know whoever wrote in was concerned because there's a specific sibling that they don't like right yeah that's what it is right it probably always shows up uninvited mm-hmm so this guy gives the worst advice ever just says I just brought it right right that the thing you don't want to run the invitation because you're worried about doing that

just do that yeah great who cares let me uh let me ask a different show what I should do different youtuber What I should be doing with golden hour sounds good. Yeah get counseling Yeah, maybe should make a video for Brendan's job to react to and that he could tell you what the right etiquette is I have one more clip on here and Pat's got some timestamps and stuff that we're gonna try to go through but I saw that you had this one too because this is so fucking stupid like kids favorite joke is disobedience piece three let's all process that for a second my kid's favorite joke is disobedience what kind of fucking question is that what what it's not a question what does that even mean

What it's not a question. What does that even mean? Disobedience can really hit hard. You know what I mean? That's my clothes. It tore my family apart Never heard of disobedience referred to as a joke. No, we do that's why I was very confused about this I'm guessing that they're like a clean your room. He's like no How about you clean your room at all? Yeah, right pretty good joke It's disobedience. He's three. He's three. Oh, yeah, cuz that's all he's got Doesn't know enough to have any other joke tacky, but that's what he's got three Everyone's gonna grow up to be Dave Chappelle. What do you want?

Yeah Just just wait until he'll grow out of that by four and have something completely different And then at some point if he's a boy a'll have fart jokes, so you look forward to that Does anything concern this guy the best part about his advice is just like yeah, so what so wait for the stop Husband's been cheating on me with multiple women all right well so what grow? Some completely different someone lately different yeah, I like that death rattle in there, too It's like yeah brought to you by emphysema So you look forward to that Wow that's deep that is deep into the bowels

All right, Pat we hit a lot of the points here, but what else did you want to discuss? I'll just quickly say a couple of things Well, first of all, we start off with I mean even, even the introduction, the guy says, welcome our fellow lovers of love. And then he talks about they're going on an excursion through the stream of consciousness down the river of tranquility to fill the lake, to fill the lake of life. Like mention another body of water, first of all. Does that make any sense? I feel ripped off. Yeah, right? You feel like it met those expectations? No, I don't think it did, which is disappointing because whenever someone sets up their show, I'm like, well, this is going to happen. It wouldn't be lying.

It only takes a second if you play it. It sounds like this can't be real. Welcome our fellow lovers of love. And thank you for joining us on yet another excursion through the stream of consciousness down the river of tranquility to fill the lake of life with love. Who's Phil? Alright, is it 850? Yeah. What is this? What this basically is, is he's talking about, you know, we see the ditch diggergers labor But there's all the unseen work of mothers. Yes teachers were doing

But you don't see the work of the mother washing the dishes cleaning the walls Scrubbing the floors cleaning the walls Example what do Bob's do wash dishes clean walls? the blood of my victims I See that struck me as weird Yeah, they're cleaning the wise concept that the mother at home scrubbing walls and shit weird Oh, so it's it was a really dumb point. He was making there too because he's going yeah Moms are unappreciated because we don't see them washing the dishes or doing laundry like no's like no that you do. That's why you know that that's what they do because you see them do it. What do you mean? What are you talking about? And a lot of moms really including my own if you don't see them do it they'll tell you. Right. They'll make sure you know. 3202 a sleep-trained two-year-old. A sleep-trained two-year-old? There's a question about somebody had a question about their sleep-trained two-year-olds question about somebody had a question about their sleep-trained two-year-old sleep-trained two-year-old or if he's just sleep anywhere except her bed

they can't travel. Oh, well you over trained. I just have to say this is a stupid. I mean, again, you know, the kid will sleep. The kid will sleep. They have to. It's impossible not to. What does sleep train two year old mean? A two year old who has been sleep trained. I mean, I remember my sleep training. You know, it was rough, but I got through it. Yeah. The dress sergeants there yelling at your ear, get the sleep maggots. Relax. Don't drop it, give me six hours! Put on your night shirt, maggot! Sleep for six hours, that's great. I mean, two year olds sleep a lot, I think.

I think it's a trade-off. Wait until they're three and they start thinking disobedience is a joke. That's right, it's hairy. There's 5930. This is great. Somebody wrote in as a thirty nine year old virgin and wants to know The answer. Yeah, okay. Great. She had to add those because I didn't think we were gonna So we can do our questions. Yeah. Yeah, let's finish. All right

I'm thirty nine and I'm finally gonna lose my late virginity to my new neighbor tonight. She's 47 after I get off work and my anxiety is through the roof. Any suggestions? Okay, so it says he's 39. That's why I'm guessing it's a him. I mean, you talked about like, there's so many variables here. But first of all you're 39 you've never had sex It hasn't worked out. What are the chances your neighbor who just moved in? Oh, yes. This is the one You know I mean what a gift yeah, definitely fuck your neighbor my advice would be this you don't have to be anxious It's not gonna happen. You know the first 39 years in that but tonight's the same more Sounds like they have it planned you know tonight you know any

suggestions and his advice is brilliant here at 59 38 okay my advice is come on the tits that's always my advice pull out come on the tents but let's see what he says yeah and he's finally gonna lose his virginity to his new neighbor, his 47 year old female neighbor tonight after he got... Okay, here's the suggestion. Just enjoy it. You might want to let her know. She knows.

Let her know what? That you're fucking her Probably knows Just enjoy it How should I do sex I would enjoy it hate every minute go out of your way to make it terrible try to get through it That's kind of how they started their show. You're gonna try to get through with a lot of concentration You know and there's no concerns here. No, like, you know, she's next door, right? I mean Just I don't know man. Maybe proceed with I mean, you know, no profilette prophylactic talk, you know diseases

You know, who is this 47 year old who wants to pop your man cherry? Yeah, none of that stuff comes into but just enjoy it It's all good Yeah, none of that stuff comes into just enjoy it. It's all good She's 47. She'll just she'll just take over. She'll bear right? You'll you'll be fine. It's The hardest thing is that 39 is gonna be you've been anticipating this for 39 years 25 years will say Yeah, and that's a lot of buildup

Here's a suggestion you ever see something about Mary jerk off first Yeah, right. A couple of stamina. Yeah, he's probably he's probably got that part down though. Probably I would imagine by the way again, no follow up questions. This is my biggest problem with the show. If someone asked me for advice, I'm going to fuck my 47 year old neighbor. What's the cup size? These are important details we need to know before we could even figure out what the answer is. What does she she waiting if she 600 pounds? And by the way, what's wrong with you? Yeah

That's probably a better place to start Pat. Why are you a 39 year old virgin? What the fuck happened in your life? Yeah, are you writing into us just to flex right? Yeah, she's getting laid tonight. Yeah Guess who's getting laid tonight? Guess who's got two subs? He tells before he kisses even for Christ's sake. There's a similar wrap up kind of an answer here to one of the questions that you had. It's 10932. You got it. Bring me to Dom, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Well, have fun exploring. I Fun exploring Yeah, here's the thing in the modern roles you can literally just go to being an ass the AI

Hello man look it up. Maybe Wikipedia has an answer I don't fucking know. Let me know when you find out Please finish this bullfrog on the rocks there, you know, so I think he's getting a little loose lip Pretty sure it's just a pink lemonade, but he did and Google it is what he said go to Bing. Yeah Bing AI It'll give you an answer dude. This is recurring show potential right here. I Couldn't believe what I was watching. I don't like to say this often. Yeah, we're on a roll. We're on a roll right now Yes, it's incredible anything else from this show Pat

No, they accept to say they look like two sides of the same coin don't they I mean really they look related somehow Look like two sides of the same coin don't they I mean really they look related somehow On the radio in Sacramento from from what they said earlier. Yeah, 96.5 We get Keep forgetting her name lovey of course. She's lovey. She's like passing out by the end of the show Just falling over. I think the puppeteer just left Break as we back in five I'll be back. I gotta go on break, guys. I'll be back in five. I gotta get back to my coffin.

You go smoke a cigarette. All right. Well, that was fun, Pat. Thanks for watching that show with us. I appreciate it. And thanks to Urbata Patch for finding that. I don't know if these people are finding these shows lately because they have no following, and they're just fantastic. Yeah, it is amazing that they do that

It's amazing that people who can't talk and don't know how to have a conversation decide they want to be a talk show host It's crazy. We see it over and over over and over any times This is they can't talk and they don't have any ideas. They know nothing. They have no Qualifications and they're fucked have any ideas. They know nothing they have no qualifications And they're fucked up people if I could interview them my first question would be who inspired you yeah? You know who did you think was good? Why do you think you should give other people advice on how to live that would be the first question? I'd be the first second and third question. I would ask yeah Fucking real one more time seriously. Why do you think you can give anyone advice?

We get an eight minute answer about Star Wars Well, you see Ray and Star Wars you seen it. Yeah, I have moving on Tony muskrat came in with a new song parody. It's called Kate Meany stinks But I think that's a bit of a misdirect. If anyone is a fan of OP and Anthony and they remember Drew Boogie doing the Mimi Beardsley song, we have a fantastic parody here. Oh, Lisa Boswell, the shit I am. That's Lisa Boswell. Smoke him if you got him. Lisa Boswell, Lisa Boswell Donald Trump should be in jail If I wasn't a felon I would vote that fucker out

I'm not a retard I just had a stroke So I broke into hell season, stole some dresses That's why my wife and family left Wife and family left, that's why my wife and family left In the retard I just had a stroke So I broke into Hellseize and stole some dresses That's why my wife and family left Wife and family left That's why my wife and family left I'm gonna kill that bitch Oh, I wouldn't scratch your ass for fleas

Scratch your ass for fleas I wouldn't scratch your ass for fleas Scratch your ass for fleas Lisa Boswell You're goddamn right Lisa Boswell I'm so much Asperger's Slave It's Lisa Boswell You're goddamn right Lisa Boswell I'm so much better than Helga Fuck you Helga

She's that Trump beer landlord It's Lisa Boswell Lisa Boswell, oh Lisa Boswell Kate Meany smells like Lisa Boswell Dr. Steve stole my bitch Lisa Boswell I'm. Steve stole my face. Lisa Boswell. I'm a human Myrtle.

