Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 119 - Poppy Hillstead, Rahul Somia and Helena Kirk

Episode Date: December 23, 2024

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode features Poppy Hillstead (Brainwash Me), Rahul Somia (An Asian Occassion) and Helena Kirk (Hey I Love That Movie)!This episode was recorded live in Leicester!Check out Matt's stand up special: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by @muzdoodles and edited by Connor Schmidt! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, just letting you know that this Friday the 13th of December I'm filming my show DING at the Stupid Old Studios in Brunswick, Melbourne and tickets are available. Hey, and for that same ticket you also get to see Dave Warnocky film his show. That's two full stand-up shows for the price of one this Friday the 13th of December. Get your tickets at mattsshootcomedy.com and I'll see you there. Welcome to Who Knew It? with Matt Stewart, the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart and my co-host tonight is host of the Hey I Love That Movie podcast. It's Helena Kirk. Hello, thanks for having me. Hey, thanks so much for being had. Oh.

Um... It's going to be a really easy gig tonight as well. Yes. Nothing's gone wrong. No, nothing's gone wrong. Oh, yeah, I guess we could explain to the listeners. We've just explained to the people in the room, but there's no Wi-Fi or any sort of phone reception down here.

So we're going to be using pens and pads. Analog, baby. Analog. We're going manual, OK? or any sort of phone reception down here. So we're gonna be using pens and pads. Analog, baby. Analog, we're going manual, okay? And the crowd is pretty excited about it, I reckon. So we've got two great guests tonight. Helena, you wanna introduce them for us? So our first guest is the host of Brainwash Me podcast.

It's Poppy Hylsted. Yay! Hi guys. My pen won't work, is there another technical... LAUGHTER That is so good. But luckily we can keep going down away from technology. Here's a grey lid.

It's going there. There we go. Oh, that's nice. I like that you've got three pens and you didn't offer any of them. I know that you want to win, but that's not. I was going to and then you and the moment passed. So our second guest this week is the- A tight ass.

Um. Ha ha ha. The Lester Mercury Comedian of the Year 2023 nominee and host of the Asian... Asian Occasion. Asian Occasion. Yeah. Comedy Night in this very room. Yeah, Comedy Night in this very room.

Holy shit, look at them all. They love this. The problem with no... It's Rahul Samia. Oh yeah, we should say that. Do it again. It's Rahul Samia. Did I get that right? The problem was no... Oh yeah, we should say that. Do it again, do it again. It's Rahul Samir.

Woo! Did I get that right? The brutal thing about this, Helena, is that there's no mics on the audience. So people at home might be going, are they doing this to themselves? Is there, are they doing this in an empty room? Maybe we are.

It's what I'm used to. Rahul, thanks so much for joining us tonight. Thanks for having me. What is it? So you do a semi-regular show in this room, stand up for the show. Yeah, we do. We do a show about every three, four months in this room.

It's called Asian Occasion. We get the best up and coming acts and the best headliners of Asian descent. We do stand up comedy. I host it. Judging by the room. I don't know if this is the best demographic to sell it to. I've like, this is Lester there's two in the front row.

That's it. You're free, man. How are we gonna get out of here? Yeah, I appreciate it, man. Thanks. Well, yeah, I don't know if you know this about me, Rahul, but I'm from Australasia, and I think that pretty much counts. Can I get a spot on your on your show?

Yeah time for toughness. All right so this is the way the show works. I ask a relatively obscure trivia question. Our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers. Well as the real one. I have to guess which one is correct. And our first question actually comes from Lester. It's from Emily Hall, you in tonight? Yes! Yes! That is a fricking thrill. So good to know that you're a real person, all right. Part of me still thinks that my mom and dad

are just typing away, making up names, going, oh, look at him go. He's got a little podcast there and he's following his dreams. Good on him. They're retired now. They have the time for that sort of stuff. Anyway, Emily's question is, what did archimeme mean in ancient Rome?

So the word archimeme, and I have not looked out how to pronounce it, if you're wondering. Archimeme, okay. Archimeme. What did that mean in ancient Rome? It could be archimime, archimeme. It could be. Archimeme. What did that mean in ancient Rome? It could be Archimime? Archimeme. It could be Archimeme. Like a vocal warm-up.

Archimemememe. Could be. So again to the listeners at home, if it sounds like we're bombing, it is because the audience mics just, they're not, there wasn't enough input jacks. Because we're playing a real rock and roll club here tonight. It's punk, it's DIY. Just like podcasts. So while they're writing their answers I'll explain how the scoring works. You get one point if your fake answer is guess what. You don't have to fold it, just pass it to me. It's not a vote. I put my name on it. No.

Oh yeah. I'm scared. I put my name on it. I've got one in pencil and one in pen, so I should be able to remember who's who. Okay. Okay. Bit of sass from Helena early there.

Oh. Poppy, now you obviously, the way that Helena just spoke to you then, you obviously have a pretty long term relationship. You know each other pretty well. We do. We're friends. Yeah. Since what, primary? Maybe primary or... Helena just spoke to you then, you obviously have a pretty long term relationship, you know each other pretty well. We do. We're friends.

Yeah. Since what, primary? Maybe, primary or fetus. Yeah, wow. Fetus friends. You go a fair way back. Yeah, we are twins. I'm surprised you hadn't mentioned it.

They met at the back of the room. So you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, another point if you correctly guess the answer. And by the way, I'm also playing as the house. Ooh! I put into a mode fake answers for each question. I get a point for each one of those that I guess choose for listeners at home. They really cheered me then.

It's so good to be in Lesa where they love and respect authority. Matt, it's not letting me type. It's not letting you type? That's your computer. I don't think we can blame the Wi-Fi for you having a fake computer. Oh my god, the keyboard's painted on. Let's just share this. I'm gonna... Okay. Alright. Thank you. Oh, was I... I wasn't finished. Sorry. I was trying to tell you. I didn't mean it like that. I was just... I couldn't

remember I was up to. I really feel like this is gonna go out and be one of the best things that's ever happened on the internet. I am confident. I'm excited, yeah. So yes, the house. I'm the house and the crowd went wild. So I get one point for each answer that I've written to the guest shoes. The question writers have also helped me out and wrote those ones as well.

So each of us can score up to two points per round, which seems fair, but the probability actually favours me. The house. And the house always wins. So if you've listened to previous episodes episodes you'll know that is not necessarily the case. Anyway our questions come from our great patreon supporters. Any patrons in tonight? What the fuck's wrong with the rest of you? If you want to submit a question sign up on any level via patreon.com slash dugongpod which is linked

in the show notes. Alright oh my, the answers are in and this is working honestly way smoother than I thought it would. Question number one, what did Archimime, Archimeme, etc. mean in ancient Rome? To tickle gently the Guccia area. That's option one. Option two. A denomination of currency specifically used for the purchase of wine. Option three. Sneezing in a fancy way. Option four. An exclamation of shock or horniness. Pronounced, achi mama. Or finally, someone whose role included attending funerals of nobles where they would walk behind the corpse imitating them as if they were still alive. A real mixed bag there. Poppy, you want to go first?

