Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 108 - Jess Perkins and Dave Warneke

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode features JJess Perkins (Do Go On) and Dave Warneke (Do Go On, Book Cheat)!Check out Matt's stand up special: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by @muzdoodles and edited by Connor Schmidt! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For a limited time, switch to Shopify Point of Sale and you could save up to 20% and improve your bottom line. We're so serious about savings, we've made this ad 20% shorter. That means you get 6 seconds back. Just enough time to visit Shopify.com slash POS20. Now that's an efficient ad. Eligibility requirements apply. See Shopify.com slash POS20 for details. Welcome to Who Knew with Matt Stewart, the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart and our first guest is host of the Do Go On podcast and

also an OG guest of this show, it's Jess Perkins. It's been a while, people have been begging for you to come back and you've refused until now, why? Contractual obligations. Okay. Yeah, yeah, Matt and I were feuding. Where, where, is the bridge completely mended? No. Okay, there's a little leap at the end. But we're getting there. Yeah, if you've seen the movie

Speed, the bridge isn't quite completed, but it's a very makeable jump. Yes, that's right. Our second guest this week is also host of the Dugong Podcast, as well as Booktube, and is the bass player of Weed Hornet and Long Legs. It's Dave Warnocky. Bam bam bam ba bam bam ba bam bam. That's bass. Touch me babe. But they didn't even have a bass player. Bad example. I was just trying to riff, but I'm so uncreative I just threw the doors. All right, the way the show works is ask a relatively obscure trivia question and our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as the real one and I have to guess which one is correct. And hey, while I've got you, why not follow us on Instagram, Facebook, et cetera, at whonewitpod.

Who knew it? At whonewitpod. Dispelling, this is the show. You can follow me at jess perkins i'm getting close to 17 000 followers and I like round numbers and 17 is the roundest It's the roundest. No, but I don't like that. It currently says 16.9. You know, I don't like that That's pretty nice. Can I just say jess we know that your favorite number is 16 true Should we get 900 people to take the pledge to unfollow j right now and bring out a 16,000. And then you could all just follow Who Knew It pod because we're going to be putting out

a clip from this episode. I've been filming the episodes and the clips are going up. Hey Jess, before we get into the episode, let me tell you and the listeners, if they're listening in, may as well, I'm going to be doing three live Who Knew It's in the UK after I do go onto it, which tickets are still available for for some of the shows. Yeah, some are sold out, but you can come to some of them. Yeah. You figure it out. I think Belfast has a few left.

Maybe Dublin has a few. Yep. And Birmingham. And I think, oh, maybe London. London. Yeah, the rest are all sold out. But yeah, afterwards, I'm gonna be doing a show, Dave's gonna be on actually as well. I'll be there. The 17th of November, Sunday, doing a show, Dave's gonna be on actually as well. I'll be there. The 17th of November, Sunday, doing a, who knew it, with some stand up.

Dave, do a little bit of stand up too. You gonna do a bit of stand up Dave with me? Oh my goodness, I'll be talking and I'll be making jokes. And the law man, no, I'll join in as well. Notice that he did not say yes to stand up, but he is gonna be talking and making jokes. Yeah, technically you can't sue me if I don't fulfill the contract. Then on the Thursday, 21st of November, heading to Leicester. I've never been to Leicester before.

And yeah, you're gonna be at the Big Difference and do another Who Knew It and stand up show there. Dave will probably be home in Melbourne by then. And then finally in Edinburgh on the 23rd at the Monkey Barrel. Do you want to show there another who knew it was stand up? Oh, my God. Guess for those for the Lester and Edinburgh shows TBC, but they're poor. Tell you this for nothing.

They're going to be some of the greats. People would be crazy not to go. Can I just say that? You can. Yeah. I say that, though, they'd be crazy not to go. I mean, you get I don't want to. I don't want to get involved in this, but yeah Can I swear? Can I swear on this? Ah you can yeah. When the F is who knew it with Mads 2 are gonna be back in the UK?

There's no plans for it. There's no plans for it? No plans for it. So I'm sorry if you're sitting there like I'm a little British listener and I really like who knew it? I'm not gonna buy tickets I gotta wait for next time. What the F sorry to swear is wrong with it? I'm not going to buy tickets, I'm going to wait for next time. What the f... What the f... Sorry to swear. Is wrong with you. I think... No offense. Yeah. But I'm just saying like, God, you can put off so much for later, but later isn't guaranteed.

Sorry, I'm getting emotional now, but like... So just buy the tickets and just go see the show. You won't regret it. Or you will, and just go see the show. You won't regret it or you will. And then you've learned something. I think that is such a great point. You may regret coming. But no, I really appreciate those words. That means a lot.

Sorry, I got really emotional. You did. I'm so sorry. And that's so nice to see you vulnerable. You normally put up such a wall. I am a wall. I am a wall. You're a wall. Part woman, part wall.

All right, so question number one comes from listener Alan Kerr from Glasgow in Scotland. And the question is, what is the definition of the Scottish word, haemildaimie? Haemildaimie. Spelled, if you wanna know, H-A-M-E-L-D-A-E-M-E. What is the definition of the Scottish word? Hamildamy.

And while they're writing their answers, I'll explain how the scoring works. So you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, another point if you correctly guess the answer. And by the way, I'm also playing as the house. And I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question, and I get a point for each one of those that the guests choose. So each of us can score up

to two points per round, which seems fair on the face of it, but a mathematician once wrote in to say the probability actually favours me, the house, and the house always wins. So if you listened to our previous episode you'll know that is often not the case and that is in part because the contestants now get triple points in the final round. Probably even shifting the balance from the house to the contestants. Anyway, most of our questions come from our great Patreon supporters. If you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com slash do go on pod, which is linked in the show notes. All right, the answer for question number one, what is the definition of the Scottish

word heimeldeymy? A scheduled day off, usually taken by tradespeople once a month. A mess- oh, that's option one, option two. A messy or complicated situation, most commonly used for awkward social interactions. Oh. That's good. I like it. Like a social, like a faux pas type thing.

Yeah, I've done a few of those around you. A bit Hamel, don't we? Oh my gosh. Those two, they're a bit Hamel, don't we? It does sound like the kind of thing you'd say walking off with regretting. Yeah. Oh, Hamel, don't we? Yeah.

Hamel, Hamel, don't we? That was such a Hamel, don't we? Then you've got option three, a word for when you don't plan to go anywhere on holiday, akin to the American term staycation. Oh, I kinda like that. Staycation in Scotland. What, you think nobody in Scotland wants to ever be in Scotland?

It rains a lot there. But what, yeah, what a great place to stay at home. They have roofs. They've got fireplaces, some of them. No, I've been there a couple of times, I've never seen evidence of that. They have a roof for a fireplace. They're very well prepared for the weather over there. Then you've got option number four, a stone that appears valuable but is in fact common

and worthless. Or finally, an attractive farmer's daughter that often gets the village boys into trouble. Doesn't specify how. Is this in Scotland? They are hot there, they are hocking. Oh my god! You are just... You've got it out for Scotland today.

What is the deal? You know, I'm a Scottish heritage. I think I've probably got to test as much as you, my friend. Aren't we going there soon? Yeah. It's so great, so great. I had to check though. Do you want to lie? Who knew it? I need who knew it in Edinburgh? Yeah, we're doing Do Go on Edinburgh as well and it is honestly one of my favorite cities on earth. But it's also sold out. Yeah, but who knew it's not?

Who knew it's not? Because you've only just put it on sale. You should definitely go along to that. But what it is one of the most beautiful cities and it looks better in the rain Edinburgh. Oh, it's beautiful. Beautiful in the rain. Beautiful. Beautiful anytime. Yeah. All right, now. I'm walking everything back here. Oh, it's such a humble, Damien, that you're doing that. It's so embarrassing. What, you mean a day off work as a tradesperson? Well, yeah, that's the fun option.

Or a hot daughter. Yeah. Can you remind me of the hot daughter wording? An attractive farmer's daughter that often gets the village boys into trouble. So she's the daughter of an attractive farmer. Oh, okay. And they don't have those. So that one, I think, is pretty good.

I've met some attractive Scottish farmers. Here in Australia? No, in Scotland. Oh, aye, oh aye. Oh aye. There you are. Oh aye. I've got a field full of harlan coos.

