Who Are These Podcasts? - Ep586 - Dan Has Jokes

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

We’ve all heard Tom Myers’ comedy but what if you interviewed him and took him seriously? What would that sound like? Dan Caper hosts a show about the craft of joke writing and even lets Tom punch up some jokes he’s been working on. This is Tom’s calling in my opinion. Adam Busch joins us to marvel at how fame hasn’t changed Tom Myers. Virgie Tovar has recently been appointed the weight czar for San Francisco’s health department and her take is, “why would anyone want to be healthy?” Howard Stern is back from his holiday vacation and surprise surprise, he’s bitter. He also interviews Nikki Glaser after she hosted the Golden Globes and got about an hour of sleep. Stuttering John is already reducing his rate for his new job. He’s very bad at it. Cardiff joins the show as we play a new game, tease the next episode, read a review with Annie, and listen to your voicemails. Adam’s new show - https://www.youtube.com/floqaststudios  Cardiff’s channel – http://dabbleverse.tv/ Support us, get bonus episodes, and watch live every Saturday and Wednesday: http://bit.ly/watp-patreon https://watp.supercast.tech/ Come to Hackamania May 9-11 in Las Vegas with promo code WATP – https://hackamania.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Imagine being such an asshole. Episode 586! Are you a boner guy? Oh, I was a boner guy. You know what, I miss penis. What are you talking about? I'm the one who should apologize. Is it going to be absolutely riveting? Is it going to change your life by any stretch?

Probably not, but it's going to be at least entertaining, okay? By the way, for those people that are in the back, remember to shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up, asswipe, and suck my cock! Cuzz! Cuzz-a-roo! Cuzz-a-roo! Slapperoonie! It's showtime!

WAAAAY! Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Who Are These? podcast, the only show in the devil verse that doesn't have any pending lawsuits against another show in the devil verse. Or do we? I'm your host, host Carl with me today. He's not buff, but he's slaying the devil verse. Warren AK Adam Bush is here. Welcome Adam. I am shot out of a cannon and ready to rock. Also producer Chris is here with us as well. Hello. Please go to who are these.com for all the links to all of our stuff, including patron and supercast featuring two exclusive bonus episodes every single month. You could also watch the show every Wednesday and every Saturday behind the paywall. You get the link when you

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You're going to want to be there with us. Also, we encourage our listeners give us a five-star review on Apple podcast or wherever you review podcast and the show over in the comments section today. We'll be reviewing a show called Dan has jokes. This was a suggestion from porn stash J in the discord. We have both listened separately. We've not discussed it before. Let's get into it. The show hosted by Dan caper. And the guest was none other than Tom Myers. And let's talk about the show format of Dan has jokes. I am Dan Dan Caper. Every week I sit down with another comedian and we talk about the science of joke writing.

And we will tell stories about comedy or whatever and later we will actually work on some new material together. We'll see how it goes, better or worse. It's usually a mixed bag. It's always fun. I am happy to say we will see how this goes Because near the end of this episode Dan goes like I've been working on this joke And I don't it's not working at the open mics that I'm going to and he asked Tom for help Crafting the punchline. So that's a little teaser. You're gonna want to stick around we get into that into the process. Yes And you know that times gonna come up with something like that. Because that this guy is a joke machine. It's a joke writing

machine. He can't help himself. He trips he falls into a joke. He's also a thesaurus. Yes. It's gonna be fantastic. So it turns out, this is 2019. When this interview happened. And this guy, Dan, was just in San Francisco for a sketch comedy convention or something like that. Was it SketchFest? SketchFest maybe? Have you ever been to SketchFest before, Adam? Yeah, I have.

You seem like a SketchFest. That's the one. Every major person in comedy makes an appearance there. Okay. And I also did at some point. it's it's a really incredible lineup like legends will perform there and It's music and it's comedy and it's stand-up and it's it's actually if that's the one it's very very cool Okay, it might not be the one because Dan talks about being here And I guess he's from the Baltimore area and so is Tom and so this came up

I was in San Francisco last weekend for SketchFest. Oh, it is SketchFest. Yeah. All right, well this guy's going to the cool kids club. Look it up. It's a great lineup. That's all I'm saying. If you like comedy, it's a good place to be.

One of the shows I was hosting a sketch comedy show. And so I was like meeting the different troops before the show started. And one guy was talking to me. And he's like, where are you from? And I'm from from Baltimore and he really goes. Oh, do you know Tom Myers? Yeah, so it was like very I was like kind of blown away So like you have you have I guess you and you and me both because I've never I've never been to San Francisco I love this. I love this mentality. Well, you went to San Francisco for a thing and a guy there knew me,

I've never even been to San Francisco. How is that possible? Well, because of the internet, Tom. Remember when Comtown made fun of you and they were a very popular show on the internet? That's how people know who you are. But in town's mind, he even goes on to say, I remember we did a show north of Sacramento that one time, but never, never been to San Francisco. And Dan even goes, well, yeah, I'm not from San Francisco. Neither was

this guy. We're all there for sketch fast. You know, it says nothing to do with where we were at the time. The guy knew who you were a New Year for Baltimore. I'm still hung up on his first sentence and his use of the word troops. It just makes me feel awful troops comedy troops. That's not what you insiders say. I'm not in one so so I wouldn't know, but it feels like crafting jokes to me.

It feels unnecessarily pretentious. Oh, God. The science of joke writing on the show and crafting jokes. It's all the douchiest things that real comedians would never say. Mm-hmm. Just they're busy being funny. Right.

They're not sitting there going, what's the science behind this my mom's a transvestite joke. Let's think about this. What really is the formula to make this work? It's always interesting when you try and teach something to someone that other people just do naturally and can't explain. And they'll always be that divide. Yeah, there's like people who take standup classes rarely because I've gone to some of those shows where it's like, okay

After the eight weeks of lessons now, we're gonna put out a showcase for it. It's like, whoa This is not reflect. Well on the teacher That's the teachers fall out of you can't teach Yeah being fun. You could teach basic joke structure and how to put together a bit or something But it's very it's like teaching someone how to be short. Yeah. That just takes time. You just shrink over time. Like, like John. Oh, that's true. So Tom starts telling this story about this talent show.

Cause he asked like, how did you get started in comedy? And of course, Tom was in theater in high school. He's like, I've been on a stage for over 20 years, you know, performing on a stage. He called it like, well, it's theater in high school. Relax there. You know, your parents are feel obligated. He goes on to talk about and then he started doing when he went to college started doing sketch comedy and stand up. And there was a talent show. Now, in my experience, when I was younger,

a talent show is like you sign up and then you're on the show. But no, Tom had to audition for this talent show. And of all the people who auditioned, I think I was the only one who didn't make it on. Okay. I was the only one who didn't make it on the talent show. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, hi.

I appreciate him sharing that with the class, but that is embarrassing right there. He didn't make the audition to be on the talent show. They could have not had auditions at all. They usually won't. If he wasn't there. Yeah, if he wasn't, this was just to remove him from this and they didn't know how to do it.

Instead of just everybody normally passes How do we get rid of him? That's how yeah. Yeah the guy comes with the guitar play one note. Okay, you're in Tom comes up your comedian tell one joke. No Sorry, we already have a tom We're good on that So then there's questions about like what his influences are and tom goes into like tom's an old soul as you know He goes into charlie Tom's an old soul, as you know, he goes into Charlie Chaplin, WC Fields. I swear to God, these are the names he's throwing out there. So then the question is like, when

can you describe what your style of comedy is? And I was fascinated by this answer. I'm like, yeah, Tom, what is your style of comedy? I'm curious. How do you describe your own comedic style? What is your style of comedy? I'm curious. How do you describe your own comedic style? That's that's tough to me for me to do because I mean it's Obviously stuff that you know I I think is funny obviously Stupid answer but to me It's to me the stuff is like you know I mentioned earlier like the less is more theory with with Chaplin

To me it's I've been working on a lot of one-liners recently because I did the sort of the rookie mistake when I first started where you do like the really long bits that take two or Three minutes to do and then what you started you say he's gotten away from doing the long bits that take two or three minutes to do. And then- When you started, you say, he's gotten away from doing the long bits that take two or three minutes to go. Now he's just one line. Okay. That's an insight. Interesting. Remember this is six years ago that he's saying all this.

Okay. And when you recognize that the actual long bits that work out well have punch lines every X number of seconds and so, when you look at how those jokes are structured you learn that it's just it's Not so much one long joke, but a series of small jokes that make up right that make up the bit chunk so I I

sort of Construct my act based on that where I just try and fit in as many punchlines as possible, as opposed to just a set up and punchline that takes, you know, it used to take like a minute to do. Now I've just become a little wiser and I've cut that down to like you know 25 30 seconds ideally they should be quicker They say you're supposed to get a laugh every 15 seconds or something. I don't know who came up with that Bullshit, but I just don't audiences nationwide Could you imagine he goes I just do one liners now like 25 to 30 seconds. That's not a one-liner Tom

No, not even close to it, So his description of what his style is was very much. It's punchy Less is more One-liners it took him one minute and 43 seconds, right? It tells you everything you need to know right there He doesn't even understand how to get to the fucking point I had no idea how he was gonna answer that and yet I'm not surprised one iota So when I was clipping the show, Peep Behind the Curtains, I'll usually listen to a thing and then I'll be like, oh, that's interesting, and I'll go back and find it. As soon as the guy asked that question, I'm like, I'm clipping this.

I couldn't wait to hear how Tom answered that, and I was blown away. Like, wow, it took you two minutes to explain that you've learned to use less words. Within that, he took 30 seconds to say less is more and said nothing in those 30 seconds. It was just words and he never answered the question, compared himself to Chaplin and then gave us a in time example of the opposite for us to enjoy. Also, as a stand up comic, can you compare yourself to Chaplin? Did Chaplin do a lot to stand up in his day? I don't remember him. No I don't remember his

his one-liners and his stories and his monologues. No. I remember a lot of his jokes. All right so now this is a time when Tom is promoting his new album Make America Innate again and that's his current album, Make America Innate Again. And that's his current album that's out. And there's questions about, will you create another album? And he's not sure because he has a new outlet at this time. What I do is I write jokes now and I perform on a politics-based podcast. Oh, yes.

It's called PolitiPod. And so I do that. So it's not as if I'm doing nothing. I'm doing nothing You know writing sketches and doing one-liners and performing them. So That is gonna be that's gonna be what I'll what I'll do for now So as long as I have that as a creative outlet, yeah It's almost like I don't really need to go out and and perform. Okay, he's like Steve Martin He's just like I said I conquered stand up. He's like Steve Martin. He's just like, ah, like I said, I cock and

stand up. What's the next thing? Political podcast? All right. I'll dominate that. Lose my virginity maybe. So I like that, that he's got a creative outlet. He doesn't feel like he needs to record another album. He's writing jokes all the time. He's recording them. They're getting out to the people. They're getting out to who are these podcasts. So then he claims this Make America a Nate again. He claims he wanted to make his show look like it's a pro-Trump show. And so if you ever seen the album cover and stuff,

it looks very much like a Trump thing, Make America Great Again. And I really appreciate that it was asked, what does a Nate mean? Because I've always wondered this, like, what do you think innate means? And Tom actually answers the question. I remember the first time Shulie had Tom on, maybe the only time Shulie had Tom on. She goes, you have any questions for Tom? I said, yeah, ask him what he thinks innate

means. He never did ask him. So this is the answer to that. So the title innate, you know, I often look at it as Make America Great Again is sort of looking to what's going on around you and just sort of using that as sort of external stimuli to go ahead and make things better. Whereas Make America Inate Again means sort of using it inside yourself to using What you have to bring about change so I feel kind of like that's what I do right and a little bit with With my stand-up it makes sense to you Adam. Nope. I Feel like he killed the name not knowing what it meant and now he's like going. Oh, yeah

I meant to do this It's about you know like about finding what's great about America inside of all of us. Did I say enough where we can move on to the next question? Is that good enough for you? Again, not exercising his less is more philosophy. No, definitely not. It's got to be punchier than that.

You're going to describe the name of your album. Well, it all goes back to my childhood. You see, my mom used to say let's find out the joke writing process I'm never interested in this unless it's Tom Myers now I'm like yeah what is this process that brings us such classics as bong hit transplant what I do is I pretty much I'm always observing things I'm always looking at things so it's pretty much anything that that offends you know my way of thinking I've always sort of taken a different

I've always taken a different tact to thinking about things I mean all I guess all comics do that that's why they go up and and say things and and yeah also not just comics like people also look and see and think it is not unique to you and observe yeah yeah maybe uh avid analysis of it or a point of view time goes all right so my process is a little different what i do is i observe things around me and you know comics what they'll do is then they'll go up on stage and they'll see stuff yep you have to explain stand-up to us we do that that's not what the point of this show is. All right. That didn't tell me a lot. Again, I'm not learning a lot about Tom through his answers. He's very,

but somehow he, yeah, he's very wordy and somehow he always comes off like a hero or a legend. Like he's always, yeah, we're getting there. Oh boy. This, this gets crazy in a second, but let's talk about who is Tom targeting with his jokes. I thought this was before I wouldn't want to be that guy's cat Oh, he should be licking your wounds After some of the jokes he tells about that cat can you imagine he's on being interviewed like what kind of subject matter you talking? About hi, you know my family's crazy. Yeah, a lot of comics do that my cat. Oh That's a red flag. Yeah, it dropped off

airline food cat. Oh, that's a red flag. Yeah, that dropped off. It's airline food. Now back airline food. Yeah. What do you think? They'll serpents anymore. You notice that? I get the feeling he doesn't have a lot of meaningful relationships with people. You think? What gave it away? From family to cat. And by family, he means his parents even

talks about I didn't pull this clip but he goes you know it's comedy it doesn't have to be the truth like I tell this joke about this funeral plot my parents got me for my birthday that didn't happen fooled me Tom I'm signing up for his class I thought it was an autobiography you're standing upside I didn't realize you can just tell jokes okay so the question comes up about hecklers. How do you deal with hecklers? This answer surprised me. I'll be honest with you. I think it's you know, once I start What once I start and the kind of material that I get into

People generally think wow. This is a person who is probably so batshit crazy People generally think, wow, this is a person who is probably so bat shit crazy. Like I could suffer post-traumatic stress disorder if I go after this guy or something like that. I don't know. See, to me, hecklers really don't. I've never really had that much of an issue with hecklers. There's no hecklers at Todd Meyer's show. They know better.

