Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer - Anxiety (w/ Tony Hale)

Episode Date: June 14, 2024

Actor Tony Hale (Veep, Arrested Development, Inside Out 2) joins Nicole to discuss how he accidentally themed his marriage proposal around a play about suicide, how he overcame his anxieties in a relationship, his experience working as Beyoncé's 'assistant', and provides Nicole with some heartfelt advice on dating. See Inside Out 2, now playing in theatres.  Follow Nicole Byer: Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerMerch: podswag.com/datemeNicole's book: indiebound.org/book/9781524850746

Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Why won't you date me? Please tell me why. Ooh baby, welcome to another episode of Why Won't You Date Me, a podcast where me and Nicole Byer was trying to figure out why I'm still single, but I've given up that search even though you could come in my water and say, hey, it's the new Crystal Light. My guest today, my guest today is a two-time Emmy Award-winning actor and comedian.

You know him for his iconic role as Buster in Arrested Development, Gary Walsh in Veep, and as Beyoncé's assistant in the latest Super Bowl ad, Orez, a Forky! Which is MY favorite role of his! He's now lending his voice to the character of Fear and the newest Disney animated movie, Inside Out 2, which is in theaters today. Also, I love Tony. I've gone to work with Tony just one time and I got to meet Tony at a party where I met his wife

and I said, ooh baby, I love her. It's Tony Hale. Oh, that's the most excited intro I think I've ever had. Oh. That's very nice. Well, I'm so excited that you're doing this. At that job, I was like, do my podcast, please? And you're like, all right.

No, I said yes. You did, it was pretty emphatic. Tony, I love your wife and I love your relationship. I mean, I've only seen a glimpse of it, but I think about it a lot. Do you? I do, because you guys fit like a little puzzle piece. Aw, she's pretty great.

She's just so fun. She was also wearing white and eating food, and I was like, boy, that's daring. Was that at that, it was like on a roof, and you were doing a set? Yes. And it was for some, I think Julia was being honored or something, right?

Yes. It was like for the environment, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like for the environment, but I'm not sure what, other than that. And then that man who runs Discovery Max, he was there. What's his name? He's a, he owns it? Yeah, he like runs it. And he makes a bunch of money.

I don't remember, his hands were so soft. Oh really? Yeah, I was like, you don't do any sort of work. You just type. He's just a suit. Just go with suit. Yeah, a suit. But yeah, I had done a set, it started during the day, Pete Holmes went first, the crowd was like, mm.

It was an odd, I mean, you guys, I have such, and I've told you this, I have such admiration for what you guys do, because it is just to get up there and to just keep going and really kind of block out some of the non-verbal you're getting. Yeah. And verbal. People, they didn't like my set. I was like, well, I'm just gonna talk about my pussy.

It's not even that, it's not even that. I was like, so is not even set. They weren't, everybody was,, well, I'm just gonna talk about my pussy. It's not even that. It's not even that. I was like, so it's not even set. They weren't, everybody was, I think there was probably six or seven acts that came up, and for each one, it was just really tough. It wasn't the crowd. No, it really wasn't. And then Leslie Jones, I'll never forget,

just roasted everybody, and I was like, oh man, they love this. They like being told that they're dumb and rich. They were like, more, more, more. I was like, I wish I could. I just, I can't do that. I can't get on the stage and be like, you rich motherfucker.

I was like, give me money. I would like the money, please. Tony. I thought you did great. Thank you. Can I ask, how did you meet your wife? Church. Wait, you love God?

I do love God. Oh, that's nice. My sister loves God too. You're such a happy face to look at. You really are. Thank you. I think it's because I look like a cartoon. It's like round.

Just love, it's love. Oh, thank you. But yeah, we met at church. We back in, man, this was like 2001. And I had kind of started this group of people whose faith was important to them and they were artists. And we just kind of got together and started to do those work.

And, you know, we're just kind of, really, I didn't have any friends. So I was just like, that was a way to make friends. It's smart. Yeah, and she came to it and she's by far the funniest person I know. And she, one of the things she always does that just makes me laugh is anytime I say,

oh my, if we're somewhere and I'll go, God, that is so beautiful. She always says thank you. She'll go, thank you. And I'll be like, I mean, it could be like the mountains. I'm like, God, they're stunning. And she's like, thanks. But then like, we just, you know, she's just fantastic.

And we, we've been through a lot of therapy, lots of therapy. And I actually told this story once, I think it was like, I was doing monologues for this improv thing. And our first date was we went to the show called Stones in His Pockets. And it took place in Ireland.

And that was the first thing I took her to. Cut to years later, or not years later, like a year and a half later, I said, I'm gonna, when I ask her to marry me, I'm gonna take her to Ireland. I'm a surpizer, right? So I took her to Ireland and I had this whole theme of the engagement.

Like the play was called Stones in His Pocket, so the stone in my pocket was the ring. And like, God is the rock in our relationship, all those kinds of things. I had a whole theme going, right? So it was nice and we had a great time. She said, yes, yada, yada, yada. So then years later, I'm shooting Veep in Baltimore,

and Stones in His Pockets is playing at the theater. And I say, I'm going to see this play, because I haven't seen it since our first date. I go to the play, and I'm watching. I'm like, oh my god, this play is about suicide. Like, the Stones in His P his pockets is what the man used to kill himself. But I was so nervous on the first date,

I wasn't paying attention to the play. I was so checked out that I had no idea what it was about. And then I'm like, watch this going, holy shit, I themed our entire engagement around a suicide. So I'm pretty much saying to her, you're going to be the stone in my pocket that kills me and murders me. That brings me down and drowns me.

And I told her this and I said, sweetheart, because I called her from Baltimore, I was like, I just saw the play and it's about suicide. Did you think it was weird that I centered our entire engagement story around this play? And she goes, yeah, but I didn't want to kill your buzz. Isn't that nice? She just never told me.