Do you want to go first, Dave? Sorry, Matt, to take over the hosting roles, but I'm just trying to get this thing moving a bit, you know? Go first. I mean, I am trying to think of all of them now. What was number two, please, Matthew? Number two, a messy or complicated situation most commonly used for awkward social interactions.

I can see that applying, and I'd love to use the word Hamel, Davey in that context, so I'm going to go for number two, please Can I I Remember the first two can I hear three onwards a word for when you don't go plan to go anywhere on holiday into the American Terms staycation a stone that appears valuable but is in fact common and worthless No, or finally an attractive farmer's daughter? Often gets the village boys into trouble.

Maybe I'll just go for number one. Number one, schedule day off? Yeah, it's an RDO basically. A animal baby, yeah. No, that's not it, but I've locked it in, it's done. It's done. It's locked in? It's done.

And you're locked in? Yes. Okay, here's where I wrote the answers. Attractive farmer's daughter? That was're locked in. Yes. Okay. Here's who wrote the answers. Tractive Farmer's Daughter, that was Alan aka the house. Stone that appears valuable but is in fact common and worthless, just ruled that out. Straight away, that was Dave. Do you see that? Look at that, Hamel Davey hanging around his neck.

Yeah, I think he thinks that's him. Yeah, straight away I said no to that. Try harder next time, Dave. Well, let's find out which one you wrote. Jess went for a scheduled day off. Unfortunately that was written by the house. Dave went for a messy or complicated situation. That was Jess. I told you I identified that one straight away. And I thought she deserves a point for that one.

Meaning that the correct answer is a word for when you don't plan to go anywhere on holiday. Staycation. Really? Having a Hamel-Daimie. I was, yeah damn, I was tempted by what it was. That's a good one, I like that. I'll explain, I'll read out what Alan writes in more detail in a sec, but apparently it literally means home will do me.

Oh, that's great. That's really good. That's good. So, a point for Jess and a point for the host. I'm sorry, no points for... No points for... No points for Dave. I like giving myself a challenge. I can probably try and get no points for the first five and then try and come home really strong on the final question.

Great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Great. I love it. You're Babe Ruth-ing it. Pointing to the stand. Yeah, I'm pointing it over there. You're pointing, yeah. But only Babe Ruth is pointing at the keeper for the first two. Yeah, him. He'll take back. Yeah, I'll be struck out for a while and then up there. If there's time. Time permitting.

They call him keeper? What do they call him? Catcher. Catcher. In the row. That's it. That's what that book's about. Now I get that reference. That book's a baseball book. All books are baseball books. If you look hard enough. That actually, that's gonna hold me in good stead.

In life. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I get that tattooed. Question two comes from Andrew Swibes, AKA Swibesie from Chicago and Swibesie's question is which of these are the name of a real species of bird? Oh great I love coming up with a bird name.

Which of these a real name is the name of a real species of bird? While you're writing your answers here is some more info on Hamel Damie. Alan writes the word is Scott slang that literally translates to home will do me and is the answer to the question, where are you going for your holidays? For when you aren't actually going anywhere, you answer, Hamel Damie. It is often said as if Hamel Damie is in fact a holiday destination in itself. As an example, he's written out a script for a small scene here. Where you up to on your holidays, Mary? Hey, well, damey, this year, Isla. Oh, lovely weather there this time of year. It's

absolutely classic patter for anyone over the age of 50. Yeah, okay. Good stuff. All right. Answering for question number two. Which of these is the name of a real species of bird? Tit Salik. Tit Salik. Little yellow cheeky boy. The droopy bozo. Oh. Uncanny albatross.

Or Juan Fernandez tit tyrant. Juan Fernandez tit tyrant? Yeah, that's right. What's the droopy one? The droopy bozo. That one. Locked in for Bob. Doing the droopy bozo. Okay, what's left for me droopy one? The droopy bozo. That one. Locked in for Bob. Doing the droopy bozo.

Okay, what's left for me? You're doing the droopy bozo. That's a dance craze that swept the nation. Yeah, it's TikTok. TikTok trend at the moment. Doing the droopy bozo. Oh, Matt, don't it's so cringe when people your age try to do it.

Do the bozo. Yeah. You don't understand, in my day I was the bozo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha. Remind me please of the options that Jess hasn't picked. Oh, you're ruling out droopy bozo. Yeah, just to make it interesting.

Titselek, little yellow cheeky boy, uncanny albatross, or Juan Fernandez tit tyrant. I'm gonna go with Titselek. Titselek. Are you sure? Yeah. Why, you wouldn't go with Tit Salek. Tit Salek. Are you sure? Yeah. Why, you wouldn't go with that one? No. We know you wouldn't, because you went for another one.

Yeah, but... Who do you think wrote it? I just think there was a really, really good one in there, written by somebody who was definitely not overstimulated. I honestly can't tell you which of the other options. They're all just as crazy as each other. All right, here's where the answers uncanny albatross. That was the house.

Little yellow cheeky boy. That was Jess. But that was right. Reading out the other ones that didn't stand out to me is that's definitely Jess, which sometimes yes, it can stand out to someone who's obviously having a having a laugh. Yeah, the others are so ridiculous. It doesn't really stand out. Tit Selick. Dave went for that. That was actually so ridiculous, it doesn't really stand out.

Titselik, Dave went for that. That was actually Swibesie, okay, the house. Swibesie, great, I know what I like, and I like Titselik. Uh, the Droopy Bozo just went for that, that was Dave. Oh, good stuff. You got me straight away, I was like, it's that one, for sure. No, but I didn't want you to pick mine until round six.

I'm so sorry. You've gone early. I'm so sorry, I've ruined it for you. He was trying to throw the game. Yeah. That means the correct answer is Juan Fernandez Tit Tyrant. What? It's a hyphenated surname.

It sounds like a South American golfer or something. It's funny that Tit was in there so much. Yes. And I know that's a type of bird. Was there a third one? Was there only two tits? Uh, just the two tits. Just a classic pair of tits?

You were thinking it was total recall out here. I was about to make a total recall joke this one. We are old. No, we've just worked. Well, yes, you are both very old, but we've also worked together too long. And now we all think the same. An amazing... if there was ever a bird I wasn't going to name Tyrant, it's this. Oh wow.

Oh, eugh. It's basically like a little... A Tyrant. ... little robin-y thing. Yeah, it's kind of adorable. I mean, most birds are pretty small and cute. It looks like the kind of bird that would hang around a cafe waiting for a muffin scrap. Yeah, and I see them and go, look at that cute little bird.

So little. Juan Fernandez tit-tyrant. Why did I think there were more tits? Maybe the tyrant. No, they had tit in it. You hear what you want to hear. I wanted to hear more tits. You want to hear tits?

So you heard tits. I imagine you'll have an explanation as to who the namesake of this bird is, but like, I love it. I won't be able to listen to thatake of this bird is but like I love it. I won't be able to listen to that. I uh yeah I assume I will too. Yes well no it Swibesie says it hails from the Juan Fernandez islands off the coast of Chile. Wow. There you go.

All right so question number three comes from Katie McMahon Stevens. Also a half-nated surname much like the Tit Tyrant. Tit Tyrant is hyphenated. Tit Tyrant is what Dave's nickname is, Judy. It's a great nickname. You've got a new nickname in the group chat coming up. Tit Tyrant. Oh, okay.

Give me my full title please. Juan Fernandez and Tit Tyrant. I guess Juan Fernandez's parents split up from the Tit family and the Tyrant family. So yes, Katie McMahon Stevens from Margaret River writes, what is an interesting fact about Tool's 2001 song Mantra? What is an interesting fact about Tool's 2001 song Mantra? Or mantra probably as Dave pronounces it I say my mantra every day my personal mantra is That probably would be your personal mantra, yeah. The panic, the panicking growl.

Can you remind us what the song is called again? Montra. It's just Montra. Read the whole question please. Yeah. What is an interesting fact about Tool's 2001 song Montra? 2001. Now I know as you're both quite young, Tool, do you know of familiar Tool?

