Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding? And Other Crimes - S1 E9 Who shat on the floor at my wedding? 'On his knees'

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Feeling the wool was pulled over her eyes in the previous episode, Detective Lauren Kilby turns on Karen - the very bride who brought her on to investigate this case. Is Karen the genuine victim of this crime? Or is she hiding something? What happens if a client becomes a suspect? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to episode 9 of Who Shat on the Floor at My Wedding. It's great to have you here. Thanks for tuning in right. Let's cut the small talk and let's just cut straight to the chase. I don't know about you listeners, but I'm pretty certain that someone by the name of Karen pulled the wool over our eyes in the last episode. She tricked us. She distracted us when I asked her,

Karen, was it you who shat on the floor at your own wedding? She answered, I do have some information. And then she went on to talk about the photo of the show. And you would not believe what I came across when I zoomed into one of these photos in particular. I mean, I think we can all agree that it's a very dirty shoe. She tricked me and she tricked you, our precious listeners.

Why was she so afraid to answer that question? Is Karen the person who shat on the floor at her own wedding? Or did she make this entire thing up in order to create a podcast? Today, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. First, let's bring in Karen's famous sister slash best friend. She's a radio presenter. She's got a quarter of a million followers on Instagram. She's very famous.

I need to speak to her. I want to see if she can shed any light on Karen's character. Hi, I'm Anna Whitehouse. I am Karen's sister. Is Karen the type of person who would pull a prank like this on her very own wedding day in order to have content to make a podcast? In a nutshell, yes.

I think there's a history in our family of pranks uh not so much on my side funnily enough looking at this um but my mum and dad like dad would often put like you know a carrot in the kettle spout just a joke with mom he put like a watermelon on the top of the car and she'd drive off and it would bounce down little things like that and then you know i think it's not a massive leap to think of you know their daughter shitting on the floor of the car and she'd drive off and it would bounce down. Little things like that. And then, you know, I think it's not a massive leap to think of, you know, their daughter shitting on the floor of her own wedding. So she's definitely done things like that before, 100%. Anything similar in the kind of fecal realm or non-fecal?

Like any bodily fluid pranks? Was she intentionally like shat herself? No, I'm not aware of that. Maybe there was one night when she was in Chile, I think, if I remember correctly. But no, I think she's had good control of her bowel movements in the time that I've known her. But to do it deliberately, no, I haven't been aware of that,

but I wouldn't put it past her. Does Karen want to be famous like you? I mean, I think we need to establish that I'm not famous. At the beginning, my daughter this morning called me Maca Packa off the night garden. And so I think it's important to establish that. But in terms of success, Karen has always wanted to do one over on me. So she got better GCSEs, better A levels than me, did better in her degree. So yeah, I think it's fair to say she'd want to

do better at me. And if that, we're talking social media, I think she wants to win there. What is your relationship you like with your sister Karen I mean it's hard obviously to distill into a couple of words but I think probably the best way uh to sum it up is um when I was about 11 uh I wanted a pony and you know didn't I wrote into Jim will fix it before he was outed as a

like paedophile kingpin just ahead of that time I wrote to him was like hi Jim would you really like a pony

and then I wrote back the next week going sorry I forgot to say I'd like a stable and a field as well because obviously need all those things

but in the interim of Jim fixing it and I'm relieved obviously to he didn't end up fixing anything for us um I uh made Karen into my horse and she succumbed in a way that I don't think any other person in my life has ever succumbed to any whim that I've had I tethered her to our landing banisters. I'm looking at them now, actually, memories. I'd feed her marbles, you know, choking hazard, in a fox's biscuit tin. And she'd nibble away, tethered to the banister for sometimes hours on end. And I just love that our parents never questioned it.

