Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep583 - Worst of 2024
Episode Date: December 29, 2024This is a jam-packed end-of-year episode featuring some of the worst podcasts that we reviewed his year. The Golden Hour, Metal Mascara, My Heart is in Vermont, Gud Pud, This is Mariya, and Fierce Fat...ty are all worthy candidates. And these are presented by me, Producer Chris, Lucy Tightbox, Trucker Andy, Jenny Jingles, and Vinnie Paulino respectively. After everyone provides strong evidence that their show is the WORST, we find that Patrick Michael posted a recent episode of Mouth Like War on YouTube. Joe Matarese came and went in 2024. Stuttering John is winding down for the year with threats of getting restraining orders for harassment while simultaneously threatening to go to people’s houses to beat them up. And finally we play a round of To Poke A Dabbler and listen to your voicemails. Lucy Tightbox – http://www.onceoverwithcayley.com/ Trucker Andy – https://allapologiespodcast.com/ Vinnie Paulino - https://thecreepoff.com/ Support us, get bonus episodes, and watch live every Saturday and Wednesday: http://bit.ly/watp-patreon https://watp.supercast.tech/ Come to Hackamania May 9-11 in Las Vegas with promo code WATP – https://hackamania.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This episode is brought to you by HelloFresh.
Be honest, between meetings, workout classes, and the kids' clubs, who's got time to cook?
That's where HelloFresh comes in.
No matter how busy you get, HelloFresh makes it easy to get a home-cooked meal on the table.
With flavor-packed recipes like crispy chicken parmigiana,
you'll be filling your kitchen with the cozy aromas of a homemade meal in no time.
Visit HelloFresh.ca and use code SPOTIFY for your exclusive offer.
This holiday season, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health is counting on your support.
CAMH is on a mission to make better mental health care for all a reality.
And they've made incredible strides forward, breaking down stigma,
improving access to care, and pioneering research breakthroughs.
But now is the time to aim even higher.
You can help create a world where no one is left behind.
Donate at camh.ca slash donate now
from December 23rd to the 31st,
and your gift will be tripled for three times the impact.
["The Last Supper"]
Episode.
500.
83.
Worst episode ever.
Are you a boner guy?
Oh, I was a boner guy.
You know what?
I miss penis.
What are you talking about?
I'm the one who should apologize.
Is it going to be absolutely riveting?
Is it going to change your life by any stretch?
Probably not, but it's going gonna be at least entertaining, okay?
By the way, for those people that are in the back, remember to shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up, asswipe, and suck my cock.
I've been dying to say that.
Cuz. Cuz-a-roo. Cuz-a-roo. Slapperoonie.
It's showtime.
W-A-T-P. W-A-T-P. W-A-T-P. W-A-T-P. Hello, everybody together. Welcome to another episode of Who Are These Podcasts? The only show that is never going to give you up or let you down. I'm your host, Karl, with me today from the creep off. It's a welcome to another episode of Who Are These podcasts? The
only show that is never going
to give you up or let you down.
I'm your host, Carl, with me
today from the Creep Off. It's
Vinny Paulino. Hola, Creepos.
From All Apologies Podcast, it's
Trucker Andy. Let's talk shit.
From Once Over with Kaylee, it's
Lucy Tightbox. Hello, hello.
From Living in the Past with
Stuttering John, it's Jen from
the Jingles Department. Hi. Hi Also with us my partner in crime producer Chris. Hello, please go to who are these.com
We get the links to all the things including our patreon
We got the bonus episodes to support the show and you can now gift patreon memberships
So you probably fucked up at christmas
Not the wrong thing. There's still a bunch of days left of hanukkah
A lot of reasons to get a gift for somebody and I would say head on over to patreon.com slash who are these podcasts and give the gift
of a gifted membership. Also, we encourage our listeners, give us five stars or every review
podcast and shout out in the comment section today. We'll be checking out the worst of 2024.
It's our year end wrap up edition of who are these podcasts? That's why all these folks are here to bring what
they thought was the worst podcast that we reviewed in
2024 and remind everyone how terrible it actually was. What
a setup. Who's turning this off? I was like, wow, finally.
All the worst. This is great. So, I am going to actually
start things off. And while we didn't first find this
show in 2024, we did talk about them in 2024. And I believe it might be the worst because
it doesn't have just one host that I hate. It doesn't have two. It has three hosts that I hate
for all very different reasons. And their combined forces make them the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked
Charles right this sounds terrible
Let's get into it
Eric's here almost he gets he hit traffic. Well, there he is four hours away
There's green hornet, but that was yeah, that's Seth. People hate it on Seth
What I say Seth Green that Seth Rogan. All right, we just started. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we just started bro
What's up, Doug? Looking good, man. Where the fuck are your dad vans? I thought we went over this
I've been wearing them. But not today. Gotta take them a break, bro. Gotta take them a break
Hell yeah
This is the Golden Hour
It's hosted by Chris D'Elia, Brendan Schaub,
and Eric Griffin, and they are phoning it in
to a point that nobody wants to be there.
Eric can't even show up on time, and they started anyway,
even though he's like at the door.
They have to hit record right there.
They can't give them two and a half seconds
to come and sit down and start the show.
There's zero pressure.
The worst show waiting for the worst part of it.
And while they talk about the worst movie ever, Green Hornet, it's like you can't do
one thing right.
Right.
Now, you'll notice people who are listening, I'll tell you what's happening here.
They have TVs up on the wall in front of them.
And Chris D'Alia is distracted by them.
He's just watching television.
He's watching the Sabres.
We can't see what they're seeing, but they're constantly being distracted by it.
And so this is more of Chris being distracted on TV.
Look at how bad TV used to be. Look at the upper left, the black and white.
See, that's when it was good, I feel like.
Yeah.
You ever watch the Adam West Batman?
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Have I ever watched? I think I've watched every single one.
Me too. My kids love them.
Pow! Blam!
So, Brendan Schaub with the coldest take ever. I think I've watched every single one
So Brennan Shobb with the coldest take ever
Old TVs actually better than modern current TV and Eric Griffin with the lowest hanging fruit possible. Just doing the blam
sound effects and Listen, I realize that not to take this seriously
But to say like TVs be better when Adam West was playing Batman when the fucking penguin is out right now
It's not even debatable people. What are we talking about here? It's fucking retarded
It's a retarded take to have and you can tell that nobody wants to be there at all right from the get-go
That's great the
Well, you know, well you're good. You're
good. You're not that late.
Yeah, just do something. I'm an
hour away now so it is. Yeah,
just a little bit of wrinkle.
It's going to set you back. I
know. Sucks. Drives an hour to
get there. Well, who cares? It's
why? They're in LA. Everything
takes an hour to get there at
least, you know? But this idea
that I understand podcasting is like
the lowest form of entertainment
It is very low after watch people talking to microphone shit
But these guys especially the way I do it
By doing this by showing up and having nothing to talk about right from the get-go
They don't even know if they're just cuz like yeah, so yeah, you weren't that late
I guess you didn't have while you were
waiting you could have jotted down a couple bullet points things you wanted
to talk about he talked about his eye again oh god and don't all three of them
have like their own separate podcasts with other people yeah they're all
different podcasts they're all doing different things it's just this is so
unnecessary I think a lot of these shows fighter and the kids another example of
this there's a few where we were just we just reviewed one recently oh it was It's just this is so unnecessary. I think a lot of these shows fighter and the kids another example of this
There's a few where we were just we just reviewed one recently
Oh, it was again crystal. Yeah, and his brother right like fine
Yeah, Andy was talking about it
And I think Andy was making the point where it's like they have producers and they have a set and it's like well
It's making enough money that we want to keep these people employed and I guess we just keep doing it the hosts are not into
it at all Dare I say they'll just keep doing it. The hosts are not into it at all.
Dare I say they could be doing something better?
I would hope, right?
I would think.
Anything they do would be better.
I would think.
Anything else.
Chris has one less hobby these days.
Anything I do would be better than this.
Yeah, they just show up.
Well, so then Eric Griffin, they're
in a text chat together, and he sent over the latest Diddy list. And so they pull that up on the screen. And again,
we can't see any of this. They're just reading through.
And these guys couldn't be more confused.
The first part is all the, uh, the, the women there's now,
these are the accused that are part of the thing. Aaron Hall. Yeah.
We knew about that one. Cause they said they, there was a story about that.
We knew about that. No, Aaron Hall's not a guy that one. Was he a producer? No, Aaron Hall was a guy.
He was a singer.
Guy?
You don't remember Guy?
No, that was kind of, it's before us.
How's it go?
That's you.
How's it go?
Jam!
Oh, jam!
That was after a second puberty.
Nobody knows Guy?
No.
Teddy Riley?
Older.
Hey, when they're that old?
That's older than us.
Hey, when they're that old?
Teddy Riley. No know Teddy Riley.
Teddy Riley was a part of Guy.
Yeah, but Teddy Riley was bigger than Aaron Hall.
Yeah, but Aaron Hall was the voice.
He was a singer.
Fine.
He looks like a black Brian Callan.
Keep going.
They're literally pointing at the screen and making observations about it.
What about that guy at the left over there?
Huh?
What do you think about that guy?
I don't know who that guy is.
Yeah, I don't know either.
Oh, I do.
I know who that guy is.
It's the other guy from The Thing.
Holy shit, I couldn't be more confused about what's going on right now
Who would watch a show like this? Well, it's just the whole thing is just a guy's talking about whatever the fuck they would be talking about when they're not on a
podcast
Stop doing it. This is like three guys who are waiting for their one friend
They all have in common like once the old vodka to get here
Awkwardly making small talk with each other.
He didn't even know the producer's name.
That's sort of an idiot, Brandon.
He really is a moron.
Is that our producer?
Okay, there are more looking at people that we can't see.
And I'd love to know if these guys have ever watched another podcast.
I think they've all been on Joe Rogan, right?
Like, when Jamie
Brings up a clip they show it on the screens that we know what the fuck they're talking about I don't understand what they're doing here
Yeah, the one with the big head or the skinny one the one looks like soldier boy the big head one
Oh the one that looks exactly like P. Diddy and the one that looks like he did he on the right? Yeah
They're both it but that's a door those are both his sons the one with the pimple head is his son as well
No, no, really. Yeah, is it really? Yeah. Yeah both those are his kids
And then I made that up and then this guy was fucking this is making me angry
Well, yeah, because it's not the worst it's not informative in any single way and this is a very interesting topic
the diddy list the the accusers
You know who was at these parties and who's the attorney that's filing all these lawsuits?
Tony Busby.
Yes, Busby has tried to extort all these celebrities. You couldn't have a more titillating conversation piece. And they're doing nothing with it.
They don't know what they're talking about.
What is the point of this studio? Like it's a three. It's a four camera shoot
They've got a single camera on each person plus a main camera
Well plus the camera goes to the producers that show those guys reactions. Okay, so now it's a five camera shoot
Yes, and they can't run an HDMI cable in a splitter
The screen that they're watching or just put a
Similar thing behind them like red bar does or something just have the same thing that they're looking at
Behind them so we can see what they're looking at anything. Yeah clip and post anything. Yeah, right put it in a post
This isn't a drawing. That's the other thing too. This isn't a live show
So the fact they had to start without Eric Griffin even makes less sense
Using this set is there another show called the golden hour that you guys gotta get out of there
No, it's just such a boring shit show. They're like, oh him walking in and being late is something we could riff on right? Yeah
They have nothing but they didn't even do that. Yeah, I mean literally he's just like oh
You're not wearing that your sneakers that you wore that other time like this is it we can't even see those
About here got him Brendan. So what's what's fascinating to me about this conversation? They having about Diddy is that Chris D'Alia
doesn't believe anyone.
He doesn't think, he thinks the accusers are making all of this up and that there was no
assay going on and everyone's a liar.
It's interesting that Chris D'Alia would have that stance.
I can understand his take.
And actually this hits kind of close to home for him right here
I'm that person who did that interview on the on that with that person the whoever
Interviewed her did an art. She did an article on me
Years ago, and I know she it's both this shit is bullshit because they did they were they did shit on me where I'm like
What well, they're like TMZ, but they just want clay. Yeah, I think it was CNN, but whatever it is, but yeah, I was like, oh, it's this fucking woman
I don't believe anything
Looking for truth. No, they're not they're really not they're really not I wish everybody knew that
So Chris has to say all this reporting is wrong because anytime someone's being accused of SA
They're just trying to extort them and get money out of them do it for publicity
He's taking and comparing notes. He's like okay, Tony Busby is a gaslighting and muddying the waters. Yes. Yes
This is what you do when you're accused of
SA well, that's what a stupid idiot. He is if I'm him I'm going yeah
What did he did is wrong and by the way? I didn't do anything
Yeah, I can't believe they were doing that kind of stuff not do such a thing not don't believe anyone right and just to remind everyone
There's a documentary out there that everyone should watch if you haven't the crystal ea problem and they interview multiple women
That Chris took advantage of and he was running a sex cult and he wasn't allowing the women to even leave the house without
His permission even though they lived
Hundreds and thousands of miles away from where he lived
He moved people to LA to put them in a house together
so that all his girlfriends would live in this one house and he could just go over and and bang them and
His tour manager who was like his best friend
Finally came out. I'm just gonna play a quick clip from this because as you hear him saying, oh that reporter is a liar
Check this out from the Chris D'Alea problem.
The reporter then emails me requesting an urgent comment from me.
The reporter's email laid out the details of Chris sexually assaulting a girl after a show in Boston.
The victim wanted to remain anonymous, right?
I knew exactly who the girl was. I remember that whole
night vividly. As Zach looked over the email, all the details and actions in her
story lined up. And the whole story was in that email. Then when I saw that I'm like, oh my god, this happened.
You know, there were no doubts in my mind that something took place in that room that
night, his room that night.
Can you dub it down for me?
And then that was my moment and I was like, you're a fucking monster.
Zach responded to the reporter with all the proof he could
to corroborate the girl's story.
I responded in full detail, screenshots I had,
all that shit.
When Chris found out that Zach had told the truth
to a reporter, he became furious.
I gotta send you that audio message.
You made this way worse. This is now a story. It was nothing. And now it's a story. became furious. Not 8% sure. There was no article because there was a settlement.
Maybe other settlements as well.
So this is the real
crux of this is that if I'm
Chris D'Alia, I'm not commenting on Diddy at all.
I'm like, can we not talk about this guys?
I don't want to be part of this.
They should shut their stupid blabber mouths.
Burt Ward, right guys? Batman?
Yeah, right!
Do the pow thing again, Eric.
Who played the Joker again? He was great, wasn't he? I loved those episodes.
