Who Knew It with Matt Stewart - 81 - Ben Russell, Anna Perry and Marcel Blanch-De Wilt

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode features comedians Ben Russell (Thank God You're Here, Aunty Donna's Big Ol House of Fun), Anna Perry (Ready To Burst) and Marcel Blanch-de Wilt (Let Them Eat Cake, The Newly Weds)!Check out Matt's stand up special FREE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhESupport the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!See the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith and Logo by @muzdoodles! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh my God, can you believe it? It's the year 2024. It's Melbourne Comedy Festival and we've just moved venues. We're at the Grace Darling now. We had a great run at the Chinese Museum, selling out shows by the end, but now we need you to come over to the Grace Darling and shows are at 7.15. It's going to be so much fun. Love to see you there. Let's have a beer. Use discount code do go on the show's called dry dry at the melbourne international comedy festival then we're going to sydney and brisbane tickets to all that stuff's on sale now and you can find those tickets and details at mattstuartcomedy.com welcome to who knew with matt stewart the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Stewart and our first guest opens tonight at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, Zanna Perry. Thank you very much for having me. I mean at the time of recording, you look panicked there. On the day this goes out is when you begin.

So this isn't live? No, this week we're pre-recording this one because Marcel the Mouth is on and we need time to edit out some of them. Hey, I haven't even introduced our second guest this week. He's opening at the festival with his self-titled show next week, I believe. It's Ben Russell. Hi, my name is Ben Russell and I open my show called Ben Russell next. On the 9th. Yes.

And today's the 1st. Okay. It's in the second On the 9th. Yes. And today's the 1st. Okay. It's in the second half of the festival. Yes. Anna's in the 1st. You're in the second half. You're tag teaming it. Where are you?

I'm the 1st week of April at the Charles Dickens Tavern. Oh, yes. Yes. He's a funny guy. Charles Dickens. Yeah, Charles Dickens. Love a bit of old Dicko. I think of him as, he's kind of like quite Dickensian, I think.

He is very Dickensian, yeah. Yes. All his books are quite Dickensian. Yeah, they are. They really are. Same with Shakespeare. All of his stuff is Shakespearean. It is very Shakespearean.

It's a bit too Shakespearean. Isn't it? Yeah, I think they've been pigeonholed a bit. Me too. But, you know, you do what you do. Typecast. Yeah, very typecast. Our third guest this week is

doing his show on weekends throughout the fest it's marcel blanche de wilt yes i am and hey this first weekend has gone great so far the show's been really really good so far the first weekend was i absolutely smashed it so thanks for everyone you got awards didn't you yeah already there's whispers yeah they don't normally do awards this early. But they were like, there's no need to look at the rest. Let's just give it. Yeah. It's like an early payout on Ben's gambling app. Are you still the face of that gambling app?

No, but it's important to chase your losses. It is. I think that was the main thrust of the ad campaign. It's going to be different this time. Keep going. Yeah. You can win it all back and everyone will forgive you. You can win all the money and all the family back.

Yeah. No, I haven't done gambling ads for ages. Thank you very much for bringing it up. So, the way the show works is I ask a relatively obscure trivia question and our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as the real one and i have to guess which one is correct the first question comes from listener adam norman from sweden and he's asking a very swedish question classic swede always asking swedish questions the question is what does the Swedish term farthinder mean in English?

What does the Swedish term farthinder mean in English? While they're writing their answers, I'll explain how the scoring works. So you get one point if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, and another point if you correctly guess the answer. By the way, I'm also playing as the house, and I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question with the help of the question writers, and I get a point for each one of those that our guests choose. So each of us can

score up to three points per round, which seems fair, but the probability apparently actually favors me, the house, and the house always wins, which is why the guests now get triple points in the final round to even things up a little bit. Anyway, our questions come from our great Patreon supporters. If you want to submit a question question sign up on any level by patreon.com

slash do go on pod any level any level not even so the top level what does the top level get i don't know nothing now top levels gets someone really good yeah not you don't even know what not who knew it related but i think it's you know you know, they get. Your heart's not in this. It is in it, but, you know, I'm in it for the. For the money. For the art. You're a money man. I know when you did The Grub and you do all your other podcasts that you're just like, let the cash roll in.

First off, The Grub has been my only podcast. What about Bite Club? That's true. I'd stand corrected. Okay, please continue. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck everyone. I'm going to fucking fly away. I love Bite Club? That's true. I'd stand corrected. Okay, please continue. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck everyone. I'm going to fucking fly away. I love Bite Club.

Bite Club was... Remember the number one rule of Bite Club. No biting. No biting. That's a great show. Anna, did you ever listen to Bite Club? Every single episode. Huge fan.

Loved a bit of Bite Club. All right, the answer in for question number one. What does the Swedish term fartartinder mean in English? Fartinder? Oh, thank you. I'm just making that up. I don't know if that's... No, I think that sounds about right.

It sounds right. Yeah. Doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. Sounds Swedish. Yeah. I thought a Swedish person just walked in. Yeah.

And then I opened my eyes and realized it was Ben. I thought it was the chef. Yeah, it was... All right, here are your options. and realise it was Ben. I thought it was the chef. It was Grooboo. Alright, here are your options. A speed bump or traffic obstruction. When you leave the room to pass wind, but at the same time your boss and mother-in-law walk in and hijinks in shoe.

That's very specific. Wow, that's the Swedish language for you. They do. They've got a word for everything. Specific people. Jinx, you owe me a Coke. Oh, damn it. Sucked in.

Personal objects so attractive they make you suppress your farts. To travel with great burden. A special pair of briefs that hold the buttock closed. Or the feeling of regret in the morning after a big night of drinking. Some good answers, I got to say. Can you please repeat those, Matt Stewart? Speed bump or traffic obstruction when you leave the room to pass wind, but at the same time your boss and your mother-in-law walk in and hijinks ensue.

A person or object so attractive they make you suppress your farts. To travel with great burden. A special pair of briefs that hold the buttock closed or the feeling of regret in the morning after a big night of drinking you want to have a crack marcel i sure do i mean it feels funny to even talk about burdens when at the moment my show is going so well that the idea of being burdened is ridiculous you don't even it's going so well you don't even have a concept of burden exactly like. Like, I feel lighter. I'm sort of levitating above the table right now. You couldn't speak Swedish if you tried.

I couldn't. Not at all. I would like to choose the burden one, please. I like that. Okay. Because you don't understand it. You think it's got to be it. It's all novel to me.

Yeah. I like the first one and the last one. I think I'm going to go with the first one, which was the speed hump. Speed bump. Traffic obstruction. Yeah, I think I might go with that one. Now, you've got blonde hair. Any connection to Sweden?

German. German. German. Do they share a border? Nearly. No. No, they don't. No, they don't.

But they share a body of water. They share blonde hair. I think that could be it. You're really fucking up now. Trying to connect. Ben Russell, what do you think? Give me the first three. Speed bump or traffic obstruction when you leave the room to pass wind at the same time

your boss and your mother-in-law walk in hijinks and shoe or a person or object so attractive they make you suppress your farts. So, yeah, I think you've got three fart options and three non-fart options. What are the non-fart options? The non-fart options, speed bump or traffic obstruction, travel with great burden, or the feeling of regret in the morning after a big night of drinking. I'm going to go... I mean, that could be fart related, I guess. I'm going to go burden.

Burden. Two for burdens. All right. Ben for burden. Here's who wrote the answers. The feeling of regret in the morning after a big night of drinking. That for Burden. All right. Ben for Burden. Here's who wrote the answers. The feeling of regret in the morning after a big night of drinking. That was Ben Russell. That's actually Phelangst.

Phelangst. Oh, which is the name of your show a couple of years ago. Yeah, that's the only reason I know that. And your show's about being sober this year? Yeah, that's correct. I know. I saw an early version of the show and very much enjoyed it. Is that why you called it Ben Russell?

Very sobering phrase. It's just Ben Russell. Yeah, and that, who needs it? Who needs names for shows? Yeah, you could be like Weezer. You know, every show now is just... Weezer. Don't call your show Weezer.

That'll be confusing. I'm going to call it Weezer now. I'm going to call up the festival and say, we've got to change it. And they're like, but it's only, you start. The festival's already started. My laugh's a bit of a wheezer. You reckon? Special pair of briefs that hold the buttock closed.

That was Adam. Very Swedish style answer, that one. In the way that it doesn't quite flow as an English sentence. But I loved it. That was my favourite. Thanks, Adam. Adam also wrote, a personal object so attractive they make you suppress your thoughts. I never even caught object in there.

It's so funny to think, oh, that attractive object. Oh, my God. I feel like I'm in front of that object. Oh, my God. It's a cactus. It's so attractive. I thought it was more like a totem in like, you know, Inception where you hold this particular totem and you know you're not in the dream world.

It's that sort of thing. Oh, okay. You constantly think that you're a know you're not in the dream world. It's that sort of thing. Oh, yeah. You constantly think that you're dreaming. You're a dreamer. I assume so with how well my show's going. I must be dreaming. I'm going to check back when that is happening and be like, so, how is the prophecy?

How is the prophecy? When you see myself, I'll just go, how is the prophecy? Well, the listeners to this have, you know, they could go back in time and make that happen. That's right. Or you can just go to the festival and see his show. Yeah. See if he's a liar. I don't think you'll get the truth out of Marcel.

He's positive to a fault. Marcel the Mouth, famously tight-lipped. Yeah, ask him How's the show going He'll say fantastic Yeah And you'll have to Really look deep into his eyes To know if it's a lie or not

I've also got to sell the show As well Which is a fantastic show Who wants to come see the show And you go Oh it's not going so well Hey I've seen your tutorials On your Instagram

I can smell it though I can I'll look in your eyes And I'll see I can detect any Yeahness in the eye. I'm the reverse. I say, oh, it's fine. And then you have to, like, judge if that actually means good or not.

Yeah, because your default setting is dead inside. There's a heartbeat there. I use reverse psychology in my promo videos. I'm like, don't come. Just don't come. No, I really do. So, yeah. Should we be letting the listeners now to not come tonight?

Yeah, please don't come. Tonight is going to be shithouse. Well, I think, I mean, to me this says it all. You don't need an audience like Marcel does. Oh, of course, yeah. I don't need an audience. He's got desperation dripping off him. I'm sweating.

You're cool as a cucumber, Anna. Poker face. What else have we got? When you leave the room to pass wind at the same time as your boss and mother-in-law and hijinks. That was Marcel Blanchet-Wilt. A sitcom. He wrote a sitcom answer. A sitcom.

I didn't say sitcom. Marcel. Come on, dude. That's not really the tone of the show mate yeah this is a christian show with christian values we're talking about fart hinders here okay okay you want to talk about how evolution is a lie or that you know the earth the dinosaurs and the people roamed the earth at the same time then you're welcome to it okay let me off the leash matt to travel with great burden marcel and ben went for that. That was Anna.

Well done. Butterbean, baby. Loved it. That's a hot star. Very good. And Anna also got the correct answer. Speed bump or traffic obstruction. That's a maximum three points for Anna's first ever round.

Don't underestimate Anna Perry. It's because you're an unknown quantity. I'm the unknown from that Willy Wonka. That was actually me. Yeah, and you're written Willy Wonka. That was actually me. And you're written by AI. That's me. So full three points to Anna. Alright, it's a declaration

saying I'm here and I'm here to win. The gauntlet has been thrown down. It's been thrown down. You've got to pick up that gauntlet first. What are you going to do with that gauntlet? You've got to pick it up. I love a gauntlet. Never hold on to a gauntlet. That's what I say. You've got to pick up that gauntlet first. What are you going to do with that gauntlet? You've got to pick it up. Yeah. Love a gauntlet. Why'd you throw it down? Never hold on to a gauntlet. That's what I say.