Okay. What? Just explains to me what I'm going to do again. I've had a stressful day. Well, the stress is only just beginning. Because this is pretty important. The winners of this go on to grade things, and the losers are killed.

Are killed. I'm ready to die. No, so you've just got to try and pick which you think is correct. Oh, OK, OK. What's the real meaning of archi-meme? Archi-mime or archi-meme? I think the walking behind the dead's... What was it? Imitating like...

Imitating the corpse at their funeral. What do you mean? What like just like crumpled on the floor? Like behind the... Like pre-chromation maybe. No, no, sorry. It says imitating them as if they were still alive. Oh, right. Oh, that's horrible, isn't it? imitating them as if they were still alive. Oh, right.

Oh, that's horrible, isn't it? I'd hate that if I was like, oh, I'm Poppy. Look at me like that as I'm being dragged in a coffin. It would be really horrible. Would they be doing it as a zombie or as if before they... I wonder. I don't know. Mimicking my hair and stuff and just being like, look at me like that.

I don't know. I think it's that one, yeah. All right. Locked in for Poppy. All right all right man that's a sick accent all right lock that in all right all right what do you think Raul? I was gonna go for that is that yeah am I allowed? you can I know it sounds like because I'm imitating her now yeah what the hell Archie Mam her. Yeah what are you? Are you an Archie Mimi? Maybe, maybe. I've got twin brother. Oh. I killed him. I think that's... He likes to be podcast. That's why I'm here. Certainly Roman. I was thinking that one mainly because it was the last one and after one I can remember. There was a horny one as well.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there was a horny one. There was a sneezing in a fancy way. Yeah. There was currency specifically for wine or to tickle gently the gooch area. I don't know.

When you're getting down to it, I don't think of Archie Mamie or whatever it's called. So. Say it again. Archie Mamie. whatever it's called. So I think of a funeral and a dead man. I'm gonna go for that one. That's what I think of. Well this is who wrote the answers. To tickle gently, comma, the gooch area, which just felt like a beautiful short poem that was Poppy oh do you actually say he's written them you're really gonna have to give some love when I announce that cuz did you see what you did to Poppy there

you gave nothing to that and you know we need to be lifting each other up. Help me. By the gooch area if necessary. Gently. I really I love that Poppy. Yeah I quite like that. To tickle gently comma the gooch area. The comma I think the comma did so much to it as well.

Think how fast that was as well I was like yep there's that there you go. Nailed it. Denomination of currency specifically used for the purchase of wine, that was Emily, aka the question rod, aka the house. Ooh, yes. Sneezing in a fancy way, that was Rahul. Ooh, that's good, that's good.

Can we just get a quick, could you do that for what it would sound like? A-choo. That is fancy. That is posh. An exclamation of shock or horniness pronounced achimama, that was the hows. Meaning that you are both correct,

it is walking behind a corpse pretending to be them. Yeah, that's horrible. That's horrid. We're both winning. So you are both on fire. Helena, a quick score update. I think the audience probably could have done it themselves. For those struggling to keep up.

Do you want me to do it? I don't even have it written down, but I reckon I got it. The house is yet to score, but out in front of one point a piece, it's Poppy and Raul. Yeah! Woo! Woohoo! I'm gonna have to start being like one of your

pantomime things, like, fucking, I've never had to beg an audience so much. That towel's come to my stuff. Please, please, these mics are gonna, and whenever you're not talking, Helen, can you just point the mic at them? Figure out who's the best laughter and point it towards them. So far, it's a tough competition.

Everyone equal last. Pfft. Is Leicester the kind of place that appreciates you sort of laying into them a bit or...? Appreciate what for? Laying into them, giving them a bit of shit, or are they a bit sensitive in Leic for? Laying into them, giving them a bit of shit or are they a bit sensitive in less stuff? Lay into them, yeah do it! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck them, they do that. Don't swear.

Oh fuck you, I've done it already. Alright, here's question two, this one comes from Gary J from the UK. And the question is, which of these is a species of spider? So you just got to come up these is a species of spider? So you just got to come up with a fake species of spider. I'll try and read it. Gary J is from Birmingham. I'll try and read it as he might. Poppy, you might not know this,

but I'm known as the master of accent work. Ooh, yes. I actually did an audition for a show and I had to do an English accent. It wasn't specific. I did not get called back. And you're about to see why. Which of these is a species of spider? That's really good. Are you from Lincolnshire?

Sometimes my Brummie does slip up from Lincolnshire? Yeah. Wow. Sometimes my Brummie does slip up to Lincolnshire, I'm afraid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. While you're writing your answers, here's some more info on Archimimis, Archimimis, et cetera. According to Wiki, an Archimim is a chief buffoon or jester. Among the ancient Romans, Archimimis were, it's probably Archimimes now that I'm reading this. Yeah. Like the arch, like the head mime. Huh. And they're miming the corpses. Alright. Archimimes were

persons who imitated the manners, gestures and speech both of the living and the deceased. At first they were only employed in the theatre but were afterwards admitted to their feasts and at last to funerals. At funerals Archimimes walk behind the corpse imitating the gestures and behaviours of the person being carried to the funeral pyre as if they were still alive. So bizarre. Emily adds, to enhance the effect the Archimime would sometimes dress in the clothes of the deceased person and wear a mask depicting their face. Emily concludes Romans were weird. Hard to argue with that. Oh my god the answers are in for question number two and the crowd goes wild. The question is which of these is a species of spider? You've got six options this time. Helen, as is her prerogative, has thrown one in as well.

Oh, we're on hard mode. Helen Huntsman. The little old lady who lives in a shoe spider. Barlow Acknid or Archy Spide. They follow the dead spiders. All right, I think Raoul, it's your turn to go first here. What are you thinking? Number five just seems like the only sane option. Phalarachnid. Yeah. Locking it in. If you did that and you tricked me, well done.

Good for you. That's beautiful sportsmanship. That's really nice, yeah. Thank you. Especially because it is like, just like, if you did, well done. If you didn't, yours was one of the shit ones. What do you think Poppy? What was the little old lady one? The little old lady who lives in a shoe spider.

Is that insane? Is that insane to go for that? Yes. I mean, scientists are weird and they're the ones who are naming them, but I mean, not weird, any scientists in? Beautiful people. Beautiful people scientists. Can you name stuff sentences, like whole sentences?

Yeah, that feels lengthy to me I'm gonna like I don't know I've gone I've had a pint I'm gonna go with that one all right here's all right the answers gerantula that was Rahul it's fantastic it's like anything like geran gerula? That's probably before you're tired. No, thinking of Kevin Durant in Buckingham Hall. Oh my god, beautiful. Kevin Jorantula. That's sick, actually. Then we had Helen Huntsman.

