Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - A Partner to Invest In (w/ William Stanford Davis)

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

Actor William Stanford Davis (Abbott Elementary) joins Nicole to share how he met his wife in an improv class, the unique dynamic of her managing his career, and the importance of finding a partner who truly invests in you. William also offers a glimpse into his unconventional teenage years DJing in adult clubs and reflects on his experiences with segregation growing up. Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why! Ooh, baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me, Nicole Byer, was trying to figure out why I'm still single, even though you could come in a cup and I would dip my finger in it and use it to seal an envelope.

I had a request to return to doing these little dirty intros, and I brought it back. That was pretty dirty. Thank you. My guest today is a talented comedian and actor best known for his role as the custodian Mr. Johnson on the hit show, Abbott Elementary, which is currently airing its third season on ABC. It's William Stanford Davis! Hey! Thank you for having me, Nicole.

I'm such a fan of yours. I saw you the other night at the NAACP, and I wanted to try to catch you because I knew I was coming on your show. But I think you hopped in the limo and jetted off. I did. I got right in that car because my dogs was barking. I feel you.

I got on stage and I said, my feet hurt and it was not a lie. Ooh, Lord. Yeah, yeah. I can tell, too. I know our sisters

walk on their feet. They try to cover it, too. Try so hard. I'm a huge fan of yours. I think you are so funny. Thank you so much. You're just truly delightful and deadpan hard. I'm a huge fan of yours. I think you are so funny. Thank you so much. Just truly like delightful and deadpan in a way that I envy. Like it's so effortless. Oh, wow. It comes from a

lifelong being around people who are kind of like this guy, you know, especially in my family. I had a lot of family that they just were deadpan. They were funny, but they said it like it was. They had no filter, especially my grandmother. Oh, I love a grandmother with no filter. That is delightful. Yeah. I do have a question. Okay, so it is a love podcast.

I will get to love soon. I just wanted to hear about this. You auditioned for Friends. Yes. And you thought you did a great job, but then they were love soon. I just wanted to hear about this. You auditioned for Friends. Yes. And you thought you did a great job, but then they were like, no, go back to your day job? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I killed it. I thought when they sent the feedback back to my agent, I'm like, that couldn't have been me.

That had to be someone else. Even if I did a bad audition, it wasn't that bad. a bad audition it wasn't that bad you know but uh they said yeah i think he he needs to either find a class or go back to work in his day job because he was just terrible and that's the word they use terrible and i never i never heard a casting director use that word i've seen him be a little more uh diplomatic but you know they said he was terrible Did that, like, knock your spirit at all? Or were you just, like, onward and upward, on to the next? Well, it made me determined that no one would ever say that about my work again. You know, so I decided.

I was on the road doing stand-up, and it made me stop. You know, I wanted to be an actor. I came to L.A. to do comedy, but I really, you know, my goal was to be an actor. And back then, you know, I'm old. Back then, everybody— No, full of wisdom is what I think. Or as we say, seasoned. Just a little extra seasoning.

Vintage. Just a little extra seasoning. Vintage. But, you know, having comics used stand-up as just stepping stone to television. You know, Seinfeld, you name it, they were all working in the clubs. And I never had that. That was not my aspiration in terms of the way I was doing my stand-up. I did stand-up because I loved doing stand-up. You know, yeah, something happened, of course.

But, you know, and I wanted to be an actor. But that made me determined to stay in L.A., get off the road. Plus, I hated the road. I hated those nasty comedy condos, comic condos and all. Yeah, they're nasty. When I think about it now, just, you know.

But, yeah, and the road was killing me. There's a comic I was on a role with, and before we got to Palm Springs, we wanted to kill each other, you know? And I'm not going to say his name because he's a name now, you know? Because he smoked, I didn't, you know? But anyway, back to the original question.

Yeah, it made me want to, you know, not let anyone ever, ever say those words about my work again. And so I got in some classes and I started really, you know, buckling down to my work. Well, it paid off. You're sitting in front of a Screen Actors Guild Award. So, yeah, baby. um so when you were doing stand-up i find the road to be treacherous and lonely and exhausting city after city but like if i could snap my fingers and be in front of a crowd that's how

i'd love to do it because the travel the hotel it's all so sad sometimes but i like to ask all of my guests who've done stand-up, did you have any chuckle fuckers? Meaning, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I'm getting this on headphones because, you know, I'm married now. So no one can hear the question. A few, you know, in different states here and there, and I'll just leave it at that.

All right. A gentleman's answer. I like it. So you are married. How long have you been married? 23 years. I hope I got that right. Yeah.

That's a nice long time. I don't know how that happened, but it just kind of happened, you know. How did you meet? We met in acting class. Oh. She was an actress and she decided that she didn't want to be an actress anymore. So she became a manager. She wanted to make some real money.

And so she became a manager. And she became my manager. And the problem with that is when she became my manager, And the problem with that is when she became my manager, every time the phone rang, I thought it was supposed to be for me because she became pretty successful at it at, you know, rather quickly

because, you know, she had real good, she has a real good business mind, I should say. But yeah, we met in acting class and they made us do an improv. They made us do an improv where I was a cowboy and she was an opera singer.

And they would switch us back and forth. She would be a cowgirl and I'd be the opera singer. And it was just kind of crazy. I love that. So, okay, so you're doing this acting exercise. Was it right after the class that you were like, Kim, can I take you out? When did it evolve into a relationship? She hates when I say this, but she was the pursuer.

You know, I was just, I was serious about my acting. You know, I was like, you know, and she had just done a big, big film. And I'm not going to say the film either because that'll get into a whole other thing. And I just, I had a smart, a small role in a big film. And the teacher thought that, you know, let's put them up together. They've been working, and I think the teacher tried to plan that, too.

I think she did that on purpose. But anyway, 23 years later, we're still hanging. Wow, that's what I need. I guess I need to take an acting class and have the acting teacher be a little bit of a matchmaker, and then find somebody for me. And then I'll just have this beautiful love story. You don't need that. I know you got men knocking at your door, banging your door down.

Oh, no. There must be something wrong with my hearing then because I don't hear them knocking. I don't know why. I don't know why. Me either. I've been on a journey for so long trying to figure it out. I've been to therapy. I talk about love.

I'm in these streets now trying to meet somebody in person. I met this man on an airplane. We exchanged numbers. I was like, come to my improv show because I figured that was less of a commitment than a dinner. Then he didn't come. And I was like, what am I doing wrong? You know, men are intimidated by strong women. Men are intimidated by funny women.

You know, they are, you know. And you are strong and funny, you know. And I don't know if that has anything to do with it. But I do know that men feel, you know, if you can crack a joke on them. And it's just the opposite with women and guys. I was told when I was a kid, if you can make her laugh, you got her, you know if you can crack a joke on them and it's just the opposite with with with women and guys i was told when i was a kid if you can make her laugh you gotta you know and and and that you know and over the years i found that to be true i would love a man to make me laugh and do other things i won't get into it since you're being a gentleman I'll be a gentle lady well I also

talked about come already so probably that is out the window do you remember the first date you guys went on wow that's a good question I was I was really doing bad as an actor. So actually, it wasn't a date. She came to my house with a bag full of, there used to be a restaurant here called Cuckoo Room, and she bought chicken because she came to my house, and all I had was top ramen and some salt. So she said, you know, you got to eat. You can't afford to take me out so she bought

she bought uh she bought food in my house i don't know if you would call that a date but it's kind of a date for me i think it's a date i think that's kind of romantic i i don't think we need to like wine and dine each other right especially if it's outside of your means like i think that is such a sweet gesture to be like well you can't afford to you know buy me dinner yeah i can bring dinner he can cook it we could cook it together and have a nice time yeah I like that that's so sweet yeah and that's exactly what it was she she bought it and that kind of like reeled me in I'm like oh okay yeah this is cool you know yeah it sounds really thoughtful she sounds thoughtful very thoughtful I'm. Oh, that's so sweet.

When did you, did you propose in like a fancy way? Or was it just like, let's do this? Let's do this. In fact, she didn't propose, but she said, let's do this. And I was hanging on. I was like, do I really want to do this? Do I really want to do this? And we did it. And we've been together ever since.

And like most relationships, we have our ups and downs. But we work through them. And we get on the other side. And we keep going. Do you remember the first trip you took together? Because I feel like that's the big thing about it. It's like big trip together, moving in together, maybe getting a pet or having a kid or something.

But yeah, do you remember? The first big trip was a big trip. We went to London. That's where she's from. Yeah, we went to London. And I was broke. I mean, you know, she didn't pay for my trip. But, you know, I wanted to, you know,

this is my first time in London. I'm going to meet her folks. I wanted to bring gifts and, you know, be, you know, make a good first impression. I didn't have any money to bring anything. I think I got him a card or something. It's been so long, you know. But, yeah, that was our first trip. And I got to meet all of her girlfriends and all of her family.

And it was cool. It was a nice time. Did they like you? Did you make a good impression? I made a good impression on her dad. He was an artist and I thought that was important. It took a minute to, her mom was very, very pretty and very polite. But I think it just took a minute to get her. Now she's one of my biggest fans, and I love her to death. We're very close, you know?

Do you remember any, like, any, like, wild things that happened in the beginning of your courtship where you were like, oh, my God, I love this woman so much? I don't know if you would call them wild things. I know she had gone to London right when Princess Di had the car accident. And I was still in class and I was still doing stand-up, but I wasn't going on the road. I was just working, you know, at the store and different places here. and in different places here and um and she came back with all these gifts all these presents you know uh you know just a kenneth cole jacket back then kenneth cole was the guy you know

and uh just and i was like oh my god what is this and one of my friends said she's got you now she's just reeling you in she's reeling you in so like and so later on i realized that and uh of course that was before we got married so she was she she had already she had a scheme going you know yeah i like it her scheme was just like how about i be nice thoughtful and giving i bought him food i bought food to his now. Let me bring him back some really lovely gifts from London. I love that. Yeah. So you were, just to pivot a little, you were the front man for a pop and R&B band, The Fabulous Paramount Review.

And you opened for the OJs. That's really cool. Yeah. So you sing? I don't know what you call what I do, singing. I did a lot of kind of James Brown-ish type of stuff. I wanted to sing. My brother could sing.

He was in our group. So we had what is called a review. We had a band. We had a female singing group. We had a male singing group. And then I was what they call a star of the show. I'd come out and do this dance bit and scream all over the stage. And then everybody else would kind of join in at the end.

And it was real nice. Everyone loved it. We opened for several. You know, Jay's was the one that came to my mind because I remember it vividly. People running up on the stage trying to drag Eddie LaBert off the stage. And that one came to mind. But we opened for a lot of people in St. Louis. I'm from St. Louis, in the St. Louis area.

So we opened for a lot of people in St. Louis. I'm from St. Louis, in the St. Louis area. So we opened for a lot of groups. What made you pivot from being in a band and singing to acting? I always wanted to be an actor. I was telling somebody, my grandmother used to come and get me out of school. She would tell them they were taking me to the doctor. I had a doctor's appointment.

She would take me to the movies. And the first movie I had a doctor's appointment. She would take me to the movies, you know. And the first movie I remember going to see with her was The Defiant Ones with Sidney Poitier. I'd never seen a black man on the screen before. I'd seen everything on big screen in the drive-ins, but I'd never seen a black man like that. And then I saw him later in several things, of course. But when I saw him and then I saw the Negro Ensemble Company later on in high school, I'd never seen that many African-Americans on stage ever. And I was like, this is what I want to do. This is what I want to do.

I'd always been in some form of entertainment. I was a DJ at 14. I was DJing in adult clubs, which guys are making millions of dollars now doing. They really are. They really are. And I started there. Then I took that and went into radio, actually. I started working in radio. Were you a radio host? I was a radio host. Back then we called them DJs. I was a DJ at an R&B station. A friend of mine who was running the station, he took a job in Texas as a program director. He said, man, I got a job for you.

Come on down. I got down there. And I don't know if he'd gotten in some incident with the owners or whatever, but he was fired. And I got to Texas. I didn't have a job. So I had to take a job at a country western station. So I was that good old boy on KDNT doing Texas, you know. And then, you know, it just got kind of, you know,

I didn't want to be on the country station. But being an actor was always eating at me. Man, you need to, this is what you really want to do. And so I packed up all my stuff, came to LA and didn't look back. I like that you knew what you wanted. I also really love that you saw a Black man on screen for the first time. Because I think people talk about representation, but don't necessarily actually realize how important it is for people to see themselves. So then they're like, oh, this dream is attainable. This is a thing I can want.

And you're like the age of a lot of my aunts and uncles. And they talk a lot about like, or not a lot. Sometimes I'd ask them about, you know, segregation and stuff. And they would talk about having to go to the movies and sitting in the balcony and throwing popcorn down at the white people or whatever. But you attended an all-Black elementary school before going to an integrated school in fifth grade. That's a young age to have to deal with that. What was that like? Weird. I mean, I use that word because it was, in the schools that I'd grown up in up until fifth grade, they were very caring, very nurturing.

They wanted to make sure that you got it, you know, and they were very strict. The other thing that the schools had, the black schools that I went to, they had things like choir and glee club and band. And the school that I would transfer to didn't have any of that. And it was my first time with a white teacher, you know, and it was just different. I was used to teachers taking an interest.

And not that this guy didn't, but, you know, it was just a different culture, different cultural environment altogether. You know, like I said, we had a choir and glee club and all those things were part of entertainment. I wanted to be in all of that. When I got over to this other school, they didn't have any of those activities. That's so wild that they didn't have those those activities. Yeah, I think it really was because this was a white school. It was well-funded, you know, definitely had more. I think they put more of their time and money into athletics and sports because they had, you know, good track team and volleyball team. And, you know, I'm not good at any sports. I i mean i'm not good at sports either

but were the kids because i feel like kids aren't inherently assholes i think they learn from you know parents and stuff were they how are the kids at the school you know it was like a dividing line there were you know there were a lot of african-american kids there and of course that's who i gravitated to and some of them are still really close friends of mine today um and you know you had your share of fights and different things fights among the black kids fights among the black and white kids you know but um it was a different experience but i got to know other cultures. You know, I got to understand. And it's the first time I'd spent that much time around someone, you know, a white person. So I got to know them.

I got to know their families, got to become friends with them. And that was the positive side of it. And that spilled over into the high school that I went to because it was the first purposely integrated high school in St. Louis. And so it helped me to adjust when I got there also. I just can't envision it. It's so wild to me, and it's also not that far long ago. It's actually very recent, and it just blows my mind. So you said you weren't an athlete. So would you consider yourself a class clown? Yes. No. It's actually very recent and it just blows my mind. Yeah.

So you said you weren't an athlete. So would you consider yourself like a class clown? Yes, I was. Even though the guy who was voted class clown, may he rest in peace, he was funny. But I was doing things to make people like me. That's the other thing. When you go to a new school, especially the fifth grade it's like oh my god all the i don't care if it's white or black or mixed it's a it's a weird thing going into a class

with not knowing anyone there and trying to be accepted so uh yeah i would clown a bit i would do things uh that i hadn't done before in terms of getting attention, just trying to fit in. And I think we all kind of do that in some way or another. I think so. You try to put your best foot forward. So people just like you. Just like you. Do you remember the first time you made someone laugh and then you went, ah, that felt good. I like that i can make people laugh yeah um inside my home the first time i made my grandfather laugh he was not that he was a

curmudgeon but he was a very strict man and uh he i didn't think he had a sense of humor at all but i remember making him laugh and that felt good that felt good and i remember watching see i'm telling you how old i am you already know how old i am but watching um the dick van dyke show or gary moore show some of those or you know who dick van dyke is but gary moore you probably don't know and these were variety shows that had a lot of comics on them and he would laugh i watch ed sullivan first time he saw richard pryor i saw Richard Pryor with him. And he just fell out laughing. And I was like, wow.

But I remember when I made him laugh and I was like, okay, this is something that I'd like to do too. I remember making the whole class laugh by, I forget what it was, but I kind of swatted off with the teacher. It was like a real flip answer. And I forget what the question was, but I just remember everyone just busting up. And it made me feel like, okay, I'm good. I'm cool. I'm cool. You know?

I remember, I can't, I also can't remember what the actual thing was, but I was in a class and I think it was chemistry and it was in high school. And I said something and like the whole class laughed and I was like, oh, my word. Yeah. I like this. And then I remember the first time on stage when I made people laugh in the school play, I was like, so I like I can I can just know, it's funny that you say that. In kindergarten, I remember being in my very first play. Now that it comes back to me. And we do this thing called the one little duck with the feather in the back. And all the kids would make their turns at the same time.

And I'd be the last one. And I could hear my mother out in the audience screaming. She was laughing so hard. And I thought she was laughing at me. But she was laughing so hard and you know and i thought she was laughing at me but but she was laughing because it was funny you know it was funny and she thought it was cute and you know she was like baby you were so good you you know and and i could i you know you know your mother's voice you know they laugh and this auditorium full of people i could hear my mother out there screaming because I would always make the turn late.

I would make the move late, you know, like being in musical chairs. You're the late guy. You're the one who can't get to the chair. Yes. I love that. Same with me in that play I was in. I could hear my mom laughing and I was like, ah, this is good. Yeah. She was an honest person. So if it wasn't funny, I would know about it. because she was an honest person. So if it wasn't funny, I would know about it. My grandmother was like that.

The one that Mr. Johnson gets a lot of his isms from. She was like that. If it wasn't funny, she'd say, child, you need to work on that. Child. You need to work on that. It's so funny. And I would be heartbroken if I heard, child, you got to work on that. It's so funny. And I would be heartbroken if I heard,

child, you got to work on that. Oh, no. Okay, real quick. We got to take a break. And we're back. Okay, so William, you have been out of the dating game for a very long time. And we're back. Okay. So, William, you have been out of the dating game for a very long time. But do you have any advice for single people?

Yeah. Yeah. Don't give up, first of all. Okay. That's the way I approach my career. Don't give up. I mean, you know, and for single people, be straight up and honest. You know, I think that don't, you know, we have this, you've heard the saying, fake it till you make it. Don't fake it in a relationship.

Be straight up. And I think that will, first of all, now to get someone's interest, there's a lot of things that you have to do. You know, first of all, you know, you got to make the move. You know, I was very shy when I was young. And so, you know, I didn't get girlfriends until later, late in high school. You know, I didn't know, you know. But once I understood that just being who I am, just be yourself, that went a long way. All right.

That's good advice. I mean, yeah. That's not like sage advice, but, you know, yeah, be who you are. No, it's good advice. Yeah. Be who you are. Sometimes people say I'm a little too much, but also that's just who I am. That's who you are.

So that's what you're going to get. Yeah. Yeah. And that's that to me. That's what's charming and beautiful about you. I've watched you. I've watched your shows you've been on. I watched you on.

What's the one where everybody's running across and they're splashing in the ground? Oh, Wipeout. Yeah. Wipeout. Yeah. You know, and I think I love your sense of humor. You know. Thank you.

I appreciate that. Yeah. Do you have any nephews or children or friends for me? That's a good question. All my nephews are married. I don't have any children. Okay. But I have some friends with children.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Tell them about me. I will. They probably already know about you, but I will tell them about you for sure. Yes. Yeah. Tell them about me. I will. They probably already know about you, but I will tell them about you for sure. Yes. Yeah.

Yes, William. Thank you. Yeah. Can you tell me a little bit about how, so you auditioned for Abbott on Zoom. Yeah. How was that? Were you like, this sucks? Were you okay with it?

I was okay with it. You know, like I said, about my wife being a manager, I'd learned to just, you know, leave auditions. You know, that's the muscle I tell actors they have to develop, just to do it, leave it alone, move on to the next one. You know, like I said, I was this one with a phone. Is that for me? Is that for me? But Abbott was during COVID.

Oh, yes. I'd just been in Virginia working on a TV show called Swagger. And, you know, once again, everybody's masked up. You had to take a test every other day. And so it wasn't too weird that I had to audition, you know, do a video audition. I'd forgotten about it. I'd forgotten about it. And my wife said, you booked a job.

I'm like, what job is that? She said, the job about the school. I'm like, what school? You know, because it had been like maybe two weeks and it was a different name. It was, you know, a working title. And I thought it was just okay, cool. You know, this is going to be a guest star.

And you know how they talk about Topper Show and all that stuff. They were trying to get all of that done. And, you know, I went in. We did the pilot. And I knew it was funny. I knew it was special. But you know how things don't see the light of day sometimes.

Yeah. And I worked with Cheryl. I knew Cheryl from Ray Donovan. We didn't really work together, but we passed each other. We got to know each other a bit there. And everyone else, I'd seen their work. You know, Tyler. Tyler came out of the womb as an actor, you know.

And I thought, this is a nice cast. The writing was great. But, you know, I left it there. And I got a call at the show. No, we saw the trailer. And the trailer, my agent called screaming, oh screaming oh my god have you seen this trailer you're all over the place and it's really good and I saw it I'm like oh my god in fact I saw Tyler and Ralphs and we were both masked up because we're still in COVID protocol I got on sunglasses and my mask I I said, hey, man, did you see the pilot? And he's like, who are you?

You know? And so I took the mask down and took my glasses off. And he said, yeah, I saw it. It's great, isn't it? And we both just kind of like, you know, dabbed each other up. And no one knew, like I said, it was going to be the phenomenon that it's become. Yeah. But yeah, it was weird.

You know, and now it's set a precedent there are no more i shouldn't say there are no more but most auditions now done via zoom yeah i'd much rather go in the room if i if i have to audition yeah yeah wait william i want to ask you about this so when you moved to la your car caught on fire? Yeah, yeah. That's wild. How did that happen? You know, I don't know. I went into, there used to be a Church's Chicken right on the corner of Martin Luther King and Crenshaw.

And, you know, L.A. is a grid. You know how it is. So my dad, who I moved out, who invited me to come out, we really hadn't had a relationship but I told him this is what I want to do he said come on out sleep on my couch so I got out here had unpacked went to get some food he told me how to get there and when I came out of the um the restaurant I clicked the key on my car and it heard some go and i'm like what is that i opened up the hood the hood the car was on fire so i went to try to get something to put it out and uh five minutes later it was totally up in flames oh my good that's wild what kind of car was it with all of

it was a beautiful grand prix it was just a cream color i remember it had a beige vinyl top, sunroof. I loved this car so much, and it got me from Texas to here. And I loved this car, and it was like going up in flames with all of my stuff in it. Everything. All of my clothes, everything in it. The only thing that wasn't in it was the money in my pocket, which was very little. Damn. So I had to get out and get a gig.

That's one of those moments where you look at God and you're like, I don't want to be one of your strongest soldiers. I don't want it. Please make it easy for me. I don't want it. Yeah. My dad had this old beater car. I used to do this in my act and talk about it. And he said, I'm going to give you

this car, but I'm going to sell you those tires for $1,500. That's funny. I'll give you this car, but I'll sell you the tires. I'm going to sell you this set of tires for $1,500. I'm like, yeah, you know, whatever. So he gave me this beater

and the beater, it didn't have any brakes. I used to have to pump the brakes. And, you know whatever you know so he gave me this beater and the beater it didn't have any brakes i used to have to pump the brakes and and you know but you know things turned out the way they turned out yeah do you remember when you started making money what you bought your wife or like anything you did for your wife well we uh we took another trip to London. No, the first thing when I really could afford it, and please explain this to me. I bought my wife a Prada bag. And she started crying. And I was like, wait a minute, it's just a fucking purse. You know what?

I mean, she like literally like was bawling, you know, and so explain that to me. Well, sometimes a luxury bag is so well made and so beautiful that you're like, I can't believe someone thought I deserved this. I can't believe I get to carry this on my arm. I've seen some shoes and almost started crying because I love them so much. Your wife sounds like me. Yeah, I couldn't believe it. I'm like, you crying over a purse? Oh my God. She was just, and I'm sure she was just happy, you know, but, but it was a nice bag too. Yeah. Also, you probably picked out a nice one. Yeah, of course.

And she was like, oh, my God, he spent the money and it's nice? Yeah. And I want to carry it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was nice. And, you know, yeah, I'll just leave it at that. It was very nice. Do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

Do you take your wife out? Yeah, we go out. We go out. We try to go out. Sometimes I forget and we make the reservations a little late. But yeah, we go out. Our favorite place here in L.A. is a place called Avra. It's over on Beverly.

And it's a shameless plug for Avra I guess not for myself but it's a Greek seafood restaurant it's beautiful inside the food is great and that's one of her favorite spots so whenever we go out for Valentine's Day that's where she likes to go oh I love that yeah yeah you when so she wait you said she proposed to you she said let's do it yeah pretty much she she yeah i mean it wasn't like a proposal it's like you know let's do this thing you know you know you know so basically you know because i'm thinking okay this may not work you know this way you know and there's still a few out there you know know? And she's like, no, she grabbed me in my collar. She said, we doing this now.

Yeah, you're doing this now. Did you then go get the ring retroactively? You know what? That's a good question, too, because the first ring I got her, she still wears it, but it was so, it had the type of diamonds you really need like three or four to see the diamonds. Just a telescope. Yeah, I'll tell you.

And she still wears it because of, you know, the fact that it was the first one. And yeah, but that was the very first gift i was able to you know and i had to save up for that i love that she still wears that that is so sweet and heartwarming and i remember when she thought she lost it i mean she thought she lost it and she freaked the fuck out you know i could imagine it's probably so important to her it was very important to her and i was impressed with that because once again like the prada bag it's like you know. I could imagine. It was probably so important to her. Yeah, it was very important to her. And I was impressed with that because once again, like the prada bag, it's like, you know, why is this such a big deal? You know? Yeah. I don't know how I want to be proposed to. Sometimes I think about it and I'm like, I want a great big proposal. And then sometimes I'm like,

do I even want to get proposed to? Do I want to get married? I simply don't know. Right, right. You just like to have a man in your life, though. Oh, William, that's all I want. A man in my life. It's coming. I promise you, it's coming. I can't tell you how many people have said that.

You're a beautiful black woman. You got a great personality. You're a beautiful black woman. And I promise you, you know, it's coming. Don't try to, you know how they say, if you hold on to wet soap, it squirts out of your hand. Don't hold on to it so tight. Just, you know. Okay.

You know, you got a great personality. Just be who you are. I promise you. All right. So I got to just drop the soap. You said it and I was like, oh, I can't wait to say my little joke. Oh, okay. I'm not going to test that.

I'm not going to test that. So on the first season of abbott you were recurring and then second season you got bumped up to main cast that's so cool yeah that's so that's like that's the ultimate dream to like pop in and out and be like i was really funny i hope they like me and then they're like no we love you we want you here full time that so fun. Yeah. Quinta came to me in about the seventh episode, maybe eighth episode of the first season. And she said, we're thinking about, you know, making you a regular. And I walked away from her because, you know, you know how we are. We're superstitious, you know. Yeah, don't tell me that.

You know, you know, don't tell me that because now I'll be you know or I'll start doing the extra stuff you know what I mean trying to yeah to make it happen and so I said thank you uh and I said it just like that don't tell me that and I walked away from her and I came home and told my wife and she being a manager of course course, her radar. And I said, look, let's just not say anything about it. Let's just see if it happens. And when it did happen, we both just burst into tears. And my dog, I told people, I said, my dog burst into tears. And I thought the people next door were going to call the police because we were so loud.

What is going on over there? Is he choking her? What? And, you know, you know how this business is. You get promises. Or let's say, you know, you're in the show and the show doesn't make it. You know, I think it was just a good, just a combination of time. And, you know,

she put a great cast together and writers and everything just kind of, you know, this confluence of everything coming together at once. And that rarely happens, but when it does, it's just so magical. And that's what this has been. Yeah. I love that. I love that you said that because it really does take like the perfect storm of actors writers directors everybody involved has to kind of you know mesh and gel together and i love that that happened the show is so funny but i also really love how excited your wife was that you got bumped up to a series regular and she just seems like

you're big you both seem like each other's biggest cheerleaders and that is so sweet to hear yeah she is my biggest fan uh yeah and i think also too back to what what we're saying about the show becoming a hit i think the timing more than anything else you know we're right in the middle of COVID. We had four years of some other stuff going on. I won't name any names or say anything. I think we all know. Who you're talking about. And I just think it was, the country needed a laugh. The world needed a laugh. And this is something that you can watch with your grandmother you can watch with your kids all in the same room at the same time and so that rarely happens and i just think timing was a big

part of it too yeah i do think it's like right place at the right time and i say that i used to do uh i used to like tour colleges and do like q and a's and a lot of times they'd be like well how can i do it and i'm like a lot of hard they'd be like, well, how can I do it? And I'm like, a lot of hard work, but also luck. Like just being at the right place at the right time and meeting a person and that you cannot create. You just have to keep working until it happens. Yeah, this is when success, success is when opportunity and preparedness collide,

but it also has to have what you just said, some luck. It has to have luck. Luck has some luck it has to have luck luck has to be on the foundation of all of that because you can be prepared and and the opportunity shows up but you know it still could be a flop you know yeah i just think about there was this casting director when i first moved to la who really championed me on a lot of stuff and i was like i am lucky to have met her. Right. And she still, every now and again, will be like, here, here, this.

I found this for you. You don't have to audition, but I just found this for you. Like, she's so good to me. And it's like, yeah, if I didn't meet her, if I wasn't at the right place at the right time, I wouldn't have her in my little corner. Yeah, that's important, too. They have champions out here.

You know, the casting, a lot of casting directors were actors, you know, and they know the hard work and what you put in and they recognize she saw something in you from the get go. You know what we all see now, you know, but she recognized that. And sometimes this might not be for you, but I got something. I got you. I got you on my radar. And that's a great thing, too. You teach acting as well, right? Or you used to? I used to. I haven't had time to do it. Now the show has kept me so busy. I've coached a few people here in the last few weeks, though.

And what do you like most about teaching acting? When they get it. When they get it. And I don't like to call it teaching. I like to call it sharing. Martin Landau and Mark Rydell, those have been mentors of mine at the Actors Studio. And Marty, Martin, Marty, I call him Marty. He says, Dad, I want to share something with you.

And he would give me just one little nugget of advice and that might change my work immensely he would say things like um everything we experience in life is filtered through our five senses and that seems like something simple yeah of course but actors a lot of actors don't understand that they'll go and they want to act instead of letting their five senses feed them to what's going on who who is it that i'm looking at what you know if it's five people in the room five different behaviors coming from these five people how does that affect me what does it taste like what does it smell like well

you know all those things because that's all we do as human beings you know our five senses feeds us like you're nodding that's because you're responding you know and a lot of people ignore those things and they just want to go in and perform the other thing that they did that saved me which i try to share with other actors the younger actors and older actors too is that it's all it's not a performance it's always a rehearsal what that means that is you're allowed to make mistakes some of the best moments come from when you fall on your butt and something else happens instead of what's written on the page. And so that helps you to, okay, be loose and more free to make mistakes. And if you're afraid of making mistakes, you don't need to be an actor.

If you're afraid of looking like a fool, you don't need to be an actor. Real quick, we got to take a break. I, early in my auditioning, didn't realize how active you should be when you're listening to the lines when someone's reading them to you. Yes. Until I took this class where someone was like, what are you doing? And I was like, waiting for my line. She was like, what? She was like, you're not waiting for a line.

Are you waiting for lines when you talk to people? Right. I was like, no. Yeah. She was like, what are you like when you're in a conversation? And she was like, sometimes you wait politely. And that is a thing that some people do. But you have to show that you're waiting politely, not just going dead in the eyes and coming alive with your line.

And I was like, oh, God. Just think about it. Just like we're doing now. Conversations aren't neat. They're all over the place. We talk over one another. conversations aren't neat. They're all over the place.

We talk over one another, you know, and that's where, you know, and, and a lot of, a lot of young actors and older actors, they don't get that. They want to go in,

they want to be perfect. Let me get my lines right. And I used to be one of my prayers, God, please don't let me forget the lies, you know? And it's not about the lies. In fact,

99% of, I don't know if it was Abbott, but because, you know, doing it on video, you can do it over and over again until you get it down perfect and then send it over again. You know, that's the one advantage of that. But a big percentage of stuff that I booked, I never was word perfect. You know, and I would apologize at the end for not being there. Oh, no, no, no. You know, that was, you know, because it's not about the words. Even if the writer was in the room, he might took a note.

He might have taken a note saying that he said it was better than what I what I've written. But, you know, and the other thing that I would tell young actors is quit worrying about getting it right. Mm hmm. You know, because there's no such thing as right. You know, you know, just such thing as right, you know. You know, just go in and do the work.

The work is the most important thing and the work is everything we just talked about. You know, just, you know, being in the moment, using your five senses and

don't knock over the furniture. Yeah, don't break anything in here. Don't break anything. Oh, you'd be surprised they i've heard casting talk about how people come in and grab stuff off their desk to use as a prop or or or someone grabs one cash direct told me it was like her favorite pin and was clicking it and broke her pin that's the other thing i would tell them don't touch anybody's yeah don't touch people's shit yeah yeah yeah you know exactly not get a job that's a way to not get a job you know a pit. That's the other thing I would tell them. Don't touch anybody's anything. Don't touch people's shit.

It's a way to not get a job. It's a way to not get a job. I directed a play and we had to cast people for the play and I couldn't believe some of the things I was seeing. I was like, wow, people really do this? You know. They really be out here like this.

Right in my face. There's space etiquette. you know, they really be out here like this. Yeah. Right in my face. You know, that there's a, you know, there's space etiquette. I, yeah, I don't think I've ever, I don't do props.

I I'll mime something if necessary, but I'm like, I don't, I'm not picking up your stapler. That's yours. And the other thing, don't take props in it, especially if it's like a scene that involves a knife or a gun or something, you know.

You know, people go in with plastic guns and the cast director, they don't know if that's a plastic gun or not, you know. Yeah, that must be terrifying. That's probably why they're like, let's just do Zoom. Yeah, exactly. You know, let's just keep them away from us. Yeah, and you're right about that. You know, I never thought about it, but I've heard those stories. And yeah, you know, they won't be coming in and breaking up my stuff and they won't come in with a knife, scaring the shit out of me, you know.

William, what's your favorite thing to do with your wife? That's a great question. We go out a lot, you know. The favorite thing I can tell you is that's a very personal question. Oh, yeah. I see what I did. He's throwing me a curveball. We go out a lot, you know, and, you know, we go out to dinner. We, you know, we still kind of date, you know, and I'll leave it at that.

Yeah. I think that's important. Yeah. When you're with someone for so long, it's like you still have to make some nights a special night. Right. We're going to, we're going here and we're going to dress up or, you know, this is date night and it means something. I like that. And the thing, too, is that we go, we have, this is date night and it means something. I like that. And the thing, too, is that we go we have a lot of friends that we hang out with.

But it's really nice. And I tell her this. I say it's really nice when it's just you and me. And we just go out. We don't have to worry about, you know, you know, always being on, you know. And, you know, we may just go out in sweats, you know, you know, and it's still a date. I really like when you talk about your wife. I know it's a podcast people can't see, but you like really light up when you talk about her.

And that's just so fucking special. I love that so much. Yeah. Yeah, she's a good lady. She's really, she's taking care of me, you know. I told her, I said, you know, well, everyone knows my age. My 70th birthday, she gave me this huge party. And one of the first things I said, you know, I'd probably be homeless if it wasn't for this woman, you know.

And she's really, you know, she's really not only invested, but really, yeah, I would say invested in me. And when someone invests in you, you feel that. And when you see it start to pay dividends, not just career-wise, but in the relationship, you know, you can't beat it. That's so romantic and nice. Honestly, that's pretty good advice when i start dating someone i need to feel like they're invested in me as much as i'm invested in them yes and if they're not run away from them quick fast and in a hurry get away from them william i ain't running nowhere i'll speed walk away okay maybe like you did the other day with them shoes on. You're trying to get out of there,

boy. I gotta go. William, we have come to the end. I do ask all my guests this. Would you date me? Of course. If I was 50 years younger, of course I would. Of course I would. Well, thank you. Also, tell your friends about me. I'm not an ageist person, so very happy to date someone your age. Don't care. I'm just looking for someone to invest in me.

Okay. I'm writing this down right now. I love this. You're the only person I've asked who's written it down. So I trust you. And I hope when we see each other at events, you're like, who are you? Do I remember you?

No, of course I'll remember you. I'm clowning. But yeah, it's such an honor. It's such a pleasure. I admire what you do. And yes, I would date you. And I'm going to hopefully send some people your way. William, I love this.

Do you have anything you want to promote? No, you know, just watch Abbot Elementary every Wednesday night at 9 o'clock on ABC, the next day on Hulu. And I hope everyone enjoys the show. We're having a good time feeding it to them. Your spirit is so nice. I can't get over how nice you are. I just want to hang out with you.

Oh, maybe we can do that sometime. Okay. I love that. I'm always gathering friends. I really am. I like people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can tell.

I can tell. You're so lovely. Oh, thank you. If you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe on, I don't know, Apple Podcasts or whatever and give me a five-star review. And if you write me something nasty hitting on me to whywontyoudatemepodcasts at gmail.com, I will read it. Okay. Oh, it's a nice message, not a dirty one. Dear Nicole, in a world overflowing with funny, charismatic hosts,

one stands above them all, strong and cherished like a sequoia tree. It is a someone who brings joy and self-love to the forefront every time I hear her, no matter how the day goes or what the future holds. Sitting on a throne of leopard print in glistening purple chrome is a nicole byer thank you for everything you do p.s i would fuck you on the top of the mountain at sunset get his get his number get his get his info i got that info that was lovely and then i like the twist at the end that That was very funny. Yeah. Okay. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Why Won't You Date Me with Nicole Byer is produced by me, Mars. It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco.

With talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Maddie Ogden. Got a question, crazy dating story, or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to whywontyoudatemepodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future show. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Bye-bye.

This has been a Team Coco production.