It was just our relationship. And I say take from that what you will. I still dream about those stables you made out of a couple of pillows and a and a couple of chairs it was um you've been full tragedy who drains in it and actually mine because I thought that she had like some sort of horse fetish when we first got together I can guarantee you now that she doesn't I'm interested to find out Helen why initially you might have thought that what kind of equine scars she has held from her childhood that have been brought into her new relationship

what are those doors called where you've got like the split doors where you can open like the top half a stable door yeah so it's a stable door but like on a bar and whenever Karen would see that she would sort of run behind the door and then start going

and yeah moving her pretend make her hands into little ears on top and I'd be just yeah amazed I can actually move my ears and I put that I can wiggle them and I put that down to um because I had to reenact and impersonate a pony so often in my childhood that I learned how to move my actual ears which is not a normal movement for any human. Anna has a complete power over Karen. They have some sort of weird agreement where Karen is Anna's horse. That's what I take from that chat.

Karen even accepts marbles as food from Anna, which just shows that she's willing to put her own life on the line for theatrics. Now we're about to get into Karen's interrogation, but before we do, I'd just like to draw your attention to something. Professor Mike Berry, who is our consultant clinical forensic psychologist who is assisting on the case, wrote a report on this crime outlining the profiles of potential suspects.

Here's what he had to say about Karen. My other alternative, it's probably a bit more shocking, is in fact that it's a fake. That Karen and Helen planned this exercise so they could get national attention or international attention. So we can't. We always look at the nearest and dearest when we're dealing with murders.

We always look at the nearest and dearest when we're looking at crimes. And they have a motive, and that could be for their own self-satisfaction, but more likely for publicity purposes. So we need to look at them as possible suspects and work outwards. So that's what the expert has to say. But here's what I have to say. Since making this podcast, Karen has been involved in creating fake faecal matter.

She once spent an entire day a couple of months ago building a poo out of clay, according to witness reports. So it was completely based on witness reports, so she measured it out and everything. She then waited for it to dry and painted it brown. I think she gave it three coats of paint. She also built the Bristol stool chart in chocolate twice. So let's see if we can jog your memory of the consistency of the poo.

So let's see if we can jog your memory of the consistency of the poo. Karen is holding a version of the Bristol stool chart that she created earlier today using chocolate. Oh God. Oh boy. This is beautiful. And I know that took around four hours each time. She even kept one of the parts of the Bristol stool chart in the fridge until the last minute because she didn't want it to melt. She cares about making faeces. She can fake faeces.

She's a producer. She's been known to be a relatively good producer. So it's very feasible. And she had control over the schedule that day. It's very feasible that she could have, you know, produced this fake crime. I must say, I obviously married Karen, and I never thought she would be able to do something like this.

But there has been, certainly earlier today, I did have this moment where I just thought what if our entire marriage is built on a lie you know It is an interesting interview it's one of the special interviews actually it's been a few episodes since we brought out our old mate

the lie detector that's what I thought and so I'm actually kind of pleased that it's going to be a lie detector because we know how good it is. Yes. And I can feel that I've not married a monster, hopefully by the end of it. So, but let's get, I want, sometimes we do, you know, play the jokers in this podcast, but I genuinely want to sit here today and I really do need to rule out Karen as a suspect. Because at the very start, when you guys were begging me to be on this podcast and it was kind of this is seriously happening we you're going to become a detective and you're going to solve this crime a lot of times it crossed my mind where I was just kind of like is this whole thing a

massive joke a joke on you exactly how many questions do we have then i've got about seven seven questions and at the end of it we should be closer to finding out yeah and then we're gonna put her on we're gonna strap her up we're gonna put the skin galvanization wraps on we're gonna get her in the pulse oximeter and we're gonna strap this little bitch up i'm gonna skip all the questions about what was your favourite part of the wedding and why. I'm going to strap this little bitch up. Strap the bitch up. Karen Whitehouse, welcome to your interrogation.

I mean, I'm pretty efficient when I go into the bathroom, so... I can reenact it if you want. Can I just complain about something? Strap the bitch up. Strap the bitch up. Strap the bitch up Drop the bitch up Drop the bitch up Karen. Yes.