But I just found that wild that Chris D'Elia is so guilty and he thinks that he's getting away with it.
He thinks he's being clever about it. Like, oh, all these people are just like, I can't believe hundreds of women are lying about me all the time.
He is totally getting away with it and he pretty much has gotten away with it.
He's hiding in plain sight. I'm telling some reason.
Yeah, I think Vinny is totally correct here. He is getting away with it in every
way, shape and form, which is disgusting.
All right, let's get off Kristal here because he is disgusting. Let's talk about
how much I hate Eric Griffin. Okay. Okay. Eric Griffin, he seems like a jolly guy,
right? He's always having fun always always laughing and stuff
This is the lowest effort podcast you can do when you talk about a thing you saw on the internet
But you didn't like write down what it was you're not really sure what the person's name is or what they did
But you can't wait to tell your friends about it. This is one. I'm really I'm really realizing some shit here, man
You know this one funny guy?
I'm really realizing some shit here man. You know this one funny guy
Like like he'll show a video something. He's got a mustache kind of looks like you a little bit
This Derek I think his name whatever it is, but he's always like what like it'll be like a trans person Then he'll be like what are you doing? You got today?
You know that guy with the mustache she reacts to stuff on the internet you don't talking about right the right? The guy. Yeah, the guy. He might be there. I don't know. But you
know, it's the guy who does these videos that are on like social media. You know, I'm talking about
the guy on social media. You guys see what I'm talking about, right? So thankfully their producers
actually track this down and they find this thing that Eric's talking about. Thank God. Finally,
we're 32 minutes in.
They finally find something they can show the viewers.
And I just want to point out how Brendan Schaub does reaction videos.
He is the least talented person on the planet for sure.
That one, the fat one right there. You should do the fat one.
This one's funny.
And very just a reminder that I am very fat and very sexy.
Ah! You had it right!
You want one right there and then you spread it full of information right after.
That's how fucking true it gets.
That's a reminder that I am very sexy.
All his videos are like that. I love this guy. He's either on the toilet or he's like and he just goes hard.
You almost had it.
You almost had it.
You almost had it.
You fucked it up together.
This guy, he knows what he's doing.
Like he knows what he's doing.
And it's just like good comments are just like, just go, you're the asshole.
But I'm sure you get to tell the support a bit.
Yeah.
You got 1.6 million followers.
Yeah. You almost had it. That's all I'm sure you the kind of support. Yeah, you got I love this guy got 1.6 million followers. Yeah
Brendan shot did an impression of it three times
He repeated what the guy said wasn't it funny when he said that thing that he said and of course Eric Griffin
Who's the only person who's seen this already is losing his mind laughing at it because it's just so hysterical
He can't get enough of it. Crystal.ah looks pissed that somebody's getting attention that isn't
him yeah crystal leah he definitely is the Debbie Downer of the show he's the
buzzkill of the show certainly because those two clouds are just fucking giggle
and anything they'll be like okay yep if you say so that's great which really is
makes us even more of a crime yes because if you're a comedian Chris and you have two gigglepusses sitting next to you
You should be fucking having court and being funny instead of sitting there like a mopey dick
Or at least try to sell your partners a little bit because Eric Griffin's definitely selling his shit. We'll get this example
This is a quick clip, but just it's totally out of context. I totally understand that part. Believe me
It's not funny, but watch Eric Griffin loses mind over what crystal ea does
Every guys you taking notes right now just every now and again, we're gonna do it three times an episode
Maybe you guys lose your minds that much there was something I say we could practice
You know maybe this week sometime
Oh, that's episode could be the guy that laughs and clap. He has to call
See, this is my producer Chris. Yeah big bucks guys
Noted make sure you do it off mic though
That's a natural laugh, okay one more clip on here
This is very funny because this show used to be a different show starring Theo Vaughn and
Theo Vaughn was like I gotta get the fuck away from these people
One of them is clowning the internet more than anyone else in the world. The other guy is
Accused of having intercourse with underage girls and starting a sex call the other guy can't be bothered to learn his name
I gotta get the fuck out of here
So Theo Vaughn left the show and it was pretty smart.
These guys are quite jealous of that.
Theo had Tim Shalime on his podcast?
What the fuck, I had Mr. Beast on, dude.
Well, Mr. Beast goes on everything,
but that's a little surprising.
He must be a fan of Theo's.
Yeah, he said someone in his makeup chair
had been listening to him,
and so he was listening to all the regular people episodes with like garbage man.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Because that feels like a, that feels like a, hey, I'm a fan.
And you just make a call and you get on.
Theo Vaughn is having Trump on his show.
Mr. Beast, Timothée Chalamet.
And they're like, what the fuck's going on with this guy?
Like we're just a bunch of chuckle fucks still sitting off his set over here
And meanwhile this guy's actually got real celebrities to do it a real show
You could tell there was jealousy and crystal he didn't say anything during that
I like I like that one of the responses was oh, well, mr. Beast goes on everything. Oh, yeah
Has he been on the golden hour? Yeah, good point. He doesn't do everything
No, he's not like everything on YouTube and shit.
Right, yeah.
Priest or Chris, what are you trying to communicate to me?
Sorry, someone in Discord was asking if we were on YouTube, but it looks like we're...
Everything's fine, so...
Yeah.
Just concerned.
Oh.
Yep, sorry about that.
When you point over here, there's so much shit going on.
What, do you want a banana bag?
Well, yeah.
Looking for my magic wand.
Can I have a treat?
Do you want this naked lady glass? That's what this is so confused. So anyway,
this isn't a contest or anything. But the golden hour is what I present as the the worst podcast
we reviewed in 2024. But producer Chris, you had other ideas on what you thought was the worst
podcast in 2024. All right, full disclosure. I actually don't think
my subject is the worst, but I can't stand the improv shit or the morning zoo shit. So
okay, this is just a tier above that stuff. And I'm talking about Chrissy Salem,
metal mascara. So going back to episode five 56, Carl and Lucy dug in,
and I was introduced to this person.
And why don't I read her description of the YouTube channel?
That's generous of you.
Yeah, welcome to the inspirational entertainment
of Chrissy Salem, Metal Mascara.
Get rocked, get shocked, or freaked out.
I take you to the next level
with your money waistline and love life kind of odd but anyways in my clip on
let's just get reacquainted or a meter for the first time all right Oh
Yeah Yeah, people, Percy Salem. Inspirational entertainment, YouTube channel here on social media. Talking about Sunday plans and learning how to, I posted a couple things today, I wanna
show you how to rock your life every day.
But you're stressed out, you're really thinking about rockin your life every day
So I think that myself like well, how do I balance the two?
Holy shit kiss really went downhill
In my notes, I said if you had kiss members candles, they all melted together Here
That's the nicest thing that anybody's ever said to Chrissy Salem
So it's like this metal person. They're playing this metal and everything like that and there's bubbles like it's Lawrence Welk
Yes, like the bubbles take me out of it immediately. It's just not a good effect
I like how you could hear the machine going
With bubbles Immediately it's just not a good effect. I like how you can hear the machine going If you're not watching
Chrissy reaches for one remote probably for the bubble machine
And then the other for this shitty boombox that we're listening to just amazing
production and
Also, what are her Sunday plans?
I'm pretty sure whatever it is she has to breathe into a tube in her car before she can get there
I'd watch that
But what we what we discovered when we last did Chrissy Salem is
That it's not really about the
fashion and when Chrissy isn't dancing to copyrighted material like a retard it
is just I can't even call them platitudes or advice it's a setup like
are you tired of your life the way it is right yes and then there's never an
answer and that's what every fucking show is like so in spite of all the bells and whistles, this is why I really hate this person. Let's see some more classic
Chrissy in my clip to
It's crazy simple it's a matter of taking action and doing it
Now you've thought about that better version of you and my right hit that like
button double tap that screen. Yes, I have to proceed. Chris said listen to podcast.
I didn't buy a few books and I watched some stuff on here. But nothing. It's always like
within reach but you can never grasp that better version of you. It's because when I figured this out, I said, aha, it's not about a better
version. It's about number one look in the mirror who built what you got today. You did.
You could tear it down and build something new. Oh yeah. So I'm all about tearing it
down and building something new. Why mess with something that's all screwed up and broken you're the canvas
make sense leave that your advice start over take your own advice Chris a do
over you know I have to wonder if Chrissy is like so full of good
inspirational wisdom and really being able to motivate people how terrible was
Chrissy before all of this like what did Chrissy used to be?
Yeah, what was that was before the reset button in the head fucking a horror film. Yeah, she's the canvas
People change to the radiator
Oh fuck I forgot
That was edited by Chrissy. I just want to point out that was the short yeah from beginning to end
That's how it ends good stuff makes a lot of I had completely forgotten about the snake that Chrissy is constantly tying around their arm
Like and then it's falling off and then like they're treating it like it's real
It's pretty metal. Isn't it? Why?
Yeah, I don't know why Chris was selling this short like it wasn't the worst. This is tremendously bad
I don't know why Chris was selling this short like it wasn't the worst. This is tremendously bad. Thanks Andy. Thanks for reminding us.
Alright, in my number three, this dropped 12 days ago.
This is the subject of problems don't matter.
Take it away.
People like us are having a great time with the coolest, all the coolest rock and roll show on YouTube.
Doesn't matter who you are, where you've been, what you're going through.
It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you got your hopes and your dreams. You're taking action steps forward.
Alright, so this song is all about really having the attitude, man, that nothing else matters.
Also, I think I pointed this out the last time but it's so distracting the fucking laser light show that any six-year-old would have with
the ceiling of their bedroom
Planets and stars so fucking lame this idiot went to a Spencer's gift and went alright. How do I deck out my sack? What's on sale?
Clearance perfect
Yeah, and again the Halloween
Soundtrack people moaning and right yeah, oh man. It's a weird premise. Yeah, it's different than most self-help
I'll give Chrissy that could you imagine seeing this asshole in a Walmart just carrying a giant thing of like bubbles up to the checkout
That would I would expect to see that in a Walmart pity. Okay
What was the alter ego's name?
Jesse pump Jesse. Oh, yeah, I didn't have time for Jesse pump
No one has time for Jesse pump
In my clip for this is how Chrissy closes a show
We're good. We identify two things that are stressing us out.
So plus something about us.
You wrote it down.
We're gonna take a small action step, protect our mindset.
Maybe we can get high every day and life becomes a rock and roll party.
You start to become excited.
I just want to point out before I forget, go ahead.
So you just said take a small action step, which is retarded.
But also remember the advice before I've just started over again
Just stop doing everything to start brand new and now it's like let's just take a little steps and get there
Incrementally like that's the opposite of the other advice
I just got from you this person reads a different self-help book every day and just fucking read a page
Oh, if you look at the thumbnails, it's all little phrases from books like that
I refuse to believe this person has read any book. Okay, good point
I thought you were just gonna say can read
Life becomes a rock and roll party you start to become excited for yourself
It's intense leave a life it sounds like leave a life if it sounds like, leave a like if it sounds like, yeah, this sounds good.
I want to be excited for me.
Hey, you got a mirror man?
Look in the mirror right now and say, I'm excited for me.
Leave a like if you think you're a loser.
You might not believe it.
Who cares?
Practice the exercise.
Say, I'm excited for me.
Let your eyes light up.
I'm excited for me.
Let a smile break through. I'm excited for me. Let a smile break through.
I'm excited for me.
You don't work all the happy face muscles.
I'm excited for me.
All right, people, Chrissy Salem, special show Saturday night, 8 PM Central Standard
Time.
8 PM Central Standard Time, Saturday night.
I'm gonna show you how to rock the weekend and we're gonna do some extra special stuff
All right, everybody. I love you. Talk soon
Central Standard Time
Chrissy you ain't primetime. All right, 8 p.m. Is not the right slot for you. You're competing with too much stuff. I
Always feel like I need a shower after watching Chrissy.
It's such a weird angle to be the self help metal person thing.
Yeah.
Going on.
We never get to the help.
We never get to the help.
Do you feel like a fucking loser?
Are you pathetic?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah.
Not only that.
OK, with a name like metal mascara, I am expecting a, you know, a human who is teaching me how to do makeup. Like there's like an expectation from a name like metal mascara I am expecting a You know a human who is teaching me how to do makeup like there's like an expectation from a name like that
Well, I couldn't take any more of Chrissy and Chrissy's voice reminded me of someone so I have a palate cleanser in clip 5 a career
opportunity perhaps for Chrissy
Oh buddy all right and you're gonna laugh at all my jokes but daddy so funny I'm down
You get me a TV deal or that's perfect. That's great. All right, if you want to put on the hat you got it
Now your half fell off
It did you did I'm not wearing a hat you're not wearing a hat is my
shirt and tie on sure and tie is on sure that you are
it bread it bread it yeah bread it ever yeah bread it ever put on my hat so how
does fix picture we have Paul shear here guys it's gonna think we're a bunch of
amateurs that just started a podcast a couple months ago
That's probably already 75th on the top iTunes comedy podcast
See? That's amazing
So should anything happen to the current John Gobblecon, I think Chrissy might have a shot at the voice
And I also like making fun of Paul Scherer. He sucks pretty bad.
He does. John Goblikon, when he points his finger, it looks like Stuttering John.
Finger points the other direction. Oh, he rules.
Thank you very much for that, Chris.
If I never see metal mascara again, it'll be too soon. Lucy,
what did you bring in for us for your worst of 2024 and,
and why?
So we are going all the way back to episode 482,
which was January of 2024. This is how we started out the year.
This was during the episode where you, Andy,
and I competed for hobbies podcasts. So, um, we,
I the podcast that I brought was actually a podcast called My Heart is in Vermont, which starred a girl named Jill, and her hobby was reborn dolls.
So these are dolls that are hyper realistic and adult women pretend like they are real.
Get the fuck out of here.
It's creepy as shit. Pretend like they are real
They take them shopping they do everything that you would do with an actual baby they do with these babies
It's like okay your toddler died, I'm sorry that happened to you, but you can't just recreate a new future for yourself
Your toddler died you think I'm gonna trust you with an ultra realistic expensive doll
Okay, you guys just hit the nail on the head entirely a lot of these you would think that a lot of these women
The reason that they're doing this is because they had a baby pass away
And they're having a traumatic response to that but no no what we learned last time that we visited this
was that they are women who have husbands and real children that they're neglecting and
Again, these babies are Vinny also totally got this.
They are extremely expensive. They're like a thousand dollars a piece.
There's a baby crying in the other room. You're like, shut up! I'm making a video of my fake
kid.
Yup, that's exactly right.
It's all right.
You're bothering little Billy here. Stop it.