They know they're going to get crushed if they even try to hack on this guy Every clip I hear of his stand-up seems like everyone's having a conversation at the table. Yeah, how can they hack them? They're not even paying attention exactly. Oh, you're still here and it's always the wild lunatics that are like I'm fine and the the Very sober dry straight people that are like, I'm fine. And the very sober, dry, straight people that are like, I am crazy. You would not wanna get inside this. Oh my gosh, you guys, if you spent a day with me,

it's brushing the cat, and then it's watching YouTube, and looking at Twitter. Yeah, and I'm not just looking, I'm also thinking. I'm looking and I'm thinking. Sometimes I'm observing. You wouldn't even forget about it. You wouldn't last a day So then we start talking about like different comebacks

You could have if a person were to heckle you like let's say there's a guy who's heckling you and he's got a bunch of tattoos What would time do with that? Or if if I see some I came up with this one where if I see someone who's heavily tattooed Or something I say something along the lines of lots a lot of tattoos you have there. It's a very extensive tattoo collection you have. What was the inspiration for that? Your last CVS receipt? Okay. Or something along those lines. Gotcha. I love that Dan no sells it. Okay. What was your inspiration? CVS receipt? Yeah, that's your line? Okay. And it sounds like, like or you know or something else or something funnier I don't know you know it could be could be a lot of things. I'm not giving you all my secrets

But the the no selling of that I was like good on you Dan turns out No, the reason is that Dan's a fucking retard. I don't want to sound like an idiot, but the CVS receipt thing What was the the connection there with the tattoos like was the inspiration was the CVS receipt? Because when you when you get a CVS receipt there that it's almost as if you're reading the Dead Sea Scrolls Because you have the items you they get a whole bunch of coupons. Gotcha. So it's just like on never-ending there It is. Yep, you got it dad. Just really getting into the science of joke writing right here. I thought for sure he's just like, fuck you,

that's a hack joke. Nope, he's like, I don't get it. All right. So then they get into talking about roasts. And Tom talks about how, wow, roasts are pretty easy writing roast jokes. Cause you can just go back and do kind of hack stuff, and people love it.

It's like roasts are really the only place you can use like kind of joke book jokes. Like I could say something like, you know, when Dan was in high school, his father came into his room and said, "'Son, if you do that, you're gonna go blind.' And he said, "'I'm over here, Dad.'" Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. That's not a roast joke joke that would not work in a roast Tom don't do that at a roast yeah your dad caught you jerking off so much she's like you're gonna go blind but then it turns out your dad jerks off too much huh it's better than the CVS receipt because he didn't write it he even said it's from a joke book. Oh Yeah, yeah All right. This is where things take a turn Because Dan is a little starstruck this is a bigger celebrity that he's used to having on his show Dan has jokes and

So he wants to analyze what it's like to be a celebrity I was gonna say you seem to have a pretty large following online. I was gonna say, how has that affected your life and comedy? I don't really think it has. I mean, I've always considered myself, I've always considered myself the same person. That's good.

I like that all this fame has not affected Tom, it hasn't gone to his head. He's still just the guy that he always was. Now, am I a guy that's still just the guy that he always was. Now, am I a guy that's recognized all over the world? Of course. Am I signing autographs and taking sandwich with people every day?

Yes, but when I get back to my house with that cat. I knew you were gonna bring up the cat. It's just me and that cat. That's all that matters. But then he can't stop himself. I've had the like button hit by by Judd Apatow okay and I went ahead and checked when he said you Judd when it said Judd

Apatow likes your tweet and it has the little verified yes yeah verified check mark right next to it so that was that was pretty cool drop so yeah no, for Danny Blake. Wait, John Appetow liked your tweet. Yep, he sure did. You want to smell the finger the type that he didn't.

He didn't say what the tweet said, did it? Did it? It was about a bill going through Congress, go, you know, trying to fund the government or something. That's always a political thing. Political thing. Of course, it wasn't a joke or comedy or right. It was a political thing. And by the way, the day that Judd Apatow liked Tom's tweet was the last day that

Judd was ever funny. That we could actually go back in time and realize nothing good came out of Jed Apatow. He then went on to do Stand Up Again, that horrible Netflix special. That was the moment, unfortunately. More Fame Talk coming your way. So I really don't think it's affected me at all. I don't think it's affected my personality. I mean, I've always been, I've

always been me, so it's, I guess some people, if how I handle fame or I guess you could call it social media fame because I'm not famous in the traditional sense, I guess if how I handle it's different from everyone else, that's fine. I mean, I don't really think about that too often. I bet he thinks about it a lot. If I'm guessing, the fact that the guy goes, well, what's it like having all these followers on social media? And he goes odd and odd about it. John Appetow, but it hasn't changed me, but I realized it's different than most people. I don't know.

They handle it. They might not be able to handle it, but I think I can handle it. It's like, Oh, you've thought about this a lot. When they asked you what your style was, you didn't have an answer. Like, Oh, my style. I don't know. But ask him about how he handles his fame. He's just like, Oh, well, I can tell you all about that.

They say people like, people like JLo always have to have other people around because they're only famous when other people in the room. Yes. So since Tom has managed to stay grounded, because there's never anyone else in the room. That's a good point. Except this cat who you know, gets a lot of ribbon. Watch out. You're gonna get roasted a lot by that famous owner you have. So then this is a follow-up question to all this fame talk So you because you've been in comedy for so long and specifically in the DMV area

I have you I guess this isn't really a well thought out question None of my answers have been well thought out so you're in perfect company. Have you seen like have you been? you've gotten to see other people kind of come up as well and and Go on to different things. I imagine but How what is that experience been like he literally just asked him? What about all the people who have passed you by? What's that been like after times are about famous? He is he fell for that line of questioning couldn't wait to answer that It's like what about all these other celebrities out of Baltimore? All these other comedians who are going out to do bigger and better things. What's that like? It was Dan's

way of opening the door to the second question. Whoops. And then he goes on to start dropping names of people I've never heard of. Stop Rose. Helkiest does not come up as Tom's talking about the other comedians out of Baltimore have gone to be done figuring better things Can't figure out why that might be let's change gears guys. Does Tom do impressions? I Hope so. Yes. He does. Do you do him? I don't think I've seen you do any impressions Like I know The the Bush impression isn't really that relevant now, but I think the only part of it I remember was, boy, I tell you what, I'm dumbfounded.

They found me here dumb. It was a stupid joke, play on words, but because, you know, 10 years ago, 10, maybe 15 years ago, that would have gotten a standing ovation. Right, yeah. Not just your callous little... What do you think? I had a pretty good impression. Do you think that George W. Bush joined the podcast?

I'm not a purist, but I thought when you do an impression you're supposed to change your voice. Here's my impression of producer Chris. Hey, Carl, I'm gonna produce the show today. Spot on. Thank you. Thank you very much. Dumb. He went with the dumbfounded. He goes, by the way, that was a play on words. Yeah, no, we got it. Pretty good stuff there, Tommy.

He's good for a good five, 10 seconds of silence and breathing before having to answer like a very simple question This is very difficult for him Ask me if I do any impressions Carl do you do any impressions now? No fear of brevity there Okay So they have a stinger now now we're're going on to the next segment. And the next

segment is about crafting jokes and they want to work on crafting jokes together. And this stinger is interesting. On that note, we'll move into the joke writing. Bong hit transplant. They worked bong get transplanted into this. I didn't do that. It was odd the show. Like Like does that always have the show? Are these guys huge tom meyers fans maybe I don't know And then I start to wonder Does this guy have no respect for tom meyers and is he setting him up?

And then I hear this joke that he wrote that he needs help with and I go. Nope. I don't think so. I think he probably admires Tom meyers that he wrote that he needs help with and I go, no, I don't think so. I think he probably had Meyers. Don Meyers. It's really stupid. I fully own that. I am just trying to find the punch line. But the version is I'm helping my mom write an autobiography. It's very stressful. We just finished the chapter on dealing with my conception. Now I understand why I'm afraid of clowns.

That doesn't work. And so I talked about it with her. And have you done that before I did it didn't work And and then so what I said in conversation was you know the original version of that joke that I tried was I'm helping my mom write an autobiography the first chapter is just me showing her how to use Microsoft Word And and Audrey was like you should do that's funny. You should use that and I was like yeah Maybe I will try that again again and then I tried it again I'm like, nope still doesn't get a laugh and so I'm just like there's gotta be a joke Are you doing these now? Are you doing these jokes at open mics?

Like you're trying to have various open mics to try to like, you know, and have they been have they been get nothing Yeah, Tommy. He said that it's not working I could have told you that I haven't even been to these open mics I could have told you that it's not working they using Microsoft is a real head scratcher yeah but Tom was into it Tom liked both of those yeah Tom's like oh he was laughing before even the punchline can I use it yeah he's like clouds oh yeah okay that's pretty good but Dan explains it's not working. I need help Which is a weird thing to ask someone to be like, can you write this punchline for me?

That's the hardest part of writing a joke. It's like well, I gotta take your premise and write a punchline for you. That's crazy Guys, uh, I'm a musician. Can you write a song for me? Just a hook. We just write the hook. Yeah. It makes it a number one hit. That'd be great. But make it about like horses. Right, yeah, yeah. Here are the parameters that you have to work with.

And it should end with a kind of like, mm-hmm-hmm thing. Make sure that's there. My mom, autobiography, King of G, go. So Tom is going gonna punch it up. God bless him. He's up for the task. So what do we do with this autobiography joke? It's gotta be, I mean, it doesn't need to be my mom.

Like it could be, I could be writing an autobiography helping anybody, but I love the idea of just like this, there's this weird thing, you know. I'm helping my mom write an autobiography and it's a very traumatic experience. It's like nothing like helping your mom write an autobiography to find out you were adopted. Okay, so you go in the adopted area. Yep, man, we all thought of that, Tom.

That's a little too obvious, so not great. It was satisfying though because if we were asked to do a Tom Myers version of that joke That's exactly what we'd come up with. Yeah, too wordy burying the punchline and you know, everything is cushioned by these unnecessary words Yeah, but Dan comes back and he goes well I don't know about that and specifically you're going that route. You said you're going that route Which is like yeah, I thought of that and yeah go that way. specifically, you're going that route. You said you're going that route, which is like, yeah, I thought of that and didn't go that way. Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. It's like, well, that's obviously

the first thing you would think. I've heard in comedy, whatever the first punch I think of was is the wrong one. Right. Think two or three or four more. This ties back to exactly what we were talking about because he gets so excited by this joke crafting concept. He doesn't really want to be you know, be an actor.

He just wants to be an acting class and talk about acting and talk about the craft but never actually give examples of it or, you know, excel at it. Right. So this is Dan's feedback for that. The adopted thing, I feel like adopted is almost too easy, but like if, unless there was another piece of it there

You know what I mean if they're not laughing at anything else fuck it you might as well go for it. I mean That explains a lot about that explains a lot He's like yeah, I know it's not funny, but neither were your other things okay? Well. We're still at square one then As a comedian if you're gonna judge how you're doing based on how much people are laughing, I don't think that's a good way to figure this out. I think you need to have a higher power. Well, I appreciate that Dan says, okay, we can go that route, but what makes it funny? Like that's the thing we're all thinking. I'm adopted. But then there has to be like, it paddled. So we said, okay, so now what does that turn into? Like that's where the creativity comes in. Why is that a funny premise? And then what happens after that? And I think that's what Dan was saying,

okay, we can go with that, but what else you got? So now Tom's going to try again. Let's see where he, let's see what he gets. And then, or you could tie that in with I'm helping my mom write you know Microsoft Word or the fear of well if you're they found out you're adopted that really wouldn't tie into the clown thing I guess but yeah I mean there's there's plenty of stuff you can do with that. There's plenty of stuff you can do with that. Yay! Can't think of one.

There's so many punch lines I don't want to embarrass you with all the punch lines I can come up with. It's too many to count, honestly. And you know, they say sometimes people aren't necessarily the funniest writers but they're funny to have around. They're big personalities.

They inspire you. You want them in the writer's room. Like, not only is he so deeply unfunny, but he's so boring when he talks and gets nowhere. It's really hard to listen to. You wouldn't wanna brainstorm with this guy. I've read books about being in the writer's room on The Simpsons and stuff and how they will toil over a joke until 2 a.m.

They're like, no, that's not it. What about this? And everyone's throwing out ideas and it gets funnier over a joke until 2 a.m. They're like, no, that's not it. What about this? And everyone's throwing out ideas and it gets funnier and funnier until someone's like, bingo, this is it. But they couldn't have done it on their own. They needed to bounce these ideas and get to that point. Tom is the joke vampire in the room

just sucking the funny out of everyone. You're like, ugh. Yeah, he somehow sucks the fun out but adds so many words. None of them fun. He fills the time while sucking out the fun. It's incredible. So then they start talking about whether each other's parents have seen their comedy or not. And Dan tells us depressing story where he's like, yeah, my mom's never come out. but I gave her a DVD of my standup, and a week or so later I asked if she had checked it out,

and she said, yeah, see, the people were having fun. I know, it's the worst response you could get. So then Tom talks about his parents' take on this. Some of the stuff there, most of the stuff, obviously, they're proud of what I'm doing. It's just some of the stuff, when they hear the material. They don't like it. I will say this much They have stopped asking me why I can't be more like bill cosby

Oh, okay. There you go Okay, there you go. That's the right response to a tom meyers joke. Oh, all right. Yeah, there you go I got you now the most embarrassing part of that Is that he recognized that's from tom's act I gotcha now the most embarrassing part of that is that He recognized that's from Tom's act and the most hack thing you could do when being on a podcast is Set yourself up for your own jokes and also have them fail Silver lining, you know, have you have you used that line on stage? I have oh you have okay Cuz I'm pretty sure I've heard you say that I think it's on I think it's on the CD

Okay, if it's not a little go on the next next one. Again, it'll be on two of them. Is he flexing over that? That is wild, right? He's just like, oh, yeah, of course it's on the CD. Yeah, but it didn't get a laugh in here. So it seems like that's not working. No, he's like, I'm coming on your show and I'm doing my greatest hits. Yes, this is gold. He's got the attitude of like a musician who you know, did we record that one? Yeah, yeah, we have that one. It's on one of the earlier records. Yeah, we recorded that we don't just do it live. This is not piano man.

So that is Tom Myers on Dan has jokes did not disappoint. Not at all. I actually appreciated that. I like Tom explaining his craft. It's a nice departure from him trying to be funny with political jokes, although I enjoy both. I enjoy both versions of Tom, but I enjoyed this one quite a bit. What did you learn from this, Adam? I learned that he doesn't know who he is.

