Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 48 - Claire Hooper, Suren Jayemanne and Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall

Episode Date: August 7, 2023

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode was features guests Claire Hooper, Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall and Suren Jayemanne!Watch Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!Get tickets to see the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt and Jess' podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh my God, can you believe it? It's the year 2024. It's Melbourne Comedy Festival and we've just moved venues. We're at the Grace Darling now. We had a great run at the Chinese Museum, selling out shows by the end, but now we need you to come over to the Grace Darling and shows are at 7.15. It's going to be so much fun. Love to see you there. Let's have a beer. Use discount code do go on the show's called dry dry at the melbourne international comedy festival then we're going to sydney and brisbane tickets to all that stuff's on sale now and you can find those tickets and details at mattstuartcomedy.com welcome to who knew with matt stewart the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart, and you may know our first guest from the Great Australian Bake Off, Good News Week, the Project Melbourne Comedy Festival Galas, or a brand new podcast, I'm the Worst. It's Claire Hooper. Only one of those is current.

Well, you know, you can't currently be... No, you could still know me from there. How could you currently be doing all those things? Yeah, you couldn't currently be. How could you currently be doing all those things? Yeah, you couldn't currently be on the project. Exactly. You'd just be appearing in a segment and you can't do that. No, but I do have a glorious CV. You really do.

I mean, these are just some of the greatest hits. But obviously you're peaking now with the I'm the worst podcast. I bet people listening to this are most likely to know me from Who Knew It with Matt Stewart last time I was on. That is the most likely place they've heard me. That's on another podcast. I'm sure they read that out when they read out your credits at the start. You may know her from Who Knew It with Matt Stewart.

Every time I start and I'm the worst podcast, it's like I'm Claire Hooper from Who Knew It with Matt Stewart once. It's just going to be funny when you get to me and that is my actual only credit. You may know our second guest as a previous guest on Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, but also as the host of Good Tucker on SBS and his stand-up special on the ABC. It's Saran Jayamana. Hello. Thanks for having me. Good to be back. Good to have you back. You were on the first ever episode.

And the last. And now you're on the last ever episode. The way this is going. Our third guest this week is one of the founders of Stupid Old Studios. He's also a writer for Sean McAuliffe's Mad As Hell and host of the Two and the Think Tank podcast. It's Alistair Trombley-Birchall. Thank you very much. I don't write for Sean anymore.

Well, the listeners don't know when this was recorded that's true this could have been recorded six months ago that's right could have been recorded eight years ago

yeah exactly you were there for quite a while yeah could have been anywhere in that eight year period this could be technically the first episode of who knew it

maybe I'm just holding it back that's right like you are me yes do you miss Mad as Hell or were you no I do I mean I miss it I think it was good to get to do other things I do miss it doing it Like you are me. Yes. Do you miss mad as hell or were you? No, I do.

I mean, I miss it. I think it was good to get to do other things. I do miss it doing it. And, and it was also my most regular work. And it was also nice to work on a show that was only pure comedy. And all you had to focus on was comedy rather than having to do other little side things that are kind of like,

I know what you're talking about, but yeah, Sean has this really specific comedy voice that yours complimented really well like writing on that show really suited you yeah it was very nice and it was nice because shawn also made us feel good in that he was like well we get you guys on because you can write something that we don't feel like we necessarily could so you're like the idea is that you try to write in their voice but you're also bringing something that like that and you're like oh that feels nice you know um it was good.

It was a good time. He was great at manipulating you in that way. Emotionally. Yeah, yeah. Making me feel like I'm bigger than I am. Yeah. Now I see why this episode never gets released. Yeah.

The way the show works is I ask a relatively obscure trivia question and our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as the real one and I have to guess which one is correct. Okay. Are we ready to play? Yes. I have to guess which one is correct. Okay. Are we ready to play? Yes. I'm now ready. I ask that every week.

I don't know why I do. It's like no one's ever going to say no. I should just start. Well, I wasn't ready. And then so that's why I didn't answer. Okay. I think maybe this will be the last time I ask that question. Are you ready to stop asking that question?

Yes. Here's the first question. It comes from Brandy Broyhill from greensboro in north carolina and brandy's question is what is a gandy dancer what is a gandy dancer and while they're writing their answers i'll explain how the scoring works so you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant or contestants and another point if you correctly guess the answer by the way i'm also playing as the house i've put into my own fake answers with the help of the question writers and i get a point for each one of those that our guests choose.

So each of us can score up to three points per round, which seems fair, but the probability actually favors me. The house. And the house always wins, though. If you've listened to previous episodes, you'll know that is nearly never the case. Anyway, our questions come from our great Patreon supporters. And if you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com slash do go on pod, which is linked in the show notes. The answers are in for question number one. Oh my God.

Are you ready? I'm going to swear it's that. Here it is. What does Gandhi dancer mean? A green bean native to North America, which swings in the wind resembling dancing legs. The term for an insect infected by the cordyceps fungus and no longer in control of its movements. A slang term for American railroad workers in the early 1800s. India's most popular drag queen.

Cockney slang for a shandy prancer, which is rhyming slang for someone who dances after having a little bit of a gander. Or the original title for Elton John's tiny dancer. Okay. All right. I mean, these all seem like they could be there. These almost all seem like they could be the answer.

Yeah, I suspect maybe only one of them is, though. Yes. Oh, yes. Very, very good. Have you ever had a round yet? That's about as confident as I am. Have you ever had a round where, like, all of them are right? I've slipped all of them in. I haven't, but maybe that's a great idea- That's about as confident as I am. Have you ever had a round where like all of them are right? I've slipped all of them in.

I haven't, but maybe that's a great idea. That's a fun idea. And even people, you ask them to write a real one. Yeah, write a real answer. This is why McAuliffe got you in. Yeah, that's right. Lateral thinking. I have a lot of freaking ideas, man.

I'm being underused. Hire me, goddammit. What are you thinking, Saran? I can eliminate one. Is it the one that you wrote yeah oh two sorry i can eliminate two i wouldn't do it out loud but no i i don't i don't reckon it's an indian drag queen okay okay i like the insect one all right uh insect infected by cordyceps fungus no isn't there there's insects one. There's one that's an insect that's flapping in the

Oh, that's a green bean. You've merged two together. Yeah. An insect flapping in the wind. But what is a green bean? It's a bean. Yeah. And it's green.

And it's green. Oh, you're thinking of a bean insect. Yeah. All right. I think it's the green bean flapping in the wind. Locking that in for Saran.

I mean, you know, Gandhi dancer. It does feel like in for Saran. I mean, you know, Gandhi dancer, it does feel like a, you know, like the kind of words that would come together for somebody who works on the railroad. You know, I'm not sure. I know you're trying to keep your face as straight as possible. I was just thinking about

Claire's podcast on the worst, which I know you shouldn't do whilst being on your own podcast, but it's just a very good podcast. I always think, I'm always thinking about other podcasts when I'm on a podcast, I'm the worst, which I know you shouldn't do whilst being on your own podcast, but it's just a very good podcast. I always think, I'm always thinking about other podcasts when I'm on a podcast, you know? Sometimes that's the only way you can orgasm. Yeah, that's right, on a podcast. For me, that is definitely true.

I nearly never orgasm on this podcast. Yeah. But I was just trying to think, I'm like, geez, Al must have a lot of options for what he's the worst for, you know? That's what I was actually thinking. How would he narrow it down if he was ever on the i'm the worst anyway no no apologies for interrupting the flow of the podcast but could you explain to me i don't think it was you could you explain to me the premise of i'm the worst yeah sure it's um where good people confess to bad things yeah right yeah you've got

a i mean i got a lot of bad things i'm a bad guy but don't sorry don't let me yeah you only qualify for one half of the defining statement of the podcast oh like as in the the worst bit yeah rather than a person who hasn't you're a sweetheart oh that's okay thank you you've got a naughty story i want to hear it i don't even know if i do i'm i'm sure i'm a bad guy something you know in many ways. I can think of a lot, but anyway. You know what? I'm just going to go to the railroad.

Railroad? Lock that in. Wow, that feels like a really nasty term, doesn't it? Candy dance. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Could also be rhyming slang, I guess. Yeah, that's right.

Except for the rest of the rhyming slang solution. Like that was... Yeah. If whoever wrote that rest of the rhyming slang solution like that that was yeah if if whoever wrote that one stopped at rhyming slang but we would be the fun in that i think and you know wouldn't have been as fun all right i mean yeah it was almost too ridiculous as cockney sang for a shandy prancer but it got more ridiculous somehow from there it's always really dull to choose the same answer as someone else but i was i was on green bean team from the minute i heard that one nothing came close all right locking that in for claire here's who wrote the answers are the original title for elton john's tiny dancer that was the house uh cockney slang for a shandy prancer that was saran

and what did shandy prancer mean again uh shandy prancer is rhyming slang for a shandy prancer that was saran what did shandy prancer mean again uh shandy prancer is rhyming slang for someone who dances after having a little bit of a gander which is gander even rhyming slang what does gander just literally mean yeah prancer and gander what yeah i mean they both end in er and I agree it's just not a two syllable rhyme you know Cockney slang doesn't have more rules than that India's most popular drag queen that was Claire Hooper. Green Bean

native to North America that was Alistair Trumbly Bertschel. Congratulations you got us both meaning Alistair was also correct a slang term for American railroad workers in the early 1800s so the full three points go to Al in round one. This is crazy. What relevance does the Gandhi have in that?