I like a witch blade. You know, one of those rings that make people look like they're wizards. Interesting. Is that what a witch blade is? Yeah, it's like a thing that you put on your, like a ring thing. And it's also like a stick. It's like a middle ground between a ring and a glove. Oh, that's fantastic.

Oh, really? I think so. Right. But to be honest, I could be wrong. Anna, really, you keep your gauntlets greased up, don't you? Yeah. You never want to hold onto them for long? No.

No, never linger with a gauntlet. No. The slippery gauntlet. A gauntlet. Yeah. The slippery gauntlet. People have been getting nicknames on this show lately, and that's a very good one.

One in recent weeks was not as good. It was Pississippi. So I think that was your good friend, Amy Ruffell, is now Pississippi. Yeah, great. Perfect. I mean, you can see that. That makes sense.

Yeah, yeah. All right. Question two comes from Stephen Edmonds from Mount Waverley, Victoria. Big comedy fan. I can see him attending both Marcel and Anna's shows. Probably not Ben's. Why? Is he stupid?

Is he a fucking idiot with no fucking taste? Well, he listens to this podcast. Oh, hang on. How did that blow back on me? I twisted it back to you, Matt Stewart, the man who hosts this podcast. Stephen's question is, what's the name of the species of dinosaur that was discovered in 1996 near Inverloch in southeastern Victoria? He's got to come up with a name for a dinosaur. Like a relatively unknown Australian dinosaurian dinosaur from that was found

in the 90s and while you're writing your answers here's some more info on fart hinders i found this uh this thing called speak swedish and i thought jesus they'll know what they're talking about here and they write did you know that fart means speed and nothing else when you see a sign saying fart hinder that doesn't mean it hinders you to fart but that you should slow down for the speed bump i'm a big fan i gave them an instant follow thank you so much speak swedish hey can we continue on with the game so we're not here for like five hours so here is question number two i I love that Ben says that. I've just done this. It can get out of control. I'm a regular.

It can get out of hand. I would say. Would you say that I'm a regular? I think you're a semi-regular. Would you say that I'm a friend of the show? You're a friend of the show, yeah. And a lot of the times this podcast does blow out. It does.

It has the tendency to blow out. So do you want me to stick at it today? No, just now in this specific hey just tell me say please do go on and i'll okay okay that's a different is that going to be confusing the listeners no why because you've got another podcast called do good to go on yeah i never put that together it's the more popular one yeah no offense but i mean you're in that too so i don't understand why you would have offense to that where does book cheat rank book cheats are a strong number two i think if it's on hiatus isn't it it is which bumps who knew it up to number two exactly exactly the default setting uh all right although there

are still days that book cheat has more downloads than this even though it has not had an episode anyway so we got a good amount of listeners, Anna. Don't you worry about that. Do you think... Bloody better. Dave Warnocki is more popular than you? Yes. Yeah, right.

I mean, he's more likeable. Yeah. He's funnier. Yeah, he's animated. Smarter, more animated. Yeah, he's got sort of range in his voice. Yeah, he's got a beautiful voice. It's not monotone.

I mean, you've got a very dulcet voice that could, you know... Yeah. You could talk a baby to sleep. I'd take it to Monotown. You were the one who told me to get back on track. I know. Isn't it ironic? It is, don't you think?

What's the name of the species of dinosaur that was discovered in 1996 in Inverloch, Victoria? Pherodincumsaurus. Dagwedius Anthropoxaurus, Davosaurus, Quantasaurus. If you saw me, you'd think, if you saw me, you'd have saw us. Or Quokkoterasaurus. I think we're up to you, Anna. Any of those standing out? Maybe a Quokka, bloody, whatever that was.

Quokkoterosaurus. Yeah, love a bit of quokka ptero makes sense it's like on land quokka do you speak latin i do quite fluently wow okay well you've got a real advantage here saurus means lizard is that right 100 even though dinosaurs are not all lizards that's right it's an actual it's dinosaurs are not all lizards that's right it's an actual it's an error not all lizards it's erroneous it's erroneous yeah see so you can speak i can speak english holy shit that was quite fluent actually i'm quite fluent in english you're showing off right the queen's english because you only came to australia as a as a teen didn't you yeah i, I was an immigrant. Yeah.

Yeah, and I learned the language real quick. That's amazing. Well done. I'm from America. Right. I can detect it in the accent. So, Anna, you're going Quokkoterosaurus? Yeah, why not?

Ben, what about you? Okay, so I think Quokkoterosaurus is a red herring. Okay? I think it's too dinosaur-like. Okay. This is my reasoning. I'm showing you my work. I think it's something stupid.

Because, A, Australians, dumb as c**ts. Yeah. On the planet. And it was the 90s. And it was the 90s. Oh, my God. And you can say that because you've lived here for a bit. I'm an Australian.

In what way? I've got a passport. Uh-huh. Yeah. But you've got an American passport. What do you think about people from other countries that come here? I think they're great. Do you reckon they're not Australian?

But Ben, when the war comes and it will come, what side are you going to choose? The American one. Yeah. Are you going to go with the winner? We spent trillions of dollars on our defense budget yeah you think i'm not gonna go with america get fucked besides it won't be with america it'll be with china please uh all right so so if you're ruling out quokkoterosaurus you've got ferdincomosaurus dagwadius anthropoxosaurus, Davosaurus, Quantosaurus, or if you saw me, you'd have saw us. Davosaurus, Quantosaurus.

Quantosaurus, no, too much. If you saw us, you'd think you saw us. No, that leaves. That leaves. Pherodincomosaurus, Dagwedius Anthropoxosaurus, or Davosaurus. Pherodinum, so stupid. It could be it. I'm going to go the Daguitis.

Daguitis. All right, looking that in for Ben. Finally, Marcel. Oh, I tell you what, Quantasaurus gave me a little giggle, but I'd hate to support Quantas. Yeah, wow. That's brave. Master, here we go.

Let's let Marcel the mouth off the leash just for 20 seconds. Give us your hot Qantas take. I tell you what, they ask for more money, but they give you less service. Why don't they give you more for what we're giving them? Oh, you're going to post such record-breaking profits? Well, why don't you break a record? All right, time's up. Now, what chance are you on?

I think I'm going to go for, was there one that was just Dave? That's funny. Davosaurus. Yeah, great. All right, locking that in for Marcel. Here's who wrote the answers. Ferdinkumsaurus. That was Stephen Dave? That's funny. Davosaurus. Yeah, great. All right, locking that in for Marcel. Here's who wrote the answers. Ferdinkum-saurus. That was Stephen, okay.

The house. If you saw me, eudipsaurus. That was also the house. Pretty clever sub, actually. Dagwideus. Anthropoxaurus. Ben went for that. That was Anna.

You are in his head, Anna. I'm just funneling in points to you. Yep. It's unbelievable. Anna went for Quokkoterosaurus. That was Marcel. Oh, nice one, you cheeky dog. And Marcel went for Davosaurus, which was Ben.

Oh, my God. You just threw your points around the table. So it was Phaedonchimosaurus. It was Quantosaurus. Are you kidding me? That sucks. Are you serious? That fucking sucks. They really named you kidding me? That sucks. Are you serious? That fucking sucks.

They really named it Quantisaurus? Quantisaurus, it is. It's no good. And it's spelled like Quantis? Yeah, it's named after Quantis. Did they sponsor the bones? No, it wasn't. They didn't name it, but someone who wanted to get free flights.

Quantis isn't going to fuck you, dude. Yeah. Oh, yeah, he named a dinosaur. Was it a flying dinosaur? Like a pterodactyl type thing? No, it was like a mini little... That sucks.

That person sucks. That's just so stupid. I hate it. Fuck off. If you name that dinosaur and you're listening to this, we're coming for you. Yeah, if you're a

paleontologist, fuck you. Your fossil blows. So, you each get a point that round. Yes. What a fantastic round. Sorry about the answer.

But, you know, Stephen, who's probably come to all your shows. Stephen, I think you did a good job. Come see me after the show. Say hi. Yeah. I'll give you a nice handshake. I'll give you a handjob. People meeting after the show.

Anna, do you have a don't look at me in the eye sort of policy? I like stalkers. Oh, you like stalkers. Okay. Don't say that to podcasts. Oh, you like stalkers. Okay. Don't say that to podcasters. Don't be weird about it. This is my feedback. Don't just stand there and be shy about coming in and saying,

hi, I listen to you on the podcast. Just go up and go, hey, I listen to you on the podcast. Yeah, yeah. I'm not going to fucking kill you. I'm not going to chop your head off if you do that. If you are shy and weird about it, I'm going to chop your head off if you do that. If you are shy and weird about it, I'm going to chop your head off right there and then. Make it clear what podcast as well,

because they might think it's a bike club listener and you'll be confused. If you can think that far ahead, just go, I listen to you on podcasts. You can be that sort of vague. But if you say bike club, I think Ben would really enjoy that. Oh, that would tickle me pink. Because I'd be like, where?

Where did you fucking find that? All right, here's question number three. This one was written by Stephen Anderson from Ghent in Belgium. He's written there. Sounds made up. Ghent is pronounced with a throaty G-H. Ghent. Ghent.

Is that what it is? I don't know. Ghent. Ghent. Belgium. Ghent is a menswear clothing shop. Gant is. Gant.

Do you think it's Belgian? Anyway, Stephen's question is, finish the quote often attributed to Charles V, the Holy Roman Emperor from 1519 to 1556. The quote starts, I speak Spanish to God. Finish that quote. I speak Spanish to God. While you're writing your answers i'll let the audience know a bit more about the quantasaurus according to wiki the holotype of quantasaurus was discovered on the 27th of february in 1996 during a dig jointly run by monash university in the national museum of victoria it was named quantasaurus intrepidus by patricia vickers rich

and tom rich they're the people you don't like, the riches. Yep. In 1999, in honor of Qantas. Eat the rich. Which shipped fossils around the country as part of the Great Russian Dinosaurs Exhibit between 1993 and 1996. They ship fossils around the country. You see some of the people on board. Qantas, bloody hell, they're a bunch of fossils, aren't they?

Yeah, nobody lose their bloody fossils, am I bloody right? You know what I'm saying they're bloody losing because they bloody assholes stole the bloody bloody black

hand was out there bloody unbelievable wasn't it it was crazy that's pretty good stuff

here is question number three finish the quote attributed to Charles the fifth the holy Roman

emperor in the 1500s I speak Spanish to God and Latin to mother I speak Spanish to God and Latin to mother. I speak Spanish to God. He doesn't understand what I'm saying, but he says he likes it.

Makes him giggle. I speak Spanish to God because he knows how to fuck. I speak Spanish to God so my wife can't understand my confessions. I speak Spanish to God in the streets and French to God in the sheets. Love that. That's good. Or I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse. Wow.

I love all these answers. These are so good. He was a character, Charles V. I've heard. Yeah, yeah. What century are we talking? We're talking the 16th. What do you do?

You go backwards one, right? Holy Roman. The 1500s. 1500s. Holy Roman. So, it's Germany, basically. Oh, this plays right into Anna's hands now. Interesting.

I think we're up to you, Ben. Yes. First dibs. I'm going to go the, I like them all. I'm going to go Latin to my wife. Oh, no, no, sorry. I'm going to go Spanish to God so my wife doesn't hear my confessions. Okay.

Looking at him for Ben. Because, you know, back then, that sort of like my bloody ball and chain humor was huge. Yeah. Yeah. Back in the 1500s. The 1500s, they were all going bloody, oh, my bloody wife and my mother-in-law, they're on my back. I think it's heyday was 1500s to the 1990s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was big.