Yes. Because we actually share a similar problem. You know, I find myself telling him the same thing I tell myself, which is like, land the plane, buddy. Come on, land the plane. I can get too wordy. I can take a minute. He will take something funny and either ruin it by bearing it with too many words, or he has this delivery like you expect it to be such a brilliant, clever wordplay like Steven Wright. That's his delivery like, oh shit, this last thing is going to take a turn and it's going

to be brilliant. And then that doesn't happen. So you feel so disappointed and the joke is so hacky and on the nose and the kind of joke you're used to hearing from a big personality that's really pushing and trying to sell this thing. So he goes back and forth between both and fails at all of them. He said something on the show that stuck out to me where he said, and one of his comedian friends told him, what I do is I try to end the sentence as weird as possible.

Yeah, not a good way to stick the landing. And I went, okay, understandable. And when you hear Tom on some of the jokes that he writes for his political show, that's his mentality. He'll set up this whole thing with, and then the bill was passed by the Senate, but it was stalled by the,

and he goes through this whole thing, and then it'll turn into like a blowjob joke at the end. You're like, okay, none of that's connected, but he's just thinking like, isn't that what you would have thought to end that with that? Like, right, it's true, but it also doesn't make any sense,

and it's not funny in any single way. It smacks of someone that read a comedy book and it said, you know, when in doubt, end with misdirection, or end with a false lead. So he put that in there. In Bob Dylan's autobiography, he talks about his singing voice. And he says, my singing voice is like two, three, I do two, he starts listing numbers.

And it's his way of being like, fuck you. I'm not explaining it to you. I don't know how to explain it. So I'll pretend there's a science or math behind it, when there's really not. Tom is crunching these numbers. He's doing the math. He's really trying. And trying to figure it figure out and using it to defend it like,

well, that's what that was. It said it. So you know, it's that's comedy because it said it was he's like, I know I'm talented. I just can't explain it. I can explain to you why I'm so talented. And I don't need this false sense of validation from the audience. Right? Yeah. If I get a laugh out of the audience, I mean, I guess that's all right. right I know I'm funny he wants to be Bill Maher he does Hmm the other person he listed as his more modern influences Lewis Black Okay, which is interesting because Lewis Black has such a presence to him

Yeah, and so I was like Lewis Black really and then Tom goes just cuz I agree with him politically. It's like okay Really and then Tom goes just cuz I agree with him politically. It's like, okay You and Judd and Lewis Black are all right. That's all it takes for time to like that's an influence for me Charlie Chaplin fucking asshole What if we're just do she think to say where did he stand politically Charlie? You know, I actually listened to why you laughing blind Blind Mike Project or Blind Mike Show about Charlie Chaplin and learned a lot about that guy. He did more than just invent that mustache, believe it or not.

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And with that, I bring to you our Grange of the Week. Gringe of the Week. This one comes in from Trucker Andy. I was at rehearsal on Monday night and he showed me this. It's an interview with Virgie Tovar. Now Virgie Tovar is an American author, lecturer, and weight-based discrimination speaker. She writes about fat acceptance, anti fat bias and diet culture. She was the host of the Virgie show and the podcast rebel eaters club, which I could have sworn we covered by I did a search out

and I couldn't find anywhere where WTP and rebel eaters club, I maybe a dick show crossover or something. So I know I've very familiar. Well, this is big news. New York Post report on this last month. The San Francisco Department of Public Health has hired her as the anti weight based discrimination expert to consult on weight stigma and weight neutrality. So she's now working for the government in San Francisco. And this is a recent conversation she had on a podcast. What is your definition of health? Hmm. Yeah, that's really complicated, right? I think I

want to sort of I want to talk about that question. But I want to start by saying that, you know, no one has to be healthy. No, right. Like, I mean, it's like, no, like, there is no governing body that's like out there putting you know, no one has to be healthy. No, right? Like, I mean, it's like, no, like, there is no governing body that's like out there putting, you know what I mean? No one owes anybody that in either. That's a different approach to this.

I always thought it was the fat bodies are healthy bodies. I guess there's too much data that links obesity to cancer and heart problems. Another wordy answer, just like Tom Myers. The traditional sense of the word or any other more innovative or more politicized, maybe even version of that word. I think it's important to say, and I want to back up and bring in intersectionality and say, look at the disabled community.

I think people with disabilities and activists within that space have consistently been saying, like, I'm never going to be your notion of healthy. That doesn't mean I don't get to be a full human. You get to treat me some kind of way, right? And so I think that I love taking that principle within disability rights to fat activism and to understandings of fatness. I want to start there, right? Like, no matter.

By the way, as a guy born club footed, I'm very offended by this. So you're just an able-bodied person who decided to live your life really shitty and now you're like, well, you can't call us out for being unhealthy. Like, hmm, okay. That was also a great filibuster technique

where she just said a whole bunch of words and then said, so let's just start here now and then answered a different question. She's like, we're going to start as if I'd answered that question and just move on from there. Now, I'm pretty sure it's a crime to commit suicide, even though I don't know how you punish that person. It is illegal. So yeah, and I'm pretty sure there is a governing body That's there to supposed to be there to encourage you to make healthy choices I don't think is anything general. I believe is You want to encourage people to be healthy, I think she's right there is no one body type

there's no one healthy for everyone and people can be an are attracted to Everything right doesn't mean we have to encourage people to be unhealthy. Well, in San Francisco they're doing that. There's a sketch that says that. Or what size you are, you don't owe anybody else your health. But I mean, for me, like in an ideal world where, like in an ideal world there wouldn't be health-based gatekeeping at all. So there you have it guys.

I hope everyone learned something from that. Hey, why even be healthy? What's the point? Why even answer questions directly? You can just say a bunch of shit. These are the same people who want universal health care and then you go, well, wait a second. So you're discouraging people from making healthy decisions and you also don't want them to be on the hook for anything like the rest of us have

to pay for all the problems we do now anyway, with our current system, I'm not saying that it's working. But just seems like a disconnect. I just think everybody's allowed to do whatever they want, and to feel and be whatever they want. They just don't get to control how other people feel about that. Right, we get to judge you. I get to judge that person for looking the way that she does. Some people are going to be wildly attracted to specifically

that and that's their thing. They're allowed to do that. Everybody speaking of judgment. There's a guy I've been listening to on the radio who's been judging people for decades. That's right. That's the old Howard TV theme music. Adam knows it well. You go way back with Howard. I do.

So, Howard's back from the holiday break and he comes on the radio after two weeks off. And this is how, have you heard any of this yet, Adam? I have not. Oh, good. This is how it starts. Yeah, thrilling to be back. Thrilling. I've been doing this a long time.

I'm somewhat jaded, I guess, you know, jaded in what sense? In the sense that I'm no longer captivated by the microphone now that everyone has one in their basement. So, you know the idea of You know everybody having access to my job Is a little annoying and doesn't exactly get me. I wasn't excited about the job beforehand and now I'm really not excited You know what? I mean, it's like ruined everything So Howard's very upset about podcasters and podcasting. And this continues on. He's actually more upset now than he's ever been.

And we'll get into the reasons for that. But it is interesting that you have this guy, Howard Stern, who worked so hard to get to where he is in life and in show business. And now he makes more money than just about anyone. I mean, there's a very short list of broadcasters who are making more money than Howard Stern. It might not exist. It might not even be a list. I don't know. And yet he's talking to way fewer people than the most successful broadcasters right now. Because YouTube channels have way more listeners than SiriusXM.

So it's a weird thing, right? Like he wants to have this huge audience and he wants to be have this influence But instead he took the paycheck And I'm not saying he made the wrong decision. He's actually not happy this is the first time I've ever seen a something similar between John and Howard which is John gets very upset that he's trying to throw an event and John gets very upset that he's trying to throw an event and people he didn't invite show up to this event and ask him wacky questions and try and embarrass him. And he can't understand the audacity. When Howard was first starting out, he made a movie about how those people felt about him coming into their industry with his completely different take and his young attitude

doing things that had never been done, trying to make it feel like it was somebody's basement. Like, that's how they felt about you, Howard. How you sound, you don't see any, even if you don't like the medium, even if you think it sounds shitty, you don't see any talent out there. You don't see anyone worth having on.

I remember that he had those two guys that asked questions at The bro boys yeah, love those guys, and I was like someone there's looking at the internet And then I think that stopped in it that never yeah, those guys when they were on there well. There's one podcaster That is really grinding his gears But but there is a certain disappointment when I come back and I have the same job as Haktua girl. You know what I mean?

Well, at least you know how to do it so you don't get in trouble. Haktua! If I was a medical doctor, like Haktua couldn't have access to that career. Haktua! Okay, good point. And it is true that Haley Welch was just on a viral video and next thing you know she's working for the Paul brothers and I would say she probably has more viewers and listeners than Howard if not

She probably has the viewers and listeners that are more attractive to advertisers Because they have more buying power and they're younger and they're doing stuff with their lives. Howard's show is like all older women now who also have Trump derangement syndrome and are afraid of the outside world. Those people who relate to Howard at this point. So he's all upset that Hayley Welch, and I get it. I don't think Hayley Welch is a super talent. No, that's why she's not threatening.

However, Howard knows better than anyone he was at the forefront of like, becoming the story not just reporting on it, but being it making the story that john showed up and caused this thing, making it that fart man stuff, whatever it is, he understood that. So why is he pretending to not understand like, this hoctua girl is in the news consistently and the fact that that's crypto scandal happened and all of these other things that she's the story people are turning in tuning in not to hear her interview and her banter with Whitney there. It's the story it's happening. So they just

want to be a part of it. He's still striving for that. And I think he's just jealous of it. Yes. Oh, there's definitely jealousy going on. And we're going to hear more about that. But Howard realizes he's no longer relevant. I don't think you know, you're alluding to the fact that Howard doesn't realize the similarities and Howard's I think he does. I think that's what's bothering him is that it's not him anymore. He's aged out of that

Depressing to me that everyone I run into in show business That used to kiss my ass because I had the keys to the kingdom I was the one if you wanted to get and reach, you know if you want to get on the air and reach an audience and Talking away that was provocative and open and honest. Yeah to come here now you just go over to your neighbor's house and sit down in his kitchen and he puts on a microphone and the next thing you know,

you got a few hundred thousand people watching the interview. So. Or you go down to your own basement. You can start your own. Then what do I need Howard Stern for? I'll just put a sign outside my house, whoever walks by, I'll interview them.

Robin, she cracks herself up. I know it by repeating the exact same point. Yeah, and I was the same point he's making. And I couldn't tell if it was a subtle dig against him where she was like, go down in your basement and record your show literally in his basement right now in New York, doing this show and complain about people having their own studio set up in their houses. And Howard talks about talent and he skipped that part. He went to you just turn on your camera and your microphone, you start recording and then

the millions of people just start showing up because you did it. No, you've described how hard it is. I work on a show right now that skewers to younger people and a lot of the guest stars are Tik Tokers and YouTubers and I meet them and they're in big roles. And I have been doing this since I was a kid. I know everything going on on set. They don't know anything. They don't know where the mark is.

They've never done this before. They didn't have to go the route of auditioning and self tapes. They just set up a camera, put it up. What they have is talent and they're really funny. So when I'm confronted with them, I'm not bitter that they didn't have to work their way up and get an agent and sell a self tape.

I'm like, God, you're funny. How do I tap into your sense of humor and be more like that? That's it. There's nothing to be threatened of. And what's the show that you're talking about people can find you? Well, it's called PBC and it's coming out right here on YouTube.

That means Paid by Client. It is about accountants and it's very much like the office and features people from the office as well it sure does people from the office and Danny Trejo and people from Saturday Night Live Danny Trejo plays our janitor that's awesome and you know I was just thinking as you were saying that of Trisha Paytas showing up on SNL in a skit and you mentioned the people have talent what about Trisha Paytas showing up on SNL in a skit. And you mentioned that people have talent. What about Trisha Paytas? How do you describe, how do you explain that one? So it's very similar to John, right?

She's reactionary. She has to respond, she has to react. She has no sense of self-awareness. However, she seems to be playing the game a lot better. No, she has. And something that Howard said right there reminded me very much of Opie. This has been Opie's complaint for a while now

When I had the big chair when I had the big microphone Everyone was kissing my ass everyone wanted to get on the show all the comics were kissing my ass and now That I fall in this far. No one wants to talk to me anymore. Now Howard doesn't have that problem He's still going to the celebrity parties, which is what he's describing right now He was at some New Year's party, where everyone's got their own podcast, and he's jealous that everyone's has a bigger audience than he does. Which he's like, No, I'm the other radio guys. Again, we don't care about that

anymore. But Opie, on the other hand, describes the same thing. But Opie has lost all of his friendships as well. And so his only connections with people were based on him having that chair and that microphone in front of him But it is an interesting parallel to see these two guys who despise each other to this day Have this similar issue where they're like fuck. I wish I had that power back again. They're gonna end up at the same support group They oh, yeah Hi, my name is Greg Hughes. You look familiar Greg All right, so I'm glad you didn't listen to this Adam because this is a brand new episode and

We're right back to the same old shit The problem with Howard in my opinion. He doesn't live a life. He's an older man I'm not saying he's to go out every night or anything like that. But when he was going out to scores that he was doing stuff he had shit to talk about. Now he's still doing the when I was growing up, my dad didn't nurture my talent and told me I was stupid and I was never going to amount to anything. If he could throw me a bone and give me something positive to

think about, I could possibly feel good about myself. I don't know how I'm not in a mental institution, honestly. I've said that to my wife. I go, I'm barely holding on. I'm in that therapy two, three times a week. I can't get better. So I gotta be honest. I don't know anything about psychotherapy. I've not been in it myself.

And so I'm talking completely out of my ass, but just observing Howard for the last three or four decades, it's bad for him. Because he can't let go of daddy issues. I don't know, the therapist is telling him to keep holding on to this shit. His dad is dead. Move on. I realize he told you, you were dumb and you wouldn't amount to shit in radio. Guess what? Nana Nana to dad, you win. Get over it. Move on. Your dad was very proud and supportive of him throughout his entire career. They're in the movie and everything. Like, well, that's a real Paris, but you know what I mean. It's ridiculous.