See, you're making the mistake of thinking that I knew the answer and that I wasn't going to- That is the mistake I made. Based entirely off of vibe. It's actually not known where it comes from, but some think it's got an irish or gaelic origin and others think it just comes from this company called the gandy shovel company but yeah and others you know anyway i'm going to tell listeners all about that shortly but

i just want to flag how great i think it is that alistair's doing like strong at the start because as we know that is his downfall. Yes. This is almost exactly what you've done every time you've been on this show. I get real cocky now and now because I know I'm going to win now. You get out to a lead and then you nearly don't score any points. That's true. For the rest.

Which is similar to how I just start different. Yeah. You start different but you end the same as Alistair. All right right question two comes from pete holberton from melbourne and pete's question is what nickname have scientists given the extinct australian bird dromornis planae so that's its latin name or whatever but it's they found fossils of a of a bird in australia with the name dromornis planae but its more common name was given to it by scientists.

What is that nickname the scientists gave this extinct Australian bird? While you're writing your answers, here's some more info on gandy dancers. According to Wiki, the term has an uncertain origin. A majority of early northern railway workers were Irish, so an Irish or Gaelic derivation for the English term seems possible. Others have suggested that the term gandy dancer was coined to describe the movements of the workers themselves, i.e. the constant dancing motion of the track workers as they lunged against their tools in unison to nudge the rails, often timed by a chant, or speculatively as they waddled like ganders while running on the railroad

tyres. But most researchers have identified a gandy shovel company or variously gandy manufacturing company or gandy tool company reputed to have existed in chicago as the source of the tools from which gandy dancers took their name but others have cast doubt on the existence of such a company the chicago historical society has been asked for information on the company so many times that they have said it's like a legend but they have never been able to find a gandy company in their old records so it's a mystery it'd be great if you could we could start using it again for something different that'd be fantastic you know maybe for say a green bean in north america that swings in the wind sure oh you know i mean it would be great for some that kind of job you know instead of i've been working on the railroad it could be like you know

i've been working on the comedy scene all the live long day yeah i've been gandy dancing my ass off that's right i'm big gandy old gandy dancer prancer and hold me closer charles mancer sorry is that cockney rhyming thing that's it's all cockney it's a beautiful language cockney rhyming is it cock and then knee like k-n-e no what cockney is it like that no that's that's rhyming slang that's rhyming slang for cockney see this is why sean mccullough loved working you just say that for everything you say this is why he loves thank you for all the work sean thank you You just say that for everything. You say, this is why he loves.

Thank you for all the work, Sean. Thank you. Sean's a good listener, isn't he? It's such an honour to be here on the first ever. There's a chance. Who knew it was Matt Stewart. Well, we haven't, we've got a lot of kinks to iron out. We'll do that as the months go on. It's all a bit loose at this early stage.

All right. The answer in for question number two. What nickname of scientist given the extinct Australian bird Dremornis planae? Emu extinctus? Dramana green bean? Was that Dramana green bean? Dramana.

Okay. If I was going to put an answer in, why would I put my own surname? Well, I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Your fingerprints are all over it. You've not been to Dramana? I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Your fingerprints are all over it. You've not been to Dramada? I've never been to your place.

The Flatbilled Fuck, The Demon Duck of Doom, Ronda Birdmore, or Plucker the Dead Duck? Plucker the Dead Duck. You're going to have to read them again. Yes, please. Emu Extinctus, Dramana Greenbean, The Flat-Billed Fuck, Demon Duck of Doom, Rhonda Birdmore, or Plucker the Dead Duck. Two leggy birds there. Oh, that's right.

The leggy Rhonda Birchmore. And the Dramana Greenbean. I feel like I've seen, like, sketches of the Dramana. And it's, like, emuu-y cassowary-ish. Yeah, sure. I mean, and we can see from the answers that, you know, there's an emu in there. There's a reference to a lady with long legs.

This could be pointing us to the direction that this is a long-legged bird. There's two ducks and a fuck. That's true. There is two ducks and a fuck. Yeah, okay. There are two ducks and a fuck. But, yeah, no, I just assume. Al, you're some sort of a scientist, right. That's true. There is two ducks and a fuck. Yeah, okay. There are two ducks and a fuck. But yeah, no, I just assume. Al, you're some sort of a scientist, right?

That's true. Were there any- Some sort. One who is not a scientist. Pretty much all fossilized animals- Yeah, have long legs. Are huge. Are huge.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's probably amoeba or something. Absolutely not. There's heaps of little fossils. Yeah, but there's- There's just so many. But they're big for what they are. There's heaps of little fossils. Yeah, but there's so many. But they're big for what they are. There's like single-celled organisms, but they're like big single-celled organisms.

Also, they're like mobile phones getting smaller all the time. Exactly. Except eventually fossils will start getting bigger again. That's right. Which is what humans are doing. And then they'll get one that you can fold and have with that one screen. I've seen one of those fossils. So you've got Amu Extinctus, Dramana Greenbane, that you can fold and hurt with that one screen. I've seen one of those fossils. Yeah, Evan has one.

So you've got Emu, Extinctus, Dramana, Green Bean, the Flat-Billed Fuck, Demon Duck of Doom, Rhonda Birdmore, or Pluck of the Dead Duck. Rhonda Birdmore, please. Locking that in for Saran. It's two. You have to pay it. I'm also going to go Rhonda Birdmore.

Got to pay it respect. You got to. Because it's correct, perhaps. To the queen. I'm trying to work out how good a sense of humour, like, fossil guys have. Yeah. Well, you're a scientist.

I just gendered them. I mean, like, fossil people. Yeah. They are fossil. Yeah, you've said, you've referenced him as a scientist a few times. But, like, and scientists do good jokes, don't they? Sometimes. I think there's one, what's that one where they say,

why does a photon never This is good. Why does a photon never have check-in luggage? Because they're travelling light. I can put together what photon means better than that, I think.

And I like it. I know Al's process for writing jokes is like maths I learnt that on another podcast which I'm thinking about at the moment the comedian's

comedian podcast that Al was on one time he talked about with Stu Goldsmith did you get to go on the comedian's comedian

really like a long time ago and it was just he just happened to be in Australia and somebody happened to recommend he come to me

in a 30 room he did Al used to perform to 30 he come to me in a 30 room uh like I used to perform to 30 rooms 30 yeah I have a performance I know you guys might perform to seats but I perform to rooms yeah and and uh and yeah and it just happened to be there on a very good night I think that's what happened I mean don't diminish I'm diminishing I it's my whole thing no come on everything you have to say about comedy. Tell me more photon jokes. Claire, you're the only one yet to lock in.

I don't know. I'm like, I'm thinking emu extinctus, but I'm like, is it too lame? I think like surely they can do better. Yeah. Maybe pick another one. Like the flat fuck? No. Flat build fuck?

Flat build fuck. That's so weird. Flat build fuck. Like the duck build platypus, but the flat. Okay. All right. I'm so sorry. Okay.

I can't remember enough of them. I'll go emu extinctus. Okay. Go with the first'm so sorry. Okay. I can't remember enough of them. I'll go with Mu Extinctus. Okay. Go with the first one. I mean, I could read them out again if you like. Don't you dare. Okay. I'll lock that in.

Here's who wrote the answers. Pluck of the Dead Duck. That was The House. Because I was thinking of that one. Good one. House. Jomana Greenbean. That was Soren.

I wish I did Jomana Greenbean, though. That was staring me in the face. The flat-billed fuck. That was Alistair Trumboy Bertha. Oh, wait. Oh, I'm so sorry. See, that's why he was so good on McAuliffe. Oh, yeah.

The flat-billed fuck. Sorry, what did you mean by that? Eh? The flat-billed fuck. Just sounded funny? Yeah, I thought it was a stupid thing to suggest. And you're a scientist. No, I'm not.

I'm an engineer. Well, I grouped those two together. That's right, man. They're both boring. Engineering is the application of science. Yeah. That's right. That's probably why I grouped them together.

That's right. Ointment makers and people who put on ointment, you consider them all ointment makers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why? That's all right. Thanks for putting it into terms my listeners understand.

That's right, yeah. Big ointment fan base out there. A big rashy crowd. Yeah, very rashy. Then we have Emu Extinctus, which was written by Pete, aka The House. And Pete, he actually is like a rocket scientist. He's a regular writer into the show.

So you've been fooled by a very smart person. Okay. All right. Then we have Rhonda Birdmore with Serene and Al Wentford. That was Claire Hooper. Oh, my gosh. I am really impressed. I just said you had to pay respect.

That, to me, felt exactly like a scientist joke. I've always wanted to be a scientist. I think you could do it. And in this moment, I was. Based on that joke, I think you could be. Thank you. But the actual scientist came up with Demon Duck of Doom. Oh, boo.