They had more literal ball and chains around then as well. They were actually able to relate to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, it was relatable comedy. It was observational as well. We should bring back the ball and chain. It's an underrated sort of device. You reckon?

Oh, the physical ball and chain? Yeah, the physical ball and chain. Yeah. And it's one of those things as well that kids won't even know what you're talking about. Like if you talk about like a rotary phone or whatever, you talk about the old ball and chain, they're like, what is it? Kids these days, they don't know what a ball and chain is. Yeah.

Wouldn't know a ball and chain if everybody hit them in the face. No. No. Because they'd be dead. They'd be instantly dead. I was also going to choose the one that Ben chose just to give credit

to the person who wrote it, but I think I'm going to choose the Mr. Horse one. Mr. Horse. Yeah. I love that. I don't think there was a Mr. Horse, but there was one that said horse.

Was Germany, did Germany exist then? I don't know. Not to fuck with you, though. I'm thinking back to Gladiator, the film, and there were some Germanic, like Viking-esque people that were in that, that they took out at the start of the movie. Yep.

So I'm going to say possibly. And it's been translated as well, but yeah, I don't know. Anyway, and Anna. I'm going to go the same as Ben. I like the one, the wife. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah. They're all good, though.

I've enjoyed all the answers. Because you sort of do that style of comedy, that my wife comedy, but it's my kids. My kids, am I right? It's only a small portion of what I do. I'm not just a mother. I'm more than a mother, Matt. I'm a person.

Hey, I'd see you as a full 3D caricature. Is that right? Am I saying that right? Do you identify as a busy mum? No. Or an Aussie mum? Or as a boss mum? Bogan mum.

Aussie mum? Like with a current affair, they talk about you a lot. They're always like, busy mums are at it again and Aussie mums are having a good time. Just a tired mum, really, just tired. They don't talk about tired mums. No, they don't talk about that. The quiet Australians.

The quiet mums. Quiet mums. The tired mums. Just bloody over it. This one goes out to all the tired mums out there. The mums who are out at night doing gigs. Actually, can I say that? Responsible mums.

The responsible mums out drinking with comedians at night. This episode goes out to all the quiet mums out there. Oh, about time. That's fucking brave, dude. I didn't say I was quiet. I said I'm tired. Yeah, dude. Question three.

What have I said? You've locked in your answers? Oh, yeah, we've locked our answers in. Yes. Here's who wrote the answers. I said? You've locked in your answers. Oh, yeah, we've locked our answers in. Yes. Here's who wrote the answers. I speak Spanish to God and Latin to mother. That was Anna. I speak Spanish to God.

He doesn't understand what I'm saying, but he says he likes it, makes him giggle. That was the house. I speak Spanish to God because he knows how to fuck. That was Ben Russell. Yeah, God does know how to fucking Spanish. That's the language of fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah. French might be the language of love. Spanish is the how to fuck in Spanish. That's the language of fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, French might be the language of love.

Spanish is the language to fuck. I speak Spanish to God in the streets and French to God in the sheets. That's Marcel. I love that one. I love that one. Ben and Anna went for I speak Spanish to God, so my wife can't understand my confessions. I forgot to read it out in the Kazaki accent.

Kazaki accent? Yeah. That was also the house. Oh, damn. Meaning Marcel was correct. I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse. When you said that's translated, I was like, that's it then. Yeah.

Well, I mean, I don't think he said it in English in 15 or whatever. No, I know, but you made a good point. I'm not saying he didn't. Yes, okay, sorry. Mr. Russell, are you a geography nut? No, but I do like to read. Are you one of the few Americans... I'm going to let him off the leash again.

One of the few Americans I can actually point at a different country on the map. Oh, I'm giving you 20 seconds, Marcel. I don't live there. So you had to figure it out. He's quite a fair way from there, actually. Yeah. But, like, there's two types of Americans who listen to this show.

There's the ones who travel, like Ben, and then there's the ones who don't. And I reckon a lot of Australians wouldn't be that good at pointing at places on a map either.

I'm terrible as well. A lot of Australians don't even know that the Holy Roman Empire was not, in fact, the Roman Empire. Yeah, people get those two confused.

I've probably only learned that the last few years, to be honest. But now I know it for sure. No further questions. I don't know if you know this but australians dumb yes some of the dumbest i do know that yeah yeah all right question number four this one comes from oh speaking of a dumb Australians this one comes from... Dumb c*** in Australia. I knew it! From Nipaluna, a.k.a. Hobart.

This comes from Dave Loring, who is a very smart man. What happened on Richard Belzer's TV talk show on the 27th of March, 1985? What happened on Richard Belzer's TV talk show on the 27th of March, 1985? That's the whole question. That's the whole question. That's the whole question. What happened? I guess something noteworthy. And while you're writing your answers,

here's a little more info about Charles V. According to Stephen, Charles V was exposed to many foods from different parts of the world. He is credited with popularizing foods in Europe that were previously unknown, such as turkey from the Americas. He also had a particular fondness for beer and chocolate, the latter being a new introduction from the new world.

What a time to be alive for Charles V. All right, while you're still writing your answers, let's go for a quick break. And we're back. The answers are in for question number four. What happened on Richard Belzer's television... Am I saying his name right, by the way? I believe so. What happened on Richard Belzer's television talk show on the 27th of March, 1985? Hulk Hogan was a guest,

and when he demonstrated a chokehold, Belzer passed out, hitting his head on the floor and required stitches. Greg Derry, local Adelaide Theatre restaurant personality, had a heart attack and died live on TV. That's sad. That's sad for Greg Dez.

Yeah, sorry to laugh if the Derry family are listening. And I assume they are because nearly everyone listens to this show. Is that Adelaide's version of Max K? Who is a big Perth cut, deep cut, that only Perth people understand? Well, you're the only Perth representative here. What's the Adelaide version?

Because there's the record holder for... Oh, right. That's why Marcel understood what you were talking about. Are you an Adelaide man? I'm an Adelaide boy. I thought the big Adelaide person was a woman who has the record for most Logies because she won a lot of South Australian Logies.

Oh, yeah. So, the Bell, that show was an Adelaide-only show. Richard Belzer's talk show. Yeah. I thought Richard... No, anyway, I'm going to talk about it afterwards. Otherwise, it was a show I'm working out. Okay.

Here's your next option. I nearly tricked you. Belzer, a murophobe, saw a rat run across the set and fled off in a panic, bringing the live show to a halt. Murophobe? I think, yeah. Nerd alert. Someone was murdered in the audience, and because it was during a blizzard, Richard had no choice but to solve the case live on air. Ah, Poirot.

He had no choice but to solve the case live on air. Ah, Poirot. He had no choice. The audience rioted and arrests were made after a man was found to be cheating on his girlfriend with several members of the audience who were there in support of their friend, his girlfriend. Or Belzer had accidentally read out the winning lotto numbers from the following night

unwittingly uncovering that it was rigged. Oh, my goodness. These are all great screenplay options. So you got Hulk Hogan knocked him out. Greg Darrow, the Adelaide Theatre restaurant personality, had a heart attack and died. Belso saw a rat and ran off in a panic. There was a blizzard someone was murdered he had no choice but to solve the case live on air the audience rioted because uh someone was found to

be cheating on his girlfriend and most of the audience were friends of the girlfriend or he unwittingly ruined lotto uh i think we're back to you marcel i believe we are back to you, Marcel. I believe we are back to me. This is a thrill. These are very exciting. I was initially leaning towards Hulk Hogan, but I think I'm going to go with this theatre restaurant one because it really tickled me. Okay. I love to be tickled.

Greg. You're famous for being tickled. I'm famous for being tickled. You don't even laugh. You love it. Yeah. Come up to me after my show. Come up to me after my show.

Skip the handshake and go straight to the tickle, please. That is not a good thing that I would ever say. It's a good marker, so I know for everyone who tickled me, there's someone who came off the back of the pod. You want to be able to track these things. You're just going to get a stranger come up and tickle you. That's my worst nightmare. Well, let me make sure that you're making eye contact at the top. Unbroken.

Yeah, no tickling from behind, please. Or from the flank. Don't flank me with tickles. Isn't that a Roman strategy? Yeah, don't flank with tickles in Russia. Right. In the winter. Okay, so Marcel's going with Greg Derry.

What do you think, Anna? I might go with the lotto numbers I might go with that one Lock that in for Anna And what about you? Yeah listen Marcel knows about it So I got three

If I can show my work Yeah I got Hulk Hogan I got the Greg Ders Yep And I got the lottery Okay It's tough

It's tough out there So two of the three have gone What Marcel and Anna have chosen I know And then the other one is So maybe I should go Hulk Hogan Is that what you're saying? No no I'm just letting you know

You can team up and go with them It doesn't affect things you get a point either way nothing matters well i wouldn't go that far no that is true nothing really matters except for the the things that you give meaning to yeah um so i'm going to give a lot of meaning to this podcast and this really matters to me a lot of that's built in, but you can give it some more if you want. I really am putting stakes into it. Yep. Like it's a vampire.

So far, and it's been in my head, you know what I mean? Like she's at me. I'm under your skin. Yeah. And I'm freaked down. Yeah, you're double guessing yourself now. I might just go with that sort of known quantity there Or the unknown quantity, should I say

The unknown I'm going to go Anna's Oh, you're going with Anna's So you avoid choosing Anna's answer Yep That's clever Let the record show I never said I knew this Adelaide personality

I said I'm from Adelaide And Matt said I knew the Adelaide personality I I said I'm from Adelaide and Matt said I knew the Adelaide personality. I didn't say anything of the sort. Go to the tape. All right, here's the answers. Belter being a murophobe who was afraid of rats. That was the house. Dave Loring in particular.

He's the one who knows the word murophobe. You're not murophobic, are you? No, I think I like rats. Yeah. I think I like rats. Yeah. I think I might even be from the Year of the Rat. Oh, really? I'm the Year of the Dragon. I'm a rat.

Yeah? I'm a monkey. Oh, that's a good one. That's a very good one. Rascal. Someone being murdered in the audience and he had no choice but to solve the case. That was Marcel. Yeah, because Richard Belzer, I believe, was on Law and Order or something. Yeah. Yeah. I believe that to be the case I've I know that was Marcel yeah because Richard Bell's I believe was on Law and

Order or something yeah I believe that to be the case but then I got very confused and

thought maybe there's a Richard Bell's that also hosted a daytime talk show in Adelaide

yeah I know I'm like wait when you said you had some knowledge I thought that was the knowledge

and then you went over to the Adelaide no I wanted to give credit to that answer because it was just funny but also a lot of these were so Australian centric that I thought maybe was the knowledge you went and then you went over to the Adelaide. No, I wanted to give credit to that answer because it was just funny.

But also, a lot of these were so Australian-centric that I thought maybe everyone else knows something I don't. Oh, I think that's the only Australian-centric one. The audience, right, an arrest were made. That could have been anywhere. But do Americans call the lottery the lotto? Or is that an Australian thing? Yeah, that's lotto, isn't it? Yeah. A lottery. Yeah. Do they call it that an Australian thing? Yeah, that's Tats Lotto, isn't it? The Lottery? Yeah, no.

Do they call it Lotto, though? Yeah, Lotto. They call it Lotto. I don't really call it Lotto. Yeah, that's true. Well, that's because I wrote it. That was the house. So, Anna and Ben.