Why is he still holding onto this dad thing? I always say, you know, imagine how he'd be if he wasn't going to therapy. He might just be rolling on the floor like a dog. He might just be maybe unable to stand up straight I don't know. I can't see the worse But yeah, he needs a different therapist and it is it's a little strange to think that he was at that New Year's party And as a 70 year old man, he didn't think for a second like I wonder what they think is funny Like it does change right maybe tap into or be a little curious as an artist about what they're talking about

Do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. He's stuck in, you know, again, this like piano man Billy Joel thing, where as soon as it started, I could have told you what he was going to say. He was going to say, I don't want to be here. That's his bit, which is pretty fucking cool when you're on the biggest radio show in the world and you're young and you're going to rock concerts and you're so badass that you're Eddie Van Halen at NASA Coliseum going I'm tired. I wish I could just go to sleep. You're like, that's so fucking cool

And so the opposite right of morning drive radio, which is hitting you with all this energy. It's such a nice like Break for someone to just be real for a second But when you're 70 and you're in your basement and you sound tired and your lips are smacking and it's all You just sound like a tired old man and it makes makes us go, well then just go to bed. Like go to bed, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, we have other options. As you've been pointing out all morning, we have other things that we can be listening to

people are excited to talk to us about. That is a good point. He's at this New Year's Eve party with younger people. Adam said, could be tapping in, learning. When he, when we were listening to the audio of him hosting his own party with all the celebs, he was making everyone listen to Hotel California. Remember that? Yeah. So he is completely living in the past. Yes. Completely out of touch. Well,

I guess he visited with his mom over the break. Here's some more Howard Stern greatest hits. It is so great. What a great childhood. My mother, I went to see her yesterday and spending the day with her. We had a good time in that house When you were growing up I go you had a good time You didn't have a good time And she goes, yeah, what do you mean we white woman? I Don't know how Robin does this she's earning her paycheck at this point

We white woman. I don't know how Robin does this. She's earning her paycheck at this point because I would just have to be like, yeah, Howard, we know. And also this conversation didn't happen. His mom is complete, is dementia. They're not having these conversations. I'm glad he's still visiting her. That's great.

But this is the conversation you've been talking about for 35 years. All right, move on. Do something else. It's time. He might just be making all this up. It could be just making it up. Because it's all the same stuff. I mean, I could, if you said, Carol, host what you think the Howard Stern show would be on January 6th, this is what I would do too. I don't want to be here, Robin. My dad told me I would never mount

anything. My mom, I was visiting with her. She thought I had a good upbringing. I didn't. Therapy is at least like, you know going to the gym with a coach like you know How many days you do it you'd be like I go three days a week I go two or three it felt very John again like what you're just saying I think he's just saying I'm trying to do all the stuff and without changing Anything I do right or think or feel and nothing is working. That's a good point Yeah, he doesn't really you never hear him make strides to be like, all right, I'm trying to get out

of my comfort zone, I'm trying to do this thing. Whenever he does do something, it's because Beth wants him to do it and kind of like nags him into doing stuff he doesn't want to do. And he's brought up before, he doesn't want to be Howard Hughes and he recognized that in himself. He's just like, if I was left to my own devices, I would never leave my mansion.

I'd probably never leave three rooms from my mansion. I would just go to these three rooms for the rest of my life and no one would ever see me again. So he recognizes that he needs Beth, but he never really, really tries to do something. You would think that therapists would say, Howard, let's get you out of this rut. Let's try something new.

All right, so Howard is pissed from the celebrity party that he went to. Just like I went to a party. I know I went to a party. My wife made me look not made me go. I mean, I enjoyed it. I wanted to celebrate my friend, but I went to a party and like 90% of the people in the in the room. I had had some sort of microphone that they talked into, you know what I mean? Like, like everybody else was like, Oh, I'll do your podcast. You want to do my pie? I'll do. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. I have a radio show, radio show. You should be on my show and I'll do your show. So this is what's really the problem here is that I can even imagine who these people are the guys from smart lists are there or you know, who knows these shows that are huge. Dax Shepard, I don't know. I don't know who he's hanging out with, but these are the celebrities that Beth wants to hang around with. And they have podcasts that have way more reach than Howard does anymore. And Howard's always been too good to go on other people's shows. So he even says it one time and pulled the clip where it's like, you know, guy comes to me goes, Hey, do you want me to do your show? And I'm like, no, because Howard's upset that there's other people who are broadcasting and doing well. And so he goes on to explain things were different in his day.

I remember like Letterman would have me on and it's a big deal and millions of my fans would watch because you know nobody had access to the airwaves the only people had access to the airwaves back then were like professional announcers you know the guys with the guys with the deep voices and the and the excellent articulation And that was the clip right there, Adam. You got there before I did. That was the clip right there where I went, yeah, Howard, you paved the way for all of this.

You were the guy who didn't have the conventional radio voice. That's what your dad told you. You can't be on the radio. You don't sound right for that. You need a certain type of delivery and cadence and you didn't have that. And Howard came out and made it so like any Guy a schmuck like me could burp into a microphone And if I have compelling enough stories or if i'm laughing at the right jerks people will listen along and you would think and I actually

Heard tuky saying this on his show because he just got a trial serious and so he's listening to it again You would think howard beyond be like this. Like, he's kind of the godfather of podcasting. A lot of people give Opie and Anthony credit because of the way they have comedians in. They all just kind of do a round robin, shoot the shit kind of thing. But when you really think about amateurs, and I realized Howard went to school for broadcasting and everything like that, he got his degree. But Howard is really the guy who said, I'm changing all the rules. I'm not playing by the rules of radio. And let's see what happens if people find that compelling.

And they did. And he talks about all the copycats and all the people who tried to do what he did on the radio. And now you have this huge new industry that's cropped up with YouTube and Spotify, and all these people who are doing this shit on their own DIY and most of us Listen to Howard when we were younger and he was a huge influence on what we do and he's still bitter about it Could you imagine fucking like if Mickey Mantle was just like yeah, all right Well, yeah

Try hitting 56 home runs when you know people are throwing curveballs the way they used to do it my day like that's not the point These people acting like he's some old forgotten folk singer that you know, people are throwing curveballs the way they used to do in my day. Like, that's not the point. These people are acting like he's some old forgotten folk singer that, you know, only the legends know and didn't get the money and respect that he deserves. Like he has he wrote this out. He lasted. He didn't get canceled. He got the deal at this age.

He won. And everyone pays respects. No one's erasing his story. He is even more so because of the competition show that he hosted. He is a name brand. There's a Howard Stern and a Dolly Parton, and they both represent different sides of the same corn, and everyone respects him. So what is the bitterness about? You're invited to the big Hollywood party.

What is the bitterness about? That's a great point. I didn't think about that. He's not a blues singer that zeppelin ripped off. That's what I'm trying to say. Guys who influenced pop culture and influence the greatest rock bands in the world who are forgotten. No one knows their name. They tell people about towns van zandt and they're like who and you're like, right, that's all of your favorite songwriters, favorite songwriter, right? Right. Instead, we have a guy that is the name of radio

and this style of broadcasting. He's the Kleenex of broadcasting. And he has the mass appeal of like a Halloween mask. Like kids recognize the Ramones outline as him right owns that shadow like Hitchcock does and it's still not enough and that's why he goes to therapy so many times a week because he's like this stuff was supposed to make me happy and it doesn't what am I supposed to do and they're like you gotta come back tomorrow I tried that all right yeah ball out of

ideas I don't tell you so mark the bagger calls into the show and I didn't find this all that interesting I don't really have clips of it, but mark the baggers talking about Nikki Glaser was on Golden Globes the night before he's time. I was jerking off Watching Nikki Glaser on there if you don't know who mark the baggers. He's a whack-packer But he was originally found by the bloodhound gang He's a whack packer, but he was originally found by the bloodhound gang No, and the bloodhound gang brought him to the Howard Stern show and they went on Stern show and then mark the beggar kind of became a whack packer for the Stern show He's also done stuff with BAM and he's been he's bounced around

And even then John reacted the way that Howard does to these podcasts. He was like who are these guys? I think they're funny and making pop music? And it was just not that great. Just kind of a gimmick, isn't it? It's not really good music. He was so bitter about it. So while they're trying to wrap up with Mark the Bagger,

we get this thing that we've been seeing ever since COVID where someone knocks on the door. And oh, we had to let this person in who's knocking on the door. Well, listen, buddy, I'm so glad that you called in and you were a big hit in 2024. I hope the same. Oh, gee whiz. Let me see who's here. Mark, hold on a second. Oh, it's Mark the Bagger impersonator. Hi, Mark. Yes, help. Help. I'm stuck to my common chair

Apartment I need to draw the life get me out of my chair. Yes What happened your penis when you came your penis somehow and then the fabric all merged into one? Yes now I'm stuck We all understood what the point of that stuck to the chair thing was. He's like, no, you're talking about how like you ejaculated and then you're a jack, but sticky and then it dry. Yes. Howard.

Yes, we got it. So bad. And it's the same Robert Kennedy impression they've been using for everyone. Okay. So this is, you know, Howard's complaining about how he's a pro and all these amateurs are doing shows. Let's see what kind of a pro Howard is in 2025. You know, I don't think there's a bigger fan on the planet of Nikki Glaser than you, honestly, both of you guys, you both love her so much. Yes.

Yeah. That's what I was waiting for that other yes. Now. Mark, you know the laws and everything. Great stuff. I heard you're killing it over there. Wow. That's gonna be a staff meeting. It would have been a little easier if they were in the same room together.

Just a little. You think? Yeah, no. Yeah. They're on Zoom calls and stuff. Doesn't make it easy. All right, so. I'm calling this one, Howard, it's your time to call it. It's time to go.

I don't want to be Zoom-ockian on this. I don't want to sound like Chad, but it's over. You're done. This job is going to be a bit much for me, which is my whole point. You know, now it's 2025. I don't watch the news anymore. So quite frankly, I don't even know what's going on. You know, I don't read the paper. It's too upsetting. And by paper, I do. I, I mean, I don't read a physical paper, but I call it the paper because I'm old and yeah but I don't know what's

going on in the news do you and I don't want to hear about it I don't want to know 2025 is the year of Howard Stern you like you'll call in and go hey Howard did you hear about I don't know I don't hear about anything I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm sitting in my basement Sounds like a farewell speech. This is a fuck you to serious and all the employees there Who? Shareholders they're paying him so much fucking money. He's like I can't even be bothered to keep up with what's going on in the world So this is what you get. I'm gonna talk to mark the bagger about jerk it off and

Yep, that's it and I wouldn't even consider listening to the news. Who the hell does that? I read it. That's what I do. I read it. He's like, I'm not going to pay attention to the news. He's still upset Trump was elected and Rob isn't paying attention. It's not like Rob is going to be there going, oh my gosh, you see what happened to that? She has no idea. So you have two hosts who are completely out of it, declaring that they're out of it, daring you to listen to their show.

You saw where the self reflection ended. He was like, and I started thinking to myself, like, what can I do about this? I can stick my head in the sand. That's what I can do. And that's where it just ended. I need to bury my head deeper. Actually, I'm just gonna throw some more topsoil on top and see what happens. I'll help you Howard. All right, so this is really the crux of it. This is what we're getting to here. And then I struggle. I claw my way to the top of the radio broadcast empire. And then everything they change the rules. Everybody's got a fucking microphone. I go to a party. I can't meet one person. They give me a card. Here's my show. I got a show.

I got a show. Everyone's got a fucking show. It's not fair. It's just I worked so hard. I went to Connecticut, then I went to Detroit and Washington. Just not fair, guys. Get over it. It's time to get over it, Howard. You've been crying about podcasters and podcasting for years now.

It really is a natural evolution from, like he said, you used to have to have a deep voice and be professional. You used to have to wear a suit. He came in with his ripped jeans. He wanted everyone to have long hair. And then it changed and it started going back. No, now I want everyone to wear suits actually. And I want people to have a deep voice and raise that base up for me.

I used to say as a joke, oh, if somebody mentioned Facebook, I would call it the Facebook because I thought that was silly. I know it's Facebook. It took me a while to realize I'm at the age where no one thinks I'm kidding. And that's not funny. They just think I'm saying it wrong. Out of it. Right.

Right. Howard hasn't had that epiphany yet that he's having about the news and the paper of that these two camps exist in that the point of life is not to prevent progress or drag them all to my side. Now is your time to go with it and pay it back to those rebels and people that weren't doing it the way that the establishment was doing it. Yes, you dressed differently.

Well, now the location is different and looks different. We don't want it to look like a corporate office. We want it to look like a basement, which is how you set up your K-Rock studio to look like a band's rehearsal studio. You didn't want it to look like, you know, CNN. So now you have no tolerance for these same things going on.

And it's just a it's just a blind spot, I guess. Well, it's also a phony. And you know, what it comes down to is Howard was always the free speech guy. But then he wants to censor other people. And when challenged with that, he goes, Yeah, I just want my free speech. Howard literally said that. And you're just like, Oh, I thought we were all in this together. Like, fuck the FCC. I was a big Howard guy. Like, yeah, why are we censoring people? Like, it's free speech.

It's the First Amendment. It's just, I never believed in any of this shit. It doesn't give a fuck. And this is more evidence of that, that this rebel, that he, that was just his way of getting in and getting famous and eventually getting invited to the Jimmy Kimmel parties. That's all this was. He must only be happy when he has an enemy.

And now that he's won so completely and totally, he's run out of enemies, so he's creating straw ones. Yeah, yeah, because he goes after Joe Rogan and stuff, and Joe Rogan's just like, oh, I love Howard Stern, he's a big influence. I love a problem with Howard Stern. It's not like Joe Rogan's just like, yeah, fuck Howard, that's how I'm gonna get famous and get a Spotify deal by going after Howard stars like everyone just like yeah

We know we all love you, and we all thought you were great. We grew up on you Howard being threatened by Joe Rogan is so silly. They're so different content wise but so similar in just Delivery and professionalism the fact that he can't make that work shows you that there's limitations. Well, I want to thank my buddy Mike, who still listens pretty regularly to Howard Stern, for pointing out that Howard started off the new year complaining about podcasting.

But he also said, you've got to bring this in for Adam, because his guest on the show was Nikki Glaser. Fresh off of her appearance hosting the Golden Globes. And when I say fresh, I mean fresh. Hi Nikki, how are you by the way? Hi Howard, hi Robin. Have you- I'm so glad to be here. Have you been asleep yet?