The craziest part about this little subsect of the world is that they have so many followers
So my heart is in Vermont has about a hundred thousand followers on YouTube
15,000 last I checked
However almost all of the other ones have over a million Wow. Oh, so this is the shitty one
That's why we that's why we're looking at Jill Now I will tell you I'm a little bit sad to report it does look like Jill has kind of taken some time off but we do have some new material since the last time that we visited her.
But before we get into her new stuff, we need to have a reminder in my clip one of what this hobby is all about.
Isn't she so adorable. What in the oh my gosh.
Oh yeah he did do a number two
That just looks so bad. Oh god. I know I'm touching it. I'm so sorry
Oh boy, this girl really had a load full. Huge diaper blowout. Look at that
Nobody even noticed you guys just let me put my hand in it. Let's get you
Cleaned up. I don't know why torture myself like this. What the fuck is this? I thought we were friends Lucy
Lock these women up put them in a
Sanitarium they're fantasizing about their baby having the shits. That's fucking disgusting. It's a good waste of peanut butter
It's I mean it's just completely insane so again this was just kind of a general overview of what the hobby is like these women are
So deep in the fantasy that they are playing with fake poop that they are creating and then they're acting like oh my god
What a shock my baby had a poopy also you put that in there if that was a real baby that baby's arm would be dislocated
She'd be a terrible
Yeah, a lot of them get in trouble because they throw these things in the dishwasher
throw these things in the dishwasher. It's real easy to giggle about it
when it's peanut butter and chocolate
and it's not the most foul substance
like hitting your new carpet and your hands
and your own clothes.
It's like, this is all funny games.
It's not how it really is.
I could never imagine my wife coming home
with something like this.
This is completely insane.
This is the most insane thing
I've ever seen you have to be out of right. I bet you these lunatics
There's got there's women that are married to dudes who are walking in finding their women just breastfeeding these things Carl
I just like humming to themselves, and he's gonna go home after this and hug and kiss his wife
She's gonna go what the fuck is going on?
So Vinny I you are totally you're again exactly correct about this.
When we first visited this podcast, what we learned is that Jill has a husband and she made his entire side of the bedroom,
the baby crib and all of the stuff for the baby. He has been emasculated beyond belief.
So before again, we get into the stuff that Jill
is doing now, we are going to check out my clip too. Last time Jill was showing us her new baby,
Poppy. She already had one baby who was named Clementine. So Poppy was going to become the
sister to Clementine. And this is all the beauty of the babies that we got to see last time.
This gorgeous baby is highly, highly detailed. She has a ton of Lanugo, Melia, baby acne,
baby scratches, a milk blister. She even has spit bubbles, you guys.
Oh, good. All the things I like about a baby and she stinks nice, all right
Constantly crying I
Have a question here. Well
So when she gets a sister for this other baby does she have to get another baby so that baby gets older than the young
Baby, that's a good question. No, that's really
Since does she wait 10 or 11 months to that's the other question I have
Yeah, we don't want to get right into it
No, we got to teach you some stuff
Speaking as the dad
In the room during the birth
I'm very interested to find out if the dad smoked
a cigar when the UPS guy came over like what is this bill what are we doing
well she won't answer a divorce so so we are actually going to get to see her
bring in a new baby to add to her collection. So this is going to be my clip three.
But this time she has decided to have a baby that has a congenital disease.
The sculptor of this baby is Vincenza Care over at Cenza Dolls. And she's also sculpted babies
with Down syndrome and dwarfism Wheel consequences buy one
Buy one and go out in public with it. She is way more normal-looking than I was expecting
Yes, oh really all the topaz and turquoise around her neck makes her look normal. I mean, she's a freak show
Well if you crop all that out yeah, yeah if you pan over there's an orderly with a butterfly net sneaking up on her
How did you get a camera I like the idea though that they make little stuttering John baby's dwarfism
They make midget babies. It's crazy, right? It's very excited
Come with hemorrhoids, I just want to know what covered cherry blocks
What do you want to know I just want to know what this company that makes these
I dropped it. What do you want to know? I just want to know what this company that makes these like what was the original?
Purpose of the making of because to me this smacks of creeps
Wanting to get their hands on a rubber, baby
So not so great. I'm so ought to play pretend you think about you so does start of this guy. Yes, I do
And then this was just like they're like, oh shit a new market
lunatics So wait, you're gonna jerk you're going to jerk off on them?
All right, I'll sell it to you.
I mean, it's not what's made for me, but fine.
Do you want a vibrating one or no vibrating?
There's no teeth, right?
Yeah, there's no teeth, it's newborn.
Okay, good.
So Jill is actually a creator of these dolls
This is her adding to her collection
But one of the things that she does is she actually paints the babies so like there are some people who make the dolls
And then there are other people who paint them and then there are other people who put hair in them
And then it's like a whole big fucking process. It's completely completely absurd
We are going to find out about, so again,
she got this new baby that has a congenital disease. In clip four, we're going to find
out how she feels about this new freak show of a baby that she got.
I don't know how I feel about having a baby with a type of condition because it almost
feels weird. Like, you know, you're collecting it like it's some oddity.
One of us.
One of us.
You should feel weird about that.
Yeah.
She's having post-purchase partum depression.
She should feel weird about collecting the ones without oddities as well.
I mean, it's just...
Imagine how bummed out the parents were of the model.
Yeah.
You should feel fine.
You have a baby that is not afflicted.
It's not even a real baby.
It's not afflicted with anything.
You chose it.
It wasn't thrust upon you.
You're fine.
I'm not listening.
It's a real baby.
Oh, look at those dead eyes.
I know.
Like a doll's eyes.
We know that she got this new baby.
We know that it has some sort of congenital disease.
So in clip five, let's check out the new baby.
And I'm just going to warn you as we start looking at this clip, all of these reborn
doll collectors do this thing where they reveal every piece of the baby individually
Okay
So like first you get to see the feet first
You get to see the hands or second you get to see the hands and this is going to be her revealing the baby's face
Oh my gosh
Oh my little baby and a one
Look at that beautiful little chin. Okay, so she's very happy with this baby and also not so bad, right?
We were expecting like, stuttering, John baby, disgusting, horrifying. Let's go ahead and find out what disease this baby has in
my clip 6.
Oh my goodness.
Resting bitch face.
Oh no.
Is that another head growing out? Oh, it's got two faces.
Oh my gosh. Oh, it's got two faces
Carl it's like a Masters of the universe figure
Many faces now I want one
Step right up folks. I thought it has a tail too
Yeah, so this is I there is some name for this disease. It's effectively a conjoined twin.
It's called dipstheria or something like that.
I honestly didn't care because this was so horrifying.
She is just elated that one of the babies has their eyes closed,
and the other one has its eyes opened.
This is Gianna and Gemma or something like that.
If Isodo gets this baby, is it considered a threesome?
Yes.
Ask me for a friend.
Yes.
Yes, this is her new baby that she's added to the collection, but she's still up to
her old antics.
In my clip seven, let's not forget, and we already talked about this a little bit, but
she has real kids that she loves to ignore. Yay
So now I have a baby. I can put all my big bows on
Does look prettier
Okay, so let's go ahead and open up
The rest of the goodies that came in her box opening. Is she doing that on purpose? Why would you leave that in?
comes with two pairs of sunglasses
Why would you leave that in? Comes with two pairs of sunglasses.
Because she was really proud of the fact that she could fit bows on this monstrosity's head.
So she couldn't cut that out.
Do you show this thing to your kids?
No, they would give them nightmares forever.
Okay, so I did not pull clips of this, but she actually does have the kids come in and play with this new baby.
And it ended up being really boring. I thought it was going to be very exciting.
The kids do not give a fuck about this baby.
However, at one point the kids do bring out their pet rabbit
and they are just so excited about showing off their pet rabbit.
Like, they hate this baby.
Carl, I think you made the joke.
How many times do the kids punch the baby in the...
the fake baby in the head?
Like, this is the sibling that has to go
These kids are gonna be thankful one day that this woman recorded all this stuff
So it's gonna be way easier than having to explain it all to a therapist
Here's the video. This is my mom's YouTube channel. She preferred this two-faced monstrosity over me now when you throw this baby
Do you grip it by the nose is that like the scene?
You get two fingers in the mouth one in a nostril
As a little bonus we are just going to
As a little bonus, we are just going to hear Jill explaining to us that this doll creator does in fact create replicas of dead babies.
She offers something called Heaven's Door dolls.
And what that is is basically if you are a grieving parent and you want a dog created in the likeness of your baby that has passed
Chen's a can sculpt this baby for you
The original you can customize the coffin as well
Color gray like your baby skin to be this is a little alarming to the way she reveals I mean yeah we're suffocating that yeah
the baby's being smothered as we speak yes the big baby so part of the show coins over the eyes
So my nine this is actually just gonna be a screenshot
We are going to get to see some of these little monstrosities that are the dead baby collection
And they look so bad. That's Bad that's Yeah, they're not great
My lord wow that's disturbing I want one of the smallest of on Eric can someone please make that for me
Lucy well, thank you for
My heart is in Vermont. Yes, it's the name of that channel if you want to check it out
little misleading
All right
I believe it was Dave in the chat that pointed out it looks like Lucy's sitting next to Merche that is not
Merche for your vengence that is trucker Andy and Andy what did you bring for us for the worst podcast of 2024?
We've covered mental illness. That's how that's always good for
We've covered people phoning it in, lazy podcasts.
But what about people that are trying way too hard and are also into improv?
I wasn't on this show and I remember listening to it and I was infuriated.
It's so aggravating and awful this it I brought good pud. Yeah, which
was
it's an insufferable brother and sister team Henry and Jackie is a browsky and
My first clip I decided to do a previously on so this is the roundup of good pud
So I'm this is like a spin-off from last podcast on the left
So he talked about this really good banana pudding, which led to a rant about pudding
and how he should host a show called Good Pud, where he reviews pudding.
And then it turned into Good Pud, I don't even know how to pronounce this stupid thing.
Like short for pudding.
Yeah, Pud.
Good Pud with his sister Jackie
I mean that the guy brought up the flute and she just lost her mind
She's like I was talking about a flute earlier in the show
So now I'm going to go nuts with that and everyone's gonna think it's the funniest thing they've ever seen we just lost Erock
Oh, no, Erock's like I can't be a part of it anymore
I'm also leaving. Oh no, everyone's abandoning me. I hate this fucking show, right?
Oh, no, everyone's abandoning me. I hate this fucking show, right?
The beginning in the end of the initial coverage of this just so to remind people how fucking bad it was
That makes me miss Lizzo
Watch you this idiot play air flute.
So this seems like two people that have done way too much cocaine on this one.
And what is the right now?
This episode came out two weeks ago, which is all about weed.
So instead of being all hyped up, now they're gonna be way chilled out and in clip two here this is
they're eating this strawberry cake butter with free pebbles in it and just
going on and on about how great it is and getting super fucking high
oh no she said 60 milligrams in each little book oh no She's had 60 milligrams in each in each little book. Oh no. We get in there rub. Oh my god. That's good
Rob that's good
That's good. Oh
No, I think this is gonna be an all eat nip
I'm a grab em. It's really good
Man we are jamming, you know, I like it if you would jam it alongside with me, you know what I love
Shut the fuck up So the returning to be high that's the bit for this episode
Yeah
the smoke I mean
I think there is weed in there as we're gonna see there. It's things that are not funny at all are going to get super hilarious. But
the smoke is fake. It's fair use Jamaican music. They're talking about, you know, how
high they're getting. It's just a hack, dare I say. Oh, yeah. This show is brutal. And
it's the guy from last podcast on the left. It's a huge show. They've been doing it for
over a decade
He should know better than us if only his friend Ben was still around what do you do it?
Right Ben was there to slap around a little bit
In clip three this this to my point this is
the weed kicks in and you're gonna you're gonna be wondering where the joke is as they fall out about
just from dead silence into hilarious laughter
That's what she was doing it's like mom, please you have a single favorite weed smoking moment you that sentence
Just brings out fear in your mind
Yes Just brings out fear in your mind Yes
Is that because it got real for a quick second
Did I have to share a fucking wound with these two to get the joke?
I guess so, yes. You gotta be there. Fuck!
You also need to eat 60 milligrams of weed pudding. Oh no, Vinny's done that
Yeah 60 milligrams of name put nobody's done that
Okay, did you guys know that when you get super high that music becomes a lot more fun to listen to yes
I've heard that yeah
No, but people told me that also Wow I was looking at marijuana news. This headline says, Marijuana enhances enjoyment of music, new study finds.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm gonna let you in a little secret synthwave royalty free synthwave is fucking rock and roll
It was a routine generic reggae and reggae
I'm sure it is. Yeah, I just like it the edge she goes synthwave is rock and roll. No, actually it's not. It's synthwave.
Definitely not, yeah.
But clip five, this is
More low-hanging fruit. I mean it's try hard and lazy all at the same time.
Ugh.
No accent.
Not a moment of pain. No accent. I'm very proud of you, Henry. You trained. This is my training.
You were listening to my training. No no chat no Jamaican accent at all
you are Jamaican me crazy deal no Jesus Christ she couldn't help herself and the
quick zoom ins and everything they do with these assholes everything just
makes it worse everything they do makes the show worse than it would have been
yeah and I don't want to get closer to her. That's for sure. Saying you
are Jamaican. It's Jamaican me crazy. Say you are Jamaican me
crazy. Not to be a joke. Wrong. Yeah. Get it right. It's like
saying ATM machine. You fucked it up a little redundant.
Yeah. She's so proud to. Yeah. Look what I did. Damn it. That
is the biggest problem I have with the show is how proud of themselves they are
throughout the entire episode. It's unwatchable. Yeah, they think they're killing it.
And in clip six, Jackie is going to tell a story about what that she looks like a salamander when
she gets really like squinty smile face when she's super high so Jeff usually calls it salamander face because I look like that meme of that happy
salamander of
Just whenever my eyes can't open all the way
But I'm actually feel like happy partially what we could do is put a little bag over your head
And so you can go to sleep could it be a plastic bag
She looks like the victim of Joker gas when she does that she does and
Clip seven oh She looks like the victim of Joker gas when she does that. She does. And clip seven.
Oh, so who does their makeup worse?
Chrissy or this woman?
She has just the worst makeup possible.
This is how you know it's improv because they're gonna break in a song and it's they just are saying the first things that come to their minds and none of it works in any single way.
It doesn't necessarily mean pushing your limits.
I can smoke twice as high.
That's what I tell myself.
Just take a look.
It's in your body.
Yeah.
Just smoke it down bitch.
Jackie.
Good stuff. Not one swing connected.