Come on. Come on. Do you still want to be one? Just don't be that one. It's not. Yeah, it's not yeah it's not i mean it's yeah that wasn't there was no workshop for that was there like somebody like the loudest scientist just started saying it and everyone fell in line yeah yes i think that is actually the scientific method we pretend that it's not that's how a Alexander Graham Bell got the telephone. That's right.

He took it. By being the loudest. You are right. It's a leggy bird. It is a leggy bird. It feels rude to Rhonda Birdmore now, actually. That's a lack of respect. To Rhonda Birdmore. I mean, that seems like it's a pretty necky bird as well.

It's a very necky Rhonda Birchmore. For international listeners, how do we describe Rhonda Birchmore? She's like a legend of showing cabaret. Is that right? Yeah. She's a musical theatre star but also crossed over into screen when cabaret TV shows existed. Right.

She used to appear on the Midday Show with Ray Martin a lot. Yes. Now you just have to explain Ray Martin. Okay, Ray Martin. Yeah, he was like one of Australia's most respected journalists. They hosted a trashy day show for some reason. Yeah, but I don't feel like there's an international equivalent. Like I'm trying to think of, you know,

who's your British or your US equivalent? And it kind of just like she's an extraordinary thing in that she doesn't have an equivalent. Could she be like a tall Australian Liza Minnelli? Yeah. What about Bea Arthur? No. That's just a name that came to mind.

She's the leggy Bea Arthur. All right. Question three comes from Tamara Potts from Perth, WA. I don't know if you'll have an advantage here, Claire, being a native to the Perth. I certainly hope so. Oh, that would be good. All right.

Tamara's question is, what were the last words of French grammarian and essayist Dominic Bois? What were the last words of French grammarian and essayist Dominic Bois? The name looks like boo-boos, but Tamara said she looked it up and it seems to be pronounced Bois. Spell it out for me. B-O-U-B-O-U-R-S.

If she hadn't written that, I would have said Dominic Boo Boars, which is probably why. And she would have known that. And that's why she's helped me out there. Bois. Sounds more French. Al's got a bit of an advantage here as a French speaker. Yeah. And while you're writing your answers, I'll let the audience know a little bit more about the demon duck.

According to the Australian Museum, Dromornus plani was a massive bird with a formidable bill. It was a real flat-billed fuck, so to speak. It belonged to a uniquely Australian family of extinct flightless birds, the Dromornithids or miherongs. Because of the close relationship between miherongs and ducks, Dromornus plani has been nicknamed the demon duck of doom. It was a heavily built bird with a long neck and enormous legs.

It was as tall as an ostrich, but far more massive. The skull was similar in size to a horse's head and had a deep curved bill. Oh, not flat at all. According to Pete, he found this out because they don't bother using the scientific name at the Australian Museum in Sydney. They just labeled the specimen with the nickname Demon Duck of Doom. Question number three. What were the last words of French grammarian and essayist Dominique Bois?

Can someone pass me a pen? I'm about to or I'm going to die. Either expression is correct. I've always hated this wallpaper. Yoplait is not French for yogurt. Sacre bleu. That feels good. I think I'm all better actually.

Or Dominic boob wout. And is that spelled B like the boo? Yes. Spelled like his name, but out has changed onto the end. Okay. Instead of boo-boos. Now, we're assuming that this is translated from the French, right? Yes.

Well, it's always good to be somebody who's got a start. I'm just going to opt in for I think I'm feeling much better. But I think that it may have been I believe I am much improved. Ah, I love that. You know, like I think the translation might be intentionally clumsy, but I believe that is the one. Okay, locking that in for Claire. Al, do you want to have a crack?

I mean, obviously the Sacre Bleu one sounds the most like a French person. Yeah, that's the only one with any French stuff in there. It was weird that they didn't translate that bit of the Sacre Bleu. Well, I think that's sort of international, isn't it? Unlike Claire's logic. Yep.

I think I'm going to say, yeah, I'm feeling... Well, it doesn't mean any one of those statements might have sounded fancier in French. Yes, I think all of them probably did. Probably all of them. Did I say Sacre Bleu right? Yeah, no, that actually was... Yeah, you said it quite nicely.

Beautiful. Thank you so it quite nicely. Beautiful. Thank you so much. And eloquent. If people listening do like hearing me speak French words, I did a recent episode of Do Go On called The Beast of Gévaudan. And I nail a lot of French terms over about a three-hour period in that episode if they want to hear more. I think people might want to hear a full French podcast from you.

Oui, oui, oui. Yes. Um, okay. I, I feel like I'm going for either the wallpaper or the,

the one where he grammatically corrects. Oh, that was very good. Wasn't it? I, yeah, I'm going to go the one where he grammatically corrects himself. Oh, that was very good, wasn't it? Yeah, I'm going to go with the one where he grammatically corrects himself. Do it. Yeah, do it. What?

Could you read that again? I'm about to or I'm going to die. Either expression is correct. It's so good. It's like that one, you know? Yeah. Over the wallpaper. I'll go for that one.

I will reward that. Well, let's go through who wrote the answers. I've always hated this wallpaper. That was Claire Hooper. Yeah. Now, Claire, you just talked Al out of going for your answer. I know. What kind of crazy tactics are these?

I just really thought that whoever, what, I don't think I'm playing to win. That's okay. Can I just say, though, that Oscar Wilde's last words are reputed to be, this wallpaper is dreadful, one of us must go. Oh, that's great. That's dreadful, one of us must go. Oh, that's great. That's really good, isn't it? Yeah, so I just attributed it to someone else.

Love it. That's good. To Blanche Dubois. That feels like one he had locked and loaded. He had pre-thought of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, mate, when you, it's not, yeah, that's right. Because even if it took you half an hour to die. Yeah, that's enough time.

Like you'd spend that whole half hour workshopping hard. You'd be looking around the room. Yeah, you wouldn't be coming up with demon duckadoo, would you? You'd be like, I'm Oscar Wilde, I can do better. Yeah. Do you think the trick, because you never really know exactly when you're going to die, is that you just have a page of one-liners

and then you just are reading through them. You just kind of cycle through them and then at some point you'll die and then you go. Alistair. Yeah. You never know when you'll die. Do you go um alistair yeah you never know when you'll die do you have a page of one-liners i mean i have a document on google docs that they're not great but i did try to like at one point i was like i'll do some like

this is when i when i'm unemployed i'm like i always have this fantasy i'm gonna go and do some busking and i'm gonna just read one-liners like that and then i never get a big enough or good enough list of one-liners that it never seems like a good like that and then I never get a big enough or good enough list of one-liners that it never seems like a good idea that and that it would save my family from homelessness um anyway I think you are you don't even really need to say it right you just need someone close to you to go hey by the way can you report this is my last word yeah just put it in the last will and testament all all who attended my death, please swear that this is what I said. That's all they need.

Yeah. They just need the doctor to be on board or whatever. All right. So what else have we got? Dominic Dubwout. That was Saran. Yeah, it's real good. Now did I nail that pronunciation?

Yeah. But also I think there wasn't, is there no boo in his name? So I think I miss. There is a boo, but oh no, there's not. I'd like to correct it to Dominic Boout. Oh, Dominic Boout would have. Which doesn't work quite as well. Dominic Boout.

Oh, it does. I like it. Are your plates not French for yogurt? Sacre bleu. That was the house. Really? You can't say. Despite thinking that that was the correct one,

I, for some reason, didn't choose it. It was weird. That'd be a famous international ad campaign, the Yoplait ad from the 90s. Where have I said, can someone pass me a pen was by Tamara, aka The House. Yeah, that's great.

And that leaves, I'm better, actually. That was written by Alice there. So another two points for Al. Oh, no. And the correct answer was, I'm about to, I'm going to die. Either expression isistair So another two points for Al Oh no And the correct answer was I'm about to I'm gonna die

Either expression is correct So three points Al again Wow Wow Wow Wow I mean this is not This is not how things

Are supposed to go So early days Does it make you feel weird In your tummy I'm not a good I'm not good at winning Yeah I feel the same way

Yeah As soon as I'm in the lead I'm like I feel bad that I'm taking the one position That people want I'm like let everybody else have it I don't give a shit Claire and Seren are doing everything in their power to win

So they're furious Look at how angry I am Boiling I can see that angry sparkle in your eye Quick score update on 0 points It's Seren The house is eye. Quick score update on zero points. It's Seren. The house is on one point. Claire's on two points, but out in front on six points

is Alistair Trombley-Birchall. Wowee. Geez. Sorry, what's the house on? House is on one. Wow. So I'm beating the house. You're beating the house.

You're in second place. That's amazing considering I'm on two points. Seren is probably the only player to get consistently worse scores than the house. I thought this game is like a misere approach. Yes. Is that French? Yeah, it is.

That's misery, right? That's a French word for misery. I thought that was miserable. No, that's miserable. Yeah, or like a miserable person. All right, question number four. Let's go. This comes from Jason Wessner from Chester Springs in Pennsylvania.