Um, yeah. Okay. They're a band. Growing up, Tool was always the one on Rage where they'd come on and all their video clips would be like little wormy squirmy things like stop animation of Play-Doh and they'd always be like a little bit creepy, a little bit weird. So as a kid it would really freak me out. I'd be like, oh, now the Tool one's on Rage.

That was probably maybe one song. I just like looking back and being like, oh, that's every Tool video clip. But yeah, it freaked me out. So while they're still writing their answers, this is what Swabsy says about the tit tyrant. The Juan Fernandez tit tyrant is a bird that hails from the Juan Fernandez Islands off the coast of Chile. Though they are not technically of the Parade family or genus that is the tit,

they are a part of the tyrannus genus of birds and have many of the same attributes and behaviors in the way they forage and have crests that are reminiscent of the true tits. Whoa, Swibesie, you've really opened my eyes there. Answering for question number three, what is an interesting fact about Tool's 2001 song Mantra, Mantra? Mantra. Mantra. What is an interesting fact about tools 2001 song mantra mantra mantra mantra The melody is the waynes world theme slowed down and backwards Option one option option one

That's option one. Option, option Juan. Option two. While the song is an instrumental, it is a musical interpretation of the phrase, it's one o'clock somewhere. That's very funny. Option three. One of the sounds in the song was produced by squeezing a cat. Option four. OK. The cannon like sound effects heard in the chorus are in fact singer Maynard farting

with the fart pitched down four octaves. Or finally it was released on September 11th, 2001. What a fun fact. I know, no, it's interesting fact. Interesting, it's all fun. Dave, if you find that fun then I don't know what to say. Can we have them again? Sure can.

We got Wandsworld theme, Slow Down and Backwards. Musical interpretation of the phrase, it's one o'clock somewhere. One of the sounds in the song was produced by Squeezing a Cat. That's right. A canon like sound effects. The Maynard farting, pitched down at four octaves or it was released on September the 11th 2001. Is it my turn to go first? I remember that day actually. I remember going around at my friend James's place and we did we did what we lived to both. True story. which is weird. So I don't know why I remember that day specifically, but that's what I did. That's your best pump ever. Oh man, I was swole afterwards for sure.

Now. James was, he was like a beefcake kind of guy, like Jim Junkie guy. So it's funny, I've always been this skinny. And when we just threw it at there, he would have been like, yeah. Good job. Good job. Josh, should we put some weights on? No, no, it's all right. Have you got a lighter bar? Yeah, yeah.

All right. I think I'm tempted by the sound ones, the cat. Yeah. The cat and the fart are the most tempting to me. I think I'm gonna go cat. It just seems like something they do in a studio. And it maybe was a joke. And then they're like, actually, it sounds all right.

Yeah, this is like a true dog person. You wouldn't find it so fun if that was a dog being squeezed. I actually think it'd be really funny. You can't just want the dog, I mean, how hard, you know? I know what you dog owners are like. I've been on social media any photo of any dog Will just have like the first 50 comments will be like the body language of that dog is that it's uncomfortable Yeah

Or are you sure you should be? Letting the dog out and in in today's heat. Mm-hmm I mean probably some of them are fair, but it is amazing that, and they're always on accounts that is someone sharing someone else's things. Yes, yeah, yeah. And so it's like you're wasting your texting here. Okay, you're saying cat. I was all set into my cat. Maybe it's cannon fart. I'm also a little tempted by- Sorry, I'm doing the effects for you. Can you do it four octaves down though? Okay, that sounds like a cannon. Yeah. I'm also a little tempted by

Wayne's World because I think that's pretty funny. That is awesome. Obviously the most interesting fact is the September 11 one. That is very interesting. That is interesting. Yes. Very interesting. Mantra. What's the mantra? So I'm gonna go for, but now I don't wanna fall in, I don't wanna pick Dave's, and I feel like he might say farts, cause you're an idiot. I'm gonna say Wayne's World.

Dave is in Jess's head. Welcome home to Jess's head, Dave. You used to live in there. Shoes off. All right, here's head Dave. You used to live in there. Shoes off. Alright, he's already wrote the answers. I was released on September the 11th 2001, that was Jess Perkins. I was trying to write more and then I gave up and that's why I laughed because I was like, I'm having a breakdown.

The chorus being Maynard farting. Pitched down four octaves. That was Dave. Yeah, so who's in whose head? Yeah, you were actually in Dave's head. I was hoping that by remembering that the singer's name is Maynard, quite an interesting name that I could get that across the line a little bit more. Yeah, I didn't even pick up on that. Oh, okay, yeah, I thought... Yeah. So nice try. Yeah, pretty good. Did you know the song? No, I don't know the song, no. I assume the film clip has got some little worm in it. It's one o'clock somewhere. That was the whole...

That's so funny. It's really funny. I'm like, what's one of those corny mantras? And I'm Googling like wine mum mantra boards and stuff. It took me... I ended up having a... I'm like, I did that one from memory. Wow. It was just actually the thought I was having at the time. Yeah. Mantra boards and stuff. It took me, I ended up having, I'm like, I did that one from memory. Wow.

It was just actually the thought I was having at the time. Yeah. I ended up using my own personal mantra. I don't think I've ever seen you drink wine. Well, you haven't lived, you've had a look at me drinking wine. You should see him quaff. Oh man, I quaff.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You should see him quaff. Oh man, I quaff. Do that old thing. That was really, that was amazing. Ooh, nice legs. I'll say stuff like that. Yeah, beautiful body. And then I'll say the wine's not bad either and I'll get kicked out of the winery. Worth it. By Dave who I was there with.

Yeah. He's like, mate, I'm taking you home, mate. You've said that at the last eight cellars doors and it has not worked once. It's embarrassing. We have not picked up a once. Worst wingman ever. All right, Wainsworth theme, slow down and backwards.

Just went for that. That was Katie, AKA the house. You got the Katie. I was also very tempted by that because it's so like out there, maybe. Yeah. Wainsworth, maybe. Yeah. Went, went, went. Went, went.

And not knowing the song, you can't be like, that's not quite right. Yeah, and then like, it's the kind of thing where like, and then they'd slow it down and put it backwards and that's the tiniest sample in the background and then they build a whole song around it. Yeah, yeah. You can't hear that anymore.

Just for the story. Yeah, but for them they're like, it was really funny. Yeah. Well that means, David's corrected, a cat bang squeezed. Uh, well that means, Dave is corrected. It's a cat being squeezed. Meow, meow. Maybe it's like, when you say squeeze, like you can, could just be like a hug.

Yeah, I think that's what it was. I've squeezed my dog. Have you know Maynard, he's a real squeezer. He's a squeezer. Uh, all right, so Dave gets a point there. House also gets a point. So after three rounds, the scores are Jess on one, Dave on two, the house on three.

Fucking hell. Still truly anyone's name. Yeah, we should really team up against this house. Yeah, you're right, let's. We're at the halfway mark now. Let's start cheating. Oh no, let's not cheating. Okay, let's just start telling each other

which ones are ours. No, no! To beat the house. Okay. Please, please. No, we won't, we won't, we won't. Respect the sanctity of the game. This podcast, I had someone DM me recently said, your podcast is my religion.

Really? And I kneeled down and listened at the altar of God. And did you see if that person needed professional help? I've got a call to make. I'll be back. I mean and no religions have been corrupted. No. So Jess, we won't corrupt it. We definitely won't. Thank you. Question number four comes from Martin Drabik Hampshire. Another half-naked surname. Oh, what an incredible name. From Sandusky in Ohio. Bloody hell, God's country itself. And Martin writes,

what is the name of the head coach for VFL Wolfsburg in the German Bundesliga? Well, who was the head coach from 1998 to 2003? Just someone with an interesting name basically. It's not a nickname type thing like Dave, Cobra Warnocky. No, it's just their name, first name, surname. Yeah, gotcha. Obviously everyone should call me Cobra, it's pretty cool. Could be a half an added, it's just their name. First name, surname. Yeah, gotcha. I obviously have everyone should call me Cobra.