An hour, an hour. Really? It's good enough, yeah, it's adrenaline. So she hosted the Golden Globes. Now she has to get up for a show that's out of New York and go to the Sirius XM studios in LA. She even mentioned she had to get up at 330 for this. This is some obligation to have. You're on national television and broadcast network television. And the Howard Stern shows like,

all right, Nick, we need you as our guest on Monday morning. And I think that Howard thinks that he owns a bit of Nikki's celebrity. He thinks he discovered her because Howard had Nikki on before she was as big as she is now. She was already a well established comic. Howard's not finding gems in the in the rough anymore. It's not like a Bob Smigel. No, not Bob Smigel. Robert. Oh, shit, I lost it now. Who was the comic used to have on who was dating his daughter's friend, best friend, and then died of cancer. Anyway, he's not finding those types of people on his show anymore

But he thinks he has like this ownership over Nikki so Nikki feels obligated to go on the show the next morning Let's talk about Nikki's approach to writing for the Golden Globes. There is no room for just like we'll wing it We'll see it. Oh, it's even when I winged it and was you know remembering it from memory that joke was written over and over and the wording was toiled over of you know what was some of the wording that we oh you know the joke where I said about Harrison Ford I asked him backstage if

he'd rather work with Zendaya or Ariana and he told me Indica and that And we toiled over that because we were like, is Sativa funny or Indica? And it was like a heated debate of which one was funnier. And it turns out it's like they're both funny, but I just thought Indica was fun. I don't even know why I chose it in the end. I think we did a vote in the writer's room, but it was words like that that were just figuring out the phrasing. So many long discussions about how do we say the word sounded like twice. You say Timothy Chalamet sounded like, and then Bob Dylan said that he sounded like, we don't want to say sounded

twice in the same sentence. Okay. What are, that was like a 15 minute long conversation just to work on the wording. I think she needs more sleep. Now I appreciate this glimpse into the process of this. But it's like, we're getting way into the the details here. It real granular. Yeah, we thought this all came together. We got it at toiled. Fair enough. Yes. But this is Nikki on one hour sleep. And there were after parties, of course, after the Golden Globes. And Nikki decided to go to one that wasn't so star studded.

She knew she had to get up early to go on Howard. Party, I just went to the, I was invited to all of them. There was one for Universal, there was one for Netflix, there's one for, you know, UTA, CA, like all the things. And I was invited to all of them and they were probably a lot more star-studded than mine But I this was the only one that I could get my family and my writers into and and also I was like I gotta be up for that 330 for Stern Which I was like so glad that I had that because I it was just an excuse not to have to go and You brought you do that move again where you an excuse not to have to go. And-

Did you do that move again where you bring your parents to the parties and everything? Nikki, I'm gonna suggest to you- I love it. I'm not even, no, I'm not gonna- I love them. You love them, but why can't you, why do you have to give them all of that?

Why can't you just have the night to be with your boyfriend and celebrate? And why do you have to- You know, because my boyfriend loves them. We all love, we're a family. the night to be with your boyfriend and celebrate and why do you have to sleep with your parents? Because my boyfriend loves them. Like we all love, like we're a family. Like we, I, there's no one else I'd rather hang out with. It's not even like I'm like, oh, I should do that because they've been great and supportive. Like they're my friends. Like I want to hang out with my parents. They're cool. They're funny. Okay. It's interesting to me based on what we've been talking about with Howard, this seemed like

the most grounded thing you can do Nikki is there she's like these are the people that I've been with my entire life and I love them and I want them to Be a part of this life and how is going that's crazy. You should be hanging out with George Clooney I know what are you thinking with this? Can you ditch your parents and get with the a-listers? This is stupid What does this therapist saying to him? Howard whatever you do don't try and understand someone else's perspective He's really bad at that that is true. I was like, what are you doing? You're not trying to get as famous as possible He's just trying to be cool. He's trying to he doesn't know what to say or what to do

He's trying to be like any again. He sounds like John you weren't partying What would you know when your parents for be party? She's clearly just a good person Howard She's a good person and I'm willing to bet that When she was first on your show she even though she was established to some degree She needed him and he didn't need her and I've never heard of her So it was a move he made and then he fell in love with her talent and watched her get to the point she's at right now where she no longer needs him at all. And this is a favor, and she's doing it

because she believes that he helped her and he was loyal to her, and she's loyal to him. She's doing what you're supposed to do, those things that John never does, where you pay back just a little bit. So now I'm finally at a place where I actually, I'm so busy, I have a good excuse to not do Howard, but I don't wanna let him down.

And I love the show and him. So I'm gonna do it, the same reason she took her parents out, because she seems to like, this is probably what keeps her funny and relatable, as opposed to living like a Howard Hughes in your Hamptons home. Yeah, no, it's a really good point. I've certainly seen guys like Howard, Opie, all these guys complain like, oh, and now all of a sudden that they're

famous, we don't hear from them anymore. And Nikki's doing the exact right thing. And she even kind of worked her schedule the day before around this appearance. And she wrote a bunch of jokes just for the Howard Stern show. They played on who are these broadcasters with Christian and Eric yesterday. I'm not going to play those. But she likes to go on Howard Stern after like a roast or after presenting at the Golden Globes and go, here's what didn't make the cut. Here's what we threw out. So she's like, totally doing a huge favor to Howard to do this. And I hate to, you know, hop on the same theme, but this is what John thought was going to

happen when he left for I'm a Celebrity and left for Leno and came back. This is the kind of greeting he really truly believed he was going to get. She was loyal, you betrayed and backstabbed and lied. She was honest and open you hid and were deceitful She has real talent you have none. Oh, yeah that You've compared Howard to John a couple times now. You're gonna land Howard shitless Adam You're not gonna be invited to play in the band anymore Well, I'm not comparing into I miss yet and I'm letting the chat do that Thank you associate Associate Producer Ralph.

I was thinking of Bob Schimel was the comedian I was thinking of. Oh, yeah, that's who I wouldn't have known about Bob Schimel, but he was on Howard all the time. I used to go out and see him whenever he came to to Rochester. Very funny comic. OK, so Howard's very concerned about her not mingling with a listers like he does. I don't want to go to a party and talk to famous people who stress me out because they're so famous and I feel like I Would you talk to at the party? Did you have fun at the party? Did you meet any famous people?

Did you get to shake hands with anybody really famous like no like the founder of kind bars like came up? What it's like you should we want to send you kind bars and then there was like in a woman who's like runs a media company in Egypt and asked me to me and was like, we wanna send you kind bars. And then there was like a woman who's like runs a media company in Egypt and asked me to come. And no, I think I saw Hugh Grant run through, my party was not star studded. It was a great party, but there was not celebrities there. It was like-

What do you mean your party? You threw the party? The party I went, no, no, no, the party I went to. The one that I went to, there were not celebrities there. Except Hugh Grant I saw run through, but I don't know. Why would you go to a party where there's no celebrities and to me that would be fun. That's very telling right there. Why would you go to a party where there's

no celebrities? Why would you do anything if there it doesn't benefit you to be around famous people you can network. She just explained it to you because it stresses her out. Yes. And then you tried to try to move on. You're like, no, we're going to dig in. And then he at least didn't press her about who was throwing the party because she obviously didn't want to throw them under the bus.

But he almost did it. He was almost like, oh, which party did you say was shitty? And then she had to answer. Good point. Which party doesn't get any A-listers at it so we can make that a note for next year? But it's almost like I'm not the biggest Nikki Glaser fan I think she's very funny and she's doing very well for her career. She's not great on Thursday Night Football

I would I'd lose that the next year if I were her but whatever But it's almost like she doesn't want to be ruined by celebrity like Howard has been And she's sitting there going, you know, as soon as you become tight with all these types of people you can't be you anymore You can't tell the same jokes. You have to tow the company line. It's like that's not good for comics to get in with the in crowd in Hollywood so I give her credit for that and She's just not superficial. I guess I don't I was Exhausted I just want to hang out with people that I could be myself around and not have to be like

I love you like it's exhausting for me to be around people that I admire because I Know the person from kind bar is who you want to be around I mean, I know I didn't want to be no not that I didn't he was very nice but like no I I left pretty quickly after because it just became a lot of people coming up to me and Everyone's in this she's Nikki you went to this big holiday because it just became a lot of people coming up to me. And everyone was really nice. Then they get drunk and they, yeah. You went to this big Hollywood event and you didn't show, you don't have a story

where you met Harrison Ford or you met Demi Moore. No, well I met Harrison Ford backstage. I saw Demi Moore backstage. I got to all the interactions that I wanted to kind of backstage. And I just, I don't, I would have thought that that was the reason I got into this career was to like be friends and hang out with famous people, but it is not interesting to me unless it's a setting in which maybe we could get to know each other and

I just had a loud party screaming and like they're tired. They're hungry. We're all in tight dresses. Like it's just not the setting. We're not going to like, right. It's not going to be real. I really appreciated this answer because Howard's all about having superficial friends. I think Beth is probably leans on this pretty heavily too. She wants those big celebrity friends that they go to dinner parties and they have them over. And then they got to Jimmy Kimmel's house and they all have these parties and none of it's very real. I'm just speculating. I'm not at these parties. I don't know what's going on, but none of it's very real. And so when you're at a party with loud music and stuff, you're not going to make this connection with Denzel Washington. And you know, all of a sudden we're BFFs or something like that. And I appreciate that. Nikki's sees that she goes, oh, they invited me to their big party. That was the TV show. That's good. I did it. They liked me. I'll

probably be back again next year. Says that a couple of times. She's like, I'm assuming I'll get more money next year when I do this. Cause you know, Joe Koy made it so it was a little bit easier for her with how much he bombed the year before. I love Joe Coy. But from and I didn't watch the show from what I hear. She did a better job. It's interesting that the way the way Howard looks at I almost said John, I almost was like Adam just now. The way Howard looks at this is all transactional. Yeah, he was also Howard was the only one laughing at his own joke earlier. So

very much like that. But it's a very transactional, here's your opportunity, these are these people, they can do things for you, why aren't you there networking and getting the stuff that they can do for you. And Nicky's going, I don't need any of that stuff. I do my own thing, I got it, I'm happy. Which is how almost every real comic talks and is,

and every band member, when you're not a celebrity, you're a band member, you know, the band and the wait staff hang out together. The comics and the cleaning crew hang out together, because they're the ones smoking or doing drugs or drinking or just they're serving at the service of all of these other people in the room. And I bet she truly feels more of a connection

with the people working that event than the celebrities attending. And I bet she'd be more comfortable with connection with the people working that event than the celebrities attending and I bet she'd be more comfortable with them. I really do. Yeah well and she says that straight on and she also explains that not for nothing I couldn't go out partying all night because of this. It's good for a story and there was a part of me like I'm going on Stern I should go to a party to get some like stories I mean mean, honestly, that was a right but then I was like, No, No, I don't need to do that. I have to get up at 330 in the

morning to go on Stern. And I feel like hosting the show is probably enough stories to tell. She came with Joe she came up to keep her parents came with all this stuff. But I just thought that was interesting. Howard's perspective on how to take advantage of all these Hollywood celebs and Nickies Very different and it's very telling. I'm rooting for Nikki. I think she's doing the right thing Yeah, I also want to add it was so funny because Howard was coming at it as if they were the same person You know

There's always a hierarchy and all of these things that she is correct to point out that even exists within the party you get to The party with the celebrities you like're like, where are they? Like, oh, they're upstairs. Well, how do I get upstairs? Well, that's a separate, you know, Howard comes in, and for many different reasons, Height being one of them, it is an attraction. And he's an A-lister who doesn't come to LA very often. And people are introducing him.

Like, very, you know, it's very formal. It's not the same when you're an attractive blonde comic. And she even alluded to that, and Howard just skipped it. It's very formal. It's not the same when you're an attractive blonde comic. And she even alluded to that and Howard just skipped it. He's like, you know, then it gets late and they get drunk and things get weird. Well, that's, I'd love to talk more about that. And if you weren't laughing at your own joke, you might have heard her say that because that's a real thing she's trying to talk about that you're claiming to be concerned with

politically. They do talk a little bit about guys hitting on her and she does talk about that. I mean, she also talks about how she's had a boyfriend for 10 years and he actually worked on the show because he's in live TV broadcasting. So I don't think there's a, but yes, to your point, she goes to one of these celebrity parties. There's going to be a Leonardo, Leonardo DiCaprio or someone. She's too old for him, but you know what I mean it's gonna be Robert De Niro you know someone yeah I don't think Mr. and Mrs. Kynbar are making their way to Howard and Beth I don't think they're gonna

correct I want to bring on to the show our favorite potato in these parts Cardiff electric is here what's up Cardiff? me? That's you, buddy. How you doing? TV's Adam Bush. Hello, Mr. Chris. Mr. Electric. Oh, hello. Congratulations on your call in to Jim and Sam. Well, no, I'm sorry, the Sam Roberts show. Yeah, I should say. I know people have been playing and I didn't bring it on this show because people have been playing it, but you did a phenomenal job calling in and trying to fill the void that has been left by Jim Norton There is a vacuum of talent that Cardiff could easily fill there. Yes

Santa's a good job of playing along as well. And he knew when to punch out quickly Yeah, they definitely were like, that's all the bits. We're gonna get out of Cardiff Not like you yeah, let me drag it all that's all he has prepared. I think we're good. We got it Alright, there's a few things I want to talk about with our buddy. Stut. Joe. Our buddy Bob Bowden sent in a song that we played in the last episode. It was a Hard Day's Night parody and he's fired up. He's fired up over this chord. He's got more to bring to the dabble verse. Come over here.

I'm your goddess of small limbs. Twenty-first inches yesterday. You can care all you want. Everybody does. Yeah, that's okay. So slide over here and kill me a moment. I've got to let you know. I've got to let you know. You're one of my kind. Oh God. If you're not watching the video, they spliced in John dancing from the Tonight Show reunion party up on stage. It's hilarious.

He looks like an actual troll. Bravo, Bob. Very good job. We appreciate you. Thank you. I think young people would be surprised to find out which one of those two people on screen killed themselves. I Want to I want to load I'm sure dr. Steve has as bored you with this synthesizer talk Yeah, but I want dr. Steve to load that cord into a synthesizer Start doing all the synthesizer stuff with it You won't you almost have the core down card if you kind of figured it out

I did but I tuned my guitar and I'll never find it again. You'll find it again It was funny to hear Pat Dixon try to find it because you can't play it on a tuned piano or keyboard Oh, it's no stone exists But he tried I think it was a major seven. He tried he thought he could get close to it So we talked about this on point devil point this week But he tried I think it was a major seven. He tried he thought he could get close to it So we talked about this on uh point dabble point this week John has a new job He started up his new job on the second of january about the devil verse

Of course late on the 31st getting very drunk. We haven't covered all of that yet. We're gonna get to it But let's talk about what he's currently doing His new job is at a place that everyone has abandoned, cameo.com. And here's an example of what he's doing for $50 at a time. Well, Carl. Yes, sir. Before we do that, I mean, somebody on Point Dabble Point made a prediction just this very Monday that it wouldn't be long before the price dropped. Oh no, it's already dropped. Yes. It's now $40. Today. No shit. Yes. Because he's promoting this, like everyone in the devil verse knows about this. It's on that was anonymous. He's posted on Twitter.