When you walked through the bathroom door, the main door into the bathroom, you've claimed that you saw Hink, one of the guests, on his knees, hunched, cleaning it up, the faecal matter. I think, I definitely saw him hunched over the ship I think so what my memory of it was I went through the main doors and I saw the ship immediately that was my first thing that I just remember going what the fuck is that and it was

almost like a little silhouette I think at at that point, Henk might've been getting tissues or something because he was stood up. And then I just was completely not expecting or able to deal with it. That I went to the cubicle on the left, went to have a pee, came out. And by the time I came out, he was hunched over the poo, cleaning it up.

So that was- So he wasn't hunched when you entered the bathroom it's a bit of a change in the story no it is a bit of a change in story i well i mean it's it is a little bit um gray but i remember just seeing the shit that's all i remember i just remember walking in and seeing it just in front of me and that's kind of what just took hold of my attention really okay so hink wasn't hunched over the shit when you went in there i had a clear i remember i had a clear line of sight um so he was either just behind it he was i'm sure he was doing something to prepare cleaning up the shit i saw it in its full form so i think he was just on the point of cleaning it up. Like this is a different story

you're just like making stuff up now like one minute he was hunched down and then the next one he's like off busy getting tissues and then like coming around and then he's like and then you saw him twice and the second time he was hunched over like It is a bit of a change in story and it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel a little bit

funny because Karen, when we went back to the crime scene you reenacted hank cleaning up the faecal matter which is what you saw when you entered the bathroom which meant that the faecal matter had to have been outside of the cubicle because of where he was positioned hunched he definitely got behind the shit to clean it up i remember that um so yeah yeah no i mean it's what were you doing at 9 45 on the 11th of august do you remember to the exact moment i just remember i was drinking like a goddamn fish chatting to good friends that's what i was doing yeah we don't care

about that i know i'm just i'm coming at this from a completely different angle of course because this is your paranoia that the love of your life was capable of shitting on the floor at your wedding lying to me about it and then making an entire podcast. Yes. You do seem very keen to almost expose me for being the pooper traitor. Listen, the end of this interview, it could rock my entire world. So yeah, I'm sorry if I'm a little bit over emotional. Okay.

I understand. Karen, was Hink alone when you got in there? I'm 99% sure he he was i don't remember having a discussion with anyone else when you went down to the cubicles did you see anyone on their way up don't remember don't think so when you went into the bathroom how many cubicles were occupied no idea but i'm pretty sure there's no one in that bathroom. When you saw Hink and he was standing up, was he facing you? Yeah. I remember we exchanged a few words before I went into the cubicle and afterwards. What words? I very, uh, it was about the shit. And I don't, I think I basically said,

I don't really want to, I don't, I can't really deal with this right now. So I don't know what's going on I don't really want to I don't I can't really deal with this right now so I don't know what's going on I'm just going to kind of forget about this and just try and enjoy the rest of my wedding and I kind of parked it um I don't think I even said thank you because I was just wasn't sure was so no finger guns or anything like that no not like pow pow pow no nothing like that no no um How long were you in the cubicle? I mean, I'm pretty efficient when I go into the bathroom, so I would say three minutes. What? Three minutes.

Yeah, I'd say so. Okay. I can reenact it if you want. So let me just get this straight. So the girls go down to the bathroom. I know what you mean. God, these stairs. Is it me or are they getting a bit wobbly the bathroom. I know what you mean. Are these stairs, is it me or are they getting a bit wobbly?

I'm probably wobbly. Emma alerts Henk to the fecal matter. What the fuck is that? Look, there's poo on the floor. Fuck yeah, that's a poop. That's a poop alright. Henk goes, oh my god. Caramba! Everyone freaks out. Everyone goes to their own cubicle. Henk's now left with the fecal matter.

On his own. He waits. There goes to their own cubicle. Henk's now left with the faecal matter. Uh. On his own. Oh. Yet he waits. Has a poop on the floor. He waits for everyone to go to the bathroom. He waits for them all to leave, wash their hands. He waits for them to go back upstairs.