So sweet. I love that so much. Is there an animal in that bag? There is. My god. All of a sudden, I was like, there's a gremlin situation happening here. My dog is in this bag.

OK. I just want this to be clarified. I also clocked it moving a little bit and I was like, uh oh. Oh, can I see it? Can I see the puppy? Yes, he's a good dog. Sometimes he whines, that's why he's in the bag.

That's okay. Oh, hi Angel. That's Clyde. It was like a Toy Story like clown popping out of a box. Hi Clyde. Bless you. Can you sit in your bag and just be normal? Thank you. Oh, I know. He's got allergies. He's allergies.

I couldn't leave him at home because there's loud noises and workers at the house. So yeah. So I was like I'll bring him and now he's free. I just caught the tail. I just caught the tail. It is purple and someone asked me if it was natural. All right well. Yeah he's a I said what did I say I was like he's purple tailing and he's half and they were like oh okay and I was like no I'm absolutely kidding no he's not. Did you, you requested that. And did you say that you just wanted that tail purple? Yes. And she was like a little unsure

cause he is a, he's a little dark. But it came out purple and now he gets died like every every couple of weeks. Do you have animals? I do. I have two Walter and Francis and they're a little old married couple. Oh, that's so cute. And they're little little old married couple. Oh, that's so cute. And they're little Havanises.

Yeah, they're really sweet, really sweet. Do you think your wife told her friends, she was like, Tony proposed to me with this like weird suicide thing, but I think I'm gonna say yes. I think, I'm sure she did. I'm sure, I mean, it was so, as I'm watching this play, I'm like, my God.

What she must have, I mean, I framed it kind of in a very nice, you know, at this whole poem, all this kind of stuff. But, you know, if she really took the time, she'd be like, this, I really can't let him know this right now, because this will destroy him. I took a guy to see the color purple when it was on Broadway.

And I was like, I don't know, and he was white, and I was like, he must like black people, so this is full of them. That was my thought process. And there was so much incest, and I had never seen it, and I was like, oh no, this might kill the vibe, but it didn't, baby! And then I never saw him again, so maybe it did.

But it's okay. I also, this is too much information, farted myself awake at his house. You farted yourself awake? Yeah, like a sheet lifting fart. And I was like, oh no, did he wake up? And he's like, oh. He's like, I like it.

Was it the noise or was it just the stink? It was the noise. It was the loudest fart I think I've ever farted alone or with a person. I was like, I hear. You were just excited to be there. I guess so. And you felt free and safe.

Yes, and I was like, do do do. I'm gonna do that next time I'm in bed with Martell. She's like, oh my God, I guess I have to kill him. So that was your first date. Do you remember when you were like, oh, I have to kill him. Look at Nicole. So that was your first date. Do you remember when you were like, oh, I have to marry this woman? If I'm honest, I was very anxious about getting married and we talk a lot about this.

We did kind of pre, we did therapy before we even got engaged. I think that's so smart. Yeah. And I had had a lot, Martell will tell you the same thing. It was most, I mean, I still have a lot of issues that come up now, but my issues came up, a lot of my issues came up before we got married.

Her issues came up after we got married. A lot, some of her, most of her issues came up, and then including mine. And it's because I was so afraid of just having, you know, family stuff and all that kind of crap that we all have. So nervous about that decision. But once I had that commitment, once I felt safe,

then I kind of relaxed. Whereas her thing, once she felt safe, then she felt safe to really let her issues come out. You know? So most of our therapy pre, she said that when we were planning the wedding, she felt like she was dragging in my funeral. Because I was so, I desperately wanted to marry her,

but there was just this, I mean, and you know, this has been 21 years we've been married and anxiety was much more of a part of my life than it is now. Or at least I would say I controlled it not as good, not controlled, but I don't with it. Did you know you had anxiety? Did you have a name for it or you were just like,

I have this feeling, I don't know why, but that's just my feeling? That's a good question. I think, yeah, because back then, I was kind of having panic attacks and stuff like that, and then kind of got into cognitive behavioral therapy and was just more of, not to get down the whole rabbit hole, but I became a little more of an observer

of my thoughts and my feelings rather than such a victim to my thoughts and my feelings. So definitely during that engagement process, I felt like I was drowning in thoughts and my feelings. So definitely during that engagement process, I felt like I was drowning in thoughts and feelings. You know, I was just like, what, what, what, what? Because the fact is, we all have wild thoughts and feelings, but we don't have to identify with all, it's like, as this therapist told me,

it's like you watch them like cars on a highway. It's like, oh yeah, there's that, there's that, but back then I was like, I'm going down. Like I'm drowning. Because I didn't understand that yet. I fully get that. I have ADHD. And I think it was after my grandmother died,

I was like, well, I just feel crazy. Because sometimes I get sad, and sometimes I forget, and then sometimes I'm like, ah. And then I just had a lot of feelings that I couldn't articulate. And then I would go to therapy, and I'd be like, I feel good now. I don't know how to tell you how I was feeling yesterday

like I was going crazy. And then when I got diagnosed and started taking medicine, I was like, oh, okay, this is how I can compartmentalize my feelings, and this is how I can feel what I'm feeling, and then move on and feel something else, or just be like, this is how it is. And giving yourself grace for those thoughts and feelings.

That's a huge thing I've been working on. Just like being nice to myself and giving myself grace and being like, it's okay that I feel this way. It's okay that like I feel so frazzled that like I have to just lay down and do nothing for a second. Yeah, yeah. There's the, whenever I find,

most of my thing is kind of like living in the what if. And I was really living in the what if back then. But even today, just like, what if this happens? And just saying out loud, not now, not now. I'm right now, I'm with Nicole and her friends here and activating the five senses, they say. Like, what am I seeing, smelling, touching, hearing, just to ground myself?