Lisa Boswell. Lisa Boswell. Lisa Boswell. So I was gonna say we need a stinger for that reality show. I'd be able to cut something out of that. To make a stinger for us. As the world's population grows, so does the need for resources like Potash to support sustainable food production. This is why BHP is building one of the world's most sustainable potash mines in Canada. Essential resources responsibly produced. This is what BHP has committed to Canada. The future is clear. It's

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from North America's number one sports book. Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Pat, have you met our friends, Lisa Boswell and Helga Mann yet from that reality show? I have not. Oh boy.

I'm excited to introduce you to first off, Lisa Boswell, my favorite elderly trans person on the planet. Helga, I cannot even hear you. Can you believe that? Yeah, I know here You I think you've got a cold on top of whatever whatever the hell's happening with your with your sciatica I think that's why you can't hear me. Why are such misery? Whatever you said I grew Which one's the man okay, so how good they're both trans women. How come man is the one on the left? Who's not pulling it off

Lisa Boswell is the human Muppet on the right who is my favorite youtuber of all time And I apologize to to critical and Kaia and all the other youtubers out there. Sorry This is my favorite youtuber all time and bumped. Yes, you have been bumped and so I just love that phrase Whatever you say, I agree with that. Whatever you just said, I agree. Can you believe that? I love that. Okay. So Lisa is going through it right now. She's having a hard time. She was in really bad shape the day before this. And she explains how bad it was. And prayer does work. You would have flipped out yesterday.

My wife would go, like Nelson. I couldn't even smoke pot yesterday. It was bad. That's bad. It's bad. That's bad. Okay.

So here's the backstory. We're learning more and more each episode I watch of the show, because they're starting to get an audience now, they're revealing more and more. They went from like 30 subs to a thousand in the last week or so. They're blowing up, they're recognizing it. And nobody knows why.

Yeah, no, I think we know why. And so it turns out Lisa Boswell was a man who was breaking into homes and stealing panties and jerking off with them and then was sent to prison. Spent some time in prison, got out of prison even though he wasn't supposed to. Somehow he was able to get out and then was homeless and transitioned into a woman while homeless. He hasn't seen his family since he went to prison. And so now he's reminiscing about I guess the flights they would get in with you know him and his wife at that time. The reason I said that about my wife. I have not seen my wife in 25 years. 25 years.

Every time I couldn't smoke pot, you go, ah, that's kind of cruel. Don't you think? Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. Okay. So that Helga who, by't you think? Yeah, okay, so that Helga who by the way, I'm what are we gonna present for you today? Helga annoys the shit out of me because Helga is a one-upper on all things no matter what Lisa says Helga's done it better more This is Nancy Redhead, you know what he Depends on the day so this is Helga talking about Lisa's history

With her wife. She was your producer, wasn't she? Yeah, for a while. Yeah, and you decided that she looked like she'd be fun to fuck didn't you? Yeah, bro. Wow. Yeah We got married and then you had three kids two more two more he had two more kids for a while i had five all together yeah wow do you see the chemistry these two have that? Oh, yeah, they do have great chemistry. You listen to two of them talk It's like it's like the bus station and convenient podcast form. Yes It's almost like beavers and butthead having just like sit there in silence for a while

And then one of them will say something and then I would wait a minute and then say something back You gotta let it breathe. Yeah, it's very impressive a lot of these youtubers They just feel like you gotta fill the void with talking Not these two. Oh, yeah Shit you ain't So they intentionally put that old-fashioned typewriter back there too, so, you know, they prepped that folding table in between them They're not doing great. Let's put it that way. Right? That's stuck to the floor. It's not moving. They've fallen at hard times. I mean, Lisa was homeless

until and I found this out too. This is new news. Lisa does live with Helga. She does live in the house and she was homeless until Helga convinced her to move up to Connecticut and live with her. So that's why she hasn't paid taxes in 25 years. And that explains a lot. But you see Lisa's outfit, it's very revealing. Revealing outfit. And I had to give Helga props on this statement. You know, I have nightmares about the outfit that you're wearing. That you're wearing. I have nightmares about objects like what you're wearing today.

Yeah, me too. I had one last night. Suddenly I'm going. Yes. So this is an example what I was talking about. So Lisa has like sciatica. She couldn't walk. She was having all these problems.

She has a cold on top of that. She couldn't smoke pot. You heard all of that and Lisa's explaining how tough things are going for her. And of course Helga has to fucking one up. Yeah, I'm so sorry. This is the worst I have ever felt in my life. The worst I have ever felt the worst is as my daughter would say, the worst is I've ever felt. Yeah. You felt,

you feel like the wicked witch of the east after the house fell on her Yeah Yeah, I get that I felt like I felt like that. Yeah, if I came to you Chris, I'm like dude I'm in a bad way man. I've this past week has been the worst you're like I've had bad weeks, too Okay. Well, thanks. Thanks for that asshole. Yeah, by the way compare me to an a witch character Yeah, what'd you feel like an ugly monster Actually, yeah, thanks. I try to make a Star Wars reference for you And it finally got his come up

You look did you feel like a creature from the movie Labyrinth? What did you feel like? It's like that's very rude I mean you're looking right at me. All right. So to start off today's episode. So this morning, I wake up to messages from my buddy Vinny Paulino, all excited about the episode they put out today. It is trippy AF. And I'm happy to report that Helga is still bringing us up. Helga is watching the show. And he's enjoying it. Yeah, we they had us on.

Who are those podcasts again? Close enough. Yeah, they had a caricature. I absolutely loved. I got to get a copy of it. And I got the they had a caricature of it that I just loved. It was one of the best characters anybody's ever done of us I mean it's it was beautiful and This guy I love those guys

Yeah, no first off. Let's talk about the flex that just happened here So I'm the one who put in Troy Smith's caricature overlay so you can see what she's he's talking about So you can see what she's he's talking about Helga says it's one of the best caricatures anyone's ever done of us. It's probably the only one I'm guessing I would get I don't think there's a lot of people sketching you to right Imagine those two at the amusement park Yeah, it's already exaggerated. So you like go-kart we can't do anything with this It's already too much Didn't even say the best, but it's up there

top five for sure And then dude, I'm blown away by this now. They're talking about stuttering John How quick do people get into the fucking devil verse around here? It's crazy and Yeah stuttering John is devil verse around here it's crazy and uh yeah stutter and john is he did he did a good one yesterday what he did a good one i mean you know they pick they pick they pick some pretty good they pick up some pretty good strange they pick out some pretty good pretty strange stuff So how good is just watching all of the WTP YouTube channel, which is great I always like getting new viewers and fans to the show. It's fantastic. Appreciate that Now I've if I have to review everyone show in order to get another fan

That's gonna be tough. But what I would source And as you can see, it's always a smart idea to wear a green dress for the Using a green screen. You notice that. So they have this weird trippy fractal design pattern thing going on behind them and at least a bottle of it's had to wear a green dress. So every now and again, she's just a head with arms. Oh, it's just fun.

It's pretty close. Pretty good. So again, because Helga has to one up on everything. Listen to this brag. I mean, it's unusual that I find very many people to share my opinion of Howard Stern. All right. Appreciate that. I've been watching, listening to Howard Stern since 1977. Howard Stern since 1977. All right. When he was a DJ on WCCCFM in Hartford. All right, you've been listening to Howard Stern

longer than all of us. You win again, Helga. Can't say I knew about him in 1977, that's for sure. And so is he saying that he and John have the same opinion of Howard Stern? Oh, that's it. You know what, I was confused there because we put out videos about Howard Stern recently, right?

And so I thought Helga was talking about us, but it could have been John. Yeah. Oh, okay. I get it Maybe I maybe who knows the hairdo with those The Mary Ann look, you know the classic ginger versus Mary Ann situation Oh God. Present day. Since you brought that up, I was looking at this. HelgaXman.com I was looking at this on the Drew Lane show yesterday.

Their website. Look at this. So that's the photo they use of Helga Man. Yep. That's the person we're looking at. Look at Lisa Boswell. What? What? Nope.

Not even close. I would love to date that and hear it speak like it does now. I was trying to think of something Herman Munster would say. I couldn't even think of anything. Darn, darn, darn, darn. It's the W-A-T-P-9. Yeah, right. That's a review girl right there. Are you kidding me?