It's pretty cool. Could be hyphenated. This could be a hyphenated special, but not necessarily either as well. Hey Jess, I can tell you this then. Okay. Well, Dave's still writing his answer. This is about Mantra, the song. According to Song Facts, the sound for this unusual short instrumental was created by

Tool Lead singer Maynard James Keenan's cat. At least according to Keenan, the sound is actually Maynard's cat being squeezed and the resulting sound slowed down to create the low pitched noise. Dave was, fake one was very close to the- Yeah, is it just like a meow? Yeah, did he squeeze it? Is it a cat fart?

You know, Dave was really close. He says it was a gentle squeeze and that no animals were harmed in the making of mantra. That's good to know. Hey, while you're still writing your answer, Dave, let's go for a quick break. Hey, we're back and the answer in for question number four. What was the name of the head coach for VFL Wolfsburg in the German Bundesliga from 1998 to 2003. Now Dave laughed when he sent his answer so I'm gonna listen out for something hilarious. I was laughing at you! At me? Yeah. At me? How rude. We said it during the break so I'm not gonna

repeat what you said but it was it was quite rude. It was slanderous. Well yeah my goodness I hope they don't put that at the end of the podcast. Borderline offensive. You were. Not borderline. Nothing borderline about it, mate. Oh my God. There's black and white and then there's very offensive. I'm trying to say it's black and white. You know what I mean? Not exactly.

Okay, so- Don't help him. Either it's offensive or inoffensive is what I'm trying to say. And yours is it's black and white. Okay. We know what you said. And it's offensive. And then I think I started sounding offensive myself. So I'm digging myself out of this corner now. Yeah and you've

done a really good job. Never my intention. You're digging yourself out of a corner? Yeah. It's alright. And I'm digging down. Okay. I'm tunneling my way out of this corner. Down and around. Yeah. Yeah. Under the wall of the corner. Yeah. And I'm going to sneak back into that nightclub that just kicked me out. Alright, here are your options for question number four. What was the name of the head coach for VFL Wolfsburg in the German Bundesliga from 1998 to 2003? Wolfgang Wolf. Love it. Klaus von Rickenbacker. That's a strong name. Dave Cobber Warnocky. It's probably Warnocky I think. Wilhelm Sperm or Dicky Van Manshaft.

Wow. It's your crack here, Boppa. Wolfgang Wolf, Klaus von Rickenbacker, Dave Cobra von Ake. Wilhelm Sperm or Dicky Van Manshaft. Dicky. It's a really good one. Okay, obviously, I think the Cobra, the Cobra Warnocky or something is very interesting. But it's all like you know why someone, a listener would have sent that in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Because you might not have put it together but Dave's surname is Warnocky. My name is very similar to that. I'm Warnocky. Yeah, that's right. And obviously we can't see how it's written down, but maybe it's spelled in a similar way. It is relatively similar. Yeah It's just got a lot of umlauts. Every letter's got an umlaut. That one's very tempting. I think the first two were also very tempting but then I also kind of like sperm, because I think- Guys, we can stop the pod, we got it. This is 10 years and we're trying to get her to say it. Busted, busted, she said it,

and she admitted it, she said it. Our whole podcast, our whole friendship's been a ruse. What are we gonna do with the audience? Simply the walls of your podcast fall down. David, I've done multiple spin-off podcasts, I've tried everything. A book podcast. What about Prime, mate? What were we thinking? That was never going to work.

How are we going to get you to say the line? We're not Matt and David as actors. There's a camera. There's a camera. There's a camera. And we got you. So you're locking in sperm? I'm gonna lock in sperm because I think, I think, who asked this question? What wonderful listener wrote this question? This question was written by Martin Drabik Hampshire. I feel like Martin has seen that name and gone, that's funny because they'll think

that's a made up name. Means something different over there I'm sure. Yeah it's probably like, s'plooom. S'plooom! Let's go about it Claudia. It's a beautiful language. I'm indifferent over there, I'm sure. Yeah, it's probably like, spoom. Spoon. It's got a bit of a bounce here, Claudia. It's a beautiful language. Well, I'm spoom.

I've got to ask the question though. What, how full on, how interesting does a name have to be for someone like Martin Drabik Hamshid to be impressed by it? True. He's working up with that name every day of his life. That's an incredible name. It's gotta be way more than mutton, tripe, hamster.

Yeah. That's a very good point. So it's gotta be sperm. Sperm or the last one? Was it? Dicky Van Manshaft. That's no, nobody's name is Manshaft. And chooses to shorten Richard to Dicky.

It's Dicky. That's someone leaning in. Do I go for that? Well, you do you, babe. But you think that's crazy. I think that's crazy. I like the name of the soccer team, because I see VFL, and I think Victorian football,

but there's a team in Germany called VFL Wolfsburg. And then it's kind of cool that there's like Wolf, Wolf. Wolfgang Wolf. Wolfgang Wolf would be kind of fun. But I also liked Klaus von Rickardschneid. Rickenbacker? Rickenbacker is fun. That's really good.

Of all of them, that's if I had to choose one, that's probably the one I'd choose. Yeah. Not Willy's Boon. Sometimes I forget. Yeah, me either. I could be a Klaus von Rickenbacker. Yeah. Imagine how much more popular our podcast would be if it was hosted by Matt, Jess and Klaus. Oh my god, that's awesome.

What about, what about Dicky, Klaus and Jess? Yeah. Dicky, Klaus and Wolfgang. Yeah. Wow. What about Jess, Matt and Wilhelm Spoon? I think I'm going to go big. I'm going to go crazy. And I'm going to say the only name that would impress

Martin enough to write in is Dicky Von Manshaft. Okay, look at that info, Dave. Thank you. You're crazy. You're so crazy. Yes, it's crazy. It can't be Dicky Von Manshaft. Did you write that?

Do you hear yourself? Did you write that? I didn't, I wish I wrote that. I didn't write it, you didn't write it. I didn't realize you were that fucking easy to trick and now all of my answers are just gonna be dumb! Why else write it in Matt? Tell me I'm right.

Alright, let's hear it. Alright, here's who wrote the answers. Klaus von Rickenbacker, that was the house. That's good stuff. Dave Coppera Warnocky, that was Jess. Dave went for, no, sorry, Jess went for Wilhelm Sperm, which was Dave. I was laughing as I hit send on that. I thought that was such a stupid name.

Wilhelm, I can't even say that first name. Sperm. But how do you think Germans say it? Sperm. Wilhelm Sperm. Dave went for Dicky Van Mansher. No, come on. No. You said what name would Martin Drabik Hampshire be impressed by? Well, Martin Drabik handshake, handshake, Hampshire made up Dicky Van Mansher. Well, I'd like to shake his hand about that because that's an incredible name.

Damn it. I was, I wanted to believe. That would have, oh man, that would have, that would have tickled me. Because maybe it feels like a bit of a letdown in the end, but it is a fantastic name. The coach of VFL Wolfsburg was Wolfgang Wolf. That's very good. That is like real nominative determinism. So I've started listening to my instincts because I was like, I reckon it's it's Wolf or Klaus. And I went for fucking Spur. Spur? I think it's one or Klaus. And I went for fucking Sperm. Sperm?

I think it's one of those two, so I'll go for a different one. I'm going to go for Wilhelm Sperm, because there's no way that can't be. That could be made up by some psycho in this room. We did choose the two stupidest ones. That's true, yes. That is true. Dickie Von Handshaft? No, his worst. Manshaft. But it's spelled, he spelt it, shaft is spelled S-C-H-A-F-F-T.

Okay, I don't know. Looking at it is more believable. Yeah. So I didn't think it was that ridiculous until you two responded to it. And you responded to it beautifully on your own. You didn't think it was that ridiculous. Dickie Von Mancha. Because everyone has the opportunity to enter two fake answers and I normally just do because,

you know, I just want to be involved a bit. The other one that Martin's other fake answer that I replaced with Von Rickenbacker, he went with Joseph Goebbels II. He was like an evil Nazi. But this is like as if his son went on to coach a big football team. And didn't change his name. Didn't change that.

In fact, he kept the second just to make sure everyone knew, yes, I am the son of. But it didn't go that way. I don't know why I brought it up. All right. Here is the score with only two rounds to go. In third place on one point, it's Jess Birkins. Second place on three points is Dave Warnocki.

But out in front on four points is the host. Oh my God, I'm sorry Jess, I should have listened to you. I didn't fucking want to talk to you right now, Dave. I shouldn't have gone for Von Manshaft. What, yeah, say it again. You shouldn't have chosen Dickie Von Manshaft. The heart wants what the heart wants. And your heart wanted Dickie Von Manshaft,

and my heart wanted Spoon. Yes, I do like Spoon. I think we found our clip. Your heart wanted Dicky von Manshaft and my heart wanted sperm. Yes. I do like sperm. I think we found our clip. All right. Second last question here from Liz Lefevre from McKinney in Texas. The question is, what Florida man headline graced the New York Daily News on December the 24th, 2015?

What Florida man headline graced the New York Daily News on December the 24th 2015. While you're writing your answers, here's some more info on Wolfgang Wolf. According to Martin, Wolfgang Wolf was a player in the German football or soccer leagues from the late 70s through to 1992, playing over 200 games for FC Kaiserslautern. He moved into coaching at the end of his playing career managing several teams in the German leagues. He also had a short stint in Greece and while manager of Hansa Rostock Wolfgang Wolf signed his son Patrick as a player. Patrick Wolf. That's so good. Mr. Wolf he would have been able to get from his players. Just beautiful stuff. Just good stuff. What's the time Mr. Wolf he would have been able to get from his players. Just beautiful stuff.

Just good stuff. What's the time Mr. Wolf? That would have gone down well in the change rooms. We know the Germans love a good laugh. All right, the answer in for question number five. What Florida man headline graced the New York Daily News on December 24th, 2015? Here are your options.

Option one, Florida man steals boat, crashes into bank. Option two. Do you think it means river bank or like the Commonwealth Bank? It's unclear. It just launches it. It's awesome. That sounds like a Jason Statham scene. Option two, Florida man gets rabies by fighting neighborhood squirrel.

Number three, Florida man who wanted to time travel crashes car through a strip mall. Option four, Florida man wakes up in international waters with mother of all hangovers. Or option five, Florida man injured in car wash says he just wanted a really good clean. One of these is a true headline. Here's the thing. Yeah.

Around this time, probably more like 2016, my friend Mitch and I were doing breakfast radio and we had a regular segment every week of Florida Man where we would read Florida Man headlines. Great. They are always fucking insane and they don't make any sense. You're like, how? So a lot of those could have checked out. Any of those could have been a legit. In fact, some of them seemed too tame. Oh, really?

So it's it's hard to know whose turn it is. Is it my turn to go first? Dave's go. You'll go. OK. One more time, quite quickly. Steals boat, crashes into bank, gets rabies, fighting neighborhood squirrel. One at a time, travel, crashes into bank, gets rabies, fighting neighborhood squirrel, one at a time travel, crashes car through strip mall, wakes up in international waters with mother of

all hangovers or injured in car wash says he just wanted a really good clean. I think I'm going to go strip mall. Yeah, it's top three for me. And then the first three. Yeah, yeah, squirrel, crashing into a bank or strip mall. I think I got put off by your thing of saying they're too tame. Yeah, yeah. Squirrel crashing into a bank or strip mall. I think I got put off by your thing of saying they're too tame. I thought, well, the tamest one for me is crashing into a bank.

Yeah, I think- If you're thinking Riverbank. I think it would be because I guess it's with a picture, you know. Oh, yeah, that's right. They don't need to qualify. I'm assuming it means Riverbank. Oh, yeah. But if it means crashing into- Like a building is very funny.

That, okay, that's probably gone to the top. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, we can't be sure. But I think I interpret it as a building bank. Gotcha, okay, then that is wild. Do either of you... Because why is the bank near a boat or somewhere that a boat could be? Yeah. Yeah, Tomo's crashes in a bank is almost not noteworthy, but like a riverbank. Yeah, yeah. But a bank is... Yeah, yeah, it's almost crashes in a bankers almost not noteworthy but like a river bank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bankers. Yeah, it's either the tamest or the wildest.

Exactly. When and what do we know about rabid, rabid squirrels? Oh yeah. Or as probably followed by people say squirrel, squirrel. I remember being at the at the Grand Canyon as an eight-year-old and and the other family were there with like one of the kids trying to pat the squirrel and somebody was yelling at her not to because they had diseases.

Could that be rabies? Don't know. Rabbit is the word I was looking for, wasn't it? Rabid, rabbit, yeah. Do they live in tropical Floridian areas? Ah, good point. Though it could be a Florida man in New York. No, they don't travel.

Um, okay. Have you, have you locked one in? Yeah, I've gone for the time travel one. Yeah, okay. I was going to do that one too. You can. Nah. But okay, yeah, I will. Because I was going to say, all right, well, if not that, then maybe squirrel. But, um, you're right. but there are squirrels everywhere I'm just gonna do strip mall one as well. Alright here's. I thought you were gonna go squirrel but no. Okay yeah. Here's the answers. Florida man gets rabies by fighting neighborhood squirrel that was Liz Lefevre. Lefevre sorry. Dodged a bullet. Okay the house. Dodged a bullet. Florida man injured in car wash says he just wanted a really good clean. That was Dave. Yeah, didn't even consider that one Jess. No. She knows her Florida man too well. I know the format of how the headlines go.

Too much information in it. Too much info? Yeah. Damn I thought it was alright. No, it was bad. Wakes up in international waters mother of all hangovers, that was a hoarse. Florida Man steals boat, crashes into bank, that was Jess. So if Jess was picturing a building. You were thinking of a building? It was a building. Okay. And that's why I thought it was very funny.

Yeah, okay, gotcha, gotcha. It was unlucky. Unlucky that- Yeah, I forgot about riverbanks. And that means you're both correct. Florida Man, who wanted a time travel crashes car through a strip mall. I was just kidding Dave, yours wasn't terrible.

You mean yours was good. No, I didn't consider it, but that doesn't mean it was bad. You could have said that earlier. I think the writing of this one's pretty good. Without a beat so hard. I don't think I'm going to choose this one, but God it's written well. Yeah, fantastic writing.

I should have said that, you're right. Whoever wrote it, well done. Great syntax. Matt, did you reveal that there was a comma and some quotation marks in my one? I did not know. I think he did in the way that he performed it. So great writing, great performance. This is how I wanted to sound. Florida man injured in car wash says he, quote,

just wanted a quote really good clean why is he yelling you if it was in all caps that is how I might have said it yeah okay but it was not so dear not even exclamation mark you wanted me to exclaim it when it was all lowercase no exclamation I want the whole thing when it's a headline would have been okay rightase. All capitals, yeah right. That's why I assume that there's a bit of- Jeez, that's a good point, but that means all of them would have been. I assume that your newspaper has a style guide.

Did you want me to- I'm sorry for assuming. Well Dave, does that mean you wanted me to yell them all out? Yes! It's a bank! Because in my head, the boat wasn't on a river, it was like ocean. And then hit a bank like a Commonwealth Bank that's funny and it would have been with a picture so Dave's like asking this

question the context would have been there. It would have had a boat hanging out of the side of the bank that's so funny. I admit that that made-up story would be quite funny that picture if it was real would make me laugh. And it was written well. Yeah well written well read well avoided by Dave. Everyone did really well there. We all played our part there. And we both got a point and the house got none. Oh yeah.

So the score with one round to go is just on two points, but out in front equal on four points a piece, it's Dave and the house. Okay, so we just have to get you ahead now. And this means, no, no, not at all, because the final round is worth triple points. Yeah, but let's just get Dave ahead. I'm happy for you to win too as long as the house doesn't get anything. Just play to win yourself. Oh yeah yeah I'm competitive. Stop breaking this game apart. No I'm competitive and I really want to win. You're tearing this game apart. There's no tearing apart going on with we just have a common enemy. You. The house, right? Uh-huh. Yeah.

That's the role I'm playing. Yeah, yeah. I'm not actually this dastardly in real life. Absolutely not. When I come into this podcast, I become an elevated villainous character. Unlike normal me. Oh, an angel.