And then he waits for Karen to come down. Good God. What is that? Exchange words with you. Karen to go to the bathroom, into the cubicle, before he starts cleaning it up. God for the dammit! I am deeply concerned about this change in story.

Karen, honestly, the amount of recordings we've done, I'm looking at the folder now. You're looking dodgy as heck. There are at least, I would say, 30 folders in here of recordings, spanning almost six months. And I can remember every single time that Karen has spoken about coming into the bathroom,

what she does in every single recording, because she needs to give people the context and she needs to explain what happened. She says when she enters the bathroom, she sees Henk squatting down, hunching. Yeah, she said that. To scoop up the faecal matter. My memory of it is that I was one of the first people that actually saw this. I walked into the ladies' bathroom as I saw one of our guests on his knees cleaning it up. I walked into the main door to the ladies' bathroom and I saw Henk hunched down.

He was on his knees. Yeah, I walked into the bathroom as the matrimonial turd was actually being cleaned up. Lo and behold, I see one of our guests on his knees, on his knees, on his knees, on his knees, on his knees, cleaning up a human turd. Sounds like he might have been on his knees. I'm genuinely horrified. I'm horrified that we put so much effort into this day. Me actually especially because I produced the shit out of it. We know all the things.

We know you plan it to perfection. We've heard all about that. I know. But the fact that you could have placed a fake faecal matter, I'm not saying it had to be real, and orchestrate this entire thing with, let's say, Emma and Nicolette. It's not beyond the realms of possibility.

It's not. And do you know what is something very fucking interesting? Henk doesn't have a sense of smell. And we found that out this week. So he wouldn't possibly know if he is cleaning up rubber or faeces. How do you know he doesn't have a sense of smell?

Someone told me. Yeah. I'm actually rubber or faeces. How do you know he doesn't have a sense of smell? We found that, someone told me. Yeah. I'm actually now, genuinely. Yeah. We need to strap her up. We've got to strap her up to the lie detector. There's only one way to get these answers out.

Yeah. It's not through my interrogation skills, that's for sure. Yeah. I would have loved a nugget. Get confession. Are you a female? Have you ever told a lie? Have you ever told a lie? Have you ever wished someone dead?

Have you ever fantasised about murder? Would you like to explain any of your answers? Did you shit on the floor at your own wedding? Yes. Can I just come clean about something before this starts? I ordered nine McNuggets today, and I just want you to know that. Are they coming here now? No, I ordered them earlier, and I didn't tell you.

Where are they? Where are they? I ate them at, like, four o'clock before I came over here. Oh, that's why I'm hungry and you're not. Yeah, I'm sorry. Why didn't you just tell me? I would have ordered 20 for a sweet before we did this. I would have loved a nugget. Yeah, I know.

That's selfish. Screw you, Karen. I was at the boat. She wasn't at the boat. This's selfish. Screw you, Karen. I was at the boat. She wasn't at the boat. This is the kind of person that she is. I'm starting to learn. Well, you've got a few things to complain about, such as those edible undies. We still need to know when those...

He had a matching bra as well, I think. Thanks, Lauren. Okay, I just need to get one more. Slightly worse in the scheme of things. Let subject explain why deception was detected. Get confession. It tells me to get confession oh click the bad body language button if you notice leg movement twitching excessive

blinking or other tells but let's not forget that the polygraph police edition 2.0 actually evolved last time and it got a bit more daring so i'm quite interested to see if it's gonna get it got more bold with its line of questioning. Yeah, that's true. Let's go. Please remain perfectly still. Yes, Your Honour. This polygraph exam will detect lies. Yes, it will.

In 2.5 out of 5 times. It is important to answer each question truthfully. Yes, Your Honour. Are you a female? Yes. Right, it's counting down remember we have to wait 30 seconds between control questions next question have you ever told a lie yes the favorite the favorite ones here have you ever wished someone dead no truly Truly Truly? No, of course not, that's horrible Have you ever

This is This is a classic Kilby detective No, this is still the control questions that I have nothing to do with Have you ever fantasised about murder? Fucking hell, that's really, really dark. It has gotten more bold. It's getting bold. Fantasise, like thought about murder,

but fantasising, that's like an obsession. No, I've never fantasised about murder. I think that this polygraph has got delusions of grandeur. I think it thinks that it's solving murder cases all the time, and it's not. It's not a murder case. It's not even a theft. What's the sequel to this podcast?

It's not who was murdered at our wedding or something like that. Let's hope not. That would be a great twist. If there was an actual real crime that happened at your wedding. A death. Can we rewind? Let's rewind to the day and push somebody overboard. It would be so embarrassing that we've done this podcast about shit on the floor

when actually there's a murder. So, right. So, control questions done. Do you know who shat on the floor at the wedding? No, I don't. Are you sure you don't know who? Even after the investigation? What?

Like, haven't you spoken to people? I've got my suspicions, but I don't know. Okay. Did you shit on the floor at your own wedding? No, I did not. Is it possible, Karen, that you could have faked the poo on the floor in order to make a podcast two years later? Possible, yes.

Of course it's possible. But you have agreed that it's within the realms of your possibility that you could have had a wedding, married Helen, faked a shit on the floor, two years later involved me in a crime, in an investigation. Involved me in a crime. To do a podcast. About you.

Okay. It's over. You bet it is. Guys, the machine has detected Oh no Oh no The machine has detected irregularities Oh god, what is it then?

What we got? Next Would you like to explain any of your answers? No, I don't Just hit me with it At least there isn't any bestiality involved The exam is complete. The question was, do you know who shat on the floor at your wedding?

You answered no. That was the truth. So you don't know who shat? This is not working out how I wanted it to. Did you shat on the floor at your own wedding? You said no, it's the truth. That's it then. Case closed.

No, case is not closed. The question was, is it possible that you could have f's the truth that's it then case closed no case is not closed the question was is it possible that you could have faked the poo on the floor in order to make a podcast you said yes and that was the truth yeah yeah yeah so it's possible that you could have faked the poo on the floor in order to make a podcast. Not to make a podcast. Well, but I would have, I could definitely have. I see what you did there.

What? Because it was like, could you have faked it by, you know, putting a toe on the floor, blah, blah, blah. And that's well within the realms. But then you added on the, to make a podcast.

Yeah, that was quite funny. What it's saying to me is that it's the truth that you could have faked the poo in order to make a podcast. That is what the lie thatGT says telling me. Well, I'm in good, capable hands, so I'm sure you'll... Would you do it for this motivation?

You've actually closed in on the motivation. It's a good question. I have to say hats off there. Thanks, Helen. You look disappointed overall, to be honest. It could have been you. It would have been hard, I think, if we're going to go by the polygraph,

if I'd set this whole thing up and not known who did it. That's a bit of a tricky one to get around, isn't it? Not necessarily, because you might have taken on Emma and Nicolette, the bridesmaids, and you might have said, help me set this thing up. I want to do this so I can make a podcast in two years. Just deal to it. I don't want to know who made the faecal matter.

I don't want to know who did it. Just go and carry out my plan. And make sure, Henk, the one who can't smell is the one that's cleaning it up. This is very dodgy. And it's putting me on edge knowing that I've quite possibly been brought into this complete and utter scam. I've been scammed. I think we need to call Henk. We need to understand was he sitting or standing

when Karen walked into the room and what was the interaction like? Let's call him now. Hank, this is Detective Lauren Kilby speaking. It's nice to be speaking to you again after that really pleasant experience we had last time together. Yes. I've been looking into a certain lead recently and that lead is quite a scary one and it involves kind of me being set up, which is why it's scary. Did you see Karen

while you were cleaning up the poo? I don't think so. If she claims to have seen me clean up the poop, then I may have been, but I don't have that memory. I don't have a recollection of that specific memory myself. I don't understand, Henk, how you can have memories so specific regarding the shape of the faecal matter being a Costa Rican banana, knowing that you have scraped it up with your fingernails.

How would you not have that memory? I don't think that happened. I really don't remember. Is she claiming that we were hanging out together, that I was cleaning poop on my knees whilst he was standing there being all bridal and stuff? It was a very short interaction. Yeah, in my memory, you were definitely there.

Right, okay, no, but I don't remember that. I mean, I should remember you being the bride and all, but I don't think I remember that. So you don't think that happened? It could have happened. It could have happened. It could have happened. There's a lot of like patchy moments of the night. It could have totally happened.

But I don't recall specifically seeing Karen run past, throw a few comments and run back out. Karen's story involves, the way that she tells it involves you being with a bunch of women in the bathrooms. Someone, you know, Emma points out the poo, you all go, yuck, what is that? And then everyone says, right, Henk's cleaning it up. Everyone goes to their respective cubicles. Everyone comes out, washes their hands. Everyone leaves the bathroom. You stay there by yourself. I do do you haven't touched it yet because

when karen sees you you haven't started cleaning it up you're still looking for tissues so let's say that's like three or four minutes that you've just been standing next to the poo so karen when she comes down to the toilets doesn't come into contact with anyone so that whole stairway is completely cleared for action so emma's gone nicolette's gone everyone that was in the bathroom where that was with you when you saw the poo, has left the crime scene. Then Karen comes down the stairs. So this must be five minutes later.

You're still standing. Why can't it be a second later? Because she doesn't see anyone and no one sees her. 20 seconds later. It's not a big boat, it's a small boat. But they've all gone to, so all three witnesses of the poo have said that they've gone to the cubicle and used the toilet,

except for Nicolette, who said that she backed away. Time has elapsed. And I don't know what you're doing, being alone with the poo, for God knows how long, not cleaning it up, even though you've committed to doing that. Yeah, I don't know. This is very incriminating, I understand. But, I mean, I stand I stand innocent of course still I'm feeling very very vulnerable right now are you also aware

Henk that you don't have a sense of smell some information about that was passed on to us earlier this week anonymous source I think I've told you that myself. Yeah, maybe. Okay, Henk. So would you say that it's pretty fair to say if someone doesn't have a sense of smell, they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between rubber and faeces? Well, I mean, if that person was blind and had no hands, they could only rely on the smell. But I mean, I'm blind and I do have hands.

Karen, why are you lying about seeing Henk? And why have you changed your story? The memories are very hazy, but I know that I saw the shit very clearly as soon as I walked into the bathroom, which means that Henk hadn't cleaned it up yet. I would say that's a logical explanation and that Henk was there.

So it seems pretty obvious to me that he was about to clean it up. I don't think you need to be an Einstein to kind of tie those two things together. I understand that Henk didn't remember the words exchanged. I don't remember the words that were exchanged. I just remember being in shock and being a bit rude, not even saying thank you. So I don't feel that's particularly weird. I don't think the timing's particularly weird. If you're sort of staggering around, being a little bit, you know, drunk, you know, you had all these women, Nicolette and Emma, squealing and needing to be calmed down, they leave, go up a very short flight of stairs, which would have taken about, you know, as Henk

said, probably about 20 seconds. I come down, by which time Henk's, you know, maybe he has tissues already in his hand. He's, you know, stealing himself to clean this up. I go into the bathroom, see the turd and, you know, exchange a few words, go into the cubicle, go out again and leave. I don't think there's anything particularly dodgy. I will say that I would, if anyone knows me, I would be extremely proud to have pulled this off as a prank. And it's something I would have openly admitted to because it's something that I do find funny. And, you know, if it was a prank then

honestly i'm jealous if you put this off as a prank you you have you're gonna get a medal if this is really a prank and if she's she's full out admitting it i i mean she deserved that she won't admit it yet though because we're not at the end so how long were you in the bathroom for while hank was um outside around the poo? We've been into this. I mean, I'm a very efficient peer, so it wouldn't have taken long. Probably would have been a bit more delayed because I had a very long dress on. So that was a lot of material to gather up. Three minutes is what you said? Yeah, something like that. Henk, how do you then explain three minutes alone with a poo? I was probably protecting people.

Oh, come off it, Henk. What? What if some innocent dame just walks in and marches right through the poo? I'm there to say, oh, there's a poo. I'm about to clean it. Do not step in it. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's actually a very noble thing I did.

Who do you think is telling the truth, you or Karen? Who do I think? Me, of course. Yeah. Just quickly while we've got you on the call in the digital interrogation chambers, is your partner Kelly around? Is my partner Kelly around? Kelly?

Yes, he's around, yeah. Could I ask you a quick question? Yes, yes. Hello, this is Detective Lauren Kilby speaking. Oh, sweet Jesus. I know that you were part of the crew that discovered the faecal matter. Indeed. There's been some developments in the case that have resulted in um quite a long period of time between when it was discovered and when it was cleaned up by your boyfriend i just want to know why you left him alone in the bathroom with the poo after it was discovered um well i left him

alone like i left him alone like so his hands could go down and pick it up but I was what I watched him do it you watched him clean it up I did did you see Karen at all during the cleanup do you know what I think I might remember Karen running around downstairs in the bathroom at that point. Okay. Did you exchange any words with her? I think we kind of like pointed out the matter on the floor, but it was her wedding. She was kind of sidetracked. With being married and all. Yeah.

So I think she just kind of shrugged it off a little bit and went about her business. That sounds strangely accurate. The only thing that isn't accurate from the story is that when Karen tells her side of things, you weren't there, Kelly. Oh, she was in a cubicle. Hi, Kelly.

Hello there. Are you trying to throw me under the bus? Kelly, you're not in trouble. Don't you worry. It's your partner, Henk. But now it's also Karen. Hello there. Are you trying to throw me under the bus? Kelly, you're not in trouble. Don't you worry. It's your partner, Henk, but now it's also Karen. So you were with Henk when he cleaned it up. You were standing over him. And was anyone else there or just you two? Emma was there, I'm pretty sure. There was definitely a few people standing around going, and all of that. And that that's when as I've said before he got down with some thick paper towels so that he could use his nails to scratch it off the floor

you were all there when Karen came in kind of the bride which is quite you know she's a recognizable person on the day because she's the one she's half of the reason we're all there exactly and you remember so that's quite an easy memory that's an easy thing to remember and so when you saw her were there other people still in the room as well so Emma and Nicolette specifically well in my memory

yes in my memory they were all there and she walked in and we kind of told her about it and then she waltzed out again. Okay. I just don't remember myself wandering around for tissues. I remember that you needed tissue.

Well, I know I needed them. The toilet paper broke apart in your hand. You needed some thick paper towel that you got from the receptacle. And that's probably when Karen walked in and saw you running around looking for something. Right, because is it possible that the toilet paper in the boat goes straight into the water of the river and therefore they use really thin toilet paper and they use those grayish paper towels

that you use to dry your hands? That's definitely possible. One thing that is extremely important to note at this point when we're discussing this moment in time is that we had all been drinking champagne for several hours to Henk's point, 200 bottles were there. However, for Karen, she wasn't drinking before her speech because she was nervous about it. So the point that she discovers the faeces, speech because she was nervous about it. So the point that she discovers the faeces, she is the most sober out of everyone by a long, long, long way. So when we talk about memories,

she is the person who probably has the best memory of that moment. Thank you very much for your information. I mean, everything to get this case solved, right? One bit of info, though, I will let you know if we got your misery, is that it was me. I brought Hank some fries and some drinks down to the toilet. So you were the little bitch? You were Hank's little bitch? I was Hank's little bitch. I usually am when I'm out.

That would have been something good to know earlier, that it was you that was his little bitch, because I've spent quite a lot of my time investigating who the little bitch was. We will be in touch. I don't think this is the last time we'll be speaking to you, Henk, nor you, Kelly, now that I know you were the little bitch. What do you do if the person who hired you to investigate a crime turns out to be the person who actually committed the crime?

I think I'm going to need a little bit of help on this one. We've posted a poll on our Instagram page, who shat on the floor at my wedding, posing a very simple question, is Karen guilty or is she not guilty? I'm going to need your help in order for me to do my job, and I don't normally ask for help, so this is a big deal. While you're working on your response to the poll,

I'm going to enlighten you about something very interesting that I found recently. very interesting that I found recently. So it became very apparent that Anna has a bit of a control and power over Karen. They are best friends, but Anna has some kind of puppet master thing going on with Karen. So I actually asked Helen to go through Karen's phone and check all of the messages that were sent between Karen and Anna around the time of the wedding. Three days after the wedding,

at 14.41 hours on the 14th of August, Karen sends the following messages to Anna via WhatsApp while she's on her honeymoon in Bali. Oi, oi. Hello. Are you awake? I know it's early over there. So I found our dream hotel. We have to go back together because they literally fix everything. Even your bowels. Ooh, booked in for colonic irrigation at 3pm, lol. Winking emoji. She forgot the winking emoji. She added that to the end of the message. So it said, booked in for a colonic irrigation at 3pm, winking face.

What the hell does booked in for a colonic irrigation at 3pm, winky face mean? Sounds like they've got some sort of sick, twisted, sisterly bond over bowel movements. Also, I've never actually been on a honeymoon, but I'm pretty sure you don't get your bowels cleaned on one. Anyway, with that piece of evidence in mind, I'm just going to leave you listeners with a final clip from Karen's sister's interrogation. I would love to know, I think we touched on this earlier at the beginning of the interview, that you said you have a, well, you said quite in quite a cocky fashion, actually, that you have quite a power over me and that you could make me do anything that you wanted me to do, including pretending to be a pony.

So how would you go about this? If you wanted me to shit on the floor at my own wedding, how would you go about it? if you wanted me to shit on the floor at my own wedding, how would you go about it? What, in getting you to shit on the floor at your own wedding? Yeah. I just tell you to do it. And you would think it was probably a good idea because you've always thought things I say. You used to call me the wise one when we were younger.

And I really cashed in on that for so long. And I think there are so few things, and I don't mean this in a derogatory way, but I think there are so few things when we are having fun and laughing that you wouldn't not do if I asked you to. There have been lots of scenarios that I think when we're in the right zone, when the booze is flowing, people are laughing, we're having a good time if I just casually was like you know nobody I bet nobody has curled one out on their wedding should we do it and I think that's where the floor is because I think we'd have done it together in tandem a tandem shit uh a sibling tandem shit would have been probably the best wedding present so I think you'd have done it

I think we'd have done it together I think we'd have gone down in a blaze of glory and shit and this whole podcast would have been my gift to you in a way and then I think that's how I think we'd love it to have been but it's not the case and it almost saddens me that we didn't think of this together because Kaz there is no one else I would have wanted to potentially shit next to in public more than you. Coming up next. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry. Can we just go back to the winky face? I'm actually not over that yet. According to the dictionary, the definition of a winking face emoji is as follows. A face with a slight smile shown winking, usually its left eye, may signal a joke, flirtation, hidden meaning or general positivity.

Tone varies, including playful, affectionate, suggestive or ironic. Right, so the two words that I take from that definition are hidden meaning. So you can get your bowels cleaned, winky face. Meaning, so you can get your bowels cleaned, winky face. Hidden meaning is, I need to get my bowels cleaned because I shat on the floor at my own wedding. Sorry, we can finish the episode now. Coming up next on Who Shat on the Floor at My Wedding. Did you receive an email about the podcast?

Yes. Did you read the request for information? Yeah, probably. Yeah, and did you the podcast? Yes. Did you read the request for information? Yeah, probably. Yeah? And did you come forward? No. What do you think that suspicious item was doing there? I am not bullshitting. This is all adding up to a lot of effort to leave a dirty protest on the floor. This crime is becoming more and more criminal by the minute.