So... Jeez. I have to say, so Huggum Man says I've been listening to Howard Stern since 1977, which is longer than anyone. But then, kind of proves that he's full of shit when he says this. And, uh, he hasn't changed a bit since 1977. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. The fuck are you talking about? Even Howard Stern would tell you he's changed a ton. That's kind of his whole thing is that he's evolving and he goes to therapy and he evolves and he's no longer the guy he used to be. That's why we don't listen to him anymore

because he sucks. Right. Well, in a sense sense has anybody changed ever you know, that's the only sense in which he hasn't changed, you know He still has the same name and uh, you know He's generally the same set of genetic traits. He still has the same job He's still on the radio doing a radio show. So something's never changed. I suppose all right so So something's never changed, I suppose. All right. So now Lisa is going to react because Lisa's looking at the monitor. Lisa stares at the monitor stairs that are herself the whole show, which is fun. And so Lisa is seeing this trippy background that's going on

and reacting to it. This thing really trips me out. Yeah, cool. By the way, they don't have mother microphones. I'm cranking the audio on this because these idiots always forget to bring their fucking microphones over and talking to microphones. I was wondering they had microphones in first clip and now it was like you went wireless. Wow. No, no, they just they put their microphones to the side sit down start doing a show and they

never realize and they never they can't hear each other put on headphones that way you'll know whether or not you're talking to a microphone you're able to hear each other i'm just saying pretty basic shit but okay again uh so lisa says pretty trippy shit and then helga once again has to prove how smart he is a fractal that's a mathematical equation graphed using imaginary and irrational numbers i'm not sure if that's true a fractal uses imaginary and irrational numbers. I'm not sure if that's true. A fractal uses imaginary and irrational numbers? I'd have to ask a mathematician about that.

I believe that Helga read that somewhere. Dear Stutcho. No, you know what we should ask? We should ask the fine folks over at Late Night Love. How fractals work. That'd be a fun question. I've been with my girlfriend for eight months. I've been with my girlfriend for eight months. She wants to move in. I'm not ready yet.

What are fractals? Just enjoy the fractals. Yeah, just enjoy fractals. What else do you need from us? Okay, this is how we start to learn about, uh, Lisa's transition. Like I was telling you guys, I've learned a lot about Lisa. You know, I didn't get a chance to tell you this, but that's the thing about me. I never got a chance to,

to the transition to do it the way everybody else does. Yeah. Because I was homeless for six years. Yeah. While you were transitioning. Yeah, I was. That's a horrible way to transition.

I would have transitioned into a home first. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, transition into an employee of someone. Right. Transition to somebody who earns money for a living. You know what I mean? Yeah, transition into an employee of someone. Right! Transition into somebody who earns money for a living. This person's just like, well I'm on the street begging for money. What can I do differently? Oh, I'll be a girl on the street begging for money! There we go! Eureka!

Transition into an ex-drug addict. Yes. Or whatever, man. Wow. Yeah, it's hard to get a good transition surgery when you when you're a bottom surgery for the homeless is a big problem Yeah, I know. Why are we funding this Biden? Fuck is your problem? Priorities yes, he's always worried about the border. Yeah, we want to close up the border. We want to read that no Joe We need bottom surgery for homeless

So even reading my letters I said that We want to close up the border. We want to put that. No, Joe, we need bottom surgery for homeless. So even reading my letters, I said that. All right. So then this is Helga realizing that Lisa's dress keeps disappearing. And again, makes it about him. Your dress keeps disappearing. Your dress keeps disappearing. Your dress keeps disappearing. Yeah, I knew it. I knew it disappeared on green, but I didn't know this color green.

Any green. If it's green, it disappears. And I don't own any green clothing. I wore green every day for two years Amazing I don't sit your asses at you today. I had an itchy ass in 82 Green every day for two years more on that maybe St. Patrick's Day was over after one day, right? We kept okay. Well, whatever to each their own night Hogan starts bragging about being in the newspaper in Seattle and

August constantly talking about all of his accomplishments in music and domestic terrorism these are the things that I'm like to talk about a lot. And so thankfully, Lisa interrupts. But then the conversation gets very gross and creepy. I owned the front page of the Seattle newspaper for four days. Because we're, yeah, I was doing interesting things. You know, doing, I mean, they have a shot, they had I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not, no, you need a little bit of support. I know that you need a little bit of support there. Mine goes sideways. I don't wear a bra runs in the family. Makes me perp makes me perp. You don't go sideways. You put a bra on, you get, you get, you get nice looking cleavage Oh god, can we stop talking about Lisa Boswell's cleavage, please?

I don't want to give you guys know do you do your your thing? But let's boob talk in future episodes. I say bad tits run in the family You talk about your mom or your dad? Good question. These people transition. They're like, yeah, it's genetic. Well, no, I mean, it's a search. Okay. Whatever. If you slow and apparently they heard you, they got their mics now. Yeah. So they, and it's so weird. Cause I was in the comments that one episode, they never pulled their mics up the entire time.

And then annoys me because then I have to do more when I edit the show to get it ready for it. So I put in the comment section hey don't forget to use your mics ladies and Helga responded to me directly and then ever since then she's like we get yelled at if we don't use our mics I wasn't yelling at you just reminding you the microphones work really well when you're hosting a show you want to talk into it that's why it's there I'm talking into a void even a regular comment seems like a yo, I guess so. Yeah, apparently They have no idea what our reddit looks like if they think that's what yellow is so

Again, Lisa hasn't been able to walk lately because of her sciatica And so she's talking about how she's just got to get over it and listen to the one upper That Helga has for this one. This is insane. I said, I got to get over this. I just fucking got to get over this. I got up and started walking around the room. That's what you have to do. You have to move around. You have to be happy, but you know. I've recovered from a broken neck twice. Jesus. What? I've recovered from a broken neck twice. Um.

I guess I'll stop complaining. Yeah. Okay. You've been paralyzed twice? Alright, cool. I just want Lisa to break his neck the third time. Oh Jesus. Yeah, perfectly good bottle of Sarsaparilla there just whack him in the head with it God, how do you think so Pat? You're just laying eyes on Helga man for the first time. How do you think Helga man is? Would you guess?

64 okay Turning 78 in a couple of weeks. Well, she looks amazing. She does, yes. I think that's... Pat, she's single. That's my boy. Well, L.A. I don't even know if that's true.

I did get Helga's book. I should have brought it down here to show everyone. The Red Book, R-E-A-D. Yeah, the little red book. Yes. Adam Thoreau bought it for me and sent it in the mail. So thank you, Adam. For that, I started reading some of it. Yes. Adam Thoreau bought it for me and sent it in the mail. So thank you Adam for that. I started reading some of it. Jesus. Helga is just bragging, bragging, bragging is fucking nonstop. It's so ridiculous. And so they talk about now that they're famous,

they want to let everyone know about their lives. One of these days we'll tell our lives story. Not anytime soon, but one of these days we will. Well, I'm writing a book called Becoming Helga. I'm going to be for the people on Patreon and when I get the channel set up for iHeartRadio, I'm going to be reading I'm going to be reading the manuscript of becoming Helga. I've got the thing almost ready to publish. And I'm trying to edit it down from over a thousand pages. Helga, no one cares about your life. I can't stress this enough. We all love Lisa.

We don't care about you. You're too braggadocious. You're annoying. And you wrote an autobiography that's a thousand pages. Hell goes on the cover of a newspaper for four days. Own the cover. That's right. In 1970. I forgot. You know what? Four. Wow. I mean, a thousand pages is a lot. It's too much, I would say. Like Abe Lincoln's biography is at a thousand pages is a lot. It's too much. I would say like Abe Lincoln's Biography is at a thousand pages that guy accomplished a couple things. Yeah, right. It just seems like too much

So I just placed Lisa. Oh Neil the hippie from the young ones four years Right, how did I miss that? You always start to interrupt. I know what you're calling me. It's important to stare at Lisa for a very long time because there's a lot going on.

Yeah, there's a lot going on. Goddamn psychedelic, really. For sure. So now, because they're famous, they're gonna gonna explain Can I ask a quick question? scissors hanging from the ceiling The reason for that is at one point Lisa's looking at the monitor and there's a just this bungee cable like hanging down and he's like hey, okay What's that?

Instead of just pointing to where it is. She's pointing at the monitor where she can see it. What's that? Instead of just pointing to where it is she's pointing at the monitor where she can see it What's that and how good goes? That's a bungee cord. I mean we can hang something from it if you want here I'll put some scissors on it There you go That'll make it safe some set design right there good stuff So now that they're famous We got to learn all about them and And where can we learn about them? If you join, you get a mailing address.

So that talking about their Patreon, I guess I thought how it was imagine that. So talking about the Patreon, what do you get when you join the Patreon? If you join, you get a mailing address so that you can you can send send send mail to us. Hold on a second. I've never heard of this before. If you give us money, I'll give you the opportunity to also send me gifts. Yeah, to our mailing. I mean, female email address. Right. And we can send stuff to you. We like to take our hats off to you people out there. Saw us long, long ago.

Before we were famous. Before we were famous. This is amazing. I love you Lisa. I love you so much. I want to take my hat off to use us before we're famous Yo geez People that people have followed us from Facebook Because we did an hour show

Daily on Facebook before we came on to youtube. Yeah, no one knows that okay I have one more clip out here because they're just children playing with their background You notice it now in space and before it was the psychedelic stuff So this is just I mean we're talking about 78 and 68 year old trans women Who this is what a seven-year-old would do if they were doing a YouTube show bullshit Yeah, oh yeah the bottom one on the far left. Oh, this one. Yeah, you won't go out in space for a while. Pigs in space.

The irony is that the Muppet didn't say that. Yeah, you're right. We killed pigs in space. Love those two ladies. They are, they're killing it. Pat, we'll have to watch them again someday. Maybe at Hackamania. I would love that.