And Jason's question is, how did Draco of Athens die in 620 BC? How did Draco of Athens die in 620 BC? And while they're writing their answers, I'll let the listeners know a little bit more about Dominic Bois via Tamara, the question writer tomorrow writes born 16th of may 1628 he was a priest grammarian essayist and neo-classical critic in paris he wrote a book that was just six conversations between two companions uh one conversation was Je ne sois quoi? I don't think any of those are right.

Okay. The ineffable. The characters discuss the elusiveness of the words, which were in vogue in the 17th century and determined them to be a mystery that escaped a rational inquiry. Can I send you that phrase, Al? Je ne sais quoi?

Oh, my God. Je ne sais quoi. Le je ne sais quoi. I say that all. That's like a pretty famous. But you've never seen it written Je ne sais quoi. Oh, my God. Je ne sais quoi. Le je ne sais quoi. I say that all. That's like a pretty famous. But you've never seen it written down. I've never seen it written down. It's the opposite of that classic.

I've only ever seen it written down. Yeah, and then it's the weird. Le je ne sais quoi. A certain, how do you say? Yeah, with French where you often don't say the end of words. Yeah. I wonder what's written there. Which I like.

Hey, and while you're still writing your answers, let's go for a quick break. All right, we're back and the answers are in. Here is question number four. How did Draco of Athens die in 620 BC? He ate a bad souvlaki. He ran two consecutive marathons and collapsed less than one mile from the end of the second. He tried to prove his immortality by spending the night in a deadly snake pit he died of food poisoning after cooking his own dinner because he had recently fired his

personal cook he was suffocated to death by gifts of cloaks and hats thrown on him or this was a tragic tale the tale of draco of athens who needlessly died when he neglected to call me on his cell phone. That's cute. But that cloak, suffocating under gifts of cloaks is so funny. Yeah. It's so specific. Yeah. It makes it very tempting.

Bags not first. I thought the one where he ate a batch of laki was really funny. Did you think that one was the funniest? No. But, you know, it was a nice reference to greece i think okay crosses it off list when do you reckon some lockers were invented probably probably in the 700 700 bc yeah i would say do you have an inkling here a bit of a feeling i don't know you know uh you know let's see. This guy's getting remembered. You know,

he's, we remember him. Draco, you know, his name. Yeah. You know, so like we're remembering him.

We're always talking about him. Yeah. We're still talking about him now. You know, there's evidence that souvlaki like dishes existed in Greece as early as the 17th century BC. Wow. So I was reading that out to you.

I was thinking it was gonna help prove that some fuck is around and then the E really undid all of that. So I apologize, whoever did or didn't write that. 17th century BCE, so that means 1,700 before Christ. Oh no, it is. BCE is. BCE is BC.

Thank God. Well then I helped prove it. I feel like you also. I feel like you have fucked it. For the Siblaki. But I'm amazed. I'm amazed that you could like, that you could have like yogurt back then. Like Yoplait.

But yeah, but like Greek yogurt. Yeah. How did they keep the tzatziki fresh? Yeah, exactly. Before fridges. When was it cold? When was it ever cold? Like you're just like having like Greek yogurt. Yeah, how did they keep the tzatziki fresh? Yeah, exactly. Before fridges. When was it cold? When was it ever cold? Like you're just like having room temperature.

That's why you don't want it. You're asking people to pass you the yogurt quickly. You're like, please, the yogurt. You're playing. As in like you're passing it to each other fast so that the wind cools it down. Yeah. Pass the yogurt. Quick.

Now pass it to him. Now pass it to him. Keep it in motion. They just keep things cold in wet sacks and stuff, don't they? Wet sacks. Wet sack technology and technology goes way back. Sometimes the sack is used for other reasons. They'll keep it as a gift to someone.

Well, like a warm wet sack. Potentially give them too many. Too many. And suffocate them. Do you think wet sack technology was inspired by testicles? Do you think of testicles as wet sack? Well, I mean, they can get wet. They're sweat.

They can get sweaty, which makes them wet. I guess they're wet inside. They're there to keep the testicles cooler. Like you would need to do with like yogurt. Say Greek yogurt that you're going to put on like a souvlaki. If you've ever had testicles,

experienced them wet and dry, would know that they feel cooler when they're wet. Yeah, that's true. But I think a Hessian sack doesn't get bigger and smaller. It doesn't sort of hang low or high based on temperature. I think it would. Or does it? I think the wetter it is.

The heavier it is, the lower it hangs. It would lower and hang lower. And it can cool itself. It can cool itself it can cool itself like okay that makes a lot of sense yeah i think probably it was then yeah great you know what the wet sack technology is some kind of like a it's like a forgotten uh art clay did you lock in the gifts of cloaks no no i did al have you locked in anything i'm gonna lock in the snake pit snake pit for al that is good yeah that is a good one thank you so much um yeah I

well I don't want to copy you feel free to copy me and the marathon one feels I'm picking my own so feel free to yeah okay

okay great yeah yeah marathons that is a Greek invention yeah I'm gonna go with the marathon marathons for Saran ah

what's left all right so you got Sivlaki Sivlaki. Sivlaki. Food poisoning because he fired his cook. Death by gifts of cloaks and hats.

Which is such a gorgeous one. Or the cell phone one. Oh, well, look, I mean, I think my heart is divided, but I like the, you know, when you can't choose at a restaurant, if you can't choose, then don't pick something someone else had. Just get something else at the table. And you can share. And you can share. Ask the waiter.

So if anyone wants a bite of my hats and clothes, later you can have them. I'll go with that. That would be lovely. Yeah, let's turn this into a tapas. Share plates. A tapas? That would be cool to be able to go like,

okay, you can have 50% of my cloak and I'll give you 50% of my snake pit. And then we can get half points. Yeah. That would be great. Can we do that? You could, but you don't want to do that because Alistair's been your boss so much. So here's who wrote the answers.

He ate a bad souvlaki. That was Alistair Tremblay Birch. Oh. Man, that's weird. Died of food poisoning after cooking his own dinner. That was Jason, aka The House. The tragic tale where he didn't call someone, Seren, on his cell phone was Seren.

Is that a reference to something? Drake. Drake. All I can, I can't get it out of my mind and there's not enough time. Obviously, I got it. I just wanted you to clarify for the listeners. He was picturing it was Drake,

but in his last initial was O. Yes, Draco. Yeah. Draco. Yeah. The Irish version of Drake. Yes, Drake O. Yeah. Drake O. Yeah. The Irish version of Drake. Yes, that's right. But he was the son of no one

because he was the first man. Yes. The first dad was just O. Yeah. So it was like Seamus O. And then after that, son of no one. Alistair went for the snake pit, which was the house slash Jason.

So a point for the house there. Ran two consecutive marathons with Saranwent. That was Claire Hooper. And the correct answer was also Claire suffocated to death by gifts of cloaks and hats. That was the funniest. Yeah, it was. So poetic. That's amazing.

I'm so happy that the most poetic, I mean, horrible death. Apparently he wasn't a great guy. Great. Draconian laws. That's not. I'm so happy that the most poetic, I mean, horrible death. Apparently he wasn't a great guy. Great. Draconian laws. That's not. He must have been a great guy. Oh, yeah, he was. She would have given him gifts.

That's true. Maybe they were scared of him. I don't know. Maybe he was a good guy. But apparently he was pretty, he would, he came up with death penalty for small crimes. That was one of his. He tested it out on himself, didn't he? Yeah, yeah.

Small crimes like getting too many gifts. So that's two points for Claire, one point for the house. Congratulations. That was really great. It was really well picked. Thank you. So a quick score update. In fourth place on zero points, it's Saran.

On two points, it's the house. In second place on four points, it's Claire. But still out in front on six points it's Alistair Tremblay-Birchall it's just great to be a part of the team you know

three rounds to go here's question number five this one another Perth one Claire another advantage for you this comes from home ground although it's a nerd question

so I don't think it really favors any of you particularly I don't know any of you nerds I am a bit of a nerd depends on what kind of nerd

you're talking about this one comes from jamie griffiths from perth and it is dungeons and dragons oh good has many bizarrely named magical items that do all sorts of weird and wonderful things which of these is a legitimate magical item so you've just got to come up with a a magical item okay an example might be like the scroll of perth or something you know uh and while you're writing your answers here's some more info about draco according to al arabia news legislator draco is considered one of the most influential figures in athena's history as he succeeded in making radical changes to the city's legislative system which had adopted an oral and customary legislation that

was based on bloody rivalries. Athena's oral laws had turned into a tool of suppression that was used to deprive ordinary citizens of their rights, so people in Athena appointed Draco as their first legislator and he developed a written legal system that judges implemented. Draco's written laws, which made up Athena's first type of constitutions, adopted strict penalties that mostly included execution to punish wrongdoers. Hence, simple misdemeanors were equated with major crimes and were handed the death penalty, as, for example, the thief was punished the same as a murderer and murderers were all punished equally, regardless of whether the crime was intentional or not. whether the crime was intentional or not. When asked about his harsh laws and why he opted for the death penalty as such, Draco said execution was a perfect punishment for lesser crimes, noting that he had no worse punishment for graver crimes.