So he's going to get everyone he's going to get pretty early on. And there's a reason why he's not going to get more people because this seems like kind of the right move. If cameo was still going strong, you'd think like, well, I want to get the Duke to say this, I want to get the Duke to say that. There's no other Synergen content. So I get to be the guy who puts it out there. The problem is John doesn't take direction well. So you know what?

I'm going to go in reverse order than I was going to do. So this is a cameo that came in for, uh, Ryan and I actually got an email from Ryan to tell me what was placed, uh, that was requested of him. It says instructions for centering John Melendez. Do whatever you feel is a good roast. Ryan is a huge fan of yours and this will make his day. A little bit about him is he fishes too much, worries about the weather too much, and has too much free time. Okay, so those are your, you're gonna write a roast, fisherman doesn't like bad weather, too much free time, right? You replace, you replace fishes with drinks and the weather with shit way or it's

stuttering junk. Oh, it's that easy, huh? There's a formula to this. It's, he also paid the express fee, $25 in order to get it within 24 hours. So this is a big investment right here. He knows it's going away. That's that right there is a lot of super jets. So now that we know that, let's see what John does with this cameo. We also know what John values a day of his life at. And what do you think that is, Cardiff?

Well, $25. I'm like, you want me to do it now? OK, $25. Hey, Ryan, this is the world famous stubborn John Melendez recording from my Mercedes as I just left the gym. I know you don't really know what a gym is, you fat fuck. From what I hear, your idea of dieting is cutting it down to seven meals a day. Okay. Now that we've seen the input that he was given has nothing to do with him being a fat fuck No, nothing to do with not going to the gym or knowing what dieting is and John's big joke is

seven meals a day Got him. I Have a question. We watched these on tookie soup last night Yeah, but I never realized I was trying to think maybe it was mirrored somehow Why is he in the passenger seat of his Mercedes? I was wondering I think it's mirrored No, cuz that's his right arm on the window side. Oh Which means he's in he's in the passenger seat And he's buckled in somebody is driving him That's getting weird.

The other thing that I pointed out because they pulled this up on the Drew Lane show yesterday when I was out there is for a guy who gets clowned for being short so much. Why is his head rest so far over his head? When you put your head rest out and act like you set up like an adult in an adult seats. No, I again, I proved that the hurricane episode of potato soup, Carl, I had, I have evidence, video evidence of John three years ago, his headrests were still in the same position.

He just doesn't know how to adjust them. Yeah. That story checks out as well. Anyway, I hear you like to fish a lot as well. Well, I do too. I'm only fish, I'm only fishing for poon. That is my main goal. Okay.

So he took the fish again, but great. And he turned that into you. Let's talk about me. I know this is for you, but let's talk about me and what I'm up to over here. Which explains why I'm in the gym. I'm not only in the gym to kick the asses of the people that have betrayed me and I've said rotten things. I'm also in the gym for the ladies. It's a good thing we don't have that pesky YouTube's terms of service. Don't worry about

it anymore. Now we're just right to kicking people's ass. All right, great. So every day, almost every day, about five days a week week I'm pumping iron and thinking about beating the living shit out of the people that have trashed my family So happy birthday, Jeremy This is a weird way to go about a cameo I have to say is that it's still in the dabble verse a hundred percent Yeah, it's like he left the devil verse the numbers about left him It's still in the devil verse a hundred percent. Yeah, it's like he left the devil verse the overs of that left him

Correct, and I love that his cadence This is his entertaining cadence and Adam pointed this out when we did our Christmas episode Like when he started his podcast he'd be like hello everybody Everybody yeah, he's like this he thinks he is his this is gold. This is charming. Yeah, this is interesting Is like this he thinks he is his this is gold. This is charming. Yeah, this is interesting Also, I believe him right here and I rarely believe him. I think that when he's pumping iron he's literally thinking of the shit layer and he's literally thinking about Lady K and Cardiff electric whatever that asshole might look like probably that's not a guy Yeah, that's right. He knows now. I think that's really what he's doing, which is by the way, very sad and very pathetic.

Could you imagine working out and all you're thinking about is your list of enemies? Or other men in general. It's not great. I mean, he's making a cameo for someone else. Well, yeah. He's still thinking about his enemies. This is like a Saturday Night Live sketch.

You couldn't write it where you're talking about how great things are, but you can't help going back to talking about how everything in your life is falling to pieces. But good luck, and I wish you well, and I'm coming at you from this higher place. But these, they're after me, buddy. They're after me, and they're coming for me, and they're gonna get me, and I am training, you from this higher place, but these they're after me, buddy. They're after me and they're coming for me and they're gonna get me and I am training.

So don't you worry. You're like, whoa, this was supposed to be a happy engagement message. I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. The guy goes out. He's a big fan of yours. Didn't mention anything about the devil verse or the shit wire or anything. And by the way, I'm a big fan of yours. Hi, I'm stuttering John Melendez. We just said you're, he's a big, it's the only thing you know about him. him He's a he's a big fan. Maybe you don't need the introduction. Maybe talk about him a little bit Now Ryan, I know that's not you unless you're that creepy Ryan who's stalking me But I don't think that you are although I know that Ryan has too much free time to let me know So you wouldn't know this good the first time I saw this, I'm like,

what does he mean by that? So you wouldn't know that guy has too much free time too. You just crowbarred free time. He didn't work that in. So always be bashing, always be flexing. Yes. And always be talking about enemies that no one else, Ryan Sherman is what he was bringing up right now. No one knows your ex-mod Ryan Sharpe. It's make a suggestion. If you have a lot of free time, feel free to pass this link on so I could just stay happy and stay intoxicated because nothing is better than an intoxicated stuttering John. Oh What was flying out of his mouth right now?

mayonnaise To let me make a suggestion if you have a lot of free time Feel free to pass this link on so I could just stay happy and stay Intoxicated because nothing is better than an intoxicated stuttering job. I'm doing a charity event for the PAL, the police athletics league for the children. Who doesn't plug in the room in case you live in the area. He's doing a one-to-one communication. I was on the phone with my mom yesterday and I was like, and by the way, mom, if you want to see Hackamania, WATP is the promo code. We there

May 9th through 11th. Do you want to put your father on the phone? No, no, no, no, no, I'm telling you about Hackamania for a minute. The whole point of a cameo is that this is a message for one person and he keeps spreading it out to everyone. He has no idea. He's even telling him, hey, don't forget to promote my cameo now. If you could do me a favor and get this out there to people. Tell a friend. Well, tell me if I'm reading this wrong, but it appears to me like he's probably been in a drunken stupor since New Year's Eve until maybe a day or two ago.

And this is kind of him sober in the morning, because he barely has the energy to lift his head up. And his eyes are like half closed. And he looks miserable. And he's like, I've got to bang out all those things I don't want to do early in the morning so I can get drunk again. So he's like a stoner that has the bull waiting in the car,

packed, ready to go as soon as he gets in there. He was sober for a couple hours, enough to look like he went to the gym or just go to the gym, steam, come out, come back, record these cameos that'll put some money in his pocket, and then go off and go back to the drunken stupor. See, Adam, you seem to think he has a drinking problem. I don't want to accuse anyone of anything.

I think that's where you're coming at this from, the idea that John has a drinking problem. I don't want to accuse anyone of anything. I think that's where you're coming at this from the idea of the jet as a drinking problem. I think he is over prescribed Kalanipin by his doctor. That's doctors fault and we will get them part of the problem. Let's lead for the children to raise money for the under privileged kids who can't afford to play baseball and football, and also set them on the right path. Maybe maybe you'll come down. It's in Cape Coral. Check it out if you will.

And Ryan, if I'm ever doing stand up in your area, you let me know and I'll be there. And you can buy me a beer. If I'm ever doing set up in your area, let me know and I'll be there. Am I booking you? I thought that I have to see if you're going to come to my area. Then I, and then you'll be there. Of course you'll be there. That's your gig. I hope Ryan shows up at the police fundraiser insisting free tickets. Yes. Let me in.

Yes. And I will put you on the VIP list. Capiche. And you have a great day. This is Stuttering John saying, Kiki. So for people who want to buy cameo from John, it doesn't seem like he follows directions very well. Now, on point double point,

the most recent one, Shulie was pointing out something along the lines of. They can get their money back very easily now I realize this is a troll trying to get this exact thing out of John but should it be a real customer ever he can't follow instructions right to save his life no hey this isn't the right medium for him. Because he's not reading, he doesn't know how to get himself out of the dabble verse and out of all of his fights and conflicts. It's all

he could talk about. It's proof that it's constantly looping in his head. Yes. Constantly. So I got fired from cameo. I resigned. If he were talking about an ex or a dead relative or even a dead pet, there'd be no laughing. You'd just be like, buddy, stop. This is a cameo for Jeremy in Pennsylvania. Don't mention your ex. Don't ask them for a job, please. And he had to do both things that he can't stop because he knows they're gonna see it and he wants the double verse to know he it took how many days? It was the first

one. It was like four days, five. Yeah, right. That was how long he could wait until he had to say something to Kate Meany on the internet. He had to have her hear his voice. Yeah, it reminds me of swingers. Exactly. Yes. It's very pathetic. I don't want to encourage people to give John money on Cameo.

But if you are going to give him $40 on Cameo, I would like to see John's take on a solemn get-well cameo somebody's on their He'll tell us about a time he saved someone's life What were we watching all we're watching thunder in paradise and Hulk Hogan in this TV show from the 90s grabs sting who is probably like 280, 300 pounds, the bottom of the ocean and swims them up to a life raft. And producer Chris correctly pointed out that can't be done. But John has told stories about saving people from drowning that I think he thinks he's Hulk Hogan pulling these people up and swimming them to shore.

It was very much a John story. Now you just heard him talk about this show that he's doing, which is smart move Cape Coral police benefit show, raising money. We've seen the poster. There's an actual comic doing this. He's just hosting it. I'm sure people will attend. I'm sure we'll hear more about it. But did you guys see this? Penis wrinkle just sent this to me. John has been booked. Oh, you didn't know about this? I didn't until I saw this just yesterday. Did you guys talk about this? Yeah, a little bit.

Okay, the box 2.0. He's going back to the Boca black box, but not the main room right next door to our main room. So he's doing to where he was booked for his friend is the owner there. No, I know. And this was the show that nobody showed up to. This is where purple one. Yeah, what's odd is that Scott, the engineer is booked in the big room for the same night. We get all this photo is of john. Yeah, that's a different

time. So he's doing two shows Friday and Saturday in the smaller room. reminds me of Joe Matt. Areese coming to Rochester. Being honest, I'll be in the brown box. You go to the late show or the early show. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just, just the one Joe, just not how comics work at all. But I can't believe that he really is going back to stand up. He thinks he's writing a new act. This is happening. He said, uh, we were watching another cameo on drew lane show yesterday and he said, you're going to see me soon. Oh no. He's talking to a guy in the UK. He goes you're gonna see me soon oh no he's talking to a guy

in the UK he goes you might see me soon on my one-man show as if it's gonna be touring internationally which is crazy but he goes soon he just came up with this idea a couple weeks ago and he's already like finalizing his one-man show which is amazing I assume it takes Colin Quinn a few more than three weeks to put together one of his one-man shows. If anyone actually believed for a second that he was writing or he was going to do this, the fact that he is promoting it before he's even written it or booked it shows you it is all a delusion and it is never going to happen. I think truly he's promoting these gigs so that the Dabblers can do something that he can claim

Ruined his career so he doesn't have to write so he doesn't have to perform It's all just an excuse to drink and he doesn't want to say oh, I just want to sit home and drink I would be out there, but my enemies are trashing me and attacking me and ruining my career It's not because I refuse to write It's because these people are holding me back. And the other element here is that in John's mind, when he announces something is going to happen, it's already happened. It happened with watching my cats in Cape Coral. He did you that favor. He did

you that favor. He already did me that favor because he offered to do me that favor. So writing a one man show has already happened because he said he was going to. And it's a very Patrick Melton talks about this with like overweight women who go on Instagram and say, I'm going to lose 100 pounds in 2025. And they get dozens of likes. You go, girl. Yeah, you got this. And then they never go on a diet because they're like, all right, that's what I want. And I just want everyone to praise me. Real Chad Zumachs. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. It's just like wait till July you just wait

I'm gonna have a six-pack. All right. Are you on my personal Instagram? Yes Do that to Carl I'm not buying it. I don't think you're actually going out of diet kind of doing promise too many carbs The problem with you kind of I have a couple clips that I pulled for Point Devil Point that we didn't get to that are just fun. You know, John talking about this impression that Clearwater Chad does. I love Clearwater Chad.

He's been coming into the chats and stuff. He was during the creep off today. I saw him. He's coming on during Point Devil Point. We gotta get him on the show or something. I have a lot of questions. Um, imitation is the, uh, what the highest form of clarity. His form of clarity.

Flare cannot say that fucking word. He has a hardest time with that word. You know, clarity. Yeah. The clarity. All right. Let's talk about this guy Clearwater Chad. So Clearwater Chad is a character created by this guy from Buffalo. And it has to do with Scientology. That's why it's Clearwater Chad. But then the other, it's an old character, but

he kept the name. He carried over the name to his stuttering John character What's more than that though? Because he claims that the Clearwater Chad character is now doing the stuttering John Kerry's doing an impression stuttering John So it's a character doing a character layers. It's let yes. It's very nice I mean, this is stuff that like even at and it was a great actor could not pull this off Did we ever find out if? the Clearwater guy character was for Scientology or against? I have to do my research on that. You might know, Carla. I've heard both. Do we know what it is? I think he was, I want to say he was

against but I'm not, I'm not a hundred percent. I know he explained it to me and I tuned out. Sorry. Yeah, no that's not your fault. He has that quality. But I remember him talking early on, they used to protest because Scientology is there in Clearwater. But then he recently had a Scientologist on and they were talking about it in a different way. I'm curious about that because I think

it would definitely answer a lot of questions about what's going on with him if he said that he was. Well, let's introduce. I don't think we've played him on WTP. Maybe we have, but I think this is a perfect example because I want to get more into Clearwater Chad. I want to figure out what's going on here. And he does live next door to us.

He's over in Buffalo. So, you know, maybe there's a partnership in the making here. I don't know. So this is him coming on John's final show and he's well rehearsed and he's ready to do his bit. Just so you know, when you're gone, we will fight and win your battles for you against the criminal deuce payer and any and all other criminals that you know of.

Well, Chad, I hope you can carry the torch of the Duke and I hope you, you hope you keep on being me. Thank you. I have beer on the balcony scheduled for the next couple of days and we're going to get it done and get the deuce pair. Well, oh, did you like my call to his father? Oh, I loved it. Yeah. That's it. That should get him in some hot water. Hopefully. Well, he deserves it. I mean, he's taking it way too far.