That was the house. Very confident the Marks wouldn't pick that up up but that was a rare house smattering of applause and the house loves a smattering because that's as good as the house has ever gotten but... It was more of a gentle tickle. Yeah. I like a smattering because it's like you have to be... An audience has to be like, I'm not getting involved in this.

Like for me if someone starts clapping I do as well but that means 99% of the audience be like, I'm not getting involved in this. Like for me, if someone starts clapping, I do as well. But that means 99% of the audience are like, no. No. Archie Spidey. That was Helena. You got your own smattering. Well done. Thank you.

Now Raoul went for Barlow Acnid. That was Poppy! Well done! I'm really sorry. I had a kind of Gary Barlow image in my head. Is he the one with the tall son? Yes! Yeah. Really tall son.

And I could just see him and his little dad. And I was just like, I'm just going to go for that. So I'm ready. Sorry, Rahul. No, no, no. My heart is pounding right now. This is high octane stuff. So it makes sense. It does, yeah. You went for the little old lady who lives in a shoe spider. Oh, no.

That was question writer Gatty J, I'm afraid. Oh, is that good or bad? That, that means the house gets a point. Fuck. Boo. And that means no one got the correct answer. It is actually Brian. Isn't that wild? There's a spider out there called Brian.

Sorry, Rahul looks so cross. I'm a, I'm a. I'm a science teacher. Yeah. The only thing I was thinking of was Daddy Long-Legs. I don't know if that's real. They're real, but like... Sorry, what do you teach? I teach a bit of biology.

Chemistry, physics, the whole lot. Not much about insects though, as you can see why. Spiders aren't insects, so... LAUGHTER Shit! That's like! So where can people avoid sending their kids to bit-alk? LAUGHTER All right. So what does that mean, Helena? So where can people avoid sending their kids to be taught? Yeah.

Alright, so what does that mean, Helena? I think that means one point to Poppy, one point to the house. Yes, it does. So in last place, in joint last, we have Rahul in the house on one point each. And then steaming ahead with two points, it's Poppy. Have I got two points? You have. Oh my god, okay.

Poppy is flying. Flying. I mean the word brain is in your show's name as well. I know, that's the thing. I've got a massive brain. It's like spilling out, it's swelling now. It's getting bigger and bigger. Quick Rahul, like do something.

What do you want me to do? I don't know. I don't know. Question three comes from Ian Irving from Carrick, Fergus in North Ireland. Beautiful sounding spot. You're not in tonight are you Ian? That would be funny for someone from Carrick Fungus to come here? Fergus, Carrick Fergus. This is going to sound insane because we're reacting to noises they're making and there's no mics on them.

Alright, so Ian's question is, what is the, I don't know if either of you have any inside knowledge here, obviously Rahul had the inside knowledge on science and he used that to great effect. This question's about India, so I don't know if either of you have any sort of... Is this just a show to make me look bad? Great. Here's where I shine. The question is, what is the name of the big grape growing area in Tamil Nadu, India? It's a bit of a quirky name for a place, but they're big for grape growing. A lot of musket grapes apparently for wine. What's the name of the area?

You know, it's so like, what's an English wine growing area? Front. the name of the area? You know, it's so like, what's an English wine growing area? Front. Yeah, like in Australia it'd be like the, I can't think of one either. The Barossa, the Barossa Valley is like a big, so you just got a name of the area that's a big grape growing area in Tamil Nadu, India. But it's basically just coming up with a bit of the area that's a big grape growing area in Tamil Nadu, India. But it's basically just coming up with a bit of a funny name for a place. And while you're doing that, I'll let the audience know a bit more about Brian. According to Gary, Gary, if you've made Brian up, I've only just sorted that then.

If you're, are you fucking with me, Gary? Gary's here tonight. Gary's in the front row. So honestly, does anyone know if he, if this isn't, no, I looked this up, it is real. You piece of shit, Gary. Gary, Gary tried to give us his, his internet and it failed, so fuck Gary.

I really love Gary Gary by the way. I only talk to people like this I respect. That's why everyone else here, good on you, you're great. I've got bad instincts. I've got really bad, I'm just mucking around. If it didn't sound insane before, imagine listening to a podcast where you can't hear the audience and I'm losing my fucking mind. Anyway, according to Gary, it's a name it's a name that is unlikely to strike fear into the heart of its prey. Gary, this is beautifully written. But a new species of spider called Brian can ride waves and eat the likes of fish and toads.

Fucking hell. That's Brian, Jesus Christ. Named Dolomites, Brian Green Eye, that's the Latin part, Brian for short. It was unveiled at the World Science Fair in Brisbane. It was named after a festival co-founder, Columbia University Professor Brian Green, a world-renowned physicist. Gary makes the note, should have been called

Spider Professor Green. It's a great point, it's a great point. It's a great point, Gary. Oh my gosh, the answers are in for question number three. What is the name of the big grape growing area in Tamil Nadu, India? Here are your options. The Big Squeezy. Kumbam Valley.

Dreuxa. The Dorito Valley. Nude Rabbits. Or Lester. Although probably it would be pronounced differently. Probably be pronounced it's spelled less s but you say it wrong here The big squeezy Cumbum Valley Dreyusha the Dorito Valley nude rabbits or Lester. I Think we're back to to Poppy first up here.

Oh, I think I'm gonna go with Lester. Bold. Bold. What? Bold? That is so funny. Bold. Bold.

Come up here. Who was that? You. Bold. Fucking swap places, please. I'm sweating. I'm so scared right now. Yeah, yeah. Lester.

Lester. Yeah. Yeah. Are you going with Raoul's picking the last one because it's the only one I remember technique? I think so. What do you think, Raoul? I'm thinking the squeezy one.

Oh, big squeezy one. Oh, the big squeezy. Yeah, I feel like now that we've done two rounds, this is just a stupid game, isn't it? This is... I'm being a bit too serious about this because I'm competitive and want to win and make my parents happy. But...

It's just the most stupid answer, isn't it? Well, you said you'd listen to an episode. I think we've just found you in a lie here, mate. I was washing a dish as well. Right. Yeah, I'm going to go for the big squeeze. Yeah, and I'm quietly confident. About the answer not squeezing anyone. I don't know why. Well, that would have been a weird thing to put at the end. About the the answer not squeezing anyone Although I'm quietly confident of squeezing

Founders just sounds weird when I'll say in it. Sorry. I made it weird That was my problem. That's my bad and the name of the school All right, these are the answers. Nude rabbits. That was written by Ian, the questioner, aka the house. The Dorito Valley. That was Poppy. Panicked. Panicked.

The clap. Yes. Dreyusher. That was Raul. That got her. That got her. That got her. Ooh. La Famine of Donny was Raoul. Ooh. That got her, that got her.