Nothing rhymed.
Let's try all the voices and all the words and none of it works.
If this was a little league game, the coach would be like, why don't you come sit back
down on the bench?
I feel like there's a gas leak in there.
I thought that there's smoke in there. I thought that they're smoking
Yeah, that's carbon monoxide gas
Okay, just a big open pipe
And Henry is going to try and big-time Jackie with a story about celebrity smoke out that he had
What's your favorite weed experience you've ever had?
Just weed experience in general like example is like the the only like I'm not a big like smoking with celebrities guy But I did get to smoke with Greg proofs and he was hilarious. He was fucking hilarious
Why were you smoking weed with Greg Proops?
I was at Just For Laughs in Montreal. Dude, that's fun.
That was like the closest example of like, what was your like...
You know, cool one?
No, man, my life is not cool.
Of course. He's hanging out with another fucking improv asshole.
You can only imagine what that smoke session was like.
My life's not cool, Yes, we know we could tell
Proops is a god on the improv
Looks really looks up to him for sure. He wears those ironic glasses just like I do
All right last one oh this I just called this clip this didn't age well
And you guys want a female president
You gotta vote for yeah, we are
Check I don't need a fucking we know you don't need a copy of we don't talk about right here
Well done
Recorded this decided that it was terrible and they just put it in the bank so they could release it near Christmas
Yeah, because it sucks and they needed a week off that show is awful And I will get complaints that you played clips of it because people fucking hate that show so much
I don't even like hearing clips of the show. No, it's so bad. It's terrible. So thank you
Thank you for the hat and the great presentation as always. With Uber Reserve, good things
come to those who plan ahead. Family vacay, reserve your ride
as soon as you book your flights. To all the planners. Now you can
reserve your Uber ride up to 90 days in advance. See Uber app
for details. This is an ad from BetterHelp. This holiday season
do something for a special person in your life.
You. Give yourself the gift of better mental health.
BetterHelp online therapy connects you with a qualified therapist via phone, video, or live chat.
It's convenient and affordable and can be done from the comfort of your own home.
Having someone to talk to is truly a gift, especially during the holidays.
Visit BetterHelp.com to learn more
and save 10% off your first month.
That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com.
Now, Jen.
Yes.
You also brought a podcast from 2024.
What did you pick out?
I picked out, this is Mariah, Maria?
Yeah, it's hard to tell.
It's spelled M-A-R-I-Y-A.
Yes, I think it's Maria, the way she says it, I think.
Yeah, she is a self-help guru, slash shyster. I got on her website while I was listening to this,
and what she's going to talk about in clip one is her womb healing and restoration workshop,
and you can get this for $125.
Oh, is that all?
That's way cheaper than buying a dead baby doll. Just get your womb fixed, honey. Please take my money.
The workshop is going to be devoted to sacral chakra healing as well as the womb restoration.
So we're going to be talking about the womb space and the workshop is for women.
So we're going to be talking about the major trauma of that energy center.
What is the trauma, the stress, the drama, everything that is stored in that very important
female energy center or very important energy center specifically for women, shall I say?
We're going to look at painful periods. We're going to look at menopause. We're going to
look at miscarriages, abortions, why and what happens after you give birth and why you have energy leaks. We're going to look at energetically what happens.
Yeah, so if you continue on down her website, I just want to throw this in there. She also has
an experience called the hero's journey. You can spend three days with her in either her Southwest Florida home.
Okay.
Or, to loom in a villa.
How much?
$125,000.
Yes, she is.
I've talked about this just recently,
I think yesterday on this little piggy.
The word grift in the devil verse
is being thrown around to meet
a lot of different things these days.
It's like, if you read a super chat
and you're grifting your audience for some
reason, no, this is what a grift is.
Charging $128,000 to talk about your painful fucking period. That's a grift.
Wait, can I ask, okay, is this, is this the scent bird woman?
Yeah. Am I mixing? Yes. Okay. Okay.
I only listened to this episode. I only,
I only did audio when I was listening to this one when we did it
When you guys did it originally?
Did she always close her eyes like this? What is up with the eyes closing?
She does the whole show with her eyes closed. Yeah, this entire episode. She did not open her eyes once. What the heck?
It's so that she's channeling. She's connected. It's not about visuals all the other senses come on
Makeup don't put on makeup
Fascinating oh fascinating I hate it about her. She's flaunting her wealth
She's got a full face of makeup her nails are done
shirt cost a lot of money and
I don't know if it's her villa in Tulum, but she has access to one.
So she's got-
Well, $125,000.
Yeah, I could get a villa in Tulum.
No problem.
But so this episode goes on and it is about birthdays.
Now she talks about a lot of things you should do on your birthday.
And my clip to you is the shedding.
Okay.
The shedding feels like removing old skin.
Like almost imagine that there is like in a meditative state, right?
Almost imagine that you have like a layer of skin that you can remove or you can imagine
it as like a piece of clothing that you want to take off.
And be very intentional about actually naming as you're taking off this old clothing name and say specifically
What is the pattern the energy the habit that you would like to release or you are releasing?
I gotta say that where they lose me is when everything's make-believe
Alright, so this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna make believe you're doing this thing that can't be done like that
Well, I stopped playing make-believe a long time ago. So
Free content, so maybe you get something better if you're paying her like
Dollars, I don't know. I doubt it
And then what what do you do after the shedding and that's my clip three. Okay
Money
Birthday I thought it was a grift at the end
That was big for super chance
But so the shedding you may also choose to do a little bit of like an etheric shower on an
Or an energy shower right afterwards. So almost like feeling like it's raining from the heavens and it's gold on
Gold is a good
Some of you may want to imagine like a blue rain actually and then that rain just taking things off of you energetically
I like to help with the shedding so this
Maybe it's like a warm and stinky
So then
You know when you're born when you're a baby, I mean you must as a baby claim your life for us
That's what she's saying.
And then it should feel like you're this newly birthed baby.
It's almost like you're going through a birth canal again, right?
When babies go through a birth canal, it's actually a very interesting, challenging,
but beautiful time because the baby that naturally goes through a birth canal needs to claim
its life force.
Now does it count if you had a c-section?
No.
So you naturally through the birth canal.
You get to claim no life force?
Correct.
Well, then you're fucked.
Unless you have $125,000 that you want to part with and then she'll make an exception
for you.
Oh, God.
Okay.
So then my clip five is pretty self-explanatory, I think.
Of course, during your actual birthday, you're still going through a birth canal, right?
And so that's...
No, only the first one.
Only the first one.
Never again after that.
Just that one time.
Why, you know, energetically, right?
In a meditation, imagining that you are going through a birth canal of sorts, you don't
have to imagine your mother's body anymore.
But almost like imagine it as a tube or some type of.
What if I want to?
What if I imagine your mom's body?
What a birthday.
I imagine that I shed my imaginary latent homosexuality
sweater.
And then I was golden showered by my dad's respect
Before I climbed out of my I was visualizing my mom's vagina. What a day
You're getting it
If only you had a hundred and twenty five thousand dollars
I don't think he needs to I think he's got to figure it out as a tube or some type of pipe and you're going
through it and the pipe is gold and the pipe is white and you know as you're going through the pipe I just imagine moving
through the pipe after you've done the shedding and then think and focus on what is it that
you would like to re-emerge as.
So after the shedding you go through the birth canal.
Okay.
Take note guys.
Well since we're-
Because otherwise you won't fit.
Since we're imagining things can I imagine punching this woman in the face?
She won't see it coming
But she is very thorough because after you emerge
She explains what's going to happen
which is so here what I would invite for you to do is once you emerge from the birth canal on the other side you greet
the Sun and you to do is once you emerge from the birth canal on the other side, you greet the sun
and you open up essentially your heart and your solar plexus and then you start receiving
the energy of the sun into these two chakras first, your heart and your solar plexus in
the middle of your belly.
And you start receiving them.
Just imagine it as a golden stream of light pouring into your body.
She's really all about the gold.
Yeah, everything is gold with her.
It's streaming.
Yeah, she's got a ton of money.
She does have a ton of money.
Her website is very revealing to that.
It's a very lovely website.
The clothes she wears on this website,
and also some of the imagery,
it's all these really beautiful women
Well, it's because you want to aspire to be like her and that's why you'd give her money like oh, wow
She looks that she's got it all. I guess what a little life like that person. I don't even have to open my eyes
I know well odd though that like
Hocktua was run from the internet because she tried to make that meme coin thing happen and this lady gets to continue doing this
Yeah, because no one knows who she is or cares.
Right, yeah.
She's helping people.
Oh, she's helping people.
I forgot.
My bad.
And then she goes on to say how your higher self should gift you for your birthday.
Allow that parcel to unpack and claim its space, claim its territory within your body.
And then it'll do what it needs to do.
You don't have to worry too much about what happens with that energy because the energy
is going to be used up in the process of you living your new solar year.
And it's, you know, the energy is there for a reason.
Just trust the process.
Trust that there is a method to this madness.
Trust me.
Well, I saw Producer Chris nodding his head
along with it. Does anyone know what she's talking about? Does this make sense to anyone?
She just did like the new age equivalent of wait for it. Yeah, just trust me. I was nodding
because I was thinking of Chrissy Salem. It's just like setting up all this stuff. Yeah,
it just works through it. You move that parcel and you get it. Yeah, and energy. I mean,
it doesn't matter how much it is cuz you'll use it up, right?
You know other than good food
I think that all of the podcasts that we brought have had the same reoccurring theme of like these people are just like
Shilling their bullshit and they're they're so in love with whatever they're doing that. It doesn't matter that none of it is
None of it makes any sense
None of it makes sense. I I don't know what I would do with this information.
I can't even, so on my birthday I'm supposed to imagine
coming on my mom's vagina.
Every year.
That big black pipe.
Every year.
There is a lot of pipe involved.
She does stipulate though that you can't do,
you could do it a day before, the day up,
but not the day after.
I didn't even clip anything about that
because it's nonsense.
Did you notice though, she also said this next solar year as opposed to all those other types of years that people live on earth
It's a solar year. Okay, I don't know what years she thinks there are but she thinks there's more than one
So anyway, I I'm done with this but she goes on to answer some questions. Oh good
Should we be making a wish
while blowing out candles? The next question is, so should we be making a wish while we're
blowing out candles or is this like a, you know, useless? It's not as useful as an intentional
process of building out a vision board or like
being very intentional in your journal around the things that you want to
create for your life.
I like that she goes, it's not as good as a vision board.
No, it's great.
Let's make it a wish while blowing your candles.
Trust me, it's awesome.
It's just not as great.
It's just not as great.
But then she tells us how she really feels about it in my clip nine.
And in fact, I mean, do I really love the blowing out of the candles?
I don't know, because candle, like, you know, fire represents life force.
So it's like blowing out a candle is kind of like blowing out your own life force in a way.
And part of it is actually connected to the ritual of aging.
I don't know that,'t know that blowing out the candles
is all that beneficial.
Again, how harmful it is.
All other things considered that age you,
blowing out a candle on your birthday
is probably not the worst.
She's really struggling with this one.
She has four candles on that mantle behind her.
Does she just leave those lit forever?
Am I supposed to just eat around the candle?
Yeah.
I burned my hair off again, mom!
Why would someone even ask that question?
What a stupid question.
What kind of listeners?
Imagine asking this broad how her day was.
No.
Nobody would ever ask. Nobody cares.
Anyhow.
She does sum up all of this,
and that is my final tip.
Oh good. I need a summary. Yes, sum it up, baby
Okay
In other words, uh, it doesn't really matter if you spend the day alone or you spend the day with a group as long as
You devote some alone time for rituals or for for a meditation and listen if you cannot devote an hour, that's fine
Do the journaling the day prior so you can at least do the quick like 10 minute exercise of passing through the birth canal and then
Reemerging on the other side to claim the energies of the sun. Yep. Just do that. That's the most important
So not like losing your skin and taking that golden shower. It's really just the birth canal
And clean the energies of minutes. My mom told me took like 17 hours
My mom's cool. My mom's tight.
And that is my presentation of Maria.
All right.
Well, that is-
I don't know what her name is.
That is confusing and awful.
And thank you for bringing that in for us.
No problem.
It fits right in.
Jen, we have one more presentation to go.
And Vinnie Paulino, you brought one that I'm happy you brought because I've been meaning to get back to this podcast. We've never done this on the regular show. we have one more presentation
You're right. That was my bad because when we did this with Dick Madison, Fierce Fatty, it was one of my favorite episodes we've done with the crossovers.
Well, Carl, if you hit my clip zero, you'll give everybody a nice recap of what her show
is.
I'm Victoria Wellesby, PEDX speaker, bestselling author and fat activist. I have transformed
my life from hating my body with desperately low self-esteem to being
a courageous and confident fierce fatty who loves every inch of this jelly.
Society teaches us living in a fat body is bad but what if we spent less time, money
and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually
matter like if pineapple on pizza should be
outlawed or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century. So how do you
stop negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the Fierce Fatty
podcast. Let's begin. So where to start, which is society's fault because that's what this all comes down to.
Is this woman can't get on an airplane
without buying two tickets,
and yet she's like, no this is fine,
this is fucking normal, this is great.
It's on you.
Right, it's my problem.
What she's done is she's decided
to flip the script on everybody,
and we're gonna go through some stories
that she told on her recent episodes,
but to really sum up her mentality,
why don't you go with my clip one. I called it Stuart Largie is sorry. Everyone else is a problem
All right, so how to protect yourself from anti-fat bias this holiday shoo-john
First off. I just want to give you a big fat juicy warm
Hug gross just hug you
And say
You are worthy. You always were. You always will be. Your body
is not wrong. Your body is not bad. You are not greedy for eating food. You are not lazy.
You deserve comfort and peace and acceptance. And if the people around you don't get that,
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm so sorry
if that's your experience that's right if other people don't get that you should
just be allowed to spill over on them when you sit next to them on the bus
it's you know I'm sorry that's happening to you that other people are offended
also so this woman born in Ireland moved to Canada yeah she was on a British
reality show that's how she got famous oh is that what she was Yeah, she was on a British reality show. That's how she got famous. Oh, is that what she was doing? Yeah, she was on a British reality show
about fat people. Yeah, yeah. So she lives in Canada and they have universal
health care there. Yeah. So that's a problem right there. Yeah. And Trump
wants to take it over and make it the fruity fifty-first date. I say watch
this first. You better do that. She tips it over
Hold on, you know, I'm gonna skip over my clipped over to just for the sake of time here
But you brought up the medical stuff because that's what I want to talk about
She tells us some great stories about her going to the doctor recently clip number three
Don't change anything
three. That just said don't change anything. No.