John will never pick up on someone clowning him to his face. Now, I still, jury's out on Clearwater, Chad. I assume he's clowning, Jeff. Because why would you? Talking about getting into hot water, that's a funny statement, right? That's a good, that's a well-thought-out phrase

to use for this moment. Like, it's, there's got to be, be can't be just a retarded guy in Buffalo. It's also the kind of phrase you would use if you were also scared about what someone might say to your parents. And if that's a real fear you have, it's completely relatable when someone else says it. Good. Adam is like me. He's on the fence with this character because I'm still on the fence. Good, Adam was like me. He's on the fence with this character because I'm still on the fence. I'm not on the fence I am open to you know other possibilities, but This is not an act. This is this guy. He knows there's humor Involved he doesn't know what the joke is. We just listened to Tom Meyer go from his voice to what he thought was a seamless

George W Bush impression right and then back to his voice to what he thought was a seamless George W. Bush impression, and then back to his voice. I don't know how it sounded in his head, but to all of us, it did not change. And that's the same thing here. He thinks he's doing a voice. He is not brilliant enough to pretend to hang up the call and then review his own performance while still online. He's just not that smart. He and Chad have something similar.

I feel like they're both the kind of guys who you can just see standing over this dead body with blood in their hands, looking up, being like, you said you wanted him dead, I don't understand. You said this is what you wanted and now you're upset with me and not understanding Like he and the reason I feel this way is because he keeps bringing his like child onto

Camera he's done that repeatedly and he's really been like I mean if the joke involves your kid having to call this man uncle and immediately John said something about immediately PDF files and a shoely and it was just like, you said that. I watched the, I'm sorry to drag you down again. I just watched this guy do that and it doesn't mean we can't enjoy him. It doesn't mean he's not funny. I'm with Cardiff.

The idea that somebody searches Stuttering John and they see this guy for 45 minutes eating chicken wings is amazing and not doing anything it's just like it's like Yoko Ono we want it to be there it exists to show us how far things can go and he belongs right here in that dabble verse I love it I'd love to talk to him but he's not kidding he thinks he got out some good material and is looking for the next thing. He just knows this is like, you know, something famous and something involving podcasting. He doesn't know what funny is or how to enjoy it exactly, which makes sense because neither does John. Okay, I'm glad to hear you say that because I thought I was the crazy one for a second when I'm going,

he might not be in on the joke, but I'm also hedging my bet because I don't I don't know but he was this stupid but this is him explaining what he's doing So what's with the clear water? Oh, that's my original character. It was called clear water Chad Character yeah, all you do is Right, it's not my real name. Oh It's not no. I'm a character playing a character. Are you let me guess Andrew? No, I can tell you my Love the job. It's gonna look at the guy's face and guess his name. And Clay's instinct was to be like, I'll play along with this game. Steve, Fred, play this all day.

So John's, John's new job is at a carnival, guessing people's names. Wait, that's not it. That day. names. Wait, that's not a game. Wait, it's not that names. So this is the scene that I think is the most controversial. Blind Mike was breaking this down. We talked about a little bit on point double point. I feel like it's important to play again. When John dismisses Clearwater Chad, Clearwater Chad thinks he's off the show and he's talking to his brother on the phone about his appearance and he doesn't realize that he's on John's phone and I've heard a lot of people's take on this.

I'm interested in Adams take on this somebody laugh. I don't know. All I know is Chad came on. I lost a hundred viewers. I'm only kidding Chad. I'm only kidding Chad. I kid because I love him. I had to work in all that stuff you know about the

news player and I you know I didn't you know thank god I did because he only had me on for five minutes. That's about the final post Serino. Serino showing up. Chad you, you're on! Yeah, that's true, because yeah, the longer it goes, I didn't have funny stuff. Chad, you're on!

Let's spy on him, let's spy on him! This is funny. So Clay has the right instinct here. Let's see what he's saying, not knowing that he's on. But I think that John's so afraid that this guy's going to start feeling like, yeah, that fucking boob, John, what a moron he is. I'm like, ah, that's a scramble to, to hang out. Talk over you.

John is also in a two party. You know, I mean, the more guys, since it's illegal. And I was already, like you said, I had to talk over them a couple of times and, you know, I had to get my stuff out Juicy Yeah Attic's and excited to get my stuff in so I tried to say oh Clay doesn't have the lighter like you said

I'm still looking at the chat the one guy says yay Buffalo guys back this feels dying the other says yeah yeah yeah just keep watching okay right Watching out the calculator. Okay, right You did well you saw that you Were you're a genuine man. You didn't turn into an asshole when you weren't on camera Doesn't that seem like a bit it does right at the end there. It seemed a little Yeah, yeah like the timing was too perfect he hangs up looks over Oh, he's been looking that way the entire time now

I said if if there was headphones going on coming off I could see that but There's no he doesn't look like a guy can mute his laptop Come on Carl right and we were talking about the fact that he could have muted a tab and been looking at a different tab and then came back to it. But he was looking at the chat. So that's not the case. Yeah. He's reading the chat. He has to see his face on there. I don't know. From everything I know, this is really fucking with me now because I mean, he was a little nervous when he was talking to John and this like, by the way, they all look evil. It just looks everyone looks like the bad guy in this thing right now.

This is the dark side of the devil for us for sure. Every one of them look very evil. If he, how do I say this right? He was so, a little nervous and you could see it, but then everything relaxed. When, as soon as he was talking to his friend, and he was insecure, and he was talking about the chat, like we know he's in every chat all the time,

just like I am, it's a great thing, but then new sounds came out, like the nervous and the laughter, like that, it smacks to me of being real, even though it's a little performative, like how would he, then he's a genius, then he's a fucking genius. It's Adam. Thank you That's my point if this guy is a character playing a character. He's amazing at it. Yes now

Kid oh, we're going that can't be the case. It's not there's no way. There's just no way No, there isn't you brought up Andy Kaufman on Monday's? Point double point yeah, even though Cardiff called him Andy Warhol I did not did I? Yeah, he did It happens we all talk a lot I don't Christian Blatt called me Rob Saul a number of times. Yes, he did. Yeah, I was weird. Low blow. Yeah, still stings.

I could tell. All right. So John asks, how about that phone call I made to Shulie's dad? And I think we covered that last time on WTP, right? I'm getting confused. I do a lot of shows talking about John. We covered the phone call to Mr. Agar and what a backfire that was, and how John looked terrible in it. And Shulie's dad came off great and everyone came off great except for John and Even with that just happening John says now I'm telling you right now. He shows my mother's picture again. I'm calling his dad again

Yeah, he's one dumb duck That is another thing the clear water chance trying to work in this dumb duck catchphrase. Rock and roll. Yeah, it might catch on. I don't know. Maybe a lot of dumb ducks and cuzzaroos out there. I don't know. It's a fact check.

Right. He's trying to do his own fact check, I think. So John's like, yeah, if he does it again, I'll call his dad again. As if like, what are you going to accomplish? Is this how dumb John is? All right, dumb question. I'm sorry. I take it back. And again, Clay did not like him calling. She was dad.

I can't lie. It made me feel rather uncomfortable to be honest. I don't know. I just a bit. Clay you're just, you know, I'm so sick of your pussy boy. But Clay, it's okay for them to do all the shit to me though, right? No, of course not. No, but I mean, you're gonna do it. You're gonna do it. I'm just saying my finish made me feel a bit.

I don't know. Uneasy. I don't get a good guy, but we're going to be monitoring the movements. So you better watch out. That's everything Clearwater. Chad is acting like he's the SJ army, which I believe card have started. The originator of the SJ everybody's actually like, yeah,

don't worry while you're gone. We'll be watching this dude's pair. We'll take him out. Just give us the word. Just give us a signal. I think that's what I'm guessing with him. There's so many parallels to early Cardiff with this guy. Just I want to believe I want to believe he's he's a genius He might be he might like I am Wow, well, I want to believe that too. We will definitely talk more about clear water chat

I want to get more into that last clip. I want to play on here is one that I didn't play on point devil play I was not feeling well on Monday and I was very disappointed in my performance and one of the things disappointed about I was telling Andy later that night, is the one clip I wanted to play was them talking about Point Devil Point as the one clip I missed on my sheet. So this is Clay discussing being asked to be on Point Devil Point.

Now this has happened. I can tell you that we did reach out to Clay to come on Point Devil Point on monday didn't hear back but there's something interesting going on here how do i know i must have fucked up the recording of this yeah all right well clay uh good thing i didn't play it basically clay's saying here you know i might get invited to point dabble point, but I wouldn't do that without your blessing, John. And John's ignoring Clay and not listening to him,

and then looking at Clearwater Chat again. So, Clay never gets the answer that he wants, which is, is it okay if I go on point dabble point? Because he even says, it's not a round table discussion, everyone has the same opinion. They need someone like me on there to push back and John's is not listening

And I promise you the original was not muted like that This is like what this is is like too It's a it's a married couple that have been together for a long time and they're passive aggressively communicating to each other John heard everything You don't know what's in hell Carl. Oh, yeah, it's a Chris and Carl type He's passively telling him I'm gonna do these shows and John is pretending not to hear so that he can claim Whatever he wants later on because he knows he's he's kind of caught in a in a rut with this thing about people going on Other shows especially if he's not doing anything. Like, what is Clay supposed to do? Well, that's the point,

is this all happened with Steve Grillo. And I feel so bad for Steve Grillo. Because he's not bright. But he's brighter than John. Because he's bright enough to know he doesn't know everything. And admit it. And he met John when John was a superior.

And he can't let that go. And neither can John. everything and admit it and he met John when John was a superior and He can't let that go and neither can John because John has made it clear on the Howard Stern show Howard you will always look at me like an intern because I started as an intern and you will never see me as anything different So that's how he treats Grillo So Grillo is the only one here the only one who genuinely cares who genuinely? Yeah, and you can tell about this guy's feelings. So he is confused the same way I was. It was like, you told me to go on. It was fun.

I told you. I gave you the respect. I thanked you. I said, I'm going on these shows. And now you feel betrayed. You said Grillo couldn't go on these shows because he's going to trash you. He did not trash you.

I mean, really, he actually refused to do it and John is like, well, that doesn't matter. You still betrayed me by going on these shows. John, then why was it okay for you to go on Carl's show? Well, the Grillo thing is crazy. I never played on the show, maybe I should, but there's a four and a half minute long clip of him with Gino.

And John actually watched the clip. You would think he just read the thumbnail because the thumbnail made it seem like minute long clip of him with Gino and John actually watched the clip you would think he just read the thumbnail because the thumbnail made it seem like Grillo really trashed John and he didn't he did just the opposite he explained like John's a longtime friend I worked with them that's why when I went on Shulie's show I didn't talk trash about John I got out of there before they started doing the segment about John and John's watching that going fuck you grill Like what do you motherfucking grill over? Well?

He honestly doesn't know he was asking pat dixon playing him clips going is this guy trashing me Are you sure because it feels to me like they are but I don't quite know what all these words mean So somebody has to tell me no a grillo just got like something Factually wrong right according to John John, like the size of something or how much something was. Well from the old Howard Stern Show, he was talking about something that happened on the Howard Stern Show 20 years ago.

And it's like, okay, well, neither here nor there. We're talking about- And then he lost his mind, burned the bridge, and Grillo really is like, I tried to not burn this bridge. I really need him to know there was nothing he could do that would have prevented this from ending this way. He wants it and needs it to end this way. And it's like this for everyone. It's not just you. So just move

on. So, John is more comfortable being betrayed or pretending he was betrayed than he is and having managing a long term relationship with someone right? That's what it's come to. a long term relationship with someone. Right. That's what it's come to. And living in fear of something is harder

and takes more of a toll on you than living through it. So a lot of times our bodies will just force it to happen because it gets it over with. Plus he has no experience anymore in not being betrayed. And I can get why he's so paranoid about it. But Grillo's smart enough to just ask questions and take answers like Clay was smart enough he heard the notes about can you be quiet when John goes to the door yeah so he took the note because he's an intelligent human being right John worked

for some of the greatest comedians in his entire world and is taking comedy notes from clay yeah on that note I want to introduce for the first time this year, Annie review girls back. Hey, welcome back everyone. Happy New Year's. Welcome Annie. You're a little over modulated today, but I don't know. You're a course.

I am you were so quiet the last few times and we told you to turn it up. But that's all right. We'll get this figured out. I'm excited to tell everyone that we have a new game. A new game. To play today. The test. Okay. I was going to say, do you need to set this up at all?

Or can we get right into it? You'll figure it out. Okay. Pretty much the other game. Alright. Let's play a new game. It's time for everyone's favorite new new game show two minutes with Tom Concept is easy the game not so much What did Tom say next? Maybe I will set up a little bit what What I've attempted to do is write alternate

punch lines for Tom's monologues. Wait. You have to guess. I mean, write alternate endings that are supposed to be punch lines. So wait, you wrote different punch lines. We have to guess what you wrote? No, we have to guess the one that Tom actually said. Oh, okay. So you're going to tell us what you wrote and then we got to figure out what he said. Yeah, you're going to get three options and you're going to guess the one that Tom actually said. Oh, okay. So, you're going to tell us what you wrote and then we gotta figure out what he said. Yeah, you're going to get three options and you're going to take the one that's actually

Tom. Okay. Trump's campaign hosted a rally at Madison Square Garden in New York City over the weekend. Some people online compared it to the American Bund Nazi rally at Madison Square Garden 80 plus years ago. What did Tom say next? Here are your choices.

Number one, that's an exact quote from Donald Trump's Truth Social account recently. B, while others online didn't think it was a good idea. Next, at least that was the description of the event when you ordered the tickets online from their website. Two minutes with Tom. All right, I'm going to go with B. What do you think, Adam? Oh, man. That's a tough one. I also think B but I'll go with next to be competitive. It's the wordiest.

Okay, what do you think Annie? I think it's probably letter one. He likes Donald Trump. Well, he doesn't. He doesn't like Donald Trump. Very good. Producer Chris? I also went with letter one. Alright. I gotta say, only three choices is a lot easier game than last week when we had eight different people to choose who said it's in faster This afternoon and it's hard to write in Tom's voice. Thank you. No, this is great Some people online compared it to the American Bund Nazi rally at Madison Square Garden 80 plus years ago.

While others online didn't think it was a good idea. Right. Adam should have gone with your gut there. I'm just trying to make the show interesting. I understand. That's not your job. That's my job. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm failing miserably, so thank you. That's it for Two Minutes with Tom, a Cardiff Electric production brought to you by Hackamania.com promo code COM.