Yeah, we can check it on them. All right, let's hit this real quick. And then we're back with some more exciting stuff. You've probably heard me talk about Magic Mind before. This is a daily productivity shot that both sharpens your mind and improves your mood. I've been drinking these every day for over a year now because it works. The combination of high quality ingredients is unique to Magic Mind. One of those ingredients is lion's mane, which is an edible mushroom that's been studied for treating depression, anxiety, even Alzheimer's disease. Dr. Steve and I, we were hanging out in Largo. We were talking a lot about different edible mushrooms, lion's mane especially, because

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and not get charged another penny. Use the promo code WATPLT Trial and visit magicmind.co slash WATPLT trial that's WATPLT trial for a three pack of Magic Mind you won't regret it. And with that now Pat I know that your brand of comedy can get political from time to time. Occasionally. Occasionally and you have some good

takes on things I enjoy your stand up quite a bit. Well, there's another comedian Who has a political slant to their comedy, you know? It's no different than you know, police officer running to the scene of a crime or a firefighter running into a burning building It's what I do Tom Myers does Tom Myers versus the rest of the world and he starts off every podcast episode with a monologue and he really does think he's Bill Maher. I think you're going to get a kick out of some of these jokes, but even more so than the jokes, the reactions he gets from his co-hosts are fantastic.

Jeff Heisen is back on the show for this one. Jeff Heisen is like this 80 year old guy who's an attorney but tries his hand at stand up from time to time. That's always fun. Nice more hobbyists. Yes. So we start off with with this joke. I think you're going to enjoy it. Hello, and welcome to Tom Myers versus the rest of the world. A lot's going on. Joe Biden received a major endorsement in

his reelection campaign from the Kennedy family. They endorsed him over their own relative, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. It has to sting for RFK Jr. to not receive the endorsement of his family. It probably would have been even worse if the Kennedy family had made the endorsement in a hotel kitchen. Oh, oh, oh. That reaction says it all, doesn't it? Jeff Heisen was actually alive when RFK senior was murdered. So he's just like, oh, too soon. I mean, come on, it was 56 years ago.

That's where you have it. But can you believe that's where he went with that joke? Yes, not very good. Great. I think you. I'm sorry. But can you believe that's where he went with that joke? Yes. It's not very good. Uh. Not great. I think you're going to like this next one because this really sticks to the

Republicans. Gives them what they deserve. Two congressmen, Mike Gallagher of Wisconsin and Jake La Turner of Kansas announced they will not seek reelection of their seats. That makes twenty-one House Republicans to date who are not seeking reelection for various reasons including some committee chairpersons I suppose

that saves them the trouble of whether or not they will die in the mass suicide pact that Republicans will undertake should Trump lose again in November He's fucking ponderous man. Ponderous fucking ponderous. Perfectly phrased. That's what I mean. His word economy is brutal. And actually this next joke is a perfect example of that. It's almost like he's trying to inform us rather than just it's a monologue.

I'm just tell the joke. You don't have to give us all the background on it. Donald Trump is now on trial for his election interference case when he paid two women with just it's a monologue time. Just tell the joke. You don't have to give us all the background on it. Donald Trump is now on trial for his election interference case when he paid two women with whom he had an affair to keep quiet so wouldn't ruin his chances of winning the presidency in 2016. It's the first criminal trial of a sitting president and Trump has been making statements throughout the trial outside the courtroom, including among other things that the courtroom is freezing

The courtroom is supposed to be chilly that way it keeps all the unprocessed McDonald's food. That's still lodged in his cold and fresh Trump is a trial right now where he's doing this thing and there's all these people and it's unprecedented This other thing is happening He's cold Literally we all know that Trump's on trial and you know that we all know about this especially anyone listening to Tom show you just say Trump's complaining. It's really cold in the courtroom It's not a joke, but if you started there, I'd probably give it more of a pass sure Never it's you know when you're editing jokes, there's hardly ever such a clean slice you can make

And it's what's crazy too, because Tom reacts to us. In fact, I've been meaning to talk about this. I haven't Tom, someone posted in our subreddit, Tom reacted to us calling me a simp or something. Something they're like, do you know what simp means? Obviously not. It's so stupid. So Tom is familiar with this. He goes in my comment section and calls me out when we post these videos of him. You would think he would listen and learn a little bit like word Academy. We talk about this every time with you, Tom, figure it out. You're writing jokes incorrectly. It's just doing a comedy coach and something like that.

You know what I mean? I would do it. I'll gladly do it for, you know, $500 an hour. Okay. There you go. And show you how to make these jokes not terrible. So bust some extra tables next week and you could pay Pat his consultant fee to help you with this. All right. This joke is so bad. Even his biggest cheerleader, Jeff Heisen,

listen to the reaction he gets from this. News reports say that during the trial, Trump was fixated on a closed caption image of himself watching the closed caption screen during the trial, which is quite fitting because just like a moth against a light bulb, Trump was repeatedly banging his head against that screen. bulb. Trump was repeatedly banging his head against that screen. It wouldn't be better if his mic was turned off, Tom. The fuck was that joke? I don't even get it. I don't get it at all. There's not a joke there.

No, I mean, some sort of concept premise that you could maybe write a joke about, but that's not a joke. I don't. We had Pat Oates. Pat Oates that's not a joke. I don't. We had a different joke. Pat Oates was out here recently and I love Pat. Every joke that I played to top buyers, he tried to rewrite. He's like, OK, here's how you make this funny. Like explain like how to do it. Give example.

Yeah, you got to give it. You got to set the premise and give an example. It's like I like the pandemic is just like, yeah, I mean, I don't know. Maybe there could be a joke, but what the fuck? You can't fix that one. I think when you're bringing up moths, Things just like yeah, I mean, I don't know there maybe there could be a joke but what the fuck Would you bring it up moths I mean that that's where it doesn't make it easy you're staring at yourself your own thing. Yeah Okay, you start from there write a joke about that, you know

Yeah, just like a moth he's banging his head against that screen. What? Or as I find it would say, oh, so then Kristi Noem is in the news because Kristi Noem wrote a book recently talking about shooting her puppy in the head. And surely he has a joke about that. That's decent. Right. I mean, there's a lot of places you could go with that story. South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem is facing backlash after she wrote that she killed her kid's dog because it wasn't behaving. I think they should put up a statue of Kristi Noem under the condition that they allow dogs

to take a dump on it. And as a penance, Kristi Noem is the only one who should have to clean it up I mean it's unbelievable first of all dogs don't projectile shit, right? It's unbelievable It's I can't think of a worse joke you can come up with with that premise There's so many things you can come up with for that. I almost think yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, tons of others, but just to focus on how bad what he wrote is Yeah, it's like somebody probably said piss on it right and he's like now I'm gonna get shit on it a poop on it or what you know what I mean like he had to up it try to

Make it worse, but it doesn't work. That's a good point right a More sense, but then you have to clean up the piss so he's like yeah, I can't use that It's gotta be there. They're winding up, and they're shitting across the way Yeah, all right. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's man's best friend, you know, there's all kinds of just right out everything You know about dogs, you know everything that comes to mind. Oh you charge for this pat Start to give it away for free the golden goose right now What do you a taste?

Wait under there know about dogs you say interesting interesting For him I'm not Pat Oates. Well when they shit it goes 18 yards across the room. What else I know about dogs All right, so this is This is a doozy because This is even how words work. Tucker Carlson said in an interview that the theory of evolution has been disproven, a conclusion he reached when he looked in the mirror every morning.

A conclusion he reached when he looked in the mirror every morning. So you can't reach a conclusion by looking at yourself every morning. Yeah. There'd be an instance that you would reach a conclusion. No, you need to repeatedly in there or something daily. And the conclusion it comes to daily when he looks in the mirror each morning, it might be the most confounding tom miers joke I've ever heard. Yeah, it's really stupid The reason he added every morning is because when he gets to mirror it doesn't sound like a joke

Ah, you're right. I said that exaggeration thing every morning. Yeah So now I get it to make it sound like a cat because otherwise it sounds like he may be being figurative Like he got that from looking in the mirror But I mean, I guess he could say it that way. It's like what I just said sounded funnier than what he said, right? That's correct. Also, and this is getting a little technical but Tucker Carlson's not a guy who looks like he didn't evolve from apes It's just kind of a normal-looking dude. He's got a TV most of his life apes. It's just kind of a normal looking dude. He's got TV most of his life. You don't put people like me on TV for good reason. You know, so there's nothing chimp like ape like or anything. Nothing there. So yeah, you're right. It doesn't make much sense. And then

he follows it up and I want you to know, and I always explain this, I'm not taking anything out of context. I'm not pulling clips. This is joke, joke, joke, joke. All I do is just play you all the jokes from his monologue. This is the exact joke he goes into after that. Speaking of Alex Jones, he came out and said that the I will eat your ass meme he posted was a joke. He didn't really mean it. Just when I thought he finally found a way to get me to be a subscriber. He goes, Tucker Carlson looked in the mirror every day. Speaking of Alex Jones.

So they're the same person in your mind. Okay. Speaking of dumb apes, Alex Jones. There you go. See? You can't help yourself, can you? You kind of punch it up. You're like, ah, you're close.

Wait, what did he say? It's so easy. It's so easy. So easy to make it better. This guy really wants his salad tossed by Alex Jones Yeah, that's a good question, too. That also didn't make any sense to me He goes yeah, you know Alex Jones said I will eat your ass with a joke. Yeah, no, we all knew that It's a joke that's tier two for tier two

All right, so then after the monologue ends one of my favorite parts of his show is when he talks to the panel and he always starts off with that really awkward question. Now the worst thing you can do, Pat, I'll give you a little lesson on broadcasting since I'm so amazing at it is when you're talking to a group of people on a show, you never ask a question like, how's everyone doing? Because there's really no good answer to that. No one knows who's supposed to talk or what they're supposed to say. Yeah. You gotta be a little bit more direct, but Tom, every fucking time I keep telling him this, he doesn't listen. He goes, how's everyone doing? And every time

Jeff Heisen comes in with what he thinks is his joke. So he writes a joke before every show and so listen for this one. And on that note, all with the show, please join me in welcoming Jeff Heisen, Gina Brown and polite kitty. Hey Tom. Everyone welcome back. What's everyone been up to lately? Tom, a lot of people have held you in contempt, but not in the way Trump was held in contempt.