Like, all that stuff was not even in my mind at all back then. You know? That's why I like therapy so much, because it's like shit you never think about. And you're like, oh yeah. Because grounding yourself is such an important thing. And that's how I ground myself when I get to work with people I respect.

Because I'm like, some people have imposter syndrome or whatever, but I like kind of ground myself with, if someone thought I was good enough to be in this room, that means I'm good enough to be in this room, and I'm not gonna sabotage myself to underperform because I am overthinking it, or I'm like, oh, I don't belong here. I'm like, no, someone believed in you,

so you have to believe in you to finish it. And I think that grounding is really good. And it's not cocky or anything, it's just like, I'm gonna do the best I can, because someone believed in me, and I don't wanna let them down. Yeah, I do a similar version of that. I will minimize something in order to get through it.

So I'll be like, if it's something really I'm proud of, I'll be like, nah, we're spinning on a planet, doesn't matter, we're all gonna die like But I'll go to these places to kind of take the power out of it and then I'm just like a bump on a lock Yeah, you know and it's like Tony you can I can look around and take it in and breathe it in and like you said Like look across from me. Who am I working with? Oh, wow You know, that's Beyonce There's I can take stuff in

and not have to always minimize. Was it wild meeting Beyonce? She was so nice. She was so nice and not that I was surprised, but she was just like, when you're kind of meeting an icon, you never really know what you're gonna get. And she was humble and lovely and obviously super talented.

And it's like me, you know, the quirky sidekick, like, what's up? You know, it was just kind of an, it was very, I mean, I'm also like in the same outfit all day. She has like nine costume changes. And I just, I just sat around craft service and just ate and watched the, you know, the beehive tornado, you know? It's, Beyoncé is like such a, an entity.

I got to, I didn't meet her, meet her, but she was at the VMAs and she walked past me and they were like, I think I've told this story on this podcast, but whatever, but they were like, put your hands against the wall and be against the wall. And I was like, well, that's so strange. But as she walked past me, I felt my arms raise.

I was like, oh my God, am I trying to hug Beyonce? And I was like, oh my God, that's why they tell you to do that, because you think you know her. And you're like, that's my friend. But I don't know that lady. That lady just makes nice music. I don't know her at all.

That's really interesting. People would probably say that about someone like Oprah too. Yes. And I think Oprah's talked about that, because there is such a personal connection to them. And I think it's like my friend met Rosie O'Donnell, and they were like, oh, you raised me. I would watch you after school. And she was like, yes. And before my friend could finish, she was like, oh, you like raised me. Like I would watch you after school,

and she was like, yes. And like before my friend could finish, she was like, oh, I raised you. And that, cause everyone, everyone thinks that their story is so unique sometimes, but it's like, yeah, with like famous people, it's kind of like the same thing. We all watched Oprah, we all watched Rosie.

Sure. Yeah. I had a friend who would always like, if somebody comes up and recognizes her, and they would, they were kind of losing You know their mind or whatever. Mm-hmm. She would always say you have to you have to make it about them Yeah, you know asking them questions because the truth is it's a their experience With something you did but it's not really obviously about you

Like this it's about just their experience of what something you did and then they carried it and had their own own narrative with it. Yeah, cause you as the person don't know what their experience is, so it's like, why do you like me? Right, and I think it's dangerous, at least I can say this myself, when you do make it about you.

Because then it's like, I think you get kind of this false inflation of yourself and that's when it gets toxic. Have you ever had like, ladies throw themselves at you? Never. Really? Never, no one's gonna throw themselves at Buster. But you're so funny. Oh. Oh.

Like a masculated sidekick, that guy. I mean I've met some of my friends' partners and they're pretty Buster-like. No, I've never, never, never had that. Really? No. I find that to be so wild. No, I, I, um, no, I've, I've, I've, people have always been, but again, I'm like, I can't

even, when I was working, you know, with Beyonce or like other people who are much higher levels, I just, that is, that is a universe I do not, I do not understand. And I think it would be really hard and challenging and our world looks at it and goes, Oh my gosh, this is, but that is to even stay centered, to stay present, to stay, to keep people, to trust people. That's a hard world. Yeah. Like Rihanna had a business manager who stole her money. That's why she wrote, bitch better have my money. Oh, I didn't know that.

I read that somewhere, don't know how true it is. That's what I'm Googling tonight. Just spreading fake news around. Fully looking at tonight. But it is wild. People take advantage of you. You don't know why they wanna be in your life. You don't know if they actually wanna help you

or collaborate with you. It's so wild, I can't fathom it. Like, I love Target. I love going to Target and just shopping. Beyonce can't go to Target. Yeah, you know, I kind of like talking about this because the whole idea of fame, I think, is fascinating. Where it's people, okay, if you look at fame, everybody kind of wants to be known, right?

So, and they think, oh, how many Instagram followers do you have? How famous, you, whatever. I've said this before in other podcasts, so I apologize if people have heard this, but I do love to talk about this. If you take somebody that's, you know, working at the mall in Birmingham, Alabama, right?

And then you take someone like, I don't know, like Rihanna or someone huge. Anything that is said to that person working at that mall, given to that person, encouraged that person, there's no, they don't ever question if their string is attached. Ever question it. It's fully received, right?

Rihanna and those people that have to, are questioning subconsciously everything that's said to them, given to them, whatever. Always questioning. So actually, if all we want to be is known, that person who's working at the mall is more known than someone that famous. You're right.

And it's like, and I'm not saying, I just think, I think it's like a wake-up call for myself that whatever I'm looking to be known, I'm actually as known as I need if I have people who love me and see me. I think that's really important because the older I get, the more I'm like, I don't really need new friends.

I have a really tight group of people around me that are so incredible and so loving and so wonderful who know me, and it's a nice thing to go back to. And it's like, sure, I get to work with the John Cena's of the world or whatever, but then it's like, I get to go home and it's like, sure I get to work with the John Cena's of the world or whatever, but then it's like I get to go home and gab on the phone with someone who knows me. Knows you and sees you.

And that's kind of, I mean you know this from being in the standup world. There's so much, and the acting world, so much rejection. So much rejection. And it is your community and people that know you that's gonna give you longevity. Because they're gonna see you and that's gonna press you on definitely Yeah rejection sucks in this industry because you'll watch something you went out for and in my case, you know

Sometimes it's like the interchangeable fat person and you'll be like, oh, they just didn't want my flavor. Oh No It's a white fat or an Asian fat. And you're like, not me. Well, it's also like walking into a room and you see 20 people that look and act exactly like you. Yeah. That was a mind fuck when I first, because I didn't really audition much in New York.

It was out here. And I remember the first time I was on a lot and I was like, ooh, Hollywood. Yeah, yeah. Went into a little bungalow. And there was like 20 women in jewel tones with big curly hair and I was like oh Oh, no. Yeah

We all just look alike. Yeah, it's a weird reality and you're also kind of Whereas the rest of the world I'd say you go in job interviews for two or three months And then you have a job for two or three years We're on a job interview for two or three years and we we're lucky if we get a gig for two or three months. It's just the opposite. Yeah, it really sucks. Why are we doing this to ourselves? I don't know, because the joy of acting.

I mean, I really do love being on a set. Yes, me same, same, me too. And I really love making camera operators laugh because they've been there, done that, so we get them to laugh. I feel like it's like, oh, it's really funny. Well, that's our audience. Mm-hmm. You know, you really.

I never thought of it like that. But you really, you get this weird tune of your ears, where if I even see a shoulder shake, or if I hear a little chuckle, because everybody's got to stay really silent, I'm like, it's working. So it's like you have bionic ears for the crew. Yeah. There was a Dolly operator, Dolly Bob, and I'm like, it's working. So it's like you have bionic ears for the crew.

Yeah. There was a Dolly operator, Dolly Bob. He, I loved Dolly Bob. He was on the first season of the show as on Grand Crew, then he didn't come back to season two, so I sent him a big old basket, because I was like, I miss you, Dolly Bob. But Dolly Bob would be like, that's funny.

And then when he think we had it, he'd go, I think we should move on. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. But I'm telling you, when those crew come up to you and they say it was really good, that means a lot. It does, and I live for that. I'm like, if I just get one of them to chuckle, or laugh today, today is a great day.

I'm like, directors, who cares? Who cares? Ha ha ha ha ha. I want camera A to laugh at me. Totally, totally. Real quick, camera A to laugh at me. Yeah, totally, totally. Real quick, we have to take a break. Did you date a lot growing up? No.

No? I was, I did, again, I don't know if this was like a Southern thing. We would just, we would always kind of take friends to dances, dance did, again, I don't know if this was like a Southern thing, we would just, we would always kind of take friends to dances, dances were a big thing. And that makes me think of, I never knew the words of songs, and I remember a specific memory of being on the dance floor and thinking that song, Little Red Corvette, was called The Rest Collect.

And I was on the dance floor going, all the rest collect. And just looking like an ass. And then I also thought that song like, shout, you know, a little bit, just a little bit softer now. I thought for years it was a little bit of fucking now. And I remember being in high school being like,

how are they playing this? This is insane. But anyways, we would go to dances and a lot of groups. We would just hang out with groups. Even in college, we would just do as groups stuff. And then I would say probably after college is when I started dating and then in New York, dated and then met Martel.

Do you think dating in New York was easy? York, dated and then met Martel. Do you think dating in New York was easy? Um, hmm. I don't think it's ever easy. I would say I am thankful that, I mean, again, no, I don't want to diss dating apps. I really don't want to diss them. You can, they're awful. But I think I get it dis you can they're awful, but I think I get it it makes I get it with technology But I think it's very anxiety Brings a lot of anxiety and back then since we didn't have the choice you kind of were forced to maybe Go to you know go to a party and wouldn't rely on the apps You know is it there's a there a, I'm gonna really screw this up,

but there's a Kierkegaard quote that talks about the definition of anxiety is too many choices. And it's something, I think I wrote it down on my phone somewhere, but it's like talking about anxiety equaling way too many choices, which in our society, they say is the opposite of like, you can do whatever you want, there's so many choices,

but we forget the anxiety that brings. And I'll, another tangent. I remember when my daughter was, I think six years old, we went to Disney. And I remember walking her into the Disney store and being like, honey, get whatever you want. And you just saw the fear. She was like, I don't know.

I don't know. And so I said, when I realized, I was like, oh my God, this is too overwhelming. So then I grabbed three things and I laid them on the floor and I said, all right, hey, let's, and you just saw the piece and the anxiety go away and she was like, okay, I'd like that one.

And it was an interesting thing of like, there's so many choices now that it just, the anxiety is really high. It's too overwhelming. I get that. Sometimes I love thrifting, but sometimes I'll be in a thrift and everything is basically different.

So you're just like, there's so many choices and sometimes I'll have to be like, well, just go through one section. Just go through one section and that's okay. And if you wanna keep going, you can keep going. But I agree, just the amount of choices that we have is Yeah, I love you said that it's like a support group thing of like what's the next right thing? What's the next right thing? I'm just gonna think about that. Yeah, that's good life is so hard

Life is crazy. Thank God we have each other Tony thank God You have two girls one girl one girl well two girls including Martel. I have one. One girl. Well, two girls including Martel. Aww. You have one kid? I have one kid. She's 18. Oh! Yeah, and she's graduating high school this year. That's exciting. It is exciting. It's exciting and like crazy and she's, we're waiting to hear on one school of, if she gets in and then she's going to make a decision.

Poor thing. I mean it's. Again, a lot of choices. It's a lot of choices, man. But she wants to go into elementary education, that's what she wants to be teach. That's so nice. That's sweet, yeah. That's, they don't pay teachers enough.

I was just talking about it with a producer here, just it's criminal. It is, my sister works in education, they don't pay them enough, it's crazy. Does she teach high school or? No, she is an aid to kids with disabilities and stuff. So it's like. So she's an angel?

Yes, she really is. And she has like the patience of an angel. Like she's so, she'll tell me stories. She's like, this kid bit me today. And I'm like, and they didn't pay you extra? Yeah. That's rough. Yeah, it's a lot.

And she's so sweet and loves those kids, and they love her back, and I couldn't. Where does she live? Chicago. Okay. I couldn't do it. God bless. And then I didn't realize that,

you know how, maybe you didn't experience this, but sometimes you'd have a pizza party, but they'd give you slivers of pizza, and you'd be like, this isn't enough. It's because they were paying for the pizza party! Totally, totally. I didn't realize that until last year. Yeah, that is't enough, it's because they were paying for the pizza party. Totally, totally. I didn't realize that until like last year. I saw it on the internet.

I didn't realize anything, I read it. Also school supplies they got at. So wild, they'll have like Amazon wish lists. And I'm like, why doesn't the school pay for this? School's like a scam, I didn't know until recently that like property taxes fund schools or whatever. So it's like if you have lower property taxes that's less money for a school,

and I was like, no, that shouldn't be. You should be able to just get a nice education anywhere you live. Tell me. That's why Abbott Elementary, I'm excited that's out there just to kind of really shine a light on what's going on in a funny way. Yes.

A very funny way. It is nice sometimes that entertainment can do that, but sometimes I feel like people miss the point. I once did an improv show where it was me and my friend, Sashir, and we were playing little kids at the end of the world. We were the last two left, and we assumed the identities of an abusive dad

and a mom that's kind of, not just taking it, but kind of coming back, but I was just very misogynistic because that's what I saw my dad do. And this man after the show was like, man, oh, I love that scene. You were telling her what to do and I loved it. And I was like, oh no.

I was like, oh no. It's a commentary. I'm like, kids see what you do and they just do it. And I was like, I was gone. I was like, I can't believe that's what you took from that. It was wild. That goes back to like, oh, it's not my responsibility to control how it's received.

Like, that is hard. That is hard. When did you get into voice acting? Was that, that's like after on camera stuff. Yeah, it was, I actually for many years had a real insecurity about my voice really real insecurity because years ago Someone said it was a coach that I had which I don't have the best resonance

But they said you don't have you have no resonance and it just locked in it locked in and I and I remember going in for my first audition because so much of comedy is with the face and physicality and all this kind of stuff. And it was just this microphone, and I was like, oh shit, this is all they're gonna hear, and I already bring an insecurity to it. But then over time, thankfully, I was given other opportunities,

and as you know, because you've done a lot, the more I would do the same thing in front of the microphone that I do on camera, I just perform as wacky and as stupid, and then it is transferred through it. And I really love it. I love it too. It's really fun. It's so fun.

I get told a lot to bring it back. They're like, can you pull it back a little? And I'm like, this is humiliating. Through my voice, I'm doing too much? Totally. But then it like, that's the, I mean, the other outside of that is with kids animation. It's just like, you're doing wacky, I mean, you just go all over the map

and there's, you're never given permission to do that. I mean, on camera it's like, I mean, Julie and I on VEEP, we constantly, people be like, let's just, let's just dial it, let's just dial it a little back, we're turning into clowns. But in animation, it's like, no, this is silly as hell. Yeah, I'm on this show, or I do a couple episodes every season of this show, Big City Greens,

and the character is this little purple girl named Andromeda, and she's so funny. I'll watch the animatic and I'll just be like dying and I'm like, ooh, so can I go like really big on that? And they're like, the bigger the better. And I'm like, okay. Man, permission. Don't we do Rugrats together?

Isn't that funny that we're like on a show together and we're like, don't we? Cause everything gets recorded separately. Yeah, we never, I don't even, they did in the beginning, they didn't even do a table read or anything like that I think. I don't think we've ever done a table read.

No, and they're lovely people to work with. That's a fun show. Yeah, does Charlie direct you? Yes. I love Charlie so much. He's great. He is one of the funniest people I've ever met. And he's a great voice, like a voice actor.

Yes, very prolific. He's done so much. He also looks like Santa Claus. Like a very fit Santa. Yeah, very prolific, he's done so much. He also looks like Santa Claus. Like a very fit Santa. Yeah, very fit Santa. I did the, he was directing this Flintstones pilot that I did, and the table read intimidated me a little bit, and I'm better in the room, Zoom makes me a little nervous.

Oh, who, how, let's talk about that. I hate Zoom. Keep going though. But there was just like a lot of names that I was like, ugh, and then Charlie was like, hey, Nicole, and I went, hi, and then turned myself on mute, because I didn't want to say anything stupid. And then the next Rugrats record, he was like, Nicole, I was also intimidated by some of the names in the room.

And I was like, my friend Nicole is here, and you just said, hi, you little indifferent bitch, and I was like, my friend Nicole is here, and you just said, hi, you little indifferent bitch, and I was like, oh no! So now he calls me indifferent bitch, or IB. That is amazing. Yeah, he's the best. I hate Zoom, I hate Zoom auditions, I hate it. I just think, I hope it doesn't stick.

Me too. Because there's an energy to being in the room where not only do you get to perform and show what you've kind of created in a character, you get an energy of working with somebody. Yes. Yes. Which is, if you're gonna be maybe,

how long was somebody on a job, you wanna kind of get that vibe. Yeah, you gotta pass the vibe check. Yeah. And I like chemistry, I've done chemistry reads on Zoom, and I hate that. I hate that. Wow, I don't know if I've ever done a chemistry read on Zoom.

It was awful. Like there was one nice lady who had not memorized her lines, which is fine. You don't have to. I usually have the paper, so it's like my little, if I get lost, I can come back to it. But she did not hold it in front of her. She held it to the side so it was off camera

and then would dip in and out. And I was like, oh, well, you can't, oh, no, you can't do that. Mm-mm. Do you do, okay, when you're doing self tapes, do you always have somebody to kind of, there's times that I didn't even have anybody there reading with me.

I just kind of did the lines. Oh really? I just heard them in my head sometimes because I couldn't find anybody. There was one time I had a friend call me and like did it over speaker. I've done that. There was one time I couldn't find anybody to help me and it didn't occur to me to do it like that. So I recorded the lines myself and then timed the lines to fit the gaps that I get.

But then I listened to it back and I was like, this sounds unhinged. I'm just talking to myself. I'm acting with myself? I don't like it. I love going in the room. I love making them laugh and then going into it. And then sometimes being like, wow, your take is wrong.

Everything you prepared is not right, because they don't give you the script sometimes. But when you do a self tape and it's the wrong take, it's just sent into the ether. But in the room they can be like, hey, try like this. Yes, and then they go, oh, she's good at taking notes. Or, oh, she's better for another part. Yes.

Tony. We gotta change this. How do, who do we talk to? I know. Who, truly? But really the bummer is is you can bring so, not bummer, there's good stuff to this, you can bring so many people together

that couldn't be in the room. So then you got New York and LA that's able to be in the audition, but there's a sacrificing of the personal moment. I just think if you're local, see people local, and then see everybody else on Zoom. I kinda like, I mean, out of the whole thing, I don't like a self-tape, but I prefer like a Zoom

where they're talking back and forth to me. But sometimes there's a fun delay. Also, I get too close to the camera, and all of a sudden it's like, oh, what's up, nose hair? And when I look at the monitor, I don't look that close. But then I'll see it and I'll be like, good God. Why am I so close to this? I did one audition where it was two scenes.

I memorized both of them and the director was like, that was great. I mean, I don't have notes. Do you have time to do the other scene? I was like, yes. What time? And then a day later I saw who they cast and I was like, why did I do, why did we do this?

You had no, but that's the industry. It's wild. We'll be right back with Tony Hale right after this break. Okay, I do have a question. Okay, I do have a question. Oh, you danced, oh my God, you danced to Mr. Roboto in a Volkswagen commercial. That's fun. I did. I did.

It was, gosh, this was 99 before I moved to LA. And it was a Volkswagen commercial where they were playing the song Sticks in a Car and gosh, this was 99 before I moved to LA. And it was a Vox Prime commercial where they were playing the song, Sticks in a Car, and they just said, or Mr. Roboto by Sticks in a Car, by Sticks in this car. And they just said, go crazy, and I did. And I was so, I remember that was shot out in LA.

It was directed by Phil Morrison, who directed a movie called June Bug. And I was so excited to be in LA and do it. And you know, thankfully with commercials, have you ever done commercials? Did you do them way back? I did one commercial. It was a $5,000 buyout and I never made any more money. No, but it's like, but I was happy to have it. Was it funny? Well, okay. It was a Nestle commercial that aired overseas and during the audition, the casting director said,

be as black as you can be. If you get too black, I'll bring you back. And I was like, I simply don't know what that means. But I truly was like, I'm a fairy. Cause I was a fairy and I was like, I don't know why she used to be like a black, black fairy. And also I'm black, so this is black. And then overseas, the director was like, I want't know why she's to be like a black black bear. And also I'm black, so this is black. And then overseas the director was like,

I want you to say what your people say. And I was like, what? He was like, call the little boy son. Be like, that's a son. And they wanted me to say a lot of weird shit, and then they would hoist me up, because I had a fly, and then they would decide what they wanted me to do,

so I'd just be swinging there like a pinata. So that was my commercial experience. It's like, obviously it was a comedic commercial and I think that's like with me, I was doing commercials but it was, at least they were kind of fun. Cause I think then you have like the guys, like the studs in front of the trucks

and it's like, this is Chevy. It's like, that's not as much fun. I mean, at least there's some kind of a comic through line with the ones that we did, which was nice. I always wonder about serious actors, when they're like, this is a Chevy. I'm like, after cut, were you like, was that good? Do you need me to say Chevy with more gravitas?

Yeah, do you need me to unbutton my shirt more? Yeah, I don't understand being hot. I once asked this lady, this was at a comedy club, I can't remember where, but she was really beautiful. Strikingly, you stop and stare at her beautiful. And I don't know what came over me, but I was like, you know you're beautiful, right? And she went, yeah. And I don't know what came over me, but I was like, you know you're beautiful, right? And she went, yeah.

And I was like, oh, okay. Sorry. When you do that, again, such admiration, right before you go on, do you get the same kind of, is it always the same butterflies? Like for instance, if you're about to go on a set, if you're about to go, is it the same butterflies? Yes.

And how do you manage those butterflies? I, if I don't get butterflies, I think it means I don't care, and then I get worried. So when the butterflies come, I go, okay, all right, we're here, we're doing this, because every audience is different, and a joke that worked last night might not work the next night,

and I now, if you heckle at my show, I used to like kick people out and be like, I prepared this, don't you wanna listen to it? But now I'm like, I don't know what they're going through. Also, this is a shared experience. If someone heckles, like this is now your show. Like how do you want it to go? Either you can be quiet or you can keep talking,

but I don't throw anyone out because it's like when, say like, Cathy starts talking and I give Cathy some attention and I can go, we all hate Cathy, right? And everyone's like, we hate Cathy! 20 minutes later, you'll be like, remember when we hated Cathy? And everyone's like, we hate Cathy!

Wait, so like what would someone, like from the top of your head, what would someone say? What are a couple of hecklers like what they said? Let's see, there was a lady in, this was, I think it was Toronto, it was in Canada, and she was like, woo! And I was like, okay, and she kept wooing at like, while I'd be like, hi, ever, woo! And I was like, okay, And she kept wooing at like, while I'd be like,

hi, ever, and woo! And I was like, okay, you're excited to be here. And she's like, I am excited to be here. I was like, oh, you're drunk, aren't you? And she went, yeah! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get drunk people. Sometimes people will be like, I see you on the poll.

I poll dance and I will post it on Instagram. And I'm like, okay, thank you so much. Or people will, they'll just like say a thing, or nailed it, people love yelling nailed it. And that used to annoy me, but now I'm like, thank you for watching. Do you wanna watch this? Or you wanna talk about it?

Do you have a question? Do you feel like I, maybe I'm way sensitive, but if if someone was doing something like that I would also notice the energy of the room so much and I would notice them getting irritated and be like, oh I gotta take care of them and I'm nervous. I'm nervous for them for that You know, it's it would be hard to kind of like stay present and focus, you know But I think it makes you more present and focused when you're handling, and this is not an invitation to yell at me during shows. Sure, sure. But it's like, okay, I'll talk to you and then if I do notice someone over here that like looks uncomfortable,

I'll be like, the show will restart soon. I promise, I promise. Once we talk to this lady, I will do jokes. Unless you want attention, do you? No, okay. So it's like a weird juggling thing, but I think. And do you, sorry, one more question. Do you, no, you finished what you were saying. No, no, no, I just think it's like a thing where it's like, like I did one show in Boston where I was out of my mind. I was really tired and felt crazy and I had done,

this was like my fourth show in three days and it was theaters and a thousand people's different than 300 people. And I truly was like losing my mind. And I was like, you guys, this is a show nobody else got. And you got to let it kind of go, right? Do you, so if you have a set, do you kind of go in it where I'm gonna got my set and then if you just kind of

play it where if you see something interesting, then you kind of like give yourself permission to go off? Or do you go in saying this section is gonna be interactive or I have my set and then we'll see what happens? I've learned that people want to talk to me, so I do have a little chunk of my set where I will talk to the audience. But I usually don't pick anything out of the crowd

unless it's egregious or like wild. Like this one lady had, it was just maybe it was something, oh, she had a little sign that said R-A-M-A drugs because on my other podcast, I passed this pharmacy that said R-A-M-A and it made me laugh really hard because I was like, I think it's Rama Drugs. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yeah.

Okay, wait, the name of the pharmacy was Rama? Yeah. Okay, but it sounds like where are my drugs? Yes, thank you. Okay, yeah, okay, yeah. Oh my God, you're the only person who got it like that. Really? Everyone else I've had to explain it to. I called my friends this year at 11 p.m. being like,

isn't this the funniest thing you've ever heard? She was like, no. And then the other producers on the podcast were like, no Nicole, and I was like, but it is. Like if you say it like DMX, wear my drugs. Just wear my drugs. You also think that might've been intentional. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh boy. So anyway, she wrote it on a piece of paper and I was like, oh my God, Rob my drugs! And nobody else in the crowd caught it and I was like, oh well, we gotta move on. I did this, I made this weird. Wait, you don't do standup at all, or do you?

No, no, I don't do standup. I like, I'll do like those monologues and that's fun. I get how you, I'll do like those monologues and that's fun. I get how you that I compare it I used to do a lot of sketch comedy and I compare it to maybe a little bit to that because I really think there's a science to the timing and obviously the transitions and the rhythms and That's why improv is not really my game. Mm-hmm Like I can if I want, if I feel really comfortable, but for the most part I like kind of

getting the rhythm of lines or like, so I can see with the stand up like really finding a set. Wait, what was your first TV thing? I was a nurse oncologist on Sopranos. Oh! I was a nurse oncologist on Sopranos. Oh! I was Uncle Junior's chemo nurse. And then I did a little bit on Sex and the City where my name was Tiger,

and I was the photographer's assistant when Kim Cattrall was having nude photos taken of herself. Oh, what season? I've nude photos taken of herself. Oh what season? I've seen it so many times. Oh yeah I don't remember what season it was but it was actually was the show I know the episode it was the episode where Sarah Jessica was on a was in a fashion show. Oh and she falls down? And she falls down. Oh okay. And she's wearing like she has big hair. Yeah and a blue outfit with like little underwear. That episode. An iconic episode.

Yeah, and I was so excited. Because I was so thankful to be doing commercials, but these were like my first. In New York, those were like the really big shows to get. And I was very nervous. And when I get nervous, my hands shake. That's kind of how they'll. So many times in theater, if I have a cup,

I'll put something in it, a weight or something so yeah shake and I was this nurse oncologist who's like has a tube with junior feeding chemo And I was just that I was gonna look like the nurses having like a you know kind of an epileptic fit Yeah, while giving him chemo, but I'm worked out. I did okay. I love that Tony. I have a question for you sure What advice do you have for single people? What advice do I have for single people? This culture, I think it's obviously very different than when I started.

And when I started. When I started out. But that makes me think of like, I feel like today, everything is so over sexualized and sex is seen as the answer and the ultimate satisfaction. And I think as a single person person I would say be careful with that because I think there's a lot of power in sex Mm-hmm, and I in my in my viewpoint if you are Like for instance people give sex a lot of like oh, it's do this sexually

It's like very courageous like have a good orgy or whatever, it's like very courageous, you're very brave. I'm like, it's, I'll tell you when you're brave is when you're vulnerable and you're honest and you're walking through someone, through life, through shit, you're, you know, you're, you're, you're committing, you're staying, that's fucking brave. And as a single person, I would, I would trust that,

I know you, I don't know you as well as, I will, you know, we'll become more friends, but it's like, I would trust that I know you, I don't know you as well as, I will, you know, we'll become more friends, but it's like, I can see that in you already, that you have that commitment and you see that in people. And I would trust that in yourself. I think that's really nice because for a very long time, I was like, sex is how you keep somebody, but I've been proven wrong so many times.

But like, when I think about it I'm like if I had a partner who is sick or whatever and we couldn't have sex or something it's like do I want to like that person and I want that person to be my best friend. So I think you're on to something. But you're good you're a really great wonderful woman and I think when when that person comes in your life they're going to see that, and that's going to be the connection. That's gonna be the longevity.

And by the way, after being married for 21 years, it is work. Like you really have to go back to those simple basics of walking through it with each other. What do you think, okay, we do have to wrap it up, but what do you think it's gonna be like when your daughter's gone and it's just the two of you? I think we're pretty stoked about it.

I mean, I think, I mean, we adore our daughter, adore her. But we got married, you know, Martell was 37. I was 32 when we got married. We had Loy, she was 40. And we had a lot of our lives kind of single before we got married. And so, I don't know, and we're also kind of moving

to the East Coast and be close to her. So I think we're just kind of stoked about, I don't know, just kind of hanging out more. That's nice. God, it really just seems like you more. That's nice. Yeah. God, it really just seems like you love each other so much and I want it! You do.

And it's like, it comes, like, man, it's, that's the beauty of, it's funny, cause like even in sitcoms, you kind of see as like, oh, marriage, you know? It's like, the gift is so big in the beginning and then it just gets small, it gets worse and it's like a ball and chain, all this kind of stuff. And I really love her more now than I loved her

when we were dating. God, I love that so much. Tony, what a dream. But also to add to that, and you've already heard this a thousand times, a lot of like this is learning, as you said before, loving myself. Because through therapy,

I would give her a lot of power. Does she like me? And am I doing it right? And da da da, whatever, da da da. It's like, I just, there was no attention on like my value. You know what I bring to the table. I do that a lot. I'm like, do they like me?

And my therapist is always like, do you like them? Yeah, do you like them and do you like yourself? No, but I do like myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm pretty fun. You are so fun. And so full of value. So full of value.

No, Tony, thank you. Okay, I ask all my guests this. Yeah. Would you date me? Yes. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! I would be so sad if you're like, no. I'd be like, oh, all right, like I guess I'll change that icon from Forky to not Forky. I love that you love Forky so much. I really do. It just brought me joy, because like, oh, whatever. We don't have to get into it.

But anyway, Tony, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Here, Tony Hill is the voice of fear and Inside Out 2, now playing only in theaters. And if you like this episode of Why Won't You Date Me, you can like it, you can rate it, you can subscribe on iTunes. No, Apple Podcast, I don't know.

But if you write me something dirty to whywon'tyoudatemypodcasts.gmail.com, I will read it. This person said, oh baby, I'm gonna twirl you around and pound you so hard you forget your name. But first we're going on a hot date, you guessed it, to Chuck E. Cheese.

Uh-oh, nothing gets me more hard than playing cord, no, oh no, oh okay. I was like, where is this going? Nothing gets me more hard than playing coin games and eating greasy pizza around a bunch of kids to remind me I don't want kids. Okay, I was worried about when you brought the kids in there. Okay. Once we're on the same page about life goals, we'll go on our actual date to a

restaurant of your choosing. When I say you can choose, I mean anywhere because we will fly on your private jet. This is a fantasy. Yes, but we just met, but you're so funny and hot that as a meeting gift, I gifted you a private jet. Oh, okay. I can afford it, maybe, but that's where the fun begins. With my strong arms, you'll be, this is long, be feeling zero gravity up in the air as I toss you around and let you twirl on my big thick dick. Backwards, forwards, sideways, I have to rest it.

We will fuck in every position until we find what gives you the most pleasure in your favorite position. I will rail you so good that you, mm, you'll be screaming, what's my name? To which I'll respond, the hottest bitch alive, while you have the best orgasm of your life. And then we will land and go to a lovely dinner

with my mom. Isn't that funny? You're like, sex is not important. This person's like, I'm gonna rail you! And by the way, sex is important. I don't wanna like that message, but it's not how much culture emphasizes everything everything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah well

Tony thanks for having me. I can I ask one quickly thing over the time? I bet it's challenging also as a public person to date like in terms of kind of what our What is someone's motivation? Because you don't you know Because you don't know. You don't know and you are in the public eye and that would be a tough trust exercise. I will say, my demographic is not straight men and those are the people I normally date.

So men love to be like, never heard of you. They really love saying it. Which by the way, I've been told that many times and I'm like, okay, that does scratch the ego a little bit. Yeah, yeah, it's like, okay, thank you so much, alright. And I was dating this guy and he came to one of my shows and he was like, you're actually funny and I was like, okay, didn't need the qualifier, but he was like, yeah, you know,

sometimes funny people aren't funny on stage and I was like, yeah, I do. Okay, I'll never invite you to another show again. Yeah, exactly. But dating sucks. All right, Tony, thank you so much for coming. Thanks for having me, this was awesome. Truly a treat. I find you to be so delightful,

and I find your energy to be so, I don't know, nice and genuine. Oh, that's nice and genuine. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Leow, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, with guest engineering by Joanna Samuel, talent bookings by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Maddie Ogden. Got a question? Crazy dating story? Or a dirty message for Nicole? Write it to WhyWon'tYouDateMePodcast at gmail.com for a chance to have it featured on a future show. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode!

Bye bye!