Because when you think Cardiff electric you think come spelled CUM That's my brand jizz Maybe I should get promo code jizz Melton sit Eugene sit good dog The PKA podcast actually does have promo code jizz for some of their products. Oh, so that's taken though, I guess, Cardiff. No, it's good. Change it back again.

All right. Well, thank you for supplying that game. And of course, this has been a Tom Myers heavy episodes that worked out very well. Well, we bookmarked or bookended the show Bookend with Tom Myers today. I want to thank. Well, you know what? Before I get to that, let's talk about what we've done today. We've done it all.

We talked about Dan has jokes. Dan Caper talking to Tom Myers as if he had a real celebrity on his show. That was fun. Virgie Tovar is telling the citizens of San Francisco, they'll have to be healthy, it's fine. Doesn't matter. Howard Stern is back from break and upset that people have microphones in their basement. Nikki Glaser felt obligated to go on the Howard Stern show mere hours after hosting the Golden Globes. Settling John is on cameo and already phoning it in as he does, but he does have some-

He needs to figure out how to turn down his camera's resolution on his phone because- On his phone, you're right. Yeah, it does the cameo, you can see too much. It's so, it's so awful. The natural light and the HD camera. We want this, people. I like it.

Now we get to see how disgusting he really is. And also it's a good message for the kids out there. Alcohol is bad. All right. I don't know if everyone is understanding this, but alcohol is bad. You shouldn't drink alcohol. That's what celery John has tried to convey to everyone in his own interesting way. He also has some comedy gigs coming up. Happy about that. Glad he's getting back on that horse. You know what that means? It's time for everyone's favorite part of the show.

The part of the show we play come from the podcast that we'll be reviewing on the next episode of who are these podcasts coming up this Saturday. Tabbert coming back to the show we play come from the podcast that we'll be reviewing on the next episode of who are these podcasts coming up this Saturday, tab Burt coming back to the show. He's always a fan favorite drinking beers. Yes. He is the king of Coors light. Sorry, John. Thinking beers. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I can't get a reference anymore. There's too much going on. I understand Cardiff and this is what we'll be checking out. He stumbled into it before he fell. But the goat, it didn't move or make a noise.

It just stood there frozen. Frozen goat? Gosh, what could that mean? Oh, perhaps you're on the horns of a dilemma or you're frozen with indecision. Oh, no, no. Maybe. Oh, goats are stubborn, aren't they? So maybe if you've dream of goats, then that means that you're...

No, no, no. The goat isn't symbolic, Bernard. None of it is. It isn't a dream. It's much more than that. But if it's not a dream, what is it? A premonition. Long Cat media presents. Mockery Manor is what we're going to be talking about this next episode.

Mockery Manor is a theme park where people disappear and it's up to a pair of chaotic teenage twins to catch a killer. That was down, down some crappy. No, no, it's was down, down some crappy. No, no, that's not crappy. Downton, I say mockery manner. And I thought that would be great for this since he's worked in theater and probably knows that people will put these types of things on. Are you those two boys are supposed to be teenagers?

I don't think so. I think that I think there's a different characters, but I could be wrong. I have just dipped my toes up fire. And are you a fan of audio drama? Listen, I know we all, you know, love Clay Duty, and we want to see him just being Clay Duty, but we don't need to be so judgmental when he and Mrs. Duty branch out and start their own podcast. I think we should just be supportive of what they're trying to do, regardless of whether it sounds

torturous or not. So you see the tie in to WATP where other people did not realize that's what's going on here. I can't recognize that voice anywhere. I'm kidding. That's not clay duty. But that's what we're doing on this next episode. But this episode was fantastic. Thanks to my

friend Adam Bush. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for having me. This was such a blast. And of course you have a new series coming out where people find that PBC is coming out on YouTube and flow cast and there's an album called peeled back by Ali Gertz that I produced that you should check out and I'm going to need to leave because of the fires that are happening all around me. Not just in my mind and emotionally, but physically,

they are happening. So forgive me if I was distracted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good luck to you, buddy. Bye, Adam. But if anything does happen to you, it's because you crossed the two. Right.

Oh, it's karma for that, of course. And real quickly, on John's first cameo, the first thing he said when he got back was, beware of all the imposters and don't trust them so Chad he's coming for you clear water Chad is gonna start a cameo I think I'd rather get a clear water cameo I would pay 50 bucks for a clear water Chad cameo yeah I think he'd probably follow instructions a little bit better the problems it'll be two and a half hours long. Just be him watching TV.

Good point. And of course, Cardiff, find him at devil verse.tv. Yes. patreon.com slash card of electric devils.tv all the places. I might be doing a show tomorrow night on devil verse TV. I don't know what it's going to be about, but I'm going to have super tips. Oh, you're part of the super family. Just a dime for the lawsuit. Yes. Just a different, a big class action lawsuit. You dubby. All the ways to give me. Yeah. Well, I'm smart, Carl. I'm only using my own voice. No, it doesn't, doesn't matter. Give us those Canadian dollars.

That's what it's really a boo. Pass over those loonies and toonies. Let's go. I'm also running for governor of Canada. So please vote for me, Cardiff 2025. Yes. I am rooting for you to be the next governor of Canada. And Annie is here from at what's dash this dash game on YouTube. Yes. Thank you very much. I'm also on my personal channel. It's at insanity, I N S a N N E I T Y

It's a pun on the word insanity, obviously. Hmm. I get it. What do you do on that channel? I do all sorts of gameplay streams the other day. I was streaming for like 10 hours just playing different games So if you have nothing else to do go ahead over there. I also catch up on dabble verse stuff So I'm usually watching Rico or other things while I'm playing games. Annie, I don't even think you get it. It's a pun on insanity, but it's also a pun on Annie. Pretty clever. You don't even get it.

Yeah. You didn't even, you didn't know how good you are, Annie. Wow. Wow. You know, you just said, please join us again next time. It might be the episode we find out once for all all who are these podcast people are reparting. Parting in the mosh pits of morning radio. And now this show is over now. Okay, great show. Good job everybody.

Great job everyone. It was a great job everyone and we're not done yet. Annie have any new reviews for us? Yes, I have one that actually came in from this year. All right. What's going on this year? Comes in from Collie S. on the 4th of January. When passion becomes a job, he who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby

become a monster. And if you gaze for too long into an ab abyss the abyss also gazes into you deep shit Wow, I need to go upstairs and think about that. I think Is that a five-star? No, it's a two-star. That's worthless guys one one star if you hate us Do I ever say one serve you hate us that's never an option Okay Do I ever say, give us a one star if you hate us? That's never an option. Okay, five stars only, my bad. See, I'm very retarded.

Five stars is what we want. One star is not helping us at all. If you hate us, go listen to something else. It's fine. We'll never know. It's true. All right, let's check out some voicemails. Hey, what's up, Coral?

This is Alabama. My own first time caller, I was just listening to the 2024 worst of episode and that dish from the good pud podcast sounds just like former co-host croche and Yeah, that's pretty much it. Don't call me back Wow, that's a very insulting thing to say Interesting though. No one else is connected those two dots

Boner guy is a message for Cardiff Go bills. Oh, no, did I did I at boy you card is had to piss all over my comedy gold with your stupid drops. Bored with some hearing about me telling everyone to go to the creep-off.com and vote for Carl every week. My call to action. Well, nevermind, here's a suggestion for you. Why don't you fuck off to hackamania.com where you can use the promo code bollock

to receive a Cardiff electric NFT. I'm saying you look like a bollock with that by the way. And that extra inch that your wife will be so very grateful for. It's a war right now. Four inches is fine. It's true. Bollock you I keep forgetting our friend Jerry gave us a gift

for Christmas to the WTP family. There's a crew I should say. And I've been meaning this has been underneath my tree upstairs. I keep forgetting to bring it down here. Remember to open it. So I'm gonna open it now and see what Jerry gave us. I didn't get anything for Jerry.

Wait, did you stop your tree up? No, I don't anymore. That's why I can't finally get downstairs. But yeah, we didn't get anything for Jerry. Stop your tree up. No, I don't anymore. That's why I can't finally get downstairs. But yeah, we didn't get you anything, Jerry. So I already feel weird about this, but we appreciate it. Thank you. Hope it doesn't suck. It's.

This is something the Cardiff would like. It's a baseball. It's from Cooperstown distillery. And is it a vodka? I don't know. Gencrafted. You read it. Thanks Jerry.

I'll find a place for that. It is vodka in my toilet. Vitamin V. Yay. That's exciting. Thanks Jerry. All right. You can have a little bit. You have a little bit after the show delivery for the back. That's it. Thanks Jerry. We recently did the Tony Hawk Jason Ellis show and I didn't get into a deep dive into how that show came to be and people were giving me all this information about it so. That show was wild. Tony got Jason the job at Sirius. Tony had a radio show, brought Jason in on it, and then Jason started his own podcast off of that. He fucked you back.

All right. Very good. Yeah, I remember Tony Hawk had the SiriusXM channel, I think, or definitely had a show on there. And then Jason Ellis had his own show on Sirius for a long time. So I didn't I don't know if the Tony Hawk introduced him to Sirius, but whatever. Very good to know. Thank you. Yeah. Wasn't faction 20 Hawks thing first? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Then they merged it with the virus. Yeah. Because of the the lack of talent. What did you call it? A talent vacuum, the talent vacuum that's going on. What is going on with the Sam Roberts show? Is he out there searching for a new co-host?

All the social media has been switched over to the Sam Roberts show. So maybe it is just Sam Roberts show with occasional Rich Voss. Oh boy. I wish them luck. Surprise. They haven't, maybe they lost my number. Surprise. They haven't called me yet. Well I'm about to announce the world on my Twitter to Sam Roberts. Maybe this will help but I'm going to let him know I'm working on a character called Pip. Oh perfect. So maybe that's what he needs. I like it. Pip always has the funny thing to say though right? Yes. Yeah okay Gary and San Diego. Hey Carl. I don't know if you saw it,

but John is going to be participating at the police athletic league comedy night on January 11th and uh, he's not, he's not headlining, he's not middling, he's not even the beginner. He's just a host. He's just hosting it for some other comedian named R.C. Smith. And what do you make of this? I think he's trying to ingratiate himself with the police so when he finally gets pulled over for drunk driving he could say hey you guys look I helped you out at that a comedy night. I was a host so don't give me a ticket. Let me out of it

What do you think? That have any merit yes, it's exactly why I don't know yeah Rock and roll yes, that's why you do things for the police voluntarily to get in their good graces to get out of breaking the law. There's no other reason to do that. I put Gary from San Diego and Clearwater Chad in the same category. Like I want to believe that both of them are just genius performers. Yeah, that's a good point. What is Gary's deal? Because when I see him on

your show all the time, I thought that's just a character. And now I don't know. Now I don't know what to think. Judy, I figured out. I don't know where that bitch is at. What was the neighbor's name? Sandy. Sandy. I miss Sandy. She doesn't get involved anymore. She's dropped off Hey, man, coming to hack a mania it's like Gary in San Diego. I don't think I hope he comes to hack a mania I don't think he leaves his house, but I'll ask him. I'll send him the invite right now. Yes WTP promo code if you're coming. Um Hey, man It's that guy. I called into the creep off about the Thai lady with the stabbing. I'll send you that video. But also I'm a little behind the Thai woman on that episode who said,

Thailand so sexually repressed. Dude, I lived there for a fucking year teaching English. And yeah, they are not sexually repressed. In June, they had gay pride dances and celebrations and took time off to study all that shit. Like it's a full-on like three, four day event there. Like sexually repressed my ass. Like fuck, no, not literally my ass. Oh my God, Hang on. I have to I have to help Gotta hang up and defend my ass. Damn it You called him You called it right there annie jay loiterer

It's my birthday and at 55. It's the most important thing to say. It's my birthday. Happy birthday. Jay loiterer Thanks for being happy birthday We appreciate you. We say your name Thanks for being here. Happy birthday, G. Loiterer. We appreciate you. We say your name. D-Lux has some good news for us. Carl D-Lux, good news.

My local congressman has agreed to chair a committee on these inquiry into the I-80 killings. First witness to be called will be one, Raymond DeVito of Cleveland, Ohio. We have to save these girls. All right, yes. These slangs, we need to get to the bottom of it. And I would start with Ray. He's got answers for us. Seems like he connects a lot of the dots.

Literally. On paper. There's a lot of hang man and a lot of word searches. This one came in for the creep off but I think it makes sense on here too. Hey guys, there's all this talk about who to or not to vote for at the creep off.com. I personally never voted at the creep off.com, but I feel like I should. So before I go and vote, could you tell me which candidate is the more punk rock vote so I can cast my vote accordingly?

Thanks. Call me back. Vote for Carl. I brought it today. I had a great creep today. Go to the creep off.com and vote for Carl. That's all you need to know. I personally like Vinny.

What? There's nothing punk about Vinny. Hey, Carl. Are you saying that because you do separate at surfing with him? Occasionally, Wednesdays at eight, yes. Hey, Carl. If you're a speech therapist, love you, love the show, whatever. So I just stumbled across this post on Dabbler's Anonymous.

He was the cameo. John was making a cameo, and the person wanted to congratulate their friend's engagement. Holy fucking shit. It was so depressing. I feel like, you know that nihilistic, bummed out feeling you feel after you watch a movie like Requiem for a Dream? Yeah, John just made me feel that. the word cringe gets thrown around a lot, but Jesus, this is painful. It's really fucking sad, dude.

I'm sure you'll cover it. I don't know. Anyway. Yeah. I can make a voicemail that's not related to speech therapy. Okay. I wish a Bay press guy would branch out at some point but yes his Cameo, we'll see where that goes. I can't we've already lowered the price You can't know I'm surprised because he's such an arrogant asshole That I thought if anything he'd be like I should be raising the price that was buying it He's a desperate as well. Yes, we're desperate alcoholic and see it's a good point Carl hey, it's the infamous

D man gione calling from the penitentiary first time long time huge fan of the show So I'll let you know Ray DeVito is a sick fuck Luigi man gione thinks that he's a sick fuck that's not a good sign, but thank you very much for your call We've been running along today You notice that yeah, it'll shorten up these shows I sent out a note to on the patreon asking people what we should do in 2025 to make the show better What kind of improvements what do they want to see it got tons of great feedback?

I'm still going through all of it So thank you very much for everyone who participated if you want to tell me what for Patreon.com slash you are these podcasts and let your voice be heard. We do appreciate the support of everyone on there Go fuck yourselves have a good week. Ah Carl. I love you A plane is hit right we watch a carly Jesus I gotta go this is getting getting stupid. Bye guys. Yes Thank you for tuning in Bye All right, I was slow on the draw this for J