Right? but not in the way Trump was held in contempt, right? Well, I mean, I like Trump. I too don't have enough money to pay those fines that he's so that's, that's, that's a very fitting analogy, Jeff. Thank you. Oh my gosh. This is so bad. I did all of that out time. That thing where Jeff tried to make a joke and it wasn't funny and you didn't know how to react to it

and then people were awkwardly laughing. Cut all of that out. And stop asking people what's going on. Yeah, what have you been up to? That was kind of a big news joke for Christ's sake. But yeah, I mean, yeah. Not legally in contempt. You're just a contemptible person.

Something. At least. You know, that's, and that's a first draft. Yeah. That's right, at least. You know, that's the first draft. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, we still gotta punch that up. You are kind of waiting for the next thing when he goes, but not in the same way Trump was held in contempt. Blah. Yeah, right. Where's that example? Yes. As Pat Oates said, set it up as that and then here's the crazy example or the thing that makes it just say you're funny all right last clip I have from this because as you heard he goes what are you guys been up to and

The one woman on here she gets cut off right away is a child This is what a child would say. It's been a good week for me. No seizures for me. Yay Seizure free since March 11th Awesome, Very good. Dina or Polita, are you dog owners? So he wants to switch it over to Kristi Noemtok immediately, but she goes, yeah, you know what? I've had a good week. I didn't have any seizures this week. All right. Well, keep that to yourself. That sounds like a personal thing.

Not many seizures? Yeah. She hasn't had a seizure since March 9th, whatever she's done. What the fuck? These are children pretending to be doing a show. Congratulations. They're adults. Yeah, congratulations. Wow.

Me neither. Yeah. Now that you mention it. Now that you mention it. I haven't been praying about that enough, actually. I don't know what's wrong with me. No seizures. So stupid.

All right. Pat, we have to get into what happened with Stuttering John last night. Okay. But before we talk about John's Big Tonight Show reunion party at the bar, this is fantastic. This came from Cowardly Dabbling in our subreddit. This is Duke of the Dabble verse. This shit weighs numbers of falling. And guess what?

Mine are increasing. Why do you think? Because I'm the goat. I'm the Duke of the Dabbleverse. You all must report on me. I'm the talented one. I'm the funny one. The biggest douche of the universe.

You guys are not. In all the galaxies, there's no bigger douche than you You reach the top the pinnacle of douche dumb Good going douche Your dreams have come true My world Hey, what's going on? This is cowardly dabb. Be sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven't already cause subscribing makes you feel good. Well done cowardly dabbling definitely check that out. The douche of the dabble-er see something. He really is he

Has this weird air to him. He's just like I'm the most important guy. Yeah, cuz you're the one we're all laughing at John How does that make you better than us? Why do you think that? it's like I would keep that to yourself like everyone's paying attention to me Yeah, not in a good way because of exactly what you're doing right the fuck now I know John a lot of people hold you in contempt John never learn please yeah, I know he never will he never will so last night. He had his big party He had all of his former Colleagues over to the bar to hang out he was paying for hors d'oeuvres and he also he advertised this

banners He's like I paid for banners and Keychains and keychains so check out this is what the I want to thank Dave. Sarah was there last night and the poop on Perry was there last night sharing some of this stuff with us. So this is an example of the banner that he got. So you can see it's just a photo of all of them, probably on their last day on the Tonight Show.

This is what he calls a banner. Pretty good stuff. But my favorite is, he says, I got keychains for everyone. And the keychains didn't show up. And of course, John doesn't say, my bad, I didn't order them in time, or I fucked it up. John says, FedEx fucked it up, because he didn't have them.

So instead, he has on the wall, it says, sign name, put address, so I can send you a key chain. FedEx screwed up John Malanda's. That's the handwritten sign on the wall, on the notebook paper, and then underneath is where you can sign your name and address. And what's great about this,

someone actually put my name and address on there. So I'm hoping that we do get one of these keychains That's hilarious. Yes, that's fantastic You think you think John when he's sending these keychains out never he might notice that you know it's it's hard to say It's hard to say if you know Carl was a terrible Hey, it's hard to say if you'll know or not. Carl wasn't there. Carl, I didn't even see you. Why didn't you come and say hi? Trying to get a free key chain.

Yeah. So he sprung for key chains or dervs and signage like this. Yep. And that killer banner. Well. That didn't cover up the backdrop of the place they're at. What's amazing is how many people, how many dabblers showed up to this event.

Because he made it very public. He was on Facebook. He was inviting everyone to come to this thing. They knew exactly what the venue was, what time it was. So like I said, Dave Sarah was there. I was messaging with him last night. Tukey was covering this last night on Tukey Soup. And so we're all watching this stuff in real time.

And people are fucking with him at the venue. This is in the bathroom sink. There's a photo of John and Rocco from the famous says your son never queef in your face question. It's also right up there behind the urinal for John to see. Who could forget? He goes to the bathroom. That's right there at eye level.

Yeah. For John, that is eye level. Yeah for John that is eye-level Yes, so the poop on Perry is it was posting these in the bathroom now What I'm not gonna do is I'm not gonna play video of John just having conversations with people He's out in public, but that's not what we really do here Obviously we review podcasts and if someone puts something online then we'll review it so I don't want to get into that however I think that when you jump up on stage and sing a song with the band I think that's probably fair game because you ought to be seen and he sees everyone filming him and he loves it so we're definitely gonna look at that but I want to point out this is

gonna be a giant W for John I don't know if he's come on his show yet to talk about this but he had 50 or more people show up for it. And so everyone was there having fun mixing it up, having conversations, but this is the reporting I received. Well, he sold 50 tickets. Well, there's no tickets to be sold. Just just meet us. We're all be hanging out. They just came there. They 50 people came and got free hors d'oeuvres and key chains. Yeah. People who used to work together on the tonight show 10 years ago. None of the celebrities or comedians he invited showed up. I guess Gabriel Iglesias, Alonzo Bowden, Jay Leno, none of these people showed up. John claimed there were going to be bouncers. There were no bouncers or anything like that. And the funny thing is that one waitress was overheard

early on saying, yeah, he said it would be 20, 50, or 100 people. So what am I supposed to do with that? So John gave the bar a heads up that, hey, I'm having this big event here. And didn't give them any heads up. Zero to 100. Had no idea people were actually going to show up or anything like that.

So this is, John gets up on stage. So he says there's an acoustic band playing. So it's a three piece guitar, bass and drums. And John gets up to sing a little roadhouse booze with them. Now this is a different angle than what Tukey was showing last night. So I think I have a different video on it. You said Kevin Brennan was showing this on MLC today. He mentioned it. He and Liam, I think we're talking about it. Oh, okay. Great. So yeah, this is This is him singing with the band. This is so douchey. Also, I thought John said he lost a lot of weight He's been talking about how he lost all this weight since Atlantic City. I don't think the weight came out of my arms

I don't know where the weight left. And he's wearing the same sports coat as the one he was wearing in Atlantic City too, that's the one he has. He's wasted. He's holding a beer. He's wasted his life. He's holding a beer. You could tell he is so drunk. And listen, John, you had a successful event. People showed up. life. He's holding a beer. You could tell he is so drunk. And listen, John, you had a successful event, people showed up. All you have to do is just act normal. Just hang out with

everyone, catch up with people. But no, he has to make himself the center of attention all the time. He's the big celebrity that everyone's there to see. He's not feeling any pain, that's for's for sure also this song might be out of his range He's performing it like I imagine Jim Morrison performed in a lot of nights actually Someone had a choke on Tiki Soup last night like even Jim Morrison be like this guy's drunk This guy's got a drinking problem That's the joke. He thinks he's so entertaining. ["Bad Girl Rowan House"] ["Bad Girl Rowan House"] ["Bad Girl Rowan House"]

["Bad Girl Rowan House"] Got some what? Ugh. ["Bad Girl Rowan House"] ["Bad Girl Rowan House"] ["Bad Girl Rowan House"] This guy brags about having an Atlantic Records contract. This fucking guy sang in a band that was signed to a major label, and he brags about it as

if it had nothing to do with him working for Howard Stern. John, it had everything to do with you working for Howard Stern. You're terrible. Like an old town struggle Let her up, baby, let her up Let her up, baby, let her up Let her up, baby, let her up Let her up All night long, baby Come on, play the music

Let it go He thinks he's so funny Yeah This would be embarrassing at a wedding. Yeah, this is a very exciting three Look it as soon as they zoom out you can see that everyone in front of the stage just kind of mingling and talking It's not a concert when this is gonna be over John's I feel like he's performing a concert for these people like he invited all these people to come watch him perform Yeah, it's all it's all been building to this man. It's just a reunion Oh, yeah, and I guarantee in his wet brain

He killed it and we're gonna see I think coming up we'll call and respond to some very funny comments coming in Radish says how what was the mic afterwards? There's some very funny comments coming in radish says how what was the mic afterwards? I went where all these panties out there have to as wet as my brain Dean Marrone number three months Has any chance of a comeback died on that stage? No shit This is so embarrassing All right, let's get to the breakdown. That's when things get interesting Let's get to the breakdown. That's when things get interesting We get panning this the audience right now like so I'd say a third of the people are paying attention to what's going on