Given his rule's harshness, the term Draconian is now used to refer to unforgiving laws. According to a number of Greek historians, Draco died in around 600 BC when people who in a display of approval threw so many hats and cloaks over him that he suffocated to death. In 6th century BC, Athenian legislator Solon repealed a great deal of Draco's laws but kept the homicide law which remained in effect until the next century and it was later replaced with another that ordered executing whoever commits a premeditated murder and exiling whoever commits an unintentional murder. Right. Because his laws were just like doesn't matter if you meant it or not yeah you kill someone you die you stole something you die yeah it would have made things a lot more efficient what if you accidentally steal something

like your kid puts your puts like a sausage in your in your shopping cart oh well then you die oh no i assume yeah but now i guess you could also say also say if you die under a lot of cloaks, that that is also draconian, right? Did either of you play D&D? I played once in high school and I've wanted to play ever since. Yeah, me too. I played once in high school. I like it in theory.

Yeah. It's improv. It's improv. It is improv, but with no jokes. And I think I actually accidentally, this is long before I was a comedian, but I feel like I was playing it for jokes and I was not welcome. All right, the answers are in.

Here's question number five. Dungeons and Dragons has many bizarrely named magical items that do all sorts of weird and wonderful things. Which of these is a legitimate magical item? The Snootle Tot. Otto's Opulent Orb. Shervington's Wand. blighty's massive torp furdoc's tickling feather or ring of bureaucratic wizardry let's see so you got the snoodle tot otto's opulent orb shervington's wand blighty's massive torp furdoc's tickling feather or ring

of bureaucratic Wizardry. It has been a while since I played D&D, but surely all of them could exist if it's an improv game. I think there's like an official manual. I think the owners of the game have an official manual, but I think you can make up other things. But one of these is like an official, a legitimate manual. So it's more like improv,

like thank God you're here is improv. Like it's more like improv like thank god you're here is improv like it's a within a controlled they're gonna bring you back to the yeah they're gonna bring

you back and then you're just making little choices you know but I'd still be like but I still got my opulent orb I just keep insisting that I have it

every time they brought me back that's why they won't have me on thank god you're here either here I am with my opulent get out i'm gonna go the ring of bureaucratic wizardry yeah that's good

yeah i hear that you know what i like about it is that it feels like a joke one yeah it's been submitted yeah so i don't know i think it despite your mockery, it's the opulent orb. Oh. Blighty's massive what? Torp. Malcolm Blight. How do you spell torp? T-O-R-P.

Oh, like a torpedo. I feel like it's definitely a reference to Malcolm Blight. The guy from the ship? An AFL great who would have done a big kick once? Look, see, so now I think, I mean, I'm obviously very fond of the orb, but who would copy the answer of someone with zero points? So even though I'm not as excited by it, I'm going to go for the snoodle top.

Snoodle top. All right. Oh, maybe I should change my answer to Shervington's wand. Why? I'm just joking that's not that one felt like that was uh that was the house i don't know maybe that was i'm not sure well either way it feels like that was a pretty rude thing to do al pretend that you're going to give us one of us a point oh actually pretty i thought the house didn't want the point oh he's up he's out in front now and he's bullying everyone else oh you've become a real jerk. Oh, that's probably why Sean McAuliffe likes working with you.

No, that's why I'm no longer working with him. All right, here's who wrote the answers. Ferdock's tickling feather. That was Claire Hooper. Blighty's massive torpia. That was me. And that was about Malcolm Blight's famous goal after the siren to win the game for North Melbourne.

Shervington's wand was Saran, I assume, in reference to a famous Australian runner. No, I think it's a wand. It's like you could do magic with it. Oh, yeah. But I thought Shervo was reputed to have a massive wand. Yeah, that's what I had just assumed it was that. Purely coincidence.

Wow, that's how I dismissed it. Fuck. Actually, I am going to change my answer to that. That's how I dismissed it. So you've hit yourself. Actually, I am going to change my answer. That's why I'm like, so brutal. He's on no points, Al. And you're going, I want to change it. Just kidding. That's stupid.

Otto's opulent orb, which Seren went for. That was Jamie, aka the house. Well done, Jamie. Well done, Jamie. Claire went for the snootal tot, which was Alistair. Aw, that's adorable. Al was also correct. The ring of bureaucratic wizardry. For God's sake.

This man is on fire. This is not how things normally go. I think this is a really beautiful thing that this win is going to go to the person that will be made most uncomfortable. Alistair will not sleep tonight. While I like tricking people and them choosing my answer,

I don't necessarily like picking the right one. Alistair's wife will be like, Al, it's 3 a.m. Come to bed. Stop staring out the window at the moon. I'm sorry. I trounced them. I trounced them. I want a podcast.

Two questions to go. This is question six from Lewis Foulstone from Leeds in the UK. Leeds, Leeds, Leeds. And Lewis's question is, what is supposed to have happened to the town of Doncaster in Yorkshire in 1136? Ooh. Quite a while ago.

Yeah, a long time ago. Well, the Sivlakis existed, but not that long ago. But, yeah, what happened in the town of Doncaster in Yorkshire in 1136? a while ago yeah a long time ago well the Sivlakis existed but oh not that long ago but yeah what happened in the town of Doncaster in Yorkshire in 1136 and while you're writing those answers let me tell you more about the ring of bureaucratic wizardry according to Jamie when a spellcaster casts any spell while wearing the ring a sheaf of papers and a quill pen suddenly appear in his hand the papers are forms that must be filled out in triplicate explaining the effects of the spell while the wizard wishes to cast it whether it is for business

or pleasure and so on the forms must be filled out before the effects of the spell will occur the ring cannot be removed willingly does that mean they have to literally fill out forms or is that just like you go all right i'm filling out the forms because isn't it all make-believe no one's listening to me i don't know who i'm talking to listeners at home will probably be yelling at their ipod all right here's question number six what is supposed to have happened to the town of doncaster in yorkshire in 1136 it was given to scotland and never officially given back to the english making it a scottish town hundreds of miles from the england scotland border mass hysteria led the town to believe the local river had dried up and 15 people died

of dehydration before anyone checked. Under decree of King John IV, the entire township was relocated from Yorkshire, England to just east of Bournemouth. A chicken named William Carter was elected as mayor for 48 hours by clerical error instead of his human namesake. After repeated flooding of the Doncaster River, the cathedral was moved stone by stone to higher ground, or the crunchy slurry, England's oldest Yorkshire pudding takeaway joint, was first opened its doors.

So you've got five really good options there. And another one, I guess. There's six options. five really good options there. And another one, I guess. There's six options. Six really good options there. It's like that. What's that? It feels like a real, like, comics clown kind of gag. It's like, I have two beautiful children and one fucking ugly one.

I think there's two that sound very similar there. There's one. One flooding and one drying of the river. And the one where they give it to Scotland. Oh, yeah. And one where they move it. Yeah, and they move it. The only difference being, I don't know how far 100 miles

from the English border is, but I imagine it's not Baldwin North. It doesn't say. No, they're not the same one, though, I don't think. And do you think Baldwin North is the Melbourne suburb of Ballwyn North? Doesn't say. That would sort of geographically make sense. Yeah, it's just a coincidence, probably. Yeah.

So you got, it's a Scottish town. It was given to them and never given back. The mass hysteria led people to die of dehydration. King John IV gave the town to, moved the town to Bournemouth. Chicken was elected mayor. Repeated flooding meant the cathedral was moved brick by brick. Or the crunchy slurry Yorkshire pudding takeaway joint first opened its doors. They are all very good options.

I think the Scottish took it and gave it back. Locking it in? Yes, please. Gosh, that's tricky because, again, it always makes you feel a little uncertain when you agree with Saran. Next time I'll guess last. That would actually be good for our nerves. No.

I mean, the chicken one, you know, chicken one's fun, feels like, you know, if I saw that chicken one's fun feels like you know if i saw that story i'd submit it yeah you're trying to game the game but it's true that that cold a pig was mayor for a week yeah that is a real classic yeah medieval story isn't it yeah but then also like you know taking apart a church or whatever was it a church or a cathedral cathedral oh that feels like you know when they talk about like cathedrals back in

Scotland like my parents were married in a Scottish church and they're like they're talking about it taking 200 years to build

and you kind of go fucking hell like you know oh my god and how many human lives were lost as well you know doing the

high up bits oh the high up bits just any rock falling on your foot you know you're just wearing bits oh the high up bits just any rock falling on your foot you know you're just wearing leather workers rots were pretty big in 1136 oh yeah that's right so i imagine the workers that would have been some stop work i mean they wouldn't even been speaking modern english they'd be speaking like either middle english or old english which means that nobody would have been able to understand each other yeah the beauty of it that

over 200 years, it sort of all evens out. So, yeah, there's a lot of bodies going into the building of the church. Oh, that's true. But everyone else who was alive during that period also. They also died. They also died. There's lots of sizes of churches and cathedrals as well.