Is that based off anything? Any truth? No, just sort of a little bit of fun thing. I imagine. It probably happens at some point. Marcel went for Greg greg dairy the local adelaide theater restaurant personality that was ben russell good stuff it's good stuff so confused and intrigued i know i played a long con but like there was a adelaide a south

australia only like show wasn't there there's quite a few around that time so that's what i kind of latched so he was a made-up person yeah that's great well i'd never heard of him but i was like it sounds real yeah yeah uh have you heard of the woman i was talking about the real person i've got the picture of her in my head but i don't have a name for tony martin always references it anyway um that means the correct answer was hulk Hogan was a guest. I nearly went with that. That was my second choice. Damn. Yeah. Wild. He fully

lost consciousness on air. Hit his head. Needed stitches. He only woke up to throw to an ad break. And yeah, I'll tell the story in a bit more detail. How do we know that we're not just living in Richard Bell's past out dream? We don't.

Yeah. That's the thing. And we can't. And what a dream it is. Half my audience listens to this show high. So they are going to be absolutely tripping out right now. Dude, I'm fucking freaking out right now. Question number five.

Give us a mango. Someone give us a mango. You know, if you eat a mango when you're high, it fucking, like, makes it 1,000% more powerful, dude. Is that true? Yeah, dude. Whoa. And if you want it stopped, just eat a grapefruit, man.

Question number five comes from Monique Lucas from Canberra in the ACT. And the question is, who is the music composer for the film moonstruck so just looking for an interesting or unfortunate or weird or whatever name who is the music composer for the film moonstruck while you're writing your answers here's some more info about belza versus hogan got on a wiki richard belza was a comedian who was the host of Hot Properties on television in 1985. On March 27th, during one episode, he was interviewing Hulk Hogan and Mr. T live for their upcoming World Wrestling Federation WrestleMania number one, a tag team match. Belzer asked Hogan to put him in a wrestling hold. Hogan put Belzer in a front chin lock and applied it,

which led to Belzer passing out. As he did so, Belzer slipped from Hogan's grasp and hit his head on the floor. Belzer later awoke to cut to a commercial break and went to the hospital to have nine stitches in the back of his head where his head hit the floor.

Following the commercial break, Hogan apologized for injuring Belzer, saying that he didn't realize that apparently he doesn't do any physical training at all. So he apologized with a bit of a backhander there. And he also warned the audience, quote, if you're not a professional athlete or you're not a professional wrestler,

don't try to copy what you see the athletes or professional wrestlers do on TV. According to Dave, the question writer, Richard Belzer sued Hulk Hogan after the incident, initially seeking $5 million, but ended up settling out of court for $400,000. He used the money to buy a property in France that he named Shea Hogan. Bit of fun. Bit of fun from Belzer there. The answers are in for question number five.

Who was the music composer for the film Moonstruck? Carol Tinklekeys. Dick Hyman, Gregan Gronkman, Bella Donga, Augustino Del Reyne, or Bernhard Herrmann? These are good.

Read them out again. Carol Tinklekeys. Give them all a different accent. Each one different? Yeah. You choose what the accent is after I've said it. Dick Hyman. Roggen Gronkman.

Bela Downger. Augusta Nightdale Rain. They need a humming. Were any of those accents? No, they were all good. I enjoyed that. It was a rollercoaster. Okay.

I think we're up to you, I'm gonna go with Dick Hyman Dick Hyman Look at that info Anna I like that one Yeah I'm also gonna go Dick Hyman Dick Hyman Double Dick Hyman's here

Double Dicks I think Is this the first for the podcast Triple Dicks please Triple Dicks It's the first time Three people have selected Dick Hyman

Yes Alright Here's the first time three people have selected Dick Hyman. Yes. All right. Here's the answers. Bernard Herrmann. That was Ben Russell. He's a real composer. All right.

It's a great name. Well, la-dee-da. Yeah. Someone knows composers. What did you think of Maestro? Yeah, that wasn't about Bernard Herrmann. Yeah, I know, but what did you think? We're talking about composers? I haven't seen it.

Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Thanks for your honesty. I'm so sorry, Bradley Cooper. I'd like to apologize're talking on composers? I haven't seen it. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Thanks for your honesty. I'm so sorry, Bradley Cooper. I'd like to apologize to Bradley Cooper. I still haven't seen it yet. But you will abide August 1st when this comes out.

So people come to your show. August 1st. Or April 1st. When is this coming out? That is pretty funny. It's Easter Monday today. That's the biggest laugh we've had all episode. He said the wrong month.

That is good stuff. It's fun. I love to laugh. Live, love, laugh. You ever thought about that? Oh, my God. I've seen you wearing that T-shirt, and I'm never connected to dots. I've got it all.

I've got all the live, love, laugh merchandise. I've got so many of those things around my house. I've got the wooden carving of it. I've got a picture framed. I crocheted that, and i didn't even know what it meant till now guys fuck marry kill live laugh love oh i would um kill live um fuck love and marry laugh oh that's really nice yeah i have to go the same. Yeah, it's really the only way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, nailed it. Augustino Del Reyn.

That was Anna. What a beautiful name. Is that also a real person? Mm-hmm. Sure is. Bella Donga. That was the house, as was Gregan Gronkman. I have an uncle named Gregan, and I...

Gregan. I think it's one of the great names. Carol Tinklekeys was Marcel, meaning Dick Hyman is correct. Yes. Have you heard of... Yes, I have. Oh, you've heard of it. It's real.

It's real. It's real. Ben has signed off. Yep. Dick Hyman. I remember there was a swimmer called Misty Hyman and I thought, see, we could probably... That's probably real. It's a real name.

Misty Hyman. Dick Hyman worked in TV we could probably, that's probably real. It's a real name. Misty Hyman. Dick Hyman worked in TV around that time. So, yeah. There you go. His name's on quite a few credits. Yes. He was prolific. I'm going to tell the audience about him while you're writing this next answer.

Question six comes from Hero from Alabama via Tokyo. And Hero's question is, why was the food company Heinz in the Canadian news in 2019? Why was the food company Heinz in the Canadian news in 2019? While you're writing those answers, I'll tell the audience a little bit more about Dick Hyman. Of her question, Monique writes, just going through a whole bunch of 80s New York films and it made me giggle. And then I found a mini bio about him on Moog. And Moog writes... recordings from radio to television musical theater to the symphonic stage he even lent his musical talents to a dozen of woody allen's woody allen's films a stylistic archivist and

sonic chameleon hyman was an adept was adept on the keyboard instruments mastering the piano organ and the ondio line before moving on to the newly invented Moog synthesizer in 1967, seeking to quote, humanize electronic music as well as to humorize it. Dick Harmon released a series of accessible electronic records that removed the synthesizer from its familiar home of academic and avant-garde circles and placed it at the center of pop recordings. His proto-prog synth odyssey the minotaur was the first single featuring a moog synthesizer to chart reaching number 27 on the billboard r&b singles and number 38 on the billboard top 100 or the billboard hot 100 even

i want to read the word that's in front of me for once in my fucking life here's question six why was the food company heinz in the Canadian news in 2019? An Italian immigrant took them to court after being embarrassed to find that beans doesn't actually mean Heinz. Tomato soup was found

to be tainted with fecal matter leading to compensation claims that almost bankrupted the Canadian arm of Hans. I said Canadian, not weird there. Meanwhile, my fecal matter has been tainted with tomato soup. Damn.

Somebody pooped in the soup. We got a soup poop. We got a poop in the soup. A bit of an old poop soup. Excuse me, why did those poop in my soup? I can't eat the soup. What do you mean you can't eat the soup? I'm saying there's poop eat the soup. What do you mean you can't eat the soup? I'm saying there's people pooping the soup.

Oh, there's poop in the soup, Jeremy. Wow. Those cramers come in? Yeah. Yeah. It was found that the beef chunks in their chunky beef canned soup were made from multiple animals, none of them bovine. Ooh. See that?

Yeah. A ship ran aground in Lake Michigan off the coast of Toronto, killing ketchup, spilling ketchup into the Great Lake. They killed ketchup? Oh, my God. Is that going to happen? Oh, my God. They killed ketchup. Let me read that again with all the words as written.

A ship ran aground in lake michigan off the coast of toronto spilling ketchup into the great lake they created a pre-mixed mayonnaise and ketchup sauce named mayo chop which in a native north american language translates to shit face or the baked beans were being sold as the musical fruit, but it upset all the other musical fruits, limes, coconuts, tomatoes, etc. And they're in Canada. What year was this?

2019. Okay. Whereabouts were you there? Were you in the North American area? No. You had nothing to do with this shit running around? I had nothing to do with it And you can't prove nothing man So you got the Italian immigrant suing

You got the The fecal matter tainting the soup You got the beef chunks being Non-beef You got the ketchup spill in Lake Michigan You've got the Mayo-chup hybrid, which means shitface in a North American native language.

Or the baked beans being sold as a musical fruit upset other musical fruits. Yeah, it was called the Exxon of Sauce when it happened. I was there. No, I'm going to go Mayo Chop. Mayo Chop. Yeah. Because Mayo Chop did. I know that Heinz was fucking about back then.

Around then. And they did release a new. Like a bunch of different flavors. In the North. North Americas. They can't be stopped. Yeah. Mayo Chop.

What's next? Yeah. I'm going to go with my go. I'm going to go Mad Chop. Mad Chop. I think that one's fun. I'm going to go by the giggle scale, and I got the most giggles out of this Italian man. Italian man. That's not real, though.

Yeah, but I enjoy the giggle. Yeah, but you have to go which one's real. I don't think you're taking this game seriously. Do I have to? Matt, do I have to, or am I allowed to? Well, I't i can't force you to do anything why are you twisting my arm right now matt get away get away stop it stop it pick the one you think is real okay i actually actually i was embarrassed but i do think the italian man is real i've been to donna minneha i'm taking you to court Ben I can say

that because of my one quarter Italian heritage but I don't know if you can I'm American oh yeah you're doing

American Italian yeah yeah I've seen Sopranos I'll let that pass yeah I've seen Goodfellas have you

yeah okay I've seen Casino alright that's stacked up you're a big fan of Marty Scorsese I do of Marty Scorsese. I do like Marty Scorsese.

Yeah. All right, Anna. I think that leaves just you. Yeah. I'm going to go with the same, the Shitface. Yeah. Because I think, well, in Australia, we're no strangers to the inappropriate names of food items.

And I think that one stacks up. I like that there's still a Pajero and that in Spanish is Pajero. Yeah. Which means which is a derogatory to claim. Oh, what does it mean? Is it like a wanker? I think it's like a wanker. And what does that mean though? Yeah, it's like a malaka.

It's a malaka. It's a struntz. What does Land Rover mean? Fuckhead. Oh, that's the kind ofz. What does Land Rover mean? Fuck head. Oh, that's the kind of car, is it? Oh, Pajero. I see what you're saying. Pajero. Is that?

Yeah, that's like a... Mitsubishi. Yeah, there you go. All right, here's who wrote the answers. Ship ran aground Lake Michigan. The saucy Exxon. That was Ben Russell. The logic was flawed because that means they would just store the... the saucy Exxon that was Ben Russell they just by that

the logic was flawed because that means they would just store the yeah in the hull just in the hull just a bunch of sauce loose loose sauce

we got all this loose sauce bring a bunch of paper towels I mean for fish and chips you wouldn't have to use the sauce because the fish would come free sauce and there's like dolphins and stuff they're cleaning the sauce up beef chunks were not beef chunks at all

that was the house the house also did the Italian man do you want to claim that one Matt? yeah and I can because I am one quarter Swiss Italian and you are also the house. And I also meant that.

Well, that's probably more the reason why. But no, you're not always the house. The house is a collective like the Borg. Yeah, but he is the representative of the house. He's the house of representatives. Yes. The cutest of Borg. Yeah.

Senator. The right and honorable man's duo. Baked beans being the musical fruit, which pissed off limes, coconuts, tomatoes. That was Marcel. I heard the more you eat, the more you toot. This is true, but it's unfair to just call it, you know, there's other musical fruits out there that demand their time.

You know, funnily enough, I think that like a plum or, you know, like a date is actually more musical. A cherry. Yeah, cherry. Some stone fruits, yeah, you can certainly become quite bloated. Prunes are famous for it, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're famous.

Is that a dried plum? It's a dried something. That's a plum, yes. What's a date? What's a date? Yeah, what's a date? Is it date? Yeah, I think a date from a date tree.

It's its own thing. It's its own dried thing. This is an educational podcast. You can actually claim this podcast on tax if you're in school right now. Yeah. You pay for it, which you've been scammed. Like, this is actually a free podcast. Where are we up to?

Have I said everything? It needs to be said, yeah. I said the only thing I might not have said is the correct answer is Mayo Chop, a.k.a. Yes. Oh,a. Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. So there's one point to the house and also one point to Ben and Anna.

Before going to the final round, quick score update. It is tight. On three points, we have Marcel. On four points, it's Ben. On five points, it's the house. But out front on six points, it's Anna Perry. Wow. Well done, Anna.

Thank you. Final round, triple points. Still truly anyone's game. points it's the house but out front on six points it's anna perry wow well done anna thank you uh final round triple points still truly anyone's game holy probably not the house because the house doesn't get your points all right can we can i press the button that is wild card rules oh yeah you can okay so you also get a bonus point for choosing someone else's yeah if you know who wrote it yeah you can pick you can have one stab at each other's if you want great do you have bonus points in this news that's a new sometimes it's probably only people who listen to the show know about it i think i invented it or if people have paid attention when they're on it um i wouldn't i wouldn't uh besmirch marcel's name saying he listens to it would you besmirch him though i? I would. I'd give him a big besmirch on the lips.

Do it right now. No, I wouldn't. I'd lie. After you besmirch him, he'd be besmirched. All right, we're up to the final question. This comes from David Malofsky from London. Dave O. Malofsky. Dave Malofsky.

He's like you. He's an American expat. Oh, nice. But he went north. He went across the pond. He went across the pond. Yeah. He's like you. He's an American expat. Oh, nice. But he went north. He went across the pond. He went across the pond. Yeah. David's great.

I met him at a... He came to my show at the Bill Murray. You know the Bill Murray in London? Was it a handshake or tickle situation? I think it was a shake. Did he pick you up and shake you? He picked me up and shook me around. Anyway, David Milovsky asks,

what is the plot to the 1992 film Frozen Assets? What is the plot to the 1992 film Frozen Assets? So, Anna, this would be your longest answer. Probably three, four, five sentences long. Paragraph. You laugh, but I had listener feedback saying you've got to tell them how many sentences. You're being too vague when you say a paragraph.

Okay, Anna? What's it called again? Frozen Assets. Frozen Assets. 1992. While you're writing your answers, I'm going to read out the article about this shitface source. Called Nazladi Maya for the Chicago Sun-Times.

If you get a raised eyebrow or a sideways glance in some corners when you ask for Heinz's new condiment Mayochup, you can hardly blame folks. Mayochup, a portmanteau of mayonnaise and ketchup, means something decidedly less tasty, or tasteful for that matter,

in a dialect of the language spoken by the Creeree a First Nations group as many as 200,000 Cree live in Canada though not all of them speak a dialect of the language according to Arok Wolvengray professor of Algonquian languages and linguistics at First Nations University of Canada in Regina Saskatchewan The Cree also live in the north-central part of the US, though no American Cree have been vocal so far about the Mayo Chub misstep. The Cree have a wonderful sense of humour, and they're known for it, he said. They find it very amusing that anyone would name their product that.

You're going to run into words perfectly innocuous in one language that happen to sound very bizarre in another. This time, it happened to be in Cree. Wolven Grey explained that mayo or mayu means pertaining to excrement while chap means eyes or face depending on whether it's the plains Cree or swampy Cree dialect so yeah so some people it means shit eyes and to others it means shit face or excrement eyes. Maybe feces faces? That's pretty fun. The Mayochup mishap was initially flagged by Grand Chief Jonathan Solomon of the Mushka Gawak Council of Cree First Nations in the James Bay region of northern Ontario. It doesn't appear that people at heinz headquarters are muttering mayo chop under their breath though this the way they came out about it is so weird um they

issued a statement saying we have heard about the unfortunate translation of mayo chop in cree and the only thing we want our consumers whichever dialect of cree they speak to have on their faces this summer is our newest condiment mashup uh anyway heinz initially launched its ketchup mayo mixture in the u.s in april of 2018 a year later the company followed up with mayo q and mayo must which mix mayonnaise with barbecue sauce and mustard respectively you ever mixed a condiment i like i don't like mayo so i don't like the idea of any of those but i love i love ketchup or tomato sauce as we say here yes indeed we do uh and i love mustard i love all varieties all varieties i love hot english i love uh grant like that multi-grain

mustard whatever you call that um here we have a go, Dijon. I don't mind Dijon. I like pretty much any mustard. You know who loves mustard? The Germans. Love a bit of German mustard. No, I think I like the French. French mustards.

Is that the Dijon? Yeah, the Dijon. Well, that's probably a few. Or Hot English. Hot English, yeah. I love that, Hot English. How do you feel about a Dijon Aids? Well, see. It love that, hot English. How do you feel about a Dijon Aids? Well, look, it's a hybrid.

Yeah. I like to keep my mustards pure. But Dijon Aids is a mayonnaise, which I've already told you I don't like. If you're talking about sauces as a kid, you know, you're mixing a sauce, like what you put on. Are you mixing a sauce if on one slice of bread you've got tomato sauce and the other slice of bread you've got mayonnaise, but in between you've got ingredients?

Is that still mixing a sauce? No. No, no, no. No a sauce no no no no no it must be a pre-mix but they're mixing they're mixing in your mouth it doesn't matter but i mean that's true of everything do you say that you say that you know if you've had a toast and a coffee that you've had toast coffee i don't think you're saying that i or are you saying that myself? I have been saying it, yeah. Okay. Well, I didn't mean it with words in your mouth. I've been stopping people on the street to tell them. I've been warned against it in Greater Brunswick. Well, I think that's a good one.

I mix a few condiments. I like to mix a coleslaw dressing with sriracha and make it a hot slaw. Hot slaw. Make it a hot and spicy slaw. Can we pitch that for your next title of your show, 2025? Yes, Hot Slaw. Hot Slaw. Hot slaw. Make it a hot and spicy slaw. Can we pitch that for your next title of your show, 2025? Yes, hot slaw. Hot slaw. Yeah, I like that.

And maybe for the picture, your head can be poking out of a hot slaw. Yeah, I could be covered in hot slaw. That would hurt. That would hurt. And, you know, closing off your show, and that's when I learned we're all hot slaws at the end of the day. Thanks for coming out, everybody. All right. The answer in. Final everybody. All right, the answer in. Final question.

Everything's on the line here. What is the plot of the 1992 film Frozen Assets? After being wrongly framed for embezzlement, disgraced high-flying finance man Tim Perry flees to a rural town in far-flung Alaska. A frozen fish out of water, Tim hides out and tries to start his life again while also plotting redemption

and revenge on his crooked ex-business partner. But how far will Tim go? And what if love is right underneath his frozen nose? A romantic comedy from Michael Fresco. It's fun. There's a Perry in there as well. Yeah, the Perrys get around.

Next up, Joel, Kevin and Smitty are best friends who grew up together in a small Colorado ski town. When a developer comes in and tries to shut down the mountain, the teens decide to raise the money needed to save the resort by holding a wet t-shirt contest outside in the middle of winter. Oh, my God. Along the way, Joel learns a little bit about family kevin learns a little bit about love and smitty well smitty learns about titties what are some other famous perrys katie perry matthew perry i guess that's probably not a family name though, is it? Perry Perry. The sauce guy.

Oh, Perry Platypus. Yep. Chris Franklin always calls me Katie Perry when he's emceeing just to piss me off. So I call him Bob Franklin. Yeah, get him back on that. Cop that. Cop that. Cop that, bloke. Bloody, yeah, bloke, whatever your bloody name is.

So that's your first two options. Third option. Hot babes get their assets frozen while locked out of their ski chalet in Aspen, leading to nippy hijacks. Oh, this is, I didn't, I did not hear the sex in this title. Los Angeles bank executive Zach Shepard takes a new job managing a bank

in Oregon only to discover that it's a sperm bank whoa after some initial confusion Zach and the sperm bank's doctor deal with a shortage

of donations by holding a contest with a hundred thousand dollar prize men abstain from sex to save themselves for donations

while a local brothel protests the sperm bank for having ruined its business Fuck, I want to watch this movie Sounds good This does sexually sound like fun Matthew Perry and Luke Perry, star Oh yeah Double the Perry, double the price

My husband's name is Luke Perry Really? That is his real name Wow I was going to say, I think Luke Perry's dead but you'd know that before us I've got the LD version and he's alive But isn't isn't matthew perry's he also he's also dead so who's next these things come in threes oh my god please don't die anna no not before the first will you release hold on what's your policy we used to release the podcast if anna dies

i would call it as a tribute. Yeah. You do one of those Marc Maron intros to the start of the podcast. What about if it's got this chat in it? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Won't this chat be in it? Poor taste.

What can I ask you, Anna? I give consent. Would you want me to? Yes. Yeah. I give consent. Do you give enthusiastic consent? Yes.

Can I sing at your funeral? I'm not under duress while giving this consent. Can i sing at your funeral i'm not under duress while giving this consent can i sing at your funeral no can i sing at your funeral no okay who's gonna sing your funeral luke perry will sing your husband yeah my husband okay the alive one has he got a voice of an angel though pretty good okay pretty good i'll be the judge of that actually you should get Katy Perry to sing. She's an actual singer. That's true, yeah. How's the hustle on this one?

He's always looking for a gig. I'm always looking for a gig, especially a paid gig, because I would be a fan. You would invoice that. Yeah, I would invoice that. Funerals, he could probably charge a fair bit. It's like weddings. Yeah, it's like weddings.

So, we've still got two more options. Lewis Winthorpe IV fourth is a successful wall street stockbroker one day his life is turned upside down when the sec raid his office and accuse him of committing fraud whilst in custody lewis discovers that his reclusive father lewis winthorpe winthorpe the third is the real culprit and a smudge is responsible for the mistaken identity escaping his captors lewis attempts to travel to New York City to his father's Texas ranch to clear everything up. But Lewis quickly discovers

that the journey will be much more difficult now that all of his bank accounts are frozen. Like the name of the movie. Or finally, siblings Duncan and Ainsley are ordered by their lawyer to resolve... Okay, so this is a different movie. This is a different one. This is the final one.

They're ordered by their lawyer to resolve this is a different this is a different this is the final one they're uh ordered by their lawyer to resolve their bitter rivalry if they ever want to reopen their dead parent ski resort so you've got the guy wrongly framed for embezzlement uh in a rural fleeing to rural town in far-flung alaska frozen fish out of water. Then you've got Smitty, who learns all about titties. Then you've got Hot Babes, with their frozen assets, because they're locked out of their ski chalet in Aspen. You've got the LA Bank Executive.

Chalet is French for house. I thought it was pronounced chalet. Chalet. Oh, sorry, I've been saying it wrong. You've got the LA Bank Executive. Gets a job at a bank. Uh-oh, it's a sperm sorry. I've been saying it wrong. You got the LA Bank Executive gets a job at a bank. Uh-oh. It's a sperm bank. Luckily, they have a sperm donation competition. But that annoys the local brothel.

Then you've got the Lewis Winthrop IV. I've said that name differently every time. It doesn't matter. His dad sort of frames him up because of a smudge or something. And, yeah, something about Texas. that name differently every time doesn't matter uh his dad sort of frames him up because of a smudge or something and uh yeah it's not about texas uh well finally the siblings duncan and ainsley have to resolve their bitter rivalry if they ever want to reopen their dead parents ski resort um who wants that first crack you're leading anna do you want to go first or last or middle oh i want to go last last okay last marcel jump in here what do you think to go first or last or middle? Oh, I want to go last. Last, okay. I want to go last. Marcel, jump in here.

What do you think? All right. I think I'm going to choose the sperm bank one as the correct answer. And for my wild card dice roll on who wrote the others, I think that Ben wrote the first one. And I'm going to say that Anna wrote the wet t-shirt competition. Wet t-shirt competition. Smitty's. Smitty's titties.

You've just met Anna today, is that right? Yes, that's right. So it's interesting that you wanted to do this It's a real... You're diving in and making judgements on people I need those points Yep I need those points

Alright, Ben Russell, what do you think? He's doing sort of a beautiful mind thing at the moment I can see numbers that are flying around his head I have... There's some options okay okay winthrop ski resort or um tim so you got i tim perry then you got winthrop is the only problem i have is that why would it be called frozen assets i don't think you would do that. It doesn't work out for me.

Could have been a studio move. No, I don't think that works out. Texas Ranch, you'd think. I think you need to have some chilliness in there. So for that, I'm going to go to Ski Resort. The one about hot babes getting locked out? The siblings. The siblings.

Duncan and Ainsley. Yep. And do you want to have us stab it? No, because I don't want to give away anything. Okay. Interesting. Well, you can come back and do that at the end because you're also giving away the chance to get points.

Okay, great. If that's an option. After it's revealed. No, not after it's revealed. After Analog. Okay. Yeah. After it's revealed.

No, not after it's revealed. After Anna locked in her answer. Okay. I think the answer might be that last one about the brother and sister or whatever it is. I think that's the correct answer. You locked that in? Yeah. Anna, what do you think Marcel wrote?

I think he wrote the sperm bank. Sperm Bank, yep. And I think... Well, I don't know. Wait, no, that's the one he picked as a real answer. You don't need to reveal that. Maybe I'm being strategic. You can't be.

Okay. It's impossible. I can't be strategic. I've played games. You can't. I've seen you try and be strategic. Don't have a poker face for it, mate. I'm going to go with... I think you did Lewis Winthrop, maybe.

I guess. And Ben, or maybe you did the Sperm Bank. I don't know. He loves cum. Remember early on when he said cum? I do love cum. Is that it? Yep.

So can you give me the options again real quick? Yep. You've got the frozen fish out of water. You've got the Smitty Loves Titties, or learns about titties. Yep. You've got the hot babes getting locked out of the ski chalet in Aspen. You've got the sperm bank. You've got Lewis Winthrop. Yep.

Titties. Winthrop. So you're saying? Marcel Winthrop. Yeah. Titties. Winthrop. So you're saying. Marcel Winthrop. And Smitty's titties instead of. You both thought I did the wet t-shirt comp. Yeah. And you both thought Marcel did Lois Winthrop.

Yeah. Ah, yeah. We've been typecast. Because he would come up with a name like Winthrop. That's so him. Well, you're whimsical. You've got a mustache with a name like Winthrop. That's so him. Well, you're whimsical. You've got a moustache. Blanche DeWilt.

I love whimsy. To him, the name Willthrop III is actually just a normal name. It's like Smith to us. Yeah. John Smith. A little askew. All right. Well, this is who wrote the answers.

Everyone's got something involved. Hot babes get their assets frozen when locked out of the ski chalet in Aspen. That was Anna. Yes. No, you didn't go for that. Wait, you didn't give me that one. You went with wet t-shirt. I would have gone with that babes thing.

The titties. Would you have actually? I would have, but no, that's fine. I'll wear it. You didn't give it to me. Marcel and Ben both went Smitty, learns about titties, saying that was Anna,

but that's real David Malofsky stuff. Oh, Malofsky all over. But we were adjacent. I know that you had something, like it was something to do with titties in one of those, and I'd forgotten about that other one. Yeah.

Because they kind of blended in. I kept mine nice and short and succinct. Oh, no, it did say nippy hijinks. So they were. Yeah, there were nips involved. Yeah, there, it did say Nippy Hijinx. So they were... Yeah, there were nips involved. Yeah, there were both titties. Did you write Nippy Hijinx? Yeah, Nippy Hijinx.

That was part of it. Yeah, Nippy Hijinx is good. I think that's a name for... I think you should change the name of your show. I did an open mic with Nippy Hijinx. You've seen their work? They're very good. Marcel thought Ben wrote the one about the frozen fish out of water,

and he was correct. That was Ben. What gave it away? You looking dead eyed as Matt read it out Oh It's the poker thing Oh yeah Lewis Winthrop To be fair though I look dead eyed

It's like that Hulk is always angry type thing Yeah I'm always dead eyed Yeah Well there was a sort of There was a little bit of impatience with it. I could see the impatience in your eyes. Yeah, because you have to work with this shit.

Yeah, yeah. It's unbelievable. He doesn't give it any kind of like... I think it tickled me a bit at some point as well, which I think is probably something I'm trying to... I should also say as well, it also was very amusing and I enjoyed it very much. Oh, I amused you.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it's a casino moment. Anna and Ben both thought Marcel did Lewis Winthrop. Have I already done this? No. Lois Winthrop IV, but that was a David Malofsky. Malofsky. Malofsky again.

You've been Malofsky. And he said, Lewis Winthrop III is Dan Aykroyd's character in Trading Places. I thought that was a fun thing to throw in. That was fun. Yeah. Yep. I'm totally was a fun thing to throw in. That was fun. Yeah. Yep. I'm totally getting there now. I didn't get it early enough.

Damn. Ben and Anna both went for the siblings and the bitter rivalry. That was Marcel. Oh. That was good. That was believable. Yeah. Meaning Marcel also got the correct answer.

It was the sperm bank one. Oh, shit. You could take this out. Ding, ding, ding. I think there's... This is exciting. Yeah. I think it's actually...

Yeah. What an upset. This is a thrill. It came from behind. Did any of you guess each other's right? Apart from... I don't think so. I think we fucked it all up.

Yeah, we don't know each other. Point three round. But I know you. I've been studying both of you up until this moment. This is a sort of like Batman has to learn all the ways to defeat the Justice League in case there's ever a reason why. So this is the similar sort of situation. I don't know what you're talking about.

What a nerd. Yeah. According to David, this film was actually written by one of my dad's childhood friends. As a child, I knew Don lived in Hollywood and was a talent agent, but wasn't told about this, which is his one and only film, until I was well into my teens. Despite my personal connection to it, I've never attempted to watch the film. On Rotten Tomatoes, it has a 25% audience rating and a 0% from the critics. it has a 25% audience rating and a 0% from the critics there comes a time in a boy's life

where his father sits him down and tells him about Frozen assets you know your friend Don that just means that it hasn't been reviewed no it has been reviewed oh it has been reviewed and still got 0 yeah it's been reviewed by people like Roger Ebert who says movies like Frozen assets

are small miracles you look at them and wonder how, at any stage of the production, anyone could have thought there was a watchable movie here. Wow. Everyone was pretty savage on it. That's pretty harsh. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. From the big man.

Like, why would you be a banker and go to a sperm bank? Like, it's a complete... I would imagine they're totally different to finance. You make a deposit? You make a withdrawal? I thought it would be a comedy. One's money, one's cum. Some nippy, I don't know, spermy hijinks.

I believe it is meant to be a comedy, but they do, like someone says, there's too many bad puns and single entendres. I love a single entendre is a very funny phrase. Sorry, Don. Like a single entendre is just like, fuck you, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That has one meaning.

Yeah. Actually, that almost has two, doesn't it? It does, doesn't it? yeah yeah yeah that has one meaning yeah actually that almost has two doesn't it there's multiple meanings uh fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you one more and we lose our g rating and it's like the c word here are the final scores What's the C word? Do you say the C word in your show Anna? I do once yeah You get one and then you can start a G rating So

On four points In fourth position we have Ben Russell On five points in third we have The House On six points In second position it's Anna But way out front on 12 points final round and him also going let's get the extra points yeah because if he didn't do that it would have been equal winners between marcel and anna which is probably the real score to be

honest yeah i think the bonus points is bullshit yeah fuck this game i pressed the button i pressed the wild card button don't put on the table on the table if it can't be pressed. Okay. Well, you know, I just thought it was a poor taste to press the button and then take advantage of it. Both you, Matt, and myself have made a mockery of this absolute sham of a game. Let him off the leash for 20 seconds. Ben, you got 20 seconds. It's not right.

It's un-Australian. Listen, you've got to think about it for once, okay? Use your head and what is it, you know? That's a good point and you're out of time. Now, Anna, your show does start tonight in Melbourne on the day of release. Yeah, I've got a few tickets left tonight, just a handful. So get on down to the Charles Dickens Tavern, 9pm. And it's just running for one week, so there's only six shows? Yeah, six shows.

So I've got Wednesday off, but it runs Monday to Sunday. And this is an encore show. I don't think you're coming to a show that you're just working in tonight. This is run in... This is wall-to-wall, solid, rolled, gold. The show's been done before. And you're taking it to Sydney as well? Yes, I am, yes.

And that is what next month? I'm just doing two shows in Sydney. Sydney Comedy Festival, May, if I can remember the dates, May 11th and 12th. Now, are you worried because in Sydney they do things a little bit different? I'm a little bit worried. They're like quick jokes and they don't like stories.

But I'm lucky I don't have any stories. It's a big city up there. And you can get taken advantage of if you don't have your wits about you. Yeah. So just be careful. They're all big smoke. Quick talking. You know, don't fall for their big promises.

Their sexy promises. Yeah. Hustle and also bustle. Yeah. A lot of bustle. There's dual hustle and bustle. Marcel lived there for a while and obviously couldn't hack it up. Look at me, I'm dead.

Moved back down on the southern seaboard. Indeed. You can't say the seaboard on this podcast. Oh, sorry. And Ben, you've got a show coming up this week. I do. It's called Ben Russell. It's at Cooper's Inn at 9.20. Good line-up. We've got Mike Goldstein, then Xavier's show, then my show. Oh, that's a Ben Russell. It's at Cooper's Inn at 9.20. Good lineup.

We've got Mike Goldstein, then Xavier's show, then my show. Oh, that's a hot triple. Besides going to see Matt's show and Marcel's show and Anna's show, you do not need to leave Cooper's Inn. And it's a great spot too. Yeah, it's a great spot. Good spot for comedians. I think they do drink specials there.

Cheap pints. Yeah, it's called Ben Russell. It's funny and it's enjoyable and it'll make you laugh, but also make you think. Like, you know, like, it really, like, it's real clever and, you know, you probably wouldn't get it if you're not learned. Yeah. And really intelligent.

So, it's not for everyone. Yeah, I struggled. I say, yeah, I i say yeah i say like words like um i'm a cummy baby you know that's what i go and i talk about wine and um can we talk about cummy baby i think yeah you might have stolen that from me cummy baby is public domain and you're also doing some improv shows at Comedy Republic. Yeah, it's right. With Pississippi, who's a regular on the show. Something Good at Comedy Republic on the weekend. So it's doing a weekend.

And you also do an A Thank God You're Here with it. Yeah, an unofficial Thank God You're Here improv show at Town Hall. Yeah. I believe without a door, though. No, there's no door. We don't want to get sued. Yeah. No doors.

That door is copyrighted. Marcel, what about you? I'm doing two shows. I'm doing my show called Let Me Eat Cake, which is all about eating treats in the apocalypse. And it's also got a musical underscore, which is pretty cool. There's a pianist playing the entire time. A pianist? Oh, he got me.

And I tried my best to hit that T, and I still knew I'd be falling for Ben Russell's trap. And I'm doing my improv show, which is called The Newlyweds at the Improv Conspiracy in the second half, which is what you are in right now of the Comedy Festival. So come check me out. Are they in the second half of the Comedy Festival? No, we're in the first half.

So it's still time. Oh, yeah, it's barely begun. That's true. It's still time to get in. Well, some people would be listening to this. This is true. I just think We're in the first half. So there's still time. Oh, yeah, it's barely begun. That's true. There's still time to get in. Well, some people would be listening to this. This is true. I just think of April as the second half. But welcome.

Type in M-A-R-C-E-L into your computer. Some people will be listening in 2025, and they'll be like, come on. But anyway, we'll all be doing other shows. Just look this up. Yeah, so check out all those. Check us all out. Come say hi.

Do yourselves a favor. Tickle Marcel. Do yourselves a favor, but also do us all out. Come say hi. Do yourselves a favour. Tickle Marcel. Do yourselves a favour, but also do us a favour. Yeah. I think that's a win. That's a real win-win. And hang around if you want to hear some offcuts and nonsense being spoken at the end. I think there might be a bit there.

A bit of nonny? I think there might be a bit of nonny at the end of this one. A few call forwards, maybe. Yeah. A bit of horseplay. A bit of foosily. Yes, a bit of a bit of horseplay a bit of fuzzily yes a bit of fuzzily mama mia all right cheers for tuning in hey tell all your friends if you think they might enjoy this show and give us a five-star review or and just get it go up and say hey who knew it with

matt stewart to someone yeah don't say anything else just say who knew it with matt stewart whisper it to them i knew knew it was Matt Stewart? Just on the street. Yeah, get the word out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we want to really come for, we want to come for Dave Warnicke. I want to come. We want to come for Dave Warnicke and his booktube podcast. I come for Dave Warnicke. Who hasn't?

Who hasn't come for Dave Warnicke? Cheers for tuning in to Who Knew It Was Matt Stewart. Now that you know it, I've been Matt Stewart. Goodbye. If you could see Ben's eyes.

They're crazy eyes. I mean, they're not. They're a little bit sleepy. They're sleepy, crazy eyes, which are unsettling. When did you get up? Oh, I mean, I slept in today. I got in at like, which are unsettling. When did you get up? I mean, I slept in today. I got in at night. Woke up at nine.

Oh. Didn't sleep in as much as last week's episode, though. No, I did. No, I didn't. That was a big sleep in. I just haven't been sleeping very well. Bram was going to be on last week's episode. Slept through it.

Slept through it. Which I think it sounds like you just needed the sleep. I do. I just haven't been sleeping. Only two people have ever slept through this podcast and both their names are Ben. Who's the other? Is that, do you think that means anything? Yeah.

Ben Searle, Ben Russell. Yep. You've both got S's and R's in your surnames? That's right. And L's? Holy shit. That's creepy. And E's. Yeah.

Oh my God. And N's. What the heck? Wait, there's an N in Russell? You're the same person. We're the same. We're the same people. We E's. Yeah. Oh, my God. And N's. What the heck? Wait, there's an N in Russell? You're the same person. We're the same. We're the same people. We're the same people.

All right. So, everyone knows what's going on. Let us begin. Is this the TV show that was about people that have been bitten by sharks? No, it's a podcast about the TV show. I don't think it's even up anymore, but it was a short-run podcast that I did about just basically recapping the Channel 9

short-run TV series called Bite Club. Which did exist. Yeah, which did exist, and it was as terrible as the name is. About shark attack victims who formed a group. Did they also solve mysteries? Yeah, there was some It was a serial killer. Oh yeah, one of them died. Yeah, or someone died. I don't even know. Was the serial killer a shark in the end? No, the serial killer was Mary from The Hobbit

Man. Oh, of course, because it was the most famous person in the TV show. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, I course, because it was the most famous person in the TV show. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, I should say, spoiler alert. Yes. No, you know that straight away. You follow it. It's not a mystery.

Okay. Oh, it's a why done it. Yeah. How done it. How done it. Yeah. He says blasphemous things. Yeah. And half of my audience are devout Christians, so. Yeah, you're big in the Christian scene. Big in the Christian scene, things. Yeah. And half of my audience are devout Christians, so.

Yeah, you're big in the Christian scene. Big in the Christian scene, yeah. I've got a list and I'm ready to go. He's going to name all the apostles. It's a small list, only 12 of them. Michael. Nowadays there's even less if you go down Great Ocean Road. Yeah, that's right.

Which one of them are crumbling? It's probably Judas. There's like seven or something. He'd be the first to go, Judas. Have they all been named, the apostles that you drive past? Or are they just generally the 12 apostles? I think they're just the 12 apostles. Yeah, right.

But they're not even 12. Yeah. I think they'd be lucky to be the six apostles these days. Because the powerful waves. You understand? Erosion. Erosion of the apostles. Yeah.

It's a sad thing. Don't you think the waves, they represent something, right? Well, they're going to become wine eventually. That's the aim. That's right. That's right. Remember when Jesus turned waves into wine? Yeah.

Fucking party up, dude. Part the seas and everyone celebrates. The Bible is full of water, which is funny for such a, like, paper's so dry. It's one of the wettest books. Oh, damn. Yes. I think all of that so dry It's one of the weather's books Oh damn Yes I think all of that will be at the end of the episode The off cuts tonight Are going to be hot

So hang around for those I actually think Stephen Probably already has tickets to your show Ben Of course he does because he's cool And do you think of yourself In this way as one of the heavy hitters of Melbourne comedy No Okay Do you think of yourself in this way as one of the heavy hitters of Melbourne comedy? No.

Okay. It's a game of attrition, isn't it? Yes. It's been around for a little bit longer, I guess, but not as long as some. There's always a bigger fish, Matt. Who's the biggest fish, do you think? Probably Gleeson. Oh, yeah, he's a big fish. Or your Gleesons, your bloody-

Will Andersons. Yep. Judith Lucys. Oh, yeah. He's a big fish. Or, you know, your Gleasons, your bloody- Will Andersons. Yep. Judith Lucys. Judith Lucys. Lucy, do you want to show this to me? You're a freaking- I can't remember now, but I'm not going to say it because then they'll be like, why did you forget my name?

And they're listening intently. And they're listening because everybody listens to this podcast. It's the hottest podcast. It is, yeah. It's a real comedian's comedian podcast. Yeah. It's a real comedian's comedian podcast. Yeah. The tastemaker. If Matt Stewart says your name on this podcast, then you've made it.

It's clout, baby. Jerry Seinfeld. Finally, he's going to be. Yeah, I did it. I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.

That's crazy. Is he going to do your show for a bit of publicity when he comes to town later in the year? I assume so. What's your favourite dinosaur, Matt? While Anna finishes her... You know, traditionally it was always the Triceratops. Which one did you do your school project on? Triceratops, yeah.

I just love... I love chunky animals, always have. And they're real chunky. You know, they're the equivalent of a rhino or a wombat. Were you excited to see it in Jurassic Park, the film? Yes. Next to a big pile of poop. Yeah, but it was sick, which was disheartening.

But it was also pretty sick. But it was really sick. Sick on both levels. I think it's amazing. I have to say out loud, watching it, it's only make-believe. It's only make-believe. Yeah. If I could have a dino I have to say out loud, watching it, it's only make-believe. It's only make-believe. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. If I could have a dino chat for a second. Yeah, please. I think it's crazy. Are we doing a podcast within a podcast? Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy how long, like, it's hard to fathom how long they were around for.

And in that time, how varied they kind of became. Yeah. Like, dinosaurs at the start were completely different to dinosaurs at the end of the dinosaurs run. Like they had a lot of time to evolve and change. Very similar to how people might experience your festival show, Ben Russell, like who they were at the beginning of the show is different to who they are by the end. Yeah.

Like my work in progress is very different in Sydney to what it was in Perth. And then in Melbourne, it'll be less different because it's run in. And do you know that we're closer to the time of Cleopatra than I can't remember the rest of this fact? The pyramids? Yeah. So, we're closer to ancient Rome than ancient Rome is to the ancient Egyptians. Isn't that crazy?

Didn't ancient Rome meet ancient Egypt? Yeah, but they were Greeks by that time. It wasn't ancient. Alexander the Great had already been through that area. And what about Alexander Hamilton? Alexander Hamilton wasn't even born yet. Yeah, way later. America wasn't even a thing.

Okay. It was still being peacefully sort of looked after. I don't even think rap was invented back then. So, yeah, Alexander Hamilton was probably, yeah, much later. Yeah, true. I think he was around the 80s. But, yeah, they were Ptolemies. They were part of the Ptolemy Empire, the Cleopatra and all that. So, they, much later. Yeah, true. I think it was around the 80s. But yeah, they were Ptolemies. They were part of the Ptolemy Empire,

the Cleopatra and all that. So they were all Greeks. They weren't even Egyptians. Oh, that's interesting. I'm excited for another episode of Dino Chat in the future. Yeah. We were a bit off pace there on Dino Chat. We ended up in...

It all sounded Greek to me for the end, but a bit of fun there. That actually was fun. That was a bit of fun. I try to bring in a little bit of fun every now and then Anna I don't know if you noticed that No I hadn't But I appreciate your effort

I'm just trying my best What do you do for fun Anna? Not a lot I don't have a lot of fun to be honest Because you've got a child I've got two So there's no fun in your life whatsoever No that's part of my show

Launching tonight the show there will will be fun, won't there? There's going to be fun. Yeah. Tonight. Hell yeah. Sold out. What's the opening line of the show? Good to be here.

Good to be anywhere. Yeah, 100%. Good to be out of the house. Do you have a mums and bubs session? No, because I hate children. Oh, yeah. So I don't want to encourage them to come. Have you ever been to a Mums and Bubs session?

I went to a movie, yes. It sounds like a hideous time. Well, the whole experience is hideous, so yeah, I mean. No, it's good because you get to see a movie, I guess, and yeah, it's distracting and everyone, yeah, I mean, it's okay. It's okay. I might go, do they just let? okay. It's okay. I might go. Do they just let?

They do let anyone in. Yeah, right. Yeah. Do you let man bubs in? I'm a fully grown bub. I used to work at the cinema and we would have to flag that if you were going to a mums and bubs session, people would get upset if they didn't realise.

But in this event cinemas, there was a sealed off space that you could go in the cinema. Oh, yeah. What kind of cinema was this? I worked at the cinemas too. Yeah, event cinemas, there was a sealed off space that you can go in the cinema. Oh, yeah. What kind of cinemas? I worked at the cinemas too. Yeah, event cinemas. I worked for Village. Oh, really?

That's been eight years. Events and Village, are they the same? No. I think we're a bit of rivals. Birds, Carol and Coyle versus Village. Yeah. I was Village for eight years. Free movies for eight years.

It was paradise. It was the best job. That is nice. Free movies? I was paying a dollar per film. Oh, dude, I got them free. Any time. Yeah, that's the tight ass of the event. Whereas Anna working for the good people at Village Cinemas.

Village Cinemas. Go see Dune 2. Yeah, I do want to see that. I'm going to see it tonight. Instead of Anna's show? Oh, yeah, after the show. After the show. He's going to the late session Everyone at Anna's show We're all going to meet

And go to Dune 2 Yeah Dune Is it Dune or June? It depends where you're from June 2 Because I thought he was saying the date

And I'm like That's not for months So I was confusing Anyway That's fun as well Lucky double fun Is that fun? Is that your fun quote

I used up just then? I think it is for the year Fuck And it's only March Or April It's April the 1st Happy think it is for the year and it's only March or April it's April the first happy it's Easter Monday

today is it really it is Easter Monday and April Fool's April Fool's and Easter Monday it was a bit of a fool because he was like I'm dead

no I'm not yes classic classic yeah that was like you got punked yeah yeah

that's the kind of blasphemy that Marcel normally dabbles in. Anyway. I'm ready. But you also do a lot of my wife material as well. Yeah, absolutely. In an accent, you go, my wife. My wife.