La Farmina of Doni Fierifon. There. Lester. Pop your mind for that. That was Helena. Which I don't even, I don't know who gets it. You get a point. Helena gets a point. I just got a question mark. One point for Helena.

Which is wild that I think Helena is now... Are you equal? I'm equal last, yeah. But I'm on the board. You're on the board with the house. God damn it. Can I just say, am I thick? I think I've just realised I might be deadly thick. Lester! No, I mean that maybe that's why it was asked as a question. You know what I mean?

I think you were right on the money there. I think I was. I think it was. I think you were right. It is a place in India. Is it? Leicester. Yes.

One point to me. 100%. The big squeezy roll went for that. I'm afraid that was the house. Oh. Oh shit. You said that was the house. Oh. Me, the correct answer. You said that was the most ridiculous.

Was it more ridiculous than Cum Bum Valley? It was, I can't remember that one. That is the correct answer. What? Cum Bum. Cum Bum Valley. What a place. Yeah.

I wanna go. Yeah, I do. I wanna go. Cum Bum Valley. That's right, that's the only place'm going to drink any wine from now on. What vintage of cumbum do you have? I'll ask the next question actually so they can get writing and then we'll get a score update. How about that?

We've just passed the halfway mark. Six questions, that was question three. Here's question four. This one comes from Jamie Horio from Clovis in California. And are you in tonight? No. You laughed at the idea of an Irishman being here. All right, the question is, what is an interesting fact about giraffes? So you see, it's gotta be, don't give us a real one.

Give us a fake fact about giraffes. I will return that they have long necks. An interesting fact. What's the score update, Helena? So in last place, joint last, it's me and Rahul. Woo! But wild for you to be with someone who's playing the game. Yeah, I didn't expect anyone to pick Lester.

Oh. But I now know how to, what vibe to go with for if I put in any more spoof answers. Manipulate me. Just go for it, yeah. It's fine. Is there something in your head? Here's some more info about Kumbom Valley.

Ooh. I was gonna say, in the lead. Oh. Ha. Is Poppy and the house. Yay. Oh, I took some of those cheers. They were cheering you, I think.

Yeah. And then they realised halfway through, and the house, oh. Oh, horrible. And for the listeners, they were cheering. I swear to God. There and for the listeners they were cheering I swear to God there are people here and that were cheering. Gordnawiki Kumbum Valley probably pronounced Kanban Valley but that's not fun it's it's literally spelled Kumbum it's a valley in the Dhani district of

Tamil Nadu state in India near the Kerala state border. This is the most fertile valley in South India. The Kumbhapur valley most fertile, alright. The valley includes lands between Thakadi Hills, Verasundhu Hills and Koda canal... Oh, Kainal Hills. I should have looked up the pronunciation pretty sure it's codeic anal Hills it is one of the few places in Tamil Nadu producing grapes come bomb Valley produces about 90,000 tons of musket grapes and 10,000 tons of Thompson seedless grapes every year that's quite a bit of stuff and that that stuff been grapes Thompson seedless of stuff. And that stuff being grapes.

Thompson seedless, they're the classics. That's green grapes to me. I worked a few years in a produce department of a supermarket so ask me anything. They did not ask. In this case listeners at home, yeah, they were solid there. So, oh, hey, while you're still writing your answers, let's go for a quick break. And we're back. Here are the answers. Here is question four. What is an interesting fact about giraffes?

Being very self-conscious, they will only mate at night. That's option one. Option two, the male will headbutt the female until she urinates, then taste the urine to determine fertility. Isn't nature beautiful? Option three, giraffes are the world's favorite animal. Option three, giraffes are the world's favorite animal. We don't remember that when the world got together to decide.

Option four, their necks aren't actually that long. The majority of what we think of as neck is technically elongated shoulder. The banjo string on their penis is the length... Guys, we're trying to have a serious contest here. What are they doing out there? Did someone say something funny out there? Because up here it's pretty serious stuff. Option five, the banjo string on their penis is the length of a baguette. Or finally, giraffes are native to the East Mid's. That is an interesting fact. I think Raoul, we're back to you. What do you reckon? Now that you've figured out the game halfway through.

I'm just thinking about a giraffe. I think we all are. If that's a coincidence, that's fantastic. Sorry, my mind drifted off. What's the thing about giraffes? Yeah, the... The... But yeah. I think... That's... That's... That's proportional. Yeah. I think. I mean, I thought I...

I laugh for a giraffe when I was in... I was really young, I went to... East Midlands? In East Midlands, yeah. I'm not going for the... But yeah, I went to quite a lot of food. East Midlands? Yeah, in East Midlands, yeah. I'm not going for the bit yet. I think giraffes are probably that size. Yep. Well, Rahul does teach science.

Alright, so... Jeez, we're just playing in your hands. Every question has been right up your alley so far. I know. That leaves you poppy, what do you think? Trying to picture it, picture whatever. The banjo string or? I'm trying hard not to.

The baguette, the banjo string, the penis, the shoulders. Is anyone else getting hungry? Because of the baguette. What do you think of me here in Leicester? Am I making a good first impression? Never been in the city before. I really like it to be honest. A London comic yesterday asked where I was going next and I said I'm heading up to Leicester and I said oh. I said where are you going after that? I said Edinburgh and they said well just get there quick as you can so I was expecting this to be a real dump but it's fucking beautiful I love Leicester it's so lovely. Two people. They're back on side. Those two are yeah sure but the listeners home won't know this the crowd stood up they all started all started chanting, Lester, Lester, Lester.

It was amazing. That literally happened in Leeds. They kept getting Leeds chants going. Really? That has not been happening tonight in Leeds, has it? Guys, what the hell? It's not quite the same level of town pride. Come on!

They hate it, they hate it. Was it, were you asking me? Yes I was, sorry. I lost my mind there for a minute. What do you think Poppy? Do you need them again? It was half an hour ago I asked the question. So you got only made at night, headbutt and tasty urine.

Only made at night? Made at night. Oh sure. Oh yeah, by the way, I mean we're bearing the lead there. There's a team who makes giraffes. People think they're organically produced but they can't do that themselves. But that's not the interesting fact we went for. No no, it's at night. Their necks aren't really that long. They're the world's favorite animal. Banjo string is the length of a baguette or they're actually native to the East Mid's. And a little tip,

Helena's ones will always be lost. In that case, I think they're shy shaggers. That's making the mic go bitter. Sorry, tack guy. Shy, shy shaggers. Shy shaggers. Shy shaggers. Famously shy shaggers, the giraffes. I'm gonna go with that, shy shaggers.