I got my yearly physical at the doctor. Well, I called and I was like, I need to get a, I need to get a pap.
She's still out of breath.
I'm telling you.
You are going to be so flummoxed by the amount of cope that this woman has.
Okay, I'm looking forward.
I need to get a pap booked in. Yeah. So the guy was like, Oh, do you want to get your
yearly physical done? And I was like, I've never had a yearly physical before so let's do it
I don't know what is involved story checks out. How no clue
Yearly physical you say, huh?
That a new thing you guys just invented. What is that? This sounds exciting. I wonder what it's gonna be all about
Well, let's find out with my next clip. Alright.
Getting your blood work and your blood pressure and then he was like,
well part of the physical, I need to know your height and your weight and I was like,
no thank you, I can tell you what my height is and he's like, yeah we need to know your weight as
well and I was like, no thank you and he's like, oh it's a part of the physical and I was like,
no thank you and he's like, okay. I said I'm 5'7". He's like, wrote it on his piece of paper and then
walked away and I was like,
weren't you just telling me you were on the phone with them?
You just called it for an appointment. Yeah. And now all of a sudden he's in there.
He's writing something down all snarky and walking away and you're just,
I can't believe it. Now the Ash, the Infinifat person, we've talked about that too.
We talked about her with Dr. Steve and stuff. So it like this fat acceptance like it's great that we have these giant bodies
Even though we can't get into cars and we can't do most of the jobs people have and you have a lot of it's the cars
That are wrong
Thank God for Elon Musk of the Cybertruck
But the fact that they won't tell their way to a physician tells me they know they're doing something wrong exactly right because what do you just be like?
I'm fucking
392 what?
When when your question when your car's muffler is hanging off and your inspection is up
You just don't go to the doctor for your yearly inspection because you know it's not gonna pass
That's what you're describing. You know it's right and they don't ask you how much you wait they put you on a scale
Yeah, I mean that is for themselves. That is true
I was gonna say I'm just imagining that the doctor already had her on one of those elephant scales
So he already knew the answer and that's why he's walking away like an asshole like she's like on the phone with the guy
What does this involve well for you a horse trailer?
What does this involve? Well, for you a horse trailer.
You're not wrong, Kaylee. You are not wrong at all.
But I like how she kind of does what Stuttering John does. And she explains what she would have said if he kept going and didn't walk away
like a gentleman.
He was like, but we need it. I would say, um,
I have a history of disordered eating and an eating disorder and weighing me
would be bad for my mental health
I thought everything you do is great. How is it a disorder?
Now it's a disorder and sounds like you should get that fixed. Isn't that like what you do with disorders?
You try to correct them
I have an eating disorder and i'm fine with it. Well, yeah, I have a smoking cigarettes disorder and i'm fine with that, too
Yeah, but if you mention it, I get fucking freaked out
Right exactly. How many cigarettes do you mention it I get fucking freaked out
Doctor I have a disorder, please
I smoke and at the beginning of this she's like wishing everyone
Well, and I hope you're dealing well with your weight and yeah, this and then she's not she's not
With all these podcasts Chris, you're right though. You can't start your show going. Oh, you're not fat and lazy. Well, you don't know that I just ordered a pizza and paid the delivery guy extra so they would bring it in my house to me on the couch
So that I wouldn't have to get up. You don't know what's going on
Well, yeah, you just got a call on a Tuesday and it's for Tim
Good part-time job. Listen, here's the thing.
This continues to go on this dialogue of what she would have
said if they kept going at her, because that's an insane way
to look at this.
She's very combative.
So this is what would happen if he pressed on, number six.
And then if they pressed any more,
I would say health weight is not an indicator of health.
If I need to, if we need my weight
to calculate medication doses, dosages, then that is absolutely fine. But as a general
screening, it's not necessary. So I had that all prepared.
Okay, I bet you had it prepared.
Yeah. So she's ready to fight with any of these people who want to know how much she
weighs. If she saw a carnival barker, would fight them But she doesn't want anybody to have any idea. I'll guess you're right. I'll fuck you up
That has nothing to do with my health sir. I want to point out Robo shit stain in the discord
Notice that she's wearing your onion rings for your
Notice her
Those are my emergency rings
appropriate. Yes. Those are my emergency rings. Your lipstick is ketchup. Oh, you paint a picture.
She's lovely, actually. Now, she tells a story about, now those are the hypothetical things that could have happened. Right, which is a very grown up thing to do is to relive something and then I
would have done this and then they would have said that and I would've been like this. And then I had a salad.
Yeah, right.
Well, listen to what happens next.
This is what actually happened, COOP7.
And then I went and got my blood pressure,
and my heart was beating because of that.
And listen, I do this.
This is my job, right, talking about this stuff.
And having a very pleasant no thank you,
I had to say no thank you twice.
A very pleasant no thank you,
and then he just said okay, and then walked away.
That caused my heart to start beating.
And so then when I got my blood pressure done,
one of the numbers was too high.
Yeah.
One of the numbers was too high
because of the conversation she had before that. yes, Carl. That is exactly what happened
That's exactly what this fatso is claiming this guy got her so riled up by just going oh, okay and walking away
Okay, Carl. I'm not even kidding you she is convinced listen to the next clip wait wait before we go to onto the next clip
I'm so sorry Carl. Can you scoot back a little bit?
I want to see her fingernails because it looks like
Get out of here, okay
It looks like she has cat claws for fingernail is that not why are they pointing upwards?
What is happening on her fingernails?
She's not reachers because I've never seen nails too skinny to fit on a fat lady's
I'm I got very distracted by that. All right, sorry
That is weird. All right. So listen, she's dead serious
This is why her heartbeat was so much was so high and I was just about to get my pap and she's like, oh that other number is a bit high.
And I said, could it be due to stress?
And she's like, well yes.
You are sat on the bed with no clothes and just a paper gown about to have a pap.
So yeah.
And I was thinking, yeah.
And I also had to deny being weighed.
And I didn't know how the doctor was going to act.
I didn't know if the doctor was going to kick down the door to the exam room and be like, bitch, give us your weight. Why are you
telling us your weight? Get out, you know. And so my heart was just beating faster than normal.
And so anyway, I still have to go back in a couple of weeks to get my blood pressure taken again,
because hopefully I won't be as stressed.
This time don't have a conversation ahead of time. We know that stresses you out so much.
Do you realize I would say that she's like the doctors gonna kick in the door and say you fat bitch get on the scale.
Yes.
And then he reveals a huge studio audience while they're watching her.
Pointing at her.
Look at the fanny on the scale.
Welcome to Way Fanny fatty everyone's favorite reality show
Carl she had she tells a story she goes into it like how terrible these doctors that are and how
Like she's very anti doctor. It seems like most fatties on
Things like eat less and exercise more
Wait you see hear this shit?
Put down that sandwich.
Hey, that was my lunch.
She had to go have an endoscope, which is what they have when you're having digestion problems
and stuff with the intestines and your stomachs. That's why they give you that.
Okay.
Okay. She goes to have an endoscopy clip number nine. What
is that called? Anyway, she put the bum at the mouse and put the camera. They have a
look endoscope, something like that. Anyway, she put the bum in the mouth, had a look,
took some biopsies, see if there's anything wrong in there. No, there's nothing. So conclusion,
lose some weight. They couldn't get through the whopper.
That's why they couldn't find anything.
She goes in there because she's having all these problems with her digestion and her stomach
impairment. I'm guessing. I don't know.
That's why you would have that.
Yeah, for sure.
So they say to you, maybe it's because you're overweight.
Maybe it's you're eating too much.
You need to lose some weight.
What? What does that have to do with the fact that I can't digest stuff? Yeah, just because I'm shitting seven times a day doesn't mean I're eating too much. You need to lose some weight. What what does that have to do with the fact that?
I can't digest stuff. Yeah, just cuz I'm shitting seven times a day doesn't mean I'm eating too much
Does it just because they're police horses that make it?
Okay, oh so
Clip number ten. She keeps going about this. They could they don't know what it is
So they've done all these investigations.
And so they're just like, try not being fat. How about that? And as well,
I was, I was, I was pretty small. I was like a small fat at the time.
I'm still fat. It's like, what, what, why?
This was years ago. She's put on more weight since then.
What is a small fat?
A small fat.
I'm not fat, I'm big boned.
That sounds like that.
Now she explains how these doctors are unethical because of this.
What evidence, you're a specialist in this area and all you can say is do this is to lose weight.
What does that got to do with anything?
Like it works.
Oh, just make me mad.
And it's so unethical.
Like lose weight.
Oh, okay.
How do you do that then?
Oh, no study ever once produced in the history of the world that shows any, uh, method of
weight loss is effective.
Oh, so this is her go-to thing. I've heard other fatties do this too, where they're like
98% of diets don't work. Well, yeah, it's because of your willpower. It's not because of the diet.
Eating less and exercising more will 100% of the time cause you to lose weight, but you lose the
willpower and you want that onion ring earrings so fucking bad Well now I do too
I am hungry when I look at those now Carl. I got some I
Got proof why this is the worst podcast. Oh, not only is she completely in denial. She's also thin-skinned
Oh wow. It doesn't distract. Yeah, usually there's a layer under there though. So my clip number 12 is she got a bad review and she's not pleased about it. I checked out my podcast reviews.
Guess what? I got two one-star reviews. The first one-star review since I started, I got a one-star review when I started the podcast like
five years ago and so in the five years since I think it's only been five star
reviews and one of them I don't know what this person is saying this one
person says lies to self heart health is a real thing please stop spreading lies
pretty good review right there yes you guys notice even her microphone is fat
But she keeps going on that she has a response to that about how about heart health
Yeah, and by the way that person gave you one star isn't listening to this. They've stopped listening to a show
Well, don't worry. She's gonna show him. Listen. I'm up to 194 episodes of the podcast not once
Ever have I spoken about heart health so I don't know
Nowhere nowhere in any content I've ever produced have I spoken about heart health
Now you just said that there is no correlation between being overweight and having that bad health or negative health effects from it
Why would you talk about negative health? Everything's great except for her eating disorder Which we don't talk about because it'll affect her mental health correct and her possible digestion issues
Yeah, I'm not a fan of being confronted with reality
So we just dip that in the button please now listen
I I'm kind of mean to these people because I detest what she stands for but
Or she sits for for that matter and her glasses are ugly
They really are the fuck are you like cockroaches they look like cock rings glued to her face
Carl she does have a request for everybody. So maybe for the holidays. Maybe you guys might want to help her out
Okay, my last clip if you
Appreciate the podcast if you can go and leave me a review, I would really be very thankful because these are
the top two. Ones from the UK, ones from the US. The first thing people are going to see are these
two one-star reviews depending on where they are. All right, we got your marching orders here. Yeah,
guys go help her out. Maybe ask her, say Vinny Paulino wants to know why you don't believe in heart health, right?
WATP wants to know oh boy or this would be fun
Give her a one-star review and then say a glowing thing about her show and how great it is
That'll really piss her off. I like her
Couple of her glasses or something like that.
After giving her a one star.
Yeah, fierce fatty sucks, guys.
I could have gone all day with this.
I know.
I know.
The episode I did with Dick, you should check out on our Patreon, she gave out a survey
to over 300 people in the U.S.
Actually, Australia, U.S., UK, Canada, of how they've been discriminated at work
based on their weight.
And it's hilarious because people wrote in
little anecdotes about like-
Oh, I'm sure.
Yeah, about their boss calling them out
when they stood up during a meeting,
like, why you actually burned a calorie?
And I was like, that boss sounds cool.
Yeah.
So it's like a fun job.
Yeah, so that's worth checking out. But yeah, I think we should revisit fierce fatty again. Thank you, Betty. Yeah, please invite me. I want to talk about her more. Definitely will. You know who else we have not talked about another my show don't tell me don't tell me you don't like my show don't tell me you don't like my show
don't tell me because that's absurd now as you know patrick michael has blocked me yet again from
his patreon i've tried to sign up for his Patreon with two different accounts, and that's where he puts all of his podcasts.
So when he blocked me this last time, can't listen to his show anymore. But I found today,
MouthlikeWar, his new podcast, there was one episode available on his YouTube page.
Oh boy.
I was very excited to check that out, see what he's talking about, and apparently over Thanksgiving, he was sick.
Oh no. Yeah
He had a cold and he didn't feel good and he couldn't really do anything
So he says, you know, what do you do when you're sick?
You just want to lay in bed and watch TV or watch movies or what?
He said and I just want to watch YouTube stuff and I'm scrolling and scrolling for fucking three days, man
and there'm scrolling and scrolling for fucking three days, man And there was nothing
And it's a weird thing to say because i'm sure there's a lot of people out there
They'd be like, oh there's so much stuff on youtube. How was there nothing?
No, no, it's a weird thing to say because why are you still scrolling on youtube on day three?
If you're still not finding things like i'll go on netflix and see if there's anything new on there and i'll look for
Four and a half minutes and i'm like, yeah, I know something out here. What else is going on?
But he's scrolling for days on YouTube looking for shit and apparently all the guys that he likes were not putting out new stuff
So desperate time nobody had put out anything new that was worth watching. So I'm watching obscene shit
In fact, I got into a YouTube channel called vice grip garage
Alright, oh
He got into obscene stuff and then he goes on to talk about this YouTube channel where this guy fixed up like really old
Cars that haven't ran in a long time. Oh that scared me for a minute and then drives them back home
Yeah, but he has a girl hold the tools with her naughty part
Very different than that right yeah, we first are saying voice
Oh, it's just a mechanic. Yeah, and how's that obscene? I don't think he knows what obscene means
He must not yeah, that'd be my guess on it
So he's talking to all about this channel and about how this guy's an amazing mechanic because he can fix up these cars
That are clunkers and he travels out so he'll travel
1500 miles from his house and his mission is he has to get this car back to his house
he has to find a way to drive it back home, even though it's it's a piece of shit, you know and
Patrick shows off his knowledge about fixing up cars and he's gonna drive a car that I would have drove
Daily with the same issues
Right, except he has the knowledge. I never had the knowledge. I was like. I don't know it could be the water heater
Is that a thing in a car are the water heaters in cars?
Yeah, it's for the shower
Maybe you've got a water heater.
That's hilarious.
He caught himself doing something in the water.
Wait, is that a thing?
It's not.
Wow.
That's pretty fun.
OK, so what Patrick likes to do is he likes to play AI music
that he makes himself.
And he plays a new metal song that he created using AI.
And then he talks about the song that we just heard.
All right, that track is called guts.
Another one of my lovely AI hits, if you will.
I haven't actually made a single song in probably, uh, I don't know, a month.
Good.