Yeah, that's classic. Yeah, that's it. The gig we did last week, there was a Kazakhstani in the audience, which I thought was fun. Was there? I'm like, ugh. And I was hosting, so I'm like, ugh. I love Borat.

It was really good. Quick on my feet. That's good. I totally missed that. Borat's not actually that accurate to what Kazakhs are. I said, well, that's right. I jokingly said, Borat. I know Borat, so I know accurately what your culture's all about.

Pretty fun. I reckon he would have enjoyed that a lot. Yeah. Was that one of those ones sitting in the cabaret seats at the front? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Oh, I didn't even bloody reference it you guys should have together i should have come back and you guys best friend yeah we're best friends fuck i actually know i i found that out after you're on so ah yeah okay yeah damn it that would have been a good kazakhstanis are an interesting people because it's like halfway. It's like where sort of Europe or that sort of Eastern Europe begins and Mongolia kind of ends. It's an interesting part of the world.

I'm fascinated by it. Yeah. All sorts of cultures have come through. Are we back on Dino chat? No. We can if you want. What are we doing? Connor, please beep the c***s.

You don't like the c***s? Well, Americans don't like the c***s. It's a do-go-on policy. But do you know that America c***s is really bad? Yes. And also it's like really just reserved for women. Isn't that so fucked up? Yeah, it's a strange thing.

That's why... It's like makes it... It's like not only is it so offensive to say like you've just fucking punched a baby, but it's like, no, this is strictly misogynist. But that's why it's so offensive as well. It's so fucked up. Just fucking let the cunt free. We're a bit more progressive in Australia.

We are. We own it. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the Australian part of your personality, speaking out there. Yeah. I remember when I lived, sorry. I remember when I lived in Chicago.

The Windy City. Yeah, because I moved back there and I would say **** a lot. And then someone was like, you can't say that. And I was like, oh, it's actually, it's a cultural thing. So you're actually being quite racist. You're being insensitive. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fun. Maybe I should stop bleeping it. No, Connor insensitive. Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. Maybe I should stop bleeping it. No, Connor, please keep bleeping it. I assume this week's episode is brought to you by Australian Salt. It was a few weeks ago. Australian Salt? Australian Salt.

If you're going to pitch Australian Salt, what would be your slogan for it? Something about salt of the earth probably yeah as an australian i'm salt of the earth i know salt i know salt get a little sprinkle a little bit on your dinner tonight you cooking pasta put a little salt in the pot before you add your spaghetti how much salt do you put in? I think that that's a myth and I still do it. I don't do it and I think it's a myth.

But then sometimes I do do it. But I also break the pasta in half. No. It's also a sacrilegious. A sacrilegious. Mamma mia. Yeah. And I'm like a quarter Swiss Italian as well.

Swiss Italian? Yeah. You're a quarter Swiss Italian. So you're a quarter, half, well. Swiss Italian? Yeah. You're a quarter Swiss Italian. So you're a quarter, half, two things. Yeah. Okay. Well, no. If you can run the numbers on that one.

Beep boop, beep boop. The Swiss Italians, they were Italians who lived on the Swiss side of the border. That's all. Okay. But they spoke Italian, but they lived in southern Switzerland. Matt, have you ever tried putting stock in your pasta water? No, is that a worthwhile... Yeah, that can be yummy.

Okay. But also, I'm a big believer. I feel like if your sauce is already flavorsome, then... Yeah. I heard stocks are up. Interesting. That's fun. Thank you.

Welcome to the party. Thanks, man. Welcome to the party, pal. It's good to be part of the fun party. I hope. For once in my fucking life. Is that Tim, the tool man? I think it might have been an accidental tool man.

What's your favourite What's your favourite What's your favourite vehicle That he's been in Santa Claus Oh yeah Toy Story I think Yeah nah that's a good one Anna what about you

No comment Oh Have you Oh you still Because of the ongoing Court issue Yeah You can't talk about Tim Allen.

There's like an alien one that was meant to be good that I might have seen. Oh, Galaxy Quest is sick. Yeah, it's a great film. You haven't seen it. I don't think so. Dude, you need to see it, dude. But I like that English guy in it. Mm-hmm.

R.I.P. Yeah. No, not that guy. Harry Potter. Harry Potter. I'm in a film with Tim Allen. What's his name? It's called Galaxy Quest.

I can't remember. I did a do-go-on report on that man's life. I'm like, Alan. Rickman. Alan Rickman. Alan Rickman. From your favorite film, Die Hard. Oh, yeah.

Favorite Christmas film. German for the hard. You'd be interested in that one, Jenna. The Bart V. Oh yeah Favourite Christmas film German for the hard You'd be interested in that Wouldn't you Anna Yeah The Bart The Alright So Bernard Urban was banned

I'm really good at Fuck, Marry, Kill Always wins What about I tried to start a game A while ago With Dave Warnocky Based on

You should start a podcast You know You just do Fuck, Marry, Kill You know Dick Van Dyke Yep Penis Van Lesbian Okay Fuck, marry, kill. You know Dick Van Dyke? Yep. Penis Van Lesbian.

Okay. Okay, fuck, marry, kill, dick, van and dyke. Yeah, okay, great. There you go. Now we've got four dicks. I'm going to fuck the dick. I'm going to kill the van

and I'm going to marry the dyke. Because I'm a fucking ally. I think you've nailed that. Once again. Once again. When does your split bill start Matt? Would have already started Oh and how's it going so far? Oh fine

I'm sure Me and Serena will be having fun Most definitely That's what we're all about in the end What's the backstage banter like? What's the locker room talk like? Pretty chilled out really I mean you and saran are

very uptight people like you're known for being very highly strung so i imagine it would be like what are you doing i love you okay yeah that's pretty yeah that's pretty much it yeah a bit slightly more energetically but yeah that, that's basically it. Oh, the answers are in. You all finished at the same time. Thank you. Which is hard. That's the ideal, isn't it? It's hard to finish at the same time.

It is. Oh, bam. We got good chemistry. The closing joke of Anna's show. Oh, dear. Why are you spoiling myself? Dude, that's not cool. Why are you spoiling Marcel?

Dude, that's not cool. Connor, bleep out that. Because a whole lot of pathos comes in just before that big finale. And it really- It's a huge- Maybe I'll ruin your ending. That's my- Ow! There's context around that.

Yeah. He's been doing- It's just an hour hour of that Artistic, it's got artistic merit It's funny I've been meaning to Confirm you about this I think that you actually stole that joke from me Yeah Okay, but I do it different, you know, it's parallel thinking

I don't think so, I think you were in the audience And you saw it We all saw you with a notepad yeah but i was drawing again tim allen actually i think did it before you ben so how do you well cool like i say it you think everything comes back to tim that's true he was he sort of comedies Adam and Eve And the fart The forbidden fruit Yeah yeah Fucking hell

Alright I did not know that About dates That's fantastic So there are dates There are just dates And there's dried dates So don't you think

They deserve another name Like prunes Yeah Remember when those dates almost killed Indiana Jones? No. Yeah. I haven't seen that. I don't get to see that movie.

Dried apricots don't get a name either. What don't they? Dried apricots. They're just called dried apricots. They don't have a name. Everything wants to be dried. Sultana's a dried grape. Yeah, dried grape.

And pickles. Anna, give them a name right now. Oh, shit. Name a dried apricot. This is too much pressure while we're at it how come pickles are just pickled pickles

when there's a bunch of other pickled stuff then what's a gherkin yeah a gherkin is a pickled yeah that's the gherkin's like the classic pickle isn't it

yeah but it's a pickle anything can be pickled a gherkin is a cucumber yeah they're all cucumbers yeah but it's a pickle but it's a pickle yeah

but we call pickles but there's a bunch of other pickles so why aren't they called pickles yeah pickles, but there's a bunch of other pickles. So why aren't they called pickles? Yeah, there's like mango pickles. You can pickle pretty much anything. Yeah, you put... It's all good.

Put a bird on it. I once got found out with this. I was at a pub and I, you know, you ordered like a share plate for the table. I just ordered pickles. And I was picturing gherkins. And I came out with all this bullshit. You can pickle it.

You can pickle it. Yeah. You can pickle it. And came out with all this bullshit. You can pickle it. You can pickle it. Yeah. You can pickle it. And they knew what they were doing. I can pickle you. I've got to say as well, Matt, a pickle platter for the table is not a great gesture. Well, look, I've made mistakes most days of my life. That's just one of a long list, Marcel.

What about fries or some bread? Yeah, no, now I know that. What's the biggest mistake you've ever made? This podcast. Inviting. No, I don't know. They're all sort of up there together. You also filled the Hindenburg with hydrogen, didn't you?

Well, because there were two taps. One of them was helium and one of them was hydrogen. And I said, and I panicked. Yeah. They're like, come on. Yeah, we've got to get this off the ground. I was saying, schweinen, schweinen. Yeah.

And I'm like, I don't even speak German. Because you were in Nazi Germany because you're a Nazi. I tricked you. Fuck you. Oh, hang on. Hang on. I don't even think I'm a human. I gotcha.

No, that's not true. This is a gotcha podcast. Finally. Damn it. Yeah. What are they called, Perthians? Adelaideans. There's Melbourneites.

Melburnians. What did I say? Melbourneites. Melbourneites. Sydney Ciders. You're thinking of Carbonite. Oh, yeah. People from Carbon.

I call them Sand Gropers. Oh, that's right. Sand Gropers. And you're a crow eater, aren't you? Am I? Oh, yeah. People from carbon. They call them sand gropers. Oh, that's right, sand gropers. And you're a crow eater, aren't you? Am I? Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, crow eater. Cockroaches from New South Wales. Maroons, do they have a better name from Queensland?

Mangoes. Cane toads. Mangoes. I don't know. Banana benders? They have banana benders. Oh, yeah, banana benders, yes. Victoria doesn't have any.

Latte, slip, sipping. Yeah, we're just the latte sippers. Yeah, yeah, banana benders, yes. Victoria doesn't have any of that. Latte, sip and bloody. Yeah, we're just the latte sippers. Yeah, latte, sip and bloody hipsters. I wonder what people in, like, central Victoria think of that as the Victorian stereotype. You know that I don't. I live in Melbourne. Yeah.

And I don't sip on lattes at all. What do you enjoy to drink? I like a long black. Yeah, I like a flat white. Well, that's the ironic thing about it. Latte is kind of the basic choice. Yeah, I would never. And I reckon people in the country would drink lattes as well.

Yeah. Latte sipping. It is a funny, it's an outdated term. Well, it's French. So, it sounds a little bit fancy. It's short for those latte sippies. It's short for cafe latte, which means coffee milk. Coffee milk.

I love how fancy words in French and stuff, you translate them and they're so basic. All like the different spaghettis and stuff, all the different kinds of pastas. They're just like, fernandino. That's one of them, probably. And it'll translate to, like, barrel. Or something, you know, like, ball. Ball. I wish I had an example.

Spaghetti, maybe? Fusilli. What does fusilli mean? Little worms, I think. It means spiral. Spiral-shaped pasta. Fusilli, yeah. So it's like, spiral.

We're eating spirals tonight what does bow tie pasta mean yeah and seashells my kids love the seashells oh I do love the

seashells they're very the big shells love a big shell that's a real fun bit for the end I think that'll make for the end

pass the chat