I'm locking in shy shaggers to pop you. You made it sound way cooler. I know. That it is. I'll flick the lights off. Can you imagine a couple of giraffes snuggling up going, oh, turn the lamp off. Can you imagine a couple of giraffes snuggling up, going, oh, turn the lamp off. Honey, you know how I'm embarrassed

about my huge baguette length? Imagine how big the rest of it is, the banjo. All right, so here's who wrote the answers. Giraffes are native to the East Mid's. That's actually not true. That was written by Helena. Oh. Whoa. Now the East Mid's is that a place? You're in it. I'm in the East Mid's? So

good to be here. I love it here in the East Mid's. Ah, their necks aren't actually that long. That was the house and I mean everyone did. That was sinister. It's not even a smattering when it's one, is it? Do you want a smattering of booze? I was talking, you might not have noticed it, but there was one person clapping. I normally focus on the positives. Helena on the other hand.

Some West mids. I normally focus on the positives. Helena on the other hand. From West Mid. Giraffes are the world's favourite animal. That was Raoul. That's a beautiful answer. Bold claim. Such a bold claim. A few weeks ago someone said they really like giraffes. They must be up there. They'd be top 10 for sure.

Wombats, obviously number one. Is that a worldwide thing? I don't know what they are. What are they? What are they? Yeah. Oh my god. I wish I could be you.

Discovering wombats for the first time all over again. I am jealous. They're just like little nuggety sort of, they're like marsupials. Nuggets? Little nuggety, little like balls of muscle. They do square poos? They do square poos, they do cube poos. Cube poos.

You're making this up, this is a fake answer. They have a horn coming out of their head and a duckbill. No, they look them up, they're frickin' awesome. Kangaroos get all the love about Australian animals and koalas, but wombats are the superior of the three. And if they were there, I'd say to their fucking face. Alright, Poppy, you went for they will only mate at night. I'm afraid that was Jamie, okay, the house.

Pointing out of the house, and that means, oh no, hang on, Raul, you went for the banjo string on their penis, that was Poppy. Yes! Yes! How big would that make the penis itself? I was trying to figure this out. Yeah, well no, your banjo string

doesn't go right down your dick, does it? Who said that? I don't know who I'm looking at. How long is your banjo string? I thought a banjo string was like that long. So I thought like... On a good day. I didn't know that.

If it's baguette length, I was thinking like a Fiat Panda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, to give you sort of an example, that's what I've, we've all seen that famous photo of an erect giraffe next to a Fiat Panda. Did you say Fiat Panda, that kind of car? Yeah, no, I don't know. I was about to say I've lost control of this, but I'm confident I never had it. But that was a great answer.

It really painted a beautiful picture. But that means no one got the correct answer. It is the male will headbutt the female until she urinates, then taste the urine to determine fertility. I think we all deliberately forgot that one. Raoul is that gonna come up in the syllabus? It is now. That'll get the kids listening I'm pretty sure. Bloody hell we're up to the penultimate question now. This one also comes from Lester. Is Amy Latimer in the house? Yes. All right. Amy's question is what headline appeared on the BBC News website on the 4th of May 2014? So you're just gonna come up with a fake... For the listeners Poppy and Raul are looking at us

like what the fuck are you talking about? You've just got to write a fake headline, a bit of a quirky headline perhaps, something that maybe Amy would have thought worthy of sending in. What headline appeared on the BBC News website on May the 4th, 2014? While you're writing your answers, do you want to give us a score update? I can't. I'm so sorry. I didn't realise after I said it but I absolutely ruined your chances of getting any more points. Yeah, so last place for the foreseeable.

It's funny because I've never had to do that before. Because I've had Saren... I didn't think she'd pick mine. Sarenjo Amarna and Dave Warnocky have both done your role a few times and I put in fake answers. No one's ever got near Gessigam which I don't know if that says something about the answers you wrote or Poppy but I'm still drawing actually joint last with Rahul who is looking crosser and crosser I must say.

For the listener at home Rahul is looking like he's having the time of his life. He's looking at me like I made this whole situation. Yeah and if you are, if any listeners are coming through Lester make sure you check out Asian Occasion. Occasion at the Big Difference, this awesome venue we're in right now. I thought a rhyming would help, remember it. My brain keeps wanting to say the Asian nation, which would obviously be a...

Yeah, there's different meaning to that one. All right, while they're writing, oh, have you done that full score? So the full score, still neck on neck, it is Poppy and the House on three points a piece. Well they're still writing their answers. Here's some more info about this giraffe thing. According to Erin Garcia de Jesus, what a fucking name, writing for Science News, a female giraffe has a great Valentine's Day gift for potential mates, urine.

Distinctive anatomy helps male giraffes get a taste for whether a female is ready to mate. Animal behaviorists Lynette and Benjamin Hart report on the 19th of January that a pheromone detecting organ in giraffes has a stronger connection to the mouth than the nose. That's why males scope out which females to mate with by sticking their tongues in a urine stream. And it's the stream as well because they were really paying close attention and the hearts said they never saw a giraffe investigate urine on

the ground. Had to be on the way out fresh. Animals such as male gazelles will lick fresh urine on the ground to track it if females are ready to mate but giraffes long necks and heavy heads make bending over to investigate urine on the ground an unstable and vulnerable position. The researchers observed giraffes, they were really having a good look at this, in Atosha National Park in Namibia in 1994, 2002 and 2004. Bull giraffes nudged or kicked the female to ask her to pee. Just use your words mate. If she was a willing participant she urinated for a few

seconds while the male took a sip. Was there a grim way to put that? A sip is too cutesy for that I think. Then the male curled his lip and inhaled with his mouth a behavior called the Fleming response. Wouldn't you be proud to be Fleming to have that named after you? To pull the female's scent into two openings on the roof of their mouth. Oh my god.

The answers are in. Okay. Thank you so much. It really, it was making it sound like they were wine connoisseurs, you know? Is that from the Kumbum Valley? Okay, here are the answers or here is the question the penultimate question what headline appeared on the BBC news website May the 4th 2014 Darth Vader mural receives record complaints after

mistaken for Saddam Hussein it's option one. Option two, drowning goats saved by inflatable boats, gloats Mayor Dan Coats. Option three, Dorset knob... Is that how you say it? Option three, Dorset knob throwing contest attracts thousands. Option four, Star Wars fan rages at spoof explosion. Spoof, spoof explosion. Spoof explosion. May the fourth be with you. How many siblings are called Luke and Leia? Or finally, podcast scorekeeper quits vocation after two shows. Laughter

Vocation. Laughter What a beautiful vocation. This is on my LinkedIn. Laughter Okay. I think we are back to you Poppy. Do you have any instinct here?

Do you need to hear any again or are you feeling good? Did you say spaff or spoof? What was the... Spoof. But I think it's spoof. But I think both are spelled the same. Like spoof, you know, like parodies. What's spoof? Spoof's jizz. Oh.

Say what in a sentence it would be. Spoof... Star Wars, which way? I'll say spoof. No, spoof. Oh Oh which is which? Go with spoof. Spoof. Yeah. You don't have spoof over here? We have spunk and jeez. Spunk. Yeah it's like I get maybe it's Australian spunk or American it might be American they've got a beautiful language over there Star Wars fan rages at spoof explosion so it does change the meaning a little depending on

pronunciation what would be a spoof explosion what like a fake I think it's spoof I think you're right does it I assume they mean like all that like there's been a lot of parody. Oh, Star Wars parodies and they were annoyed by that. You know like YouTube, you know, fan made films. There's been an explosion of spoofs. Yes. Yeah, got it.

But I don't know, I'm only reading the words in front of me. Could be, it could be spoof. He would be upset, I think understandably. Well yeah, I'd rage at that. Yeah, spoof explosion. I'm going to go with spoof explosion. Burning your eyes, the spoof explosion. Let's go for that, yeah. Goggles optional.

I think spoof explosion is playing here on Saturday actually. Where is it? Love them. What do you think, Rowan? What was the first one again, Farah? First one, Darth Vader mural receives record complaints after mistaken for Saddam Hussein. I like that one.

No, no, no. You know what I mean. I'm just trying to remember if I recall any of these and I don't. Drowning Goats Saved by Inflatable Boats, Gloats, Mare, Dan Coats. Dorset Knob Throwing Contest Attracts Thousands. Or is it, sorry, is it Dorset? Dorset. Is that it? Dorset. That's actually the best accent you've done all night. Dorset knob throwing contest attracts thousands. Never mind. Lost it, lost it. May the fourth be with you how many siblings are called Luke and Leia?

Then there's the spoof one and and podcast school keeper quits. I'm gonna go for for damn I never thought I'd say that never the first time for everything welcome to roles final show all right here's the right the answers this one mark shock you podcast school keep it quick so was Helena what yeah what may the fourth be with you. How many siblings are called Luke and Leia? That was Raul. Oh yes, that's the one.

Drowning goats saved by inflatable boats gloats. Mayor Dan Coats. That was the Hulls. Yeah, I got RhymeZone.com open for that one. Darth Vader mural receives record complaints after mistaken for Saddam Hussein. Raoul went for those. Poppy! Nice. Can I just quickly ask you Raoul if you know what either Darth Vader or Saddam Hussein looks like?

I do. Maybe Darth Vader took off the mask. Yeah. It will fit out. It makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. Oh my god. Yeah. That would be a sick twist.

I think that would get people back into the franchise. Should we send George a message? Pretty sure he's still playing a pretty big role there. Poppy went for Star Wars fan rages at spoof explosion. That was actually by Amy, aka The House. Amy, can I, I know you're not on mic, but was it spoof or spoof? Whichever you prefer. Personally, I prefer spoof.

I like spoof. And that means the correct answer was Dorset knob throwing contest attacks thousands. Dorset. Dorset. Dorset. Are we far from Dorset? Yes. Yeah. Okay.

Don't worry, you're safe. Okay. You've got to turn him around, mate. Apparently Dorset knobs are kinds of like biscuits. Oh, is it? Yeah. Okay. There you go.

It doesn't sound great. No, but they look delicious. I can't wait to munch on a... Here is the final question. Now we always finish with a movie synopsis question. So this will be your longest one. Normally like a short, you know, a paragraph. Four, five, six sentences maybe. It's a film synopsis of a, hopefully a movie you've not heard of. If you have, just write a fake one. So this comes from Tyle from Toledo, Washington in the US.

And the question is, what is the plot synopsis of the 1977 movie, Orca? What is the plot synopsis of the 1977 movie, Orca. What is the plot synopsis? That's a 1977 movie, Orca. So while you're writing your answers, I guess we, and this is where triple points I should say as well, so, ooh boy, Rowell, if you, if you nail this, you could come home with a wet sail here. I really hope that's a phrase. Absolutely is not. Okay. Is that not? I don't I mean it means coming home fast. Spoofing. There's so many sailors in the East Midlands. I've never sailed, I still have sang.

Like I've also never been an early bird, but I know the saying. I don't eat worms, but I get it. Connor, please, please, Connor, whatever you do, edit out most of the things I've said. All right, do we want to find, not quite final, a nearly final score check. I'll do the penultimate score check. Fuck yeah.

I've still got one point. Thank you very much. So unfortunately how's Raoul? Raoul's coming home strong, I can feel it, with a wet sail. That's not going to make it a thing. Ryle's coming home strong, I can feel it, with a wet sail. That's not going to make it a thing. It's already a thing. I'm not trying to sell you a puppy, that's real.

And still, still, joint lead, joint first, our puppy in the house. Oh, what are we on? So they've got four points, so it is anyone's game. Truly anyone's game. If that sail gets wet, he'll be riding home quickly. Yeah. To the top. That's got to be what it means. Like the sail gets wet and then it can go faster?

I guess it's always wet though. It's in the sea. Oh, isn't the English language beautiful and mysterious? While they're writing their answers, this is what Amy wrote about the article. This has been one of my favorite news stories. We're talking about the Dorset knob throwing. I think this gives a little insight into Amy's life. This has been one of my favorite news stories since I first read it at uni because clearly the staff writer whose job it was to work on it was having a great time. So here's the full article. More than 5,000 people attended a knob throwing competition in Dorisatt. The Dorisatt

knob throwing and food festival event in Katterstock involves participants tossing the locally made spherical biscuit as far as they can. The longest knob throw was by Dave Morrison who tossed his knob. 21.8 meters. No Amy you are spot on. This is fantastic. Amy I doubt it but you're right. This is now my favorite article. Organizer Nigel Collins thought up the idea after seeing a Yorkshire pudding throwing contest at a Yorkshire food festival. Where does he get his ideas? There you go. He said, quote, We used to throw knobs occasionally as a child because they're the size of a golf ball.

So the whole thing gelled from there. Gelled from there. Childhood. Hmm. Most of the contest is taken in good heart. Most. Oh, it gets hostile. And there is no food wastage. It's getting ahead of that, isn't it? Everything that is left over,

even the broken bits on the ground, goes to feed local chickens. Nothing against Orsip, but I did think they were gonna eat the ones on the ground. Is feeding the chickens a euphemism for wanking here? No, but it should be. Lincoln chew? Yeah, definitely, yeah, 100%. Yeah, that works.

Yeah, feeding the chickens. I don't know if it is or not. Just keep doing the gesture. Spreading out the chicken feed, is that not alright? Yeah, yeah. So nice to bring some culture up. That guy who I said his name before, Nigel Collins, he continues, we needed funding for the playing fields. Sorry, Helen has just taken my-

This is a long one, I need time. You do, oh my God, yeah, so fuck. I'll talk slower. Just keep talking about those knobs. Fucking hell, Poppy. Okay, no, it's fine. LAUGHTER Erm...