Kind of weird.
It's because when those moments of inspiration happen, I legitimately just vomited out.
This fucking asshole thinks it takes creativity and skill to make an AI song.
He thinks he's creating music.
He thinks that he's the one who's making this shit.
He's vomiting it out.
Just to prove a point, once again, this took me about 30 seconds.
I decided to go to chat GPT. I told you GPT
to write lyrics based on this guy, Patrick Michael, who beats up children, lives in a
trailer park and hates Carl, who's a podcastering does get done, heart is done, so you have to fight
Keeping nasty movements, it ain't nothing but a bloody child
The worst thing is you should find a new self, you know it's getting fried
With every blow, with every scream, things are moving in streams
Patching Michael's breath, a nationite
Question and a sense, but he's a fight
You've got chaos, you've got pain, then it's straight up hard
A raging, ending call, the one in flames I'm awesome. Why do you sell the isotopes if you could do that? Pretty good shit, right?
I didn't make one mistake. So good. I love his first take. I love that he said it was
a hit. How is it? His AI hits that he puts out because he plays them on his show, on his podcast, as if he's a radio
DJ. He's like, all right, check out this next track. You guys are going to love it. It's crazy
with this guy, the delusion that he has. So he's another one of these guys who is purposely
uninteresting, it seems like. When he starts telling you about what he's been doing over his vacation time
and what he's been checking out, rather than like dive into
why he did what he did and what was interesting about it.
He just tells you what he did.
So, of course, I go back and start watching some of the Adam Friedland show,
some of the older episodes of that shit.
Bouncing around.
Kind of got into the Mr. Beast drama, just out of
curiosity what's going on here.
Watch the OompaVille interview with Mr. Beast or whatever that was.
And it sort of ended with me saying, you know what man, there's nothing here to watch, none
of this shit is entertaining me whatsoever.
Everyone's been talking about the penguin.
Right?
Everyone's been talking about this goddamn penguin.
So I was like, well, I guess I'll watch it.
I guess I'll watch it.
He was scrolling YouTube for three days
Couldn't find anything interesting watching shit
He doesn't even find interesting and he hasn't watched the penguin yet the fuck is wrong with this asshole
I guess I'll resort to this thing there were all these stars are in it
It cost all this money to make and can he afford to watch it? That's what I'd like to know
Well, he can because he did watch it
But the thing that annoys me, because I've been seeing...
He must have a login from a friend or something. I don't know. A friend? Okay, a family member.
But I hate when people do this and I'm seeing it more and more lately.
We'll just be like, yeah, so I was checking out some old Anne of Freeland shows. Well, who's the
guest? Was something interesting said? What happened in the show and the mr. Beast drama?
I checked in on that. What's the mr. Beast drama?
You want to know just gonna tell us that that's a thing and then just move on like what's the point?
Yeah, he assumes everyone was just there with him scrolling right?
Check out the mr. Beast videos. No, what was it? What was going on with that?
This is how we discovered him the guy reads the IMDB pages and says how long the movie was
Yeah, he finds the most boring aspects of a boring life and that's what he reports on
I watched a 17 minute interview with mr. Beast. Yeah. Yeah terrible. Cool. Good now. He's talking about the penguin and
He compares obviously Colin Farrell is playing the penguin and he talks about the first famous guy to play and well we remember
Growing up was Danny DeVito's
Version of him, you know Tim Burton's version I guess you'd say and
horrifying
truly scary
It made that movie scary to me. I mean he eats a raw fish. It's very it's fucking crazy
Not the first version though
He's like everyone remembers it would you think we think the peg would you think data to beat? Oh, obviously?
Was that a horror movie?
Returns no it was they had happy meal toys
Yeah, he's like that was scary shit guys
I still have a nightmares about that character when I think data to veto I think scary
What I think Danny Devito is the penguin I think of him going on them on the bed with Michelle Pfeiffer like
That's it's goofy that will haunt you. Yeah, right. It's not a jump scare though. No.
Fanny beads.
Alright, so then he starts talking about this band that he likes and there's this new metal
band that he, maybe they're not new, I don't know.
He's all excited about them.
But there's just one thing wrong with this band and that's their name.
The only problem with this whole band is, and I think you guys can agree, the fucking
name.
I mean, not enough space.
And then sounding like that,
it's like, what does that even mean?
What, I mean, that's the problem.
You have to ask what it means.
Like, if they just called themselves, I don't know.
Here's an old, a war from a harlots mouth. Okay. War from a harlots mouth was an actual
name of band. They might still be around, but something like that. You don't have to
ask. You get the idea. Not enough space. You have to be like, what is this? What a space
where? What is this in reference to? Or I guess you don't really have to care you're right you don't
have to actually give a shit it shouldn't matter your options oh that is that's uh some classic
patrick coming back this is why i fell in love with the guy to begin with it's rich too because
he names his podcast like the dumbest shit ever i thought he was going to say this band picked one
name and they stuck with it can you believe it guys right yeah what what an idiot and you can
still listen to them yeah you can find it easily. They
released multiple albums under the same name. What are they stupid? What are they
thinking with that? I love the way his brain works. Not enough space. Like
what space? What are we talking about here? Like that would be his interview
with this band that he admires. Because what space are we talking about here? And
why isn't there enough space? Can we get some things out of there to make more room for you guys or it's just a fucking bad
name Patrick you don't have to worry about it so much so then someone was critiquing Patrick's music
uh-oh yeah you know that's the main thing that he's doing now on his youtube channels
is he's posting up either his ai music or him singing metal vocals over another
band's hardcore and metal songs. Because I was live just the other day and
somebody was listening to my music and said that this was like 12 year old
eighth grade or whatever music something about I don't know not I don't even
remember the actual verbiage but it was basically saying that this is not scary music
And it's like well, I guess knock loose just proved everybody wrong
Just because you guys can handle it a little bit
You don't understand it and you'll never actually be a fan of it
Okay, you don't belong here, and we do not belong there, and that's just what it is
Okay You got him Here and we do not belong there and that's just what it is Okay
You got him so I stormed out of the trailer beat up a 14 year old
Wait, did he the guy goes this is like music 12 year old but think was cool. Oh, no, it's actually fucking metal as hell
You don't get it. You still get how scary it is
You should be afraid of this music you find the people grown adults are still afraid of this sound.
Fuck yes. A hundred percent. Fuck yes.
That's huge. That's a giant win
because you should always be afraid of it. That's what I think.
These motherfuckers that are whipping out
acoustic guitars in the middle of a party
should still be afraid of Cradle of Filth.
I gotta give him credit for that.
That's a funny joke right there.
Look, I'm not gonna take you seriously, dude.
You just said you were afraid of Danny DeVito
as the Penguin.
That's true.
So he doesn't know what obscene means
and he doesn't know what wind means yeah, we're afraid apparently
Talk about cradle filth is scary music
But alright last clip on here because he like I said was under the weather wasn't feeling good, but thankfully he's doing better
Yeah, we're on the other. We're on the other side of it. Which is good. I'm happy with that
Because I just do my normal thing sort of just let my body figure itself out
The the old farmers
Metis meta doctor this the farmers thing I
Basically just say hey have a bunch of fluids in soup
That's I
What was he trying to say? I could not tell you I see overdosing on cough medicine maybe
Sounds fun
So yes very excited to see that
Patrick Michael's posting this new show mouth like war
Hope he keeps it up. There's just that one episode. It's episode number nine according to the title
Well the fact that you just covered it means he's not and he's gonna change his name again
Patrick come back to us, please
I want to bring on the great the powerful
Cardiff electric. Hello Hello, Carter. How's it going?
Been better.
Everything all right?
I've just been sick.
Oh yeah. You saw it.
Try scrolling YouTube for three days.
I was.
Now, let's talk about what we lost in 2024. We talked about what we've gained,
some of our favorite podcasts, the worst of the worst.
But one of the podcasts that went away was Joe Metariz.
Joe Metariz took his ball and he went home.
We deleted all the episodes.
We could no longer watch Joe Metariz's podcast, which is a bummer.
But I thought we should probably pay tribute to him on this year end wrap up show by looking
at some crowd work he recently did that he posted on his YouTube because he's very proud of it.
And Vinny, I'm interested in your take on this for the very talented Joe Metteris.
You're looking for the Italian take?
Yes. I need the Italians to tell me how good this is here.
I'm trying to think of a comedian I would pay to go see
there's like a couple that I would still go see, you know,
that'd be funny to go as a comedian, because you wouldn't
know what the fucking say or ruin a guy. You know, see if I
can think on my feet now, what would that be? Right?
Okay. So the setup is what if a comedian went and saw another
comedian, you could like ruin him because you're a comedian
You know what to say that would fuck him up
This is the dumbest premise ever comedians see other comedians all the time and also Joe
There's probably six of them sitting in the back
Yes, and so he goes all right
Let me see if I can think of what that would be if I can think on my feet which a horrible idea
Let me see if I can think of what that would be. Let me see if I can think of my feet which a horrible idea
That's why he pulled this clip that's the reason right there 8,000 secret followers. It can't be me. Aim higher, aim higher. Cat Williams!
That would be a good one.
I'm going to show up at a Cat Williams show
and just sit in the fucking front row
as he's walking around with his pimp cane.
Because I'm with this bitch
and she told me she couldn't allow me anymore
because I ruined her self esteem.
I said how the fuck
can I ruin your self-esteem.
I said how the fuck can I ruin your self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the esteem of your motherfucking self.
How the fuck did I fuck it up?
I want to point out this was a very noisy room. Everyone's just having conversations at the table as soon as he started doing cat Williams materials
Material people got quiet and laughed
Yeah, yeah, I think I heard someone say when's the show started
You know sorry Joe know how I heckle a cat Williams show
That would definitely get a reaction. Then I'm in the front row and I just look up and go, excuse me sir, I don't really understand.
I don't understand the point of this.
What exactly are you trying to say?
I said.
So that was him thinking on his feet.
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I
said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said,
I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I said, I What exactly are you trying to say?
I said...
So that was him thinking on his feet.
What would a comedian say to a comic to trip him up?
Excuse me, sir, I'm not sure what you just said.
There's always been...
How could a comic come up with that?
The Joe Matariz problem that he... the impression was actually half decent, I gotta say.
Right. And he does good Rocky.
He could do these impressions, but you need to say something funny
while you're doing the impression for it to be worthwhile.
They just do the voice and we're good.
That's all you need. Everyone's going to clap and laugh.
Yeah. That's unfamiliar.
Andy just hit on the biggest problem with impersonators. They never say anything funny.
They'll say a line from a movie and everybody goes, ah, ah. It's the esteem of your motherfucking self.
You need to know what esteem means, motherfucker. Stop interrupting me like you're a 24-year-old You should have respect.
You should be the cry of his motherfuckers in the motherfucking room.
See Joe Metariz caught me at the Carlson.
Coming up January 17th and 18th in the Rickles room, the 93.7% Italian tour.
And Joe, if you wouldn't mind doing me a favor and
Maybe sharing the post that the club did for you to your 8,000 Instagram people that be tickets are on sale
They're going fast to make sure you get out of that folks
You know what? I just realized for the eighth time in a row. I did not promote hack a media comm promo code W ATP
I thought you'd just been
thrown it at the beginning with what Ed put together. I'm a stupid idiot, that's for sure.
Speaking of stupid idiots. We only have a few episodes left of the Stuttering John podcast as he will be leaving after December
31st forever.
He will not be returning to the Dabbleverse.
The Dabbleverse will go away.
The Dabbleverse will not know what to do with each other.
There'll be a lot of inf in fighting. I'll be trashing
like horse. You're going to be out on the street. I'll be out
on the street. It's going to be a debacle. Wait for it. January
2nd. It's going to be a debacle. It's going to be crazy.
It's going to be way worse than that Y2K thing. Oh yeah, for
sure. I'm already predicting end of the world. Good.
Kind of stuff going on.
And I think the reason why is because
who could possibly replace this?
Oh, how are you doing today?
I'm good, I sent the, mom. I'm on the air mom
Well mom I'm doing my show what show I have to do this now! I don't mind you playing it, but lower it!
So when John's podcasting goes to Bob's house, it is the greatest thing. All of his best episodes have been when he's podcasting from his Bob's house.
What's more unsettling, those decapitated baby heads on that one lady's desk
or those troll dolls on the mantle behind him?
I was going to ask about those.
The people's color troll dolls that are behind him.
He's owning the trolls. I hope I saw calls of our children
Like breast feeds the ladies. You don't even dementia. You don't even know on a show today. He has a bag of them
That he went through he's got an entire right beside him
So it is like symbolizing that he's owning his trolls right cardiff
No, I think that's the way his mom decorates that room and he threw most of them in a bag when he started doing a show.
Yeah.
Oh fuck, okay. I was giving him too much credit.
You know he's talking about trolls.
You read way too much into that.
I did, that's my bad. On December 26th, that was Boxing Day, John went to Sales Place, which is a bar in his neighborhood,
his mom's neighborhood that he likes to go to.
And he told all of his friends that he grew up with on Long Island
to come meet him there. Right.
So where did they go to get drunk?
Well, that's the funniest thing. I didn't even pull this clip.
But he's blaming some other guy for not telling Hitman Dan
a whole list of other people that they were gonna be there
Don't you have hitman Dan's cell phone? He couldn't just text him and tell him to meet up with you
But he's he was saying how yeah
We didn't have as many people cuz so was supposed to tell everyone and they didn't but we still like 15 people there
I've seen photos from this event. I don't think 15 of his friends showed up to meet up with him, but whatever
I don't care either way, but this is him
Explaining that because I was watching Uncle Rico, and Uncle Rico was
getting breaking news during their show that there were people there filming and taking
photos of John who are dabblers.
And I'm going to get into the real desperation of the shit way.
This is really rich. So last night, I get tipped off that the shitway has got some people there taking pictures.
Now, who gives a fuck?
They're so obsessed with my life that they got to send people to my bar to take pictures so they can do another grift and grift their audience
one last time.
Well, shit, where you got four more days?
This whole thing with this grift thing.
So he's saying that should we send people to the bar?
And they had to do that in order to keep this grift that they have going.
It's not just people who enjoy the show and super chat and support it monetarily. It's a grift and all these people who are watching
are actually being cheated out of their money somehow. And did he or did he not post that on
Twitter himself where he was going to be? Here's the Facebook post right here. Well, Plainage
people, as Phil Cohen said, tonight, tonight, sales place, be there 7pm, drink heavily.