When I walk out that door, it's a whole different story. You're like a human marshmallow. I'm not conniving. No. You clip your wings back on and you go back to your car. But I come in here. Why does he put the wings on before getting in the car? I've always found that to be strange. Yeah. Because then they're kind of in the way in the car and he could just fly home. Well it

feels silly to have the wing hole in the roof if I'm not gonna use it. That's the short answer. Fair enough. Okay. Alright, the final question. Jess, you haven't been on the show in a while, but we always finish with a movie synopsis. Oh, that's new. Is that different from the last 58 times you've done the show? I don't think so, actually. It did come in while we were trialling it on the Patreon feed. I don't know when exactly it came in, but it may well have been there since the very first time. I'm not sure. But anyway, the question comes

from Michael Driscoll from Staten Island in New York City where you've just been. I've been there. Staten Island, what's Staten's thing apart from Wu-Tang Clan? I think Staten Island is the one that a tour guide was like, there's nothing happening over there. That is brutal. Yeah. But that's the tour guide. That's not me.

That's not my feelings. Cool. Yeah. And they were probably, you know, I think the boroughs are all pretty competitive. Yeah. He was like a Brooklyn guy. He was in Brooklyn. Like, yeah, come to Brooklyn.

This is where it's all happening. Not like those stinkies over at Staten Island. Yeah. Yeah, which I think is childish. I think it's very- I think it's time New York grew up. Yeah, I think it's very mature behaviour and I won't stand for it.

Anyway, Michael Driscoll, we think you're, you don't think you stink at all. You're one of the good ones. And thanks so much for this question. What is the synopsis of the 2015 film War Room? What is the synopsis of the 2015 film War Room? Now you wanna write a paragraph, three, four, five, maybe even six sentences.

Jesus Christ. That is truly up to you. Six? Normally if you did six, the sixth one will be, and they met people along the way. No, they didn't meet people. What do they do? They learn a few lessons.

All right. While you're writing your answers, here's that article about the Florida man as written by journalist Tobias Salinger. A Florida man who said he wanted to time travel, drove his car through a Pensacola strip mall Sunday morning, police said. The as yet unidentified man rammed his Dodge Challenger into advanced tax services on North Davis Highway at 10.50am. Jess, this was a, he crashed it, this real story was crashing his car into a tax building.

You were so- A tax building? Advanced tax services. Wow. He was so close. And Dave was like, that's ridiculous. Yeah. That could never be it. I tax building. Advanced tax services. Wow. Like, yeah. You were so close. And Dave was like, that's ridiculous. Yeah.

That could never be it. I'm Dave. Yeah, he was like that. I do say that so people know I'm talking. A photo from the scene published by Wear TV shows the white sedan covered with debris in the back of the building. The driver wasn't injured and the property was fortunately empty at the time said Pensacola police sergeant Martin or Martez Lawrence. The apparent effort to copy Marty McFly from Back to the Future

didn't work. Cops said the driver was taken to a nearby facility for evaluation. I do like that they qualified that he didn't successfully time travel. That's good journalism. All right, the answer in for the final question. Triple points up for grubs now. Whoa. Could be anyone's game. I believe in you, Dave. I believe in you, Jess.

No, Dave. If you got, I could pick your answer and you pick the right one, you get six. You're straight to the lead. We just need you to get like one point and then you can win. So let's, okay, yeah, yeah yeah I believe in me too. Alright the question is, what is the synopsis of the 2015 film War Room? A chilling horror

film that plunges viewers into the depths of terror and supernatural dread. When a group of unsuspecting friends discover an ancient war room hidden beneath an abandoned mansion, they unwittingly unleash an unspeakable evil that threatens to consume them all. As the room's dark secrets are unearthed, the survivors must confront their deepest fears and battle the vengeful spirits to escape with their lives. That's the first option. Poor. Okay.

That's long. Option two. I'm not entirely sure I know what happens in the movie either. Yeah, I feel like I- But I know I don't want to watch it. I feel like I've seen the whole movie and also- Too spooky. I don't know what happened in the movie.

Yeah, yeah. There's an unspeakable evil. Yeah, it sounds too scary for me. Option 2, Berlin, 1945. The Allies are closing in. Nine-year-old Gunther is oblivious to his city's peril and passes the time by playing inside a large oak wardrobe that his family nicknamed the War Room. After his house is shelled, he opens the wardrobe to find everyone gone.

Gunther is taken in by soldiers who evacuate him to live in France with a Parisian family. That's option number two. Wow, that's a strong cupboard. Yeah, that's a really strong cupboard, isn't it, actually? Is it like metal? Or like concrete? Yeah, concrete.

Yeah, wow. Concrete cupboard. You can't open the door. Kid was trapped in there. Strong cupboard, but also strong premise for a film I'd say. Okay, so he wrote that one. Yeah, he wants us to make that one. And how much money do you want for this movie, man? If you had come up with that, if you were the writer of that, let's just say hypothetically, and you know how much money would you accept for the rights? No, I didn't write any of these

That's true. The next one option number three Tony and Elizabeth are a couple who seemingly have it all Tony and Elizabeth. Hmm power couple. Great jobs a beautiful daughter their dream home But appearances can be deceiving. What? In reality their marriage has become a war zone and their daughter is collateral damage. With guidance from Miss Clara, or Clara, an older wiser woman, Elizabeth discovers she can start fighting for her family instead of against them. The power of prayer and Elizabeth's newly energised faith transform her life. Will Tony join the fight and become the man he knows he needs to be? Together, their real enemy doesn't have a prayer. Who's their real enemy?

Divorce? Yeah, I think I think it's. So, again, I've seen that story. There's a couple, attractive young daughter. Oh, I don't know if you said. He said a beautiful young, a beautiful daughter. Sure, but like, but like, yeah, yeah, that's true. That is the third thing you said, right?

Sure, but Dave. That got it all, which I thought was a weird thing to say. Yeah, can I say? No, I did say beautiful daughter. Yes, yes, this is yes. Beautiful and attractive are different though. Exactly. Okay, whatever, I was trying to make fun of the synopsis.

Don't make me sound weird. You say of a toddler, oh, that's my beautiful little girl, my attractive daughter. You see the difference? Yeah. I still think it was a weird thing to put in the movie synopsis. Do you not agree? Uh, I think like-

I think you made it weird. I'm not doing my job. They're hot, baby. They got a lot going for it. They've got it all. An attractive daughter or a beautiful daughter? Yeah. Oh yeah?

Yeah, it's a weird thing. It's like not one of those ugly daughters. Yeah, that's what I thought was a weird thing to be saying. Because if that was a weird thing to be saying, then I would be like, oh, I'm not going to be a beautiful daughter. I'm not going to be a beautiful daughter. I'm not going to be a beautiful daughter. I'm not going to be a beautiful daughter. I'm not going to be a beautiful daughter. I'm not going to be a beautiful daughter. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's the weird thing is like, not one of those ugly daughters.

Yeah, that's one of the weird thing to me. That was the case that we're not, we're making a movie about them. Then you'd understand why they were not. Yeah. Because their kid is. That can't be my kid. Their kid's ugly.

That's mainly your genes. So yeah. You've got that ugly aunt. So that is option number three. You've got that ugly aunt. So that is option number three. Option number four. In this uproarious comedy, the most unlikely of heroes are thrust into a high stakes battle when they are accidentally assigned to manage a top secret government facility known as

the War Room. Get ready for a wild ride as a group of inept bureaucrats must save the day while stumbling through a series of hilarious misadventures. Or finally, in the year 2120, Professor Alan Dixon created a war simulator that can accurately predict enemy behaviour. But what happens when the War Room falls into the wrong hands? I'm looking at Jess like, did you write Dixon? Did you write Dixon? Alan Dixon?

The rest of it's very good though, Dave, I think. I actually think that's one of the movies that I'd watch out of them. Yeah, I think that's really, I really got into sci-fi later in life. You were born again sci-fi. Yeah, I think mainly because I love those movies that say we can help you live forever. Even at your age. There's still a chance.

All right, so Jess, you get first dibs here. In reverse order. You've got that sci-fi one, the war simulator from 2120. Then you've got the uproarious comedy where the unlikely heroes enter a government facility. Then you've got the couple with the beautiful hot kid. But there's trouble in paradise and they have to pray their way out of it. For Miss Clara.

And is Miss Clara, sorry, the question I did have was, is Miss Clara helping the kid? The wife. Or is it a mentor to the wife? The wife. sorry, the question I did have was, Miss Clara helping the kid? The m- the wife. Or is it a mentor to the wife? The wife. Elizabeth, the wife. Gotcha, sorry. Um, she's all around wiser. Then you've got the, uh, the large oak wardrobe,

oak, very strong, uh, timber. Yep. Uh, which survives, uh, a bombing in Berlin. Or the chilling horror. Oh yeah, the one that was like, that sounds scary, but also I have no idea what happens in it. survives a bombing in Berlin or the Chilling Horror. Oh yeah, the one that was like, that sounds scary, but also I have no idea what happens in it. Yeah. Again, the top three I think are standing out to me the most.

Oh, is it my turn or your turn? Yeah, it's your turn. Okay. So the top three, Horror, World War II, prayer. I'm gonna go... Or Hot Daughter, I think so. Hot Daughter. I'm gonna look in Hot Daughter. You're gonna look in Hot Daughter, yeah.

All right, Jess wants to look in Hot Daughter. I think it might be the worst film possible, but I think it seems like the most likely of plots. Is the Hot Daughter? Is the attractive daughter. Your words. Um, that one or the bureaucrats one that felt vague enough to be like, it's the new comedy of the summer. Yeah. This movie never made it to cinemas. No. But you can maybe stream it if you're desperate. This is worth triple points, right? I know, but to make it more fun.

This will, this could change everything. I'm gonna go for that one please, Matt. You're going for the bureaucrats? Bureaucrats, thanks. Alright. Dave Lux and the bureaucrats. Here is who wrote the answers. This may shock and surprise Dave.

But the one about the year 2020 and Alan Dixon. 2120. 2120. Alan Dixon creating a war simulator. That was Jess. I took out a whole bit about how 20 years earlier that 90% of the population had been wiped out. And I was like, I'm getting too many things bubbled. I was trying to do too much.

I know the laugh was... You like undermined yourself. I was like, this could be it. There's no stupider than any of the others by any script. I'm so done. I really don't... Yeah. I thought that is genuinely the one I would watch out of them all. Maybe the horror. The horror one was written by Michael the Question Writer. The one about the really strong wardrobe in Berlin. That was Dave Warnocky

I think I wrote the best movie there. Well, it's got it's got real like Jojo Rabbit kind of I Watch it because it'd be depressing as all hell. Yeah. Yeah The one that Dave went for the uproarious comedy that was also written by Michael I thought you have a gift the house gets a point there meaning Jess is correct. It's about that the power of prayer. OK. That's a Christian. It was a big hit at Christian cinemas. What year did you say it was? 2015.

Oh, wow. That's like that's when we started. That's right. That's my religion. That's when we we started our podcasting journey together. Yeah. We should write it into a synopsis for's when we started our podcasting journey together. Yeah. We should write it into a synopsis for a film, but will podcasting be enough to save them from the enemy? Financial ruin? We'll be vague on that as well.

What was the connection to the war room there? Did they actually spell it out or are we not finding out? In reality, their marriage has become a war zone. Oh, God. It doesn't really make much sense. Yeah. Should we watch it for the Dugan movie club? Absolutely a war zone. Oh, okay. Doesn't really make much sense. Yeah. Should we watch it for the Dugo on Movie Club? Absolutely not.

No, please no. Please, Dave. Sorry, no. Don't, please, Dave, no. If he ever chooses it for Dugo on Movie Club, can we just boycott it? We can. He can watch it and we'll watch something else. We can give that a strong no.

No, we're watching it. No. No. It's going to be good fun. All right, before I tabulate the scores, this is what Michael wrote about the movie. "'While the film was a financial success, "'a $3 million budget turning into a box office "'of $78 million.'"

Wow! But many critics rated it low with only a score of 34% on Rotten Tomatoes. One critic said that it was creepy to encourage women to believe the true source of their husbandly woes is Satan rather than an issue that probably needs to be discussed. Yuck. But CNN has said that some might call it a faith-based David vs versus secular Goliath in the entertainment industry because it was a big hit.

Hmm. But yeah, it's obviously, I don't think it broke out of the Christian sort of community because I mean, not many movies do break out into the mainstream, but yeah, I've never heard of it. No. And the name is confusing. It's very confusing. I think, would that have helped it?

I think anybody... I mean, it was a big success, maybe it did. Anybody writing a synopsis for a movie called War Room would probably take it more literally than that, I think. Yeah. I certainly would have if I bothered to write one of the answers myself. I really appreciate Michael picking up the slack there for me. He did a great job.

Yeah, fantastic. That horror one sounded like, I was like, oh yeah, that's definitely a movie I don't want to see. And I mean, that's a compliment because I hate scary movies and it sounded scary as shit. I've been warming to those more since lockdown. Well, I suppose. Just want to feel something.

Exactly. So like. I eat Vegemite by the spoonful now. Yeah, same as how your taste buds sort of die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need more to feel something. That's just it. All right, the final scores are in. And it ended up being so close. One of the closest games I've ever had.

On four points. It's Dave Warnocky. Thank you so much. But out in front, equal on five points, it's Jess in the house. I wanted to help you. I wanted to help you. I don't like that I... If Dave did just pick the one he thought was right, he would have won out right.

You could have beaten the house. But that's not winning, is it? The house would have gone a third. You're saying it's not winning to choose the answer you think is correct and to get the most amount of points. Yeah. Yeah. If you hadn't done it, just quickly Dave, in that alternate universe, That's the answer you think is correct and to get the most amount of points. Yeah. Yeah.

If you hadn't done that, just quickly Dave, in that alternate universe, the kind of sci-fi world that maybe a Jess might dream up. In the year 2120? In the year 2120, if we played that game again and you zigged instead of zagged, the scores would have been the house on four, Jess on five, and Dave on seven. Wow, but that doesn't feel right. That's not winning, is it? That doesn't feel right.

It doesn't make any sense. Sorry, I'm mad at him now. And so you should be. Wow, but that's not winning, is it? That doesn't feel right. That's not winning, is it? Doesn't feel right. It doesn't make any sense. Sorry, I'm mad at him now. And so you should be. The only way to win is to play the game and have fun. Yes. And that's what I've done today.

So you have won? Yeah, maybe spiritually. Sure. But in the war room. Sort of English cricket team style. Yeah, yeah. Moral victory. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there will be a little bit of an outtake section coming up after the song. But before then, JessWek and Boobafinder, you want people to get on your Instagram. You've got to break through the next thousand... Yeah, get on there, but just like leave me alone. Yeah, yeah. You know, like follow me, but then don't comment stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable. Block you, but keep the follow. Mute me.

Yeah, mute, sorry. So what about liking or don't like? Don't interrupt. You can like it, don't comment. Okay. Yeah. Because you will interpret those words in the worst way possible. Yeah, I'm not in a good place.

Yeah. It's not on you, it's on me, but I'm close to 17,000 followers, so you can follow me at Jess Perkins. And you do great content. I do really good content. Man, I loved your photos from your trip in America. It was so great. Yeah. I felt every time I saw one, I felt happiness just welling up in me. That's nice. It's so good. I think you just love me. I do love you. Yeah. No doubt about it.

Yeah, so I think you just like I could send you a picture of me just like sitting on a couch and you'd probably be like filled with love. Yeah, which is really nice. Yeah, yeah. Feel free to send, send some. And I don't have to follow you anymore. And Dave, where, where can people find you? Uh, the Bookcheat podcast, I forgot what it's called, Bookcheat podcast is back, baby. Currently doing a new season, a few episodes already out, covered Dune with yourself, Matt.

That's right, yeah. And also- Two with yourself, Matt. That's right, yeah. And also- Two episodes, a bumper. That's right. And we've- Massive episode. Also, maybe by the time this is out, I imagine that the next episode will be out, which is on the adventures of Tom Sawyer, the Mark Twain-

Ah! So fun. Which Matt was also on. That's right, I loved it. Can't wait for the sequel of that. And we all do a podcast called Do Go On, which has been going for over nine years now, or about nine years. And we do a topic from history each week.

And we're in the middle of, or just at the beginning of Blocktober, our biggest two month period of the year where we each week, another huge topic from history. And we tell the story and it's real fun. It's so fun. It's really fun. And we're going on tour. Yeah, that's right. If people are in Europe, the UK, Ireland,

if you're listening to this, we are coming in November before Matt does those new who knew it days that have just been announced before that the three of us will be doing do go on all over the place for nearly three weeks. Very excited. And my goodness, we'd love to see you. Yeah, man, I'm pumped.