Move on. Nigel continues, We needed funding for the playing fields, the village hall, the cricket club and the football club. We're a very small village, very rural. And we needed a unique event to get people here. The savoury biscuits made by the Moors family since 1880 have to be thrown underarm, and one of the competitors' feet must remain on the ground during the toss in order for it to count.

The best of three is measured and recorded. The winner receives their winning biscuit. What? They win the... So if you don't throw it, you get the same prize. Also a plaque with their name added to a board in the village hall. Okay, now we're talking. The record is still held by Dave Phillips

with a throw of 29.4 meters or 96 feet in 2012. That's far. That's about as long as a giraffe's cough. Oh my god just finally. Other events included a knob eating contest which to be honest I read that line before knowing they were biscuits so I thought I was singing doorknobs. Jane and I I'm like this wacky town, Dorstat what are they like? Throwing knobs eh? They also have knob darts, knob weighing and knob painting. I'm really loathe to stop him. Please don't. The answers are in. Oh, the answers are in, here we go.

Final question. This is the longest one, okay? So you got a bit of listening to do. But remember, triple points. Triple. Still truly anyone's game. What is the plot synopsis of the 1977 movie Orca? Option one. When boats go missing above the Arctic Circle, only one team gets the

call. Orca. In brackets, Ocean Rescue Canada. They don't need the final A. What seems like a... Oh no, Canada's probably CA, is it? Doesn't matter. Well, what seems like a routine rescue of a small fishing vessel lost in the northwestern passages? What? Did I do something? No, no. Hurry up please. Why did you make that sound? What? Did I do something? No, no. Hurry up, please.

Did you know you made... What's going on? Did you not mean to make that sound? You sounded like a penguin. Ah. Is that right? Did you do... That was really...

You didn't mean to make that sound. I wish I did now. I thought it was something about my pronunciation of passages. I was about to go on a Northwestern... I was just laughing at passages. Oh, laughing at passages. Helen, what are you like? A vessel lost in the Northwestern passages becomes much more than they bargained for

when they find the boat marooned on the coast of a small Inuit island with no signs of the crew ever having to disembark when landing. What happened to the fishermen? Had the men fallen overboard during a storm or is it something even more bizarre? That's option one. Two question marks. Two question marks I should say, yes. Option two, a scientist builds a house that is half submerged in water so she can study orca whales to see if they have the ability to learn language. But what happens when the beautiful scientist

and the orca whale enter a sexual relationship? That's option two. What happens? You'll have to watch the movie to find out. Option three. Captain Nolan becomes aware of the economical value of capturing a living orca whale during a lecture by the biologist Rachel Bedford and decides to capture one to pay the mortgage of his ship. However, the operation fails and he kills a pregnant female whale and it's offspring.

The widowed male orca now seeks revenge, which jeopardizes the fishing community of the coastal town. So that's option number three. Option four, another World War II movie. There's love, there's war. You've seen this before. But it's 1977, so it's the first time for some. Option five, in this animated action film,

we follow Oscar the Orca, played by Ringo Starr, in his journey after being recruited into the Pacific Force, a group of elite ocean warriors tasked with keeping humans away from Atlantis. During a scouting mission, Oscar meets Emily, an ocean biologist, played by Carol Channing, tasked with learning why the creatures fight back so aggressively in this area of the ocean. Oscar spares Emily after learning she loves the sea and its creatures, but things get heated when he must defend his friendship. Or finally, two orcas throw biscuits at unsuspecting podcasters.

That one was me by the way, just in case anyone didn't get that. Shh, how I know? All right, Raoul, it's your crack here. Can you read them out again now? I'll try and give you some summaries, how about that? So you got the Ocean Rescue Canada, who have to figure out what happened to the horse fisherman.

We've got the woman who starts having sex with an orca. Maybe there's been a movie like that. 70s man. Yeah. You've got the orca seeking revenge on Captain Nolan after the family is killed. You got the World War II movie, but it's not only in 77, so it's the first time for some.

Or the animated one with Ringo Starr? Or Helen as well. Whatever I choose, I'm just going to choose Poppy, won't I? It's been amazing how you've been able to do that. You two are linked. We are. No, we're not. It's a one way link, but. I think, remind me what the third one is.

I think it's that one I want to go for. Captain Nolan and the orca that seeks revenge. That seems like something you would say. So I'm going to go. No, you did a window of stuff in your world. I'm going to go for that one. Fed one. All right. Locked in for all.

Oh, that leaves you, Poppy. What do you think? I want them all to be real. Like this is my dream movie night. What was the OK? What was the, okay. What was the one where the mum and the baby died? That's really sad. That is, that's the one with Captain Nolan.

So it's pregnant with the baby. And then the dad Walker seeks revenge. Oh, that's fucking hell. And I like the Ringo Starr one. Ooh, I'm going to go with that. Ringo Starr one. Ooh, I'm gonna go with that. Ringo? Yeah, it's mad. I wanna go with that one.

All right. Now I've finished that one. You got me again, I think. All right, here's the answers. To Orcas Throw Biscuits at Unsuspecting Podcasts, that was Helena. People are shocked, I can tell. Another World War Two movie, There's Love, There's War. You've seen this before. That was Rahul. Man, that was fun to say. There's Love, There's War.

You've seen this before. The one where the scientist fucks an orca, that was Poppy. But I've heard about that, that's based on a true story, right? A dolphin. Yeah, a dolphin, yeah. I mean, that's a bit more feasible. What are you talking, size or?

Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm mostly talking size. The one about the ocean rescue Canada. That was written by Kyle. Okay. The house. The one about Ringo Starr was also Kyle. Okay.

The house. Meaning Raul got the correct answer. It's all about the, the dad orca seeking revenge. You were so close. Oh, I was so close. So that's, so they get triple points. House only gets single points in the final round.

Yes. Okay. So while you're adding up those scores, I got the abacus out, Helena, they won't be able to see that at home, but Rotten Tomatoes, the critics don't love this film. The audience don't hate it, or no, they do a bit, they gave it 33%, critics 8%. There was only one positive review 33%, critics 8%.

There was only one positive review and the rest were negative. It was hard to pick one to read out, but Ian Nathan didn't like it, writing, a cheap and tacky attempt by producer Dino D. Laurentidis to cat, that's not what it says, but it's close, to cash in on the phenomenon of jaws. So it's a jaws ripoff. The only positive review I found,

this is a snippet from it, it's hard to believe this is from a positive review, but Ruth Batchelor wrote, if this whale had hair on it and cost as much, it could be as big of a bomb as King Kong. As it is, it's merely chicken of the sea. That's a positive review. I don't understand it, but I like it. I don't think it is.

No, it gave it like a, she gave it like, you know, three out of five or something. Okay. Alright. For Rotten Tomatoes, I think that gives it, that's higher than a splat, I think. Alright, final score time. This is the moment of truth. Let's go from lowest to highest if we can, Helena. Let's mix it up a little.

So I'm last. Yay! I think, thanks to sabotage, the fact that I wasn't really playing. That last one was really guessable. About the biscuits and the podcasters. And then in joint second. Ooh. It's Roll and Poppy.

Oh! Is that good? Is that bad? And then it is the house. No! The house has just pipped them with only one point more at five. Booo! Wait, Pedro, that's our final scores. Don't think that's the final scores.

Hela, any bonus points you're giving out tonight for any reasons? I was going to give Raoul a bonus point just to not put me in detention. Okay. But then I was going to give Poppy a bonus point as well for being my sister. Okay. That seems unfair but okay. So what are the actual final scores? Have you just given us a three-way draw? Is that better or worse?

I don't know. I don't want to end on a boo, but a draw will make us all feel empty. But you are the scorekeeper. It's up to you. Whatever you want to do. I really appreciate you putting me on the spot like this. It's all I ever wanted.

That's why I gave you the role, because you are quick on your feet. Super fast. Look at her go. Um... Yeah, it's a three-way tie, you have five points all around. Yay! Amazing.

So good, Poppy. Thanks so much for joining us. It's been a real thrill to have you on. Where can people find you? I've got a new podcast called Brainwash Me out at the moment, so listen to that, please. And each week you have a guest on? I wear a brain scanner and people have got to come on and convince me to be into whatever they're into. Like, if they're into nudism, they come and convince me. Yeah.

And they're like, there is, there's a man naked right next to you. Nude, sorry. Naked. That was a bit uncouth. Nude. But yeah, that's so, Raoul, if you're ever on, what would you be convincing Poppy of? Come on. Yeah.

Convincing Poppy. Yeah. Your passioncing Poppy. Yeah. Your passion for kink. GCSE biology. Kink. I think Raoul might have meant kink. Headbutting them and tasting their pee. And that's my kink.

That's what I like to do. I'm a giraffe. That's a reveal. Pulse off the mask. I think we can tell by the effect of your nail. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Banjo string. But yeah, so it's a lot of fun,

and when does that come out? That's out now, so yeah, go and listen to it. What about you, Raul, where can people find you? Here. This is to people in the room, but also listening at home around the world, perhaps. Asian occasion, which is here, left a bit different. If but also listening at home around the world, perhaps? Yes, Asian occasion, which is here. Leicester, bit different.

If you're listening at home, fly over. It's great. And at the Leicester Comedy Festival, we do an Asian occasion. It's on the 20th of February in this location. That'd be great. And I'm doing my solo show on the 19th and the 21st. It's called Wifey Material. So come along, see what that's about. Ironic thing is I got no wifey here.

Whoa. I mean that was just bullying. Yeah, and that's about it. What about you, Helena? You can find me on Hey I Love That Movie every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. Awesome. Big round of applause for our guests, everybody. And cheers to those at home tuning into Who Knew It with Matt Short. Now that you're not, I'll be Matt Short. Good boy!

I'll play the song and then I'll do the normal introduction and then we'll have maybe the best night of our lives and then after the show we're gonna have a quick break while we all get a drink and I'll and then I'm gonna do sound like half an hour or something if you're you bet if you want to hang around you might have all had too too much fun by then who knows we'll We'll find out. But anyway, you seem really nice. Anyone from Leicester? Woo! That makes sense, actually.

Um, based on where we are. All right, hang on. Let me find the, let me find the theme song. It's under theme song. Can we sing it? Oh my God, do you want to sing it? No, but there's no marks on you. Come on.

Come on, pay it. Can you sing it anyway? Of course you can. Alright, you sing it and we'll start the show. Welcome to Who Knew with Matt Stewart. Come on, make some noise. Welcome to Who Knew With Matt Stewart! Come on, make some noise! Oh yeah, okay. Connor, edit that out. Anything that makes me sound like I'm not up to this, edit it out. Because it's very important to me.

My whole public image is all about just being capable and I really need that to be maintained if that's okay so yeah a lot of editing on this one. Alright so joint first we have the HAL. I mean classically to build up suspense we normally start at the bottom and work our way to the top, but I like how people do things in Leicester. Did you know that a kind of cheese comes from near here? The barman told me and I've forgotten already. God damn it.

Is it Leicester? Red Leicester, oh my God. Oh my God, they said a different one, but yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Red Lester's a pretty basic bitch cheese. But there's another cheese from New York. Stilton, thank you. Stilton.

Cool. Smelly? All right, score update please, Helena. I think you're doing a great job by the way. Oh, thank you. I really feel it from the audience actually. They hate you. No, I love you. Thank you sis.

Hats over here, yeah. So, um... Oh thank you. No, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry. Giraffe neck? Alright, so here... Connor, please look after me in the edit, please. Connor, for the love of God.

I think Connor's gonna have to buy a laugh track. Could you... a point you might... they just laugh then. We just repeat that one over and over. It was your laugh as well. The savoury biscuits. Savoury. I was picturing sweet biscuits. I'm not into it anymore. I was picturing little yo-yos or something. What's a yo-yo?

Oh my god. You don't have yo-yo biscuits? Yeah, no yo-yos, no wombats. Sorry. They're like two shortbreads in a circle with a bit of like cream in between. They're delicious. Jammy Dodger is it? Bourbon? Crispy creams? The doughnuts?

Custard cream. No, look up yo-yos. They're not custard creams. Custard creams are fine. But I wouldn't... Honestly, I'd... I'd... Yeah, I would be happy for custard creams to all die a horrible death.

If I could have one more yo-yo. Look them up, I tell you, custard creams are bullshit confetti yo-yos. Wait, are custard creams from Leicester? You feel more offended than you should be about a biscuit. The savory biscuits, I don't know if you can tell I'm padding. At least according to Poppy's banjo string measurement. Did everyone know what a banjo string was before tonight? They do not sound happy about knowing it though, do they? I had a friend who broke, he's had to go to hospital.

Yeah, I did as well, yeah. That's what he was called. Is that your friend as well? Yeah. Yeah it was the only guy that's ever happened to. My guy was and it apparently was awful it was an awful very very bloody. Yeah lots of blood. Yeah it's a lot of yeah a lot of blood endings or whatever they call them are there. Oh, roll. Scientists, what do you call the bits of where all the blood is? Capillaries.

Capillaries. Yeah. Does it. And cheers to those at home tuning in to Who Knew It with Matt Short. Now that you know it, I'll be Matt Short. Good boy! Woo! Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Oh man, you remember better than me. Dun dun dun dun dun dun

Dun dun dun dun dun dun Dun dun dun dun dun Hey mates, just letting you know that this Friday the 13th of December I'm filming my show, D Ding, at the Stupid Old Studios in Brunswick, Melbourne, and tickets are available. Hey, and for that same ticket, you also get to see Dave Warnocky film his show. That's two full stand-up shows for the price of one

this Friday the 13th of December. Get your tickets at mattshrewatcomedy.com and I'll see you there.