This is how he's promoting this event 59 years old
We're gonna get blackout drunk at a bar on Thursday night
And then he's blaming surely for telling people to go there. No, no, you're the one advertising it
It's all over dabblers anonymous people are going to show Julie doesn't have to tell these people shit
No, he doesn't have to and he doesn't he never has he's never told people to go get photos of John doing stuff
We did tell them to observe and report.
Observe and report. Correct.
But John likes to spin this as to like, oh, Shuley sending people just because the person
is a fan of Uncle Rico Show and sent it to Shuley. So that's why. So then Clay, it's
Clay Day. Clay Dabler joins the show and John is so fucking annoyed with this guy and rightfully so.
Well, you know, here I am. I'm at Sal's place, which is my favorite.
Pubs. Yeah, it's my local pub out here and you know, it's where everybody knows your name kind of thing.
Everybody knows your name. Like cheers.
Here comes the lighter.
It was a packet gone. Yeah, man. You are making your way in your world today.
You got that, that weird kind of, you know, jittery ass syndrome.
Like you always got to be doing something.
I did actually have that. Yeah.
What is it? ADHD.
I think actually out that yeah. Yeah. What is it a DHT era?
He is the worst guest at a show ever because he literally is always making noise and he can't stop himself he has to sing the song and he has to do the next verse of it to keep it going and
Adam Bush made a great point
The reason why Vince the lawyer gets the best clips out of John is because Vince is fine sitting in silence
Which is how you got to deal with a guy like John the more he talks gets the best clips out of John is because Vince is fine sitting in silence,
which is how you got to deal with a guy like John. The more he talks,
the more we learn. So you can't help himself.
These other idiots like Rob and Clay Dabler will just, as soon as John stops talking,
they had to start making noise and doing stuff and Hey, we're doing a show.
Dude, shut up. Relax. It's fine.
And John does get very annoyed with him. So John tells the story about talking to these two girls
at the bar at sales place and his version of this we're about to hear. And then we're going to play
what actually happened. And this is a perfect case study. When John tells you stories about how cool he is and all the stuff that he's doing as the Duke of the Dabble
verse and how he's owning the trolls and all this stuff that's going on, we're going
to find out he's always lying and always full of shit. Yeah, I know. I've talked to him.
Or does he just not remember it? And his dumb narcissistic brain is recreating a scenario that never happened.
But let's start with John's version of the events.
So I knew something was up. You know, I knew somebody was going to be there. But thanks
to the guys, but someone tipped me off shit ways got two people there. So I knew I knew
by the angles of the pictures that they were coming from these two fucking dimwits.
So I go over and I go, hi, what's your name?
And she goes, one girl says Sabrina, and the other girl says,
I don't know, like Shandy or something.
Yeah, I go, okay, and my name is Jesus.
Now, we're gonna get with fake names. They don't realize I'm way in head of
them. They're not going to fucking out with the Duke. So as soon as she made up these fake names,
Sabrina and whatever, Soledad, I don't know. And I mean, okay, well mine, and she's what's your name?
Jesus. Yes, I'm the savior of the devil verse. Yes.
So you see how John comes off in this interaction?
Yeah.
Like, I don't buy that shit. I'm Jesus. All right. How about that guys?
Well, and Sabrina is an actual real name. What's he saying?
Say like, I'm on to you and now you have to buy me a beer.
I just like in his mind, he's like Dexter with the blood spatter.
Trying to see where the angle of the camera is coming from the
Rail so they the uncle Rico show got this recording that these women were had oh they recorded him
Yes, so now we're gonna find out what actually happened. Oh my
John does the FBI know my name is I know that you lie a lot. Wait, what's your name? Here's a theme application for being a woman.
Okay, lie or-
Whoa, it's right.
What a thing.
Okay, now that I know you
lie a lot, you fit the application
of being a woman.
Smooth. Smooth.
Yeah, this is just like how he was telling us.
This all went down. We called him out of their bullshit
and then made a funny joke and had a one-liner and then moved out of his day
Right. He is incredibly drunk. Yeah. This is 9 p.m
This is half still early Johnny boy drink heavily and he did
The first time he told that story though. He goes. Yeah, they said that they were Sabrina and so something such and I was like
Oh, yeah, I'm Jesus
arena and so on and such and I was like, oh yeah, well then
I'm Jesus. So that's not what
happened at all obviously
because they had to ask. He also
thought that was pumping up the
story a little. Yeah, that was
cool. Right. Yes. So what your
name is? See, I'm I don't I'm
not a person that would lie. I find that... Pretty good stuff.
Pretty good stuff.
Way to introduce yourself.
Now, I am not a person that would lie like you, a woman.
You fit the application.
I'm Rembrandt Q. Einstein.
Totally like missing the point of why they would lie to him too
It's like well, they don't want you to know who they are and how you can find them
They need to distance themselves from you because you're a drunk creep
My docs is everyone. Yeah, I'm not a drunk creep. I work in an ad agency
Hey, do you ever watch the Super Bowl
Ever drink a Pepsi that's me non-person that would lie I find that to be disingenuous he finds lying to be
disingenuous Really good point.
You read that somewhere.
Fucking idiots. So this is the conclusion. And I tried to get the original of this, but
producer Joe wasn't home when I asked him for it. So we're watching Uncle Rico's show.
Watch this. So they break it up with a lot of commentary. But let me just fast forward
ahead to this is John's big line that They just told clay dabbler about I don't
I'm not a person that would lie
trying to be
Disenjuring me so I don't I would never want a lot of me so
My first thing, I mean, which one?
You're real.
But the hard-picking question.
You should go say first.
All right, so my real name is Jesus.
Do you pronounce it Jesus?
Jesus.
Jesus.
Are you in this country illegal or?
Like, they were actually getting into better lines.
They're kind of owning you John.
Yeah, the way John told her, just like, oh yeah, well I'm Jesus Dan, fuck you bitches.
And they're just like, I'm a guy, I'm Simon.
You ladies, I can't lie to you two.
That was the longest setup to the worst joke.
You just sounded like Mad Rees doing Stallone. I can't lie to you two. That was the longest setup to the worst joke. Yes.
You just sounded like Mad Rees doing Stallone.
He is plastered during this exchange.
You wouldn't want to be out in public in this kind of shape.
I wouldn't want to be.
No.
It would be awful. But this is our buddy, Melinda's never changed. Yeah, we love you
I have a few more clips from this episode that he did yesterday
because
Karen is back at it Cape Coral Karen
The same losers who pick up my fucking come fill out cushions
Did he just admit they were come filled
We saw them
When we when we used gloves and everything and dropped on the table they made a squishy noise
And just to clarify its promo code cum filled cushions.
These are the same losers who pick up my fucking come fill cushions.
I mean, it's like at some point there is a certain stalkness,
which is I'm going to, and I am, you know, you know,
I I'm going to talk to my, you know, I'm going to, and I am, you know, you know, I, I'm going to talk to my, you know,
I'm going to the Cape Coral police. This is stalking. This is harassment.
It's harassment or more than a stalking.
I'm going to tell them I want Alabama PD contacted.
This is, this has got to end.
Wait, the coach was in California, yet he's calling Cape Coral and Alabama police.
Cape Coral police and the Alabama police, because this is stalkish?
Is that what he called it?
What does it matter?
You're leaving, John, right?
He's leaving the devil verse.
But now he's afraid that people are going to try to get more content out of him, so
they're going to be following him around.
So these, I want to talk to these police.
Next time we're down at Cape Coral, we got to talk to the police. Okay. See if they know who John is. They must. He calls them
every day with another. Yes. We're working in conjunction with Kenoga park about this new level
of stockness. Yes. We contacted the Kenoga park police department. Apparently there was a car in
front of his house the other day. Right. Make sure Alabama PD knew about it. It's wild. Yeah. Yeah.
car in front of his house the other day. Right.
Make sure Alabama PD knew about it.
It's wild.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, John has claimed, you know, he's leaving the dabble verse.
He's already got a gig.
He was talking about this the other day and card.
Maybe you saw this.
He goes, I already have one gig in January that's already lined
up and he goes and trust me.
No one's going to want to come to that who's trying to take
videos or stalk me and I forgot who he was talking to it might have been Rob
Saul or something could have been clay dabler and they're like all biker gang gang, huh?
No, John's already talked about this. He's doing a volunteer thing for the police department. Yeah
He's doing stand-up, which is why he's talked about the one-man show and writing jokes again and all the shit cuz he booked this gig
To get out of community service or the fuck you had to do I kind of get it because all the calls he makes to the cops I'm sure they find
hysterical. Right they're like hilarious. Would you mind coming down to the station in two hours?
It's actually a 911 operator's party. They're like we got the guy. You get your photo taken with the guy.
You get your photo taken with the guy. Ladies and gentlemen, the guy.
Tell us about the girl who recorded your calls again.
Karen.
All right.
So, John, what are you going to do when you talk to the police department?
What are you going to accomplish here?
And I'm getting a fucking restraining order against this **** **** because it's just getting to the point where you know, I can't live. I can't live my life without being harassed and you know
what? I don't need my friends harassed and they don't even take that into account. That
ultimately they're harassing my friends too. Who's harassing John? Because he went to hit
on those two women who were clowning him because
he was so drunk. Was that harassment? You get a restraining order for that sort of thing? He's
going to get a restraining order against Shuley? John claims he's going to go to Alabama and go to
his house. Shuley doesn't want anything to do with being anywhere near John, but he's going to get a
restraining order for this? Who's got the three people's homes in
this universe? Well, this is the kicker because not a minute and
a half after talking about getting a restraining order and
calling the police and getting all these different police
departments involved in these people stalking him. He says
this. Yeah. And I'm gonna tell you some right now, Clay. This
fat fuck. He better not go Like because when I confront this prep he better not go. Oh, it was all just a joke. We're just kidding around
Aren't we no we're not no we're not
That's not how that that ain't gonna work. He's talking about Chad's you mock right now
He's just like these people are harassing me and my friends I'm gonna go to the police and by the way when I see chance do I have to kick his fucking ass
And it gets even crazier than that
How is it that they both live so close and still have not found a way to meet up?
Yeah, I know isn't that wild they're both talking a big game
Yeah, you'd think they'd be able to like meet in the middle or so toss that now is it John?
Hey past that baby fat, so don't even think about fucking trying to tell me this is all a game
Not to me
Same with pinky same with shitware pinky I might be boy tomorrow
That's Jack
What? I might be buying a fact check! I find you work.
Exciting.
The fact that he goes, they're harassing me, they're stalking me, I'm getting a restraining order, and then the next breath he's just like,
by the way Kevin Brun, I'm gonna go to your house tomorrow and beat you up.
Again.
Again.
I've never been there before.
For the third time. He's so stupid.
It's crazy.
And harmless.
Yeah, of course. And no one Was afraid of them at all. Oh the other thing that I think has been proven now is that John stands five-four?
Okay, he is a much smaller man. He says five seven and a half. I believe it's five four
Because there are some photos taken and some eyewitnesses at sales place
Okay, it's stupid to lie in that direction. It's very easy to see that
What we got to do is trick him into an amusement park
We're trying to get in the cold it's a step on the way machine on the way machine let's get him on yeah
On a measuring machine. I'm not gonna get on your stupid weight machine like fierce fatty
All right well I'm happy to say I
Didn't know this was gonna happen, but last minute Cardiff came through and sent me a new game it's
time to poke a dabbler it's time for everyone's favorite new game show to
poke a dabbler are you ready to play to poke a dabbler also have you heard the
news promo code come that promo code will get you 10% off your tickets to hackamania at hackamania.com promo code come how's this guy texting
me to apologize this club manager just canceled me all right yeah, I guess that's not right. I'll reprimand them watch this
Water
So now we'll cut to yesterday I
Get I fire that agent I
Don't have any reason to call him by name
The only reason I'll don't date by name is because he's been on the show.
He makes these wonderful videos against the police brutality in California against people of color.
And I've had him on this show and we played some of them.
Who are minding their own business. I always considered Dante a friend. I don't never had a problem with him.
So the new agent he gets me I love this guy I'll say his name because he's a good
guy his name is Nick. Docs. He. Grrr. Because when I ask Dante if he does contracts, do we have a contract with
a mesquite street? He goes, no, I just... What did John say next? Here are your choices.
A gentleman's bond.
B. The shake of a hand
over the phone.
Next.
Word of mouth.
Four.
An oral agreement.
And lastly,
verbatim contracts.
To a pope. a dabbler.
God, that sounds familiar.
I'm going lastly, verbatim contracts.
I could be very off on that.
Um, Mersh, what do you think?
Four.
Trucker Andy says an oral agreement.
Lucy.
This is a hard one.
I, my first instinct is
lastly also for Vadim contracts. All right, Jenny jingles. I'm
gonna go with one. A gentleman's bond. Yep. Vinny. I'm
going with the next word of mouth. That one does make the
I also went next. Okay. Alright, so So if it's be card, if wins this round, it'll be very impressive.
He because when I asked Dante if he does contracts, don't do
we have a contract with a Mesquite Street? He goes, No, I
just do word of mouth.
Holy shit.
Wow.
What a fucking idiot.
Word of mouth. Right there, potato. Right there. Wow. Congratulations. Oh John's shirt looks like it's made out of cream cheese
Second didn't carvis
Don't do that. It's Pittsburgh cream cheese. What? Hold on a second. Didn't Cardiff just gift us his Patreon?
And doesn't he post these on his Patreon before WATP? Did you watch this?
No. Before coming over today.
Do you think I watch Cardiff's Patreon?
I'm accusing you of just that.
No sir.
I do like, there's a nice touch on here, it's Topoka a damn or episode zero zero four seven as if we're gonna get do the
thousands at some point
Just have it on cell phone texting, you know, I go really yeah every other agent I've ever had those contracts but okay
So when I get Nick I go Nick do you do contracts of course John
When I get Nick, I go, Nick, do you do contracts? Of course, John.
Who doesn't?
I go, well, don't they say they don't?
He goes, all right, yeah, of course I do a contract.
I go, okay, good,
because I'm gonna promote my gig
at the Alameda Comedy Club.
And all that I'm saying is true
and can be corroborated with a text stream at an email
stream. I don't lie. I refuse to. Golden text stream.
So,
Mike. A text stream. I'm picturing the beginning of
Star Wars. When did that be on a text stream? We're gonna cancel. John's gonna cancel. There is no show. My agent... It, who happens to be a damn good one, he...
Is fired.
Gets a contract.
A signed contract.
Is blocked.
Where, if the club cancels, they have to pay me half.
The club gives me $250 to get a plane ticket.
Okay?
I get the non-refundable plane ticket from CheapTickets.com.
Which is also where I get my legal advice. Apparently.
The club Alameda comedy club.
Starts getting calls
inundated with calls and emails.