Like if it's a small town, it would be a small cathedral. Can you have a small cathedral? Yeah, of course. Really? It's all relative. You can have a big church. Yeah. Yeah, you can have a big church. You can certainly have a big church. Can you have a small cathedral? Yeah, of course. Really? It's all relative. You can have a big church. Yeah. Yeah, you can have a big church.

You can certainly have a big church. Can you have a small cathedral? Yeah. Small cathedral. I don't think the cathedral's the size. Like a minibus, but for a cathedral. It's the design? I think it's just it's the region, like the region's main church.

Isn't that what it is? Yeah, that's right. It's like there are many churches, but the cathedral is the central one of the town. Yeah, and that's where the local bishop would be in that church. I mean, if there's Catholics listening, I'm sure there are. I apologise. Look, I was an

altar boy. Some of this vague memories. Apologies if I'm being sacrilegious. And I probably am. It's hard not to be these days. Because at the moment, I'm giving a finger to the Catholics Yeah. And I, you know, I probably am. Yeah. It's hard not to be these days. Because at the moment- You can't bloody say anything about the Catholics anymore. There's a big crucifix, obviously, in the podcast studio,

and I'm giving it the finger right now, as I speak. But I've got- This is not the main church in the city, so it's fine. That's right. Yes. Anyway, what have we got? I've got my gold chain and I'm kissing my crucifix. Yes.

So it balances out. You're smooching it. Yeah, I'm smooching it. Which is like the cathedral. Like if a kiss is a church,'re smooching it which is like the cathedral like if a kiss is a church yeah a smooch is a cathedral you know what i mean yeah yeah a french kiss can you do a small smooch you're gonna do a small yeah all right i'm gonna go i'm gonna go cathedral cathedral for al and that leaves you claire oh i'm so sorry I've waited so long. Yeah, they're all really, well, crunchy slurries. There's five great options.

There's five, as you said, five great options. And I don't, I feel like this might be the moment where Serene gets it, but let's pick the, I don't know, the chicken, nah, let's pick the one where the king moved the town because it's really similar. The Scotland one appealed to me. It's really killing me not to choose it. Well, yes, you can, but you don't have to.

I know. So you're right. You've played before. Locking it in. I'm so sorry for my prevarication. Here's who wrote the answers. Mass hysteria led everyone in the town to believe the local river had dried up. That was Lewis, a.k.a. The House.

The Crunchy Slurry, the oldest Yorkshire pudding takeaway joint. That was Alistair Trombeau-Birchall. It's really cute. Thank you everybody. Thank you. Chicken name William Carter, elected mayor. That was also Lewis, aka The House. You know what? I almost changed my answer to that and then I thought, wait, you don't give a chicken a last

name. Hang on a second then we had after repeated flooding of the donkast river the cathedral was moved stone by stone that was claire hooper great work thanks guys claire went for king john moving the town to ballwood north that was saran saran's on the board oh my gosh he's on the board oh no which did he also get saran's double on the board because it also is true that it was given to scotland and never officially given back holy moly did you actually know and is that why you wrote a really cool answer that was surprisingly similar to the reality i was talking about melbourne's ball went north but oh you were actually talking about so i defended that

as a place that could truly exist outside of Melbourne and I was full. Congratulations. Thank you. That's really nice. Feels nice to be correct and also geographically correct as well. No, it's beautiful actually. So that means two points for Saran, one point for Claire.

And we're going to the final round and it is truly anyone's game. Saran's on two points, the house on three points, Claire on five points, but out in front still on eight points. That'll set Treombley Virtual. Is it good? Anyone's game? Sorry? It is.

Truly? It's triple points. Because the final round is worth triple points. All right. So you can get up to nine points individually this round. So it is truly anyone's game. The final question comes from Connor G from Canada. We always finish with a film synopsis question.

Okay. And the question is, what is the synopsis of the 1979 film The Visitor? What is the synopsis of the 1979 film The Visitor? I'll say that Connor got this question via a five-star review, which was what an interesting backdoor way of going about it.

Yeah. Bringing my attention to his work with the five. You know I'm going to read it if it's in a five-star review. Yeah. Incredible. Okay. Incredible. Okay. And while you're writing your answers, here's some more info about Doncaster.

According to the Yorkshire Man, the small South Yorkshire town's Scottish history dates way back to 1136, when the town was signed over to King David I in the Treaty of Durham, and it was never officially given back despite a whole lot of scraps between Scotland and England since then. The town was signed over by King Stephen of England over 900 years ago during King David I's attempted takeover of northern England, a pretty petty drama that one could describe as an irrational ordeal looking back. Turns out the whole thing started because David had been living the sweet life as the protege of Henry I that was until the king died. After that, he pretty much embarked on a warpath in the name of Henry I's daughter, Matilda, and desperately tried to uphold his inheritance and build his own realm.

Why? Because Matilda was the heir to the throne and was robbed of the title by cousin Stephen while pregnant in Anjou. Honestly, the Middle Ages were unbelievably dramatic. According to historians, Doncaster was never actually signed back over to England, despite Henry II taking control of the area 21 years later. Not only that, but Prince Henry of Scotland is actually credited for making the town a borough. And though it's recorded that Doncaster was returned to the English between 1154 and 1156 there's actually no documentary evidence of this. While the whole thing is considered to be a bit of a historical anomaly these days the 12th century blip could affect the town should

Scotland gain independence a desire that appears to be growing among Scottish citizens since the recent referendum. All right the answers are in for the final question. Here it is. What is the synopsis of the 1979 film The Visitor? Aunty Glenda arrives at the Johnson family home out of the blue just in time for Christmas. As the chaotic festivities continue into the night, it begins to dawn on the family,

we don't actually have an Aunty Glenda. But have they realised too late? When a strange man shows up on Ian Parmenter's doorstep, he feels compelled to invite him in for the night. Much to the Parmenter's family's disdain, if this strange man takes his place at the dinner table, it will leave no room left for Uncle Steve. They visited for that evening.

I feel like you're not respecting the answers. Sorry, sometimes things tickle me unexpectedly. Yeah. And Uncle Steve did. Uncle Steve tickled me unexpectedly. Yeah, with a tickling feather. A woman and her daughter escape her abusive husband by driving their caravan into a remote wood.

As night falls they are terrified by her presence not knowing whether it is the husband or supernatural one thing is clear unless they get out of the woods they will not survive the night our lady of the snows high school is visited by a traveling nun the students love her but as pupils start disappearing one by one the local priest starts to wonder if sister maria is all she seems on his 50th birthday gareth arnott encounters a bearded man who traveled through a portal hole in his closet from another dimension now trapped gareth needs to teach the visitor the ways of our world and try to figure out how to reopen the portal before the house is demolished by his evil

landlord or an intergalactic warrior joins a cosmic christ figure in battle against a demonic eight-year-old girl and her pet hawk while the fate of the universe hangs in the balance multi-dimensional warfare pre-adolescent profanity and brutal avian attacks combined to transport viewers to a state unlike anything they've experienced somewhere between hell and the darkest reaches of outer space wow these all sound sick this might be the best batch of movies we've ever had so you got auntie glenda yeah you've got the you've got uncle steve at the parmenter's house you got a woman and daughter escaping the abusive husband you got our lady of the snows High School and The Travelling Nun, who might not be all she seems.

50th birthday of Gareth Arnott, who encounters a bearded man who travelled through a portal. Or the intergalactic warrior joining a cosmic Christ figure in a battle against a demonic eight-year-old. I'd watch them all. Which one of those would get five stars, though? Ooh. Because, like, they all sound great. Sure. But they don't all sound five stars though. Oh. Because like they all sound great.

Sure. But they don't all sound five stars. Yeah, some of them sound like trashy fun. Some good trashy fun, yeah. Yeah. Depends on how much they learn along the way, I guess. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

I think it's sort of unspoken that the protagonist learns a lot along the way. Sure. All those. Yeah. Finds themselves. You don't get it past the first funding round if your protagonist doesn't learn a lot along the way. Sure. All those. Yeah. Finds themselves. You don't get it past the first funding round if your protagonist doesn't learn a lot along the way.

That's right, yeah. They want to be returned home having been changed. Al, as the leader, do you want to kick us off? I do want to kick us off. Yeah, right. Is that better or worse? That seems fair. Yeah, leader goes first is fair.

All right. And, you know, as Sorrent promised, he was going to go last. Yeah, I'll go last. That would be better. Thank you. To help you. Peace of mind, yeah. Especially, though, that last one.

He guessed the right one. He was right. I wanted that answer. I was too afraid of the Seren factor. I mean, look, I like the none one. Yeah. You know, I feel like it's got a good simplicity to it. You know, evil nun, you know, or maybe it's a red herring, you know.

Maybe she's a, you know, and then, but then what's the, what was it? Yeah, maybe she's fighting the actual demon. That's right. Yeah. That's right. Exactly. She's been sent by, from the cathedral, the head office office that's what they consider the head office the best movie the best movies have a twist on the twist yeah you don't just stop at one twist that's how it's going to be a five star

yeah yeah that's you you want a bloody double helix i don't want i can't tell you anything but keep watching to the end that's always great advice for a movie don't don't turn it off before the middle. You want to wait until at least the middle. But I think this question is so good just because the name is so vague. We get a lot of great movie names that are so specific that they're really funny, but The Visitor could be anything. The most specific bits of it are 1979 and Five Stars.

Yes. The Visitor's wide open. Oh, did I say it had five stars? Oh, I thought you said that. I think the review was for Matt's podcast. Oh, sorry. Yes. Got it.

Thank you for the clarification. Well, it's now a much more fun website. Yeah, that opens them all up. Yeah, that really opens them all back up again. Yeah. All right. I'm going to just go none. Locking in none for Al.

As in you don't want to lock in any. You have to pick one. You've got to pick one, Al. I was. He's not listening to your great bit there, Sharon. He's clogged off. It was really funny. He's done for the day.

I think it's only fair if we go on in reverse points order. It's only fair if I also play. This is tricky, though, because in order to beat Al, like I can't just guess the same thing as him, even though I like the none one, because I'll only come, like I'll only still have less points than him. Yes. So, game-wise, even though I like the none the best,

better to shoot for the stars, pick another one. But Al actually picked none. Yes. I didn't pick any. Yeah, he picked nowhere. He said, I want to lock in none. I want to lock in picked none. Yes. I didn't pick any. Yeah, you picked nowhere. He said, I want to lock in none. I want to lock in the none. But I mean, no choices.

So there's no, all right, so there's no, there's nothing to win by going none. So that's tricky because I quite liked, I liked Glenda. I feel like Uncle Steve, when it was initially that name, what was it, Parmenter? I was like, oh, that's a very- Yeah, Parmenter. That's a good name. The Parmenter family.

And then it said Uncle Steve and I was like, no. Also, Auntie Glenda's fine. Yeah, it's also a bit of a cliche. Okay, what else have we got? Auntie Glenda. I really love the idea of them realising they don't have an Auntie Glenda. So much. Okay, so what else have we got?

You've got a woman and her daughter escape her abusive husband with supernatural undertones. Yeah, okay. You've got 50th birthday of Gareth Arnott, another supernatural through the cupboard. I don't know. And then the intergalactic warrior. Is that six? Yeah, six. I don't know. And then the Intergalactic Warrior.

Is that six? Yeah, six. Man, all right. I think the caravan sounds like a movie more than the- Which one's the caravan? Oh, yes. Lock that in. Woman and her daughter escape her abusive husband by driving their caravan to a remote wood, but they're terrified by her presence.

Yeah, I think so. Maybe it's the husband. I think so. I think, didn't it say maybe it's the husband? Or a supernatural entity. Yeah, it says not knowing whether it's the husband or supernatural. Yeah, right. Maybe it's a supernatural entity.

I think so. Like the other ones are also bonkers, so I will go for that. Okay, locking that in. I know we established it didn't have to be a five-star film, but I want to hope that it is. And that's why I'm going for the intergalactic Christ-like figure. Yeah, that's pretty fun, isn't it? Yeah.

That's the last one? That's the last one. That's right. And also I love the, like, portal and the evil landlord. But can you read me the last line of that's right. Yeah, okay, cool. And also I love the portal and the evil landlord, but can you read me the last line of that one? I'm so sorry. The landlord one. What was the last line?

Gareth needs to teach the visitor the ways of our world and try to figure out how to reopen the portal before the house is demolished by his evil landlord. That sounds really hokey, doesn't it? I'm going that one. Going that one, all right. Yeah, come on it? I'm going that one. Going that one? All right. Yeah, come on.

Locking that in for Claire. Thanks so much, Matt Stewart. Wait, is that the one I locked in? No, you locked in the last one. No, you locked in the other one. Oh, yeah, right. That was the two sort of, I mean, yeah, 1979 sci-fi type options. A portal.

I can picture both of those in 1979. Every single one of them. Lowish budget sort of. All right, here's who wrote the answers. Okay, great. Auntie Glenda arrived at the Johnson family. Oh. Out of the blue.

That was the house. Okay. That was a good one. It was really fun. I want to see it. Yeah, yeah. I'm picturing it like an Aussie family Christmas, and as it goes along, it's a bit of a.

I was picturing British. Oh, British. Had a really british and so no one no one knows who she is but they assume everyone everyone thinks someone doesn't hang on yeah and there's something really claustrophobic about a british what you know a terraced house and it's so cold outside so the claustrophobia of a crowded house it was so yeah it's british then if whatever gets me funding i'll take but i like the idea that it gets really dark and chilling when they realize.

Yeah. And then they're like, and then like, maybe she's just not in the room when they realize. Yes. And then suddenly it's like, we're scared and we don't know why we would be scared of a little old lady. Yes. Because she's, yeah. Wait, where is she? She went to the bathroom 15 minutes ago.

She brought all these gifts. They're all cloaks. And then she's not there. Like, you know, you like you know you open the bathroom you're like open the door I feel like I've gone into a really

warm Hollywood studio pitch meeting and then we like this idea and the more details I give

the colder they're getting it's like oh wait okay yeah well no we'll call you mate no worries

you've just described the voice to parliament referendum, I think. Look, I'm not firm on any of these details. An English family sounds good to me as well. Yeah, okay. Strange man rocking up to Ian Parmenter's doorstep with Uncle Steve. That was Soren. Sorry about it.

Laughing on it. Yeah, I did not help him at all. The problem is I don't, yeah. It just came out of nowhere for me. I don't know why that was so funny that the whole dilemma was that one guy's. While you were reading Auntie Glenda, because I was like, this is the same fucking story. You know what I like about yours? Without the twist.

Is that they had two visitors that night. Yes, exactly. And that he already had a visitor and they let another one in. They're like, what are you fucking doing? You've got a fucking visitor already. A woman and daughter escape her abusive husband by driving a caravan into a remote wood. That was Clay Hooper. Wait a second.

That was beautiful gameplay there. That was worth a try. No, I liked that you were doing that, actually. I thought, yeah. Because to me, that was the one that sounded the most like a real movie thank you and that's because it's one of my husband's uh feature film pitches oh apologies wade yeah if anyone's listening from hollywood really worked on that love line for a while so that's why that's why you knew when i said maybe it's the husband you were like i already wrote that that's part of the fucking line. That's the, yeah.

Al. You're lucky day as well that it was the visitor. So vague you could just go into Wade's back catalogue. Yeah, it's really convenient, thank you. Al went for the Our Lady of the Snows High School. That was the house. That is the name of the church in Bright in Victoria, I think. Oh, right.

Because that was why it was so tempting because Our Lady of the Snows was a good specificity. Yeah, it's a great name for a church and as was already discussed, I'm a big church guy. You love churches. On the 50th birthday of Gareth Arnott, he encounters a bearded man, ends up maybe getting demolished by an evil landlord. Claire went for that. That was Alistair Tremblay-Birchall. Okay, great. Well done.

Well done. Meaning Serena's correct. It's an intergalactic warrior joining a cosmic cross figure in a battle against a demonic eight-year-old girl and her pet hawk. Triple points. Wow. Yes.

Did he just win? No. No. I think you've got the same amount of points. I'm going to go. Oh, look, while I'm tabulating the scores, this movie did get a 79% rating from critics on Tomatoes. A different era than they used to give the percentage

based on the year the film came out. That's right, yes. Yeah, it all had to change. That was what the Millennium Bug was. They're like, after the year 2000, we don't know what we're going to do. The audience only gave it a 43% rating, though. A review by David Elrich reads,

perhaps the most fun you can have at a movie theatre without risking permanent brain damage. That's funny. Whereas Dorothy Woodend writes, the Visitor is a terrible film. It was a different system then, though. The audience had to give a film the percentage rating 36 years before. Yes, it was. It was a logistical nightmare back then.

Maths jokes. Maths jokes. All right, so the final scores are in fourth place, equal fourth place, it's Seren and Claire. Claire, where can people find your podcast? Probably on podcast apps. Anywhere they've got a podcast. They just search I'm the Worst or Claire Hooper.

I'm the Worst with Claire Hooper. Too easy. Some of your recent guests? Po Ling Yao did one recently, which was a real fun one. I've got one. I don't like to burn. I don't know who's going to have been on by the time this comes out. Of course.

Lovely Robert Mills coming up soon. Nelsie. Bette Goddard, you know, AFLW coach, the head coach at Hawthorne. Footy legend. She really is. Man, she was, she really, she really had me fumbling the ball because she's so cool, calm and collected. Yeah, I imagine.

And she was psyching me out. Yeah. Loved it. I was there for it. That's awesome. And, Saran, where can people find you at the moment? No, I haven't been on Claire's podcast. No.

You haven't? Well, not in a released episode. Is that what you were asking? No, I was asking where can people find you? Saran. That's all right. Sorry. And Saran.

But is your show Good Tucker? It's on SBS On Demand. It features Matt Stewart. It plays a small but key role in that. Small but key role. And I would say, yeah, not quite a cathedral role, but like a- More of a smooch. Big church.

A small smooch. A small smooch. Yeah. If that's even possible. And, yeah, great show. We're travelling around Victoria, different restaurants. Very fun. So much fun.

It was the most delicious job I've ever worked on. In second place on six points it's the house meaning out in front on 11 points it's the Alicet Trumbly virtual I mean I can't believe it I can't believe

it's actually win an episode it's your first win yeah you know I wouldn't say first I'll say it's my win this is the win this is the win

and where can people find you Al? well as you know people can find me on the two of the think tank podcast with Andy Matthews, where we come up with sketch ideas. But I've recently just restarted doing some episodes of Shusher Guided Meditations. So if anybody likes to be shushed to sleep, you know, with weird imagery or long lists. People have said that it is truly relaxing.

You do have a very soothing voice. It could be. It may be. I'm not sure if I nailed it in the new episodes, but. You're drinking coffee and recording. I'm so excited. I'm putting it in. I'm following it now.

Yeah, Shusha got it in meditations. And so I've just released two new episodes, a long list and an imagery based one based on where somebody would get the nickname Slick Rick from. Oh, yeah. And so, you know. Slip in an oil slick in primary school. Could be that.

Could have been that. Could have been, you know, other things. Yes. So many options. Shushur guided meditations. Check it out. Hang on. Can you please explain Shushur or Shush? other things yes so many options shusher guided meditations check it out please hang on can you please explain shusher or shush shusher s h u s h e r yeah so i was putting double o that's okay

yeah no that's a that's a common mistake i bet it is i've got you if it was smusher guided meditations i would spell smusher to me that reads shusher oh yeah shusher is that a canadian maybe yeah no you could be right but there is a baby shusher company um out there so i can't wait for i can't wait for a big long road trip so i can just just doze off i'm trying not quite take the bend yeah oh grim uh i'm going to be doing this podcast live in Brisbane on the 2nd of September as well as stand-up shows on the 2nd and 3rd with Dave Warnicke and also doing his Book Cheat podcast on the 3rd. So if you're in Brisbane, grab tickets.

They're available right now. Thanks so much for listening, everyone. Please give us a five-star review if you want. And even if you don't, just give us a five-star review and tell your friends if you think you know anyone who might enjoy it. Please hang around for the outtakes. These three have said slanderous stuff that legally I can't put in the body of the episode. It's almost too funny.

So I'll put it at the end and I think you'll love it. Check it out. Sounds like, how did you describe it, Claire? A fever dream. A fever dream. Hang around for the fever dream at the end. And cheers for tuning in to Who Knew It with Matt Stewart. Now that you know it, I've been Matt Stewart.

Goodbye. All right. Get ready to lose, everyone. Ooh, I like that. I was talking to myself, actually. I think you might be three previous losers on the show. Can you introduce us like that, please? Maybe one of you have won. Has anyone won?

Have any of you won before? No, but sometimes really early on in the episode, I feel like I'm going to win and I get really cocky. You've led at points. Saran took a few episodes before he scored at all. That's commitment to the game, I think. Yeah, that was, yeah. I think we can't safely say where the drag queen's from

in 2023 is that about all drag queens is that in 2023 you can't say where they're from no okay yeah not just drag queens i don't think anyone i think you can't see where anybody's from pointing the finger okay you can't say where anyone's from and you shouldn't point to a place okay so like if i say don't point the finger that's what i I mean. Yeah, gotcha. Okay. Alright, we are ready. I'm going to stop that. Why am I keep asking if you're ready? I'm going to stop it. I'm going to assume you're ready. Let me know if you're not. But this is one of the

rare podcasts where we do actually have to be ready. Be ready. Be ready. Here's question number three. Oh no, I've forgotten your passcode. We're not ready, Matt. You should have asked. You should have asked. I went to primary school with a guy called Socks or What?

What? Anyway, I don't know why I told you that. It just popped into my head. That feels out of the blue. Yeah, that was out of the blue. I know Saran did say before you're not allowed to say

where people are from. Was that okay? To point out the class from... I think once you get to like really localize stuff, it becomes more okay. Like if you say like the suburb or like their voting region.

Address. You can dox people. That's acceptable. Imagine that. A demon duck. Imagine a demon duck. It is a wild looking duck. Well, I mean, that's, I guess the thing is

when you picture demons, you know, the devil and and uh his brethren um hey you don't ever see that many women demons is that me is that me is that just me yeah is there what is there a different term for a lady team seems very toxic down there um but um you also don't see you only see kind of humanoid ones you don't see like a duck demon and a pig demon and things like that too well i don't i don't i don't think they're i don't think they're considered to have a soul and therefore what about like a re like like coco the gorilla like you know the one that could talk we also can't speak on behalf of pigs what demons this yeah it may be that only we only see the demons of our kind oh great, great point. Yeah.

So then you get a special, so when you die, you get a special kind of eye that allows you to only see things of your own species. So you wouldn't see like Neanderthals down there. Well, I don't know if you need a special kind of eye. Maybe it's just our current eyes. We just keep our same eyes. You just keep your same eyes. But what about the eyes you leave behind up on earth?

You could keep the same. I'm done. Bring them with you. No, I know, but I'm pretty sure you leave your body behind, right? Oh, no, that's what I think. Scientists have never proved that. You should know. Yeah, you're right.

You could keep the same rooms and microphones. Oh, you get to bring your room with you? You can keep it all. Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. I'm going to do this podcast when I'm dead. Oh, nice. Can I do it when you die?

Yeah. No, thanks. Wait, my calendar is wide open. All right. The answers are in for question number three. Never apologize. I will never believe that statement. I will always apologize.

As a big apologizer, I apologize for telling you not to. Thank you so much. That's true. That's true. We have kind of adopted that into our regular English parlance. So, parlez-vous français? Je parle un petit peu français. Moi aussi.

Ah, toi aussi, vraiment? J'apprends. Ah, t'apprends? Apprends. Oui. Le français. Oui. En duolingo.

Sur duolingo, oui. Duolingo, c'est espagnol, je pense. What? Duol. Duolingo, c'est espagnol, je pense. What? Duolingo, je pense, c'est espagnol. Oui? Oui, espagnol, c'est duolingo. Serène, parlez-vous français? Yep.

Can you cut out the bits where I talked about French? No. I'm an arsehole. I'm really loving it. Are you? Okay. I can, but I also. I actually don't care, won't listen.

Be so wild to listen. Can't wait to get home and listen to myself again. I have to when I edit it. Yeah. I would love not to. Can I? We should swap pods. That's a great idea.

We don't have to because I did a whole bunch in one day and then I took a couple of weeks off and I came back this week and I was like, this is horrific. You're so rough. Do you just keep muttering, shut up, shut up, shut up? Yes. So you don't like the guests you have on? Yeah.

There's a clip I think going around TikTok and stuff of all these different french words that basically sound the same and then they play it as a sentence and it just is it sounds like there is in quebec there is a word for breasts which is that's probably in there as well so that's only from from Quebec. Well, I'm not sure. I think it must be French titties, essentially. Taton. Des tatons. It's just, it's a very, it's a very Quebec-y sounding word. Very Quebec-y.

Quebec-y. I don't think they say Quebec-y in Quebec. You're still writing it. Oh my God, Quebec-y. Look at her French. Quebec-y with the good hair. Do you want me to top up? Sure.

It's weird to hear you off mic with the headphones on. It's like you don't really exist anymore. All right. No pressure. Thank you. Oh, yeah, it does feel disembodied. How French is Montreal? Would you get away with English there?

You definitely can, but I think people like it. And a lot of things are French. French Canadians, they're not snooty types, are they? They're not snooty. Well, some might be, but I can't speak for everybody. You know what? There's snoots everywhere. You know know snooting is an international language you know two non-snoots can give birth to a snoot really yeah you know it's it's it's it's not like eye color um and uh yes but you know i think i think it's just like and there's a like there's a very french

uh strong kind of provincial government there that are pushing for more laws for more things to be kind of French. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, I like that too. Everyone, whoever recognizes me on the street, the number of compliments I've got for having been paying attention, have I done it ever? Never.

Never have I done it. And I started, you know, I used to say I haven't done it. And they'd be like, that's where I saw used to say i haven't done it and they'd be like that's where i saw you and then they'd walk off and i'd get on my plane so now i just go thank you yeah i just missed it all because i was thinking of claire's great podcast i'm the worst yeah it's only been out for a couple of months but geez it's doing great things i've heard changing the podcast game forever oh now i feel like you're making fun of me. That's not true. That's not true.

I never make fun of anyone. He's using the opportunity. That's your actual job. He's using humor to bring attention to your podcast. Thank you, then. And drive listeners towards it. I will. If anyone needs a lift, I'll take her right there.

I play the game kind of like you I don't want anyone to guess my answers What? I just want to That's not how I play I just want to have a little fun I'll fuck you I purposely make mine obviously terrible

so that's good that's why I've been cutting out stuff and doing this lengthy outtakes at the end feels like yeah it's not actually the end just a bit of feedback yeah yeah okay it's too crazy at the end is it yeah some people say they love it but yeah i'm like i guess they can turn it off if they but i listen to podcasts going to sleep so i can imagine what like my dreams just getting fucked up by yeah all these weird outtakes. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors,

like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks.