WHOA That's Good Podcast - A Messy Conversation About Aging | Sadie, Korie, 2Mama & Mamaw Jo
Episode Date: August 26, 2024Sadie puts together a four-generation panel with her great-grandmother, Mammaw Jo, grandmother, 2 Mama, and mom, Korie Robertson, to talk about aging, death, and living your best life through all the ...ups and downs. Sadie addresses the fear many young people, especially women, have about getting older and the physical changes that come with it. Korie has a tip for how to deal with problem areas on our bodies as we age, Mammaw Jo shares a secret her late husband taught her about living her best life every day, and 2 Mama is inspired to try new challenges, even in her 70s. This Episode of WHOA That's Good is Sponsored by: https://hungryroot.com/whoa — Get 40% off your first delivery and free veggies for life. https://drinkag1.com/whoa — Get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3+K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first subscription! - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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What's up everybody? Happy Monday.
I hope you're having a great start to your week.
I can promise you one thing, it's about to get so much better because I get to have the
privilege of having probably the most special guests ever, you know, besides my husband
and kids on the podcast.
I get to have my great grandmother, Mama Jo, my grandmother, too, Mama, and my mom, Cory.
So, four generations here on the podcast.
And we're actually gonna be talking about aging,
the fears that people have in aging.
And, you know, the whole idea of this podcast
kinda got started because my friends were all getting nervous
to grow older.
And I know this is gonna sound really funny to y'all,
but everyone was scared to turn 30.
And I was like... Oh my goodness. I know, I know, I know. I gonna sound really funny to y'all, but everyone was scared to turn 30. And I was like, oh my goodness.
I know, I know, I know.
I remember that though.
I know, so everyone was like scared to turn 30,
I'm 27 so I'm not there yet.
And I was like, really, y'all are scared to turn 30?
And I was like, I'm so excited to be 30.
Not that I'm rushing it, I love being where I'm at,
but I'm excited for 30.
And they're like, why are you excited to be 30?
And I was like, well, because two mama always said
that she thinks women are just the most beautiful
in their 30s.
And so I've always been like, 30 is gonna be awesome.
I'm gonna peak at 30.
Like, yo, you think this is cute.
Wait till you see me at 30.
No, but for real, I was excited about 30s
because I'd heard you say that.
And cause like, I see women in their 30s
and I think, oh, they're so beautiful.
And like, you know, they're crushing it.
And so I've kind of just,
I think you painted that picture for me
to see it in that way.
And then I also kind of,
it kind of led me to a deeper thought of like,
why am I not scared of aging?
Cause a lot of my friends talk about being afraid of aging. And I was like, I don't think I not scared of aging? Because a lot of my friends talk about being afraid of aging.
And I was like, I don't think I'm afraid of aging
because I'm very close to my 93-year-old grandmother, who
is one of my biggest inspirations.
And then I'm very close to my grandmother, who's
crushing it.
And in her 70s, which people cannot believe when they see
you, and I'm super close to my mom.
And so y'all have given me so much to look forward to.
And even you, like on your birthdays,
you'll say something along the lines of like,
you know, the age I'm at is the age I'm supposed to be.
And there's more in this age than there was in the last one.
And like, y'all have always just given me such a hope
for getting older, which is such a gift, honestly,
to have that because I can see why the fear of aging
would be scary.
So we open up the DMs, and you guys send in a lot
of questions and a lot of fears when it comes to aging
that I'm going to ask them about.
But before we get into the DMs, I just wanna go ahead
and throw out some things that are unique about you guys,
like the fact that I said maybe you should wear
some headphones today because that
could help you hear better and you're like I'm too vain for that like no I'm
not gonna wear those big bulky headphones that you wear. So is it true that you're vain at 93 years old?
Absolutely.
I just claim it.
Is it true you're still regularly shopping for your closet?
Yes.
Now that's ridiculous, but yes, I am.
Well, this all came out.
You need to tell why this all came out.
I think it was to Bella.
You said it to Bella, and so it's always kind of been a family joke since then.
You probably don't even remember this.
Probably not.
But you were looking for a dress for Bella's wedding, and Bella was like,
Oh, have you picked something?
And you were like, no, I'm still looking.
You said, it's just terrible to be this vain at 90.
Because you were like, I'm annoyed the fact that
I really want to find a beautiful dress
and I'm still care about that at 90.
But I'm like, that's not something to be annoyed by.
That's wonderful and it's inspiration for all of us.
Yeah, so you said that then and you said it as a joke,
but we all loved it and so we carried it.
I'm the vain grandma.
We've carried it, no, you're not.
Well, you're really not.
The best thing is you're not vain.
You care.
I do care.
You care and that's what's beautiful.
You're not vain, which is why we can joke and laugh about it
because if you really were, then we'd be like,
oh, Mammal's vain.
You're not, you care.
Thanks, course. You care about being beautiful
and presenting your best self and taking care.
And we all love that about you.
And we all feel the same way.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Good.
Well, you said it to me too,
because we took a picture together one time
and I thought, oh, she's going to think this is so sweet
that I'm posting a picture of me and her.
And you were like, are you, Sadie,
that is not a good picture of me.
And you were like, and you said,
it's a pain to be this vain at my age.
And so, you know.
Well, it is.
But actually, okay, but in all honesty,
do you think that caring about what you look like
in some sense has helped you age well.
Well, sure.
Yes, yes.
Because it's just rising above how you feel.
Yeah.
You know, if you don't feel well that day,
a little makeup and looking better in the mirror
makes you feel a little better.
That's so true.
It's a philosophy that she really has lived with
because I remember when we were growing up
and we all had chicken pox at the same time.
So you can imagine five, well, five of the six kids
had it at the same time.
And mama would come in and brush her hair
and put bows in it.
Because she would say, if we looked better,
we would feel better.
And so I'm not so sure about the chickenpox episode,
but it really is a philosophy
that she has lived with in life.
And she just gets up in the morning,
gets her makeup on, fixes her hair, starts her day.
And I think it has served her well.
And she has aged so well because, not that she's vain,
but because she cares how she presents herself
and how she takes care of herself.
She cares about that.
Yeah.
And if I don't get up and do that in the morning,
somebody's gonna come by with a camera
and wanna take a picture of me with grandkids.
That's right.
I don't wanna be caught.
I think that the way you have carried it,
because none of us are like,
oh, beauty is the thing that matters.
It's about caring for yourself.
It's a loving yourself enough to care about,
about putting your best foot forward
and presenting yourself in a way
that you care about others when others come to see you,
that you're dressed and you're ready
and you're excited to welcome somebody in that way.
I think that's-
That's so true.
Cause I think, you know, a lot of people think of
in the unhealthy way of sometimes an older generation of like
put your lipstick on baby.
Like you gotta present yourself well.
And then that sometimes puts pressure on you to feel like
you always have to look a certain way,
but it's not about an image.
It's about just like a presence of being awake and alive and ready for the day and what
you're going to conquer. And so, no, I love it. I love it so much. I like that explanation much
better than the vanity. Yeah, it's true. The vain thing's just funny. Yeah. There's so many things
I want to talk about too, but I'm just thinking of a few things that I've seen in y'all getting older that is really impressive.
Like this week, literally when Two Mama challenged me
to a swim race in the pool,
and I was actually scared I was gonna lose.
Like I was like, this could go like really wrong.
I need to get on this, I wanna see.
I wonder can I beat you?
And I'm not that fast of a swimmer
and I know that about myself,
which is a little bit hard for me to admit
because I have delusional confidence
in every other area of my life except the pool.
But I was like, oh, I might lose, okay?
So I was trying really hard
and I almost did lose, but I didn't.
But still, the fact that you even challenged me to that
is just hilarious because you're in your 70s.
And then after, Tumam was like, have you seen the woman in her,
which one did you say?
The woman who's running those marathons?
Yeah, the runner.
Yeah, have you seen the woman in her eighties
running the marathon?
Like, yeah.
And then she's like,
and have you seen the one doing gymnastics?
And I said, yes.
And then she said,
I think I might could do swimming.
Like, I think, and I was like,
I think you could.
Like, you almost beat me.
So yeah, you might.
But like what even in you is still like, okay,
in the sense of this, somebody asked this question
and I'm diving into a little bit of the questions,
but I still have other things to say that I'm thinking of.
But someone's like, how do you not fear
that the best days were behind you?
And you always are looking forward to something.
Like you're like, maybe I could enter swimming competitions.
Maybe I can, or you don't say maybe,
you're doing the next TikTok trend.
You're doing the next, like whatever's happening
in the world, you're kind of assessing your ability
and how you can fit into that.
Like how do you keep dreaming so big?
That is such a great question.
I don't know what drives me to do that.
Maybe I've got some vanity too.
I don't know what drives that.
Other than I just live with the hopeful attitude
of what the next day is gonna bring.
And I've always lived like that.
And I've never thought, even though I was like super,
like I did swim in a swim team, but I'm not kidding,
I was the size of a toothpick and not very fast at all.
I never thought that I couldn't do it.
There was something in me.
I had great parents who were encouraging,
but not encouraging enough that we all thought
we were gonna go to the Olympics,
just encouraging enough to know that you can do
what you wanna do, set your mind to it and go do it.
So I had great parents.
So I always felt like that.
And then I just love that idea of challenging
and why I follow somebody who's 90 who swims,
because I love to see what other people do
and that challenges me to do other things.
And I just posted that thing about the 10 things I've learned
by watching the Olympics.
So that's just kinda how my brain works.
I look at things and I put that into
what can I do with that?
And how can that help me to be a better person?
Whether it's mentally, physically, spiritually, whatever.
That's good.
So I'm thinking about where I'm at right now in my 20s.
And again, it sounds funny to say
so many people in their 20s are so afraid of turning 30,
but it's true.
And then there's also this thing in your 20s
where you think this is the time of your life
to make it happen.
If you're going for a dream, it's your 20s.
You gotta go for it.
That's what you think, that's what you feel
because you're looking at everyone around you
and they're graduating college and they have these degrees
and they're getting jobs and they're doing this.
So you feel like I should be doing that
or I need to get that.
Mom, you're 50.
I know the answer to this, but I will ask you,
do you feel like it had to happen in your 20s?
Absolutely not.
I mean, actually dad and I were going through
like decade by decade and like this decade was about this
and this was this and the dynasty happened in our 40s,
you know, and like what different things that happened
in each decade and we're like,
there's something else in this next decade
and then something in the next and the next and the next
and it's exciting to think about like,
what does God have for us in each decade?
Because it does, it changes and grows
and it does not all have to happen in your 20s.
20s were great, they were fun.
I was having babies and I was the children's minister
at a church and there was really sweet, fun things
about that, but there were amazing things about my thirties
and then forties.
And now I'm entering my fifties,
I just entered my fifties last year.
And I'm excited about what that is
and what's to come in that.
I think that, yeah, looking at just your life is like,
hopeful of like, oh, there is something more.
There's something else to it.
And what's it gonna be looking at it
like an adventure as well.
Yeah, and I think it's really cool to see
that you've seen Two Mama do that,
you've seen Mama Jo do that,
I see you guys do that,
so we have this hope for what's to come.
But to Two Mama's point,
Two Mama's following these people on Instagram
that are 80 and 90 doing these marathons,
doing these gymnastics things,
and so it's amazing,
the internet and books
and podcasts give you the opportunity to learn
from so many people doing things that are very inspiring.
And so, you know, for those listening,
you might not be like, you might not have generations
in your family that you can look to,
and maybe we can be an inspiration for that.
But one, you can start it for your family.
And two, there are families out there
and people out there who've opened their life up on social media that you can start it for your family. And two, there are families out there
and people out there who've opened their life up
on social media that you can follow along and learn from.
And I know you do that.
And I know that is directly what inspired you to say,
I think I could have a career in my swimming in my seventies.
And I know you were kind of kidding,
but I think you might've been a little serious.
I was kidding.
Sadie, when she told me that she had done that, I said immediately, who won?
Yeah, because it was questionable.
You might have won.
I mean, to be real, we talked about this right before, but Two Mamas reels on Instagram have
gotten more views than mine have.
And like, I have 5 million followers and I've never gotten 30 million views on a reel.
And Two Mama. Just 27.
Two Momma.
27.
I think it's up to 29.
I think you need to check again.
But Two Momma's Instagram is like,
and then she showed me this reel she did the other day
and she said, is this cringy?
Which first of all,
the fact that my grandma asked me
if her reel was cringy is epic.
But then the second thing about it
was that it wasn't cringy.
It was really cool.
And I had not seen that trend.
So that's funny that I was more behind.
And I don't even know how to edit like that.
So everything about that moment was so cool.
But Tumama talk a little bit about how technology keeps
like learning technology.
I was going to say, I'm pretty sure Memojo got an iPhone
before I did. Like Memojo's always been up on technology. I was gonna say, I'm pretty sure Memaw Joe got an iPhone before I did.
Like Memaw Joe's always been up on technology.
She's in on it.
She knows what's happening in the world before any of us.
So that was modeled by Memaw.
Do you think that's important though,
to stay up to date with technology in the world?
Yes.
It's important to stay up with anything
that's happening in the world. Yes. It's important to stay up with anything that's happening in the world.
And technology is where it is right now.
But I was fortunate enough to work until I was 84.
So I was in a situation with computers everywhere.
And it just gave me the perfect opportunity to stay
right there with the trend as it was getting big.
Yeah.
See, I think that's cool,
because I think what y'all have done well is like,
you didn't let yourself become the stereotypical version
of old in the sense of like,
oh, all the kids are on Instagram.
I don't know even how to work it
or I don't know how to work this iPhone
or I don't understand that so I'm not gonna even try.
Y'all have actually integrated yourself to that
and learned it alongside of the rest of us,
which is really amazing.
Even like, y'all do that in a lot of different areas,
but especially technology.
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And one of the questions I thought was really good was, how did you not become insensitive to the younger generation?
Because that does happen a lot.
I love that. And for me, how I've become, not become,
who I'm not is because my whole family is younger than me.
And so if I wanna stay a part of their lives,
then I wanna know what's happening to them,
what they're involved in, what trends they're following.
I don't wanna be them.
I'm not that age anymore,
but I wanna know what's happening in their lives.
And then I've also, I work at a Christian camp, so I stay connected to young people
all every summer.
So every summer I have 1400 kids that I interact with.
So that, you know, I would say to anybody who's worried about being insensitive, the
kids get out and be among them.
Teach a Sunday school class, volunteer somewhere,
have them over at your home, cook hamburgers,
have them eat with you and go to one of Sadie's rallies
when there's 80,000 young people
who are wanting to better themselves
and better the future for America.
That'll help you change your mind
about what's coming up behind us.
Because I mean, every generation can think that.
Every generation can think, woo, look at this.
Well, how are they gonna do what we did?
And I think everybody, every generation did do that.
Surely mom and daddy did with us in the 60s.
Like, what are these kids gonna be?
And then now those of us kids of the 60s
are the boomers who are saying,
what is this generation gonna do?
So every generation can have that, but every generation can rise above. And how one of the
ways they rise above is by having solid leaders in the older generation who helps lead the way for
them. Yep, that's so good. I was hoping you were going to say something along the lines of being
among them, because not only do you work at a camp every summer, but you've done that for 57,
55 years, 55 years of going out to camp every summer and being with students and kids and,
and not just like, oh, you go and serve for an hour. Like you're there the whole time.
Like if someone's sick, they're calling you.
You've done, you did more doctor hospital runs this time
than probably ever.
Like you're like with them, learning about them.
And it actually inspires me too, because even for me,
and I know this is funny because I'm only 10 years
out of high school, but I'm talking to high schoolers a lot.
And even how much it's changed in 10 years
since I was in high school with technology and stuff,
when I'm going to talk to high schoolers,
if I don't sit with high schoolers,
I am more quick to judge them
for the things that I'm seeing and hearing.
And so then I can come and talk to high schoolers
and I can be more like harsh with my language.
It's like, what are you thinking?
Why are you acting like that?
Or I can sit with them and learn and understand,
and then I come with it with so much more empathy.
And so I think even in your 20s,
starting to practice that with younger,
with middle school and high schoolers,
and then that's gonna help you as you continue to age.
Because even 10 years out of high school,
it already creeps in to be more judgmental
of the way that people are acting who are younger than you.
Right, because certainly they are different.
Every generation is different and is presenting different challenges to those of us who are
looking back at it.
It's funny how fast.
Oh, sorry.
I was going to say, one of the things that I was talking to somebody about who just moved
here into our community and about just the fact
that we do live more intergenerationally.
Like we do mix generations.
And so I think that is a part of it is like,
cause you've always done that.
Like you're a part of our lives.
Like you're not just like, oh, the grandmother
that we see every once in a while.
Like you're an active part of our lives showing up
at our things.
We want to be a part of what you're doing, you know?
And so living that way is, I think,
is unique to some people.
They don't see that a whole lot.
And I think that is what, and I think part of it
is because, well, we love one another.
We want to be together, and we enjoy, we create fun environments
to be together in.
But also, I think y'all come of it as a like there's a humility and like yeah
We're like I love being with you and I want to know about you and I want to learn from you, too
And I want to rather than a like a judgmental and it's of like oh
Exactly older. I know you're an idiot. You know, whatever you're the young person who doesn't know what they're thinking
You know you do you've always had that there's so much to be learned from young people.
And as you age, that's so important for you to remember
is that you have so much to learn from them.
Bella is the one who taught me
how to use that first iPhone.
Did she really?
She really did.
She was.
And I think she was like five or six, just very young.
But she just picked it up and she started punching buttons
and let me not be so scared of it there.
That's great.
And for you to be like humble enough to be like,
I'm gonna learn from my grand-
Well certainly.
A great granddaughter.
Absolutely, I didn't know what that thing was.
That's one of the coolest things to me about being,
what did you say, intergenerational, is that the term?
Because it has to go both ways.
The young person has to respect the older person enough
to realize you have a lot to learn,
and the older person has to be humble enough
to learn even whenever they know so much more.
And I always feel like this,
because whenever I talk to anyone older
outside of my family,
because I'm in a life of a lot of people who are older,
with what I do,
and I'm always amazed,
and the relationships that I form with older people
as a friend is so amazing,
because they're humbling themselves enough
to get to know me and learn from me,
even though I'm so painful aware of the fact that like,
how am I teaching you anything, you know?
Like I feel like this is crazy, but they genuinely mean it.
Like you're saying like, no, there is so much to learn.
It's not just that like you're faking it
to make you feel better.
Like you're actually leaning in and listening
and that's really felt on the other side, you know?
It makes you feel loved.
I'll make another comment too.
One thing I love what Corey said about
someone who saw that in the community,
cause it isn't just us.
When we go to ball games,
the whole front row will be the grandparents
who are lined up with their comfy chairs,
you know, ready to cheer on their grandchildren
and their great grandchildren.
So we have seen that modeled in our community too.
And I think that's great. And you know, if you're out there listening and you haven have seen that modeled in our community too and I think
that's great and you know if you're out there listening and you haven't seen
that modeled it always can start with you. I mean that's the coolest thing
about any tradition or anything you want to start. You can start that.
Yeah I love that so much. This question is so good because this girl that sent in
this question, this is, I relate to this a lot, because someone said,
I'm afraid, like my fear of aging
is how the world is changing and how it will affect my life.
And actually, true story, and you don't,
you might not realize this,
but sometimes whenever I am afraid of what's happening,
like in the world around me,
whether it's like what I'm seeing on the news
or politically or whatever,
I come over to your house and I'll ask you questions.
And I'm like, what I'm kind of listening for is like, have you seen this before?
Have you lived through this before? Are you nervous about this?
Like, because I know with 93 years, like you've seen a lot, you've lived through a lot,
and there are many times in your life with the world going on around you, there was like fearful things.
Like I remember you said that when y'all were in elementary school, you would like have
practice for if a bomb was sent, you know, from Russia or something like at the time.
And then, I mean, y'all just lived through a lot, you've seen a lot.
And so for us, some of these things, it feels like the first time this is happening, even
though it's not, but it's the first time this is happening, even though it's not,
but it's the first time we're experiencing this,
and it can feel so scary, like what's the world gonna be,
and how am I gonna raise my family in this?
And so can you speak to a little bit about just that fear
of the world around you and what you can't control?
You know, we're always going to have fears
that there's always gonna be sickness, there's always going to have fears, and there's always going to be sickness, there's
always going to be death, because that's part of life.
But you just have to not dwell on those things.
You have to have to think ahead instead of behind, always, Sadie.
Living, living in your past, and I've seen so many old people now
that do that, they just live their lives
in what we used to do or what we did then
instead of taking each day as it comes
and going from that day forward
and just looking forward to what's out there next.
It's just that this time in my life,
I call myself a spectator
because I know I'm not
going to ski anymore, I'm not going to play tennis anymore or run swimming races with
my grandkids.
But I get to see three-year-olds carrying on conversations with each other and watching
them learn to swim the first time or dive the first time and encouraging them
and how to stand with their feet next to each other
on the side of the pool and do those things
that will help me to interact with them.
And it's just not that, it's just realizing
that all we have is today, we're never promised tomorrow.
And if you don't get up every morning
and look in the mirror and decide
what kind of day you're gonna have,
you're gonna have a bad one because it's,
the joy is out there if you are just ready to accept that.
And it means really kind of putting you in your hip pocket
and start thinking about what others do and what you can do to
help them.
Wow.
That's so good.
I didn't mean that to sound profound.
That's just a simple way I look at it.
You accidentally just dropped a profound, whoa, that's a good moment.
You said something before we started the podcast that I thought was very profound, and you talked about how fear is all about being young,
because as you grow, the less fear you have,
which is interesting because so many of us
are afraid of getting older, but as you get older,
from your experience, your fear has gotten less.
Why do you think that is?
Oh, because I've learned that you live through those things,
that I have gone through just terrible losses in my life.
And I've seen people suffer through worse things than death.
So that it's not a frightening thing,
it's just a part of a living.
And if you go into those things afraid of dying, you're afraid of living because that's
what it is.
Living is waiting for the next thing to happen, like Cory says.
It's not about thinking about the bad things that could happen or the unknown that you
won't, you can't even imagine what will happen.
It's just taking each day as it is.
My husband was the one who was the dearest human being
in the world, but he was the one who was always said,
you decide every morning when you look
in your bathroom mirror, what day you're gonna have.
And he said, I just choose to have a good day.
And that's what we've promised is only that day.
So why not look for the best in it?
Come on, that is so beautiful.
Now we're all crying.
Okay, we're all trying not to cry.
We're all gonna cry now.
We're all trying to hold it in.
That's amazing.
Can't cry.
That's beautiful.
I remember, you really, you really lived that
and you have such a good perspective of that
because I remember when you broke your back
and I came over and I said to you,
I said, what happened?
How did you break your back?
And you said something that you were sweeping.
And I said, you just broke your back
while you were sweeping, which I shouldn't have said.
And you, and hindsight, that was too much.
Didn't shake me up.
Yeah, but then I'm glad I did because you said,
well, I think you, how old were you at the time?
89, 90.
Yeah, something like that.
You were like, I'm 90 years old.
And she said, well, honey,
your body's not meant to last forever.
Your bones are gonna,
your bones are gonna,
you said something on the way,
lines have rotted away.
And I, like, it really stopped me.
I was like, true.
You know?
And like, I, when you're 27,
you're not thinking like that, you know?
And so for you to go through such a terrible thing,
like breaking your back and being so much pain
and just have the perspective of like,
well, my body's not gonna last forever.
And that's a part of it.
And it was, when you said it,
it was like you had just come to terms with it
and not in like a sad grieving way,
but this is how it is and I'm still showing up
and we're still having a conversation
and you're still living your life.
And here you are years later,
after breaking your back
at 93, like doing so much better.
And so I think what you said was like really powerful
of I've lived through it and I know now
that you will live through it.
And that's what gives you that wisdom.
Yeah.
And it is, it's a wisdom that comes with age
because of the experiences that you've had.
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Also, I remember when Memaw had COVID,
the first time you had COVID,
I went over to visit you and brought some food
or something like that.
And you were sitting up in your chair and I said,
I said, well, Memaw, you look great.
You were like, had your makeup on, you were dressed.
And I said, well, don't you feel bad?
Don't you just want to get in your bed?
And you said, I'm not going to get in the bed
and lay down and get pneumonia.
You're like, what are you talking about?
Like, I'm sitting up because I'm going to get this.
And you're like, no, you said, no, I feel terrible,
but I'm not going to lay in the bed and get pneumonia.
And I was like, great point.
You're doing good.
Stay sitting up.
Like, even though you feel terrible.
Oh, I'm so glad I'm still teaching you things, good. Stay sitting up, like even though you feel terrible.
Oh, I'm so glad I'm still teaching you things, Cory.
It was so smart, because I was like, you're so right.
If you would have laid in that bed,
you would have probably gotten pneumonia.
But you set up and you made yourself get up.
That was at a time when people died with COVID.
Exactly, you're like, I'm not gonna lay down.
And it was so smart.
And it was part of even how you live your life. You're like, am I going to lay down and just let it like this? Let life happen to me? No, I'm going to sit.
I think keep living. Yes. And some people do do that. Yes. Some people choose to just lay down and or sit in the chair and whatever. And I mean, everybody lives their own life. But the example I had was a mom who,
when she had COVID, says, I'm not gonna get in bed.
So then of course, I live my life like that too.
And that's how, like she said, our daddy was like that.
You definitely do.
How do you think, because a lot of the questions
that were sent in, or a lot of the fears,
were all around like, a lot of the questions that were sent in, or a lot of the fears were all around like,
a lot of them were around,
well, there's kind of two parts to this.
I'll go to the first one first.
The first fear that people had, the majority of was,
of dying or losing a loved one.
And it's really interesting,
because at you and Tupapa's age,
a lot of times when I call you,
you say, what are you doing?
You're going to a funeral.
And like you've said before, when you get to my age, you go to a lot of funerals call you say, what are you doing? You're going to a funeral. And like you've said before,
like when you get to my age,
you go to a lot of funerals,
which is really sad.
And, but y'all say it casually and not like in a non,
like you're not not being sensitive situation,
but you just have experienced that
because of the nature of life.
At our age, that's so scary, you know, to think about.
And, but, but I think, you know, more and more you have to, like the so scary, you know, to think about.
But I think, you know, more and more you have to.
Like the last year of my life,
I went to more funerals of young people and old people.
So you know it's a part of life.
Dying is a part of everyone's life.
It just is, you can't escape that.
And so it's not worth escaping the conversation about it
because it's scary or intimidating.
How do you feel like you learn to cope with that and has your idea of heaven grown?
Greater getting older. Do you think about that more and does it help you that's loaded?
I think all of that is true
And I think it's also true to acknowledge that when you're 27, it's normal to have those fears about that
I'm I know when I was younger 27, it's normal to have those fears about that.
I know when I was younger, I thought,
how would I ever live without my mom or dad?
And now my daddy's been in heaven now like 15 years.
And some days I wake up like, wait, wait, what?
You know, because that person never goes out
of your thinking ever
and stays with you. But it is back to that same philosophy,
but then there's another day.
There's the next day that you have to get up.
You've got other family members, you've got things to do,
life goes on.
That person, that your loved one is in a good place
and you're happy.
And for that, the sadness is still there,
comes back from time to time
of just not being able to see that person.
But you do learn that you can do it,
even though you think maybe at 27, I couldn't do it.
I couldn't live without that person, but you do.
You can, everybody can.
It's like saying, I can't get off this couch. Well, yeah, you can, everybody can.
It's like saying, I can't get off this couch. Well, yeah, you can.
You just put your foot down first and step and get off.
And so I think again, like Mama keeps saying,
it's with age and experience and going through it,
everything we do is a lesson in that we can do it again
if we did it this time from learning how to dive.
The first time you dove off a diving board was super scary.
The second time was not as scary.
The third time wasn't as scary.
The fourth and fifth time, you're just running and jumping
because that's life, that everything we do the first time
is gonna be the scariest time,
but that's the teaching moment.
And then not that we get desensitized to it,
but that we cope in a better way
and that we're able to move on.
I remember one thing that helped me
with the thought of that was because I think it's like
so natural with the persons,
the people in your life that you love the most,
you're of course the most afraid
that something's gonna happen to them.
So like my whole life,
I remember I was like crippled by the fear
that something was gonna happen to you. And like every whole life, remember I was like crippled by the fear that something was gonna happen to you.
And like every time you go to town, I would get so worried.
And then it was like, when me and Christian got married,
I was just scared something was gonna happen to him.
And then I had kids and I'm so scared
something's gonna happen to them.
And I realized like, this is just always gonna be
unless I learn to continuously like give that to God
and like know that, you know, in Psalms 91,
where it talks about being
under the shadow of the Almighty's wing.
I remember one day I like reached out my hands
just to see how big my wingspan was and it's not very big.
And I thought, it's a good thing all my people
aren't under the shadow of my wing.
And I can't, they can't be.
They're under the shadow of Almighty's wing.
But I remember one day I asked you about that fear.
I can't remember, maybe I was talking to you about it.
And you talked to me about reading the book,
Imagine Heaven.
And then I read the book and it gave me so much more peace
because I knew that's what you believed
and that's what I believe.
And so if the worst happened to you,
this is what you believe is next.
And that's what I believe is next.
So at the end of the day,
I would be happy for heaven and excited for heaven.
And I remember after I read Imagine Heaven thinking,
I'm gonna have to read this book every year, you know?
And I'm just gonna have to have it close to me.
And I haven't read it every year,
but I have continuously gone back to it to give me hope.
And so I do think like, you know,
for those listening who are my age,
who are afraid of that, one, like have the conversation
with people that you love, you know,
get to know what their thoughts are about heaven
and what happens after.
It kind of gives you comfort to know
what the people around you in life believe in
and what you're heading to and give you hope for the future.
And like being anchored in Christ is, man, what a gift.
That's why it's like the good news,
because you do have hope beyond this world,
because this world is not our home.
So, sorry.
I think that goes back to that conversation
about being excited for what's next.
Like, because we have the hope of heaven,
we can be excited for what's next
and excited for our loved ones, for where they are
and what they're experiencing,
that we're gonna get to see them again.
And so that excitement for what's next, I think is a beautiful thing about our hope.
Also I was thinking about our friend Alicia Chalet has been on your podcast and she starts
her prayers with, and she kind of led us in this one time, like before we started a prayer
and it was like, it's just this acknowledgement to God's like, you gave me my first breath and you know my last.
And it's just this acknowledgement that like,
it's not in my control.
Like I didn't come here, someone created me.
I didn't come here on my own.
And God knows our last breath.
He's ordered it already.
It's already set.
Like, so it's not in my control.
So I don't have to worry about it or fear it.
Or I know that God has it.
He's got, He gave me my first.
He's gonna, He knows my last. And the crying has already started know that God has it. He gave me my first, He knows my last.
And the crying has already started, my mom started it.
Now that I'm talking, here you go.
So, but yes, so that, I just love that.
I thought it was such a good, just like release
to say to God every day, like,
that it's not in my control.
And I want to add to that,
you said have the conversation,
but I think have the conversation with yourself too.
Yeah, that's good.
Because I remember when mine,
and I will try to say this without crying,
when my three were little,
that's your biggest worry
is something would happen to your children.
And I remember deliberately having a conversation
with myself about that they would be in heaven with God
and that what a better place could there be, you know?
Yep.
Okay, no more crying.
I know, here we are talking about death.
I know it's hard and that's why I texted y'all this morning
and said, I don't know if we can have this conversation
without talking about this
because this is like the biggest fear of aging is death.
But it's also like, it's natural.
But then at the same time, like not to be naive
to the fact that death is not just something
that happens when you age and that we've walked through
really a lot of young people this past year
passing in our community.
And so I think a lot of our community at least
has been having this conversation anyways.
And we're having it younger
because we've experienced it now with youth
and with our kids, It's like so scary and
my counselor like does this thing and dr.
Amon does it too where it's like ask yourself like what's what am I afraid of the most and then you say it and he's
Like is it true? Is it absolutely true?
And then you get down to it and it's like if this this is what miss Tara does
she's like, okay, if it happened, would you be okay?
And like, you kind of want to go no.
And she's like, yes, you would.
Because Jesus would still be on the throne.
And because you still believe in heaven.
And because you have the hope of that.
And then you're like, oh, okay, I would.
But if I didn't have the hope of heaven,
I didn't have Jesus, I don't know if I would.
I don't think I could, I don't think I actually would say no, you know?
Because it only turned because Jesus rose from the grave.
You know?
And so I think that's why it is so powerful.
You have to have that conversation with yourself.
And that's where like your faith really comes into play
because it only turns to hope if there is hope.
And I believe there is, you know?
Right.
That's exactly the question that I asked myself
in my twenties was, I didn't have a counselor,
but I probably read a good book
and that something taught me to say,
if this happened, would you go on living?
Could you go on living?
If the very worst thing could happen.
And when you have a strong faith in God,
the answer is yes, you would go on.
And while it would not be easy, it wouldn't be fun,
it wouldn't be the best thing in life,
but you would still go on.
And life would find happiness and joy down the road too.
So yeah, yeah.
And I think for you, you're right, in your community,
you guys have gone through some things that a lot of young couple young people don't go through and we also did at our
church with when when I was in my early 20s and it was the death of a
child and and so that turn that makes you that forces you to like face that issue a little bit
But you know if you haven't been through that and you're listening you should like face that issue a little bit. But you know, if you haven't been through that
and you're listening,
you should just face that with yourself now.
You know, and have that conversation, do that deep study
and know where your heart is.
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I think like preparing for life,
you can't prepare for most things that happen,
you know, it's out of control,
but you can prepare your heart, you know,
for things to happen.
So that like Craig Gershels is like, what does he say?
Predetermine how you're gonna respond in innocence.
And it's like, go ahead and like predetermine
what you value, what your hope is in,
where your heart's at so that when it happens,
you're not like scrambling to figure it out
after the fact.
Like you already kind of set your heart in the right place.
Yeah, I love that you mentioned Imagine Heaven
because that's like my go-to.
But also I think about Levi Lesko's,
The Eyes of a Lion, reading that book, I remember thinking like,
the death of a child is not something
that you want to be prepared for,
but reading a book like that
where someone else has experienced it
and the heart and the,
but also the hope in that, it does prepare you.
So I think that is, like, if you find those good books,
like, I think that's a good one,
Imagine Heaven's a Good One, to read to say like,
this is not something I want to have to be prepared for,
but you do need to be prepared,
because that is life, like you said, you know, it's life.
It is part of life.
It is part of life.
And when you see people who can't cope,
it's because they, you're talking about someone
telling you how you can do this, and someone's never told these people
how that can be done, or maybe they've not faced that
with someone who can help them through that.
But just reading about those things
and other people's experiences
can show you that it can be done and that you have gone on with life
in spite of that.
I think that's the important thing about sitting
with generations and learning people's stories,
hearing people's stories, being genuinely interested
in their answers.
Like, that's why I come to you and ask you these questions.
It gives me a confidence and a hope that like, okay,
this is where she's at in life
and this is kind of how she got there
and this is the thing she faced.
And then I do that with y'all.
And then also like podcasts, like listening to podcasts.
I love listening to podcasts.
Like that's one of the reasons I do a podcast
is I hope people find what I'm finding
through that platform in this one, you know?
And then reading books is so important.
Listening to memoirs, one of my favorite things to do
and like hearing someone's story.
And I think nowadays like, yes, there's TikTok, Instagram,
different things.
You can kind of get that in some places there.
You can see an example,
but you're never gonna get like a full,
you can't get that much wisdom from it
because a caption is limited to a certain amount of characters
and a picture is limited to a certain amount of space.
So I think you really do have to step outside of just squares
and filters and captions and learn
about the messiness of a person's life
and how they got through it.
And memoirs, when you read, I mean,
you see how the strength in people, what they can go through, what you read, I mean, you see how the strength
in people, what they can go through,
what you can go through.
I think we are stronger than we think.
And sometimes you don't know that
until you are put to the test of that,
but you can experience that through other people's lives
and through their stories when you read their memoir
and you like Coryton Boom or some of the people
who've had just difficult, like the hardest things
you can possibly imagine in life and made it through it.
Yeah, you're like, oh, okay.
Like we are stronger than we think.
We do have, there is more in us than we know
that is in there.
It's so true.
It's so good.
Gosh, this is so good.
I feel like everything we say, everyone's on the verge of a tear because It's so true. It's so good. Gosh, this is so good. I feel like everything we say,
everyone's on the verge of a tear
because it's the hard conversations,
but these are the places to have the hard conversations,
you know, intergenerationally.
And I think one thing that I think church
does a great job at is providing a space
for intergenerational conversations.
So if you're not a part of a church family,
that's a great place to get to know older people
in your community, younger people in your community,
all of the above.
I mean, it's a space to gather together
under the hope you have of heaven
with a body of believers of all ages.
So that's a beautiful aspect of church
that if you don't have, you should plug into a church.
If you are at a church and you haven't gotten that yet,
look for small groups in different ways.
A lot of churches, you know, older women
will host Bible studies that youngers are invited to.
You just gotta be the one to show up, you know?
And so that's a great way to get plugged in.
I'm gonna ask you one more question that's a lot lighter,
on a lot lighter note and kind of maybe a funnier way to end,
but I think that we have to talk about this
because we talked about being vain and
funny and all that kind of stuff and showing up.
But there is a real fear of aging when it comes to your skin changing and your body
changing and everything like that.
And I feel like we've seen in Hollywood lately a lot of women resisting the pressure of looking
young forever.
They're like, I'm not doing it.
I'm not gonna even try to do that because that's not right.
Like that's, I think Cameron Diaz
has been talking about it a lot.
Julia Roberts has been talking about it a lot.
Sarah Jessica Parker, like you're seeing pictures of them
where like people are trying to pick apart
the fact that they're getting older
and they will come right back and say, I am getting older, and yeah, so don't come at me.
But someone said, I fear that I'm placing all my confidence
on looking young right now.
Did y'all have to have a conversation with yourself
on the fact that, okay, it's changing and it's okay?
How did y'all accept it and roll with it?
Cover it up.
That's like, mama has more short sleeves than ten years.
15 years.
Exactly.
That was so nice.
That was so good.
Hey.
That's true.
It's a continual conversation where you like, you see the neck, you're like, yep, that's fair.
That's just the way it is.
That's true.
That's the way it is.
And it's not fun, you don't like it,
but that's just the way it is.
It's part of it.
There's certainly not,
there's not any going back on that.
Well, it's better than the alternative,
which would be death, because like, you know,
it's part of life.
That means we're still like grown girl on the TV set.
That is so funny.
Hey, that's so real.
And I think that's why actresses are getting on it,
because they're like, we can't cover it up.
It's gonna be on the screen.
You're getting my picture.
So yeah, I do have wrinkles now.
And yes, my body did change because I'm older,
which I appreciate that they're doing that
and not trying to put their confidence in looking younger.
Because when you walk in freedom,
you give the gift of letting other people around you
walk in the freedom too.
And that's why I think our culture's done a good job
at showing all body types now
because you're more comfortable to be who you are
and not have to fit just a mold out there.
And so I love that older people are not trying to always look
like younger people because then it does make you afraid
to get older because then you're gonna have to try
to look younger and you're racing against this time.
Also, I wanna say this too,
when Memaw says she hasn't worn short sleeves in 15 years,
think about that was 75 when that started.
So like these young people are like 30,
they're like starting to like worry about their, you know,
their aging.
And you're like, no, you got like a good 35 more years
before you need to even start thinking about that.
You know, so.
So it starts.
It does.
It does.
I never really wanted to look younger.
Yeah.
I didn't.
I just always wanted to look the best I could at the age I was. Yes.
That's good. That's a really good advice.
And that goes back to like being fully where you're at and owning that space and saying like this is the best age
I can be because this is the age I am. That's right. And I'm gonna be the best version of me at 93.
I'm gonna be the best version of me at 27.
And if you can- And I look back at pictures of myself in my 30s
and I think I look better now than I looked in my 30s.
I will have to say you do.
So you can get better with age, I will say.
You can.
I'm not saying like there aren't things, yeah.
My neck's more wrinkly, there's things for sure.
Your fashion is on point though.
Thank you, my fashion in my 30s was rough.
Yeah, it was pretty rough.
So like-
Again, that was the 90s, when was it? My 30s, my 30s was rough. Yeah, it was pretty rough. So, again, that was the 90s.
Now, when was it?
Oh, what?
My 30s, early 2000s, which was bad.
Yeah, which is a bad time.
That's true.
That's not on you.
That's true.
You were probably good in the time.
For the time.
And well, actually, the other day,
I was talking about going and speaking
at that Passion Summer Night,
and that was where I first started my first message,
and Steph said, you should wear the same outfit.
And I said, I didn't really age well.
And it was like, already?
That was just like eight years ago.
But I'm like, that actually is not very cute.
But it was cute.
Eight years ago, it's not really cute now.
So it's funny how fast it happens.
I've actually been working on an Instagram,
on a reel of my hairdos, you know, through the years.
Oh, that's awesome.
I'm gonna have to put that up
because Willie always looks at my pictures
and he's like, woo, you had some hairdos, you know.
But when you lived to be 71, you've had some hairdos.
Oh yeah.
I mean, you just have.
Oh yeah.
And you've gone through some bad things.
Some work and some business work.
Everybody else was doing it.
Yeah, that's right.
Everybody's in a team.
Didn't you?
I was doing what was being done at that time. And so you know
it's the way it is. That is so funny. I love it. Well this has been amazing. I have
laughed and cried and held back tears the whole time as I know all of us have.
But thank you all for speaking into my life so much and then overflowing to all
the people listening. Appreciate it.