And
the people.
Who are writing another troll. So this is, I'm gonna put it up.
John, 100% lying, found your fake review accounts where you trolled the club.
Just admit what happened.
Tickets weren't selling and they canceled.
Jesus.
Jesus.
See, this is the kind of nonsense, let me block him, that these trolls like to go by.
I don't have fake accounts.
They could say I do.
You have crying Ryan who's going to try and pretend I do.
Oh, look, I have fans.
I have fans.
The club had no problem with ticket sales. I have fans.
The club had no problem with ticket sales.
Mesquite Street had no problem with ticket sales.
They don't cancel a gig a month out if they have bad ticket sales.
Anyway, getting back to the narrative and the story,
I get a text from my agent, Nick,
who I have no problems with saying,
I go, of course. So I, you know, I was,
I did my to see audition, uh, yesterday. So I'm sure my trolls will now be contacting the producers of Tootsie.
That's all for this time.
Promo code come back next time to find out if you like my beard are man enough to poke
a dabbler.
Hackamania.com promo code come Sit Eugene sit good dog
That's the John I miss yes
That was a fun time in the day over a long time ago to devil first part far away
A club is actually given money for a plane ticket
$250 one ticket one way
you can take it. $250. One
ticket. One way home. None
refundable. Guys, what have
we done today? We've done it
all. We talked about the
worst podcast in 2024, of
course, the golden hour,
metal mascara. My heart is in
Vermont. Good Pud. This is
Mariah. Fierce Fatty. We got a new episode from Patrick Michael on Mouth Lake War.
Joe Mattaristi doing some amazing crowd work.
Stuttering John is the king of comedy.
And I want to thank all of you for bringing in these clips today and for putting this all together.
This was a very fun episode.
Trucker Andy, you can find it all.
Apologies podcast dot com.
Yes.
And this Wednesday when our normal episode comes out, we're actually going to be doing
a live stream, a New Year's Day hangover edition.
It's a new year, new girl.
She's going to be coming on talking about how wasted she got and meeting one of her
favorite people from the Devilverse, producer Chris is also going to
be there and a few other special guests. So tune in for our first live stream Wednesday at two.
Two Eastern. All right. Very good. Well, check that out. And of course, Lucy Typebox joins us
from Once Over with Kaylee, the YouTube channel that is sweeping the nation. Yes. Yes. You can
find all of my movie reviews on Once Over with Kaylee on YouTube. It's
C-A-Y-L-E-Y. In addition to that, you can check me out on Patreon where you get early
releases of those movie reviews as well as Popsicle reviews and you know, any other saucy
stuff that I get to the W-A-T-P mailbox. And I just want to say also, I can't wait to see
everybody at Hackamania.
There's tons of good promo codes to use.
Use code cum, use code W-A-T-P, or use code Kaylee, C-A-Y-L-E-Y.
And I just can't wait to see everybody there.
I'm told that unlike last year with Ray DeVito, everyone's promo code has been used at least once.
So that's good news. Everyone's contributing. I'm actually a little upset. Because my
promo code has been used less this year and I'm actually at the event this year.
Right. You pretended to have a promo code and Patrick actually made it for you
and people used it. Very successful. But yeah, Hackamania is gonna be a lot of fun. I'm
really looking forward to that. It's gonna be in Vegas again which is always
a fun place to be anyway but it's going to be as fucking hot as it was last
year because last year we went there. Vinny, you were out there jogging away.
I fucking loved it.
100 degree weather. First thing in the morning it was already 100 degrees.
It was amazing.
It was brutal.
I miss it already. I'm excited to get back.
I don't even remember it being hot, so I must have also enjoyed that.
Well, you and I were doing nothing but going into buildings.
That's true.
All the excursions that we did were indoors.
She's got the heat cranked up to 89 degrees in this room.
I'm fucking tired.
She's trying to get your clothes off.
Andy, take the heads.
Yeah, it's pretty warm in here.
Huh? Hackamany.com, May's pretty warm in here, huh?
Hackamany.com, May 9th through 11th, we'll be there in Vegas doing a bunch of live podcasts, including the last ever Weird Medicine with Dr. Steve is going to be taking place there. So,
you're not going to want to miss that. And Vinny, Paulino from the Creep Off, the creepoff.com.
Vote for Carl, please don't
The creep off ladies and gentlemen the show that brought you the cow bikini the show that is soon to be bringing you the chest Waxing from hell you want to check out the creep off. We have a lot of fun every Monday and
We have bonus episodes on Friday now this past Friday. We did a great one. We did we covered the top ten
Prisoners whose death sentences were commuted by the president
So if you want to feel bad about shit Joe Biden's pardons are bonkers. He's doing good work
There's a guy who's in charge of a gate in prison ordering executions of other prisoners. They're like, you know what?
Let's keep him alive. Yeah, that's the guy that we need to have be alive forever
And then there was the other guy who blew up that house with children and dogs inside
Yeah, 15 people died because Because like somebody, this guy, this
woman's son testified against him. So he blew up the mother's house with 15 people inside.
Yeah, not great people. But it's definitely a compelling episode to to listen to. We need
to get talking these stories. And I will also tell you this Monday creep of the year, folks,
we're going to decide who is the biggest creep of 2024. I'm not allowed to use Joe Biden? You can. Okay. I would. It's not
a bad pick at this point. Yeah the creep off dot com everybody and Subreddit surfing also we've
been doing some fun episodes we're over there on rumble. Cardiff and I are talking about doing
something that nobody is expecting or asking for very soon. So keep an eye out for that.
Awesome. Well, please join us again next time. It might.
Please join us again next time. It might be that episode where we find out what's up
for all. Who are these. Good job, everybody. Great job, everyone. That was like
the shaving a haircut two bits thing from Roger Rabbit. We're kind of could not get
tried jumped out of the closet door to scream at me. The lob I ran with it, Carl. I got
you. I have some voicemails. Anyone has to hop off, I won't blame you. We're
going to run through these pretty quickly though. So let's see what the people have
to say.
Hey Carl, Merry Christmas. I just wanted to let you know, one of those dumb broads from
that fucking Two Girls One Blunt show is on Kill Tony right now. So yeah,, you gotta look up that and don't call me back
All right. I will check that out. I
Do you guys remember that show two girls one blunt? I vaguely remember the name. Yeah, there's a lot of shows like that though
How did dummy say snorkels long time love time? Sorry. This message is gonna go over 45 seconds
Don't cut off
Better not listening to the cell phone saga and I'm thinking there's something early about voter comedy allah
You know a hangover or whatever
Johnson probably searching for ideas for his one-man show
Quite frankly based on a you know, oh what a night parody and a, you know,
dude where's my cell phone.
I think he could really get some traction here.
A real beat on his phone, that's a blur.
So I know John does not listen to the show,
but maybe somebody could put this voicemail
in truly anonymous.
John, it's me, the writing partner.
I will be your, the,
Bernstein to your Silverstein. All right, peace out. Merry Christmas, everybody. I'm telling you, and I've said it before, since it won't be new for anyone, if John's
one-man show is just him teaching second graders about music theory, I'm there for it.
You know, I've been meaning to bring this up on the shows about John's one-man show.
Card, if you can bear witness to this
Didn't he multiple times when we were talking about his show say I don't need to write anything new. I got my book. Yes
Yeah, he said that to us multiple times back then you did
Yeah, it's gonna be his book probably got some hot Obama jokes
Why does he say book? why doesn't you say I got
my memories well because he doesn't have the book now but in my couch this is
what he's gonna do he's gonna go to Carl's patreon he's gonna download his
audiobook now I'm gonna press play like I did the creep off roast yes not a bad
hey Carl who's the bigger fool?
The fool or the fool who follows the fool?
I'll give you a second to answer.
The answer is Rob Saul.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Correct.
You are correct.
That guy stinks.
He's the worst.
Hey Carl, congrats on turning 47. Correct. You are correct. That guy stinks. He's the worst. Hey, Carl.
Congrats on turning 47.
You're looking forward to all the AARP magazines
you're going to start getting.
Anyway, I love the show.
I don't really like you, though.
Don't call me back.
Well, I'm glad you like the show.
Go fuck yourself.
Go fuck a hat.
I like Pee Wee's playhouse. Sorry. What's that, Andy? I was going to say, I like Pee Wee's playhouse. yourself
Like pews playhouse I like the house not peewee
Who was a podcast or whatever
Watching listening. I don't want you snuggle to listen to
The love line or whatever episode you said it you said the Becky monster is a goblin so yeah he is but
it's not like a goblin is a Becky monster or whatever it's one of the jobs
to be handout at the synagogue sometimes so there's a little information, a little nuance about that guy.
And I'm very distracted by that last caller that left.
I think he's the last.
I turned the episode off to this shit.
He was calling and he called in on the voice and then he started singing with his normal
voice and it sucked.
Listen, as you called in, doing the voice, at least be able to fucking sing in the voice.
Fucking amateurs.
Ugh!
Apparently the voicemailers are fighting again.
Didn't realize that.
Is stuttering John lip-snacking more than ever?
Yes. The answer is yes.
I've been studying the podcast
like I'm looking at the Pruder film.
And I've discovered that he's got a full set
of upper dentures and lower dentures
that he keeps adjusting with his tongue and his lips.
That's what he's doing. Or the other
alternative, he could have a partial bridge that's loose that he keeps adjusting. Anyway,
it just leads to more lip smacking and it's really bad. Hopefully by December 31st, we won't have to hear any of that lip smacking anymore.
I'm praying for that.
No more lip smacking, no more podcasts.
Rejoice.
Is that really what you want?
Yeah.
Rock and roll to you, Gary.
It's like you don't have to watch this.
I don't understand this.
He has lip smacking a lot though.
I think he's doing it on purpose. He knows how annoying it is
I called the dentures months ago
Yeah, there's something all right. There's something to that
He's moving something around in his mouth. Not just pills. I'm surprised. He's got such good hygiene true
The hard on yeah, I'm sure he always remembers a brush his teeth
Passes out the middle of the floor. That does make sense because it doesn't.
It doesn't surprise me.
They're trying to escape his mouth.
This is a hard on gentleman.
1776 calling you to remind you to go to the creep off dot com and vote for Bini.
A vote for Bini is a vote for America.
Not like that line you bridge who encourages people to vote for Carl.
Vote for Carl, the creep off.com. Thank you very much. Yep.
If you hate America, vote Carl.
Hey Carl is Nick. Um, you know, uh,
you're tearing me apart, Lisa. Whatever. Come on.
Come on Carl.
Carl!
Come on Carl!
Pretty good Tommy Wiseau.
Call me back.
What's going on?
What is happening right now?
What was in control?
Hey Carl, this is Nick Vuk again.
Calling you for the third time tonight.
Why?
Uh, yeah, and you and mike talking about
Oh synopsis birthday and whatever
Hey, uh, do you think
Maybe we should uh figure out how to
All right, and no more of that no more calls for mick the mook for that. That's familiar everybody
John's death will come in the new year.
Not from alcoholism,
but from a psychotic break
from Gary from San Diego who cannot
deal with John's lip smacking anymore.
The family's appraised
eyes are way too far apart.
Could you imagine
I get subpoenaed to have to go through all of my
voicemails? Judy, I'm just
gonna have to hunt him down
Pack me a lunch
Rock and roll
Alright, this isn't man is a put down in any way. I'm just saying that's just because I don't know people don't like this guy
but
Is it just me?
Am I the only one who is totally reminded
of Michael Musto whenever Adam Bush is on?
Michael Musto?
Almost the same guy in my opinion.
He was an entertainment reporter.
I like them both.
Both great, but I really think they're a lot alike.
Anyways, love the show too.
That is a deep pull. I have not heard that name in a long time.
No, they're not. I guess it's just you then, sir.
Now we know. Okay, I can't remember if actually
Drew from the Drew Lane show said this or actually if John has said this,
but I seem to remember somebody talking about John going out and getting his hair glazed. Is that a term he's used? Getting
his hair glazed. Because if it is, I'm gonna help John out
with his one man show. He can say, you know, I went out and
got my hair glazed. Now, my curtains match my carpet. Love
the show see you
Okay, well, I'm sure he'll have jokes just like that
to say
Now my hair matches my couch cushions
glazed gross
Last one okay after listening to this latest episode
Do we know if Vince the lawyer is
paying any of John's bills? And I say this because let's face it, Vince needs John more than John needs Vince.
Vince wants to be in the dabble verse.
Vince wants to do this stuff.
So Vince has got to stay close to John because that's his way into the dabble verse and he's
Got a walk down there
but I'm wondering because we keep wondering how John gets by and a few things and
I'm thinking that since the lawyer might actually be paying some of John's bills. I
Don't know just speculation wonder how you think about that. Love the show. See you.
Why don't he buys John food and beer?
He's trying to kill him if anything.
I can report because I've seen the screenshot that money was sent on
December 26th, the first payment over to Vince was sent by centering John
Melendez. Do you know an amount? I only saw the first payment over to Vince was sent by centering John Melendez.
Uh huh. Uh huh. Do you know an amount? I only saw the first number. It was a three.
$3. It could be anything after that. And 15 cents. Sorry. But yes, money was sent to VTM.
Now what's going to happen because John just got paid by YouTube. Everyone who
does YouTube stuff just got their payment. December 23rd, whatever it landed on. He's
going to get another payment January 21st and then there's no more money. What is going
to happen?
Oh, I just hope Vince files his lawsuit because he breached the agreement.
Yeah, they had an agreement together. So that's all I don't know card
If when what do you think's gonna happen with stuttering John what's your prediction for this?
As far as leaving or as far as the Vince? Yeah. Yeah leaving is he gonna be back? Yeah, when's he gonna be back?
We think back a week. Yeah
I think too
Week in a day. I'm going a week in a day eight days
Yeah, I think he's gonna come back and try and pretend like
What was that?
Was that stupid?
New heart could be anything new heart where he like woke up at the end of the F. He was all a dream
Like he's gonna come back like he's not clever enough to do that
Pretend to sleep that one time Carl I was pretty good I think you said it on the last episode to the Kate Meany thing
He wanted to do on the 31st, right? Yeah, that was actually a good idea
That would have been great. What has been great. So again, I'm giving him a little bit of credit here
Maybe he's got something he's gonna come back and just pretend none of this ever happened and start start fresh
He'll be back and then when I'd recess I thought you were leaving. He's got why yeah
Why do the Costanza thing? What are you didn't you quit?
Show up Monday morning
The meeting Go right to the meeting. Alright. Let's get the fuck out of here. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Carl I love you
Jesus I gotta go this is getting stupid. Bye guys
Man I'm give fuck I do give fuck actually