This is insane right here I heard them pointing this out on Tookie Soup last night, but John starts making Howard Stern references. This is the 10 year anniversary of the last show of the Tonight Show, which is actually in February, but whatever and listen to what he's singing right here. Baba Bui, Tata Toothy. We all love J, but he ain't here. Is what he just said. The Baba Booey. But we still love him that's okay all right

That's embarrassing cringe of the week. Yeah, really it is a real snub for Leno not to be Thought he was a man of the people to imagine is great. Yeah, I thought we were friends Cheese case ideas, That's great. Thanks One point John was frank about he's got cheese case ideas coming out Chicken was a bridge too far. I go I went for the protein. I I signed you a list out front. Yeah Yeah, he came with the teaching. Oh, that was the only thing they were speculating on The reason why would you keep change lots of fucking key chain who owns a thousand cars? J-le-o good idea bunch of key change

Come down I'll be singing karaoke love key chains as a banner Would you write your address for a key chain? I mean Yes, make sure you send it oh and the only when you give John any personal information he only weaponizes that so wait till one of these people doesn't do his show or something just like okay the segment producer doesn't want to do my show well guess what he lives I have the notebook paper How many bags are there to the stage? Dude, I look like a mysterious stranger here. Is that the sniper?

There's a couple of them. Look at how many bags are to the stage. There's maybe six people watching and everyone else is just in a circle in conversation with people. You gonna grab your weed pipe there producer Chris? And of course the song that he chooses has to be a long one. A meandering piece of shit song. I see the way. Well, I see the way. Give up your power.

Give up your power. Save my city. Not even close. Save my city. Oh, just go down and act him. Not even close. Just go down an octave. You know, the second time go down the octave. No one's going to be upset with you. You can't hit those notes. Or go up an octave. That'd be hilarious. Okay, so you know what the next lyric is. Yeah.

I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer. Oh. John's very excited about this lyric. And now it's time to get the audience involved in this performance. You ready for this? Yeah. I'm I want everyone safe, you understand? So I said, I want them smaller tonight. You have to stop. And he's like, he's dead. And he let everybody stay.

I'm sorry, John, it's not that type of performance. He's sitting there instructing the band on how to do this part to get everyone yelling in the audience. Most people are just having a conversation with their friends. I'm waiting for... No, no, you piece of shit! Where's that guy in the audience? Most people are just having a conversation with their friends. I'm waiting for

Ped you ever seen anything like this before Coaching him right in the middle of it like yes, I was gonna do it. Okay He thinks he's Michael J Fox in the back to the future. I mean if he was gonna do it he would tell the audience Hey everybody everybody listen when I say this you say this, you know, and do what they do. Get off the stage. All right. So let's see how this goes down. I'm sure he'll nail it first time and we'll move on. Right. All right, good enough, right? Move it up. Move on. All right.

Denise, you weren't singing. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm gonna be a man Alright, what's he doing, man? Right now, Denise, Denise

Denise, you weren't singing! Paul, Paul, come on now Paul, Paul, come on now Where are you? He's yelling at Paul from accounting? I don't see you singing along, asshole! Jay, if you're at home This is insane!

You got his own life You're calling yourself a man This entrance is heavy I'm gonna get a Some real star power didn't show up Pat could you imagine you do this dumb thing? You're like, oh, I'm gonna get everyone to do a little call and response thing and you get some people to do it Wouldn't you just move on? I mean that was definitely satisfactory The band stopped at the right spot people get off yelling out the lyrics. Great. We did it. Moving on. Instead, John was like, I didn't see Denise singing. I didn't see Paul singing. This is call out for not responding.

The four people who have been to dueling pianos got it, you know, and they yelled out. Right, yes. Dude, if we're not in a simulation if that's not Where's Troy? All right, everyone you shamed into doing it did it great can we move on now John Jesus I saw a fist or two in the air. I mean, you know, you really want it over. I noticed no one got me a beer Yeah, right Perfectly nice roadhouse The end is always near Come on everybody Let it roll, baby roll Let it roll, baby roll

Let it roll, baby roll Let it roll All night long Oh, Thank you everybody. I love you. It's next to my heart. Alright, so, watch this because uh the guitarist is like, John, get over here, give me a high five. This is the worst high five in the history of high fives right here.

What? Swing it a bit. It's so embarrassing, like people are just having their conversations still. John just thought he put out the performance of a lifetime. Leaps off stage. Leaps off stage and no one's talking to him. No one carried him away I mean, I kick him out Their starstruck, you know, I mean they're just like how do you approach a guy like that? Yeah, right? Yeah, let's give them some space

Which I think there was a big exodus from the stage area towards the end Yeah, it looked like to me like a lot of people started to kind of move away Yeah, I've been to these things producer Chris I've had these conversations many times a lot of times a live band detracts from the atmosphere You're there to mingle. It's a Tuesday night first off. Why is he throwing a party on a Tuesday night? It's not even on the date that the last show aired 10 years ago. It's just a random Tuesday, probably cheaper to get whatever. So it's a Tuesday night, right? And John gets all these people to come out. And then he thinks that they want to sit there and watch him do a performance

in a song. He can't sing. Right. And the rookie response that we have experienced many times is, Oh, no one's paying attention. We better turn up. Yeah, right. So those seven people over there will really notice us. Yeah, those people, they think they're having a fun conversation, but this is way more fun. They'll have much more fun shouting at each other. Yes. So also reported back to me is that John's apartment, well, the way it was written to me as his shitty apartment is only a 15 minute ride away. an uber would have been an easy option, but instead John decided that I have the video I'm not gonna play it. That's a little voyeurism I had the video of John getting in his car and driving away after this. I see how drunk he is. He's wasted

He was drinking beers the entire time, of course So then the guy who made that video had a conversation with the ballet person after John left. This is interesting Oh, sorry, my friend already come Yeah short man Jackets Mercedes Two minutes ago Yeah, okay. Yeah, I thought I lost him inside. Yeah. No, no, no, he left. Okay. Yeah. He had a gray Mercedes

Mercedes I guess yeah, but like this high Okay, just making sure yeah, make sure he live okay He what he what yeah, he wasn't drunk was he no I asked it three times if he was okay Right. He said what do you think with his voice? What do you think? I organized it? He has nice Mercedes, he has. Thank you, thank you. The valet asked him three times if he was drunk. Telling.

John's response was, what do you think? I organized all of this. Well then you can't possibly be drunk if you organized a party for yourself. Amazing. He's incredible, isn't he? So. What do you think? So what you think?

So what I'm sitting on what I'm sitting on John who was always talking about Laws being broken and calling police and suing and all getting law enforcement involved What I'm sitting on is evidence that John was driving drunk. I have the footage. I'm not playing it I'm not gonna do anything with that that kind of guy. We run a comedy show here, John. Take note Just do comedy, you know to give people's families involved You don't have to fuck with people on a personal level You can just make fun of them and have some fun make some jokes Speaking of jokes, look at how fat John is. This is a fun photo of him. Look at this fucking guy This is the guy who said he lost a bunch of weight with all the slim fast. He was drinking

Oh boy Losing hair counts one in maroon This is the guy who said he lost a bunch of weight with all the slim fast he was drinking Yeah, boy Losing hair counts what a maroon look at the guitar player trying to hide. I'm not here. Okay, right Oh my gosh, I think we gotta lose this lead singer. Oh good news. That's not our lead singer. Okay. Thank god It's good news Wearing a nametag. Iaring a name tag, I am John. Yeah, I know they all have name tags and shit too. Cause it's 10 years ago, it's a big staff of people and some people were just like in the mail room.

You know what I mean? These are just people who just worked a job in LA. Doesn't he like right now look like he's holding it, waiting for somebody to pull his finger? Yeah, look at that finger to where is that pointed towards? It's hard to tell To put it to that all right Pat I'm gonna let you go but first we have to play a game together

Okay, the game is called to catch an alien and he's gonna join us for this. Hi Annie. Oh, hello. Oh, hello so this is a Easy game to follow. We're gonna watch Tommy Tommy T from MSCS media He's gonna say something stupid and then we got to figure out what dumb thing he's gonna say next So let's go. It's time for everyone's favorite new game show to catch an alien Are you ready to play?

to catch An alien we are remember lost in space. I remember What was the the the when they went down under the ground and time machine and they went and warped? under the loss land of the loss Twilight Zone I used to watch a lot of Star Trek Star Wars a Battlestar Galactica Logan's run Give me into Star Trek because A lot of very big business people they like Star Trek and I can't understand it. So so get me to like it So Star Trek is very,

it's really, you know, it was the first TV show that really had a very diverse cast and told of a future where humanity got together and really got their shit together, you know, and got together and played well and it was very diverse. It was the first movie or first TV show anything that showed on TV You know interracial kiss an african-american woman that was you know, yeah, she was the secretary or answering the phone But she was still on TV and had prominent roles It wasn't as we cavity got the game show portion of the show obviously, but is that what people like Star Trek because the diversity? Oh, yeah, okay But is that why people like Star Trek because the diversity? Oh, yeah, okay