It's gonna be so much fun. Anyway, thanks so much for joining us. It's so good to have you back finally, Jess. Yeah finally. After how many years has it been? Let's not leave it so long this time. I hardly see you anymore. Thanks so much for listening. Please give us a 5 star review if you want to, no pressure, but if you want to that'd be nice. And tell your friends if you think you know anyone who might enjoy the show. Cheers for tuning in to Who Knew With Matt Stewart. And now that you know it, I've been Matt Stewart. Goodbye. All right. So we all remember how to play. Yeah.

Yes, we lived to play. It has not been that long. I'm on this pod fairly frequently. Yeah. You're probably the third most regular guest Record it was pretty funny. Now goes now do you remember Jess? You have to send me the answers to the questions Yeah, no, I've got several different devices in front of me that can do that How's the Daddy Longlegs tunes going? Pretty good, I guess, which should give some people some context. In high school I played in a band called Weed Hornet with my dear friend Tom Mitchell on

vocals. He recently came on a Patreon episode of Do Go On, where we talked about the Weed Hornet EP and listened back to it. And since then, Tom has, he's got a solo career called Long Legs, where he's written all these songs and recorded all the music, but to play it live, he's recruiting a live band. And I'm back on the bass guitar, baby.

Can't believe it. And I'm doing this, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Oh, you're playing for Jet. Touch me, babe. Yeah, that started with Basie, I'll take that. Yeah, it's gone, it's really, really fun. Yeah, nice. And we've been jamming every couple of weeks.

Do you think you're the best member of the band, talent-wise? Easily, and I haven't played in over 10 years, and I'm easily three times better than everyone else. Wow. And do you think you're the hottest in the band? Easily. 10 times?

I haven't groomed in 10 years, and I'm three times better than everyone. You haven't groomed. No, they're all very, very talented, and it it's like kind of like, oh, all right. It encouraged me to practice to try and keep up with these guys that are really. I guess kind of nice. Really good, yeah. I just, I hate to push myself or, or like grow as a person.

So that would infuriate me and I'd quit the band. I never would have joined the band in the first place. Guys, I'd like to plateau. Yeah. Jess's middle name is Stagnate. I'd like to just sit and rot, please. And that's why I haven't been on this podcast for a while. You've been rotting.

I have got chronic illness and burnout. So if you're coming at me being like, go on the podcast, that's a hate crime. Yeah. That's a hate crime and you're being insensitive to my- She's talking to you, man. Bye. And when I liked your comment, that's what I was saying. Yeah, yeah's a hate crime and you're being insensitive to my she's talking to you man I'm when I liked your comment. That's what I was saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's right I'm like, you know, there's a an undercurrent there. Yeah, I'm in the lines, but that's what I'm basically saying Yeah, like oh back off my friend. Yeah, well, you're soon to be friend. We're getting there

Okay getting back there or first time there For those who don't know I've been doing a podcast together for... Nearly 10 years. Nearly 10 years. Sorry. PS on the off chance that Jess is on the episode, let her know that she actually does a very decent Glasgow accent. What? And I encourage her to do it more.

When the fuck have I done a Glasgow accent before? What are the odds of that? You're never on this show. What are the odds of you're on? I have never- this is my, what, second time ever on this show? And I don't know when I've done a Glasgow accent, but that means a lot to me. Thank you. Do you want to have a crack? Yeah, we'd love to hear it. Well, because the only- well, the only Glasgow accent I know is, uh, is because of Billy Connolly. Right.

So I can just, yeah, maybe that's who I've... Wee Jobbie. Yeah, that's probably who I've copied. Right. Both rule. I mean, you've got to copy the best. Yeah. But I can't even think of...

We'll just say, here's, I'll give you a couple of lines. Oh, God. I'm trying to think of a bird. I'm going to say where you're off to on holidays, Mary, and you say, Hamel, Damien, this year, Allah, okay? Hang on, No, I can't do it. I can't do it. I choose not to speak. That's clever.

No, I just. Well, I mean, he said it's great. So you don't need to do it again. Yeah, I've proven it already. It's on the record. Yeah, I just, there's too many bits of information in my brain at the moment. Yeah, you're working on a bird. I actually can't, I can't think of a Scottish

accent. I don't know what to do. Dave, can you step up? Your friend's in need. I don't know what to do. Do you want me to write a bird for you? No, Dave, you don't write a bird. He's making a bird for me. Dave, you do the Scottish accent for Jess. I can't do it for Jess, she's too good. Um, okay, you know what I can do? Cause this was actually playing in my head this morning as I was getting ready. Um, is that I was thinking about a bit that he used to do about how you, like how useless algebra is, um, because he's like, if you know, if you're, and it's obviously, it was a live recording from a show in Perth and he was like, you know,

you ask somebody for directions and they say, let X equal Subiaco. Fuck off. That's, but that's nothing in that was Glaswegian. I can't think of a better... I'm having a breakdown. It's question two. I've been sick and my brain's not working and I'm having a breakdown. All right, here we go. Really?

Having a look at the other options, I don't know if it's going to be clear who is having a breakdown and who isn't. Including the real one, I'd say. They're all pretty wild. I've done it and I think I've done really, really well. I'll sing you a song from Billy Connolly. Please. If it was near for you, Ellie's, where would you be?

Do you know this one? You'd be in the hospital or infirmary because you would have a dose of the flu or even pleurisy if it wasn't for your boots and your wellies. So good. Thank you so much. Sorry about that bit in the middle where I had a breakdown. I can't promise it'll be the last. The answer of the question number two.

Hey, this is a safe space. I don't know that it is. Of course it is. When? When is this safe? Yeah. Always. Has this always been a safe space?

It's always been a safe space. Yeah, why do you think I keep coming back? Oh, I thought you were a real sucker for punishment. Yeah, I love being harassed. I have never given either of you a safe space. No, that's true. I, no, it's not a safe safe space for us. It's quite a dangerous space for us. Okay, but for me? But for you, yeah. Oh. My god, if you're a unit like you everywhere, it's not safe safe space for us. It's quite a dangerous space for us.

Okay, but for me? But for you, yeah. Oh my god, if you're a unit like you everywhere you've got safe space for you. Yeah. Your leg press your way out of trouble. No matter what the trouble. You say the best defense is attack and you attack everyone. Yeah. To every hammer a problem looks like a nail. to every problem to Jess looks like a Squat machine. That's right. Yeah Okay, financial stress squat machine

Do you speak in the do it Dave? Oh, yes, I can do it broken Cuz we're about to do it a first ever show of any kind. Have you ever performed in Germany before? No, not at all. No, neither. I've been, but... Yeah, I've been on... I'm excited for this.

Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Please continue with your adult conversation. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Please continue with your adult conversation. Well try. Anyway, looking forward to Germany. Yeah, can't wait to get into Germany, bit of German chat there. I was thinking I want to look up some basic German phrases just so I can, you know, not

be a tourist who walks into shops and goes, hey, have you got, you know, like I can at least say hello and... Ah, right, right, right. Guten Tag. You know, stuff like that. Guten Tag, mein Lippstein. Is that German? I don't know.

Entschuldigung. I think that means sorry. Or is that please? Ah, Achtung, baby. Yeah. I don't know. I think that means sorry. Or is that please? Ah, ak-tung baby? Yeah. Ensure your baby.

That is your mantra. It's just a lot of... It is sorry. It's sorry. Okay, great. And thanks is dankesher. Of course. The great Wayne Newton as he once crooned.

Please, bitte. Dankesher. Dunkershire. Oh. Of course. Of course. The great Wayne Newton. Yeah. As he once crooned. Please, bit it. Dunkershire. Bit it. Fuck it. The, I love the classic Jess. This is, I've genuinely missed this on this show.

The, when the questions, the answers are being written and Jess just chuck it away and I'm like, oh, it's about to come through. What's it going to be? And then you see what I've been writing and you're like, it's not even vaguely funny. Why is she laughing? I've never once thought that. You have. Never once.

You have. Never. Stop it, you have. Never once in my life.