Space story, okay Just one liners. They had a diverse, you know Russian who was your pilot you had As someone of Asian descent that was another copilot. You had Spock who was a complete alien. So What did Tommy say next here Here are your choices. Number one, I thought Spock was Asian. Okay, be sounds like California. Next. Spock was pretty cool for a hundred percent alien or half lastly is this on DVD okay so part of this is Tommy saying I don't get Star Trek. What's good about it? He asked that question. So I wanted to say Spock was pretty cool,

but he wouldn't say that because he doesn't even know why people like Star Trek. Maybe he wants to sound cool. And sounds like California is a funny joke that I think Cardiff wrote because there's an alien. What's your answer, Carl? God damn it. I'm gonna go with one I thought Spock was Asian. What do you think Pat Dixon? I was gonna say one as well. Yeah

That's back. What do you think Annie? I'm gonna go with one too All right and producer Chris I went for four hundred percent Because yeah, it was a complete alien all right, so I know they had a diverse you know Russian who was your pilot you had Someone of Asian descent that was another co-pilot you had Spock who was a complete alien so it was this it was really I close for yeah Damn it damn it. I talked myself out of that one. That's the one I wanted to do it

I'm like no he doesn't like sorry fuck I'm an idiot. I probably shouldn't have rushed you This world can be better this world can You know show you some really cool things and then the earth humans that go to Mars and try to terraform Mars But in the process of terraforming Mars, they become this militaristic societal society and earth is this utopian society, but it's running out of resources. There's not enough water, not a fresh water. So they have to go to the stars, which is literally realistically what we have. Kind of sounds like reality right now. There's, there's more water on Europa and Enceladus

as well as what did Tommy say next? Okay. Here are your choices number one Bring some of that water here and see what happens B Elan's already working on getting us there Next guess who owns Europa For I have a microscope out back Lastly

When AI looked at the pictures they found even more water to catch An alien. The problem with this game is they can all be correct. Yes, every time. Every time. I gotta go, because this was my first thought. B, Elon's working on getting us there. The guy loves Elon Musk, and I think that's what he's gonna say.

What do you think, Pat? I hate to copycat, but yeah, once he said, yeah, I was reading about this, I think that B is probably a reasonable follow up after that. Okay. What do you think Annie? I'm gonna go with lastly Hey, I found more water. What do you think producer Chris? I just like next guess who owns Europa. Yeah, I like that too It sounds like reality right now. There's there's more water on Europa and it's solidus

I said as well as as well as So for me that's what really got it and then as a you know, so he was looking at the water through his telescope It's amazing a microscope. Yeah, he said my girl. Did he say microscope? Yeah, sure got a microscope out back shot the fuck up I was giving the benefit of the doubt my brain connected that he's smarter than that for some reason I was a big nerd so so for me that's what really got it and then as a you know as an African-american growing up in the I grew up and I was born in the 60s grew up in the 70s and 80s We really didn't have that that that notion of what it was to be it wasn't cool to be a nerd Now all of a sudden it's really cool to be a nerd. I actually have an organization that I'm

trying to start, it's a nonprofit, and I want to give people, kids of color, Latino, African-American, an opportunity to become nerds or be nerds. Like when the James Webb took off I was like glued to my seat watching. I can't wait to see the pictures. That's all for this time. Come back next time to find out if you can live long and prosper enough to catch an alien. Sit Eugene, sit. Good dog. That was a good one. Did I do that?

That was a very good one. Did I do that? That was a very good one. Cardiff won both of those. Cardiff. God damn it. And you know, that's all that black and Latino kids want is to be taught to be nerds. You know, that's correct. That's cool.

That's what's cool now. Not basketball. Not sneakers. They love anime. Keeps you safe in the streets. Yeah, right. You know what a fractal is? Oh, tell me sneakers. They love anime. Keeps you safe in the streets. Yeah, right. You know what a fractal is? Oh, tell me more about that.

Pat Dixon, thank you so much for coming on. I'm really excited about Hackamania coming up. May 31st to June 2nd, you're gonna be there. Whole list of podcasts and comedians are gonna be there. We're gonna have a great time. Go to hackamania.com. What's your promo code for 20% off? It is Dixon, D-I-X-O-N.

Please use it, you know. uh, yeah, it's, and if you're not doing, if you're not using Dixon, don't buy tickets. Just don't come use Dixon. Right. That's the choices. Don't come at all. We don't even want you there. It is going to be fun. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be a blast. And people can check you out. You're on rumble. You've been banned from YouTube. I'm I'm doing a crazy thing, I'm having Pat on my show on YouTube.

The KB would never do such a thing. This is dangerous what I'm up to right now. God, you get thrown right off the neck. Right. But look for Pat Dixon on Rumble. You do the 11 o'clock show and then censor.tv. With the promo code Pat, you get a discount there too. Use it, it looks good for me.

And that's New York City Crime Report over on Censor.tv. With the promo code Pat, you get a discount there too. Use it, it looks good for me. And that's New York City Crime Report over on Censored. And you know what, it is a great network, I will say that. And a great show. And by the way, I tweet out the link for the 11 o'clock show every night on my Twitter, at Pat Dixon. So just click that, that's the easiest way to find it. Great, yes. And Censor.tv, of course,

that's Gavin McGinnis's platform, right? His network. And he does a lot of great shows. Of course there's the crossovers with Anthony. Landon K. Home of the band. That's it. And that's where you found yourself. Well, Pat, thank you so much for coming out. Looking forward to

hanging with you in a few weeks. Alright, take care. Appreciate it guys. See you. See you buddy. The great Pat Dixon everyone. Always good to have him on the show. All right, what have we done? We've done it all. You know what that means. It's time for everyone's favorite part of the show.

The Teaser. The Teaser. The Teaser. Next week's Teaser. The Teaser. The Teaser. The Teaser. The Teaser.

The Teaser. The Teaser. So as you know, we've been having Patrick Melton on, Pat Dixon, Ray DeVito's coming up coming up all the people who are part of hackamania Yes gearing up for hackamania. So this Saturday Tookie is gonna be joining the show again. Hacker Hacker. Yes, very excited about that I'm not sure we're gonna be talking about yet, but it'll be fantastic Maybe maybe we'll find some of tookie's

Low cows to go over. I don't know. We'll figure it out but that's going to be this week. Oh you mean Cardiff and OJ? Yeah exactly. Yeah we'll review OJ's Sunday show. Uh so that's going to be coming up uh this weekend's episode of WATP. Uh we're going to do reviews and voicemails before we do that. Annie what are you up to these days? Anything to plug? I'm working on a couple of different projects. Some stuff that's gonna be coming out soon.

But right now you can find out my 15 episodes of my video game review podcast on youtube.com slash at WITGS. WITGS is where you wanna find that. That's what is this game? Show. What is this game? Show. Not what is this game? game show that's very different. What is this game the show? Producer Christmas reminded me Tokyo glow now if you don't know who Tokyo glow is she is the woman who made us amazing Toys when we were down in Largo. This is the one she made for me. She made one of toki

She made one of Iuki She made one of I'm trying to remember who else Anyway, they're very fun toys. We got a Something in the mail from Tokyo go that is for producer Chris So why don't you open that up and let's see sure that that's for Lucy. Okay, so just the card just the card All right, we'll save that for that was my next question Lucy gets a lot of Malanar All right

You were not forgotten all good things come to those who wait love TG. Oh, it's a it's a teaser I like it. Can you show that card up to the camera real quick? Sure, that's uh Some work being put into that I would say thank you very much, Tokyo glow. We love you Thanks for coming to Largo and making us all toys. Yes. I never stop playing with mine. That's a toy Please join us again next time. It might be the episode we find out once for all who are these podcasts sleep well everypony of morning radio. And now the show is over now. Okay, great show. Good job, everybody. Great job, everyone. Annie, do we have any new reviews you'd like to read for us?

Yeah, I pulled a couple of the new reviews. We got one from Nate Rob X on April 28th, 2024. Only topic off limits is being a decent person. Carl the host is a bully and his words are violence. I'm so triggered and literally shaking right now. I can barely eat my avocado toast and shout, you're a racist at my dad. I like that. It sounds like a five-star review. Yep. Nice. That's a good one. Thank you. a five-star review. Yep. Nice. That's a good one. Thank you. The next one comes from Radiocast, May 2nd, 2024. It is a cast box review, so it doesn't have a title. I wish they would just shut the hell up and let me hear the Brady Bros. Gotta go. Something suddenly came up. Okay, that's funny. It's probably a five-star, I would imagine. Yes. Very good. Nice. I love it. Thank you very much, Annie, for that.

The first voicemail is for you. Well, I don't know if it's for you, but it's about you. You know, Carl did some digging. Turns out Lisa Bowers is the father of review girl Annie. I wish. Like son. Is that true? Is Lisa Boswell your father, Annie?

I wish! Could you imagine? That would be some crazy ass shit if that were the case. My head would just explode at the end of the show if that happened. There's a lot of people asking about Lisa Boswell here. Hey Carl, this is Lisa and I wanted to tell you you're my favorite podcast ever thank you april fives you're a fucking loser with the list hang yourself faggot oh jeez i guess that was Edgar it wasn't lisawell. I was trying to tell

That'd be amazing if Lisa did call it a show Lisa leave us a voicemail. Yeah someday Hey, Carl, animal Kelly. It's been a while I was behind a couple episodes that I've been catching up. I did want to bring up a few episodes ago I don't remember her name that slow talking picking any that you guys make fun of now. Yeah, pretty funny Yeah, it's pretty I okay. Keep going with that. But she said something stupid. She said something incorrect. It was, I got chink, ah, zooka booga. And that's not correct. She says in the video, she's half Japanese, half black. Chink is a derogatory term for Chinese. Correct. derogatory term for Chinese. Correct. What she's really well, the more general safe term is blazian. For just in general, that's your generic what she's looking for is shagger. J A G G E R.

That's what she is. Is a Japanese slur. I like it. There's a you know, Japanese is that a new slur I like it there's a song about it. I don't know about that And uh shot the pocket he's cool He's og. Yeah, she's got the moves like jagger is that what you're thinking about? Oh, you know like a couple um chats came in First off mostly young gifted membership. Thank you very much for doing that. Melissa That was early on before the show started heckle bur burrows member for one month says, I'm from Sacramento figured she'd be a meth head, not a heroin addict talking

about the first show that we reviewed today. She's fucking whacked out of her gorg. I don't know what was going on with her. And then nobody likes peg legs member for nine months says, that's upper stomach swelling, not a a beer gut John has pancreatitis Interesting. That's an interesting theory right there. Look like a beer gut to me, but I'm not a doctor You know else is not a doctor as man or Matt Paul man or Matt hypothetical here Not that I've ever fantasized about it, but god that thing Lisa imagine being the cop God, that thing Lisa, imagine being the cop, locking her up and she's cranking off and you're like, fuck, I gotta bring this thing into the station.

And she just goes, Hey, officer, when you've done fucking your girlfriend, who's fucking you? Just nailed the laugh. Shout out the crotch. Later, Carl. All right. Later, man. Yes.

Lisa has this all captivated. That is for sure. Cow photographer is calling in. This is the cow photographer and I'm a something of an actor myself and I audition all the time and it's really easy to find auditions. You just kind of... Really? In fact, I just got cast in a production of Jekyll and Hyde.

So John, what's your excuse? Just go out to the audition. It's easy. And then you just be talented or good looking like me, because I ain't got no talent. K, go fuck yourself. I didn't realize that about the cow photographer. And he was a military guy, but I didn't know he was also an actor.

Interesting. Well, I guess Johnny have no excuse. Figure it out. Paco calling in. We're so proud of you Paco. You know, the first part of the show, it's like political and stuff. And you know, I hate politics. It's a true divide and conquer.

You know what I mean? It's just designed to keep people at odds. You know the first part of the show this it's like political and stuff and you know, I hate politics It's a true divide and conquer. You know what I mean? It's just designed to keep people at odds I was tell people man, you know saying if any president is he against the popular voters? No democracy You know I'm saying the electoral college is back door to power. They're always gonna put who they want So I just hate to see people so invested by that. You know what I mean? Wow. Is that really Paco?

Yeah, you know what I mean. All right, man. Shout out to... George Washington. Shout out to Andy. You know what I'm saying? That dude's the coolest book. All right, later. Next time you go on Paco's show, I want to debate the Electoral College with him. Yeah. That's interesting. I didn't realize he had some spicy takes on that. You know, I never expect Paco to come and talk about democracy. Absolutely. Yeah. Through me. Curveball right there. Hey, I don't speak English. I get that shit all the time from the people at our local Walmart here in St. Cloud, Florida. So when they tell me I don't speak English,

I say, oh, okay, you are Spanish. And you can see in their face when I start speaking Spanish, they like, oh, like, motherfucker, if you don't want to help somebody, don't pretend like you don't fucking speak English. These motherfuckers, believe me, you, if it came to getting $1,000, they're fucking English, we fucking come out incredibly well. It's shocking when you need to do something. It's just bullshit. They don't want to help people out. So they ain't playing that fucking game. You know, I will English fuck you. I will Spanish motherfucker. All right. Well done. Did you follow that at all? No, what is

it in reference to? Well, I think he's talking about the time that I was taking an Uber in LA and I was talking to the Uber driver and he goes, I don't speak English. Okay. Oh, he definitely did But it's just a funny way to give people to stop talking to you like if a stranger's was like hey, man Do you know where I can go? He's like I don't speak English. Sorry. I don't I don't even speak a single word in English Otherwise, I'd help you out As a matter of fact I think I have a funny thing to do as a matter of fact. Yeah

I speak you won't believe it. It's crazy All right, this is a funny voicemail from Gary in San Diego Judy do you believe that stuttering John Melendez is sincere when he says he wants to be a fatherly figure? To Kate Meany, Please answer in a serious manner. You've got to be kidding me. Okay. No, I'm not kidding. I believe he's telling the truth. He doesn't like to lie. Rock and rolla. Rock and rolla, Gary. Good point. Making some good points. This is the forensic accountant that Drew Wayne show was constantly talking about.

Congratulations, Carl, on setting the Guinness Book of World Records record for mentioning ball washing in your latest episode. Oh, and also do better than that. Yeah, I was told that I had a little bit of a crutch going on with the amount of ball washing talk. I was, there's a lot of ball washing. I'm smartless. I'm sorry. No, how else to explain it? You could say testicle cleansing. I could have. You're right. That's a synonym. Hey Carl, this is Grant from Louisiana. So look, I'm calling because I was just listening to your last two episodes where you

were talking about the reality podcast with those two retarded transformers that you got talking on the show there. The part that was really making me grind my gears was when they were talking about the whole legal strategy when you go to an arraignment and you just tell a lawyer what exactly he wanted them to say. Well, I don't know if that guy's ever been to jail because he said that it was only on probation, but an arraignment is not a trial. When you go to an arraignment, you just go before a judge

and they basically say, this is what you're accused of. Do you want to say you're guilty or do you want to say you're not guilty and try to contest it in court? So yes, in theory, if you wanted to be in the courtroom and say, well, is the cop here? Is there any evidence I've brought with you? No, the district attorney would not have any of that

with them at the time. It's not what you're there for. But I guess this man's legal advice isn't sound is what I'm saying, or her legal advice, but whatever you think. But I care to weigh in. Don't call me back. Yeah, I think you might be onto something with that. Thank you for explaining that. I think that's a public service for- What, you're saying Frenchie doesn't know what she's talking about? Sometimes. Huh.

Every now and again. No, I think they were, were they talking about, was that a conversation on the Frenchie doesn't know what she's talking about? Sometimes. Huh. Every now and again. No, I think they were, were they talking about, was that a conversation on the Frenchie show? No, I thought it was about Lisa. Yeah, I think it was that reality show one. Oh, okay, okay. Lisa was hoping they wouldn't have any evidence. That's why I got confused. I've heard of her, Lisa goes,

people see you commit the crime, you're gonna get convicted. But could you imagine Frenchie in the same position? Oh, shit. Frenchie, Jesus Christ. I'd like to represent myself, yes. You guys. Yes, you guys.

Yes. Do you wanna, we'll give you an attorney. No. No. Oh, Frenchy. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. There's Frenchy.

All right, so Trump's policies based on what we hear on that reality show. I was never much of a Trump fan, but listening to that reality show I Think he might be getting my vote now Just curious though. Can we choose which black and brown people go into the camps or is it just all of them? Not never mind. It's fine. Either way Wow, I mean, not the performers, obviously. You could sing or dance or catch the football. All right, that's ridiculous. I don't think that's what Trump's policies are at all.

Here is a perfect recreation of our intro. Are you a boulder guy? What are you talking about? Episode 596. What are you talking about? Episode 596! What are you talking about? Cuz! Cuz-a-roo! Cuz-a-roo! Flaperoony! Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, show where you find a rock in your shoe and you decide I'm your host Carl with me today it's bag slapper Steve

Hey Carl it's nice to be here Don't forget to... In the comment section Every single month today we'll be reviewing a show called Dude What's in My Pocket This is a show hosted by Michael Winslow Everything with his bow and all the things

Incredible if the audio wasn't so bad, they would be the next intro. I know I know I was thinking the same thing I'm just using as the intro And then some will review my show like what the fuck is this? Call that production All right. This is a great song Charles got a mom wife who's been a gay in the past and before she gets home Carl needs to take a rest But the mandolin's all right Yeah, I said it the mandolin's all right yeah i said it the mandolin's all right

pretty good stuff that's the napping mandolin song all right one more uh voicemail hey carl longtime bag slapper here uh big fan love the work you guys do i just you know once again I just, you know, once again, the dabble verse that you've created has infiltrated my life and I realize it. It's not enough that every time I cheers people, I say, cheers. Cheers. Or every time I open a beer, I think to myself in my head, a smug skull. But I woke up this morning feeling like it was Christmas morning knowing that John had his stupid fucking 10-year tonight show party and I wanted to see what happened. It was like, it was better than the AC trip because it was isolated John.

It was him once again making it all about himself. I'm sure you're going to cover this. Every one of these shows is gonna cover this to keys already covered this But man, it's just a gift that keeps on giving and I don't know I try and I try I Try to explain it to my wife and she's just like walks out of the room. So Thing man, it's just all our thing. All right, keep it up, buddy Yeah being obsessed with the dabble verse is a weird place to be,

because you wanna tell your friends, but it's not gonna get you laid. It can't. It can't, that's true. They're not gonna hang out with you anymore. If you explain, they're like, what'd you think about the NFL draft? Oh, I don't know, but John threw this tonight show

reunion party at a bar. Okay, here we go. Anyway, I happen to be lucky enough to have a wife who's in on the whole dabble verse and a mother-in-law for that sake Knows all about the devil verse so I can have these conversations at Thanksgiving. Haha. Hi Karen. Hi Karen Alright, I think that wraps it up for us. Annie. Thanks again for coming on. Thank you for having me. Always good to see episode. That was really great Ah Carl, I love you. Go fuck yourselves. Have a good week. I gotta go. Goodbye Goodbye, and my guest today Andy The fuck was that Okay bye. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha